#he knew immediately oh that's the FELLA. he's the rude ass one who said that shit to my wife

[guardian-angle22]

911: Lone Star | S4E15 Donors

[star-killer-md]

Goldilocks

— for Cowboy 

A/N: This was inspired by an ask about bathing with the AD boys from @cowboy-kylo​ like forever ago. It’s also like got a fair amount of fluff just to prove to you all I am capable of writing non-painful things. I hope you enjoy some lovely soft Clyde dear! 💖

Pairing: Clyde x Reader

Warnings: none really, fluff and smut, a bathtub is involved, handjobs, this is in a word tooth rotting so beware

Word Count: 2k

You never thought too much about how small your apartment was. For so long, it had just been you on your own, so the minuscule space between the island and the stove, the low ceilings and narrow hallways hadn’t been a bother. 

But Clyde made it feel like a tin can left in the freezer overnight and ready to burst, dying to expand. 

To be fair, Clyde Logan made everything seem small with his hand like a boxing glove—minus all the hard fists and swung punches—and his shoulders hunching in every doorway as if the world was never able to fully accommodate him. You thought maybe that was why he smiled the way he did, sort of apologetic even at the happiest of moments, like he was sorry for never quite fitting anywhere.   

Clyde made you feel small too though you were always afraid to tell him that. Knew he’d take it the wrong way and smile that sad, sorry smile and try to fade off into the corners of your bedroom, try not to ‘crowd ya’ as he’d say. So you never said it, but you thought about it often. 

Clyde Logan made you feel small in the most beautiful of ways. 

Not like most people did when they spoke over you or made stupid backhanded comments that you were meant to laugh at so as not to seem rude or when they stared right through you that way people do when they don’t give two shits what you’re saying and don’t care enough to pretend. 

No, Clyde Logan made you small in a way you’ve never been. 

He made you feel comfortable everywhere.

Sometimes, when you’d go to visit him at the bar, he’d place his hand on the small of your back, let it run feather light around your hip and rest there in the curve of the bone. And suddenly, you didn’t feel so out of place, like you were taking up too much space that wasn't meant for you. Once, you were helping him clean up after a long shift and knocked a whole tray of glasses straight off the bar top, sent the shattered bits skittering all across the floor, but there was no burn of embarrassment. Just, “it’s no problem, darlin’,” and a soft press of his lips to your head. 

Sometimes it was overwhelming, the sense Clyde gave you, finally in your proper place. 

And in his arms, when he wasn’t too nervous to hold you in ‘em—too afraid he might crush ya—you felt small and perfect and not at risk of breaking anything precious. 

It pervaded every inch of you, and occasionally you felt just how small the apartment really is. Now that you were used to the puzzle piece fit of Clyde Logan, the cold tile floors and microcosmic rooms felt cramped in a way they never did before. 

You told him a while back you’d start looking for a new place, somewhere you both can fit. 

But for now, you were still in the little shoebox you’ve called home for so long and you could hear the key turning in the front door’s lock, big, heavy footsteps coming down the hall. Clyde stopped by most nights after work these days, slept in your bed most nights too. Pounded you into the mattress and made you cry for him or let you ride his cock, thighs burning to take him deeper and watch how his pretty eyes roll back when he cums. 

And as delicious as it sounded, as much as it sent sparks off between your thighs, you had something softer planned for him. Something lovely for this man who came the closest to the human personification of southern sweet tea you’d ever known. Refreshing like the little sprigs of cut mint he kept in mason jars to chew on sometimes, cool like the feel of his prosthetic on your bare skin, soothing like his fingers scratching gently at your scalp and the way the hair on his chin grates your shoulder when he rubs against you in his sleep. 

“Darlin’?” his voice echoed down the hall. 

“In here!”

You had the bathtub all filled up with near scalding water and fragrant bubbles floating like clouds along the top. The room was hazy with steam that settled in little droplets on your skin. The top of your breasts peeked out from the water and Clyde’s eyes fell immediately to the shape of you under the surface. 

He had just his head poking through the crack in the door and you couldn’t help the smile that pulled at your cheeks whenever he got shy like this. Like he hadn’t seen you bare a thousand times before. 

“Oh, uh, m’sorry didn’t mean ta—”

You cut off his stammering, “Feel like joining me?”

“I don’t know if I’ll fit, sweetheart,” he said, already tugging off his t-shirt and sitting on the edge of the tub. 

He always called you so many little pet names. Normally you’d hate that, but it melts you a bit when they come from his mouth. 

“You’ll fit,” you said, drifting over to help him take off his prosthetic and lay it gently on the vanity. “You always fit.” 

And he did, because it’s you and him so there’s never a place the two of you don’t. 

His jeans and socks and underwear—that you bought him because you swore they made his ass look so good in those bootcut jeans he wore—lay in a little pile by your sink and Clyde’s chest is finally warm and solid against your back. 

Just where he’s meant to be. 

His legs were bent up around you, knees poking out of the water, and you brought one of his massive calves to rest between yours, kneading gently at the taut muscles. 

“You don’t have ta do that, darlin’,” Clyde said, and groaned when you unwound a particularly tight knot. 

“Shh,” you hushed, “tell me about work.”

He hummed as you reached for the soap, lathering your hands up and working it all down his legs. 

“It weren’t too excitin’, I did have ta kick out one fella—real piece a work too.”

Clyde went on and you listened, almost drowning in the way the words left his mouth and shifting around to sit chest to chest in his lap so you could work on his shoulders. His cock was half hard and twitched against you, but he lay still, hand loosely on your hip and head tilted back while he talked.

You loved the feeling of the warm, smooth planes of his skin under your hands and raked your nails across his chest, pausing to thumb at his nipples and chuckling at the catch in his voice. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say your tryin’ ta distract me darlin’,” Clyde mumbled, sitting up so you were pressed tight against him and laying his head in the crook of your neck.

“I would never, just trying to help you unwind.”

You pulled him up by the hair to finally fit your lips to his, loving the glide of him, the scratch of his beard. Clyde’s arms sloshed the water over the sides as they wound up and around your middle. You hummed when he didn’t hesitate to touch you with both. Sometimes he got a little wary about touchin you without his prosthetic, but it seemed you’d done your job well. He felt loose, all the tension released as he fell perfectly into you. 

Puzzle pieces, just the right size. 

Edges and curves finding their way into place like how the sea meets the shore: inevitably. 

You felt the sharp expanse of his ribs when your hand brushed his achingly hard length under the water. He was nothing if not proportional, your Clyde, wide and long in every aspect of himself, so that your hand barely wrapped all the way around him. 

He moaned in earnest now, resting his forehead to yours, “Darlin’, you don’t gotta do that.” 

You hushed him, moving your wrist in long, languid strokes. Listened to the breathy little noises he made and needed every one of them. 

