#he internalized about being strong and useful. he doesnt have a hugh self worth. izzy isnt enough of s catalyst to break Ed's patterns

[volant-endeavor]

"Last time I saw ÿou, you said you would feed me prices of my flayed skin"

Ok, so ed is traumatized by threats of autocannibalism from his previous captain. [Aka boss] And when he is spiraling in self destruction, he does that exact thing to his close friend (+whipping boy?)

In his death images, the electrical activity happening as the body dies, his big radical shift in perspective is to place his behavior in the identity of his former abuser. And continue his own identity, "ed" in contrast, and at the whims of that person.

Now, the captain continues his life forward. Nourishes his body. Does what he has to do. And even, in this moment, treats him with respect! Dignity, even.

But underlying, there is a threat. Ed is afraid.

I think Ed has sought power to escape the abuses of hierarchy, and used those violences himself to get there. To build an image.

This made him lose himself, in a lot of ways. It's extreme masking trauma. It's made him feel so trapped that he has become suicidal, long before canon.

Ed realizes that to continue to be a pirate, he would rather himself be dead.

...or he can retire?