#he said he's been working out and going to the gym in his mindset

[echantedtoon]

PLEASE PLEASE!! KAGAYA WITH WIFE READER AND HIS REACTION TO HER PREGNANT WITH THEIR CHILDREN!! 🙏 I SWEAR THERE'S BARY ANY KAGAYA CONTENT!!

Warnings for pregnancy and death mentions. I'll do this version in Kimetsu Gauken since I barely write for that version of the characters. Just pretend Amane and Kagaya are just coworkers and reader is his wife for this post.

-You both had been married for just a year now having met through work as Kagaya was the chairman of the academy and you the secretary for him and both the principal and vice principal. So this really came as a shock for both of you to find out.

-You both are just starting out in your early twenties and weren't planning on having kids so soon but neither were against the idea of it. Your mindset being if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't. So when you started displaying the symptoms a little while after your first year anniversary you just thought it was a reaction to something you ate. You did crave some more take out lately so maybe it was bad takeout food? A student had recently been sent home for having a stomach bug. Perhaps you caught it somehow? Maybe you were allergic to something new? 

-After medicine and resting doesn't work out, Kagaya insists on scheduling a doctor's appointment for you. Unfortunately he's unable to go with you to said appointment because of an emergency work meeting but you assure him that your mom can just drive you back home. You were really just expecting it to be a bad case of stomach flu or something similar so imagine your shock when the doctor and nurse comes back from doing tests with bright smiles on their faces. "Congratulations, Mrs. Ubuyashiki! You're a month pregnant!"

-You're shocked. Absolutely happy but so shocked. As said before you both really weren't trying for a baby or really planning on having any so soon but you knew your husband would be incredibly happy with the news. Later that night when he's tired from work and you're all happy he's smiling and kissing your face like usual. "Hello, Dear. You seem cheerful. I trust the doctor visit went well?" "Yes! He figured out what was wrong with me right away!" "That's wonderful news. Did he give you medicine then? You seem to be feeling much better." You wait for him to start taking off his coat before you say anything. "Nope! But I know what's going on?" "And what's that?" "I'm pregnant." "Oh, that's ni-..."

-You giggled as the coat falls from his hands and he turns to you with the most wide eyed shocked look of his life. You were initially nervous when you found out that you were pregnant considering Kagaya didn't have the best family. Both his brothers and mother passing in a house fire when he was little, father dying later unable to handle the loss, and not to mention the constant friction from his cousin Muzan. You always knew that's why he was reluctant to start a family of his own. But when you saw the way his lower lip starts trembling in a smile and tears gather in his eyes as he hesitantly approaches you-

-"A-Are you sure?" "Yep. The doctor says I'm already a month in." This man drops to his knees and hugs your middle smiling and weeping into your stomach with the happiest feeling he's ever had. "Dear, y-you don't know h-h-how happy you've made me!"

-EVERYONE knows by the end of the week. Mostly because Kagaya is too happy and excited to keep it to himself and brings it up once every day even if it's in the middle of a meeting- "Sir, this year's senior prank caused damage to the men's locker room at the gym!" "Don't worry! It's going to be fixed! Did I ever tell you my wife is pregnant, Nakime?!" "*sigh* Yes, Sir. You mention it every day." 

-Everyone is so happy for him minus Nakime who's annoyed by his constant talk of it but keeps it to herself. The girl staff and Rengoku already planned out and threw you both a baby shower as well, with Shinobu yelling at Tengan that a onesie he personally studied with sparkly fake jewels was not safe for a baby to wear! Muzan knows too via Nakime being his spy but he can't escape Kagaya calling him and bragging about it every few days. "Hey, Muzan! My gorgeous wife is having our children!" "I KNOW ALREADY!! You don't have to call me every time I have a meeting just to tell me!" "Where would the fun be then?~"

-When you're around 4 months is when you start working from home on your laptop as your stomach has gotten awfully large. You two are so happy though it doesn't even register in your minds until one of your friends just happened to ask you- "So how's the twins?" "Twins?" "Oh. Well I figured you were having twins since you seem rather large. Are you farther along than I thought?" Kagaya quickly schedules another doctors appointment for an ultrasound. Imagine the shock on your faces when you're handed over the black and white photo.

There's not one not two not three not even four- but FIVE babies! Quintuplets. You both were having quintuplets. You need to sit down and have the nurse bring you a glass of water before you faint, meanwhile your man is a blubbering, crying, happy mess just hugging the picture to him. He later frames that picture and keeps it on his desk at work, showing it to everyone. Nakime and Muzan get more bothered by him now.

-As for how he'd treat you while pregnant- Man will take care of you. holding your hair back when you have morning sickness, getting you any food You're cravin, buys anything you may want or need. he learns how to cook meals if he can't get what you want and has to make it instead. You once caught him reading some early parenting books, and on another occasion he was found speaking to your parents for advice. Will be attentive to both the baby and you as you recover from giving birth and even before giving birth. Will carry them around in a sling when you need a break and will take care of any household needs during the entire time you're pregnant.

-He's very well off because of his work to expect your babies to have a room for each one of your babies each having been filled up already with toys and cribs and clothes and he's still bringing more home. However he always gets your input on everything before making a final decision because he loves and values you and wants your approval. It's always "Do you want water? I think the baby wants water." Or "Do you think the nursery would be better in black and white or greys? Those are neutral colors since we don't know what we're getting." Or "I got you your favorite food! Don't wanna neglect my beautiful wife now.~" Is very invested in their raising. Rocking them to sleep, bed time stories, research for educational toys- This man is determined to give his children the life he didn't.

-When it's the final month of your pregnancy he stays home. Uses all his vacation time plus holiday time as Amane generously offers to take care of everything for you both as you take the journey. He's there when you go into labor, riding with you to the hospital, and let's you practically murder his hand as you give birth to your children. Cries, and cries and cries happily for hours as he holds all five with the nurses help in his lap and his arms. Telling you how beautiful they were and says "Thank you thank you thank you" for giving him such precious gifts.

[writer-ishh]

My Dungeon Meshi Modern AU Thoughts Instead of Writing My Economics Research Paper lmao

Ughhhh,,,, okay have been thinking about them all day and if one person manages to make it through the void and hear me out and talk about them with me then I’ll be happy lol.

WARNING: this is stupidly long, like I spent an absurd time writing every single little detail down. With that being said here we go:

cw//mentions and minor graphic descriptions of death, bullying, discrimination, injury, abuse, trauma, mental health issues, and abandonment

• Laios

- currently 26 and living with his sister Falin

- studying zoology part-time at the local college

- mostly does night classes since he works 1-2 jobs during the day to help pay for his and Falin’s tuition and apartment

- he and Fallin took their dog Muimui when they moved out, they also feed the local stray cats

- lived on a farm with his sister and parents when he was a kid, and is where his love of animals comes from

- however did not have the best of childhoods, as he was a frequent target for bullying due to having undiagnosed autism, and his father was very much a “nothing is wrong with you, toughen up the world isn’t going to coddle you” kind of person

- this was further cemented when he cried going hunting with his dad for the first time and refused to eat any of the deer or rabbit they had caught

- his mom had her own mental health problems that she was never diagnosed for, so often she fell into the same mindset as her husband when it came to Laios’ and Fallin’s behaviour, only she was more erratic due to her fear of one or both of her kids becoming like her

- never forgave his father after he sent Fallin off to a private middle/high school far away from their home, little did he know it was because the severe bullying Fallin was receiving was too much for her, and he wanted to send her away before she got hurt or worse

- nearly tried to run away at 16, however was caught by the police almost immediately and returned home

- completed his high school diploma and took off with Muimui without even saying goodbye to his parents, Fallin nearly joined him in the city but since she was still under guardianship of her parents, she couldn’t leave until she became an adult

- once graduated, she reunited with Laios in his apartment where they now live

- works nearly full-time at Senshi’s restaurant and works part-time as a janitor at their local zoo (he wants to be close to the animals lol)

- very busy but he makes it work, Marcille and Kabru have no idea how he does it without any meds or caffeine

- either has a worn out picture of him and Falin with their old dogs, or has a hand-made drawing of his theoretical strongest monster in his pocket that he looks at whenever he needs inspiration

- both him and Falin live wayyy out of the city center since rent is fucking abysmal downtown

- insists on taking the bus or walking everywhere since taxis and buying a bike costs too much, even if the commute is like 2 hours with 3 transfers

- despite this, he still has a drivers license

- the kind of guy you would expect to be eating leafy green tofu bowls from your local hipster vegan bistro, but is actually the kind of guy who eats the dubious $4 ground beef chubs and off-brand deli ham from walmart

- socks and slides with free college club t-shirts and cargo pants from the gap that come with like 50 pockets so he can carry all his stuff (the stuff mostly being dog treats and loose bird feed) bro has no drip aside from one outfit put together by Marcille

- uses the same highlighter blue and yellow adidas backpack he’s had since middle school, carries literally everything in there

- doesn’t listen to music, but if he does it’s rain/nature sounds with the $2 headphones you get from the dollarstore

- not much of a gym freak and usually just goes casually, prefers sports to working out (will have a protein shake but does not invest in creatine or other pre-workout supplements)

- either uses the same recyclable water bottle with the label torn off from a pack of 50 he got 3 years ago, or just uses one of his protein shake bottles I can’t decide

- hangs out with Marcille and Falin the most often (since Marcille constantly makes excuses to study with Falin at their apartment), sometimes gets smoothies or juice with Kabru if they run into each other

- hangs out with Senshi and Chilchuck less often, their time spent together is usually limited to having a beer after closing the restaurant or meeting together with everyone else to have dinner every couple months

- goal is to become a wildlife biologist when he graduates

- more to add if I think of it

• Fallin

- currently 23 and lives with Laios

- in her second year of studying veterinary medicine at their city’s main university

- grew up with Laios and her parents on their farm, also developed a deep love and appreciation for animals early on, but while Laios was more interested in the study of their behaviour, she was more interested in healing them

- also has undiagnosed autism like her brother, only when it came to her behaviours, she stood out a lot more and was subsequently bullied heavily for stimming, having major sensitivities to light and sound, self-isolating, talking to inanimate objects or “ghosts”, having a special interest in things like bugs or plants, and having a very specific schedule that adults had to help her with

- never really understood why adults or other children treated her differently, as she thought it was normal for everyone, however was still affected by having no friends aside from her brother during her younger years

- the bullying got so bad that kids began physically tormenting her, and since she never told Laios (who was in middle school and couldn’t always be with her), there was essentially no one to defend her

- very sadly culminates in an incident where she was intentionally locked in a graveyard overnight, and although she didn’t sustain any injuries she was fairly traumatized by the event, it was the final straw for her father to send her away to a private school at 12 years old to finish her education

- moved to a different city the next year where she stayed in dormitories, had her own room due to enrolling late

- also initially had a hard time making friends, and often cried since she couldn’t be with Laios, however no one bullied her for her autism and most often ignored her or gossiped

- had Marcille as a “buddy” to help her get acclimated to school life, however their relationship was quite awkward initially as Marcille thought she was unnerving and frankly a little stupid, however was completely shocked at Fallin’s nearly perfect grades

- school policy at that time stipulated that students had to return to the main hall for dinner at a certain time, however when Fallin doesn’t show up, Marcille has to look for her

- she finds Fallin at her secret hangout spot, similar to her dungeon in the anime, a corner with a group of trees and thick bushes that opened up into a grassy nook and a little pond, there they talk about what she does there and why she skips

- also similar to the anime, a fox (rather than a slime) catches them by surprise, but as Marcille tries to get it to run away by throwing rocks at it, Fallin stops her and explains it never comes closer than the tree line, she then points out that hurting while it’s already injured (has a slight limp) will cause it to die, allowing for the prey animals like squirrels and rabbits to eat away at most of the fauna surrounding the school, basically emphasizing the importance of all animals in an ecosystem and how it’s wrong to try and shift the ecosystem solely for our comfort or benefit (cheesy I know but it’s for the plot)

- she then offers Marcille the raspberries that grow on some of the bushes, and soon after Marcille asks if she would like to be friends

- they remain as friends in school only for another year, as Marcille graduates early and leaves Fallin behind much to her heartbreak, however does promise that she’ll visit and reunite with her soon

- by the time she graduates, she moves in with Laios and begins attending the same university as Marcille, there their friendship is reaffirmed, and they both start to develop feelings for one another

- full-time student but does work a few shifts at one of her university’s coffee shops whenever she can (tends to feel guilty about Laios helping her out with tuition on top of taking care of everything at home)

- in the honours program, and although she gets good grades her commitment is often questioned due to her habit of skipping

- reason for skipping is because she often does volunteer work at a nearby veterinary clinic

- unlike Laios, Fallin likes to bike to and from her classes

- it’s her main source of exercise, though she also does go to the gym if she has time, girl is absolutely built and is much stronger than she appears

- lives off of daily sweet treats and fried bologna sandwiches or tomato soup made by Laios

- frequently raids the raspberry bush growing outside hers and Laios’ apartment building, as well as the crabapple tree that technically belongs to the house next door but has its branches growing over the fence separating them

- also does not rely on excessive caffeine, but she does enjoy tea and coffee unlike Laios

- has a fjällräven backpack that Marcille gifted her for her birthday, mostly full of her textbooks but she does use it to carry rocks or sticks she finds interesting

- water bottle is a very dented bright pink hydro flask (also gifted to her by Marcille)

- has the jean shorts, tucked in t-shirt, and long cardigan look on lockdown, also wears hiking boots or converse, rarely is she seen in flipflops

- no make-up either, Marcille had to practically beg her to at least start using a clear lipgloss

- isn’t picky about music and usually just listens to whatever Marcille or Laios plays, sometimes she indulges in some lofi hiphop beats if she’s studying

- obviously best friends with Marcille but does not know she has a crush on Marcille, and thinks that her intense feelings of love and happiness are just normal girl friendship feelings (oh you poor thing)

- only vaguely knows of Senshi through the leftover food Laios sometimes brings home after his shifts, with Chilchuck she is more familiar since she sometimes visits him with Marcille on the weekends

- favourite thing is when her, Laios, Marcille, Izutsumi, Chilchuck, and Senshi all gather to get dinner together

- when it comes to her parents, she still maintains contact unlike Laios, though her messages tend to be generalized or cordial (not necessarily her intention it’s just she isn’t sure what to talk about in regards to her life beyond school)

- goal is to become a travelling wildlife vet

- more to add when I think of it

• Marcille

- is currently 26 and lives by herself (due to it being a modern au I’m imagining all races have the same lifespan of around 70-80 years)

- had probably the most normal upbringing and early adulthood out of all of the characters, both of her parents were very loving and attentive, always encouraging her and supporting her keen intellect through her hobbies

- however, they weren’t always around due to being very busy as government lawyers and often working late, she has very distinct memories of winning math and science awards as a child, looking out towards the crowd only to see her parents weren’t there

- was generally quite lonely during her childhood since she had no siblings or cousins to play with, a similar situation at school where most kids considered her stuck up or bossy when in reality she was just smart and was blunt about telling people when they were wrong about something

- is very close with Chilchuck, having known him and his family since she was little, although them all getting together was fairly rare, some of her fondest memories have been when they’d go on family trips together and she would get to play with Chilchuck’s daughters

- lost touch with him from ages 9-15 but reunited with him at 16 while he crashed at their place after his work injury and during his divorce, became very close with him during this time and developed a deep familial fondness for him despite all his teasing

- at 19 years old, she suffered a great deal of mental anguish as Chilchuck began to lose contact with her, Fallin was considering moving to a different city for university, and her father died due to a very sudden and unexpected stroke, she felt as though everyone in her life was slipping through her grasp and as a result, developed severe depression that would last until she completed her masters

- luckily, she had a good support system during that time and she was able to make it through the worst of it, however she still does struggle with motivation over simple tasks such as doing her hair or brushing her teeth

- her mood and outlook is much better though, having mostly returned to the same bubbly and dramatic personality that she once had

- is best friends with Fallin, and met her while at private school, mostly explained above, but her initial reaction of Fallin was quite negative before switching around after she realized that her way of thinking isn’t always the right one, even if the facts are right, her perspective and way of interpreting them isn’t always going to be sound

- this new perspective is what caused Marcille to become so enamoured with Fallin, eventually becoming a stupid crush that sticks with her to this day

- has her own studio apartment downtown, brand new building and everything (both parents are government lawyers so you can imagine the kind of money she has lmao)

- has a fawn floppy-eared bunny named Ambrosia

- despite her wealth, she doesn’t look down on her friends whatsoever, if anything she buys them expensive gifts as an act of kindness rather than an act of arrogance or condescension

- in the middle of attaining her phd in microbiology while doing independent research specializing in the study of telomere function

- attends the same university as Fallin

- graduated from high school at 16 and was done with her undergraduate by 19 and her masters by 21, a lot of people tend to think she’s full of herself but she often disregards them as people who don’t try hard enough

