#he was gone and i could've just let him stay gone but nooo my fucking attachment issues kick in and i can't stand when he disappears

[backtodecembertv]

the funniest way to break up with him for the third time would be to just send him a link to dear john. i don't think he'd get it though. he'd probably just be like lol nice try, i'm not listening to taylor swift

[cjlouwho]

I'm back at it again! Notebook ready to talk about Time in a Bottle.

CJ you really nailed it here, so much stuff called my attention and it's just, aaaghhh so good.

Not Bobby immediately knowing Buck wanted to talk about Tommy 😭 but also “He also knew everyone had practically forced him to shut up about it by this point” like, bobby being aware that this is not something that only affects Buck personally but the team, and how he knows he needs to talk about it. And not Buck knowing things like which accounts Tommy interacts with on social media??? I'm on the floor CJ.

Once again, seeing how Eddie's lie just keeps spreading is so *slams fist on the table*

And speaking about Eddie, his pov is so intriguing to me. We see how the guilt starts to eat him alive, when he notices how hard Tommy must've fought and still was abducted, how terrifying it must've been. It may be a weird idea but I definitely get the feeling that Eddie was hurt by the breakup and that clouded his judgement.

When Eddie mentions in his voicemail how Tommy could've gone to him after the breakup but it didn't trust him, it gave me the impression that later on he started to project his own pain and anger onto Buck, and that caused him to (in his words) “be upset on his behalf”, without taking into consideration that he KNOWS the kind of man Tommy is, and that he KNOWS Tommy would've talked to Buck had he not been kidnapped. It's just so interesting with this idea/perspective on.

I'm still like yelling at the screen for Eddie to keep feeling guilty, like, I'm sorry but my guy needs to feel that regret.

Going back to the hospital scene, there's quite a few things that made me go from 🥹 to 😭.

“hoping her smile didn't appear to be forced” Athenaaa 😭 like i bet she's feeling awful but needs to put a strong front for them.

The fact that Buck has added a bed for himself in the room, my baby cannot let Tommy out of his sight :( (it also makes me think if these two like formed one of those bonds after the rescue and now they can't quite literally stay away from the other).

Not these two lying about how well they slept when Athena asks them 😭 like Buck's eyes looking tired and Tommy being barely able to smile at her?? DUDE

Not Tommy ignoring his own pain when he straightens the bed up like, baby nooo you don't need to look proper for this interview, you need to rest!!!

There's something that (idk it may just be me) makes me go :( and is the blanket/sheets mentions. Like, it feels as if Tommy fears feeling seen and exposed because of what happened and just keeps covering himself because of it. Like, covering himself when Athena points out he may not look comfortable, and when she mentions that the 118 won't get to hear his interview, despite the fact that they've already seen how he looked like when he was found.

Also the “Doesn't really matter. They saw it all anyway” absolutely broke me!!!

You know that meme “the woman was too turned to speak"? Well that was me when Tommy said “His name isn't James, is it?” that twist CJ... I don't even know who this kidnapper is and you're already shocking me with more reveals like this.

And Tommy apologizing for not remembering who Athena was that night :( baby she's not upset, you've been through unimaginable trauma and your mind wasn't there when she found you.

I wanted to compliment you on the way you set the atmosphere for Tommy's house. Like I could see the mess, I could see the blood, and the signs of fight and struggle. And it was fucking terrifying CJ. The idea of how strong the guy must've been to fight off Tommy and win scares me so much.

Also, the 118 helping to clean up his house? 🥺 Please I'm going to tear up.

Now for the final comments, the dance scene (those scenes will never fail to make me so sad over Tommy). It's the way “Evan” tells him he has a chance to survive and how there are two parts of himself, one that wants to live and one that's starting to give up, that's what gets me. He wants to survive so bad but he sees and feels everything that's happening and his will to live just declines 😭 and it's only the idea of Evan that keeps him going.

Thank you for one more incredible chapter CJ the story's progressing really well.

See you next chapter 🩷

–bisexualbrainrots

I NEED to hug you 😭 I’m a mess right now! So much of what you mention gets brought up later on (some I was actually writing earlier) and I’m just endlessly glad we’re on the same wavelength here!

I’m glad the set up for Tommy’s house came through. I was actually pretty worried about that part.

Once again, you’ve made me practically speechless! But I thank you endlessly 💗