#he's actually really logical and level-headed fr

[swallowedbymadness]

「 ✦ so good at being bad ✦ 」

Pairing: dom!wooyoung x sub!fem!reader

Genre: ⛓️ smutty smut smuttttttt ⛓️

Summary: Wooyoung surprises you with a pretty little gift one night.

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE DEPTHS OF COLLEGE HELL. Not really bc spring semester just started. BUT. I am here with some plotless smut for you. If you’ve read my writing before, you know I love a good romance. But honestly, this video has been rotting my brain for a solid month and it has inspired this little fic. 🫠 also I firmly believe we need more dom woo bc he gives off this vibe at times and it’s not praised enough. You cannot change my mind.

18+ content, so please, minors DNI. Enjoy! 🤍

Warnings: bdsm - restraints, collar (called a choker for the most part), pet names (fr - baby & darling), a tiny bit of throat grabbing, and jung wooyoung bc he himself is a whole warning. 😵‍💫

Proofread: Yes! But you already know…if you see a mistake, no you don’t. Proofread this at like 6am so no guarantees lol

‘How the hell did I end up here?’ You found yourself wondering as you listened intently to a story that you wouldn’t normally find interesting, but for some reason it was tonight. Probably because of who was telling it. Your eyes were lost in dark pools of chocolate as you listened to the man sitting directly across from you as he was animatedly telling you about his day. Your head was resting in your hand and your heart was slowly pounding uncomfortably in your chest as you watched the way he got so submerged in his tellings.

You were sitting prettily at the breakfast bar inside of the loft that belonged to who was supposed to be a one night stand ages ago. However, there were now candles burning, music playing lowly in the background and two almost empty wine glasses sitting in front of you under the simply lit lights that hung above the two of you.

‘Yeah…’ you thought. ‘This definitely turned into something…more.’ You tried recalling where exactly your heart took over your logic of the situation. Was it when he asked you how you liked your coffee the next morning after a quickie the night prior? Was it when he actually kept his word and called you the next day? Or maybe it was the date he asked to take you on so he could get to know you on a level more than physical. Either way, you couldn’t pinpoint the moment you started associating his eyes to milk chocolate or remembering that his hair smelled like pears. Or even when you had started adoring the mole under his eye. You had no idea, but it threw you into a mild sense of panic when you caught yourself staring at him for longer than you should, and the way his finger shocked you when he reached for your hand while walking you home after date number three.

It was a lot to take in.

You didn’t think you would ever in a million years be caught up with someone like Jung Wooyoung. He was classy and dripping with solid gold sex appeal. He carried himself so elegantly and was anything but innocent like the picture his eyes liked to paint. He was a lion, and he had sought you out as his prey one night at the rooftop bar you never attended prior to your friend’s birthday party in the spring. It was there that he showed up, and when he noticed you it was like he had a target painted on you because he would not look away. He ended up buying you a drink and how could you refuse such charm when he offered you a good time that evening?

The one lesson you learned that evening was that it was not going to be your last night moaning his name in ecstasy against his black silk sheets with the city’s skyline glowing in from his floor to ceiling windows. No…you quickly learned the one thing about Jung Wooyoung that had you baited like a fish on a hook the moment his feline eyes set in on you. The man was insatiable, and you would give him exactly what he craved — you.

He couldn’t get enough of you after that, this you convinced yourself of. And if you had any doubts prior to now, they were long gone by now. The memory of how he groaned as he licked you clean after making a mess of his face while his tongue was buried deep inside your walls. Especially when you recalled how you writhed underneath him when his fingers danced along your overstimulated clit before plunging deep inside you to make you feel so so full. It was a constant that replayed in your head like a rerun.

“Everything okay?” His teasing voice snapped you out of the memory and brought you back to the breakfast bar. You repositioned on top of your stool uncomfortably once you felt your panties damp and walls throbbing at the vivid memory.

“Oh, yeah. I’m good.” You took a sip of your drink, welcoming the bitter taste on your tongue as a temporary distraction to prevent your thoughts from wandering again.

“You sure? Thought I lost you for a minute there.” His coy smile lured a faint blush out and to dust along your cheeks.

“I’m right here.” You confirmed, swallowing as you took him all in when he nodded and stood up from his stool. You were too nervous earlier to really take a good look at him and really see him.

He looked absolutely sinful in his black skin-tight suit pants clinging to him like they were painted on. He had a gorgeous high neck black lace blouse tucked into them, leaving nothing to the imagination. The silver dangling from his ears shined in the moonlight coming in through his window with the dazzling light of the moon that was watching over you. You had to tell yourself not to stare at the birth mark on his bottom lip for too long.

An impossible task, really.

“I got you something.” He had walked over to a table just behind his couch and picked up a present wrapped to perfection. He set it down in front of you, his eyes soft but full of something dark as he watched you open the black box that was decorated with red ribbon ties around it. You could feel the desire he felt for you in the air; it was tense and your heart picked up its pace at the sight of what was in the box. “Do you like it?” He’d asked. “I thought you would look absolutely radiant in them.”

You couldn’t answer right away, your mouth going dry and the heat beginning to build in the pit of your stomach as butterflies swarmed manically in your chest.

“They’re beautiful. But what is all this for?” You definitely could not miss how the lace trimmed collar matched the blouse that adorned his chest.

“Oh I think you know.”

“Well, I know what their functionality is, but why did you-” before you could finish, Wooyoung slid the box away from you and in front of himself. With a twirl of his finger, he motioned you to turn around. You swiveled yourself around on top of the stool you sat upon, the confusion still showing across your features as you heard the faint clanking of the dainty chains in the box.

“Because,” you stared at the wall in front of you and felt the palm of his hand splay over your throat, his hand barely squeezing to get your heart pumping and the arousal in your abdomen start vibrating. Wooyoung took his other hand and placed the choker around your neck and fastened it from the back for you.

“You already look so beautiful underneath me,” he began, his hands making their way to the sleeves of your dress and pulling them down until it was halfway off. He stared down at your breasts, your nipples hardening as the heat between your legs intensified with the way his hands felt against your bare skin. That fueled the demon, it woke the beast inside, and he suddenly felt that insatiable hunger take over.

“But I just couldn’t help myself…” he yanked on the chain a bit to prompt you to turn yourself around again. “Black really is your color, darling.” His eyes locked in on the choker that was now adorning your neck and you saw his nostrils flare. “My god…You’re breathtaking.” He proclaimed under his breath, but you weren’t sure if it was said intentionally to you or if it was a break in his dominating presence.

His fingers trailed down your sternum and feather light caresses were given along the underside of your breasts. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours softly, allowing you two to get a good pace going before expertly slipping his tongue past your eager lips. The first taste of you in his tongue sent him into an animalistic frenzy, groaning into your mouth and the taste of the wine that lingered on your tongue was enough to get him drunk on you.

His hands reached your hips, pulling you flush against his chest and pressing your back into the counter as one hand began making art on your side with his nails — the scratches deep enough to cause the skin to puff and turn a slight angry shade of red, but not enough to inflict any pain.

‘Just enough to claim’ he thought, the obsessive observation not allowing him to think about anything else until he noticed your dress was still hiding you from him.

This wouldn’t do.

He pushed the remainder of the dress down until it hit the floor and you stepped out of it, flinging it out of sight with your foot. His mouth never left your body while his hand reached behind you to grab hold of the two black leather cuffs and bring them between the two of you. He broke his lips apart from yours and saw how blown out your eyes had become just from kissing him. He knew his devilish smirk wouldn’t be missed by you, no matter what state you were in mentally right now.

“Do you trust me?” His voice was barely a whisper as he looked down at the leather in his hands and then back up at you while holding the sultriest gaze. You nodded slowly, your breath beginning to pick up as you felt a spike of adrenaline kick in out of pure excitement. He grinned, taking one of your wrists delicately into his hand and securing one of the cuffs around it.

Once both were secured and your wrists were bound in front of you, he tugged gently at the chain on your choker and twirled you back around slowly, pressing your nearly naked form against the cold countertop. You felt him bend over you, pressing himself against you and completely caging you in with his arms. You heard him inhale sharply when his front pressed up against your ass, the stiffness in his trousers obvious now.

“Ready for this?” He purred into your ear, his lips ghosting your lobe teasingly while his warm breath against the shell of your ear sent a cold shiver shooting down your spine causing the pit of your stomach to feel like boiling hot magma. You clenched your legs together, hoping the dampness between them wasn’t obvious but by the way he chuckled, you knew that was no longer possible.

You felt his fingers dancing lightly across your electrified skin, dragging up and down your arms until they reached your sides. You could hear his light panting between soft pecks to your exposed shoulder blades, his tongue slowly gliding along the skin over the protruding bone, followed by a bite into the plush flesh of your shoulder. You felt the way his body was being pressed against yours more and more as his mouth worked to paint his blank canvas beautiful shades of blues and purples from every love bite he created on your back. You relished in how he felt almost needy and just as desperate to be touching you as much as humanly possible. The need to claim your body as his was evident and it sent you into a hazy spiral.

The irresistible heat that had made your heart race a million miles a minute returned when you felt his weight against you. His chest being flush with your back as he rubbed himself shamelessly against your ass left you breathless, the heated weight of him on top of you and the chill of the marble underneath was intoxicatingly delicious.

You felt as his bulge quickly became fully grown and started pulsating — awaiting to be touched and aching for your attention. You were too lost in your own pleasure to even notice that he had started slowly grinding against your ass, small whimpers falling from his swollen lips as he kept you pinned to the counter, allowing the friction from his trousers to rub him just right.

You dared not look back in fear of what you would see. He was lost in the way you made his body feel, and you knew exactly how primal his features would look if you did.

The weight of him on you soon lessened as he started running his hands down your sides and soon his hands gripped each ass cheek, squeezing them a few times before his fingers hooked into the lace at your hips. You quickly felt his hot breath against your hip bone and his teeth graze the sensitive skin. He began pulling your panties down, and you finally found the courage to look down and saw him dragging the dainty lace down with his fingers and his teeth. Once they were at the floor, you felt a rush of heat sweep over your abdomen as the warmth began to pool from within, preparing to burst at the right moment…when he decided it was time.

You heard him hum, pleased at the sight in front of him. He was now on his knees, and he tapped your leg to get your attention.

“Turn around for me, pretty baby.” He cooed. You immediately turned yourself around and were met with his hungry eyes from below. He looked at your damp pussy and licked his lips, spreading your legs just enough to fit between them a little.

You leaned back against the counter and met with the hard marble again, this time not as cold from it being warmed up by you.

“I’ve been waiting to eat you up all day.” He growled before pulling your lips apart slowly and gliding his tongue along your slit agonizingly slow. When you felt the warm plush muscle glide across your already slick folds, you felt the sharp jab of arousal slam into your core and it knocked the wind out of you.

“Oh, Woo…” you couldn’t find it in you to finish the sentence you had just lost from the fog that took over your thoughts as your only focus was the sensational pleasure his mouth was giving you. Like a kitten, he licked and licked and licked in small flicks of his tongue on every sensitive spot he made a point of memorizing.

When his dark chocolate eyes met yours again, he was melting at the way his name spilled uncontrollably, desperately and monumentally from your lips. How it was caressed by drawn out moans, and the way your back arched against the dark grey marble swirls underneath your glistening skin. He tugged at the chain attached to your collar and pulled you forward so your core was pressing against his smirking mouth as it devoured you like a starved man. His flouncy hair hung low over his eyes as he made a meal out of you, the constant slurping noises and groans of approval vibrating against your sensitive skin made you dizzy. He reached a hand up and pulled on the silver chain again when he noticed you had become silent. A small yelp escaped from your agape mouth at the small tug against your neck.

“Wanna hear you, baby.” He pleaded against your pulsating core, his voice unassuming of what he was truly capable of. Wooyoung demanded your attention in all forms — he exuded an overwhelming amount of confidence that screamed sex, which had your cunt dripping since day one.

“Wanna hear you scream my name.” He cooed with his mouth full of you, his hazy eyes looking up at you half lidded as he worked you in every single way he had learned how.

Oh…fuck,” you cursed under your breath once he had slid two fingers inside of your saturated walls. The way you swallowed his fingers with a vice grip. “Woo please.” You whined as his fingers were slowly inserted and dragged back out agonizingly slow and rubbing against your rigid walls so deliciously. He pulled them out completely before repeating and eventually began to plunge in and out of you at a rapid pace, the heat overwhelming and having you ready to burst like a volcanic eruption.