- born to carry her baby blue apple ecosystem in a cute tote bag, forced to haul her 7 biology textbooks in an ugly ass dark purple swissgear backpack she picked out when she was 12

- she has an unhealthy addiction to coffee and diet coke, literally cannot function without at least one per day

- cannot cook to save her life, lives exclusively off of pre-made grocery store meals or the sandwiches her university’s grab-n-go store sells, the kitchen aid mixer in her kitchen is practically a decoration at this point

- is actually the kind of person to be eating the leafy green tofu bowl from the local hipster vegan bistro

- has her own car and license, but lives close enough to her university to walk, Laios cannot fathom why she pays insurance every month for it but hardly uses or let anyone else use it

- I personally think she likes to rollerblade too

- jogging is her main form of exercise, but will also do yoga or calisthenics occasionally, probably the type of person to fall for a juice cleanse scam until Laios or Chilchuck scolds her for not eating enough

- I feel like she would be an intense swiftie (sorry :3) other than that, she likes the typical pop radio stuff that is played constantly

- at least she’s not a Stanley cup girl, she will use her scuffed gallon water bottle with the printed times of day until she dies

- very fashionable and loves to wear makeup, like wide leg pants or pleated skirts with penny loafers and cutesy blouses, a firm believer that any Korean makeup brand is far superior than anything Sephora could offer

- practically attached to the hip with Fallin, girl will find any excuse to study with her (the most pathetic sapphic ever someone put her out of her misery)

- otherwise, she’s buddy-buddy with Laios and Kabru but that’s about the extent of it, she’s known Chilchuck since she was little so he’s like an uncle to her

- she is quite friendly with Senshi and enjoys his cooking but hasn’t known him for a long time like the others, Izutsumi she treats like a little sister/niece and is always buying her things

- more to add when I think of it

• Chilchuck (you can tell he’s my fav because he has one of longest backstories lmao)

- currently 49 and living with Senshi and Izutsumi

- owns a two bedroom bungalow outside of downtown but still within the city, saved up for it after his divorce

- used to live in the suburbs with his ex-wife and daughters, but before that it was a shitty apartment close to where Laios lives now

- teen father, had Mayjack when he and his wife were 17 and had to graduate early so they could move out, they had Fullertom soon after and then Puckpatty by the time they were both 20, they got married at 22

- since neither could afford university at the time, Chilchuck went straight into a locksmithing trades program so he could have a decent income, his father had instilled a deep sense of responsibility and honour towards being a provider so he threw himself into his work which caused his and his wife’s initial frustration with one another

- when he was done apprenticing and when the kids were old enough to go to school, his wife went to university to begin studying teaching so she could become a professor, despite having to be home more often, Chilchuck still remained somewhat emotionally detached from his family

- by the time his daughters entered middle school, they had bought a house in the suburbs and his wife became qualified to teach

- feeling pressured by the mortgage, debt, and having to save for his daughter’s college, he began drinking more and taking a lot more hours at work, if he wasn’t working he was at the bar with his coworkers, he often didn’t come home until it was very late

- the final straw for his wife was when he showed up to work severely hungover and exhausted, then proceeded to nearly die in a home renovation project (passed out standing up and fell of a 20ft scaffolding, broke his hip and pelvis pretty badly as well as his humerus and quite a few of his ribs, also had a life-threatening brain bleed due to a skull fracture)

- at that point, all three of his daughters were already in university or trade school so his wife moved out and sold their house while Chilchuck was recovering in the hospital, she moved into a townhouse closer to the city’s main university where she still lives now with Fullertom

- having basically nothing in his savings, he crashed at Marcille’s parent’s place until he could save up a bit and get an apartment or townhouse (he and Marcille’s dad were friends in high school), essentially lived on their couch for about two years

- during this time, he became known as “Uncle Chil” by 16 year old Marcille and he developed a close uncle/niece relationship with her

- teased her as much as any uncle would, but also took her out shopping every couple of months, could never afford the stuff she wanted but he always got her lunch

- eventually, he saved up enough for the down payment of the two bedroom bungalow he lives in now and moved in, initially lost touch with Marcille but started being there for her more after her dad died, even began getting in touch with his daughters again at Marcille’s suggestion

- from then on, he took his work life more easily and tried to make time for himself in between shifts so that he didn’t feel he needs to drink himself stupid every time he came home, tried to pick up multiple hobbies and eventually settled on pottery making and brewing his own alcohol (that he sells…. mostly lol)

- meets Senshi at 42 when he is called in to install the locks and security system of the new restaurant Senshi is building, initially they had not been super friendly with each other, as Chilchuck found it infuriating how Senshi kept on wanting changes to be made to his security system, and how he was basically a walking construction accident waiting to happen

- once everything was finished however, Senshi offered Chilchuck a free dinner at his place as an apology for being stubborn, and unable to say no to free food (and alcohol) Chilchuck agrees

- they become friends after the dinner, however proceed to dance around each other for another 4 years until Marcille threatens to tell Senshi about Chilchuck’s feelings if he doesn’t confess himself

- Chilchuck does eventually confess (during a very charged “guy’s trip” to a resort in Mexico) and they start dating, after the trip, Senshi and Izutsumi move into Chilchuck’s place where they still currently live

- thanks to living with Senshi, Chilchuck adopts a more healthy lifestyle where he stops smoking, eats more, and drinks less, in return, he helps Senshi manage Izutsumi during her teen years as well as help out around his restaurant when he has time

- is generally living comfortably now, with a nice salary and more free time to commit to his hobbies, despite this he still deeply cares about his work and is a union man at heart who is always willing to rally behind his coworkers and organize when something happens

- mostly listens to 80s dad rock and some 90s grunge, is very proud of his CD collection

- dresses similar to Laios, however ditches the college club t-shirt and cargo shorts for polos shirts and chino shorts or dress shirts and casual slacks, also wears tacky boomer sandals for his feet or his construction boots

- drives a land rover defender that he bought in high school, cares for it deeply but isn’t a car guy by any means, he does the bare minimum maintenance to keep it safe and functional

- carries his minimal stuff in a sling bag and lunch cooler, but he also has a survival backpack in the back of his land rover for emergencies

- is a Stanley cup owner, has two, one from the 70s that his dad gave to him, and another white modern one from Marcille, his older one is covered in princess stickers from when his daughters were young

- pretentious black coffee drinker, makes fun of Izutsumi all the time for the amount of simple syrup and cream she puts into her iced coffee

- is okay at cooking, but is definitely more of a grill master, never ask him to deep fry anything though

- is also surprisingly handy thanks to the skills his dad passed onto him, speaking of his family, he isn’t very close to his mother and siblings since they all moved back to their home continent after Chilchuck graduated, he still sometimes travels alone on special holidays or on the anniversary of his father’s death but only if he can afford it

- is now a supervisor of his own crew, initially he wanted to own his own locksmith company, but he also wants to retire soon so he needs to save up as much as he can

- has two main friend groups, one he refers to as “the freaks” which includes Laios, Marcille, Fallin, Kabru, Izutsumi, and Senshi, and the other he refers to as “work” which includes Namari, Mickbell, Kuro, and Dandan

- is closest to Senshi and Marcille, seeing them as his family, however is a bit more distant with Izutsumi since he doesn’t want to automatically take on a “step-dad” role in her life, the reasoning mainly stems from his respect of her and her decisions on who she gets to let in her life, but is also because he wants to avoid things becoming awkward between them

- is, if not begrudgingly, friendly with Laios and Fallin, deep down he cares about them more than he lets on, is mostly cordial with Kabru

- is surprisingly close to Namari, however they keep their relationship strictly within their workplace and the bar they sometimes hit up afterwards

- is closer to his ex-wife and daughters now, having dinner once a month at his ex-wife’s house, they still haven’t really reconciled but they’ve allowed each other to move on

- more to add when I think of it

• Senshi (also super long please forgive me)

- is currently 52 and living with Chilchuck and his adopted daughter Izutsumi

- lives in Chilchuck’s house, but used to own a condo near the restaurant he used to work for

- when he was a child, he lived on an entirely separate continent in the remote far north, the village he grew up in was known for its mining industry, most of the community including his parents were miners, however an accident killed his father and cancer killed his mother when he was a baby, so his father’s friend Gillin took Senshi in when he was 2

- due to the mining culture surrounding the village, it was expected that Senshi also become a miner when he grew up, this coupled with the hyper-masculine ideas of honouring his late father and carrying on the bloodline, made Senshi not really put in much effort into school since he believed it had no use for him, a decision that would later hinder his career and degree options greatly

- once graduated from high school, Gillin immediately had Senshi take his safety courses and get his certification so he could get a job as soon as possible, with some references from Gillin himself, Senshi was able to land a beginner’s position within the company Gillin was in

- worked 7 years mining coal until the mine ran dry and he had to look for work elsewhere, jumped positions between 3-4 companies over another 8 years mining iron and copper until he landed a 2 year contract at a remote but booming silver mine

- was put into a 6 man team composed of himself, Gillin, Brigan, Invar, Totan, and Noor, where they would descend into a highly unregulated and dangerous mountain mine and extract the massive veins of silver, they all were paid well, but the conditions were next to abysmal

- 1 year and 9 months into the contract, a rockslide on the south side of the mountain caused a cheap tunnel support to collapse over the only exit leading out of the stope they were mining in, effectively trapping them indefinitely

- luckily they had a ventilation shaft, but none of them could fit inside and escape or yell for attention since they were trapped over 200ft deep and 500ft in the mountain, so their only option was to ration their food and wait for help to arrive

- they do try to escape in other ways, such as mining through the collapsed support, however this only leads to injury among the group, and as much as Senshi wanted to help, he was under strict instruction by Gillin not to over-exert himself, even though he wasn’t a kid anymore, he still had the most strength and wits among them all, this also results in him receiving the most food much to Brigan’s rage

- in an attempt to be useful, Senshi started drawing up the maps of the mine to see if there was a tunnel close by they could mine into

- as more time passes and they realized no one would be coming to help them, their escape attempts become much more desperate, one attempt to blow up the collapsed tunnel entrance with their remaining explosives leads to the death of Totan, another attempt to start mining over the collapsed tunnel entrance leads to the death of Noor, one last attempt to remove the panelling lining the ventilation shaft so they could be able to fit through leads to the death of Invar, leaving only Brigan, Gillin, and Senshi left

- after six weeks of being trapped under ground, Brigan mentally snaps and tries to cannibalize Senshi so they could eat his flesh, this leads to a physical altercation between Gillin and Brigan which ends in an unstable overhang of rock to collapse and crush Brigan and for Gillin to succumb to his wounds and exhaustion

- alone and starving, Senshi realizes he is now skinny enough to fit through the ventilation shafts and crawl his way out, he uses a combination of ropes and support spikes to help aid him, but soon quickly realizes he mostly has to navigate in the dark

- for two more weeks, Senshi follows the map he memorized and the feeling of airflow to make his way out, only surviving off of his remaining water, in the end he managed to crawl out of a shaft just outside the mining camp

- relived and also deeply saddened, Senshi remains near the shaft until some workers doing a perimeter check find him in the morning, he is promptly taken into the hospital to treat his injuries

- after explaining the situation to the police and his boss, his boss offers him a $30,000 payout to keep quiet and say nothing, the officers say it is possible to take his boss and the company to court, however it would likely put him into massive debt trying to find a good lawyer, in the end Senshi takes the money and leaves the camp for his village

- what’s left to him by Gillin is another $50,000 in savings and property assets, the rest is given to his remaining family, the first thing Senshi buys with the money is his adamantine pot and mythril knife, using both to make a soup Gillin would often feed him, and leaving five bowls of it outside of the collapsed silver mine before moving out of his village for good at aged 35

- he moves to the continent and city where all the other characters are currently living, buying his condo and deciding to enter into 4 year culinary school program

- during these 4 years, Senshi comes to realize that cooking is his true passion, finding it immensely rewarding and fulfilling, and even though he didn’t make many friends due to his unorthodox taste and recipes, it was still the most happy he’s ever been

- about 1 year after graduating and getting a job as the main line cook for a high end restaurant, Senshi meets and adopts 5 year old Izutsumi

- he initially sees her wandering around the green belt outside and behind the restaurant, kicking rocks and occasionally running and hiding in trees, he was always worried she was homeless, however would always see she was gone by the time he was done his shifts

- around five months of this, Izutsumi notices and begins to approach Senshi, as if she had wanted food, Senshi would usually offer some of his packed lunches or leftovers and she would always accept and sit next to him while they ate

- Izutsumi usually never spoke but was always ravenous, Senshi often worried that she was being abused, but whenever he would ask she would always say no, and since she was a healthy weight and never had any bruises or welts, Senshi reluctantly believed her, after that though he began packing more food

- eventually, a woman (Maizuru) approaches Senshi after one of his shifts and bluntly asked if he would like to take care of Izutsumi from then on, baffled he asked who she was and why she knew he was feeding Izutsumi, and she explained that she is her caretaker

- she also explained that since Izutsumi seemed to trust and respect Senshi the most, that he would be the best person to give her a chance at a normal life and raise her into an adjusted adult, due to the fact that she has no regard or interest or respect in her or the rest of her foster family, she then conceded that her question was rather sudden, but still implored Senshi to take her into his care or otherwise she would be forced into an orphanage

- thinking of Gillin, and with the wound of his crew’s death still in his mind Senshi, perhaps impulsively, agrees to take Izutsumi in, much to Maizuru’s delight and thankfulness

- the next day, she returns with Izutsumi and her things and tells Senshi that she will handle most of the legal paperwork aside from the few forms that he will have to sign

- from that point onward, he took care of Izutsumi and made sure she got through school, although she wasn’t completely responsive and obedient, he was still very patient and understanding with her, except for the first few times she would keep on running away from school to join him for his lunch breaks

- they have a very trusting relationship with one another, and Senshi is the only one Izutsumi will open up to, Senshi often encouraged her talent of athleticism by signing her up for various sports, he was and still is very attentive towards her needs and is always feeding her the things she likes (and dislikes)

- Senshi works at the restaurant for another 9 years, simultaneously saving up for his own restaurant and saving for Izutsumi’s college, at age 45 he meets Chilchuck during the construction of his restaurant and they form a close friendship

- subsequently, he is introduced to Marcille, Fallin, Laios, and even Kabru, but still mostly interacts with Chilchuck and Itsuzumi

- however he is quite close with Laios since he works as a server at his restaurant and is very enthusiastic about his cooking technique, flavour pallet, and types of dishes he serves

- at age 49, he officially opens his restaurant and starts dating Chilchuck, the three of them all move in together and become a household unit

- is now very happy with where he is at in life, works and manages his restaurant while still making time for Izutsumi and her hobbies, is very close with Chilchuck and becomes the first person he opens up to about his past and what he went through, generally the grossest and most sappiest old couple you will ever meet

- made a Senshi-sized hole deep into the fabric of Chilchuck’s home, converting his backyard into a full vegetable and flower garden that he maintains, is super proud about it and often leaves the prettiest flowers on Chilchuck’s side of the bed or in a vase on Izutsumi’s bedside table

- head-chef and owner of his restaurant, his favourite part is being able to cook what he wants for a very specific audience (people like Laios)

- his food is not super high-end but also not like a family diner either, a healthy mix of both, like kid friendly while still being classy and opulent enough to take someone out on a date there

- drives his beloved suzuki carry to and from work every day, does a good job maintaining it on his own despite it being boring according to him

- I honestly don’t really know what Senshi would listen to, I feel like the most in character for him would be folk music from his home country or bossa nova i can’t really decide

- coffee with lots of sugar but no cream or milk, prefers drinking black tea with milk and honey if he has a choice

- bag is a basic backpack with minimal items like wallet, keys, lipbalm, mints, etc… always has a change of clothes in case his gets dirty at work, also has extra hair and beard nets, some stuff for Izutsumi is in there too

- water bottle is also a vintage stanley cup, but his is wayyy more dented than Chilchuck’s and older (from like the 50s) refuses to buy anything else until it is unusable, has had the same piece of duct tape sealing a leak near the bottom for the past 20 years

- also can’t decide if he’s a t-shirt or Hawaiian shirt kind of guy, probably a healthy mix of both, also mostly wears shorts or a kilt-like garment native to his home country, lives exclusively in sandals you will never find him in close-toed shoes unless he’s working

- funny story deriving from this fact, the first impression Chilchuck ever had of Senshi (aside from “damn he’s kinda hot”) was “oh my god how the fuck is this guy not dead” due to the fact that Senshi showed up to the construction sight with flip flops, no safety helmet, and no safety vest on whatsoever

- more to add when I think of it

• Izutsumi (still a cat-girl in this universe)

