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cake-writes · 5 years ago

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Compromise (Part Two)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Mom!Reader, Dad!Bucky, Ex-Relationship, Co-Parenting Drama, Angst, Fluff, Separation Anxiety

Summary: You didn’t want to trust him again, because every time you did, Bucky broke your heart just a little more. Deep down, though, you wanted to get along with him. You wanted to be amicable. You wanted your daughter to know her father. You’d always wanted that. It just required a compromise.

Part One / Master List

Bucky held you only until your tears subsided, and no longer.

There were clear boundaries between the two of you that would never be crossed again. The break-up was already hard enough with a months-long custody battle, so afterwards, once the two of you somehow managed to get along for the sake of your daughter – kind of – you sat down together and agreed in no uncertain terms that your relationship was well and truly over. Neither of you wanted to hurt Winnie by trying to rekindle something that wasn’t going to work.

That might have been the most difficult conversation you ever had, because even after everything, you still wanted to be with him. It just hurt too much, knowing how many milestones he’d missed during Winnie’s infancy; not to mention he wasn’t there to support you when you needed him most.

Bucky was only comforting you as the mother of his child. Nothing more. You knew that, but you desperately wished it was something more. Not only had he hurt you, but Winnie, too – and here you were two years later, still pining after him like a fool in love. Even now, some part of you was so caught up in the dream, the ideal, where the three of you might be a happy family one day – a normal family – and you always found yourself wanting more. More than he was willing to give.

He was bad for you. He was bad for Winnie.

You missed him anyway.

That may have been why you never tried to date again. You liked to blame it on the fact that you were too busy, but that was a lie. The proof was in the way your heart raced when he held you so close; the way your thoughts went haywire when he stroked your hair so soothingly; the way a rush of heat went straight to your core when you breathed in his familiar scent, spice and cedar and something so distinctly him that it drove you crazy.

By the time you got back to the kitchen, you weren’t a blubbering mess anymore. Instead, you were a nervous wreck, and that was much worse.

Your little girl was sitting comfortably on Natasha’s lap whilst the two of them chatted animatedly about some cartoon on Netflix. You didn’t recognize it, but then again, it had been a couple of years since you’d last used Netflix. After you moved away, you stopped using Bucky’s account out of respect for him, but you never got your own because the monthly fee could cover Winnie’s lunches for two weeks and you could pirate shows for free.

Of course, if you were really going to let Bucky buy you a car – a car, for fuck’s sake – then Netflix was chump change in comparison.

“Winnie, baby,” you said cheerfully, plopping down on the sofa next to Natasha, “How would you like to stay here with Daddy for the weekend?”

Winnie’s big blue eyes went wide as saucers, and you couldn’t help but be reminded of Bucky. The older she got, the more looked like him. “I can stay with Daddy?”

“You’re a big girl now,” you reminded her, using your thumb to wipe away some stray crumbs from her chin. “It’s up to you, sweetpea.”

She blinked a few times – confused, but no less excited. “I wanna stay! Can I stay, Daddy? Please?”

Bucky just laughed and squatted down in front of her to ruffle her hair. “Of course you can. Wanna see your room, princess?”

At that, she quickly scrambled off of Natasha’s lap and bounced on the balls of her feet, nodding vigorously. Even at full height, she was still tiny in comparison to Bucky’s crouching form and you couldn’t help but laugh a little – especially when he held out his large hand to her and she took it without hesitation.

“Ah, ah,” you chided. “What do you say to Auntie Nat?”

Winnie beamed at Natasha and offered a rehearsed, “Thank you for lunch, Auntie Nat!”

Natasha smiled back at her. “You’re welcome, Winnie.”

As Bucky led her from the room, your worries started to pool in the pit of your stomach. You hadn’t ever spent a full night away from her, and neither had she from you. You were afraid to let her go – quite possibly more for yourself than for her. Not that you were leaving yet, but the anxiety crept in anyway.

“Don’t worry, Mama,” Natasha teased, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “It’s just one night. Baby steps.”

She’d always been able to read you like a book. You and Natasha had been friends since you first started seeing Bucky, and although that relationship was over, you kept in touch with her all the same. It was a shame that Winnie didn’t get to see her very often, because she was Winnie’s godmother and you knew she cared about your daughter just as much as you did.

She’d be safe here. You were sure of it.

“Yeah,” you echoed, despite your worries. “It’ll be fine.”

It was very much not fine.

As thrilled as Winnie was about her new room, and that she’d be staying with Bucky overnight, she absolutely did not like that you were leaving. It wasn’t until you started to say your goodbyes in the foyer that she finally put two and two together and threw a temper tantrum.

“Come on, baby,” you said exasperatedly, wincing as her little fingernails dug into the thin material of your leggings. You’d definitely find some tiny claw marks there later.

She clung to your leg even tighter and whined, “No! Stay!”

“No, Winnie, Daddy wants to spend some time with you,” you told her gently, kneeling down in front of her to talk to her face-to-face. “He’s missed you lots!”

She pouted and threw her arms around your neck, burying her teary, snotty face in your shoulder – no doubt ruining your shirt, but you were entirely too used to the mess by now. “You can’t go! Not without Winnie!”

You sighed and stroked her back, looking up at Bucky apologetically. She was normally much more well-behaved than this, but you should have expected that she’d have a meltdown. She hadn’t yet spent a night without you, but she’d spent plenty without him. It was unfamiliar.

That said, the casual shrug he offered you took you by surprise. It didn’t seem to bother him that she was so dependent on you. Rather, there was a certain softness in those gorgeous blue eyes of his that made your heart skip a beat.

“Winnie,” you reprimanded gently, “Aren’t you excited for your new room? Think of all those stuffed animals needing cuddles! Daddy will even read you your favourite bedtime story, won’t he?”

“That’s right, princess,” Bucky chimed in, crouching down next to the two of you. “I’ll even tuck you in with Mr. Squiggles.”

You and Bucky had already discussed that you’d be back shortly with some of Winnie’s things – namely a couple changes of clothes and her dear old Mr. Squiggles, the stuffed unicorn she’d had since birth. She wouldn’t sleep without him. Of course, because saying goodbye had become such an ordeal, you’d probably have to ask Natasha to play courier.

Winnie slowly pulled back just enough to look between you and Bucky, like she was trying to decide. The stuffed animals were a huge selling point, for sure, but you could tell that Mr. Squiggles was what finally sold her on the idea.

“Promise?” she finally asked, lower lip wobbling.

Bucky held out his pinky to her. “Promise.”

She linked hers with his and smiled back, sniffling. You used a tissue to wipe away her tears and got back to your feet, stooping to collect your purse. Then, as you slung your purse over your shoulder, Bucky hoisted Winnie up into his arms.

When she spoke again, her voice was quiet and timid, a stark contrast to her earlier behaviour. “Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetpea?”

“Love you,” she said, making grabby hands for you. This time, she wanted a hug.

Well, now you wanted to cry, too.

“Mommy loves you more than anything in the whole wide world,” you told her, voice breaking just a little before you gave her small body a gentle squeeze. Then you quickly pulled back and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” she said happily, waving along with Bucky as you made your way out the double glass doors. You waved back and blew her kisses until you reached the steps, where you finally turned around despite how hard it was to leave her behind.

Somehow, you managed not to cry until you made it to your car.

It was your first Saturday night alone in two years, and you were wasting it. Not that you cared.

You worried your lower lip in between your teeth, staring blankly at your cell phone. On the screen was a long chain of text messages with Bucky: your primary means of communication, short and succinct. It was easier not to get into an argument that way.

He’d sent through his Netflix info a couple hours ago, because Winnie really seemed to enjoy the cartoon she was watching and she wanted to continue it after she got home with you. You didn’t ask for it, and while normally you’d have been offended, you were entering a new phase of your – well, relationship, if you could even call it that. Your co-parenting relationship. So you thanked him, like a grown-up.

Kind of hard not to turn over a new leaf when your ex planned to take you car shopping.

As if on cue, you received another text from him. This one was entirely unprovoked.

Bucky, 8:32pm I know you’re worrying, but we’re doing just fine over here. See?

Attached was a selfie of him and Winnie laying together on her new bed, with matching cheshire grins on their faces. In her arms was Mr. Squiggles, while in Bucky’s free hand – the vibranium one – was her favourite bedtime book.

Right. It was eight-thirty, now. Winnie’s bedtime.

She was going to bed without you.

The harmless chewing of your lower lip turned to incessant gnawing, and with it came a set of fingernails bitten down to the quick. Of course you were worried. You wouldn’t be able to check on her in the middle of the night to make sure she was still doing okay. You wouldn’t be able to watch her sleep. She wasn’t here with you like she usually was.

Then your phone dinged with another text.

Bucky, 8:36pm You aren’t biting your nails, are you?

That made you frown. You weren’t together all that long, but somehow, he knew you like the back of his own hand. Metal or flesh, it didn’t matter, because he was entirely too observant either way.

You typed out a quick response and hit send, before you tossed your phone down on the couch, having every intention of ignoring it for the rest of the night.

You, 8:37pm No.

In an attempt to distract yourself, you finally logged into Bucky’s Netflix account, only to freeze up at what you saw. He still had three profiles set up: one for each of you. Apparently, he’d never deleted yours or Winnie’s from the time you were together.

Why?

It was kind of nostalgic to go through your profile. The same movies and TV shows were saved in your ‘to watch’ list that you’d never gotten around to seeing, even two years after the fact. Not that it mattered. All you wanted to know was why he’d kept it. Maybe he didn’t use it much anymore.

Feeling nosy, you switched profiles and slowly made your way through his. No, he definitely still used it regularly. Instead of the action movies you expected to see in his history, however, there were mostly documentaries, the occasional rom-com, and even a couple of TV shows you’d recommended to him once. That surprised you. Then again, you knew that binging on content took his mind off of the things he didn’t want to think about. That, at least, hadn’t changed.

His response to your text was delayed, likely because he was reading Winnie to sleep – but the second your phone dinged again, you were all over it like a lovesick teenager.

Bucky, 8:55pm It’s not good to lie, sweetheart.

At that, you rolled your eyes. No matter how many times you told him not to call you that, he still did. Secretly, you loved it, but at the same time it was a harsh reminder that you weren’t his sweetheart anymore. Not really. You were the mother of his child. That was all.

You, 8:56pm Who says I’m lying? And don’t call me that.

Bucky, 8:56pm Me. And I like calling you that.

With a huff, you fired back an annoyed response.

You, 8:57pm Goodnight, Bucky.

His little chat bubble popped up again almost instantly, the one that let you know he was typing a response, but it just sat there for a minute or two unchanged. Just when you gave up and set your phone back down, it dinged again.

Bucky, 8:59pm See you tomorrow.

