#havent been in a real gym in like 8 years though and i dont want to. amen

[avorbl]

Avor's Watchlist for weeks 36 + 37

Fall has begun and I am watching 16 currently airing shows 14 of which are Qls. My rewatches have been on hold for a few weeks now.

Currently Airing

Battle of the Writers 7/12 Beautiful Boys kissing, tropes and even a bit of a story if you look hard enough

Sugar Dog Life 6/10 Lonely people, food and not enough communication the Japanese recipe for a good watch

First Note of Love 6/12 Compared to all the loud stuff thats currently airing this one is very quiet

Seoul Blues 7/8 Messy people messing around Jeonha finally reacted to something but it feels very much like they stitched two scripts they had and made it 8 episodes with the same character names

The On1y One 8/12 Best thing currently airing beautiful cinemaphotography and wonderful acting

Love Next Door 10/16 The first 8 episodes showed us why Seokryu did not feel that she could be open about her problems with anyone at home and now I am supposed to find her at fault because she kept her illness a secret?

Live in Love 3/5 The colours keep colouring and with all the talk about tone this week the tonal dissonance between what his happening to Cake and how they react to it is a bit distracting

Room 2/5 Fun and chaotic not sure what it wants to tell

Happy of the End 2/8 I am waiting for the sub of the fourth episode to continue because I dont think I can get myself to watch each episode on its own its heavy and beautiful

Kidnap 2/12 I get to see Ohm again

The Hidden Moon 2/10 A propos Ohm a ghost romance. They rank right after robot romances for plots to avoid for me. I am cautiously optimistic about this one though as long as they are not introducing time layers.

Jack & Joker: U Steal My Heart! 1/12 War is a good actor and I liked Yin whom I havent seen outside of En of love. But I was promised a heist.

Love is Like a Poison 1/10 The colour intensity was to mismatched between the poison transitions and the rest of the episode hopefully that changes

Unlock Your Love 1/8 I am not sure about this one the character interactions and the main characters action compared to her flashback experiences feel a bit too contrived

Bad Guy My Boss 1/10 20 year olds in charge of a company are always so in control. A fantasy office setting to forget work on Sunday evenings

Love Sick 2024 1/15 Real children bringing me a highschool story. With a big cast I am bit scared that I am supposed to remember and differentiate all these boys in their highschool uniforms

What I am catching up on

My Best Boyfriend 4/17

Unstoppable High Kick 25/167

Gym Affairs 15/24 Loneliness and desire (for love)

The Princess Royal 21/40 A typical mid show slump with this one, its promising

Word of Honor 17/36 I think of all the gay characters Gong Jun could have played while watching this

Like Love 8/15 2014 BL

Fight for My Way 4/16 I really need to watch everything Park Seojoon has been in

Finished in the last two weeks

Takara’s Treasure 02.09.24 9,5/10 Loved how they got gradually closer. Taishin getting a better understanding of Takara and Takara's reason for being so withdrawn getting revealed. The depiction of the "creepy uncle" really is the only blemish on this otherwise well thought out series.

Mr Mitsuyas Planned Feeding 06.09.24 9/10 A lovely story about finding support and yourself.

Takara’s Treasure Spin off 09.09.24 8,5/10 A nice end cap to this wonderful story

I Hear the Sunspot 12.09.24 6/10 This is the series I ve written the most notes for this year and it all boils down to: Great visuals but a dissappointing second half. We got the introduction of a secondary character instead of the growth and adaptation the couple needed

4 Minutes 13.09.24 9,5/10 The finale was truly unnerving, limbo made palpable. Those first minutes of surreal softness really got to me. A perfect ending to a good show. Regrets, Consequences, Redemption, LIMBO This series makes a strong case for how choices influence our lives and if we dont make choices life wont be better. Simplistic solutions only work in fantasy

Boytoy 14.09.24 7,5/10 Deeper than I intially thought. But a classic gay people at the edge of society BL with a happy ending though.

With You I Bloom 15.09.24 8/10 About social bonds and priorities. Would have been better if the credits werent as lighthearted/ the opening credits did not have such a sports drama vibe. Probably would have worked better as several movies .

