#he knew it was only a matter of time before Jannik was there

[sports-talk]

*ೃ༄ jannik sinner on doping case .ೃ࿐

"it was difficult first of all because i couldn't open up to many people. it was a very complicated period because i didn't know how i had to behave, personally, i didn't know what would come out, i didn't know what would happen with the team. it was very difficult, normally i'm always in control, and instead there it was quite easy to lose it, control. after a few weeks i woke up one morning and said: "but in the end i didn't do anything wrong, i didn't know anything, and so for me it was already over, then what comes out from the judge, what can or can't come out in the end l can't control anymore, right?"

“of course, it was complicated when I knew but nothing had come out yet. maybe I won a match and they saw me really down and said to me: "but you won, why are you like this?" what was i supposed to answer? i said: "no, no, i'm fine, everything's fine." and then there were matches in which i didn't sleep the night before. as you probably saw, before the match with medvedev (qf at wimbledon). the night before i didn't sleep. then of course i felt bad in the morning. then i should have played 5 sets, it's not a match that ended in 3 sets.”

“there are many things that happened in this period that i tried to put aside and understand what is the right thing to do at that moment. and to me, i'm talking about myself now, i have to thank my team that was close to me the whole time because needed it. for example, darren didn't go home to australia and came to me, he was with me, my dad came. thanks to them i felt safe. protected. and precisely for this reason when i say that when you win tournaments or even matches that mean a lot, i always dedicate them to the people who are close to me, because without them i don't know how i could have overcome all of this. i’m happy with how i handled it because it was very difficult. but the moment i go on the court and put on my cap, for me only the tennis ball exists. on the court i feel safe. then we saw that it is difficult to play like that, but that is another matter. but i feel safe. when i see the ball and i am about to serve, all my focus and desire is to hit the ball on the court. because in the end it is my job and my passion. the problem and the work had to be separated. and i have always tried to feel good on the court, i have always trained, i have always prepared myself mentally to play tennis well and in the end it is precisely for this reason that I succeeded. also because, this is the most important thing, if i had known that it was my fault, in my opinion i would not have played like that."

"the real difficult moment in my opinion was right when the news came out. and it came out in a very delicate phase because it came before a grand slam. i wanted to train already since wednesday, the news came out on tuesday and we decided it was better not to, because there would have been too much chaos at the club and so we went on thursday, in the evening, because so many people would have left. we got there and we had all the cameras on us, it was very hard. i looked at the other players to understand what they really thought. i asked myself a lot of questions, it was difficult to prepare for a grand slam like that.”

“deep down, however, i am convinced that nothing happens by chance, and perhaps this case was precisely to understand who is your friend and who is not. and i separated these two matters. and i understood that there are many players who i didn't think were my friends, and there is a fairly large number who i thought were friends and instead they aren't. and in the end i don't say that this did me any good but it made me understand a lot of things."

[corinthbayrpg]

NAME. Noah Kramer AGE & BIRTH DATE. 28 & April 20th, 1992 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He / Him SPECIES. Phoenix OCCUPATION. Pediatric Nurse FACE CLAIM. Jannik Schümann

BIOGRAPHY

( tw: homophobia, violence, physical abuse ) Noah Kramer and his older brother grew up in Berlin. A dirty city where two young blonde boys could easily drown in the crowds of people, it was the perfect place for Noah to hide away from the home he had been born into. It was his older brother who explained to him at age four that this was not how a family was supposed to work. Their parents were constantly fighting, screaming at each other and making their small apartment a less than ideal environment for kids. It took a long time for Noah to understand that this happened because his father was not kind or nice, but aggressive and unhappy with his life. His mother stayed for her children, but throughout the years, her patience wore thin. When Noah was eight, his brother came into the room they shared, pale face and phone in hand. He handed it over to him, only to reveal that the person on the other end of the line was their mother. Their father had hit her again the night prior, and now she was telling her boys that she wasn’t coming home, no matter how much she loved them.