- currently 17 and living with Senshi and Chilchuck

- used to live with the Nakamoto’s as a foster child, however hated living there due to the unfamiliarity and attempts at sweeping her past trauma under the rug and refusing to treat her for it

- life before the Nakamoto’s is fuzzy, it’s implied by her councillor and confirmed by Maizuru later on that she was raised by her mother until she died or abandoned her at 3 years old, was then placed into the care of another foster home who physically and verbally abused her, keeping her chained up in the basement most of the day and hardly feeding her, if not forgetting about her all together

- she was taken in by the Nakamoto’s at aged 4, and had a very hard time managing her due to her stunted social skills, anger issues, and delayed language development manifesting itself in avoidance behaviours such as running away and lashing out violently

- had frequent nightmares during this time, resulting in her becoming very clingy during the night

- would often run away to the green belt close to her house, the same green belt that was connected to Senshi’s restaurant

- initially only approached him because of the smell of food, her prior abuse and malnutrition resulted in an early form of binge eating, so she often sought any sight, smell, or taste food as a way of safety and comfort

- unlike all her previous caretakers, she found Senshi to not be malicious or uncaring towards her, especially after he started sharing and bringing food for her, her ease around him didn’t go unnoticed by Maizuru who then offered Senshi the deal to take care of her

- initially hated living in Senshi’s condo since the small space reminded her of the basement she was kept in, but soon found it to be much more comfortable if she could smell the food Senshi would make

- Received counselling for her trauma and slowly began to get better, however she would still frequently act out or skip school as a coping mechanism, however, Senshi helped her regulate her energy and emotions through signing her up for various sports, she did volleyball, hockey, wrestling, swimming, etc… until she settled on gymnastics and Muay Thai

- has somewhat of a complex towards love and attachment, in that she doesn’t fully believe an individual cares for her or loves her so will often do whatever she likes both because she doesn’t think it affects the other person that much and because it will prevent people from wanting to get close to her and have a meaningful relationship, a complex that stems from her past abuse

- is now in a much better headspace than she was in, as she has two caretakers who are patient and understanding with her, but are also willing to discipline her and prepare her for the outside world, she also has a good external support system and even a friend at school whom she often hangs out with

- she is currently in her junior year of high school, with decent grades, but only because Senshi and Chilchuck want her to do well so she has more options for university

- her best subjects are science, phsy ed., english, has a hard time with social studies and math

- her one friend her age is Tade as they both are frequently sent to the after-school homework program to help improve their grades, Izutsumi is usually good at shouldering off her homework to her in exchange for ice cream or food, but she’s usually caught and forced to do double the work

- Tade is also a foster kid of the Nakamoto’s, in fact she was the one Izutsumi would usually go to sleep with if she had a nightmare, so they never hang out at her house and either stay at Izutsumi’s house or hang out at the local park/mall

- is very talented athletically, and has won multiple awards at gymnastics and Muay Thai competitions

- still a ravenous eater, but with a crazy fast metabolism so she gains almost no weight, still picky with vegetables and mushrooms but will still eat them as long as their hidden in her food well enough

- coffee flavoured milk drinker, if there’s even a hint of bitterness in her coffee she’s throwing it out

- is into most old alternative or indie rock, appreciates Chilchuck’s taste in music immensely, she’s been learning how to play the bass recently

- has been learning basic recipes from Senshi and can manage a few dishes on her own, is much better at baking overall, never leave her alone with the blowtorch or barbecue though

- aside from sports, she enjoys playing video games and sleeping, she likes mostly storytelling or competitive console games like Skyrim, God of War, and Call of Duty

- bag is a simple black backpack that has all of her papers and textbooks haphazardly shoved in with no regard for neatness or organization, on a good day a pencil will be in there too

- water bottle is non-existent, she uses drinks from the school water fountain as an excuse to get out of class and wander around for a bit

- is old enough to drive and has her license, but doesn’t have her own car yet and still has to catch the bus, if she does drive it’s Senshi’s suzuki, Chilchuck let her drive his land rover once and she backed into a pole

- lives in crop tops and shorts, is actually quite fashionable but doesn’t have the energy or motivation to pull anything off, either wears converse, slides, crocs, or doc martens as footwear, most would describe her style as grunge-ish

- makeup is hit or miss, sometimes she can muster some concealer and eyeliner, but for the most part she just washes her face and nothing else, she is big into jewelry though and likes to wear lots of accessories

- has been allowed to pierce her ears quite extensively, as well as her nose, however both Senshi and Chilchuck have drawn the line at any other face piercings until she’s an adult, much to her dismay

- outside of Senshi, Chilchuck, and Tade, she is probably the most friendly with Marcille and Fallin as they frequently visit and interact with her, Marcille especially loves to spoil Izutsumi with treats and gifts since she never had a little cousin growing up

- Izutsumi likes Fallin for her quietness and ability to keep out of her business, however saw first hand how weird she can be when she held up a massive rhinoceros beetle without even flinching, also when she kept on excusing herself to their backyard to go snack on their strawberry plants

- Laios and Kabru she knows of, also finds Laios to be very weird but is less friendly about it than she is with Fallin, his lack of understanding of social cues also confuses her

- more to add when I think of it

AND THATS IT!!! This was stupidly long, I hope I didn’t bore you to death lol. I’ll probably do another one of these so I can include Chilchuck’s daughters, Kabru, Namari, etc… maybe with some additions to the main cast, but yeah that’s about the extend of it, hope you enjoyed :3

[itiswormtimebaby]

Here’s what I’m thinking about: Bug’s self esteem and Bucky’s thoughts on her body

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x Bug (+Brother’s best friend Bucky, plus sized fem reader)  CW: Struggles with physical self esteem (younger Bug), talks about comparing bodies and societal beauty standards, past fat phobia and bullying, language, references to sex, oral sex and fooling around, switches from 3rd person to 2nd person POV at the sex part. 

By the time we meet Bug as an adult we aren’t going to see a lot of physical self-esteem issues, in fact she carries herself with a lot of confidence. She wears whatever the fuck she wants, styles her hair and makeup however she wants, and carries the mindset of “I don’t owe it to anyone to be pretty or palatable.” This is because in her 20s she’s really started to unpack how much bullshit comes with a. existing as a woman in society and b. existing as a plus size woman in society. So if she doesn’t want to shave her legs she’s not going to, but you bet your ass she’ll still be in shorts if it’s hot, humans have body hair get the fuck over it. 

I’d say this turning point for her really came around the time that Bucky got arrested for kicking the shit out of her ex (as referenced here). It had been devastating at the time, and even though Bucky swore up and down he’d happily do it again consequences be damned, she realized someone she cared about who clearly cared way more about her than said shit head ex was being inconvenienced for something at the end of the day didn’t really matter all that much. Like who was her ex to even say that? And why would she care about some loser’s opinion? 

That was not the case when they were growing up, however. If we were to purely just focus on younger Bug we’d see a lot more insecurity born from her experiences with bullies and the fact that the token actresses chosen to play the “fat friend” in movies and TV were still significantly smaller than her. It also didn’t help that Bucky’s on again off again girlfriend throughout high school was tiny so she’d look at her as the gold standard for what Bucky must want and spend tearful nights comparing her thigh size to her, her waist size, etc. 

That, that attention to Bucky’s “type,” comes into play later on because as discussed , Bucky ends up sleeping around a lot. Which ends up revealing that Bug is in fact not the exception- we’re not going to see that trope of “would you date a plus size girl?” “Of course, it’s what’s inside that counts.” Bucky isn’t looking past Bug’s appearance to date her.  Because yes of course what’s inside matters but Bucky wasn’t sleeping around based on personality, and his choice of partners revealed that he has an appreciation for all different bodies. So does he find Bug beautiful on the inside? Absolutely. Does he also just find her incredibly fucking hot? Full send. And if he suddenly finds himself sleeping with more people that bare a resemblance to her leading up to him realizing his feelings surely that’s just a coincidence...

Speaking of sex; Bucky will dick you down six ways to Sunday and talk about how incredibly sexy your body is the entire time, how receptive it is, how welcoming. Bucky already found you desirable but that desire only increases in intensity the more he spends getting to know you and your body. He wants your plush thighs wrapped around his head, wants the full weight of you on him as you sit on his dick, wants to lick every single stretch mark, bite and mark the dimpled skin of your ass, press wet open mouthed kisses to the ample swell of your stomach, he wants to worship you. 

TLDR:

Bug is the type to say “If I’m too heavy to lift you better work out.”

and Bucky is the type to be in the gym because he needs to drag you down the bed, throw you across the room, fuck you up against the wall...

[killlatrav]

after the game @taylorheat

aggravation laced through travis's body from the moment he walked off the field. not even staying long to get handshakes, or wait for some of his team. the moment the game had ended he had made his way to the locker room, standing under the burning hot water for way too long before he was roused from a teammate to move his ass that Reid had a speech for them. it was something they did after every game, win or lose, but the tone of the speech after a win said it all. coach wasn't happy, travis wasn't happy. and honestly, he had no plans to stick around and find out what had been going on outside of the game. as of late he had cut off a lot of that, only getting word from jason from time to time. heading home he tossed his gym bag onto the floor and headed to the kitchen grabbing himself a water before making his way down to his gym. when he was aggravated the only way he knew how to work off the feeling was to... well, work out. instead of focusing on cardio he set his weights and shifted to pull his shirt off tossing it across the room in frustration. laying down on the bench he lifted, music blasting in the room as he did the first rep, second rep, and third. a sheen of thin sweat now covering his body as he switched to a different machine, focusing on his arms as he did the curls. there was miss texts on his phone from his mother, checking on him, but he didn't answer as he tossed his phone onto the counter and took a long drink before returning back to weight lifting hoping something would knock him from his mindset after the game. they had won, but they hadn't, it had been too close with a team that was ranking one of lowest. they were barely scrapping by some game for a win, after a poor loss to the bills. shit was frustrating to the man who had been used to performing better, and right now, he didn't want to talk to his mother, father, or brother who would attempt to tell him the same things he always knew.

[world-of-aus]

Love & Barbells - Pt. 4

Pairing: Chubby!Bucky (gym crush) x Reader

Warnings: Pinch of angst.

Authors Note: We've been in a very angsty mood lately, and it's gonna seep through my work here lol. I hope y'all enjoy this part, and remember feedback is a writers jam. All other parts can be found on @worldofausupdates Happy Readings Baby Buns.

“So where are they?” 

You snort from where you watch your roommate in the mirror of the gym, her eyes darting around the area scoping out the early birds. 

“At home, In bed like any sane person.” You reply as you lift the weights slightly, feeling them out. 

She hums under her breath continuing to look around, “you know for their build I’d imagine they’d be here as soon as it opened.” You laugh openly as you grab the weights, “yeah, well for their build I’m sure they also know bodies need rest with how intense the train.” You pass the weights to her, laughing as her stance falters with the newly added weights she holds in her hands, “why does this feel heavier than last week,” she whines struggling to lift the weight. 

“It feels heavier,” you start as you press down on her biceps feeling the muscle, “because if you want to build that muscle, you have to go up in weight, hit till failure, we’ve been through this before.” She sets herself up in front of the mirror muttering under her breath as she goes, “what was that?” you grin as you reach for you own weights, “I said that just because I know doesn’t mean I care for it.” 

“Come on now, I told you I was going to get you back, didn’t I?” 

Your roommate is back to muttering under her breath but sinks into the routine when she sees you bring up the weight to your chest. You fall easily into the mindset of what you’re there to do, your reps slow and controlled as you watch yourself in the mirror eyes occasionally flicking to your friends, a smile on both your faces every time your gazes meet. And whether she notices your wandering eyes scanning the gym goers in the back of you she doesn’t mention keeping her teasing to herself for once. 

“Oh god you’re horrible,” she groans as she lets the machine clang into place, “why do I even put myself through this, I know what’s going to happen every time I ask to come with you, and it’s like I don’t learn!” You're laughing as you give her shoulders a sympathetic squeeze, sweat gathering on both your brows as you catch your breaths. “You would think you would have already learned from your mistake.” She raises a brow at you, watching as you take on a mock stance, “don’t be afraid to push me,” you mimic, “I can handle it.” 

She’s throwing a rolled-up napkin at you, the wet ball filled with cleaner hitting your skin before falling at your shoe. “Sorry my arms don’t work,” she retorts tongue poking out at you. You roll your eyes despite the smile pulling at your lips, leaning down you pick up the napkin before making your way to the nearest trash bin.  

Discarding the napkin you scan the area to see if the equipment for your next set is open, you find that it is but that’s not what catches your attention. 

 There’s a bright smile on his face, white cut tank molded to his body, grey sweats leaving very little to the imagination as he leans over the bar of the bench press, flirty smile on his lips. Your eyes flit down to the cause of that smile, a fit redhead who has her fingers wrapped around the bar, her smile is grasped between her teeth as she looks up at him. You look away, swallowing the knot in your throat as you retreat back to your friend, who has seemingly seen the same thing. 

You offer a weak smile, her lips turned in a pout as she reaches for you, she doesn’t embrace you but squeezes your arms, she knows affection would be too much. “We could skip the bench for today,” she offers, “use dumbbells instead?” She’s not surprised when you shake your head, “no, we’re going to the bench, it’s open and those benches are barely open, even on the dead days, so I'm getting my time in.” Your friend watches you, “are you sure y/n you -” 

“Come on,” you murmur as you force on a smile, “y/n,” she tries with a look. You shake your head as you gather your things from the floor, “let’s be honest,” you say as you straighten out, “there was no way he was single, I just happen to let myself get a little to hopeful when he was with the guys since I started here.” 

“Well hey, there’s still hope,” she says as you begin your trek across the gym. You look over at her brow raised in question, “maybe Sam and Steve are single,” she offers, “they’re just as good looking.” You let out a snort, hand reaching out to smack at her sore arm, she just barely gets away with a laugh, “what, it’s true!” 

“For that we’re upping your weight twice,” you say as you continue forward making a beeline for the bench. “Oh come on!” she whines, as she matches your step, the two of you falling closer to the bench. 

You claim your spot, your bottle, bag and keys placed at the foot of the bench, your friend takes her spot on the chair. You move around the side getting the weights you plan on sliding into the bar, your eyes focused on the task and not on the couple working feet away from you. 

You mirror Bucky’s earlier move, looking down at your roommate, you help her space her hands right, “you ready?” She tightens her fingers, “they were both looking at you the entire time by the way,” she murmurs, “like watching your every move.” Your heart skips a beat, you pull a smile patting the bar, “are you ready,” you question again. Your friend gives you an unamused look, “fine don’t listen but when we switch, I'm going to make you listen!” Your smile cracks, “wouldn’t expect anything less, remember brace your core and breathe through every rep,” you advise as the bar goes up your fingers assuming their position as she goes for her first rep. 

You can feel eyes on you, and it’s not your roommates, though her eyes remain locked with yours as she looks to you to help her push through each rep. “C’mon last one,” you encourage, “take in a breath, now brace,” she gets out her last rep, your hands guiding hers to rerack the weight with a clang. You laugh as her arms fall to the sides, “I know I said I would do one more exercise after this but please – no more!” 

“How about this,” you say, “let me get out my reps then we can go down to the diner for breakfast, my treat.” 

Her eyes sparkle as she shoots up out of the bench her body turning to get her hands on your cheeks squeezing the flesh, “I love you, I promise next week will be better!”  

A ‘sure jan’ leaves your lips as you switch her spots leaving the weight she started with as a warmup. When you sit on the bench, as you go to lean back your eyes somehow find Bucky’s and indeed both him and the redhead have their gazes trained on you like your friend mentioned earlier. They offer you a smile, Bucky waving at you from where he stands at the bar, almost like he never moved since you noticed him from across the gym. And despite the knot growing in your throat, you return the sentiment before shifting your attention back to the bar. You lock eyes with your roommate as you get your hands into position, “I told you," She hisses as she helps you unrack. 

Keeping your mind focused on what you’re doing has always come easy, its keeping your eyes from wandering to him that you find hard. In between sets while switching out weights your eyes have never wanted to seek him out more, to see him with her. You know they’ve moved from the bench to the mirrors but you just don’t know where. You slip the new weight on to the bars, “you better not go till failure,” your friend laughs as you take a seat on the bench, “because then we’re both failing.” You laugh as she tries to lift the weight while you lay back curling your fingers around the bar, “good thing you’re not the one lifting then, all you got to do is support when you see me about to crush my chest.” 

“HA. HA. You better not die, I want breakfast.” 

You laugh rolling your eyes as you twist your hands breathing in as you lift the weight, your friends' hands following yours as you take your first rep. Despite mentally telling yourself to take it slow, keep it controlled you can’t help but to get your reps in quicker than you should be, but with how light the weight felt the first 4 reps you thought surely it would remain light. Wrong. Oh, how wrong you were as you went for the 7th rep only to struggle to push it up, your face burning along with the muscles in your arms. 

