#he can eat my sandwich for free anytime B^)

[housamo-side-blog-2]

Familiar Face part 2

Part 2 lets go!.

Harumo:Why do you......Look like me?.

Reitan: Thats my question to you, who the hell are you? and why do you look exactly like me, well except the hair color, ...how much to do weight?

Harumo: What?! my weight? uhm...

Ryota: Harumo.. are.you.....okay?.....

Moritaka: Oh my lord! he looks exactly like you Harumo!

Reitan: Yeah yeah, i look like him and whatever ,also who the hell is this cutie right here.

The chubby look alike points at Ryota with there tongue sticking out.

Ryota: Wha-- ME?! 

Harumo: OH NO No no! there, you’re not touching Ryota like that!

Reitan: Pst, what, you got a crush on him or something?

Ryota: C-Crush?!, {blushes} w-what made you say that?!

Harumo: As a matter of fact, i kissed Ryota, so there....hmph

Moritaka: What?!, Ryota, you two have k-kissed ?!

Ryota: [Blushes} It was the only way to defeat the exception back then!

Ryota”s face turned Red, out of sheer embarassment, due to the fact, he remembers the way he felt, when he kissed the LUCKY BASTARD!. 

Harumo: We kissed each other lips to lips. 

Moritaka: L-lips?! to lips!

Reitan: Woowwww, well this is getting awkward.

After an awkward conversation about Kiss, Lips, and then crushes, One transient appears to be running away as he has recovered from the chubby look alike’s attack.

Moritaka:  Comrades, the robber is getting away! 

He points to the robber transient, Due to the force that launch the robber about 10 meters away, he was already heading towards the exit of the park, 

Harumo:  After him !

Robber: Hahahah, hey, takes for that moron! .. hahaha

Reitan: tsk..

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ebisu:  I Don’t think so, 

Harumo:  Ebisu?

Ebisu:  Back casting on a big one ! and........ FIIIIIIISHHHHHH! 

Out of nowhere,The chubby pink haired was riding his fish cusion and floating in mid air with his fishing rod, whom is his sacred artifact. He begins back casting his rod and casts  towards the robber’s clothes, According to his Role and Rule, his fishing line will always hook its target. 

Ebisu:  Haha got you now !, 

Robber:  What the- ahhhh! 

Ebisu:   Harumo now !

Harumo:  Got it ! 

While Ebisu is dragging the robber towards you, you jumped on top of him to subdue him, However, it seems like the robber is not ready to give up, as he struggles to get rid of you on top of him, 

Ryota:  Don’t worry Harumo !, get ready for the famous 

 RYOTA SQUASH!  

The chubby orange haired one jumped on top of you to increase the weight the robber has to bare. however.

Harumo:  Sandwich time ! ....ow

Ryota:  Sorry Harumo...

Robber:  What the heck,! what are these kids eating! 

He stills struggles to get free from the immense weight, but 

Moritaka:  Look !, its the police ! 

The police follwed by 

Tajikarao:  Hold, in the name of ju-...oh it seems you have captured the robber.

Harumo:  Hi Tajikarao!, looking good in those tights ! 

Tajikarao:  Thank you Harumo, now, its time to do our jobs,...Men, cuff this robber immediately 

Cops:  Yes Sir ! 

The Cops cuff the robber and took him away, A round of applause burst around you, as sign of recognizing the brave deed you and your friends did, 

Ryota:  Wow, i didn’t realize I’ll get applauded for this. 

Moritaka:  There’s nothing to be shamed about Ryota,  Both of you did a brave deed, and that is something to be honoured for. 

Ebisu:  Are you guys okay? 

Harumo:  Yep, all good here.

Ryota:  That was amazing Ebisu !, who knew your fishing line could go that far. 

Ebisu:  Hahaha, the perks of being a fisherman i suppose.

Tajikarao:  Ahem, All of you did a fine job citizens, Thank you for your bravey in catching a dangerous criminal. 

Harumo:   Just do what we have to do. 

Tajikarao:   Well then, I’ll best be off, i have to escort him to the station, Until then, until then Brave Citizens ! 

Ryota: Are you okay Harumo?, Did i squish you too hard? 

Harumo: Hmmm,, i think so,,,but not really hurt.

Ryota: Thank goodness. 

Reitan: Ohhhh, what a caring boyfriend.

Ryota:b-b-{Blushes}...BOYFRIEND! 

Only a single word, the orange haired chubby student, panics in embarrasment and freaks out, even though he feels a much more deeper connection to Harumo, though he denies it, it only reinforce Reitan’s idea. Also Ryota’s face red as a tomato,and blushing so noticeable you might assume he had a fever. 

Ryota: I-I-I M ,,NOT! 

Harumo: Hmmmmmmmm

Ryota: ....Harumo.... y-

Moritaka: That was superb teamwork you three! 

Ebisu: Thanks, Moritaka. 

Moritaka: Ebisu, that was incredible fishing you just did.

Ryota:......{What am i to Harumo?} 

Thoughts of doubt,Thoughts of his role to them, stirred in his mind, as to what he is to him, what is he to him?, He remembers back to the time, his savior only just appeared in Shinjuku Central Park.

{3 months ago} 

The moon litted  the dark  sky can be seen on the soft,green patch of grass, the wind blowing sofly as it grazes an orange-haired student, sitting on it, with a thought in his mind, as he stares infront of the river, only to be distracted by a sudden fish’s jump out of the water. 

Ryota:........*Sigh* 

Beside him is an assortment of chocolate,lollipops and candy, wrapped in a plastic bag he bought from the nearby convinient store,...He takes a lollipop and puts it in his mouth savoring and absorbing the juicy flavors of blueberries mixed with strawberries.

Ryota: MMMHHHMMMM!, 

While savoring the lollipop,he goes back into staring the clear blue waters of the lake infront him, While reminiscing a certain friend of his, 

{???}

???: Hey Ryota! lets go to the lollipop store, i heard they have a new type of flavor in the menu! 

Ryota: Really!? but...{Checks wallet}...Oh no!,.... i totally spent it all on that new manga i wanted!,,, Sorry, looks like i can’t

???: Hahah!, Don’t worry, its my treat!, i just want to hang out with you. 

Ryota: ....you want..to hang out with me?

???: Yeah, we’re friends aren’t we?

Ryota: Y-Yeah we are! , thanks! 

???: Now lets go! 

{end of reminiscing}

Ryota:......*sobs* why...

.

.

Reminiscing about a certain friend, only reminded him, the pain he felt, from the day his beloved friend moved away.

Ryota: *sobs* 

{Phone rings} 

Ryota: *Gasp in surprise*

He wipes off his tears and hurried checks on his phone to see, someone very angry is calling him. 

Ryota: H-Hello- 

Shiro: RYOTA YAKUSHIMARU!, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! ITS ALREADY PAST CURFEW AND YOU AREN’T HERE! 

Kengo: Yo nerd!, tone it down a little would ya! 

Ryota: S-SORRY! Shiro, i was just buying some treats because i ran out!, but I’ll be on my way soon, !

Shiro: You better!, because we are going to have a long taik when you get here! 

{Call ended} 

Ryota:....Eeeppp!, Shiro is so scary when he’s mad, i better run now, before he blows a fuse.! 

As he hurriedly picked up his bag of treats, and runs off to the nearby exit, 

.

.

Oni: RAAAAAAGHHHH!!, HUMAN FLESH! 

Ryota: Eeeepp!, an Oni?!, here in night? 

Oni: Human Flesh!, Tasty!....RARRRRGGGHHH!!

Ryota: AHHHHHHH!!!....

Panic and scared the orange haired run off to safety,however its enefective against an Oni’s high jumping power as he leaps from tree to the next tree and lands infront of him, roaring to him as he has found his meal to satisfy his hunger.. 

Ryota: Ahhh....ahh.. come on....I got it! 

As a defense mechanism, he throws his treats at him while crying, because he just bought it with his allowance, 

Ryota: Here! take it all you big lug! 

Oni: Rarrrggghhhhh! Hmmmmm...

Interested in the treats thrown at him, that created the opening Ryota needs to run away, while the Oni tries the sweets and chocolates he got. 

Ryota: Ahh.....ah........ahhhhh....*gasping for air* 

Meanwhile the Oni tries one of the chocolates he thrown, and...

.

.

.

Oni: MMMMMHMMMM.....PLAAAA!....NOT GOODDDDDDD!...HUMAN FLESH! WANT!! 

As he lets out a loud roar, Ryota runs off to the nearby exit as his treats have slowed the Oni long enough for him to escape, 

Ryota: All right!, there it is!.......What the?!--- 

 Harumo: Huh?!-oooffff

Not paying attention, another uniform wearing chubby crashed with the orange haired one and both fell down. 

Harumo: Ahhh....hey....are you okay? 

Because of the impact, Ryota nearly fell into unconciousness, and slowly opens his eyes to see someone on top of him..

.

.

.

Ryota: K-Keis....uke?

Harumo: Keisuke?....uhm hello? 

Ryota: ..H...HUH?!, What....just happened? 

Harumo: You bumped into me by accident, sorry, i wasn’t paying attention,...here..

They extend a hand to Ryota,to stand him up. 

Harumo: By the way, My name is Harumo...so,,, whats your name?

Ryota: Thanks, for helping me up, im Ryota Yakushimaru!, nice to meet you Harumo!. 

Harumo: You’re much more cuter up close! 

Ryota: W-What!?,w- why are you saying that all of sudden?! 

Harumo: Well, its because you’re cute in all and you’re much more plumper up close, i like that! 

Ryota: [BLUSHING} W-W-What?!, ..o-okay, T-Thanks.... 

Harumo; Why were you running?

Ryota:......Oh yeah! thats right i was running away from the Oni! 

Harumo: Oni?, ,,,whats an Oni? 

Ryota: Wait, you don’t know? 

Harumo: Well, the things is { Explains they’re arrival} 

Ryota: I think i get it....Hey, what are you stari-

.

Oni: Raaaaaagggghhhhhhh! 

Ryota: Crap!, Its here, lets run! 

Harumo: Holy Crap! 

Holding your hand, you two run towards the exit, finally out of the Park, however the Oni, doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon,,,as it continues its pursuit for human flesh, as it has spotted to humans to further satisfy his hunger and become more ruthless and ferocios, 

Harumo: Why is it chasing us?! 

Ryota: I don’t know!, i was just going back home when he showed up all of a sudden and then chased me and i have to sacrifice my precious snacks for it, AHHHHHHHH! 

Harumo: Ryota! 

Due to the panicked running,Ryota failed to notice a rock on the way and slipped causing you two to fall down again, while the Oni is already behind you 

Oni: Two Humans!, More Food! 

Ryota:S-Stay away from them you bad Oni! 

Harumo: Ryota... 

Oni: [Grabs Ryota} 

Ryota: AHHHHH!! 

Harumo: Ryota!RRRRRR!!!!LET,, HIM,,GOOOOOOO!!! 

{Slash} 

Oni: Rarrrrrr! 

All of a sudden, a cut like wound is seen on the Oni’s right chest, by a mysterious sword, being wielded by the chubby hero...

Oni: What?!, you’re a sacred artifact holder? 

Harumo: So this must be what LIl Salomon was taiking about earlier.....All right..DON’T YOU DARE HURT MY FRIEND! 

Ryota: H-Har--umo....{Sleeps} 

A fierce battle folds, normally someone with zero combat experience will definitely die in a second against an Oni, however you move as if you have already know where to move,its as if your body is moving via muscle memory, you slash him with all your might, but your attack was blocked by his massive club,feeling an electric shock feeling from hitting his club with all your might, you stumbed a little giving the Oni and opportunity to hit you hard

Harumo: Oh no!,,,Thaaaarrrgghh! 

.Hitted on the side of your body, you felt shortness of breath as you were launch to the side by the impact, 

.Harumo: Crap!, Aaaahhhh!, ,,,

.Oni: Raarrrrrgghhhh! 

.Preparing the final blow,as he raised his club up high to strike you down with unimaginable force, it leaves him wide open, and then..

.Harumo: Boundless Tail! 

Oni: Rarrrrr!

[End of battle} 

Ryota:....

Harumo: Ryota!, Ryota wake up ! c’mon Ryota please wake up! 

Ryota: ahhh......ahhh..

The unconcious fellow slowly regains conciousness as he hears the plea from the one who saved him, but as he looks at them.. 

Ryota:Kei-Keisuke? 

Harumo: Keisuke?,, no its Harumo, Ryota,

Ryota: Huh?, Harumo?, wha-what happened?, where is the Oni? and did you fought him with a sword! 

Harumo: Hahaha!, Yeah, i won and he won’t be bothering us anymore! 

Ryota: Really?! Oh, Thank you so much Harumo, you’re a lifesaver! 

Ryota hugged Harumo out of gratitude and kindness. 

Harumo: Are you okay?, you’re aren’t hurt are you? 

Ryota: Im okay,! I just fell asleep! also.. Can i ask you something?

Harumo: What is it?

Ryota:... W-Why didn't you runned away, you could have saved yourself, so..

Harumo: Because i couldn't let the thought of saving you out of my mind.. And.. You're my friend..

.

.

.

Ryota:.. .....I-i-im your ,,,,frieend?....*sobs*

.

.

.

.

.

.

Crying out tears of joy, the sobbing chubby embraces you, as his cries echoes throughout the empty, quiet street of Shinjuku..

 {End of Scene}

.

.

.

.

 {Present} 

Harumo: Ryota?, Ryota!,,,,, RYOTA! 

Ryota: Ahhhh!, that scared me, what is it? 