Once she was gone, their father’s fury now turned on the two boys. For a long time, Noah’s older brother managed to take most of the screaming and hits. Until his fifteenth birthday, Noah had gotten away more or less unscarred. But then he made a mistake, without knowing that it was a mistake. Noah had never really been interested in girls other than being friends with them. But boys had managed to make him swoon since he was thirteen. And on a foggy November night, he got to kiss the boy he had had a crush on for almost a whole year. When he got home he was giddy and happy, but the mood was soon destroyed. His father was on the couch with a bottle of liquor in hand, and his brother was nowhere near; attending a party with friends. It turned out his father had caught sight of Noah and the other boy on his way to buy liquor, and was disgusted by his son. That Monday morning, Noah had to walk to school with a black eye and bruised ribs. No one in school seemed to care much about the bruises he spotted more and more afterwards. As much as his older brother tried, he couldn’t stop the wrath of their father. Noah was his new favorite target for being unmanly and wrong. Noah started growing used to the pain in his body, and doubled it up by exhausting his body in every sports team that would take him. He was athletic and ambitious, and became captain of the soccer team while also playing basketball and swimming in a team. Any excuse to be away from home was good enough. He made friends easily and hooked up here and there, but he had trouble creating many meaningful connections to other people.

When Noah was seventeen, he then lost another member of his family. It was another phone call late at night that let Noah know his older brother wouldn’t be coming home. He had been away on a vacation with friends, and now said he wasn’t planning to return. What he didn’t know was that the only reason his brother would ever leave him behind and alone was because he had been bitten by a werewolf, and didn’t want to put his younger brother into danger. To Noah, it simply seemed as if the last and only person who had loved him decided he was too much as well and left. Only two months later, broken ribs and a broken arm put him in the hospital, and Noah decided that it was enough. Until the end of his school career he slept at friends’ or spent the nights in bars or clubs around Berlin. When he graduated, he took his bags and the little money he saved to fly away. Away from Berlin, away from Germany, away from the life that had almost destroyed him and took away the two people he loved the most.

Noah still was in contact with his brother through texts and phone calls, but he never got any indication on where he was or why he had left. Meanwhile, Noah traveled through the world. He moved from country to country, city to city, working small jobs to pay for his life and his travels. He knew that one day he’d have to settle, and he eventually decided to stay in Greece. Four weeks after originally arriving there, he didn’t feel the itch to get away again, and therefore decided that this was the right place to stay. He started training to become a nurse, and the only reason he ended up in Corinth Bay was because he was offered a decent job as a nurse in the pediatric wing of a hospital here. Noah is as oblivious and clueless as a human can be about the existence of supernatural beings, and he lives his life every day without a clue in the world what is going on around him. The work at the hospital fulfills him, as it means he can save other people’s life and do good. He owns a tiny two-story house in town that he made as homely as his original home in Berlin has never been. Noah has never returned to Berlin, nor has he any idea what happened to his father or how he is doing. He is ready to build his own life, and hopefully have a better relationship and family than his own. What a mundane wish, considering what is going on behind the scenes of his new hometown. Noah stayed unaware of the supernatural beings within his orbit, not realizing what kind of creatures existed until it had been too late. Parts of his soul had been taken by an incubus, and as Noah’s world started drowning in darkness, he didn’t know that his life would soon enough be changed forever.

On one of his darker days at the hospital, a man showed up and spoke to him, with yellow eyes and booming voice, and spoke of the power of a phoenix. Noah passed out right there in the hospital, and awoke a different man. A different species. To Noah though, all of this was new. He had never before heard of the supernatural world, never believed anything like that to exist either. Now he found himself in it from one day to the next, unable to comprehend just what that meant, or what it would hold in store for him. Now he has to learn the way the world works from a different perspective, and get acquainted with his new powers and path.

PERSONALITY

+ disciplined, trusting, realistic - pessimistic, stubborn, dependent

PLAYED BY LISA. GMT +1. She/Her.

[ivadeshin]

Careful Steps (Essik/Caleb) (4/4)

(catch up over on ao3)

It is ten minutes past seven, and Caleb Widogast was due at six for dinner and dunamancy. Until tonight, Caleb has never once been late.

Shadowhand Essik Theylas sits in his library and reflects upon his possible failure.

Ruanill has been an honest and dedicated servant for several years now. Essik has no doubt that Ruanill’s account is accurate and that his estimation of the firbolg’s intentions is, at the very least, worth considering. Essik has come to the conclusion that it is very possible that Caduceus Clay made, even after Ruanill’s positive declarations, that the match was a poor one for some reason. 

