#he didn't want it to be. he wanted to keep losing himself for hunter and that's so insane of him

[smileandlove21]

Green is not your color

It has been five months since the battle with Wen Zongyu concluded. The emperor has disbanded the Chongwu camp and let the Demon Hunting Bureau take over the concerns with demons. The city of Tiandu is once again at peace. The only person who is not in peace is Zhuo Yichen.

"Pacing back and forth will not resolve your problem, Xiao Zhou. You have been restless since Zhao Yuanzhou left with Li Lun," Wen Xiao said, not taking her eyes off the book she is reading.

The great demon Zhao Yuanzhou left Tiandu to go back to the Wilderness with Li Lun. He informed Zhuo Yichen that they just need to fix something, and then he will come back. That was five months ago, and Zhuo Yichen can't help but worry. He knows that Yuanzhou can defend himself, but he does not trust Li Lun.

"I don't trust that demon at all! All of a sudden he wanted to help after trying many times to kill Zhao Yuanzhou. Are you not worried at all?" Zhuo Yichen asks the Baize goddess. Wen Xiao exhaled deeply and looked at Yichen.

"Zhao Yuanzhou can take on Li Lun. Besides, didn't he promise you that he will come back? Don't you trust him?"

"I trust him, but when will he come back? 500 years from now?" Yichen sighed deeply and took a seat on the table near Wen Xiao.

Wen Xiao understood Zhou Yichen's dilemma. He is scared to lose Zhao Yuanzhou. He may not verbally say it, but his actions say it all. She doesn't quite understand why her childhood friend refuses to admit his feelings to the great demon. It is evident that their feelings are mutual.

"You can go to the wilderness if you want, Xiao Zhou. You know where Li Lun also resides. I'm sure they are just around there."

"He can stay wherever he is right now if he does not come back this month. I will personally make sure he cannot enter the building." Zhuo Yichen walks away from the Archives and leaves a chuckling Wen Xiao behind.

Another month passed and still no signs of the great demon. Zhuo Yichen already informed every guard to never let Zhao Yuanzhou enter the building. He even asked Ying Lei for a spell to barricade the Demon Hunting Bureau. Wen Xiao and Pei Sijing just laugh at their commander's actions.

Unbeknownst to Zhuo Yichen, Wen Xiao keeps tabs with the great demon through Li Lun. Li Lun sends messages using his pagoda leaf to the Baize goddess. Zhao Yuanzhou knew what was happening in the Demon Hunting Bureau, especially concerning Zhuo Yichen.

"Don't you think it's wise to let him know that you are in touch with Zhao Yuanzhou? He is going crazy. I don't think he will hesitate now to kill that demon." Wen Xiao laughs at Pei Sijing's comment. The goddess shakes her head.

"Zhao Yuanzhou will come back tomorrow. Let us see what will happen then."

Before the sun even rises the next day, Zhuo Yichen is already prepared for the day. His anxiousness for the comeback of the ape demon is going nowhere. He has decided to personally drag the demon back himself. Zhuo Yichen is also a demon, and he can fight Li Lun if he ever decides to stop him.

"Xiao Zhou daren, the carriage is waiting outside." Yichen nodded at the attendant and walked his way to the huge doors of the bureau. Unaware that the demon he wishes to drag is already outside the barrier of the building.

"He really did it," Zhao Yuanzhou said while Li Lun crossed his arms on his chest as they looked at the barrier that surrounds the Demon Hunting Bureau.

"Why did you like that man again?" Li Lun asked, which earned a glare from the ape demon.

"Xiao Zhou does not make such decisions unless I piss him off big time," Zhao Yuanzhou exhaled deeply. He is now nervous to see the demon hunter turned demon.

"Be ready for a sword in your chest then," Li Lun remarked while he worked on breaking the barrier. In an instant, the barrier opened, which alarmed the rest of the Demon Hunting Bureau members, including Zhuo Yichen.

All the members, including the main group, run towards the doors of the building; they await for the intruders to enter as they prepare for the counterattack. Zhuo Yichen, who was in the middle of the form, unsheathes his Cloud Light sword.

The two great demons enter the building casually while the Demon Hunting Bureau stands down. They all exhaled in relief, knowing it was just Zhao Yuanzhou and Li Lun. What happened next shocked them all.

Zhuo Yichen saw the two demons enter the building, which already made his blood boil in anger. He runs towards the two demons, specifically Zhao Yuanzhou, and attacks him. Good thing the ape demon already expected this attack and defended himself by twisting Yichen's arm around his back.

"Let me explain, Xiao Zhou," Yuanzhou whispered in Yichen's ear, which angered the latter more. Zhuo Yichen attacks are sloppy, which Zhao Yuanzhou noticed. He is too driven by his emotions to think clearly of his next moves. What he cares about is to pierce the great demon with his sword.

"Listen to me, Zhuo Yichen!" Zhao Yuanzhou sternly said, but Yichen keeps on attacking him.

The fight, or rather Yichen's tantrum, lasted for another few minutes before Yuanzhou pierced himself with the Cloud Light sword. Zhuo Yichen looks at him with tears brimming in his eyes. Yuanzhou's heart breaks seeing him shed tears for him yet again.

"Can we now talk?"

Zhuo Yichen pulls the sword from Yuanzhou's chest and walks away. His tears streaming down his face as he headed back to his quarters. His heart aches seeing them together while he suffers being away from the great demon. He wanted to hurt him so badly, which is why he attacked him.

"That was intense, I must say," Li Lun commented, showing up from the corner. Zhao Yuanzhou checked his surroundings and saw them empty.

"The goddess asked them to leave. They also left so you two can talk," Li Lun added.

"Now, I have to tame one furious baby dragon."

Zhao Yuanzhou knows Zhuo Yichen went back to his quarters. One attendant informed him that the commander asked for tea to be delivered in his room. Before he can fully enter, Zhou Yichen throws a cup of tea at him, which Yuanzhou was able to dodge.

"Leave."

"You already thrown quite a tantrum back there, Xiao Zhou. Don't you think I deserve to be heard now? I promised I would come back, and I did," Zhao Yuanzhou calmly said as he sat in front of Zhuo Yichen. He pours himself a cup of tea as well while Yichen looks the other way.

"I had to help Li Lun with his cultivation since he almost died battling Wen Zongyu. His cultivation was disrupted when he joined the fight."

Zhao Yuanzhou started to explain, but Zhuo Yichen already hates what he is hearing. His mind is going haywire thinking about the possible ways to help a demon cultivate. What the two had done to help Li Lun speed up the cultivation. His hold on the cup tightens, which shatters it in a minute. Blood started oozing out of his hand because of the cut, but Yichen was not bothered by it. His jealousy is getting the best of him right now.

Zhao Yuanzhou immediately takes his hand to heal it, but Yichen pulls away. Zhuo Yichen heals himself and pours himself another cup of tea. Yuanzhou finally realizes what his Xiao Zhou might be thinking.

"We did not do anything if that is what you are thinking. I swear on my life that I simply help him or rather teach him ways to cultivate faster. You are the only person I would dual cultivate with. No one else."

Zhuo Yichen finally looks at Zhao Yuanzhou. The great demon can see the redness of Yichen's ear, which made him smile. Yuanzhou stands up and sits behind Zhuo Yichen, then pulls the young demon to lean on his chest. Yichen is now sitting on Yuanzhou's lap.

"Green does not suit you, Yichen. I like the color blue more." Yuanzhou teases his jealous baby dragon. Yichen slaps his hand on his waist as a response.

"You have been with Li Lun for months. Don't blame me for thinking that you... whatever that is. You were friends before we did. You know each other so much that you even used it against each other before." Zhuo Yichen hates to admit that he is jealous every time he sees them together. He knew that the two demons knew each other well. He cannot compete with Li Lun on how much he knows of Zhao Yuanzhou.

"Li Lun will always be a friend. Only friends, nothing more. You, on the other hand, are my beloved baby dragon." Yichen slapped his hand again, causing Yuanzhou to chuckle. 

"I promised to not leave your side for the rest of our lives, Zhuo Yichen. If I can stick myself to you then I would. I just hope you will not get tired of this handsome face." Yichen sits up and turns around to face Zhao Yuanzhou. His hands caress the great demon's face.

"Never. You are stuck with me whether you like it or not." Zhao Yuanzhou smiled as he leans in to kiss Zhuo Yichen. Yichen gladly responds as he wraps his arms around Yuanzhou's neck.

The innocent kiss turns into a passionate and heated one. Words are no longer important between them. They would rather share a passionate night, pleasuring one another to feel each other's love. A love they would share for the rest of their lives. 

[archerofunspeakablelove]

You see the thing at the heart of Russian Roulette that makes it so clearly queer (even though that was probably Not the intention) is that they're giving up So Much for each other.

Like Yassen's perspective is well-documented and well-analyzed; Hunter pushes him, trying to find a breaking point, and he just gives. Gives his memories (the watch) and gives his humanity (everything), just continuously gives way until there's barely any of him left, because he wants to please Hunter.

But it's the same on John's side. We don't have his perspective so it's much harder to see his inner conflict but it is certainly there. For the mission of course he had to kill people, but he wasn't supposed to get attached. He wasn't supposed to try change anything within Scorpia, only collect intel. He clearly had moral qualms against teaching Yassen. And then he went and got attached, tried to get a trainee out, and did *gestures vaguely at Vosque* all that. Like yeah, it worked (short term) but it was still a gamble. He kept going past his own boundaries to pressure Yassen out of Scorpia and that's really not much different from Yassen's bottomless willing to bend to Hunter's demands.

That's the core of the story and the core of their relationship; John chipped off parts of himself for Yassen's sake too. It's reciprocal, the way they sacrifice their selves for each other. And that's love.

[hellsitedotcom]

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✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ (Kinda) Romance Headcanons ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

ft. Blade, Sunday, Aventurine, Moze.

˚₊‧ Currently struggling with the Sunday piece I'm writing, so here's some snippets/headcanons to distract myself before I lose my mind, destroy my PC, and then jump into oncoming traffic˚₊‧

info/warnings: none; a mixture of headcanons for the characters in established relationship & also in a ''crushing'' stage, but some of it can also be seen platonically.

not proof-read + english isn't my native language.

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‧₊˚✧ [BLADE] ✧˚₊‧

⇢ Regardless if he's dating you or not, Blade is often enough called ''your shadow'', always found standing wordlessly beside you. He might not be the biggest talker, but he's definitely the kind of person that just enjoys - maybe even needs - to be close to you, something anyone with functioning eye sight will notice.

⇢ Since he can canonically drive (which. what the fuck.), I can see him driving you around places whenever you want - something he rarely does for anyone else unless Destiny's Slave demands it. You'll show up wherever he's resting, dramatically tell him that he's your favorite Stellaron Hunter, and he'll instantly know that you want to go for a drive.

⇢ You're one of the only people he allows anywhere near his scars, surprisingly open to letting you touch them and replace his bandages. At first, he'll be extremely tense under your touch, not because he doesn't trust you, but because of the sheer unfamiliarity of the situation.

⇢ When in a relationship, he really isn't the most affectionate or physical, but he found himself quite enjoying holding you in his arms, listening to your breathing or the sound of your heart beating while you rest on his chest. That might be the only physical touch you'll get from him most of the time.

⇢ I want to think his brain short-circuited when you kissed him the first time. Blade seems like the kind of person to just seize to function, a thousand thoughts running through his head and not a single one of them is coherent. Depending on how you headcanon him, I can see him kiss you back with an intensity that makes your knees weak.

⇢ I've mentioned this before, but he's a wildcard when it comes to kissing you, though nowadays I'm more inclined to view him as a gentle lover rather than a ferocious, aggressive, or overly dominant one. He's still the more dominant one most of the time, but the man carries a softness inside himself only you were blessed with meeting.

‧₊˚✧ You were standing in front of your bathroom mirror, a soaked napkin in your hand as you tried to clean the deep cut on your forehead, when you noticed Blade's reflection standing in the doorway behind you, arms crossed as he watched you expressionlessly. ''You know,'' you huffed, wincing whenever you touched your injury, ''You don't have to stand there all ominously. I don't mind your company.'' Blade didn't reply at first, continuing to stare at you for a few more seconds before you saw him shake his head and approach you. Your brows furrowing, you turned around to face him, confusion flitting across your face, ''Is everything alright? Did you need something?'' ''Firefly told me what happened,'' the man muttered, snatching the soaked napkin from your hands without warning before disposing of it and reaching for a clean one, ''You need to be more careful.'' You barely had time to react before he grabbed your chin and tilted your head up, gently tapping the napkin over your wounds. Blinking, it took you a second to process what was happening, your heart skipping a beat at the man's touch, ''I- I know. They caught me off-guard. It was my mistake.'' ''I didn't mean to worry you,'' you added more quietly. Only now did Blade finally lock eyes with you, his movement halting for a split second before he continued cleaning your wound, keeping his expression blank, ''You always worry me, regardless of where you are or what you do.''

‧₊˚✧ [SUNDAY] ✧˚₊‧

⇢ What I need to get off my chest first is that Sunday would definitely write you letters - I mean, this man writes his sister constantly and also used to journal. He wrote you letters even before realizing that he loves you, though you never got to read those.

⇢ The kind of guy that asks you to join him for the smallest stuff. He needs to get something from the post office, do you want to join him? He's taking a break on his balcony, you'd surely want to give him some company, no? Hey, he's planing on doing this thing in his office, would you mind being there so he doesn't get bored?

⇢ You are also among the few people that Sunday fully trusts. When in private, he'll let his guard down completely, on many occasions even asking for your input on official Family matters, or allowing you to help him with his attire and appearance. And yes, he'd let you clean his Halo if necessary..

⇢ He's the type that really just...loves you in such a soft, almost innocent way. The love letters, the blushing/giddiness whenever with you, the gentleness he treats you with, the personal gifts and desire to spend all his time around you. Maybe that's what being a "dreamer" did to him.

⇢ Definitely among the most vocal about his feelings for you - at least after he's finally confessed, which definitely took longer. I imagine him being extremely nervous on the day he confessed, having avoided it for the longest time out of fear how the Family would react, how a confession would affect you, and he was also just terrified that you wouldn't reciprocate his feelings.

⇢ Since I'm over here swooning over this man; kisses you on the lips in the most gentleman-fashion to ever exist. Always wraps an arm around you before kissing you, and its always on the forehead or on the lips - if not even both, one after the other. Also enjoys holding your hand, especially while sitting next to you. Also: Kisses on your palm.

‧₊˚✧ ''I have to admit, this might've been one of my favorite theater performances,'' you hummed, leaning back against the couch as you watched the actors assemble on the stage, your eyes bright. ''I know,'' Sunday chuckled, his arm resting behind you as he spoke, ''I remember you telling me about it a while ago. It did take me some back and forth to organize it, but it was definitely worth it.'' ''Wait, you organized all of this?'' ''I did,'' the man confirmed, meeting your gaze with a smile, ''You seemed a little down these past couple of weeks, and I figured this might be a good way to cheer you up again.'' At a loss for words, you just held his gaze, your mind racing, ''Sunday, you truly didn't have to. I have no idea how to repay you-'' ''I don't want you to repay me,'' he interrupted gently, the rest of the play forgotten as he turned to face you, ''Consider it an early birthday present. Besides, organizing a theater play is the least I can do to show you my gratitude for everything you've done to help me in these past months.'' ''I've barely done anything,'' you were visibly overwhelmed by the generous gesture, sounding almost upset, ''I'd feel horrible accepting this without-'' ''Your happiness is more than enough for me,'' the man reassured you before you could even finish your sentence, stunning you into silence, ''It will always be more than enough for me.''

‧₊˚✧ [AVENTURINE] ✧˚₊‧

⇢ ''His constant smile makes it difficult for people to discern his true feelings'' WRONG. I mean, at least when you get into a relationship with him. I believe, he's actually quite easy to read when he lets his walls down.

⇢ Loves physical touch, definitely. Not necessarily in public or around the IPC, since he wants to protect you from them in any way possible, but in private he'll want to be as close to you as physically possible. There will be hand holding, cuddling, him wanting you to play with his hair, etc.

⇢ He's actually quite talkative, especially after warming up around you/after you've earned his trust. At first, he'll just be sharing random thoughts with you before eventually opening up about his work at the IPC, and then his past. By that point, he trusts you with his entire life.

⇢ Definitely enjoys teaching you different gambling tricks, or how those coin tricks work - not even for the sake of gambling, but because he's mesmerized by how your eyes start to shine when you get excited after successfully coping a trick or winning against him in a round of cards.

⇢ One of those men that's impressed by everything his partner does - he'll be your biggest supporter, really. I've mentioned this in another headcanon post, but he definitely showers you in compliments and praise on top of that. Later, after growing closer to you, those compliments will actually turn quite creative and personal even.

⇢ When he's in a good mood (or trying to distract from something serious), Aventurine's a complete tease as long as he knows you're not bothered by it. The same goes for his kisses at those times - fleeting, leaving you wanting more, catching you off-guard. Though, in more private and intimate settings, he can be surprisingly gentle and affectionate...

‧₊˚✧ ''Is that...my shirt?'' Aventurine's voice drew your attention away from your phone, your eyes widening, making you look like a deer caught in headlights. ''...No?'' well, that was an arguably bad lie, but it was worth a try, wasn't it? You were sitting on your shared bed in one of his black shirts, having grabbed the first top you found while stumbling around the bathroom after a shower, and here you were now, caught red-handed. Aventurine just blinked at you slowly, as if believing your lie for a moment before he shook his head, his previous confusion now replaced by a smirk, ''Aw, did you miss me so much that you had to steal my clothes?'' You watched him approach you with confident steps, excitement making your heart skip a beat as you held his gaze. ''Maybe I did?'' you eventually quipped back, feeling your face grow hot, ''Anything you'd do about it?'' At that, the man's smirk only grew, his eyes never leaving yours as he climbed onto the bed, leaning close enough for you to feel his breath on your face, ''Mhm. Want to find out?''

‧₊˚✧ [MOZE] ✧˚₊‧

⇢ Your personal guard, basically. After growing close to you, people have spotted him across the Yaoqing far more often than before. And while he is fully aware that you don't need his constant protection, he feels a lot better being around you in his free time, mostly since he rarely gets the chance to see you anyways.

⇢ I can see him be someone that loves sparring with you. At first, he'd definitely be a little too rough until he got a grasp of your skill level. After that, he'll teach you as many tricks of his as possible, sparring with you being his favorite way to pass time.

⇢ I've headcanoned Moze to be someone that randomly shows up in your apartment in a textpost before, and I want to pick that up again for this one: Definitely just materializes from the shadows while you're cooking or working on something. At one point, you've grown so used to it that you started preparing dinner for two, or an extra cup of tea for when he interrupts you while you're working.

⇢ Definitely enjoys just...spending time with you. You'll be cooking, preparing dinner while he's cleaning up your place. Sometimes you just stand at the side of the room and watch him in his element, mesmerized by this different side of him. That's also how he grew to trust you so much.

⇢ I feel like even if he'd want to keep your relationship private, he would fail at it horribly. Feixiao and Jiaoqiu definitely know, and they've both teased him (affectionately) for it. He's not embarrassed by his feelings for you, nor does he consider them a weakness or anything. It did take him a while to process them and figure them out, though.

⇢ Not the most affectionate of people, at least in that ''traditional romantic sense'', lol. Quality Time and Acts of Service might be his most common way of showing you that he cares, though he definitely adapts to your love languages, too, and has tried picking up a thing or two from you - his first compliments definitely left you speechless.

‧₊˚✧ ''You're too slow.'' Despite the harsh comment, Moze's voice was surprisingly gentle as he helped you back on his feet, eyes checking you for any injuries, ''You need to work on your reflexes.'' ''So I've noticed,'' you huffed, struggling to catch your breath while he took a step back, ''Maybe you could pipe it down a notch? Go at least a little easier on me?'' Moze didn't visibly react to your words, his expression unreadable, though when you saw him put his dagger away, surprise flitted across your face. ''Have I injured you?'' ''What? No, I'm fine,'' you reassured, dismissing his concerns with a wave of your hand, ''I'm just struggling to keep up with you, that's all.'' Silence settled between you as you watched Moze merely nod, a tinge of guilt settling at the back of your mind, ''I just need a quick break. We can continue after that?'' ''No. You shouldn't push yourself too much,'' the man replied with a shake of his head, making his way past you, ''We can continue this another day.'' But you weren't ready to let him go just yet, trying your best to recall one of his lessons and put it to use in order to keep him from leaving. Yet, before you could even come close to executing your last move, Moze had sensed your intentions, easily sidestepping your attack and outsmarting you in the process. With his face only mere inches away from yours now, you found yourself struggling to breathe, the intensity of his gaze making your knees grow weak. "Still too slow."

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[bitchimasnake-sss]

Sleep nonnie again. Is it okay if I go by 🦊🌲 its easier.

Anyways I think it would be a funny scenario if you suggest to the op boys to keep their hands warm by putting them between your thighs. I know some boys would just get a heart attack if you suggest that and get a cute blush

say whAT NOW?? NONNIE HELLO AND WELCOME BACK!! (dm me so that we can be friends ur fic ideas are so out of pocket i love it); also, gonna add ace cause i see many ace thirsties out there ;)

let me warm you up ft. the monster trio//ace!

luffy:

💗when he agreed to this, he didn't know just what kind of uncharted territory he was entering. he was simply not prepared. you had given him such a soft smile, taking his hands into yours as gingerly, "luff, are you cold?" he had nodded a mindless yes because you were crossing a terribly cold patch of the sea and his hands were freezing. but then held his hand a bit tighter and whispered, "i can warm them up for you. if you like?" he was too drunk on the idea to see the mischievous glint in your eyes and the way you spurred him on with your honey-like voice.

