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letsdiscoverkitty · 4 years ago

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Home/Family Update - May 2021

I will take this right back to when I was discharged from the Priory in December. From there I moved back home with my parents; it was a bit of a difficult transition as I didn't have any home leave in the lead up to being discharged due to COVID and my consultant wanting me to make the most of my time on the ward. Add to that my EDP going completely awol, meaning that our whole 4 week pre-discharge meetings and relapse prevention plan went out the window. So yes it was a bit of a rocky start, and that is without you factoring in COVID lockdown/Christmas.

Being discharged from an IP setting is never easy no matter who you are; changes in environment and routine can throw you off track without you even realising it and I did find myself struggling with this. I also had the difficult navigation of adapting to coming home in terms of my dad and his recovery. For those who might not know, last March my dad fell down the stairs in the middle of the night the day that my parents arrived home after a month in NZ. He suffered 3 brain bleeds (a subdural, an extradural and a subarachnoid), multiple facial fractures and a break in his spine. That night was one of, if not THE, worst of my life. We were told that it was very likely that he would not survive and that if he did he would be in a vegetated state or not able to take care of himself...we were told to prepare for the worst. By some MIRACLE he defied all the odds and at the age of 74 after spending 11 or so days on the ICU, a further 2 weeks on a trauma ward and then another 3 months in a neuro rehab, he was discharged home and is now, a year on from the accident, completely independent, no sign of further brain bleeds and is actually much fitter than he has been for, well, 50 years! Honestly, we never expected anything like this sort of recovery and from an outside perspective he is doing perfectly. However, there are things that will never be the same again and I don't think it is until you are with someone 24/7 that you are able to tell. He has changed quite a bit as a person; in some ways this is a good thing but in other ways it is not so. He cannot deal with changes in environment or routine; even things like having the bread on the side instead of in the bread bin completely throws him off and he doesn't even register that the bread is there. He gets very easily agitated, can be extremely rude and a little aggressive. Now some of this was already there (a lot of it was) but it has become more acutely obvious since the head injury. I have SO much respect and love for my mum - I really dont know how she has held herself up over the past 2 years, as well as helping dad when he was initially transitioning home (I was still in hospital but it sounded like he needed a lot of help for the first few months - which I only saw an inch of when they were able to visit me in hospital (he used to wander off and didn't know where he was etc. which is thankfully no longer and issue!)).

This is hard for me to say but I will admit that I have struggled more than I thought I would with being around him; in short I pretty much went through the whole mourning process whilst I was in hospital as the last time i saw him on the trauma ward before they stopped all visits and before I was admitted, he didn't know who I was...He thought he lived in another country and was telling me all sorts of stories that were fabricated, before telling me that he needed to go and pick up the mercedes and drive to sainsburys to get the Gin and petrol (we don't have a mercedes and he doesn't even like gin!) Anyway, I digress. So yes, I basically mourned for someone who was still alive physically but mentally had changed as at the time I didn't know whether he would be in a vegetated state or make a good recovery. Thankfully we are on the good side and he is doing so incredibly well but the bottom line is that he is different and living with him, at the age of 26, is HARD. We have good days and bad days (as any young adult who lives with their parents does) and there are many many days that I wish I wasn't living at home but I do my best to hold myself together during those times, especially for my mum because she, I tell you, is absolutely incredible. How she has put up with him for so long I honestly do not know!

Talking of mum, I would say that since the whole accident with dad, we have become a LOT closer. We really had to lean on each other over that month; we were driving down to Brighton every single day to see dad on the ICU and on the Trauma ward until we were stopped from visiting - it was mentally and physically exhausting for the both of us, especially as we were still barely processing the trauma and struggling with flashbacks in the night. We were the first ones on the scene of the accident (if it weren't for mum's medical training, dad would not be alive today). Of course we still have our moments but I feel like our relationship almost "levelled up and matured over the past year. We have bonded over being in nature and walking (because what else can you do when the country is in lockdown!?! but also because we have always been an "outdoors" family (well my mum, Andi and me have))- we also talk about dad and the accident quite a bit too, which has helped me beyond belief (and her too). We give each other space, and yes there are days when we dont get on but who doesn't have days when they dont?

On balance I would say that home is "okay". It is manageable. No the environment is not perfect and I do find it affects my mental health quite a bit and holds me back in some ways (I cannot wait to be able to move out one day) but I am incredibly grateful to have parents that are willing to and can afford to take me under their roof and help me out during this time.

Gosh, this has already ended up so much longer than I thought it would, I am sorry! In short: home life is okay. We are here and that is the most important thing. We saw Andi a two-ish weeks ago as we were in Cornwall for our usual time-share (we were so lucky that Boris allowed self catering two weeks before our usual time share week) - I think it was good for them to get out of their flat as I don't think they had left the small area where they live since last September when we went down to Cornwall (I was given leave for a week as it was sold to my consultant to help my dad's recovery, which is definitely did but yes we did pull the right strings to get that one!)

Anyway, I shall leave this update here and start the mammoth task of the next one. I am sorry that this is taking me so long, it's quite hard to write and think back and reflect (although actually quite helpful for me to do) so I do find that I have to come back to it a few times. Please stick with me x

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I forgot to add that dad had an assessment before we went away to Cornwall to see whether he can have his driving license back and (as mum and I predicted) he failed. To say that he did not take it well would be putting it lightly!!! I am actually ashamed of the way that he behaved and the things that he said/the reasons he fabricated as to why he had failed (let's just say he got sexist and rude - which I have ZERO time for and was appalled by him - I am so glad I was not with him/mum after the assessment as I would have blown my fuse at hime). He could not even entertain the idea that he had failed. He blamed everything/anything else that he could - even saying that it was the system and one of the first things he said to me was "I understand now, I've worked it out, it's the system, they aren't allowed to pass many people first time so that's it", which I just *speechless*. Mum and I have talked about it a lot and we don't think that he has ever "failed" at anything in his life. He also believes that he is 10000%. fixed and has no issues or problems and doesn't need any support or guidance. He refuses to listen to mum and I when we try to tell him about how unwell he was, he refuses to believe it and won't take it. One thing that mum and I are very glad of is that all of this driving stuff is OUTSIDE of the family. He can't put it on us. It is coming from an external place and we can support him if he lets us but that is his decision as to whether he lets us or not. He has never been a good patient; and he also won't take any advice (in anything) from mum or let her be right about something either, which is just sad, really sad. This is not a new thing, it has always been this way. And the more I reflect on our family/have reflected over the past year with dad in hospital, the more I see that I don't like. The way dad has behaved and treated mum, how he was always missing in my childhood, how alcohol always came above family, how old fashioned and unwilling to learn he is, how distant and uninterested he was, how he never says please or thank you, never asks how anyone is and refuses to talk about mental health (yep, despite so much going on in our family with mental illnesses, he refuses to talk about it and won't even ask "how are you?" or offer support etc)...I don't mean to be so negative about him, I really don't. I love him, he is my dad, but there is a lot of healing that needs to be done, and it is going to take time.

#personal #update

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ollyarchive · 4 years ago

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Interview

Olly Alexander on success, sanity and It's a Sin: 'All those hot guys. I loved it!'

Simon Hattenstone

The Years & Years frontman is starring in Russell T Davies’ new drama about the Aids crisis. He talks about bulimia, his ‘dark’ clubbing days – and how he learned to enjoy filming sex scenes

Mon 11 Jan 2021 06.00 GMT

Olly Alexander was so certain he was destined for success that he saw a therapist to help him prepare for his future fame. It was 2014 and his band Years & Years had just signed to Polydor when he visited the shrink.

“I said: ‘The album’s coming out and I really want it to be successful,’ and he said: ‘What happens if it isn’t?’ I said: ‘Well, that’s not an option because I have planned it in my diary since I was a teenager.’”

That diary was less about chronicling the present than a series of promises he made to himself. “I planned my life till I was 25. I would be a famous musician ’cos musicians were the coolest people in the world. The biggest thing in the list was buying my mum a house, and I did that. That was the coolest thing to be able to do with my money.” He smiles. “That was the coolest thing ever.”

Now Alexander might well benefit from another visit to the shrink because he’s about to become a lot more famous. He stars in It’s a Sin, the brilliant new TV drama by Russell T Davies, about a group of young gay men living and dying through the Aids epidemic in the 1980s. The five-part series is funny, vibrant, sexy and heartbreaking.

This is by no means the first time Alexander has acted – he has appeared in the TV series Skins, films such as Bright Star (about Keats), Gulliver’s Travels and Great Expectations, and on stage in the West End alongside Judi Dench and Ben Whishaw in Peter and Alice; a pretty impressive CV. But with It’s a Sin, he knows he has struck gold. “Some actors would wait their entire careers and not get such a good role,” Alexander says, and he’s right. Davies has made a habit of creating groundbreaking TV series (Queer As Folk, Bob and Rose, Torchwood), and this is his best yet.

Alexander’s character, Ritchie Tozer, is an aspiring actor/singer who has just moved to London from the Isle of Wight in search of fame, fortune and a good shagging. He embraces his new freedoms with promiscuous abandon, while also struggling with his sexuality. Ritchie is equally cocky and vulnerable, lovable and insufferable.

Although It’s a Sin takes place in a time before Alexander was born, he says there are so many ways he relates to Ritchie’s life. There is one crucial difference – whereas Ritchie is secretive, Alexander is an open book. If there’s anything to tell you, he’ll tell you, even if he is embarrassed a second later about his indiscretions. It’s an endearing quality, and one that makes him great company.

We meet in his agent’s east London office in December, when Tier 4 restrictions are yet to kick in. Alexander is a boyish 30 – half punk, half catwalk model, with orange hair, earrings, multiple rings, stylish khaki trousers and a handful of inky tattoos. He is garrulous and giggly with a huge toothy grin.

Like Ritchie, Alexander was a stranger to city life when he came to London. He was born in North Yorkshire, went to primary school in Blackpool and Gloucestershire, and a comprehensive in Monmouth, south Wales. He was a natural performer who wrote his first song at the age of 10. “I performed it in my year six assembly.” Can he remember it? He squirms. “Yeah!” Let’s hear it then? “No!” Oh go on! “OK, OK. ‘The leaves are falling outside my window. I’m lay here all alone,” he sings quietly, in that delicate falsetto. He giggles, blushes and continues. “And now I’m a knowin’, the way it’s goin’, we won’t last for ever, for ever my love.’”

Wow, those lyrics are pretty sophisticated – and melancholy. He giggles again. “Oh thanks. It’s about unrequited love. Doomed love. I was getting in early on my themes. I had a bit of help from my dad.” He wrote it after experiencing his first pangs – for a boy in his class.

At secondary school Alexander was a victim of homophobic bullying. He responded with elan. “I would still come to non-uniform day in eyeliner.” Did he fight back? “Sometimes I would scream. I was not a good fighter. We did rugby a lot at my school – a Welsh school. The one time I scored a try, on the way back to the changing room the two popular boys from the year put their arms around me and said: ‘Well done, Olly,” and I was like: ‘I can’t believe it, this is it!’” He pauses long enough for me to get a glowing feeling. “Then they tripped me up and pushed my face into the mud. That was hard to live down.” After that he never went to another games lesson.

When he was 13, his parents separated, and from then he was brought up by his mother, events organiser Vicki Thornton (his real surname – Alexander is his middle name). His father had been a talented but disappointed singer-songwriter who made a living marketing theme parks. Although he gave young Olly a lifelong passion for adventure rides, there were tensions between the two of them. After his parents split up, he broke off contact with his father. When Alexander became successful, his father tried to rekindle their relationship via Twitter. Alexander wasn’t impressed.

With the sod-you eyeliner and supreme belief that he would make it, he sounds incredibly robust. So what else was in that teenage diary? “Pppprrrr.” He blows his lips as if feeling a sudden chill. “It’s a bit dark. I used to write that I really wanted to be skinny.” He exhales deeply. “My mantra was always: I’m not going to eat this again, I’m not going to eat cake again. I’m never going to eat pasta.” He was barely into his teens when he became bulimic and started to list the things he wouldn’t eat. Actually, he says it was worse than that. “I was writing down: don’t eat, don’t eat, don’t eat. Did he have a weight problem? “I was a little chubby at primary school, but no.” What does he think it came from? “It was something I could control. I felt very out of control in the rest of my life. I was struggling with my sexuality, my parents were divorcing, and I wanted to punish myself.”

I want to give him a hug, but I’m not sure he would appreciate it, particularly in the pandemic. Why did he want to punish himself? “It was self-loathing. I didn’t want to be gay. I was convinced I was the reason my parents were splitting up.” He never considered that their divorce may have had nothing to do with him.

He started to cut himself, too. Has he still got the scars? He points to his upper arms and thighs, “because people can’t see there. I was deeply ashamed of doing it. I wanted to hide it.” Are there many scars? “No. A friend saw a plaster on my arm and jokingly asked if I’d been cutting myself. After that, I was so embarrassed that I mostly stopped doing it. Bulimia carried on well into my 2os, but it became less and less frequent. It’s really hard to hold down any kind of job if you’re throwing up food all the time, and ultimately you have to choose.” It becomes a full-time occupation? “Yes, it’s all you think about. And you’re doing so much damage to your organs. I got taken into hospital once with my mum because I had this irregular heartbeat, which can happen through constant purging, and that really scared me. I thought I’d done something irreparable to my body, and my mum was so distraught. She couldn’t understand why her son was throwing up all the food she was trying to give him. She found out because I hadn’t cleaned the toilet properly.”

After studying performing arts at Hereford College of Arts, he moved to London and was liberated. He had a heady time of it – more drugs, clubbing and sex than even he had hoped for, while also getting regular work as an actor. But there was a downside. He saw friends struggle, sacrifice themselves to excess, fall by the wayside. “Everything was about going out and connecting with people at the clubs. I had a great time, but it was also a dark time. A lot of people took too many drugs. A few friends attempted to take their lives and one succeeded. That was devastating. You can see how easy it is for a party lifestyle to turn into something negative.”

Alexander has a strong survival instinct. There was his destiny to fulfil, the house to buy for his mother. He still struggled with his mental health, so he cut down on the destructive stuff. Today, he says, his main drug of choice is the antidepressant sertraline. “I was worried about longterm use, and the doctor said: ‘Well, the latest research shows it can promote neurogenesis, and I was like that’s the coolest thing ever.” Neurogenesis is the process by which new neurons are formed in the brain. “She was basically saying antidepressants are giving you superpowers, and I was like: ‘Amazing, I’ll keep taking them for ever.’” He starts giggling, and he can’t stop. “Neurogenesis – ooh, I love that. I’m going to be neuro-supercharged.”

Years & Years formed in 2010. Founder member and synth/bass/keyboard player Mikey Goldsworthy heard Alexander singing in the shower and asked if he wanted to become lead singer. When Alexander joined, Years & Years were a five-piece band, before shrinking to an electropop trio (Alexander, Goldsworthy and fellow guitarist and keyboard guru Emre Türkmen). Alexander, the main songwriter, has an ear for great sweeping choruses (think Sam Smith meets Pet Shop Boys with a dash of New Order). Their first album, Communion, went to No 1 in the UK, while the song King topped the singles chart and its follow-up, Shine, reached No 2. Many of their songs are about yearning and doomed love – particularly on their second album, Palo Santo – just like the first one he wrote aged 10.

Alexander also became known as an LGBTQ campaigner. He made a documentary, Growing Up Gay, for the BBC in which he talked to his mother in a tear-filled exchange about coming out; he also interviewed people about struggles with their sexuality, the pressure to be promiscuous and take drugs, and addressed schoolchildren about homophobia and mental health problems. Does he think of himself as an activist? He shakes his head. “It does a disservice to actual activists. There’s a tendency to use that word for anyone in the public eye speaking up about any issue. Going into schools and talking about mental health isn’t activism. I like doing that. If I can be helpful, I want to help.”

The week before we meet he was named celebrity of the year at the British LGBT awards. He doesn’t know why – he says he didn’t do anything in 2020. “Maybe they heard about my upcoming role and got in there early!”

He says he has learned so much from making It’s a Sin – not least about acting, and how tough it can be. “Doing an acting job where you have to turn up every day is really challenging. I was so used to my musician lifestyle, which is usually: get up late, get in a car, get driven to an airport, get on a plane, fall asleep, arrive somewhere, get driven to the venue, roll out of the car and do the show. It was too much like hard work every day. I thought I’d got past this!”

We see a lot of Alexander in It’s a Sin – in every sense. He gets more than his share of sex scenes, and says it was fascinating being taught how to do them properly. So he enjoyed them? “All those hot guys. That aspect I loved! And going into it I thought, I’m going to have so much fun doing this, I’m a confident-ish guy, love having sex, it will be great.” That’s so refreshing, I say, to hear actors admit they enjoy sex scenes.