Love Enemy 15.09.24 7,5/10 Fourty minutes of fluff to pass the time

Dropped in the last two weeks

The Founder of Diabolism Season 1 5/15 03.09.24 -/10

Addicted Heroin 4/10 03.09.24 -/10

[heyitsyn]

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:  

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you 

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair 

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy?? 

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?! 

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you 

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat 

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

OR

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around 

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

[dylinski]

do 1-100, coward

I AM NO COWARD

anyone who actually reads through all this, god bless you. you can blame leigh @thessaia, i give you full authority.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

of those three, pandora. although, i prefer apple music.

2. is your room messy or clean?

LMFAO. CLEAN? I DON’T KNOW HER

3. what color are your eyes?

brown, but they’re lighter than that in the right light. almost a caramel with a dark chocolate ring on the outside.

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah, i don’t mind it. its always been there. lol i mean i used to have different nicknames or pretend to be other people. idk i told my parents when i was like five i was going to change my name to Felicia Franchesca Sarahmichelle Lynn. don’t ask. in fifth grade (before dylan o’brien was even famous) i begged my parents to call me dylan and refused to respond to any other name for like a year. also, don’t ask.

5. what is your relationship status?

single as dingle

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

CHAOTIC, SMARTASS, STABBY

7. what color hair do you have?

answered

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

kia forte, although my dad calls it an orte since the “f” is missing. funny story, i  got pulled over and gave the dude my license and registration and shit but apparently, he didn’t look at it cause he put on the warning “orte” which i promptly laughed my ass off to. if he had given me a ticket i could have absolutely fought that bitch in court in won. SIR I DO NOT DRIVE AN ORTE. IS THAT ITALIAN? DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN AFFORD AN ITALIAN CAR? I DRIVE A FORTE SIR.

9. where do you shop?

ONLINE

10. how would you describe your style?

very idgaf

11. favorite social media account

tumblr

12. what size bed do you have?

full, it takes up my entire room so i couldn’t go bigger if i wanted to

13. any siblings?

answered

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

uk, always wanted to live there idk

15. favorite snapchat filter?

idk what its called but it has this higher temperature tone to it and gives me cute little freckles

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

i don’t wear make up, i used to use stilla (i think that’s how its spelled)

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i usually shower like every other day unless its hotter than a pair of saggy tits

18. favorite tv show?

that changes with the weather tbh. i can’t say i really have one. for a really long time it was supernatural though.

19. shoe size?

womans 11.5 (us) i think its a men’s 9?

20. how tall are you?

5′ 3″ or 160cm

21. sandals or sneakers?

sneakers. god i hate sandals.

22. do you go to the gym?

uh, no.

23. describe your dream date

answered

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

thats funny cause normally i don’t carry cash but i actually have $20 atm

25. what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any atm

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

answered x2

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

not technically? i’m an hourly temp but i hardly get any hours since i cover for the full-time employee.

28. how many friends do you have?

irl: 0    online: too many to count

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

oh god, i honest to god have no fucking clue. i don’t think about this stuff. i’ve done some stupid ass shit but my short term and long term memory are both shot to tits.

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

i think i answered this one for a different ask game. i hate most fragrances and artificial smells, even non-artifical ones. i got a sensitive sniffer. im chill with like vanilla though if its not too intense.

31. 3 favorite boy names

Dylan (not even cause dylan i’ve just always liked the name idk why), Jeremy, Jacob (the other two are random)

32. 3 favorite girl names

i know these are random as fuck, but i’ve always liked them so shoot me.

Andromeda, Persephone, Franchesca

33. favorite actor?

i like a lot of actors, way too many to fucking name and remember off the top of my noggin. for sanity’s sake, we’ll say dylan.

34. favorite actress?

god, again way too many to count. i can’t even think of any right now even though i know i have some. lets say Emily Hampshire

35. who is your celebrity crush?

answered36. favorite movie?

answered37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i would love to read but my adhd makes it really hard to concentrate. i’ll have periods of time where i’ll read a bunch its insane and then i’ll just kind of stop for a while idk. i always loved because of win-dixie or a wrinkle in time, bridge to terabithia, and american assassin.