💗so now, he sat in front of you, eyes blown wide and lips trembling as his hands rested between your plush thighs. you had squeezed your thighs shut around his restless hands, claiming that it'll get him warm in little to no time. but god, this was hard (much like something else) and he was trying his best to keep his fingers still and not do anything hasty, like digging it into your soft flesh and relishing in the way your body molded to his touches. or by trailing his hand a bit upwards and seeing the way you react. 💗"luffy??" you called out and captain shook his head as he crawled out of that daze like state, "y-yeah?" "you okay?" you mumbled, voice far too gentle. you fucking minx. "you seem like you're losing your mind." good catch! because he was. luffy abruptly pulled his hands backwards lest he do something that truly made him lose his sanity. he scrambled off of your bed, heading out the door into the chilly deck in long, skitterish steps. "where ya going?" you called after him but he rushed out, yelling after himself, "JUST GONNA WARM UP WITH USSOP INSTEAD BYE" did ussop have better thighs than you? you may never know.

zoro:

💚zoro was very stupid, very. he was not the smartest tool in the shed when it came to love or crushes or dating or cooking food or social cues or emotional intelligence or— i should stop before this turns into zoro slander [i promise i love him]. but now, the bounty hunter sat with his face flushed and hands tucked between your soft, malleable thighs. he was smarter than this, truly. he knew that when you suggested that he looked cold and you can warm him up, he was supposed to say "fuck no, get out." because having a crush on you was embarrassing enough on it's own. but you had given him such a gut-wrenching, pleading look. your eyes saddened and your lips fell into a pout and oh god, what was he, if not the man who would let you ruin him? 💚ever since he was a child, zoro had always known that he would die a noble swordman's death. he would die fighting, brave, courageous, unafraid. now, he was sure he'd die from the way you squirmed and pressed your thighs shut. "quit movin'" he grunted, looking away from you as your stared at him. but you tucked your arms against your chest and the soft swell of your tits fell forward towards him so deliciously. he must have lost focus and let his gaze travel against your body cause you coughed, drawing his attention back to your face, "quit starin'." he pulled his hands back, ears going red and heart faltering. he should really stop before he gave into the temptations and pinned you to the mattress to— his voice pitched up, "i-i'm going back to my room, bye." "zoro?!" you called after the swordsman as he ran out, "BUT THIS IS YOUR ROOM, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??" [spoiler: he went to chopper and crushed herbs to make medicine. he wanted to get rid of some of that tension but he failed. because he put the pressure too hard and the china dish in which he was crushing the leafy herbs broke, and now chopper was hitting him square in his head, talking about how important it was to be precise in medicine and how zoro will never make a good doctor. "stop hitting me— OW" "what KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU?" "IM A SWORDSMAN!" "YEAH CAUSE YOU CANNOT BE A DOCTOR!"]

sanji:

💙breath in, breathe out. breathe in, breathe out. breath in, breath out— "sanji?" you asked, a tinge of worry at his almost fainting figure, "are you okay?!" "my love, darling, sugar pie—" the man caught his tongue between his teeth, trying to stop his head from spinning. the floor seem to sway under him, the lights seemed too bright. was he flying or was it the blood rush?? "what did you just ask me?" you look down at the kitchen floor, mumbling with a bashful smile, "if your hands are cold...i can warm them up." his heart quickened as did his fingers. he chopped the bell pepper so hastily that you were sure you saw sparks flying. "and how would you do that?" "you can keep them between my thighs, if you like?" you looked up, "OH MY GOD SANJI YOUR NOSE—" 💙i hate to cut the story short but sanji 100% fainted and you had to catch him before he fell face-forward into the pot with boiling water on the stove. sorry, he gets no bitches :( but you did look after him on the bedside and let him eventually touch your thighs so... idk, a win is a win!!! ["so, is he like dead?" zoro had asked, uninterested, as you hauled the cook's figure outside the kitchen. you were dragging him to his room as the rest of the crew trailed you. they had heard your shriek and came spilling into the kitchen to see what the fuss was about. "did you give him a hug?" nami asked, amused. "hug's too much." ussop snickered, "she probably smiled at him." sanji whipped his head dangerously to glare at them, "i can hear you. and i will be poisoning your food." he looked back at you, "oh don't you worry, im still fainted." he closed his eyes, letting his forehead fall on your shoulder. you smiled to yourself, making a note to warm him up later]

ace:

🧡truthfully, how do you ask a man made of literal fire if you can "warm him up"??? you must have not thought you plan through because you had stood in his room a bit tipsy, locked the door behind you and asked a boy [who was always shirtless cause he was so warm] that question. "huh?" ace's eyes widened in pleasant surprise. he stood up to walk towards you, "what is that about? you wanna warm me up?" "NO!" you bit your cheek when you realized the implications of your words, "i was joking, obviously." "awh, i do love when you humor me." he quipped, "it's kinda cute." "shut up." you glared at him but he gave you an earnest smile back, "if you're cold, you could have just told me." he set his finger ablaze, acting suave, "see, i can warm you up." "you wanna set me on fire?" you seethed. "no?!" "why did you light your fingers on fire?!" "YOU ASKED A MAN MADE OF FIRE IF YOU CAN WARM HIM UP? DONT ASK ME QUESTIONS?!" "i'm drunk" you mumbled. after a beat you looked down at the floor, "and... i'm kinda cold." portagas d. ace just smiled, shrugging in mock nonchalance, "we can cuddle, if you like. i've been told i'm a pretty great heater." you laughed, "hah, hotshot." ace gave you a wicked grin, "how drunk are you?" "not nearly enough." just saying, portagas d ace was better than just a "pretty great heater." he was a pretty great fu-

a/n: i love writing stupid things so much. it makes me so happy because i'm a stupid little girl giggling and typing on her laptop when she should be doing work. tagging the ever lovelies: @bokutosbiceps (resident luffy enjoyer) and @help-i-lost-my-sock (resident ace enjoyer). if you wanna be added to the tag list, please let me know (//tell me your preferences and i'd tag you in those fics)!

[akutasoda]

HELLOO

can I request a S/o who always puts others before herself and always gets hurt and injured after :3

you're selfless, im selfish

synopsis - you're rather selfless and they hate seeing you get hurt because of this

includes - blade, luocha, aventurine, boothill

warnings - gn!reader, fluff, angstyy, slight blood mentions, wc - 968

a/n: Hellooo! you didn't specify and i am currently on a massive star rail fixation so i hope you don't mind! if you do please let me know and i'll write another!

taglist - @teddirika, @frankiesteinn, @little-miss-chaoss

blade ★↷

↪blade was immortal. he had little care for how many pieces he could be broken down into during a fight as at the end of the day he knew he would still walk away as a blade. weapon's were built to be durable, what kind of 'blade' would he be if he let up at the first sign of danger?

↪he was also used to thinking about nobody but himself, the stellaron hunters became the first exception but he knew they'd be able to take care fo themselves. so it made him suspicious when you'd willingly put him before yourself as what could you possibly gain by doing so?

↪it didn't occur to him just how angry he would get when he watched you get injured for the sake of his safety. not at you despite how much it semed that way. a weapon's job was to protect in a violent manner and his enemies quickly learnt that, especially when his shield would get hurt.

↪he would scold you for throwing yourself into dangerous situations but moved with a gentle contrast as he dressed your wounds. he'd remind you time and time again that he didn't need you to think about his safety, let alone others, and you should worry about yours.

↪but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop you completely and so he would swear that he himself would protect you at all costs despite your insistence of putting him before you.

luocha ★↷

↪despite the coffin that shadowed the merchant, luocha was a healer. someone who followed yaoshi and valued that selfless, healing behaviour and that meant assisting those among the cosmo's in medical affairs for a fair exchange - he was also a wandering merchant afterall

↪he found it rather endearing at first, how you always put those you cared about above yourself. it was rather admirable but he thought less of this trait when it applied to battles. he would prefer you to be selfish and uncaring if it meant you didn't get unnecessarily harmed.

↪especially when it came to you throwing yourself straight into danger for his sake. luocha feared that one day you'd throw yourself into danger for the sake of someone else and he would lose you - he didn't want to carry around two coffins now.

↪he would start subconsciously keeping track of you during dangerous situations, he needed to make sure you didn't do anything too risky. although he didn't mind catering to your injuries, he'd prefer not to stare at his lover's bloody cuts and bruises or whatever injury you accumulated for too long.

↪the merchant may admire that selfless behaviour but allow him to be selfish for once when he places a kiss to your knuckles after dressing your wounds and asking you to stay by his side, to not leave him if he can't get to you in time.

aventurine ★↷

↪aventurine strived to follow the path of preservation, it was a goal of his. achieving this goal was solely for the purpose of protecting his people and those who had helped his journey not hindered it. so when he learnt his original quest was impossible, he needed to strive for something else.

↪he wanted to protect many things and his relationship with you was one of them. at first, he relished in that kindness you showed when you would openly admit or demonstrate how you would always place him above yourself - your selflessness was rather admirable.

↪but he didn't like as much when it meant you'd get hirt in the process. he would not be able to bear losing yet another person he cared about, especially when he had the power to prevent it - especially if you died for him.

↪most of the time, he would be able to prevent you from getting to hurt but crimson was an ugly colour on his lover and he felt a small sense of guilt when he saw it after a fight. you would notice how he'd always be shielding you if you ever threw yourself in danger.

boothill ★↷

↪only two people knew what happened to boothill, himself and the doctor - although some times he didn't think he knew himself. however one thing was clear, he had suffered an amount of pain that pushed his human body to it's limits and bended it to a point of no return. now, he didn't live for himself.

↪recklessness was what probably had landed him in this situation, however when one has a cyborg body how could he not be reckless? he found it rather charming how you always put those close to you above yourself, a noble quality but his perspective changed when he realised just what that meant.

↪he had seen first hand just how little you cared for your safety if it meant protecting someone you cared about. a bittersweet sentiment. it pained his synthetic heart when you would come from a fight all injured and bloody as if it was him in your shoes, he'd be fine. but you had willingly thrown yourself in the way for his safety.

↪he had a metal body, you had a human one - if anything he should be throwing himself in the way as he could be rebuilt. boothill would try so hard to get this message across to you as the last thing he wanted was for you to be pushed to those same limits of pain just for someone who had already been there.

↪he would'nt live for himself but he'd live for you if it meant keeping you safe.

[mxltifxnd0m]

boyfriend headcanons ⟡ d. winchester

pairings: dean winchester x reader, dean winchester x gn! reader

word count: 1.2K

warnings: no use of 'y/n', fluff, one suggestive comment, a smidge of angst, reader is to be implied as a hunter, lowercase intended

a/n: SURPRISE! i made the dean version of bf headcanons. i stayed up until 3am making this bc my mind had ideas and i didn't want to lose them lol (ik im crazy 😁) also technically my first fic for dean lmao

i hope you all enjoy and please reblog and comment, it really helps out!!

𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

⟡ before dating you:

was super attracted to you before he even said a single word to you 

it was definitely lust at first sight (he wouldn't have minded sleeping with you) 

then you opened your mouth, and he was like, oh man, they're gonna be trouble, aren't they (as if he isn't trouble as well) 

you guys bickered a lot. like A LOT to the point where sam would have to remove himself from the room or get in between you two in order to stop the bickering 

the bickering got so bad that sam had to lock the two of you in the motel room sam and he were sharing and didn't let you guys out until the two of you could have a civil conversation 

you guys eventually stopped bickering out of malice after finding common ground between the two of you 

there was bickering but it read more of an old married couple bantering with one another 

then somehow, you guys became friends, and the physical attraction that dean had to you had morphed into something else and then he realized that he liked you 

he only confessed his feelings when you had a close call with a ghoul and blurted out his feelings to you when patching you up 

⟡ dating dean winchester:

you would describe dating dean as a roller coaster, but like all relationships, it has its ups and downs 

it was hard to have vulnerable conversations with dean without the infamous hunters' helper (alcohol lol)

you guys fought a lot at the beginning of your relationship bc you were fighting tooth and nail to get him to at least try and talk to you 

you soon realized that you would have to take a different approach to it and eventually let him come to you when he needed it 

it took a while, but once he put his walls down and trusted you, it seemed like a weight was lifted off of him when he finally told you a sliver of what was going on in his head 

⟡ soft dean!

now, this is where we get soft! dean 

we all know that dean is secretly a softy at heart, and you see it in the more quiet moments with him

he'll stare at you when the two of you are researching or when you're bustling around the kitchen, prepping and cooking lunch for the three of you 

and without fail, a cute blush will appear on his face, making his freckles pop against the red hue of his cheeks as you catch him staring at you  "what are you looking at?" you asked with a wide smile on your face.  "just you sweetheart." he tries to play off his flustered state with a wink, but you shook your head, knowing he was a bit embarrassed he got caught staring.

speaking about getting flustered, he loves teasing you and trying to get you flustered with fleeting touches, flirty gestures, and outright whispering the filthiest things that he wants to do you during the most inconvenient times, like if you're on a case or researching 

what he didn't take into account when he started it was that you would dish it right back at him

he loves it when you keep him on your toes 

⟡ pet names

OH another thing, PET NAMES  he loves using pet names for you 

we have the usual sweetheart, babe (not baby bc you know you come in a close third after sam and the impala) (he's tried arguing that's not true, but you knew it and understood you came after both of them).

he would def call you honey, beautiful, angel, and some variation of your name/nickname 

if he's in a playful mood, he'd probably call you borderline cringe pet names like pumpkin, sweet cheeks, pookie these are the ones you roll your eyes at since he knows you hate them

⟡ love langauges

now, his love languages, his main ones to give are acts of service, physical affection, and quality time, while the ones he likes to receive are physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time 

⟡ physical touch

now, physical touch is a given for dean  he's a very tactical man and is a sucker for it 

when he can, he'll always be touching you, holding your hand or resting on your shoulder, thighs pressed together while sitting together eating in a diner booth, cuddling while watching a movie or always being in his arms while sleeping together, making out wherever whenever (his favorite place is obviously in the backseat of baby) 

but there are days when he needs physical affection from you, and you gladly give it to him, and he's a sucker for you when you play with his hair 

PDA, man is shameless with the PDA  he doesn't care he will kiss you no matter what and when he can  he loves you, and even if he's afraid to say it, he'll definitely show it to you 

⟡ acts of service

which brings me to acts of service  dean will do anything for you even if you didn't ask for him to do it  makes breakfast for you almost every morning, gives you his flannel when you're cold (he loves to see you in his clothes), replaces the lightbulb in your lamp when you mentioned it was flickering, taking care of you when you get drunk (he did this even before the two of you started to date and bickered the entire time), but the list goes on and on 

dean just likes to take care of the people he loves (it was practically ingrained into him at a young age) 

⟡ quality time

he also likes spending time with you it doesn't matter if the two of you aren't talking and working on your own tasks; he likes being in your presence (it soothes him)  with how crazy his life is, he loves the mundane things/tasks he does with you

sometimes, he'll go run errands with you, not bc he's bored and wants to avoid research (which is actually the main excuse at times) but, he likes the sense of normalcy it brings him when the two of you are together, and when you spend time with him 

⟡ words of affirmation

now, dean would never admit it to you (or to himself), but he needs to be reassured 

his mind is a dangerous place for him, and he can find himself drowning in his self-deprecating and self-destructive thoughts (these are also the days he needs you the most, and your touch is grounding to him) 

your words act as a lifeboat for him in the chaotic storm that is his mind and calms them down significantly 

he slowly works on his self-esteem and self-worth, but with your help, it's a little easier for him 

⟡ protective

this is a given, but he is SO protective of you 

dean is a fiercely protective person at his core and will do anything and everything to keep the people that he loves safe, and now that includes you 

some arguments were had when dean was being overbearing and flat out refusing to let you go on certain hunts with them bc it was too dangerous. you had to remind him that you were a hunter before you met him and will continue being one until the day you decide to try and retire or die 

he doesn't like it when you hunt alone, and so he always tries to come with you or send sam with you if he's indisposed for some reason 

he's only like this bc he can't lose one of the best things in his life 

[buckgasms]

Ok let's talk about Dark!Cowboy Bucky shall we......

Expect dark themes ahead y'all 🧡

Here's what I'm thinking:

He is a bounty hunter in the early days of the wild west and sadly you have a bounty out on you.

Maybe you were caught up in a crime but you are really innocent, but no one seems to care about a young woman, or the truth for that matter.

You already felt like the unluckiest person on earth, but when you overhear in a bar one night that the infamous bounty hunter Bucky Barnes is looking for a pretty little runaway, your stomach churns. And it hasn't stopped since.

🧭

Bucky hates the rain. It makes things so much harder. His horse is more grumpy and less willing to obey. People don't hang about to share tidbits of information. It's harder to get a drink.

However, it also makes his prey act silly. Especially pretty girls on the run. They aren't made for the rain. And they are so easy to spot, running across open fields in a dirty white dress, seeking shelter in a barn.

He chivves his horse onward, a wry smile on his face.

🧭

You are sitting on a bale of hay, wringing out your hair when you hear a horse approaching. Your blood runs cold as you hear the door open. You dash as quietly as you can into a dark corner and hold your breath as a man walks his horse in, talking to it gently as he guides it into a stall.

He removes his hat, gloves and shrugs off his wet coat.

"I know you're in his little darlin'"

Your eyes widen and you squeeze your arms tight to keep you from moving.

""If you come out now, it'll be easier. I'll put in a good word for ya..."

You debate it, but you can see him through a hole in the wood. And his face, however handsome, is plastered with a cruel smile. You don't believe him.

He huffs after a moment of silence. Looking around the barn, assessing how good it'll be for the night. He sits down and starts running a thin rope through his fingers.

"Gettin impatient now sweetheart... Don't like to be kept waitin..."

You shiver in the cold, your body dripping with sweat and rain. Maybe you could run out while he was distracted? You were pretty fast and you really had nothing to lose at this point.

You took a quiet, shuddering breath before dashing out from your hiding space. Despite feeling the wood of the barn door it was futile.

A tight, sharp object wrapped around your ankle and you felt the floor give way beneath you. You managed to roll over and watched as he dragged you backwards, pain tearing though your limbs as you were pulled along the floor.

"There you are" he mutters, pressing his boot onto your tummy, as he looks down at you. You suppose it would be to prevent you from fidgeting, but you are frozen in fear.

"My, my. Those wanted posters don't do you justice little darlin'. Don't quite capture that pretty face..."

You whimper as he kneels down, starting to wrap the rope around your other leg to tie you together, before looping it around your wrists.

"Please... Please sir I didn't do anything. It's a big mistake. Please...?"

He ties you off with a bow and chuckles. "Oh I know. I'm not as stupid as your neighbours, thinking a little flower like you could be involved in a bank robbery. Fuckin' dumb as hell..."

Your relief at his statement is short lived when he stands up and leaves you on the floor.

"Well then... Can't you help me? Let me go?" You wriggle and writhe, trying to keep him in your eyeline. Maybe he could be reasoned with?

He chuckles and sits himself on a bale. "Well I did think that, but there are two problems. First is that I've been chasing you for 5 days, in a storm and you've kinda pissed me off..."

You gulp, tears pricking at your eyes as he smiles at you.

"And the other problem is, now that I've gotcha, I don't think I wanna let you go."

You let out a shaky sob, squeezing your eyes shut, hoping as you have for many times in the past week, that this is all a dream. When you hear his boot scuff near your head you know it isn't. He kneels down next to you and takes your face gently between his hand and turns you to look at him.

"All I keep thinking is how I'm ready to retire, head up to my little cabin and have a pretty little housewife all to myself. Cook my dinners and have my babies hmm?"

Your eyes glisten as he talks, blurring vision as you begin to panic. You shake your head and mumble a weak 'no'. It makes him tut and squeeze your cheeks tighter.

"I know darlin', you're gonna fight me ain't ya? God knows you don't do anything the easy way huh? It's ok though. I'll have you convince by mornin'."

🧭

Convinced might be simplifying the situation, but by morning you are certainly not putting up a fight anymore.

Overnight as the storm raged outside he took you apart piece by piece. There was no part of your body that was now foreign to him.

He'd carefully removed your dress and kissed you all over. It was almost like a lover would. Sucking and biting gently at your soft skin, leaving marks all over you.

You shout and cry as loud as you can but he just smothers your cries with kisses. You tried to roll away, fight despite your bound state but he just chuckled and rolled you back where he wanted you.

He'd gotten very cross though when you tried to keep him from your heat. He'd had to find more rope to tie you open and spanked your heat until you were red and puffy.

"Wives aren't supposed to hide what belongs to their husbands darlin'. So don't you be hidin' from me..."

He resumed his gentler approach after, claiming your body with unexpected softness, kissing your tears away and praising you for taking him so well.

Hours passed and he barely relented. He let you rest a little, providing you with drink and a warm blanket. You slept when you could but were often woken by his lust, kisses and bites on your neck and chest.

"God you're beautiful yknow? So good for me... You gonna be my little housewife? Let me hide you away?"

He smiled wide when you nod. What else could you do?

I literally couldn't say no....

[shelbgrey]

✨Pookie😏✨Mother Pinecone🥳✨Fellow Simp🤩✨ can I request some lovely shrexy headcanons for the one and only Sammy Winchester😳 I just need some fluff and steamy steamy spicy headcanons please🥹 I’ll pay😉🫴💰💳💵

Dating Sam Winchester Headcanons:

Paring: Sam Winchester X Singer!Reader

Summary: headcanons about Sam dating Bobby Singer's kid. -SMUT warning!

💚MasterList ML2 💚MoodBoard

Between Sam being John's kid and you being Bobby's, you spent a lot of time together as kids.

You were always closer to Sam, you and him bonded over books and you were both the quiet ones.

It was obvious there was something between you two even when you were kids, but you were both completely clueless.

“the only two people who don't know Sam and y/n like each other are Sam and y/n” - Dean

But then he went off to college, you guys talked through letters and Emails for the first few months. Then he met Jes and you guys talked less and less.

Deep down Sam knew he dated Jess just to get over you, but then he felt awful to think that way after she died.

He never would have expected that you'd show up with Dean, telling him John was missing. Sam honestly hated to see the skilled hunter you have become, he always thought you deserved better.

Deep down he knew he stayed for you. College didn't matter much to him anymore and neither did finding his dad. He rekindled his friendship with you and wanted to protect you.

Hell, he would take you away from the hunting life if he could.

Before you knew it the three of you were a trio again. Saving people and hunting things together.

Then before you knew it you and Sam both fell back in to your original, clueless act you had with each other. It pissed Dean off, because he knew you guys liked each other.

Dean also knew neither one of you had the balls to admit your feelings. So he took matters into his own hands.

“Hey, y/n, you busy Saturday night?” Dean asked one night. “no?”

“Sammy, you sure as hell ain't busy” Dean joked, Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. “yeah... I'm not”

“good, because I am... You two go out and have a good time” Dean told you both.

Yeah Dean asked you out on a date for Sam. Both of you had mixed reactions, you didn't know how to proses what what just happened and Sam was just annoyed Dean was getting up in his business. Dean didn't stop you guys from going out.

he is sweet and gentle when he kisses you. The kisses you and him share are always sweet and full of passion. He pours everything into his kisses when his lips are on yours.

He definitely said 'I love you.' he said it after he had to save you from a vampires nest he told you he couldn't lose you and he loves you.

Sam would be the one to encourage you to go on rants or nerd out about things your passionate about. He'll listen beginning to end. If your like: “sorry if I'm talking too much” Sam will say: “no, no, keep going. I'm listening”

Not being stuck in his Tuesday time loop, but helping the best you can.

Sam's Hugs are warm and tight. Since he's so much taller than you he usually picks you up and holds you to his chest as your legs are wrapped around his waist and your arms around his neck holding him tight.

he promised to himself and you that if you were to get hurt by anything and he did mean anything at all, he would kill it. Even the smallest cut or bruse on you, he would freak out and with a gun in his hand, he would go after the very thing that dared to put a wound on you.

Sex with him has always been on the Adventurous side, but he learns your limits quickly and wouldn't do anything to hurt you. But when soulless Sam shows up there's no slowing down.

Even though Soulless Sam is hot one of the things he cares about most is sex and it might seem that's all he wants at the time, but the moment you get hurt the person or thing that hurt you is in a heaping pile of blood and broken bones.

Research dates all the time, you think it's boring as hell but your happy just to he able to spend time with him.

He's a health nut so he's always getting on to you and dean about your eating habits. “you know those things could kill you, right?” Sam asks as he watches you drink a monster energy drink, you'll just shrug him off.

You appreciate his concerns and you do back off on some stuff and let him cook you a healthy meal.

“what is that?” you asked staring at the blender in Discussed. “it's a smoothy, its good for you” he said pouring you a cup. “it's green goop”

✨Forehead kisses✨ he's a giant after all, so it's easier and convenient to just give you a little kiss on the forehead. He also loves it when your setting in his lap and giving him the same treatment.