Ah, well, he says, it wasn’t quite that simple – he initially became self-conscious. “I broke down into hysterical tears, like ‘don’t fucking touch me’. I found it really hard.” Then the intimacy coordinators got to work on him. “They were a life-changing experience. Intimacy coordinators are there for safety ’cos there’s a lot of shit that can go wrong between what a director wants and what an actor wants, and boundaries being crossed. They’re there to rehearse everything beforehand with the director and the performers. You talk about animals you might imitate, the sounds you make.” He pays tribute to intimacy coordinator extraordinaire Ita O’Brien, who introduced the Intimacy on Set guidelines in 2017 and worked on Normal People as well as It’s a Sin. “Anything with sex in it, she’ll be involved. She’ll be on all fours at one point, saying: ‘Now I’m going to be like a cow and moo in ecstasy.’ She’s amazing, amazing, amazing.” And yes, he did start to enjoy the scenes.

Did he find them arousing? Now it’s my turn to blush and I apologise for the question. Did he start to enjoy it too much? “No, that’s what I want to know. What if someone gets a hard-on – how embarrassing would that be? Ita said: ‘It’s natural and normal for certain body parts to get excited and if you get an erection that’s absolutely fine, but it’s not appropriate for the workplace.’” He adds a caveat: “Depending on what kind of job you’re doing. And she said: ‘If that happens, you just take a time out. So you’re all there thinking, OK, how embarrassing – because you say time out and everybody knows it’s because you’ve got a hard-on. Hahahhaa!” Did he have to take a time out? “No!” Did anyone? “Not to my knowledge.”

Who did he have most fun with? “I’d say best kiss was the guy who plays Ash [newcomer Nathaniel Curtis]. Great kisser.” And the best shag? “Sexual simulation,” he corrects me. “Best sexual simulation was Roscoe [Omari Douglas, another relative newcomer].” Has he told them? “It’s all coming out in this article, Simon.” And I can sense him calibrating what he has just said. “It’s going to ruin my standing!” But a second later he changes his mind. “No, that’s a compliment right? I compliment them both. Hahahaha!” And he laughs giddily.

I ask about the future. You sense he’s not sure where to go from here, acting-wise – that it can’t get any better than It’s a Sin. Fortunately, he owes the band an album’s worth of songs. He had them done and dusted before the pandemic. “But all that time in my flat going insane made me realise I didn’t like any of the music, it didn’t feel relevant. I just wanted to start again, which is what I did. Now it’s almost ready – again.”

It will be only their third album in seven years. “I know,” he says. “It’s embarrassing. Ariana Grande has had about five out in the time we’ve done one.” In the meantime, he says, Türkmen has had one baby, with another on the way.

What about his own love life? “It’s pretty dire.” Sex? “I’m hopeful to have more sex … it’s very difficult in the age of Covid if you’re single. I actually tried to lock someone down who would be my ‘friends with benefits’ sex buddy, because I saw that Holland were advising people to do that. In the first lockdown I said: ‘Look, we can just have sex with each other. I trust you, you trust me, we’re not together, but this is an arrangement. I’ve not had sex in six months, what do you think?’ But he said no. I was quite upset. So yeah, not a lot of sex in 2020.” For a split-second, the puckish Alexander looks forlorn. Then he grins his toothiest grin yet. “But I’m hopeful that it will pick up in the new year!”

It’s a Sin is on Channel 4 on 22 January at 9pm

#olly alexander #years & years #years and years #yearsandyears #articles #guardian #interviews #itsasin #boys #acting #television

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jaarimasheng · 4 years ago

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My Favorite Grey’s Anatomy Characters (FEMALE)

I vaguely remember hearing my mom talk about Grey’s Anatomy when I was young. I then thought about it as an “adult show” (not in the pg18 sense, but like the shows that adults watch), so when Netflix put the show up, I decided to give it a try. The least I expected out of this show was to get attached to the characters and the show itself. But then it gives me so many emotions every time I watch. I have cried, laughed and fell in love again and again. 11 seasons in, and here I am, dedicating a whole blog post (AND MORE TO COME) to the show.

Not only that but the show showcases some of the strongest female characters in television history. They featured women with tragic and very traumatic backstories, and turned them into very inspiring ones. ⁽ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒˢᵗ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵃᶦⁿˢ ˢᵖᵒᶦˡᵉʳˢ ᵉˢᵖ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ʷʰᵒ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰᵉᵈ ᵃⁿʸ ᵉᵖᶦˢᵒᵈᵉˢ ʸᵉᵗ⁾

1. 𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓖𝓻𝓮𝔂

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Who doesn’t love a heavily traumatized lead character? Merdith Grey is not only a badass for overcoming her traumas despite ignoring them for years, but she’s also a badass for taking them as her life lessons and learning from her past mistakes.

Some of Meredith’s traumas:

She unknowingly has seen her mom with her lover (at such a young age)

Saw how ruined her mom got when both her marriage and the extra marital relationship didn’t work out

Suffered the consequences of her mom's ambitious nature

She had to live with her mom’s expectations and had to live in her shadow after following her footsteps

Became a mistress without knowing and was humiliated by Derek’s wife

Has seen her friends on the deathbed

Almost got herself killed a couple of times

Suffered from miscarriage

Got cheated on

Lost her sister on a plane crash she was also in

ABANDONMENT! Literally almost everyone she loved has moved away or died

And many more. But then, she kept going. She proved her mom wrong. She proved her traumas wrong. She went on to build a happy family despite coming from a very broken one. She has forgiven people who did her wrong so many times. She took on the career that had stolen her mom and her childhood away, (and she’s rocking it). She became the mom she never had to her kids and the wife her mom never was. She has done it all with her humility intact. She’s literally an icon of being a bad bxtch: a badass, tough, and classy queen.

“𝐹𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒, 𝓊𝓃𝒶𝓋𝑜𝒾𝒹𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝒻𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓃𝑜 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝓇, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ��𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉’𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝒩𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓃. 𝒩𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓊𝓅. 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓅. 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓅 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉.”- Meredith Grey, Season 10 Episode 12

2. 𝓛𝓮𝔁𝓲𝓮 𝓖𝓻𝓮𝔂

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Being raised as an only child, I couldn’t really blame Meredith for reacting the way she did when she first met Lexie. Not to mention she started off as someone who **almost flirted with Derek when he was being unstable with Mer. She isn’t Meredith’s only sister, but they share the same dream and passion: medicine. She was known among the residents as “Lexipedia” because of her photographic memory. Not only am I very much attracted to intelligent characters, but Lexie was also quirky and funny. She easily forgave Meredith and tried her best to understand her. They were able to work past their issues and be the best sister duo in the show, and Derek’s best neuro student. She’s someone who’s filled with so much love, and therefore gave as much love as she had in her.

At first, I couldn’t understand why she decided to let go of Mark instead of being open for discussion with him in regards to Mark’s children. they were literally perfect for each other and seeing her evade the topic on hand was somehow disappointing. But then, I remember her talking about being young and not being able to accept being a grandma. And it was something she had to accept even though Mark didn’t ask for her to. Because it was a part of who Mark was. And like she mentioned on the show, it’s not something someone so young can process right away. She needed time. Realizing how much she loved Mark and how ready she is to take it all in, she got brave and was ready to try again. I miss seeing her on the show. I wish her and Mark got their happy ending together. “𝐼𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝓈 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒. 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝑒𝓁𝓈𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝓏𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒.” - Lexie Grey, Season 7 Episode 16

3. ��𝓭𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓰𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓻𝔂

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Derek’s legal wife and someone who made sure Meredith knew where she should be standing especially in Derek Shepherd’s life. Other than getting tired of her husband’s passive aggressiveness especially after she cheated on him with his bestfriend, Grey’s Anatomy didn’t show us Addison’s back story much. However, her character made such an impact. She remained classy: she worked with her ex-husband and his “mistress”, and tried her hardest to keep things professional, acknowledged her mistakes which caused her marriage demise and gracefully moved on. I think I’ll be watching Private Practice as well because of her.

“𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝒶 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓊𝓅 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔.”- Addison Montgomery

4. 𝓒𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓪 𝓨𝓪𝓷𝓰

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

We all need a bestfriend that brings us back to the ground when we’ve flown too high, who understands us more than we probably understand ourselves, who won’t judge us based on the decisions we make but won’t also hesitate to correct us when we’re taking the wrong way. We all need someone we can call our other half: our person. Meredith was lucky to have Cristina, and Cristina with Meredith. They started seeing each other as rivals, but grew to love each other more than like sisters. Both are strong, goal oriented, smart and gorgeous. Their opinions may clash at times, they’ve gone through countless misunderstandings, but things will always work out between them because they’re each other’s persons. She proved herself to be a main character on her own. Definitely not your “asian sidekick”. To some, Cristina may come off as arrogant, obnoxious and a know-it-all. But she’s like that because she has always walked her talk. She knows her capabilities and she’ll stop at nothing for the sake of improvement and expanding her knowledge. She’s an independent woman who tends to forget how much of a bad bitch she is at times, but before things get out of hand she goes right back to her self.

“𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝑒. 𝐵𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅𝓅𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒. 𝐵𝑒 𝒶 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒. 𝐵𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝒹𝒶𝓂𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝓈. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜 𝓉𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒, 𝓃𝑜 𝒷𝓊𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒𝓈. 𝒴𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃. 𝐵𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃.”- Cristina Yang, Season 4 Episode 15

“𝒟𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒾𝓅𝓈𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹. 𝐻𝑒'𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓎, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒽𝑒'𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓃. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒.” - Cristina Yang, Season 10 Episode 24

5. 𝓐𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓵 𝓚𝓮𝓹𝓷𝓮𝓻

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

She started off to be annoying, especially with the Mercy-Westers trying to “replace” our OG residents in Seattle Grace. With her unnecessarily high pitched voice and her obsession with faith, I did have a hard time watching her at first. Not to mention her clumsiness that almost cost the other residents’ job. However, not loving April Kepner is impossible. She grows on you, with her amazing character development.

She’s sweet, funny and kind. And she never forces her religion to other people, instead she inspires others using it. She proves that her charming appearance hides a charismatic strong and opinionated woman who never backs down especially when she knows she’s right. She never lets other people influence her decision and she sticks by with what she believes is the best. It’s also right to mention how well she manages the ER and how amazing of a trauma surgeon she is. She has her fair share of wrong decisions, a fair amount of people she has hurt, but that didn’t hinder her from giving the love inside of her around. She’s an amazing surgeon, an awesome friend and a very inspiring woman.

“𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓍𝑒𝒹, 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈𝓃'𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃.”- April Kepner, Season 12 Episode 11

An honorable mention to this list: 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓑𝓻𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓼

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

Mousey! My favorite post plane crash intern. She was more of a background character, but she was too cute not to notice. Not to mention she’s always been quirky, weird and pure. She rarely spoke bad against her attendings and her co-intern and Derek Shepherd treasured her so much. She could’ve been an amazing neurosurgeon.

AND THAT CONCLUDES this list (so far) I have 8 more seasons to catch up on and maybe someday, I’ll be able to edit and add more on to the list. Currently, Amelia and Jo are growing on me. Arizona has disappointed me so many times, Callie is starting to annoy me, Bailey is becoming less of a teacher like she’s always been and I’ve just started knowing Maggie Pierce, hence I didn’t include them. I can’t wait to write more about Grey’s. Weirdly enough, it has been my pandemic comfort show-- along with The Twilight Saga.

UPDATE ON THIS LIST: I have finally finished the 15 seasons in Netflix (still waiting for the last 2 seasons I AM BEGGING NETFLIX TO PLS UPLOAD IT NOW) and I have another addition on the list.

7. 𝓐𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓪 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭

ᵖᶦᶜᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵖᶦⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ

She’s known as the Shepherds’ trouble child, a black sheep, the disturbed daughter. However, I believe we can all agree that Amelia is an amazing woman who’s misunderstood because of her unresolved childhood trauma, abandonment and daddy issues. Aside from her wit and skills as a neurosurgeon, I think she’s a great teacher and an awesome friend. She wasn’t the best wife to Owen, but I think she knows that she did her best. I have yet to see how her story with Linc unfolds but let me just put how amazing she is out here.

She has the funniest dark jokes and seeing her around is just a joy. Her sisters are truly missing out by shutting her out.

#greys greysanatomy shondaland #greys #greys anatomy #meredith grey #lexie grey #april kepner #addison montgomery #cristina yang #amelia shepherd

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hellyeahtrickster · 4 years ago

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It occurs to me that I have friends here that I don't have contact with in other spheres, so ... life update: my mother passed away unexpectedly last Friday. I'm doing as well as one would expect. Been going through her things as both a walk down memory lane and a goodbye. I keep coming across things she never got around to using, and it hits hard that now, she'll never have the chance. And I can't stop thinking of the stories we watched together that now she won't know the ending to, or shows I wanted to try with her. And then there's all the things we used to do together on the regular -- all the places I can never go with her to again. And all the places we wanted to go to "someday", but now she never will.

We were two weeks out from our second COVID shots, and 4 weeks from being totally vaccinated. We were finally going to get back to EPCOT, to see the Flower and Garden show. Finally going to get back to the Florida Mall. Going out to lunch. That I won't be doing this things with her anymore ... it's unfathomable. I can't wrap my head around it.

Thanks, anti-mask / anti-vaccine Covidiots, for prolonging the presence of this pandemic -- basically stealing the last year of my mother's life. She was anxious to see her elderly mother again, because we don't know how long *she* has left ... and now she never go to see her mother again. I knew losing my mom would happen someday, but my mother was relatively young yet, so I thought it would be a while ....

It doesn't help that she died after the second night on a new bed. See, she slept on her side all the time, what with the couch being narrow, but with a twin mattress, the bed was much wider. She snored a lot -- I highly suspect she had sleep apnea. When I found her the next morning, she was on her BACK. The doctor agreed that her cardiac arrest could have been caused by sleep apnea. In trying to make my mom more comfortable .... Yeah, I know, it's not my fault, but I cannot shake that thought away, that she's not here anymore because we tried to do something nice for her. How cruel the humour of the universe can be.

(I'd put the rest of this behind a cut, but I don't see that option anymore? Sorry!!)

And it REALLY doesn't help that, not only have I lost the person I was closest to, but now I am stuck alone with the person I least want to be with: my dad. I'm pretty liberal, and he's pretty conservative. We fight a LOT. We haven't really since mom died (things got a little tense here and there, but not like we usually are) ... but I know it won't last. It can't -- not when he believes BLM are terrorists, or that gays have an agenda. And now he keeps wanting to do things with me, like watch my shows, and a petulant part of me is like, no, this is mom's territory -- stay out. I don't want to do anything with him. (Especially since I know he'll start ranting once the shows start talking about racism and homophobia.)

My parents always had a volatile relationship. Mom didn't know you could get pregnant the first time, and when she found out she was pregnant, her Catholic family bullied her into marrying him.* And he cheated on her at LEAST once (with a girl who was only a few years older than me at the time -- I was 15, she was 19, he was 33). My mother was far from perfect, so I don't blame all the marital problems on him. But my point is they were married "in name only" for about the last 25 years, so it's ... offensive to me now that he would dare to act bereaved.

I know he can be hella manipulative, make himself seem generous so as to be loved, and then turn on you like a viper, getting irrationally angry. I can't drive, we live in a very rural area with no public trans, there are no friends or fam less than an hour away, I've had next to no job for the last 17 years, I barely feel like a functional human being (am coming to seriously suspect I have ADHD and Dyscalculia; I have diabetes and suspect have PCOS and a thyroid problem; all these things having strong interconnections; and I have no insurance, nor do I qualify for aid, thanks to living in Florida), and I feel utterly trapped. There's a reason Rapunzel is my fave princess. I've had bad experiences with cabs, so using Uber / Lyft kind of terrifies me. Plus, he'd want to know where I'm going, and likely either insist on coming too, or insist I can't go, because his house, his money, his rules. The ONLY time each year I get away is when I go to Dragon Con (and I'm worried he might forbid that in the future -- he has once before).

And then there's the problem of ... he has no one. As much as I can't stand him, he lost his job because of COVID, he's lost his wife, he has no real friends (total homebody), and like it or not, he has supported me financially for so long. Even if someone else were to take me in, or I can get a job and save to leave ... how can I leave him (a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis / in not-great health)? I owe him too damn much, and I feel like it would be entirely callous of me. Yes, I realise that that's the abuse talking, but ... it's also true?

Anyway, I feel like I'm on Sliders, and keep stepping into progressively worse timelines.