“There’s nothing in the world I want to do more,” you said, twisting your hand just how you knew he liked it and earning yourself another gasp. “Let me make you feel good, Clyde.” 

He nodded breathlessly, tilting his head back so you could suck and nip little marks all over his collar. 

The first time the two of you had ever got a little hot and heavy, you’d accidentally left behind more than a little evidence—which you're sure Clyde got more than a tad of flack for from the guys at the bar—but you knew he loved it. Loved looking at them, loved remembering how they got there and loved the reminder of where and to whom he belonged. 

“Ya always make me feel good—” he trailed off when you bit just over his pulse, licking a hot stripe up his neck. 

Clyde bucked his hips up as the pace of your hand on his cock increased, and he mumbled a nearly incoherent apology when more water spilled out onto the bathroom floor. 

But the mess didn’t matter when his head fell back, resting in your hands and giving you a lovely view of his freckled chest, pink with the steam and all the pleasure you were pulling from him. You wanted to kiss every mole, connect them all like constellations in the clear West Virginia night sky. 

“Oh honey, you’re so pretty,” you hummed, taking in the scene before you. 

Clyde choked back a sob, pulling his pretty plush lips between crooked teeth. You felt his cock twitch in your hand and knew he was getting close. Couldn’t wait to see his face screw up with the shock of it, couldn’t wait for his arms to lock you in like he was afraid you’d stop and leave him cold. 

“Sweetheart, m’ not gonna last much longer,” he groaned and dropped his hand from your hip between your legs, thumb rubbing perfect circles around your clit. “Let me help ya.” 

You grabbed at his wrist, “Clyde, you don’t have to—”

He knocked your hand away and surged forward, bending down to wrap his gorgeous lips around one of your nipples, laving his tongue over the stiff peak and pulling back with a wet pop. 

“Let me make ya feel good,” he said, throwing the words back at you. 

The smug little grin on his face alone nearly sent you over the edge. 

How could you ever deny him that?

So you let him continue, loving the feel of his rough, calloused fingers touching you in all the right places, with just the right rhythm and stroked his leaking cock to match. His eyes stayed on your face the whole time, never glancing away, never shy or embarrassed. 

You couldn’t have looked away if you’d wanted to. 

This is where you belonged, you thought. This is where you fit. Not too big or too much, but goldilocks perfect under his gaze. 

And then his face was scrunching up—just like you knew it would—and showered him with praise as he painted your stomach with white ropes of hot release, fingers never letting up their frantic circles until you were throwing your head back and gasping with the white sting of your climax. 

After a few moments, you released his softening length and collapsed into his solid chest, reveling in the way he locked you in his embrace. 

Later, you’d make the two of you a warm drink, and let him rest his head on your breasts while you stroked his hair and listened to his breathing even out. Later you’d fuck him properly in your bed where his feet always hung off the edge, ride him so he could sit back and rest his hand on your hip and watch you take all of him, despite the size.

Because Clyde and you just fit together like that, without question, as natural as anything. 

Just right. 

[floral-and-fine]

Curious Misfortune part 1

Modern AU

Sandor Clegane x female reader

Warnings: part with guys acting like jerks/creeps

Summary: During the holiday season, the reader finds herself in a small town after she breaks up with her boyfriend.

A/n: The whole inspiration for me starting this fic is the idea of Sandor in flannel. Thank you @luna-xial​ @ewokiee and @liamakorn for the help

“Damn,” you muttered to yourself, as you passed another sign on the highway. None of the small town names looked familiar, and it was far too dark out for you to recognize any landmarks.

You clutched the wheel tightly, angry, and upset over the whole situation you found yourself in. Your damn phone didn’t get any reception out here, wherever you were, and you were hungry, tired, but mostly pissed.

In fact, you wouldn’t have been driving at all tonight on this unfamiliar highway if it hadn’t been for your now ex-boyfriend.

You had come out all this way to spend a nice Thanksgiving with his family, but when you and him arrived, his family had been nothing but rude to you. They nitpicked about everything, your outfit, your job, your education, nothing was good enough for them.

You had hoped that Jaime would’ve done something about it, stick up for you, defend you, however, he pretended not to notice. When you finally couldn’t take it any longer, and you brought it up to him, he acted like an ass and tried to convince you that you were overreacting.

God, you wanted to smack him across the face. You really were better off without him.

You groaned as you glanced at the time, you should be somewhere warm right now, eating pumpkin pie covered with whip cream, but instead, you were...lost, most likely.

Yet to be perfectly honest with yourself, you weren’t in a rush to get back home, because being there meant you’d have to face the aftermath of your failed relationship. Who would move out? Who gets to keep what? If only it could all resolve itself on its own.

You passed a sign, this one indicating that the next town was a mile away. You really ought to stop somewhere, get something to eat at least, that is if anything was still open, it was a holiday after all.

Taking the exit, it led you to a small community, a simple kind of place with small homes and just the basics. As you drove down the main road, you noted that most of the businesses including small diners and restaurants were closed.

It figured the best you could probably do now would be to get a bag of chips or something from the gas station. Just as you were about to give up your search, the blinking red light of an open sign caught your attention. The establishment was just some local bar with just a couple of beat-up old trucks parked out front.

As you got out of your car, you hoped they served food, or at least something besides peanuts, noticing that you were hungrier than you had originally thought.

Opening the door, the few patrons inside turned their heads. You could tell they weren’t used to unfamiliar faces stopping by. There were only a handful of people, a small group of guys by the pool table, a large man in a flannel shirt at the bar, and an old bartender.

You smiled shyly as they watched you walk up to the bar, finally returning to whatever they were doing before once you sat down.

You sat on a stool that was a couple of seats away from the stranger, he didn’t seem to want any company or make any small talk.

“What can I get ya?” The bartender asked, approaching you.  

“Are you still serving food?” You asked hopefully.

“Yep,” he nodded, reaching down and then handing you a menu.

“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” you said practically giddy. Quickly, you looked over the options and gave him your order.

As you waited for your food, your eyes wandered over to the man at the other end of the bar. He had dark brown hair and a thick beard, even with him sitting you could tell he was easily over 6’. He sat there quietly, eyes focused on the TV above as he drank his beer. There was something about his posture and intense gaze on the screen that made you feel as though he was avoiding turning his head to look at you.

As you wondered why you almost jumped out of your seat when the bartender placed a plate in front of you. You grinned looking at the spread, before picking up your fork and digging in.

Distracted by the food, you didn’t notice the man taking a quick glance in your direction. He’d never say anything out loud, but you were rather pretty and awfully sweet it seemed.

He couldn’t help but overhear you tell the bartender all about your woes. You talked about your damn ex and his stuck up family and how you had no idea where the hell you were.

Seems like your Thanksgiving was worse than his.

Just as you were about halfway through a slice of pie, the group of boys by the pool table were starting to get rowdy. They were so drunk that they were practically spilling beer on each other and the floor and yelling about stupid bullshit.