Harumo: You’ve been staring at the ground this whole time, 

Moritaka: Are you feeling unwell?! should i fetch you some water Ryota? 

Ryota: I-its nothing!, i was just remembering something a long time ago, 

Harumo: Oh, what is it? 

Ryota: Uhmmm,,,{Sees someone},,,What? 

He stares at someone, in complete shock, as if he has seen something or someone is there. 

Harumo: What is it Ryota? { Looks at his direction} 

Ryota: Is that?

.

.

.

Reitan: Hey Keisuke!, Is that you, you knucklehead, what the hell are you doing here?!

Ryota: It is him....

.

.

Keisuke: I was just getting something to eat,

.

.

.

.

.

AND NOW, THATS IT FOR PART 2 OF FAMILIAR FACE, WELL I FEEL LIKE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE MAD FOR THE WAY ITS INTEPRETED BUT THATS OKAY IT WILL WORK OUT SOMEHOW I THINK, AS ALWAYS THANK YOU ALL FOR READING,IF YOU LIKE IT THEN LIKE IF NOT THEN DON’T LEAVE A LIKE, COMMENT OR SEND AN ASK OF WHAT YOU THINK AND IM REALLY OPEN FOR HARSH CRITICISIM AND OPINIONS OF WHAT YOU THINK DON’T WORRY IM NOT GOING TO MAD IM SURE YOU ALL KNOW THAT, AS ALWAYS THANK YOU FOR READING AND SEE YOU GUYS LATER! 

SELF PROCLAIMED WRITER: THANK YOU FOR READING! 

HARUMO: THANK YOU FOR READING! 

RYOTA: THANK YOU FOR READING! 

[bqstqnbruin]

It Would Be You

Writing this literally killed me because I am a bitter Bruins fan. Please don’t make me write for the b**es ever again I’m begging.

But this was requested and I haven’t said in the past that I wouldn’t write for them so I did it out of love for the anon.

Here it is! I hope you like it because this took ever fiber of my being to not scream writing this (I know I’m dramatic and petty I’m not sorry)

Here’s the original request! 

__________________________

It wasn’t often that you got to see Brayden or Luke play, but considering you lived in St. Louis, it was definitely weird that you didn’t go more. Well, maybe not weird; you were a law student at Washington University, so having free time was not something you were used to. Brayden had begged you to come to this game and take a break. How could you say no to your older brother?

Well, it wasn’t just him who had wanted you to come, you have to admit. During your brother’s time in Saint Louis, you had gotten close with Colton Parayko. You never told him this, but you had a crush on him from the moment you say him. You were at a bar with your brother after one of their games two seasons ago. Brayden introduced you to Colton, and the two of you hit it off. But you didn’t think he felt the same. After all, yours was just a silly crush. 

Brayden had you meet him at his place before the game. “So, have you talked to Colton?” he brings up, trying to find his keys so he can run out the door. The game was in a few hours, but he had to get there early for warm-ups. He got permission to bring you along before you had to go find your seat. “He’s been talking about you coming to this game non-stop since I told him you agreed to come.”

“Really?” You weren’t actually listening to anything Brayden was saying before that, but you tuned in once you heard him mention Colton. He had been talking about you? He never seemed flirty, but maybe he felt something, too? No, you convince yourself, he would never.

“Yeah. He’s clearly into you.” Brayden says like it was obvious. 

“No way.” 

“Y/N, he doesn’t shut up about you. And he does it in front of me. What other reason would he have to keep talking about you?” 

“I don’t know, I’m pretty great.” You joke, trying to not show him that you were starting to freak out. There was no way Colton would like you, too. And even if he did, you Brayden let one of his teammates date his younger sister?

“We both know that I’m the better Schenn.” he laughs, opening the door as a gesture for you to go down to his car. 

“Can I say you’re a better Schenn compared to Luke?” you say, taking a dig at your oldest brother.

“Oh, c’mon. That’s not hard.” 

You had mostly been sitting off to the side outside one of the locker rooms while Brayden and the boys got ready. They even invited you to play a game of two-touch with them. 

“That is the exact opposite of what you want.” you argue, as Colton and Brayden practically push you into the circle. “I’m wearing jeans and Toms this is not fair!” The two of them just laugh as Colton headbutts the soccer ball right to you. It hits you square in the chest before touching the floor, the wind practically knocked out of you in the meantime.

“Y/N!” Colton comes running to your side to make sure you’re alright.

“I’m fine.” you snap. “I told you don’t make me play,” you whine, smacking his arm. Something about him still makes a smile grow on your face, mirroring the one on his, a chorus of ooos coming from his teammates. 

“Hey, I think you need to get to your seat, we need to go get ready.” Brayden says, sandwiching himself between the two of you. 

You just nod, snapping out of whatever moment the two of you just had. As you’re being let away by one of the staff, you swear you can hear Brayden and Colton talking.

“That’s my sister, dude.”

“I’m aware. Would it be ok?” 

Brayden sighs, following up with, “If it were to be anyone, it would be you.”

He’s not talking about asking you out or something, is he? He couldn’t be. But then again, why would he need to ask Brayden for permission?

Your mind starts racing back to early when Brayden first pointed it out that he was into you. You wrack your memory for any clues: the first time you met, he wouldn’t leave your side, trying to get every piece of information about you that he could without seeming creepy; before starting law school, you could call him anytime you needed help with something and he would answer if he wasn’t at a game or practice and he would get back to you as soon as he could if he was busy; for the last few exams, he came over and brought you dinner because he knew that you forget to eat when you get to into your work. 

“Hey, I’m Jack,” the man sitting next to you says. You had found your seats near the glass. The team was notorious for sitting family and friends close to the glass so the players would be able to skate up and see you during warm-ups and such. “I’m assuming you’re related to someone on the team, too?”

“I’m Y/N. Schenn is my older brother. And you?”

“Doug Armstrong is my uncle.” 

“Your uncle is the reason I’m here in the first place. He made the trade that brought my brother here from Philly.” you point out. You remember that day; you were out to dinner as a family for one of the first times since your brothers started playing in the NHL. It was the day of the draft and Brayden got the call during dinner that he had to pack up his place in Philly and move to St. Louis. 

“He’s done a lot of stuff,” Jack laughs, leaning back against his seat, stretching his arm up so that just enough of his mid-drift was exposed for you to see a V-line. Your eyes quickly shift from that to the ice, where your brother and Colton are skating up to where you’re sitting. You wave at both of them, praying that the red on your cheeks from blush at the sight of this guy’s abs isn’t as noticeable as it feels. 

The game starts without you so much as noticing because you were having such a weird conversation with Jack. Not that the topic was weird; you were literally just telling each other about yourselves. It was weird because of how it felt. He was very cleary flirting with you, but you weren’t even trying to flirt back. You weren’t even sure if you were flirting back or not. Every time Colton took the ice, your eyes were glued to him. The conversation was pretty much lost when you watched him skate. 

Towards the end of the third period, Jack finally asked, “Is he your boyfriend?”

You tore yourself away from Colton for a second, “Huh? Who?”

“Number 55, Parayko.”

“Oh. No. He’s not my boyfriend.”

“But you wish he were?”

“What?”

“We’ve been having a pretty one-sided conversation every time he sets foot on the ice. It’s clear you’re at least into him.” he says, a soft smile on his face. At least he wasn’t one of those guys who got mad at you for something like this.

You take in a deep breath and sigh, closing your eyes to just let the sound of the game surround you for a second, “I definitely like him. But he wouldn’t like me. Not with my brother being his teammate.”

“Every time he comes back to the bench, he can’t take his eyes off of you. If it were to ask out anyone, it would be you.”

“But my brother-”

He cuts you off, “Love makes you do weird shit. People fall in love, stay in love, and let that decide everything. Do that for yourself. It was nice meeting you, Y/N.” Jack says, standing up. You didn’t even realize the game had ended, the arena clearing out and leaving you surrounded by a sea of blue plastic chairs.

You get up to go find your brother outside the locker room. Waiting, you can’t help but wonder if Jack is right, if Brayden is right: you and Colton have feelings for each other. You knew how you felt.

“Hey, Y/N, can I ask you something before Brayden comes out?” You snap out of the trance you were in to see Colton standing in front of you, still in his gear, hair dripping with sweat. He was disgusting, but your heart was racing with him standing in front of him.

“Of course.” 

“I might just be reading too much into things, but that guy you were sitting with was pretty into, huh?” He says, quietly, trying to play it off like he’s teasing you. 

“Uh, I think so? I don’t know. We got to talking about other things.”

“Other things?”

“Other things being..” you pause, debating whether or not you should tell him the truth. “Being you.” 

His eyes light up like this could be the best news he’s ever heard. “Me?”

“It would be you,” you say again, starting to laugh. “Is that really what you wanted to ask me?” 

“Well, actually, I wanted to ask you what you were doing after this?”

“You mean now?” you tease him, knowing that the more dumb questions you ask him, the more flustered he’s going to get.

“I mean I guess. Where are you going when you leave here?” The smile grows on his face.

“I guess I’m going home with Brayden and then to my place?” 

“How about I take you out instead?” 

“On a date?”

“Well, yeah. I’ve sort of liked you for way too long,” he says, running his hands through his still gross hair. “But seeing you with that guy kind of set something off in me that I just had to tell you.” 

“That sounds like you,” you say, smiling, “Of course I’ll go out with you, but not until you go get way less gross than you are now.” You push him away and towards the locker room so he can go clean himself up. 

“Can’t wait.”

[obwjam]

20 for the gt ask meme? With Spider Man and borrower!Reader? (Or another type of tiny, but borrower was the only thing I could think of atm)

“I’ve never seen a person your size before.”

me: there are so many other kinds of tinies. i should expand my horizonsalso me: make everyone a borrower

from this post———————————————————————————————————–

“I’ve never seen a person your size before.”

You looked up up up at the giant person before you. You could barely see, but he was wearing a strange red and blue suit with a mask on. Holy shit, it’s Spider-Man.

“D-Don’t hurt me, please,” you squeaked. You knew Spidey was a good guy, but he was also super powered. That was never good for you.

“Hey, hey,” he said gently, “I’m not going to hurt you! I just wanted to make sure you… I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

You quickly shook your head yes, but a thought popped in your head. You had went outside to look for food (the humans in your apartment had been talking about a “vacation”), but you hadn’t found anything that wasn’t moldy and rancid. Maybe he could help.

“W-wait,” you said shyly. “Do you t-think… c-could you help me out with something?”

Peter’s eyes lit up under his mask. First he finds this adorable little guy, and now he needs his help? It’s his lucky day.

“Yes! Of course! What do you need help with?”

“W-Well, I’ve b-been looking for food for the last hour, a-and I haven’t found anything. D-do you think you could…”

You stopped. His expressionless gaze was getting you so flustered. You felt so embarrassed and stupid, begging for food. He probably thought you were just helpless and tiny and–

“We can go get something to eat!” he said, extending his hand out to you. “Here, we can walk, if you want. It’ll take longer but it’s probably better for me not to swing around with you.”

You looked between his face and his hand in awe. Were you really about to do this?

“You don’t have to be scared of me, bud. I’ll take it really slow, alright?”

You hesitantly climbed onto his palm, clinging onto the fabric of his glove for stability.

“Alright, here we go!” he said, slowly lifting you up. You looked out in wonder around you as Spider Man started to walk. It was incredible to see the ground you were just standing on so far below you.

“Haha, never been on a hand ride before?” he teased. You shook your head no and watched as terrain it would have taken you hours to trek was behind you in an instant.

“We’re going to go to this sandwich place,” Peter said. “They make the best sandwiches in Queens! And they give me free food, too. It’s not far from here, but we’re gonna take some shortcuts.”

You were surprised that you didn’t pass a single soul on the street on your way. Spider-Man was really an expert at this stuff, huh? In just a few minutes, you arrived.

“Perfect! Nobody’s in there,” he said as he approached the door, missing the ‘Closed’ sign hanging up on the door. There were a few people walking by the store, but they weren’t phased in the slightest. Everyone knew this was Spider-Man’s favorite sandwich shop.

“Ey! It’s our favorite spider man!” the shop owner said. Your eyes went wide as you clutched his suit fabric harder. Wasn’t Peter going to cover you up?

“Hey guys! I just want a sandwich for me and this lil’ guy,” he said, jiggling his hand up and down.

The shop owner unlocked the door as his met eyes with yours, and you didn’t even breathe. You were tensing up so much you thought you were gonna pull a muscle.

But the owner didn’t even react. “Any friend of the spider man is a friend of ours!” he said cheerfully, waving Peter inside.

He took a seat by the window, gently setting you down. “I hope you like chicken and mozzarella.”

You shrugged. “I like just about anything I can get.” You looked up at him. “What’s mozzarella?”

Peter laughed. “You don’t know what that is? It’s a kind of cheese, it doesn’t have much of a taste but it’s homemade here and it’s amazing.”

You sighed in relief. Cheese was like, one of three things you ate on a semi-consistent basis.

“So where do you live, lil’ guy?”

You shrugged. “In the walls of an apartment.”

Peter raised his eyebrows. “Woah, really? That sounds so cool!”

“Heh, yeah, if being freezing in the winter and having to constantly hide is considered cool,” you mumbled quietly. Peter heard you, though.

“What?”

You felt your face get red with embarrassment. “I-I mean, we r-really aren’t supposed to b-be seen. So I hide.”

“Well, that’s just not right,” he said as the owner dropped the sandwich on the table. “Thanks!”

You watched, fascinated, as he unwrapped the single biggest hunk of food you had ever seen. You couldn’t even see the top of it, it was so big. Peter got a kick out of your expression, and you could finally see his smile when he rolled up the bottom of his mask.

