#he’d mollywhop my ass

[junker-town]

16 stats that tell you everything about a weird NFL Week 15

This week wasn’t just about controversial rules. Aaron Rodgers couldn’t save the Packers, Teddy Bridgewater is back, and Jimmy Garoppolo remains perfect as a starting QB and as his own receiver.

The antepenultimate week of the NFL season was basically like every office holiday party you’ve ever attended. Some were so embarrassed they hope no one will remember what happened (blowout losses for the Seahawks, Texans). Some did nothing more than show up and get their wallflower on (the apathetic performances from the Bengals, Browns).

And others decided to let loose and give everyone something to talk about the next day and beyond (Patriots-Steelers, Cowboys-Raiders, the refs, dumb NFL rules).

It’s hard to sum up one of the strangest weeks in the NFL, but we’ll do our best. Let’s check out some of the most significant numbers from Week 15:

168

The Steelers knew it was coming. Tom Brady and the Patriots struggled mightily the previous week with Rob Gronkowski sidelined by a league suspension for an egregious cheap shot against the Bills.

Coming into the game, Gronkowski had already recorded six games with 80+ receiving yards and had most recently lit up Buffalo for 147. In five games against the Steelers in his career, Gronk had 30 catches for 496 yards and eight touchdowns.

And despite that, they were powerless to stop him.

Gronkowski’s 168 yards were a career high, but none were more important than then final 69 (nice) that shredded the Steelers secondary and turned a five-point deficit into a three-point lead with less than a minute to play. He tortured Pittsburgh with some spectacular catches:

And others that seem mundane until you consider the physics of a 265-pound man running at full speed and leaving defenders in his wake.

He even caught the two-point conversion. If there’s a rematch in the postseason, the Steelers might want to try double-teaming him.

38

The Cowboys’ season-saving win over the Raiders was a doozy of a way to end a doozy of a Sunday. But lost in the shuffle of a paper-measured down and the legitimacy of the touchback rule is the play of No. 38 for the Cowboys, safety/emergency kicker Jeff Heath.

On second-and 3 with about 40 seconds left, Heath saved an almost touchdown when he batted away a ball heading straight for the waiting arms of Michael Crabtree.

On the next play, he sprinted toward Derek Carr, who scrambled 7 yards and (now infamously) stretched out to reach for the goal line and fumbled out of the end zone.

“I was just trying to beat (No.) 38 to the corner,” Carr said after the game, via the Cowboys’ official team site. “I was able to beat him, but as soon as I stuck the ball out and he pushed – it just slipped out of my glove. I tried to hold onto it.”

Instead, Dallas got the ball back and was able to kneel out its 20-17 win, all thanks to two heads-up plays from Heath.

0-4

Aaron Rodgers was supposed to be the Packers’ white knight. We’ve seen him do it before. We’ll almost assuredly see him do it again. But in his first game back from a broken collarbone, Rodgers couldn’t save the Packers.

Rodgers had an up-and-down game against the Panthers. At times, he looked like the same guy who could methodically rip your heart out as he marched his team down the field for an inexplicable game-tying or winning drive. It almost happened Sunday, too, and maybe would have if not for a Geronimo Allison fumble.

But at other times, it was clear Rodgers wasn’t his usual self — so much so that he threw three picks, for just the fourth time in his career. The Packers are 0-4 in those games.

It was the first time Rodgers has had a three-interception game since 2009. Now the Packers will do something they haven’t done since 2009: miss the playoffs.

0-2

Bridgewater earned every decibel of a rousing ovation at US Bank Stadium Sunday when he made his first game appearance in nearly two years for the Vikings. Minnesota. The fourth-year pro had missed the team’s last 30 games thanks to a catastrophic knee injury that raised questions over whether he’d ever play again.

Deafening standing ovation for Teddy Bridgewater #Vikings http://pic.twitter.com/5kFaa3Y1cv

— David McCoy (@DavidMcCoyWCCO) December 17, 2017

His on-field performance, however, failed to live up to the fairy tale standard set by the crowd’s love. His first pass since January 2016 wound up intercepted by Cincinnati linebacker Shawn Williams.

His second was similarly unsuccessful, leaving his comeback with an 0-2, 0 yard, 1 INT line.

Neither incompletion was necessarily Bridgewater’s fault, however. His first pass to Jerick McKinnon floated high, but was still catchable before it caromed off the running back’s hands and into the Bengals’ possession. His second pass hit Michael Floyd right in the hands before falling to the turf.

More importantly, the result was never going to be more important than the sheer fact Bridgewater was able to make it back. That terrifying knee injury threatened to keep him from ever pulling on his jersey and stepping out on an NFL field. Instead, he worked his ass off to return to the game, and even in an 0-2 performance, it was perfect.

10,000

The Bills are still hanging on to the final wild card spot in the AFC, though they might need some help to fend off the Ravens, Titans, and Chargers.

But if the Bills end up breaking their playoff drought before it reaches adulthood, then the player they should most thank is LeSean McCoy.