The man tsked, annoyed with their behavior, as you tried your best to ignore them and focused on finishing your pie.

“Alright fellas,” the bartender started. “I’m cutting you all off for tonight.”

“C'mon old man,” one of the guys started, most likely the leader of the group. “We’re just having some fun.”

It was obvious they were all looking for trouble, from the smirks on their faces to the way they were holding the pool cues. They slowly closed in on you and the bartender like prey.

“I ain’t gonna repeat myself,” my bartender stuttered. “Get out.”

“Why don’t you make us,“ the leader sneered looking down at the old bartender.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat as they crowded around you. Clasping your hands on top of your lap, you looked down anxious over what might unfold. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end as one of the boys gazed at you like a piece of meat.

“Hey,” he whispered, leaning in so close, that you could feel his breath on the side of your face. “That pie looks pretty sweet,” he purred before he swiped some whipped cream off your plate and licked his finger.

You clenched your eyes shut, feeling sick to your stomach, as he then proceeded to touch your hair.

However it didn’t last long, the man at the end of the bar roughly yanked the boy away from you and practically threw him across the room, before addressing the group.

“Listen you little fucks, unless you’d like me to drag each one of ya out by your hair, you better fuck off,” he snarled.

Swallowing thickly, they scurried to exit, looking absolutely terrified.

You took a few deep breaths to calm your nerves and opened your eyes, quickly wiping away a couple of tears.

Turning around, you looked over to the stranger to thank him, but your mouth hung open for a moment as you noticed the burn scars on the side of his face. They were all over his cheek, forehead, and part of his jaw.

Immediately, he turned away, taking his wallet from his back pocket and leaving some cash on the counter.

The bartender shook his head, grabbing the money and handing it back to the man, “Keep it, Sandor, it’s the least I can do.”

“It was nothing,” Sandor replied, heading towards the door.

Quickly, you got up from your seat and made your way over to him, you couldn’t let him leave without thanking him properly.

Gently you reached out grabbing his hand to stop him. “Thank you,” you said, giving his hand a light squeeze.

He glanced down at you, keeping the scarred side of his turned away from you. “Don’t worry about it.”

You shook your head and smiled up at him, “I was really freaked out, I’m glad you intervened.”

Sandor flushed a little under your gaze, making you smile more. He really seemed like a sweet man underneath it all, maybe a little rough around the edges, but still sweet.

Standing on your tiptoes, you kissed his cheek. “Good night.”

“Night,” he mumbled, the blush on his cheeks had now spread to his ears.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and took out his keys, giving you a nod before pushing the door open. Sandor paused letting out an exasperated sigh when he saw the condition of your car outside.

“Those fucking cunts,” he muttered under his breath. They had smashed the windshields, busted the headlights, and slashed all the tires.

“Girl,” he started, turning back around and looking at you.

“Yes?”

He rubbed the back of his head, “looks like you won’t be getting anywhere tonight.”

“What?” You squeezed past Sandor to get a good look. Your eyes went wide over the state of your car. This fucking day had to have been the worst one in your entire life. Not being able to hold back any longer, you started to cry.

Sandor stood there awkwardly, watching as sobbed into your hands.

It was getting late now, almost midnight, the bar would be closing soon, and he already knew none of the local mechanics were open.

“C’mon, I’ll give you a ride,” he said, placing a large hand on the small of your back. “We’ll get this all figured out in the morning.”

You peeked up at him, lowering your hands slightly. “What?” You hiccuped.

“You can stay at a motel for the night,” he explained. Sandor wouldn’t blame you if you said no, figured you might be cautious accepting a ride from him, but the least he could do was offer. He wasn’t sure what other options you had.

Wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you nodded, “Alright, thank you.”

“My trucks this way,” he said, guiding you towards it with his hand still on your back.

“Oh,” you perked up. “I need to grab my bag.”

You grimaced looking at the state of your car up close. Those jerks, hopefully, your insurance would cover the damage.

Popping open the trunk, your face fell when you found it empty. In your rush to leave that dreadful house, you must have left your luggage with your ex and his horrible family.

“Fuck,” you huffed, startling Sandor.

He watched in amusement as you stomped around yelling, cursing up a storm, and waving your arms around. You even kicked your car a few times.

Finally, getting it all out of your system, your attention turned to him. “Could we please stop at a convenience store or something on the way,” you said in a defeated voice.

“Get in the truck,” he nodded, opening the passenger side door.

The drive was a quiet one, giving you a chance to admire the small town’s charm. Besides the assholes from the bar, it seemed like a decent place. You were fortunate that Sandor was around to help you, who knows how this night may have unfolded without him.

“Sandor,” you started, curiosity getting the best of you. “Why aren’t you with your family for Thanksgiving?”

His eyes stayed focused on the road ahead as he answered you dryly. “Don’t really have one. I’ve got a brother but I’d rather eat shit than spend a minute with him.”

“I see,” you muttered. “I’m not close to mine either.”

He pulled up in front of a small store, the sign indicating it was 24 hours.

You were pleasantly surprised that Sandor joined you inside to shop, he followed behind you as you browsed, his hands tucked into his pockets as shuffled along. You told him that he could’ve waited in the truck, but he shook his head, muttering that it was fine.

It didn't take long, you only needed a few things to get you through until tomorrow, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant.

You placed the shopping basket on the counter, the cashier gave you a polite smile, but it faded when she noticed Sandor standing beside you. She intentionally avoided making any eye contact with him.

Before you could get your wallet out from your purse, Sandor had already handed the cashier some cash. Before you could protest, he grabbed the plastic bags and headed for the exit.

“I appreciate it, but you didn’t have to do that,” you said, once both of you were back in the truck.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ve had a rough day,” Sandor interjected.

As he drove, you took a moment to admire him like you had done back at the bar. He was an intense person to be around, but what caught you off guard the most was his thoughtful and considerate behavior.

Arriving at the motel, Sandor sighed, “I know it doesn’t look like the nicest place, but the staff are decent people.”

You smiled, “Thank you again, tonight probably would’ve been a lot worse without you.”

As you were climbing out of the truck, Sandor stopped you.

“Here,” he grabbed something from the back and thrust it at you. “You can wear that instead of having to sleep in your dress.”

You looked at the flannel shirt in your hands, your eyes crinkling as you grinned, “Good night, Sandor.”

He nodded, “I’ll be back in the morning.”

He watched from the truck as you went into the lobby, wanting to be sure everything was alright before putting the truck in reverse and leaving.

[anotherfanficblog]

What Is This Feeling So Sudden And New?: Chapter 2

Pairing: Richie x Eddie

Word Count: 1828

Warnings: Swearing

Masterlist

AO3

...................