Matching bracelets. Jack went through a friendship bracelet making phase and you made a couple with him. You and Sam both have one, he refuses to take it off. “you don't have to wear it”

“no, I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off”

You and Sam are literally Jack's parents, you probably end up adopting him at some point.

Never giving up on getting him out of hell, you hated the fact Dean when to live with Lisa. So while he got a girlfriend you were threatening crossroad demons for awnsers.

Making dirty jokes with Dean all the time to annoy Sam.

If Dean pranks Sam, you'll help get back at Dean. One time you convinced Sam to have sex in the impala just to piss Dean off.

Lucifer has the undying love for you and hits on you all the time, it pisses Sam off to no end.

Getting to see Sully first hand because he knew how much Sam ment to you and Sully just really wanted to meet the person that made Sam so happy.

Jody being a mother to you.

He absolutely loves feeling your fingers run through his hair. He'll kill to have his head on your cheat while you play with his hair after a rough hunt.

If your a smut book you get really secretive about and he'll notice quickly. “What you reading?” you blush and hold the book away from him. “nothing”

If he gets a hold of the book and reads a steamy part if the book, he'll probably want to try what he read too.

This man need physical contact a lot. He's a big cuddler and just needs you in his arms, it's a comfort and a protection thing.

He wants to hold your hand all the time too, if your walking around the bunker or a town your hands will be locked together, or sometimes hell just hold your had while doing research.

Communication won't be a problem in your relationship. You both just find it so easy to talk to each other.

But if you get into a fight, your fight loud and mean. There will be the silent treatment.

He's a bed hog so get used to sleeping right on top of him or right up against him because there's no room for personal space when you share a bed, especially if it's a motel bed.

He also hogs blankets.

You have bad sex in the bunker library, do with that information as you will.

You steal his flannels all the time, they're just so big and comfy.

He's good at turning you on😏

NSFW headcanons:

Sammy has a size kink, he loves the fact you are shorter than him. It makes it easier for him to manhandle you and throw you around without even trying.

likes to pretty much fuck you stupid. like to the point your shaking, you only can think of his dick and babbling his name. you probably won't be walking the next morning.

he's ✨skilled✨ with his hands, those big massive hands. it doesn't matter what he's doing with them, in between your legs, your face, around your neck, in your hair, I don't matter he knows what he's doing.

Hair pulling, he loves feeling your fingers in his hair or he'll tangel his fingers in yours and tug on it when he's getting head or about ready to cum.

He didn't realize how much he actually liked it untill you started pulling on his hair while he was eating you out. “Damn... Do that again... Please”

Biting, he's loves marking you up. There has been many times you had to cover your neck with makeup, but most of the bite marks are on your thighs.

But he also lives for the moments where it's just sensual and gentle. He secretly loves just holding you and kissing you slowly.

He wants to see if he can he make you scream louder than he did the last time. He loves the noises you make.

He well bend you over the table in the bunker library and take you from behind.

The desk will creak from the force he uses and his large body will presse you hard against the desk.

He loves hearing the moans and gasps coming out of your mouth.

Part of him will want you to be louder, even though he knew you aren't supposed to be sometimes.

He'll mark your thighs with his teeth and biting hard enough to leave a light bruise.

Sam loves being dominate towards you. Choking you and edging you. “come on, Baby. Cum for me again”

He has big chocking kink, he won't be too rough about but he loves wrapping his fingers around your neck and feeling your pulse when he's ramming into you.

He has a tendency to grip the headboard when he's close to cumming.

“that’s it baby, there you go. takining me so well, honey.”

Sam loves the way his hands look on your body. Even better if you’re smaller than him, he just wants to be touching you all the fucking time.

He love getting head. I feel like he’d like having you on your knees. Plus, feeling your lips around him pushes him closer to cumming in your mouth.

If you’re struggling to take him in or taking long to adjust, he’ll whisper reassurances that you’re doing a good job while rubbing his hands on your back and thighs.

Sam first thought after sex he's always checking on you, making sure it felt good and your not sore. He is very gentle, cleaning you up and giving you anything you need before even thinking of himself.

[littlest-w01f]

Monster

Tamlin x Reader

TAMLIN MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: Reader sees her mate Tamlin lose himself to magic for the first time during her first Calanmai

Cw: Dark!Tamlin, vines as tentacles, corruption kink, breeding kink, erotic asphyxiation, impact play, monster fucking if you squint (don't read if you don't like it), Smut 18+MDNI

You stood outside the cave Tamlin was in, you'd been fashionably late, wearing a soft green dress that reached your upper thighs, parts of it translucent like a silk slip, and a sweetheart neckline that accentuated your breasts, it might have been the most skimpy thing you'd ever worn, a little gift for your mate, the High Lord, who was in a cave this very moment, the festivities of Calanmai about to begin.

You were surrounded by a bunch of Fae women, all looking expectantly at the cave your mate had gone in, your mate won't be who came out, The Hunter, Tamlin had called himself, would. Dark and strong magic in control of his mind and body.

The constant pull he had on your mating bond made you feel better about everything he had said, he won't be your Tamlin, he'd asked if there was anything you were uncomfortable with for him to do, it didn't feel like he would remember.

Your heart started to beat faster when you heard a growl from the cave he'd gone in, come out, he winnowed right in front of you, pure lust in his eyes, laurel leaves keeping his hair out of his painfully handsome face, he was bare-chested, painted in dark blue woads.

Things were quiet except for the beating of the drums that beat loudly, Tamlin gently caressed your cheeks with his knuckles, his claws threatening to break free before he gripped your neck, making you gasp for air and winnow you back to the cave he was in.

You groaned as your ass hit the hard ground, wincing slightly, Tamlin stalked close to you from where he was standing, nothing in him except pure lust and the need for his mate. A Hunter indeed, trapping a lovely maiden inside a cave, he was at the side of the entrance, and there was nowhere for you to run, except for deeper in the cave, not that you wanted to.

"Oh, I'm going to ruin you fully now," Tamlin groaned, walking to you like a predator stalking it's prey.

"Rough or gentle?" Tamlin growled mindlessly, a voice that didn't even seem his as he looked down your body, smirking at your dress, or rather barely a dress, "Aww, is this thin piece of fabric all for me?"

You nodded softly, "Y-yes." You bit your lips as he knelt between your legs, waiting for your answer to his former question, you were sure you could hear the sounds of leaves and vines from deeper in the cave, "Anything you want, my Lord."

You felt him shudder at the title from your lips as he pried your legs open, giving you a smile that showed his blunt canines elongating into fangs, "Rough then, for my good girl."

His words were filled with an unmistakable tone of dominance, as if he was taking control of every aspect of the situation. His hands gripped your thighs firmly. He leaned down, his breath hot on your skin. You could feel the weight of his body against yours as he whispered in your ear, "I'll fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk straight afterward."

Before you could even reply, he bent forward, slamming his lips against yours in an aggressive kiss, his hands gripping your clothes to rip them off your body, turning your silk and lace to shreds off your body, you gasped as the cold air of the cave hit your bare body, feeling Tamlin press against you fully, leaving the paint his body had been marked him to rub against yours, your own eyes hazy from the spell of the Rite, moulding into his, submitting to him, ready for anything he had to give you.

"You look so beautiful like this," He whispered, his teeth grazing your neck, "All submissive and willing."

You whimper lightly, leaning into his lips, "Tam-" He gave you a look and you corrected, "My Lord... Please."

"Please what, princess?" He taunted her, his lips trailing down your neck to your shoulders, the Hunter breathing you in, crazed by your scent, you could feel your arousal between your legs, spread apart for Tamlin to settle in between, your cunt pulsing for even an ounce of friction.

"Give me something," You panted, sensing his hard cock, still in his pants, pressing against your inner thigh, "Please, anything."

"Oh, like this?" He asked curiously, his fingers ghosting over your clit making your hip buckle into his hand, he smiled watching you grip his hands to bring his hand closer.

He tutted, taking both your hands in his to pin them over your head with one, "Behave now, you said anything I want. And I want to make you cry." A wave of relief washed over you as he had a little mercy on you and rubbed your clit harder.

Your relief was short-lived as he pulled his hand away making you kick your feet in frustration, which earned a chuckle out of him. As you felt his warm breath against your neck, you couldn't help but tremble in anticipation. With a gentle tug, he pulled your head back by your hair, exposing your neck to his sharp teeth. A chill ran through your veins as you heard him growl, "You belong to me now, little mate. So, I can do whatever I want with you."

"Keep your hands up," He growls, bringing his hands down to spread your thighs, his teeth still on your sensitive neck as you whimper. Tamlin grunted in pleasure, his teeth sinking into your soft flesh. He bit down hard, causing a small trickle of blood to seep out from the wound. As he did so, he used his free hands to grab your breasts, twisting and pinching roughly, groping you fully. You let out a muffled cry, biting your lips, feeling the pain and the heat from his bite.

He shushed you gently, giving soothing licks to the bite mark, licking away the blood, "That's it... See, now I've claimed you fully, my precious mate." He quickly moved to bite the other side of your neck to give a symmetrical bit mark

"My Lord..." You breath, "My Tam..."

He moved to your face, a couple tears threatening to fall from your eyes as you looked up at him, his kissed over your eye lids, making your tears fall as he moved to his pants, ripping them off his body, finally releasing his painfully hard cock, it stood tall and proud, the tip glistening with precum. He grabbed your leg, pulling it upwards, exposing your wet cunt to him even more.

"Look at you liking this," He mused as you tried thrust your core anywhere, for any sort of friction, you make the mistake of bringing your hand down from where he had told you to hold them, in a blink of an eye there are vines surrounding you, growing from his magic, under his control, he face is expressionless, "I told you to keep your hand up, Princess."

You gasp, struggling as the vines he grew gripped painfully tight around your arms, pulling them up, some sneaked past your hips, holding your legs open for him.

"You don't deserve to be stretch for me," He decides with a sadistic grin, with a wave of his hands the vines flip you on your stomach and tuck your knees under, a slight pain in your knees from being slammed down, spiking your every growing arousal. "I'll take you tight." He smirked, leaning over you.

You wait in anticipation for him, to feel the nudge of him against your dripping slit but what you felt was a hand, the hand of a beast, Tamlin's beast, claws sharp and long, soft golden fur growing on his Fae arms, somewhere between completely Fae and beast, he held you by your neck in a tight grip, making it difficult for you to breath.

You jerk with a cry of pain from a resounding slap, his hand on your ass, with a force that would cause a mark, another followed on the opposite side. You were breathless and aroused, waiting for his next move when you, at last, left his tip nudge at your wet slit, grinding against him, or trying to, after being bound, vines that stalked to between your legs, a few thinner ones wrapping around your clit to tug at the neglected nub causing you to shake.

Tamlin's claws dug into your thigh, holding you tightly in place. He leaned forward, his face inches away from yours. The cave seemed to spin around you, as if they were both caught in a whirlwind of passion and lust. His voice was low and rough, like the rumble of the beast he hadn't fully let out. "Now, I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to stop."

You barely muffled the scream that erupted from your throat as he plunged into your cunt fully, a vine wrapping itself around your neck and squeezing tight to quiet you down, not giving you any time to adjust as he began a rough pace. "That's it..." He growled, purely animalistic, "Scream my name."

And you did, you screamed his name with every thrust, every whine and moan that left your lips, his name followed, your High Lord, your mate, legs shaking with the urge to cum at the pleasure of his cock's punishing pace and at the vines tugging at your clit.

"I'm gonna make you a mother," Tamlin groaned, thrusting in as far as he could, "Give you all my heirs. That's what you want, don't you?" He felt you through the bond as you nodded fast, a gentle kiss on the back of your shoulder blades seemed foreign compared to everything else as he whispered, "Cum for me, Princess."

You came hard, clenching hard around Tamlin's cock, milking his cock when he hit his high right after you, fucking his thick knot in, making yours eyes bulge out at the stretch that was pure beast. He emptied his seed in you, dropping lightly as your legs twitched, his knot keeping him in and not letting him pull out.

You both whimpered, the spell of the Rite washing away as Tamlin wrapped a gentle arm around your waist, stroking your now filled abdomen.

The vines and claws retracted as he turned you on your side, still buried inside you, "The knot is good, hm?" He kissed your hair softly. "Keeps my cum in you."

"Let go for me, dear," He gently rubbed the welts and red marks the vines and his hands had given you, lulling you to relax with a soft kiss to the crown of your head. "Rest up, there is more for tonight."

{General Taglist: @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria @paleidiot}

[sugar-grigri]

Fans are Denji's source of unhappiness

First observation: Fumiko is worse than Barem

I don't like making meaningless comparisons, especially in a work like Chainsaw Man where when the characters aren't nuts, they remain at least morally gray. But this comparison makes sense in the sense that the construction of the chapter refers to it. As usual, let's analyze this by following the chapter's chronology.

This one takes place in a funfair, which is not an insignificant location, but we'll come back to that later. These few lines of dialogue already evoke a very simple idea: Denji isn't so stupid that he wouldn't know he was being manipulated. He knows full well that Fumiko was placed in Yoshida's care not to protect him, but to keep a close eye on him, to prevent him from turning and joining the church.

But she tries to disprove all this, evoking the ecstasy one might feel if one were Chainsaw Man. Being Chainsaw Man is also a source of unhappiness for Denji, who corrects her, and Fumiko adapts to his speech, looking for the first negative point that comes to mind. I think it was a real mistake for Fumiko to mention this point, but once again, she adapts to Denji's reaction. He's completely horrified at having been observed in the bathroom, so she shares his negative view of the situation.

She knows that Denji's main objective is sex-related, so she builds on that by downplaying what she's doing. This is fan behavior; fans are sexually obsessed with Denji in the hope that it will delight him. But Fumiko knows no bounds, either ignoring his consent or stalking him, which logically engages Denji's rejection reaction again.

Once again, he perceives the means of manipulation with the word "fan", and rejects it. So far, these experiences have only been negative and intrusive, and even when they have been positive, whether with Asa romantically or Power platonically, the demon of control, another female figure, has put an end to them.

But instead of stopping the manipulation, Fumiko goes on to confirm Denji's words even as they express pure disgust and rejection. For a character who knows absolutely no limits, she may also override stopping this conservation, but she continues with her family history. If public demon hunters know anything about Denji apart from his natural distrust and need for affection, whether sentimental or physical, it's his sensitivity.

I can't say that the story Fumiko tells is a complete lie, just as I can't say that she's telling the truth. She's a hunter, and anything she mentions could well have ended up in a report, especially given the national authorities' interest in the gun demon. But even if her story is true, the tragic aspect, not for her but for Denji, is even stronger.

Fumiko says she lost her parents because of the gun demon, that CSM didn't hear her cries for help. I'd like to remind you that chapter 79, the chapter in which she refers to Aki's death, is dedicated to the trauma of what it means to be Chainsaw Man.

For the demon from the future, Aki died in the worst possible way, not for him, but for Denji. It's clear that the little boy is forcing himself to continue this snowball fight he no longer wants to play.

At first, he tries to reason with Aki, forcing him to wake up, but when he himself is shot trying to spare one of his only loved ones, people won't let him lose. Chainsaw Man is a weapon of vengeance into which everyone projects their frustrations, the deaths of their loved ones. Denji was forced to be resurrected, to kill Aki not for himself, but for the community. Chainsaw Man never acts for himself. If Aki died in the worst way for Denji, it's because his fans, this community, forced him back to life to remove one of his sources of love.

Denji was traumatized by having to win.

Let's be clear: it wasn't Denji who ignored their calls for help, it was they who ignored his.

Isn't it tragic to criticize Chainsaw Man for not hearing Fumiko's cries for help, or the cries of all those people, when he was instead so compelled by them, like a machine that would be reset to kill a loved one ? Chainsaw Man, on the other hand, hears all the pain in the world. This doesn't mean that Denji is altruistic - he isn't. He's closer to amorality than compassion, but like a permanently dehumanized machine, he must serve others. It has no morals, so how can it live for itself ?

That's why what Fumiko says is so paradoxical: saving Denji means finally allowing him to live for himself, granting him the right not to hear all those voices.

She doesn't mean what she says when she says she's never thought of him as a god, but simply as a child in need of protection. She's only setting up a dissident discourse to that of the church, which idealizes him by banking on the part of identity that is Denji, while the church banks on Chainsaw Man. How can someone who is constantly sexually abusing Denji be competent to protect a boy?

This chapter is about setting limits for children. To have access to the merry-go-round, you have to be over 1m10 tall. These clear limits were never set for Denji, either when he was forced to kill Aki or even when he explores his sexuality.

Having killed his father, been martyred by the mafia and then manipulated by a demon, Denji is now at the heart of other vicious circles. He's condemned to being too young an adult, watching over Nayuta like a parent while children play behind him, not enjoying the funfair with friends, a girlfriend, being cloistered on that bench. The bench represents the stagnation in Denji's life, his questioning, placed on the bench of his own life, his name unknown to his fans, his nature instrumentalized, his age ignored.

Denji needs and must be considered with the age he is, a 17-year-old teenager. Yet even this characteristic, even the fact that he's still a child, is ignored by Fumiko, hence her insistence on the word "senpai".

The treatment of Fumiko is good, I find her to be the very embodiment of Denji's sexual trauma in the sense that she constantly manipulates him to play on his interests, and constantly ignores his own desires, his limits.

Fumiko manipulates, hence the emphasis on her outraged expression when Barem interrupts. If Barem's manipulation is more grotesque, it's not to manipulate Denji but to mock Fumiko's strategy. Although it's incredibly more insidious, the weapon has a clear idea of what she's up to.

And yet, in just a few sentences, it's right on target. It's much closer to Denji's reality than to Fumiko's human perspective. Weapons are seen as weapons, machines at the service of humans, whose immortality is a pain, as it leads them to the trauma of always winning.

Barem uses a cigarette, obviously reminiscent of those smoked by Aki, who had given in to Himeko's advances and needed an outlet for his stress. Aki's misfortune is to have spent his life on revenge, living to avenge the dead, not living for himself. The cigarette was his flaw, the proof of his humanity, the one he threw at Denji to spare him the pain of getting involved in the horrible business of hunting demons.

Whether or not it was there to manipulate Denji by reminding him of his older brother, whether or not it was there by chance, it conveyed the same message: proof of the humanity of a man who lived for others. A man who was executed once again for that same community.

This community, Denji's fan club, is the cause of his deepest misfortune. Chainsaw Man has never been so popular, yet Denji has never been alone. Because he's not allowed to have loved ones. Nayuta, too, is proof of this: she wants her brother for herself, and convinces him that he's loved by others by acting under the cover of Chainsaw Man.

That's why Denji's intervention to stop the attack in progress is much less certain. All these fans, this humanity waiting for Chainsaw Man, are the source of his misfortune. Of course the fan club will call Chainsaw Man. What's less obvious...

Will Denji listen to their cries for help?

[eydi-andrius]

Sore Loser (Love and Deepspace Characters x F!Reader)

Synopsis: After a very shitty day, you thought playing Kitty Cards with him will make your day better.

A/N: Girl, I hate this damn game. Lmaoooooo!

🗡️ Xavier 🗡️

Xavier didn't mean anything from it. He was just playing by the rules of the game, using his advance cards to parry and block your attempt to stop him from freezing your turn, four times by now. He was so focused on the game that he did not notice how your face became harder, and your eyes stared coldly at the board, now filled mostly with Xavier’s number cards. His kitties were cheering for him, and you watched helplessly as your kitties cried from defeat.

“That was a good game.” Xavier smiled to himself, as he saw how the game ended beautifully for him. He saved up as many good advance cards and used them at the right moment. He was so proud of himself and he can't wait to see your face. You usually analyze how he won, and take notes of what you did wrong. However, when he looked up, his joyous face turned down, and his heartbeat quickened when he saw how cold and mad you were. Your anger wasn't directed at him, instead, you were staring at the board coldly. But he knew at that time, he fucked up.

“I’m tired of this stupid game.” The chair scraped the floor, as you stood up so fast and grabbed your coat, placed atop the top rail.

“Hey wait!” He tried to stop you from walking out but he accidentally bumped into the board, almost toppling the cups and kitties over. In panic, he tried to support the wobbling table, and sighed with relief when it stopped shaking. He tried to find you afterwards, but he lost sight of you.

It has been two days, and as his partner hunter, it shouldn't be impossible for you to meet, but you must have been so mad because whenever he asks of you, you decline his calls and only reply in messages as promptly and professionally as an HR. He tried looking for you on your table, but most of the time, you were out or doing something else, whenever he came over. He was about to give up apologizing and accept his fate that he pissed you off at a game, so bad, you decided to cut him off, when Jenna ordered all the alpha team to meet at the unicorns headquarters for a debrief.

And he was right, you were there, but you were sitting in between two hunters he knew nothing about. He wasn't listening at all, he can always check on the information later, but he was afraid that if you manage to sneak out again this time, your relationship will fall apart and he doesn't like the sound of it, even when it wasn't going to happen because he will make sure of it.

“Let’s talk.” Before you can even stand up from where you were sitting, Xavier immediately moves over in front of you, calling your attention in front of the other hunters, making you unable to turn him down.

“Sorry. I should have known you were playing to enjoy that day. I didn't mean to make you mad. I will make sure to be more sensitive in the future about your needs. I know I can be slow at times, sometimes emotionless, but I don't want to repeat the same mistake and lose your company over a silly game.” Xavier started right after the door closed, leaving the two of you alone together. He looks tired. There were visible dark bags right under his eyes. He must have been torturing himself after you gave him the cold shoulder.

You feel silly now. You were not mad at Xavier for winning. It was just a shitty day and you were just looking forward to having a good day and resting with Xavier at your side, when it seems like even the Kitty Cards were against you. Xavier keeps on getting good cards, and you keep getting the most useless advance and number cards. You sighed and closed your eyes. You shouldn't have run away from him. Now, you made it worse and made him feel like he should tiptoe around your mood, instead of enjoying each other's company in your free time.

“Please, don't. It wasn't like that. I was just annoyed about my day at that time and losing was the final straw for me. I’m sorry that I made you feel like that for days. But I wasn't sure how to confront you, especially when I was just acting like a sore loser. Have you not been sleeping well? You have a bag under your eyes.” Worried, you cupped his cheek and moved his face closer to yours, inspecting and noticing how his face looks paler, dry, and tired.

Instead of saying anything, he hums at your touch, and he moves forward, resting his head on your lap.

“Let me take a little sleep. I miss you.” He said before dozing off, and you stroked his hair while he slept.

❄️ Zayne ❄️

Zayne is bad at playing the Kitty Cards game. Due to his fatigue, sometimes he mistook some colors as the same, making his turn score nothing. But today was a bit different. Zayne keeps on winning, and he keeps on using advanced cards that will be fatal on your turn. He steals your advance cards, takes away your good number cards, and freezes your turn. Meanwhile, you keep on getting advanced cards that mean nothing when you have no good cards at hand.

“I win again, huh.” It was obvious that Zayne didn't mean anything from that, other than him wondering why he won again. But maybe you're already at your limit and hearing that made you snap.

“Well good for you. I’m going home.” It was all you have told him before you left him dumbfounded on his seat, leaving him alone at the cafe.

Whatever you did back there was just embarrassing. It was just a game but you took it personally. You're not going to wonder if Zayne refuses to talk to you now, other than being your physician, after that embarrassing display of attitude when you lose. You're not even sure how you're going to talk to him today.

