#he calls her either padme or my love and i think that's neat

[eliza-makepeace]

So I've written the first part of a short Anakin & Padmé fanfic. As a bit of an A/N I feel I should state that I have a deep dislike for how in most fanfics I read about this pair, either they don't like each other, or she treats him like a kid and has a very condescending or maternal/older person tone with him, or they make it about other characters, i.e. Ahsoka or Obi-Wan.

So this is just a little thing I did for myself, where they're just a cute young couple of 20-something-year-olds who are crazy in love with each other. I thought some of you might enjoy it.

Sweet Nothing

Chapter One: Morning

It was early morning, but Anakin was already awake. He wasn’t one for oversleeping and he liked the feeling of a brand-new day, especially if his night hadn’t been plagued by worry, or dreams. Mostly, he loved waking up before she did. He never took it for granted, opening his eyes after the first ray of sunshine had crept through the window, and seeing Padmé lying next to him, breathing slowly with a soft smile playing at the corners of her lips.

She changed every time they came to Naboo together. It was as if Senator Amidala was another role for her to play, just as Queen Amidala had been, an act she did everywhere she went, with everyone she went with. For the most part. Anakin knew he was the only one she could be “just Padmé” with. She was still strong, and fierce, brave and intelligent, just as she was when she carried out her duties, but with him she wasn’t a Queen, or a Senator… she was a girl. He felt the same way about himself when he was with her. He suddenly wasn’t the Chosen One, or a Jedi, or anything else but the boy he never was really allowed to be. Together, they were young and, perhaps, foolish. But they were freer than they ever had been.

She moved, still in her dreams, to lay on her side, her face so that, if she opened her eyes, she’d be staring directly into his own. One of her brown curls covered part of her face, and Anakin raised his flesh hand to move it away, so carefully that anyone seeing it might have thought he was afraid she would shatter if he touched her too soon. Once that was done, he stared, marvelling at her soft features, and thinking to himself that he hadn’t been wrong when he’d asked her, so many years before, if she was an angel.

Padmé slowly blinked, not accustomed to the light, and smiled warmly when she recognised him. She hid part of her face against the pillow, flustered.

“Good morning” she greeted him; her voice muffled.

Anakin laughed softly and kissed her on the forehead. “Good morning to you too”. He knew she was staring at him intently, just as he had with her mere seconds before, as if she was soaking him in.

“You know,” she said, moving to properly look at him. “You look really handsome this morning.”

“I thought I always did.”

Padmé wrinkled her nose, in such a playful manner that made Anakin want to kiss her and…

“Well, that’s true. But more than usual.”

Anakin came closer, first placing a kiss on her hair, then her forehead, then her nose, and, just when he was close enough to kiss her lips, he stopped midway. “How so?”

She tried coming nearer, but he backed away with a cheeky smile. Padmé huffed, a feigned frustration in her eyes. She raised a hand to Anakin’s face, and traced the lines of his cheekbone and jaw with one finger. “You look happier than usual.”

Anakin looked up, pretending to be deep in thought. “That’s because I am.” He finally relented and came close enough to her that Padmé could lean in and kiss him. Her lips were soft, and he wondered if anyone could ever feel for someone like he did for her. He figured not. “It’s no short of a miracle to wake up next to you.” He said, breaking the kiss. “I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I couldn’t do this.”

Padmé smiled, her cheeks becoming bright red, and looking down before raising her eyes to meet his. “You make it sound as if you’re the only lucky one.”

Anakin raised an eyebrow. “I’m not?”

She kissed him again, this time more passionately than before. He wrapped her in his arms, her soft nightgown flowing underneath, as she put her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with his dark blond curls.

“No, you idiot.” She replied, out of breath. She bumped his nose with her own, smiling cheerfully. “I’m pretty lucky myself. You should have that in mind.”

He chuckled, placing his hands so that he was cupping her face. “I’ll try my best to remember.”

After another short kiss, Padmé stood up, suddenly energetic, and jumped out of the bed. “I’ve been thinking” she said, as she swiftly braided her long hair, “we could do something fun today.”

Anakin stared at her from the bed, a big smile on his face. “Fun? I thought that’s what we’ve been having these past few days.” His smile crooked, suddenly becoming mischievous. “Personally, I thought last night was more than fun.”

Padmé smirked and threw a small cushion at him, that he managed to dodge easily. “I meant actually going out, Anakin.” She walked through the room and opened the drawers. “Have you ever been to the summer solstice celebration in Varykino?”