Richie and Stan watched as Bill and Eddie carried Richie’s stuff into the dorm. Eddie was talking to Bill about something and it was clearly funny as Bill let out a hearty laugh. Stan sighs wistfully. “Hear that Richie?” Stan asked his friend.

“What?” Richie asked confused.

“His laugh almost as if a choir of angels are singing just for me,” Stan said going into what Richie referred to as ‘heart eyes mode’. Richie’s eyes flicked between Stan and Bill and he raised his eyebrows.

“You’re not going to do anything stupid are you?” Richie asked.

“Like what?”

“The M-word” Richie said accusingly.

“No. Of course not” Stan said his voice slightly higher than usual “but it wouldn’t be such a bad idea though would it?”

“If you say so,” Richie said turning around to unpack some of his things.

“You don’t think he’s gorgeous?” Stan asked.

“He’s very nice Stan,” Richie said blandly “I just prefer something a little less…obvious”

“Like what?” Stan asked confused “I mean who?”

“I don’t know,” Richie thought for a moment “him I suppose.” Stan looked to where Richie was gesturing to surprisingly see Eddie.

“Eddie!” Stan said shocked.

“Yeah it’s a purely objective statement,” Richie said, “like saying you prefer a Ferrari to a Porsche.”

“Bit rude isn’t it, comparing men to cars,” Stan said.

“Depends on the car” Richie joked “he’s a very attractive guy, Eddie… Or at least he would be if he wasn’t such a small carnivorous dinosaur with vicious little teeth.” As Richie was saying this Eddie walked past and flipped Richie off.

“Velociraptor” Stan stated.

“Yeah exactly.” Richie made his way over to Eddie eager to annoy him just a little more. It was one of his favourite past times. “Just discussing our favourite dinosaurs” Richie said.

“I’m sure” Eddie replied not looking up from his phone. A pause fell over the two.

“Eds-“

“Don’t call me Eds,” Eddie said quickly.

“Can I speak honestly?” Richie asked.

“I don’t know can you?” Eddie quipped still not looking at Richie.

“Why do you hate me so much?” Richie asked.

“I don’t know perhaps it’s the way you care about nobody but yourself, you’re loud obnoxious and you think that you’re better than everyone else despite you very clearly being worse,” Eddie said bitterly.

“Pretty sure it’s just cos I bet you in that fourth-grade spelling bee” Richie teased.

“You’re impossible” Eddie huffed, storming away.

………………….

Almost a week had passed of Richie and Eddie living together and the entire dorm complex had had enough. They’d received noise complaint after noise complaint, the police were even called at one stage as someone passing by had heard the fighting and though there was a domestic violence issue afoot. Turns out Richie had just hidden Eddie’s laptop.

To try to avoid any further police intervention Stan and Bill decided to talk to Richie and Eddie the night of Henry’s party to try and get them to calm down a little bit.

Bill and Eddie were getting ready at Eddie’s dorm. Bill was going as Marty Mcfly from Back to the Future and Eddie was going as Harry Potter. As the pair were getting ready Bill was trying to coerce Eddie into getting along with Richie.

“I’m not saying you guys need to become best friends or anything but just try not to fight so much” Bill sighed feeling like what he was saying was landing on deaf ears. Eddie went to object but Bill persisted “And if you must fight do it in hushed tones as to not wake the dead.”

Eddie went to object again but saw the distressed look on Bills face and realised that maybe he should consider his friend’s feelings before his own. With a heavy sigh, Eddie admitted defeat “I suppose I should try to be civil. Like you said it’s only for one year and then I’ll never have to see his ugly face again.”

“Thanks, Eddie,” Bill said with a small smile not allowing himself to get his hopes up quite yet “you know if you actually gave Richie a chance I actually think that you two would get along well.”

“Okay, Bill let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Eddie laughed.

“No, I mean it. I have a feeling that you’d be great friends… Maybe even more” Bill smirked.

Eddie rolled his eyes “Jesus Christ you get one boyfriend and suddenly you think that everyone should be in love.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t want a boyfriend?” Bill asked.

“I’m not saying that… I’m just saying that even the idea of me and Richie ever forming some sort of relationship is absurd.” Bill simply nodded his head, but Eddie saw the smug look on his face. “C’mon let’s get going. I need a fucking drink.”

………………….

Down the hall, Richie and Stan were getting ready. They were both going as Spider-man upon Richie’s insistence so that they could recreate the Spider-man meme. Stan was giving Richie a very similar talk to the one Bill gave Eddie.

“Come on Richie can’t you be the bigger person here and just move past whatever differences you have?” Stan asked exasperated.

“But Stan-” Richie tried to plead.

“No buts Richie!” Stan said loudly before softening his voice “I’ve really like living with Bill for these past days it feels so amazing just to wake up every morning and have his beautiful face be the first thing I see. Please don’t ruin this for me.” Richie finally saw who he was hurting, it wasn’t Eddie it was Stan and Richie felt terrible.

“Okay,” Richie said quietly and Stan’s entire face illuminated with joy.

“Thank you, Richie,” Stan said pulling Richie in for a hug “now let’s go get wasted.”

…………………..

At the party, the group had split up all electing to get wasted in different corners of the very loud and much-crowed frat house. While it was a rare sight to see Bill and Stan not together Stan had something else on his mind that he didn’t want Bill to find out. Stan sat in a corner of the house fiddling with a ring box talking silently to himself “it would be my honour if… no… I humbly ask you to consider… I’d be over the moon if-”

“Nice to see you here,” a voice said making Stan jump. Stan turned to see Henry who had come dressed as the joker now standing next to him, this immediately made Stan tense.

“Henry” Stan acknowledge the man next to him “having fun?”

“Oh you know me,” Henry said “crying on the inside.”

“So Bill eh? Smart move” Henry said taking a puff of his cigarette.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stan asked defensively.

“Nothing,” Henry said putting his hands up “just that he’s a very pretty boy that’s all… very popular.” Stan followed Henry’s eye line to see Bill and Richie standing too close for Stan’s liking. Stan knew that Richie was a flirt but he wouldn’t go so far as to flirt with Stan’s boyfriend would he? He knew he wouldn’t do it sober but put a bit of alcohol in Richie and there’s no telling what he’ll do.

“I’m going to get another drink. Can I get you anything?” Henry asked Stan, didn’t respond to Henry and kept his eyes trained on Bill and Richie. “Stan?” Henry asked snapping Stan out of his trance.

“What?” Stan asked.

“Drink?”

“No, I’m good thanks,” Stan said walking over to where Bill and Richie were standing. As he approached the pair he heard Bill and Richie giggling like little school girls.

“Bev’s looking for you,” Stan said to Bill.

“Oh” Bill said seeing Stan appear “where?”

“Upstairs,” Stan said with a fake smiling as Bill walked off.

“Bye! Ciao!” Richie waved. Once Bill had left Stan pulled Richie aside.

“Give it a rest will you,” Stan said sternly.