Interlude #1

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #captain america #avengers #marvel #compromise

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Saint & Leilani

Saint: How's it going? 🙂 Leilani: it's going as expected Saint: I know how to answer questions without saying anything, remember Saint: you can't fool me Leilani: I was relying on the 😇 thing to do being you pretending you believed me Saint: You'd think so, but the issue lies in if that would require me to leave you in discomfort Saint: which would be nothing but the worst manners Saint: okay, what's one thing that's been okay and what's one thing that I could help make a bit better? Leilani: the kids are extremely adorable in their costumes, I'm in support of that Leilani: & how many of the grown ups decided to go in on this too Leilani: but maybe I was hoping you were that kind of big brother & your other sisters & brothers weren't as young as they are Saint: The majority love an event, that's true Saint: I don't know if it's a genetic thing or a cultural, but it's always been like this Saint: I'm sure the twins would have you know they're very mature for their age Saint: 🤔 how about I introduce you to Mattie? Saint: She's about your age Leilani: 😅 yeah I'm considering taking one of them with me since you already made the offer Leilani: she's Jay's sister, right? Saint: Correct Saint: she's similarly more chilled out too Saint: maybe less adorable than the kids but she shouldn't object to hanging out, kidnap might be a step too far tonight but Leilani: I don't know, it's a good costume, some people would still say adorable Saint: 😅 Saint: a good opener Leilani: thanks, I'll use it Saint: 👍 have fun Saint: let me know what you think, and if I need to get my wings into gear and do more Leilani: [pretend she's been chatting to her for ages because I feel like they'd get on, soz she don't go to your school hun] Leilani: I am now so I guess your wings won't be falling off Saint: [always the way, at least you will have an ally at these functions] Saint: 😁😁😁 Leilani: take a 🍭 Saint: 😏 More counterintuitive than the sticker ⭐ Saint: definitely finding you a new dream before you wreck the 🦷 of every kid in Dublin just to fix them again Saint: very 😈 of you Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe I'll become a vet if Grace agrees to the 🐱 Saint: What about the 🩸? Saint: though you seem to cope with the fake Leilani: oh yeah.... Leilani: I was only thinking about the 😁 parts again Saint: I do hate to be the 🌧 on your parade... Saint: it's pretty adorable how 🌤 you are Leilani: but you do need to step in there before I fully commit & get genuinely 🩸 splattered Saint: I can promise that without feeling I'm giving you unfair expectations Leilani: it'd be awkward if you had to take that costume off on account of being 😈 Saint: it really would Saint: the feathers aren't leaving much to the imagination as is 😬 Saint: no one wants that Leilani: you're not 👶🏽 enough to be running around without clothes Saint: Ahh Saint: so tough being the oldest Saint: suppose I should leave some 🍭 🍬 🍫 for the kids too? Leilani: I can't promise to fix your 🦷 either way Saint: I'll make sure to brush well tonight when I'm defeathering in the privacy of my own room Saint: I like your ears, by the way Leilani: I'll resist the urge to come & watch over you since you're the one who can fly & I'll never be a qualified dentist Leilani: thanks, I keep forgetting they're there so for a moment that was an unusual compliment Saint: I'll send you a picture if you like Saint: for evidence Saint: I'm sure your real ears are lovely too 😂 Leilani: what am I supposed to send you a picture back of, in line with you wanting to work for the government? Leilani: like, I could salute but that's getting into a weird girl guide territory Leilani: & I've never been camping Saint: Oh dear Saint: the less pictures I have of underage girls the better, I think Saint: too young for the scandal yet but best to start as I mean to go on Saint: my family aren't big campers, if you can believe it Saint: but I've been with my grandma, and for this young leaders thing I did last year Leilani: I probably shouldn't fill my phone with pictures of older boy's dazzling teeth either, my mum is very overprotective Leilani: was, I mean Leilani: maybe she'd come back & haunt me Saint: Potentially Saint: though I can try to assure her and you my teeth are not at all predatory, this might not come across as sincere with my pearly whites 😁😬 Leilani: if your teeth are harmless, you might need a dentist sooner than I could become one Saint: 🧛 gotcha Saint: okay, so not harmless, but your neck is safe Leilani: why do they bite their victims somewhere literally everyone can see? Leilani: I'd be more secretive if my goal was to live undetected forever in some moody castle Saint: You can cross vampire off your list too, you're clearly overqualified Saint: I think it's about that sweet, sweet jugular vein but there's plenty of others that are less of a Saint: 'look what I did' Leilani: maybe whoever wrote the 1st 🧛📕 didn't want to commit to going under the clothes Leilani: it was racy stuff already Saint: also potential code for same-sex relationships? Saint: but what wasn't 😅 Leilani: is Dracula gay? Leilani: good for him Saint: I think so? Saint: Unless I'm confusing my classics Leilani: I haven't read it before & I feel like if I do now everyone will think I'm going goth Saint: Not an impression you want to make? Leilani: not really Leilani: 🌤 > 🌧 Saint: we'll keep it secret or off the reading list Leilani: first rule of our new book club? okay Saint: You can think of the 2nd Leilani: there has to be some kind of limit on length, War & Peace is too heavy in every way Saint: which brings us nicely to rule number three then Saint: no Russian literature Leilani: 😅 Saint: but I'll leave it with the rules for now, this is a party after-all Saint: would you like a drink? Leilani: what can you offer me that's 🧃? Saint: [so the pub, 'cos always the pub, probably doesn't have sassy mocktails 'cos not the vibe but he can go make her one] Saint: any major allergies or dislikes I need to know? Leilani: no Leilani: you've got total freedom Saint: I like the sound of that Leilani: what are you drinking? Saint: [probably red wine, you seem the type, not getting crunk] Saint: 🍷 Saint: 🧛 of me Leilani: if you're coming out to me atm you have my unconditional love & support Saint: 😅 Saint: Thank you Saint: unnecessary but appreciated Leilani: oh then you want to do the most with the teeth cleaning for the pics you're sending later Leilani: I'm not 😤 Saint: As much as the before and after would be impressive Saint: you might feel a bit 🤢 Leilani: I've set myself up as way too squeamish here, I don't like the sound of that Leilani: I'm not like 🥀 Saint: it's your story to tell Saint: though I wouldn't accuse you of being a wilting wallflower type, for the record Leilani: please don't accuse me of anything on the record 😅 I'm not a Lolita type either Leilani: I haven't even had a boyfriend yet Saint: I think painting myself as that unreliable of a narrator would really undermine my public persona and the trust I aim to inspire Saint: is that purely because of having a protective mum or did your own thoughts and feelings come into that too? Saint: plus, technically, Nabokov was Russian, I don't know if we can read it? 🤔 Leilani: the behaviour of many boys my age came into it too Leilani: but maybe they'll be different at this school, your sister did say we're uncultured at my old one Saint: I can see that Saint: When did she say that? Leilani: 💬📱 Saint: 😕 Oh Saint: she can be quite Saint: blunt Leilani: it's okay, I know Saint: She doesn't always think before she speaks, which is definitely a bad habit Saint: but I'm sure she didn't mean that to sound so...that Leilani: I'm sure she put more than enough thought into everything she said Saint: I'm sorry Saint: I would talk to her, see why you got off on the wrong foot but I'm not so out of touch to not realize that would potentially do more harm than good Saint: I think she's insecure, for context, she didn't get into the school she wanted to go to Leilani: I know why, but I'm not sure I would've been able to approach it differently, even if I should've Saint: Is it strictly girl's business? Leilani: what does that even mean, St? 🤔 Saint: Well Saint: code for none of my business perhaps Saint: in this instance, at least Leilani: it's not becos you're a boy, it's becos you're her brother Saint: Okay Saint: if it helps, I know how she can be, and it's not because of you, it's a her thing Leilani: it doesn't help but that's more becos you tried to tell me how she could be & I rose to it anyway Saint: I could've been clearer Saint: I didn't want to seem like I was insinuating you couldn't talk to her, or something like that Saint: and I don't want to talk badly about anyone, even if it is at times warranted, she's not, you know Saint: 👿 Leilani: I found out for myself, that's the fairest way Leilani: & I'm sure I overreacted once I was 😤 Saint: I know it would make this easier, if you were to get on Saint: but just know you're under no obligation to Saint: with any of us Saint: if nothing else, I can assure she'll give you a wide berth if she has nothing pleasant to say Leilani: maybe we will in the 2nd attempt Leilani: my moods are all over Saint: Now that is girl stuff, correct? 😏 Saint: it's very possible Leilani: that's getting into weird 🧛 territory Leilani: I meant becos I'm 💣💥 by grief not being a girl Saint: Joke in poor taste at the expense of your hormones Saint: 🤐 Leilani: becos I'm a girl is never an excuse for anything, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie I have read some of Saint: My sincerest apologies Saint: you'll have to educate me Leilani: thank god for book club Leilani: you're fine though, losing my mum isn't an excuse either according to your sister Saint: She really said that? Leilani: yeah but she's just the 1st, I don't think she'll be the only Saint: But that's just Saint: bullshit Leilani: she doesn't think so, she built an entire argument around it Saint: even if you were using it as an excuse, which I see no evidence of Saint: it's a pretty valid one Saint: and it's just so Saint: callous to even suggest that, never mind assert it Leilani: it's about her, I dared to say she shouldn't make fun of Grace & by extension treat all of you badly Saint: That is a sensitive topic for her Saint: but still Saint: THAT is no excuse to behave like that Leilani: she's been looking at me like she's got every reason to be 😤 Leilani: 🙏 we're not face to face 🗨 Saint: I'll distract her Leilani: 😇 Saint: [do so boy, soz to you lol, sure she's being a delight] Leilani: [do the salute you're not gonna send him a picture of lol] Saint: [casually meet eyes over this party moment] Leilani: [what a #mood] Saint: [honestly Venus can leave early anyway we all know why you're here and you probably have somewhere else to be hoeing it up] Leilani: [yeah exactly, as much as I hate that you're like this, we know it's real] Leilani: thanks Saint: no problem Saint: I learnt not to bite a long time ago 🎣 Saint: not that that's on you, but you know what I mean, diplomacy is my friend Leilani: does she know she's helping you in your career goals? Saint: I have to assume not Saint: unless she thinks I need a running mate 😨😅 Leilani: in that costume, it'd be a stretch to 💭 that Saint: Don't even get me started on that Leilani: if you don't want to drop your workout secrets that's your choice Saint: Oh no, I was talking about hers, sorry Saint: she's really gone with the Elle Woods thing...which is just a bit strange Saint: dad's a lawyer so Saint: yeah Leilani: oh... Leilani: an extra dimension has been added Leilani: I thought she was going with Regina George Saint: easy mistake to make Saint: sure she'd say as much if I said anything Leilani: she'd say worse about both of ours probably Saint: she got her 🎁 she should be in a good mood now Leilani: why is she getting 🎁 on your dad's birthday? Saint: Right, you're an only child Saint: when you're little, and you went to birthday parties, did you ever get mad that you weren't getting any gifts or attention? Saint: it's that Leilani: I can't relate Saint: What did you and your mum do for your birthdays as a kid? Leilani: she liked to throw me a party, on theme for whatever I was super into that year Leilani: smaller scale than this but all my friends would be there Saint: Sounds like a good time Leilani: it was Leilani: what did you do? Saint: My birthday is Christmas day Saint: 💔 Leilani: I'm sorry Saint: 😅 It's not really that bad Saint: it would be if you minded Saint: but I still get presents and to see all the family so Leilani: I still feel like I should buy you a 🎁 in the summer Saint: that's when I'd have parties with friends as a kid Leilani: you don't have those parties any more? Saint: Not really my scene now Saint: I'm alright with Vee claiming that kind of attention Saint: I usually get dinner with friends as close to my birthday as we can without all the office parties being out in full force Leilani: 🍷 Leilani: very you Saint: Is that my branding? Leilani: would you like a rebrand? Saint: I'm not 😤 Saint: just curious about your 💭 Leilani: it's very blood of christ 😇🙏 Leilani: so fitting Saint: That wine is very bad though Saint: 😝 Leilani: maybe they don't want to promote 🧛 Leilani: if you drank my blood it probably wouldn't taste nice Saint: Why not? Saint: Not admitting a desire to do so with that Leilani: I don't know becos it's 🩸? Saint: 😂 Saint: Fair point Saint: just wanted to see how you'd put me off yours specifically Leilani: we'd circle back to me being underage Saint: do you think vampires ask for identification first? Leilani: no, but in this case you know how old I am Saint: I'm not going to suck your blood Saint: you have my word Saint: and I invited your here, sort of Saint: you'd have to invite me in Leilani: ignoring that being what someone who was about to drain me would say, you must've been to Grace's house before Saint: Probably? Saint: not as if I'd have much call to be there though Leilani: I'm honoured that you're looking for an invite now Saint: I never said that Leilani: 🤔 Saint: I said you would have to invite me over if I were to go all 🧛 Saint: so you're perfectly safe here and now Leilani: [giving him a look like okay boy] Saint: [little lol like okay fair enough] Leilani: [a smile back, excuse us everyone] Saint: [i'm like who a nosy hoe here 'cos I'd be 👀] Leilani: [well Astrid would just say it and we know she's there LOL] Saint: [truuu but she is an innocent soul so she probably just thinks he's being more friendly than his face usually suggests lol] Leilani: [I like to think the twins know what's up, they're sassy] Saint: [be those cheeky children who embarrass you] Leilani: [definitely & Matilda is probably 👀 on this vibe] Saint: [is cute] Leilani: [love that you're being less serious rn sir] Saint: [it's out of character enough to be a Thing™ like he's not a dick but he doesn't have to go this hard for anyone in the fam like protection, caring mode obvs so it'd be like oh hey] Leilani: [enjoy that fam, I know some of you adults are nosy hoes] Saint: [lol the goss, god bless] Leilani: what did you put in this drink? Saint: What? Saint: Nothing? Leilani: no, I mean like ingredients Leilani: it's nice Saint: Oh Saint: [whatever sassy concoction we've made 'cos you'd have that knowledge even if you don't party that hard 'cos Ruster kid] Leilani: 😄 Saint: you like it? Leilani: it's delicious Saint: 😁👍 Saint: Do I get a sticker now? Leilani: yeah Leilani: & more 🍭🍬🍫 Saint: the kids are gonna hate me Saint: better share or get mobbed Leilani: I could just invite you over to eat what the trick or treaters didn't before we got here, you know Leilani: keep you 😇 Saint: You really want to secure my spot in heaven Saint: My acceptance would hugely depend on what 🍭🍬🍫 was on offer Leilani: [the list of everything Grace bought and we know she's extra so] Leilani: so you see, I'm thinking of my own 😁 Saint: Did she expect the whole of town to show up or? Saint: I better intervene before you look like a 👶/👵 depending on how you think about it Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: I think she's expecting me to eat my feelings Saint: Nice to have the option Saint: perhaps not at the detriment to your 🦷 or 🩸 sugar though Leilani: we'll pretend midnight snacks don't count Saint: No calories after midnight, everyone knows that Leilani: the later it gets, the less there are? Leilani: becos we'll definitely still be here later than that Saint: Might even get to breakfast Saint: what would you have then if calories didn't exist? Leilani: for breakfast? Saint: Yes Leilani: 🥞🍨🍓🍫🍒 Saint: Well that just sounds 😇😇🤤 Saint: Perhaps we can go make that happen when we finally leave Saint: or will Grace object, take on that protective role fully Leilani: taking advantage of her fear of overstepping isn't very 😇 but it is honest Leilani: & this isn't a date date Saint: Not my intention, though if you think that would be a direct impact then perhaps we shouldn't Leilani: it's okay, it's just breakfast Leilani: the calories don't even count so it can't hurt Saint: It is Saint: I wouldn't want anyone to think differently Leilani: start as you mean to go on, I recall it Saint: I mean Saint: that wouldn't be right, would it Leilani: if people think something else is happening to what is, it's easy enough to set them straight Saint: Why would they even think that Leilani: retro 💭 Leilani: you can't spend time with anyone of the opposite sex unless they're interested in the same or you're interested in them Saint: It's just ridiculous Leilani: yeah, but you are 😇 & the fittest so I can't blame people for thinking I would be Saint: I assume people would think that's the last thing on your mind Saint: but maybe I'm giving too much credit Saint: most conversations seem to end up back to when am I going to get another girlfriend Leilani: that joke you made about my girly hormones works for my age too Leilani: especially becos I haven't had a boyfriend Saint: 🙄 Saint: It isn't the be-all-end-all Saint: trust me Leilani: not a classics 📚 way of thinking Leilani: if this was Russian Lit you'd die for her Saint: that's why their particular brand of melodrama is banned Saint: and 'she' doesn't