There would be no shame in this. A firbolg’s standards for what makes a fine person or finely selected partner are a complete mystery to Essik. Caduceus was a queer sort who was clearly bonded to the soil and not to any particular line drawn across it, and Essik felt sure that any amount of Empire research would leave him poorly prepared for understanding the firbolg’s values.

“Shadowhand?” Ruanill stands in the doorway with the dessert wine. Essik looks from the library hearth to his empty glass, sighs, and extends his hand for a second glass.

Ruanill looks ready to say something. Or for Essik to say something. Essik does not indulge this desire.

Ruanill turns first - his ears pricked up, looking toward the hall. Essik hears it next, notices Ruanill has forgotten his duties, and reaches his other hand out to tip the wine bottle back up before it spills over the rim.

“Someone approaches my door and you forget yourself,” Essik says evenly. “I’ve been said to be a solitary man, but you certainly put a fine point on it.”

“I apologize, Shadowhand.” Ruanill swallows and pulls the wine bottle back to his chest, moving back to the doorway. “Elamas and I have been discussing Mr. Widogast’s lateness, and were concerned that something may have happened to him.”

Did that seem to be so much more likely than the human simply choosing not to attend? Essik has no time to ask - Ruanill has bowed and exited, and quiet voices are coming from the hall. Elamas is speaking, and then - yes, Caleb, voice high and tense - and there are footsteps. Essik pushes his shoulders back, sets his glass down, and rises from the settee to receive his guest.

Caleb looks unusually rugged, wearing his original Kryn attire with scuffs across the charcoal boots and muted purple coat. His hair is somewhat out of place, and - his jawline and cheeks are obscured by the red-brown scruff of his beard coming back in. Something stirs in Essik’s chest that he cannot stifle.

“Good evening, Caleb Widogast.” Essik bows very shortly at the waist, allowing some of his concern to shine through. Caleb does not look injured, but Essik realizes now that he smells like... a cave. “Are you well?”

“I fucked up,” Caleb says curtly, and then freezes, puts his hand over his face, and takes a breath. “I - we were out of spells. I meant to ask Jester or Caduceus to send you a message, and by the time I remembered, we were all spent. I’m sorry.”

Essik drifts forward, receiving Caleb with a gentle nod and gesturing him toward the settee to get some warmth from the fire. He knows better than to ask for his coat - Elamas gave up after the second visit. “You are hardly an hour late. Is the rest of your group well? What exhausted you so?”

Caleb allows himself to be directed, although his head is still ducked apologetically. Even as weary as he is, he seems to feel the weight of his late arrival very heavily. “We’re fine, danke, we made it out fine... it was the last portal. Out in the Ghostlands. Our direct route there worked, downhill, but even with the moorbounders, we... had to take a roundabout way back. I expected us to return to the city early yesterday, not an hour ago.”

The last of those damned portals, finally out of the way. Essik takes a breath. “You have just returned from a long journey. You must be hungry.”

“No, no, I ate a bead on Jannik, I am fine.”

It takes a moment for Essik to remember that Caleb named his moorbounder. “I- ah.” Essik settles on the arm chair adjacent, giving Caleb a few feet of room. “Are you here to provide a report? I cannot imagine you want to practice, it sounds like all of you have exhausted yourselves to return.”

“Nein, I - we’ll go to the Bright Queen in the morning. Or I can write something down for you, if you like...” Caleb gestures in the air. “I knew you’d be waiting. And that Elamas would have cooked something. I came to apologize.”

This situation was unexpected, but Essik mostly feels relief that Caleb’s absence was not, in fact, a sign of being driven away by a companion’s suggestion, or by Essik himself. He raises a hand to wave it away. “I am very familiar with unusual work and unforeseen changes. It is just good to see that you are well.”

Caleb smiles in relief, shoulders loosening. The firelight flickers across his face, complementing his skin as if it were made to do so. “You don’t have to be so nice, you know.”

Essik is drawn from his reverie. “I beg your pardon?”