“What? What have I done?” Richie asked.

Across the room, Eddie saw Stan and Richie talking and decided to go say hi as he’d mostly tried to avoid them all night. Well, he tried to avoid Richie and in turn had avoided Stan but Eddie quite enjoyed Stan’s company and wanted to say hi.

As Stan left to follow Bill Richie was left confused as to what he had done to annoy Stan he hadn’t picked any fights with Eddie or done anything particularly tenacious. Richie pulled down his Spider-man mask.

“Stan? Stan?” Richie heard someone shout from behind him. Richie turned to see Eddie.

“It is Stan isn’t it?” Eddie joked smiling. This left Richie confused until he realised that Eddie thought that he was Stan. “Come on, I haven’t seen you all evening let’s chat,” Eddie said grabbing Richie’s hand and pulling him to a nearby sofa.                                                                                             Richie looked around to see if there was a way to escape but found none.

‘Well shit’ he thought.

“Where’s your sidekick then Stan?” Eddie asked.

“Sidekick?” Richie asked confused.

“Probably making his way through the buffet” Eddie laughed “seeing how many chicken fingers he can fit into his mouth.”

“What do you mean?” Richie asked offended.

“Well let me put it this way. They say stress is supposed to make you lose weight so Richie’s final year of college must be the breeziest thing ever” Eddie said puffing out his cheeks.

Richie mumbled something that Eddie didn’t quite catch. “Sorry I can’t hear you, Stan. Why don’t you take your mask off?” Eddie offered.

“I said he still seems quite popular with the fellas and ladies,” Richie said defending himself.

“Yeah well, that’s what he likes you to believe,” Eddie said “But that long hair makes him look like someone’s dropped a ton of melted chocolate on his head. And has he started growing a beard because if so someone needs to tell him to stop, he looks like he’s got food smeared around his mouth.”

“Just as well you never have to kiss him then,” Richie said.

“And for that, I thank God every day.”

“I’ll tell Richie what you said,” Richie said threateningly.

“Fine tell him,” Eddie said, “he’ll just fire back with some smart ass remark and it won’t be funny or make sense and nobody will be listening to him anyway-”

Richie had heard enough at this point and got up “would you excuse me for one moment.”

“Stan?” Eddie asked, “Was it something I said?”

Richie saw his friend Mike dancing in the corner and decided he needed someone to vent to. Richie made his way over pulling his mask off his face. “Richie!” Mike said as he saw his friend approaching “just so you have some warning one of the boys have hired a karaoke machine-”

“He is Satan,” Richie said annoyed “he looks normal but he’s Satan in human form.”

“Who?” Mike asked confused.

“Eddie” Richie stated like it was obvious.

“Ah of course,” Mike said knowingly “come on let's get you a drink.”

.....................

[ask-a-w]

[OOC: Long ass recap of RE: Vendetta]

The more I drafted the post, the more my review became a recap with my own personal snarky comments. So here is my recap of Vendetta for those who can’t see the movie yet and want to spoil themselves lol. Spoilers will be under the cut.

Let’s talk about the characters.

Leon is no longer the person we know. He’s ten times more cynical and jaded, an alcoholic, and really doesn’t care any more. He has essentially lost the drive to keep fighting. It’s a stark change from his RE6 self. In fact, he asks Chris, “How long can we keep doing this?”

Poor guy needs a long break or at least retire. IMHO, he needs to see a psychiatrist. He has issues. There’s a very brief line about his childhood which is like, the first attempt in RE history to have one of the main characters talk about what they were as a kid.

I don’t like Leon in this movie so it is relieving that he doesn’t have a lot of screen time. Focus is more on Chris this time.

Chris may look and have a different VA but he’s still Chris in terms of personality. Boulder Redfield shines in one instance when it should have killed him lol. Oh and Chris utilises Leon’s suplex move for one of the action scenes. It’s fun to watch.

Rebecca is surprisingly the voice of reason and raises so many good points! Too bad she doesn’t get to fight much in this movie.

Unfortunately, the RE characters succumb to a dose of stupid by not killing an infected person ASAP and instead, hesitate for many seconds until said infected is already on them. I can forgive Rebecca as she transferred from field ops to science work so it’s been years since she’s been on the front line. But Leon and Chris need to be smacked in their heads for their slip up.

The villain Glenn Arias, has serious issues. He should be BFFs with Carla and Simmons, if they were alive. Oh and he would make a good sparring partner for Svetlana. The villains lately have gone to the school of martial arts. It’s written in his wanted profile that he’s a master in hand to hand combat.

Enough about the characters, let’s talk about something else. The animation and music are beautiful, as usual. I have a dislike for slow-mo in movies and thankfully it’s minimum here. The slow-mo scenes in the movie are cringe worthy.

It’s more violent this time with generous amounts of blood and disembodiment galore so it’s not suited for kids.

So yeah, flawed characters, a beautiful looking/sounding movie, and now let’s jump to spoilers ‘cos I want to talk about the story! It’s gonna be lengthy so grab a drink while you’re at it.

The beginning of the movie has Leon walking into a morgue. He has a internal monologue about how when he was a kid, he wondered what he would do when he grew up and did not expect his life to end up like this. I feel a little sad for him and I have no issues there.

Next is Chris and his team infiltrating a base/mansion that Glenn aka weapons merchant of death is holed up in. Glenn has also taken over Tricell and Neo-Umbrella. Chris is asked for advice by a soldier. Chris says “Be willing to kill friend or family when the choice comes down to it.”

He doesn’t give the advice of shooting the undead in the head and also killing the undead right away. So, it’s no surprise his team gets killed by a kid zombie because they made the dumb move of asking a shuffling human being if “he’s okay”. *sighs*

Yep, we finally see a kid zombie! But the kid is there because his mom from the BSAA went under cover in Glenn’s mansion. Why would you bring a kid along to a house that has a known merchant who deals with BOWs??!

Also the kid can talk/respond coherently while infected. He’s the only that does so throughout the movie and it’s never explained why.

Oh and everyone but Chris wears helmets. I don’t know why. Maybe Chris’s head isn’t squishy like the rest.

There’s a female zombie that is crawling with just her spine and the rest of her body is gone. That’s some Evil Within inspired shit right there.

Anyway, Chris is naturally the only one that survives the mission. Two of his soldiers run into a supposedly empty corridor but there are wires criss-crossing everywhere so they get cut into pieces. That’s kind of impossible IMO but they’re obviously paying homage to the first live action movie with the infamous laser corridor.

Chris fights Glenn outside the mansion and the villain gains the upper hand before boasting that his new virus is so good it can discern friend from foe. Glenn also relieves Chris of his handgun but instead of shooting Chris’s unprotected head, he shoots in the general direction of Chris’s armoured back but Chris somehow ends up with an injured leg. Eh, I swore Glenn was pointing straight into Chris’s back instead of pointing down.

