#having only one reaction just isn't realistic safe or dependable

[feral-ass-raccoon]

something i think is weird is how people/characters are shown responding to trauma/triggers/shutdowns etc because it's always "oh they do This One Thing and that's how you can tell"

like- maybe someone always gets angry and lashes out. another will always go quiet and look down. but that's just their ONE tell, and it doesn't make sense???? maybe it's just me but idk i have like a handful of options at all times

like if i'm in a situation where it's too risky to fall away from the conversation or just drift??? i'm gonna pull out the humor mask and bs my way outta there. if it's not safe to use the anger card then i'm gonna shut up and not draw attention. yeah having a go-to response is all well and good but if that one won't work you gotta have a backup plan

[duhton]

all of the cancer headcanons

+ ZODIAC HEADCANONS / accepting _ @warsaves

_ how does your muse react to emotional manipulation ? violently. that's literally just the be all end all of it. she recognises when the attempt is made at emotional manipulation, and more often than not, she'll brush it off. but it really just depends on what kind of emotion the manipulator is trying to evoke, and who's trying to do it. upfront, the only two that would actually get any kind of response out of her are jamie and john. jamie uses her own guilt and self-loathing against her to provoke and antagonise her, there is no sugar coating that. every reaction beth's ever had to him has been in response to something he has said or done to her. 'i could barely remember what you were like before you killed her' re. their mother, was an intentional provocation and absolutely emotional manipulation. it's blatant and it's targeted. with john, it's different. it's more subtle because communication is not his forte by any means but he knows that beth will do whatever it takes for him and to make him proud of her. he often uses that against her whether he consciously realises he's doing it or not, and beth reacts intensely. 'you've really disappointed me, honey. and i never thought i'd say that about you.' was such a punch to the gut and he knew it, and then he told her to leave. it's the first time she's referred to the ranch as her home and meant it, and he tells her to find another one. which, she reacts by spiralling spectacularly and almost doing exactly that. realistically, as much as she loves rip and he does wield some power over her, john wields more. and he can't hurt her physically but he sure can hit her where it hurts, and that's through emotional damage. long story short, emotional manipulation is not an easy task with beth but when someone does it, her reaction is violent and/or intense.

_ what is your muse's most treasured family tradition ? i think it's both a tradition and a part of ranch life, but i'd say the gather. it's something they do because they have to, but it's also something that they typically do as a family. beth never joined in until the last one, which made it special in it's own right. i truly believe that in that moment, john was the happiest he was ever gonna be with kayce and beth out with him. outside of that, and this is something that i've been thinking about myself but isn't proven or confirmed in canon, but i think hunting. john has a rifle that he's carved all the boys names into, it's the same gun he gives to tate in early season one. i believe beth has her own, because she's the only girl, it's hers alone, whereas the boys shared one. and i think john took each kid out when they turned a certain age to teach them how to shoot. beth has stupid good aim considering she shot a bird in the season four premier when it's chirping was pissing her off. i can only assume that's because john taught her when she was young. and that's the only time we see her shoot anything so i have nothing else to go off of.

_ what is a cherished memory your muse holds close ? it's kinda sad i had to really think about this one . . . i think it's less of a memory and more of a place? and i could say the tack room, because it does hold a lot of memories and emotions for beth, which she herself talks about late in season five. but i actually think it's the roof. i've talked to @devilsleft about how the roof used to be beth and lee's spot before it became beth and rip's, and i stand by that. i think that was always her safe escape and her big brother would always find her there. he found her there after their mother died, and he found her there after the hysterectomy ( which he didn't know about ) and he probably found her there that first night when she came home in the first episode. and while it was beth and lee's spot, it also become beth and rip's spot too, which makes it even more special. it's more open and doesn't feel confining like her bedroom or the tack room. up there they are truly away from prying eyes and i think that's where they've had any kind of meaningful conversation worth having that beth hasn't shied or run away from.

_ how does your muse express love & care ? if we're talking love languages, beth expresses hers through acts of service. she is very much a 'will do anything for the people she cares about' kind of person, and that can be detrimental to her tbh because it's often at her own expense. but she's protective and loyal to those she considers hers. she responds to words of affirmation and physical touch, but only from those she genuinely cares about and loves. from anyone else, touching her is a big no-no and she will react ruthlessly. she's isn't all that big on public displays of her affection, she likes her privacy and she likes to keep things intimate be that romantically, platonically or familial. she also isn't big on gifts or buying things she thinks will make people love her. anything she buys for someone is typically practical, or sentimental. ( buying for herself is something else entirely, boujee bitch ) but if there is something she can do for someone, she'll do it without question, and without hesitation. there are so many examples of that, but one of the more recent ones that i especially love, is when she packed up colby's things to ship back to his mother so the others wouldn't have to, and when she took teeter to a bar to help distract her. she cares a lot more than most people think, she just doesn't say it often like most.