“Pretending I don’t make blunders all the time. Taking me out for these expensive dinners. Nein,” He holds up a hand, stopping Essik. “I know those aren’t comped by work, no matter how much of this is...” He gestures between them, ducking his head and looking to the side.

Something clicks in Essik’s mind. “You think our interactions have been... directed?” 

Caleb shrugs. “I have been a cog before. I am not asking you to tell me every detail of what you were asked to do, or what the greater plan is. I understand the Bright Queen wants to keep us as informants. I am comfortable with that alliance.”

“Caleb, I-” Essik pushes himself up from the chair, feeling an unusual moment of hesitance before moving closer and sitting across from Caleb on the setttee. From here, he can see Caleb’s mild surprise as he reads Essik’s serious expression. “I believe you have taken many proven facts and arranged them into an incorrect conclusion.”

Caleb swallows, the color of his cheeks and ears rising in what is now a familiar flush to Essik. “About... which part?”

“Informants are glorified messengers. They may do some spy work to gain new intel, but beyond that, their only value is in what they can tell us.” Essik knows this must be old news to Caleb, but he needs to emphasize a contrast: “Allies have agency. They are worth more than their intel; they have agency, they may even have desires or requests that we grant in order to keep a positive relationship. If they tell us something to help us meet our personal or our mutual goals, all the better. But it is not all they are.”

“So you’re pointing out that we can also fight, and that we’ve also been pressing the Bright Queen to consider less bloody alternatives.” Caleb tilts his head side to side. “That is fair.”

“And,” Essik adds, suppressing frustration that this has to be said explicitly. “allies are treated as equals. They are not pressed or manipulated for whatever information they may have.”

Caleb swallows. “So you are saying... you are not manipulating me.”

“I am not.”

“Then, the dinners? The compliments? The, the tutelage?”

Essik maintains composure as he chooses his words. “The tutelage is exactly as I have framed it. You wish to learn dunamancy to achieve goals that benefit both our sides. And you learn remarkably quickly, so it is hardly a deep investment of my time.”

A beat. “And the rest?” Caleb’s voice sounds very small now. His eyes are still elsewhere, so Essik tries to keep him at ease by keeping his own gaze on the fire.

“Those are in the efforts of my own goals, not the Dynasty’s.”

“I used to wonder...” Caleb gives a short laugh. “I said once that I thought you might be buttering me up for, for some kind of Kryn’s equivalent of the Scourgers... but nobody agreed with me.”

The other defectors? Essik feels his ears twitch up minutely, betraying his interest. “And what were there theories, pray tell?”

“That, um.” Caleb’s second laugh sounds more forced. “After the flowers for our yard, a few days ago, Caduceus said he believed Beau’s theory, that you were pursuing me.”

Essik sneaks a glance. Caleb’s expression has a tension to it, but if Essik is right, its mix of hesitance also has notes of hopefulness. “And what do you believe now?”

“It... would explain... the tone. Of the way you have been building our relationship.”

“Flowers,” Essik supplies helpfully, now fixing Caleb with a carefully arched brow. “Paying for meals. Ordering them for you on occasion.”

Caleb’s eyes widen and flutter a moment. “Th-those are all... Empire classics, ja.”

“Just as Kryn ‘classics’ include scheduling to meet again before departing. Sharing of wine from each other’s glasses.” Essik lets the moment stretch out a few seconds, watching Caleb blink more rapidly, before continuing. “I believe dining alone together and spending time in the late evening are common in both cultures.”

As Caleb swallows, his throat bobs. “So, it was never about my history with the Empire. Or what I can do.”

“The Academy, you mean.”

“You know?”

“It is an extremely educated guess, from a man very familiar with the sins of the Empire and what happens to gifted children with no prospects.” Essik waves his hand dismissively. “There is no ‘Kryn Scourge’ I wish you to join. And I have great interest in the Academy itself, I have far less for your specific knowledge. If I were to ask for it, you may fall under the impression that it was what I find interesting about you.” Essik sweeps an errant lock of hair back into place. “I wish you to remain an ally to help us fight the Empire, but our interactions have been unrelated to that wish. I trust that has been sufficiently forthright.”