Glenn gloats some more and walks away with his minions that includes a blonde leather clad femme fatale whom I shall henceforth call FF because I can’t remember her name and also a Nemesis-Ustanak monster who used to be a human named Diego. Glenn then instructs the zombies to kill Chris.

BSAA helicopter shows up to save the day and the pilot doesn’t die. That’s a plus! Explosions ensue whilst Chris holds the body of the BSAA undercover agent and screams “Nooo!”

There’s a flashback of Glenn’s wedding day and his bride’s facial features as well as silhouette eerily looks like Rebecca. A fighter plane comes by and drops a bomb on the garden party. Yikes. Scene ends with Glenn bloodied and holding his wife’s disembodied arm as he screams “Nooo!” Oh boy, if any more characters scream no, this could become a drinking game but thank goodness it does not repeat.

Scene transistions to Rebecca Chambers in a lab running test simulations on which vaccine combination works best on the new virus spreading throughout the US in the past four months. Yeah, four months have past since Chris’s failed mission at Glenn’s mansion. A post doc student that looks much older than her comes in with coffee for both of them, kinda flirts with her, and Rebecca uses her Professor status to ask him to go check on something. I should note that Rebecca is breaking lab safety by drinking her coffee in the lab. RULE NUMBER ONE OF LAB SAFETY, YOU DON’T CONSUME ANYTHING IN THE LAB!

Glenn’s FF from before proceeds to kill the post doc student, infects the campus with the mysterious new virus via the airborne route through the vents. Rebecca is infected but thank goodness her lab test simulation is complete and one of them contains the perfect formula for a vaccine which gets manufactured immediately in another room within the building! So she stumbles out of lab, goes into another lab and injects herself with it and is cured. Of course, all her colleagues and friends have turned into shambling zombies. She blungeons her zombified post doc student with a fire extinguisher and stabs another undead fella with a pair of scissors. I shall attest that we do keep scissors in the lab so plus one point for that lol.

Rebecca hides in her lab and is apparently so thirsty that she lunges for a water bottle and drinks it with so much gusto. I’ve never seen someone drink water with so much vigour. FF tries to kill her by causing an explosion that shatters the protective glass barrier between her and the rest of the zombies. But Chris and the BSAA swoop in just in time to save the day. Chris and Rebecca are reunited after a long time.

So, the outbreak is contained and in the aftermath, Rebecca asks Chris why she is casually sitting outside beside a BSAA van instead of being in quarantine since she had been infected. OMG this is the first time I’ve seen a character speak sense! Chris brushes it off and says he needs her expertise and since she cured herself, quarantine isn’t needed. *facepalm* Rebecca makes a joke later in the movie about Chris being the brawn and she being the brains.

Rebecca has been mapping out the outbreaks and knows which populations are infected. She also suspects that the virus is linked to the Plaga used by the Los Illuminados years ago since the undead can be somewhat controlled and know friend from foe. It is one of the reasons why FF targeted the campus because Rebecca is too darn smart and knew too much. So, they go on a field trip to "consult with an expert”.

It’s time to go back to Leon aka the expert where he is currently on vacation in a random tavern in the Rocky Mountains. Leon is obviously not happy that his vacation is interrupted by Chris and Rebecca. His personality is a complete 180 so he’s a rude asshole that doesn’t give a fuck any more. The reason for drowning his surrows is that he was leading a team in DC for an op regarding the recent outbreaks but someone from the inside ratted them out so the whole team except him died. So, Leon doesn’t want to help any more as he is tired of losing everything. Hey, looks like the writers are touching upon that aspect of his life which the fans have pointed out long ago! It only took them 6 games and 3 movies to get there…

Chris and Leon almost come close to duking it out but don’t. Chris merely grabs Leon’s bottle of alcohol and Leon responds by pulling out a hip flask from his belt. Okay, that was funny to me. Chris makes a comment about Leon spending the rest of his week drowning his sorrows while Leon says “He doesn’t plan that far ahead.” At this point, I feel a tiny bit sorry for Leon after his bout of rudeness.

In the end, Rebecca is tired of both their shit, gives them a sample of her blood and tells them to get their act together to save the lives of the citizens at risk across the various states in the US. Apparently this new virus is lying dormant inside of everyone and is waiting to be triggered. They’ll explain more later. She leaves in a huff and heads to the washroom to calm down but that’s where she gets kidnapped by FF. Oh yeah, did I mention Glenn managed to track them all the way to the Rocky Mountains and is spying on them?

Chris and Leon talk about Glenn. Our villain ended up on the US government’s hit list for a lot of shady shit so the government dropped a bomb on his wedding day. I was a little WTF at this revelation… Leon makes a point on why he should help Chris take out Glenn when the government was the one who killed Glenn’s family. Wow Leon, I don’t know either, why don’t you tell me since you’re a government agent?

Their conversation gets interrupted by a random man barging into the tavern and Leon goes ape shit upon seeing him. I shall christen this dude as RM 'cos I can’t remember his name either. There are too many minor characters in this movie. RM is the rat who sold out Leon’s team to none other than… Glenn Arias. RM begs Leon to save his family 'cos Glenn has held them hostage. Leon doesn’t give two shits about saving RM’s family but Chris attempts to persuade Leon to do so since RM has been inside Glenn’s operation so he knows some secrets.

Before anything else happens, Diego arrives with a minigun and a small team of armed soldiers. No prizes for guessing what’s next, they shoot up the place. RIP tavern waitress. RIP RM as well. Leon and Chris have plot armour so they survive without a scratch. Oh and Chris notices FF carrying Rebecca away during the shootout.

Where do they go next? According to Rebecca’s map, it’s New York so off they go~ It’s unclear if it’s NYC and I know New York is pretty big so I’m not gonna say it’s NYC. But wait, RM passed Leon his phone before the gunfight which contains a memory card full of information about Glenn Arias. His phone rings and Leon gets freaked out upon seeing the name on the phone. He answers the call and surprise, it’s RM’s wife on the other line asking her husband if he found the man that would help them. A little girl squeals on the line and asks to speak to daddy. Leon remains silent throughout the whole conversation and RM’s wife becomes really suspicious and demands to speak to her husband which makes Leon hang up. The phone call somehow makes Leon agree to help Chris. Leon’s weakness 101, helping women/family members in distress.

Rebecca wakes up handcuffed in a room, dressed in a wedding dress. The room’s walls have gardens and flowers projected on them. There are a few guest tables in front of Rebecca and all the chairs have coffins on them which are shaking/shambling within. Glenn walks in wearing the same outfit he wore at his wedding. He comments on Rebecca’s intelligence on figuring out the virus and how much she looks like his dead wife, Sarah. He uncuffs Rebecca and remarks that he managed to reanimate all his dead guests in the coffins but since his dead wife was blown to pieces, only the arm remains.