“Louder.” He instructed, his voice low and demanding. He did not look up at you as he pounded his fingers deep into you and pulled them right back out, letting your walls clench around nothing before sucking his digits right back in again.

“Woo…” you felt the tears begin to form on your lash line with the familiar pleasure peaking in your abdomen. He pulled them back out and put them back in this time but only to the first knuckle, not moving and waiting. The orgasm you begged your body to unleash on you refused to wash over you when his fingers were not inside.

“I said louder!” He commanded, his fingers rubbing around the rim of your hole teasingly before he shoved his tongue deep into your cunt and started fucking you relentlessly.

“Oh my god, WOOYOUNG!” Your legs shook as you kept your back arched as you felt the tide come crashing down on you, a series of moans forcing themselves from your slack mouth. You felt like a thousand lightning bolts jolted through your entire body as you succumbed to him and melted into his touch. You didn’t care who heard you beyond the four walls that kept you two hidden from the world. You only cared about the man with his face buried deep in your pussy as he licked every last drop of cum that leaked from your stretched hole. Your fingers curled into his hair as you pushed yourself against him to ride your orgasm out on his tongue.

When you came back down from your high that lasted an eternity, you felt him chuckle against you as he allowed you to tremble and shake around him. In the midst of your high you didn’t realize you squeezed your thighs around his face and held him in place and you reached your peak.

“What…what are you laughing at?” You asked, sounding just as spent as you felt. He stood up from in between your legs and that’s when you saw the mess you made of his face, a knowing smirk adorning it as his eyes locked with yours.

Nothing…I’m just surprised is all.” He shrugged as he walked behind the counter into the kitchen and started dampening a washcloth. You hopped up to sit on the counter and waited for him to come back around.

“Surprised at what?” You leaned back a bit and your eyebrow shot up slightly while you waited for him to reply.

“I didn’t realize I would be getting a pair of earmuffs in the middle of summer.”

“What do you-” you paused, the light visibly flicking on above your head when you understood. “Oh my god!” You felt your cheeks heat up instantly at the realization. “Are you referring to…”

“The death grip you had on my face with your thighs? Oh I absolutely am.” He smiled teasingly as he crouched back down in front of you and started running the warm washcloth along your now heated skin as he cleaned you up. He wiped away what he couldn’t get with his mouth and was so gentle.

“I am…so…so sorry.” You leaned back embarrassed, covering your face with your hands and hoping you would just evaporate on the spot.

“Why? You completely let go and…” he grabbed your wrists and undid your cuffs. He looked up at you through his lashes, and you noticed a light sheen of sweat sticking to his skin. “You liquidized right into my hands; you surrendered yourself completely to me in that moment and allowed your body to naturally react to the pleasure. If that’s not trust, then I don’t know what is.” He booped the tip of your nose with his finger and chuckled under his breath. “It’s what every dom dreams of witnessing when playing.”

“Wait- are you a dom?”

“You could say that.” He chuckled at your surprised expression, but something in you always knew he was fit for the role when his presence entered a room way before he ever did.

“Oh darling, you only got a taste of what I can do to you. For you.” He lightly caressed your cheek with the back of his hand, his feline eyes glowing with something you didn’t know but wanted to experience. His touch felt like the heat of a thousand suns against your skin as he leaned down and firmly pressed his lips to yours, his tongue swiping against your bottom lip and so you could get the faintest taste yourself on him.

You would never admit that you liked the taste of yourself on his tongue.

At least not out loud, anyway.

“But only if you want it. I know this isn’t for everyone, but I would never force you into something you aren’t comfortable with.” He stared into your eyes and held eye contact to make sure every word he just spoke registered.

“I’ve been looking for someone for a long time who matches my rhythm…someone like you.” He continued, his gaze never wavering. “Honestly, I can’t bear the thought of you with anyone but me. I’m not sure when this started, but now that it has it’s a thirst I can’t quench. It’s a hunger I can’t control. I’ve accepted this because all I know is that I need you.” He tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ear and his smile was soft and kind and romantic in a way you were used to seeing him now. It made your heart race even more.

“However, I will respect your wishes if you’d prefer to keep this casual.” You felt your eyes widen slightly at his confession. As he waited for an answer, he reached behind you with both hands to untie your choker. You felt the fabric loosen from around your neck and fall into his hands much like you had.

“Jung Wooyoung…are you asking me if I want us to be exclusive?” You couldn’t help the way the corners of your mouth curled up as your heart grew wings in that moment.

“I am, yes.” He confirmed as he put the delicate lace back in the box that sat on the countertop still.

“Well then…” you grab the cuffs that he had discarded back into the box and dangle them in between the two of you. “you better put these back on. I don’t think I’m done being ruined by you yet.”

“I haven’t even ruined you yet...” He stated, the mole on his lip coming into view when his dashing smile reappeared and his eyes darkened when looking at you. “And no…we were only taking a short break. I’m nowhere near done with you yet.” His voice was low and husky as it vibrated against his sternum, his inner lion pounding at his rib cage to be unleashed once again.

“Yes, sir.” You leaned back, eyes hooded and sultry, spreading your legs for him to see that you had already made a small mess on the counter just for him.

Because of him.

He stood up and pressed himself against you, grabbing your throat ever so lightly as he leaned in. You closed your eyes ready to feel his plush lips meet yours, only you were never met with the touch. Instead, his lips ghosted over yours so you could feel his barely-there panting as he held you in place. You could feel his aching member against your thigh as he stood against you.

“You’re so good at being bad...”

[trickstarbrave]

fr w/ Emil but also he really is just copying Avellone and Kirkbride's homework (including their racist edgelord writing styles) but also simultaneously has *zero* idea what he's even doing for nearly everything which, combined with his utter dedication to having extreme binaries be the status quo, is why he keeps digging himself into so many holes (i.e: the whole "Nate was an active war criminal" thing, etc).

I don’t think Emil is trying to copy kirkbride’s work. It’s quite challenging to do so and there would be cracks in Emil’s writing to show it. The other person I’m not sure bc idk them

But I think Emil’s writing is in a way his own. It’s just very… Well. Emil falls into the trap of “write what you know” but doesn’t rly have a lot of understanding of the world and complex subjects, or he totally lacks an ability to communicate it. He has a surface level understanding of basically anything and everything it seems (at least based on his writing idk him personally).

Writing what you know isn’t terrible advice. He’s trying to use it the way it’s intended, which is that most of us haven’t gone on fantasy adventures or been assassins and thieves. But we look at our lives and find something we do understand intimately and adapt thar experience for the subject. Emil grew up Catholic and draws a lot from those experiences clearly… He just does nothing interesting with it because he can only communicate a surface level understanding of Catholicism. How Catholicism works as a tool of oppression, the complex power systems of it, it’s history, the complex symbolism, he doesn’t use any of it or really adapt it in a satisfying way. Either he doesn’t understand or again, can’t fucking write it.

The bigotry in his work is the same as Kirkbride’s but that is because they’re both middle class east coast cis white guys who haven’t rly unpacked the bigotry they grew up w and it shows. Kirkbride’s is honestly worse ngl if only bc he goes SO deep into racist, sexist, transphobic, and intersexist tropes. Emil just skirts along the top, invoking the tropes sometimes but again doing nothing with them.

Again I don’t know Emil personally. Perhaps he’s just a shit writer and actually has more depth and an ability to understand nuance in his personal life. But based on his public attitude, speeches, tweets, etc, I doubt it. As you said he comes across as someone who never knows what he’s doing and continues to reinforce the status quo. The fucking bland, boring religious story in starfield apparently made him have a crisis of faith and hearing that made me put my head in my hands bc howwwwww could such a dull and frankly nothingburger of a video game quest make you have a crisis of faith. How is this what does it for you. How has nothing else in the world shaken your belief?

Kirkbride is very bigoted but he has a lot of complex knowledge he draws on. He’s a religious studies major. He reads occult texts. He has knowledge of subjects and researches things. Emil feels like he’s lived in a bubble and has done absolutely nothing to understand experiences outside his own. Coupled with his inability to understand or internalize criticism we just get slop writing.

But I’ve said before and I feel the need to repeat: Emil is not the worst thing at Bethesda who is personally dragging it down. Other creative directors and higher ups have promoted him and let him continue to work there for a reason. He was just super loud and revealed and lot of this flawed logic and shit via interviews and presentations. Others at the company have actively throttled the writing and world building (one creative director wanted the companions in Skyrim to not even have a storyline and be all radiant quests. Yes for real. And also Skyrim worshipping the imperial pantheon was bc a higher up decided “actually the imperial pantheon is the objectively correct religion and all others on Tamriel are just flawed imitations of it”) so I think Emil is more a symptom of the problem

[wavebiders]

Ashley says she doesn’t trust Garrus and Wrex to not steal secrets about the Normandy. But the Normandy was a joint project between humans and turians. Tuchanka is demilitarized so legally krogans cannot build a military ship like the Normandy and they do not have people who can build something like the Normandy, plus iirc their imports are monitored for materials that could be used to make weapons.

Yup! There's some absolute gaps in logic there, and it wasn't a nice thing to say and also it was one (1) conversation with Shepard in private that people took to mean she's just a bigot bashing aliens left and right

And fr it's not that crazy to not want non-aliance members to have full access to an advanced aliance ship lmao. Especially with Wrex like yeah the Krogans might not gain from it but his bounty hunter ass could easily sell that information. Literally when you meet him he's betraying his former boss, Ash has 0 reason to trust him. And the Normandy being a joint project aside, Garrus is a former government operative for an organization dominated by the race humans were at war with just a few decades ago. Her suspisions, while innacurate are not totally unwarranted. Really the person she should have been suspicious of is Tali, bc it actually is implied she gave away info about the Normandy to the Quarians but hey

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that people won't differentiate between that level of distrust only spoken in private and constant blatant bigotry. Ashley's beliefs mainly come down to wanting humans to be able to stand on their own, because the alien governments will always prioritize themselves over them. Something that's repeatedly shown to be true

But she's not out there saying to a Quarian's face that the way the rest of the Galaxy sees them is their own fault like Garrus does. She doesn't joke about murdering Salarians and Turians like Wrex does. And she certainly doesn't advocate for the (almost) genocide of an entire species like both Garrus and Tali do. For Ashley, people have this image of her personality in their head based on one conversation, no matter how little that idea matches how she acts for the rest of the trilogy

[henlex]

@bonknanab here's your taeho reading💕💖💕💖💕 get ready to be emotional

This is so long rip

P1harmony:

Theo🤝Keeho

Sun

Theo: Cancer, uwu. Protective sweethearts. That mom energy. But can be v protective of themselves too. That's the kind of the hard exterior you could see A Lot when he was first in camera, and the shy aurora even tho he's an extrovert. He's just trying to protect his soft self from the world. They really like to feel safe (kinda like taurus) they like to have a home that's secure so they tend to resist change. They can be pretty sentimental. They're guided by their emotions. They're pretty vulnerable and have a deep capacity for love. Very sensitive, can get hurt easily. Can be touchy, dependable and caring

Keeho: libra, air. Very sociable, just really love being with people. Very approachable. They really like balance but they can unintentionally cause problems because they spread themselves too thin. They really have good intentions but they could 100% lie to not create waves. Theyll kind of do anything to keep the peace. They can be pretty indirect/ hate confrontation, which can drive some people mad (🙋🏼‍♀️its me😂)Real masterful at avoiding things. They have high expectations and tend to compare things.

Moons

Theo- scorpio: I love this boy so much wow😭

He's and emotional boyyy. So he really likes emotional intensity. He feels things really deeply. They can really see through to the soul of a person. They unconsciously get uneasy when things are too calm/ easy and might seek emotional excitement/ drama. All or nothing. They dont want flings, they dont start things unless they'll finish them. Ok so they love commitment, they seek it ok, but they're also super cautious and suspicious of everyone. They tend to unintentionally test the people in their lives for loyalty...But after theyve committed they're incredibly loyal and protective😭Some people can be intimidated by them but others are drawn to them. They seem to just know things, crazy good intuition.

Keeho-Aqua, air. Unique, used to being different, shy kids. They're kind of detached and like to observe and try to understand others. So he has pretty strong barriers. They're pretty sociable but still have the heart of a loner☹. They really love letting other people know they're different and possibly shocking them. They brag about their loved ones uwu. General kindness towards others. Can be willful. The need a certain amount of freedom, and are pretty independent, at least emotionally.