Anakin passed a hand through his hair, putting it in its place. “I think you know I haven’t.”

“Yes, I do know.” She nodded, placing her hands on her hips. “Which is why I think we should go.”

He arched an eyebrow. “That does sound…entertaining.” He paused for a second. “My love, have you perhaps forgotten it’s a rather public endeavour?”

“I haven’t” she replied, shrugging. “No one will mind, Ani. This isn’t Coruscant. We just need to make sure we blend in with everyone else.”

He laughed a hearty laugh. “Well, that might be easier for some than for others.”

Padmé had been looking over her many dresses, but stopped mid-action when she heard her husband. She looked over at him. “Yeah, alright, fine.” She said, “So what if I occasionally take my clothing seriously? I can adapt!”

“Can you, really?” Anakin said, laughing as he stood up and walked to her. Suddenly she seemed so little, compared to his tall frame, but his height – and force sensitivity—weren’t that helpful in protecting him from her smacking him softly in the stomach. “Well,” he added, “Let’s accept that, for the sake of the argument, you can adapt your clothing choices. The real question, rather, is whether or not you could keep your hands off me there.”

Padmé looked him up and down, playing with her braided hair. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she stood on her tiptoes, and placed a soft kiss on his jaw, mere centimeters away from his chin. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, Jedi.”

He bent to kiss her on her neck, closing his eyes as he inhaled her scent. "I thought we'd agreed not to talk about work, Senator."

She closed her eyes and placed a hand on his head as he pressed his lips right on her skin. "You're right. My deepest apologies. I... I don't know how I could forget." He raised his head and they pressed their foreheads together. "The truth is, Ani, I become slightly lightheaded and forgetful when I'm with you."

He smiled. "Well then, my love, I'll help you remember."

Padmé mirrored his gesture. "I bet you will."

[riajade01]

Light Side vs. Dark Side

I guess George Lucas gave an interview recently where he opined about the nature of the Dark and Light sides of the Force and... well, unsurprisingly I have a ton of opinions.

Lucas: "Fear is the enemy; fear is the dark side. If you’re afraid, you’re going to the dark side. The light side is compassion. As long as you love other people, and treat them kindly, you won’t be afraid. So, the secret is just love everybody.... [Y]ou have to be stop being afraid and be kind to people."

This assumes that fear and compassion are mutually exclusive, and it doesn't take into account the driving factors behind why someone might be afraid (just like, when the dark side is equated with anger or even selfishness, there's no interrogation of what underlies those emotions and whether they truly are 'bad'). Do I agree that "greedy people", as Lucas calls them, live their lives in abject terror? Oh, absolutely. But so does a closeted LGBTQ person living in a community that will kill them for their orientation, or any person of color living in a society that gives cops carte blanche to murder members of their community. That fear is IN NO WAY similar to the fear experienced by someone like Donald Tr*mp and people like him.

One is borne out of living in a society that wants to eradicate you; the other is borne of a sense of entitlement and ego that says you DESERVE all the things you're afraid you won't get, or afraid to lose.

This also contradicted quite frequently in the films and shows, where Jedi either fail miserably to act in a compassionate manner, or Jedi proseletyzing is treated as "compassionate".

Lucas again: “You have to understand that the reality of nature, of God and life, is that things come, and things go. They do not stay in your life. And you have to learn to accept the fact, that there is a continuum, that you’re just a part of and the things will be there, then they won’t be there."

Oohhhkay. What "things", pray tell, is he referring to here? Rights? Dignity? Even if we're looking only at so-called "material" things, like homes, possessions... there's a world of difference between being fearful of losing the shelter and possessions that let you function in society and being fearful that the evil Tax Man is going to take away your ability to purchase a third house.

This is also especially insane to me because if you think about it in context with the films - the "things" that came and went from Anakin Skywalker's life were PEOPLE. His mother. His wife and child(ren). It frames his guilt over losing his mother, and his terror at losing his wife and family, as... a bad thing? Something for which he deserved to be punished. And it doesn't interrogate why Anakin felt like he had so few options there a the end of Revenge of the Sith. Okay, he couldn't let his mother go, but that's because he knew she was LIVING AS A SLAVE. He was afraid for her life, and yes, he was a nine-year-old boy who missed his parent. Perhaps if the "compassionate" Jedi Order had sent someone back to Tatooine with something Watto would consider valuable enough to trade for a slave, it would have been easier for Anakin to let go of not seeing his mother for long stretches? Similarly, if Anakin had been able to confide his fears for Padme in people who would react with genuine compassion for his feelings, perhaps he would not have been driven into Palpatine's arms.