A week after his walk-off snowdown, Shady hit a career milestone in a win over the Dolphins:

Runs for his 10,000th career yard. Goes down. Gets back up. Scores a TD. That's our guy, @CutonDime25!#MIAvsBUF #GoBills http://pic.twitter.com/Uwxc0Ly22R

— Buffalo Bills (@buffalobills) December 17, 2017

At 29 years old, McCoy is the oldest running back among the NFL’s top 10 leading rushers (his 1,057 yards on the ground puts him at No. 5 in the league right now). But he’s not done yet: 12,000 is his next goal.

5, 1,008, 2, and 1

If he keeps this pace up, Jimmy Garoppolo — acquired for the cost of a mere second-round draft pick — may wind up being one of the biggest bargains in league history. His third straight win with San Francisco was notable for several different numbers.

5: the number of starts Garoppolo has made in his NFL career, and

5: the number of wins Garoppolo has as an NFL starter

- or -

1,008: his passing yards over his first three starts as 49ers quarterback, and

0: number of San Francisco quarterbacks to throw for even 800 in his first three starts before Jimmy G

- or -

2: career receptions for Garoppolo, each on batted balls thrown by ... Jimmy Garoppolo (one came Sunday vs. Tennessee)

- or, and possibly most importantly -

1: the number of comeback wins he’s pulled off at approximately the same time as his former mentor, Tom Brady.

0

After a 1-10 start, Garoppolo has rallied San Francisco to three straight victories. That’s a December winning streak the Patriots, Steelers, and Eagles can’t match.

But the Jaguars can. Jacksonville’s latest win, a 45-7 mollywhopping of the Texans, gave them a matching clean sheet for December and a three-game streak of its own. Only the Cowboys can match these two in that regard.

That makes Week 16’s game between the 49ers and Jaguars and unlikely showdown between the league’s two hottest teams.

The Jaguars won’t just be putting their winning streak on the line, though. They’ll also look to keep their red zone wizardry going:

Jacksonville hasn't allowed a red zone touchdown since Week 9. The next lowest team over that span has allowed six.

— Rich Hribar (@LordReebs) December 18, 2017

On Sunday, the Texans’ only score in a 45-7 loss to Jacksonville was just outside the red zone: a DeAndre Hopkins 25-yard touchdown catch. Speaking of ...

12

DeAndre Hopkins is, without question, the best receiver on the Texans roster. His score against the Jaguars was his 12th touchdown catch of the season, which set a new franchise record. But Bill O’Brien thinks the case can be made for Hopkins as the best receiver in the league.

O'Brien on Hopkins: "The type of year he's had, with different quarterbacks, the catches he's made... I think he's the best receiver in the league."

— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) December 18, 2017

That’s a hard sell, simply because players like Antonio Brown and Julio Jones exist. But Hopkins has done enough this season to prove he deserves to be discussed in the same breath as that upper echelon of receivers, especially when he’s spent half the season catching passes from Tom Savage and T.J. Yates.

Before the season is up, Hopkins may land at the top of the list for end zone targets in one season.

Most end zone targets in a regular season since 2008: 1. 2011 Brandon Marshall - 25 2. 2010 Calvin Jonson - 24 2. 2014 Kelvin Benjamin - 24 2. 2017 DeAndre Hopkins - 24 (2 games left for the Texans)

— Mike Clay (@MikeClayNFL) December 18, 2017

Sunday’s game also put Hopkins in a class with players like Randy Moss and Jerry Rice. Hopkins is only the sixth player in NFL history to come up with 92-plus receptions for at least 1,310 yards and 12 touchdowns in a single season.

180

The NFC West doesn’t officially belong to the Rams yet, but their 42-7 shellacking of the Seahawks sure felt like a changing of the guard in the division.

Todd Gurley led the way for the Rams, totaling 180 yards — 152 rushing, 28 receiving — on 24 touches. He also accounted for all but one of his team’s five touchdowns and joined some pretty exclusive company in the process:

Todd Gurley is the 2nd player in @RamsNFL history to have 1,800+ scrimmage yards & 15+ TDs in the team's 1st 14 games of a season. The other is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Eric Dickerson, 1983 Todd Gurley, 2017 http://pic.twitter.com/V6RyAd3gsy

— Randall Liu (@RLiuNFL) December 18, 2017

But Gurley wasn’t the only player to go 180 on the one-time formidable Seahawks. Pharoh Cooper also put up 180 return yards.

With one more win (or another Seattle loss), the Rams can lock up the NFC West and do a different kind of 180: going from worst to first in the division in their first Jeff Fisher-free year.