Mercury

Theo- gemini, air. Scattered, eclectic interests. They have a basic knowledge of a lot of things. Quick learners, take in a lot from their environments. Can become restless. They can be very logical (but his water definitely adds the emotion and intuition) Very adaptable, not very attached to their ideals. Smooth talkers, possible deceptive humor (like poking at someones weakness, but lightheartedly) Good communicators and decision makers.

Keeho- libra....this boy is all air wtf. These people irk me because if you take a stance they automatically take the opposite "so it's equal"

Anyway they strive for that equality and diplomacy. Very pleasing communicators. They might be focused on trying to sound smart they forget to listen to the other person😂 They're gentle and adapt to others comfort levels. They are always looking for compromise, they hate absolutes in opinion. Great mediators (wow great leader) They can get lost in indecision because they weigh the good and bad almost endlessly. HELP it's hard for them to give a compliment without adding something 😂BOY. They try to make everyone happy. They tend to need other people to make a decision....but when they give input this mf will probably choose the other option💆🏼‍♀️

Venus

Theo- taurus- I want to give this boy a hugggg😭

So they need to be comfy. They need dependability in their relationships. Can be possessive in love. They're very touchy in their affection. They do hate change but they are incredibly dependable. To win them over you need to show your loyalty and show how much they mean to you. They can take a while to warm up but that's just because they're a slow/ cautious earth sign. Dont push them, but get comfy with them, do cozy things together. " Harmony and peace are important factors in the art and music they are attracted to." They really said harmony💖

Keeho- virgo, earth. Not flirty👀👀 pffft ok. Tries to win someone over with devotion and showing them a ton of attention. Cautious, slowly makes his way into their heart. Sensitive and insecure in love😭 They need to know feelings are mutual before they make a move..... Can childishly tease their crush💆🏼‍♀️ But they have good intentions. They arent attracted to show offs, they like understated, unnoticed people. These people love quietly helping and doing the little things. You'll win them over if you recognize their efforts, they just want to be appreciated.

Mars

Theo- sagittarius, fire.

When they feel attacked or threatened they have the need to run and just go do something else. Then they come back. It's really go for these people to be physically active, they need a healthy outlet. Can be pretty scattered, they just do what they want to in that moment which can mean leaving a ton of projects unfinished. Optimistic, fun loving. Love a good debate, but with his gem mercury I highly doubt it would get as heated as with a less flexible sign (like me). Passionate, open-minded, but can be blunt. Lol they can be confusing because they go from fun loving to intense. They need space and freedom, probably not a ton cuz he is a cancer, but like freedom to express himself. They have grand and idealistic ideas.

Skip S*x mentions: ok so doesnt have a lot of patience for anything too complex. Loves to have fun and laugh. Lowkey selfish. Can be very direct but almost innocently? Not a fan of people playing hard to get. They dont care for anything to serious in the bedroom (idk this might not be so true with his other placements, but the emotions probably come right after.

Keeho- cap, earth: this boy is v interesting.

Lowkey energy LOL. Very determined. Very goal oriented and focused. They like to be on top of everything. They have a lot of self control. They like to be in control. Really reliable, great leader.

*Straightforward and simple. Will want to keep it v private. They like when they're with someone who's experienced and powerful.

Messy thoughts

Ok but keeho would love theos mercury because hes unlikely to have extreme opinions and they're both very adaptable, I can imagine them getting into any serious arguments at all. I know keeho would annoy me so much but theo is probably totally fine. K- want to go to A ot B for dinner? T- B,  K- ok but what if we go to A. T- ya that's fine. Like wow🤝

Earth venuses😭😭😭😭 they're actually perfect dont touch me. Needs dependability/ wins you over with dependability. Perfection. They both play the long game, slow burn. Keeho literally is attracted to wall flowers goodbye. Just say theo is your soulmate and leave. Keeho called theo his love for a reasonnnn also theo fr didnt say anything cuz yes we are each others love.

They both need their own space

Ok so I think theo would really appreciate keeho non-confrontational self because theos pretty sensitive 😭

It's really looking like theo is the type of person to get lost in their emotions and keeho could really help pull him out of that and help him just chill? Have fun?

Ok sooooo their moons are not the bestttt. Cuz scorp is super emotional and deep and aqua is like... detached. Their emotional selves are very different. But also they could be so intrigued by each other, like trying to understand wtf is going on in their heads.

Ok but theo can 100% see passed keehos emotional barriers and like See him. And I feel like keeho might not have ever felt that before and😭😭😭 idk they could be really really close.

Keeho sounds so sweet and perfect for theo. Always making sure hes comfy😭

(They really both said keep it simple in the bedroom. Like damn ok, keep being a perfect match)

[kuroopaisen]

@kacchand (i couldn't tag your main but i wanted to make sure you saw this fdlkjfdlkj) 

hello dear! i’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this dflskjfdlkfdj i decided to answer your ask in a text post so i can link my thoughts to yours more easily! also, i know i'm going to Ramble, so i wanted to be able to keep it under a cut sdlkfjd

Hi rowan!! I've just finished the final chapter of aot and I just wanted to ask your opinion on it!

(SPOILERS THAT DEPICT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY'S MEANING AHEAD. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE FINISHED THE CHAPTER)

(FR )

(THERE'S STILL TIME TO BACK OUT)

(DO IT NOW. SPOILER ALERT)

I'd also like to ask a follow up question about it, because it seems that I've come to a different concl. from many of my friends and I'm feeling dumb abt how i feel w it.

first of all (and i say this as sincerely as possible, and if i'm coming off as condesending please let me know hh), please don't feel dumb because you've come to a different conclusion :(

we all read media at different levels (i’ve been told it’s ‘not that deep’ before fdljkfsdlkj) and identify different aspects in it, so the fact that you've had a different experience to some of your friends is absolutely not a reflection on your intelligence. and if anyone's making you feel that way, drop their @. i just want to talk :) furthermore, you’re not wrong for responding to something emotionally, especially if it really... makes you uncomfortable, you know? 

i'm from the PH & I've put off determining whether i'm comfy w the manga til the last chap,,,, but is it wrong that I can't shake the feeling that it's a justification of japanese expansionism and genocide? ik this manga has always been in the grey area, and that's what I love abt it! It often shows that no choice they make is absolutely good or bad, and does such a good job at showing you how each complex character came to that understanding (role of environment, etc...) but this last chapter felt too positive abt the rumbling? Like it was justified because paradis was able to advance and there wasn't much choice? idk.

that's totally valid! some of the best think pieces on the show i read mentioned that the concern with the narrative is less "is isayama a nazi sympathiser?" (he most likely isn't), but if he's a imperial japan apologist. and...

well, let's just say that my father is british, and when i was trying to say that colonisation was bad, using british india as an example, he said "well, we gave them railroads." it's... it's uncomfortable and gross and i think it encapsulates how countries with imperial pasts tend to talk about them; even if they don't officially endorse it, there's often a lot of talk about how "well colonialism was good for this country, actually--"

and if the manga felt like it was justifying japanese expansionism, then chances are it had elements that very much did point towards that. i've had a lot of trouble grappling with reiner, annie and bertolt, because they've existed in this grey area of 'victim of oppression' and 'war criminal'; and their existence raises the question of "do people who commit war crimes simply do what needs to be done?" and by victimising them it... it plays into the whole nuremberg defense of "i was just following orders". it's making you feel bad for the people committing said war crimes (and similarly with eren, and all the awful things he's done). but i'll get more into this point later dsfkjfd

i haven't read the last chapter yet (and don't worry about spoilers! i've been approaching aot from a very... specific perspective anyway, so i actually don't mind spoilers -- i read a bunch of analyses of the series before i'd even watched it hh), but... i think if it came off as too positive about, you know... an awful thing that happened, then it absolutely makes sense that you'd feel uncomfortable?

the modernisation narrative in general is one that always skeeves me out. it's one japanese imperialists use to justify the invasion of korea (and even those infamous tweets from the one account purported to be isayama talk about how the population of korea boomed under japanese imperial occupation, which... stop.)

it's also commonly invoked in cases of development. certain members of society (usually the poor), just 'had' to die for the good of the future. who gives a damn if they consent to that? they have to.

similarly, the 'we had no choice' narrative. that's... a concerning one that crops up time and again with history apologists, the argument that "oh if x country hadn't done y, then someone else would've!" or that acts of aggression were done as pre-emptive self-defence, which is so... ugh. i just. i just hate it.

It also feels really weird w the ymir and the whole loving fritz thing. i wish we got to see more of her thought process and what conclusion she came to that led her to destroying the power of the titans.

i... hate this so much. i get that abuse is complicated and victims often have multifaceted feelings towards their abusers, but... most people would focus on that in their story? the story would be about that? but instead, it's just... a thing in the history of the world and that's... icky.

also having the genesis of the titans come from a slave girl in love with her captor... there's many levels of ick to it and i highly doubt it was handled with the appropriate level of grace and sensitivity.

honestly, this might be one of the things that pissed me off the most because of how... contradictory her backstory was with That One Chapter (you know, instead of ymir crying because she wants to be free or because she’s been trapped she........ wants to see mikasa kiss eren’s decapitated head? i guess? what the fuck?) 

idk...I just think that context is sometimes everything. and i understand that media can portray incorrect things,,,, and that isayama likely didn't intend for it to become a global sensation, but i guess i'm just uncomfortable w the right wing nazis getting a comfort book ahaha.

i totally get that! even if attack on titan is meant to be anti-fascists, the fact of the matter is... a lot of fascists love it. and relate to it. which is... alarming. especially given just how popular aot is worldwide.

it’s hard because before the ending, attack on titan did feel like it was more grey; i remember saying that i wouldn’t know how to feel about it until the ending because the story was either saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell”, or it was saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell, but it is necessary.” 

still sorting out my thoughts, but yeah. I think i'm having a hard time understanding what they really accomplished with the rumbling and how they gave eren a sudden lelouch role and a lot of how they made it out to be a happy thing? perhaps I'm too biased to see it fully but to me it gives a "woah. eren was a hero. he saved us from destruction. those people needed to die for us to achieve this temporary peace and new start". i suppose the rumbling gave them a levelled playing ground?

OH MY GOOOOOD okay. i haven't finished code geass. but i really don't like lelouch. i mean... i think i just don't like characters that sacrifice other people for a purported 'greater good' (i could write an Essay about how much i hate erwin smith looking at him is enough to send me into an unhinged rage), but where i'm up to in the anime, i don't like the direction they're going with eren? i mean, i've never liked eren, but... that whole "martyr for the eldians" is just. ew. especially when you see several eldian characters disagree and resist him. 

why does this one guy get to make choices for everyone else? because he’s sPeCiAL? fuck off 

sorry for not being coherent. maybe i'm basing this too much on feelings ahaha. trust aot to finish it's scandalous run with a scandalous end.

no omg you're being perfectly coherent :( also, if anyone's making you feel bad or stupid for how you experience media, they’re... definitely not as smart as they think they are fdslskjfdlk. 

i'm of that mind that, while media consumption is in part an intellectual exercise, it is inherently very emotional; narrative media tries to make us feel as much as it makes us think. that’s what stories are for, you know? intellectual analysis is well and good but what’s the point of a story if it doesn’t make you feel anything?

that's to say, i don't believe there's such thing as basing your opinion too much on feelings :') especially since it's your personal experience with a piece of media; you don't owe anyone 'objectivity' (which is always a farce when it comes to this sort of thing) or 'logical analysis', because nobody's got any right to criticise you for engaging with media the 'wrong way'.

tl;dr I feel like the mood was too celebratory abt the rumbling, and didn't entail enough on the tragedy so much that it felt like a justification for genocide and expansionism. how do you feel abt it's ending and the message it leaves? is isayama responsible to give a morally correct answer to the cycle of hatred? you're not obligated to answer! and sorry for the rambling.

hhh yeah i guess that’s the thing at the end of the day... is isayama responsible for giving a “morally correct” answer? no, but the way the ending plays out is very telling. 

like armin thanking eren? mikasa’s e n t i r e character boiling down to being in love with a mass murderer no matter how poorly he’s treated her? and one could argue that kind of ending is supposed to be unsettling, supposed to hint that the cycle will just continue, but...

framing is everything. and it’s framed like a Good, Emotional Thing, Aren’t We So Grateful Eren Did All Those Awful Things 

YI think I would've been fine if we got to see more of Eren's or Yif you have a different perspective on how eren is being portrayed please do share! I just felt really yucky watching armin say "thanks for murdering all those people for us" with love,,, I suppose he was trying to make eren feel better. ach maybe I'm just overreacting. idk. im dumb ahaha . i'll send this in anyway cuz I'd love to hear your take!