38. money or brains?

brains, then you can work for the money and you know shit

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

sawahbwear, sassafras, whiskey, sar

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

good lord, i don’t even know. way too many. definitely more than ten.

41. top 10 favorite songs

answered42. do you take any medications daily?

not anymore, i kept forgetting to take them so it fucked me up not being on a regular dosage so i just stopped taking all of them.

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

see, im weird af. cause like my skin is oily af, but also fucking dry and i have shitty eczema 44. what is your biggest fear?

answered45. how many kids do you want?

idfk. i mean for as long as i can remember i always wanted them, but tbh idk if im the type of person to have any…

46. whats your go to hair style?

messy bun

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

small, row house

48. who is your role model?

dont have one.

49. what was the last compliment you received?

probably from michelle i think, or alaina. idk i don’t keep track. unless you consider kiana calling me insane a compliment. 🤷‍♀️

50. what was the last text you sent?

“thankies”

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

tbh, i don’t think i ever thought he was real…pretty sure i could put in time out in preschool for making a kid cry cause i told them leprechauns weren’t real either.

52. what is your dream car?

mustang or challenger

53. opinion on smoking?

conflicted

54. do you go to college?

disappointingly

55. what is your dream job?

no clue

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural, but still close enough to shit it doesn’t take me an hour to go places.

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

haven't been to a hotel in a long ass time. i do but i never use them.. FREE SHIT

58. do you have freckles?

yeah, but you can’t see them unless i’ve been outside in the sun all day for hours.

59. do you smile for pictures?

relatively

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

5604

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

yup, and in a parking lot, and in public.🤙

62. do you still watch cartoons?

i hardly watch tv anymore, but if i did, fuCK YEAH

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

WNEDYS ALL DAY ERRY DAY THE RED HEADED BITCH IS MY HOE OKAY

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ew, no.

65. what do you wear to bed?

tshirt

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

answered

67. what are your hobbies?

writing, coding, listening to music??, reading

68. can you draw?

NOPE

69. do you play an instrument?

also no

70. what was the last concert you saw?

like two years ago, circa survive with thrice and a third band idr

71. tea or coffee?

neither

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

73. do you want to get married?

idk

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

DO

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

idk, part of me wants to but most of me doesnt want to

76. what color looks best on you?

i look good in all colors except white.

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yeah

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed cause i still live at home 😖 but if i didnt probably open so my cat could come and go as he pleased

79. do you believe in ghosts?

ghosts, no. spirits, yes.

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

answered

81. last person you called

my dad

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

mint choco chip

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

damn, regular.

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

RAINBOW BITCHES

85. what shirt are you wearing?

supernatural. dean and sam with baby

86. what is your phone background?

mitch rapp

87. are you outgoing or shy?

im an ambivert

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCKING YES

89. do you like your neighbors?

the ones on the right are bearable and the ones on the left can fuck off with their insane semen demons

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

neither, but i should.

91. have you ever been high?

nope

92. have you ever been drunk?

answered

93. last thing you ate?

hot dog

94. favorite lyrics right now

answered

95. summer or winter?

fall

96. day or night?

night

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

dark

98. favorite month?

umm, august? idk

99. what is your zodiac sign

aquarius

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t remember, it’s been a really long time since i cried in front of someone.

[6-v-6]

1-100. Just give it to me all

ALNLSNGLSG ARE YOU SERIOUS OMFG im so sorry this is going to be Long

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I’ll say Pandora just because it’s the only one I’ve actually ever used. If I used Spotify I’d probably like it the most but I don’t use those apps so

2. is your room messy or clean?VERY VERY MESSY I need to clean it but im lazy

3. what color are your eyes?Brown!

4. do you like your name? why?My birth name? No. And that’s why I changed it ahahahaha yes I like the name Jae since i chose it myself. It’s short and simple

5. what is your relationship status?Single 

6. describe your personality in 3 words or lessContradictory ....... Situational 

7. what color hair do you have?Currently it’s blue c: Natural color is a lightish brown

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?I don’t have a car nor a license :/ I want a motorbike tho ! a black one

9. where do you shop?I shop pretty much exclusively online. Buyma or Amazon, typically

10. how would you describe your style?I’ve been told that I dress like a “bad boy”. I like leather and black and ripped skinny jeans but I do like casual stuff too. Like hoodies and sweats

11. favorite social media accountIf this is talking about my own social media accounts, then this one right here on tumblr. I’m not very active anywhere else

12. what size bed do you have?uuuuhhhh I don’t know proper terminology but it is small

13. any siblings?Yup! I have an older sister and a younger brother

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Japan probably? It’s super pretty and I’ve always wanted to visit

15. favorite snapchat filter?hmm I don’t use snapchat that much but probably the flower crown one it’s cute

16. favorite makeup brand(s)I don’t wear makeup tbh so i dunnooooo 

17. how many times a week do you shower?7 I don’t ever skip showering 

18. favorite tv show?Psych? I also like the 100 currently

19. shoe size?asglnasg... god .... im a 6 in mens nd like a 7 in womens i have small feet

20. how tall are you?ALNSLGNSG im trusting no one has read this far so it’s okay to disclose this info...exposin myself.. im 5′2″ ............

21. sandals or sneakers?Sneakers !! I don’t wear sandals like ever

22. do you go to the gym?Yes! Only recently, actually! I just bought a gym membership with my friend and we’ve been going 3 times a week c:

23. describe your dream dateoh geez I havent really thought about this? I’m not very romantic or anything (im on the ace spectrum) but... i dunno. I think it’d be nice to just have fun together. An amusement park maybe? And just a lot of hand holding and smiles

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?Upwards of 100 bcuz my mom keeps giving me money even tho i dont use it

25. what color socks are you wearing?HAH im not wearing any 

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?1-2 it depends on the night

27. do you have a job? what do you do?I work at the cafeteria in my school. I run the register and help to stock items and also serve food to people

28. how many friends do you have?wow this is a Tragic question. Online I have quite a few! In person i literally have....... 2. Barely that lol. More like one

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?Killed my sister’s fish (on accident)

30. whats your favorite candle scent?I’ve never thought about this or really smelled many candles to begin with :( something mild though. Maybe a mild vanilla??

31. 3 favorite boy namesuuhghg 1) Cain 2) Luka 3) Eden

32. 3 favorite girl names1) Erin 2) Rayna 3) Kira

33. favorite actor?I rly dont give a crap about actors if I’m being honest lmao. Uhh choi minho :)

34. favorite actress?Lupita Nyong’o?? she’s gorgeous

35. who is your celebrity crush?I don’t have a crush on him but does Lee Taemin count

36. favorite movie?Princess Mononoke

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?I read ff more than books these days. I don’t have a fav book

38. money or brains?is this what I prefer? Money binch if I had money I wouldn’t need brains also I’m dumb anyways 

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?No I do not

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?Twice? Maybe 3 times

41. top 10 favorite songscheck out shinee’s entire discography 

42. do you take any medications daily?Nope

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)i ?? have no idea?? I guess oily? My skin doesn’t get dry so

44. what is your biggest fear?Probably flying. I hate planes

45. how many kids do you want?Exactly none

46. whats your go to hair style?? uh side-swept? I have no idea what to call it just what my hair normally looks like I guess

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)A moderately sized house

48. who is your role model?Not to be cheesy but Lee Taemin also Kim Kibum also Choi Minho also Kim Jonghyun also Lee Jinki

49. what was the last compliment you received?that I’m great? lol

50. what was the last text you sent?’okay’ to my mom lmao

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?ARE YOU TELLING ME SANTA ISNT REAL??? okay but for real who remembers the age they find out omg .. i was Young so idk maybe like 13

52. what is your dream car?ohhh boy a lambo for sure

53. opinion on smoking?Gross. Smells terrible

54. do you go to college?I do indeed. I’m gonna be a senior ya’ll

55. what is your dream job?To be a writer I guess. I don’t really have a dream job

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Suburbs? I dunno. I like living in the city I’d probably die of boredom in some rural area

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?hell yea binch

58. do you have freckles?nope!