90+

Second-year receiver Michael Thomas has 94 catches for 1,085 yards so far this season, and he’s in good company:

Congratulations to @Cantguardmike, who joins @OBJ_3 as the only two players in NFL history to have 90+ recs in each of their first two seasons.#SaintsGameday | #NYJvsNO http://pic.twitter.com/yutdcomR4W

— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) December 17, 2017

Between Thomas, Mark Ingram, and Alvin Kamara, Sean Payton’s offense has a three-headed monster:

The @Saints are the only team in the NFL to have 3 players with 1,000+ scrimmage yards each this season: Mark Ingram - 1,420 Alvin Kamara - 1,336 Michael Thomas - 1,085 http://pic.twitter.com/LGdjD3UUpr

— Randall Liu (@RLiuNFL) December 18, 2017

Drew Brees might be getting up there in age, but he doesn’t have to do nearly as much when he has guys like this around him.

8

A lot has been said — some fake newsy, some not — about the NFL’s declining ratings. But if you give people a matchup worth watching, they will watch. Just call it the NFL’s version of the voice in Ray Kinsella’s head.

So no surprise that people tuned in to that wild one between the Steelers and Patriots, up 8 percent from last year’s game in the same timeslot:

CBS Sports National Game coverage scores highest rating of 2017 NFL Season on any network, highlighted by @Patriots win over @steelers, game earns rating share of 17.0/32, up 8% https://t.co/CxHZT4u0g7 http://pic.twitter.com/9tsb7aaluE

— CBS Sports PR (@CBSSportsGang) December 18, 2017

Aaaand, also no surprise, the last Thursday Night Football game of the season, the poopfestiest poopfest between the Colts and Broncos, was the lowest rated of the year. But hey, at least it still got more viewers than Olaf’s Frozen Adventure.

10

Julius Peppers is tied for 10th in the NFL with 10 sacks so far this season. And he’s eight to 10 years older than each of the five players he’s tied with at that spot.

Peppers shares that No. 10 ranking with his Panthers teammate Mario Addison, Steelers defensive end Cameron Heyward, Chargers defensive end Melvin Ingram, Saints defensive end Cameron Jordan, and Broncos outside linebacker Von Miller. But he’s doing it at age 38.

Only three players, including Peppers, have gotten 10 sacks at age 37 or older.

Julius Peppers is almost 38 years old. He's not playing like it. http://pic.twitter.com/igrnbTTQSJ

— SB Nation NFL (@SBNationNFL) December 17, 2017

And that’s not all: This is Peppers’ 10th season with 10 or more sacks. Only Peppers, Greene, Smith, and Reggie White have pulled that off.

39

Just three weeks ago, Blaine Gabbert got revenge against his former team with a competent performance in the Cardinals’ surprising win over the Jaguars. But it’s clear now that Gabbert was who we thought he was. Against Washington, he completed 16 of 41 passes, or just 39 percent (which was still, somehow, better than T.J. Yates’ completion percentage against the Jags this week).

To be fair, Gabbert’s been on the ground an awful lot lately:

Blaine Gabbert has somehow been sacked 20 times in his last 3 games. Next up is Wilson (11) and Keenum (10). Crazy

— Jason La Canfora (@JasonLaCanfora) December 18, 2017

Good thing for him (or perhaps, not so good) is that Drew Stanton will be the Cardinals’ starting quarterback in Week 16 since he’s fully healthy now.

We’ve come a long way from Arians thinking that Gabbert could possibly be a future starter on a permanent basis.

7

On Thursday, the Colts led the Broncos 10-7 at halftime. They lost, 25-13. It’s been a familiar feeling this season:

This will be the #Colts seventh blown halftime lead of the season. NFL record is eight. This year still has a chance to make history.

— George Bremer (@gmbremer) December 15, 2017

That certainly doesn’t look well when you look at their 3-11 record.

With two games left, they can break the NFL record for most blown second-half leads in a season. They play the Ravens in Baltimore Week 16 and host the Texans in the final week of the season.

If you have to place a bet, Week 17 seems like the one for them to clinch it in.

99.2

Brock Osweiler’s 99.2 Total QBR on Thursday night was a performance that no other NFL quarterbacks can say they had this season:

Brock Osweiler's 99.2 Total QBR on Thursday is the highest in the NFL for any QB in a game this season (min. 20 action plays). It's the highest Total QBR in a game for a non-starting QB in the 12 seasons for which ESPN has Total QBR data. http://pic.twitter.com/KSeABgicj7

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) December 15, 2017

Osweiler wasn’t even supposed to play on Thursday. Trevor Siemian went down with a shoulder injury on the team’s second drive of the game, but he filled in nicely.

Osweiler completed 12 of 17 passes for 194 yards and two touchdowns. He was sacked just once, and even had a rushing touchdown with a joyous WOO HOO HOO HOO!

3

The Buccaneers’ final drive on Monday Night Football managed to get them into Falcons territory and set up a game-tying field goal attempt. But they weren’t helped by an official costing Tampa Bay about three seconds by falling down.

Did it matter? Probably not.

If he just put the ball down, the Buccaneers would’ve had eight or nine seconds and maybe that would’ve meant one more play. Tampa Bay still got its shot at a field goal and of course it missed because the Buccaneers are cursed when it comes to kickers.

A ref falling face first felt like an appropriate ending to a weird week of officiating, though.