HHHHHHH i just hate eren and i never got him. i felt bad for him in the beginning, but he's always been too... violent for me. there was a very short period of time in season 2 where i felt bad for him, but otherwise it’s just been... ugh. the main three have always been the weakest part of the series imo, so it’s really not surprising they’re part of the reason the ending was so. bad. 

and... well, that one infamous quote pretty much sums up my issue with armin. he's supposed to be the 'intelligent' one, but he's hopelessly devoted to a homicidal maniac with whom he has a very artificial, unbelievable bond with.

at the end of the day, the "thank you for becoming our monster" thing just makes it seem like attack on titan's core message is "war is horrible, but it is necessary." it feels like it's justifying massacre. and while fiction is fiction, and sometimes it's as simple as that, i think something as politically loaded as attack on titan needs to be looked at with a critical lens when discussing what it’s trying to say or what it means. 

do i think it makes someone a Bad Person for liking aot or being attached to it in some way? no, because that’s dumb, and what media someone likes =/= their Moral Goodness TM. ofc trends are a thing and certain pieces of media appeal to certain types of people, but it’s a false equivalency that misses the point. 

but by that same breath, nobody is wrong or stupid or has Less Valid Opinions just because what they took away from it makes them uncomfortable. 

i’m sorry this is So Long i have so many thoughts about this dskljfslkj 

but at the end of the day, 

levi sexy

[freyjawriter24]

Snek Boi

(working title - suggestions welcome!)

My entry for the Great Good Omens Snake-Off!

You could spot Crowley in a crowd from a mile away. It wasn’t the bright hair that did it – although that had been a major contributor in earlier times, before the humans had figured out how to create a rainbow of hair dyes – nor was it the ever-present pair of dark glasses on his face – although that did stand out occasionally, depending on the light levels. No, it was the way he moved.

Crowley had the body of someone who used to be a snake, and whose corporation had never quite forgotten it. His spine would bend at odd angles, his hips would sway in a way that almost defied physics, and his legs looked like they’d never quite learned how to walk properly. Six thousand years of living in human form, and Crowley still looked more like a snake when he moved than the tattoo on his face did.

Except, it wasn’t quite six thousand years. Not consistently.

Because when Eden was razed and all celestial beings – angels fallen and not – lost the ability to show their wings on Earth, Crowley kept his snake form. He was still able to transform at will, become the thing forced on him by his rapid descent from Heaven, and use it to curl up tight in on himself or slither away through tiny gaps. It was a defence mechanism of sorts, he supposed, and he hated it.

No, that wasn’t fair. He didn’t hate being a snake – he rather enjoyed it, most of the time. He liked the feeling of the warm sun on his scales, and often took to napping like that when he knew no one would see him. He liked the sensation of the ground against his belly, of the smoothness in the way he could move around like that. He liked the shapes he could make in that form, looping himself into a ball or draping himself artfully across branches or furniture. What he didn’t like was what it represented.

The thing about Falling was that it changed you, in ways too numerous and too horrifying to think about all at once. One of the things it changed was vulnerabilities – no longer was immortality certain for eternity, but now it could be ended by no more than a drop of holy water. The demons, of course, had found a counter for that. They could not solve it, and did not have the imagination to make anything new, but when they finally hit the surface of the new place they called Hell, they found the fire there particularly effective at the opposite destruction. All the immortals became mortal when half of them Fell, that was the strange thing.

But another thing Falling did was change your being at a fundamental level. Whereas the celestials Upstairs had their bodies decorated with marks of their angelic nature – gold leaf or silver, soft or bright colours, in freckles or marble cracks or across joints or on keratin – the creatures Downstairs were given a very different aesthetic. Brightly-coloured hair shrivelled and took on a strange new shape. Silvered teeth became sharp and surprisingly difficult to speak through. Dappled gold on cheeks swelled and became sticky, uncomfortable, and alive. Swirls of multi-coloured angelic beauty shrank and condensed and drained to be dark as Hell.

Most demons had an animal they were closely associated with. All demons who had Fallen did, at least – some of the creatures in the celestial basement were never angels in the first place, but that’s a different story altogether. Most of these animals were considered scary or dirty or strange by the first humans – though whether the associations came about because of some knowledge of demons, or whether they were chosen for demons because of the known future associations, God only knows. Flies, toads, moths, scorpions – all manner of insects, arachnids, reptiles, and amphibians. Birds and mammals were rarely on the list, presumably because of their proximity to humanity in terms of empathy, but there were a few exceptions. And, of course, snakes.

Crowley’s snake form was a reminder of everything he’d lost in the Fall. Everything he’d become (through what he still wasn’t convinced was entirely deserved means), and everything he would never be able to stop being.

He hated that this source of comfort, this respite from the angled gangliness of his human corporation, was also such a firm pointer towards his Fallen nature. He hated that even his human aesthetic was bound to it, the snake in him peering through his slashed yellow eyes, showing itself through his scattering of black scales, making itself heard through verbal tics he couldn’t quite eradicate. He hated the shame that came with his looks, the fear humans felt when they saw his eyes, the disgust they showed when they caught a glimpse of the reptilian parts of his skin.

Most of all, he hated what Aziraphale must think of him for all this.

The angel had made his thoughts quite clear on Crowley’s appearance way back in the early days. They’d been stood before three crosses, wincing at the sounds of pain, and the demon had just dared to say that the demonic name the angel had first been told was not the one that fitted right.

“Well, you were a snake.” Perhaps Aziraphale hadn’t meant to put so much derision into the word, but it sounded harsh and heavy to Crowley, and it bounced around his skull decades, centuries, millennia later while he was trying to sleep. There were certain words and phrases that often did, and he could do nothing to stop them, even if he dared try to use logic to scare them away.

Of course, everything came to a head with Armageddon. Now there were far worse things than snake flying around his mind – things involving fire, lots of fire, and an empty, horrifying sense of not-here-ness, of intense, deep loss.

The dreams kept him up at night, occasionally, but were soothed by the calming presence of the angel next to him. Aziraphale would stroke his hair, hold him, whisper gentle things in his ear until the stupid, unnecessary blood stopped pumping at rocket speed through his veins and he remembered how to make this body breathe. He was always there when he needed him, usually sat up reading by the moonlight that would have been too weak for human eyes.

He was always there, always comforting, always safe. And yet he hated Crowley’s demonic snake-iness just as much as the demon himself did.

That was why he hid it.

He didn’t mean to, not really. It wasn’t out of anything malicious or duplicitous. It was more shame, really, than anything else. But it was more that it didn’t ever come up. If by some strange coincidence Crowley would have been able to get them out of a tight spot by turning into a snake, he would have done – with much apology and self-deprecation, of course, but he would have done it. But it hadn’t ever come up, and it never seemed like a good time to mention something so disgraceful, so he hadn’t.

Which was why the demon had never changed form in Aziraphale’s presence, or anywhere that he thought the angel might walk in on him. It was only ever at the Mayfair flat, or out in the desert, back in the day, or when he knew for sure Aziraphale was on another continent. Never in the Bentley, though that would have been nice. Never outside in London, which would cause too much attention anyway. And never, never in the bookshop.

Well. Almost never.

Crowley wasn’t quite sure of the sequence of thoughts that led him to such a reckless action. But it was cool outside, the sort of not-quite-cold freshness that made his skin crawl, and it was warm in the bookshop, specifically in a patch of sunlight magnified by the domed skylight.

Aziraphale had gone out, looking for something specific at the British Library, and he’d promised he’d be back in time for dinner, but what with the time of year and the angel’s tendency to get distracted by books and history, not to mention both of those things together, Crowley knew it’d be dark before he got home. By which time any warmth would have gone from the snake’s scales, and he would have woken up, shaken away the grogginess, and had time to remember how to both look and behave like a functional human being again. So it was relatively risk-free. Or so he thought.

(Perhaps somewhere in there had been a deeply-hidden, long-buried desire for Aziraphale to know the truth. Perhaps the recklessness was a subconscious plea to be known. Or perhaps there was some higher divine nudging in there, just for the drama of it.)

The angel had left, and the demon had locked the door and shut the blinds behind him, and then he’d transformed in the bookshop for the very first time, and enjoyed the sensation of the flooring under his belly, and revelled in the joy of not having to deal with limbs anymore, and moved over to the warm patch of ground and curled up and went to sleep.

The tinkle of the shop bell was what first disturbed his deep slumber, but what actually woke him was the shocked gasp the angel let out when he saw him.

Crowley started up out of his nap in shock, hissing involuntarily, and transformed back into his human corporation instantly. He grabbed wildly at the sunglasses that he’d left casually on a nearby shelf, and shoved them on as quickly and firmly as he could.

“Azsss... Angel, I...”

The demon was shaking, actually shaking, and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to run, wanted to bolt out the door and never come back, wanted to get in the Bentley and drive off to Alpha Centauri on his own after all, wanted to burrow into Aziraphale’s arms and never come out. But, well. That was the problem, wasn’t it?

“Crowley.”

His voice was far too soft, far too full of fondness and affection and... and love.

The angel took a cautious step or two forward, eyes shining. Crowley felt trapped – not by Aziraphale, who had now paused a few metres away, careful not to overcrowd him, but by the situation, by whatever physical or metaphysical reason that enabled him to shift between his two forms. Whatever that was, was trapping him. Trapping him in his demon-ness: unquestionably Fallen, inescapably different from Aziraphale. And now the angel knew.

He tried to tell himself it didn’t matter. Tried to tell himself he could accept Aziraphale’s pity, the I still love you that was sure to come. After all, it was the ‘love’ part that mattered, right? Not the pitying way he would look at him, not the sadness hidden behind those declarations of loyalty, not the ‘despite your flaws’ the whole thing would entail.

Because that was the problem, really. He knew the angel would hate that part of him just as certainly as Crowley himself hated it. Except Crowley didn’t only hate it, because sometimes feelings and emotions just don’t make sense, and he loved being a snake, even if he hated the reasons behind it. Which is why he couldn’t bear to think of Aziraphale’s pitying reaction.

And now the angel knew. And Crowley was about to feel that searing pity first-hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me you can still transform?”

“I, err, um, well,” Crowley blustered, struggling to figure out what to say. “I just, well it never really came up, and I, uh, it never seemed like a good time, I –”

He stopped, and took a breath, focusing hard on a spot on the floor to the right of Aziraphale. He’d never been particularly good with words, but he knew the importance of them. He didn’t know how to get everything he wanted to say across right now, but he knew it was important not to say the wrong thing. He didn’t want the angel crying on him or anything. So he settled on silence, for the time being.

His eyes darted up to look at Aziraphale.

The angel smiled, slightly sadly, and Crowley could feel something tightening around his heart at the pity he knew was coming. He set his mouth in a tight line, bracing himself for impact, and thanked Somebody that he’d had the sense to keep his glasses nearby to hide behind now.

“No, I suppose there is no perfect time to say something like that.”

Crowley nodded slightly, trying to stop his hands from clenching into fists. He watched Aziraphale from behind the dark lenses in much the same way a cornered mouse must watch a pampered housecat, uncertain if the predator will act on its deep-buried instincts.

“I’m glad.”

Crowley’s head jerked up at that, narrowing his eyes at the angel.

“Not that you didn’t say anything, I mean,” the angel clarified. “Just that you have that... outlet. It must be quite freeing, I should think. Like being able to stretch your wings...”

It was a similar sensation, Crowley thought, but not exactly the same. For him, at least, getting his wings out felt like unbinding something that had been pulled taught and held too tightly in place – it was a relief, an ached-after pleasure. Taking on his snake form was, if anything, more of a comfort than a release – he didn’t itch for it in the same way he itched to stretch his cooped-up extra limbs – but the feeling of being in one’s natural state, of feeling calm and content and complete was certainly the same. Often, in fact, the only way he was able to cure any aching for his wings to be free, like they had in Eden, was to become that other form he had been in the Garden; the tight feeling at his back never followed him as a snake. He didn’t like to imagine how uncomfortable it must be for Aziraphale, who had no secondary release like that.

The angel took another half-step forward and smiled again, his eyes searching the black lenses for a hint of the yellow eyes beneath. Then he opened his mouth and continued the thought.

“And I’m glad that you didn’t lose that part of yourself.”