This whole false binary of compassion vs. fear also has the neat effect of placing marginalized communities in a context of being predisposed to "darkness", while privileged communities that have fewer things to fear, can congratulate themselves on their serenity.

All of this is to say, the longer I think about the Dark Side and the Light Side of the Force, the more I feel like it's simply impossible to sort Force users into categories of "good" and "bad" based on which side of the Force fuels them. Because classifying emotions as "good" or "bad" is simply too reductive - even something like selfishness, which fuels a lot of shitty actions, is something that, in the right context, also ensures that someone takes care of themselves so they, in turn, can care for others. Compassion taken too far can become condescension and paternalism.

I've found it more useful to instead think of the Light Side and Dark Side as different paths to the same power - some individuals use their anger and fear at injustice to do good things. Some people use it to hurt others. Some people function better when they've calmed their emotions and considered how to act; others justify shitty actions as supremely logical. Basically, it's always super complicated.

But I think this construction can explain a few things about the Force. For example, Dark Side use can affect the body using the same mechanism we see in our own biology, where psychology (emotional reactions) alters the physical body (sometimes in positive ways, sometimes in negative ways). Like, the cortisol or oxytocin effects, but magnified to coincide with Force use. It explains why beings that evolve on planets steeped in the Force (e.g., Korriban, Tython, Myrkr) often evolve traits that make use of the Force, whether its conscious (most indigenous Red Sith are Force sensitive, and predisposed to using the Dark Side), or unconscious (vornskyrs hunt using the Force, and ysalimir create Force-empty bubbles to elude them).

Anyway. These are my... ten scents, I suppose. 

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2005) Final Part

Another year, another ranking of our favorite comic book characters to grace the movie screen! This year we have the debut of several movies including: Aeon Flux, Batman Begins, Constantine, Fantastic Four, and Sin City; a spin-off movie centered on Elektra; and the final installment to an outer space trilogy, Star Wars: Episode Three-Revenge of the Sith! Here’s TOP 25!

*SPOILERS FOR ALL THE MOVIES HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE*

25. Dr. Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow (Batman Begins)

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself!"

The second-class criminal that becomes a threat to Batman in a new way. Even though Bruce trained his body physically to withstand anything, he had no preparation to deal with Scarecrow's fear toxin, an attack on the mind. It's Scarecrows toxin that threatens to destory all of Gotham via terrified citizens but it's clear he's not the one pulling the strings. When the toxin starts infecting people, Scarecrow goes on a terror spree until Rachel shuts him down with a taser to the face.

24. Satan (Constantine)

"Looks like someone doesn't have your back anymore."

Don't quite understand why Satan's feet are dipped in black paint all the time but this man is P-E-T-T-Y. John brings him in to save the day (it took me a minute to wrap that around my head too) and that's kinda what he does. He stops his son from trying to overthrow him and take over Earth and he puts the smack down on Gabriel. He really wants John in hell though so before he goes to heaven he brings him back to life so he could sin again because the man is what? PETTY!

23. Hartigan (Sin City)

"An old man dies. A young woman lives. A fair trade."

Hartigan is what I wanted Marv to be. Doing what needs to be done and stopping the bad guy because it's the right thing to do, not because he got great sex. He dedicated to stopping the pervs that keep going after Nancy and asks for nothing in return, he even turns down sex, which proves he isn't a perv either! I don't really think he had to go kill himself but he looked like he wasn't going to last long anyway so at least he went out nobly.

22. Abby Miller (Elektra)

"I don't respond well to authority and I don't take bullshit."

Abby is that annoying little sister you never had. As soon as she meets Elektra she wants to be just like her. She wants to learn how to kill, she wants to use sais, and she also wears her hair the same way. Turns out she's the "Treasure" which is a big deal for both sides. She knows how to fight with a fancy chain and her witty banter with Elektra is adorable so I definitely was happy when she was saved.

21. Rachel Dawes (Batman Begins)

"But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you."

I like Rachel and she is a huge reason as to why Batman exists. She knows Gotham is falling apart and she decides to help save it in her own way: the courtroom. She becomes a great lawyer in the DA and won't back down when criminals try to scare her. She also lets Bruce know the huge difference between vengeance and justice and shows Bruce that fighting for the greater good is better than just fighting for yourself. I think this is also why she finds out his identity by the end of the film while most romantic interests like Mary Jane haven't found out their heroes identities until the sequels.

20. Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic (Fantastic Four)

"I found a broken gasket from space."

Mr. Fantastic is the most boring out of the Fantastic Four, in my opinion. His flexible powers are really handy and make him near indestructible as long as you don't freeze him, but that's kinda it? He's mainly valued for his brains and it's the only thing he relied on when the team went up against Dr. Doom. Seriously, all he did was bark orders while Sue, Johnny, and Ben did all the heavy lifting.

19. Mace Windu (Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"May the Force be with us all."

Mace Windu is a boss. He knows how to shut shit down and if Anakin hadn't been a total back stabber (or hand slicer, really), none of the problems they're facing would've been a thing. Instead, Mace gets betrayed and killed by twp people he considered allies.

18. Gabriel (Constantine)

"You're fucked."

I kinda see Grabriel's frustrations in the film. Why should rapists go to heaven just because they repent? Like where's the justice in that? Do I think all humans need to prove their goodness by having Satan's son bring Armageddon to Earth? Absolutely not. Gabriel definitely goes a little insane and because he tries to help Satan Jr., God takes away his wings and makes him human.

17. Sithandra (Aeon Flux)

"You taught me a lot more than that."

Sithandra is a rebel and Aeon's best friend. She had a cool surgery done that replaced her feet with two extra hands. Her loyalty to Aeon is tested when it seems Aeon betrayed the rebels but their friendship prevails as she leads a team of rebels to protect Aeon and Trevor from Oren. Too bad she runs out of bullets just as Oren sends a missile her way, killing her in front of Aeon.

16. Chas Kramer (Constantine)

"You were right, John. It's not like in the books."

I was so angry when Chas died! Like here we have this young kid that just wants to help and actually does help in a huge way. At first all he does is drive John around in a taxi and fails miserably to get into Midnite's club, but turns out he really did his reading. When John couldn't muster up the chant to stop Satan Jr.'s birth, Chas came in and saved the day. And then he died, very brutally.

15. Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"You underestimate my power!"

Anakin is the type of person who will literally do every shitty thing possible and then still try to make himself the victim. Like how can you justify calling the Jedi evil when you're out here killing children? He even admits he wants all the power in the world to Padme but still tries to act like the Jedi are selfish when Obi-Wan confronts him. Wack! I'm glad he burned to a crisp and I straight up GIGGLED when he got his legs sliced off (Obi-Wan literally told him not to and he does it anyway). He SOMEHOW survives and is transformed into the dangerous Darth Vader that fans of the series have come to know him by.

14. Gail (Sin City)

"Always and never."

I knew I was going to like Gail as soon as she listed tying people up in chairs as one of her specialties. She seems to be the leader of the prostitutes that run Old Town and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. I think she actually prefers it, which is why I think its accurate that Dwight dubbed her as "Valkyrie." Only thing off about her, for me, was her relationship with Dwight. I mean it seemed obvious she was into him from the get go but I kinda hoped they didn't end up together.

13. Sue Storm/Invisible Woman (Fantastic Four)

"I can't believe I'm doing this again!"

Sue is still in love with Richard but since he isn't willing to courageously take their relationship to where it needed to go, she ended it and tried to move on with the douchebag known as Victor. After the space storm she learns she can not only turn invisible, but she can also create force fields. She spends most her time figuring out where she stands with Richard in their new lives as superheroes but when it comes down to the fighting she's quick and ready to get her hands dirty. Was the proposal a bit rushed at the end? Maybe, but it's clear her and Richard were meant for each other so positive vibes to them.

12. Alfred (Batman Begins)

"What is the point of all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?"

Alfred is way more than just Bruce Wayne's butler. After his parents are killed he basically takes responsibility over him and raises him. Now that Bruce is a grown adult and bringing the Batman to life, Alfred starts going on his own secret reason. While Ra's Al Ghul is teaching Bruce how to become a legend, something that will never die, Alfred is doing whatever he can to make sure Bruce doesn't lose his humanity. He keeps wanting him to enjoy life and embrace who he is when he isn't wearing the cowl.

11. Aeon Flux (Aeon Flux)

"We're meant to die, that's what makes anything about us matter."