“Told you, best sandwiches in Queens!” he said proudly. He ripped off an excess chunk of chicken, a piece of mozzarella falling off the side and two small chunks of bread and slid it over to you. “There you go! Eat up, bud!”

As you nibbled, Peter kept asking you questions. Your name, your age, what your daily life is like. When he got to the end of his sandwich, you had already been done for a while.

“Well, I should probably get back home,” he said. “Gotta get some sleep for schoo– for tomorrow.” Peter paused, looking at you sitting on the table.

“Do you want to come with me?”

You looked up, almost in disbelief that he asked that.

“It’s gonna get cold tonight, a-and I don’t want you to freeze.”

“Yeah, b-but you don’t… don’t you, you know, want to… keep your secret?”

Peter giggled. “It’s fine! I don’t think you’ll be telling anyone anytime soon.” He had a sly smile on his face as he pulled his mask back down and extended his hand.

It’s true; you couldn’t tell anyone. Even though you were beyond overwhelmed, you were at least calm around Spider Man. And seeing his secret identity was a pretty cool opportunity. And the chance to be warm, just for one night…

You smiled shyly and climbed on.

[mwcowan]

Mark & Georgia’s 2018 Road Trip

Day 1: Graeagle to Big Bar, CA, 242 miles

Ready to roll. We packed our camper and truck very well. Minimalist as Mark is and as a minimalist wannabe I am, we did very well.  For clothes and shoes, I, Georgia, continue to fail on my minimalist efforts – I just have to have 7 extra shirts, 3 extra shorts, and pants, and undies, and socks, etc,. Our packed supplies will keep us clean, warm, healthily nourished and hydrated (on both sides of the spectrum of health?) for at least 2 weeks. Packed all organized by activity, coffee and breakfast, anytime cooking, anytime dining, anytime bath, anytime grilling.

On the road! Big Bar wasn’t a real destination but a layover between home and the coastal redwoods parks – that’ll be tomorrow’s update. When we reserved the site at the Del Loma RV Park the gentleman on the phone warned us that if we needed gas or groceries get should them in Weaverville as there’s nothing in Big Bar. Good advice, he was absolutely correct. The drive here was uneventful, Mark kind of likes going slow (max speed with a trailer is 55 MPH but the roads we traveled were generally slower). Road construction slowed us down some, seems like everyone wants to finish their road project before winter sets in. Just west of Redding we entered the Carr fire area. Unbelievable devastation, you could see what used to be homes, what used to be autos, the town of Shasta was pretty much gone. To give you an idea of the size of the fire we drove through over 20 miles of burned forest before we reached the other side of the fire area. Very sad. Reached our RV park about 4 pm, not a bad place but kinda creepy (think Deliverance, banjo music, and all that…). Lots of people seem to live here at least semi-permanently, sort of a community with neighbors visiting each other and such. Funny thing is that everyone seems to retreat into their big RV’s around dinner time, to cook, eat, and watch TV (they all have satellite dishes). We’re trying to maintain some pretense of camping so we’re eating outdoors and enjoying our campfire and a glass of wine or two. Looking forward to day 2!

Day 2: Big Bar to Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park, 146 miles

On the road promptly by 10:00 a.m., as planned. Today was an example of how you can drive 146 miles in over 6 hours, an average of about 24 MPH. We’d gone less than a mile from last night’s camp when we pulled over to soak in the view of the Trinity river canyon. We wound around with the river for about 60 miles, stopping frequently to take in the vistas, walk to the edge and peer over into the steep canyon, feeling vertigo. Thinking that there’d be many places we’d like to come back and fish. At the RV park this morning we saw (and followed, and asked questions of) a number of men coming back from the river with salmon. They were all complaining of the lack of fish and the small size, but the fish were all much bigger than the trout we catch, bigger than our biggest trout!

After arriving at the coast we drove north through Redwood National Park, Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park, Del Norte Coast Redwoods State Park, and finally to our campsite in Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park. What magnificent trees! You can hardly appreciate their size, definitely too big to take a picture of them. Our campsite in Jedediah Smith CG is on the Smith River, among old-growth redwoods.

We tried fishing on the river, and saw fish – salmon? – jumping but we just aren’t equipped with the waders and other gear you’d need to go after them.

Anyway and back to the trees, to give you an idea of their size one in our campsite took me 23 paces to walk around. At around 2 ½ feet/pace, that’s over 55 feet in circumference! How old is that tree, how much history has it lived through? We, and the span of our lives are so tiny…

Driving through miles and miles of a forest of California redwoods is awesome and unique, knowing you will not see this anywhere else in the world.  Ending the day at Jedediah Smith CG, to be camping and sleeping inside this canopy of majestic and towering redwoods, alongside a breathtaking river that “runs through it” is as amazing as it can be.  All this, with the clean toilets and coin showers of JSCG, very nice, a “must see”!

Coming into Crescent city in the afternoon we wanted to find some fresh salmon and asked some locals in a gas station if they knew a good fish market – they “didn’t think there was anything like that around here….”, with the wharf right across the street from them.  Georgia used Yelp to find a market out on the wharf, and we bought a nice piece of fresh King salmon for dinner. Yummy!

Day 3: Redwoods to Prospect, Oregon, 135 miles

Today’s drive was an easy “positioning” run to get us outside the south end of Crater Lake National Park, which we’ll visit tomorrow, ending the day in another camp just on the north side of the park. Leaving our campground we said goodbye to the California coastal area, and now followed the Smith River upstream in a northeasterly direction. We had fewer miles today and didn’t set another slowness record, but pretty close – we barely got out of our campground when we pulled over for a great view of the Smith River.

Into Oregon pretty quickly after that, still following the river for the next 50-60 miles. Once we turned onto Hwy 62 towards Crater Lake, we picked up the Rogue River which we’re still following and will continue to do so until we make the final turnoff into the park. After crossing one of the many bridges with a pretty view we pulled over and walked back to a nice park where people were fishing for steelhead – and quickly found wild blackberries which we snacked on until we couldn’t eat any more!

Late update: we’d heard a woman in a campsite across from us saying that it was going to rain tonight, didn’t pay much attention as the skies were blue and calm. While we were cooking dinner a ferocious wind came up and the skies were suddenly gray. I looked at the internet forecast and it said 30% chance of rain – shouldn’t be a problem. Well, we should go to Vegas because the 30% odds hit with a violent thunderstorm and strong rain, had us scrambling to get all the things we didn’t want to get wet back into the truck. Nice and dry, we had our first dinner inside our cozy camper!

Day 4: Prospect, OR to Diamond Lake, OR, 60 miles (+Crater Lake NP, about 35 more miles)

On the road by 9:30 am with most of the packing done and forced the night before by the onslaught of rain.  Cozy and warm through the night, we thought in the morning that this little camper beats the h**l out of tent camping! We agreed that a simple breakfast of coffee, a piece of toast and a shared fruit would tide us over for a heavier lunch of a “sandwich”, very non-Asian for Georgia but fitting (or not so tight in the waist) for a day of driving and sitting ahead of us.

Our first stop was to fuel up at a station in Prospect which, not surprisingly, was the only one in town and only had one pump; at least they had diesel.  We were told that “self-service” was not allowed in the state and so received personal fill-up service.

We arrived at Crater Lake National Park at about 11:00 a.m., and the entrance to the park was free courtesy of Mark’s senior card (definitely benefitting from this park friendly card as most of our entrance fees were either half off or FREE!). Crater Lake boasts of the bluest, the clearest and the deepest lake in the U.S. Although it was mostly a cloudy day, giving it a somewhat mystical feeling, it did not disappoint with being the bluest and the clearest.

We didn’t test its depth claim as it is, at its peak of 8700’ elevation, also very supposed to be very cold!!  We entered the lake from the south end, circled it 360 degrees via its rim, stopping at most of the vista points, then exited the park to the north. This took us over 3 hours to go about 30 miles, a new slowness record for this trip.

We proceeded to our next RV campground stop which is Diamond Lake, just a few miles north of Crater Lake. It’s interesting that RV camping at this time of the year leaves you camping with seniors that have all the time for RV’ing, and camping in these ‘rigs’ that dwarf our little T@B, much like a Bichon amongst an army of St. Bernards, but we are happy with our Bichon.  The more St. Bernards, the less traffic in the restrooms and showers.  These campgrounds also tend to have grandma and grandpa types running it so the toilets and showers tend to be very clean, some almost sterile, and cozy (a bench, a heater, lots of wall hooks, bright light and a private changing room).

Our campground is very close to a pizza house and we decided to go there for our Day 4 dinner of pizza and hot chicken wings with celery sticks, with our choice of a side dip of blue cheese.  When the order arrived, the celery sticks were missing so after Georgia asked about it—they got handed over a minute later with apologies…. two 2-inch sticks delivered by hand… definitely one of the highlights of the day!! Enjoyed all of 2 short pieces of the celery sticks, the double pepperoni pizza was one of the best we’ve had plus the Buoy IPA on tap wasn’t bad!

Day 5: Diamond Lake to Goldendale, WA, 235 miles

A real cruisin’ day, I think I’m (Mark) getting used to this. The first day I was a little nervous driving with the trailer (remember, all of our camping trips before this were within 20 miles of our house), trying to keep it centered between the lines, watching my speed on the curves. Now I’ve realized that the little trailer just happily follows the truck along, just have to drive pretty normally, look back now and then to confirm it’s still there. It, and the truck are starting to look like real road warriors (dirty!) especially after the rains and wet/dirty roads that resulted yesterday morning. Bought some 409 today and will try to shine it up a bit.

Today we drove mostly north, from Crater Lake through the Umpqua National Forest. 60+ miles of pine trees, but unlike Graeagle they’re pretty short and scruffy – to Bend, where we stopped for a sandwich, fuel, and potty break. After Bend, the landscape changes dramatically into rolling hills of ranches and wheat fields, amber waves of grain. Ok, the grain had all been recently harvested, but the stubble was at least amber. And how’d that picture below get into this blog? 

Georgia’s family’s viber hotline was busy early morning amidst the sad passing of the youngest boy of close family friends, the Conejeros.  We are saddened by this news and reminded how life can be fleetingly short, that family and friends do remember your happy moments, that there is an end and that we should really make the most of each day.

As Georgia reflected and said her prayers today, grateful for this trip and the gift of life, the “Lord’s Prayer” hit home a little differently….”Give us this day our daily bread..”  Wait, why “bread” specifically and why not; “Give us this day our daily rice..”  Yes, Georgia is beginning to crave rice at Day 5 after daily doses of bread... (Georgia, remember the amber waves of grain thing? – MC)

Camping tonight just across the border in Washington, with the Columbia River as our backyard. That’s one wide river! Must have some huge fish in it…once again our Bichon looks happy at Day 5 flanked by St. Bernards.

Day 6: Goldendale, WA to Coeur d’Alene, ID, 271 miles

Just as we left our camp on the Columbia River we noticed a round stone fortress looking thing up on the top of a hill. I thought it looked like Stonehenge and we definitely needed to go up and take a look. It turned out to be Stonehenge, or at least what the original non-ruin Stonehenge probably looked like. Correct in all the details, even with a chart of the sun and moon risings occurred during significant annual events. A plaque inside explained its existence, it was built from 1918-1929 by one of the town’s founders to honor local men who gave their lives in WWI. The things you find on the road.

We made it to Idaho! Our longest driving day so far, driving through WA in a day, and I think this will be so until one of our last days when we blast across Nevada in one day. After Stonehenge we drove upstream (east) along the river, following the trail of Lewis and Clark for some 60 miles. What a sight this broad river must have been to them! 

Our riverside highway dead-ended at US 395, and for the first time on this journey we joined an interstate which was to take us to Coeur d’Alene (we’re trying to stay on state and local highways, except where it’s not really practical). Getting out of the truck for a fuel and lunch break at Kinnewick, the wind almost ripped the door off the truck when I opened it – it was howling! Luckily the heavy truck and the light trailer are very stable, I hadn’t noticed the wind while driving. Re lunch, Perry’s comments about fried chicken stoked another craving in Georgia and we ended up at KFC…

After Kennewick we found that the combination of high winds and freshly worked field results in dust storms. We drove for the next 170 miles, through Spokane and all the way to Coeur d’Alene, in limited visibility from dust, sometimes a bad as a thick fog. About half way I had this flash that the front window in the trailer was cracked open (we do that so damp towels etc. will dry out while we’re driving). I pulled over at a rest stop, and sure enough everything inside was coated with dust. A good shake-out and wipe-down was required once we pulled in to camp. We’re in a great camp at the east end of beautiful Lake Coeur d’Alene, and the forecast was for the wind to abate by 9:00. It’s 9:02 at the moment so the forecasters are wrong as usual. We’ll give them until he morning.  Camp Coeur d’Alene (Camp CDA) looks like another “must experience.”  If we owned and ran a campground, Camp CDA will be a basis for its design (fishing, playground, kayaking (they provide kayaks and canoes for anytime use -  free for all guests, not just for seniors!), choice of tents, cabins and glamping all in one big campground).  Each site is designed to have a unique natural view, with community/group cooking and dining areas with big outdoor kitchens, multiple sinks and tables if you choose to use.  One nice park perk---free firewood!

Day 7: Coeur d’Alene, ID

Happy to report that the wind and the dust were gone and we woke to a beautiful sunny day. Today was our first off day, to take a break from driving and enjoy the lovely town of Coeur d’Alene. We needed to go to the market to replenish our supplies; I was also planning to look into Tumblr to make this a real blog. We decided to go fishing instead. After breakfast we headed to a local fishing/hunting shop, bought Idaho 1-day licenses, and got filled with advice about where to go. Lake Coeur d’Alene is a noted fishing spot for trout, chinook and mackinaw salmon, pike, and smallmouth bass. But, it’s a large lake and to go after the big fish you pretty much need a boat. Another option was to try a smaller lake, Fernan Lake, which is located just on the edge of town, with public fishing piers.