* Let me mention that I have long suspected my mother is -- was -- on the autism spectrum, but when I mentioned it to one of her sisters, the sister seemed skeptical, saying that if anything, mom had a penchant for reading out loud, so they thought maybe she had a reading disability, and took her to a specialist, but "that's it". (Mom was in "remedial" classes through high school, so it doesn't sound like they did enough -- and maybe couldn't because the science just wasn't there.) I explained that mom frequently seemed to have trouble grasping concepts, especially humour. Like when a radio ad featured someone reciting a love-letter to a tomato, she was all, "That's stupid -- tomatoes can't read!" Try as I might, I could not get her to understand that the love letter was a playful way to tell US about what makes the tomato so good.)

Anyway, when I talked to my grandmother recently, she said that my mom "always had a special way of looking at things," and that she guessed mom was "what do they call it -- neuro-something? 'Aspie'? High-functioning, but still." And I told my cousin about it, and he said, "Wait, I thought it was common knowledge in our family that your mom was autistic?" (Note: we have other, officially diagnosed family members who are on different areas of the spectrum.) People always commented when I was growing up that it was like my mom's role and mine was reversed -- like I was the parent, and she was the child.

But to think my family had *recognised* that something was up, and left me, a child, to deal with it on my own?? To think they *pressured* someone who was "special" into having a child?

I know my mom loved me, but my whole life, she said she wished I'd never been born, and so she'd never have married my dad -- I know both can be true, that she loved me but wished she'd never had me (she'd have never known what she was missing). She only survived her marriage because I was there; I've always felt she'd have had a better life if she hadn't married him. When she tried to leave him, her mother would not take her in, because divorce was against her mother's Catholic beliefs (never mind that my uncle divorced twice)

I loved my mother, but were fought a lot, and she frequently exasperated me as we struggled to communicate. She frequently left words out, but did not believe that she did; when we met her last PCP the first time, he looked at me and said, "Is she always like this, or is she having a stroke?" And she would always angrily proclaim that I wasn't listening, when most of the time, it's that I couldn't get her to understand that she was working from a misconception or misunderstanding in the first place, because she would focus on ONE THING, to the exclusion of all else.

An example of an exchange (copied from a letter I wrote to a friend): We got into a weird argument yesterday. She had asked me for pain reliever, a glass of tap water (you're supposed to drink a full glass of water with the pills), and a "cold water" from the fridge (it's too cold to drink it all at once, but we both prefer ice water in general). Later, I was picking stuff up from her table-tray, including a bottle of pain reliever, and put a bunch of stuff away. When I passed by again, she asked for more cold water. I happened to look as see that she had the tap water glass still full, even though she had asked tor it half an hour before. I asked if I needed to bring the pain pill bottle back, because she hadn't drunk the tap water yet -- had I taken the pill bottle too soon, or had she forgotten to drink the water? She was all, "no, I said I need COLD water!" I said I knew that, and I would bring it; I was just asking of she had taken her pills already, or if I needed to bring the pill bottle back too. Her (again): "I said I need COLD WATER!" Me: "I know, and I will bring that -- I just want to know why you haven't drunk the tap water yet? Did you take your pills?" Her: "No, I'll take them at bed!" Me: "So I should bring back the pill bottle? Did I put it away too early?" Her: "YOU DON'T LISTEN! I SAID I NEED COLD WATER!" Me: "And I said I will bring that -- I'm just asking if you also need your pain pills?" Her: "You already took the bottle!! Did you forget that already?"

And then I finally spotted the white pain pills on the napkin under the tap-water glass, so I knew that no, I didn't need to bring it. But it's a frequent struggle to figure out how to phrase questions so I get the answer I need -- nearly every time, I get her screaming at me that I don't listen.

She loved me, but she was never mothering. She hated to be touched, so never hugged me; I was pretty touch-starved. I learned to read because she was a very slow reader when reading me stories; I got impatient and learned to do it for myself. She couldn't help me with my homework. She resented having to take me to school recitals and science fairs. She wasn't someone I could get advice from. I admit I was often envious of characters who had physically-loving, compassionate, wise mother-figures (who weren't so binary about morality -- and so weren't always screaming that this or that character should die, no matter how small the transgression).

But I wish she were still here to frustrate me -- that's so much better than not having her at all. And I wish I had been better at keeping my temper.

She was an atheist, and firm in that belief. Maybe she's right, or maybe her firm belief is affecting me, because I would dream frequently about others I have loved and lost, and swear I feel them, but with her ... nothing. Just a gaping hole in the fabric of my waking life, threatening to suck all the light and hope into it.

#mine #rant #personal #tw: death #cw: death #the death of my mom #my mom

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simptasia · 5 years ago

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neurodivergence in abc’s lost

i’m gonna be listing off and talking about the canon neurodivergent characters in lost. i won’t be adding characters that i personally headcanon as neurodivergent in some way, what i’m writing here is elaboration upon what has been given to me by the show. please note that none of these people’s conditions or disorders were named in the show, so such diagnoses being named here are me taking that extra step based upon their symptoms

first of all i wanna point out that based on what i’ve seen the show, that the island’s healing powers applies to conditions inflicted upon the mind, not ones inherent to the mind. thats why daniel’s brain damage heals, but people like hurley and locke will always continue to have depression

hugo “hurley” reyes

schizophrenia and depression

our most prominently featured mentally ill character. it might seem bold to label him with schizophrenia when it’s never said that that’s what he has. but during his time on lost, he displays many of the symptoms: paranoia, pathological self loathing, delusions and hallucinations. now, it’s a fictionalized depiction of schizophrenia and that’s probably not even what the writers had in mind but it’s none the less a really, really good and respectful portrayal of it

it would take too long to list off all the times when hurley displays paranoia (heck, it’s easy not to notice how much its a part of his character) and self loathing. delusions? the situations regarding the numbers and his bad luck (canon never ever Proves what hurley believes to be true regarding that stuff)

they did an episode dedicated to hurley having hallucinations. a man named dave who drives him to self destructive behaviour, self hatred and attempted suicide. fun fact: when people with schizophrenia in real life have hallucinations, they tend towards just auditory. hurley gets visual as well as per Rule Of Drama. this is not a bad thing, just a narrative tool

(steering slightly into headcanon for a bit here but i personally ignore the dharma made Hurley Bird they revealed in the epilogue and just take hurley hearing that bird say his name as an auditory hallucination. for two reasons: one, hurley hearing/seeing things that don’t exist is already consistent with his mental state. and two, that bird literally, genuinely did not fucking say hurley)

extra notes

to be clear, in case there's confusion, hurley really does have magical powers. he can talk to dead people. that isn’t a delusion or hallucination. you can understand how confusing and distressing this must be for hurley

he's had a compulsive eating disorder since he was ten due to the pain of his father abandoning him. his struggle with this is well documented

at several points during the show he’s shown to have trouble spelling. he especially confuses his “y(s)” and “ies”. it’s not clear if this is due to poor education or a learning issue. or both, really. it’s safe to assume with him being poor, mexican and mentally ill, that school wasn’t easy for hurley

hurley has unjustifiably lived at mental health institutions on at least two occasions (the first time was against his will, second was volunteer)

john locke

depression

locke suffers from severe self esteem issues, and i know most lost characters do, but i mean to the point of irrational and destructive behaviour. he has an obsession with being deemed special in order to justify his existence. he also suffers jarring mood swings. (he can switch from calm and jovial to angry and defensive at the drop of a hat). when he was wheelchair bound, this threw him into a depression. when he failed to convince anybody to come back to the island, he attempted suicide. he would have gone thru with it too. he will go to extremes to make sure things stay the way he wants them to (killing an innocent woman so they can stay on the island, tying up and drugging boone so he won’t tell anybody about the hatch), and will fall into despair if he fails

also note that the things im saying about locke are not a comment on people with depression. i don’t think all depressed people kill and drug people. those were statements on locke’s character that i believe are a part of his mental state. my point is: he’s emotionally unstable and he tried to kill himself. and i think his extreme need for validation (from people and the universe in general) is especially concerning

to me, this all says to me that locke has clinical depression

locke isn’t as easy as the other people on this list to classify as Canon Neurodivergent but at least to me, i think it’s very obvious. like i feel bad being so vague but like, basically, watch any locke episode

daniel faraday

acquired brain damage, severe memory degradation as well as other neurodivergent behaviours (i’ll go into it)

he’s played by jeremy davies. enough said

okay, jokes aside. at some point in the past daniel and his assistant theresa were involved in some vaguely referred to time based experiments. while she was catatonicized, the accident left daniel severely brain damaged (also daniel spent years doing radioactive experiments without head protection, which would not have helped and indeed that is foreshadowing of this whole debacle)

apparently this left him in a state where he can no longer take care of himself, having been assigned a carer. his most outstanding symptom is that his ability to process short AND long term memory has been impaired

short term: he’s shown to have issues retaining memories from day to day. he wasn’t sure if he had met charles widmore already (he hadn’t). charles lays some exposition on him and when daniel asks why he’s telling him this, charles says, with sureness, that “because by tomorrow you won’t remember this”. counting on that to be an absolute fact seems silly to me but that does seem to the case. again, Rule Of Drama is in play here

long term: he can no longer access memories he formed many years ago, famously the memories he formed with desmond in 1996. all in all, this condition is highly plot convenient. can’t argue with results, really

no, i can keep going, i got more, this is daniel fucking faraday we’re talking about: his ability to remember 3 playing cards has been impaired (note that this is a skill most 4 year olds master), he forgot the secret code the science team were all taught and when he introduces himself to jack there is a long pause, in hindsight implying that daniel forgot his own name

like real life memory conditions, theres varying level to how much he does and doesn’t remember. he’s thankfully not in a 50 first dates situation and doesn’t forget everything day to day. clearly he remembers people if they’re around enough, like during his time on the boat. charlotte, miles, frank, naomi...

upon landing on the island, his memory slowly gets better (considering his condition beforehand, the fact that nobody comments on this is staggering)

when dan is fully healed? i could not say, i could theorize, but such things are nebulous. but still, the times we see dan without his brain damage, he still behaves like a neurodivergent person. just not like he was when he was brain damaged. he stims near constantly, has a tendency to repeat names and words (echolalia) and it’s shown that dan compulsively counts in his head. he counted up to 864 beats, if i remember correctly, which is about 10 minutes of counting in his head. by no stretch of the imagination is that neurotypical behaviour

(im not trying to sound defensive. and i don’t think anybody, anywhere, is arguing that daniel faraday is a neurotypical. unfathomable)

going into headcanon territory again, his ND traits, when not brain damaged, say to me that he’s autistic and/or has OCD and possibly anxiety. thats all theorizing on my part tho. but the fact of the matter is, damage or no, he’s neurodivergent

notes

his apparent need for tactile sensory input is legendary in the lost fandom. in layman’s terms: him pet pet. not just people but objects too. humans, overall, tend to touch things to process input better. many ND people do it more, and it seems daniel is a case of that (i am not making a solid statement on jeremy davies’ neuro state. that’s his business)

he shows an inability to properly process grief

he also shows shocking indifference to his own safety, resulting in reckless behaviour. how much of this is a result of his mental state or his upbringing is up for debate. i think it’s a combo of both

without his brain damage, he appears to have an eidetic memory

danielle rousseau

trauma induced mental illness

pretty self explanatory. the loss of her expedition, husband and daughter, as well as 16 years of loneliness (on THIS island) has resulted in emotional instability for danielle. she’s prone to paranoia, trust issues, irrational behaviour

she’s just not well. she’s right most of the time but she’s not well

libby smith

indeterminate mental state

libby was institutionalized (the same place hurley was sent to) and placed on medication (which seemed like sedatives to me, based on her expressions). in the show it’s not what clear what put her there, but having just done some research, i’ve discovered that Word Of God says that libby became mentally unstable after the death of her husband dave smith. so this is probably another case of trauma induced mental illness. she must have had a pretty extreme episode to cause her to be sent to a place like that. something to think about

but alas, it’s libby, so not much info. moving on

benjamin linus

anti social behaviour disorder (is my best guess)

oof. depictions of mental illness with characters who are immoral are depictions of mental illness nonetheless. i feel almost silly saying this but: ben is not... okay

ben displays issues (at best) with empathy, compassion and morality. how much he cares about other people is highly debatable but one thing that's certain is that he does genuinely love his daughter. everybody else is ????

but the loving alex thing rules out him being a sociopath or having narcissistic personality disorder. and it is genuine because when he loses it with grief, it’s not a performance, because the only audience is us...

he’s a compulsive liar, lying even when it doesn’t benefit him. lying just because. ben is highly unpredictable, which isn’t inherently a neurodivergent thing, but when a person goes from a calm discussion to strangling somebody, all roads point to Uh Oh (i don’t know the technical terms for Uh Oh). many of his outward emotions are performed (the difference between his fake smiles and few real smiles is noticeable). he’s manipulative, he treats people like objects for his benefit/plans, he’s self absorbed, he has zero issues with murder unless it’s a child. he does have some moral standards. but overall, uh, [just gestures at ben]

also ben is repeatedly offended when other people don’t trust him, which is HILARIOUS, but also shows a cognitive dissonance on his part

hmm i need more here, im gonna break out the big guns

that’s some basic info there and doesn’t that line up with ben?

the article goes on to say that people with this can put on superficial charm. that is, behave friendly and “normal” when they have to. which ben is shown to be able to do

and this

“Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others.”

reminds me of his situation with juliet. and locke. and his “friendships” in general

i snipped the wikipedia article for this because unlike the rest i felt,,, underequipped to talk about this sort of thing

ben being mentally unwell is clear enough in canon and i think this disorder is what lines up best with it. please note that ben is capable of change and growth (like people in real life who have such issues) and like the show i’m not gonna paint him 100% evil or irredeemable. i’m just saying what’s true

notes

ben says at one point that he doesn’t dream anymore. it’s highly probably that this is a lie, but if it isn’t, well that's not good. it’d mean his brain isn’t entering into REM sleep properly, which can lead to emotional problems

ben doesn’t blink as much as most people do, something michael emerson did on purpose. this can apply to some neurodivergent people

it’s shown that he was quite nonverbal as a kid. in the flashbacks in “man behind the curtain” little ben barely speaks

honourable mentions

pretty much all the survivors suffer from PTSD due the trauma of the crash

a great deal of the characters suffer from PTSD from trauma in general due to their awful lifes. like, abusive parents, war, loss of loved ones, etc

and i must note that ben, daniel and locke suffering from parental abuse, ranging from emotional to physical, is something to factor into their cases

claire, similar to danielle, also suffered trauma induced mental illness due to the loss of her baby and feeling like she was abandoned

sayid is depicted as dead inside during season 6 due to The Sickness, so thats like a magical form of depression. and one could argue that he already had regular depression beforehand

boone joked about shannon having bulimia. (whether or not it’s true, boone is an asshole) if it’s true, shannon has an eating disorder, which is considered a form of mental illness. espech one so self image based

self harm

self harm is not an inherent part of mental illness but such concepts are often linked so i felt i should mention some of these, it’ll be quick

hurley’s aforementioned eating disorder

charlie takes heroin as a form of self harm (that isn’t a theory on my part, it’s clear as day that charlie started taking it because his sense of self worth was so low that the drugs felt like the only option)

locke, hurley, (both as mentioned above), jack, desmond, michael and richard have all attempted/nearly commited suicide

so what can we conclude from this? well that's up to you, really. that i love lost a fuck ton? that the actors and writing in lost is amazing? that all the neurodivergent based depth got saved for the boys? yeah

but i wanna conclude with this: a part of what makes lost really special to me is that these people i’ve talked out here? they’ve suffered, and oh boy it was tasty suffering, but all of them, yes even libby, were more than suffering

these people have nuance. one way or another, these people (to varying degrees) were happy at times. silly. funny. angry. opinionated. they loved. they were loved. they lived and breathed as human beings. that means a lot to me

lost is a story of broken people given a second chance. take that as you will

thank you for your time

#lost #charthann #missinglost #(i don't wanna lose this so i tagged you guys)#i've made a list like this before but i wanna go into detail #and before i knew it i made an incredible essay #lost headcanons #most of this is based on canon but as i said there is extrapolation at play #and i mention some headcanons along the way when i felt it was needed #gosh this became a whole Thing #i hope y'all enjoy it!#and this isn't counting ppl i headcanon as ND #like jack being autistic or charlie having HPD #i could go into that too

62 notes · View notes

itisannak · 5 years ago

Text

The Dr. Angel Face Q&A Inventory

. Fetish / Heat / Heat Extended / Dr. Angel Face

Hi loves. SInce I have been getting many questions regarding the Dr. Angel Face fic, I decided to put every question in this inventory. The questions have a link for the original asks (in the ones that there is no hyperlink, it is because they were part of the previous question.) I will add questions as they come in the future, so the list is going to be updated in the future.

