#he knows it's actually a no effort excuse and it's downright factually false. but does he even care? of course not.

[suusoh]

I'm so sorry but could you imagine your friend Johan being all touchy and fond with you again, cupping your face and kissing both of your cheeks, and nuzzling you all over. When you try to point it out and question him about it, he doesn't even hesitate for second before saying the lamest most half-baked excuse on earth without blinking.

"I'm European."

then happily goes back to squishing and biting you.