He couldn’t take it. Crowley made some strange, involuntary noise in his throat, then turned and strode away a few paces, crossing his arms defensively and refusing to look back at Aziraphale.

“Crowley?”

He didn’t turn. He’d thought for a moment that he could manage this, but it was too much. He’d never been that great at understanding or dealing with emotions anyway – it had taken him a few thousand years to realise how much he loved Aziraphale, after all – but now it was all too much, too difficult to comprehend, and he could feel himself shutting down. He just wanted it to stop, everything to freeze, for Aziraphale to just forget the conversation and invite him out for a quick bite to eat, not keep talking and get closer and closer to saying something Crowley was going to wish he had never heard.

“Crowley, my dear, I’m sorry if... I’m sorry that this is a sensitive subject for you. I just – I want you to know you don’t have to hide yourself from me, okay? You don’t have to curl up somewhere you don’t think I’ll find you just so you can transform. I really... I really don’t mind.”

And there it was. I don’t mind. He was trying, oh, he was really trying, but it was still there, still seeping through the cracks. Pity, in all its angelic glory. Crowley had to bite his tongue to stop himself from snapping, but he couldn’t help the hiss-like growl that escaped his lips.

He silently cursed that, too. He hated how betraying even this version of his body was – the hissing, the sibilance that surfaced when he was stressed, the scattering of scales that still grazed his skin, his goddamned slitted eyes. Everything about him that wasn’t blatantly human was blatantly snake, and that was the root of the problem – any sign he wasn’t human was a sign he was a demon, and every one of those could be traced back to the form he could still, for some unfathomable reason, take.

Crowley couldn’t see Aziraphale, but he could tell the angel had noticed his reaction. He felt the ethereal being step closer again. “I mean it my dear, I really do.”

“Angel...” Crowley turned around now, unable to stop himself. His arms remained tight against his torso, still fending off Aziraphale’s words, his endless pity. “You don’t have to.”

The angel frowned. “I don’t have to what?”

Crowley sighed, frustrated. He was going to make him say it, wasn’t he? He floundered for a moment, no words coming out of his moving mouth, and then he sighed again. No escaping it. Just bite the bullet.

“Pretend, for my sake,” he said, and turned sideways so he wasn’t presented with the full force of whatever Aziraphale’s reaction would be. “You don’t have to see me if you don’t want to, I’ll make sure you’re away, I’ll hide, I – I mean, I didn’t expect you to see me this time, but I’ll be more careful, I’ll –”

He was stopped by a hand on his arm, stilling him into silence. Aziraphale had stepped right up to him, now, and was using the point of contact to turn Crowley to face him. They were almost chest-to-chest.

“May I?”

Aziraphale had taken his hand off the demon’s arm and now had both of his own raised slightly, gesturing. Crowley hesitated, then nodded. He’d never been able to deny his angel anything.

The glasses were lifted off delicately and placed down neatly on the nearest available surface. Blue eyes met sulphur ones, and the former smiled gently.

“You don’t have to hide from me,” Aziraphale said, slowly, deliberately. “I don’t want you to hide from me.”

A short, consonant-heavy sound rose up, unbidden, in Crowley’s throat.

The angel took a deep breath, then ploughed on, never wavering in his eye contact with the demon before him.

“I love you, Crowley. I love every part of you. And I don’t want you to hide any of it from me, not anymore. Our own side, you said. And together, you said. I want us to be together, wholly together, without shame, without secrets, without fear. And I know a lot of that has been my fault, that we haven’t been able to do it sooner, but now that that’s done with, now that I’m here... I don’t want there to be anything else stopping us. I don’t want you to feel like we can’t... like you... like I’m...”

It was Aziraphale’s turn to flounder, uncertain of how to express what he wanted to say.

Crowley shook his head, unable to make the words come. Please, angel. Stop. It’s okay, I can take it. I’ve been dealing with this for a while, you don’t need to lie to me. Just stop. I’ll go, I’ll hide, it’s okay.

The demon’s eyes flicked to the safety of the dark lenses, put down just out of easy reach. Aziraphale followed his gaze, and his face crumpled slightly when he realised what Crowley was looking at.

“Oh, my dearest. Please, I don’t want you to feel like that. You shouldn’t have to wear those when it’s just us. Please. I love you, Crowley. Please let me see your eyes.”

The demon had shut them tight as the angel spoke, and now he found that he didn’t want to open them again. He shuddered slightly, trying his hardest to hold back tears.

“But you hate them,” he managed, and was thankful that it sounded more like a whisper than a sob.

There was silence for a moment, and Crowley would have thought that the angel had vanished if he couldn’t feel his proximity. Aziraphale didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t breathe for several seconds.

Then he said, in a voice somehow both soft and hard at the same time, “What?”

Crowley shook his head, eyes still tight shut, refusing to believe even for an instant that the angel could harbour anything other than revulsion at any reminder that he was a demon.

“I’ve seen the way you react to them. Always have.” His voice was small, pathetic, but right now he didn’t care. “It’s like you forget they’re there. And then I take off my sunglasses and you...” Crowley shuddered, and this time it definitely was a sob. “You hate them.”

“Please, my darling, please look at me. That’s not true, not even for a second. Please, please just open your eyes.”

It took him a moment to summon the willpower, the bravery, to do so. But then he did, and realised the angel was close to crying, too.

Aziraphale opened his mouth, his face the picture of honesty and earnestness. He stared into Crowley’s eyes as he spoke, gaze flicking between the golden irises, now helplessly expanded to block out any humanising whites. His own pale blue eyes were flooded with love, and the words were almost secondary to the depth of meaning that one look offered.

“Your eyes are the most beautiful thing about you. How could you ever think that I would hate them?”

Crowley’s mind stopped working.

He became incapable of speech for a solid five minutes, but Aziraphale let him work it out, let him garble nonsense syllables, let him hover between belief and terror, let him slowly, slowly get his brain back in order. The whole time, the angel stood there, so close, ready to fold Crowley into his arms at a second’s notice. The whole time, he watched his beloved demon’s face, gazing at the eyes, lingering on the tattoo, and never once flinching at the unbidden elongated sibilants that escaped the occult being’s forked tongue.

“You...” Crowley whispered finally. “You like them?”

“Of course I do, my dearest. I love them. They’re gorgeous. How on Earth could I hate them?”

His voice betrayed no hint of a lie or an exaggeration. His soft face was kindly but honest, not pitying. He was... Crowley hardly dared believe it. Could he be... telling the truth?

“Because they’re snake eyes,” he said, hoping that was enough explanation. “’M a demon. ’S a reminder.”

Aziraphale shook his head slowly. “Darling, the first thing I knew about you was that you were a snake. That’s how I first saw you. That’s how we met. How could I ever hate something that makes you who you are?”

Crowley stared at him for another few seconds. Then all his resolve crumbled, and he practically fell into the angel’s strong, reliable arms, and allowed himself to be held, tight and safe, and basking in the glow of angelic love.

At some point, they ended up on the sofa, wrapped around one another, Crowley allowing all the pent-up fear and shame to tumble out of him in shaking gasps and tears. Aziraphale wiped his cheeks and played with his hair, holding him and soothing him until he’d let it all out.

At some point, Crowley sat up, and tried for a smile, and Aziraphale leant forwards and kissed him on both eyelids, and told him he was beautiful.

At some point, perhaps a long time later, an angel and a demon sat on that same sofa together. The angel was reading in the fading daylight, and the demon was coiled around him in the form of a large black snake. They were happy and comfortable together, and the sunglasses lay long-forgotten on a table by the door to the outside world.