How old is Dr. (Y/L/N)? Is she older than Calum? She was a child prodigy and graduated early (kinda like Maggie Pierce from Grey’s Anatomy). But she is definitely older than Calum. They met while she was in her final year as a resident and they’ve been together ever since. Now she is an attending, so it means she is in her late 20′s (for Dr. Angel Face, I wrote her to be around 28-29). So, I would say she is older than Calum by 4 or 5 years. But I didn’t focus much on her age, to be honest with you.

What is going on in the alternative part? I will not say much because I don’t want to spoil it, but it involves a storyline regarding Episodes 16x09 &16x10 from Grey’s Anatomy.

Does Calum’s family like Y/N’s family? Does Calum’s family like Y/N and vice versa? The families are not meeting very often, but they do get along pretty well. Remember (Y/N)’s mother calling her towards the end of Heat ? (Y/N)’s parents love that guy, he is funny, charming and overly supportive of their daughter, what is not to love? And Calum’s side of the family nearly worship (Y/N). I will explore more of their relationship on the 4th part of Dr. Angel Face.

Do fans like Y/N? How is the media treating their relationship? Now, the fans and media are divided. Most of the fans love (Y/N), but there are people who are also mad at her for stealing their fav, or accuse her of not paying attention to Calum just because Cal’s and (Y/N)’s love language is not like the other guys’ and their girlfriends. And of course, like I mentioned on Dr. Angel Face there have been instances in which people went to the ER and asked for Calum’s girlfriend. As of the media, Calum and (Y/N), definitely have been very low-key about their relationship. In the beginning, it was easier to hide, but after a while, people started to suspect. So, they decided to stop the chase and come forward about their relationship.

Would Y/N use Calum’s last name after their marriage? I feel like she wouldn’t legally change it. Like professionally, she still keeps her last name (my girl didn’t go to college, medical school, went through internship, residency, fellowship and became this strong ass neuro goddess to change her name, no ma’am.) But, I feel like she would adore being called Ms. Hood or Dr. Hood in her private life. Like her friends would actually start that to tease her but she would actually love it. And Calum would also love to call her Dr. Hood. Like, imagine walking up in the morning and making Calum breakfast, and he goes like, “Oh, thank you Dr. Hood” as she passes him his mug of coffee and he wraps his arms around her waist. Oh my God, I would melt. So, she actually wouldn’t legally change her name, but she would love letting her husband and friends call her by his.

Does Calum’s family have an issue with the age difference? So, the age difference is not that big now. I mean, on the last part I wrote Calum as his current age (maybe a year older than he is now), and I wrote her in her late 20′s. So, they aren’t that many years apart. But when they started dating, it was kinda weird for both their families to see them together, because they couldn’t see what Calum and (Y/N) had in common. Now, pretty much no one cares about it.

Does Y/N visit Calum while he is on tour? She doesn’t visit as often as the other girlfriends, and whenever she visits it is for just a few days (which is an issue in their relationship and I will DEFINITELY write more about it on the alternative chapter)

Do they get in trouble when Calum is visiting her on the hospital? I never really thought about it much, but there were definitely times they were caught, not only while going at it, but at times they were just hanging during (Y/N)’s free time, I guess I could put it like that. Now, there will be a scene or two of calum visiting on Dr. Angel Face part 4, so I will be able to give more details then. But they never really got in serious trouble, since (Y/N) was always exceptional while working

Does Y/N get along with Mali? She has a pretty good relationship with Mali. They don’t see each other very often, because Mali lives in the UK and (Y/N)’s work hours are crazy so it’s not easy for her to leave and visit. But they hang out whenever possible, and since they are so close age-wise, I can easily imagine them being friends.

Since Calum is a vegetarian, would Y/N be a vegetarian too? It is up to you that one, depending on whether it would be something you’d do or not. Keep in mind that the Dr. Angel Face fic is still a reader insert, just like the rest of my stories. In my head, I don’t really think that she would become a vegetarian if she didn’t want to be, just to please Calum. I feel like she would respect his choice and try to support him and join him on eating more plant-based, but she wouldn’t change if she didn’t feel like it was her choice. Also, a general tip for people out there, don’t change aspects of you just to please your partner, if you don’t feel like changing. You will feel trapped and forced to, and you’ll end up miserable.

Would they post about each other on their social media? Calum is always very low-key about his personal life and doesn’t really post frequently, so I think that would be a theme in their relationship too. He wouldn’t really post about (Y/N) on Instagram, but there would be occasions when he couldn’t help himself and post a cute picture of (Y/N) cuddling Duke, or a candid of (Y/N) drinking coffee. Now (Y/N) would be a bit more open on Instagram, she would post pics of him or short videos from their daily life, something that the fans would really appreciate. On Twitter though, whenever he would have his little twitter sprees, he would be bombarded with questions about (Y/N), and he would pick one or two of them to answer them in his significant funny way.

How would their careers effect their relationship? How good is their communication? Do they act as a safe space / comfort buddy for each other? I will touch a lot more on the hit their relationship takes due to their careers, on the alternative part. Basically, the plot for this one will revolve around what would happen if Calum was unable to keep the promise he gave (Y/N) when they first started dating ( “I want to be everything I can be to you.” He assures me; all I can do is stare at his lips, how nicely they move as he talks. “Cal, I told you before I don’t do the dating song and dance, and I told you the reason why. If… If this gets more, are you sure you will be ok with me canceling last minute because of emergency surgery? Are you willing to get into this whole thing?” I ask and he chuckles. “I told you before, I get you. I am willing to do it if you are.” He replies, resting his hand on my cheek. “Are you sure? Between my surgeries and your concerts, the time we will have…” I begin but he places his thumb on my bottom lip. “The time we will have together will be even more precious. I don’t wanna pressure you. If you want me to be just a friend, I understand.” He states, moving to pull his hand away, but my hand wraps around his wrist, keeping it there. “I want you to be everything you can be to me… I really do.” I whisper and his hand slides to the back of my head. “Then I will be everything.” He replies, licking his lips a little.)

Now, on the communication matter, on the main timeline of this AU, both of them make sure to give each other time to calm down (or in most cases, get some sleep to get their heads straight) before talking through their problems. There are a lot of moments when they are silent, to keep from fuming up. Most of the times, when they have a fight, it is because of distance or because they miss each other, so by the time Calum’s back from tour, or (Y/N) is off the service so she is home, the fight is forgotten. On the safety/comfort issue, to be honest, I wanted to include a scene in which (Y/N) had to deal with the death of a patient who was very important to her. I wanted to show how Calum would help her, what his reactions would be to (Y/N) almost breaking down, but the scene didn’t make the cut because I felt like it was too heavy on the course I wanted to take with this story. But definitely, Calum had to deal with (Y/N) being sad, or disappointed, or angry even, about her cases, which caused him to develop a coping mechanism to help her feel a lot better. And (Y/N) had to deal with all the times 5sos got overlooked by the music industry/awards/charts (all tea, all shade, I am looking at you Grammy’s and Billboard) and the way it affected Calum. Or with how frustrated he would get after sessions in which he wouldn’t perform as he wished, or with all the second-guessing and doubt that comes with putting something new out there (albums, tours, singles, you name it). So I can definitely picture them going through something like that, shutting everything out, holding each other close and whispering words of assurance. Or building a fort and watching movies in it, just to get their minds off whatever it is that is bugging them. Or just staying up talking, drinking coffee, helping each other see things through. I feel like (Y/N) and Calum are this couple that talks a lot, about anything that bothers them. I also feel that they would barely ever fight, they would just discuss things out, try to help each other see the other’s point of view.

Does Y/N visit on the studio, concerts, video sets or Friends of Friends events? Actually I am planning a studio visit, and a charity concert where Y/N visits him for the 4th installation of the original time line. It is going to be a long part, the 4th one

They seem to be a very sexual couple? Will there be mentions of experimentation in the upcoming chapters? I would like to explore that on the 4th installment of the main timeline. I feel like this one will be the longest yet since I have so many things I want to include in this story. Maybe I can also include that to the pool party extension. This couple is definitely a fan of public teasing and wearable toys (plugs, cock rings, Lush toys, you name it) I always wanted to show the BDSM experimentation they would be having. I feel like I have written such a healthy relationship for them that the portrayal of a healthy BDSM type of sexual relationship would be a lot fitting. I can tell you for sure there won’t be any depiction of their sexual life on the Alternative chapter I am going to write. I plan for it to be angst and focus on very different things.

How intense is the alternative part going to be? Is Cal going to cheat on Y/N? He is not going to unfaithful, no. And neither is (Y/N). The story will revolve around how hard this relationship is for them. (Y/N) is constantly preoccupied with her job, and Calum is away (on tour, promo, studio sessions). The story is going to be a what-if. What if the love they have for each other is not enough? What if Calum has had enough of (Y/N) putting other people above him? What if (Y/N) is tired of Calum being away? What if it is time for them to let go? The story, in regards to time, is going to occur after Heat. I am thinking about starting the story at 2 years they have been together. It will start with a couple of fights about (Y/N) cutting dates early due to emergency, then Calum spending hours in the studio, which results in them not spending time together. So, before he leaves for a promo tour, they decide it’s better they break up. But… that’s not the end of them, of course.

Who is Y/N the closest to out of the rest of the guys? I think she would be a lot close to Ashton. At first, she wanted to impress him because he is Calum’s best friend, but as they continued talking and hanging out, she would start admiring him, finding him a lot interesting. They share their love for Calum, both of them caring and loving Calum so much they would do anything for his happiness. And they are close, age-wise. I said on an ask before that Y/N is 4 or 5 years older than Calum, so that makes her 2 to 3 years older than Ashton. Ashton would think of her as a superhero (more on that on the Heat pool party extension), always asking her about her cases. Their friendship would be so amazing. I explore more of it on the Heat extension, as well as show Y/N interact with the rest of the gang a lot more on it.

Does any of Calum’s family members or friends have issues with their relationship and vice versa? I don’t see a reason why anyone would have issues with Y/N. She is a doctor, smart, caring, has a great job, loves Calum a lot and makes him very happy. Joy practically adores her; she is devastated when y/n and calum break up on the alternative part. Calum’s father also likes her very much and he knows that his son made the right choice when they started dating. Ashton and Y/N are practically besties, Luke and Michael find her charming and like her a lot with Calum. In the beginning, Sierra, Crystal, and KayKay thought she would be distant but found out she is actually a cool person. Other friends of Calum are totally ok with her. Y/N’s circle thought the match was a bit weird in the beginning, I mean, she is older and she is a doctor and he is a musician, it is not a lot common. But seeing them together leaves no doubt that they belong together. Everyone who matters to Calum and y/n approves of them, and that is all that matters to them.

Have they ever found the age gap to be intimidating? The age gap is barely an age gap. They are 4 years apart, it’s really not a big issue. It’s not like she is 30 and he is 18, they are both in their twenties, him mid-twenty and her lat-twenty. I really don’t see why 4 years would be so intimidating.

Did Y/N move in with Calum or did Calum move in with Y/N? Y/N was having a roommate while she was with Calum, some doctor from the hospital (in Grey’s Anatomy terms, it would be like Arizona living with DeLuca in season 12) so Y/N moved in with Calum before they purchased a house together when they decided their relationship was actually getting serious (that was around their 2nd anniversary)

What about their anniversary/ valentine’s day/ honeymoon? I feel that they would barely ever have the chance to celebrate those things like ‘normal’ people would. I feel like they would send each other flowers for the sake of it, with cute little notes full of inside jokes or spicy stuff (or possibly both) For their honeymoon, I think they would go on it months after their actual wedding. After the wedding, they would spend the weekend at a luxury hotel, And then, months after, when things would get a little chaotic for both of them (on a previous ask I mentioned y/n dealing with loss and calum dealing with disappointment), they would just take the trip. Somewhere warm and nice. I am thinking Fiji islands, then New Zealand, so they could visit Calum’s roots, and of course Australia. just for a few days, to see Calum’s family and wander around a bit. I am thinking that their honeymoon would actually be a month-long one, them just being together, no distractions, just to sink in the “married life” and set their minds straight. And I think that on the milestone anniversaries (e.g 5 years together, one year married), they would just go on little road trips. They would get a little RV and drive somewhere, finding cute little places to camp out.

How did the concept of the Dr. Angel Face fic occur to you? I get inspired by so many things. The Doctor Angel Face au was created kinda by accident. I wrote the first part, Fetish while watching an episode of Grey’s anatomy and I kinda wondered how I could fit my characters into the GA universe. The Fetish part was a request so I wanted to give something unique. I didn’t think I could actually cultivate it into a series. Then I wrote the Heat part. I was actually inspired by a Greek Trap song called Caliente (which was the original title of the story). I wanted the story to revolve around the sexual chemistry of the couple, and I actually didn’t plan on it being a part 2 to the Fetish story. But I started writing and the universe I was creating fit so well with the Fetish story, so I made a couple of changes to fit it in. Then people started liking the Doctor AU and asked for more. So I came up with the Dr. Angel Face part. I wanted it to be this cozy, Christmas story but didn’t want to limit it to just it. So, a follower of mine ( @saphseoul ) suggested a couple of things I should include into it, like their backstory. Their backstory was inspired by a story Ashton told on a soundcheck about the day the met Andy Deluca (basically, Ashton and Calum were in a car accident but they were fine so they sat on the curb and ate chicken tenders and drank milkshakes). I felt like that would be such a great backstory for them. And of course some parts of them are kinda inspired by the episodes of GA, but I try not to copy them. For the Alternative part of the Dr. Angel Face, I was inspired by something that might sound stupid, but it is actually the truth. I was actually inspired by a daydream. Back in December, I was working on the shittiest job I’ve ever worked, so to cope I built the scenario about the alternative (I quit from the job by the way). It is angsty and a bit torturing, to be honest, but like all my stories, it will have a happy ending. But I can get inspired by anything and everything. I have been writing for 6 years now, for the last 3 I have been writing daily, which helps me keep my inspiration flowing.

What can we expect from the future parts?

I can tell you that the alternative part is going to be the angstiest and sweetest part ever. Y/N is kinda a broody brat, always trying to provoke Calum (but honestly she is right, she is getting back to him for what happens at the beginning of the fic). And Calum is kind of a bitch but has a great arc. Even though it is an angst fic, I am not going to ruin my favorite couple, so it will have a soft ending. I don’t remember exactly when I have it scheduled for posting, because I have quite a few stories queued. For the 4th part of Dr. Angel Face, the fic begins right after the wedding in the hospital. I plan on focusing it more on them becoming a family (just the two of them plus Duke for this part), and their honeymoon. Plus, I think that I want the fic to focus more on how (Y/N) deals with Calum’s career ( I have in mind to include a Friends of Friends concert, maybe an award show). I consider cutting this part in half so it won’t be too long, so the second part will be more on their plans of having a baby together, including how realistic this would be, how they would handle the responsibility, plus I want to write something into this fic kinda like the Family Cuddles story I have with Ashton. And I have the prequel of the Dr. Angel Face. This will be their story from their meeting to them moving in together. I will also include some storylines of their lives before they got together. Those are my plans for the story this far. I don’t know if there will be more stories after I am done with those, but I sure hope so.

For some reason, I feel like Dr. (Y/N) and Maggie Pierce would have such a great friendship? Maggie is one of my fav characters (you can’t change my mind, I said what I said) and I think they would be really close. Y/N was also a child prodigy (I mentioned it before and I will write more on it on the Dr. Angel Face Prequel) and I feel they would bond a lot over it. On the Alternative Chapter, I wrote a lot about her relationship with Meredith and now I kinda regret not including Maggie more on it. Y/N is close with Amelia and Meredith so it makes so much sense that she would be with Maggie as well.

Who’s the hardest character to write? I don’t really have trouble writing for characters I guess (probably because I don’t go in-depth with characters). But I guess I will say (Y/N), since I had to look up medical terminology, fit her in an already existing universe (that of Grey’s anatomy).

Who’s the easiest character to write? The easiest character to write was Calum, hands down. Starting this fic I had already built him in my head so he was really written automatically.

Favorite scene you’ve written? It is so difficult to pick just one favorite scene. I guess it is on Part 3 (The Dr. Angel Face chapter), their wedding sequence. I think it captures the essence of their relationship, that they don’t need anything fancy to love each other, they just want to cherish one another on any chance they get. Writing that scene felt like writing the core of the couple, it is a lot more than just a wedding scene.

Hardest part about writing? The hardest part about writing in general is getting the perfect conditions to do so. My house is always noisy and I rarely have a proper workspace, so adjusting to my environment and being able to write unbothered is something I can’t do easily. Also, editing is very hard too. On the Dr. Angel Face fic, specifically, the hardest part was being able to keep a balance between fiction and realism. I don’t want my stories to feel unrealistic so I always strive to write things you would encounter irl (I hope I am successful at it, I am really trying hard)

Easiest part about writing? The easiest part about writing the Dr. Angel Face AU is the interactions between the characters, finding the reasoning behind what they do, and how the others react to their doings. You will see next week when I post the Alternative part that everything my characters do is justified by past actions and their relationships with others.