It's your physical exam and it's been two days since you always kept him on read or only replies with emoji. You have to toughen up and apologize. Zayne did not deserve being treated that way.

Upon opening the door to his office, you breathed in, swallowing all the courage you needed. You walked towards the chair and sat in front of him. He was busy typing whatever on his computer, but you know, he already glimpsed on your way, because you felt his heavy stare for a second, before it went back to his task at hand. It didn't take long when he finished and stared you down. It was so awkward and it was at this moment, where you wished to be swallowed down by the earth and be gone. You gulped and opened your mouth to apologize when he started talking first.

“You didn't tell me you were injured that day.” You shivered at the icy tone in his voice. Just like his evol, Zayne can also be cold and scary. He didn't even need for you to emphasize on what he just said, because you already knew what he was talking about. A wanderer caught you off guard hours before meeting Zayne and it scratched your arm. The wound is not that deep, and you already put first aid on it so you never thought about it much, until the small wound did not heal as fast, and almost gave you a fever when it deepens. You realize now that it was the guilt of keeping you're injured to Zayne, and also, being a sore loser from the pain.

“It was very small. I don't want to bother you on your day off so….I kept it.” You squeak, when he glared at you, for being nonchalant about it.

“I don't care if it was my day off. It was my duty to take care of you. I hate it when you lie to me about being fine, when you know too well I can help you.” He continued scolding you, as he inspected the scarring wound, and offensively stared at it.

“I’m really sorry.” Was your only answer, to both, hiding your wound from him and to him receiving the burnt of your pain.

“Also, you can always ask me to switch our cards. I don't mind.” Zayne added as he patched you up.

🧜🏻‍♂️ Rafayel 🧜🏻‍♂️

Rafayel is the ultimate king of petty.

You already know that right from the start but nothing prepares you for the way he massacres you from the game Kitty Cards.

During at the last hurrah of your showdown, Rafayel finally revealed his advance cards, he uses freeze to stop you from playing, uses advance cards that will turn your cup scores into one, kicking out your highest score kitties from the colored cups, and replacing it with his, stealing your deny cards, and using it against you. It was so bad, that on the inside, you felt your blood boil on how cruel it was. If he did it the first time, you would be proud of him, but he’s been winning all the rounds, and every time, it ends up with him brutally winning. His wins hit a nerve and you finally snapped.

“Ha! Please don't cry. Losing isn't that bad.” He said proudly, as Rafayel nodded to himself. He loves teasing you and he enjoys your banter together. He knows at this point, teasing each other is a form of bonding.

He was celebrating his win when he noticed how quiet you were. When he opened his eyes, the smug look on his face dropped and he stopped in his tracks. The look on your face was devastating and he never saw that before. Your scrunched up face, eyes filled with upcoming tears. When both of your eyes met, there seemed like a switch in you, that made you burst into tears. Rafayel, who doesn't know how to handle your outburst, tries his best to console you. But he did not expect that you were still mad at him, so when he tried to hug you, you pushed him away and ran.

Since then, you have refused to reply to his texts. You even muted his calls so you won't have to answer it. Whatever you did that day was so embarrassing that you’d rather sever whatever relationship you have with Rafayel instead of relieving how sore loser you were. It was just a game, and you cried like a baby from it. There were times that you're trying to justify your tears by saying maybe Rafayel’s insults were too much that day, and it was the reason why you burst into tears, but there would be nothing so petty as pushing someone away and running due to losing from a board game.

Sighing, you just accepted that Rafayel will probably stop talking to you. It is what it is as you continue to go on with your day, when your phone blares and a notification about Rafayel being in danger popped up in bold letters. You did not hesitate as you rode your bike and flew to Rafayel’s whereabouts.

You burst through his studio door, and your eyes caught his figure slumped on the floor, leaning to his couch.

“What happened? Are you okay? Did you slip on your paint brushes again?” You asked worriedly, as you touched his shoulder, arms and legs, to see if he injured himself again. You were so worried and kept asking many questions that were meant silently, you were about to unleash the hulk at him for not answering, when you stopped on your tracks when you noticed the frown on his forehead and his glare.

“Really? Do I have to injure myself so you can notice me?” He bit down and you whimpered, not from his anger but from guilt.

“Sorry.” You apologized. You look down and twiddle your thumbs, not knowing how to dissipate the awkwardness of the situation and Rafayel’s glare.

It took a moment before you hear Rafayel’s sigh in defeat and open his mouth to talk again.

“You could have just asked me, and I will allow you to cheat by putting my kitties in different cups, or even by replacing my advance cards. All you have to do is say please.” He continued, exasperated.

All you can do is look down in shame and murmur an apology for acting so childish.

“Just….. don’t ignore me again like that, please. It doesn't feel good when the most important person in your life suddenly stops talking to you.” He added, his voice quivered a bit and you wince when you realize how your action affected him. Opening up his old wounds.

“I’m really sorry, Rafayel. I promise to be better next time.” A silence falls between you again. It took a moment before you realize despite how mad he was, he refuses to move his left hand. The air of guilt slowly turned into worry again.

“Did you injure your left hand?” You asked worriedly and slowly touched his left hand when he flinched and gritted his teeth from the pain.

“Probably sprain it when I fell.”

“You fell!?”

“It's fine, Ms. Bodyguard. I bet it will heal tomorrow. Just feed me for now.” He chuckled at your worried face and you watched him move his left hand with no worry, following your reaction from it. You just shake your head at how silly that was, and was so happy he was okay, before you stood up, helped him up, and treated him like a prince just for today.

[sollis-occasum]

a night like this - anakin skywalker x fem!reader

summary: you kept saying that everything was over between the two of you but anakin kept coming back to you every time.

warnings: angst, no use of y/n, insecurity, jealousy, miscommunication, mention of blood and injury, quinlan vos beheads a bounty hunter (just one sentence and it's not in detail either), mention of a vomiting twi-lek, reader is working in a pub, no proofread

word count: 1.7k

a/n: i haven't decided yet but i may write a few more parts to this story. i hope you like it guys. please don't mind the english mistakes, i'm not a native speaker.

Being injured was not unusual for Anakin Skywalker, but he could never remember feeling so vulnerable before.

As he moved, his battle-weary body convulsed with a kind of pain he had never felt before, reopening wounds that had begun to close, filling his nostrils with the metallic scent of blood. If your delicate sighs had not mixed with his moans from his blood-soaked lips, the pain he was in would have caused him to lose all sense of time and space. But how could he have allowed this to happen as you gently ran your hands over his face, wiping away the sweat from his forehead? This was perhaps the last time you would welcome him into this house where you had created so many precious memories together, and Anakin wanted to engrave everything from that night deep in his mind. Every sound, every image, every detail...

You had tried to tell him hundreds, maybe thousands of times before that everything between you was over, that you belonged in two different worlds. Anakin Skywalker was a young Jedi fighting to ensure that the light side of the Force prevailed over the darkness in the galaxy. You were just an ordinary barmaid working in a seedy pub in a backstreet of Coruscant. Unlike Anakin, your life was not full of fearless warriors and nobles with endless wealth, but of hardened criminals, addicts, and bounty hunters. How could you trust him and open your heart to him when he had been trained to fight the people you considered your family for almost his entire life?

And your experiences were very different, too. Anakin had traveled to planets you had never even heard of before, and met people you could never even see on the HoloNet. Some nights when you couldn't sleep, you would ask him to talk, to tell you things, thinking that hearing his soft voice would help you drift off. He would tell you stories from his missions. Sometimes these stories took place on a mountain on Alderaan, sometimes in an underwater city on Naboo. Usually, the people who accompanied Anakin on these planets were just as interesting as the mission itself. Master Jedi, senators, stormtroopers, sometimes even Chancellor Palpatine himself...

These stories that you listened to with great excitement at first, started to create a thin ache in your heart that even you didn't want to accept. You knew that Anakin had no bad intentions, that he just wanted to share something with you, but no matter what you did you couldn't resist the jealousy that was trying to take over your soul. Knowing that there is another life somewhere outside of this swamp you were trapped in and that you could only hear about it from others was driving you crazy inside.

Sometimes Anakin would ask you questions about your life, but you would either ignore them or leave them unanswered. You had no intention of appearing mysterious or keeping secrets. You just didn't have stories that would interest someone like him who had seen the entire galaxy. What were you going to tell him? Do you know, Anakin, today a Jedi named Quinlan Vos came to our pub and cut off the head of a bounty hunter with his lightsaber. The man's head fell into the lap of one of the stripper Twi-leks and she started throwing up. I had to clean up the vomit along with the blood on the walls. What a beautiful day, isn't it?

No, no... You would rather remain silent for the rest of your life than endure Anakin's pitying gaze as he listened to these. At least that way you wouldn't have lost your self-respect.

You took a deep breath to clear your mind and turned your gaze to Anakin lying on your bed. He looked so innocent and defenseless with his wounded state that your heart ached for him. You wanted to protect him from all the evil in the universe by hiding him in your house, which was a temple of memories for you, but how could you do that when you didn't even have the strength to protect yourself? The only good thing you could do for him was to get out of his life before you could hurt him any further. You tucked a lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead behind his ear and muttered in a voice you could barely hear, "You shouldn't have come here, Anakin." You tried to make your voice sound firm and determined, but you couldn't stop it from shaking.

The young Jedi tried to sit up in bed, but couldn’t. He winced in pain and slowly lowered himself onto the headboard. He pressed his mechanical hand to the wound on his abdomen, as if the coldness of the metal would ease the pain. You placed your hand over his and began to gently stroke the metal surface with your thumb. Even though he couldn’t feel your touch, the gesture always soothed him. When you realized that having a cybernetic hand embarrassed him, you started doing it to show him that you loved everything about him, and over time it had become a habit. To Anakin, this robotic hand might have been a symbol of his weakness but to you, it was just a part of the man you loved.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a burden to you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ani, you’re not a burden to me. You couldn’t be even if you wanted to.” You slowly removed his hand from his wound, as if you were afraid of hurting him, and kissed it. “What I was trying to say was that the Jedi at the temple could take better care of you. You know, with spells and all that.”

"Jedi don't do magic, they use the Force." He smiled for the first time since he had come to you. You shrugged, smiling. "They're all the same to me. I'm not sensitive to any of them anyway."

Your smiles and chuckles were not enough to break the serious air in the room. You had to stop for a few seconds and gather your courage to continue speaking. Your eyebrows were slightly furrowed in the meantime, and your lips were drawn into a thin line. A sadder expression than Anakin had ever seen appeared in his eyes, reflected by the moonlight. The wrinkles on your forehead made you look like you had aged a few years in a few seconds.

"But we can't keep doing this, Anakin. You know that too. You can't come to me every time. We've talked about this many times before."

Anakin tried to get closer to you, but the burns and wounds were hurting him so much that he couldn't. He leaned back once more, taking deep, raspy breaths, and unconsciously began to squeeze the old sheet. Despite the pained expression on his face, he neither blinked nor took his gaze away from yours. You knew that by looking directly into you eyes, he was trying to see something deep inside your soul. Maybe a trace of the affection you had only ever felt for him, or maybe a glimmer of hope that you would never give up on him... But he could see nothing but determination on your face, blurred by his misty eyes.

“Don’t do this to us,” he said in a pleading voice. The tears he had been trying to hold back had finally started to flow down his cheeks. With a quick movement, he pulled his mechanical hand from yours and wiped his face, hoping that you hadn’t seen them. He hated the power you had over him.

“Don’t give up on us like this.”

When you saw Anakin’s wet eyelashes, you felt an overwhelming desire in your heart to pull him close to you, to lay him on your chest, to caress the soft hair he had grown for your sake while he cried and tell him that everything would be okay, but you couldn’t do it. You knew that the moment you showed weakness, your ex-lover would draw strength from your hesitation and try to fight against your inevitable end. You did the only thing you could do and shook your head, hiding behind your cold expression. "I have no choice, Ani."

"I love you, does that mean nothing to you?" The sadness in his eyes was giving way to anger, but his voice was so weak that he could not convey his rebellion to you.

"Of course that means something." you said in a calm tone, almost mocking his anger. "I love you too, but I will not allow you to waste your life on a relationship that has no future. If you are so determined to go against the Jedi Code, you should at least do it for someone worthy. Senator Amidala, for example. She is a beautiful and noble woman, and it is clear that she has feelings for you. She can use her power and position to help you. I will only be a hindrance."

"Nonsense," Anakin snapped. "Padme is nothing more than a trusted friend to me. You are the only person I need to continue. I can fight the whole galaxy as long as you're by my side."

You sighed slightly and got out of bed. “We won’t have this conversation again, Anakin. My decision is final and there is nothing you can do to make me change my mind.”

You knew you were doing the right thing for both of you, but why did it hurt so much? Why did the right choice always require such sacrifices?

You bid Anakin a last farewell with an innocent kiss on the lips and started walking towards the old wooden door of the room. You could feel the salty taste of your lovers tears on your lips.

“Stay the night here and get some good rest. But I don’t want to see you here when I get home from work tomorrow.”

Those were the last words you said to Anakin before you left the room and his life forever. “This can’t be the end of us,” he muttered as he looked at your shrinking figure. He started to tangle his fingers in his hair that you had been gently stroking a few minutes ago and started to squeeze it. He shook his head violently from side to side as if denying the cruel words echoing in his mind.

"I swear I will find a way to fix everything and bring you back to me."

[killuakiru]

hello!!! i love your works sm ahhhh (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)

may i request headcanons for killua and gon (separately) with an s/o who is really happy and cheerful all the time but their real emotions are actually difficult to read? ty and remember to stay hydrated!! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

HIII ANONNN THANK YOU SOSOSO MUCH !! <33 I am more than happy to comply your request 🤲 thank you for requesting !! Hopefully you'll like it <3

side note : thank you for the requests !! my writer's block is being cured by everyone's brilliant thoughts, thank u also for the support !! I honestly didn't know my words can bring emotions to those of my readers. > < I love yall sososo much, please take care !!

⊹₊⋆ Hidden In Plain Sight !ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

⊹₊⋆ Gn!Reader x Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecss ( Separate ! )ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

༉‧₊˚. Let's Start !༉‧₊˚.

༉‧₊˚. Killua Zoldyck !ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

• Honestly, Killua was SO attracted to you mainly because he wanted to know you more, that's just who he is ! Even when you experienced horrible things, your smile never falters, leaving him very curious.

• Don't get me wrong, he loves seeing you smile and all that, and he's glad that he makes you laugh.

• But seriously, he can't shake off that feeling. If he says so himself, he can read people's emotions. ( But can be that he's surrounded by ppl who are generally easy to read )

• Ever since, he's been keeping a close eye on you— even before you both made it official. ESPECIALLY since he's not an expert when it comes to emotions.

• He keeps an eye on you on frankly everything. Your reactions if you were hurt physically, your reactions if you were denied or rejected by proposes, etc. He was DETERMINED to know your true emotions.

• But setting all of those to the side— he treats you really well, almost like how he treats Alluka. As his beloved significant other, he made a vow to himself to prioritize your needs first instead of his, knowing how unpredictable you could be.

• Although, hypothetically lets say.. You lost composure. Since you were the natural cheerful type, you'd often attached easily; Kite / Kaito, as an example.

• Kaito taught you three some simple guidance, as well as sharing stories to probably keep the children's nerves at bay. Who wouldn't? The Chimera Ants were an unknown organism, and they were regarded as highly vicious.

• The night Kaito was attacked, the sheer look of horror from your face left Killua stunned, all while Gon had a similar reaction but couldn't hold his inner rage in.

• The next morning while awaiting the Botany Hunters that accompanied Kaito, he saw you so dejected, and it was the first time seeing you like that. Your eyes were so lifeless it genuinely made Killua nervous to his core.

• Similarly to Gon, after he finished moping around, you both recovered within minutes. But Killua probably knew better as your boyfriend.

• Yes, you were back to your cheerful and talkative self, and Killua was glad, but at the same time paranoid. He knew everything had limits, his emotions, Gon's, even yours.

• After seeing that look of terror and melancholy look in your face, he's learned to ask himself; "Are they really okay?" with a heart beating in fear of losing you to succumbing to misery due to the fact you tend to keep your troubles to yourself.

༉‧₊˚. Gon Freecss !ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

• Honestly it's a miracle how he couldn't read your emotions easily. With his keen senses, one would probably think he'd instantly find something out.

• However you were a different case, similarly to Killua, he had a gut feeling— an instinct, if you must.

• Growing up on a mountain and relying on instinct, he knew better than to leave it alone. And so even before you both became a couple, he'd make low-key questions about your wellbeing to understand what you're feeling to an extent, but you'd always brush it off or answer it with a wide smile and cheerful tone.

• Gon just brushed it off after a while, believing your facial expression as your eyes creases in genuine happiness, the way you would grow breathless when you, Killua, and Gon would joke around, he firmly believed you truly were just a happy person and nothing could affect you.

• Unlike Killua, though. Gon didn't watch over you closely. As said previously— he firmly believed you were alright and had a strong mentality.

• Gon believed you can carry yourself, and you proved that point to him ! Whenever you'd be defeated physically and mentally, he'd always watch you standing your ground with a determined expression and a fairly attractive grin.

• But, because of his carelessness, that was his major mistake. He knew your tendencies, you knew his. You both were easily attached to someone and easily trusted them.

• And since Kaito knew Gon's father, you both equally shared the same celebration. Gon had a knew lead to Ging, so any normal significant other would be happy for their boyfriend.

• So the night where Kaito was attacked, ( yes we're using the same scene ), you couldn't comprehend your emotions. Your heart hammered against your chest. Seeing that.. monster that attacked Kaito with no mercy, and that very intimidating aura. So this was a Royal Guard.

• Killua noticed your demeanor, no doubt. Even Kaito, it was clear. How your usual cheerful and light demeanor turned one of a dark and fearful demeanor, Killua tried to nudge Gon. However Gon was too engulfed in his rage to even notice.

• The day he came back to his senses, looking back at it, he felt regret in his actions. While he knew his rage was justified— he wasn't paying attention to you.

• You easily forgave him though. That sent alarming shocks to his nerves. He saw your puffy and tired eyes, even when you smiled he didn't see the familiar creases he'd normally see in your eyes.

• Even after that, his rage grew and grew. But you'd constantly be by his side, so his bloodlust would often be at bay. He loved your warming personality so much and he appreciated every piece of you.

• In the end, after everything was finished, he had grown a habit to occasionally check up on you and your wellbeing. He knew you'd always bottle up your emotions, and he knew you'd break eventually.

• When that time comes, he wants to be with you and guide you through the process. He knows it'll be hard, but he'll be patient with you if you're patient with yourself.

༉‧₊˚. End !༉‧₊˚.

Thank you for reading ! This strictly belongs to me / killuakiru and I do not give permission for you to repost on other platforms, thank you !

[worldofkuro]

Painted Smile

Painted Smile XVI

<- Previous Chapter I Next Chapter ->

Summary: You couldn't wait to meet new friends. What you didn't expect was this smiling little boy, only one year older than you, that would take such a big place in your life.

Notes: Well, well. This chapter might be difficult to answer, so don't hesitate to ask question, unless they spoil the story, I'll answer them. Hope you enjoy what is coming next.

The next morning,you were walking with Alastor into the woods you have grown to know like the back of your hand.You had to insist for Alastor to bring you with him. He wanted you to stay with Alice but you were having none of it. You didn’t really know what just happened at Alice’s, you were feeling exhausted and a bit scared.

“ So, you couldn’t hear me or Alice, and then you heard footsteps and the noise of a shovel digging into the ground?” asked Alastor, keeping his rifle in his left hand, the other keeping yours. 

“ Yes… Do you think I’m crazy? Maybe I fainted for a moment..?” you turned your eyes toward Alastor, wishing to be reassured. You almost thought you would see him looking at you with pity but he just squeezed your hand tighter, never stopping smiling.

“ No, dear. We can’t be both crazy, this town wouldn’t survive it. No, no, I’ll look into it, okay?” he smiled at you with a soft gaze. He kissed the back of your hand. “ Don’t think you can run away by pretending to be crazy, dearest.”

You smiled at him before stopping abruptly. There were footsteps on the ground, and from how deep into the mud there were, you knew the person was probably running.  You let go of Alastor’s hand, the both of you investigating around. You were looking at the floor and crouched, frowning. What was it…? They were tiny … was it..?

“ Dog’s paws..?” you  tilted your head. It clearly looked like a dog's paws. You called out to Alastor whose smile turned into a grimace.

“ They really brought the mutts out.” he sighed before looking around. 

“ You don’t think it could be an unlucky hunter, right?”

“ Unfortunately, no. This part of the forest belongs to my family, which means, if they took that path down the forest, they came from my house, which is illegal. So it can’t be a hunter, but policemen use dogs  don’t they?…”

“Yes, but they can’t just enter someone's property like that. My father would never.” 

Alastor’s smile widened as he tapped his chin with his finger. He seemed to enjoy himself.

“ Let’s follow the trail, we’ll make a conclusion when we see where it ends.” 

You walked, trying to ignore your growing headache.  You sighed in relief when you felt Alastor’s hand on your waist. You both stopped when you reached the place where you’ve killed for the first time.  You looked at Alastor as he gently tugged you toward a big tree and just as you expected, it seemed like someone had tried to dig up a hole.

“ Mhn… They didn’t dig up deep enough.” said Alastor with a mocking tone. He walked around the hole before pointing his gun toward a noise. You smiled when you saw a deer, staring at Alastor then near his feet. You began to walk toward him but Alastor stopped you with his hand. “ Don’t come any closer, there is a bear trap.”

You choked on your own saliva when you saw a bear trap, hidden by leaves, centimeters away from Alastor’s right foot. If he had kept walking, he would have been stuck inside it. You stared at the deer, dumbfounded. Did the deer.. warned Alastor? Were you losing your mind?

The deer stared at Alastor before leaving in the forest.

“ Well… That was odd. But more importantly, a bear trap? Seems like someone really wants to catch us.” he laughed as he crouched in front of the trap. “ Did they not dig deep enough on purpose so we would lower our guard and get caught by the bear trap..?”

“ Do you think they are still here?” you looked around.

“ No, darling. The forest is noisy and I don’t feel eyes upon us. We’re clean, for now. But what is amazing is that.. You saw it coming.  You knew that someone was trying to dig up my father.”

Alastor walked toward you.

“ Darling, is there anything strange that happened to you during this week?”  You blinked at him. The strangest thing that had happened this week was seeing your best friend making a contract with your future husband to kill someone she was supposed to marry. “ No apparitions?”

“ Alastor, what in the sweet hell are you talking about?”

“ Well, I’m trying the soul bounding spell. It can take several months to be able to bound a soul to another one, and I was worried that maybe I did something wrong which could have.. made you have that vision.”

You smiled at him, before kissing his lips. You were curious about his voodoo’s spells, but it was an unknown world for you, you hoped one day Alastor would teach you.

“ No Alastor, I didn’t see anything worth mentioning. What should I be worried about?”

“ Nothing serious, if there is something anormal, you would feel it.” he touched your forehead with his own, staring into your eyes. “ So… Do you have an idea how to kill Alice’s future husband ?”

You laughed as you felt Alastar’s arms wrapped around you. You kissed him several times, savoring the moments.