Caleb doesn’t speak for a moment. “I want...” His voice is quiet, almost a whisper. “I want you to help me eradicate the Academy. And all the other cancer within my homeland.” A chill seems to run through the room. “Or I can help you do it. I don’t care who strikes the final blow, who gets fanfare, if anyone does at all. I just want it gone.” The conviction in his voice is unquestionable - Essik is too well trained to waste time doubting him. “And,” the human adds, “I have been trying not to make an absolute ass of myself the past few weeks because of how much I didn’t want my personal interest in you to jeopardize that mission.”

Essik’s feels his heart rate pick up, just a fraction. “That has been your struggle, during our meetings?”

“During our - during our d-” Caleb flusters on the word, face tinged pink as he straightens and looks past Essik, toward the glass of wine on the end table. “What was the wine tradition? I fucked it up, didn’t I?” He gestures almost absentmindedly, using mage hand to bring the glass in front of Essik. Startled, Essik takes it. “Here. I will do it properly, this time.”

Essik blinks for a moment. This is a dessert wine, part of him wants to say, but he does not want to ruin this moment of redemption for Caleb. “This is a sweet elderberry wine,” he says with a hint of formality, holding the glass up and then out for Caleb to take it. “The grove is to the west, and this particular vintage is well regarded. Would you like to try a taste?”

Caleb takes the glass, fingers brushing Essik’s and causing more nerves still. Caleb’s eyes flick to Essik’s, awaiting direction of what to say, but Essik remains silent. “Yes, thank you,” Caleb says unsteadily. Essik nods just a touch. Caleb takes a cautious sip of the wine, making a point to savor it.

Essik takes this opportunity to capture this moment in his mind. Caleb’s lashes are fanned across his cheeks, the color still risen on his skin where the firelight touches it. His long fingers, careful on the stem of the glass, are trembling ever so slightly.

“It is delicious,” Caleb breathes. He holds the glass out, then stops short. “Is that - now what?”

Essik can’t help but hold back a smile. “Now you would offer me a taste of whatever you were drinking,” he replies gently, a little apologetic; Caleb had seemed so dead set on righting this now, Essik didn’t have the heart to contradict him.

“Ah.” Caleb is, Essik can tell, thinking back to the several times they did this in restaurants, and Essik was left completely hanging by a ridiculously unobservant dining partner. “Ja, that, that would make sense.” He hands the glass back off to the mage hand, which places it back on the end table.

“It is behind us,” Essik says, too charmed now to think back on those events with anything but amusement. “I was too presumptuous about what would translate across borders.”

“We can improvise,” Caleb says, almost to himself, and then locks eyes with Essik, startling him with the amount of focus and intent. Slowly, deliberately, Caleb reaches a hand up, taking Essik’s cheek with just the barest amount of contact before leaning in and pressing their lips together, softly, still at first and then moving with purpose. Essik returns the kiss, feeling his body stir with a rare surge of desire as Caleb opens his mouth and offers his tongue, shyly, until Essik determines his meaning and allows him in. When Essik chases down the taste of the wine on Caleb’s tongue, the human moans and moves his hand to clutch at his shoulder.

Caleb pulls back for air first. Essik, caught up in the thrill of the moment, reaches out to mirror what Caleb had done, palm light on the human’s cheek. The beard is rough. Soft. Both.

“I think we’re communicating better,” Caleb jokes quietly in the silence of the room.

Essik permits himself to brush his thumb across Caleb’s jawline. Caleb’s eyelashes flutter. “One cannot argue with the improved results,” Essik agrees. Caleb’s cheeks rises in a grin. “Caleb.”

“Yes?”

“I would have you remain here tonight. And stay in my bed. I would please you, and take you, until we both had our fill.”

Caleb’s eyes widen and, in a reaction of shock now familiar to Essik, stares into the middle distance. “Well, that is certainly. Well communicated.”

“If you do not wish to do this tonight, or ever, you need only tell me.”

“Nein, I-” The human swallows again, and this time, Essik allows himself to watch his throat bob. Caleb notices the attention and flushes deeper. It is a marvelous color. “Tonight. Yes. Now?”

“If you wish.” He can feel a pleased smile developing at the corners of his mouth.

It deepens as Caleb rises to his feet swiftly, already moving to the door and reaching for Essik to follow.

[ko-fi]

[ao3]