Omg doctor x cal is like my relationship goals!! So mature and healthy relationship. Because they have such a busy life I can see them enjoying the little moments. Like cuddling the first thing in the morning when they wake before work. Coming home together and making dinner together while listening to music. Like they’re the IT couple That they are. I wanted to write a relationship for Calum that would be drama and stress-free. And I wanted the relationship to have its little flaws but them always dealing with them the adult way. I really love the way that relationship has evolved throughout the fic and I am so excited to write the continuation of it. There are going to be so many little moments like those ones in the following parts (well, not in the alternative one, that one is aaaaangstyyyyy) It makes me so happy to see people love that relationship as much as I do. And I wish everyone finds a relationship like this one. Y’all deserve it

So I read this headcanon that said calum would totally refer to s/o as “the mrs” especially when talking to other ppl about her. I can totally see cal doing that for dr y/n.. talking to the boys, his mom, or in interviews I feel like he wouldn’t do it in interviews because people could misinterpret it as minimizing her and we all know Calum is too smitten with Dr. Angel Face to do that, but with the boys and his family, oh he would do it all the time. And Dr. (Y/N) would adore it, almost as much as she would adore being called Dr. Hood in private (like, not in the hospital, but Calum calling her Dr. Hood while they are being their goofy selves, or Ashton teasing her, oof, she loves it) But I also feel like Calum and Y/N would have a bit of a hard time calling each other “my husband” or “my wife”. Like, picture that: “My boyfriend is coming home tonight” “I thought you are married…” “Right… My HUSBAND is coming home tonight.” or Calum calling (Y/N) his girlfriend by accident and (Y/N) playfully correcting him. “You are starring at me. Stop.” “What? Can’t I just look at my gorgeous girlfriend?” “Honey, we are married. I am not your girlfriend anymore.” “Shit, I still can’t believe you are my wife.” Or Calum introducing (Y/N) to new people. “This is my ex-girlfriend, Dr. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” “He means I am his wife now.” I can’t choose which one is more cannon, so I will be using all 3 in parts 4 and 5

Rockstar and a doctor dating... what a couple!! Their character development makes them so great and humble ppl. Like typically when ppl make so much money they have to be super flashy and buy crazy expensive Well, Calum gives off that down to earth vibe so, I don’t think he would be with someone who is flashy. Also, Y/N studied medicine and she is a surgeon, meaning she had her fair share of student loans to pay off, which caused her to be more considerate of how to spend money. They truly have a lavish home though and both of them have cars, but they never go above and beyond to flash their wealth. I will describe their house on Dr. Angel Face Prequel and on parts 4 and 5, it is truly a lovely home.

I think they’re house would be amazing. From what I imagine it’d be beautifully decorated.. simplicity and modern. Calum’s album plaques hanging & her doctorate degree hanging/ or her graduation pictures The have a glass case full of awards and degrees and a wall that is covered with album plaques (Y/N convinced him to actually hang them on a wall and display them in their living room instead of having them laying around). The glass display was built by Calum himself, as a little gift for Y.N once they moved in together. She had her awards and her degrees in a box in her old apartment, so Calum felt like giving her a proper place for them, with Y/N insisting his very own awards to accompany them. There are also a lot of framed pictures of them, kinda hang like a timeline; them being kids, teens, adults, Y/N’s graduations and Calum’s significant performances, album releases, overall achievements. And then pictures of them together, from dates, to anniversaries, to trips, then a few pictures they took of each other, or others took of them together (like candids of their cute little moments). And eventually their wedding and family pictures. A little fairytale hanging and showcased on their wall for everyone to see. The house is simple and has a touch of modern as you mentioned, but It is worth saying that they have made it absolutely personal. Every furniture was hand picked from antique stores or from retailers with a unique sense of style, but keeping a simplicity in every room to be able to decompress after a hectic day. The house took months to finish decorating and furnishing, due to the couple wanted every single thing in the house to have character, so they were looking for specific things. Plus, there was a lot of arts and crafts going on in the house; they painted it together, they built furniture together, they assembled things together. They did it while Calum was in a bit of a hiatus after dropping an album (think about the period after Youngblood and before CALM), so it was more of a project for him to keep busy. But Y/N actually enjoyed building a home with him. It was a sign that the relationship she had with Calum would last. I got carried away with this. I can’t wait until I can talk more about their house in the stories. Mostly on the prequel, since it is actually about what happens between them meeting and them getting married. But also on parts 4 and 5, with them changing from being just boyfriend-girlfriend to being a family (not necessarily having kids, but building more on their existing relationship).

I just realized how opposites really attract like dr. Y/n cal. Their lifestyles are so different. She was a child prodigy while he was a dropout. They’re so cute Yes, they are a bit different in that area, but they have quite a lot in common. Both are compassionate, considerate, loving people. They have a great sense of humor and a common code of communication and their moral compasses are matching. Plus, Calum legit is a cultivated person (the way he talks, the way he shows himself in the world, reveal that he is educated even though he is a dropout.) So they are both very smart people. They are very cute indeed and they act as a driving force for each other to become better.

Loved the story (Dr. Angel Face Alternative). Time line confused me a little. It takes place before heat yet the mention of planning for children doesn’t happen until dr. Angel face? It is an alternative, which means that this is a different way their story as a couple could have developed. Any story after Fetish doesn’t happen on the alternative timeline The alternative timeline is: Prequel ——-> Fetish ——> Dr. Angel Face Alternative The original timeline is: Prequel ——> Fetish —–> Heat (+ Extended) —-> Dr. Angel Face —–> Dr. Angel Face Part 4 —–> Dr. Angel Face Part 5

I’ve noticed cal always has a baby girl in your fics is that intentional or random? Btw I loved the au of Dr Angel face seeing them expecting a daughter kinda made me think how it’d be if they were expecting a boy and how C would be around his baby boy. Huh, I never noticed. I guess every time I picture Calum with a baby, it is always a girl ( I love how soft he is for his mom and his sister, so I can’t help but melt at the thought of him with a baby girl). But on the main timeline, I had planned for him to have a boy. It fits the fic well, in my opinion, and since the part I posted yesterday was an alternative, I chose a girl, to highlight how different the alternative part is from the original AU

When do you plan to post the fourth part of Dr Angel Face? have you already written it or do you still need to finish it off? Haven’t written it yet, nor even started it. I am doing the prequel first (totally random pick, blame google for randomizing my requests). I will definitely post it in 2020, maybe for Christmas or the 5sos anniversary. I don’t know yet.

I can’t wait till doctor y/n and cal have a baby. they’d be the cutest parents ever!! They’d be super busy and hectic with their schedule but it would be so great. Calum would be an absolute sweetheart during (y/n)’s pregnancy, taking care of her but letting her do her thing, spoil (y/n) rotten, talking to the baby, visiting (y/n) even more frequently at the hospital to see if she is ok. Oh, he would be the softest dad ever. And then with the baby… he would be so cute and protective. taking care of the newborn to let (y/n) rest, and then when the baby is old enough to go to the hospital daycare, he would visit all the time to spend time with the baby and see the mama. He would take the baby to the studio as well, trying to get the kiddo into music early on. And then when (y/n) would be off service and Calum would be free of obligations, they would just get in the car and drive to the beach, or the woods or a hiking trail and have quality time with their baby.

Idk why but I feel like the baby would be a carbon copy of calum. His mom has some strong genes Their baby would so well loved, especially with being the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Between the band, y/n family, calum family, and y/n friends they would all love the baby there would be even more privacy now they had a baby. All the fans & media would be dying to see a picture of the baby. Both Mali and Calum are the spitting image of Joy and I am so sure the baby will look like her. (Calum’s baby pictures make my heart melt and I can only imagine y/n trying to recreate them, sending them to Calum’s side of the family so they can collectively have their hearts melt at the sight) That child would be spoiled, everyone showering him with gifts, playing with him for hours. He would be cuddled all the time, especially by (y/n) who when she wouldn’t be working she would not leave him on his feet. On the privacy matter, I agree with you 100%. The Hood-(Y/L/N) family is adamant about not exposing the baby to this world at such a young age. The world is dying for a picture but at best they get a look at the back of the baby’s head. Calum would occasionally answer questions about the baby, but always being careful about what he shares and they would barely ever post pictures with the child, even once he is older. (I can picture Calum posting a picture of his son wearing daddy’s merch, custom-made for him. Or (Y/N) posting a pic of the boys playing with Duke or playing soccer together, and the internet would have a collective meltdown. Of course, that would happen when the baby would be older, like 4 or 5 years old.) (Or maybe Calum would share a picture of baby number one holding baby number two, after completely hiding y/n’s second pregnancy from the world -well, friends and family would know but they would hide it from fans and the media)

Omg I just read your ask about dr. Angel face and cal!! I’m in love with dad cal the pregnancy will be so cute. I think cal would be protective because with being a surgeon is a difficult job but he knows she can handle herself so he lets her do her thing. The first time they hear the heartbeat on the ultrasound!! And setting up the nursery when they find time!! There is definitely some struggle for Calum during (Y/N)’s pregnancy. He wants to be protective and he wishes she would book fewer hours of surgery, but at the same time, he knows she wouldn’t do something to hurt herself and their baby. He also knows she is a doctor and that she knows a bit more than him. So he sits a bit back and makes sure she feels ok, takes care of her when she is home. They would both go crazy over the baby’s heartbeat. Calum would be shocked, never having experience with anything like that, plus knowing that’s his kid in there, he would be so emotional. And (Y/N) would also be so enamored by that bub’s heartbeat. I feel like her maternal instinct would only become stronger after that. I can certainly see them looking online for all the furniture (remember, they are trying to keep a low profile), and Calum would invite the boys over to help him. Everyone would just try to show off because everyone wants to be the baby’s godparent (joke’s on them, they already picked Mali for the role). And the walls of the nursery would be covered in paintings because Calum read it is good for the baby’s brain to have visual stimuli early on (one wall would be sea-themed, the other woodland-themed, then a rainforest-themed wall, and an Australian wildlife wall so the baby has an early connection to his root, and the ceiling just has the most amazing universe-themed painting, including constellations, planets, nebulas). Now, depending on their place in the room, the furniture would be of various colors to fit with the theme of the wall behind them. They didn’t want to have a color scheme for the room, they opted for the most colorful room (they both agree that a child’s room shouldn’t be boring, nor monochromatic)

What scene did you first put down? The first scene I ever put down was from Fetish, in which Y/N walks into their home to find that Calum working on some lyrics. I am lucky that I have a very linear way of writing, so whatever scene you see first on my fic, that is the start of it. Now, if we are talking about Dr. Angel Face as in the self-titled chapter, the first scene I came up with and made a plot for was the scene Y/N gets called and is informed that Calum has been hurt and he is in the hospital. That was the main point of the fic for me, since it was a great opportunity to show the characters interact, how protective Y/N is when it comes to Calum, as well as introduce a bit of a backstory of how they came to be.

What’s your favorite line of narration? I have so many favorites. Ooof, it is so hard for me to pick just one line of narration and dialogue. I loved the narration of the Alternative part (the whole story is a masterpiece if you are asking me and totally underrated). I feel like that alternative chapter points out all the things that could be wrong with Calum’s and Y/N’s relationship, but also how they would still make things work between them. I also loved writing their first 2 dates and their first kiss (those scenes are on the prequel, so I can’t wait to share the new part with you)

What’s your favorite line of dialogue? My favorite dialogue has to be their vows. Oh, my heart hurts when I think about it. Especially Calum’s “ Love does exist, and her name is (Y/N). “ I had a meltdown writing it. And Y/N’s “ My sweetest love, if fate wants me to be with anyone, if fate wants me to be anything more than I already am, I know that it’s you, I know that it is to be yours and you to be mine “… I am still not over it. As you might have seen, I do mostly dialogue in my stories. I feel like it is a better way to show the characters’ reactions and get the story moving.

Why’d you pick calum for the story? The story started from a Calum request, so I guess I didn’t really pick him. But, I chose to continue this fic with Calum because he is the most fitting. He is compassionate and down to earth and has a very calming aura, which I felt would go great with y/n and her profession. (But let’s be honest here, I picked him mainly because he is my favorite)

What was the character development process like? I don’t remember ever sitting down and having a plan of how I wanted the characters to develop. I understand how much they have changed from the original concept I had in my head, now that I am writing the prequel and I have to kinda start their relationship and them as individuals from scratch. I think I always let my characters grow through interactions with each other because it really feels more natural than following an arc strictly. If you really think about it, as people we grow and evolve through our interaction with others and through our experiences. And I guess that’s what I do to develop my characters.

As you were talking about doctor y/n... I think baby bumps are so cute!! I imagine it being so adorable. Especially with her work clothes. She would be such a great mom Y/N waddling around in her all-blue scrubs, like a little penguin is honestly heart-melting. She would get such guilt for trying to balance work and being a mom, especially after going back from her maternity leave. And Calum would feel the same too; just 2 months after the baby was born, he would have to leave for tour and he felt like he was missing out and he wasn’t helping y/n much. It would take them a while to realize that when they are doing what they love and they take care of themselves, they are better parents to baby Hood. They are both such great parents, baby Hood is so lucky on that. He is so much loved by everyone; parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, his parents’ friends. He is a ray of sunshine; according to Calum, he gets it from his mama

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lyndsaybones · 6 years ago

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All These Years, Part 8

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

2011, Washington DC

Arrangements are made to move Michael to GW for a pediatric neurology consult. Initial tests show nothing, no tumors, no brain bleeds, nothing. Mike doesn’t say anything more about the woman he saw.

She’d told him, a few weeks before their son was born, that she’d had a vision of him before his body was found. The same thing happened before she knew of her father’s passing. And of course, there were the phone calls around the time that Emily was discovered. He’d always sensed that Scully was more in tune with the other side than she would ever admit.

Perhaps Mike inherited more than her fine features. Perhaps she is reaching out to him and he is hearing her. But why now? And to what end?

He is puzzling over all of this when the neurologist comes to speak to him.

“I’m seeing some extremely unusual brain activity here, but I’m at a loss as to how to explain it,” he says.

“Well, is it degenerative?” he asks. “Is it hurting him?”

“I just can’t say,” he says. “I’d like to send his file over to a colleague of mine. He deals specifically in pediatric brainwave activity.”

“That sounds like a made up thing,” Mulder says.

“I understand your frustration. If I could explain what I’m seeing on this EEG, I would. But I can’t.”

“And you think this colleague of yours can?”

“Possibly.”

“Alright, then where do we need to go?”

“You’ll need to talk with Dr. Adam Hamilton,” he says. “He’s at Mt. Hope hospital in Dallas.”

It is a month before they can make their way to Texas. Mike is admitted and released from their local hospital twice more with apparent seizure activity. He is scared and confused, babbling about spaceships and sick people. About the woman with red hair who calls him William.

Lucy and Augie make the trip to Dallas with them. She holds his hand and brings him fresh coffee when his goes cold. Augie and Mike play video games in Mike’s hospital room while they await his MRI and the consultation with Dr. Hamilton. Mike’s got on a spiffy cap of gauze to cover the EEG leads all over his head. The attached wires spring out of the top. Augie told him he should keep the look permanently, it could be his trademark. Mike found that to be uproariously funny.

He talks Lucy into taking Augie and heading back to the hotel for dinner and dip in the pool while he and Mike await their conversation with Dr. Hamilton, who seems to be running behind, very behind. He bids them farewell at the main entrance and heads back to the bank of elevators that will take him back up to the neuro wing.

Heading down the hall, he catches a glimpse of the infamous Dr. Hamilton. He is moving along side a hospital bed, which is being pushed down the hall and around the corner. It is only when the bed banks right that his breath is gone, pushed from his chest like a shove to the sternum. The red hair of the woman in the bed catches the overhead light like a flash of foxfire. Her face is obscured, but he can see, even from this distance that she is petite, fine boned, so much like Scully that it hurts. And then she’s gone.

He returns to Mike’s room to find him snoozing peacefully, the game controller still in his hand. He sits down next to the bed and realizes how badly he is shaking when he attempts to pick up his coffee cup.

He looks up at the ceiling and breathes deeply through his nose. “What’re you doing, Scully?” he whispers. “What’re you doing to us?”

“Mr. Smith?” a voice calls.

“Dr. Hamilton, I presume?” he responds, shifting in his chair but making no effort to get up.

“I want to apologize for the delay, there was an emergency I needed to tend to. My-” he stops, starts again. “A colleague needed me.”

He nods, trying to tamp down his aggravation.

“I’ve reviewed Michael’s EEG and his MRI scans. What’s going on in his brain is most unusual but,” he trails a moment.