[rahleeyah]

This is a random ass question that just came to mind:

Is Olivia an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?

I don't think anyone is really solely an introvert or an extrovert - some people do prefer quiet, it's true, and some people do prefer to be on the go, but if anyone is so much of one that they never get the other, that person has a problem. Some people have a harder time socializing than others or need time to recover from it but so much of our needs and behaviors are conditional and the conversation has been reduced to "pick one defining characteristic that is You™ and stick with it and base your choices on that one thing" and that isn't healthy or realistic imo. And so Olivia is a great example of what I'm saying

Olivia can be standoffish and often chooses to process alone rather than confide in others. Is this bc she has intrinsic need for alone time in order to recharge? Or is this a symptom of her upbringing? Where is the line between natural inclination and coping mechanism?

Olivia probably relishes the quiet now, as an over 50 single mom with a demanding job, but again isn't that a function of her environment?

Olivia is deeply empathetic; does this mean people exhaust her? Or is it the game she has to play with so many people - putting on her Normal face, the face that hides the trauma and the bloodshed - the thing that exhausts her? And is that a natural function of her empathy or is it an extension of her job?

What does Olivia do at a party? That depends on who's throwing the party, doesn't it? Is it an NYPD party, where politics and the old boys club are everywhere and she sticks to the people she knows she's safe with - except for the required gladhanding of course - until she can turn tail and run? If it's the McCanns or someone from Noah's school she's gonna have to fake it, isn't she, and that's exhausting, but what she's faking isn't a care for people or an interest in socializing, what she's pretending is that she's normal and not threatening and just Like Them. And again, isn't that a function of her job and her childhood more than a quirk of her personality?

What if she threw the party, what if Elliot did, what if it's all people she knows and doesn't have to play the game with? She might find that sustaining. She might find excuses to linger. She might be the center of the party.

We all play games, to a certain extent, put on different hats in different situations, need people sometimes and need solitude at others. Olivia lives a life of extremes, and this is no different.

She does I think have to have something of the adrenaline junkie in her given the path she's chosen in life, but that doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy quiet time with a book. We see she didn't want to keep doing "the same old thing" with Brian in her negotiation; is that bc she needs constant change (a thing she hates) or is it bc Brian picked their Sunday tradition and she just doesn't like it?

Has Olivia ever even had the chance to find out if the company of the right person would be restorative? And isn't her reaction to a crowd of strangers based on experience and training and not some inborn need?

So ambivert in my answer, I guess, if only bc I believe everybody is an ambivert - everybody flourishes under different conditions at different times, needs different things at different times, suffers, at times, without one or the other, socialization or peace.

[tordenvejr]

How does one deal/ handle with the death of a friendship? I've just recently lost a close dear friend of almost seven years by pushing her away to the point of her blowing up on me one day, and me taking that in personally/ her words. I allow things to affect me pretty quickly, and deeply. I'm missing her like mad, yet I don't know if she will ever forgive me for blocking her/ ignoring her on everything. She has not however tried to get in contact with me. With this being an online friendship, I should have said to you already. Sorry if this triggers yourself, or anyone else/ or bothers you. It's just, should I try to get her back into my life? She is over the age of 50, and has many health issues. I miss her, please, any advice would help from you/ your own followers. Thankyou for taking the time to read this. Have a nice day, and take care of yourself today.

that's a big question that depends on the nature of the relationship and the ending! i want to get into the other details of your ask first.

what were the reasons as to why you were pushing her away? you aren't responsible for someone else's reactions. her response is her choice, she didn't need to blow up, she could have expressed her feelings in a calm manner, distanced herself, etc. i especially want to say that a 50 year old adult conducting themselves this way is extremely questionable.

if you have the capacity to feel things deeply then that is how you experience things, disallowing yourself from feeling things to the extent that you're able would be to repress your sensitivity. there's nothing wrong with your sensitivity.

are you missing her and who she is or are you feeling the compulsion to close the gap between you because it's uncomfortable to be uncertain how she feels about you/be at peace while she might be mad at you?

