#he reminds me of Governor John Ratcliffe from Disney's Pocahontas

[artthatgivesmefeelings]

Vincenzo Carducci (Italian, 1576-1638) Expugnación de Rheinfelden, 1634 Museo Nacional del Prado, Madrid In 1633, a Spanish army under Don Gómez Suárez de Figueroa, 3rd Duke of Feria, took the Swiss city of Rheinfelden, in a plan to link the Spanish territories of Milan and the Spanish Netherlands.

[itsdisneymydudes]

Pocahontas’ Hair is Unreal

Honestly, I’ve never seen Pocahontas. I know “Colors of the Wind” is from it, but that’s about all I know about it. White men come to the New World and do some stuff (some historically inaccurate stuff, I might add), and yea. So that’s why I’m gonna live-blog it! Leggo!

Alright, starting off with a glorious song about English imperialism. Coolio.

Macho John Smith with his blonde hair and blue eyes. Aaaaaand they just called Native Americans “Indians.” This movie is gonna go swell.

I couldn’t make it out exactly, but I think the song says “for glory, God, and gold” which falls exactly in line with European colonialism.

I hope the storm breaks the boat.

K is this The Little Mermaid or Pocahontas cuz a lot of action so far has been in the ocean...

Aaaaand now the Native Americans are being called “blood-thirsty savages.” You’re the worst, Disney

Lol, Disney has the Native Americans speaking English. Hilarious.

Ok, so we all understand that Pocahontas was actually around 11 years old when she first met John Smith, right? Yup, Disney just sexualized an eleven year old.

Ah the obligatory animal sidekicks. Did that hummingbird just eat a raspberry whole? That’s just wrong on so many levels.

I’m no physicist, but I’m pretty sure a dive from that height would break Pocahontas’ hands and arms (and most likely kill her, too).

Oh, that raccoon is for sure dead, too.

Jeez, another princess movie with a focus on marriage? Why am I not surprised...

Oh my gosh, a beaver would never build a dam right in the middle of a river. That makes absolutely no sense. How would it even start something like that; the river would just sweep the sticks away.

DID SHE JUST CANOE OFF A WATERFALL?!? WTF POCAHONTAS WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING DOWN WATERFALLS???

Anthropomorphic trees? Alright, Disney; I see you.

Does Governor Ratcliffe actually know what kind of soil you need for a gold deposit to be under it? It’s usually black soil and not the muddy swamp terrain that he’s staring at.

Ratcliffe’s voice sounds weird. Like I know he’s the villain and all, but just the rhythm/emphasis of his sentences sounds off.

Why is John Smith wearing the armor of a conquistador? Isn’t he English?

These are terrible sailors! Why would you ever bring in your massive ship so close to shore? Are they trying to run it aground?

Lololol you ain’t the only one getting a better look, John ;)

While the presentation is a little strange, this description of white settlers from the perspective of the Native Americans is 100% accurate. Everything said is actually what the settlers will do. Ravenous wolves and all.

Damn, Percy. You bougie af.

Damn, Raccoon. You cheeky af.

Wut. Ratcliffe has like two dudes building the fort. That’s gonna take a while, bud.

K, Ratcliffe realizes that the Spanish took the gold from the Incas and Aztecs, right? Like the Spaniards didn’t dig it up themselves...

I don’t think using explosives like that is the most efficient way to take down trees or open a mine.

Damn! John Smith’s first thought when he sees Pocahontas is to shoot her??? And these two are supposed to fall in love???

Yea boi you best put that gun down. Show some respect, punk.

“It’s alright,” he says. “I’m not gonna hurt you,” he says. Girl, this dude was about to shoot you less than a minute ago.

Just a reminder: Pocahontas was 11 when she met John Smith. John Smith was 27.

HOW CAN SHE SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND AND SPEAK ENGLISH?!?!??!?!

Truest line of the movie and of all history: “These white men are dangerous.”

Strange names? Boi, y’all settlers literally just named your landing site the most vanilla name ever. How complex is the name “Jamestown.”

John is actually creepy af...

Aaaaaand here comes the “White Man’s Burden” speech from Smith...

Ooooooo Pocahontas is about to drop some sick bars, yo.

Is that...is that Pride Rock?

Why do they show an eagle on John Smith’s chest? He’s English and in no way helped the colonies reach independence.

Oh I do hope the colonists have a communist revolution against bougie Ratcliffe. That would be quite fun.

I really hope Pocahontas’ father doesn’t die. I like the sound of his voice.

Um...how can EVERYONE suddenly understand English?

Lolololol tree puns. The owls get it.

So at what point is Pocahontas going to contract smallpox from John Smith?

I would just like to point out that 80% of this movie did not even happen. Like not in the true accounts of first contact or even Smith’s dramatized accounts.

Aw...poor Kocoum :( and screw you, Thomas. Thought you were supposed to be a lousy shot.

Kocoum just died, and Pocahontas is still fixated on whether she’ll be able to see Smith or not? Jeez, have a heart, girl. Come on.

Those guards outside John Smith’s prison cell must be really deaf. Like the dude is belting out a song, and no one has batted an eye yet.

Also, when did John Smith’s shirt get so loose and revealing...?

Didn’t Thomas run off before John Smith was captured by the warriors? Plot hole...