Pretty good trout fishing we were told. So we packed lunch and spent a pleasant afternoon on the dock, and yes we’re having Idaho trout for dinner. Not a ton of action but enough, 2 nice fat trout (the smaller one will be plenty for our dinner tonight), many nibbles, and a few that got away. Fishing appears to be a very popular sport here.  In the 3 hours we were at the dock fishing, we saw a couple of local young folks with their fishing poles and bagged lunch and dressed in office clothes – long sleeved dress shirts, black slacks and black shoes… Made it to the store on the way home, of course we had to get a big Idaho potato to accompany the trout (we did miss the Walla Walla onions in WA!). And some rice. Good eats on the road!

Day 8: Coeur d’Alene, ID, to Garrison, MT, 227 miles

Being that our next stop is “Bernie and Sharon’s Riverfront RV Park”, unusual for an RV park name, we were a little apprehensive.  Leaving Lake Coeur d’Alene, we followed the river climbing the Rockies to the Continental Divide and into Montana. Beautiful forest, mostly pine, fir, and spruce, with now-golden aspen and poplars providing a striking highlight against the multiple shades of green. A pleasant drive through Montana, eventually linking up with the Little Blackfoot river and arriving in Garrison, about 20 miles west of Butte, and the home of Bernie and Sharon’s RV Park.

We met a most friendly Sharon, learned that Bernie had passed about 3 years ago, and learned a bit more about the campground’s history and the plan for its future.  Also learned that there was some great fishing in the Little Blackfoot river that ran just behind the park. After settling in, we grabbed our poles and walked to the river, which I’d really call a creek rather than a river. Georgia started fishing while I was walking to another spot; I heard a whoop and saw Georgia with her pole bent over… she soon landed a nice 15” brown trout!

I fished for another ½ hour with no luck, and getting cold I was just about to call it a day when I got a bite and hauled in an even fatter 16” brown! Amazing that this little ‘river’ had some big fish in it!

This was our first very cold outdoor experience of this trip.  The trout would have partied with Georgia’s crisp frozen fingers if they found these more delectable than worms or Powerbait!  For this evening we used our camper heater for the first time to keep warm.

Day 9: Garrison to Columbus, MT, 246 miles

We had gotten some snow overnight, and the higher peaks around us had a dusting of white. The terrain stayed about the same, mountainous, forested, and with the accents of fall color from the aspens, poplars, and the occasional maple. Driving through Butte and then Bozeman we climbed up the snow-covered mountains; luckily the road was clear and dry. Finally descending we drove into central Montana, where the land became rolling hills, with a mix of cattle ranches and farms growing mostly wheat. It stayed much like this all the way to Columbus, where Mark’s nephew Chris has become a land baron, with over 60 acres where he has plans to build a house in the next year or so. Columbus is a small town in Stillwater County, MT, with about 2000 inhabitants. Chris’ property is not exactly in Columbus though, it was another 8 or so miles up gravel, dirt, and sometimes mud roads to his place. Chris had flown up to meet us there – he’s a captain with United Airlines so gets to fly anywhere, anytime – and welcomed us to his beautiful ranch.

Definitely off the grid up here, no electricity other than the solar panels we have for our trailers, no water other than what we bring, but at least there’s a cellular signal so you’re not totally cut off from the world. Lots of stars in the big sky, and no restrictions on the size of the campfire you build!

Dinner under the stars of chicken adobo, grilled chicken, and both Idaho and Montana trout were delicious. We agreed that the Idaho trout were a bit tastier.

Day 10: Columbus, MT

After a hearty breakfast of thick-cut bacon and one of Georgia’s excellent camp omelets with sausage and veggies (yes, we’re eating too much, too well), we headed out for the day. First a tour of Chris’ estate, and then the 30-acre frontage on the Yellowstone river owned by his homeowner’s association, then into Columbus for lunch. Didn’t we just finish breakfast? Never mind, at the 307 Bar and Grill and Casino (Columbus has about 2000 residents but at least 4 casinos…) we split a delicious French dip sandwich that could easily have fed 4 people.  Georgia noticed that casinos are everywhere in the state of MT….

After a few errands we headed to the Stillwater river for some fishing. Neither Chris nor Mark had any luck but Georgia caught 1 ⅛ fish. You just can’t give her full credit for the first one, but the second was a decent-sized rainbow.

Back to the ranch for campfire and dinner we were all too full for a real dinner but managed to share a locally-raised steak (simply seasoned and perfectly cooked medium rare by Chris!) and some veggies. Tough life on the road…

Day 11: Columbus, MT, to Island Park, ID, 225 miles

Saying goodbye to Chris and setting off from the wilderness of Montana, we head towards out next destination, Yellowstone National Park. Since Columbus was the easternmost point on our route, we first backtrack about 60 miles to Livingston, MT where we pick up US Hwy 89 and head south, following the Yellowstone River all the way into the park. This is a great drive up through a picturesque river valley, with the fall colors vibrant all along the broad river.

We entered Yellowstone at the north gate and quickly arrived at the Mammoth Hot Springs area. Georgia saw her first elk, as a herd of 25 or so cows and one lucky bull were grazing on the grass in front of the visitor center. Just like the deer at home who are surrounded by abundant food but prefer the green grass on the golf courses (and the shrubs in our yard…). We took a walk around the hot springs area, seeing the huge terraces built by the minerals in the hot water. At places, various bacteria that can thrive in the hot water turn the pools many different colors. One of the largest terraces, Jupiter Spring is no longer active – a sign explains that the thermal features in the park are constantly changing, and this particular spring stopped flowing in 1998. Mark remembers that in his first visits to Yellowstone, around 1970 and ’78, the spring being very impressive. I have to see if I can dig up some old pictures.

We drove slowly through the northwest corner of the park, not too far before we saw buffalo, another first for awestruck Georgia (Georgia has only seen these animals in movies or on slot machines – BUFFALOOOOO!, what a sight to see these awesome creatures up close!). We snuck around, feeling safe in a dense thicket of trees, avoiding stepping on their scattered mudpie shaped poops, to get some up-close pictures of the grazing animals. Driving on, we encountered our first “buffalo jam”, with three buffalo ambling slowly down the middle of the road, backing up traffic in both directions. 

They seem to know that they have the right of way, and besides they’re way bigger than you are! Each time they veered from one side to another one or two cars could get by. When we got our chance to pass, a buffalo on Georgia’s side was close enough to the truck that she could have scratched it between the ears, but she declined to do so and just got some close-up photos (and a video to be shared soon). Georgia did personally invite these “bufffaaalloows!” to Las Vegas and to Reno for the “Buffalo Gold” rallies.

As it was getting late in the day we exited Yellowstone to the west, into the tourist-town of West Yellowstone and its overabundance of motels and souvenir shops. We kept going a short way to Island Park, Idaho, the location of our little cabin. Yes, we’re abandoning the trailer for a mid-trip break in a VRBO rental house. Real beds, showers, kitchen, and most important a washer and dryer! Nice cozy place, with a view of Henry’s Lake out the front. A perfect base for exploring Yellowstone.

The cabin provided an extremely comfy bed, clean linen, an immaculately clean toilet and shower, fresh towels, and the ability to wash, dry and fold all our dirty laundry.  The smell of freshly dried clothes, the bathroom mirror and the after-shower mist made us realize that we not only smelled smokey and dirty—we also looked it.

In the next 2 days we will be visiting the Yellowstone National Park daily, entering it from its west entrance and then coming home to our cabin.  Each time we enter and exit to come home, we transverse through 3 states, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming, all within 10 miles of driving—how is this possible in the US with all this land?

Day 12: Yellowstone NP

A beautiful day with blue skies and puffy white clouds… but a little chilly, it had warmed up to 33° by the time we left the cabin at 10:00. Back into the west entrance to the Madison junction where we turned south towards the Old Faithful area. Our first stop was along the Madison river to take in its beauty.

Moving on we quickly got into another buffalo jam. They do seem to like to use the roads to move around, they must think it’s the express lane compared to the fields.

Just before we got to the first thermal area we encountered a herd of elk in a meadow. The herd, comprised of around 25 of these huge animals was moving slowly along, seemingly led by the largest female. A single bull with an impressive set of antlers brought up the rear, probably making sure nobody else messed with his harem.

We parked and walked into the Upper Geyser Basin, where we viewed a number of colorful hot springs, and were treated to the eruption of nice little Clepsydra geyser.

As compared to the summer when it’s absolutely packed and crazy, it seemed that there were few people in the park, but at our next stop to see the Grand Prismatic Pool (a big, colorful boiling hot tub) the small parking lot was full and 10-12 cars were waiting for a spot. We drove on to Old Faithful instead.

The Old Faithful area is a big complex with a visitor’s center, restaurants, shops, and of course the elegant Old Faithful Lodge, the grand hotel of the park. Everything is centered around the geyser of course, and walking into the visitor’s center there’s a big digital sign telling everyone the only thing they want to know – when the next eruption is expected. We had about an hour to wait so we got a front-row seat and ate the lunch Georgia had packed for us. About 10 minutes before the expected time the geyser started teasing us with little burps of steam and water. The crowd was getting restless; one little boy near us must have asked his dad a hundred times “when’s it going to erupt?” Finally, right at the appointed time the geyser sprang into action and sent a column of water some 100’ high into the sky. Unfortunately, right at that time the breeze shifted and blew all the steam directly at us, so we saw mostly steam and not much geyser. Oh well, that’s Mother Nature for you. At least Georgia got to see Old Faithful, a must for every visitor to Yellowstone.

Day 13: Yellowstone NP

We awoke to a dusting of snow on the ground (snow was expected on and off all day), and drove back into the park. The snow, and the accompanying low temps, gave the park a new, wintry look and feel. Our first stop was to see the Grand Prismatic Pool which we had missed yesterday. Very few cars in the parking lot this time, and after a short hike we saw… mostly steam. Makes sense that the colder the air gets the more steam the hot water (up to 190°F!) generates. When the steam shifted you could get a glimpse of the turquoise water, surrounded by vibrant orange, yellow and brown deposits. The deposits, and even the blue tint of the pool, turn out to be due to different types of bacteria that thrive in the extreme conditions.

We pressed on past Old Faithful and up towards Grant Village. This took us along the shores of Yellowstone Lake, the largest high-altitude lake in the U.S. We had planned to stop at the village and have lunch in one of the restaurants but found it closed for the season, including all the restrooms! Never unprepared (food-wise) Georgia produced some hard-boiled eggs to tide us over until we could find a place for lunch. That turned out to be in Canyon Village, another 20 or so miles up the road. That trip was interrupted by what was to be a short stop to see a bubbling mud pot along the roadway. There was also a longer, steep trail going to a few more mud pots which we weren’t going to do, but then a young woman coming down the trail told us we really should go up as a herd of buffalo was warming up at one of the hot springs. So up we went and sure enough there was a very contented and apparently warm herd.

The trail was a loop, and as we rounded the pool where the buffalo were, there was one eating right next to the boardwalk. Not enough room to safely walk by, we waited and waited for him to move but he seemed quite content to graze just where he was. Finally getting cold we retreated the way we’d come.

Reaching Canyon Village, one of 3 eateries was open, and we found some pretty good chili and a chicken/broccoli/garlic noodle bowl. Nice to have some hot food on a chilly snowy day!

At Canyon Village we’d just passed the drive along the rim of the “Grand Canyon of Yellowstone” so we backtracked a few miles and took the drive, stopping at every overlook and walking every trail. It may seem a stretch to call it the “Grand Canyon” when you consider the real thing in Arizona, but even on this cloudy day the beauty we saw, in the colors, the dramatic geology, and the river below, it truly earned the name, and seeing it was a fitting end to our adventures in Yellowstone.

Day 14: Island Park, ID, to Jackson, WY, 85 miles

A tad sad to be leaving the homey comforts of our beautiful Idaho cabin by the lake, we packed up the trailer to get on the road again after our 3-day layover. Nice and brisk this morning, an inch or so of snow on the trailer and 27 degrees when we pulled out shortly before 10:00. A short cruise today over to Jackson, through the Targhee National Forest, lush green punctuated by stands of golden aspen. We made a rapid descent into Ashton, ID and were immediately into rolling farmlands of wheat, and of course, potatoes (saw several seed potato silos and some vodka distilleries along the way). Following small state highways, we passed through many nice towns, seemingly prosperous as judged by the modern amenities available in these towns of less than 2000 residents. Passing into Wyoming, we joined Hwy 22 over the Teton Pass. One of the scariest mountain drives ever (well, maybe not counting most anything in the Philippines…), a very curvy road with 10% grades both up and down. Very happy to have the power and control of the big truck pulling the little trailer!

The plan was to check into our RV park around noon, then head towards Grand Tetons National Park, which you enter only 4 miles north of Jackson. We took a quick stop at the town square in Jackson, with its famous elk antler arches (there are 4 of these, on each corner of the town square). They are something to see and to be photographed with. Plaques explain that all the antlers were collected in the late 1950’s by slave labor (Boy Scouts).

On to the Tetons. We’ve had this weather system the last couple days, with snow flurries and low clouds. The Tetons are very high mountains. Low clouds + high mountains = low clouds. So unfortunately we didn’t have a view of these impressive peaks, but the mists gave what we saw a mystical appearance. Amidst the sun peeking through the flurries of snow and the clouds, you see glimpses of all of Teton’s grandness and its steep canyons separating the peaks’ ridges. A few times, Mark said: “Trust me, the grandeur of those mountains are really there…just covered today.” A good animal day though, we saw deer and antelope (no, they weren’t playing together), elk, and the big catch – a momma moose with her baby (baboose?).