Rebecca is understandably weirded out and proclaims her friends will stop him. Super long virus explanation time! In short, the infection contains three components: a latent virus that was spread via drinking water which was why Rebecca was so eager to drink from the water bottle earlier, a trigger virus that will… trigger the latent virus via a gas, and a vaccine that will nullify the effects to make the undead calm and obedient. Essentially, Glenn can control everyone more effectively than Saddler, I guess?

If it’s not obvious yet, Glenn wants to destroy/control the whole world 'cos the government killed his loved ones. I told you he would be BFFs with Carla 'cos one event made them really pissed… And his fixation with Rebecca can also make him friends with Simmons. So there you have it folks, the vendetta-vengeance-revenge plot is finally revealed.

Glenn points out that Rebecca is wrong and thanks to her blood sample, he managed to make the “A virus” stronger… through the power of RE science. Believe me, I was befuddled upon listening to his words that I have to re-watch the movie again to make sense of what he’s saying. Anyway, we have gone down the ATCG DNA sequence in naming the viruses! How “clever”.

Glenn takes Sarah’s arm and pulls off the wedding ring, intending to marry Rebecca. Of course she resists and he slaps her, saying he will replace Rebecca’s arm with Sarah’s… This man seriously has issues which could have been healed via therapy. Oh and it is also revealed that his two friends at the wedding, Diego and his daughter, FF, were brought back to life by Glenn. Apparently being brought back to life either makes you a big hulking Nemesis-Ustanak or a super sexy femme fatale with superior fighting skills.

At the same time on a BSAA chopper heading to NY, Leon and Chris read through the info in RM’s memory card which reveals that Glenn has the airborne vaccine in gas canisters labelled with a green symbol. Said canisters are hidden in Glenn’s hideout duh. Only a select few have already been vaccinated. They have to find the canisters to save the rest of NY’s populace. Oh and everyone on the chopper has been vaccinated with Rebecca’s concoction which would keep them safe from infection. I like Chris’s new team, there’s a guy with a mohawk, a dude with sunglasses, and a badass lady sniper. They need to show more female SOAs in the games and movies.

The trigger virus have been hidden in disguised water trucks. Needless to say, the gas is deployed on the ground via the trucks and shit goes down really quickly. The BSAA have to destroy the water trucks as well and they can conveniently be wrecked via explosives… I don’t know how an explosion won’t make the gas disperse quicker but it’s RE science at work once again. So, the BSAA has four objectives: Destroy the trigger virus trucks, find the vaccine, find Rebecca, and nab Glenn if possible.

The BSAA chopper finally touches down where Leon, Chris, and I think mohawk guy disembark. Sunglasses dude and lady sniper remain on the chopper to provide aerial support. The BSAA kindly loans out a Ducati motorcycle and a jeep. Leon calls dibs on the bike 'cos it’s the only vehicle in the franchise that he has not destroyed so far lol cool-looking. And surprisingly, he does not crash the motorbike at all for the rest of the movie. xD

It’s a long sequence of them destroying trucks and zombies. There is one moment where I want to smack Leon and Chris in the head. They find a van that shakes and growls. Who do they send to open up the back of the van? Mohawk guy. Who dies? Mohawk guy. What’s in the van? Two undead dogs that Leon and Chris can’t even land a hit on. Seriously, why would you open a growling van?! Why do you send an inexperienced person to open the doors?! That’s a death wish right there.

Leon decides to let the dogs chase him while Chris continues to fulfil the other objectives… If you’ve seen the teaser video of Leon on the highway, Leon does let two innocent drivers die when he shoots down one of the dogs. Those are NOT Glenn’s men at all. I guess it’s all part of the collateral damage.

Chris makes it to Glenn’s NY hideout and is joined by Leon on a motorbike. Apparently Leon rode up the stairs with the bike. Err… okay then. Again, if you’ve seen the teaser video of the corridor fight, that’s what you get along with a few more minutes of extra action of them shooting zombies in many stylish ways possible. That’s where Chris suplexes a zombie.

Both men eventually split up so Chris goes to find Rebecca while Leon goes on a zombie killing spree. Instead of getting her arm replaced, Rebecca has been injected with the new virus and only has twenty minutes before she turns/dies. I guess Glenn had a change of heart…?  

Chris finds her with minutes to spare, they go up to the rooftop office where Glenn is keeping the vaccine. Of course, Glenn doesn’t let them pass. It’s a re-match between Chris and Glenn. Both end up in a stalemate and land on a glass fixture where Glenn proceeds to smash Chris’s head against it approximately three times, causing the glass to shatter. This should have made Chris’s head crack open like a nut but this is Boulder Redfield who didn’t need a helmet when we first saw him. Chris throws Glenn through the opening in the glass where he falls down many floors and lands on the ground with a splat.

Thinking that all is over, Chris supports Rebecca and leads her to the office but villains don’t die easily as per rule number one of Capcom lore. Diego finds Glenn’s broken body and Diego activates his final form which are plaga-like appendages on its back. It is implied that Diego and Glenn merged to become that hideous monster that screams “Redfield!” in the trailer. I shall call this monster Glego.

Chris attempts to face off with Glego and looks like he’s about to lose when Leon comes charging in on his motorbike. Glego turns his attention to Leon and Leon keeps forgetting to aim for the big pulsing red heart that is conveniently located on all tyrant-like creatures. It is a pain watching Leon waste his bullets as he gets tossed around like a rag doll. Glego is about to land a final blow on Leon with his extendable finger-claws when he gets saved by Chris’s aerial support. In the mean time, Chris has found the vaccine canisters and more weapons… Oh goodie.

Badass sniper lady uses a brand new laser-ish weapon that punches a hole through Grego and five buildings. I’m not kidding about the five buildings. Who builds this kind of weapon?! Do you not care about civilians any more? Glego jumps and lands on the chopper, punches a hole through the chopper with said finger-claws and nicks sniper lady’s shoulder. Chopper starts losing altitude (as always), Leon revs up his motorbike and sends it off the rooftop into Glego. He shoots the gas tank in a big fiery explosion but Glego still lives. Pfft, you should know that fire and tyrants don’t mix.

Chris shows up with what I think is a grenade launcher which finally finishes off Glego. The chopper and its two occupants miraculously survive. They have broken the helicopter pilot curse! Rebecca inhales the vaccine and with seconds to spare, is cured.

The BSAA load up the vaccine canisters into the chopper and spray it all over the city. And for the very first time in RE history, the infected are cured and are turned back to normal. Well, they weren’t killed in the first place since they turned upon inhaling the trigger virus so I guess the vaccine reversed the effects. I’m not sure about the dead though. It’s never explained…

All of our heroes get on the chopper and fly off. Leon asks Chris how long they can keep doing this to which Chris replies with “I don’t plan that far ahead”. Haha, very funny. So err, I guess Leon renewed his drive to keep fighting? It’s really unclear. It’s not even said if he’s gonna save RM’s family anyway! Jeez.