currently exist, as I said, unless you'd like me to pledge my undying, unwavering love to the idea of women in general Saint: I can knock up a speech now Leilani: sounds like fun Leilani: go ahead Saint: 😅 Leilani: not the answer you wanted? Leilani: if you offer me a speech, I'm gonna say yes Saint: I need some time to write it Saint: I also need to find a pen Leilani: [hands him a pen in a sassy manner because she would have a handbag with this outfit] Saint: [the ultimate cliche of lingering when you take something lol] Leilani: [when you can't keep the sass up cos you gotta smile at him again like...I love to think about everyone watching this] Saint: [obviously we're smiling back and being all bashful like gotta go find some paper] Leilani: [looking in that handbag for something he could write on but there's nothing because she's not that hoe carrying everything but the kitchen sink so a cute 🤷🏾 like soz] Saint: [go find a napkin to write this speech about love and womens on then find her and give it to her and hope no one else reads it 'cos that is pure flirtation if I ever saw it] Leilani: [we're keeping that napkin hens & soz Matty even though we BFFs you're not reading it luv] Leilani: okay, I'd vote for you 🗳 Saint: [not explaining that inside joke hun we have no time sorry] Saint: That's all I really wanted from you, naturally Saint: 😈 Leilani: I'm naturally powerless to do anything but swoon, we've gone full classics now Leilani: you got what you really wanted there Saint: Having you powerless to my every whim and will sounds like another genre than classic to me Saint: unless you'd like to state your case for 50 Shades Leilani: 😅 I need to read it 1st Leilani: so thanks if you're choosing it for book club Saint: Top of my reading list, I just needed the excuse 😏 Leilani: isn't there like a whole series? Leilani: you'd know Saint: I officially decline to add that to my brand, thank you Leilani: I get why, you're angry she wrote out the vampires, obviously Saint: Precisely Saint: What kind of discrimination... Leilani: [a lil irl lol like peeps aren't getting enough of a show with this] Saint: [😍] Leilani: [I hope you're re-reading that napkin or talking to your bff right then cos if you see them 😍 you'll die] Saint: Who's costume do you think would win? Leilani: your dad's Leilani: the birthday boy has to win Saint: just because it's his birthday or Leilani: yeah, Grace's is the best Leilani: I chose it for her Saint: 😅 If you do say so yourself then Leilani: if you're arguing it's becos you want me to hype up yours more Leilani: she looks amazing Saint: I'm simply saying on your 2nd go you and Vee should get on like a house on fire Leilani: 😧 Saint: It's not a bad thing Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: okay, who do you think should win? Saint: You have things in common, is the point Saint: I don't know, the kids are probably the most imaginative Leilani: what things? Saint: 💅💄👗 and thinking you're very good at them Leilani: I think I did a good job at picking her specific outfit tonight Leilani: you don't have to say it like it's a bad thing Saint: I didn't Saint: I specifically said it wasn't Leilani: sure Saint: I'm sorry if that's how you took it Leilani: I'm sorry if that's what I look like to you Saint: What, interested in how they present themselves? Saint: I don't see why you'd apologize for that Leilani: up themselves Saint: I didn't say that Leilani: I don't know how else you expect me to take thinking I'm very good at something Leilani: you didn't even say I was very good at it Saint: Does it matter what I think? Leilani: not if it's that I have an ego the size of your sister's Saint: I meant it as a good thing Saint: I don't know what else to tell you Leilani: I don't know what else to tell you other than that's not how I took it Saint: And I said sorry so that's that Leilani: yeah Saint: Don't think about it, it really didn't mean anything Leilani: I won't cause a big scene about it either way Saint: Just enjoy your evening, okay Leilani: I am Saint: Good 🙂 Saint: that's all anyone wants Leilani: I didn't mean to get all 💣💥 it just upset me, what she said Leilani: so you saying we're alike isn't something I want to hear atm Saint: I understand Saint: that's fine, it was the wrong thing to say Leilani: it isn't fine, she's the one who got to me, not you Leilani: I'm sorry Saint: I was insensitive Saint: I just don't like conflict Saint: but it can't always be straightened out so easily Leilani: I will have a 2nd go when I see her at school Leilani: maybe it'll get straightened out Saint: How are you feeling, about school? Leilani: stressed Saint: I bet Saint: it'd be weird if you weren't Saint: but you seem to be good at making friends so you'll be okay Leilani: but that was before, now I'm not gonna know if they feel sorry for me Leilani: or think they have to be nice to me Saint: Do people have to know? Saint: You need a story why you've moved school, but it doesn't strictly have to be the full truth, or the truth at all Leilani: Venus knows, I'm not having her catch me in a lie Leilani: anyway, it's what happened Leilani: I can't escape it by lying Saint: Fair enough Saint: it is the best policy, after-all Leilani: it wouldn't be fair to my mum to change the story, she can't Saint: That makes sense Saint: disrespectful Saint: well, I think, however unfortunately, that people's sympathy only extends so far Saint: you might lose some, but you will find out who your real friends are with time Leilani: there's that word again Leilani: time Saint: I think it's pretty unavoidable Saint: it sounds worse than usual Saint: but people you think are your friends can turn around and not me Saint: for any reasons, it isn't that this is happening, or going to happen just because of your mum Saint: you know? Saint: It doesn't sound comforting, it isn't Leilani: it is a little bit Saint: People are flaky Saint: you just notice when you could use some of them to not be Leilani: who hurt you? other than the girls you're unwilling to die for, I mean Saint: What? Saint: No, no one Leilani: your friends haven't? Saint: I'm fine 🙂 Leilani: I don't believe in 🙂 Leilani: give me a real one 😁 Saint: [IRL 🙂] Leilani: [IRL 😁] Saint: [looking awayayayay] Leilani: [getting him another 🍷 because you are soz you kicked off] Saint: [just like 'who served you?' 😏 bants 'cos he's not even old enough yet either] Leilani: [we just loling because this is a fam function and everyone knows it's for him but asking if she can try it, to which I say don't do it gal wine is gross] Saint: [offering it but warning her it's an acquired taste 'cos truly] Leilani: [taking a sip and her face would be ICONIC because ew, just don't spit it back into his glass babe] Saint: [loling and asking if she wants another mocktail instead] Leilani: [a hard yes because need that taste out of our mouth] Saint: [go get that boy] Leilani: you should've written a speech about why you like drinking 🍷 Saint: A toast would be more fitting Leilani: shorter & easier too Saint: and more warmly received Saint: especially by this crowd Leilani: 😅 Leilani: [gives him the pen back like there you go then] Saint: [swap that for her drink and get to 🤔] Leilani: [take a sip so he can see your happy face when you taste it compared to a second ago] Saint: How am I meant to argue with that? Leilani: I'm not doing your work for you, St Saint: 🥺😏 Leilani: maybe you could compare it to a girl, that was a very good speech Leilani: [re-reads it] Saint: Acidic...bitter...goes straight to your head and stays there 'til the next day Leilani: disgusting, leaves a horrible taste in your mouth Leilani: makes you say things you maybe don't mean Saint: might get half the room to raise their glasses Saint: if they're feeling brave Leilani: if they're feeling 💔 Saint: Yes, that too Leilani: there must be some reasons why you drink it, other than frustrated vampirism Saint: the 💔 obviously Leilani: you said you were 🙂 fine Saint: Philosophical 💔💭 Leilani: what does that mean? Saint: I'm just theorizing on it Saint: no personal experience worth noting Leilani: ... Saint: We don't need to bring the party down with my non-issues Leilani: no announcements, just me Saint: Alright Saint: but only because you don't want to be treated different, not because I think it's important or a big deal or anything at all Saint: I did have a girlfriend, 'til quite recently Saint: but no one here knows that she cheated on me, and that's why I ended things Saint: with one of my friends Leilani: how 🍷 of her Leilani: are they together now? Saint: I'm not sure Saint: Guess I'll see at School Leilani: how long were you with her? Saint: About 2 months shy of a year Leilani: that's horrible, that she didn't end it properly Saint: Yeah Saint: we were really alike Saint: I thought Leilani: we're both dreading school, I wish that was more comforting Saint: I don't want to complain, like it's anywhere near the same Leilani: it doesn't have to be the same to be something we can talk about Saint: I know Saint: it's just Saint: I already feel stupid without complaining to you Leilani: she did something stupid, you don't have to feel like that Saint: I do though, we're a close group Saint: they're both in all my classes pretty much Saint: then I think that the rest of them had to know Saint: so, what does that mean for all of those relationships too Leilani: you won't know what it means until you know whether they were keeping it from you or not Leilani: but you get to decide what happens next with those friendships either way Saint: People pick sides, and even if they already haven't Saint: it won't be the same Leilani: maybe it shouldn't Leilani: if they've picked his side or hers, you deserve different than that Saint: It's my last year Saint: bit late for all that anyway Leilani: if you go into it with that attitude, yeah Leilani: you wouldn't say it's too late for me Saint: You have time, and reason to make it work Leilani: you too Leilani: we haven't known each other long, claiming you need years is a stretch Saint: This is different Saint: I don't know how to explain it Leilani: join a club with me or something, we'll make new friends together Saint: 😅 What kind of club? Leilani: I don't know Leilani: obviously not the Russian Lit appreciation society Saint: Maybe they'll have an anti-appreciation society Leilani: 😅 it'd be popular & so would we Saint: You will be Leilani: there must be genuine clubs you are interested in 🤔💭 & I'll sign up too Saint: I have lots of extra-curriculars Saint: but there's probably a few left out there I haven't tried Leilani: great Saint: What do you want to do? Saint: Sports, music, etc... Leilani: my only demand is no swimming Saint: The chlorine? Leilani: the cap I'd have to wear Leilani: not cute Saint: 😂 Saint: [and IRL] Leilani: hey! I'm serious Saint: Okay, no swimming Saint: we have a pool anyway Leilani: oh, good idea, throwing a party would be a good way to meet people Leilani: 💅💄👙 instead Saint: Hold on, who said anything about a party Leilani: me Leilani: just then Saint: It's a bit Leilani: ... Saint: You do know my sister lives at my house too, right? Leilani: she told me she's back & forth to Paris, can't we do it when she's 🛫? Saint: Not as much as she wishes Saint: I mean, I suppose you could Saint: long as you don't post it all over socials and trash the place Leilani: we could Leilani: the point is, you're there too Saint: A pool party full of underage girls? Saint: I don't know if that's the right direction to be going in Leilani: the 2nd point is, they won't all be underage or girls Saint: Well as mentioned, I don't exactly have a lot of older boys to invite Leilani: that's why we join a club 1st Saint: How many steps does this plan have then? Leilani: I don't know Leilani: it depends how those go Saint: You're funny Saint: And I don't mean that in any way but the words I'm saying, for the record Leilani: I'll be proud becos your laughter is transformative Leilani: it makes you look & me feel really different Saint: Those are some pretty persuasive words Saint: maybe you should write the speeches Leilani: I'll add speech writer to my vision board when I get back Saint: You could do it for me Saint: if that wasn't such a 🥱 prospect Leilani: I think it could be fun Leilani: but what's my cut? Saint: Paying staff is part of a MPs fabled expenses Saint: we can make that wage up as we go along Saint: as long as people don't think I'm favouring you for any reason beyond your 🖋🗯 Leilani: [bats her eyelashes at him in an OTT manner like who would ever think that] Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: [😏] Saint: you'd get to live in London, if you wanted Leilani: who wouldn't want to live in London? Saint: It certainly has its charms Leilani: 🛍🌃💃 Saint: Those are some Leilani: add yours then Saint: 🏛 🛥 ⛪️🚇 🕌 🚖 🕍 🎭 ☕️ 🍷 🍽 Leilani: I was with you until 🍷 Leilani: still, you can show me around before I start work Saint: It's a deal Saint: maybe you'll like white, or rose Leilani: let's see Leilani: [goes off to get wine like] Saint: It takes time Saint: to acquire the taste Leilani: to kill your tastebuds Leilani: [imagine the scene of her with a glass of wine in each hand taking a sip from each and making different but as ICONIC faces of disgust, we're giving them to Matty, fill your boots gal] Saint: How many 👎s? Leilani: as many as poss Saint: 😅😅 Saint: Stick to juice Saint: apart from being bad for your 😁 and the possibility of a sugar high Saint: better option all 'round providing you brush Leilani: is this where you ask for photographic proof back? Saint: 🤔 Saint: I think I trust your dedication to pearly whites Leilani: thanks Saint: You seem...disappointed? Leilani: do I? Leilani: trust is nice, I'm not 😤 Saint: Good Saint: you can send me evidence if you want Saint: maybe your breakfast 'gram, if it lives up to the expectations Leilani: aren't you gonna be there? Saint: Didn't we decide that might not be a good idea right now Leilani: I've only had 3 sips of wine & I don't remember agreeing so Leilani: no? Saint: I don't want my eyes scratched out 💅 Saint: you did a good job on the 😱 factor on her Leilani: I don't have my 🐱 yet Leilani: you can be scared then Saint: You are a 🐱 Saint: so had I better come or else Leilani: if we share the 🥞 you'll be helping curb my chances of a sugar rush & cavities Saint: So that's the for argument Leilani: yeah & I'll keep being funny Saint: You're meant to do against now 😏 Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: the risk of your own sugar rush & cavities Saint: 😂 Saint: I would hate for you to think I'm scared of a little sugar Leilani: 🧄 & 🌤 right? Leilani: or maybe underage girls & unreliable narrators Saint: I'm the unreliable narrator underage girls are scared of Saint: except I'm not, obviously Saint: I'll take vampire rumours over that any day Leilani: at least that means you won't take some other girl for breakfast on the morning of my 16th birthday Saint: That would be very cinematic Saint: but also very rude Leilani: 💔😿 Saint: You'll have to tell me when it is so I can keep it free, avoid the 👿 Leilani: [her birthday whenever we decide that is] Saint: It's in the diary Leilani: 📱 or 📖? Saint: I have both Saint: but I'm not quite that nerdy that I've brought my paper one to a party Leilani: I was just 💔😿 that you borrowed a pen from someone else Saint: Okay, so that's pretty 🤓 Leilani: excuse you, it's not my fault I don't have 20:20 vision Leilani: 🕶🖤 Saint: You aren't that blind or I'd have noticed by now Leilani: I'm wearing contacts Saint: I mean 🕶 is a bit of an exaggeration Leilani: it's a cute emoji, I'm sorry Leilani: & 🤓 is not good teeth representation for me Saint: [actual lol] Saint: Okay, you can have it Leilani: [actual 😍] Leilani: thanks boss Saint: [try not to 😳] Leilani: [use your skin tone to save yourself boy] Saint: wait 'til the tour to decide if you accept Leilani: becos what happens on tour stays on tour or? Saint: depends how much evidence you collect 📸 Leilani: you're the 😇 Saint: Allegedly Leilani: it's your own promo Leilani: meaning you could also convince me you're 😈 Saint: I don't see the benefit in that Leilani: [a LOOK like] Saint: I'm not going to convince you of anything 😈 with just words Leilani: I definitely don't remember making it a words only rule Saint: 🤐🤔 Leilani: ... Saint: [miming both again but we're smiling] Leilani: would you like to dance? in classic 📚 it's totally scandalous Saint: As long as we leave appropriate room for God Leilani: I think if I was fully playing by my god's rules you'd have to be in the next room Leilani: & I'd be wearing 🧕🏾 instead of ears Saint: That would make your outfit very confusing Leilani: this outfit is too tight to be islam approved Saint: [show up to dance like lemme take a closer look] Leilani: [we're having a moment & all I can think about is Grace peeping] Saint: [peeping in a costume which just makes it more amusing some reason] Leilani: [it's happening but I am gonna cockblock this before it goes too hard by saying she starts crying because she can't wait to tell her mum about this & realises she can't #beentheregal] Saint: [oh baby] Leilani: [so then we embarrassed & have to go outside cos there's always peeps in the toilets at any party/fam function] Saint: [at least as Grace is peeping she can follow you and deal 'cos we're gonna assume that isn't what you want him to do] Leilani: [when you wanna go home because mortified especially since he hasn't followed so you think he's mortified but you also don't because you were and are having fun which is the whole reason we cried like #ohjoy thank god Venus is not here] Saint: [we're in actuality worried like oh we shouldn't have done that/any of this lowkey] Leilani: [lowkey outside for ages until Grace is probably freezing to death so we're back but NOT looking at him because dying] Saint: [the awks, go make yourself busy boy] Leilani: [when you're avoiding him but you don't want him to avoid you] Saint: [a mood, at least it is your dad's bday so you can make it look not blatant] Leilani: [maybe this is a good place to end the convo, like it's rude to them but legit] Saint: [agreed, like, can't really come back from this tonight, you will be going home soon gal and breakfast is not happening today] Leilani: [it'll be a hilarious awks but good starting point for the next convo we do like yeah soz I sobbed on you sir]