On the way out of the park we took a drive to a Mormon settlement from the 1890’s, that still has a number of original log homes and barns standing. The cold wind with nothing to block it made you think of the difficult life these pioneers had (notice Georgia’s winter wraps? There are 3 more layers underneath!).

Heading back into town we had to stop at the “Million Dollar Cowboy Bar” where Georgia saddled up for a round! Glad we have a not-so-difficult life!

Day 15: Jackson, WY to Park City, UT, 250 miles

We started off with a nice drive down the gorgeous Snake River canyon, running through the Targhee National Forest, for about 60 miles. Beautiful country, especially this time of year with the fall colors against the evergreen forests, the river below, and the white peaks above. We travelled generally south, going through six states in one day! Wyoming, Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, Wyoming, and Utah. Does that count as six? Anyway it was hard to keep track of which state we were in.

Coming out of the forest around Afton, WY (home of the world’s largest elk antler arch!) the terrain transformed into the ‘high plains’ of mostly ranch land, bordered by high, recently snow-covered mountains. There are a lot of cows here, must be a cow for every person in the U.S.

We ended our travels for the day  pulling into an RV park just a few miles away from Park City, UT. Taking little time to unhitch and set up the trailer, we drove back to Park City. How it’s changed! Mark was last here in 2006, and it was pretty much Main Street and a few adjacent streets. 

Now the malls and condos start miles away, we had to pull over and use Google Maps to find the old Main Street. Thankfully that colorful area hasn’t changed a whole lot, maybe gone a little more high-end, but it’s still a nice walk along many shops, pubs, and restaurants. We took some time over a local brew to research the best place to have buffalo for dinner, that’s on the list for tomorrow, after a visit to Salt Lake City.

Day 16: Local Visits – Salt Lake City and the Great Salt Lake, 167 miles

On a quest to try bison…

Beyond bison, our plans for today were simple; to learn how Salt Lake City came to be (knew we had to have an understanding of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints or the Mormon religion for this), to go to Salt Lake and either float on it and/or taste it’s brininess, and finally, to have a nice dinner in Park City and satisfy our curiosity about the taste of buffalo meat.

Our morning was unhurried (at least Georgia’s was…) and slept in a bit. Although we did use the furnace to keep the trailer cozy during the night, sunshine and blue skies greeted us by 7:30 am for a change.  We left our camper at the CG and drove to Salt Lake City’s Temple Square which took us about ½ hour.  Not having a detailed plan on how to tackle the Mormon immersion part of the day’s mission, we went into the first open entrance which was along North Street (next to the West St., of course) and went inside the North Entrance Visitor Center. Inside this was at least 3 floors of what we can only describe as America’s Vatican, with a modern twist.  The different types of media they made available for the visitors were remarkably well thought out—paintings, sculptures, videos, narrations, private reflection areas, exploration of the Book of Mormon could be availed through areas with headsets, videos of their history, presentation of its founder Joseph Smith, testaments of missionary work, etc.  We took 1 ½ hours reading, watching and listening.

We got hungry and ended up at Blue Lemon across the street from the Temple Square’s South Gate.  We enjoyed our freshly prepared and well-seasoned veggie wraps and tacos. After lunch we went back into the Temple Square through, and admiring, the square’s middle manicured gardens and had a chance to compliment the 2 young ladies who were on active duty.  We then proceeded to their tabernacle which was open, sat down and listened to the colossal pipe organ being played by this young man, the crescendos meant to vibrate the floor, your seat and your coronaries.

We then made our way to the South Entrance visitor center thinking this would be a smaller version of the North’s visitor Center.  Naaah—this building showcased how Brigham Young led the “flock” to Salt Lake City and how the site for the Temple of our God came to be, how the temple was erected, the tools, the wagons, etc.  Mark noted that one cannot enter the Temple unless you are a Mormon.  Well, this building had a 10 foot replica of the outside structure as well as the inside structure, its rooms and furnishings. Next to it you get to see videos of the actual rooms—WOW!  The furniture and design of the inside is meant to have the purest (think clean, white, gold), most beautiful adornments, best materials, best workmanship, it is after all built for “our God.”

Mark and I agreed that taking the time to understand the Mormon religion a little, the foundation of their beliefs and their history were worth the time. A must do if in Salt Lake City!

Next was a drive to the Great Salt Lake at Utah’s Antelope Island State Park.  The feel of the water – nothing different, the taste of the water – very salty after licking the dried salt crystals on your skin (note from Mark: been there, done that, didn’t feel the need to get crusty  – only Georgia’s skin touched the water this time!), the smell in the air – a lot like a lot of dried shrimp, the walk to reach the water - looong!  But still a must do if you have the time.

Buffalloooooo! We proceeded back to Park City for our dinner of buffalo, and since they didn’t have buffalo steak, Georgia opted for the only steak option in the menu, sirloin steak, while Mark went for the buffalo burger.  The burger didn’t disappoint, had the tenderness of wagyu beef with less fat and the sirloin steak was as tender and flavorful as any steak we’ve ever had.  We have to say the beef in Montana, Wyoming and Utah are certainly the best and that buffalo burger meat is indeed better than beef burger meat.  After researching on beef quality and flavor, we are convinced that the secret to finding good flavorful beef anywhere in the US is finding the right store, one that specializes and takes pride in the fresh meat they sell.

Day 17: Park City, UT to Baker, NV, 221 miles

This was a Blue Bird morning in the language of skiers, even though the ski season has yet to start. White peaks against that cloudless bluer-than-blue sky. We followed US 189 down through the Heber Valley, then through Utah’s Deer Creek State Park. We’ve seen this throughout this trip: snow-capped peaks with green flanks, orange and golden aspens, rivers and lakes. We’re fortunate to live in a place with similar beauty, but to see it over and over with different mountains and rivers and lakes is something we never tire of.

We descended a long grade into Provo, UT, a modern and clean looking place with that college-town look, being the home of Brigham Young University – lots of trendy places to eat, lots of outdoor recreation, flanked by the impressive Wasatch mountains. After Provo the country changed into rolling farm and ranch lands (more cattle) for some time – thinking of all that fresh beef we started looking for a local butcher, drove past the Ashton Farms Burger Barn and Meat Market in Delta, UT (burger of the month: double cheese burger with a crispy chicken breast!) – a quick U-turn and we bought a great looking rib-eye and some elk andouille brats that may make it home or may not…

Soon after Delta, we began our drive through the Great Basin. We already mentioned that the Great Salt Lake was a remnant of Lake Bonneville, a huge ‘ocean’ that covered much of western America. The Great Basin is the bed of this massive lake which is now mostly flat, arid country

We followed US 6 westward for some 60 miles, the road so straight it went on forever; when you reached forever it kept going straight as far as you could see.

We crossed this first part in 60 minutes before we came to a range of interesting mountains – I had the thought that while interesting to me, what did the immigrants think, after days trudging thought this dry land, about these menacing hills? “Interesting” was probably not in their vocabulary. And then, after a steep climb and descent (with the road we traveled blasted through the rock to make it less steep and curvy) what did they see? Another 60 or so miles of the same flat, dry country ending in an even more imposing mountain range. Wow, the immigrants had hope, faith, and perseverance that we’ll never know. This country has a strange, arresting beauty. In some ways the straight flat road tells you to speed up and get across this as fast as you can; the beauty begs you to slow down and take it all in.

After a short prospecting stop – Georgia read about ‘rockhounds’ and wanted to see what it was all about, although neither of us would recognize a precious stone if it hit us in the head – we arrived in Baker, NV, population 68 (people, many more cows). The owner and hostess of the Whispering Elms Motel and RV Park is also the bartender in the saloon, apparently the hopping place in town. Why are we here? Baker was about a 4-hour drive (our standard day) from Park City and is the nearest town to the Great Basin National Park, on the schedule for tomorrow.

After about 10 days in very cold weather we appreciated the warm temps in Baker, put on our flip-flops and set up an outdoor table and chairs as we prefer to do. Poured a glass of wine, got dinner ready, started a fire, had some music going, all the stuff of a nice evening. After dinner as we were cleaning up, a strong, cold wind came up suddenly. Not strong, but STRONG! Got us hurrying to put everything away and get back into the cozy little trailer. Score one more point for trailer vs. tent (which would have been blown into the next county). For the first time Georgia thought our bichon could be flattened easily by that small tree if it fell on us.

Day 18: Baker NV, Great Basin National Park

Winter followed us from Park City to Baker, after last night’s warm start we woke to 20-degree temps and a strong wind that cut right through whatever you could wear. Our 2-gallon water jug was frozen solid!

Great Basin NP wouldn’t ever have been on my bucket list for National Parks to visit, but as it was about half way between Park City and Reno, it was a natural stop and one more NP to check off my list. Very undeveloped, only one paved road into the park, from Baker to Lehman cave. We took a 1-hour ranger-led tour into the caves, which were spectacular, even after many cave visits to more well-known caves such as Carlsbad and Mammoth, these were among the best and most well-preserved cave formations I’ve seen. And that’s after the early years of private exploitation, where the going rule was “if you can break it, you can take it”. Thankfully the formations must be pretty tough and there are a lot left for us to enjoy today, and more that are still forming for future generations.

Great Basin NP is also about the Great Basin. Geologically, it’s recently the leftover lakebed from Lake Bonneville, which covered most of Nevada and much of Utah, Idaho, and Wyoming, as recently as 12,000 years ago. The Great Salt Lake is the last remnant of this drying lake, but we can see the tale of the ancient lake in its lakebed (now flat and arid valleys) and in the foothills and mountains, once islands in the lake. This has left us with great vistas, wide-open spaces.

We’re most thankful for our leaders who have made efforts to preserve these natural treasures we have, for us to enjoy and for all the generations to come. I’ll probably never make it to every National Park, but I know I’ll enjoy each one that I do see. More to come on the next road trip!

Day 19: Baker NV, to Reno, NV, 383 miles

This was our ‘blast across Nevada’ day, the longest day of driving in this trip. I’d really expected one long, mind-numbing drive across featureless desert. I guess my Nevada geography was off a bit. We started by rounding the northern edge of Great Basin NP, with a great view of 13,065’ Wheeler Peak and the other dramatic peaks in the park.

Up and over the Sacramento Pass and down into the valley below. Across the flat valley and up and over another range, down into another valley, and rinse and repeat... I finally remembered a lesson from a book I read last summer (Hard Road West by Keith Meldahl) which is a history book written by a geologist. It follows the trail of the immigrants to the California gold fields in the 1850’s and ties in how the geology of the land they were traveling over affected their journey, and how the land came to be the way it is. The part that came back to me today was about travel westward through the Great Basin. “Basin” is a hydrogeological term describing how water entering the area doesn’t get out (doesn’t flow to the sea) rather than describing a flat area like the bottom of a wash basin. Anyway, the part that affected the immigrants is that many millions of years ago the basin was indeed flat, and also the west coast was much further west than it is now. The Pacific plate of the earth’s crust moves eastward, sliding underneath the western US plate, pushing California eastward. This compressed the Great Basin causing it to “wrinkle”, forming north-south running ridges – the photo here is looking north into a flat valley between two parallel ranges to the east and west.

The significance of this lesson was lost until today as we repeatedly crossed a 10 or 20 or 40 mile-wide flat valley floor, then an imposing mountain range with a 7500+ foot high pass. Then another, then another, 8 or 9 in all, I lost count, all the way across Nevada, until you come to the baddest wrinkle of all, the Sierra Nevada.

Can you imagine what the immigrants felt when they finally fought their way over a pass, only to look west and see yet another valley and mountain range?

Much of the drive through the Nevada Great Basin was on US 50 – signs appropriately called it “the loneliest road in America”; miles and miles of long stretches of straight one lane roads, repeated after crossing another mountain range. Georgia theorizes that Reno grew to the big city that it is (in comparison to the much smaller and less developed towns we saw along the way) because some immigrants just couldn’t go through another mountain range crossing nor another big lonely valley to trudge through to reach California. It had a little something to do with silver mining noted MC. But, Georgia could not imagine women immigrants traveling this trail… 6 months of wagon camping from the Midwest seems unhealthy with so many environmental challenges to contend with—Reno perhaps was a compromise, as all good relationships require?

Bottom line is that crossing the middle of Nevada was much more interesting than we thought it would be. We’re very thankful we weren’t among those immigrants!

Arrived in Reno a little after 4pm (after 9am start), selling out to the comforts of a shower, clean bed, and a celebratory dinner at the Silver Legacy. That shower felt great (nice when you don’t have to worry about touching the walls or having to balance so your feet don’t touch the floor), and our Sushi dinner was a treat, not just because we haven’t eaten well on the road but it’s something we don’t have at home.

Day 20: Reno, NV to Graeagle, 61 miles

After sleeping in, another shower, and a big breakfast we hitched up the little trailer for the last time on this trip, and made the uneventful 1-hour drive home. The last time we drove home from Reno with the trailer was the day we bought it; I was nervous and checking my rear-view mirror every 2 seconds to make sure it was still there. I feel like a pro now!