You know, we are forgetting someone. We see FF finding her father’s mask on the floor. She looks into the camera and the movie ends right there. Great, I guess it’s a no brainer who is taking over Tricell & Neo-Umbrella.

There are no post-credits scenes and the credits aren’t as catchy as Damnation’s.

And there you have it, what I remember of Vendetta. If I left out some scenes, I found them either mundane or I really forgot them. 

Are there a lot of plot holes in the movie? Oh yeah. Should they end the series and let the characters retire? OF COURSE. Can’t you see how messed up and tortured Leon is? Is it mindlessly amusing and entertaining? It’s Resident Evil, when is it never cheesy and stupidly entertaining?

I still prefer Damnation and Degeneration over Vendetta though. 6/10 for me if you want me to rate it.

And boo ‘cos there’s no Jill, Barry, any of the characters from Revelations, Ada, Hunnigan, or any one from the DSO.

[kotofvi]

Okay so, story time about why I tried to quit yesterday: 

I’m going to talk to my store manager tomorrow about all this shit, dead ass early in the morning he is not escaping. Anyways, so I’m cross trained. I was hired on as a driver but I do literally everything in the store now. Keep that in mind. I get there an hour early to help set up, clean, stock, etc. I don’t take my lunch break ‘cause we’re short handed, so I basically eat on the go (no prob, I’m still eating) and cover everyone else’s lunch breaks, I make sure to answer every phone if the ISS (the manager of the drivers) is on the line already and help where they’ll let me or otherwise put them on hold for her, I cover her lunch break (we have two ISS but two has never been enough so I help), I make sure to take everything I can off the table and never take anything going in the opposite direction because it would take too long, I pull everyone’s parts that I can, I make sure everything’s in order, I work up front every morning because we’re short handed there too so I open, I mix the paint when our specialist is out or busy, I go and get everyone else food too (get mine too most of the time) and finally: I make sure everything is covered in the hub. 

These are the things I do every day. Well, yesterday, one of my customers (since I work up front every morning) needed some brake pads asap because they already had the truck apart. They’re a commercial customer but they don’t go through ISS, Idk why they just prefer going thru the front counter. Anyhow, they got the wrong ones the first time because they thought it was a 3500 and not a 2500 Sprinter. They called and the ISS got the call-- she thought it was a Silverado, not a Sprinter when they said 2500 and sent them to a different store. It’s okay, it happens. However, when I told her it was a Spinter she went oh no and they don’t have a number on file that really works aside from contacting their actual establishment and not the guys. Except, I have three or four of their tech’s and mechanic’s numbers in my phone because I deal with them so often. 

So I call the guy who had just come in, who was on his way to a different store, and explain the situation and apologize. Now they are some of the SWEETEST fellas you’ll know, super kind and wonderful even if mistakes are made. Patient as heck. Well, I’m helping sort all this mess out and I’m trying to ask my Store manager if I was allowed to warranty return the first set so they could just keep the hardware they needed and be on their way. (Would’ve taken ten seconds to answer me.) Instead, the store manager is hounding me about taking a delivery because the ISS is hounding him about it being on the table (for thirty minutes.) So instead of just answering me and letting me finish everything asap and be on my way, he storms off with a “Guess I’ll drive instead.” In front of my customer. Anyhow, when I try to explain that to the ISS her immediate response was “Well it’s not like they make me any money so why do I care about them? You’re just a driver anyways.” 

..... Enter my fucking PETTINESS. So what if they’re not her customer? They’re a fucking LOVELY bunch of folks who deserved WAY better treatment than what they got. They had to keep a part they didn’t need just because they needed the hardware, had to buy the parts they did need, got run everywhere and they still didn’t treat me like shit because of it. All of this could have been avoided had my manager just answered me. It also could have been avoided if the delivery hadn’t been for a specific commercial account that makes the ISS a fuck ton of money. Whenever there’s a delivery for them, she pushes it to the front of the table and makes anyone who’s there take it first, understandable to an extent but lately she has been absolutely fucking feral about it being done right that second even though their techs don’t actually get the part for thirty minutes because it needs to be checked in and everything else. (Should I mention her husband works there too? Yeah.) 

Now, keep in mind what I said I do every day. That includes helping her and covering her ass all the time. So if I’m just a driver then I don’t need to be doing all of that, right? The drivers stand around doing nothing if there’s not a delivery if the back stock is all put up. They don’t answer phones, cover lunches, make sure everything’s pulled, help the hub, prioritize making sure everything is running smoothly, encourage everyone who’s having a bad day that it’ll be okay and they’ll help them out to lessen the struggle, etc. They just stand there. And this is the second time I’ve been told such things at their convenience. I’m “just” a driver whenever it’s convenient for them. But otherwise they expect me to continue doing everything I’ve been doing. When I say I spent the rest of that day looking for my manager to quit, I did. I looked for him everywhere but he was always out of the store doing something. (making deliveries because we’re short handed or at the bank.) A few people already know what the fuck is going on because they asked me what was wrong and I straight up told them. 

And it’s not like I can have an adult conversation with the ISS either. The way she responded was rude and childish the first time I tried. This isn’t the first thing to happen lately either. Like brotato I am fucking tired. So I went petty mode. I knew the schedule posted on the wall would say I was supposed to work-- but the 3rd and 16th are days I straight up said I couldn’t work from the start, so I made sure miss Sunday took me off yesterday ‘cause she didn’t know. (She’s new to doing the schedule.) But it still says I’m on the schedule on the posted one. So I waited until my manager called me in a panic to say “nope, I’m off on the 3rd and 16th every month, you know that. Why? Do you need something?” And made him consciously aware that at that point, he’d be calling me in to cover everything like I do every day, and waited for him to tell me they had it. So tomorrow, I can see the entire table full of deliveries, the stock that needs to be put away, etc. Just to prove a fucking point of how much I fucking do. 

I am the pettiest fucking bitch when I want to be, I straight up watched our second ISS flounder for a whole ass hour when she told me it was my responsibility to cut cost for the company and take all my breaks (not that I needed to take my breaks for myself but that I needed to cut costs and watch payroll) on the day I had to leave early. So I took my lunch break, watched her flounder and when she asked me if I was going to clock back in (like I normally would’ve if I ever take a lunch break, I just eat and clock back in) and I showed her the timer showing I still had 36 minutes left with a smile on my face. 

Don’t try to fucking use me at your own convenience and don’t fucking mistreat me or otherwise be rude as shit. I will find the best fucking ways to make your day a living hell without breaking any rules and prioritizing my job so I won’t get into trouble. I’m not like my other coworker who would quit and walk out, I’m the bitch who will just make your job that much fucking harder while still doing mine because I won’t help you anymore to cover your shit.