And at that point, they were happy.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: How do you like your  🥚🍳 in the morning? Carly: no 🐣 Carly: ha Ali: 🐔 didn't show up in your roost later, did he? Carly: he must be scared of you Carly: 🔮 Ali: or my 🐺 Carly: maybe Ali: eggs aside, how you feeling, chick? Carly: 😷🤒🤕🤢🤮 Ali: 👎👎👎👎👎 Ali: unacceptable! Ali: what do you need, kill or cure? Carly: cure forever Carly: im too young to die Ali: I'll swing by with my witches brew Ali: actually doesn't taste like ☠ either Ali: pure 😇 Carly: aw Carly: really? Ali: 'course, not gonna half-arse the job Ali: and it makes a full pot, no sense in not sharing the 💚 Carly: 💙 Carly: wat does it taste like? Ali: like Christmas 🎄🎅🤶🎁❄️🌨️☃️✨🌟 Carly: 😋😊🥰 Ali: it's got ginger and peppermint in Ali: the only other person hanging out their arse is my brother and he would rather die 'cos he's grumpy 👴 man energy so Carly: no 🦃 tho yea?! ha Carly: oh no he sounds like my da Carly: which cute bro is it? Ali: definitely not 😂 Ali: some greens but not sprouts Ali: the freckly one Carly: did u heal my heart to 💔😢? Carly: course itd be the most beautiful one Ali: oh no, you're delirious Ali: I'll come quick 😜 Carly: dont b jealous 👼 hes only the most beautiful boy Ali: 😏 My ma'll be gutted Carly: do u have a tea for that? Ali: 🍋 'cos she's so bitter? Ali: I'll see if she goes for it Carly: noooo 🍯 so she wont be Ali: you're too sweet yourself, Walsh Carly: aw Carly: but ur the 1 who saved me Carly: ur the sweetest Ali: anyone would Carly: nah ur the 1st Carly: not just saying it to u get ur fairy wings Ali: had to fly away from that particular 🐔 plenty myself Ali: harmless and flightless though he is, most the time Carly: yea Carly: he talks about u wen hes been on it Carly: the 1 that flew away Ali: uh oh Ali: can't let a boy ✂ your wings Ali: ever Ali: ever Ali: 👼🏽 🐔 🐧 🐦 🐤 🐣 🐥 🦆 🦢 🦅 🦉 🦚 🦜 🦇 🐝 🦋 🐞 🦗 🦟 🐓 🦃 🕊 Carly: im 😕💫🙃 but idk if those were the guests i danced with Carly: did get a cute lil 🎶🎤 to fall asleep to tho 💙🕊 Carly: 🌚🌝🌛🌜🌞 Ali: very 👸 of you though Ali: I can 👀 it Carly: my ma is trying to make me clean Carly: 🐇🐁🐀🐿🦔🐾 pls Ali: also unacceptable Ali: not 'til you're better Ali: use my wings to fly through and 🤞 he don't get the wrong idea about who I'm there to see Carly: [sends her a pic of whatever caravan mess she caused last night that her mum is raging about] Carly: so u can play a game of spot whats got her 😠 Carly: cuz idk Ali: Fun 🧐🤔🤨 Ali: angry mothers are my forte Ali: [does the circling the hazzards moment on the pic] Carly: making her angry is mine but nah to knowing y ever ever Carly: k ur cute & smart Carly: 🌟 Ali: it's rarely logical, but 🤫 on that or it's hulk levels in 0-60 Ali: how are you this nice when you're 😷🤒🤕🤢🤮 Ali: that's a skill, rare one at that 💎✨ Carly: my da is looking green must of had his own 🎶🍻💃 ha Carly: idk i can b nicer? but k now i know ronan aint been talking bout me when hes 🍺 or 💊 Ali: can be a tea party for three Ali: have to bring his own 🎩 though Ali: not to me anyway Ali: but as you can tell Ali: 🐺 keeps all the 🐓🐓🐓 away Carly: 🐇🐇🐇♠️♣️♥️♦️🐇🐇🐇 Carly: she is fierce Ali: she likes to think so Ali: 🐶 really Carly: course ur not scared of her silly Carly: u love her Carly: im a 🐈 person ha Ali: [sends her a load of pictures of Bluebeard she didn't ask for rather than being like do I love her hmm] Carly: AW!!!! Carly: 🥰🤗 Ali: he's captain ☠🏴 but there's always room aboard Carly: thats the best offer ive had from a gentleman ever ever ever Carly: whats his name? Ali: Bluebeard Ali: and he is MOSTLY a gentleman if you can handle some toe nibbling Carly: 😍😍😍😍 Carly: into it Carly: ive done more for lads i just met who aint as beautiful so Ali: 😂 I feel that Ali: honestly, it's quite comforting, when he doesn't sneak attack you with it Carly: [sends her a selfie that shouldn't be as adorable as it is] Carly: now u can introduce us Carly: 👋 baby blue Ali: the 😍😍😍😍 are mutual Ali: I can tell Carly: yay Carly: 🧡 Ali: is there anything else you need/we want for the tea party? Ali: en-route at last Carly: ur really coming? Ali: yeah, sorry I was ages, it's a whole process brewing it Ali: also a dead giveaway you're 😷🤒🤕🤢🤮 which obvs my ma takes as her cue to be all Spanish inquisition about it Ali: 📚 of my mostly-fictional-but-which-are-and-which-aren't-mother exploits later Carly: sorry iou so much magic Ali: nah, don't worry about it 👸 Ali: who doesn't love a little scandal with their morning brew? she deffo does Carly: its too late im looking for 🍀 Carly: among the 🌼🌼🌼 Ali: awh Ali: I'm never turning down extra luck Ali: we can make daisy-chains Carly: its the dresscode Carly: soz da Ali: does he have a 🧔? Ali: that's a #look Carly: not rn Carly: my ma wasnt on @ me only to clean up Carly: he had his turn Ali: damn it Ali: maybe a nice belt Ali: I'll be 🤔 Carly: dont b 💔😢 he has bushy eyebrows Ali: same Ali: he's earnt his invite back Ali: your ma gonna have to chill though Ali: and it ain't that kinda tea 💔 Carly: you wont b able to tell if shes angry or surprised Ali: 😚 ⬅ I know the vibe Ali: you do you babe Carly: she used to let me sort em out but there was an accident Carly: which im sworn to secrecy about Ali: I'm so good with secrets 🙏🙏🙏 Carly: k Carly: my head zoned out but my hands kept going like Ali: you were meditating you can't help having  🌌🧠 Ali: I'll 🤭 now and never tell, don't worry Mrs W Carly: @ school yea im meditating on your q sir relax Carly: ha love that Ali: they just ask questions to answer it themselves, what is the point Carly: u coming for my ma again? Ali: 🤫 bad first impression, that Carly: shes heard it from ronan too sorry Carly: lad has loose lips Ali: honestly Ali: 🙄 can't keep up with my bad reputation Carly: ud think hed be better at kissing Carly: its talk talk talk Carly: more good things about u than ive made it seem like tho Ali: he was a big talker Ali: probably 'cos he ain't allowed with the lads Carly: if he talked about what a 👼 u are & how 💔😢 he is theyd uninvite him from the bonfire Carly: its sweet really how hung up hes got Ali: he only thinks I'm an 👼 'cos he took my virginity probs Ali: that's more suitable 🔥side chat Carly: he goes on about that alot but I thought he was lying Carly: oh no that sounds bad Carly: not calling u a slag ur obvs not its y he likes u more Ali: 😂 I'm fine with slag Ali: all definition dependent anyway Carly: yea same Carly: can be hot if ur in the mood Ali: right, and if I'm a slag 'cos I didn't marry him then I'll take it Carly: & hes not allowed to marry gorgers theyd wanna throw him in the 🔥 Ali: exactly Ali: we can't both be 💔😢 forever can we boy Carly: just me @ the party til u came to my rescue Ali: 🥺 Ali: What was he even on about then, like? Ali: dickhead Carly: idk i zone out wen he shouts @ me too Ali: I can always poison a cup and send it his way Ali: just say the word Carly: hes not that bad Ali: okay okay, just some laxatives Ali: 'cos he's a bit 💩 Carly: ha Ali: no 🌼🌼🌼 unless he says soz then Carly: but his beautiful curls 🥺 Ali: hmm, a good point Ali: be strong, baby Carly: ill throw one @ him & run away Carly: back to u Ali: you're so adorable Carly: says u Carly: 👼👸🏼 Ali: 💚 we're gonna have an adventure when the tea hits okay Ali: I've decided Carly: k thats the kinda 🎄🎅🤶🎁 it is Carly: i do want the energy of a kid on xmas morning Ali: that's the best Ali: how I'm tryna be every day Carly: 💫⭐️🌟✨⚡️☄️ 🚀🛸 Ali: if only 🚀 Ali: this bike can only go as fast as my lil legs can carry, like Carly: aw baby Carly: i shouldve asked u where u live before this 2nd rescue was launched Carly: im sorry Ali: No distance is too far for a fair maiden Carly: ill have to see what other 🔮 i can find before u get here Carly: dont love ious Ali: there's no ious Carly: [sending her loads of pics of her with or just pics of the cat lady's cats that she's rounding up for this tea party and they're adorable] Ali: 😍💞😻 Ali: okay, non-debt fully paid though Carly: [just rambling about the names she's given each cat cos her and cat lady don't know each other properly til Ali comes along and like facts about each cat/her fave things cos she's a big nerd] Ali: I love them Ali: I'm gonna get them some 🐟🐟🐟 when I get tea party tings Ali: some cream, awh, okay, this is happening Carly: im picking enough 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼 for everyone Ali: should've put Bluebs in my basket Ali: next time Carly: aw Carly: Humbug might try & fight him Carly: youd b there to protect him tho Ali: I can ref Ali: my little brother is always trying to play-fight everyone so I'm well-versed Carly: is he ticklish? that works for me Carly: broken up lots of fights Ali: big time Ali: his kryptonite Ali: reckon it's against the rules in professional fights but preparing him for anything like any good big sister Carly: ha Carly: aw i bet ur an amazing sister Carly: if i had 1 maybe id wanna be on site sometimes Carly: my ma's eyebrows r hardly a call to home Ali: he might disagree but he's 5 so what does he know 😉 Ali: feel that though Ali: home is just a base, whole 🌍 out there Carly: wen ur 5 you argue to argue Carly: yea if u dont use ur wings theyll think u dont want em 💔😢 Ali: flying is like riding a 🚲 though Carly: r we goin on a 🚲 adventure? Ali: definitely Ali: ugh, need one of those wagons for the 😻😻😻s Carly: ☺️its gonna b so fun! Carly: we might meet more 🐈🐈🐈🐈 Ali: way better than 🐔 Carly: ha Carly: do u have 🔮 left to help me find shoes? Ali: have you checked the fridge? Carly: [a pause while she do] Carly: theyre not there 😕🧐 Ali: damn, that'd be the last place I'd look though Ali: were they in the mess your Ma was sounding off about fr Carly: o mayb Carly: if i was wearing any when you dropped me off Ali: 🤔 I don't know if I recall any glass slippers Ali: I'll ask Lene hold up Carly: 👸 energy Carly: but idk if i wanna scary 🐺 at my door Ali: turns out she's actually your 👵 Carly: ha my grandma is 💍 to god Carly: its not close to the energy shes putting out Ali: she'd probably tell your actual that God is a gay girl Ali: nah she's well 😇 around fam, just hide behind your Ma and me, baby, you'll be fine Carly: ha that wasn't in any of the kids bible stories she sent me every 🎄🎅🤶🎁 Carly: her god is 😠 than Humbug Carly: he likes to shout so i gotta zone out Carly: aw that's sweet ur ma loves her too? Ali: Hooray for Catholicism, yeah? 😏 Ali: she loves my Ma, more like Carly: we spend our sundays on our knees nana but its 🚽🤮 or u kno a bigger sin Carly: u do look like her i remember Ali: that's not QUITE 🚽🤮 levels but close 😂 Carly: nah its nice u have the same 👀💙✨ Carly: idk who i look like Carly: postman maybe Ali: now I don't know whether to 😳 or be 🤨 you like my Ma too Ali: you look like you and that's Ali: 💛 😍 😘 🥰 😚 👸 👼🏽 🐰 🌼 🌻 🌞 🍓 🍑 🍨 🍰 🍭 🍬 🎆 💜 Carly: yea 🤞🙏🌠 the postman isnt my da cuz hes a ride Carly: aw now youve got me 😳 Ali: rude, my postman is not Carly: 🚫💌 then baby Carly: ill text u instead Ali: so grumpy, don't stick your hand right into our house if you don't wanna get bitten, sir Ali: not by me, whatever Ronan has said Ali: though I'm well flattered I'm getting a text back Carly: ha its k its not that u use too much teeth Carly: & course ur my hero Carly: tho 🤞🙏🌠 wont b an sos every time Ali: good, can't have him putting you off with blatant lies Ali: it won't be if I do a better job at the heroics and get there before any bad shit can happen Carly: its k i like it Carly: helps me remember what i did Carly: 💔😢 no lads r spelling their names out in bruises for the who Carly: 🐇🐾🐇🐾🐇 Carly: nooo theres no better u could do Carly: ur flying to me faster than anyone has ever ever Ali: amateurs, like Ali: so rude, ain't they heard you're 👸 Ali: I'm basically there now, prepare for the best tea party you've ever been to Carly: aint wat theyve heard but idc Carly: yay 💙 i havent had 1 since me & my 🧸🧸🧸 Ali: I'll be 🎶🔊 it so get in the know lads Ali: awh, can I meet them too? Carly: not too 🔊 or ur gf will bite me which could b fun but im not trying to do u like 💔😢 Carly: some r shyer than others but if u work ur 🔮 how u did for me ull make friends Ali: fill your boots, babe, I don't reckon she's your type, like Ali: I'll be on my best behaviour 🤞 Ali: the loveliest guest you've ever had 🤞🤞 Carly: be fun though Carly: not boring Ali: 😲😲 Ali: Is that the impression I give off? Ali: or another Ronan tale, either way Ali: gonna have to prove otherwise now in the most extra ways imaginable Carly: nahhh Carly: he don't lie to me its his 1 saving grace Carly: its just like a pls Carly: to u & the universe Ali: I won't be boring Ali: trust me Carly: k Carly: i do ur a lifesaver Ali: nah Ali: just happy to help Carly: im happy we r mates Ali: me too Ali: idk why we weren't before, like Ali: too many people at school Carly: & i dont go much ha Ali: this is true Ali: lesser spotted walsh 🐦 Carly: oooh wat colours am i Ali: 💗💜💛🧡💗 Carly: cute Ali: very Carly: wats ur fave colour? Ali: It's a harder question than people reckon, that Ali: like, there's so many beautiful things of every colour Ali: if I can decide for the day, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to all the others Carly: sorry Carly: i havent decided on mine either Carly: when i was a lil kid it was 💛 for the 🌞 then wen i started goin out it was silver for wat i thought the 🌚 looked like Carly: but ive seen so many new colours since Ali: kids always know Ali: they're much smarter than adults about everything Carly: i bet ur lil bro is the smartest Carly: like u Ali: he likes red for 🚨❌🛑⛔️🚫💯‼️🥊🥤 Ali: and I see the appeal Carly: does he like 🍎? i kno somewhere that sells the reddest shiniest 1s Carly: or we cud just throw 🍅s Ali: he's at the anti-fruit stage Ali: but I reckon he could be convinced if we let him smother 'em in caramel and sprinkles Carly: its a date Ali: Me first

[sachi-pon]

free! dive to the future episode 8 liveblog/review thing

the new episode is finally here!!!! i waited a week to see this haru/ikuya race. ;___; but i also want to see ikuya and hiyori make up. <3 idk if that'll actually happen in this episode. ^__^U

[note after writing this whole post: i wrote a whole lot this time!!! this is a loooooong post. this is like episode 6, where i also wrote a lot. wow, i am so talkative when it comes to these episodes, haha. if you are willing to read this entire post... THANK YOU!!!!!!! =) ]

my previous liveblogs: (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5) (episode 6) (episode 7)

watch this episode on crunchyroll!! http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-8-metamorphosis-of-the-soul-775639

***

okay, here's hiyori now...

wait why is mako there???

omg, look what just happened. hiyori instantly went into "pretend to be happy" mode. but that's so sad.

sweetie makoto trying to give helpful advice ^__^

mako is watching hiyori start to have a breakdown and he's like "uuuuhhhhhhh this is getting weird"

um, idk if hiyori is interested in hearing more about how great haru is. that'll probably make him mad. ^__^

mako was smart enough to end that convo quickly!!!

let's go haru!!!!!!! you have to win!!!!! ^___^ why am i nervous to watch a swimming race between fictional characters??

haru has magical powers. when he swims, beautiful music starts playing. XD

"can someone really be this free?" YES, IT'S THE TITLE OF THE SHOW.