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showingthroughtome · 8 years ago

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three - october 2012

And, without warning, it was when she got ahold of those green eyes once again that she felt the urge to brush her lips across his pink ones. She wanted to lean over and see what it felt like to be engulfed by him in a way she hadn't been before. After a year of him, she knew his smooth yet rough sound and his pleasantly different manly smell. She had a whisper of what he felt like with short hugs and nudges to the shoulder. She was well acquainted with the way he looked - half grunge beauty and half pretty boy dimples.

But in no way did she know his taste. She reckoned it was probably too sweet - all that chocolate and strawberry flavored hard candy distorting what he was actually supposed to taste of. He was probably too nice, too lovely, and it wouldn't be fair to the rest of the world.

read below - story page - thanks to @stylesmyth for that henny manip :)

October 2012

The month of Halloween was always the worst at the shop, for Lenny at least. Louis, Niall, Brando, and Toby took it upon themselves to make it the most festive Halloween shop in all of London every year. Cobwebs were hung like tapestries along the walls, tiny plastic spiders embedded in them. Skeleton hands were put on any and every surface as if they were coming out of the grave. And the blood - the fake blood - was splattered around any empty space remaining with reckless abandon. It ended up looking like sludge by the end of the month, but it was never replaced.

Tiff, who usually had a problem with the store getting messy, loved the holiday most of all, so of course, she allowed it. Or rather encouraged her employees to embrace it with no restraint. Every October 1st celebrated a special kind of anarchy within the walls of that place.

Not only did the boys decorate - that was really just the beginning of it - they also used the month as a reason to wreck havoc on their coworkers. They'd come in almost everyday dressed as some villain from a scary film, blare death metal at all times of the day, and most horrifically, pulled pranks nonstop. The unenthused employee really should have been used to it by now, but how could she not flinch when something unexpectedly jumped at her everytime she used the loo?

To say that Lenny wasn't a fan of the holiday because of her coworkers and her coworkers alone would be an understatement. Before working at Dream, she looked forward to it, planning out her costume months in advance and making little goodie bags for all her friends with ghost shaped cookies.

For the last three years, she just threw on some eyeliner whiskers and walked into the Halloween work party at high alert, weary of being pranked at any moment. And on October 1st, 2012, she just knew she'd have one more person to look out for.

Last year, Harry was still a little too new to the dynamics of the shop to understand that he could do basically anything (within the realm of decency) and get away with it. She had no illusion that he wouldn't take up the chance to be as much of a pest as the rest of them now that he knew he could.

Walking into her four o'clock shift that she shared with Harry Monday through Friday, she was already on guard. She would not allow spooky ghosts to pop out and fool her, no zombie would reach from between the rows of vinyls and startle her. Three halloweens with these guys had prepared her.

Surprisingly, when she did get there, nothing too out of the ordinary was going on. Sure, the decorations were up but no metal was playing, no screaming could be heard in the distance. Everything just seemed normal, a little too normal.

Passing by the registers, she waved hello to Brando and Parker - him messing about on his guitar and her, with her hair grown out to a small Afro, sketching something in her notepad. Harry and Niall were sitting side by side on the same couch when Lenny entered the break room.

“Lenelope!” Niall greeted, twisting his neck to follow her as she placed her things in her locker. That nickname usually got a smile out of her, yet somehow, today she felt like it was being used as a diversion.

“Hi.” She peered around the room suspiciously, in search of Louis, because surely he had to be hiding somewhere.

Harry watched as she checked behind the couch they were sitting on, then the bathroom, and then the small room with the punch-in clock.

“You hit the bowl too many times before you got here? You're looking really paranoid.” He observed, conferring with Niall with a head nod.

“No, Harry. I did not hit the bowl too many times.” Lenny crossed her arms, staring at the two guys unamused. “It's October 1st. I know something is up.”

“Wait, is it?” Niall’s jaw dropped as he pulled out his phone and confirmed the date. “Wow. It really snuck up on me this year.”

Lenny didn't believe his innocent act for one second. He had to be lying to distract her from something, to get her to let her guard down. Because if he hadn't known the date, one step inside of the store would've been better than any kind of calendar.

“Oh, yeah, sure, Horan. As if you aren't scheming right now.”

“I'm not! I swear! At this very moment, no scheming is happening.” Niall used that tone of his - the one he pulled when he wanted someone to really believe him.

“I can't bring myself to trust you.” She headed for the door but then waited at it for Harry to join her.

He stood from the couch, camera in hand, ready to start their shift. Smiling yet defending his friend, he swore, “He's not. Promise.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” She began pushing the door open but then quickly, Niall called her name. She glanced back at him to see him lifting up his phone.

“But, it starts now.” He declared as he dramatically pressed a finger to the play button on his iTunes - a loud, screechy, heavy metal syncing with the Bluetooth sound system and blaring from the speakers all over the stores. It sent a jolt through her body and up her spine, making her shoulders hunch from the shock and the sheer intensity of the sound.