Aeon is the best assassin working with the rebels. After the government kills her sister she's the one they send to take down their leader, Trevor Goodchild. Turns out he's actually good and used to be married to Aeon before the whole world fell apart. She has some really neat gadgets like tiny marbles that explode, shiny egg looking things that disrupt all technology, and she can make her eye pupil grow so she can see if someone spiked her drink. Plus she can do a bunch of flips and knows how to use a gun. It turns out she was meant to destroy everything about the society she lived in and lead it's people to the world outside, one they thought was a wasteland but turned out to be rich with nature and plant life.

10. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars: Epidsode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"You were the chosen one!"

Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't as condescending as he was in the last film so that was nice. In fact I think he was very much on his way to seeing Anakin as his true equal until Anakin decided to turn to the Dark Side. His infamous speech to Anakin after he's forced to take him down is pretty sad, he really cared about the other dude and it sucks to see someone you care about ruin themselves like Anakin did.

9. Dwight (Sin City)

"I'm Shellie's new boyfriend and I'm out of my mind."

So he starts off his chapter in a relationship with Shellie, fighting for her honor and then ends his chapter in a relationship with Gail, shooting down all his enemies. Besides him being a bit of a player, he was actually my favorite hero in all the stories. He's not ridiculously unbeatable like Marv and has more of a personalty than Hartigan. He actually admits to needing help from Gail and Miho to stop his enemies. He's obviously pretty smart because he's able to come up with plans left and right once things keep getting shittier which is also nice because I feel like everyone else just goes about things guns ablazing. He does to, but I like that he has back up plans.

8. Elektra (Elektra)

"I died once."

Back from the dead, Elektra has turned into a deadly assassin with no emotion or attachments to anyone. To save her from this dark path, Stick has her tricked into protecting Abby from the Hand, a bunch of evil assassins. She takes care of them no problem, like it seems like she's afraid but when she faces them she pretty much kills them all with no problems. Despite the movie being kinda lame it was so good to finally see Elektra in her red outfit kicking ass with her pair of sai. Like most characters in the Daredevil universe, her tv counterpart ends up being a better version, but unlike the others I would go on record to say that movie Elektra wasn't bad, she was just decent.

7. Yoda (Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"At an end your rule is, and not short enough was it."

Yoda is my favorite and only because he really knows how to throw down when he needs to. Like some people try to talk the bad guy into seeing the error of his ways. Nope, not Yoda. He literally always just shows up and is like "So, we're fighting." Except, he mixes up his speech while he does it. His fight against the Emperor was epic and he totally won until the other got to his safety net of soldiers. Still, Yoda accepted failure with grace and decided to leave into exile.

6. Johnny Storm/Human Torch (Fantastic Four)

"Flame on!"

I feel like Johnny represents a lot of us in a situation where we discover we have powers and basically lose our minds because we've decided we're going to be superheroes. Like he changes their outfits, gives them their superhero names and basically creates the brand that is Fantastic Four because he's so excited to be a superhero. His fire/flying abilities definitely help feed the flame that is his confidence as he skyrockets to celebrity status via extreme sports and indulges in the pleasures of his female fans. Still, when it's time to actually be hero, he's there and ready to take on Doom, using his Super Nova heat to melt the metal man away.

5. Ducard/Ra's Al Ghul (Batman Begins)

"If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart."

Ra's Al Ghul is the leader of the League of Shadows, a clan that serves their own justice against those who break the law. Wanting to take down Gotham, the international city of crime, he ends up training the city's prince, Bruce Wayne. Using the death of Wayne's parents as a tool, Al Ghul ends up basically creating the Batman. He's the one that really drills into Bruce's head that he won't fix anything as just a single man. Of course, his methods of justice are radical, to say the least, and it ends up putting him at odds with the new Dark Knight. This ends up being a classic battle of student vs teacher, with Wayne eventually outsmarting Al Ghul at the end.

4. John Constantine (Constantine)

"Gods a kid with an ant farm, lady. He's not planning anything."

My new aesthetic is John Constantine giving Satan the middle finger as he's ascending into heaven. I'm familiar of the character in the comics but I think I only know about the current magic-based one instead of the religious one they tried to portray in the movies. His goal is simple: get ins God's good graces so he doesn't get sent to hell. He doesn't accomplish this by defeating demons like he does throughout the whole movie, or by even stopping the birth of Satan's son, but by giving up his chance at life to spare one girl from a tortuous eternity in hell. He still doesn't end up in Heaven, but now he has a clean slate to live life right.

3. Ben Grimm/The Thing (Fantastic Four)

"It's clobberin' time!"

Ben definitely got the short end of the stick when it came to abilities. Sure he now has super strength but his new rock appearance has people, including his now EX-fiance, running away screaming. What's worse is that, unlike the others, Ben can't even turn it off or on, he's just stuck that way. So I totally get the depressed state he's in when he thinks Richard isn't trying to help him and appreciate so much that despite all that he's still loyal and quickly takes on the Thing again to help his friends go up against Doctor Doom and put a stop to him. In the end he does find happiness with Alicia and his witty banter with Johnny was one of the best parts of the film.

2. Miho (Sin City)

*Silently kills everyone*

Miho is the best damn thing about this entire movie. Each freaking story is about a man saving a helpless girl in some way, shape, or form and Miho just defies all that nonsense. She's a prostitute by day, assassin by night and she literally always gets shit done. She kills a car full of assholes all by herself and saves Dwight's ass several times during the chapter. She can handle several weapons including samurai swords, ninja stars, and a bow and arrow. I'm positive she could go toe to toe with every other character in this film and still come out on top, YES I'm even including Marv because his slow ass wouldn't even see her coming.

1. Bruce Wayne/Batman (Batman Begins)

"Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies shared my dread."

This is the first time we really get an in depth look at how Bruce Wayne becomes the Batman, Gotham's protector. The loss of his parents give him the anger, but its the teachings of Ra's Al Ghul as well as the advice from those close to him that give him the tools to truly serve justice in a city that knows no meaning of the word. It's a hard task getting the police on his side as he tries to rid the city of its most powerful criminals like Falcone and Scarecrow. There's even a personal struggle of keeping the bat separate from the man, as his romance with Rachel won't go any further unless he gives up the costume. Odds are he won't be giving it up soon after he investigates this new enemy that we all know very well. This film was a great birth to one of the most iconic super heroes in comics and one that finally gets DC rolling on it's feet.

[piratekenway]

For the Softer World prompts, either 31 for Anakin or 34 for Anakin/Padme?

for this AU. also, the long-awaited appearance of Padmé Amidala!

34: When you’re around I don’t know how to hide my feelings. I count in binary, in my head. zero one one zero one one and you count clouds (while you count clouds)

title: and you count clouds

–

Say there are over seven billion people in the world, at this moment. Say that there are three hundred twenty five million people in the United States of America alone, and that there are eight million people in New York City alone, all minding their own business, not counting the ones only passing by.

Now say there’s a woman out there, with warm brown eyes and a smile like the sun. Her hair’s pinned back, her touch is light, and her breath comes easy and tickles against tanned skin.

Now say she still loves him.

Anakin knows he can’t. Not for sure. It’s an untested hypothesis, or so he’ll claim, and it doesn’t bear testing because he knows, for a fact, that Padmé died because of him. And she knows that, he’s sure. And–

And most days he can’t even look himself in the mirror. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to look her in the eye, doesn’t want to think about what he might find there–anger, hatred, fear.

He hadn’t. He hadn’t meant to.

But he’d done it anyway.

Love won’t save you, he thinks, viciously, looking up from the sink and at his reflection in the mirror.

Except it had. Except he can listen to Darcy pontificate about some movie he happens to be in all day and even she’ll return to the point that Luke had saved him, because he’d loved him. He’d seen something worth loving, in the ruined creature Anakin Skywalker had become, and pulled it out into the light.

He looks down again.

He doesn’t know if Padmé will see the same thing. He doesn’t think so, but a treacherous little part of him thinks, she might, she might, she might.

But it’s a pipe dream.

“Stop thinking about it,” he tells himself. His voice reverberates in the bathroom. “Get to work. There’s eight million people in this city, you’re not going to run into her on the street.”

He’ll run into a number of other things on the street, first. Not her. Never her.

He’s not sure if he should be grateful for that.

–

He doesn’t run into her on the street.

–

One of the fun things about being a Respected Scientist, with many frequently-cited (and frequently-plagiarized, you’re welcome desperate college students) papers to his name and a number of schools clamoring for his attention, is that sometimes, he’s asked to come judge entries at a science fair. For example: Columbia University, his alma mater, is holding a science fair.

Okay, they’re calling it a science and engineering expo, not a fair, but it’s definitely a fair. He knows it from the second he steps onto the grounds and smells food, the scent of it beckoning him closer.

“Wait up,” Darcy complains behind him. Anakin chuckles, slows his stride down to let her catch up. “Why do you have to be freakishly tall? Jerk.”

“You don’t complain when it’s Ahsoka,” he says.