Your roommate looks at you in panic, her fingers curling on the bar as she tries to aide you in your pull-up. You rerack the weight, defeat settling in your bones as you push yourself up into a sitting position. Your roommate comes up next to you, her hand on your shoulder squeezing, but all you can focus on is the group across the gym, laughter bubbling from their lips his arm thrown over her shoulder, her fingers wrapped around his waist.  

Your roommate obscures your view a small smile on the corner of her mouth as she perches on the bench with you, “let’s head out for breakfast yeah, I’ll buy.” 

You’re nodding, offering her a smile as you stand, your hand coming up to your head a humorless chuckle spilling past your lips “God I’m being silly, I’m sorry.” She passes you your things, throwing an arm over your shoulder, “it’s not silly and don’t be sorry, just take the next two days to reset, he's not the only man you know,” she murmurs as she leads the two of you towards the exit a pair of blue cerulean watching you with concern in his gaze and your name on his tongue. 

[stormoflina]

Domi interview, part 3

Dominik says the biggest differences from going to playing in the Bundesliga to the PL, are pace and decision making.

D: "You get the ball, then you have 2 seconds to make a decision, in the Bundesliga you had 4. Every match is a life or death situation. Every team can beat the other, and this is what it's so great about it [the PL].

About how beefed up Salah got ever since his shoulder injury in Madrid, if working out like he does, strengthening core muscles are expected of everybody, or it's a plus they can decide to do:

The interviewer basically goes on a monologue about how muscular and strong Mo is. He seems very impressed, retelling how Mo works out, how strong he is and wonders if the special workouts he seems to do is what makes him avoid injuries. He asks Dominik about his opinion, if he too, believes in putting in the extra work, like Salah does.

D: "Nothing is obligatory, we don't have a gun to our heads to work out in the gym. Everyone does it for themselves. He [Salah], yeah, it's true all what you said. I talked a lot about to him about this, asking questions, because I was interested. He said, until he was like 28 years old, he didn"t do this (...), then he decided to cut out pasta, bread, sugar (...). He made his decision, and ever since, like even if we have training at 12, he is at the gym by like 10."

I: " And what about you, what do you think, do you do this or not (...)?"

D: "Everyone is different. I do my own things, this [what Mo does] is I think not what I need. I have tried it, being very strict about food (...), but I didn't feel better. I felt very anxious, that I had to restrict myself, I didn't feel free, didn't feel like I was able to do things freely. Now, if I feel like eating some chocolate, then I will eat it. He [Mo] thinks different."

About how much work he brings to his private life, if he watches matches in his free time, things like that:

D: It's hard still. I'm trying to build this habit up, that when I come in the door, I leave work behind, and when I leave the house and go to training it's all about football (...) But it's hard. (...) I very rarely watch matches, usually only when one of my friends play. I have a friend, who now plays in the NB2 (the Hungarian Second Division), sometimes I watch that on Youtube.

I have a friend group of 5 people, we do a shared call, than watch the friend's match on the TV."

I: "Do they do the same with you?"

D: "Sometimes it doesn't work out, but yeah, they all watch my matches too."

About playing style of RB Leipzig vs Liverpool

The interviewer goes on about how Klopp changed his tactics up a bit, after Liverpool became the champion, back then it was less direct, but now it's so direct, all about gegenpressing, there are so many balls going forward, meaning there are many, which "come back too". [It's all about counter pressing.]

D: "I can't really compare the two teams, it's a different league, different players. The coaching mindset is different too, even if Klopp and [Marco] Rose are quite similar choaches."

I: "And then there is Jesse Marsch, [Klopp and Rose] basically on steroids." (lol)

D: "You get the ball, long ball/long pass, then shuhsu. [makes a sound to go forward]

But, basically, the last season for Liverpool was kinda bad. So, he [Klopp] thought, let's twist it all up. We will go for every ball, we will get every ball, then when we have it, we will go forward. Not in a stupid way, of course, if we can't go forward, then we keep the ball, twist it around (...). There is [tactical] football, it's not get the ball forwards." [basically saying not hoofball]

I: "You are someone, who rather keeps the ball, turns it around in the sides..."

D: "Before the match against Everton, in training there was a situation, when we were playing, running for like 5 minutes, and I kept the ball, passed it back, said that why aren't we going forward? Then, the others told me, we are not going forward, because we have been running for 5 minutes, let the opponent run some, while we keep the ball."

I: "It was reported, that when TAA started inverting to midfield, he would find this information [if he has to do this or not] a day before the match. This seems ??? (sorry, for some reason I cannot understand what he says). Is it the same for you, because sometimes you play as a 6, mostly when you are down to 10 men [Dominik chuckles at that], it seems your position on the field changes a lot. How soon do you find this out?"

D: "Our positions are discussed in the training before the match. But everything can happen, so it does change a lot."

I: What did Klopp tell you yesterday [in the game against Everton] at the 61th minute, when he called you over to you at the side of the pitch? Everton was very deep by then, defending 5-3 basically, leaving no place left in the midfield. Do you remember what he said (...)?"

D: "He told me to go forward, to be closer to Jota. If there is a ball, shoot."

I: "In Leipzig and the NT too, you are right in front of the pitch with the ball [meaning that he had the time and space to attack, move the ball], but now, you are playing as an 8, where you have seconds to find space between the lines, it's all very quick. Which styling play you prefer (...)"

D: " I don't like to play backwards to the net. I feel like I'm someone, who can see things, when facing the net, which others may not. It's an advantage I try to use as much as possible, to give myself a bigger space from the people, then I try 1 vs 1, or either with passes, but if I have to play between the lines, then I will do that."

I: "Do you have any preference where to play? [position vias] You said you like to be in front of the net, but sometimes, as an attacking 8, that's not possible."

D: "It depends on how I position myself. Whatever position I play, I can position myself in a way that it works out for me. I don't mind if I have to play deep, what matters to me is that I can turn, and see everything in front of me. Not when I get the ball, and there are people breathing down in my neck. I don't like that."

I: "But that happens a lot lately. (...). Sometimes you have to play as a double pivout."

D: " Yeah, it happens, when we feel like we can't get through them. Then, Trent goes to the right wing, and then Mac Allister and I can deal with the rest."

The interviewer then mentions the problems Trent faced last season, that Henderson used to help him out. Question that when he has to do the same [cover for Trent, when he inverts into the midfield] how automatic it is, if it comes naturally, or it's something Klopp drilled into him.

D: "No, it comes naturally to everyone, I think. If you see your RB struggling, you will go and help them. I'm not a good defender, but I know what I have to do in that 1,5 min I'm there."

Question about the connection between Klopp and Pep. He said, and it was reported as well, that he [Pep] invented this new position of TAA, and sometimes it's him who is in charge of the training too. Who comes up with the tactics, who tells them (...).

D: "We don't know who comes up with the tactics. Klopp is the one who tells us, and it's only him, who does the training before the match. Other trainings, Pep does it sometimes."

Question about Dominik's feelings and impression of Pep.

D: "He is good. I love him. He listens to everyone, we all listen to him. It's great to work with him."

About Haaland.

Haaland said his superpower is regeneration. Examples how he tapes his mouth, things like that. "He is a machine, a robot, says that about himself as well." Question if Dominik believes in the same stuff as well.

D: "I don't judge (lol), everyone does what they think it's the best for them. Back in Saltzburg, I meditated with him a few times, because we shared a room. First, I thought it was stupid, then I joined him, because why not. He used to wear those blue light glasses, I tried that one out too, he said it would help me sleep better... Well, you can only guess, if it worked out I would be wearing them still. It didn't help me. Maybe it didn't work out for me, because I didn't believe in it. He does a lot of other [regeneration] stuff, that people don't know about. I have been in his place, yeah it's a lot. He is a bit strange. [laughs]"

Short questions:

I: "Do you prefer heavy metal football or a possesion-based, slower stlye?"

D: Both, it depends. Maybe I prefer when I have the ball, and it's the opponent who has to run, not me, even if I can.

I: DC or Marvel?

D: Marvel.

[tkachuktkaching]

WESTON — Matthew Tkachuk had the shortest offseason of his career but the star forward of the Florida Panthers was fine with it.

“You want to get used to that. Definitely,” he said on Monday afternoon.

Tkachuk is cool with that.

“We were not in the gym for two extra months like some teams are,” he told FHN. “We were doing things they all wished they were doing.

“Now, we have that fresh mindset where we are in a very cool and unique position to where it feels like we just left. We still have that killer mindset like we had in the playoffs and we’re going to need that early in the season especially with a few key guys still out. We need a good start.”

Tkachuk is coming off a fractured sternum sustained on a huge open-ice hit from Vegas’ Keegan Kolesar in the first period of Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final in Sunrise.

Tkachuk has been medically cleared for the past few weeks and says he is “100 percent and feeling great” heading into the start of camp.

“I don’t remember the first time, but sometime in early August I went back on the ice,” he said. “Then, mid-August I was shooting. Once you do it a few times, you get comfortable and I have been doing all the normal stuff for a few weeks now.

“I worked superhard to get myself feeling like I am right now and, to be honest, I thought it would be longer than what it was. Out of the gate, I didn’t think I would ever get there. I am sure everyone says that with injuries. But hopefully I am peaking at the right time.”

As for how this season may go, Tkachuk says he is excited to see what the team’s new additions bring to what has been a very tight group.

“I am very excited because, even though we went very far last year, this team is very different which I think is a good thing,” Tkachuk said.

“We have another level to get to and have some fresh faces who are determined to get us back to the postseason.”

As for the golf, Tkachuk was the second group to tee off of No. 1 at Weston Hills and had plenty of chirps for his teammates — including Sasha Barkov, who is better at tennis than golf.

Barkov was in the first group to take on the par 5 first hole.

Tkachuk was there to see his first shot and, well, was not all that impressed.

“I have played with Reino a lot and he is really good,” Tkachuk said with a grin. “What I have seen from Barky, he has to be on the other end of the golfers on the team. Let’s just say this is not his specialty.”

The Panthers will have one more day to themselves before reporting to what will be the Amerant Bank Arena in Sunrise for physicals and media day on Wednesday morning.

Then, come Thursday, it all starts once again.

“There is definitely that hunger, especially when you get that close,” Tkachuk said. “I think we are in a great spot when it comes to mindset. We know what it takes and we have the hunger to do it. It is a pretty short-term mindset; let’s have a good camp and get off to a good start.

“The long-term goal is just make the playoffs. We saw what happened last year. We’re not looking too far ahead but the playoffs are what is on everyone’s mind.”

[probably-writing-x]

Summer Heat - Chapter Two

Summary: Rafe had met his match when he met you. Both completely opposite and all too similar - the Kook and the Pogue who worked for his father; the hot headed boy and the girl who never backed down. And as summer rolls around on the island, tensions run high amongst the hottest enemies that OBX has ever seen.

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Sexual references, cursing, alcohol, and ngl just a hell of a lot of tension

Author’s Note: This series is so fun to write so I hope you’re still enjoying it - I have so many ideas … including some smut to come in the next chapter …

~~~

The heat still isn’t letting up over the islands, and living on the Cut meant no air conditioning, and likely one fan to share between your entire house. Your sister, Lea, was currently sat out under the shade of your porch, her legs stretched out over the old couch so far that her ankles hung just over the edge - she had a textbook in her hand, reading over the notes she’d already highlighted. She’d always been naturally pretty, always looking softer and more approachable than you ever had. She was just over a year older than you, but had the sort of head on her shoulders that meant she felt it was certain she had to take care of you. It seemed apparent sometimes that she still refused to believe you had ever grown up. Lea had gotten older but she wouldn’t admit that you had too.

“Are you working today?” She asks you when she hears the door creak to signify your presence.

“No, I just need to go over there and drop something off,” You comment, leaning against the doorframe and picking off some of the peeling white paint from over the wood.

Lea sits up a little and looks at you, “And afterwards?”

You shrug, “Probably just hang out with the guys.”

“You know you don’t need to spend every day with those guys?” She frowns at you, “All they do is sit around, drink and smoke, right?”

“What else do you want them to do?” You scoff, “There’s fuck all to do on this island.”

Lea pushes herself up to stand, fanning her face with her hands, “Maybe you could all afford to be a bit more productive, it might give you more of a chance to get out of this place.”

You roll your eyes at her, “I have to go.”

It would never fail to irritate you when she said things like that, the kind of mindset that you were ruining your life just by the people you stuck with around here. The two of you were Pogues, and your Dad had been too. But Lea was reluctant to admit that, convincing herself that you could get away from all of it if you just pretended to not be one of them.

You turn the key in the ignition to your car and start your drive towards the Camerons’ house, passing the other battered houses in the cut that looked almost completely identical to your own - all on their last legs.

~~~

You’re stood in front of the Camerons’ house waiting for the door to open with a silent prayer in your mind that their air con will give you a moment of relief from the sun beating down on your back.

“For fuck’s sake I-��� You start to mutter to yourself just as the door swings open.

Rafe is stood on the other side, a smirk on his face. He’s wearing a green t-shirt and a pair of slack trousers, “Can I help you?”

“I was just coming over to drop the keys off,” You comment, glancing down at his outfit once more, “How the fuck are you wearing that today?”

You were stood opposite him in a blue halter neck top that you’d stolen from your sister, with a pair of gym shorts that had ridden high up on your thighs. And, even then, it felt like you were going to boil if you stood in the sun for much longer.

“Air conditioning is a wonderful invention, (Y/N),” He offers you a sarcastic smile, “Or have you guys still not heard of that invention?”

“I hope it breaks, I really do,” You roll your eyes at him and he laughs.

He’s got one hand on the door like he’s prepared to shut it at the first opportunity, but he is yet to make the move to do so. Instead, he’s letting his eyes trail over you, lazily like he doesn’t care if you notice - dipping over every curve of your body and the way your clothes leave little to his imagination.

“My Dad needs you to work tomorrow. We’ve got some business partners coming over and we’ll need you on the boat to keep everything in check. Be here before five.” Rafe comments, his eyes dragging themselves back up to yours.

“Some manners would go a long way Rafe,” You roll your eyes, “But yeah, I’ll be here.”

“See you tomorrow, Princess.”

___________

Like the loyal worker you were, you’re at the Cameron’s house just before five the following day. You still weren’t exactly sure what today would consist of, but Ward had mentioned that he’d pay you extra - who were you to say no. Oh, and he’d told you to dress ‘smart’, which in Kiara’s words meant he expected you to wear a dress. You’d stolen one from your sister that she’d had from a few years ago, a royal blue fitted dress with thin spaghetti straps - it was a little shorter on you than it had been on her, and it was tighter around your chest, so you’d thrown a white baggy linen shirt over the top.

“(Y/N)!” It’s Ward that opens the door to you, “Thanks for coming.”

As much as you weren’t his biggest fan, he’d never been the worst boss to have. He paid you half-decently, he didn’t really expect too much from you, and he wasn’t as much of a dick as his son was - that had to count for something.

“Hey, I hope I’m not late,” You smile.

“No, no, right on time,” He encourages, “Come through.”

Their house never failed to amaze you, the winding staircase and the maze of doors, the antiques littered around every corner of the room, the slight hints of history that still remained over their repainted walls. There was no real sense of family in the place, no photos over the walls, no memories amongst their belongings - it was a house, not a home. But, damn, it was a big house at that.

“So we’ve got some business deals going on at the minute and so a few of the guys have come over today. Just some drinks, and some poker on the boat, nothing much,” He explains, “And hopefully them drinking enough that they agree to do business with us.”

You force yourself to laugh at his half-hearted attempt at a joke, certain you would never relate to when he spoke about his life like that.

“We just need you pottering around really, drinks, food, sorting out some stuff on deck - sound good?”

Realistically, you weren’t sure at what point you’d agreed to become a waitress. But business men likely meant they’d give you tips too, and bills were due next week. So you swallow your pride for just a second and accept his offer.

You follow Ward onto the boat and notice that Rafe is already there, leaning back on one of the couches with his arm up on the back of the cushions. One ankle is up and resting over the knee of his other leg, his chinos tightening around his crotch. He looks up at you and cocks a brow, waiting for his Dad to leave before he says;

“If you’re going to wear a dress like that at least wear it properly,” His eyes haven’t left you, tracing the way it hugs your figure.

“Why? So your pervert friends can stare at my tits all night?”

He swallows the lump in his throat and clenches his jaw, “Wear what you want, I don’t care,” But he looks away from you then, and you’re sure his cheeks are a little redder, his tan failing to hide it.

It’s later in the evening by the time the guests arrive, the small group of them spilling onto the boat just as the sun was beginning to set. They all ask for whiskeys when you walk over to them and shoot Ward comments like ‘where’ve you been hiding her’. You ignore it, pouring out five glasses of whiskey. Rafe eyes you as you bring them over, setting them down on the table they had all set out for poker. You don’t look at him, sure that your cheeks will redden more than they already have done.