Harry quickly whipped up his camera and started recording as Lenny covered her ears and groaned her way through the doors - laughing loudly at her the whole time.

---

Regardless of it being the month that stressed her out endlessly, October was when Lenny developed a harmless schoolgirl crush on Harry. Out of nowhere, with no permission from herself, she started seeing him in a different light - one where him being the most gorgeous person she'd ever seen moved from just being a fact to something that had her gazing at him for a little too long.

And it all started when she was mid-nap.

She rarely had the time for one of those but they were her absolute favorite when she did - she'd write a song about naps if she had the skill. One random Thursday, after arriving to work three hours early (because Chris had to unexpectedly go to a lab meeting instead of have lunch with her), she found the time. Her school work had chilled out for the week, so much so that when her back hit the soft red velvet couch, her eyes shut and she drifted without any guilt. She faded into a dream where she didn't have papers to analyze or grammar to structure - she found herself on a pier, eating gelato, wind whipping around her and salty air on her tongue.

In that world, utter bliss took over Lenny’s life and she held up no qualms in letting it. By the time she started blinking awake - all on her own without being awoken by any outside force - she still felt it.

Louis and Parker were sitting on the worn leather sectional, her legs in his lap as she played with the ends of his wavy brown locks. He was whispering something into her ear that elicited a quiet giggle out of her lips. He slipped a kiss to her cheek that had Parker's chocolatey skin seeming minutely more vibrant - as impossible as it sounded.

Lenny felt like she was spying or something, because even though they were occasionally affectionate in front of the others, neither Louis nor Parker were the type to be so sweet with people around. Lenny stretched her arms wide and made an I’m-just-waking-up yawn.

“Oh, good! You're up.” Louis moved his hand to Parker’s thigh as she shifted a little further out of his lap - it had Lenny thinking she should've pretended a while longer for their sake. “Shift starts soon and I didn't want to have to be the one to wake the beast.”

She sat up and looked around, her hair a mess. “How long do I have?”

Parker, the only person who still actually wore a wrist watch, checked. “Twenty minutes.”

That meant she had been sleeping for two and half hours - the longest nap she’d had in ages. Her body showed it when she stretched her legs out in front of her, kinking a bit from being curled up on the couch for so long. After she sorted out her crinkled limbs, her hair was next. She ran her fingers through the never ending length and put half of it up in a tiny bun, letting the rest hang around her light grey jumper.

Only after she put herself back together, and started checking her phone for any notifications, did Harry come into the break room. He was heard first, humming loudly through the room as he clocked in, then he rounded the couch and plopped down next to Lenny, leaving no space between them.

He started singing the same song he had been humming - Not With Haste. The Mumford & Sons album had just come out and had already blown away the entire shop. They had a strict no play ban on it for the in store speakers because they didn't want to get tired of it and look at it as overplayed - something they did whenever they all really loved an album.

Quietly, simply, perfectly, Harry sang this ain't no sham, I am what I am.

Lenny had to lift her eyes at that, away from Facebook, to see him, with his messy curls and deep, deep dimples. She couldn't decide what had him so smiley and singing such a soothing song, but she wasn't complaining. He sounded incredibly nice in the odd quiet of the October afternoon - as good as he did at every gig of his she had been to since the very start of their friendship.

“And we’ll be who we are, Lenny.” His happy eyes landed on hers, singing her name out of tune at the end. “And they'll heal our scars, sadness will be far away.” He finished with a boop to her nose, chuckling at her grimace and digging around in his dingy old suede bag, pulling out sweets - something he always carried. He threw a bag of her favorite’s at her lap to get her through the shift - something he always did.

She must've been staring too long, quite possibly at his lips. Because he snapped a few fingers in her face, drawing her attention back to reality, and all she thought of was Chris. How he tasted like science and familiarity and security and love. She shook her head and ripped open the bag of Magic Stars, popping one in her mouth before she stood up.

“What's going on with you, Len?” Harry stared at her quizzically - confused since the last minute of her thoughts had been trapped in her mind and not for him to hear.

Walking to clock in, she lied, “Just woke up. Sorry.”

“And what? Forgot how to say hello?”

“She looked like she was having a good dream.” Parker mindlessly threw out, accidentally saving Lenny from explaining her uncharacteristic silence any longer.

The joke could be seen forming in Harry's head indicated by the excited little smile on his lips. As could be expected, pointing at the ceiling Harry told it, “Must be in the name.”

Everyone cringed, even the freaked out Lenny who was fond of the relief the joke brought. Rather than over analyzing it, she went onto her shift with him and chalked it up to a feeling of post nap daze that would be gone in the morning.

Four hours into her shift, when she felt totally calm and safe, Louis and Harry snuck up behind the counter in a moment she had her nose in a trashy magazine. They popped up behind her and screamed, accentuating the scariness with two grotesque zombie masks. As she kicked both of their shins as hard as she could - which was not very hard at all - only repulsion could be felt for both of her lovely coworkers.

Though, the next shift rolled around and she got a bit more excited than usual when Harry walked in the store. It wasn't any kind of crazy heart fluttering or earth shaking excitement, but like previously mentioned, a harmless, schoolgirl crush.

---

Harry always felt nervous inviting people to things. He knew he was liked well enough, he knew that if people didn't want to go they didn’t have to and that was fine, but his hands still felt slightly more sweaty than they should.

“So guys,” he addressed the room where seven of his close friends stood around a register - eight if you counted Tiff. They all turned away from the schedules they had just finalized in the monthly staff meeting and peered at him. “I uh, I have something going on next Saturday evening and I was told to invite people... so here's me, inviting you, for the thing.”

“You seem don't excited, Haz.” Tiff grinned at him in her motherly way, pushing him with warmth to continue.

“Yeah, well… it's just for this short film I made. It's literally six minutes so I understand if you can't make it.” Harry was scratching the linoleum with the scuffed up, old combat boots he had his black washed jeans tucked into. He didn't want anyone to feel like they had to go, so if he seemed like he didn't care about it - which he didn't, not really, not that much - then they wouldn't go based on obligation.

“Hells yeah!” Toby held up a hand, offering a high five. “I just got my Saturday nights freed up, mate. I'm all yours.”

Harry felt his lips pulling up and raised his hand to Toby's.

“Oh, I'm there for sure.” Lenny said from the counter straight across from him. Jen was standing in front of her but was too short to cover any of Lenny's confused face. “Why is this the first time I've heard about it?”

“Just found out on Monday.”

That was four days ago so Lenny had every right to drop a jaw at him and furrow her brows. “You're lucky I have no life, H.”

“Well I just got scheduled to work then.” Niall sighed with an ounce of anger at the fact he had to miss out on it. “Sorry, bro.”

Jen followed with a, “Yeah, me too.”

“That's okay.” He smiled brightly, reassuringly. “Not a big deal at all.”

His eyes shifted to Lenny still staring at him, instantly her playful rage morphed to something else - something light and different like her head was not living in the moment.

“But everyone else can make it, right?” Tiff questioned, now in business owner/mother hen mode, clearing everything up for a nervous Harry.

Yeah’s and head nods were thrown his way, causing the residual anxiety of asking the question to turn into one that was due to the reviews he would be patiently awaiting.

---

Never had so many people been in one room for Harry since he moved away from Holmes Chapel - well, other than his last birthday and his cover band’s fortnightly shows. But besides that, before he started working at Dream, London hadn't been that much like home to him. His friends didn't really think to come to things like that and they definitely never even fathomed a surprise party.

The girl Harry had been hooking up with for the last nine months barely raised a brow at the mention of it. She flipped over under his sheets, falling asleep with a hum of satisfaction.

Louis, Parker, Brando, Tiff, Toby, and Lenny, though, sat smack dab in the middle of the small theater, all of them dressed way too classy for an occasion like this - like Harry in his black button up, jeans, and shiny oxfords. He couldn't sit with them, he was designated the third seat from the left in the front row based off the order in which the films were to be played. And he couldn't say hi to them either due to their uncanny ability to get to places right on time.

He wasn't too worried. He was sure he'd get tons of time with them after the screening, probably making fun of his sappy ode to his life and Dream Records.

---

The first two films were amazing. They had cute little prefaces by the creators and then one by the professors who pulled it into the showcase explaining why they were selected. Lenny loved watching them, so glad Harry decided to invite them even if it took him a few days to get around to it.

Louis, sat right between her and Parker in the dark room, commented on the second one, “If Harry's makes me cry like that last one, I'm killing him.”

“Aww.” Parker rose a hand to his cheek, patting it and then grabbing his chin. “You'll be just fine.” He turned to her with a scoff and scorned expression but it didn't work on her. “I'll go get some tissues if necessary.”

A joyous feeling overcame Lenny anytime Parker was sort of cold to Louis. Because it wasn't like Parker ever really meant it - she obviously cared about him - but it still got Louis looking a beautiful shade of stumped.

He redirected his pout towards Lenny. Before she could add a witty comment that she hadn't yet come up with, the clapping picked up. Harry was standing where the previous two people had stood, microphone in hand, at the ready to tell his story.

In that moment, for no comprehensible reason, butterflies of nerves sparked in Lenny's heart.

“Hello.” Harry straightened up in the spotlight, clearing his throat, running a hand through his tangled locks. “So, first off, I want to say thanks to everyone who showed up tonight to watch our films. I know it was last minute but Professor Glindel has a good idea when he has one. Am I right, Kane?” Harry shot a finger gun to one of his classmates, who must've nodded because the people around them laughed at the teasing of a professor.

“Get on with it, Styles.” The professor could be heard without the microphone.

Harry cleared his throat again, hitting Lenny with the realization that he was actually nervous up there - an emotion she wasn't sure her outgoing coworker had ever experienced.

She raised a hand to her mouth and bit a nail, waiting for him to resume.

“But, um, yeah. This film I worked on for one whole year was meant to just be something to look back on, to see my life and my friends lives in the most compact, simple way possible. I never intended on showing it to Glindel and having such a response but apparently one second a day can become something interesting. So, again, thanks.” He smiled down at his professor and handed off the microphone.

The old man with wild grey hair got in the spotlight, patting Harry on the back as he went to take a seat.

“Mr. Styles, as you can probably tell, has a charming way with people.” His loud voice carried more on its own than the speakers ever could, powerful and demanding of attention. “He started off in my Script class with piss skills at coming up with narrative. Then the next term he took my Directing I class and I got a chance to see his vision. He came to me one day and said he was thinking documentaries were his path, all while holding tight to his handheld camera.” More laughs came from the audience that Lenny didn't understand. “As a film studies professor, you can tell a documentarian from a playwright, a director from a cameraman. Mr. Styles, with his constant charm and need to capture a moment, will go far in this field if he keeps producing such new age, fascinating content that one doesn't usually think to take a second glance at.”

The professor nodded and placed the microphone in the stand as clapping resumed - the hardest Lenny and the rest of the staff produced all night. Excitement rose like the opening chords of a symphony in all of them as the lights dimmed and the screen started displaying clip after clip.

It was hard to grasp at first, but after she noted the date at the bottom left hand corner and the way it rolled like a timer, she realized it was one second of every day. It started at the end of September 2011, just after Harry had begun working at the shop with various shots of the store, getting a smile on Lenny's face right off the bat. There were shots of the storefront with the Dream sign, the rows of vinyl they always looked at, the break room with the staff strewn on the couches - for an entire week, every shot was one of them sitting back there.

Scattered in between, there were shots of cats, food, the sky in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, and at night - dusk and dawn, sunny and stormy. In March, an older lady popped up for a few days and then it went back to him around the store and in school and what must have been his flat. Lenny was in it a lot - not way more than anyone else, but enough to be noticeable. He caught her reading at the register and playing with her hair - braiding it, twisting the ends around her finger, pulling it into a ponytail. There were multiple different seconds of her on different days shoving something in her mouth. Only a few times did she actually catch him filming - throwing a paper ball right at the lens one time and sticking her tongue out another.

Her heart warmed more and more the further the year progressed, laughing hard when he got a shot of Niall falling from the counter while he was trying to be all high and mighty, standing on top of it to claim he had control over the speakers that day.

Towards the end, coming up on August, another girl started appearing. Lenny hadn't seen her before but she had a feeling since Valentine's Day that Harry was dating someone. Or maybe just hanging out. But eight months is a long time to just hang out and since she didn't come into the video until late in the year, maybe it wasn't the same girl. Lenny didn't know but whoever it was made Harry look happy in the second of them sitting on couch, pulling a face at the camera.