“Because she’s my girlfriend,” says Darcy. Duh, she doesn’t add, but Anakin sees it when she rolls her eyes skyward. “Ooh, what’re they cooking? Do you know?”

“Flavored fries,” says Anakin.

“Jedi stuff?” says Darcy.

“No,” says Anakin, pointing at a slightly pitiful banner that’s hanging on to the stand by a thread, flapping sadly in the wind. “They’ve got a banner.”

Darcy glares up at him, but follows anyway. “So Ahsoka and Selvig are busy setting up the table and arguing with the other judges,” she starts, and Anakin lets her chatter at him while he orders their food, breaking into her rant only to ask her what she’ll be having.

She keeps it up even once they find a table, and just in time too, because there’s just the one left. Fries are popular, apparently.

“You hoping to see anything this year?” says Darcy, sitting down as Anakin pulls his notebook out from his bag.

“A working hyperdrive,” he shoots back, sitting down as well and opening the notebook. “Barring that, an EM drive. I know NASA’s working on one right now, I keep hearing people talking about that.”

“Good luck with that,” Darcy snorts. “What else?”

“Maybe a chocolate volcano,” says Anakin, dryly, scribbling equations in his notebook. “Like a high schooler’s volcano project, except with more chocolate.”

“That’d be the day,” says Darcy, dreamily.

Anakin hums in answer. “Anyway, a few years back Dr. Connors came up with splicing animal genes onto humans as a cure for whatever disease you might think of, and got Oscorp to pick him up for it.” He looks up from his notebook, twirls his pen in between his fingers. “I know there’s a few other entries going that route, now that he’s kind of gone off the deep end, I figure maybe one of them will get picked.”

“Why’d they ask you to judge, then?” says Darcy, propping her chin up on her hand. “Genetics isn’t your thing.”

“Because technically this is a general science fair,” says Anakin, “and they at least need to give off the appearance of being fair.” He shrugs. “Anyway, I get a free lunch, a plaque with my name on it, and a chance to show Richards up, so really, I’m not complaining.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Darcy says, with a snort of laughter.

Anakin looks back down at his notebook with a smile, and starts absently writing another equation, P = 2πr / v, solve for the value of v if r is 10 and P is–

“Excuse me, is anyone else sitting here?”

Anakin looks up.

His pen clatters to the table.

Padmé. Padmé is standing in front of him, holding a Coke can, asking if he’s willing to let her sit at his table, and her eyes grow wide when their gazes lock, and his throat goes dry. She’s changed, he thinks, there’s a streak of grey in her hair, almost permanent dark circles under her eyes, but she’s as radiant as she ever was, and all he can think of is her warm brown eyes and her soft skin and her laugh like bells and the diameter of the sun, 139100 kilometers 1.3914 billion meters–

“Sure, you can definitely sit here!” Darcy chirps, unmindful of Anakin’s inner crisis. “And–holy shit! Kirsten fucking McDuffie, is that you?”

“Hey, Darcy,” chirps another girl, with light brown skin, her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. “I got out of the publishing business, thanks to Ms. Avery here.”

“Congrats,” says Darcy. “Hi, Miss–”

“Patricia Avery,” says Padmé, still staring at him.

Darcy pauses, looks between the two of them. “Um,” she says, realization dawning on her face.

“Um,” McDuffie echoes. “Uh. I guess we’ll leave the both of you to it?”

“Please do,” says Anakin.

–

The girls leave, chattering all the while about each other’s lives–Thor and Greenwich, the rumors of a black-clad vigilante emerging from Hell’s Kitchen.

Padmé sits down at the table and says, to her long-lost husband, “You look well, Anakin.”

He doesn’t quite flinch, but she sees him tugging self-consciously on his bracelet anyway. “You too,” he says, at last. “Um. You’ve. You look good. Distinguished, even. Like an angel.” He pauses, winces. “God, no, that was bad.”

Padmé ducks her head, hides her smile by taking a quick sip of Coke, and says, “No, no, it’s fine,” she says. “Distinguished is–fine.” She absently swirls the soda around in its can, and says, “So, uh–Ahsoka mentioned you’d come back.”

Anakin blinks at her. “She’s been in touch with you?” he asks, and there’s a flash of hurt in his tone. Hurt that she put there, she thinks, and something twinges painfully in her chest at the thought.

“I asked her not to mention me,” she says. “You were amnesiac, and then–” She shrugs. “I had to get my head together.”