"all along, i was afraid of ending up alone again. i thought everyone would end up leaving me." awwwwww my heart hurts.

ikuya is having this amazing epiphany just by swimming next to haru XD

"HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH" ikuya's battle cry??

wow!! asahi noticed immediately!!!! o__o

mako and asahi cheering for both of them is so nice and wonderful. they want ikuya and haru to be friends, and that's more important than either one of them winning. (but i still hope haru wins lol)

AWWW HARU KINDA SMILED A BIT!!

haru didn't win??? ;__; but asahi is happy. lol, haru should dramatically pop his head out of the water and say "I LOST!!!!!" like mako did last season.

i just want to say that this whole scene with the race and ikuya's epiphany was done beautifully!!!!! it looked beautiful, it sounded beautiful, it was written beautifully. (rei would approved)

haru finally kept his promise! he really does care. what a sweetheart <3333

NO STOP I CAN'T HANDLE IKUYA CRYING. noooo don't cry don't cry... okay he's crying.

OMG THEY ARE HUGGING. THEY ARE ACTUALLY HUGGING RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES. I CANNOT WATCH THIS, I WILL DIE, this is just too heartwarming. (i have this weird thing about guys hugging each other. it's just too cute)

haru's surprised face when ikuya hugged him hahahaha

so if everything's cool now between haru and ikuya, well isn't that this season's whole plot? hmm oh yeah, there's hiyori. is he happy that ikuya and haru are friends now? because logically, he should feel happy that ikuya is finally feeling better. but i'm sure he's frustrated because... haru.

just seeing ikuya finally smiling and being cute and happy is so precious to me <3333

"it was---" *interruption happens* what was it??????? ugh

i love how haru just immediately answers makoto's question like it's no big deal, lol.

ikuya's embarrassed face is priceless. XD

he wants to become like haru??? let me guess: haru is going to say that ikuya should be himself.

haru is so confused hahahaha

"you might be someone's hero already, ikuya." hmmmmm, who could it be???????

haru didn't say what i guessed he would say. oops lol

as soon as i saw asahi's line appear in the subtitles, i immediately paused and thought, "there, that's going to be the picture for this post." XD i love that line!!

once again, the music is really nice!!! ^__^

haru, of course you're ikuya's hero. you not only literally saved him (when he almost drowned), but you just helped him have his magical swimming epiphany.

awww makoto you are the best <3333 somehow makoto always knows the right thing to say.

hiyori turned around so slowly and dramatically.

hiyori is doing the "pretending to be happy" thing again, which isn't a good sign.

hiyori's like "you love nanase and not meeeeeee *sob* *cry* *wail* "

i love how ikuya's like "i want to swim relays" and then the captain comes up to him and says "hey guess what, i'm giving you a chance to swim in a relay." why can't my life be like that?

see hiyori, ikuya loves you =) <33333

the subtitles said "swim with me, hiyori," but i think that was a mistranslation and the proper translation is "marry me, hiyori."

omg i missed you iwatobi people ;__;

lol, rei and nagisa are stunned because haru (supposedly) only swims free!!!! they cannot comprehend the concept of haru swimming other things. actually, i can't comprehend it either, even though it just happened. XD

gou is like a mother thinking "how did i get stuck with these two crazy twins..."

chappy-senpai???????????????????????????? lol

let's show 100 screenshots of the audience before starting this race.

bazooka? that's the toughest, most intimidating-sounding name you could come up with???

ikuya teasing asahi like they are longtime friends who have never had any trouble in their friendship. awww.

"i don't need you to tell me. i do trust him." awww again. it was kind of a snarky line, but it was still so sweet.

swimming with haru? it's epiphany time!!!

"HIYORRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

hiyori looks cute without glasses. (well actually, he also looks cute with glasses)

yay!!! i was going to be so upset if haru didn't win that. XD

an ominous shadow appears...

WHAAAAAT. WHY ARE THEY DOING THE MAKOHARU THING. don't they know that makoharu has trademarked that?!?!?! XDDDD lol no really, that is too cute.

ikuya remembering the friendship moment from the past is so important! it's a reminder to him of how much friendship he has with hiyori.

haru looks at makoharu copycats hiyori and ikuya and nods in approval. lol

this is such a happy episode so far!!! =) =) =) it must be the end... oh... no, there's still some more left. but, but, i don't want anything bad to happen!!! can we just have a happy episode for the rest of the episode?? and the rest of the season???? no more drama!!! (yeah, like that's gonna happen.)

ugggghhh that moment where hiyori and ikuya both smiled shyly at the same time. please just stab me in the heart. it would hurt less. (i need a gif of this moment immediately!!)

"we'll just have to look forward to seeing what [haru] transforms into." if you've read my previous liveblogs, you know that i'm about to make a joke about haru transforming into a merman. so here you go: haru is going to transform into a merman. hahahahaha

ikuya telling hiyori how beautiful his smile was. this show is trying to totally destroy me.

hiyori telling ikuya that ikuya's smile was his salvation. this show is trying to totally destroy me AND IT'S WORKING.

see, ikuya???? you are a hero <333

oh yeah, the brothers haven't reunited yet!! finally, it happens.

shoutout to whomever it was who painted that cloud in the background. you're a great artist! ^____^

okay seriously. why is this episode so happy??!?!?! i am getting suspicious!! this is a season finale level of happiness. and it's not the season finale. something strange is going on.

natsuya is crying?? once again... i am saying "awwwww."

"i'm sorry for leaving you to look after ikuya." YES!!!! i am so glad that he acknowledged that!!! i mean, i know that he was sincerely trying to help ikuya, but he unintentially put pressure on hiyori, and that added additional strain on hiyori and ikuya's relationship.

aaaaand the scene ends. i am so scared right now. i kinda just want to stop watching the episode right here. it's a good stopping point!! but *sigh* i must continue...

a wild very realistic waterbottle appears.

hiyori makes a new friend ^__^

and here's a scene with haru, mako, and the others. i am sitting here trying to predict what bad thing is about to happen, but i can't think of anything.

haru smiles a bit!! i remember way back when haru used to be that character who never smiles. (mostly back in season 1) so i like that he is smiling more these days.

oh wait... that's the end? i thought there was a bit more time left in this episode. i guess i just estimated the time wrong.

interval. interval. interval. interval.

so that was the preview. wait... there seems like too much time left for just the ending song. *skips to the end of the song* THERE'S ANOTHER SCENE AFTERWARD. i didn't estimate the time wrong after all!!

who is this mystery person with the hat over his eyes? just kidding, i know it's rin.

soooo is rin the bad thing i've been dreading?? XD uhhh well, i don't know what bad thing he would do though. but he will certainly make things interesting. can't wait for next week!!!

ummmm well i just feel kinda tired after that episode. that was a lot to write and a lot to think about!!!! it's just hard to explain how much this show emotionally destroys me. they really did it this time. ouch!!! >__<U yes, i am saying "ouch" even though i'm happy!!! it's just so overwhelming and heartwarming!! <3333 i expected haru and ikuya to get over their conflict in this episode, but i didn't expect ikuya and hiyori to get over THEIR conflict within this same episode! i thought it would be like one or two episodes after this. but no, all the happiness and wonderfulness was stuffed into this one episode. =) i love these writers. they really know what they're doing. since it's the third season of free!, they have become used to the consistent writing style of free!, and by that, i mean that the writers show that swimming means so much more to these characters than just the physical act of moving through the water. it's a symbol of friendship. we (the viewers) know this because we're used to watching free!, and the writers are used to writing free! and they are used to writing about how swimming is a symbol of friendship. haru really does have superpowers!!! he makes everyone have epiphanies just by swimming next to him!! i am so proud of my lovely angel, haru!!!! but... does he have room to "improve?" i wonder what that meant.? ..idk.

i said in one of my previous liveblogs that i kinda wanted to ship hiyori and ikuya, but something was off about their relationship. i had been hoping that they would be able to solve that problem, and then i would be able to ship them. well, it happened. their relationship is no longer "off." now, they're on the same page. they're on the same wavelength. they're literally in the same swimming lane. ^__^ the point is, i saw how closely they connected in this episode, and it was like the connection they had a long time ago. it was so great to see this connection, and now... i ship them!!!!! =D seriously, i do. they are super, super cute. now i want to see fanart, fanfics, comics, you know. i loved the part when ikuya asked for hiyori to be included in the relay, right at the exact moment that hiyori was thinking that ikuya had completely chosen haru over him. hiyori was really, really touched by the fact that ikuya specifically cared about HIM!!! ^__^ but the part that absolutely killed me was their romantic conversation overlooking the pool. they were talking about how much each other's smiles meant to them ever since that long time ago... and clearly, those smiles still have the same importance today... it was just... i don't know what to say. ;___; i don't know what to say about that part except that it was one of the highlights of this entire series (all three seasons) for me.

the next four episodes are going to be a bit strange since it seems like this episode was a good stopping point that wrapped up some major plotlines. it's exciting to see what'll happen in the next four episodes. i don't really know. except... there's sousuke and his injury, so that plotline hasn't ended. and rin's going to do... something. and the iwatobi people are going to do their thing. and of course, haru is going to keep swimming, makoto will keep being perfect, asahi will keep being funny, and hiyori and ikuya will keep being in love. it's going to be a fun rest of the season! =)

[headandheartcatholic]

Is Faith Irrational?

For the Head - 1st in a 2 part series [LINK TO PART TWO] 

Is Faith Irrational?

Is faith a mere ‘stab in the dark?’ Is it simply shutting off our intellect to embrace some fantastic story about creation, an ark with lots of animals, a burning bush, miracles and a resurrection? As one atheist put it, ‘Faith is gullibility; [it] is the… excuse people give for believing something when they don’t have a good reason.’[1] Hasn’t the scientific method shown that we should only believe that which has been empirically proven true? That is, does Christianity, or any religion for that matter, belong at the same level as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy – something heartwarming, but in the end not meant to be taken seriously?

So the question, ‘Is it rational to believe?’ is fundamental. Because unless we can show that the very act of faith itself is not contrary to reason, then there really is no point for a reasonable and educated person to continue bothering with a religion that seems to be no more than mere conjecture, sentimentality, and irrationality.

In this post, I will argue that the act of faith is not only reasonable, but also frequently practiced by all people, even agnostics and atheists. To do that I will try to answer three questions: What does ‘faith’ mean? When do we make acts of faith? Why do we make acts of faith?

a. What does ‘faith’ mean?

Now what are we talking about when we say that we believe or that we have faith? [For the sake of clarity, here I am taking faith and belief as synonymous].

First, let us see what faith is not.

Faith is not merely a preference. Often the question, ‘In what religion do you believe?’ is taken to mean, ‘Which one of the many religions do you prefer?’, as if religious choice was something similar to choosing a favorite flavor of ice cream. ‘I prefer Catholicism to Buddhism.’ ‘I prefer cookies and cream to chocolate.’ If, however, our religious faith were merely preference then there would be many things about our Catholic faith that we would not believe. As Patrick Madrid once said, ‘I don’t like the Church’s teaching on the existence of Hell, but I believe it.’[2]

Faith is not merely a sentiment. Often people of faith will say things like, ‘I feel God’s presence in my life,’ or, ‘Can’t you feel God close to you right now?’ While our living of the faith includes an emotional element, we have to take care not to root religious belief solely in our emotions. Otherwise, what do you do when the emotion is gone? That would be a fragile faith indeed.[3]  Additionally, how would you communicate a merely subjective experience of the faith to someone else? What if they do not share your emotion? There has to be a firmer foundation.

So, what is faith? What does it mean to believe? Faith, or to believe, is ‘to hold something for true which we ourselves cannot directly know or prove.’[4] You might object, ‘Isn’t that an oxymoron? Isn’t that irrational?’ Actually, all of us, including non-believers, make countless acts of faith daily. Let us look at some examples.

b. When do we make acts of faith?

When you get onto a plane, do you know if it is in good flying condition? I am not asking you to look into the future, rather, what is the plane’s condition the moment you get on? Is it in good enough a condition to fly? Is it a reasonable assumption that the plane will indeed fly? How do you know? Did you test the hydraulics, the engines, and the fuel lines? No, you did not. You just ‘believed’ the plane to be in good condition.

When you are about to drive over a bridge, do you know that it is in good condition? Did you test its structural soundness?  You might reply, ‘I see other cars driving over it… it must be good.’ Perhaps, but then again, that wasn’t ‘proof’ enough for the bridge in Minnesota that fell during rush hour in 2007. [5] Again, I am not talking about seeing into the future, but the condition of the bridge at the moment you assess it. You did not empirically prove the bridge to be in good condition. You ‘believed’ that the bridge is in good shape.

When you get medication from the pharmacist, do you know that it is the right one?  Perhaps the pharmacist made a mistake, like the case in Northern Ireland a year ago where a woman died because she was given the wrong medication.[6] Did you chemically dissect each tablet? No, you believed that the medicine was good.