“ Mhn.. What about this? This weekend, we will go to Alice’s cottage and spend the days together, just the two of us thinking about murder?” you teased him, sliding your hands on his torso as you bite your lips. “ You could show me some techniques…”

“ I could show you how to tie someone so they can’t escape.” he smirked as he loomed over you. “ But it is a great idea, darling.” he kissed you twice before walking toward the bear trap. “ Also, I’m taking this to your father.” you tilted your head. “ Of course, dear. Someone trespassed into my domain and even put on a weapon that almost wounded me! If this is a policeman who has done this, your father would know. “

“ But.. They would want to understand why it was near a hole, they are going to investigate the forest.”

“ I’ve never said I found it there, dear.” he smirked at you and you couldn’t help but laugh.” The only person who knows where we found the bear trap are you, my darling , myself and the one we want to catch. I’m just going to provoqued them a little bit.

You laughed as you went back home. Alastor had to go to work and you didn’t want to stay all alone at home. You took a bottle of wine and some pastries and went out. Maybe talking with Alice about everything that happens could be great. You were sure she had a ton of questions to ask you.

You stopped walking when you were in front of the park, you couldn’t help but look for your new friend. Well, he wasn’t a friend but maybe a confidant ? You smiled when you entered the park and saw the old man sitting on his usual bench. You sat next to him.

“ Hello sir.”

“ Hello little lady.” he smiled warmly at you.

You began to talk about your days, the man still listening to you quietly. You looked at him, trying to see if he had any signs of religion on him but you couldn’t find any.

“ Sir, you believe in… spirits?”

“ Yes, I do.”

“ I … I have some questions” you looked around, making sure nobody was listening, but no one was taking notice of you" “ I think I fainted and I might… have seen a scene that was happening somewhere else?”

“ Oh, it’s interesting. How did you feel?”

“ Tired. I had a headache all night until… recently.”

“ Did you talk about it with your husband ?” he asked, looking at the people walking in front of you.

“ Well, yes ! He was worried but it must be my imagination.” you laughed. You were sure about what happened.

“ Does that make it any less real?” he tilted his head, his gentle expression still there, with eyes so gentle and wise you wondered what kind of life he lived.

“ Well..” you groaned as you held your head, your headache was coming back full force. You closed your eyes, trying to contain the pain. Gosh, it was so painful.

“ Waking up might be painful this time, little lady, I apologize.”

You tried to open your mouth but you felt like something was tearing you apart from your own body. You could feel the tears from pain whelming up in your eyes. What was happening ?

“ Hey! Look at me !”

You opened your eyes, gasping for air and looked at the man who was shaking you by your shoulders. Did he think you were sleeping? God, your head was hurting so bad and now you could feel something sliding down your nose… you tried to focus your vision to see the man’s face, his voice was familiar.

“ John…?”

And that’s all you remember before your vision turned black.

You could hear people talking around you. They were so noisy… You couldn’t open your eyes or move your body. You felt so tired, even more than usual.

“ She was talking all alone while sleeping, sitting on a bench! I’m not lying, and then when I woke her up she had a nosebleed and her eyes seemed red– ”

“ Aah… Thank you, John. I’m going to stay with my daughter, we’ll meet after this okay. Thank you for contacting me.”

Why would your father meet with John? Even if you didn't tell him why you stopped being friends with him, you didn’t think John would still reach out to your father. You forced your eyes to open and you found yourself staring at a white ceiling. wait.. Were you in a hospital? You sat up slowly as your father ran at your side.

“ Slow and steady, sweetheart.” He put his hand on your back, helping you stay steady on the hospital’s bed. “ Alastor is on his way.”  you felt your body relax at the new. You looked at your father who was already giving you food, the one you made for Alice.

“ What happened ?”

“ You were talking to yourself like a madwoman. I had to shake you forcefully for you to wake up.” you looked at John. He was staring at you, seeming worried but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to be near him. “ Hah, being almost married seems to do wonders for you.”

“ Get out.

“ Is there something I should know about..?” asked your father, looking at the both of you.

“ Nothing worth mentioning.” you spat, glaring at John who seemed hurt by your reaction. Did he really think you were going to thank him because he.. did he even help you ? What happened to Legba? You groaned, your head was killing you.

“ Darling, I’m here.” Alastor walked past John, going straight to you, taking your hands between yours. You relaxed immediately, going into his arms. What was happening to you? 

“ You should take better care of your future wife. She is going insane, talking to herself on a bench.”

You felt Alastor’s body tense. His smile was still, as usual, as he turned his head toward John. It seemed like he didn’t even notice John when he entered your hospital’s room. You wanted to punch John in the face, who did he think he was? 

“ From what I have seen, my fiancée is feeling bad when you are around, should I get rid of you?” he smiled with a beaming expression making your father chuckle.

“ The day I see Alastor being violent, is the day I stop working!” he laughed before standing up. “ But John, boy, let’s talk outside.” your father said with a cold expression. You smirked, your father hated when you were being disrespected. You watched as the two men left your room before feeling Alastor’s hands on your cheeks, forcing you to look at him.

“ Darling, what happened ? Talking alone?”

You shook your head slowly, caressing his cheeks.

“ No, I was with a new acquaintance of mine. I think you should meet, he is very interesting, he is very old though…But then my head started hurting so bad I had to close my eyes and hold my face to calm myself. He must have see me when I was trying to smooth the pain.”

“ Yes, darling, I’ll meet everyone you want.” he sighed while stroking your hair. “ What is the name of the gentleman who stole my darling’s attention?” he teased you as you stuck your tongue at him.

“ Legba.”

You felt Alastor's body freezed, the temperature dropping. You blinked at him, looking at his frozen smile as he stared at you without showing anything.

“ Do you know him..?” you asked. Maybe they have already met but couldn’t get along? 

“ I… I know his name, yes. What do you talk about with him?” he sat next to you, his expression back to usual.

“ I’m the one mostly talking. And we share food! Now that I think about it, I didn’t have the time to give him something to eat today…” you gasped as Alastor helped you stand up. He smiled at you.

“ Let’s see if he is still where you left him! I really want to meet him."He kissed your cheeks before taking your things. You nodded, you didn’t want to stay here any longer. You both left your room, never meeting your father or John. You brought Alastor to the park, hoping to see the old man. You hoped John hadn't been too rude to Legba.

You smiled, feeling relieved as you saw him sitting in his usual spot. 

“ It’s him, do you see him, Alastor?” you walked toward the old man who lifted his head up once you were close. “ Well, hello once again.”

You sat next to him, Alastor sitting next to you silently. How weird, most of the time he would try to make himself see. 

“ You are back early, are you alright now?”

“ I’m doing great, thank you. I hope the man that bothered us wasn’t too rude to you.” you relaxed when you saw him shake his head. “ I came back because I realized I didn’t give you anything to eat and I wanted you to meet my future husband, Alastor!” 

You saw the man’s smile widened as he looked at Alastor.

“ Aah, the famous Alastor… “ you smiled before giving the man a pastry. You didn’t know why you felt like you had to give him something in return for his presence…” Seems like you won’t be left in the dark anymore.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ You didn't want me to meet Alastor in particular, it’s Alastor who wanted to meet me, right?” you nodded, but was the difference so important? “ You shouldn’t stay out too long, night is coming soon, I will have to go back.”

You looked at the darkening sky. How long were you out? How long did you stay in the hospital? You nodded at the old man, feeling better. You stood up, stretching your body.

“ See you soon, then.”

“ See you again, little lady.” said Leba as he stood up and walked away with his cane.

 You turned your head toward Alastor, who was staring at you, his smile twitching, his feet tapping the floor nervously.

“ Why didn’t you speak to him? Didn’t you want to meet him?” you crossed your arms on your chest, raising an eyebrows.

“ I’m.. going to explain everything as soon as we get home.” he took your hands and made you walk quickly toward his home. When you entered Marie’s home, it was already dark. You didn’t have the time to say hi to his mother, Alastor was dragging you into his bedroom. He was being so weird.

“ Alright darling. When did you meet this man?”

“ What are you playing at?” you asked, sitting on his bed.

“ Please, answer me.”

“ It hasn't even been a week yet.”

“ What does he look like?”

“ You saw him! He was sitting next to me!” you threw your arms in the air, feeling agitated. Why Alastor seemed to be excited and worried.

“ No, darling, you were sitting alone.”

…

“ Alastor,” you laughed nervously. “ you saw me.. I was talking with him..”

He approached you and kneeled in front of you, taking your hands in his.

“ You sat on the bench and then closed your eyes. It seemed like you were asleep to me but you were whispering some sentences, I couldn’t hear everything unfortunately.”

You paled. What was going on? What was he talking about? Were you crazy? Would you be thrown in an asylum and die there?

“ Darling, keep your eyes on me. It’s… It’s my fault I think.” he bit his lips while staring at you, you weren’t aware you were clawing at his hands, shaking. “ I told you I was practicing for our bounding soul spell, right?” he waited for you to nob before continuing. “ To be able to perform spells, you need one spirit in particular. His name is Papa Legba, but he never showed himself to me.”

“ Alastor… What are you trying to tell me..?” your voice was shaking, you didn’t understand a word he was saying.

“ Papa Legba is the guardian of the crossroads, he embodies the communication and access to the spirit world. Darling, it’s… it’s very amazing for such a spirit to be near you but also dangerous. You aren’t the type to just give food to someone you don’t know, yet you did it, you know why?”

“ I don’t know.. I just felt like it, as a thank you for his presence.”

“ That’s what we call an offering. But you need strong sacrifices for those spirits to stay and give you what you asked. I don’t think you asked him anything, did you..?”

“ I ask for his advice..” you whispered, trying to understand everything Alastor was saying. You wanted to know more about voodoo? Well, you didn’t expect to have that knowledge so fast in this situation.

“ I see.. From what I saw, when you talk with him, you go into a trance. When John woke you up by force, it broke your connections and I know for a fact that it can be very painful. Furthermore, you didn’t give him any sacrifices and nature always takes back what you didn’t give.”

“ So… Because I didn’t give him something in return for his presence, they took back..?”

“ Your energy.” he nodded, still caressing your hands who had stopped shaking.  “ But I don’t understand why he came to you and not me when I’m asking for him… I did find other ways with another spirit but still..”

“ When are you summoning him?”

“ When I come home, mostly when my mother is asleep.” he sighed, looking away, seeming in his thoughts. You tilted slightly your head, looking at Alastor.

“ I think…Maybe he doesn’t like being summoned at night? I.. He was the one who left today when he saw the sky getting darker, I would feel the need to go home when night time was coming and I was talking with him..”

“ Mhn.. Maybe we’ll try to summon him tomorrow with a good sacrifice. I’m working with another spirit right now but working with Papa Legba could be useful.”

“ Who are you working with?” you tilted your head, curiously, if Papa Legba was the spirit to make spells, who else could do it?

“ Some people say it’s his other side. The one who reigns on the night.” he sat next to you with a smirk. “ Names are important dear, we don’t call spirits just like this.'' He waited for you to nod before standing up. “Until I tell you otherwise, don’t speak, okay? Well, please, meet..” he stared at you, almost waiting for you to back down.

 You stood up, staring at him dead in the eyes. Universe could bring men, women, spirits, gods, you would follow Alastor in Hell. He smiled when he saw your expression.

 “Kalfu.”

You felt shivers as the room turned cold. You look around and put your hand on your mouth to muffle a scream that would have come out. Behind Alastor, his shadow was moving like it was its own person. You looked at Alastor and your eyes widened as you saw his eyes being red. He was staring at you, observing your reaction.

Alastor’s shadows moved on the walls curiously, looking at items, then he went toward you and you flinched when you felt its touch on your legs. It was.. a strange feeling.  It didn’t seem… bad. You approached your head toward its head and smiled softly as the shadows let itself be touched.

“ Of course, as I told you, there is a price.” you nodded as you looked at him. “ For this power, I need to kill Alice’s blackmailer. Before you stress out, no, the spirit doesn’t force me to do it. We just.. Think the same.” he smirked as he crossed his arms on his torso, its shadow nodding at Alastor’s side with a hideous big grin.

You nodded once more, observing him. His eyes were red but beautiful. You walked slowly toward him, raising your hand toward his cheek before kissing him. You felt Alastor’s body relax as he wrapped his arms around you, pressing you against his torso. 

You leaned back to watch his eyes that were slowly but surely taking their natural color back. The room wasn’t as dark as a moment ago.

“ You can talk my dear.”

“ I need to sleep.. “ you closed your eyes, feeling exhausted. You fell asleep as soon as your head hitted the pillows, Alastor didn’t even try to stop you from changing into your night clothes.

You woke up the next day, with Alastor arms wrapped around you. You smiled softly as you felt his breath on your neck, his torso against your back.  You sat up, slowly, trying not to wake up Alastor.

You walked toward the mirror, looking at yourself.

What the fuck happened yesterday?

You were having a powerful spirit by your side, you didn’t know why, he would eat your energy if you didn’t give him anything to.. eat? You sighed, trying to clear your thoughts. But, right now you needed to have answers…

“ Papa Legba.” you whispered.

“ Yes, little girl?”

You almost punched the mirror as you saw your reflection bending and twisting into unusual angles before taking the form of the old man you used to know.

“ Seems like you are no longer in the dark.”

“ I.. I still feel lost.”

“ No wonder you asked for me, I’m used to taking care of lost souls.”

“ Why … Why did you appear by my side when I never once tried to summon you? I didn’t even know you existed.”

“ Well, this is Alastor’s fault. When he tried to summon me the first time, he had a tissue tainted with your blood. I think he wanted to make a soul bounding spell, but he is still experimenting. He should ask advice from his mother.”

“ You.. You worked with Marie?”

“ Alastor’s mother asked spirits' help to protect Alastor from danger. She mostly worked with Gran Bwa. But you’ve seen him already.” you shook your head. “ The deer that warned Alastor about the bear trap.” your eyes were wide open. “ And many other times, his mother did a lot to protect him. Do you really think he would have made it to your home with you that time you almost drowned? I was the one who showed him the way to the cottage, if not, you both would have been dead because of the cold.”

Marie was working with spirits… Well, you weren’t that surprised, if Alastor was working with them, it meant that he had it in his blood but… But what were you doing here?

“ So, because Alastor has my blood on a tissue, you went… to meet me?”

“ It’s more complicated than that.”

You nodded without being sure of understanding anything that was happening.

“ Are… Are you a good spirit?” you looked at him as he laughed, taping his cane against the mirror.

“ Well, I try to be. I can help you work with good spirits, those who want to do good in the world.” he nodded. You bit your lips and then opened your mouth.

“ Alastor is working with a spirit… Is he a bad one?”

“ Mhn… Alastor is working with him, hn? Kalfu controls the evil forces of the spirit world. He allows the crossing of bad luck, deliberate destruction, misfortune, injustice.  I control the positive spirits of the day; Kalfu controls the malevolent spirits of the night.”

“ Is he in danger?” you asked, your voice a mere whisper. 

“ No, Alastor and Kalfu will enjoy each other's company I think, keeping themselves on their toes.”

“ And I? Where do I stand here?”

“ Well, because or thanks to Alastor, your blood and your soul is being changed by him. Which, for now, makes you capable of talking to me. Even working with me, you accepted that vision almost perfectly.” 

So it was Papa Legba’s power that time? You tilted your head, making the old man follow your movement in the mirror.

“ Do you think I could… work with you to protect Alastor..? From what I understand, bad spirits aren’t there to protect but kill or harm. If Alastor is bound with them, can I help him by … I still don’t know how it works but, can I help him in any way?”

“ Mhn, little lady. You are an odd one. Your blood wasn’t made to work with Voodoo, but you have potential. You are connected to the energy on earth, and sensitive to the spirit world, if not you wouldn’t have been able to talk to me all that time. It would be a pleasure to work with you, but do you understand what it means?” you shook your head, feeling your body tense itself. “ That means Kalfu will want to work with you. Just like I would have wanted to work with Alastor. If you were to work with my.. twin, I would stop our deal.”

You nodded before pausing.

“ Won’t they be angry that I work with you? Won’t they try to separate us?”

“ Oh no, little lady. Not a chance, because for us, like for them, your duo is unusual. We wouldn’t want to destroy that, au contraire.” You nodded, feeling better but also you could sense Papa Legba presence having more pressure on you.

“ What.. What should I bring you, as a sacrifice ?”

“ Rooster.”  he smiled warmly at you. “ But for this time, I shall accept something sweet.”

“ Okay… One last thing, what is it going to be like working with you?”

“ I can call another spirit's power to help you, but depending on the power, the offering will get bigger and bigger. But for now, we’ll work slowly together, if that’s what you want.” he smiled when you nodded, sure of yourself. “ Now, I think most of the power I’m going to use with you will be through your eyes. But we’ll talk about it later, I’m getting really hungry.” You went downstairs without making a noise, you felt like you were half asleep. You took a piece of Marie’s cake before walking back toward Alastor’s bedroom. 

“ Oh, I recognize Marie’s cooking.” he laughed when you put the plate on a table, in front of the mirror. “ You should talk with Marie about all of this, the both of you.” Papa Legba said before disappearing from the mirror. You turned around and saw Alastor behind you, his eyes red, staring at the mirror.

“ Well, well, well.. Do my eyes deceive me ?”

“ What are you talking about?”

He smiled at you before hugging you from behind, nuzzling his head against your neck, staring at the mirror.

“ Red is really our color, right?”

You looked back at the mirror and two red eyes were staring back at you. 

Your eyes were red.

Just like Alastor.

As both of your eyes started to turn at their usual color you couldn’t help but sigh, you needed to have a discussion with Marie.

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[kasagia]

I'll be back for you

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x reader, Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: The Moon Summoner ran away with Alina from the Little Palace with the help of Kaz Brekker's crows. The group successfully escaped from Darkling's hands, but that doesn't mean he will forget about his Y/N. He's going to chase her until she is in his arms again. However, Mr. Brekker did not let his childhood friend disappear without a trace from his life again. He will protect her. For all costs. After all, she was his newest investment. Warning(s): Darkling, Kaz fights haphephobia (but not as severe for him ), reader argues with Baghra, reader has internal moral conflict, curses, fights, and their red aftermath, I used a quote from TVD and The Invisible Life of Addie Laurie because… they fit and I love them veeery much It's my first one-shot for both Darkling and Kaz, so please be gentle (I'm very nervous and excited at the same time to publish it) <3 Word count: 14k (too long, someone should take me away from the keyboard in the middle of this)

~•♤♤♤•~ Part 2 (end) ~•♤♤♤•~

Every night since you escaped with Alina and Genya with the help of your childhood friend Kaz and his crows from Ravka, you've been haunted by nightmares. No. Not the usual horrible flashbacks of your past in Ketterdam or the Little Palace.

HE visited you.

The Darkling. The Black Heretic. The man who promised to keep your heart safe and broke it in two along with your trust.

Genya has a right to warn you about powerful men. But you, the lost girl kidnapped by slave hunters from Ketterdam, the girl who has nothing to lose and was happy enough to somehow end up in the general's tent and find out about being one of the most powerful Grisha, didn't want to listen to her.

You foolishly believed that you, of all people, were able to charm the most dangerous man in all Ravka with your beauty, character and mind.

You believed that sweet words, longing glances and tender moments between you were real, that they meant something.

But it was all just a game. A game that brought him your affection and blind trust. And Kirigan, Darkling, or Alexander played in it like mastermind.

You should have listened to Genya. At least those damn dark eyes wouldn't haunt you every time you closed yours.

With the taste in men you have, you should have predicted that the first guy you hooked up with would be a psychopath. Fate could only be a little bit more favorable to you and not connect you to the hundreds-year-old black heretic who created the fold.

You've always had a weakness for villains and gray characters.

Your first teenage crush only proved it.

Because who else but you would fall in love with a bastard boy from the barrel who started his criminal career with the Dregs, who couldn't stand the touch of other people, and who wanted nothing more in his life than revenge on Pekka Rollins?

If I survive this shit, I really should find someone normal to be with.

You thought before you somehow managed to fall asleep for the first time in a month, hoping that your bond with the Darkling would weaken for those few hours when you tried to find peace.

~•♤♤♤•~

It was pure darkness around you. Not that one when all the lights went out and it's only you and your bed. No. They felt too familiar for you to confuse them with anything else. Those were his shadows.

He must have been near, playing with you as he always had.

You carefully took one step forward. The shadows parted in front of you, so you could see the ground. You bent down to your boot and pulled out a dagger, hiding it behind the sleeve of your blouse. You had to be ready for anything. Even if it meant fighting the shadow lord himself in your own subconscious. You sighed, stepping uncertainly into the darkness.

Your eyes quickly adjusted to the place around you, allowing you to move faster along the path. You recognized this bloody spot. The path in the woods you raced down when he took you for your first ride. Then he dragged you to HIS fountain, telling you nonsense about how it's only here among other Grishas that you discover your true self. He was already weaving his manipulative web around you, and you fell into it like an oblivious fly.

The snap of a twig stopped you. You looked around, not seeing anything at all except for the fountain in the distance. You flinched as his shadows gently pushed you forward.

"I'm not going to play another of your games, General!" you screamed as you spun around, walking forward. If he was already disturbing you, at least he might have had the honor to step out of the shadows.

"Call me Aleksander…"

You shivered as you felt his soft whisper against your neck. You spun, summoning your light and shooting into the space behind you. Unfortunately, it didn't encounter any Black Heretics on its way.

You huffed angrily, continuing your walk until you reached the fountain.

It was different than when he brought you here last time. The engravings have changed. They no longer told the story of the Black Heretic who created the fold. They were of you and Aleksander. Slowly falling in love.

"The union of darkness and his light." you felt your body tremble as the fabric of his kefta brushed your hand.

"I would never have taken you for such a sentimental fool." you turned to face him, taking a step back to increase the distance between you. With a very smug smirk, you noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. Good. At least the son of a bitch suffers as much as you do. "Especially not after what Baghra had told me."

"My mother has the amazingly irritating gift of ruining my plans. She also doesn't like the people I care about much."

"Hmm… what a pity. Maybe if you weren't planning to use us as weapons in your plans, I'd care more. Also, don't try to tell me that there are people in this world who are more important to you than yourself. We both know I'm not going to fall for it again."

"I understand your resentment." you laughed, shaking your head in disbelief as you turned your gaze back to the fountain. "What's so funny?" you relished every irritated word directed at you. Maybe you couldn't seriously hurt him physically, but at least you could be a pain in his ass.

"I just forgot how easy it is for you to choose words that both tell the truth and work in your favor. Please, continue. I didn't truly laugh for a very long time."

"You're making a mistake." he stood next to you, grabbing your arm to turn you toward him.

You yanked your arm out of his grip as soon as your powers met in that familiar dance of dark and light. You both sighed, stunned by the sudden combination of your powers coursing through your veins. You opened your eyes, which you closed in the flow of the moment, meeting his tender, longing gaze. The man reached out to cup your cheek, but you pulled away from him before your skin had a chance to touch again.

"Funny. That's what I heard from your mother before she made me realize what shit I got into."

"One conversation with my mother, and you're ready to give it all up? Just because she was faster than me? Because she revealed a truth about me that she had no right to? What if I wanted to tell you right after I dealt with the group that wanted to attack you and Miss Starkov?" the grudge in his eyes only fueled your anger. He had no right to resent you for running away from him at the earliest opportunity when he had been hiding this important piece of his past for so long.

"What does it matter, general? None of it was real anyway." you growled, turning your back on him again so as not to reveal your hidden emotions to him. You didn't want him to know that you still cared. Indifference was a worse punishment for him than your wrath.

"So c'mon. Prove your point. Turn around, look me in the eyes, and tell me that you didn't feel anything towards me for even the slightest moment."

You wanted. You really did. To look directly into his soul-black eyes and say that he meant as much to you as the dust under your shoes. However, you both knew very well that it would be just a poor lie. And you both knew each other well enough to know when the other was lying.

"Just because my foolish heart longs for something, it doesn't mean I'll give in to its stupid desires. Wasn't you the one who told me that wanting makes us weak?"

"You should know I've changed my mind by now." the sound of leaves crunching under his boots was the only warning you got before you felt his presence behind you. "You. You are changing my mind."

"Don't tell me I have any influence over you. It's a poor play. You can do better, Kirigan."

"You and I may change the world, Y/N…" you flinched as you heard the exact same words he said here so many months ago. You turned to face him when you felt the coldness of one of his shadows wrapping around your leg. You pointed your dagger at the man standing only one, little step away from you. He didn't seem affected at all as you pointed the dagger at him. He didn't even look at it. His eyes were only on yours. "You may not see it now, too blinded by your righteous, but not entirely fair, anger at me, but deep down, you know that we are destined for greater things than others. You, me, and Alina together can be the strongest creatures in the world." 

"You know very well that we never wanted to live like this. Neither of us."

"Do you? Alina maybe doesn't want to be the Saint, but you, Y/N?" you took a step back and another as the black heretic approached you with his every word. He stood in front of you, letting the dagger you were holding in your trembling hands touch his chest. He smiled almost mockingly, seeing that your weapon against him was exactly the same one he gave you on your birthday, provoking your anger again. To spite him, you summoned wispy beams of white light that began to radiate from your hand to chase away his shadows.

"You don't know what I want." you growled, pressing the dagger harder against his heart to remind him that you were in control here. He could sneak into your dreams, but at night you were the most powerful Grisha in this bloody world. And even he had to reckon with your power.

"Yet I still see a desire in your eyes." you shifted your gaze to him, watching him silently and with hostility as his face was illuminated only by your powers. You were disgusted to find that, despite his betrayal, he was still equally handsome to you. "Not only for me but also for my power. You, my little moonlight, you want to be just like me. Strong, powerful, and ageless." he raised his hand deftly, dodging your dagger, and, under your watchful gaze, brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, stroking your cheek as he did so. He took a step towards you, causing you to press the blade against his neck as he got close enough to whisper in your ear. "You can run as far as you want, but you don't run from the truth that's inside you. And when you finally understand what you really want, I'll be there for you, waiting with open arms for my saint moon."

"Have fun waiting for this day, Morozova." you whispered, not giving in to his piercing gaze.

"I am a very patient man, after a thousand years on this earth, you will be too, Y/L/N."

"I'm not you, Aleksander. I don't wanna live forever, and I'm not gonna. I won't see the only people I truly love and care about die before me. Even eternity and unimaginable power are not worth it."

"They're still people you love and who can share this fate with you. Who will live long enough to be with you forever." one of his shadows began to wrap around your hand, forcing you to remove the dagger from his neck.

He leaned closer to you and rested his forehead against yours. You sighed, shivering as the scent of his familiar perfume enveloped you after so many weeks apart. You were tempted to give in to him again. And that dark desire in your heart terrified you more than the capabilities of the Black Heretic caressing your cheek.

"This isn't love. It was just a game. We were just playing a game. The same one you created a long time ago to earn my trust. But I'm no longer that naive girl who is desperate for somebody's attention and love. You made me stronger, crueler, ruthless. And believe me, general, I'll repay you for all you have done."

"You don't believe that. You can't have believed my mother that I am your villain so easily." in other circumstances, where your heart wasn't beating for his, you'd probably laugh at the desperation in his voice. But now that every fiber of you longed for the man before you, there was only one thing you could do.

"Then tell me, Aleksander..." you leaned in to him, rubbing his nose with yours as he closed his eyes and waited for your lips to finally touch after weeks of craving your slightest touch. "Why was I so tempted to do this?" you dug into his tempting mouth, giving you both what you needed.

In your head, you explained this crime against your friends as wanting to do what was originally intended to be your primary goal. The gentle prolongation of your longing, amazing, desperate kiss before you plunged the dagger into his side without the slightest hesitation wasn't your fault at all. Aleksander moaned into your lips, pulling away from you as he felt blood trickle down his side.

"Leave me alone, or I will make myself your villain." you whispered into his mouth before you somehow managed to get yourself out of your "dream".

~•♤♤♤•~

"Y/N?" Alina's soft whisper wakes you up. You opened your eyes, feeling how your chest was burning for fresh air and your heart beating faster than it should. The woman was sitting next to you, holding your hand.

In the corner of your eye, you can see Nina standing in the doorway of the room Kaz graciously assigned to you after you arrived in Ketterdam. You can swear on saints that Inej was looking through your window before she went - probably going to tell Kaz about your fourth nightmare this week.

And it was only Tuesday.

You felt attacked from all sides. If not Inej through the window, then the madmen through the door or in your dreams.

"What are you doing here? It's well after midnight." you asked her, gratefully accepting a towel from Nina to wipe the sweat from your face. Alina and Genya lived far from the club, in motels on opposite sides of the city.

"Just in case someone betrays us. At least one of you will save yourself if the Darkling comes to these parts."

Brekker's brilliant and preventive mind had already terrified you before you stepped off the boat onto the familiar land of Ketterdam. The fact that he thought through and arranged your accommodation before anyone could ask him was either another display of his otherworldly mind or a blatant act of arrogance and overconfidence in his strength against the Darkling. But you knew Kaz too well to assume that he underestimated the power of the Black Heretic even for a moment.

"Nice to see you too. Kaz sent for me."

"Since when does the sun summoner do all the Dreg king's orders?" you asked, making Nina laugh.

"Since the moon summoner is constantly skipping her bedtime. You have to sleep. You can't always be on Jesper's special energetic drinks." she scolded you like a little child, to which you snorted indignantly.

"I will take a gorgeous, lovely, very long nap right after we kill Kirigan. Before then, nobody can make me do that. And tell Kaz I remembered him as braver the last time we saw each other on your way back to the motel."

"We are just worried about you, Y/N. You slept the whole night only once since we left."

"Don't tell me you're surprised. If you were me, you would do the same."

"Maybe. But we both know you're stronger than me. I know you can beat him, and even if you can't do this alone, which I doubt…" she wrapped her hand around yours, making you look into her eyes again. "You must know I will always be by your side, like you by mine. It's you and me against the darkness, Y/N."

"You know, you've spent way too much time on that boat with your toughts. You sound like an old uncle giving good advice or something."

"Speaking of advice, if I were you, I wouldn't insult the only person who can wake you up from… this." Nina waved her hand in a circle, pointing to the miserable state you were in.

"You should see Kirigan. I stabbed him." you replied with a self-satisfied smirk, watching the heartrender gasp in shock and Alina shake her head in disapproval.

"What have I told you about starting unnecessary arguments with him and maiming him?"

"That this is a good way to vent my anger and frustration?" you asked innocently with a huge smile.

Alina drew breath to argue with you, but a knock on the door distracted her. You glanced at Jesper, peering into your room, and wrinkled your nose at the light-burnt sheets you and Alina had left.

"The boss wants you, moon girl."

"Not only him." you murmured, pulling the remnants of the quilt from yourself. You took your clothes out of the closet and turned to the people in the room with your hands on your hips. "Are you leaving or staying for the show?" Alina mumbled a silent apology, blushing in embarrassment as she left, along with a laughing Jesper and an amused Nina.

You sighed as you stood in front of the mirror and brushed away the sweaty hair that was stuck to your face. Thanks to Inej and Kirigan, it looks like you'll have a long conversation with Kaz about your safety again. Your friend was sometimes a bigger pain in the ass than you—an achievement that wasn't granted by you to just anyone.

"I just fucking hope you're writhing in pain right now." you muttered to yourself, not believing for a moment in the sincerity of what you just said.

~•♤♤♤•~

"You wanted me." you entered the Dirtyhands' office without knocking, taking a place of honor on one of the two comfortable armchairs in the room. Kaz didn't look up from his papers, but the slight crease of irritation on his forehead told you he had noticed your presence. You were surprised that, after years of separation, you could still read him easily. "It's rude to ignore your guest."

"It's rude to come in without knocking." he replied to your provocation, tracing something he had just written. You snorted in amusement, seeing that you managed to distract him.

"Well, I didn't come here for no reason. You sent Jes for me."

"Jes?" a diminutive you used for his sharpshooter, has earned the man's attention. He gave you a questioning look, throwing the papers on his desk.

"What? Can't I make a friend other than you?"

"I'm your boss." he hummed, getting his cane up from his desk and walking to his dresser. You rolled your eyes as you watched the man's back. The son of a bitch knew perfectly well that you hated it when he didn't look at you during a conversation.

"Sure, if it helps you sleep, tell yourself what you want, Brekker."

"You live at my club, sleep here, eat with my crows, and waste my time taking some useless gossip from downstairs." he enumerated, turning over his things and searching persistently for something.

"And I'd been doing this for four years before you became Mr. Scary Dirtyhands from the Barrel. You just proved my point, Kazzle. We are friends."

You got up from your chair and stood next to him. You glanced at the contents of his drawer and frowned, noticing something familiar. You reached for a small silver box with his REAL initials on it, but the man slammed the drawer shut before you could get your hands on the find. You snorted indignantly as you noticed the smug smirk on his face as he nearly clipped your fingers for your meddling.

Kaz Brekker was sentimental enough to keep the ashtray you gave him.

You involuntarily remembered what you told him when you handed it to him.

"I know you don't smoke and don't celebrate your birthday, but I think that's a pretty nice metaphor and the closure you need."

"What? An old ashtray from the market? Which you probably swept from under the noses of some heavy smokers."

"No, genius, in case you haven't noticed, it has a special engraving. Read it."

"For K.R., let him rest in peace. What's that supposed to mean?"

"You can consider it what you want. A keepsake of your former self, a lost life you might have had, an urn for the ashes of your former self... we both know you're not the same man you used to be. And you have every right to be, Kaz. It's just... I think you deserve something commemorating your old self. The boy who stole half-rotten apples with me to survive. Now you are someone else—someone stronger, wiser, cunninger... but know that I will never forget Kaz, who was my only light when I was at my worst."

"That's pretty sentimental for you. Also, calling me light is not quite an appropriate metaphor." he replied coolly, returning to his book.

You nodded to him, saying goodbye. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him stroke a silver object for a moment and put it in his pants pocket. You smiled. Apparently, you weren't the only sentimental fool in Ketterdam.

"Then, as my friend, you won't mind telling me about that strange connection between you and the Darkling that keeps you from sleeping without threatening to set my club on fire with your dazzling moonlight?" he asked, snapping you out of your flashback.

"No, because, as my friend, you won't be nosy, and out of politeness, you won't ask."

"I anticipated this reaction. That's why I got this." a velvet ring box magically appeared in his hands.

"Are you going to propose to me? Oh, Kazzie, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this! You don't have to kneel, sweetheart. We can call Jes, and he'll do it for you. It's a perfect opportunity for him to practice before asking Wylan."

"Can you be serious for just one moment, please?" he asked, blushing slightly and trying to give you one of his famous menacing looks.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Besides, you could have foreseen in that plan of yours that I would never waste such an opportunity."

"Just open it." he sighed, tossing you the box. Too curious to find out what was inside, you decided to leave the poor boy alone and refrained from commenting further. You widened your eyes as you saw the real ring. "What? No enthusiastic and loud: "Yes, Kazzie, I'll marry you!", so my crows can tease me about it too? To be honest, I'm disappointed, Y/N."

"Well, I could have been joking about it when I didn't have a ridiculously beautiful ring in front of me. Sorry that I'm a little confused, Kaz."

"It's good you like it, but I'd rather know if it works as it should. Put it on your finger."

"As romantic as always." you murmured, trying on a silver ring with an opal and small diamonds around the stone. You raised your hand and, by using your power, increased the light reflected by the moon that was still in the sky so it could illuminate your new jewelry. "It's beautiful, but I have absolutely no idea what it is supposed to do."

"Protect you." you glanced back at Kaz, only to discover that he had been staring at you the entire time. The white sparkles in his eyes caused by your light captivated you more than the shining diamonds. You shook your head, remembering what happened the last time you gave in to your stupid crush.

"Protect me?"

"I've been doing some research with Alina and Nina about the bond between you and him, the amplifiers… we believe this will weaken the bond between you enough for you to sleep peacefully. He will not enter your mind uninvited." he said, spitting out the words about the Darkling like he was a plague. But you were more interested in something quite different from his open dislike of the Black Heretic.

"Why? Why are you getting through all of it for me? It's not your war to fight. You have no interest in it."

"I have. Since I got you out of the Little Palace, you've been my investment. And I protect everything I invest in and what's worth my time. No matter what."

"You do realize I won't bring you any profit? Alina would be a better choice than me." you questioned his choice. Kaz turned to the window, as if looking for Inej, whose arrival would interrupt this uncomfortable conversation.

Unfortunately for him, the saints had no watch over him. And one of them was waiting for him to gather his thoughts and answer her question. He had to do this without betraying the emotions that had been bubbling up inside him since he had first seen her at one of the Dreg's raids. He was lost the second he saw her and completely fated to love her after their first conversation.

But she couldn't know it.

She couldn't know that his heart was gone with her and that it took him ages to find himself after she disappeared. He promised himself to keep her away from him. To make sure he wouldn't fall for her beauty, mind, eyes, smile, and laugh like he had done as a child. But the second he saw her again, he knew that his heart was hers. Hers to keep, hold, break, play.

But she couldn't know it.... At least not now. Not when he had just snatched her from the Darkling's grasp.

Not when he wasn't ready to love her the way she should be loved.

"That's for me to evaluate and for you to make sure I won't regret this. Besides, I only invest in one-of-a-kind. I don't need more narcissistic saints to go into my office like it was their own." he said after a long silence, without taking his eyes off the window.

He was afraid that his eyes would betray the truth hidden in his stupid heart. He was grateful to all above that she wasn't a heartrender and couldn't feel his treacherous heart beating madly every time he looked at her. He just had to make sure Nina didn't reveal his little secret. He didn't know that the woman had been blackmailed into a similar case by the moon summoner.

"So I'm pretty lucky. I would die if I had to sleep on those inconvenient motel beds."

"Considering how much sleep you actually get, you're unlikely to notice a difference." you gasped, feigning indignation at the mischievous, amused tone of his voice.

"You're a cruel bastard, Kaz Brekker." he finally turned to you with a small smirk on his face. You giggled, only widening his smile.

"Go and check your ring. I hope you won't be threatened by any ugly faces."

"Yes, boss." you saluted, walking towards the door. You opened it and were about to leave when an idea popped into your head. You leaned against the door frame, looking at the man taking his place at the desk. "Kazzie?" you asked sweetly, biting your lip to keep from laughing too soon. The Bastard of the Barrel gave you a questioning look, fearing the familiar tone of your voice and the question coming. "As your fiancée, am I going to get half of your club?"

"Over my dead, cold body." he replied without a second of hesitation, perfectly prepared for such a provocation from your side.

"You know, you need to work on sharing if you plan to be husband material in the future. I feel sorry for your future spouse, unless it'll be your job."

"Go to sleep before I put you in bed myself."

"You should know better than to scare me with a good time, sweetheart!" you shouted back, leaving and pushing your way through the crowd of a few shocked Dregs who had probably heard the part about the fiancée and whom Kaz called to his office as soon as he saw them.

And as soon as he is done with them, Kaz will rip your legs out of your pretty ass. Even Alina and Nina will not be able to help you.

~•♤♤♤•~

The ring worked great. From that night on, you slept like a baby every day. The Darkling's face appeared only occasionally in your nightmares (both bloody ones and… more pleasant ones). But it wasn't REALLY him. Just a messed-up version of your sick imagination.

In the meantime, you trained with Alina and Nina (the woman needed the presence of other Grishas in Brekker's gang; besides, she was an amazing friend, and she also made wonderful waffles); you developed your powers; and you two gossiped with Genya, as she changed your looks every week so that no one would accidentally recognize you (by the way, you learned that David was heading this way to reunite with the love of his life).

You became close to Jes (you had the honor of being trained with HIS PISTOLS) and Inej, whose comforting company was invaluable (as well as the rooftop stealth lessons. Kaz cursed her after the first time you scared him by climbing through his office window and giving you a barrier. Of course you had your mind, and you didn't listen to him. Your unexpected visits to his office only became more frequent.)

So you could say that everything was on its way back to normality.

But it wasn't. Because one fine day, when the crows, Kaz, you, Alina, and Genya were eating breakfast at his club, someone showed up at your door.

Someone you didn't want to see more than the Darkling himself.

"What the fuck is she doing here, if I may culturally ask?" Alina gave you an apologetic look as Baghra walked casually into the crows' kitchen like she belonged here. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kaz taking any sharp metal objects from the table that you might have used to attack the woman.

You and Baghra had a rough relationship. Due to the fact that you and Aleksander were something, the woman did not look at you very favorably. You had no intention of fawning over a woman who wanted to kill her own son, either. Maybe your feelings for the Darkling were... unclear, but you wouldn't wish anyone, not even your worst enemy, a mother who was willing to stand against her own child, to spurn him instead of doing... anything to help him out of his darkness. It was not in line with your moral views. But no one here seemed to care since they invited the mother of Satan to your table.

"It's nice to see you too, Y/N."

"I don't even have enough respect for you to lie to you and admit that seeing you didn't ruin my day. I will ask one last time..." you got up from the table, shielding Kaz and the crows as you summoned your power. "What are you doing here?"

"My son is looking for you all over the world, do you think I won't try to get to you first before he does?"

"Oh, you've already shown how much you care about outdoing Kirigan in reaching us. I'm asking you, what do you want from us?"

"I came here for you. Because of you, child." you stiffened slightly, wondering what else the old woman had to say. But you would die before admitting that Baghra's help would be invaluable to your little band of rebels. Your pride was both your greatest strength and weakness.

"Well, excuse me, but I have more important things to do than listen to some old lady's ravings. I haven't finished my breakfast yet, and I'm far too sober for another conversation about how everyone wants to use me as a weapon."

"Every day I'm less surprised by how you ended up with my son. You two are a perfect match for each other." she snapped, annoyed at your indifferent attitude.

"I'd suggest you get to the point. You were the one who wanted to meet with us. As our moon summoner mentioned, we don't have to listen to you. And trust me, I have absolutely no intention of stopping her when she wants to kick you out of my club." Kaz stood next to you, measuring the woman with a watchful gaze.

You were proud that he believed in your and Alina's powers and wasn't afraid to provoke the shadow summoner in your presence. You cast a fleeting glance at him, watching as Baghra gave him an appraising look.

"Mr. Breaker. It would be better for you and your club if work with the summoners of the sun and moon ended in Ravka. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"I never make ill-considered decisions, and certainly not out of fear." he replied with his poker, business face.

"This is only a trait of the greatest winners or greatest losers."

"You don't have to worry about him. Mr. Brekker is always on the winning team." you answered for him, having had enough of this woman. Unfortunately, it looked like she wouldn't be leaving you so soon.

"Turn that light out, girl, before the Grishas swarm here. I won't hurt your boyfriend and his friends." you frowned as you heard Jes coughing in the background, trying not to laugh. With a wave of your hand, the white light around you vanished. You watched in displeasure as a smirk began to form on Baghra's lips.

"He is/I am not my/her boyfriend." together with Kaz, you both uttered these words as Baghra pushed past you. This caused you to turn to one another and exchange equally awkward, perplexed looks.

"Whatever, just get your lovebird butts over here." she murmured as she unfolded the map on the table and took a few items out of her bag. You snorted at seeing a small wooden statue of Aleksander.

It was going to be a long and tiring morning.

~•♤♤♤•~

"We have to hurry before your boy gets here. Good thing he is walking with the cane, at least it keeps him from sneaking up on us." Baghra growled at you. She'd only been here a week, and she'd already ruled everyone. You were no longer surprised at where Aleksander inherited his incredible self-confidence and arrogance.

"For the love of God, I'm telling you for the last time, KAZ IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. Besides, if I were you, I wouldn't underestimate him. You could actually learn from him. You'll need a cane soon, too."

"Can you two just stop arguing for once and focus on the task at hand?" the sun summoner lingered, following you to the basement of the Crow Club.

"I'm sorry, Alina, that I'd rather banter with that witch than figure out how to seduce her son, lull his guard down, pluck the antlers of a wonderful steg out of his hand, and break the link between us once and for all."

"Start by undoing a few buttons on your blouse and letting your hair down; that should be enough for him to lose his mind." she advised you, making you and Alina shudder, both equally abashed.

"Seriously?" you asked mockingly, giving her a disgusted look. Nevertheless, you followed the woman's suggestion. "What is the next step? Shall I wear some nice underwear?"

"Not necessarily, but it would be nice to take off that ring. I doubt Aleksander would appreciate that someone other than himself gave you such gaudy jewelry." you snorted, taking off the only thing keeping the Darkling from crossing the walls of your mind.

You bypassed Baghra's outstretched hand and handed the ring to Alina. The older woman snorted indignantly at what you stuck your tongue out at. She didn't expect you to trust her with anything, even something as small as Kaz's ring, right?

"Done. What's next?"

"You need to make a connection. Every time he thinks of you or you think of him, you seek each other out and make a link. Imagine his face, voice, and silhouette; recall some memory associated with him; do anything to have him in front of your eyes. It should work and take you to where he is now. Just like when you two were getting into each other's dreams before Mr. Brekker gave you this ring."

"I did not seek him of my own free will. It just happened." you defended yourself, not wanting anyone to think you were looking for the Darkling like a lost puppy.

"You know him. He will continue to invade your thoughts and your life to convince you of the error of your ways and choices. This ring can work now, but what happens when you two get stronger in the future? It will stop working. You will be condemned to endure his pervasive presence. In the morning, afternoon, nights, and midnights. He won't let you go. Never. You cannot extract the stag from your own body. So you must find a way to block him permanently. Not by some magic ring."

You sighed, realizing she was right. You will be free of him only when any bond between you is gone. The only thing you were afraid of was that it existed between you and the Darkling long before you killed the stag...

Darkness and its light. Moon and shadow. Destined to be together. United at the end of the day.

"And what if I fail and he chokes me, stabs me, or just uses the cut on me?"

"We will observe the energy around you. If we see too many shadows or your light, we'll pull you out."

"All right. Let's get this over with." you sat down, leaning against the wall of the Crow Club basement, praying to all of Inej's mighty saints that your plan would work.

You closed your eyes, remembering the moment before your big performance at the winter fete.

You had to pretend that you didn't know Kaz, and then you had no idea what he was doing here wearing one of the soldiers uniforms. He promised to explain everything to you, but then Aleksander came.

"I'll take her from here." he said to Kaz, letting him know that he was no longer needed.

But he has not left you. Aleksander ignored him, examining your kefta carefully. It was beautiful. Genya decorated it with silver threads and embroidered stars and moons in different phases. However, the fact that probably delighted him the most was its black (but actually dark navy blue) color. But he didn't care about the true color of your kefta as long as it looked black to any other observer.

A clear signal that you were his moon.

"I have something for you." he whispered as he leaned closer to you so that your noses were practically touching. He pulled something shiny out of his sleeve. He held the silver chain up to your eye level so you could see the pendant. Moon with a star. You shifted your gaze from the shiny object to those mesmerizing black eyes staring at you in pure adoration. "I know you're practically festooned with these symbols, but I wanted you to know..." he interrupted, brushing your hair over one shoulder so he could place the necklace over your neck. He planted a quick, tender kiss on your nape as he clicked the silver jewelry. "That you're not just a Saint Y/N, summoner of the moon. You're mine moonlight in the worst darkness of mine. My hope and peace. The only light I let through my shadows."

You grabbed the pendant, noticing your initials carved into the back of the moon.

"It's beautiful." you turned in his arms to whisper in his ear, making him shiver as you kissed his earlobe. "Aleksander..."

~•♤♤♤•~

You opened your eyes.

A dim light illuminated Kirigan's war room.

You did it. Now all you had to do was seduce him. Piece of cake.

You let yourself watch him flick through some papers, wrinkling his nose and occasionally running a hand through his hair. The exact same one with the stag antler still stuck in it. You shook your head, remembering your task. You had to outsmart him. And in such a wise way that it didn't cross his mind that you might have bad intentions towards him.

"Aleksander." you whispered as you stepped out of the shadows. The man either really didn't notice you or he was a brilliant actor, judging by the pure shock that painted his face the moment he turned to meet your gaze. "You seem surprised to see me."

"I am." his mask of indifference and self-confidence quickly fell back into place. "But perhaps I shouldn't be. I should have known you'd prove to be an apt pupil. Not many can learn that trick." he placed the papers on the desk and leaned against it. "But after our last meeting, I had the impression that you didn't want to see me again. What changed your mind to seek me out?"

"I hate to say this, but I realized you were right."

"How so?" he began to watch you with interest, too curious to know what you were going to say to repay you for stabbing him last time. The fact that he didn't pounce on you with his shadows the moment he saw you gave you an odd sense of confidence. Maybe you could have made it.

"I was meant for more. And you were the first person to see me as I truly am. First to help me realize what I'm meant for. First to tech me how to use my power and how to see it as something more incredible than terrifying. First to see, I was more than a scared little girl. That I was powerful Grisha and I can do anything I want." with every word you said and every step you took towards him, you could see his mask crack open, revealing his true emotions. However, there was still a shadow of uncertainty and suspicion in his eyes. You had to remove it if you wanted to win this battle.

"Was I? And what about Alina? Or your helpful friends that take you away from Little Palace?" you hoped you didn't show that his words affected you. You were afraid that somehow he might have discovered a little help from Kaz and his crows.

"They… they don't understand the power growing within me. I thought that Alina might share my feelings, but … it seems to me that we understand our possibilities completely differently when it comes to our powers. And my friends… I think they're more afraid of what I can do than admire it as… as you did."

"That's not their fault. I did try to warn you. Tried to explain that with so much power that flows in our veins, usually comes fear from the side of our loved ones."

"I know. I think I'm starting to finally understand that now." you took one slow step towards him, feeling his watchful gaze on you. "There are no others like us, and they never will be. We are connected by our powers. Alina can live without us, but you and me… you and me are destined to work together and to stand by our sides. There is no darkness without light, but it's the moon that brings it into the night and that lives among the shadows, working with them… Like calls to like, right, Aleksander?"

In his eyes, you could see how much he wanted to believe you, how much he wanted the words you said to be true... but you knew that Aleksander lived too long to believe only empty words. He needed conclusive proof that you were on his side and that you were only his moon. And you had to convince him somehow.

"As I delighted as I am that you found your way to me, what do you want?"

"That thing that binds us. I think you fear it more than you actually care to admit."

"I fear everything there is to fear; it makes me strong. I understand things about power that you've had years yet to learn, moonlight."

"Well, as you said, with a good teacher, I'm a very apt pupil. But I think we both know… that it's not all about power, though, is it?" you walked the distance between you two and stood chest-to-chest with him. "What about the other bond we share? That one I was avoiding for too long." you slowly cup his cheek, making him close his eyes at the touch of your soft skin. You tenderly stroked one of his black scars on his cheek, which made the Black Heretic sighe in relief. "I want you, Aleksander." he opened his eyes, looking at you in disbelief when he tried to seek any sight of lies on your face. "And being in your presence terrifies me as much as making me feel… like I finally belonged somewhere. Like I was made by saints to be next to you. It felt... right in some crazy way."

"Love is for madmen, Y/N. And I've already told you…" you shivered as his cold fingertips touched the hot skin of your neck. His fingers went to the silver necklace—your only sin against your friends. He took the pendant in his hands and kissed it, not taking his eyes off yours. "You're my moonlight. Nothing has changed, and I doubt it ever will... for both of us."

You pulled him by the hair to connect your lips in a long-awaited kiss, too annoyed with how long you had to work him out. (Or too scared that his words are true.) You moaned as he bit your lips, and in one sweeping motion, he scooped you up off the floor and sat you on his desk.

He pulled away from you, dropping his kefta on the floor, and went back to kissing you as if you were the only one that mattered in this world. But the next amplifier's whereabouts map you laid on as he kissed your soul out of you was a glaring reminder that you could never have truly had him.

You would never be his first choice.

"Forgive me for stabbing you, then." you whispered into his mouth as you broke apart for a moment to catch your breath. He pressed into you more fervently than before, caressing your waist tenderly.

"I will have kissed these tempting, sweet lips, even if it means I'll get stabbed by you, every time I do it."

That was good to know, you thought, throwing your arms around his shoulders and slowly pulling out the dagger from your sleeve as he continued to kiss you greedily, like he wanted to sate himself with you while he still had you in his arms.

"Your words, not mine." you murmured, catching his mouth with yours while driving the dagger into his hand. He snarled, breaking away from you and trying in vain to yank the metal out of your hand. You tried to pry the last stag's bone out of him.

But suddenly, just as you were about to do it, you find yourself back in the basement of the Crows Club.

You were breathing fast, frantically looking around the room. Kaz was kneeling a step away from you and watching you worriedly as you tried to calm down.

From the cane that was on your leg and his firm grip on your arm, you figured out pretty quickly why you suddenly came back. You yanked your arm from his hand in your anger, forgetting his phobia of touch and how much of an achievement it was for him to hold your arm.

"What the hell, Brekker?! I had him! I could end this right there! UGH! Why did you let him break our connection?!" you screamed in frustration, looking resentfully at Alina and Baghra.

"You nearly blew yourself out with your power, and they couldn't bring you back."

"I had it under control, Kaz!"

"Oh, really?" he asked mockingly, struggling to his feet with the help of his cane and walking over to you with equal anger painted in his eyes. "Because it didn't look good from my point of view. You could have blown up the whole club..."

"Of course you would only care about your stupid, fucking club! Forgive me, Dirtyhands. Next time I'm going to save the damn world from the Darkling, I'll pick up a place other than one of your fucking bases!" you yelled at him, pushing past a shocked Alina and Baghra.

"Y/N, come back here!" he shouted after you. The distinctive sound of his cane told you he was following you.

"I'm not your fucking property, Brekker! I can go anywhere I want!" you screamed, running as fast and far for him as you could, thanking everyone above that Brekker wasn't able to catch up with you. You needed a moment to yourself. And you only knew one place in all of Ketterdam where you could be truly alone.

~•♤♤♤•~

For a long time, you hated harbour. It was a reminder of your weakness—a reminder of a girl who got kidnapped by slave hunters. Then you met Aleksander and became one of the strongest Grisha. From then harbour was for you to remind you of the birth of Saint Y/N. Moon summoner. It was funny for you to see how easy it is to get on the ship and go anywhere you want. Be anyone you want. But you don't have this choice anymore. Not until your past stops chasing you whenever you close your eyes.

"I knew you'd be here." Kaz's voice below you made you shiver, but you didn't grace him with your gaze. "You'd be too merciful to me by choosing an easily accessible spot, wouldn't you?" he grumbled as he clambered next to you on the crates of goods. He sighed as he managed to climb up. He tossed his cane, catching it spectacularly and resting it against the crate beneath you. He leaned forward, staring out at the harbour with you, when the wind blew his hair, messing up his always perfectly styled hairdo.

"Nobody made you follow me around, Kazzle." you murmured, casting a fleeting glance at him, grinning mischievously at how tired he was of climbing crates. Someone here was in bad shape. Brekker must sit with these plans and papers for too long.

"I did." you turned your head to meet his piercing gaze. "I already told you. I take care of my investments."

"Maybe you're making a mistake."

"I'm never mistaken. I know when and how much to invest in something valuable."

"But what if I'm a lost cause? What if you're wrong this time? Why do you think I'm done with the Darkling? Me and him have so much in common... what if I become like him? Are you not afraid? That one day, in my naiveté, I'd decide Kirigan was worth a second chance and betray you? That one day I'll stop controlling my power and that I'll hurt you? How can you sit here so calmly and..."

"Because I know you better than myself. I may not believe in saints, but I believe in you, Y/N. I will always believe in you."

You swallowed, looking down in embarrassment. You didn't deserve this.

"I get caught up in it sometimes. That I return with memories to the Little Palace. I wonder what I could have done differently to prevent all this. How could I reason with him, what could I do to dissuade him from his plans. How to behave, what to say out loud, and what to keep to yourself. And I'm furious with Baghra that, being his mother, she didn't fight for him to the end; she gave up before we could do ANYTHING for him together. And I curse myself every time I feel guilty, knowing that I left him utterly alone. So tell me, Kaz, knowing now all these doubts growing within me, do you still believe in me?"

The killing silence told you everything you wanted to know.

"Come on. Go right ahead, Kazzie. Call me a fool, an idiot who wants to believe that everyone deserves someone close, someone they can trust. Who stupidly believes in giving people a second chance." you said, afraid to look up to see the revulsion in the eyes of the only person you could always count on.

Kaz said your name, but you ignored him completely, feeling tears slowly welling up in your eyes. Suddenly you felt the cold steel crow's head of his cane under your chin. Brekker forced you to look into his eyes. And you thanked all the saints for the tenderness that was still present in them.

"You know, I don't think that about you. You are a Grisha. The moon summoner. The only beacon of hope in the darkness. I think that in your job description lies faith even in the most deprived, lost, and broken souls."

"I didn't know that poetic side of you, Brekker."

"I've changed since the last time you saw me."

"Really?" you asked, nodding at his gloves and cane. He caught your eye, gripping the crow's head tighter. "Hey. You have every right to do that, Kaz, okay? I was kidding, and I didn't know it was still a sensitive subject. I'm sorry. Apart from that, I can name more. For example, you still have a stick in your ass when it comes to pranks. It was too easy to get on your nerves with Jes." you said, trying to make a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

"Looking now at you, it's better for humanity that you haven't become a saint. Saints, protect some wretch who would have asked you for help." you smiled at him, glad he understood your intentions.

"Now, I feel hurt, Kazzie. Wouldn't you pray to me if they hung my holy image up here somewhere?" you asked, offended, putting your hand over your heart.

He knew he would spend hours, days, and weeks praying to her, only to see her face again and hear the voice of the Saint of his heart...

"No. No saint has ever watched over me. It wouldn't make sense to pray to you either. Especially since I knew you personally before you became a mighty Grisha."

"Well, I'm no saint yet, but since I'm your newest investment, I guess that means I'm supposed to serve you in some way. And since I'm not going to be your errand dog or spy crow, I guess a good compromise would be if I became your bodyguard. Then you can't say that there's no saint watching over you."

"I don't need a guardian angel."

"It's good then that I'm far from being an angel." you stared at each other, the wind blowing your hair, as you enjoyed the understanding between you and the unspoken acknowledgment of your closeness.

Kaz Brekker could not have a weakness. This city would use it against him very quickly. But he felt that perhaps his weakness could be powerful enough to be his greatest asset instead of his darkest burden. Maybe he didn't have to worry about her that much.

"Ketterdam was boring without you. It was also harder to work without your… skills." he said uncertainly, averting his gaze from your piercing, mesmerizing eyes.

"Is that your way to tell me you missed me?" you were teasing him and pushing his cane. He almost fell over when you broke his only support. You almost couldn't prevent yourself from laughing.

"We could have gained much more kruge if you had been here."

"I didn't want to leave." you whispered, involuntarily remembering the day they kidnapped you.

"I know." he leaned towards you, forcing you to look into his eyes. "You don't have to worry about them. I made sure they were six feet deep underground before you even set foot in Ketterdam." your heart warmed at the thought that he was chasing them for you.

He made sure you were 100% safe and comfortable before he brought you back home. Home. You didn't think you'd find him among the crows, thieves, and the Dreg Club. You didn't think you'd feel this way about him—one of the men whose lifestyle was far from normal and safe.

"You're getting soft in your old age, Brekker." you replied with a half smile, holding back unwanted tears. You weren't that weak girl anymore. You were Grisha. And thanks to the man sitting next to you, you were (almost) free. You grabbed his cane, right next to the crow's head, where Kaz's hands were. His gaze flicked to where your hands were so close together. He turned his head to meet your watery eyes. "Thank you, Kaz. For everything. It means a lot to me. Even if it was foolish to break into the Darkling's palace and kidnap us like sacks of potatoes."

"It was the perfect plan! Nobody noticed us." he was indignant, immediately defending his action.

"Yeah, but what I and Alina get hit with every time Jesper and you steer that wooden cart over rocks is ours. You could really choose a path that wasn't made of stones."

"Next time, it's up to you to make a plan to escape the 500-year-old shadow summoner. We'll see how you do." he snorted, offended, but didn't move an inch. Contrary. His hand moved closer to yours, wrapping precariously around yours on his cane.

"Less than a week back in Ketterdam, and you're already letting me into your plans? Aww, I love you too, Kazzie."

He would give all the kruge of this world to hear those words from you for the rest of his life... and it surprised him that he wasn't afraid to admit it to himself at all.

"And I almost forgot how annoying you can be."

"Don't worry. I have all the time in the world to shrink your inflated ego and remind you of that, boss." Kaz held his breath. He stared at you searchingly, trying to find in your face the answer to whatever question he was asking in his head. You unknowingly scooted closer to each other so that your shoulders rested against each other.

You were much closer to each other before. Kaz (on his good days) even felt comfortable hugging you for a while. After years apart, you thought it would take ages for him to get used to your presence again and the brief touch without going underwater with Jordi.

But you were here. Holding hands, leaning against each other, and staring into each other's eyes.

You shivered as you felt his breath against your cheek when he leaned a little closer to you, testing his border.

"You're shining." he whispered softly, hypnotized, afraid to break the silence between you.

"What?"

"Your eyes are shining." his trembling hand took your cheek as you were watching him speechless. Even in your wildest dreams, you wouldn't suppose he would hold you like that. He truly changed. He beat Pekka, and now the King of Ketterdam was fighting with his demons. You were so proud of him and also sad that you weren't with him at the beginning of his road to healing. "And the light is coming out of your skin. You're shining like a star for lost souls."

"You're not lost... not anymore." you whispered, your voice trembling, fully understanding what he had left unsaid.

"I was. But now the moonlight is lighting up Ketterdam's darkness again."

"Kaz... I..." you held your breath, staring at him in anticipation. You didn't know what for. All you knew was that taking your eyes off him for even a second was an unforgivable crime.

Your noses were almost touching, your lips were the closest you've known each other. And Kaz was as calm as if he'd never had a haphephobia. As if the situation with Jordi never happened. You were afraid his waters would finally rise, interrupting your moment, but as soon as your foreheads touched, all the logical thoughts in your head went to hell. It was just you and him.

And you would still enjoy that closeness if the sound of breaking glass and Jesper's curses hadn't driven you apart.

"Here you are! How the hell did you get in there?! Get down! We're leaving in half an hour!" Jesper shouted to you from below and disappeared as quickly as he appeared. You cleared your throat, realized what Jes said after a long moment.

"We are leaving?" you asked, surprised. Bastard didn't say a word about going anywhere.

"Yes. I'll explain everything to you on the ship." he gave you a brush-off as he began his downward journey.

"On the ship? Kaz, what have you planned?!" you shouted angry as you followed him.

~•♤♤♤•~

"This is the dumbest plan ever made, and believe me, I've been to more than one of his idiotic ideas." you said, pointing at the offended Kaz.

Your great friends (and Baghra) have decided to sneak into the Darkling's palace, steal his maps and war plans, and set the Little Palace on fire.

You started to doubt their good sanity... or sobriety.

"Sooner or later, we have to sneak in there. Aleksander has stolen from me all the books and records of our ancestors; he is in possession of immense power, and we can not allow him to make use of it." you clenched your fists, almost ready to pounce on the woman for revealing the Darkling's true name.

"Who is Aleksander?" you ignored Kaz's question, nervously twirling the ring he gave you on your finger.

"Was he able to steal something from YOU? And you let him do it? How surprised I am."

"What are you implying?"

"I implying that we are in some huge coach driven by your men, leaving Ketterdam on your initiative and entering the lion's mouth because you said so. In my place, you'd be suspicious too."

"The odds of me betraying you are as high as the odds that you will."

"And why is that?" you hissed, furious at how easily she got on your nerves.

"Aleksander has a knack for manipulating people. A few sweet words, and even your boyfriend won't be able to count on your devotion anymore."

"Watch your mouth. I'm not her boyfriend." Kaz growled, tensing up next to you, thereby stopping your quarrel. Baghra shrugged, continuing her quiet conversation with Alina. In your mind, you were planning the old lady's slow death until someone's hand grabbed yours in a strong grip.

You turned your head towards Kaz. He stared blankly out the window, completely ignoring your gaze. Instead, he started drawing circles on your palm, trying to calm you down somehow. You turned your head in the opposite direction, smiling to yourself at the tender gesture. Unbeknownst to you, Kaz had the same smirk as yours on his face.

The rest of the trip to the city was uneventful. As planned, Alina and you stayed in Baghra's secret stash while the rest went off to play heroes. Your job was to distract the Darkling, and Alina was supposed to watch over you.

You'd agree to their plan if your role wasn't just to stand by while others risked their lives trying to get the information you all needed.

But you decided not to argue with the others about it this time. After all, they couldn't control you once you got into the palace. You might as well have snooped around, looked for what you needed, and done most of the work for them. Closing your eyes and getting ready to connect with the Darkling, you only hoped that your little disobedience would go unnoticed.

~•♤♤♤•~

You just finished searching Kirigan's study, war room, and bedroom. You were on your way to the last room - the library, when you bumped into the one person you wanted to avoid.

You were paralysed as soon as you saw him walking down the hall. You hoped he wouldn't look in your direction, but the general (alert as always) glanced at you briefly before disappearing from your view. You had the faintest hope that he would think you were a vision, but all of it vanished when you felt a hand gently wrap around your neck and pin you against the wall.

"You either have too much free time or you enjoy haunting me at random times, little moon." you didn't answer, too scared that the moment he touched you, all your power took on a life of its own, merging with his shadows, as it usually does when your skins meet for the first time after a long separation. You were defenceless. Kirigan frowned, watching you with growing interest. "Speechless? Not any irritating responses? Do you fear me, Y/N?" his taunts brought you to your senses, forcing you to calm down immediately. You couldn't wait for Alina to be rescued. You had to fight him yourself.

"That's what you want, isn't it? To have everyone and everything under control, too scared to say or do anything against you."

"Fear is a powerful ally and also loyal."

"Not as loyal and lasting as love, trust, respect." you tried to break free from his grip, but all attempts to remove his hand from your neck proved futile. You were lucky that instead of tightening the grip and cutting off your air, he just wrapped his other arm around your waist, pulling you closer so that your faces were mere millimetres apart. "We could have had it, Aleksander. All of it. All you had to do was set me free and make me your equal."

"You'll come to feel it towards me someday. For now… even though I truly want to, I have no time for you, moonlight. Your friends are waiting for me. But don't get the wrong impression…" he leaned towards you, stroking your cheek tenderly as he whispered in your ear. "I will be back for you, my Y/N. Wherever you are hiding from me."

You shivered as he kissed your temple, making this terrifying promise to you. At some point, his shadows enveloped you completely and sent you back to the room where you and Alina were hiding.

And after one look at the sun summoner, you both knew what you had to do.

~•♤♤♤•~

You couldn't remember the last time you ran so fast in your entire life. It must have been back in your Ketterdam days, doing some little errands for the Dregs.

But this time, you weren't running to save your life. You ran to save Kaz Brekker's ass, who was the only one (not counting Inej, who was already hidden somewhere with Alina, waiting for you in harbour) who didn't return from his mission. As you expected, everything went to hell without you, and if you and Alina hadn't arrived, half of the crows (including Baghra) would have been captured by Aleksander's grishas. You wouldn't feel sorry for the old woman, but Alina insisted on saving her.

Jes, Wylan, Nina and Baghra searched other parts of the Little Palace, trying to burn everything in their path. You could still make it. If only Brekker hadn't gotten lost in the meantime. You knew you should go with him. You've always been a team player, and pairing you with Alina for this mission and leaving you behind was their worst idea.

You promised yourself that the next time you'd strap that risky idiot to your hip.

That's why you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw him at the end of the corridor. But instead of running up to him and yelling at him for his thoughtlessness, you hid in the shadows as he backed away slowly. Someone had to catch him. You caught his eye for a moment, glad he noticed you and started to head your way. Thanks to this, you could assassinate his attacker and try to escape from the palace.

Piece of cake. If he wasn't talking to a fucking Darkling.

"I know you kidnapped my moon summoner. Now you're going to tell me where you stashed her." you cursed internally, feeling yourself start to panic. You guys were officially screwed.

"We didn't take her. She fled on her own." you marvelled at how Kaz could still keep his composure with an angry Darkling a few feet in front of him. Sometimes you forget how mentally strong he was.

"I don't doubt in it… where is she? I won't ask you again."

"I don't know. I don't own her… but it's pretty clear she wasn't interested in being a captive anymore."

Aleksander got even angrier at the little insinuation that Kaz took better care of you, that he didn't treat you like an asset, unlike the general. You cursed Dirtyhands for wanting to mock and taunt the Darkling, even though you could see that he wasn't so confident around him.

"I heard about you. And your crows. It would be a shame if something happened to such a talented group." the Darkling summoned some of his shadows, causing Kaz to back away and reach for the light grenade that you and Wylan had prepared. "It's good for you that you have the decency to show signs of fear."

"I'm afraid of what I must."

"And yet you are not so defenceless." Kaz raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Don't make a fool of yourself, Mr. Brekker. I can feel my moon's power everywhere. Especially when it's imbedded so much into one small object."

You tensed, remembering that you had given Kaz the necklace before he left for the Little Palace. A necklace whose pendant you poured so much moonlight into that no shadows could surround him while wearing it or only holding it.

Defence against the Darkling. Specially prepared for situations like this. However, handing it to him, you hoped the two would never meet, growling at each other like two rabid dogs.

"Y/N must have strong feelings for you to give you some of her power. And you for her. Putting your people and yourself at risk, your profit, your club. In the name of what, Mr. Brekker?"

"If you did thorough research on me, you'd know that all of Ketterdam knows I don't need a reason to do things."

"You'll never fully appreciate what she really is. But that's alright. Because I do." Aleksander let Dirtyhands' insult pass over his ears, trying to annoy him that much, so he let his guard down. You knew very well that method, just like you knew that Kaz wasn't foolish to fall for it.

"You've right. I'll never use her as a weapon or treat her like a saint. That's not what she wants. You may understand her powers, but you have no idea who she really is. What's in her mind. What are her dreams and desires. All you care about is her power, which I don't give a damn if she has or not. You see her only as a moon summoner. Not Y/N. You don't know the woman she was before Grisha's thing. You will never know how amazing and indescribable she was before Ravka. This is part of her that only I was allowed to see. You can't change the fact that I know her better than you."

"You're forgetting one important fact. You are a child, and she is Grisha. Y/N may take years to forgive me… but I can wait. Take away my shadows, and I still have something you don't. Time. Meanwhile, you will grow old. Your hair will grey, but she will remain ageless. Like me. Not mention your little inconvenience. Do you think you'll be able to touch her for more than a few minutes before your body grows old? That you'll be able to give her the life she deserves? We both know that one day, maybe a year from now, maybe fifty, she will realise that she has only one equal. There are no others like us, and there never will be. Even you can't change that, Mr. Brekker." he gave him a hostile look, laughing mockingly as he noticed that Kaz continued to back up with each step the Darkling took towards him until he did not stand in front of your hiding place. "Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you. Time will do it for me." he summoned more of his shadows, wanting to scare him with his power. You three knew very well that with your necklace around his neck, no cut would kill him."You should have stayed in Ketterdam, Mr. Brekker."

At this point, you both decided to step in. Kaz threw his grenade, and you summoned your power, blinding the two of them. You grabbed Kaz's arm, and you both ran (as fast as his leg would allow). You stopped only a few corridors and stairs further, at the crossroads where you were all supposed to meet. Along the way, you avoided several fires that the tidemakers were busy with.

"What are you doing here?!" he growled furiously at you as you finally stopped, only making you more angry at his recklessness and attitude. He attacked and insulted the most powerful grisha. An 18-year-old with a cane and no powers.

"What am I doing here?! You tell me, what are you doing! You made him mad for no reason! You think now that he knows your identities, he'll let you go so easily? He will hunt you as long as he lives, just like me and Alina! Congratulations, Brekker!"

"I knew the risk." he replied angrily, looking around all four corridors.

"No, you didn't. You'd know a flimsy toy like that one, fucking grenade wouldn't be enough for him with all the amplifiers he's got."

"Well, I guess your little gift was strong enough to protect me. Which brings me to the question… why am I the only one blessed with this power from you?" he asked as he walked over to you, standing a few inches in front of you. You were both panting with quick anger, rage, and adrenaline, which was slowly draining from your systems.

"It's not your business, Brekker." you growled into his face and took a step, trying to avoid him, but his firm grip on your elbow stopped you.

You turned to face him, ready to yank your arm out of his grip and scream at him to fuck off, but all thoughts flew out of your head as soon as you looked into his mesmerising eyes, which were looking at you with concern and… love.

"It is my business." he leaned closer to you, just enough for you to feel his warmth and his scent, and far enough away not to touch you any more than he already did. "You... you're my most important business. And if something happens to you, if he catches you again..." he sighed, shaking his head, trying to find the right words as he licked his annoyed lips, unconsciously drawing your gaze to them and making you hold your breath for a moment, wanting something as forbidden and holy as kissing them. "I don't know how to... express my feelings. I don't know if I even understand them well enough. All I know is that I would rather die than see you enslaved and sorrowful... and it pains me to know that I'm too weak to protect you. That I'll always be too weak FOR YOU."

"You are literally everything but weak. In my eyes, you're the strongest person I know, Kaz. One of the very few to whom I would entrust my life in the blink of an eye."

"And yet I'm not enough for Grisha's love."

"How could you not be enough for something you already have?" Kaz's head snapped up as he watched you, befuddled in complete silence. You hesitantly reached for his hand, giving him enough time to pull away. He did not do. "And because I love you, I cannot be selfish with you. I cannot risk your life just because I have loved you since we were stupid teenagers." he squeezed your hand, too overwhelmed by his emotions to say anything. Fortunately, you understood him without any words.

Slowly, as if time had slowed down just for you two, he leaned towards you, resting his forehead against yours. You stood like that for a moment, enjoying the other's presence, forgetting that the palace was burning around you and probably 100 Grishas were chasing you.

"I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us." you promised him, whispering with your eyes still closed. "And for that to happen, I have to stay here. I have to make sure he doesn't go after you, that he will be distracted by me instead of planning your death.." you were about to extricate yourself from his grip, but the man only pulled you closer to him, not wanting to let you go.

"Please, don't. Stay with me. You're not a saint or a hero. You said it yourself. More than I could count."

"Kaz…" you took the ring off and put it on his little finger. "Keep it for me until I'm back. As a promise that whatever is going to happen next… I will be back for you." testing your luck, you placed a quick, tender kiss on his finger, feeling him tremble under your lips.

Before you got a chance to change your mind, you ran in the opposite direction, following the voice of the fighting Grishas.

You didn't turn around. You didn't steal a second glance at him, even though you knew he was watching you until you were out of sight. You knew the moment you looked into his eyes again, you'd change your mind.

You had to be strong.

For both of you. For your common future.

~•♤♤♤•~

When you regained consciousness, you weren't surprised that your hands had been handcuffed, so you couldn't use your powers. You were surprised to be greeted by the familiar sheets of Aleksander's comfortable bed.

And the Darkling himself was lying right next to you with his face towards you.

His eyes were closed, giving you a good look at the darker shadows under his eyes than before. Without knowing why, they disturbed you more than those lazily hovering around the bed. For a moment, you listened to his measured, calm breathing, which would probably confuse anyone else and give the illusory belief that the man next to you is sleeping. But you knew him much better than to fall for such a simple trick.

"I know how you breathe when you're sleeping, Aleksander."

"Maybe I was trying to fall asleep."

"Wearing a kefta? Doubtful." he opened one eye, staring at you silently. You felt your heart start beating faster from the nerves. You had no idea why you were here. Or at least you didn't want to admit it to yourself, so you decided to play the fool. "Are the dungeons undergoing some kind of refurbishment, or are they so full that you haven't found another place for me?"

He stared at you silently, deep in thought. He took his time to answer, playing with the strands of your hair that had escaped your bun from an earlier fight.

"It didn't seem like the right place for you" he finally whispered, making you even more suspicious.

"And where is my right place? After I stabbed you in the back so many times? In your bed? In your arms? As a weapon for your use? Where do you see me, Aleksander?"

"By my side. I've always seen you by my side." he answered at once, without a trace of hesitation in his voice. His shadow circled the room, caressing you from time to time. You didn't know if he was planning to let your guard down or if he had completely lost his mind.

"I don't understand. You should be mad at me. Why don't you hate me? Why are you still looking at me like... like you really have feelings for me? This is another one of your games, right? You want me to go completely crazy this time, don't you?"

"No, my little saint moon." he whispered, undaunted by your anger, gently cupping your chin so you had to look him in the eye. "All I ever wanted was someone equal to me. Why should I get mad at you when all you're doing is trying to find your way to me?"

"I don't…"

"Then why did you let them catch you? Don't try to lie to me, Y/N. I was there. I saw with my own eyes how you backed away from running away at the last moment. Why?"

"You know why." you whispered in a shaky voice. You closed your eyes, trying to protect yourself from the Black Heretic's penetrating gaze and show him the tears beginning to form in your eyes. "I have a million reasons why I should give you up, why I should hate you more than anyone else, but the truth is… my heart wants what it wants. And I don't think I can resist this anymore." you couldn't control your tears, but from the tender touch of his hand as he wiped them from your cheek and the clank of the handcuffs opening, you figured they were necessary for him to believe you.

"You have no idea how long…"

"No." you cut him off before he could say anything more." I have one question for you. Answer it right, and I'll forget about the last few months. Answer it right, and I promise you that you will never have to be alone again, that I'll always be by your side, along with your shadows and everything else that you truly are. That I will accept my destiny as being your moon. I won't let anyone scare me away from you ever again. I just… I need you to be completely honest with me. This one time." you cursed yourself at how weak your voice sounded when he grabbed your hand, kissing tenderly the places where the handcuffs were marked. "You don't have to tell me your whole plan; I just want to know… are all of these lies, battles, wars, deaths… just to keep the Grishas safe? You have no other intention behind this than to give our people home, where they don't have to be afraid of people who hate us and our powers?"

"I swear to you, my little moonstone, there is no other reason. I'm not a maniac drunk on power, as everybody tells you. I just want our people to be safe; I want to give them a world where we can explore the abilities of our power without fear of getting killed for being extraordinary. I can only do this with you by my side. As my equal. As a person who thinks like me and can keep up with my plans. As my partner. As the only one I can trust."

"Good." you nodded, cupping his cheek as you pulled him closer to you, so your lips caught each other again.

And maybe it was naive to think he bought your story about being completely devoted to him; maybe it was just another one of his games; maybe this time he really believed your words. Or maybe he was tired of pretending you didn't feel that strange attraction every time you were together.

You did not know. And you didn't want to know.

You gave into that burning desire every time you were near him, explaining to yourself that you had to earn his trust.

But there was much more to this one kiss than just lust.

It was a promise to you.

You will break his heart and make him hate you. You will drive him mad, drive him away, and then he will cast you out. Aleksander will come to think of you not as his lover but as his greatest enemy. Alina, Baghra and you gonna end the circle of unnecessary deaths.

And then you will finally be free...

Or at least... you will kill you both while trying to hate him as you should from the beginning.

[akutasoda]

"you took my heart, my colour and drained my soul"

synopsis - they believe your soulmates and deny it. but in the event that they find out that you weren't theirs, they wish they acted upon their feelings sooner

includes - blade, ruan mei, argenti, sunday, acheron, feixiao

warnings - gn!reader, slight fluff, angst no comfort, soulmate color au, pining, slight jealousy, wc - 3.3k

a/n: this took so long and is kinda awful... had to ask a couple lovelies for characters so shouts to the amazing @mitsvriii who asked for blade, @ughscara for acheron, and @tragedy-of-commons for ruan mei and feixiao ^^ extra shouts to the number one blade kisser @https-sourlimes for proof reading his part and a very unhappy day (/j) to @.pneumosia for the banner. you made this happen 🫵

blade ★↷

he never cared that he couldn't see color.

even in those distant memories of someone he used to be, he couldn't see color. it wasn't a necessity to him however. wielding a sword and becoming one didn't require such trivial matters. the monochrome only served to keep him focused as he was never one to believe in such trivial matters like “love”.

so it confused him when his previously lifeless vision erupted into a display of color and life. it took him by surprise. never would he expect to meet somebody that would be deemed as his “soulmate” and now it was a possibility he had, blade needed to pinpoint exactly who it was - he didn't exactly even want a soulmate.

although it didn't take him long to realize just who the culprit was. he'd worked with the other hunters forever and none gave his vision color, except you. the brand new recruit. it was you. so surely that must mean you had color now as well, so would you also realize?

if you did, you would have to be the one to approach the subject. blade decided then and there that he would try and ignore the bond. he pretended he still couldn't see color, which wasn't too difficult, and he kept up his usual pretense with you which consisted of strictly work related talk.

just because he now knew he had a soulmate didn't mean he had to acknowledge it. the idea was scary for him. the fact that there was someone out there destined for him… made to heal his heart, to love a wanted criminal, someone he wasn't deserving of. and yet there was. but he didn't want to acknowledge that, he wasn't deserving of that.

so it was never brought up. by him, by you, it went unspoken and no-one else around you knew any wiser.

he didn't want a soulmate, you didn't deserve to be shackled down to a destined life with him. and that's what he constantly told himself. eventually blade could ignore it, go about his life the way he did before.

so why did he feel this way?

it was simply another day for him, he stood idly listening to kafka talk with the other hunters and he noticed something. the color is his vision started bleeding away, the brightness turning into that familiar monochrome that he was well acquainted with.

the next thing he knew, he had shot from his position and tried finding you - the other hunters had never seen him move so quickly. something had happened to you, there was no other explanation, the only way a soulmate could lose their color again was if something fatal had happened to their soulmate. he needed to find you.

and yet, he found you completely unharmed. in fact you were buzzing. when your eyes landed on his figure you smiled and ran over to him and began ranting about the person you just met and how you could finally see color again. but blade stopped listening. the color had finally disappeared fully and it dawned on him.

he wasn't your soulmate. you weren't his.

he was a blip, a mistake. blade shouldn't have been so foolish. shouldn't have given himself that hope that someone was ever right for him - even if he denied it. his heart had been stabbed, yet again. even the universe knew he didn't deserve you and so it gave him that false hope just for amusement when his hopes got crushed.

blade wanted you to not be his soulmate. and yet now that he knows you're not, he wants you more than ever. but you're happier. overjoyed at finally finding your soulmate unaware that blade desperately wished he was that person for you.

ruan mei ★↷

the idea of a soulmate was always somewhat fascinating to her. the concept of having a perfect significant other that was destined to find the other eventually and live out the rest of their lives together, it was truly intriguing. even more so when she factored in the color that could be seen when someone found their destined other.

if she wasn't already so dedicated to her research, ruan mei figured that she might have spent some time investigating the phenomenon. however, it wouldn't of been for the interest of finding her own or the natural chemistry of why people fell in love. no. it would be more about how people knew they found their soulmates, how the colors knew to fill one's vision.

after all, she couldn't see color herself. it quizzed her into trying to think of a way to fill her world with such tones, a way without finding her soulmate. it wasn't exactly a surprise to see her as the type to not want to seek out that special someone. her brain was focused on bigger things.

ideas she could test, aeonhood to ascend to, and a wide list of things to complete. anything that she achieved would only distance her from that someone. it was best for both ruan mei and her soulmate to never meet. even if it hurt that someone, it was best for the both of you.

but fate wouldn't see it that way. instead, fate brought you into her life. and from your very first meeting it was obvious. the way that color exploded into her vision nearly took her by surprise. and she clocked on immediately, you were her soulmate. you had been brought together after all this time.

but this wasn't what she wanted. so ruan mei ignored it. you would've had the same experience and probably knew, but maybe she could convince you that it wasn't her. that way ruan mei could push away the reality of knowing she had a soulmate.

although, she still kept up friendly appearances with you - you did work in similar fields after all. but she hadn't ever anticipated a certain possibility…

it was a regular day in her lab when it happened.

the color was leaving her sight. and as she watched hopelessly the color drain from her vision, she heard her phone go off. and so she looked over to her phone - you were one of the only one's she kept notifications on for during work, and ever really. it was a barrage of messages of you excitedly telling her about you and your new research partner. and how you could see color-

it was all monochrome. the color was gone.

a miscalculation. that's what had happened. something had gone wrong and she was the outlier. a failure, just like some of her experiments. ruan mei figured she would've been happy about this, you couldn't be a distraction anymore. so why , instead of responding like usual, did she turn her phone off. ghosting you.

argenti ★↷

living life without color could have ups and downs. it wasn't too bad and didn't hinder his everyday life. but when he devoted himself to serve under the aeon of beauty, part of beauty was seeing color. although he did argue with himself that even true beauty could be found in a world full of shades of black and white.

it became his world. the prospect of a soulmate always intrigued him but rather admittedly, his devotion to idrilla outweighed his desire to ever seek them out. if they ever so happened to find their way into his life then so be it, he would take up the opportunity presented to him. but otherwise he wouldn't seek them out.

that was until he ran into you. a fellow wanderer who ventured through the universe. you two hit it off almost immediately, it felt like a fated encounter.

and then he saw it. that newfound beauty of color, of you. it was as if idrilla themselves were blessing him. he finally found his soulmate. and he knew it was an outlandish request but after all this time, he met his soulmate. so would it be selfish for him to ask you to join him in his travels?

the company would be welcome and who better than you? his soulmate. so argenti was overjoyed when you accepted his idea and you began traveling alongside the knight. the time you two spent together was greatly cherished. argenti used the time to get to know you better, even if you were fated to be, he still barely knew you when that was realized.

however, while you two became dear friends, argenti started feeling uneasy. you never acted liked you knew. it was as if the concept that argenti was your soulmate was nothing more than that, sometimes he swore you couldn't actually see color. which would mean…

no. he was overthinking.

or at least he thought he was. the two of you had made a brief stop on a planet, argenti had some business to attend to and so you went looking around. and when he finished he looked for you, he wouldn't drag you away if you were busy, he just wanted to know you were okay.

but even then, concern flooded his mind when the color that you had granted him started bleeding away. panic set in and he rushed to find you, something must of happened. something bad - what he didn't know was that it was only bad for him.

he found you perfectly unharmed, talking with someone, someone that made you smile and laugh the way he wished he could. and by the time he saw you wave him over, his world had been plunged into the familiar monochrome that he knew before he met you.

you excitedly told him how you could now see color, unknowing that he just lost all of his, and how this person was your soulmate. argenti wasn't. it felt like a cruel stab to his heart. he listened to you talk about potentially staying there and argenti tried so hard to not object.

you wanted this. he didn't control your life, he wasn't even your soulmate anymore. but it still hurt. not only had he lost someone he loved dearly. but he'd lost you, his cherished travel companion.

sunday ★↷

he always despised the idea of soulmates. the idea that there was something that determined the very fate of a relationship was ridiculous. a perfect partner for someone was destined without their knowledge. yes, soulmates are meant to be the perfect match for someone but sunday still wanted to deny that it was true.

sunday was even confident enough to say that he would be able to ignore having a soulmate. living with monochrome vision wasn't exactly difficult, it was adaptable especially after going so long without it. there was also the fact he wasn't exactly all that keen on having one in general.

even when he met you, when his world finally had color, he wanted to deny it. no, it was a mistake. he didn't want to have a soulmate.

he struggled with the idea that you were truly the perfect match for him. it tormented him. mocked and messed with him. but in his struggle he felt it.

it was painful. it was as if someone had taken a hot iron and pierced it straight through his heart. metaphorically of course, realistically he couldn't feel a thing - some may say that was worse. sunday could only watch helplessly as his vision yet again plunged into a colorless void.

the vibrant colors bled from his vision and all he could do was watch helplessly.

then it occurred to him, the colors could only drain if something happened to your soulmate, something that normally they couldn't come back from. he had to find you. sunday needed to know you were safe. the draining colors only urged him to find you faster. what if something horrible happened? he swore to hunt-

he stopped.

there you were, with someone he couldn't care less about, but he couldn't miss the sight of you smiling at them. sunday didn't understand? if you were okay, why was the color bleeding in his vision?

you soon turned to see sunday staring at you, you smiled and walked over to him after bidding farewell to the other person. sunday soon listened to your ecstatic ramblings about how you could finally see color, how that person was your soulmate - but he couldn't hear anything anymore. static clogged his ears and the color in his vision vanished.

oh.

he wasn't your soulmate.

he was never meant to be. something had built up his heart, his hope, just for it to all be violently ripped away from him just like that. all he could muster was a painful smile and false words of celebration.

acheron ★↷

if acheron was to be one hundred percent truthful, she never imagined meeting her soulmate. and if by some miracle she did, she unfortunately would make it clear she had no intention to keep them by her side. it sounded cruel but she never really saw herself as one to develop such relationships with others. acheron did understand that soulmates were meant to be, and she did feel pity for the one fated to her but there were other factors that came before the destiny bestowed upon two people fated to be.

she constantly moved around. the chances of her bumping into her soulmate were slim, they decreased further when she decided that she wouldn't even make an effort to search for hers. living with the monochrome vision wasn't all that bad, it barely affected day to day life - especially when someone had lived with it for so long like her.

so it came as a massive surprise when her world erupted into color after bumping into a complete stranger. acheron’s mind was clouded with thoughts and she barely acknowledged those around her, so she accidentally walked straight into you. after letting out an apology she noticed.

the color that suddenly streaked through her vision. ot caused her to stop for a moment. acheron knew she was adamant or ignoring the possibility of soulmates. but now? when she was face to face with that very person, she felt compelled to feel differently.

maybe she could stay a few extra days, get to know you a bit better. admittedly it was rather a shock that this stranger showed interest into getting to know you, but something about her drew you to her. made her seem like less of a stranger.

acheron never thought she'd feel this way about anyone, let alone her soulmate. she thought she would be immune to the concept and yet, here she was. seeing you as someone she could share her life with. it scared her even, the idea was foreign to acheron. and yet, she so desperately wanted to deny it.

so why did she try and desperately cling to the color that bled from her vision? why did she immediately try and find you to make sure you weren't hurt? why did she feel so hurt seeing you completely unharmed smiling at someone else?

and as the color completely vanished from her vision yet again, she remembered why she was so adamant on avoiding the topic at first. somehow acheron was a mistake. she wasn't your soulmate - a part of her was glad, you deserved someone better than her.

feixiao ★↷

a part of her was always intrigued by the concept, a child like wonder for the idea that one day she would meet the person determined for her by the universe and her world would light up - metaphorically and literally. it would be a comfort to know that when she met that fated one, it was meant to be. no heartbreak, no concerns about whether or not the two could ever make it work. because it would be meant to be.

unfortunately, as she got older, she lost that child-like wonder. not all of it, but enough for her to stop trying to wish, hope, even try to predict the day that her world would burst into color. alas, it had not happened so far. and after becoming a general she hardly had the time to even spare it a second thought. feixiao had more important and pressing matters that needed attending too, rather than searching for her soulmate. if they were really meant to be with her, they would find her eventually.

and maybe that's what she should've done in the past. as she met you by accident. walking through the yaoqing, originally with the purpose of heading to a certain location but feixiao quickly became distracted by the sight and smell of your stand amongst the various others. feixiao had never seen you around this area before and so she reckoned she could spare a few minutes to check it out - rather admittedly, the smell reminded her of the gnawing hunger in her gut.

although, when she reached your stall and began talking with you, feixiao became less intrigued about what her initial intentions were and more about the person behind the stall. you. it didn't go unmissed how color now started peeking into the corners of her vision, eventually the entire world burst into vibrant arrays. it took all of feixaios restraint to try and not make it obvious to you, although if she had this revelation, surely you did as well? but you never mentioned anything, or even looked surprised, if anything you expressed a concern for how silent and dazed the general had quickly become. feixiao composed herself and politely dismissed your worries before quickly making a purchase and walking away.

you noticed very quickly just how frequent of a customer feixiao had become. most days she would make her way over to your stall, always purchasing something and subsequently bringing in more customers, and hanging around. you always asked the question of her not having anything better to do as the general of the yaoqing but she always assured you that if she had, she wouldn't be here. feixiao was convinced you were her soulmate. but she still wanted to know more about you before bringing anything up, to get to know you more. but something nagged at the back of her mind, you didn't seem at all phased by the fact that you two were indeed soulmates and if anything you seemed oblivious to it.

although her nag was answered. it was another day of her heading over to your stall and yet something was wrong. she was losing the ability to see color. something that should only happen if one's soulmate was in grave danger. she had to find you, to protect you. she wasted no time in rushing over and only wavered upon seeing you happily talk away with someone. it didn't feel like you were talking to a regular customer, no it seemed more personal. you saw her and waved her over before excitedly introducing her to your soulmate. and that's when all the color disappeared. her vision plunged back into that monochrome world, but this time with much more despair.

something had gone wrong. you two were not meant for each other, you were never meant to be.

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