“But?”

“I’ve seen it before,” he says. “I’ve seen it today.”

Mulder is baffled and it must show.

“Another patient of mine is showing almost identical EEG readings. I can’t say too much because of privacy regulations, but with your permission, I’d like to run some additional tests and compare them.”

“That patient is here now?” he asks. “Are they…” he doesn’t even know what to ask.

“As I said, privacy laws prevent me from saying too much, but she’s been symptomatic for over a month now.”

“Is it a child? Someone Michael’s age?” he asks.

Hamilton looks about and chews his lip a moment. “She’s in her late forties and in otherwise excellent health.”

“Will you ask her if she’ll talk with me?” he asks.

“I can’t...and even if I could, she’s unconscious right now.”

He nods. He isn’t even really sure what talking with this woman will accomplish, but he feels like there’s something there he’s meant to uncover.

“I’ll have the nurse come in and draw labs,” Hamilton says. “And I’ll be back in the morning to talk with Michael.”

He nods and watches him leave, frustrated that they’ve come all this way and still really don’t know anything.

He peers at Michael, still sound asleep and watches Hamilton move down the hall and around the corner. He feels a jolt, a long dormant sensation of his investigator’s brain booting up. He looks at Michael once more, clearly down for the count, and begins walking down the hall.

He rounds the corner and hangs back a moment as he watches Hamilton exit a room and walk away. He waits until the doctor disappears behind a set of double doors into a restricted area and then moves as nonchalantly as possible to the room that he just exited.

Through the narrow pane of glass, he can only see the end of a bed and the legs and feet of the petite person atop it. His heart is thumping so hard, he can feel it in his molars. There is something hopeful there that thrums with his pulse.

What if, what if, what if…

What if this mystery woman has the key to help his son?

What if she’s the one the boy has been dreaming about?

What if it’s Scully?

He swallows that last one like bile. He attended her funeral. He can almost taste the blood in his mouth from Maggie Scully’s indignant slap across his face. He’s got this all wrong, he thinks, and nearly turns to leave.

But.

He doesn’t.

He can’t leave without at least seeing. He steps forward and looks at the face of the woman on the bed. She is different and yet completely the same. Her hair is longer and lighter than he’s ever seen it. She’s thin, too thin, he decides, worry lines carved around her mouth and eyes, her brow contorted in clear discomfort. He can’t breathe.

Because it’s her.

It’s Scully.

#my writing #all these years

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bigbadbarry-toyrobot · 6 years ago

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I started writing this post back in July, so a bit out of date now, but though I best post it since I’ve spent nearly 3 months writing it! Ha!

As a result of this blog, something that started as a sort of secret diary to empty my head, I’ve met people in the flesh and online, some that live near and some on the other side of the world, some that are at a similar stage in their journey through parenting a child with additional needs and some that are just starting, I often get asked for advice about school and how it went for Bailey and I’ve been meaning to write this for months, so here it finally is, a bit about our first year at school and the things that worked for us.

The start of school for any parent is scary, even more so when your a parent of a child with additional needs, will they love school? Will they hate it? How will you all cope with this next step? How will other children react to your child? What will the parents think of them? Will he be classed as the naughty boy? Will people gossip about him; us behind our backs? Will he be included, will he make friends, will people tease him and he’ll be oblivious, the questions circled round and round my head for weeks and months, we worried, though we shouldn’t have....my sons school was recently graded outstanding, I myself have been through 3 ofsted inspections the most recent this year, it isn’t easy and I can honestly say that any grade a school gets today is mostly a fair representation of how the school works and what it rightfully deserves. We can all pull an outstanding lesson out the bag with a bit of effort but my sons school was graded outstanding in all area and I have seen first hand how outstanding their SEN provision is, in particular the schools senco has been a dream come true. She has made Baileys transition from nursery fairly smooth, there have been some bumps along the way, some pretty big ones in fact, a broken nose, some tears; mostly mine, I’ve bitten my nails down to nothing with worry and Bailey also did a bit of biting himself, which fingers crossed is now very much in the past.

The school reacted accordingly and have put in place the support that he is entitled to, deserves, and what is essentially needed for him to be in main stream education, where he currently most definitely should be. He has 1:1 support and bunch of clubs and interventions are used to support him and other students across the school that need that bit of extra help. Baileys has had Lego therapy, lunch time games clubs, SALT and a specialist autism teacher come to support staff because as a teacher you pretty much get zero training for teaching kids with ASD; ‘read that PowerPoint slide guys, now go teach’ - that’s a whole other blog post though...I only finally feel confident teaching autistic kids, because of Bailey, because I understand that what works for him won’t work for another kid, like most kids! Any way as a teacher I thought I had a good understanding of what he was entitled to and how to get it, but it’s often different from borough to borough, I can’t recommend enough getting a good understanding of what your child is entitled to, with or without a EHCP. An amazing book for this is a book called ‘How to raise a happy autistic child’ I wish someone had given it to me when he was diagnosed, its full of what you need to know for school, unfortunately I discovered the book after we’d been through it all. However we found our way and it’s not been easy, somthing that did make it a little easier was that we requested termly meetings with Baileys SENCO, the school doesn’t really have to offer that unless they have a EHCP, however these meetings were hugely beneficial, to discuss his progress but also just to immediately act on what our next step would be. We are still in the process of trying to get his EHCP, a task I’ve had to take on myself again...we have secured him a PRA- pupil resource agreement but this doesn’t even slightly cover the cost of his 1:1. There are a tonne of acronyms used in education even more in SEND, it’s extremely useful getting to know what they all mean, it’s stops you feeling so lost and definitely gives you a bit more confidence when talking to professionals because unfortunately some will talk to you like you are an idiot or fob you off, I’ve had the Borough SENCO not only take it upon themselves to make decision that had a negative impact on my sons education but also lie to me about it, so getting a understanding of education lingo is massively beneficial!

Though school has been brilliant it is decisions that we have made as a family that have also greatly impacted on his first successful year at school. We were unsure about immediately telling people he is autistic as it’s just a small part of who he is, we were scared about creating a label for Bailey, we didn’t want him to just become the ‘Autistic boy’ but equally we didn’t want people to label him the ‘naughty boy’ because he actually isn’t, being naughty generally isn’t in his nature, but even now through lack of understanding other children label him as naughty.

When Bailey started school his language delay to the untrained eye wasn’t so obvious, it still isn’t obvious unless you know what your looking for or you spend a great deal of time with him and start to spot the repetition. However language is something that is difficult for him, early in reception he found it difficult to express himself verbally and unfortunately for us and him, he took to biting as a way of keeping unwanted attention at bay...someone tickled him too much and he didn’t know how to make them stop, so he bit them, someone snatched a toy and he bit them, this happened 3 or 4 times, not loads but enough to put him on peoples radars, parents were called and I was worried it was going to start the gossiping, the stay away from that boy, he’s naughty conversations, so we made the decision that we would be open and honest and share that Bailey is Autistic, and frankly it was one of the best decisions we made. Parents mostly have responded well and I know as a result many families are talking about neuro diversity with their children and that’s fantastic.

Last April during Autism awareness week we set up Baileys just giving page, we shared it with his class group and his SENCO who then shared it with the whole school. A bunch of Baileys school friends came and supported him and it was incredible to see his friends and their parents showing their support, it was around this time in the year that the worry started to ebb away for me, I mean it never really goes, but things were starting to click into place for us, for him. He loves school and loves his friends dearly, more than they are probably even aware.

Bailey was sponsored across the school, the school shared his just giving page in the newsletter for about a month, which obviously got people talking about autism and neuro diversity. I worked with the senco and we talked about ways we could help the children gain a better understanding of what it means to be Autistic, they delivered circle time across the school tactfully and Bailey even delivered a little presentation about his walk during a whole school assembly. Bailey still struggles to tell me about his day but occasionally I hear bits through his teacher or from his friends...usually the girls and it always has me close to tears, he is so well loved and he’s done this all by himself by just being him , up until recently no one knew who me or Sam were, as he goes to breakfast and after school club we had limited contact with other parents, but as he’s constantly invited to parties I’ve got to know some parents now. I often get stopped and people say ‘oh are u Baileys mummy?!?...ohh he’s so sweet, Or I love him so much, I think being in the choir has also made him more visible to the parents and other kids of the school, which has also been a good thing, as he now has a bunch of friends across the school. I also think it’s been really good in supporting him with taking part in groups, making friends and has given him more confidence, though he’s always been pretty confident. Baileys reception choir teacher is also lovely and has gone out of her way to make sure he has a role in the choir, even though his participation is alway a bit hit or miss, the fact that he actually sings is incredible as he never did before he started school not even nursery rhymes. Baileys reception year choir dedicated and donated all the money they had raised from their first public performance, (which Bailey picked his nose the whole way through) to his just giving page, this took the total money he raised to over £1000.

The first year has not been completely smooth sailing for us always, and I’m not going to lie it can be tough and hugely over whelming juggling family, work and school, despite that Bailey has loved every minute of school so somethings going right. Being so honest means I’ve been contacted by parents who are about to embark on their scary first year with their child with additional needs and it’s been great to support them as they start their journeys, and I hope that as result of our honesty and the schools support, their children our coming into a school that respects diversity in all its forms.

Finally Bailey may not be able to read or write, but he’s nailed making friends, and that is all I ever wanted for him. I always though it was the academic things that were most important to me, but when we met the autism specialist teacher she asked us what we most wanted for Bailey and I immediately went to say that he can write and read and she looked at me, head slightly tilted with that expression...really? ..... and In that moment I immediately realised I didn’t! I couldn’t care less about those things, as long as he’s happy, I’m happy and having friends is what makes him so very happy, so reception was not about learning to read or write it was about learning to make friends and I’m happy with that. watching him with friend he actually plays with and not along side is amazing! Fuck knows how he’s learnt how to be such a social butterfly... It’s not a skill his learnt from his mum, though he definitely got the showing off from Sam!

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meditativeyoga · 6 years ago

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Positively Healing: Meditate on What`s Good

Everything that happens in your mind is shown in your body, says T.K.V. Desikachar. Meditate on the good!

Wearing a khaki t shirt as well as trousers, his eyes shimmering behind big glasses and a reluctant smile on his lips, T.K.V. Desikachar does not fit the Western stereotype of a fantastic yoga exercise master. That may be, he states, due to the fact that "a whole lot of individuals are confused about yoga exercise. "

Americans typically utilize words "yoga exercise " to imply "stance, " he keeps in mind, as well as wrongly measure progress by the capability to perform intricate positions. But "yoga exercise is most definitely not just position, " Desikachar insists, raising his trousers to assume a remarkable Warrior Pose, then rupturing into an infectious laugh. "A great deal of people are doing poses, however are they satisfied? They could do an attractive pose, but their life is a huge headache. " Proficiency of yoga exercise is truly determined, Desikachar states, by "exactly how it affects our daily living, just how it improves our partnerships, just how it promotes quality and also assurance. "

The son as well as elderly pupil of among the biggest yogis of the contemporary age, Sri Tirumalai Krishnamacharya, Desikachar made these comments last year at "Meditation as Medication, " a four-day workshop in Cambridge, Massachusetts, which he instructed with his boy as well as student, Kausthub. A leader of modern-day restorative yoga, Desikachar is creator of the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram, a not-for-profit healing center in Chennai, India, which supplies yoga therapy to thousands of individuals from around the globe annually. The therapy is based on his father's essential idea that methods need to be adapted to match everyone's demands and also capabilities. "It is not that I should adapt to the yoga exercise practice, " Desikachar states, "however rather that yoga exercise practice should be custom-made for me. "

Yoga locations special focus on the duty of the mind in the recovery procedure, explains Desikachar, that states, "A calm, stable mind is vital to well-being. " Ancient yogis established numerous techniques, including meditation, to soothe the mind and channel its power right into physical, psychological, as well as spiritual recovery. Meditation acts the means medicine does, Desikachar says, by transforming the mind's anxiety to peace.

Posttraumatic Bliss

Desikachar's trainings hold unique significance for me, given that my own yoga practice changed significantly three years ago. During a marathon in Jamaica, I consumed a lot water that my blood sodium levels went down hazardously low. I experienced seizures and also an uneven heartbeat and was airlifted the home of North Carolina, where I lay in a coma for four days. When I awoke in the neuro-intensive care device, I wasn '' t frightened, angry, or trouble. Instead, I experienced a type of posttraumatic bliss syndrome. Grateful to be alive, I was remarkably unconcerned about my physical problem-- although I couldn' ' t stroll alone and my physicians fretted that I might have long-term kidney damage.

Too unwell to read, view TV, or do much else, I lay in my hospital bed as well as did yoga. My practice looked absolutely nothing like my normal Ashtanga key collection. As a matter of fact, the only posture I tried was Savasana (Corpse Pose). I also did breathing practices-- specifically counting my breath as well as prolonging the exhalation. I calmly shouted prayers, visualized recovery light, as well as focused on considerably unwinding various components of my body. In other words, meditation developed the heart of my practice.

Over time I completely recuperated, however my yoga exercise method transformed permanently. I' 'd previously concentrated largely on positions. But if yoga exercise has to do with asana, exactly what takes place when the body damages? My near-death experience taught me something I ' would certainly recognized intellectually yet never really understood: Yoga exercise's real power depends on its ability to harness the mind for healing and spiritual advancement. While I still delight in asana, my practice now is much less energetic, and also I invest more time in meditation.

Desikachar suggests choosing an object that is both enticing and also recovery: "The trick is changing the mind in a favorable means, so recovery takes place. Since whatever happens psychological, happens in the entire system. "

Meditation holds 4 major benefits, claims Desikachar. The very first is arta, or a minimizing of suffering. "We practice meditation so pain is decreased, " he says, noting that "pain is not always physical however can be psychological. " Next is jnanam, transcendent knowledge. "You might get a flash, a moment of clearness or wisdom, " he claims. "It 's like lightning. For one second everything is intense, after that it vanishes. " This temporary illumination discolors, memory of the insight-- as well as its influence-- lingers. Meditation could also lead to remarkable powers, called artharta. Krishnamacharya, that died in 1989 at age 100, was evidently able to stop his heartbeat and also breath for numerous minutes with no unfavorable impacts. Meditation's final benefit is bhakta-- realization of the greatest reality. With meditation, Desikachar claims, you can uncover your true nature.

But not every person awaits reflection. It's particularly hard if your mind is really distracted. Yogic practice defines 5 states of mind, beginning with ksipta, a flustered state in which you 're not able to assume, listen, or keep quiet. (See 5 Mindsets) "This mind is not fit for meditation whatsoever, " Desikachar claims. When your mind is very upset, attempt asana and breathing practices designed to bring the mind and body right into serenity. Not up until it goes into the 4th state, ekagra, is the mind prepared to take note. Here, the mind is unwinded yet not drowsy-- a prerequisite for meditation.

Forget Emptying the Mind + Load It

Regular technique of asana and also Pranayama (breathing techniques) could help you peaceful your mind and, if illness or inactive routines have actually left you damaged, could additionally help you come to be healthy and balanced and also strong enough to rest still and also concentrate. Even if you 're a calm, healthy and balanced, fit person, postures as well as breathing techniques can prepare your mind and body for an extra ready, cheerful embrace of meditation.

In Desikachar's sight, the suggestion that reflection needs clearing the mind is a typical misperception, reflection, he claims, actually involves filling up the mind with an item of inquiry. "It is never possible for the mind to be empty, " Desikachar notes, "except in a deep state of rest. " The intent is to "turn into one with the item of focus. " You can meditate on essentially anything: a natural object, such as the sun or moon, a flower, tree, or mountain-- or on an individual, sound, divine being, also a shade. Or focus on the body or the breath. Desikachar recommends selecting an object that is both appealing and healing: "The key is transforming the mind in a favorable method, so recovery occurs. Because whatever occurs psychological, occurs in the entire system. " Yet wear '' t confuse this word "mind " with "intellectual mind, " he cautions. It is the center of understanding he's discussing-- the heart.