It helped Lenny right then to see her face. Her crush got easier to suppress, deteriorated a bit, possibly. It made her realize that Harry was probably sweet, loving, and playful with everyone and that a lot of people could get caught up in it.

His film ended back at the shop though - group shots of them laughing, Lenny sat beside him and speaking in basic Italian, Louis and Niall slapping each other back and forth. For the very, very, very, last scene, it was him in the mirror in the bathroom at work, smiling and then cutting to black.

The whole thing was perfectly Harry - sweet and lovely and hopelessly happy. It made all of their years seem like a perfect one, and even though it was stressful at times, Lenny appreciated that he chose to ignore that and only captured the good stuff.

---

“Dude, that was sick!” Toby embraced Harry in the biggest hug, crushing around his ribs, after the rest of the films were shown and everyone was invited to drinks in the large lobby outside of the theater.

Harry smiled over his shoulder at Lenny, then pulled away, asking, “Really?”

“Harry, I love it. Can I have a copy?” Tiff asked with a hand over her heart, probably trying to contain her love.

The thought that someone would actually like it enough to want to rewatch it had never crossed his mind, so he squinted his eyes and clarified, “You want a copy of my film?”

“It had so much of the store in it. I felt like it was an advert for my place.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Unless you don't want me to have all of those personal moments with your Mum in my hands.”

“No, course you can have a copy, Tiff.” He hugged her with the answer as she laughed her loud, beautiful laugh, ruffling his curls as she turned to the side.

“I'm off to go find wine.” Tiff tossed her jet black hair behind her shoulder. “Want some, Len?”

“Nope.” Lenny shook her head and stepped around Toby, presenting herself directly before Harry for the first time that night.

“I’ll go with ya.” Toby took Tiff by the arm in true gentleman style, and lead the way to the open bar.

Harry looked Lenny up and down, admiring the pale green dress that hung effortlessly from her shoulders by two thin straps. It was perfectly Lenny - sheer and modest yet stunningly complimentary of her amazing red hair and adorable pink cheeks. She moved to hug him too - his third of the night - with arms tight around his neck. He wrapped his around her waist, giving her a good squeeze and picking her off the ground to defeat the height distance that would’ve made it an awkward position for the both of them. He breathed in her sweet floral scent and then sat her back down.

Giggling, she all but marveled up at him, “I am so in awe of you right now.”

“What? Why?”

“That was just - it was just spectacular. I don’t exactly know what you were trying to accomplish in that, like, was I supposed to cry or feel nostalgic or happy or what? I don’t know, but whatever it was, was amazingly done, and I felt everything.” All the words were jumbled and maybe confusing but they were what she was thinking right in that moment, so Harry was grateful for them.

“Thank you, Lenny, so much.” He had to look away from her piercing blue eyes - she had a boyfriend and was probably, possibly his best friend. He learned if he took a break from taking her in, he could wash her out with thoughts of other things. But no one else was around, or rather, no one he invited. “Where is everyone?”

“Louis and Parker probably went to snog somewhere. Brando is chatting up that guy over there,” Lenny pointed to the ever confident guy trying to pull a fellow film student who wore a three piece suit. “And you know Niall and Jen couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah, but you’d think Lou and Parks would at least want to talk to me first.” He pondered with a thinking face. “I understand Brando though, got to seize the day and all that.” Harry intended on that being the end of his thought process, but then he thought of who he was talking to - the girl who loved languages more than anything. “Or should I say carpe diem?”

She rolled her eyes at this, but it was his night, so she took a deep breath and indulged. “Per diem.”

“What does that mean?”

“By the day.” She shook her head and shrugged. “Look, I don't know. I’m not too familiar with Latin so I just went with the first thing I remembered from college.”

He chuckled, bowing his head. “Don’t worry, I’m still very impressed.”

“Thank god.” She wiped fake perspiration from her forehead and fanned her face. She peered around his body to where Tiff and Toby stood with a lovely looking white wine in their hands. “But, I think I’m ready to get classy drunk now. How about it?”

He didn’t need to think twice about following her to the alcohol - it was their day off after all.

---

It had to go away soon. Nearly three weeks of it was enough. Lenny couldn't go on like that. Everytime she got giddy when her friend greeted her, she felt guilty. Everytime she watched him mess around with his camera or strum on Niall’s acoustic guitar for a lingering second, she felt guilty. When she imagined what it'd be like to slot her fingers through his curls, that guilt turned into a pit of shame.

She could be sitting next to Chris for the first time all week, totally content to be in his arms, and get one reminder of Harry that would send her on a spiral of ‘I’m the worst person ever’. Those few clips of Harry and that girl worked to subside her crush for a bit - two days - but by that following Tuesday, she was back to the unhealthy smiles and wandering thoughts.

All of this cumulated in her telling Jen, who simply told her that is was normal. She said that Lenny had been with Chris for long over a year and that Harry was new and kind and beautiful. Jen pointed out the fact that Lenny didn’t actually see her boyfriend as much as Harry so of course lines would blur.

It settled Lenny’s mind to hear those things - had her realizing that she could be totally in love with the brilliant Chris and still admire the wonderful Harry. It wasn’t as if she had no self control and would act on it or anything. She wasn’t that kind of girl so as long as she kept it in her head, what was the harm?

---

“I can’t believe it’s already Halloween.” Lenny crossed her legs on the counter, sitting in on Harry and Brando’s shift since that was a thing now - the two boys had a wednesday evening shift while Lenny kept it as one of her two days off.

“I know. I am equally excited that it's here as I am disappointed that's it's almost over.” Brando frowned, plucking away at the strings of his guitar.

Harry bobbed his head to the upbeat rhythm. “When does the party start?”

He was referring to the festivities Tiff was going to allow that night. Also known as the reason Lenny was dressed as a ‘random girl from the 90’s’ in a blue sweater, plaid skirt, and chunky combat boots. The back room was decked out for a party with crisps, alcoholic punch, and an owner who was okay with it all.

“At closing, duh.” Lenny turned her voice into one resembling Cher from Clueless, saving Daria for later.

Brando side eyed her as Harry grimaced, “I thought you didn’t even want to come to this thing? Why are you here with this negative energy?”

“Chris is coming. And also, I'm not being negative, I'm being funny.”

“Could've fooled me.” Harry raised his brows, actually sounding ticked off even though seconds ago he was totally normal. It confused her why one little comment seemed to set him on edge. Brando must have felt the shift too, because tension rose for no reason and made Lenny feel unwanted.

“Alright then.” She pushed off the counter and brushed between both guys. “Going to the break room now.”

Lenny had no issue in talking out (most of) her feelings, so it's not like she could hide the snarl Harry put on her face as she literally ran into Jen once she got into the break room.

“Sorry.” She bent down and picked up the bag of cups she knocked out of her best friends hand.

“‘s okay.” Jen took them and went on her way, not noticing the poor attitude Lenny quickly picked up from Harry. She busted open the plastic bag and lined the cups around the punch. “So,” Biting her lip, she faced Lenny who found herself a seat on the sofa. “Harry said his bandmate was coming tonight.”

“The bandmate?” The one Jen hooked up with occasionally every couple of months and then proceeded to obsess over for a few days until she forgot how good he was in the sheets.

“Yes. That one.”

“You're excited?”

Jen sat down next to Lenny, turned in so her whole body was directed at her. “Yeah! I'm needing my fix.”

“Maybe you could use that number he gave you and get your fix on the regular?” Lenny laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, already feeling better by the positive energy that Jen radiated.

“Sounds less thrilling to me.”

“Oh, yeah. Amazing sex everyday sounds like a total drag.” The logic made no sense to Lenny but it wasn't her choice so she played along as sarcastically as she could.

Jen’s face contorted into shock and disappoint. “Don't speak so poorly of my Chris.”

“My Chris.” Lenny backed away from the smack Jen was aiming for her arm at the accidental implication of her sex life.

“Hi!”

“Speak of the devil.” Jen commented as Chris came in the room, dressed as ‘a random guy from the 90’s’ in a flannel shirt and jeans that were just a bit more baggy than skinny’s - basically how every guy at the shop dressed on a regular basis.

“What you lot saying, huh?” He rounded the couch and popped a kiss to Lenny's forehead as she answered.

“Oh, you know, just who you actually belong to.” She was kidding obviously - he belonged to neither of them - but as the girlfriend, it was sometimes fun to say.

“I am my own person, thank you very much.” He slid an arm around her shoulders, not able to play along, smiling all the same.

From then on, Lenny was all chitchat and giggles, waiting for the last thirty minutes or so of business. At eleven when the store was locked away from all uninvited outsiders, it began filling up with friends. So many people showed up that Tiff let them hang out in the actual storefront, trusting that no one would steal a vinyl or spill alcohol on them.

Lenny didn't move from the couch once everyone started arriving - she just got drunk as Chris brought her drinks and talked to whoever passed by. Well into the night, she decided she wanted to move around. Chris followed along, conversing easily and getting laughs left and right. But she could tell he was getting tired.

“You can go home ya know. I won't be upset.” She felt so bad for always having him do things when he was clearly overworked. “Jen will keep me company.”

Lenny scoped the room to find her in a group with Harry and Brando and some tan skinned beauty.

“Are you sure?” Chris questioned over the loud music, unsure he would get away with going home without being yelled at about it later.

“Promise. Go sleep.” She reached on her tiptoes and kissed him goodbye, holding it for a few seconds so she knew he meant it. “I love you.”

“Love you.” He backed away, waving before turning for the door.

So there Lenny was - boyfriendless once again. And even though she really wasn't mad he left, she was sad she didn't have him there to lean on and keep her warm.

She approached Jen's group with caution, scared Harry would still be angry at her for whatever it was that furrowed his brow earlier.

“Lenny! Where have you been all night?” Apparently, that fear was pointless. Harry had a beer bottle hanging from between his fingers and a glassy look in his eyes when he exclaimed those words.

Her mouth opened to say something nonchalant and not what actually came tumbling out. “Avoiding you.”

“Why?”

“You got all grumpy with me.” She slotted between Brando and the guy Jen was drooling over. “Didn't want anymore unwarranted sass thrown at me.”

“What?” He blinked multiple times, like he had absolutely no clue where any of that could be coming from, and turned to Brando in search of answers.

“You did kind of get snappy with our Lenderella here.” Brando threw an arm around her, giving her someone to hold her upright once again.

“I'm so sorry. I think I was just grouchy and ready to drink.”

After steady examination of his eyes by her drunk brain, Lenny declared Harry was sincere and probably just displacing his funk on her - kind of like that one time she really needed to write that speech for French and was harsh with him when all he was asking was if she baked anything.

“Redirect it to Bran next time, okay?” She kinked a brow at her friend and playfully jabbed her other friend in the side.

“Hey!” Brando pulled away, leaving her wobbly on her lonesome. But what else could she expect after elbowing him.

Brando rubbed his side, playing it up just to get her feeling bad. She was reaching in to rub it for him too, ya know, all soothing like. Then, a distinct Jen cough could be heard, calling Lenny's attention. Jen pointed her eyes at the insanely good looking guy beside her, all but saying ‘this is him this is him’.

“Hi, I'm Lenny.” She would've normally done a handshake or a wave or something, but being a little too far passed tipsy had her touchy and going in for a hug.

The recipient wasn't the only one who found it odd - Jen and Brando both placed a hand on her shoulder to pull her back.

“Zayn.” The guy introduced, a put off look already donning his face - not that anyone could blame him.

“Nice to meet you.” She stumbled back against Brando, but he helped straighten her out and she was good on her own two feet again, laughing at herself for being so embarrassing.

“We were just about to leave.” Jen laced her arm with Zayn’s and smirked at Lenny who giggled in response for lack of anything better to say.

Harry, once he got done looking at Lenny like she was bonkers, said, “See ya later, mate.”

Giving a head nod to each person as he said their names, Zayn exited the circle. “See ya, Hazza. Brando. Lenny.”

“Have fun.” Lenny called out after them, shaking her head at the wink Jen gave her, then tilted her cup until it was completely empty. Class would not be fun in morning but she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

“Just us three again.” Brando observed with a tight smile, probably scared another mini Harry-Lenny fight would break out.

“Where's Toby? I haven't seen him in a while either.” Harry made a good point. Lenny doesn't even remember seeing him at all that night, which was a true crime if she ever knew one.