why did you block and ignore her? what did she do? i feel like that's a pretty substantial part of this.

again do you want her to forgive you because you want to cultivate/and feel capable and realistic in the idea of cultivating a healthy relation with this person, or because it's uncomfortable to not be forgiven?

you don't need to worry and take responsibility for how i may receive this, trust that if i don't feel comfortable with something i won't engage with it.

it sounds to me like this was a very tumultuous, drama-filled and painful relationship. if i'm right the question is do you want that type of relationship in your life? does it fulfill and nourish you?

you mention that she's over the age of 50, and i want to note that this degree of drama with a middle aged person isn't showcasing her as a very stable or safe individual. i'm curious too, how old are you? if there's a significant age gap then that makes me even more inclined to call her unsafe.

you also mention her health issues, why? it makes me feel as if there might be a sense of protectiveness/care/obligation from your side, and if that's the case i want to emphasize that it is not your responsibility to neglect your own emotional needs to be there for someone else. at all. and not only is it not your responsibility, but it can be outright harmful to yourself.

for your question on handling the death of a friendship, particularly of this nature: if it has died, let it be dead. don't try to revive it, to breathe life into something that is rotten. let it be done. allow yourself to grieve, but know that, especially for toxic relationships, the grief does not indicate that you've made a mistake or that you need this person back, simply that something has changed in a major way. it is okay to grieve and to be sad and to miss someone; and also work towards being okay without them 🪞🕊️

[just-antithings]

Hey mod Erin and Gatito I'm mostly agreeing with you but the anons speaking AGAINST the aoc thing were actually talking about rpf of minors in sexual settings, that's where the whole conversation began. If it was 100% about fiction? I'm completely om your guys side. But the anons were talking about rpf and real minors being hurt by the actions of real adults. I think at one point a misunderstanding happened because all the anons read off as talking about rpf while you guys took it as them trying to censor fiction, which the anons didn't do really. (I was a bystander to the whole situation and this is my first ask on it, I'm none of the other anons)

Since I'm on right now I'll answer, I am at the very least aware that the original ask was in reference to not work safe situations of minors. However again as stated being "under age" really does depend on where you love. As long as people have a spot light on them people will do things that will hurt the spotlighted party. Which is why I don't think minors should be in that spotlight.

In many states you can get married as a minor as long as a parent says fine. We have child brides in America its just a thing. Also nsft rpf of minor is only illegal if it's drawn realistically. As long as the internet exists people will make the content. And again AO3 cares about legality that's it.

If my child gets famous and someone writes something inappropriate or bad it's may fault for letting them get famous, and if they find it it's extra my fault for not keeping an eye on them. No I wouldn't like it, of course I wouldn't and that's why my kids won't be allowed to put their face for the whole world to see as a famous person.

I simply don't think the problem is the rpf. I won't say there isn't any problem but getting rid of minor rpf is like taking cold medicine for an allergy reaction it's a solution just not the one for the problem your having. The problem is child actors not rpf.

[makotohyejin]

i decided i wanted to share a bit of my own personal advice to those of you who are thinking of coming out!!

1) coming out should be your thing, so only do it if YOU are ready!! speaking from my experience i felt the need to come out because if i didn't i felt i wasn't a "real" member of the lgbtq+ community,but being in the closet doesn't make you less of a member of the community so don't feel pressured to come out <3

2) have a backup plan!! if you are coming out to your parents and are underage or depend on them i'd advice you to have a place to go in case they aren't supportive of you. you should be prepared with money, a phone and a safe place to go just in case their reaction isn't a positive one!

3) if your s/o is pressuring you to come out and you don't feel ready, you probably shouldn't!! coming out is your decision and if you really think about it, if your partner doesn't accept your decision of not coming out yet, they probably aren't the best for you. talk it out with them and if they still don't understand, maybe it's best if you call it quits.

4) if you are planning on coming out to your friends, make sure they are trustworthy!! only come out to people you extremely trust, if not you could have the risk of them outing you to other people.

5) lastly,i'd advise you to be realistic!! sadly,your parents might not react the way you want them to and you should be prepared to deal with a lot of drama. even if things don't go the way you want them to, stay true to yourself!! you know who you are and even if your parents try to talk you out of it, you do you!!

that's it for today's article, i hope i was able to help all of you thinking out coming out a bit :-) if you have any questions or wanna talk feel free to send me a message anytime !!

and if you haven't check out my coming out story here !!: