#he also “awww you're embarrassed?” at me once jesus i about died

[t-wordiiish]

How did I land two separate men that started chatting me up

The pull I have is crazy and lowkey scary🥲😗

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three: Gettin The Cash

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and fall into a long state of confusion for a very long time. It'll also include weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Read at your own risk.

Cast:

john paul jones (main character)

jimmy page

john bonham

robert plant

------------------

It was a dark rainy night. The pub was filling up with a bunch of horny mother fuckers. jonesy and the dumbass robert stood behind the curtains waiting to be called in to perform.

"ah man! this is going to be splendid!" robert said as he jumped in excitement. jonesy pushed him and he died. he fixed his high heels to make sure he doesn't break his ankles this time haha. mf jonesy made his way to the pole and placed a hand on it.

"WAIT-" robert yelled as he ran to him. he didn't see where he was going so he bumped into jonesy and made him fall into the crowd.

"I am the one and only, robert plant. I AM THE BITCH-" he shouted as he began to spin on the pole. jonesy could not believe his eyes. that mf plant took the spotlight from him. everyone started cheering for him and throwing him dollar bills.

"YOU BLOODY WANKER!!" jonesy yelled only to get drowned by the crowd. robert then climbed on the pole and began to do some sexy and hot moves against the pole. Heck he even licked it.

"TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!!" someone yelled as they threw cash at robert. robert looked at the person and stopped dancing.

"what the fuck? i didn't come here to strip you whore!" he kicked the person with his heel and stormed off. jonesy pushed threw the crowd and managed to get to the front.

"jesus christ percy!! get your asshole back here!" he yelled. john climbed onto the stage and sprinted to the back. once he was back there, he spotted robert crying in front of some vanity. jonesy stood behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"oh jonesy!" robert cried. "i can't do this! i don't want to strip for hungry motherfuckers! its so nasty! i rather strip for my precious jim jam!" he added as he wiped his tears with a tissue. jonesy rubbed his back to comfort him. he truly felt awful about it. how are they going to get the cash now if robert anthony plant doesn't want to do his job right. also since led zeppelin is dead once and for all. jonesy got an idea.

"hey! i know what you can do!" he said in excitement. robert looked at him and OMG JONESY YOU CUTE MF AWWW! "you can be a hooker!" he suggested. robert turned away from jonesy and looked at himself in the mirror. he totally could. hes hot and charming in some way. anyone would want to get a piece of that. robert stood from his seat and AHHHH BIG HOE. he looked at jonesy and gave him a big ol hug.

"JONESY! YOU ARE A GENIUS!!" he shouted. jonesy lost the ability to breathe so he died. robert dropped him and said his farewells.

"well jonesy, it was nice working with ya, glad jaime brought you in," he said as he sat john on a chair.

"wait where in bloody hell are you going?" he asked. robert looked at him confused.

"bitch, me and pagey are going to start a new group called page plant penis," he responded. of course. of course they would. these mfs are too invested in themselves that they would overthrow john paul jones in the bathroom of wendys. that infuriated him. he reached into his trousers and took out his laser penis.

"woah hey! im not trying to get laid by a-"

PEW PEW PEW PEW

robert stood there in complete shock.

"did you- did you just attempt to murder my sexy ass!?" he yelled in anger. jonesy began to regret even doing that. a bright light was building up from robert that almost blinded john. robert is indeed a golden god. he floated off of the ground and gained powers to end jonesy once and for all. john had to act fast. he can't die like this. it would be such an embarrassing thing to end up in the media.

"HOLD IT!" jonesy yelled. robert placed his attention to him and waited for jonesy to speak.

"is this how we are going to end it? is this what we really want?" he said softly. robert's angry expression grew softer. was he really going to kill his bandmate? his best friend? he slowly got to the ground and stood in front of john.

"my god jonesy...." he began, "you're right... what am i doing? im such a monster," he added as tears ran down his face. jonesy slowly walked up to him and stuck his hand out with a smile on his face.

"c'mon buddy, let's go back to what we were doing," he added. robert looked at johns hand with a skeptical look.

"nah bitch! me, jimby and bonzo are going to do a led zeppelin reunion!" robert explained.

"a wha-"

"yeah! a motherfucking led zeppelin reunion!! can you believe it jonesy!? led zeppelin has become even bigger than we thought! bigger than those bloody rolling stones and ziggy stardust spider fuckers!" he rambled.

at that very moment, john paul jones knew he has been betrayed by his own band. he felt like destroying everything that came in front of him. percy for example is in front of him. anger and rage built up in his system. he could not believe that his own band would turn against him. who tf did they think they were? without any hesitation, john gripped onto roberts neck, silently choking him and ending robert plant for realzies this time. he went unconscious and dropped to the floor. jonesy placed a tarp to cover roberts body and headed through the exit. he was going to find james patrick page and john henry bonham to end it once and for all.

or will he?