A little sad to be ending our adventure, but it’s softened by coming home to beautiful Graeagle. A perfectly blue and warm October day, with the aspens in the front yard a brilliant yellow. Maybe the best way to get over the sadness will be to start planning our next road trip…

[shalliedragon]

Fur Squared 2018: Convention Report

All right. I think it's official now. Fur Squared is now my favorite furry convention. Their attention to detail, the sheer generosity of the attendees, the utter insanity of the events, the fact that it's just the right size, the fact that 40% of the attendees either sponsored or super-sponsored... all of those things make Fur Squared unlike any other convention I've been to. It is rare that I attend a convention that is pretty much non-stop happiness and excitement from beginning to end.

I say this despite the fact that the weekend was more or less one big blur of awesomeness. There weren't a whole ton of standout moments, because it was all consistently fun and enjoyable. But I will try to recount what I remember (might be easier now that it's over).

Thursday

Got everything packed into my car before work, and left work early to head on the road. It's a long drive from home to Brookfield, so I had to put the pedal down and just go. On the road I listened to the Dragget Show and Feral Attraction podcasts (sidenote: FA's "keeping yourself secure on the internet" episode was extremely disappointing, but that's a topic for another day).

I got to the con around 10:15 and checked into my room. I met my dear friend (and roommate) Jake (AKA Cobbs) in the lobby of the Sheraton. After exchanging pleasantries, he helped me carry my stuff in, and then we went over to MST3K (stylized to MiST3Ke on the schedule). Registration had closed, so I didn't have my con badge yet, but the person at the door thankfully let us in just by showing our state ID's.

The panelists were Alkali, Pandez, Xander, Draggor, Dixie Lioness, and Furry Bobs (I believe). The movie in question was... some kind of bad fantasy adventure thing, I don't remember the title, but it was bad. The panelists had to drink when a weapon was drawn, when there was a typo in the subtitles, when there was "(dramatic music)" playing, or the secret rule: anytime the panelists ended a sentence with a vowel. I didn't stick around to the end, as I was exhausted (so did Jake), but I think the panelists ended up winning.

We made our way back to the room, where we ran into our 3rd roommate, Gotherine Foxx (Gothy for short), who was putting the finishing touches (read: a pack of googly eyes) on a very large and ornately-drawn painting for the charity auction. She subsequently left with her friends, and then Jake and I went to bed.

Friday

I. Slept. Like. GARBAGE.

It took me a very long time to finally fall asleep the night before, and I don't quite know why. I think I got like 3-4 hours of sleep. It was BAD.

Thankfully, Fur Squared made it up to me with FREE BREAKFAST. This is one of my favorite features of Fur Squared. Every day of the con, they give all of the attendees vouchers for the breakfast buffet, so that everyone always gets at least one of the two meals needed for the 6-2-1 rule. I ate my fill, assuming that I wouldn't really be eating lunch that day. Jake and I sat with my friends Angel and Gabi, and we also ran into my friends Linn and Xeila.

After breakfast, I meandered around the con space with Jake, and went to get registered. Two things of note. First, they were giving out ribbons to the sponsors/super-sponsors that had character classes on them: archmage, drunken master, divine oracle, and ... one other one that I don't remember (I think it was Bard or something like that). I chose Archmage. Second, they had little stickers that you can put on your badge for your preferred pronouns. This made me REALLY happy; I always love it when cons try to be trans-inclusive.

Then we did some people-watching. There were a lot of familiar faces, and the excitement was palpable (both from the attendees, and from the many happy dogs that the charity had brought with them). I managed to snag a picture of Axikor as they walked past (it was actually the only picture I took the entire con, foolish me). Finally, it was time for opening ceremonies. It was filmed, so I won't go into detail, but long-story-short: the GOH's were Furry Bobs and Cypher (sp?), the artist of honor was Golden Druid, the con theme was "Lizards and Labyrinths 2nd Edition, Revenge of the Top Hat", the Kalerati and the Church of Adam started a charity donation war to see which one was the best, and people were silly. Good times.

Also, throughout this time, my 4th roommate, Dezzi, was nowhere to be found.

After the con was open, I made a beeline for my room and got right into my fursuit. I traveled around the con space some, posed for a few pictures, gave a few hugs, and got some professional photos taken at the photoshoot area in the headless lounge (I was due for some new photos). They had a whole collection of fantasy-themed props there, which made for some fun photos. I did a couple photos: one where I had a veil and some potions and looked like an alchemist, and one where I had a fistful of gemstones. The photos should be processed in the next few weeks.

I ran into my friend Alex while I was there; he was wearing his Azriel Dreemur fursuit (he's the one with the big Save button you see gallivanting around the cons). We chatted for a bit, and he went on his way.

I also had a goal for the weekend. Earlier in the year, I had bought a pack of "sprouts", these little clip-on plastic plants that you can affix to yourself as decoration. I was inspired by a former MFF roommate, Sven, who was giving them out to people. I wanted to continue the tradition, so that I could help #SproutTheLove on my own. I had a collection of 5 that I was going to give out by the time the weekend was over (I had already given my other 2 to my roommates).

After getting my photo taken, I sauntered downstairs to the video gaming room. They had rockband set up, so I immediately sat down at the drum kit and started getting a song set up. A couple other furries saw me banging on the drums and went "I have to get in on this." There were 3 of us playing "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. And it was a cluster. We could barely hear the music, the instruments were all out of sync, and I was extremely rusty (and in fursuit). But it was fun, and it seemed like it made people smile, so it was worth it.

I said my goodbyes (I think we ended up attracting a small crowd), and made my way back to my room to cool off and clean up. I got a quick bite to eat at the con suite (which was decorated with candles, goblets, crystals, and even a little keg), and then made my way over to the Otherworld Stories panel. Alkali and a bunch of his Nero (LARP) friends told stories of their various experiences in LARPing, and hilarity ensued. It was a surprisingly popular event, and the individuals involved sounded pretty amazing. They also had a slideshow of old photos from Alkali's LARP days. I really wish they had Nero out where I live, because it sounded like a hell of a lot of fun.

After that I stayed put for convention horror stories. It's pretty standard for that kind of panel: old con chairs and con staffers talk about ridiculous terrible things that happened during their tenures, and hilarity ensued. I had heard many of them before, but it was still fun. It was filmed.

I got a quick bite to eat (#BeerCheeseSoup) between panels, and then went back for the 3-Headed Monster. As per usual, Alkali, Pandez, and Xander each did 15-20 minute comedy sets back to back. Xander got somewhat political, but also much darker than usual. Good balance of new and old material. Alkali ... was Alkali, and Pandez sang a song or two. It was filmed, as usual, and it is consistently one of my favorite events, so if you haven't seen it yet... see it. Seriously.

After that was QUIPFUR. This is Draggor's homebrew version of the popular video game Quiplash. Serathin was the MC (he basically just read off the answers and stuff) and the main panelists were Xander, Furry Bobs, and Huscoon. Unlike standard Quiplash (in addition to having furry-related questions), Quipfur was played where Draggor chose which two people played in a given round. He usually pitted one of the panelists against a random audience member. It was pretty hilarious, and I highly recommend it if you like fun events that you can participate in.

It was at that time that I noticed that Draggor still wasn't wearing his trademark skin-tight bodysuits. He was in a costume (broad-brimmed fantasy hat with feather, and tights), but he wasn't wearing a mask or anything. Indeed, throughout the entire convention, he only donned a bodysuit once: the fursuit parade (where he wore his Robbie Sinclair suit). Other than that, he was just his normal human self. He never said why he wasn't wearing them (to my knowledge), so I don't know what the reason was for the change of pace. I can only speculate: either a) he just wanted to change things up and do something different, or b) he was getting tired of being known as "the bulge" and wanted to be recognized for more than just his suits and his package. Maybe I'll ask him sometime...

After Quipfur, I went over to "Fox's Songs To Get Murdered By". Fox Amoore (accompanied by Flop the bass bunny) basically just played a bunch of random songs, and had Pandez, Alkali, and Boozy Badger sing along. It was definitely fun, and very silly. I think it was filmed (I hope so, because my memory for it was kind of weak).

Of note: this was one of the first panels I recall that made mention of the phrase "cripple fight." This phrase was to become a recurrent meme throughout the con.

Jake and I quickly went over to the restaurant and got some more food (I had a salad, and Jake had a salad with a brat sandwich, and also had the cocktail I got earlier that night, a variant of a sidecar). We often spent our time talking about things in the fandom and various hobbies. Jake's a soft-spoken guy, who often just responds with a "nice" or "I like that" when I tell stories. I worry that I am boring or annoying to him, but since he chooses to keep hanging out with me, I'm assuming my worries are unfounded.

After dinner part 2, we went to Whose Lion Is It Anyway (audience participation version). I've become more fond of the audience Whose Lion in recent years; people have gotten better at it, and the quality of the jokes has really increased. Further, I am SO HAPPY that Alkali specifically told people "please avoid insult humor and racist jokes" and encouraged people to get creative. That had been a problem in previous years; people had often used Whose Lion as an excuse to say terrible things to each other, in an attempt to be funny. But since they specifically quashed that this time, people actually tried different things beyond the typical "hey baby wanna do sex?" chestnut. It was great. Indeed, some some of the jokes were FANTASTIC.

Also more cripple fight. And Culver's. Culver's is apparently a thing now.

After that, we went to the bizarrely-titled "Boozy's Drunken Naptime." I honestly went into it expecting to see Boozy doing dramatic readings of children's stories or something. Instead, it was him, Huscoon, Fox Amoore, Nbowa, and Dixie Lioness just BS'ing for an hour. Weird, but still funny and interesting.

This seems to be a common theme for a lot of panels: get X people, put them on a stage, and have them tell funny stories and BS with each other, with pretty much no structure beyond that. There were at least 4 panels at Fur Squared that followed this format. It's a format I haven't really seen outside of furry conventions, and I am curious about how it came to be, and why it works so well. More research to come.

After that was the last panel of the night: Iron Alcoholic. It is competitive mixology. During each round, the competitors had to create a cocktail that met certain criteria (i.e. "must contain vodka, must be a shot"). They had a time limit to do this (2-3 minutes), and then audience members were the taste-testers for the event. Each round had a winner, based on how the audience felt. Me and Jake only stayed for 2 rounds, because the event started after midnight, and we were both exhausted. But it was pretty awesome. It was definitely filmed (thank you Silvergatomon, seriously he is a saint).

Saturday

I got up at around 8 in the morning, so that I could go to Xander's Saturday Morning Cartoons panel. I had been looking forward to this panel all year; it was a ton of fun last time. It's a great way to just relax and unwind on a Saturday morning. As usual, Xander created a "playlist" of various clips from cartoons and TV shows, and we just kind of sat and watched. It was funny, though some clips were better than others. Most of them were D&D or animal themed to an extent. Unlike last year, they didn't have cereal and milk, which was a bit disappointing. Still, a good time.

Immediately following was CHAIRity D&D. This was probably one of the best panels at the con. It was a one-shot D&D adventure, played by Alkali, Draggor, Dusty Montale, and John AKA Beardo The Magnificent, with Faelan as the DM. They were playing a variant of 5th edition, with some additional house rules to streamline things (each player had a deck of cards with spells on them). And it was BRILLIANT. The campaign was really smooth and fluid. Faelan was an EXPERT DM; he deftly made things up off the cuff, without batting an eye or checking a rulebook. All the players got really into their characters. And as usual, they were hilarious. To top it all off, the audience could donate money to the charity to both increase the difficulty of the adventure AND grant boons to the players if they so desired.

It was probably one of the best run, most entertaining D&D sessions I have ever witnessed. And it sounds like they'll be doing it again next year, so yeeeeeeee!

After the adventure, I booked it back to my room to quickly get into fursuit for the parade. While I was in the staging area, I ran into Xander (in suit) and gave him my usual hug. I also ran into my friend Angel, who was wearing her brand new wolf partial suit. It was super cute, especially because she had a big plush cookie in her mouth. After the group photo, the parade began. I was right behind Red Beagle (I think that's his name?) and I felt really bad, because I kept bumping into him as I walked. My vision isn't very good in-suit, so I had a hard time looking at the audience AND seeing where I was going. I'm going to make an effort to be aware of that going forward. Mustn't have been fun for Mr. Beagle (considering my head is made of resin and probably made for unpleasant noseboops).

On a lighter note, I do distinctly recall hearing people shout "Shallie!" as I rounded one of the corners (I think it was Leafy Greens?). This really made my day, as I rarely get recognized by name in the parade. I made an effort to get a lot of mugging and posing in, trying to do more than just wave. I think they like it when I act "fabulous", so I'm going to try and ham it up more next time.

After the parade, I rushed back to my room to get cleaned up before running back to attend Charity Whose Lion. Again, one of my favorite events. And again, more cripple fight (IIRC Boozy ended up swatting Propzilla with his cane). I highly recommend this panel; these folks are all experts at improv comedy. If you haven't seen it, watch the video when it comes out.

Following that, I went over to the dealer's room to take a look around, and collect my super-sponsor swag. This year's con swag: a Fur Squared beer mug, a t-shirt, a branded dice bag, a complete set of D&D dice, and a branded stemless wine glass for the super sponsors. As usual, sponsors got a copy of the poster, and super sponsors got to be IN the poster. I was pretty blown away by my picture: they knew somehow that I was a spellcaster, so they made me a sorceress (in a pretty dress no less). It was awesome.

After wandering around some more and snagging a bite to eat (while signing the super-sponsor poster for the charity auction and giving two sprouts away to some strangers), I went over to @FurSquared. This was a gameshow of some stripe, hosted by Iggy, where each round, people were given prompts, and were asked to come up with clever responses. For example, one of them was "what kind of fictional crossover have you always dreamed of?" The responses were pretty good, but I remember the game being a bit more... lively the previous year. Still, fun times.

Following that, I went over to another bizarrely named panel: "Monkey Knife Fights." Following a similar formula as Drunken Naptime, they put Alkali and Boozy up on a stage and had them BS for an hour. As you might imagine, it was hysterical. But that wasn't the cool part. That came after the panel.

Immediately following the event, Alkali revealed that a hypnotist had come to the convention, and was in the audience with us. I think some people donated to the charity to convince Alkali to undergo hypnosis at the hands of this gentleman. I thought "Oh this'll be funny, we'll watch Alkali do stupid things". But what actually happened was even better. The gentleman, who was named Mark, was a professional hypno-therapist, and he spoke all about how hypnosis can be used to help treat psychological disorders and mental illness. He also explained how hypnosis worked, in an effort to allay Alkali of his fears (he was visibly nervous at first).

Eventually, the ferret calmed down, and Mark began his hypnosis regimen. He told Alkali to imagine that a helium balloon was tied to his wrist, and that it was slowly filling up with gas. As it filled, Alkali was told to imagine that his arm was getting lighter as the pull of the balloon got stronger. Eventually, Alkali's arm PHYSICALLY ROSE OFF HIS LEG, and he literally could not make himself put it down. Then, Mark cut the balloon's "string", and Alkali went to sleep. Mark told Alkali to envision that one of his friends had snuck in the room and put googly eyes on Boozy's eyes (Boozy had been sitting there silently the whole time), and to think about how funny that would be.

At the end, Mark told Alkali that he wouldn't remember any of this, but that he would feel very refreshed and happy, and that he would see Boozy's "googly eyes" upon his waking. Mark commanded Alkali to wake up, and Alkali had the biggest, most placid grin I had ever seen on his face. He looked so peaceful, so content, so relaxed...

And then he turned and saw Boozy and LOST IT!

Alkali honestly believed that there were googly eyes on Boozy's face. He was all like "You look like Dr. Doom from Roger Rabbit!" and he laughed so hard that he nearly fell out of his chair. After he had calmed down, Mark asked how Alkali had felt. Alkali responded that he felt "the best I've felt all day."

I really hope that was filmed, because that was an incredible experience.

Moving on, I went to the super-sponsor dinner. More accurately, I stood in line for the super-sponsor dinner. Apparently there were so many super-sponsors that they had to bring in people in stages. I was toward the end of the line. Alkali was really apologetic, and said he would try to smooth things out for next year. But it honestly didn't matter. They had enough food for everyone.

And what a banquet it was. They had a buffet with chicken and mushrooms, roast beef, roasted vegetables, dinner rolls, salad, beer cheese soup, potatoes, cookies, brownies, and Sprecher Root Beer on tap. It was pretty delicious, especially considering how hungry I was. I sat at the table, eating with my fellow super-sponsors, thinking to myself "I'm doing this every year!" And frankly, I think I will. All the cool swag, getting to be in the poster, AND a free catered meal? Considering a Fur Squared supersponsorship is $100 less than one at MFF or AC, I think that's a pretty solid bargain.

Also, there was a proposal at the dinner. It was pretty sweet. I think Alkali cried.

After that was the DRAGGET SHOW! Super fun, like always. The panel was Xander and Alkali, Boozy, Draggor, and Pandez. I forget what all they talked about, but it was recorded, so eh. I do remember Xander mentioning the video I made for them. Context: I had been working on a remix of the JAPAN SONG for the past several weeks (go to YouTube and look up "dragget show japan song" if you want to see the original, or my remix), with my goal being to get it done before Fur Squared. I was successful. I also wanted to get Xander's attention about it (he tends to not check his phone often), so I asked him about it on his Patreon. He mentioned it, and said that he had actually retweeted the song. So yeah, that was cool.

Of note: the Dragget Show was a charity panel, so people were passing around the hat. But towards the end, there were two huge donations. One person donated $666.66. And (IIRC) Tobe donated $1,000. Alkali cried. Combined with the other money, the show raised over $2000, which made it the most generous event at the convention other than the charity auction. It was amazing. And as usual, the show ended with a charity story. It was the story of what REALLY happened on Draggor's birthday, when they all got insanely high. I won't go into detail, though; you need to attend the panel to hear the charity stories. >:D

Following that, I went over to the Foxes and Peppers after dark show. It was pretty funny, like usual. Pepper's guitar string broke mid-set, so he had to fix it WHILE performing. They auctioned off the last printing of one of Fox's CD's. And they performed "Lighthouse", in memory of the kids who were shot during the school shooting in Florida recently. Pepper put it best: "I want to forget the reason I wrote this song, but there keep being more and more reasons to perform it."

The show ran a little long, so I ended up being late to Libation Appreciation. For those who don't know, this event is all about sharing knowledge about alcohol. They talked about various different types of booze, how they like to enjoy them, and various recommendations for brands to try (apparently Nika distillery is good for Japanese whiskey). It was pretty informative. Then Fox and Pepper crashed the panel, and Pepper (who was drunk) started playing around with the giant Jenga set in the corner of the room. Still, good times. They kicked us out at 1AM and I went to bed.

Sunday

Got up at around 9 for breakfast (someone ended up taking our spots, so we had to talk to the wait staff and get new vouchers), and then Jake and I went over to main events for Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes. For those who don't know the video game: one person has a bomb in front of them, with a bunch of puzzles on it. The other person/team has a bomb manual, with instructions on how to solve the puzzles. However, neither can see each other's screens, so they have to talk and work together to defuse the bomb. It's a pretty fun, but stressful, game.

And they took it further at Fur Squared. Firr and Zen Fox were running the panel. They had one audience member at the bomb, and a team of other audience members with paper copies of the manual. While the bomb was being defused, Firr and Zen would do everything in their power to be distracting. They would scream and shout, sing, dance and stomp around, blare annoying music, and more. They even set up crazy "house rules" to make it even harder. One of the "experts" had to speak in a Russian accent. Another time, only one of them was allowed to speak. Another time, the audience had to use their phones to use the manual.

And then it was my turn. I got to be the defuser once (I lost), and it was hilarious. Firr and Zen were yelling and making the stage shake, and they were moving my microphone around. Another time, I was one of the experts, which was shortly after they had taken all of the paper manuals and threw the pages all over the place. We gathered up the papers as best we could, and were ready to start.

And then Harvard walked up to the bomb chair. Harvard is a silent fursuiter. We had to play "Keep Talking" with someone who didn't talk. To make matters worse, Firr and Zen decided to play "helping hands" with us, where they came up behind us and put their arms under ours, pretending to be "our arms." I distinctly remember receiving a nipple tweak from Firr. At any rate, we lost, even on the easiest difficulty. Harvard had the foresight to hilariously dive from her chair just as the bomb was about to explode. "She was the only one who thought to do that," said Firr.

Our next "victim" was Razzy, another fursuiter. Thankfully Razzy could talk. We still had a hard time deciphering what he was saying for some of the puzzles. This wasn't made easier by the fact that Zen Fox decided to lie down on top of all of the bomb manuals. I had to physically roll him out of the way (I thankfully didn't push him off the table). But we won!

For the last bomb, I think it was Zen in the hot seat, and Firr reading the manual. They misread one of the puzzles, but I think they ended up winning? I don't remember. Regardless, Firr does a really good job with the Keep Talking panel, so you should check it out next time you go to Fur Squared.

Following that event, Jake and I went down to the "Coming and GOHing" panel. SemJay, Zen Fox, Pandez, and Firr regaled us with stories about being the previous guests of honor at Fur Squared. They answered questions and shared their thoughts about unexpected things about being a GOH, what their proudest accomplishments were, and how they messed with Alkali's head. SemJay even took off her pants for charity (she was wearing underwear, don't worry).

This panel bled into the following panel, Firr's "Go Forth And Suck." It was a pep-talk panel, where Firr (and the other former GOH's) encouraged people to just go out there and try whatever they wanted to do. If you have an idea, just do it, and don't be ashamed of sucking. We all sucked at one point. And sucking is how you get good. It was because they all took risks and did stupid things, some of which just blew up in their faces, that they ended up where they are now. Pandez's story was particularly poignant; one of his first solo comedy sets was to a crowd of 12 people in a room made for 500. But he kept going, and he learned a lesson from his experience (tailor the room to the size of the event, and do smaller sets).

I was reminded of my panel at the previous year's Fur Squared. The one that only had 3 attendees. As of writing this, I never attempted to try again after that dismal failure (even though someone thanked me for my time). So, next con I go to, I am going to submit multiple panel ideas and see which ones I get. I will do my best, and I will have fun doing it, no matter what happens.

Sidenote: because one panel ended up bleeding into the other, the panelists decided to combine the two and call it "Coming and GOHing and Sucking." We laughed at that for a good 30 seconds.

After the panel, I went with Jake back to the room and we said our goodbyes. He unfortunately had a plane to catch. But I was happy to have been able to share so much of the con with him, whether it was sitting together at panels, or having in-depth conversations during meals. He told me he remembered fondly the time at AC when we just sat and talked for hours at the end of the con. I hope that we can do something like that again sometime.

Then I went to the charity auction. As usual, it was fun times. Lots of great stuff up for auction. I unfortunately didn't win anything. But honestly, it wasn't even about that. The Fur Squared charity auction is one of the highlights of the con, because people really get into it. Cheering, jokes, huge bids; the atmosphere was electric! There were items that went for over $1000 apiece. My roommate, Dezzi, actually ended up buying the creative rights to the Kalerati AND the Church of Adam at the auction. Alkali bought the signed super-sponsor poster, as a way to say Thank You for all the hard work done by Axikor and their team. A mask made by one of Alkali's Nero friends went for $1500. It was incredible.

Oh, and someone bought a collection of Victoria's Secret perfume and then sprayed it all over Alkali, Firr, and Pandez.

Charity auctions, the bar has been set by Fur Squared. Both in terms of money raised, and in terms of the experience.

After the auction, I quickly went back to my room to get into fursuit. I decided that this was going to be a tradition: I would always do "This Is How You Kill A Con" and closing ceremonies in-suit. So I did.

I met up with my friends Linn and Xeila at the panel, and had some snuggles (I know Linn had previously asked for fursuit snuggles, so I was making good on my promise). I gave Linn one of my sprouts. But the real fun was the panel itself. For those who haven't been: "This Is How You Kill A Con" is basically just a time-filler while the board of directors meets to go over the events of the con. As a result, they give Firr free reign to do pretty much whatever he wants. And he took full advantage of that.

Him and Zen (and I think Furry Bobs was there for a bit) just kind of did whatever for an hour and a half. We had a mini charity auction. Several things ended up being up for bid. First, a small sketch done by an artist in the audience at "Coming and GOHing and Sucking". Next, a small piece of string. I think there was something else (I hope they filmed the panel).

And then Huscoon showed up. The conversation turned to Culver's, again. Turns out, the Fur Squared Twitter account only follows one other account: Culver's. This gave Firr an idea. He would put up for auction the ability to send a single tweet from the Fur Squared Twitter account AND the ability to have the account follow any one other account (no unfollows). I think the winner tweeted out that he wanted to be the GOH for next year.

They also managed to convince Huscoon to auction off the ability for someone to post a tweet on HIS account. Yes, you read correctly. The famously conservative, controversy-starting Huscoon. The one for whom #BlameHuscoon was created. Turns out, Dixie was the one who won that tweet. I think she posted "I give my undying love to my sweetheart, Pepper Coyote" or something like that. Good times.

In the middle of the shenanigans, I made my way up to the front of the room and gave my last two sprouts to Firr and Zen. Firr clipped his to his hat (where it stayed for the rest of the con), and Zen clipped his to his beard. I was happy.

Finally (after ending the panel with a round of "Bohemian Rhapsody"), it was time for closing ceremonies. They began with a big Happy Birthday song for Draggor, and he was blown away. He was grinning from ear to ear, and he turned beet red from embarrassment. Turns out he's as big a sweetheart as Alkali is. The staff also brought up a present for him: a hoodie featuring the logo for Dragon's Milk beer.

I won't go into too much detail, as this panel was filmed. I'll just go over the highlights. Kataze had his traditional power point presentation, going over the numbers at the convention. This time he had graphs, and they were HILARIOUS. Final head count: 1101. Total sponsors and super-sponsors: 485. That's right. 45% of the convention chose to upgrade their badges. By contrast, I think AC had a similar number of upgraded badges, but had 7,500 attendees.

Someone brought in a whole cart full of Culver's custard. I didn't get any (as I was in suit) but they had enough for... a lot of people.

And then the waterworks. Alkali read off the totals for the charitable donations from each of the sources. And as he read, his became more and more misty-eyed. But it didn't stop there. I think there were at least 4 or 5 instances of people coming up and going "wait Alkali, I have more money." Including my roommate Gothy donating a LITERAL BRA AND PANTIES MADE OF MONEY, that was worth $69 on the dot. As usual, Firr went around and rounded things up.

The final charity total was $21,000. They beat their previous year's total by about $6,000. Which, as of this post, puts Fur Squared at #3 in the ranking of most generous furry conventions in the world (total donated divided by attendance).

To top it all off, Cy, one of the guests of honor, said that when she sells her house, she would donate 10% of the value of the house to the charity, which was estimated to be a donation of about $12,000.

Lastly, they announced stuff for next year. Vegas themed. Title: The Mouse Always Wins. I do hope that means that Miko is going to do something ridiculous.

They also announced the guests of honor. They doubled up on the artists of honor (I don't remember their names), but they also had a new "Gamemaster of honor" title, which they awarded to Iggy! I was ecstatic, cuz I had roomed with him the previous year, and consider him my friend. I was jumping up and down and clapping like mad. I think Iggy was pretty surprised.