“Been doing that since Greenwich,” Anakin mutters, looking down at his notebook and writing something. Padmé looks up, watches the clouds pass overhead before she looks back down at him. “I, um. I didn’t think. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Otherwise I might’ve avoided you, he doesn’t say.

Honestly, she’s pretty sure she would’ve done the same.

“I’m a lawyer,” she says. “Usually this isn’t my scene.”

“So why make an exception this year?” says Anakin.

“Kirsten,” says Padmé, with a long-suffering sigh. There’s a giant bantha in the room, and it smells like the pits of Mustafar, sounds like Anakin snarling liar, liar. “I’m technically here as a legal consultant on patent laws. I have a booth and everything. You?”

“I’m a judge,” says Anakin. “They wanted a space guy to round out their panel, I guess.”

“Neat,” says Padmé, and she mentally slaps herself. Neat! For fuck’s sake–one of the first things she says to him in decades, and it’s just neat. God, how long has it been since she dated anyone? “Oh, god, that was just–”

“I know,” says Anakin. “Can we start over? I mean. No, I–”

“God, yes, I mean–only if you’re offering–”

They stop, and stare at each other.

Then Padmé bursts into a fit of laughter, and says, “Goddammit, and here I had a speech planned.”

“At least you had a speech planned,” says Anakin, with a shaky laugh, “I was sort of thinking I’d just never see you again. I mean,” he waves a hand at the stall, at the college, at the grounds, “eight million people in New York, give or take. I figured I had good odds.”

He smiles at her, brittle and scared, so much like the boy she had once known and not at the same time.

She lets out a breath, reaches across the table to brush her fingers over his.

He breathes out and says, quiet, “I’m--sorry. I know it’s not. I know it’s not enough to just say sorry for everything I’ve done, especially to you and to--to our children. I know I’ve been a terrible husband, a worse father, and if you never forgive me or never want to see me again--” He swallows, continues, “I’d be okay with that. It’d be what I deserve. I just--I want you to know that I’m sorry. And I loved you, I love you, truly, deeply.”

Enough to let her go, she realizes, when he pulls his hand away, reaches up to wipe at his eyes.

She reaches out again, and takes his hand, slender and slightly-calloused fingers settling over his gloved hand. “I love you,” she says, “truly and deeply. I can’t forget what you did to me, or to our children, or to the galaxy, no, but I always knew there was a little bit of light still inside you.” She rubs her fingers absently along his knuckles, and says, “I want to see you again, Anakin. And--well, last time we didn’t exactly work out all that well.”

“Yeah,” says Anakin, ducking his head, almost shy. “Yeah, I mean, Darcy has opinions about that, she won’t stop talking my ear off about how the beginning of a war was a stupid time to get married.”

“Neither will Kirsten,” says Padmé. “So, I guess--this time we’ll try and. Take it a little slower. What do you think?”

Anakin sets his pen down and rests his other hand over hers. “A little slower,” he says, softly. “Yeah. That’s a good plan.” He smiles again, and this time she thinks of bright blue eyes, a sunset on Naboo. “I have a Starbucks gift card and some free time for lunch tomorrow before I have to start going around the expo. You?”

“Well,” says Padmé, with a snort of laughter, “fine, then.” She grins at him, and says, “I have to say, I’ve never been wooed with Starbucks before.”

She expects the jealousy that flashes across his face in that moment, but she doesn’t expect him to let out a sigh and say, “Well, my favorite diner got torn up in the Chitauri attack, so my options are pretty limited.”

“I could take you out,” she says. “I know a place or two.”

“You really don’t have to,” says Anakin, his expression softening. “It’s the first date, and besides, I actually do like Starbucks. They make amazing frappuccinos.”

“There is no way your favorite chain café is better than a five-star restaurant, Ani,” huffs Padmé.

“I am so glad you proposed this taking it slow plan,” says Anakin, with a growing smirk, “because it absolutely could.”

--

Darcy stops in her tracks, squints at the two.

Kirsten says, dryly, “I think we’d better leave them to it.”

“Yeah, probably,” Darcy decides, taking a fry from the bag that she’s designated as Anakin’s. “So when did you find out?” she asks.

“She walked in on me watching Attack of the Clones and said, ‘oh, that’s the one with me in it,’ and I’ve never been the same since,” says Kirsten. “You?”

“It’s a very long story,” says Darcy. “Hey, come on, I wanna see your booth and crow about how much more awesome ours is.”

--

end.