Therefore, people, whether religious or not, have frequently ‘held something for true which they cannot directly know or prove.’ This is much more practical or tangible than an opinion or a feeling. It would be practically impossible to function otherwise. You cannot examine everything that you use, even if you were technically qualified to do so. Does the pharmacist chemically analyze every aspirin he takes for his own headaches?

Additionally, sincerity of the believer has nothing to do with the validity of the truth he or she professes. Either the plane is in good flying condition, or it is not. Either the bridge is stable or it is not. Either the medication is good or it is not. Sincerely believing something does not make it sincerely true. The believer can be sincerely mistaken.

c. Why do we make acts of faith?

You might reply, ‘It is not irrational for me to believe that a plane will fly if it’s with a reputable company, and checked by the Federal Aviation Administration!’ I agree, it is not irrational on your behalf, but it also not empirical. You chose to believe because you personally did not check it: that is the point. You have to ask yourself the question as to why you believe that, or anything else you believe. Why is it reasonable to believe that something is true without empirically seeing it or logically deducing it? We hold something for true because we trust the one who told us that it is that way.

There are two essential elements needed to trust any given messenger: they are qualified and sincere. Qualified means that they know what they are talking about, such as a doctor or a pharmacist speaking about medication. Thinking them sincere means you are convinced that they are telling the truth.

Therefore, faith is built on a relationship of trust.

In the next blog I will l look at: faith vs. knowledge, and, faith in God vs. natural faith.  

[link to part 2]

Fr. John Bullock, LC

TKC!

Image: Photo by xurde on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA [7]

[1] Matt Dillahunty explaining irrationality of faith www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-exGLLwC3c

[2] Patrick Madrid, ‘Why I’m Catholic.’ Lighthouse CD.

[3] St. Pope John Paul II, Encyclical Faith and Reason, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_14091998_fides-et-ratio.html

[4] Cf. Josef Pieper, ‘Was heist Glauben? Grünewald Sprechkassenten, 1998, Hörbuch, ISBNÑ 978-3-7867-2089-8; http://www.gruenewaldverlag.de/was-heisst-glauben-p-352.html

[5] Source: Breaking Christian News (Exclusive), Aimee Herd, Editor, www.BreakingChristianNews.com

[6]‘7-Month Suspension for Pharmacist Whose Dispensing Error Led to Death.’ C+D Community Pharmacy News, 6/10/2017, by James Waldron. https://www.chemistanddruggist.co.uk/news/7-month-suspension-pharmacist-whose-dispensing-error-led-death

[7] Photo by <a href="https://foter.com/author2/4785cd">xurde</a> on <a href="https://visualhunt.com">Visualhunt.com</a> / <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">CC BY-SA</a>  

[rtirman-blog]

26     Legends  of Notre Dame

How did I do in my other classes?  I guess, just fine.  Even though I failed chemistry the Fall semester, my grade was so close to passing, my semester GPA was pulled down by only three or four points. I avoided probation, and got nowhere near the Dean’s List.  However, the Spring Semester, with that 97 in Chemistry, I missed the Dean’s List by one-tenth of a point.  Through it all, I was learning something important about myself-  when I put my nose to the grindstone, I do very well.  More appropriately, I found out I really could handle the academics…maybe I have a brain, after all.

 Before I move out of my first year as a Fighting Irishman, there are three topics of importance about which I would like to tell you a Jim Van Petten, a Notre Dame Legend, Marcia K., a real cute nurse I couldn’t get my eyes away from, and Notre Dame football.

 I believe I have mentioned Jim Van Petten two times before now. I have labeled Jim a Notre Dame Legend. I do put him on a level with my personal legends at Notre Dame. The one thing about Jim that separates him from all the other Notre Dame Legends is that he was not very well known. Today, if you ask any Notre Dame fan, student or otherwise, to name three Notre Dame Legends, you might hear Knute Rockne, Frank Leahy, and Ara Parseghian, or Johnny Lujack, John Lattner, and Paul Hornung.  It is unlikely you would hear Tom Brennan, Jim McCaraghy, or Jim Van Petten.  But if you were a student who took Philosophical Psychology, you would include Tom Brennan; or if you worked as a soda jerk in the South Dinning Hall, you would have included Jim McCaraghy; or if you walked by the Bobbin Restaurant and met another student who was form Oak Park, Illinois, you would have named Jim Van Petten.  Brennan, McCaraghy, and Van Petten were my personal legends.

 As the first semester was coming to a close, I was standing outside Room 104 O”Shaughnessy Hall, when inside that classroom, a priest was on a rant, yelling at the students in the room. I couldn’t believe what I witnessed. I made up my mind, if that priest ended up being my teacher, I would drop the class.  

 Prior to the start of the spring semester, I had to register for my classes.  In a nut shell, I wanted to take a logic class, but there wasn’t one available that could work into my schedule. My adviser, with the Dean’s permission, put me in a philosophical psychology class for which logic was a prerequisite. When I got into the classroom, 104 O’Shaughnessy, the professor wasn’t there, yet.  I took a seat by the windows.  Suddenly, my jaw dropped when into the room walked that priest who I watched rant and yell at his unfortunate students.  I said to the student sitting in front of me, “This priest is nuts! Last semester, I watched him go out of his mind. I’m gonna drop this course!”

 That kid, in front of me, turned around and said, “Are you kidding?  Do you know who that is? That’s 88-Brennan. Everyone gets an 88 or better, unless your absolutely stupid.  Father Tom Brennan is a legend!  This is one of the hardest classes to get into. I wouldn’t drop the class. You just hit a gold mine!”

 Yes, I did hit a gold mine! I looked forward to every moment with Fr. Brennan. In that first class, he made it around the room, and had a public conversation with each of us. When he got to me, I’m certain he was taken aback by my size.  But he seemed to understand to say nothing of that. Instead, he found out where I was from and my major. Then he discovered I had not taken Logic 101.  I thought I had it.  But instead, he introduced me to the class as “The Advanced Freshman”.  I was thrilled!   I was the Advanced Freshman throughout the course.  Our final exam, after 40 or so class meetings of humor and Catholic philosophy went like this: He walked into our classroom with a slew of bluebooks, and wrote on the blackboard, “Quid est homo?”.  He then looked at Tim Reilly and said, “Reilly pass out the bluebooks, wait until everyone is finished, and bring them all to me at the Huddle. I’m going over there for coffee. I wrote almost a bluebook and a half about man’s soul. The Advanced Freshman learned a lot, and was rewarded with an 89%.

 As a soda jerk in the South dining hall, I ran into another “legend”- Jim McCaraghy.  Jim was my supervisor.  When I first met him, he introduced himself as “Jim McCaraghy, that’s M-c-C-a-r-a-g-h-y, the ‘g’ is silent like pee in swimming”. I can best describe him as an old Irish elf with glasses. He was Irish through and through. Almost a carbon copy of Barry Fitzgerald, except he didn’t have that Irish brogue.  He took interest in all of the students, and shared so much of himself.  One of his claims to fame was, when Knute Rockne was alive, he regularly joined in on Rockne’s poker night.  Only those students, such as myself, who were honored to work with him and talk with him, would call Jim McCaraghy a legend.

 Finally, there was Jim Van Petten.  Jim is my number one Notre Dame legend!  He is what a Catholic, more precisely, what a Christian ought to be. He has always offered himself to anyone in need.  Throughout his life, others have always come first. I suppose we met because he gathered I was a student who needed a friend.  He regularly ate at the Bobbin Restaurant, which was on my walk from the bus stop to St. Joseph Hospital, where I worked.  One late afternoon, he approached me on the street to find out if I was a student. We struck up a friendship that has exceeded sixty years.

 Even though I speak of Jim as a saint, he wasn’t perfect. Here are a few of his sins:  1)He would receive money from his grandmother, get on a train, and travel to one of the many Chicago Area race tracks. He had a system. Funny thing, he never got rich from his winnings; 2) He systematically rated girls on an A through F scale.  I wish I could tell you the parameters of each grade level. Good looks were important, and so was height.  Jim was my size, or even a bit smaller. Eventually, he married Ruth, definitely A material! {Actually, I had no understanding of his rating scale, so I used mine for Ruth) and  3) Jim didn’t know how to be gracious enough to let me win at anything. Be it tennis, ping-pong, pool, or checkers, he would triumph with a poorly hidden gloat. I think, much earlier, I mentioned Jim having more trophies in Oak Park’s Fenwick High School’s trophy cases than Johnny Lattner- a Fenwick student who was awarded the Heisman Trophy and became a Notre Dame Legend.  But as you may have guessed, Jim’s trophies were not in football. However, like Lattner, he was an ND legend- one of my own ND legends!  Here’s just one example of why Jim Van Petten deserves this honor.

 Later in his academic program, he signed up for Business Law, a required course for his major in the College of Business.  Jim managed to keep up with any assignments regardless of what horsetracks were open. This, in itself, was near miraculous.  However, the greatest feat I witnessed was his preparation for and his performance on the Business Law Final.  Hustling back from the horses rather late the night before the exam, Jim went to his Business law book and scanned the 900 + pages through an all-night cram session. He took the final, and ended up with a 96%.  If  he had just not crammed the night before the exam- he could have returned that book to the bookstore “Unused” or better yet “Unused by a Notre Dame Legend”!

 Although not one of my legends, I would like to briefly tell you about Marcia K. and me. Marcia was a nurse (in training) at Holy Cross Central School of Nursing. She was the prettiest nurse I had ever seen.  Like, Mary Lou Dillon, I gulped every time I saw her.   Most of the time, I would spot her on Saturdays and/or Sundays. She was about my height, blonde hair, a friendly smile, and always said hello. I became somewhat obsessed looking for her any time a group of nurses came down the hallway. I knew she knew I was a Notre Dame student, which meant I was eligible for dating or even marriage.  

 The big dance for the ND freshmen was coming up. It was called, “A Nigh in Venice”. As you might expect, this was a very scary moment in my life.  I hadn’t been to a dance with a date since sixth grade, my only date in high school was the one with Linda Larriar when we ducked for apples, and I hardly knew Marcia. Asking her to attend a semi-formal dance with me was really scary.   Somehow, I got up enough courage to ask her.  Surprisingly, she said, “yes, I would love to go with you.”

 I bought Marcia a corsage, and I had on a new suit. The crazy thing about that night was that I had a “craptastic” time.  Little did I know she had the “hots” for a ND freshman who had asked a different girl to the dance. Just about through the entire dance, she was off looking for that other guy, with me following her everywhere.  I might have danced with her once or twice.  I don’t remember. We didn’t even have our picture taken together under the “A Night in Venice“  sign.  At the end of the night, I thanked her and went to give a quick kiss on her lips. She turned her head so she got the kiss on her cheek. I was very embarrassed as I left. At work, the very next day, two of the nurses sought me out and told me why she acted that way. They felt embarrassed for me. Marcia is not a legend; she is a bad memory.

 The final topic of thi post is my experience with Notre Dame football.  Since I worked on Saturdays, I didn’t see the first game that year.  It was an away game, and I can’t remember with whom. The following week, Purdue University was at Notre Dame. Since I got off for home games, I went to Notre Dame Stadium for the first time. All the ND students sat in the northwest corner of the stadium with all the St. Mary’s students next to us, but further into the end zone.  My seat was on the end with the aisle to my left. I sat next to a student who was a diehard ND fan. He was irritating.  Purdue won the game, and that guy was crying and talking about not being No. 1.  You would have thought the end of the world had come.  Since Purdue was a team I always liked, and I was not yet fully brainwashed with the Notre Dame spirit, the results of that game did not affect me. Eventually, I reached diehard level, but I never cried. I just got depressed.

And that, as I wrote earlier, is a lifelong malady.  I was at Notre Dame as their football performance slid quickly downhill.  Even with Paul Hornung, they weren’t that good. The coach was Terry Brennan.  He inherited Frank Leahy’s players, so his first two seasons were fairly good. (9-1 and 8-2).  

 Regarding football, the neatest thing that happened was meeting Don Schaefer. I think he was a half back It was in Dillon Hall.  I was applying to be a cheerleader.  Schaefer just happened to be there.  He couldn’t believe a a little squirt like me was a student. He decided to show everyone in the hall that he could press me. In an instant, I was high over his head. Little did he know he had just pressed a Notre Dame Legend- The Advanced Freshman!