Pointing across the store, Brando called attention to two of their coworkers. “Over there with Niall.”

“Oh, they're probably trying to chat up those poor girls.” Lenny mocked with fake sadness. “Whose friends are they?”

Brando answered with uncertainty even though he probably should've known, “I think Parker’s.”

“Good luck to them then!” Harry tossed out over the small crowd, not like they could actually hear his well wishes, with a snort and another gulp of his drink. Which reminded Lenny she needed another one. Without any warning, she wandered away from the guys and back to the punch bowl.

All things considered - her shaky posture, the loads of people saying hello, Tiff trying to talk people into karaoke - she got back to them in record time. So fast, that their subject hadn't shifted.

“The brunette fancies Niall, I can tell.” Brando declared, bravado in his voice and a serious look on his face.

Harry agreed without a moment of thought, nodding, “If Niall got down on one knee right now, she'd say yes.”

“Harry, not all women are that desperate to get married.” Lenny leaned a hip against the register counter they seemed to gravitate towards, almost horrified by the words coming out of her friends mouths - she expected more from them.

“I'm not saying they are, but that love in her eyes is like marriage type shit.” He was explaining himself, drunker than he was just ten minutes ago, getting looser with his body and starting to flail his arms around with his words. His lanky limbs became even more uncoordinated under the influence.

But it had her examining the girl. And maybe she was giving Niall marriage eyes, or maybe it was the alcohol, because all of a sudden, Lenny could see it. She could see the way the girl was latching onto every word coming out of the blonde Irishman’s mouth.

“Do I ever give marriage type vibes to Chris?” Lenny peered over at the guys, worry in her voice as she swallowed a deep breath of air.

Harry visibly swallowed. “I don't know. Do you?”

“I hope not.” She ran a finger around the rim of her plastic cup.

“What?” Brando couldn't believe the words, it was clear by his unhinged jaw.

“It's just, well, I don't think I ever want to get married. I think I want to travel the world and see things and experience everything.” Her lips were feeling looser than they had in awhile and her mind was focused on things she hadn't spoken about in an even longer time.

“Does Chris know this?”

“Probably not.” She bit her lip and turned away from Brando to a now hysterically laughing Harry. Her hands rose in defense and she said what she always said to herself. “I'm not saying he's not my forever but I don't want to be tied down to one country because of a piece of paper that makes everyone think I should be popping out babies as soon as I sign it.”

Harry didn't stop laughing after that - it only picked up. And this time, when Lenny elbowed someone, she held nothing back.

Rubbing his chest where she got him, and wiping away a tear, Harry explained, “It's just funny hearing about not wanting to be tied down coming from a girl who has been with the same guy for a year and a half and working at the same job for three.”

Lenny rolled her eyes but let it go so the guys would move onto another subject. Because she didn't see it that way at all. To her, just because someone wanted to be able to seize the day didn't mean they were flakey people who couldn't hold onto anything. To her, having a boyfriend didn't mean wanting a husband.

Hopefully Chris knew that.

authors note:

heyyyyy!! so i decided to post this as soon as my internet was back!! i hope it wasnt a bad idea to post it at 8 my time. it is what it is i guess.

was the preview too much of a give away?? like i wanted to preview something real nice but should i have saved it?? let me know pleasssssse!!!!!!!!! let me know all kinds of things? like what you think of the crush. of the party. of harry. of lenny. of what lenny was going on about at the end. thank you!!!

game of thrones premieres tomorrow and idk i just wanted everyone who reads my stuff to know that i am freaking PUMPED!!!!!!! im rewatching season five tonight and hopefully all of six tomorrow. i have no life so it wont be hard... i think. (mance rayder was the best king on this who damn show and what happens to him is just wrong, ill have you know)

anyway....

as always, thank you to @what-comes-from-within because she IS the best and makes my things better with her keen eye and additions to an otherwise okay story.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!!!!

xxxxxxxxx

oh and those pictures are totally lennys instagram.

captions:

left: i’ve had worse octobers

center: @ harry styles tried to ruin my selfie game... impossible tho

right: i made treats for the staff and then took the this aesthetic photo

#1dff #is that preview too much to give away #oh well #???#MY COMPUTER IS BACK!!!#sib chapters #pleaase let me know what you think?

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jade4813 · 8 years ago

Text

Jane Austen’s Iris, Chapter 2

Title: Jane Austen’s Iris

Rating: PG

Synopsis: A Flash AU, inspired by Emma.

Acknowledgment: My thanks go out to @valeriemperez for help editing this story!

Chapters: 2/6

Dear SBL

I’ve been friends with this girl for a couple of years. The thing is, I’ve had a crush on her almost the whole time, but I’ve never told her how I feel. There never seems to a perfect moment to tell her the truth. I want to tell her now, but I don’t know how she feels about me. She’s always been attracted to jerks, and I’m not like that. What do I do? Should I tell her the truth, or should I just try to forget how I feel about her and move on? (I know she reads your column every day, so I’m kind of hoping she reads this and realizes it’s me.)

Friendzoned in the City

Dear Friendzoned

I’ll be honest with you. My first thought upon reading your letter was “yikes.” But putting that aside and giving you the benefit of the doubt… If you’re in the “friendzone,” it’s because you put yourself there. In a couple of years you’ve never found a moment to tell her how you feel? It sounds like you can either wait forever for that “perfect moment” or just tell her the truth and see what happens. (Also, I have to point out that hoping she reads between the lines in an anonymous advice column based off some vague details isn’t exactly a great bet.)

Whatever you choose, just remember one thing. You have to be prepared to accept her answer. If she feels the same way about you, great! However, if doesn’t reciprocate, how will you respond? Will you still want to be her friend, or will you blame her for taking your friendship at face value and not reciprocating your romantic feelings? If you think she owes you something because of your feelings for her, then by all means, you should stop pretending you’re her friend at all. Immediately.

“Okay, we have to talk about last night!” Linda replied as she rolled her seat over to Iris’s desk.

“I knew you’d have a good time!” Iris exclaimed, putting down her pen to give her friend her full attention. She’d been practically vibrating all morning with the urge to ask Linda’s opinion of Julian, but she’d resolved not to bring up the subject. Linda had to suspect Iris’s intentions, but if she pushed them too hard, she had no doubt her friend would balk.

“I did! I have to tell you what happened. I – oh, hold on. I think that’s me.” With a scowl, she scooted back over to her desk to answer her ringing telephone.

Jittery from the rush of excitement so quickly thwarted, Iris picked up her pen and started doodling in her notepad. She tried to focus on work, but it seemed impossible. So, instead, she let her mind wander to the next stage in her plan: the Sunday football game. She would have to stop by the store to pick up some snacks, of course, and probably some beer. Intending Julian and Linda to be occupied by each other, she should probably invite someone else along, so they didn’t feel guilty about excluding her and she wouldn’t be left feeling like the odd man out. As excited as she was at the prospect of them hitting it off, she had discovered with Cisco and Caitlin that it was inevitably awkward to be alone with two people who wanted nothing more than to be alone with each other – even if they would rather die than say so out loud.

But who could she invite? Barry was the obvious answer, but he was so against her plan, she couldn’t help but think he’d try to sabotage it. Cisco and Caitlin were also obvious choices, but she wasn’t sure they’d want to attend, since they were still in a “wanting nothing more than to be alone with each other” post-nuptial haze. Wally? Her brother did like football…

As she pondered her options, her cell phone began to buzz, notifying her of an incoming text. She glanced at the screen and saw Barry’s name.

Have you caved and asked Linda about Julian yet?

She let out a disgruntled huff. She didn’t mind that he knew her so well – in fact, she was often pleased by it. It did occasionally bother her that he knew that he knew her so well.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, she lied in return.

Be careful. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m not sure Julian is that into Linda. If you want to know the truth, he’s a bit of a snob. Linda’s wonderful, but I don’t think he’ll ever seriously consider being with anyone without a string of letters after their name.

Iris scowled and tossed her phone back on her desk. Not into Linda? Who was he trying to fool? She’d seen them with her own eyes; Julian had seemed plenty interested the night before! After Sunday, his chagrin at being proven so wrong would only be icing on the cake.

The text exchange still lurked in the back of her mind, leaving her both distracted and a bit disgruntled when Linda rolled back to her desk. “Where was I? Oh, yeah! You won’t believe what happened! I met this guy –”

Iris forced a chuckle, though she was still mulling over Barry’s text message. “I know. I was there.”

Linda waved her hand, as though waving away the suggestion. “Not him! I mean, he’s okay, but, you know, whatever. I wasn’t talking about him. I was on my way to the restroom when I bumped into this guy, and, Iris. Let me tell you. His smile? Gorgeous. I’d left my phone on the bar, but I still got his number!” Her voice had turned into a victorious singsong. “See?”

Iris was so surprised by this unexpected development that she couldn’t even process what this meant for her matchmaking scheme. “Wow, that’s – wait a minute, let me see that again!” She grabbed Linda’s hand and pulled it closer, to get a better look at the number scrawled on her wrist. She recognized that number, not to mention the barely-legible scrawl directly above.

“You know him?” Linda asked, eyes narrowed as she tried to decipher her friend’s expression.

“Linda…you’re not going to believe this, but…that guy you met? He’s my brother.” In light of her friend’s noise of disbelief, Iris grabbed her phone and flipped to her photo reel, flipping through the pictures until she found her pictures of Christmas at the West house the year before. After taking a moment to chuckle at Barry in his red Santa hat, she passed the phone over. “See?”

Linda laughed, the sound both amused and perplexed. “Well, what do you know? I guess it’s a small wor-wait.” Her face fell. “This isn’t the brother you’ve told me about, is it? The one with the revolving door of girlfriends?”

Iris winced. She and Linda often had lunch together, and their discussions sometimes veered towards their personal lives - bad dates, best friends, and, on occasion, crazy stories about their families. A time or two, Iris had mentioned the romantic drama her brother couldn’t seem to avoid.

Iris didn’t think it was just personal bias that convinced her that her little brother Wally was one of the sweetest guys on the planet. He was funny and smart and, as evidence showed, apparently had no trouble attracting the opposite sex. Unfortunately, he had a propensity for falling in love quickly – and out of love just as fast. From her view on the sidelines, it seemed that Wally’s relationships burned hot and fizzled out fast, and while he genuinely never meant to hurt anyone, he had unwittingly left behind a number of bruised or broken hearts in his wake.

She’d shared a few good-natured laughs about his most recent relationship train wrecks over cups of coffee and stale vending machine food (heaven knew her love life wasn’t interesting enough to discuss), but only because it had seemed like a harmless thing to do. She would have never done so if she’d anticipated this happening in her wildest dreams. Now she didn’t have the first clue what to do. Should she encourage Linda to call him, knowing the odds were pretty good that this relationship wouldn’t last and Linda might be hurt? Or should she discourage it, knowing it wasn’t her place to do so?

When in doubt, the facts seemed at least a safe place to start, even if they were occasionally awkward. “Um. Yeah. He’s my only brother.”

Linda looked crestfallen. “Oh.” She sucked in a deep breath and stared at the number on her wrist. “So…I probably shouldn’t call him, huh?”

Iris winced. “I really can’t advise you on this one. I can tell you that he’s a great guy and a great brother, but –” her voice trailed off, because it felt like anything she could say following that “but” would be a betrayal of someone she cared about.

Her friend didn’t wait to hear what was coming next, even if Iris could find the words. “But…if I’m looking for something serious, his track record doesn’t inspire confidence.” She scowled and pulled her sleeve down over the number, then slumped back into her chair. “You know, it’s not like I won’t go on a date with someone unless I know we’re looking at forever. I just don’t have a lot of time to spend on the dating scene, and I don’t want to waste what little I do have with someone who doesn’t look past next week.”

“I’m not sure that’s entirely fair,” she protested, feeling she should come to her brother’s defense. When Wally settled down a bit, she had no doubt he’d make some woman very happy one day – she just wasn’t sure that day was today. Linda shook her head and waved away her argument again.

“I’m not trying to insult your brother,” she said with a slight shrug. “I’m sure he’s wonderful and all. It just seems that maybe he’s not what I’m looking for.”

The two women lapsed into silence – awkward on one side, slightly morose on the other. Then Linda asked with poorly feigned enthusiasm, “So, Sunday, huh? You sure you really want to do this?”