They’re chatting between themselves and you hear one of them make a comment about not being sure which yacht he should buy. Fucking rich people. They drink their whiskey’s too quickly and you’re filling them up again before any of them even ask, hoping to go as long as you can without speaking too much to these guys.

“So, Rafe, is this lovely lady your girlfriend?” One of them asks.

You look up over the table and stare directly at Rafe. He has his jaw clenched and he doesn’t look at you. There’s a difference in his demeanour when he’s around these kind of people, like he’s trying to convince himself he’s capable of being more like his father.

“You know me, I don’t date,” He returns, making sure that his eyes never once find yours, looking down instead at the liquid that he is swirling around in his glass.

“(Y/N) works for us, on the boat,” Ward explains, “Keeps this thing afloat.”

You force yourself to smile at them, feeling the need to pull the material of your shirt around your dress, like the thought of this group looking might make you sick right on the spot.

“Alright, what do you say we start a game?” Ward clasps his hands together, “(Y/N), Rose should’ve made some food in the house, do you mind bringing it over?”

You take a deep breath, all of you relieved to be able to leave the situation even if for just a minute, “Sure.”

When you get back, they’re onto their second round, and it is just Rafe and one other guy left. He must be one of the mens’ sons - only a six or seven years older than you. You’d learnt his name was Shane but didn’t know much else. You set down the food onto the table and step back.

“(Y/N), you know a thing or two about poker?” Shane asks you, a smirk dancing over his lips, “What would you do with this?”

You glance down at his cards, and look over at the four already laid out on the table, “I’d say it couldn’t hurt to take a shot.”

He raises a brow at you and you see his eyes slip a little lower than they should, looking back up at your face, “Alright, I raise.”

He throws a stack of 1000 chips onto the table.

“Oh I don’t-“ You go to retract your suggestion but Rafe throws in the same amount, keeping his eyes away from you like before.

Ward leans forward to burn a card, putting it onto the second pile before turning over the next one to line it up next to the others.

It leaves Shane with a three of a kind.

Rafe tosses his cards onto the table, only two pairs in his hand, “Well played,” His eyes are cold when they stare at Shane, like he could reach over the table and punch him at just the sight of the guy.

“Well, thanks for the tip, Princess,” Shane cocks a brow at you, “I should keep you around.”