Oh my god Ratcliffe is Trump. Holy shit.

So is the arrow in the compass still considered to be spinning if Pocahontas is spinning the outside container? Does that technically count?

What if the village was south of where Pocahontas was? Would she just accept that the arrow wasn’t pointing towards John Smith then? Quite the dues ex machina eh?

Why is Ratcliffe wearing an all-black suit of armor during the day... He is actually going to be cooked alive in that thing.

“I love him, father.” Ariel? Is that you?

This is some Cuban Missile Crisis about-to-go-to-war level of intensity right here...

“If there is to be more killing, it will not start with me.” Oh, it’s pretty clear who started the killing in history (*cough cough* the white man *cough cough*)

Oh snap! Ratcliffe shot John! Whoa whoa whoa did not see that one coming. Oh damn, right in the kidney too!

Yea! The communist revolt is happening! Viva la revolucion!

Hate being the bearer of bad news, but 17th Century medicine was not all that great... John Smith is almost certainly going to die from his wound.

Is Percy the dog really staying? Yea, he isn’t gonna last very long either.

“Come with me,” John says. What he means is, “Come with me and convert to the Anglican Church and change your name to a white name and change your dress to European clothes and forget your culture and tour around England like a circus display and eventually contract foreign pathogens to which you will have no immunity, ultimately leading to your death at an extremely young age.” Yup, great idea, John.

Lol did the village and John’s crew just stand back and watch Pocahontas and John make out? Awkwaaaaaaaard.

So how long until war breaks out again between the tribe and the settlers? I give it about a week or two.

Wow, as cheesy as the ending was, THAT SCORE THO. SUCH POWER. SUCH BEAUTY. DAMN.

One last question: how in the world does Pocahontas keep her hair so luscious???

[decodingdisney2017]

Pocahontas

I always remember Pocahontas as one of my favorite movies growing up.  Not only was it out of the ordinary because the princess wasn't your average blonde hair blue eyed beauty that I was usually so drawn by, but the princess wasn't in a castle in some land far far away.  Pocahontas was in Jamestown, a place I had been before and a place I could picture in my mind that made me feel some kind of connection with the story even though I was neither a Native American nor a woman on a quest to preserve her homeland.  

I have decided to watch the film then reflect on the story I knew so well since I live blogged Princess and the Frog, lets see if I catch any hints of racism to prejudice that I hear are so prevalent in the story.

Starting with her famous song “Colors of the Wind” (because of course I am obsessed with soundtracks) I just have to say that I believe it is a beautiful song with beautiful visuals and a powerful message.  Some critics argue that the close relationship Pocahontas has with the animals is a way for Disney to dehumanize her based on her race, but it really just shows the audience that being one with nature is a beautiful thing, a message I deeply appreciate.  As a young girl watching this I remember being inspired to run in the forest with all the wildlife, as opposed to the typical wanting to dance around with a prince in an obnoxious ballgown.  Today the number still inspires me in a similar way, this time reminding me of how beautiful nature is and how much I seem to neglect it's importance in my everyday life.  

Anyway, moving deeper into the debatable claims of racism in the film, I must admit that in comparison to the white characters, Pocahontas is portrayed as much more animalistic and “uncivilized” (a word used many times by Governor Ratcliff). This does make her appear to be much closer to an animal than a human, at least until John Smith falls in love with her...its always the boy, isn't it? Anyway, when Pocahontas first sees John Smith she slinks around him like some sort of animal, which makes her seem so different and in a way, she behaves like an actual animal does when a human invades its property.  I feel like there is a misconception that the Natives where completely one with nature and acted as such before the Europeans got there, but they actually had very complex societal structures and cultures before the white men arrived.  This idea legitimizes the settlers treatment of the natives in a way, with their brutal killing and exploitation.  If anything, Pocahontas furthers a harmful, but preexisting stereotype.

Lastly, I would just like to draw attention to the environmental message of the movie, which is often overlooked by critics who are intently focused on racism and sexism in Disney films (which are extremely important messages dont get me wrong, its just that I think we have established that Disney is far from progressive, or even politically correct).

Governor Ratcliff is the obvious villain of the story, and in his song he is shown making a band of men violently chop down trees and violate the pristine condition of the land.  This demonizes the exploitation of the environment, which is so underplayed, but oh so crucial for young people to learn from an early age.  It is a bit of a progressive issue though, which makes you wonder how the same people that thought to bring attention to environmental welfare missed the semi-racist elements prominent throughout the film.

[artthatgivesmefeelings]

Vincenzo Carducci (Italian, 1576-1638) Socorro de la plaza de Constanza, 1634 Museo Nacional del Prado, Madrid This painting celebrates the liberation of the Swiss square of Constance from the siege to which it was being subjected by the Swedish troops of General Horn, who sought to cut off the communication of the imperial troops with the Spanish troops of Valtellina and Milanese. On the canvas, the Spanish nobleman, diplomat and army commander Don Gómez Suárez de Figueroa, 3rd Duke of Feria appears in the foreground, on horseback, on an elevation of land, practically occupying the left half of the canvas. A lance page runs at his side, and behind him appears a group of armored knights among whom Lieutenant General Geraldo Gambacurta, who commanded the cavalry, may be represented.