Iris nodded. “Absolutely,” she said firmly. Linda was perhaps a little discouraged at the moment, but all she needed was to see that Julian was perfect for her. “I’ve got everything planned.”

“I bet,” her friend retorted with a smirk. “All right; I make no promises, but I’ll give Julian a second chance. But you should probably know, I think you might be barking up the wrong tree. Don’t give me that look; you aren’t exactly subtle! Anyway, I don’t think Julian is as into me as you seem to think he is.”

She made a tiny squawk of protest, reminded of Barry’s similar words of caution, but Linda simply shrugged and moved back to her desk. Why was everyone so determined to take the fun out of this for her? Well, just wait until Sunday. She’d show them.

“Is this ref kidding? His knee hit the ground! My great-grandmother could see that, and she’s been dead for fifteen years!” Linda screamed as she jumped up and down and gesticulated at the television. Beside her, Julian lurched forward in alarm and rescued his beer before it could become a casualty of her sports-fan preoccupation.

Iris tried not to groan, though her hand twitched from the desire to rub the spot between her brows. Forcing a smile, she turned to Julian, who was watching Linda’s meltdown with a sort of horrified fascination. “Did I mention she’s really into football?” Iris tried, though the lighthearted tone she was attempting was diminished by the volume with which she had to speak.

“YES!” Linda bellowed, almost jumping onto the couch. When the running back fumbled the ball, she let out a shriek of despair and collapsed into the cushions, for all the world looking like a prisoner on death row. “You guys are killing me!”

“It’s nice to see someone passionate about their work,” Julian replied in a mild tone, taking a sip of his beer. Linda didn’t even seem to hear him. Things were not going as planned.

In retrospect, trying to get Linda to focus on her love life when her favorite team was in the playoffs was a bad idea. Iris was pretty sure she could set the room on fire, and Linda would tell it to back off until the end of the quarter.

Julian seemed unperturbed as he stood and meandered around the room. Linda had given him a brief overview of the rules before the coin toss, but he didn’t seem terribly interested in the game. Iris would have been more interested in it herself if she wasn’t so distracted by her machinations.

“It’s a shame Barry couldn’t make it; he’d have enjoyed this.” Cisco commented as he grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed it into his mouth, staring at Linda’s antics more than at the activity on the screen. Unfortunately, it was the first day of the annual Central City Law Enforcement Professionals Conference, and they probably wouldn’t get a chance to see much of him until the week was over.

“Oh, did I tell you Patty is coming into town tomorrow? She’ll be here for a couple weeks,” Caitlin cut in, ignoring Linda as she broke into her impromptu touchdown dance.

“Oh, yeah?” Iris replied, feigning interest. She’d met Caitlin’s cousin, Patty Spivot, a couple of times and, while she had no real reason to dislike the other woman, she wasn’t eager to spend more time in her company either. Of course, she would never be so rude as to tell Caitlin this, so she faked a smile and grabbed a handful of chips to keep her mouth too busy to necessitate maintaining the expression for long.

When she glanced over at Julian, however, he paused in his circuit around the room and smirked at her before turning his attention back to the pictures on her mantle. He’d apparently been watching her when Caitlin divulged this news and whatever he’d seen on her face, he, at least, seemed to suspect her true feelings.

“This is a nice picture,” he interjected, momentarily diverting the conversation. Realizing what he was looking at, Iris jumped to her feet and joined him. It was a photo of Linda and Iris at work, perched on the edge of her desk, both sipping from Central City Picture News mugs.

“I love that one,” she told him honestly, running a finger along the lower edge of the frame. A small smile crossed her face as she remembered the moment it had been taken. “Linda had just presented me with that nameplate on the desk as a gift. It was the day I was promoted from intern to being an actual journalist.” Well, on the obits desk, at least.

He made a soft sound and she saw him shoot her a glance out of the corner of his eye. “Yes, Barry mentioned that journalism was a bit of a career change for you. You were pursuing a doctorate in psychology before this?” His tone implied the question.

She nodded, wondering vaguely why Barry had mentioned her at all. She wondered for a second if he’d warned Julian about her plans before rejecting the suggestion out of hand. Barry might not agree with her current course of action, but he would never go behind her back to thwart her like that. “Yeah. I went into psychology because it seemed interesting, but I found my calling at the paper.” She didn’t go what had led her to the paper or why she loved journalism; she suspected he was only being polite, anyway.

“Of course, Linda’s been at the paper a lot longer than me,” she continued, redirecting the conversation to what she suspected to be the true subject of his interest. “She’s really taught me a lot about how to be a reporter, how to know what questions to ask, that kind of thing. She’s amazing!”

“I’m sure,” he replied, and she almost grinned at how hard he worked to hide his interest.

Just then, Linda’s phone beeped and she jumped off the couch to take a look at it. After glancing at the screen, she grinned and asked, “Hey, Iris? Can I use your bedroom for a minute? I need to take this.”

Iris shot a look of surprise at the screen. Second down, her favorite team had the ball, and she was voluntarily leaving the room? Iris didn’t think she would do that for anything short of an act of god. However, she nodded and watched as her friend darted into the bedroom. Maybe now would be a good time to be more pointed in encouraging Julian to pursue his interest in her friend.

Iris watched as Caitlin and Cisco shot her a quick look, spoke in hushed tones to each other, and then moved to the kitchen to refresh their drinks. There would be no better opportunity to put her matchmaking scheme into practice. “Tell me,” she began awkwardly, “have you had much time to date since moving to Central City?” It was not the subtle volley she’d hoped to find, but she didn’t think she had much time before they were interrupted, and it hardly seemed a conversation best held in front of others.

Surprise flickered behind his eyes for a moment, but he gave her a considering look as he nodded. “I had a girlfriend for a while, but not at the moment.”

Iris grinned. “Well, that’s good to hear.” Realizing how that sounded, she flushed. “I-I mean, I think there might be someone who could be interested in you. If you were, um, interested.” Her matchmaking efforts had never been so stilted with Cisco and Caitlin, though her long-standing friendship with them both had probably helped.

One corner of his mouth lifted. “I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve been thinking about the possibility, and I believe I am. Interested, I mean.”

“That’s great!” she started to exclaim, but Julian took her by surprise. He bowed his head and moved in, and Iris was so shocked that his lips were almost upon hers before she realized what he was doing. She turned her head to the side at the last moment and jumped back, feeling his lips brush her cheek as she did so. Lifting her hands defensively, she scooted another foot away and practically yelped, “I think you misunderstood me!” When he didn’t move to bridge the distance, she sucked in a deep breath to steady her nerves and elaborated in a more calm tone, “I was talking about Linda.”

Julian frowned in confusion. “Linda?”

She nodded. “Yes. Linda.”

“Why would I be interested in Linda?” he pressed, and the sheer astonishment in his tone made her want to smack him.

“Why wouldn’t you?” she challenged. “Linda is wonderful and –”

“Yes, yes, of course,” he said, waving off her praises. “I have no doubt that Linda is lovely, but I am an Albert, and that comes with certain expectations. I assure you that those expectations require something a bit more prestigious than a reporter.”

Iris’s jaw dropped at this astonishing level of snobbery. “Might I remind you that I am a reporter,” she pointed out in a frigid tone. He’d been about to kiss her, so not only was he a snob, but he was a hypocrite too.

“But you have pursued a degree in psychology,” he argued in return. “I have no doubt that, in time, you could return to –”

“I am perfectly happy as a reporter, thank you very much.” If her tone before had been cold, it was downright glacial now.

He seemed unperturbed by either her tone or the sentiment behind it. “Of course,” he said, his voice so noncommittal, it could only be interpreted as verging on flippant. “Back to the point. I have thought about it, and I believe you would be –”

Iris wasn’t willing to hear any more. Everyone had told her that he wasn’t interested in Linda; Barry had even tried to warn her he was a snob. She hadn’t wanted to hear it and had ignored the signs, like his change of attitude towards Caitlin and Cisco when he heard about their degrees. She stepped even further back. “Don’t,” she warned. “I had thought you and Linda would be good together, but I can see that I was wrong. Linda could do a lot better.”

Julian frowned and took a step back, staring at her face with narrowed eyes. “I see,” he said after a long moment. “It appears I’ve been wasting my time. If you’ll excuse me.” Without another word, he turned and stormed out, letting the door slam behind him. He didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Cisco or Caitlin as he almost bowled them over on their way into the room.

Cisco muttered under his breath. Caitlin looked at Iris with a questioning expression on her face, but Iris just shrugged and looked away. She couldn’t find the words to explain what had just happened, not when he was trying to find a way to break the news to her friend.

Her task wasn’t made any easier when Linda returned from the other room with a wide grin on her face. She didn’t even rush to the television to return her attention to the game. “Good news?” Caitlin asked in the face of her obvious joy.

Linda nodded. “Yes, I – It’s nothing important. It just – it’s personal. Anyway, back to the game!” she cried in an attempt to change the subject. As she raced to the television, she looked around and asked, “Where’s Julian?”

Iris felt her stomach twist into knots. “He left,” she said tentatively, wavering on how to break the news. Figuring it was best to rip it off like a band-aid, she sucked in a deep breath and blurted, “Linda, I’m sorry. I was completely wrong about him. I thought the two of you would hit it off, but it turns out he’s actually a huge jerk. All this time, he thought – um – well, it turns out he was interested in me. I never would have encouraged you to give him a chance if I’d known, I swear!”

The other woman shrugged. “Okay.”

“Really? Are you okay? Because if he hurt you, I –”

“Iris, it’s no big deal,” she reassured her with a laugh. “Really. I was never really into him. That night at the club, I wondered if he was actually into you, but I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure. But believe me when I say that he’s not my type. I mean, I’m sure he has his good qualities, but that man is a massive snob.”

For the second time in just a few minutes, Iris found herself speechless. Had everyone clued into his personality but her? How could she have been so blind? She turned to Caitlin and Cisco for help. Cisco was staring intently at a spot on the wall like he was willing himself to disappear, and Caitlin was throwing her a commiserating look. “We – um – we thought he might be more interested in you, too, Iris. I mean, we wondered at the club, but it was pretty clear today. He blew off that conference Barry’s at, and it was pretty obvious he didn’t do that for Linda. He barely said three words to her since he got here!”

“But – but why didn’t anyone say anything?” In her amazement and confusion, she didn’t acknowledge that she wouldn’t have listened if they had, any more than she’d listened to Barry. She was still struggling to process the fact that everyone else had realized what she had not.

“Well,” Linda said slowly, her tone reluctant. “The thing is, I thought there was a chance you might be interested in him, and you were using the setup as a way to sort of, I don’t know, try to fight it or something.”

Iris was at a loss for words and looked around as though hoping clarity would materialize before her. When she glanced in his direction, Cisco interjected, “Don’t look at me! I had no idea anyone was into anyone else.” At Caitlin’s slight nudge, he grimaced and sheepishly admitted, “Okay, maybe I did. But I also thought you could do better.”

So it was official. Everyone knew but her! This did not speak well to her skills as a matchmaker. She threw herself onto the couch next to Linda with a huff. “Well, don’t worry about it, because I’m definitely not into him. In fact, I’m not really interested in getting involved with anyone at the moment! Or possibly ever!”

Lowering into the seat next to her, her friend asked gently, “You can’t mean that. You really don’t ever want to fall in love?”

Iris couldn’t help but glance over at the chair, watching as Cisco pulled Caitlin in his lap, his arm looped around her waist. She bowed her head to murmur something and he tilted his head back to whisper something in return. Almost unconsciously, Cisco lifted his hand to link his fingers in hers, and Caitlin leaned down to brush a kiss across his lips. He murmured something against her mouth, and Iris heard her light chuckle in response.

There was such warmth and familiarity and obvious affection between them, and for a moment, Iris’s heart twisted with jealousy. But she ruthlessly shoved the feeling aside. Love was something that was fun to find for others, but it had never been a particularly pleasurable pursuit for her. She’d had few relationships in the past, all brief and disastrous, and it wasn’t something she was eager to attempt again.

“No,” she said firmly, as much to remind herself as to reassure her friend. “Not particularly, and I doubt I’ll ever meet anyone who will make me change my mind.”

#Westallen #Westallen at The Movies #westallenatthemovies #Iris West #Barry Allen #My fanfiction #Fanfiction #Jane Austen's Iris

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