After closing ceremonies wrapped up, Linn went back to my room with me, and I gave her the Christmas present that I had been meaning to get to her for the past 2 months: a board game called Pitch Deck (look it up, it's fantastic). She was so happy, because she's a huge board game nerd, and she immediately recognized the game when I pulled it out. We sat and talked for a while, catching up and talking about future convention plans. After a while, I told that I had to get cleaned up (I was still in my bodysuit), so we parted ways.

After cleaning up, I went over to the hotel restaurant for dinner. This was where things took a bit of a dip. I got to the restaurant, and sat down. I waited for the waitress to come bring me a menu, but she never did. I went over to the bar and sat down, looking over at the bartenders. They never acknowledged me. I sat there for a solid 15 minutes, and was never even noticed. It was stupid. Upset, I decided to give up and head over to the Adventure Time marathon. Thankfully they had pizza there, so I was able to eat my fill without having to spend money.

I discovered that night that I don't like Adventure Time. While it has some funny jokes, it's too full of existential dark humor and body horror for me to enjoy it. Plus, there were like 5 people watching the show. So instead, I decided to take a look around and see what people were doing.

It was then that I discovered the "dead dog karaoke" happening. Firr, being a DJ, had set up a karaoke machine in the main events room. People could give him a card with their requests on it, and he would call you up when it was your turn. It started out kind of slow, but as the night went on, it became increasingly more fun. And there were some AMAZING singers. Citrine Husky in particular did an incredible cover of "Don't Stop Believin'".

People were really getting into it. I ran into Gabi and Angel again, and we hung out for a bit before they ran off onto the dance floor. There were a surprising number of folks dancing. Then Zen Fox showed up and things got a bit more rowdy.

Highlights: closing ceremonies had a big confetti cannon, so people were having confetti fights. A lady in a big white fursuit, with padded digi legs, sat down on Zen in the middle of the floor. She then proceeded to poke Zen with a big "phallic" balloon. At another point, someone had a cardboard cutout of Jesus, and they were dancing around with it. Someone did Andrew W.K.'s "Party Hard" and Firr was backing it up unenthusiastically. One guy serenaded Gothy with R. Kelly's "Bump n' Grind." They did the Time Warp.

And I sang "Your Song" by Elton John. I was kind of afraid of the high notes, so I started out singing the song and octave lower than the original. This ended up sounding bad, so I switched over to the original register and just did my best. Turns out I was able to hit most of the high notes after all. I distinctly remember doing a silly dance during one of the breaks. Firr came up next to me and sang along. And I held out the last word longer than I expected (I looked at my "watch" in an effort to be funny).

I'm not saying all that to brag. I'm trying to remember what happened, because I don't think it was filmed. See, the main reason I write these journals is so that I can re-read them later down the road, and have a solid recollection of the events of the con. My memory isn't that good, and most cons become a blur after a while, so I try to capture everything as best I can.

Anyway, the night ended with another rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody", which concluded right before the hotel staff kicked us out of the room. Apparently there were business travelers, and we needed to be quiet after midnight. I think they said they'd put the karaoke in another room next year so that it would be less disruptive.

Exhausted, I wandered back to the room with Gothy. We chatted briefly about furry stuff before heading to bed.

Monday

Got up at a reasonable hour and got breakfast with Gothy. We ran into Dezzi at the restaurant. We chatted for a bit, about his newfound "power" as the new owner of a cult and a religion. He's apparently planning on handing over the reigns at next year's charity auction if someone can match his bid.

After our breakfasts, we went back to the room and got packed. Gothy had the foresight to request a luggage cart, which made things WAY easier getting out. However, in her haste to get home, she forgot her slippers, so I had to run them out to her before she left (made it).

I packed my things, and with a little finagling, I was able to get all my stuff out to the car in one trip. After checking out, gassing up, and getting a coke, I put the pedal down and drove home, listening to #Hashtag and The Dragget Show on the way.

Overall

I love Fur Squared. It is a magical, unique, wonderful convention, a true diamond in the rough. Every year, they have new surprises. Every year, new memes, new jokes, new stories, new insanity. They keep donating more and more money, and creating bigger and grander schemes and shenanigans. Every con is special, but Fur Squared is... different. Its craziness, its generosity, its attention to detail, its loving and close-knit atmosphere, its relationship with its hotel and charity... many cons have some of these things, but it is the confluence of all of them that makes Fur Squared worthy of being called my favorite convention.

You should go.

[league-of-light]

2019 What’s the Weekly Challenge Rankings Week 1 Weekly Challenge What Is It IDP Flex Weekly Challenge? Rankings

What’s up YouTubers it’s the Will + Dyl show back at it again with another set of power rankings. And by Will + Dyl back at it again I mean Dylan back at it again while I incoherently ramble nonsensical garbage next to him. We’re off to a great start. Per usual, Dylan will provide his EXPERT level statistical analysis of players and teams, and I’ll pick some stupid meme to run with. This week we’re going with Super Smash Bros because Banjo Kazooie just dropped and it’s the only light in my life outside of Ace and Dairy Delight. Anyway, take it away Dylan.

__________________________________________________

Howdy folks! It’s been a while. I’ve wanted to get back into writing Power Rankings, but it seemed like a bad idea. I haven’t followed football late in the 2017-2018 season, and honestly, I have no idea what’s going on. But Will has convinced me that it doesn’t matter, and that I can do these anyway. So without further ado, here are my power rankings, based on what I understand about the league from almost two years ago. 

11. Cleveland Browns

The Browns have been the worst organization in football for about 15 years. Last I checked, this team was losing every single game, finishing the season 0-16. And now it seems that Josh Gordon DeShone Kizer aren’t even there anymore? This team has no shot. I don’t know who this Daniel Jones fellow is, but hopefully he can help; otherwise, this team is primed for a lot of losses. 

Super Smash Bros character: Pichu. If you’ve played Smash Bros, you know that Pichu has nearly the same moveset (if not the same exact moves, sue me Evan I don’t use Pichu) as Pikachu. The only difference is, anytime Pichu attacks, it also hurts itself. Just like me, every time I look at this stupid gimmick team I decided to go with instead of actually trying to win free money.

10. Honedge Heroes

Antonio Brown AND Le’Veon Bell? I’m not a fan of taking the two Steelers, who will steal touches from each other. Brandin Cooks is great, and I like Derrick Henry, but I’ve never even heard of half of this team. This team should suspend any hope they had of being a contender. 

Smash Bro: R.O.B. Rob is a robot, so is Dylan.  I am reminded about a thing I read today on Reddit about a robot. It was written by Douglas Adams. Please hold while I find the quote:

A robot was programmed to believe that it liked herring sandwiches. This was actually the most difficult part of the whole experiment. Once the robot had been programmed to believe that it liked herring sandwiches, a herring sandwich was placed in front of it. Where upon the robot thought to itself, Ah! A herring sandwich! I like herring sandwiches. It would then bend over and scoop up the herring sandwich in its herring sandwich scoop, and then straighten up again. Unfortunately for the robot, it was fashioned in such a way that the action of straightening up caused the herring sandwich to slip straight back off its herring sandwich scoop and fall on to the floor in front of the robot. Whereupon the robot thought to itself, Ah! A herring sandwich...etc., and repeated the same action over and over again. The only thing that prevented the herring sandwich from getting bored with the whole damn business and crawling off in search of other ways of passing the time was that the herring sandwich, being just a bit of dead fish between a couple of slices of bread, was marginally less alert to what was going on than was the robot.

^ This is Dylan, and the herring sandwich is the New York Mets.

9. Cursed Will

It’s tough to rank the team with the best player in football (Aaron Rodgers) this low. But Jordy Nelson is getting up there in years, so I’m not sure how good Rodgers receivers will be. 

Super Mash Potato: King K. Rool.  Dylan had a pretty fire one for this, so I’ll let him take it away:

IT’S NICE THAT AFTER YEARS OF FREELOADING IN SMASH GAMES AS A TROPHY AND A STICKER, KING K. ROOL FINALLY DECIDED TO CONTRIBUTE AND BE PART OF THE SMASH ROSTER. THIS DOESN’T HELP ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO SPENT YEARS WITH THE EARLIER SMASH GAMES, BUT I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT NOW THAT HE’S OLD AND IRRELEVANT, HE FINALLY DECIDED TO BE USEFUL.

For those who don’t know, Evan now pays rent. For those who also don’t know, Evan and King K. Rool are both thousands of years old, have leathery skin, and eat Taco Bell every other day. Also, check out this screenshot of K Rool from when Banjo was announced, it’s literally the most Evan photo on the internet.

8. Float Like a… Whine Like AB

I’m not sure why they have Alex Smith’s backup at QB. Davante Adams and Michael Thomas are great, but Mark Ingram seems to be their only competent RB. Maybe they’ll get Alex Smith and find a way to contend. Otherwise, I’m not really sure what this team is doing. 

Smush - Donkey Kong. For those of you who don't know, Donkey Kong got his name because Nintendo wanted to convey that the ape was stubborn, so they picked the most stubborn animal they could think of. Or at least that’s how the story goes. That alone would be fitting enough for Jason, but really he gets DK because of DK’s affinity to charge up a punch and wiff on it, only to CHARGE UP AGAIN LATER.

7. tbt to K88 being platonic

I’m glad to see Larry Fitzgerald is still around, and they have Andrew Luck’s long-time favorite target Eugene Hilton. Ben Roethlisberger could have a huge year with the talent on that Pittsburgh offense, and Alvin Kamara is great. Still, I’d expect Devonta Freeman to split carries again, and the Bills’ defense can’t be very good. 

Super Dunk - Young Link.  Young Link has been out of the Smash Brothers games for over a decade which is almost as long as Harnsowl has been out of America.  Also, YL can drink a seemingly endless amount of Lon Lon Milk, just like Harnsowl with alcohol. 

6. Spicy Meatballs

From what I’ve been told, James White should be the best RB in football by now. I’ll take Phil’s word for this. And Drew Brees is awesome. But I’m not sure about the rest of the team. JuJu Smith-Schuster will have trouble getting touches over the Killer B’s, and all I know about Anthony Miller is that he was a mediocre NBA player in the 90’s who had a brief cameo in Space Jam. Tough to see this team doing well if they can’t improve on that depth. 

Super Meesh Pepe - Samus. Another soulless human robot thingamabob whose only purpose is to watch the New York Mets. Dark Samus for when the Mets lose. So I guess always Dark Samus?

5. No Content

I don’t know if Kyler Murray is actually good, but I’m expecting a big year out of Eric Decker. And the Colts QB has always loved throwing to TE’s, so Eric Ebron should have a huge year. A definite sleeper who might take the league by storm.

Supper Dinner Brother - Lil Mac.  Dylan beat me to it again:

I respect the effort that they put into making Little Mac a better character. They improved his aerial gameplay and his recovery, and made a bunch of other improvements. It must have taken them, like, 12 weeks of work! But, despite all that effort, he’s still in a low tier and can’t compete with the stronger characters.

Honestly, the biggest difference here is that Lil Mac definitely never skips leg day (see photo)

But apparently Kyle has been for the past 84 days.

4. Shit Outta Luck

For some reason, their team page says that they dropped Andrew Luck, but I’m going to assume that there’s some kind of issue in the database that will be resolved shortly. I’m assuming some team that already had a franchise QB took Saquon Barkley at a completely reasonable pick in the draft, and he’s doing great there. And Mike Evans is a star. Once Andrew Luck is re-added to the roster, this team can be a real contender.

Smash Bros Character - N/A. Dylan, Who’s fuckin team is this?

3. I’m Still Here Bitches

A shockingly strong showing for Team Arielle. David Johnson, from what I recall, is the best RB in football. Julio Jones is awesome. Dak Prescott is pretty good, although honestly, I still think Tony Romo is better. Damien Williams might not get a ton of carries in KC, but I still think this team could go a long way.

Daisy. Daisy doesn’t belong in Smash (yeah, I said it Andy), and Arielle doesn’t belong in the league

2. Team Mar

The squad from the 845 is looking very strong. Two superstar WR’s in Alshon Jeffrey and Keenan Allen, a perennial MVP candidate in Matt Ryan, and two top 5 caliber RB’s in Leonard Fournette and Christian McCaffrey? I have no idea how this roster is even possible.

Mashed Potato: Joker.  I honestly know nothing about you, just like I know nothing about this anime (?) character who is in Super Smash Brothers. His name is Joker but he’s clearly not from Gotham and your instagram handle is Marisa845 and you’re clearly not from the 845 otherwise Bowers would’ve remembered seeing you at South. He knows everyone who went to South.

1. Venice Beach Hulkamaniacks 

Now here’s a team of people I recognize. A.J. Green? Trey Burton? Melvin Gordon? Shady McCoy? DION LEWIS? I honestly don’t see how things could possibly go wrong with that kind of talent. This team shouldn’t lose a single game. And there you have it. Hopefully by next week, I will have learned a little bit about the modern NFL and can take a better stab at these, but hopefully this helps get you excited for another great season of the NATIONAL! FOOTBALL! LEAGUE! Back to you Boom.

Smash Boo: King Dedede. The people’s champ. The Penguin with the Hammer.  Just like Kirby, King Dedede can suck in opponents.  Just like Bowers, if those opponents taste like carbs, he will not swallow them. King Dedede has an unrelenting hammer akin to Bowers’ unrelenting trade offers for LeShady McCoy, and had this other game where he got swol af just like Bowers is gonna be at the end of his journey. At least his 12 week journey has seen results. 

Also, I’m genuinely unsure if Bowers wrote this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jibCSdZ8xG0 

73. Andy Brown

A late addition that we had to shoehorn in here even though they don’t belong in the Power Rankings.