The Good Life

You do not have to invest a hr on your cushion for reflection to have an extensive impact, states Desikachar, who asks hectic people, "What does it cost? time do you have? " If someone has simply five mins, he recommends a brief meditation that consists of one minute for preparation, 2 as well as a half for the meditation itself, as well as another for tapering off. "As soon as you feel the worth and see the benefits of reflection, you will certainly make time to do even more, " he says. Reflection need not be heavy and also hard: "You need to always adjust inning accordance with what people like as well as will certainly do. "

During the workshop, he asked for volunteers and developed a 10-minute "Mama " meditation for a guy called John, who experienced addiction problems that he connected to a hard connection with his father. After listening to John describe extreme anger at his father as well as fantastic love for his mommy, Desikachar drew a circle standing for John's life, after that marked a small "slice " as the frowning papa. The remainder of the circle was full of favorable elements, consisting of a smiling mommy. "Life is like this, " Desikachar said. "We tend to concentrate on the bad and also ignore the good. " Whenever John started to feel adverse thoughts about his father, Desikachar recommended that he substitute favorable ideas of his mom. After that he led John via a meditation that involved reciting the word "Mother, " visualizing his mom, offering her a flower, asking her to support him, and he had the team chant, "Let Mama look after John. "

Modern psychology calls this procedure of changing unfavorable thoughts with favorable ones "cognitive reframing. " States Desikachar, this kind of mental reprogramming is an ancient yogic strategy, one that is described by the sage Patanjali in Yoga Sutra II.33 as prakti paksha bhavana. Instead of let disturbing ideas whip your mind and body into stress as well as misery, you could opt to replace positive ideas that will bring tranquility and tranquility. John had anticipated Desikachar to penetrate his connection with his father-- as John had done consistently in conventional therapy. But he found the unforeseen concentrate on all that was good in his life very therapeutic.

For me, the method of prakti paksha bhavana has actually been profoundly healing. Whenever troubling ideas develop, I make a conscious change to that most favorable place in my recent past-- my "rejuvenation day, " when I awoke from a coma with full belief that I would be fine. Essentially any type of anxiety discolors in the light of this most priceless present, having my life as well as health and wellness totally restored. Each early morning I start fresh, with a meditation on appreciation. Throughout the day, I attempt to recapture this sense of peace as well as share it with others. And also every evening I say a petition of many thanks for the straightforward miracle of breath.

Carol Krucoff is a yoga exercise instructor and journalist in Chapel Hillside, North Carolina, and also the coauthor of Recovery Relocations: Just how to Heal, Alleviate as well as Avoid Usual Disorders with Workout. See www.healingmoves.com.

#asana #healing #meditation #Pranayama #restorative yoga #spiritual #Yoga #yoga practice #Yoga Therapy

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timothyfrancisdc-blog · 6 years ago

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Dr. Timothy Francis: Specialist in Applied Kinesiology

Imagine waking up with the same pain every morning when you wake up? The feeling of having to carefully get up from your bed, seems daunting. Most people are often reminiscent of times where they could get up and confidently face the day ahead of them, but now they stay in bed without it being their choice. They awaken stiff as a rock and carry the pain everywhere they go throughout the day and night. No person should have to hold their back to get up from the couch or bed.

The holistic help of applied kinesiology is a option for anyone who needs relief. Dr. Timothy Francis offers a specific type of diagnosis with health option for anyone who is ready to get to relieve their back pain. You don’t have to endure long painful days that keep you from your daily activities. While staying in bed on your days off from work is ideal, you don’t want to waste the day because of your suffering. Varicose veins and back pain will keep you stranded and you may miss out on important life events. Don’t allow your pain affect your life. Dr. Timothy Francis and Applied Kinesiology are a perfect combination to help you begin on your journey to less pain.

In his office, Chiropractic Kinesiology, Dr. Francis helps any individuals who can’t seem to find a way to get the healing relief for their pain. He practices chiropractic technique that make his practices is the most beneficial treatment for his patients. His holistic approach can improve his patients health as a whole. This type of strategy is successful for his patients and is the number one reason they return to his office or bring in friends and family who are also looking for relief.

Dr. Timothy Francis serves every patient with the perfect formula for pain relief. He knows exactly how to help you. He understands every patient that visits him has their own for of unique pain, which makes it easy for him to build an individualized plan for a cure.

Dr. Timothy Francis and Applied Kinesiology

The staff of Chiropractic Kinesiology make it a priority to make sure their patients know they will get the relief they need. This homeopathic style of healing is in-depth with each patient’s personality traits to explore exactly how their body works on a chemical, structural, and emotional level.

Dr. Timothy Francis, D.C., F.I.A.C.A., D.I.B.A.K., M.S., N.M.D., D.H.M. earned the prestigious title as Las Vegas’ number one Chiropractor. He is a member of the American Academy of Pain Management, Physicians Board of Nevada, the British Institute of Homeopathy, International College of Applied Kinesiology, and the College of Physicians.

Applied kinesiology is a special system that evaluates mental, structural, and chemical aspects of one’s health in combination with muscle testing and other forms of diagnosis.

This system is very unique compared to most common healing procedures but serves as a specific movement in the healthcare community. While it’s very compelling in standard medicine, it is even more common in the chiropractic community. Dr. Francis uses this system to create a functioning balance and therapy toward the imbalanced aspects of each patient’s needs.

In the structural, chemical, and mental components of the body, there are many points that these primary aspects affect. The areas in the body affected are:

Cerebrospinal Fluid (CSF): The craniosacral mechanism area of the body affects the temporomandibular joints.

Nerve (N): This is our nervous system which transmits nerve impulses between various parts of your entire body.

Neurovascular (NV): The vascular system is mainly known as the circulatory system that carries our lymphs and blood through the body.

Neurolymphatic (NL): The lymphatic system is a network of vessels in which the lymph drains from the tissue down into your blood.

Acupuncture Meridian Connector (AMC): This meridian system holds the blood, energy, and info of your entire body

Dr. Tim Francis practices applied kinesiology and chiropractic care in the Las Vegas , as his holistic practices and homeopathy are known all over the city. But he doesn’t only have clients in the United States— many of his patients come from Canada, Europe, and Mexico seeking his treatments.

Besides using applied kinesiology, Dr. Francis also holds lectures to better spread the awareness for the holistic health care he preaches for our pains. He has traveled across the world sharing his knowledge of this holistic technique. He strives to have people from all over to understand our bodies systems are ready to heal themselves through the correct methods.

Background

Dr. Timothy Francis has gained a large amount of professional experience. Gaining his experience in numerous fields of medicine while applying himself through college gives this Dr. Francis a clear-cut advantage. Working with other medical professionals is an amazing attribution to his portfolio, and now Dr. Francis teaches endless professionals in the Applied Kinesiology worldwide.

Although Dr. Tim Francis is an expert in applied kinesiology, his experience spans from 30 years in teaching and applying the techniques himself. He is a diplomate of the American Academy of Pain Management. Dr. Francis was a successful honor roll student at the same time as he was studying for his bachelor’s degree from the University of Nevada, Reno. Onward, he went to the Los Angeles College of Chiropractic to become a chiropractor.

Having a large amount of expertise in applied kinesiology, he has received the attention of numerous well-known publications. This is an excerpt from Wellness.com, that lets everyone from all over the world know who he is and what he does.

Dr. Timothy Francis has recently gotten recognition from Marquis Who’s Who Millennium Magazine. He was among the largest selection of medical professionals from all across the world whose terrific work is getting an acknowledgement in their periodical.

The extended expertise of Dr. Francis has made him become a part of many major medical professional societies, including the American Naturopathic Certification Board. Here are multiple of the associations Dr. Timothy Francis is a part of:

International College of Applied Kinesiology

Foundation for Chiropractic Education and Research

American Chiropractic Association

National Institute of Chiropractic Research

Associate Member of Nevada State Homeopathic Association

ONE Foundation

National Strength and Conditioning Association

What makes Dr. Francis so experienced in his practice? He earned so much experience in multiple therapeutic fields while going to studying at the University of Nevada, Reno. Once he became a professional chiropractor, he decided to spread his knowledge with anyone who needed it. He became a teacher of his knowledge of applied kinesiology.

“Timothy Francis, D.C. practices at 7473 W. Lake Mead Blvd. Suite 100, Las Vegas, NV 89128. Chiropractors diagnose and treat common spinal misalignments that can occur from lifestyle or injuries causing pain, discomfort and degenerative conditions.”

In the chiropractic world, Dr. Timothy Francis is known mainly for his gentleness and expertise. His patients come back to his clinic for their visits with the applied kinesiologist.

Dr. Timothy Francis always wanted to spread his the word of his experiences and knowledge with those who are about to enter into the chiropractic profession. Many people got to meet and learn from Dr. Timothy Francis and his amazing expertise of applied kinesiology.

Some of his former students have many kind words to say about Dr. Francis:

Dr. Noël Thomas: “I’m Noel Thomas, I’m a naturopathic doctor in Portland, Oregon and I started naturopathic medical school in 2001 and I had the great fortune of learning from Tim, starting in 2001. He’s so passionate about what he does, what he provides, how he teaches. He’s a master at his skill and at his ability to teach and I feel so fortunate to be able to have learned from him and I really just owe so much to him for the skills that I’ve learned. It’s actually really, it’s emotional just thinking about it and talking about it. Personally, it took me a couple of years to fly to Vegas to go see him for my own treatment but it turned around my health in such a tremendous, tremendous way.And taking his 100 hour course all 4 years of medical school and continuing for 4 years after. He is one of the best teachers I’ve ever known, if not the best.”

Juli Tooley, DC: “I have known Dr. Francis since 1997 when I met him at a neuro emotional technique seminar and he told me I needed to come and learn AK from him. His retort was “you don’t know AK the way I know AK” and my retort was “okay”. I ran into him several other times after that and he convinced me that I should come and see how he teaches. When I got to his first seminar I was totally totally blown away because he taught it totally differently than I learned it back in the 70’s.I said, at that point, I’ve been in practice longer than you, I’m older than you and I took 300 hours of AK back in the 70’s. Even though I learned it from George Goodheart in the 70’s, Tim related it to adjusting and chiropractic and it was much more user friendly in my office. I then went on to help him assistant teach for him for 3 years probably up to 3 times a month in Dallas, Portland, San Jose and sometimes Chicago. I’ve kind of been following him around ever since because even though I call him WB which stands for Wonder Boy, he does things that I have not seen anybody else in the country and in the world ( I lived in Italy and practiced there for 2 years) do. Would you suggest that people come to see him as far as being adjusted and being a patient? Of course. He will always be my go-to person if I have a problem, if I have a patient with a problem or if my family has a problem. No matter how difficult he can always figure it out.So, I would urge anybody who wants to further their career as a chiropractor and be able to help more people and teach people to come and follow him, listen to him, take seminars from him because he is a plethora of information and experience that you will not get from anybody else in the world.”

Dr. Nicholas Jung: “The way that I got exposed to Dr. Timothy Francis was actually through my uncle and other mentor, Dr. Kingman Fung. So, even before I was in chiropractic school I worked as an assistant for my uncle I’d been exposed to what was possible in the healing realm. It’s even expanded exponentially since the first time I was exposed to it. I’m so grateful for that because all of my patients now are improving in ways that I didn’t even know were possible before this. And so the bar was set and I waited the last 6 years in order to take his course, so I had to complete chiropractic school and about 5 other courses just to get into this, in order to be in the room, in the seminar to learn the goods. ”

Dr. Timothy Francis Has the Cure for All Your Aches and Pain

When when it’s time for your first appointment with Dr. Timothy Francis, you will work with him to craft a plan to relieve your pain. He will guide you through it to understand the process of applied kinesiology and how it differs from other practices. You may stop going through the pain you are having from your back with applied kinesiology, you haven’t found the right relief for them. Dr. Francis wants each patient to find the solution for the pain that is keeping them from enjoying every aspect of life.

If you are searching to start the life of pain relief and want to wake up from bed without holding your back, consider Dr. Tim Francis and applied kinesiology to serve you. He will help you find the correct treatment for what you are feeling. Schedule a consultation with him today!

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amelia-blackshepherd · 7 years ago

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Number Four - part 1

The first part of my muti-chapter. It is about Owen and Amelia’s pregnancy with their youngest child, Olivia. Amelia is really struggling with this pregnancy... you’ll see why.

Present:

“Chief, I need to talk to you.” I quietly say, avoiding making eye contact, still trying to figure how I got myself in this situation, this terrible, awful situation.

Bailey, looks at me lifting her eyes from the chart she was previously reviewing. She tries and fails to look me in the eye as she says, “Sure thing Shepherd.” She sets the Ipad back down and gestures for me to follow her into her office.

Once I come into her office she gets straight to the point, “Alright, so what this about Shepherd? Your clinical trail? Budget? Risky surgery? Vacation time? Pay?” I don’t answer right away, because I am distractedly looking around the office. My eyes fall on a picture of her, Ben and Tuck, still of in my own mind I run my hand across the picture.

Past:

I don’t believe it. This can’t be happening. But the 4 tests I have taken clearly agree, I am pregnant. But we just got the youngest into school. The oldest, Ricky, just started middle school. And now we are starting over. That means our children will be 10 years apart in age! How can this be happening?

Owen thinks this is the best news ever, he clearly hasn’t done the math. I’m bitter, I thought I was done with babies. It’s not that I won’t love this child when it comes but seriously, we had decided we were done. The first few children had terrorized us plenty. Babies are a lot of work, and it’s not like we started having kids young.

This fear is completely different than my first child fears. Those consisted of am I going to be a good mom? What if I have another unicorn baby? What if something else goes wrong with this pregnancy? How am I going to manage being a mom and a full time, kick ass surgeon?

But this time… oh god this time, I was managing life fine, I wasn’t dropping any balls, at work, at home, with the kids. Everything was working, we were managing everything so well; well apparently, not birth control. 4 kids. 4 kids! How did this happen.

Present:

‘This is good news.’ ‘This is good news.’ ‘This is good news.’ I kept repeating this sentence as I was searching for Bailey.

But now, in Bailey’s office, idly tracing her family picture, the negative thoughts keep seeping in, ‘this is not good news.’ This baby means not only are me and Owen restarting again, but it also means I am going to have to give up my clinical trial, the trial that has the potential for a Harper Avery. I could just put the trial on hold, but I would need to put it on hold now as it involves too much radiation for the baby, plus it would be on hold during my maternity leave. And by that point someone else could have already thought of the idea.

“Shepherd? – Are you okay?” Miranda’s voice pulls me out of my head. I pull my eyes away from the picture to meet her concerned face. I can’t blame her for being worried because this behaviour is very unlike me. I never demand to talk to the chief. I never am awkward or avoid eye contact around her, or really anyone, so I understand why she is concerned.

“Right, yeah, I’m… fine.” I say, really hating how I sound. Why can’t I just tell her.

“Are you sure?” She questions, “Is this about your trail? Did something happen with it?”

“No, the trail is going great actually…” I’m trying to keep from crying but I’m sure she can hear it in my voice by the way her eyes soften. Damn these pregnancy hormones, “That’s – That is actually part of the problem.” I can feel the tears in my eyes.

Bailey moves closer to me, very concerned about me at this point, “What problem? Amelia, what do you mean?”

A small sob escapes my mouth and then I finally spit it out, “I’m pregnant!” Once those words are out of my mouth, I break down, full on crying now.

Bailey, understood Amelia’s emotional messiness, she had been a bit like that when she was pregnant with Tuck. Plus, she knew from the previous times that Shepherd, became an emotional rollercoaster during her pregnancies. Bailey pulled out her pager to page Owen, because she didn’t know what else to do, with the surgeon who was now openly crying on her office floor.

Owen arrived within minutes, Amelia was still crying, and he could tell Bailey, was quite unsure of what to do. However, with Owen’s presence, Bailey decided to step out of her office to give them some privacy. As she was leaving she stopped beside Owen, and quietly said, “Congratulations, but Hunt, you should know this…” she nods her head in Amelia’s direction, “is about her trail, she can’t have this baby and keep doing this trial.”

Owen nods his head, finally understanding what was bothering Amelia about this pregnancy. Up until now he hadn’t connected the dots, he knew Amelia was not trilled about this pregnancy, but he couldn’t understand what the big deal was. They had dealt with most of the pregnancy fears during the first and second pregnancy.

“Amelia…” Owen begins, but he is promptly cut off.

“Don’t!” She snaps, “Don’t tell me you understand. Because you don’t, you have never been this close to a Harper Avery. You aren’t the one who has to give up on this trail that could win a Harper Avery for nearly two years. You aren’t the one who has to carry this baby, and than stay at home while somebody else wins your award with your idea. So just don’t!” She does her best to compose herself, before quickly leaving the chief’s office. Leaving Owen alone, concerned and a bit shell shocked.

Owen is standing in the middle of the room, where his wife had left him in complete shock, when Bailey re-enters her office, and throws him a questioning look. “Well?” Bailey asked, hoping that her head of neuro was a little bit better now that her and her husband had a chance to talk about their issue.

“Well apparently, baby Hunt number four, is causing serious problems before they are even born.” Owen sighs in defeat. “Bailey, I hate that she is right. She has to give up her chance at a Harper Avery for almost two years, and even then, someone else may have already used her idea.”

Miranda shakes her head at him, “Don’t just stand here complaining to me, I can’t change the situation. You need to figure out what you can do though, because if you don’t, the next two years are going to be hell for you. Now, out of my office, I have work to do, and so do you”

As I leave Bailey’s office my mind is whirling, trying to come up with something, anything that I could do to help Amelia.