Rafe grips a hand around his glass to tight you’re sure it would break in his grasp, his knuckles turning white under the tension. He’s staring at the cards on the table, fixating on them as if it is the one thing that will stop him from cracking. In that moment, you know it’s not the game making him lose all cool.

~~~

It’s late when the guys finally decide to leave, you tell Ward you’ll clean up and let yourself out and he thanks you, tucking a few hundreds into your hand like it’s just pocket change. You pick up a few of the stray bottles from around the deck and go back inside, letting out a sigh of relief you felt like you’d been holding for hours.

At the table, Rafe is still sat, swirling his finger around the rim of his glass.

“Shit, sorry,” You say quickly, “I didn’t realise anyone was here.”

“Sit down,” He commands, “Play a round with me.”

You set down the bottles onto the counter and frown at him, “What?”

“You heard me.”

You clear your throat and sit down in the chair directly opposite him, feeling strangely out of your depth when you were so close under his focused gaze. Rafe gulps down the last of his drink and leans forward, dealing out two cards to you and another two to him.

“What are we playing for?” You ask him, lifting up one side of the two cards on the table to see what you had.

3 of clubs and 6 of hearts.

He doesn’t answer your question, instead burning a card and then turning over three to face up. There’s a four and a seven amongst them and you fight back the urge to smile at the possibility of actually beating him.

He throws in a couple of 100 chips and you follow suit, though not exactly sure what it meant when you wouldn’t be giving him any money, and you wouldn’t be caught dead taking money from Rafe.

The air between you feels warmer now, you can feel it tingling against your skin just slightly uncomfortably. You move your hands up to pull the material of your shirt away from your shoulders, fully exposing the dress underneath.

Rafe looks up at you and cocks a brow, “Are you trying to distract me (Y/L/N)?”

You lean your elbows onto the table in front of you and clasp your fingers together, resting your chin atop them, “You tell me.”

He keeps his eyes completely locked on yours as he pulls out another card, lining it up against the others. Not what you wanted.

You wince, looking down at your cards as if you weren’t absolutely certain of what was there. Rafe narrows his eyes at you like he’s trying to see past your face, before taking the rest of his chips and pushing them into the centre of the table.

“All in,”

“All in?” You smirk, “I guess I have no choice.”

He turns over the last card and leans forward, like all that matters is watching you move. It’s a five. Rafe reaches a hand to turn his cards over, no hand amongst them. You turn yours over and line them up underneath the five in the middle.

“Straight.”

He smirks at you and sits back in his chair, “Well done Princess.”

You roll your eyes, “It’s not as if we’re playing for anything anyway.”

He pushes himself up from his chair and walks around the width of the table until he gets to your side, in the few agonisingly slow seconds that it takes him to reach you. Rafe towers over you, his frame blocking the moonlight from outside and leaving you both in an oddly tense shadow. You crane your neck to look up at him, gulping down the thickness in your throat like it’s going to help you find any words to say to him.

“You see, if I’d have won, I’d have told you to never speak to that asshole Shane again,” He speaks slowly his voice deep and quiet.

You can’t bring yourself to move, too focused on the way his eyes seem to have darkened.

“I’d have told you that he shouldn’t be allowed to look at you, or touch you, or call you his princess,” He emphasises the last word so much so that it seems to hang between you as if there is something so unsaid about the word.

You stand up then, somehow gathering the force to do so, even under his gaze that seemed to freeze you in your spot. When you stand, your height only draws you to his shoulders at a push, your head still craning up towards him, the way his hair wraps around his temples. His eyes are still dark but their colour is just starting to pierce through now you can see them so closely.

“Why do you care so much about Shane?” You ask him, quieter than you had planned to speak, a smaller voice than you ever used around Rafe.

He looks between each of your eyes, like he’s analysing the features, looks down to your lips and then back up to your eyes, “I don’t.”

Before you can speak, Rafe brings a hand up to brush your hair back from your face. His fingertips graze your skin, drawing the hair back slowly and gently - a softer touch than you ever expected from him. His hand doesn’t make any move to disappear though, instead turning to rest against your jaw, his thumb at your chin. Rafe brushes the rough pad of his thumb over your lips, pressing a little stronger until your lips part around his finger. He instinctively clenches his jaw when you do so, his thumb dipping into your mouth as it grazes over your teeth.

“I don’t want him looking at you princess,” He says thickly, low and certain, before dragging his thumb away from you, leaving his hand lingering over your jaw.

It’s like a part of yourself comes back to you then, a self-assurance you were annoyed that he would ever let you lose, a stubbornness that was normally unwavering;

“I don’t think you get a say in that.”

You pull away from him, enough that it seems to break the tension in between. Like it drops five degrees in the room just from that. Your heart realises it needs to beat again. Rafe watches you, his eyes tracing your movements, this time with a hunger in them that you couldn’t quite place. You pick up your shirt from the back of the chair and pull it over your shoulders.

“I’m working tomorrow,” You state, like it’s normality amongst whatever the hell had just happened, “I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Rafe drags a hand through his hair, oddly flustered beyond how you were so used to seeing him.

He watched as you leave, trying to convince himself that there wasn’t a desire to follow after you, convincing himself that his mind wasn’t running over a million possibilities of what he wanted to do to you - these possibilities now stretching beyond a hatred, and perhaps closer to a lust he hadn’t given into.

You hurry down the dock and across the garden like you’re running away, your hands gripping at the material of your shirt to pull it around you. Why was your heart racing? Why were you clenching your core? Why did your skin so feel strange without his touch? Why did you want more of him? You push the thoughts out, forcing the million questions away from you. He wasn’t thinking of you. Right? He just wanted a power that he thought he could have over everyone. Right?

But why had he looked at you like that?

———

Taglist:

[sunshinejeonglixie]

Only You

tags: sfw, gender neutral reader, !!eating disorder!!, sad but comfort (if that even makes sense, like its sad but changbin makes it better), supportive helpful bf changbin

description: reader struggles with an eating disorder after comparing themselves to the other idols changbin is around all the time, he comes in and takes care of them and gets them back into a more positive mindset and healthier habits

a/n: i'd been thinking recently about how much i love changbin & his health positivity and how much he preaches a "take care of yourself don't worry about the amount of food" kind of mindset and i just love it so much so then this idea came to mind. anyways, y'all please take care of yourselves please know that your health is so much more important than any number, any looks, anything & you are so loved just the way you are.

!!Everything written here is fiction, not meant to be taken as real life, if anything here makes you uncomfortable please just block & move on!!

“Only down 4 more pounds?” you whisper to yourself, staring at the scale in front of you.

Every week you check, and every week there is more disappointment.

Over the past 2 months you’ve lost about 5 or 6 pounds a week, trying more and more to get that number to go up. You’d wanted it to be more, trying more to get past a certain mark. Only having one light meal each day and working out more than you should. Is it a healthy thing? No, and you know that. But it’s what needs to be done in your mind.

This habit started after you went to music shows with your boyfriend, Changbin, more often recently. You’d seen some of the other idols, admired them, saw how everyone loved them and chased after them. Consistently complimented their bodies and their looks. You’re not sure why it got to you so much, it’s not like anyone said anything bad to you, you just wanted people to see you that way too. Maybe if you lost weight, they would look at you like that, treat you that way too, you thought.

You decided from that point you’d cut down on the amount of food you eat and increase time at the gym with Changbin. You’d already been going with him pretty regularly, so the increase wasn’t too suspicious or anything. The difficult part was hiding the fact you weren’t eating more than a small meal each day. Changbin was very attentive, especially with food. Always trying to get you to try new things, share his food with you, and make sure you were well taken care of.

You’d been able to brush him off a bit, which you felt a bit bad about if you’re being honest, and just convince him you were already full or didn’t want to try what he was offering. You’d hoped he wasn’t catching on, but you started to wonder if maybe he noticed more than he let on. When you’d have food together he always started by trying to feed you first, trying to get you to have a little more, things like that.

Your secrets and plans all came crashing down in one day. It started in the morning with you going over to the dorms to hang out with the members, at this point they weren’t just his friends they were yours too. Lee Know had made a special breakfast and immediately brought you some to try. The look on his face when you told him you didn’t want any definitely made your heart sting a bit, he always showed his love through providing for others so when his friend didn’t want any it hurt him a bit, even if he tried to hide it.

“Changbin already headed off to the gym y/n” I.N says through a mouthful of food.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full” Lee Know scolds.

“Thanks Innie, I was actually coming here to hang out with you guys though.” You smile.

“ooo, come with us to dance today?” Felix asks.

“I don’t have any dance clothes with me. I’ll watch though!” you explain, trying to make any excuse to get out of it just in case it could reveal any of your bad habits.

“You can borrow some of mine if you want.” Felix smiles at you, always a helper.

“Oh… yeah alright I’ll go then.” You start to become nervous, damn Felix and his consistently helpful nature.

They all smile, glad to have an extra friend coming with them today. You can’t help but become a bit nervous though, show any signs of weakness or any of the habits you’ve created, and they’ll all know.

After everyone is done with breakfast you all get ready for dance and head off to the company. You in some shorts of yours you found in Changbin’s room and one of Felix’s T-shirts he let you borrow.

Once you get to the company some of the other members meet you there, all of them except Changbin and Chan are there, they were running late after finishing at the gym.

You all started warming up, stretching so there wouldn’t be any injuries. Lee Know decides they’ll just start without Changbin and Chan for a bit and they can catch up later. They ask you to fill in one of the spots since you know almost every Stray Kids choreography.

Everything is going fine for a bit, you’re tired and it’s hard since you’ve not eaten anything to keep your energy up today but it’s fine. You can work through it you think.

That is until you start to get a fuzzy feeling, the room starts to spin. You try to step to the side and sit down but it’s too late. You pass out and hit the ground, hard.

Of course, everyone immediately becomes super concerned. Lee Know stopping practice and taking charge, telling Felix to find out where Changbin is and having I.N run downstairs to the medical office in the company.

You’re not out for long, 5 minutes maybe, but that feels like an eternity to the panicked boys.

As soon as you start to wake up you see the JYP nurse sitting on one side of you, Lee Know on the other, and Felix running back in with Changbin and Chan directly behind him.

“Hyung what happened?” Changbin asks Lee Know

“We were doing dance practice and they just dropped, we’re not sure.” Lee Know explains, moving out of the way for Changbin to take his spot sitting next to you.

“Baby what happened? Are you ok?” Changbin takes your hand, almost in tears with worry.

All of it is very overwhelming. Your whole body filled with panic, knowing that you’ll have to explain something and that all your unhealthy habits will be revealed. Everyone is watching you with concern, not sure how to respond to anything.

“All your vitals are ok, have you had anything to eat within the past 24 hours?” the nurse asks.

“Um…” you hesitate, knowing you need to tell the truth, but at the same time ashamed of the truth.

“No. I haven’t.” you stare at the floor, not willing to look at anyone around you, feeling they’re all going to be disappointed.

“I imagine that’s the problem then. Have a good meal, get some rest, and you should be ok. Don’t do any more intense physical activity without proper amounts of food and water.” The nurse scolds before packing up her things and tells you to come visit her if you have any more issues.

You nod, tears filling your eyes, no words to explain the feelings going through your body right now.

“Nothing in the past 24 hours?” Changbin whispers

You can’t bear to listen to his disappointment. Before anyone can react you push yourself off the floor and walk out the door.

Back in the practice room everyone has different levels of shock and confusion. No one knows how to react until Lee Know speaks up.

“Well go talk to them, aren’t you going to?” He looks at Changbin.

“Yeah, right, of course I am.” Changbin stands up, following Lee Know’s instructions, as if he hadn’t even had a full thought until Lee Know said that.

Changbin walks out of the practice room, walking down the hall to find you sitting at the top of the stairs, crying.

“I know you’re mad, you don’t have to tell me.” You say before he can even get a word out.

“I’m not mad.” He says while sitting down next to you and grabbing your hand.

“Yes you are, I made a stupid decision and got myself hurt because of it. You have every right to be mad.”

“I’m not mad.” He repeats before continuing.

“I’m concerned as hell, but I’m not mad.”

“You should be mad.” You say through more tears.

“No. I shouldn’t be, and I’m not.” Changbin says, trying not to cry just from seeing you struggle.

“y/n when was the last time you had a meal? A real full meal?”

“Tuesday evening when we had dinner together.” You mutter, almost quiet enough he’s not sure he heard correctly.

“Baby it’s Thursday morning. Have you had any sort of snacks or anything since then?” he asks, growing more and more worried.

“I had a piece of toast yesterday morning.”

Changbin is speechless, trying to find the right words.

“We need to get you something to eat baby.” He says, standing up.

You nod, knowing he’s right but still too nervous to look at him.

“Lee Know always keep snacks in his backpack, I could get those from him and then come back and we can talk more before we go get lunch?” He asks.

You shake your head; you don’t need everyone to know everything yet.

“I can’t tell them… they’ll be mad too.” You whisper.

“Baby I won’t tell them anything you don’t want them to know. They won’t be mad at you, just like I’m not mad at you. We’re all just worried.”

“I wanna go home.” You cry, grabbing his hand to pull him back next to you.

“Ok, we can go home. I’ll take you home, we can order some lunch to be delivered, and we’ll talk.” Changbin says, wrapping his arms around you.

He picks you up off the floor, holding you in his arms before setting you back on your feet.

“I’ll go get our stuff and then we can go, yeah?” He asks.

You nod and let him go to walk back to the practice room.

Once he walks back into the practice room, he’s met with a mixture of many different things. Questions, worries, and even some tears from a worried Hyunjin.

“Is everything ok?” Felix asks.

“I’m working on it; I’m just coming to get our stuff and then we’re going home for the day.” He explains.

“We’ll keep working here, we’ll stay out of the dorm for a while so you can talk.” Chan says.

“Thanks, hyung, coming back around dinner time is fine.”

He takes both of your guys’ bags and heads back out to you, grabbing your hand and taking you home.

The walk home is hard, both mentally and physically. The exhaustion is still getting to you and mentally your brain won’t stop moving. Once you guys get back to the dorms Changbin leaves your stuff in his room and brings you to sit at the table, quickly ordering food to be delivered.

“How long have you been doing this?” Changbin asks.

“A bit over 2 months…” you admit, no point in lying to him about it now.

Changbin’s heart shatters into a million pieces at this point, his baby has been feeling this way and not taking care of themselves all this time and he didn’t know.

“I’d noticed you’d lost weight, but I thought it was just because you’d been coming to the gym with me so much.” He says, his voice filled with guilt.

“Binnie you couldn’t have noticed.”

“What changed? What made you start feeling this way?”

This question brings more tears, knowing you’re going to have to tell him the truth and confess all the terrible thoughts you’ve been having is hard.

“When I went to the music shows with you, I saw everyone there and how good they looked and how much everyone complimented them… I figured if I lost weight, looked like them, maybe I’d be better for you. People would look at me like that too.” You confess.

“But you’re so beautiful baby, you don’t need to be like them. Especially not for me. I chose you; I didn’t choose them. I chose you because I want you exactly as you are.” He comforts.

“But you’re so perfect Binnie, and I’m just-“ you start before he cuts you off.

“Don’t you dare say anything negative. You’re absolutely beautiful and amazing and I love you so much. I’m not perfect, no one is, but that’s ok. I don’t need you to be perfect I need you to be healthy and safe, I need you to be you.” He says before pulling you from your seat at the table into his lap in his seat.

Instinctively you hold yourself up a bit, not relaxing all your body onto him. He immediately notices this and pulls you closer before speaking.

“Relax, don’t hold your weight off of me, you’re so gorgeous.”

“I’m too heavy Bin” you mumble.

“No, you are not, I lift more than this in the gym every day.”

“I was gaining too much before.”

“Baby no you were not, you were gaining whatever your body needed. Healthy bodies aren’t always tiny and that’s ok. That’s still beautiful.”

His words really do bring lots of comfort, even if you don’t fully believe him yet. Finally, you hear a knock at the door and the food is delivered.

“Let me make your plate for you please.” He asks, and you nod. Knowing it’s probably for the best.

He sets a plate down in front of you, not an overwhelming amount of food, but enough.

“When you’re finished with that if you’re still hungry there’s more.” He says

“Thank you Binnie.”

“Anything for my baby.”

After you guys eat, and he very closely monitors all that you ate, you guys decide to watch a movie to take your minds off the stress of the day.

Once the movie is over he tells you that you guys need to create a plan. One day of talking isn’t the end of this and you both know it.

“I want you to stay here for a while.” he asks, wanting to be able to keep an eye on you when needed.

“Binnie this is so much farther from work I can’t walk all that way.” You remind him.

“You can take my car; I’ll walk to work or take Lee Know’s car when I need it.”

“Alright. I’ll need to get a lot of stuff from my apartment if I’m gonna be here a while.”

“That’s fine, I’ll make space in my closet, and we can go pick stuff up tonight.” He agrees before continuing.

“I don’t want you eating by yourself for a bit.”

“Binnie I can eat a meal by myself.” You say.

“Love, please, just for some peace of mind. I want you to eat with me, the members, your family, your friends, someone just for a while. I need to make sure you’re actually eating.”

You understand where he’s coming from, agreeing that it’s probably a good idea.

“Anything else?” You ask.

“Not at the moment, if I think of something else I’ll come to you.” He says.

“I appreciate your concern Binnie.”

“I just love you so much baby I have to take care of you.”

Later that evening the rest of the members return from the JYP building, by that point you’d fallen asleep in Changbin’s room, exhausted from the day’s events.

Changbin walks out to greet the members, asking what they got done during dance practice.

“Absolutely nothing.” Lee know says with a slight irritation in his voice

“Where’s y/n?” Felix asks Changbin.

“In my room sleeping.”

“Are they ok?” Hyunjin asks, stress still in his face.

“They’re fine, we’ll talk about it later. Why didn’t you guys get any work done?”

“Why do you think?” Chan laughs

“You guys didn’t have to spend the whole day stressing I have it under control” Changbin is thankful they worry about you like he does but also worried they didn’t get any work done all day.

“I tried telling them that but apparently I ‘don’t know shit’ according to Han & Felix” Lee Know says with an eye roll.

“Hyunggg we said we were sorry for saying that” Felix whines.

“Yeahhh we were just worried we didn’t mean it.” Han agrees.

“Whatever I’m not really offended but don’t you people think that if something was a major emergency that Changbin couldn’t handle he would ask for our help??” Lee Know says, sounding like this is a point he’s made about a thousand times today.

“Let it go. We’ll get stuff done tomorrow.” Chan says before anyone can reply to Lee Know.

Slowly you wake up after hearing the voices in the living room, worried about what everyone has to say, but glad they’re home. You’d felt a little bad basically kicking them out of their house for the day. You decide to just get it over with and head out there, any questions you can’t answer or anything that becomes too overwhelming can be taken on by Changbin. He’d already promised he’d help you talk to them.

As soon as you walk out the bedroom door you’re met with smiles and hellos from everyone.

“Hi baby, did you sleep well?” Changbin asks, coming over to hug you.

“mhm, your bed is so comfy.”

The silence from everyone is a bit awkward for a second, no one knows quite what to say until Lee Know walks into the kitchen to do dishes which seem to unfreeze everyone, and they all move to do their own things.

The next couple days are slightly stressful, having to explain what happened to everyone and Changbin recruiting them to what he calls the “y/n protection squad”. When you asked what he was protecting you from he responded very seriously with “your brain” which made you giggle.

There’s always someone there with you when you have a meal, even if you both just eat next to each other while you do separate things, there’s always someone making sure you actually eat the meal. It’s not easy at first, getting back to eating more than one meal a day is a slow process, so your body doesn’t react too weirdly to it. The first day you ate more than 2 meals a day you got a stomachache for the rest of the day, so you’ve decided it’s gonna be a slower process.

It's also a difficult process because of the stress and anxiety you still feel eating “so much” even though it’s a healthy amount. Changbin has forbidden use of the scale for a while, just to keep your mind off the numbers and back on the health side of it.

“Numbers on a scale have nothing to do with how you feel or what your body needs” he reminds you when you think of weighing yourself again.

It’s nearly a year before your eating habits are more stable and healthier again, and even at that point you can still have some rocky moments. Over that year you’ve gone back to those bad habits twice, always saved and pulled back by Changbin and the other members. You still eat with someone else for about 95% of your meals, not because Changbin tells you to anymore but because he was right, it really does bring you comfort and help you finish a meal without panicking too much about it.

One of the biggest struggles came when they had another comeback, and you went back to the music shows with them. Changbin told you he’d understand if you didn’t want to go but that you were more than welcome to come. Seeing some of the other idols talking about their diets and how much they’ve lost really sent you into a bit of a panic.

You’d walked back to the Stray Kids dressing room in tears, just looking for anyone to try and pull you out. You found the whole group there, immediately you grabbed on to Changbin, explaining what had happened.

“Honey don’t worry about them and what they’re doing, ok? You do what’s healthy for you and your body. You’re so gorgeous and beautiful and I’m so proud of how hard you’re working to take care of yourself.”

“Why are you with me when you could have any of them? They’re better, prettier, smarter-“ you start to ramble before Changbin cuts you off.

“I don’t want any of them. I want you. Only you. You are special, I love you because of who you are. I don’t want you to be like them, if I wanted someone like them I’d find them. I found you because I want you.” He says before continuing.

“And for the record I think you’re the most gorgeous smartest best person in the world so don’t you dare say they’re better than you.”

He holds you close running a hand up and down your back. His words are comforting and reassuring. It makes you realize that he’s right, there’s a reason he chose you and not anyone else.

“Thank you Binnie, I love you” you say, hiding your face in his chest. Slightly embarrassed to let your insecurities get the best of you in front of everyone.

“There’s no reason to thank me baby, I will tell you these things every day until my last breath if it’s what you need to understand that I love you and you’re perfect the way you are.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt but we gotta get going soon.” Chan says before everyone starts to grab their stuff from around the room.

Once everyone is packed up and ready to go you all head out to vans to go back to the dorms. The whole ride home you just think about how loved you feel. Not just by Changbin but by all the members, of course their love is in a different way than Changbin’s but it’s still love. The amount of time, energy, and effort they’ve put into helping you all this time makes you feel so good. It’s a long road to being ok, and it’s ok to not be ok, just knowing you can ask for help and that they’ll be here to catch you when you fall is enough.

[aspiring-holistic-otaku]

Season 2 Ramble# 8 - Sports!

As I hope you got from the title, this ramble focuses on sports in manga, but before I get into it, let me breakdown some things about how this is gonna go.

Firstly a little heads up for you and a little copout for me, the average sports manga tends to be a bit longer than other genres so I figured my usual sprint approach of picking up a bunch of titles and blitzing them wouldn't work. Instead I went for a kind of marathon type approach where I still read a bunch but didn't have completion on my mind as much as usual.

Pros and cons for this approach

pro - I was able to get in that much more diversity than I would otherwise. There's hella sports out there which makes for hella subject matter, each carrying its own unique perspectives that I'm really glad I got the chance to experience, and equally glad to try and share those experiences.

cons - I made the pro sound pretty grandiose but as I said, completion wasn't at the forefront of my mind as much this month, meaning there's quite a few titles I didn't get to finish, so with a lot of these reccs I'd have to say there's more than a grain of salt to keep in mind.

Second thing I want to get out the way are the elements I consider the most important in a sports manga, which I hope will give a little more context to the lists. In my mind the four most important elements for a sports manga are realism, teamwork, ego/drive to win & mindset/mentality. I speak on what those mean to me a bit more in the episode.

Moving on, the actual format of the episode is gonna have things I read this month in a triathlon type setup, meaning 3 categories/legs, closed out with a small award type ceremony thing, then after things read this month I'll speak a bit on my favourite sports manga read before this month.

And now without further ado, LET THE RACES BEGIN!

Things read this month

(first leg)

Uncompleted Incompletes {stuff I didn't finish reading and are still ongoing}

#3 Hajime no Ippo {by George Morikawa, read 49 out of the total 1434 chapters}

Seen this around for the longest time, usually see it called the top 1 boxing manga in more than a few circles, and again for more than a few I've seen it called the top 1 sports manga overall. All that being said the reason a self proclaimed aspiring holistic otaku like myself hasn't read it before now is due to its extreme length.. roughly 1.4k chapters and counting…. just couldn't see myself devoting all that time to what I figured could be summed up in one word, boxing.

That being said, I figured that even if I wasn't going to finish or even put a dent in it, now was the time to bite the bullet and as you can tell from its placing I'm glad I did.

The story follows ippo, a bullied highschooler who is one day saved by a passerby boxer. In awe of his strength, ippo decides to join his gym and try to get stronger. Simple and common enough baseline story, mainly driven by ippo's growth which is tied to his mentality, as ippo is naturally a timid guy but his earnesty towards bettering himself makes those around him, including me the reader, want to support him.

Cool cast so far from his gym mates to opponents, all contributing to a pretty good balance of serious and funny moments. So far the art has generally been pretty good, the only slight gripe I have at this point is I find the mc pretty meh.. like he's endearing but like in that way any kid trying out a sport seems where you just wanna tell em good job no matter what.

In any case I only read 49 chapters so huge grain of salt, though I imagine that both ippo and the cast must develop in a bunch of ways over 1000+ chapters

side note Kentarou Miura, creator of berserk was an assistant on this manga for some time, rip the legend one time every time

#2 Yowamushi Pedal {by Wataru Watanabe, I read 114 out of total 486 chapter count, btw in Brazilian it's up to 700+ }

Literally like maybe 1 or 3 people I know have ever mentioned this to me, 1 of whose taste I couldn't really trust, the second literally cycled everywhere n wore that bodysuit type thing to school which kinda put me off the whole thing and I'm pretty sure the third is a figment of my imagination.. so this series never really had any pull innate or otherwise + I figured it could be summed up into "dude rides a bicycle" which again unlike boxing doesn't really have any appeal with just that.

In any case I'm so so glad I picked this up, grabbed me from chapter 1 and honestly had a hard time putting it down.

the story here centers around sakamichi, a freshman highschool student who wants to make an anime club so he can make friends. This is a cycling manga so unfortunately for my guy that didn't pan out well for him but due to some plot I don't want to spoil he ends up in the cycling club and yes he does make friends.

Great mc but that's probably weeb bias, great main cast nonetheless, the teamwork stands out fr like I didn't know how cycling could be a team sport but it is, and I love that even though they're all on the same team most of them have a drive to be the best which works out in an iron sharpens iron kind of way. The mentality of a cyclist was also really cool like with boxing or more physical sports it's easy to grasp that you have to ready yourself to take a hit but in cycling they got into the flexibility and perseverance you need to keep pedaling no matter where you are and the sights you'll be able to see because of that. Great art, very scenic as they're riding all over the place and though I've only read about a quarter it's definitely something I'd highly and heartily recommend.

#1 Giant Killing {with Masaya Tsunamoto doing the story and Tsujitomo on art, read 84 out of the 514 chapters}

This is a soccer manga. Now you may have noticed a trend here where I haven't thought much of some manga and then ended up liking it, well that's because in general I don't like sports,, well I enjoy playing but not so much watching.. except table tennis and maybe basketball but anyways that trend pretty much continues here. straight out the bat I'll say I don't care for football or soccer or whatever you wanna call it but man this manga.

The story is that an already failing football club now finds themselves in need of a new coach after theirs left them, and so some managerial staff track down a former star player for the club who they heard now coaches small town football sides in England.

Kind of a slow start with them finding the coach and him settling in and everything but it sets solid groundwork which builds into great main and wider cast dynamics. This is one of my favourite things about this manga, it offers solid perspective and narratives from the coaching staff, managerial staff, the players on and off the pitch and even fans and journalist. Never seen a sports manga so thoroughly build out its world. The art was an interesting style but it does a great job of illustrating the dynamicism of play mixed with solitary key moments which makes me feel like I'm watching a slowmo highlight.

Very real feel in a lot of respects and I really appreciated that despite the name they don't just go around making upset wins. They win and lose their fair share but always kept me engaged. #1 on this leg but not something I think is for everybody, especially if you're not a sports fan but if you are a sports fan, especially a soccer fan, I think this will be one of your favourites.

hm: MF GHOST(initial d sequel), Ao Ashi(soccer)

(leg #2)

Completed Incompletes {finished reading but still ongoing or just not fully translated as is the case for everything here}

#3 SK8R'S {by Hajime Tojitsuki, read 9 out of the total 18 chapters}

This is all about street skating, not much to say with only 9 chapters but it just looked really cool

Anyways the story is that a kid happened to see a dude skating one day and he did one of those jump tricks and he was hooked.

Average art but it's pretty dope when they do full spreads and tricks. Again not much chapters so not much to say but I really hope the rest gets translated.

#2 Tsubame Tipoff {by Hiroya Watanuki, read 40 out of total 50 chapter count}

This pulled me in because women's basketball and I'm always a slut for new perspectives.

The story here is a tall but uncoordinated freshman finds her short but extremely athletic upperclassman cute so she joins the basketball team to get closer to her... Now I'm not gonna call her gay but she be blushing like crazy... In any case the art is pretty solid, really cool cast, not sure if I thought that just cause of the relative novelty of a girl's basketball team in manga but they were just pretty cool.

what I read was pretty good and again I would really love if the rest of the chapters got translated.. maybe I'll just learn Chinese idk..

#1 Break Shot {by Takeshi Maekawa, read 84 out of the total 152 chapter count}

This is a manga about billiards which I think is different from pool but I didn't look it up so I'm gonna play it safe and stick to billiards

The story here is that the student council wants to shut down the billiards club because they only have one member who is our mc, chinmi. He tries to negotiate and they tell him if he wants to keep the club he has to show some record of notable achievement or skill, so he enters a tournament with his club on the line.

The billiards pulled me in and as expected there was some unreal stuff to keep it interesting like a dude who has a special shot that breaks the cue ball on purpose and uses the force of the shratnel to pocket multiple balls… like come on… he's a highschool student for one like come on… but outside stuff like that I really like how they framed a billiards game as a puzzle where your skill is actually more a reflection of intellect, in being able to make a pocket or stop your opponent from doing so. also loved the art like it's old but it's the kind of old school charm that gives a Sunday morning cartoon vibe and I'm not sure if it's because of the subject being billiards but it felt really smooth and classy.

Billiards is a singles competition but they were able to create an element of teamwork through rivalry which was cool and I kind of already spoke on the mentality through their framing of the game as a puzzle. To solve the puzzle they really had to think on their feet. Ego and stuff was definitely there and again I really really want this to be translated. In any case I highly recommend this one.

hm: Dogsred(about hockey by the creator of golden kamuy), Mongrel (mma)

(and the last leg of things read this month)

Completed Completes {finished reading, finished publishing}

#3 moon land {by Sai Yamagishi, 98 chapters}

This is about gymnastics and I didn't think I'd be interested + I'd never even heard of it before but this was recommended to me by Jen who I had on last episode and from its placing you can tell I enjoyed it. This is why I trust Jen and even had her on the show, shout out Jen every time

The story is basically that the mc mitsuki is really good at gymnastics because of strong fundamentals but he had no flair. the main thing is that it presents gymnastics as an expression of self and mitsuki aims to be able to move his body the way he wants to, in other words freedom.

The art is kind of meh in general but ofc they step up in spreads and stuff, great teamwork, ego and mentality stuff, more of that iron sharpens iron effect I like, kind of felt like the ending was rushed but it was an unexpectedly nice journey. they really took the time to educate about gymnastics which i appreciated and I feel like I'm underselling but it really was cool.

#2 Gambling Apocalypse Kaiji {Nobuyuki Fukumoto, 158 chapter}

Had actually tried another manga by this guy called Akagi hoping to learn the rules for mahjong but they didn't care to explain the rules and it wasn't super well translated so I couldn't really keep up despite how cool the mc seemed.

In any case the quirkiness of his art style is what really drew me in so I picked up kaiji instead and it turned out to be really good.

The story here is kaiji, the mc is pretty much living a garbage life which gets worse when a debt collector comes and tells him a friend of his ran off on a debt kaiji was the guarantor on. the debt is in the tens of millions which he clearly doesn't have but the collector tells him there's a once in a lifetime opportunity happening soon, and offers kaiji a ticket onto a ship to play games and win enough money to clear his debt in one night.

I guess this is where the question of whether or not gambling is a sport would arise but 1) it's my list and 2) they are competing according to set rules for a prize so that's that.

Anyways this was closer to my preferred tastes with the darker, more critical view of #society and stuff, which is seen in how teamwork was kinda nonexistent or fleeting at best but the mentality needed to win or even just survive was strong.

Really liked the mc, lots of growth in a short amount of time but in any case I'd recommend this one for sure, especially with the recent wave of squid games and stuff like that… it's not squid games but just if you liked that you'll probably like this..

#1 One Outs {Shinobu Kaitani, 175 chapters}

I think the full title is actually One Outs, nobody wins but I which is just super cool especially as you see how the story unfolds but yh.

The story here is that tokuchi toua is a professional gambler that dedicates most of his time to a tweaked baseball game called one outs. In this game the pitcher must get 3 strikes to win but all the batter has to do is hit the ball past the infield for a win, yet in 499 matches toua has never lost. Due to some plot stuff I don't want to spoil he ends up getting involved with the main japanese baseball league and basically the owner of his team doesn't like him, so tokuchi baits him into a contract unfavourable to himself where he gets paid 50 mill for each strike out but has to pay 500 mill for every run scored on him. The owner didn't believe his 499 streak record held much weight so he accepts.

The people he's playing with or against don't know anything about this and they're all pros so his skills are definitely tested fr. It's hard to explain how mind games comes into play but just trust this guy basically turns a sports manga into a psychological thriller which was just amazing.

Highly recommend, I didn't really know anything about baseball, still don't really but man. nothing but praise tbh.

hm: aoiro ping pong, and **mighty girl(baseball)

{in the episode I mention some other stuff I was reading and would also recommend but felt they out would be too contrived or too much grains of salt due to how the small percentage of their total chapter counts I got to read despite how much I enjoyed them but you can check my anilist to see

{in the actual episode I name black box as the second honorable mention. but that was a mistake probably due to it and mighty girl having the same author idkidk but mighty girl was better}

}

if you're interested you can listen in to the episode for the small awards ceremony thing that would be here but in this writeup I'm just going to move along

Things read before this month

not as much detail as before cause spoken on most of these before plus nowadays in think more attention sound be given to newer reads but anyways

#3 Eyeshield 21{Riichirou Inagaki story and Yusuke Murata, read/333 chapters}

American football focused. really really good. has been in my top 3 sports manga for like a decade now.

#2 Ping Pong{created by Taiyou Matsumoto, 55 chapters}

Table Tennis focused. spoken on before in detail in Season 1 Ramble#10 and was #4 in its section + became my #3 read overall last year. So good I actually took the time to watch the anime this month.

#1 Rookies {Morita Masanori, 233 chapters}

Delinquents playing baseball. Top 1 in Sesson 2 Ramble#6, #2 in Season 1 Ramble#12 delinquency and #3 in the very first real ramble Season 1 Ramble#1 which is where I spoke on it with the most detail.

hm: Usugoi(peak gambling), HAPPY!(lawn tennis by naoki urasawa)

[charbend]

System Overflow Chapter 1

Hello Tumblr! I recently started writing a web novel on Royal Road. I wanted to post the first chapter here to try and get it out there a bit. Let me know what you think!

===============================================

Frank sighed, glancing at the flashing icon on his screen. The shrill ring of the call waiting for him, should he choose to accept it, blasted through his headset. He glanced down at his hands, counting his fingers while the call sat, waiting for him.

“Ten. Not dreaming, then.” He shook his head. After a year working here, he’d developed an almost Pavlovian response to the various chimes and ringtones the company used to let their servants know that, in fact, they should take on another support case, how wonderful it was that they wanted to work all gas no brakes for the company.

When he’d first heard the notification sounds in his dreams, he’d had mixed feelings. On the one hand, nowhere was safe. On the other hand, in his dreams he could at least leave or, better, burn down the building. 

“Hey Frank,” he jumped at the voice coming from right over his shoulder. “It looks like you’ve got a customer waiting. We wouldn’t want them to get impatient now, would we? Not with how this month has gone for you.”

He turned, barely able to hide his scowl as his manager clapped him on the shoulder. “No, sir. I was just getting myself in the right mindset. Need to really give them the classic J.M. Tech welcome!” he said, forcing a smile.

His manager stepped back, nodding. “That’s what I like to hear, Frank! That’s what I like to hear. Now, don’t let me keep you,” he gestured at the computer. “Go on and give it to ‘em!”

Frank turned to the computer, his personal karmic punishment for some truly horrendous acts in a past life, and accepted the call. “Hi! Thanks for contacting J.M. Tech, this is Frank. How can I help you today?” 

He seethed as he felt his manager’s presence behind him, listening in.

<O/%%%%%/ A Bit Later /%%%%%/O>

Frank pulled his headset off, swiping his hand down his face in exhaustion. He stared at the screen in front of him.

No more calls today. Just emails. Someone else can pad their numbers with them instead.

He leaned back in his chair, letting it roll away from his desk. As he did, he caught sight of a pair of eyes silently peeking into his cubicle.

“Hey J. You want all my calls today?”

The peeker snorted. “Nah, I’m good. I’m pretty sure you’re cursed, dude. You get the worst customers on the phone. Now, Sanjay’s calls? I’d take those all day.”

“Over my dead body.” Their neighbor called lazily from his cubicle.

“Is that a challenge? I could take you on, couch potato.”

“I’m not a potato. I go to the gym.”

“What, once a month? We’re in different weight classes, small-Jay. I could crush you.”

“You’d have to catch me first, and I know you don’t do any cardio.”

“I get plenty of cardio. Just ask your mom.”

Frank let their friendly bickering wash over him, luxuriating in the brief moments before he needed to pretend to look productive again. Times to relax were not common here.

He heard a faint ping through his headset, sitting on his desk. Glancing down, he saw he had a notification from the latest support case, the call he’d just been on. Clicking through the menus, he saw a familiar notice in the correspondence.

You have received a low-rating in this correspondence. Please review and evaluate your responses with a manager to determine best steps to improve the customer experience.

A pit formed in his stomach at the little red note. He sighed, feeling acid rise through his throat.

“God, I hate this job.”

Jason, also known as J, glanced back over into his cubicle from where he was pointing at Sanjay. “Bad review?”

Frank just nodded, already typing up a summary of the call, both to send to the customer and to cover with his manager.

“Man, that sucks. You’ve been getting nothing but bad customers lately.” Delicately, he dropped a bag of chips over the divide between their cubicles. Frank glanced at the flavor. They were crab, of course. “Hopefully Stupid Steve doesn’t come down too hard.”

A notice on the support case popped up, showing that Sanjay was looking at it. “Looks pretty cut-and-dry,” he called from his cubicle. “Nothing we could have done for them anyway. Wouldn’t be surprised if the Big Man makes a stink though. He’s had it out for you for a while. Probably has you ear-marked for the next round of layoffs.”

Frank grunted. “Probably. Bastard.”

Jason glanced over at Sanjay, chin resting on crossed arms on the cubicle walls. “Why do you call him Big Man anyway, Sanj? You don’t like him either.”

“I call him Big Man because he has a big ego. I know it’s an insult, but he doesn’t so I can call him that to his face.”

“Ooh! Devious.”

Just as Frank was finishing up the last few lines of his email, he got one from his manager, Steve. It was simple, and succinct.

Hey Frank, I see another customer gave you a low rating. I’ll swing by in a few so we can have a talk about next steps, and work on a Performance Improvement Plan for you. We can do this!

There it was. The beginning of the end. “You guys know any places that are hiring?”

“Would we be here if we did?” Sanjay asked.

“Yeah, fair point.” He hit send on his case notes, and leaned back in his chair again. He felt… not relaxed, exactly, but more unburdened than he had in a while. Almost at peace. 

“Guys, I think this job is bad for my health.”

Sanjay snorted, and Jason just nodded at him placidly. “Mhmm. Hey man, have some jerky.”

Frank took it, idly rolling it in his hand. “Oh, by the way, Steve’s headed over here.”

There was a clattering from both of his neighbors as Jason rushed to get off his desk, and Sanjay hid whatever he was wasting time with.

“Tell us sooner!”

“Man, hide those snacks I gave you, he’ll know they came from me.”

“He hasn’t cared about you having snacks before.”

“No, but if he clocks that we’re close, he might toss me out on the same boat as you.”

“Oh ho! So you’re abandoning ship, like a rat at sea.”

“You know it man, I’m a rat, through and through. Every morning I groom my whiskers, eat cheese and… do other rat things.”

Frank chuckled as shoved the chips in a drawer under his desk.

He stopped chuckling as a screen appeared in front of him.

Congratulations inhabitants of [Earth]! Your planet has completed the requirements to enter the second phase of System integration!

Standby for teleportation to your planet's tutorial phase!

He banged his head on the bottom of the desk as he stood up, looking toward his coworkers in his panic.

“Do you guys see this too?” “Holy Shit!” “What’s happening?”

They all spoke over each other, flustered. Sanjay cut through the confusion, equal parts excitement and fear in his voice. “Are we getting summoned? Are we about to get mother-freaking isekaied?” He was practically bouncing.

Jason just looked over, panicked. “What are you talking about?”

“We might get magic, dude! And a harem, and adventure! God, or System or whatever, my body is ready!”

Initiating teleport in 3…

“Yes!”

2…

Jason reached over the cubicle, face strained with fear.

1…

Frank reached out and grabbed his hand. “It’ll be okay!”

Teleporting. Good luck!

There was a flash of light across his vision blinding him, and he felt himself being pulled, like there was a hook through the core of his being, pulling him through space.

And then the hook vanished, and he landed roughly in his chair, disoriented, alone, and spinning.

Error! Teleportation capacity exceeded.

8,126,934,201 / 7,000,000,000

Unable to finish teleportation operation. Emergency procedures engaged.

Please wait while procedures are confirmed…

Error! Planet [Earth] does not fit any emergency procedure conditions!

Engaging Auto-Sweep to clean loose ends.

==============================================

I'm currently posting this story on Royal Road if you want to follow along! You can find it here: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/83902/system-overflow

[blowflyfag]

Pro Wrestling Illustrated: May 1995

CRUNCH!!! IF SABU HAS TO WRESTLE WITH A BROKEN NECK … SO WILL HIS OPPONENTS! 

By Ed Emelett

Photos by Jason Ross Lavin

[Crunch! That’s the sound a table made when Sabu laid Johnny Grunge on top of it, then crushed him with a legdrop. Considering Sabu’s mission that night Grunge was lucky he didn’t suffer any permanent damage to his neck!]

A couple of cracked vertebrae isn’t enough to keep Sabu out of the action. In fact, injuries make him more determined–determined to make others share his pain.

Let’s face it: Sabu is not your ordinary everyday, humdrum wrestler. When we talk about Sabu, we’re talking about a beast who has scars all over his body. He breaks tables with moonsaults after almost every match. His aerial ability combined with his unparalleled courage (Some say insanity!) are a deadly combination. Most experts agreed that his recklessness was bound to catch up with him. 

It finally did. 

Sabu was hospitalized on November 4 after he cracked two vertebrae.. You see, that kind of thing tends to happen when you land on your head following a Chris Benoit suplex. That incident, and the ones that followed, give us a special look into the sadistic and masochistic mindset of Sabu. No other wrestler in the world is quite like him. 

Seconds after Sabu’s neck was pounded into the canvas at ECW Arena, the match was stopped; a medical crew rushed Sabu into a waiting ambulance. 

“That was a very dark day for me and Sabu,” Paul E. Dangerously, Sabu’s manager, said in a hushed tone. “He was just getting back into top form after he broke his ribs, and now this happened. It was the first time in a long time that he was forced to stay in the hospital overnight. Let me tell you … it was not a pretty sight.”

Paul E. described how Sabu nearly went insane during that two-night hospital stay. “We arrived at the hospital, and it took four orderlies just to get him into the X-ray room. Sabu had been hurt before, lots of times, but never like this. Those injuries he’s received before, he would just blow them off and go out there and fight like they didn’t matter. He actually felt the pain this time. He ripped off his neck brace three or four times, and tore the I.V. needle out of his arm at least five or six. The nurses were furious. They released him two days later, and he immediately wanted to train.”

[Another amazing Sabu moonsault. Grunge was too stunned to move out of the way. Just how deranged must a man be if he is willing to try these kinds of moves with his own neck immobilized in a brace?]

It’s very difficult to understand a maniac like Sabu. He doesn’t speak English. Few people know what he is thinking, or how his mind works. But those who observed his actions closely came up with an interesting theory. 

[Sabu miscalculated this splash onto a “tabled” Grunge. He was hoping to break a few necks, but instead caught Johnny in the mid-section. It was still plenty painful for the ECW tag team titleholder.]

Dr. Sydney M. Basil is a psychologist who has examined wrestlers if varying mindsets for many years. While confidentiality rules prohibit him from speaking about the patients he is treating (usually, he has four or five wrestlers as patients at any given time), he freely offers third-party insights. 

“By defying his doctors and manager and demanding to return to the gym even before he had he even begun the healing process, he was showing the world that he was incapable of fear,” Basil said. 

Even more importantly, Dr. Basil pointed out, we should pay attention to the match strategy he has employed following his return to action a mere two weeks after suffering the injury. “Watch him closely,” said Dr. Basil. “His attack is focused on his opponents’ necks. He is intent upon inflict that same kind of pain on others. He wanted to transfer the pain he felt onto them. Not just Mr. Benoit, but anybody. He knows that if he can break an opponent’s neck, they'll go through the same type of pain that he did, and that would make him feel better.”

Recently, Sabu was brutally attacked by ECW tag team champions Public Enemy after he and Tasmaniac defeated Dean and Joe Malenko, He was dropped throat-first on the top rope at least three times, and was driven through a table when Rocco Rock splashed him from the top rope. 

[Rocco Rock didn’t care that Sabu had a broken neck. He pounded him on the neck with a bowling pin. Probably not a wise move, since Sabu was still furious that his neck had been injured in the first place.]

It set up a match pitting Sabu and Tasmaniac against Public Enemy for the tag team belts.

“I’m really not supposed to say, but I watched Sabu in the locker room before the match,” said one ECW wrestler who demanded anonymity. “He was running back and forth slamming into the lockers, yelling something that sounded like ‘Neck! Neck!’ It was the first time I ever heard him say anything that was comprehensible. That guy is just too damn crazy.”

Sabu was more enraged after being called out of the locker room and challenged by Benoit, who now demands to be called “The Crippler.” Sabu answered Benoit’s call and ran to ringside with Tas. They were being set up. Before long, Public Enemy attacked them from behind, and what began as just a ruckus deteriorated into a bloody brawl involving most of the wrestlers in the ECW Arena.

Eventually–somehow–order was restored and the combatants, whose match was scheduled for later in the card, returned to the dressing room.

The match itself immediately turned into a no-holds-barred contest. Sabu and Tas battled the tag team champions all over ECW Arena, and Johnny Grunge suffered a huge wound on his  the forehead. Sabu and Tas eventually lost, but that didn’t seem to bother the Bombay, India, native. He and Tas totally manhandled the tag team champions, and it is a certainty that Grunge and Rocco Rock woke up the next day with sore necks.

At one particularly sickening instant, Grunge was laid flat on a table outside the ring. Sabu leaped over the top rope and hit him with a legdrop right in the throat; the table was smashed. After the match was over, Sabu dumped Rock on a table and hit him with a legdrop from the top rope. 

According to Dangerously, Sabu’s quest to snap necks is not over. It may never be. “I look into his eyes,” the manager said, “And I know that his work is not done yet.” 

Consider that a warning.

[When the evening ended, the only neck broken was still Sabu’s. It wasn’t for lack of trying on his part, though. Most of his moves, including this elbow drop, were aimed at Rock and Grunge’s necks and heads.]

[envihellbender]

The first morning Roman wakes up in his new life in London, far away from Waystar

Characters: Roman Roy (agent of the Web), Mike Crew, Oliver Banks

Verse: The Magnus Archives / Succession crossover

Content: angst, fluff

—

Roman had woken up in the Central London townhouse a thousand times, but not one of those mornings felt anything like this one. His private jet, one he’d stolen from his father, had arrived in at five in the morning and for the first time in his life, Roman woke up with no where to go. He didn’t have to get ready for work, in fact he’d been able to just sleep in. The digital clock showed it was two in the afternoon, when had he ever slept that late? Even when he was a teenager if he’d have slept past ten he’d have had one of his dad’s sadistic assistants pour cold water over him. Roman buried his face in his pillow, it was somewhat comforting he supposed. He grabbed the one next to it, and immediately calmed by the slight ozone smell of Mike. He pulled the top of the third set pillows, adding the scent of a cherry bakewell tart to his surroundings. Before he met Oliver he never knew death smelt so tasty. He shoved both pillows on his face, covering him entirely and cutting off his oxygen supply.

He managed a minute before he gasped and let them go, his breathing was heavy and rasping - like when he tried to get away with wearing a binder in gym as a teenager. It hurt his chest and his ribs ached at the quick movement but feeling something other than immense guilt that he’d betrayed his father and fear of inadequacy had helped.

“Morning, Ro,” Mike said as barrelled into the room. He fell on the bed and poked Roman on his cheek. He was wearing Oliver’s Depeche Mode t-shirt which drowned him, and a pair of light blue torn jeans. “How’s the moping going?”

“Am not moping. I’m-” Roman paused for a second. “Shut up.” He buried his face into Oliver’s pillow again before Mike poked him in the ribs.

“Oi. Stop being a fag.”

“I’m not! I just want to sleep-”

“Suffocating yourself with the scent of your boyfriend is very faggoty of you, Ro.”

“Fuck off. Wasn’t suffocating myself.”

“You were. Not that you were near death but Ollie senses these things, dumbass.”

“Oh. Fuck.”

“Gave him a bit of a scare. I mean. Not enough to stop him from making poached eggs but-”

“Poached eggs?”

“Yeah he’s making you a whole full English out there. With poached eggs. Bacon. Sausages. Baked beans. And I can’t have any until you get up so…” Mike poked Roman in the ribs again.

“Why is he- can’t the- you still have the Help here, right?” Roman replied, bewildered as to why anyone would make their own food if they didn’t need to.

“You know Ollie,” Mike shrugged. “He hates having everything done for him and he insists no one makes a full English like he does. Which is true.”

“I’m not hungry,” Roman mumbled, the thought of eating food right now made his stomach turn. The memory of his father shoving chicken wings into his mouth as he told him how he was selling Waystar, ripping it out from underneath him.

“Well, no shit. We don’t really get hungry but we do get low blood sugar and eating is good for your mindset. So-”

“I don’t want to.”

“Okay but… I want a full English, a cup of tea, and a can of this new mango Coca Cola flavour so I need you get up. God. Not everything is about you, Ro.” Mike had originally intended this to get a laugh out of Roman, it didn’t quite work. Although he did get the smallest of smiles out of him.

“My mum used to make eggy pegs and a cup of tea with a fresh glass of orange juice every morning when we stayed over,” Roman mumbled. “Make a big deal how she did it herself.”

“What are eggy pegs?”

“Huh?”

“I’ve never heard that before what the hell are they?”

“Like, you know, a boiled egg with strips of toast-"

“Oh! Egg and soldiers. You mean egg and soldiers. Who the fuck calls them eggy pegs?”

“My mom so shut up.”

“Yeah well, your mom also fucked you over massively and was a cunt to you and still addresses thing to some bitch who doesn’t exist instead of to her son so… I think we can agree her opinion doesn’t count.” Roman watched Mike curiously as he rambled, if he didn’t know any better he’d think there was some real hurt and upset in his voice. He was protecting Roman. No one did that, he thought. He turned onto his side and wrapped his arm around Mike, burying his face into Mike’s chest. He felt him stiffen, and Roman expected him to back away, but instead Mike wrapped his arms around Roman and gave him a squeeze. The lightening scar on his arm warmly vibrating against Roman’s back.

“Aw, aren’t you two cute,” said a sudden voice from the doorway. They both recognised Oliver immediately, neither however wanted to look at their boyfriend who’d interrupted their moment.

“Fuck you, dick,” Roman said, not looking up. He could picture Oliver’s sweet smile and as much as it made his chest grow warm, he was hardly going to admit that.

“I finished breakfast- or brunch, I guess.” Oliver shrugged. Roman and Mike untangled themselves from each other and Roman stretched, he instinctively went to the bedside table to reach for his phone but it wasn’t there.

“Well, can’t eat without my phone. Where the hell is my phone?” Roman rambles, searching his pockets and patting down the bedding. Mike flashed a look at Oliver and disappeared before reappearing on top of the wardrobe watching with crossed legs.

“Oh. Erm. You gave it to me, when you got in. You didn’t want to get overwhelmed by messages and calls and stuff.”

“I mean, okay but I need everything that’s on my phone, Ollie,” Roman pressed as he got to his feet.

“I- yeah. Okay. Just. Breakfast first? Then you can… I just-you’re not going to call or ring-”

“No,” Roman interrupted. “Very soon my dad is going to hate me if he doesn’t already.” He let out a humourless laugh and a dry smirk, all he needed to do was go see Annabelle Cane and give her everything she needed on Logan Roy.

[mrspotatoheads]

Okay my fav girlie... Not really an loa question but just like an elder sis advice maybe(I'm sorry it's too long but the situation is also like very difficult to handle alone) . I'm seeing this guy from last 6 months and he's been treating me like shit like total trash. And I was earlier getting affected by him but I just made myself think that if I start being distant with him slowly while being in a relationship I'll soon come to the point that I won't really need him anymore and it will be easy for me to move on after break up cause in these 6 months we broke up thrice and I was the dumbass to go back to him. I take full responsibility for my action and honestly my this strategy is working in my favor. Now I'm not obsessed with him as I was last three times and I don't get anxious if we like don't talk or meet. But but but last night he went for a guy friends b'day and pulled an all nighter and he was there with many girls along with one of his "favorite gym girlie" His very "precious friend". She sat on his lap for like a second or two to click a picture with him and he was with her like throughout the party just by her side not even an inch away from her. She got drunk, my bf wasn't drunk but they drew like weird (obscene) pictures on each other's hands and he even dropped her home cz apparently she was drunk and he has been dropping her home very frequently even after their gym sessions. See this is my first relationship and I'm very introvert so never really went partying or anything so idk and I really wanna ask you and other girls that is this all normal and I'm just over reacting if I'm getting pissed of by whts happening. Like he literally met her at the gym 2 months back and we have been dating for like 6 months and all of a sudden she is his precious friend, she is his very reliable person, very mature and the relationship that he never wanna loose. He even like shuts me up if I question anything regarding her cz he's like she's very special to me and she is just a frnd u r my gf that's very clear she knows about our relationship. If I would question him, he would threaten me to leave me and break up with me and I'm really not yet over him to leave him immediately it will literally drop me into depression if we break up he's my first ever love of my life. Idk wht to do? If all this is nrml and I'm overreacting and overthinking. And how I shd cope up with all this how shd I go about this situation. I literally have not even a single human to go to and ask for advice. I would really appreciate if my Tumblr besties could help me. Please!

Okay, first of all, I’m so sorry this is happening. This isn’t normal at all, and he is gaslighting you hard. You deserve so much better, baby. I know you said this wasn’t really a loa question but I’m going to reply with a loa answer lmao. Now, if you really want this man you can obviously manifest that he treats you better, or you can break up with him and move on and even manifest a better relationship with someone else, or you can break up with him but manifest that maybe he betters himself and realises what he’s done wrong at least. Please don’t let this stupid man’s behaviour get to you, I hope this isn’t having a toll on your self esteem. Just continue to work on yourself, even if you don’t see a problem with your mindset, you can always better yourself no matter how good you feel. Don’t blame this on yourself, in my opinion I think you should break up with him but this is your reality so it’s up to you. Please update me if you can, I hope it works out for you :)

[sizzlyybacon]

will write later First Day, 9/4/2024, Part 3 (7th)

band

-creepy new teacher mr. stevens. "i just need to tell you this before i do anything. i am a brutally honest teacher. i may come off as rude or disrespectful, but i really just want you to improve. also, if you're comfortable with it, because i'm comfortable with it, you can call me stevo.", staring at kids, weird sitting, wispy grey hair that you can see through, chunky glasses, weird goatee, sweater stained with sweat, sweat pants, slides with ankle socks.

-barely any of my close friends stayed in band/they transferred so i camped by taylor for the rest of class 😭

-only 27 people in band. there were 48 kids in my introductory band last year and only 14 stayed for intermediate.

-awkward icebreakers = name, ----, favorite food, favorite color, have a pet, where you're from, instrument you've played/how long, favorite music genre, favorite artist

-nerdy kid| alex: "i've played percussion for like.. 20 years. yeah." 😎 /j

nerdy kid, edger: "you goofball! you haven't even been ALIVE for 20 years, silly."

gives austin the side eye

austin: i own a dead hamster. my favorite holiday is the funeral service for the dead hamster.

lucien slurring his answers to the icebreakers

science

-mr. mckean speaking very fast and being very zippy, but a supportive teacher.

-august asking if she can fill her water bottle over and over again, mr. mckean giving in.

-august screaming what what what what what what what.

history

getting stuck in the middle of alex, deniz, lucien, cayden, and isaac. they all talk

group assignment to make class norms

i fight with lucien to be scribe. c: "can i be scribe? l: "uhhh.. can i be scribe?" c: "can i be scribe😬" l: "rock paper scissors!" c: scissors l: paper

me and lucien do all the work in the group with deniz and alex.

we ask alex to be the speaker and he says no but our sheet is on excellence and our norm is "maintain a positive and concentrated mindset even when you're struggling" so i slap the paper on his desk. "you need a positive mindset alex!" he replies with fine and asks what to do. me and lucien give him the 😒 face and he says "well i don't know what to do so you do it" and the assistant teacher has to come over and explain that i can't do it since i was the scribe. alex is dead refusing so i just ask lucien and he rolls his eyes about it. if you're wondering why we didn't ask deniz it's because he doesn't speak much english and he didn't have anybody to help him out

lunch

holding hands with miracle on the way there

miracle makes fun of fiona for wearing victoria's secret underwear "girl we're in 7th grade.."

we go in the lunch line and see ariana, she points out how one girl has better style than her and that she looks really cool but i don't wanna be obvious so i just keep spinning in circles to make it seem like i'm not staring at her and miracle helps me along but then i keep falling over 😭😭👎👎..

p.e.

shoe relay race, slipping in the middle of everything

monkey in the middle w/ blake, elise, avery

i volunteered to be monkey in the middle since blake who lost the not it for who would be the monkey was getting sweaty and hot and took breaks every 5 seconds to get water. they said it was fine but i insisted.

elise and avery were passing the ball back and forth over my head but elise missed the pass and accidentally kinda slapped it towards me and i was way in front of her so i started running towards it and SLIPPED but i didn't think i had enough time so i started crawling as fast as i could and avery was howling with laughter and then elise ran faster and got in front of me so i JUMPED on all fours to get to the ball but i just landed weird and hit my knee and she got the ball 💀💀💀💀😭😭😭 but eventually we all fell over laughing and the ball went to oblivion and we asked an older kid to pass it back to us but he ignored us and spiked it across the gym 😭💀

language arts

pretty chill not very eventful, teacher seems nice

math 7/8

we entered and the teacher told us it was free sit but that was BAD FOR ME because i barely had anyone to sit with because barely any of my friends signed up for 7/8 compacted math. i ended up sitting with some people who i usually sat with at lunch and always talked to in the hallways and other classes and even had a sleepover with (veronika, hannah, octavia, and their friend josie) on the icebreaker sheet one section was literally "who are your friends that go to this school" which is kinda wtf and creepy.. hannah and veronika and josie were going around asking each other how to spell their names so they could write them on that section and i expected veronika or hannah to ask me so they could write my name down but they never did ouch guys 😭😭

logan really bad lisp while dr. chang passing around mic to read syllabus

partners with octavia for exercise to see which one we think doesn't fit, we said top right since it's split into fourths while all the others are split into thirds

dr. chang mispronouncing my name while calling on me to share what my partner said (octavia) and stating she needed to think of how to remember it. teddy screamed kaleidscope 😭😭

me and miles try to put our notebooks away but the bin is full of tiny weird little rainbow ones 😭

[jdgo51]

New Year Vibes!! Do You Have Them?!

Today's inspiration comes from:

New Marriage, Same Couple

by Josh Walters and Katie Walters

"'My wife, Katie, spends a significant amount of time in preparation for every new year by looking back at the last year. She prints photobooks of her Insta posts of the prior year to help recall the moments and memories that were worth posting. She evaluates the core areas of her life and our family, making an honest assessment of where she is and how we are doing. After sitting in what is she starts dreaming about what could be. She gives language to her dreams of what could be, upon which she breaks them down over 12 months establishing key priorities for each month and measurable actions that will get her there. At some point before New Year’s Eve she will write January’s weekly goals on the white board in our hallway to give some accountability for what she plans to accomplish.

Now, you may be thinking, “Wow. They must be a very productive couple.” Can you imagine two people giving that much time, intentionality, reflection, and preparation heading into a new year!? It should come as no surprise that I on the other hand, cheer her on in her pursuits and do none of the above. Katie is a visionary and her actions today are 1/365th of a much bigger plan she is executing based on what she feels like God has called her to. Me on the other hand, I simply believe that tomorrow is going to be better than today and hope that God is helping me get better and closer to where He wants me to be day by day. It has always been challenging for me to cultivate vision for my life a year from now, so I tend to show up and try to bring my best each day.

I don’t know that It’s possible to have two people who approach the New Year or tomorrow for that matter more differently than Katie and me. We are different. Chances are, you and your spouse have some areas of your personalities, preferences and behaviors that are different too. Different in marriage is a good thing. After all, it was God who said,

It is not good for [‘Josh’] to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him. — Genesis 2:18

In His kindness, God crafted a woman who would spur me on to think bigger, plan better and become (alongside her) all He created me to be. We are different. I’m not sure if I am an over achiever or if I cause her to be an underachiever, either way, together we tend to accomplish more than we could have asked or imagined.

Joining the 8-9% of people who get what they desire each year can be possible when it comes to your marriage.

Depending on the source, most studies say that only 8-9% of people accomplish their goals any given year. Whether it’s because they approach the process of goal setting, their plans for the year or mindset on tomorrow differently, who knows. That said,

the one thing that over 90% of Americans have in common is the tendency to quit. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going.’ Growing up I understood that to mean when things get hard you lean in, work harder and ‘get going’ through the pain. These days, 90% of Americans seem to think when the going gets tough, I’m going to get going… out of here. It’s one thing to bail on the gym, your job, or your momentary passion for paleo. There are countless ways to stay fit, provide and eat healthy. But, what happens when our willingness to throw in the towel, to call it quits has a generational impact?

In John 16:33 Jesus assures us that,

In this world you will have trouble.

Meaning there are going to be times when the going gets tough. We expect that in our jobs, finances, health, parenting, the list goes on and on. But one of the areas we’re often surprised to find trouble and all to willing to call it quits is in our marriage. Its no coincidence that Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Meaning when your wife rejects you, denies you or mocks you - continue to lay your life down for her. Aren’t you thankful Jesus didn’t call it quits? His willingness to persevere, His willingness to S.T.A.Y. on the cross paid the price for you and I to have new, full and abundant life. 2 Corinthians 5:17, John 10:10

Has it been a tough season in your marriage? Does fun and flirty seem far gone? Do you want to feel something new? Something better? You don’t have to call it quits to experience the satisfaction you desire. What if the marriage you’ve always wanted was on the other side of the challenges, complacency, and fatigue you now face? Joining the 8-9% of people who get what they desire each year can be possible when it comes to your marriage, all you have to do is S.T.A.Y.

Start with me

Take quitting off the table

Allow others to be a part of your story

Yield to vision

We’ve seen these principles bear fruit in our marriage in the darkest and hardest days. As you kick off a New Year, if you will commit to applying these principles, we are confident you can see them bring about breakthrough in yours. New Year. New Marriage, Same Couple. It’s yours for the taking!

Written for Devotionals Daily by Josh Walters, co-author with Katie Walters of New Marriage, Same Couple.