#hawk/beej coded??
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lt-oreilly · 2 years ago
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guys I have the power to make polls
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remyfire · 2 years ago
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Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You
WIP Game! This! Is! The first sequel to Scratching The Itch!! It's the second story in the Some Things Are Evergreen (STAE) series and it's the first Beej POV story and takes place in a wibbly handwavey area in early S5. Hunnihawk, with Beej/Peg background. It's my take on that ever so lovely "What do you MEAN they canonically tell each other fantasies" trope, but with the twists I've set up in STAE, ie that Beej has blanket permission to mess around with other men while he and Peg are long distance, but not with women.
"You're late getting back," Beej points out quietly. He might be compassionate for what chases Hawkeye into familiar hookups with people who are arguably much lovelier and certainly softer than BJ is, but that doesn't mean he can't stoke the burn in his body an inch higher. Just a reminder that Hawk doesn't have to go so far away next time.
Hawk tips the rest of the gin back in one, then sets the glass aside with one hand while he reaches for his knitting basket with the other. "I had a rendezvous."
"I'm sure." BJ puts the letters on his bedside table as he rolls onto his side, then props up his head. "Satisfying?"
Hawk makes a low noise in the back of his throat. He picks up the ball of yarn, studying it with a frown.
Beej hopes he didn't damage it somehow. The thought makes him push on. "Scratched?"
"No itch." Hawk rotates the ball a few more times before he shrugs and goes for his previous project instead. "Just fun."
Just fun. Oh, the urge to slip out of bed, pin Hawkeye to the back of that chair, and show him how fun it can be to drown in him for a while. There's a quiet smugness that BJ had cracked the code of that supposed itch—the ache for bone-shaking, earth-shattering intimacy in the middle of a war zone—but knowing he's the last resort does no favors for his ego.
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hawkbeej · 2 years ago
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i love you bj hunnicutt i love you lying for fun i love you internal rage i love you repressed homosexuality i love you falling for your manic pixie nightmare boy bunkmate i love you slowly losing the picket fence life mask you've carefully crafted for yourself i love you gayboy mustache
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obsessive-ego · 3 years ago
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Jack it to a jacket nsft
Masterbation, voyeurism, you know how I am
Musical beetlejuice x fem reader (reader has a vagina but uses they them pronouns)
Beetlejuice forgets his jacket and you use it while he's gone
Beetlejuice had announced to you he had to spend a few days in the netherworld for bio exorcist meeting or something, you really didnt get it, it's not like he actually had a job, all you knew is that he's been complaining about it since day one. That he had to leave the world of the living for a bit.
The day finally came for him to head out for his little business trip, you could tell the ghoul was less then thrilled to go, slight purple streaks graced his hair, you knew he wasnt too keen on being in the netherworld, the demon had such a fascination with the living, an adoration for living with you, going back to the netherworld, even for a few days was like heading back to work after a long period off, soul sucking.
"Alright Sugar" he starts adjusting his tie, his jacket resting on the arm of the couch "I'll be gone for a few days, try not to miss me too much~"
You give the ghoul a soft smile "itll be quieter for sure"  you try to joke
"Yeah..." he trails off, his playful teasing voice dropping along with his grin.
"I know this is gonna suck, but the sooner you get it started the sooner it's over with" you try to cheer him up giving the demon a light punch in the arm.
Beetlejuice's hue was now completely purple, you frown at the sight.
"You know doll, I'm being awfully selfish here, but, how bout ya give me a little sugar before I go?~"
You flinch at the suggestion, you wouldnt say you were shocked at this request, but you were.
"You're stalling"
"Come on babes, humor me, I gotta fill out paper work and deal with my mother, could REALLY use a pick me up~" he nudges you gently and gives a wink, hoping it'll soften you up, it does.
"Fine" you huff out, you grab the demon by the suspenders, yanking him to you level giving him a quick peck.
"No tongue on the first date?~" he snickers, as pink patches pop up in his mossy beard.
"...have a good trip" you utter trying to hide your embarrassment
"Oh doll I will, thinking about your soft lips~" the demon's voice drops to that low growl that never failed to make you warm in your lower areas
"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Bee-"
You could NEVER make it to 3, the ghoul was always quick to slap a hand to your mouth, pulling you into a side hug.