#omelia fanfic #omelia fanfiction #amelia shepherd #owen hunt #omelia #omelia family #omelia family fanfic #part 1 #greys fanfiction

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medamoiselle-blog · 7 years ago

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2017 in Review

I read mdA’s year in review and wanted to use her template to reflect on my year, too.

1 - What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Hung out with a group of friends and slept over without worrying about all the studying I’d have to do that weekend, went to a classmate’s/friend’s wedding, signed up to take Step 1 (omgomgomg), went through a messy break up, traveled to Europe by myself, rode on a train for the first time! (which actually took 6 hours instead of 4 because something was wrong with the train and they had to fix it halfway through the journey), killed a spider, read Lolita, went on a vacation for Spring Break, completed a project and wrote a research manuscript from start to finish, went to the Weeknd’s concert! 2 - Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I dont remember if I made any resolutions last year...I usually don’t. But, for this year, I am going to continue doing what I have learned to do these past few months:

1) focus on myself more (my health, my fitness, my happiness)

2) get rid of toxic people and distractions in my life

3) study for and do well on boards

4) No more social media until after boards

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4 - Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5 - What countries did you visit?

Some European countries, Mexico, Japan.

6 - What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Better, more supportive friends. I used to hang out with a group of gunners (they literally wouldnt share resources because they ‘dont want other people to do well on boards’ and didnt understand why that was upsetting to me). I distanced myself and I’ve been happier. 7 - What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 14th, went on a spontaneous quick trip to Japan mid semester and learned most of renal phys on the 15hr plane rides to and from Tokyo. Stayed at the Disney resort and had a magical time.

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Taking care of my mental health, getting to know myself better, submitting my manuscript for publication. This year was full of ups and downs and many firsts, so I’ve learned a lot and have gained experiences that I value very much. That’s an accomplishment to me.

9 - What was your biggest failure?

I stopped running a few months ago, but I plan on getting back into it before this semester starts! 10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?

Thankfully, nothing serious. 11 - What was the best thing you bought?

I bought myself a ring and I absolutely love it! I love the way it looks on my finger and like wearing it.

As for practical things, I bough an iPad Pro and now that’s all I use to take notes, study, etc. I don’t use paper anymore and it’s really nice to have all my material in one place. 12 - Whose behavior merited celebration?

All of the women and men who shared their stories using #MeToo. My parents for putting up with me and taking care of me when I visit, physically and mentally tired. The one student in our class who shared his struggles with suicide and depression in an effort to help others. 13 - Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

a lot of politicians...people trying to take away net neutrality, Trump and his tweets, the ex who told me [after we’d talked about doing residencies in the same hospital and how many children we wanted, etc.] that he wouldnt be introducing me to his parents or be able to marry me because I wasn't Egyptian and his mom wouldnt approve [Boy, bye], the mom who tried to exploit money using a bullying video.

14 - Where did most of your money go?

BOARDS. Who knew it was so expensive to schedule board exams...*le sigh* Also, a lot of money spent on resources...*le cry*

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I woke up to the first snow of the season and I could not contain myself! 16 - What song(s) will always remind you of 2017?

The Weeknd-Staryboy 17 - Compared to this time last year, are you: I. Happier or sadder?

A little bit of both...sadder and more stressed in some ways, but happier and more content in other ways. Overall, I’m in a good place.

II. Thinner or fatter?

Thinner.

III. Richer or poorer?

Poorer.

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?

More dancing.

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?

Social media. 20 - How will you be spending/spent christmas?

Hung out, made and ate xmas dinner, and enjoyed great company <3

21 - Did you fall in love in 2017?

No, i thought I did at some point tho. 22 - How many one-night stands?

23 - What was your favorite tv program?

The Blacklist.

24 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yeah. 25 - What was the best book you read?

Both Nejma and Salt by Nayyirah Waheed were great reads. 26 - What was your greatest musical discovery?

Dua Lipa. 27 - What did you want and get?

A ring, cute Timberland boots, an iPad Pro w an apple pen, an A in neuro (neuro is our most difficult system, it’s a 6 credit hr course with a lab, and I was scared to take it. But, i ended up really liking it!) 28 - What was your favorite film of this year?

I haven't been to the movies in years. I prefer Netflix/Amazon prime and watching from the comfort of my bed/couch.

29 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Turned 23. I studied for an exam, but got to celebrate with my family 2 weeks later. Lots of good food and cake! 30 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I had the wisdom I have today at the beginning of this year (2017) haha

If people were kinder to each other.

31 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

scrubs 90% of the time. business casual or professional 5% of the time. Leggings, sweaters, sundresses, boots/heels, long dresses, etc. 5% of the time. 32 - What kept you sane?

family, Netflix shows, shopping, traveling. 33 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Pietro Boselli *heart eyes*

34 - What political/social issue stirred you the most?

Healthcare equality, DACA/immigration issues, net neutrality

^ Im going to keep MdA’s answer because yes!! 35 - Who did you miss?

My maternal grandmother who's been dead for 6-7 years now, but I still think of her some times. Also, my best friend who’s moved to another state for grad school. 36 - Who was the best new person you met?

I became closer to someone in my class this past year and I love hanging out with her. She is always so cheerful and optimistic. I love that about her.

37 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017:

Trust your intuition and don’t settle.

#year in review #2017 #need to reflect #heres to 2018

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greysanatomyreaderinsertimagines · 8 years ago

Text

Alex Karev Imagine

Alex Karev Imagine 2572 Words Suggestions: Song Shot! Song: Back to December by Taylor Swift Requested By: Anonymous Disclaimer: I do NOT own GREY’S ANATOMY, nor BACK TO DECEMBER, nor YOU!

I'm so glad you made time to see me. How's life? Tell me how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while. You've been good, busier than ever, We small talk, work and the weather, Your guard is up and I know why. Because the last time you saw me Is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

You left Alex over a year ago. Your heart was shattered over the death of your brother, and Alex wasn’t going to make it better. You’ve known him for a while, almost all of your life actually. You really KNEW him. When you started dating, people said it was going to happen eventually, they just waited for the right time. The moment you stepped into Seattle Grace Mercy West, you had a few thoughts on your mind, but they were little. You were an attending now, seeing as you left when you were a 5th Year Resident. Alex was in his 4th Year right now. You were 2 years above him. Seeing Dr. Webber and Dr. Hunt gave you some sort of relief, because they would make you very busy, so would Dr. Shepperd, seeing as you learned under him for quite a while. You entered the attending’s lounge and saw Dr. Bailey with her morning coffee. It was your first day at work. She looked up at you in surprise.

“(L/n)!”

She got up and hugged you a bit, then let you go.

“I thought you were in San Francisco,” She gave you a worried look.

“I came back. I missed Seattle’s weather. San Francisco was nice, but here is nicer. How are you? How is everyone,” You asked.

“Everyone’s doing just fine. From What I heard, one of the best Neurosurgeons in the world is now attending our hospital with Derek Shepherd. You’re boosting our morale.”

“Please, I’m merely a new employee. Let’s just say that. I’ll see you, I have to get changed and go meet Dr. Shepherd on a case he received.”

You changed into the new navy blue scrubs and walked around. Everything has changed, maybe for better or for worse. You don’t know. You heard voices and turned your head.

“Derek why can’t I see now?”

Meredith Grey. A familiar woman you’ve shared calls with over the past year when you were in Seattle.

“Because my partner isn’t here yet-. No, wait, here she is now.”

Derek looked at you and gave you a familiar trusting smirk. You walked over, hands in your lab coat pockets, something you did a lot, sort-of like a quirk.

“Yep, I’m here. What’s the case Dr. Shepherd? I’m itching for a new fix,” You gave him back the same trusting smirk he gave you.

“(Y/n)!”

Meredith hugged you a bit and let you go.

“What happened in San Francisco? You haven’t talked to me in weeks!”

“I’ll tell you later at lunch, I promise. Now, if you’ll excuse me, your husband and I are going to get started. Shall we?”

You seemed more mature than a year ago. You were more calm and collected, rather than jumpy and excited for a case. Some part of you wanted to still be that girl, but she was gone now.

“Mer, we need you in the E.R.”

You turned your head and saw him… It was Alex. He stared at you and you stared right back at him.

“Hi,” You said, before following Dr. Shepherd.

“Have you seen him since you left,” He asked you.

“No… I left him out of fear Dr. Shepherd. Besides… It doesn’t matter. I’m better. I learned from my mistakes. And I’m back. That’s what matters. Scans please?”

At lunch, Meredith and Cristina looked at you.

“Alright, how juicy was California? Any hot doctors,” Cristina smirked at you.

“No, I’ve been to myself.”

“Doesn’t sound fun.”

“The surgeries were fun.”

“What happened in San Francisco that made you leave,” Meredith asked you again.

You leaned forward. Alex was in surgery, which left you to a shaky sigh of relief that he wasn’t here.

“An accident. It was a terrible accident. It was a few months ago, it was… a full trauma. 50 Dead, 73 minorly wounded. 43 were deadly. Total: 166 casualties. There were too many doctors, too many hurt, and I was a doctor on call. My Attending looked at me and gave me the straight news. ‘Tonight, you’re performing your own surgeries. Don’t call me in to help you, because I won’t. These will be your mess-ups. Understand?’ I said yes. I took my boards and passed them 2 weeks before. Remember? I told you I passed. Anyway…”

You clasped your hands together. Your elbows rested on the table, supporting your upper body. You looked… traumatized.

“I assisted a lot of people… and I mean a lot… Out of those 43, 39 of them were brain casualties… And out of those, I did all of them. My attending was having sex with someone, and didn’t mind me a bit. The Chief of Surgery, she walked up to me, placed her hand on my shoulder, and asked where was he. I shrugged, fear coursing through my veins. ‘He said he was doing something important. He told me not to bother him, he wasn’t going to help me anyway.’ She nodded. I remember every specific detail that night. She found him in the ON-CALL room, and there was only 2. They were on the opposite sides of the hospital. She found him in the ON-CALL room with a loud moaning girl that sounded like nails scratching against a board. She brought me with her and told me to stay with her. Probably because I did a good job, I didn’t know, and I didn’t care at that moment.”

You drank your coffee and sighed.

“The Chief was his wife. He was having an affair with the head of another department. He was fired, for leaving me with most of the casualties. He was the only neurosurgeon in the hospital. Across town, they had 3 neurosurgeons. The Chief offered me the job, because I those patients lived under my care. I accepted, taking the Head of Neuro’s spot. A few days later, they got a divorce. He was out of a job, couldn’t get another, and she had all of his money. It ended pretty well.”

You shrugged.

“But a few weeks ago… Everything changed.”

You looked out the window.

“I was with a couple of new friends, they weren’t doctors, we all were having a nice time… that’s when shots were thrown in the air. I ducted under the table and shivered. I heard 3 thumps and turned. My friends had bullets in their heads. He was close. I heard him take a sip of the beer the guy next to me had. He staggered around, shooting a lot of people in his sight. Police got him and took me in for questioning. I was terrified. So… I fled. I stopped talking to anyone and everyone and went to Seattle, first place I could think of. So… Really… I’m okay now… I guess…”

You shrugged again, sighing. Part of you wanted Alex back, and part of you wanted to get away from the harsh life of San Francisco.

“(Y/n)-.”

“I told you for a reason, so don’t ask and don’t give pity. A lot of people have given me pity.”

You checked the time.

“My Patient’s lab results should be done, I’m off.”

So this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night," And I go back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I go back to December all the time.

You ran into Alex in the hall. He took a good look at you. You looked away. Your heard was in your throat. You were going in a different direction.

“(Y/n).”

You didn’t want to start crying.

“Yes?”

You wanted to sound normal, but the slight crack in your voice just took that away from you. It didn’t seem long before he walked up to you.

“…I’m… I’m sorry.”

Alex never apologized much, this made you feel a bit special. You turned and looked at him.

“Sorry? …You don’t need to apologize. I’m the one that’s at blame here. I left. So… Stop saying you’re sorry. I’m the one that is. I came back. I’m the one to blame.”

You went into the elevator, leaving him there in shock. You leaned back against the wall, remembering everything Alex did for you.

“(Y/n).”

“Yes?”

“I got the stuff you asked for.”

“YAY! White Chocolate is the best!”

“I don’t see why you wanted White Chocolate.”

“I gonna make White Hot Chocolate! It’s almost Christmas, and I wanted to spice up the holiday flavor with my famous White Hot Peppermint Chocolate.”

“Oh, that’s right, you made that almost every year.”

“Yeah, almost. And my brother’s coming this year! I wanna make everything special for him! He’s my brother!”

You took that for granted. You should’ve stayed, then you wouldn’t be in this mess. You wiped your tears and took a deep breath.

I did this to myself, You thought.

You got out of the elevator and got your labs. You had to move on… But you still remembered last December. It’s around the corner, you know this. It’s the middle of November. December is around the corner.

These days I haven't been sleeping, Staying up, playing back myself leavin'. When your birthday passed and I didn't call. And I think about summer, all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the passenger side. Realized I loved you in the fall.

You honestly felt terrible. You couldn’t sleep. The haunting memory of San Francisco played in the back of your mind and replaced most of the good memories you had. You were depressed. It wasn’t a joke. You’d sit there at night, hoping you’d get out of this and sleep properly. That wasn’t the case. You were gone. You weren’t coming back. This new you was taking over the old you and you hated it. You were sick of it. You wanted to go back. You wanted to remember your childhood, all your laughs, your cheers, the moment you met Alex… Alex… you haven’t called him. He doesn’t know about any of this. What would he think? …Oh what would he think?

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

Last year was scary enough, and you took your time passing through all the dark days you had. Alex sheltered you through most of it until the end, and you left him without any warning. Guilt built up in your stomach and you wanted to apologize over and over again. That wasn’t the case.

So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night." And I go back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time.

December. You stood in the cold, your insomnia was getting worse. You couldn’t help it. It was getting very worse. You couldn’t help it. You avoided surgery for the holidays, when your parents were going to come down and stay with you until the day after Christmas. You were afraid of the worse. You staggered around the hospital with the goal and mind to keep up your work progress. You rubbed your eyes, dark circles hung around them, and people started to notice. Alex, started to notice.

“(Y/n).”

You jerked up in shock, turning your head.

“Yes?”

“You look dead.”

“I’m okay.”

It was a bit awkward between the two of you now.

“You don’t look-.”

“My parents are coming down. You should come by and say hi. They’d love to see you… maybe.”

You shrugged.

“They loved to see you. I don’t know now.”

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, So good to me, so right And how you held me in your arms that September night The first time you ever saw me cry.

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest. You blinked twice.

“You’re not sleeping, are you?”

“…”

You nodded.

“I can’t,” You mumbled, just so he could hear.

“You can, you just won’t.”

“No… I can’t. I can’t. I’m hurt. I hurt too much. I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

Maybe this is wishful thinking, Probably mindless dreaming, But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

“I’m afraid of San Francisco. I’m dead on the inside. It changed me. It changed me so much. I’m afraid to sleep. The memories haunt me. I ruined a man’s life in a few simple steps. In my mind, it was right, but it was so wrong then again.”

“(Y/n)-.”

“He almost killed me once. In a shooting, he almost killed me. That’s why I came back to Seattle. I was afraid still.”

You shivered.

“I’m still afraid.”

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. So if the chain is on your door I understand.

He kisses your cheek lightly.

“You’re sleeping at home.”

“I’m okay-.”

“You’re not… I’m going to take you home, okay? You’re going to be fine. I’m taking you home, and you’ll be fine.”

“…Okay… I’ll go home.”

But this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night." And I go back to December... It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

Alex walked in, he had a bag in his hands. You looked at him.

“Sleep. When I come back, I’ll have a surprise for you.”

“Why?”

“Do it. For me. Please?”

You owed him that much. You shut your eyes, leaning back against your couch. The kitchen sounded busy. And the air smelled nice, too nice.

It was last December. It was crawling into the back of your mind. You loved those memories. December was the time of good memories. You loved them too much. You opened your eyes and saw it was 2 hours after you fell asleep.

I go back to December all the time. All the time.

You walked into the kitchen and turned.

“Is that what I think it is?”

Alex looked up at you and smiled.

“I tried.”

He held up a cup to you.

“My White Hot Peppermint Chocolate…”

“Yeah, I made it for you. I’ve been trying, and your mother gave me the recipe.”

“Why?”

“So you wouldn’t leave me this time.”

You looked up at him.

“…”

“I hope this keeps you from leaving again.”

“…I still love you… So I won’t. I’m not leaving again.”

“I love you too.”

#alex karev #alex karev imagines #grey's anatomy fanfiction #imagine

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