"Trying to kick me out so soon sugar? So mean~" he chuckles, the ghoul pulls his hand from your mouth and you sigh.
Beetlejuice pauses holding you in this awkward side hug for a few minutes
"Bee?"
"I know" he grumbles, he begrudgingly pulls away
The ghoul makes his way to the empty wall and draws his entrance.
Knock
Knock
Knock
Your living room wall opens up to the netherworld, it was always a rare sight to you, a little anxiety inducing, you freeze for a moment, but as the demon steps into the world of the dead you shout
"Wait!"
Beetlejuice turns to you
"You forgot something"
The demon's eyes light up and in a flash he was infront of you, his hands cup your face as he slams his lips into yours, you jolt in surprise, as the ghoul pulls away he purrs "almost forgot my second goodbye kiss, thanks doll" and just like that he was gone, the netherworld was out of sight and you were alone.
"Your jacket" you whisper still alittle dizzy from his kiss.
...
The jacket he left behind spent a few hours folded neatly on the couch as you go about your alone time. Everytime beetlejuice was away you always took the opportunity to get some chores done, you liked the demon yeah, but he always got under foot, or he would be creepy while you tried to get things done. There were times where you were just doing the laundry, and the demon would just stare at you, no words, he just sat atop the dryer watching you like a hawk as you loaded the washer, it made your skin crawl and your stomach turn to have that much attention put on you, hell, you'd rather him be lewd and annoying then that.
As creepy as he was, that was just who he was, and you loved him, his awful charms, his terrible jokes, and his over all handsome, to you, look, wormed it's way into your heart and refused to let go.
Every kiss, every grope, every pet name he gave you dug you deeper into your affection. Though you were too terrified to confront him about your feelings, he was a literal demon, could he even share these feelings, let alone would he like you the same way, all in all you didnt want to ruin what the two of you had, friends, good friends.
You missed him, you really did, so what was the harm in wearing his coat, just around the house, and maybe smelling it every now and again, that wasnt too weird right? And it would be fine if you were to fall asleep wearing it right? There was no harm in it, but if beetlejuice was to pop in unexpectedly and if he say you wearing it casually youd never hear the end of it, and yet you never took it off.
It's been a few days since beetlejuice left for the netherworld, you were relaxing on your bed looking at memes trying to ignore how much you missed a certain undead bastard, hell you were wearing the jacket he left behind and stealing a small sniff here and there, beetlejuice never really gives you a time frame as to when he'd be back whenever he goes to the netherworld.
'Time moves differently when you're dead, and boy does it move, but it slows down when I'm with you babes' you shiver and try to swallow the lump in your throat that memory caused, the undead bastard was such a flirt.
You grew a tad lonely without your favorite dead guy, yes you used to live alone before beetlejuice barged his way into your home, but you have gotten used to him, you miss him when he's not with you, especially his no concept of personal space, how the ghoul's hands always found a home on your body, your hips, your waist, your shoulders.
You feel a familiar pulse between your legs, you try and ignore it, though your mind was reeling with old memories of beej touching you, you werent even scrolling through your phone anymore, just staring at the screen, thinking of the demon's strong callused hands running up and down your thighs.
"You win" you grumble sliding off your bed and crouching next to it, you pull out a little tool box. Opening the little box and revealing an average sized bright green vibrator brandishing a nice bulbous tip. You push the button on the toy's base and it buzzes to life, you smile, glad to see the barriers were still alive, it was too late for you to run out and get replacements.
You shimmy out of your pajama pants and panties before you hop back up on the bed. You remove the jacket giving it a deep inhale of its scent before placing it down next to you.
...
Your living room walls silently open up, letting in a thick fog of green reavling your demon friend, the ghoul knew it was late, late enough that his sweet little y/n should be dead asleep, as your living room rearranges itself back to normal the ghoul floats to your bedroom, excited to come snuggle up to your soft warm body after what felt like an eternity with dealing with his mother and newly deads with no sense of humor.
"Ah!"
The ghoul freezes at the sound, standing in front of your closed bedroom door, you could be? He presses an ear to the door, the faint sound of buzzing and muffled moans could be herd.
In a flash Beetlejuice's hair and moss on his face turns electric pink.
"A welcome home present? For me? Oh dolly~" he whispers before snapping his fingers and camouflaging himself. Beetlejuice fazed through the door and froze at the sight of you, yes he has seen you touch yourself before, but this?
There you were Laying on your bed, propped up by pillows, shirt pulled up exposing your breasts, bottom half completely bare, pumping the vibrator he got you (as an apology for messing with your old one) in and out of your leaking pussy, with your face buried in his jacket, muffling your whining.
The ghoul could have blown his load from the sight alone, yes he knew you liked him, and yes he knows you want him, but this? This was dirty, this was naughty, smelling his clothes and jerking off? You were just as horny as him, not really, no one is, but he'll take this.
"And here I thought only I had a scent fetish" he chuckles making his way to the end of the bed, plopping down to get a good view of your soaked vigina, he was fixated on the speed you pumped the toy in and out of you. Beetlejuice fumbled with his fly, pulling out his semi, the ghoul licks the palm of his hand, coding it is a nice layer of saliva before wrapping it around his cock. Beetlejuice starts off slowly, but it isnt long until his pace matches yours, imagining the toy between your legs was him, god slash satan he envied that peice of silicon.
"Beetlejuice" you whine bucking your hips up to meet the vibrator as it slid back in, you take another deep inhale of the jacket's scent and whine, beetlejuice groans in response.
"Such a dirty little thing, fuck- I expected to come home and see ya sleeping it in, ah- but this? Oh babes, I would have left it behind months ago to, oh god- to see you like this" the ghoul babbled, he really didnt want to finish before you, he wanted to enjoy this show for as long as possible.
You were absolutely lost in your little activity, using you non dominant hand to hold the demon's jacket to your nose, the scent drove you wild, you could imagine beetlejuice driving his cock into you over and over again, the idea of him fully dressed fucking you while you were completely naked made you tremble.
“Oh my god Bee, fuck, yes, please, fucking oh my god I want you to…Beetlejuice fuck…” you babble as you begin to pick up pace with the vibrator.
The ghoul drools at the show you oh so kindly are giving him, hearing you moan out his name, oh how he loved that sound, it wasnt the first time beetlejuice herd you moan out his name during your 'alone time' but it still made his toes curl as though it was.
Beetlejuice growls through his teeth, he was almost there, seeing you use his jacket in such a way was better than he ever could’ve imagined, yes he dreamed of you using his things for sexual satisfaction, he just thought he'd never see it.
Beetlejuice found that trying to keep the pace with you was growing too hard, he needed to finish, he needed you to finish. He didn’t want to cum before you, he needed to see you cum while using his jacket, he needed the image of you using his things to cum to be carved into his brain.
Thankfully, Beej is good at edging, this wasnt his first day being a peeping Tom, and it wont be the last, it wasnt easy, but he could do it, watching you whine and buck your hips because of him, sure made it a challenge though.
You were almost there, you stop pumping the toy, only for a second, to crank the vibrations to the higher setting, your hips jolt up as you press the jacket against your face muffling your screams, with the intensity up you were ready for the home stretch, you begin to move the toy again, in and out, imagining it was the ghoul you oh so loved. You could just imagine beetlejuice pressing you into the mattress with every thrust, all the dirty things he'd be saying to you, praising you for how well you take his fat cock, growling, biting, you couldn't take it anymore, you felt like you were gonna explode. God you wanted that smug bastard so badly, you loved him so much, you moved the hand holding the jacket against you face and brought it to your vagina, as one hand pumped the vibrator the other played with your clit. You groan through your teeth at the added simulation, if only you could see the demon infront of you.
Beetlejuice sat before you, jaw dropped, tongue hanging, drool dripping down his chin, panting. His cock was throbbing, leaking pre cum, he was ready to burst, honestly he surprised he hasn't yet, watching his y/n go to town on their pussy. Beetlejuice watched ad you hips bounced, and your toes curled, he could finally get a good look at your face, you were tearing up.
"Feels good doesnt babes? Wait till you get the real deal~"
"LAWRENCE!"  You shout as your hips buck upwards, just then, something new happened, you squirted, thought you didnt notice, you were too busy, head lulled back, panting, and using the soft buzzing of the vibrator to ride out your orgasm.
But beetlejuice on the other hand saw, he saw you squirt when you called him, when you called him by his first name, a name you rarely used. The demon blew his load shortly after your little finale, an image that will always be treasured by him. Beetlejuice wipes the cum off his hand on his pant leg, and slides his now soft cock back into his pants. He watches you lay there for a moment before you gingerly sit up, reaching forward to turn off the vibrator and remove it from you, you flinch doing so, still tender. You give out a yawn and toss the toy on the floor mumble how you'll deal with it in the morning, adjusting your shirt to cover hour chest you slide under the covers, in minutes you were asleep, holding his jacket oh so tightly.
Beetlejuice envied the garment, and as much as the ghoul wanted to slide in next you now, he couldnt, you were naked from the waist down. But you did leave him a tasty snack, so he couldnt be mad at you. Beetlejuice snatches up the freshly used vibrator, still warm from your touch, and vanishes
"Good night y/n" his voice purrs in your ears,
"...Lawrence..."
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YOU HAVE A FANCAST FOR MUPPETS MASH??!
RIGHT SO YOU SENT THIS TO ME A MONTH AGO BECAUSE I ASKED FOR ASKS BECAUSE I COULDNT ESCAPE MY DESK. TURNS OUT MY THING WAS CANCELLED LAST MINUTE THEN I HAD THE WORLDS WORST MONTH AND SO IM ONLY GETTING TO THIS NOW BUT YES I DO IN FACT HAVE A FANCAST FOR MUPPETS MASH
ok the context behind this is during my final year at school i turned 18. thats the legal drinking age here in the uk so every few days when i was done with studying (that exam period lasted about three months) my dad and i would walk the dogs to the local pub, get a pint, then come back home for dinner.
the thing is, the local pub is about a 40 minute walk away on the most direct route, and the dogs have a lot of energy, so we would sometimes take different paths to elongate the walk.
during these walks my father didn’t want to stress me out or something so we talked instead about my two favourite things; mash, and the muppet show.
we came up with a casting that i can very easily defend nearly each and every point on because we walked a lot and made sure to examine each casting very carefully.
are you ready?
OK SO
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[photo ID - a screenshot of a notes app with the listings below without explanations]
Gonzo as Klinger - obvious, they share so much! The nose! The gender! The shenanigans! I’d be offended if this wasn’t someone’s first choice. i’d like to write more but they’re just so alike and there’s more of this list to get through.
Fozzy as Trapper - sense of humour, terrible puns, curly hair of similar colours. mostly this one is about energy and vibes im not gonna lie. (pairs well with hawkeye but we’ll get to that later)
Miss Piggy as Margaret - like Klinger/Gonzo, this is obvious, and not just because they’re the only main women of their respective franchises. Both are strong, beautiful blonde women, who are proud of their femininity, but will not hesitate to punch someone in the face if they’re (rightly) offended. Furthermore, they’re both stern saps for the people they’re in love with and believe wholeheartedly that ‘if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself’
Scooter as Radar - Scooter literally calls himself a ‘go for’ guy. Sound familiar? Runs the whole operation from the wings, wears glasses, and I’ve only just realised now; Scooter’s uncle owns the Muppet theatre. Who is in command of the 4077? Radar’s dad. That’s who.
Kermit as Col. Potter - ok so i realise that this one is pretty left field, but think about it. Kermit’s the boss. Col. Potter’s the boss. Kermit’s the straight man (figuratively). Col. Potter’s the straight man (figuratively). Kermit tends to show the important guests round the show and indulges in hijinks occasionally. What does Col. Potter do? The same! The similarities are stacking up!
Sweetums as Henry - If you don’t remember, sweetums is the human-size muppet that’s brown and has big teeth. Runs after the car in the muppet movie and the new muppet movie too actually huh good reference. Anyway, Sweetums tries to be scary but isn’t actually very good at it. Real softie. Sort of lopes around when he walks to and Henry ‘Spaghetti Limbs’ Blake is the same.
Statler and Waldorf as Hawkeye and BJ - look we bandied about with hawk or beej as kermit (hawk because he’s the main character, bj because he’s the clever ‘straight’ man) but neither really worked. then it hit us. Statler and Waldorf. They’re always together. They play off each other with puns like nobody’s business. They’re ‘debatably’ gay (they are). They’re perfect! (also works with fozzy’s trapper)
Uncle Deadly as Sidney Freedman - for those who don’t remember uncle deadly is the blue muppet also known as ‘The Phantom of The Muppet Show’ (see the Twiggy episode i think) anyway this one is also mostly vibes but he’s definitely a sort of refined but also a muppet through and through. has interesting insights and asks important questions. not in it much but sticks in peoples minds and is beloved by all
Sam Eagle as Col. Flagg - ok this one was close because frank is also very sam but col. flagg won out just for his suspicion of each and every other character. Very american. Very against anything that doesn’t vibe with their own personal hays code/bible. Very anti-communist but to a ridiculous extent. Slightly intimidating are the lengths that they will go to. As I write this i realise it could be up for debate to swap with frank because my frank defence isn’t very strong
Rowlf as Father Mulcahy -  genial. loved by all. plays piano. i’d trust him with my every secret and life. what more can be said?
Animal as Frank - [i’d like to preface this with mentioning that animal is one of my favourites but i go a little hard on him here] ok this one is pretty weak but undeniably a part of the muppets, has a terrible temper that’s kinda scary sometimes. Super sexist. hm. i wouldn’t like to hang out alone with either. usually a goofus though just a bit peculiar. minus points because frank doesn’t play the drums but hey neither does flagg (radar does but it doesn’t work). i realise now that they should definitely swap but you asked about the og fancast and i’m giving it to you
The Swedish Chef as Igor - chef. bad at it. love him anyway.
Rizzo the Rat as Rizzo - named rizzo, hangs out with gonzo/klinger a lot, always has a scheme on the side and a tiny but hot temper
That’s where the notes end, but not my heart (or the casting in it)
 I’d like to add Camilla (the chicken) and her ‘Princesses of Poultry’ (other chickens) as the nurses. I know that Camilla is with Gonzo and that doesn’t work but hey Klinger went on a few absolutely adorable dates with Kellye my beloved so maybe? Anyway the chickens as the nurses because they often switch names (interchangeable) and are integral to the show but aren’t often credited as such.
ANYWAY I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER I’VE HAD THE WORLD’S WOST MONTH IT WAS VERY SAD BUT THIS REALLY CHEERED ME UP
FEEL FREE ANYBODY TO MESSAGE ME OR @ ME OR INBOX ME ABOUT THE MUPPETS BECAUSE AND ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE MUPPETS AND MASH BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS 100% DOWN TO TALK
also if anyone can figure out where to put dr teeth and the electric mayhem please let me know its killing me
THANK YOU ANON YOU’VE MADE MY DAY
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radioprune · 4 years ago
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even tho i’m pretty definitively hawk coded bc of the everything about me, beej moments of my life do include having a horrible first day at work at the bookstore until i went through the kids department to the breakroom for 15 minutes of respite and heard them playing this time tomorrow by the kinks over the speaker and saw a guy chilling, sitting on the desk with the register and was like “hey, love this song.” watched him do a ray davies double take and we became best friends the whole time i worked there
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pussyhoundspock · 4 years ago
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i just wanna pour one out real quick for all the closest gay men working in the MASH writers room and really from the bottom of my heart thank them for hawk&beej’s incredibly specific knowledge of gay lingo and code really drives home the realism of their korean love story!!! 
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radioprune · 4 years ago
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🌠 :)))
della!!!
1) bj goes to maine of just. the highest caliber. every time i see you update with how long whatever you’re working on is i get so hype bc i know it’s gonna be fantastic 
2) i know we said we’d never mention this again but u r the beej-coded beej-girl to my hawk-coded hawk-girl and i think that’s pretty fun of us
3) ok it was so hard to pick just one third thing so just like bj in general bc you simp for him but in a respectful way i can get behind and also good music bc whenever you post a song it’s top quality and also just like?? being really friendly? like you are a happy presence on my dash <3
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