59. do you smile for pictures?Not for selfies but for other pictures yes I feel like it’s weird or rude not to

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?like 300 something

61. have you ever peed in the woods?what the fuck?? lol?? no??

62. do you still watch cartoons?does voltron count :/

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?neither if I’m being honest but Wendy’s I guess. I never ever eat at mcdonalds

64. Favorite dipping sauce?barbeque sauce?

65. what do you wear to bed?An oversized shirt and boxers lol

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?no i cant say I have

67. what are your hobbies?Writing, sometimes. Playing video games. Bein unhealthy

68. can you draw?Naaaah

69. do you play an instrument?No :( I wish I did but I never learned any

70. what was the last concert you saw?SHINEE WORLD V IN LA!!!!!!!!! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

71. tea or coffee?Coffee bcuz i h8 tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Well the coffee at dunkin donuts is worlds better so dunkin donuts

73. do you want to get married?no

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?i dont have a crush

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?’when’ lol i dont plan to get married

76. what color looks best on you?black, in my opinion

77. do you miss anyone right now?no not really

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?open because if it’s closed my cat will scratch on it incessantly until she’s let in

79. do you believe in ghosts?hell yeah dude

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?when people like, dance around a subject. I prefer it when people are straightforward. Especially if they want something from me

81. last person you called`Honest to god I can’t remember. I don’t ever call people lmao so probably my mom

82. favorite ice cream flavor?I like Rocky Road a lot!

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?regular. Golden oreos are a lesser creation

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?RAINBOW. GIMME DAT GAY SHIT

85. what shirt are you wearing?It’s just a plain white t-shirt

86. what is your phone background?ot5

87. are you outgoing or shy?Horribly, annoyingly shy although I can mask it pretty well

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?yes :D

89. do you like your neighbors?lmao I don’t know them?? They arent noisy though so yes I like them since they aren’t annoying or anything

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Both. I take a shower in the morning and wash it then. And then do a skincare routine at night

91. have you ever been high?no.... not that I know of. One time I took nyquil though and it Fucked Me Up i felt high but idk if I was or if that’s even possible

92. have you ever been drunk?nope. I’m not a huge fan of the idea of getting drunk. I don’t like letting my guard down like that so if I ever do it’ll be when I’m alone

93. last thing you ate?a mento 

94. favorite lyrics right nowthe entire lyrics to So Far Away by yoongi

95. summer or winter?WINTER. I hate summer fashion i like being able to wear my jackets and jeans and not Die of heat stroke

96. day or night?night I guess just bcuz I can be alone

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark chocolate is superior in every way

98. favorite month?uhm.. December? Because its the end of the year and I’m on break then and Christmas and cold weather and hot chocolate

99. what is your zodiac signI’m a virgo 

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?uhhhHHHH I really make it a Goal to never cry in front of people since im just super uncomfortable with that and honestly dont feel comfortable enough around anyone to do that. My sister walked in on me when I was crying once though so her I guess

[salazar-slytherin-8867]

I challenge you to answer ALL the unusual asks. (If not just answer the ones you want to)

(thanks) 

1) Spotifiy, Soundcloud, or Pandora? 

Spotifiy

2) Is your room messy or clean? 

Messy. very. very. messy. 

3) What color are your eyes? 

blue/green.  

4) Do you like your name? why?

Not really. I got bullied for it in third and fourth grade about it, so Ive kinda disliked it since, but at least its not generic. 

5) What is your realationship status? 

in a relationship. 

6) Describe your personality in 3 words or less. 

Really fucking annoying. 

7) What color hair do you have? 

Blonde, but Im thinking of dying it. 

8) What kind of car do you drive? color? 

I cant drive, but my mom car is a green 2000 Toyota Camry 

10) How would you describe your style? 

All over the place and completely random. 

11) Favorite Social Media Account? 

Probabaly my Facebook, cause thats where I talk to most of my family. 

12) What size is your bed? 

Twin, I think. 

13) Any sibblings? 

I have two half sisters and two half brothers on my fathers side, and a twin brother. 

14) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be, and why? 

Mars cause I want to go to Pigfarts  Probabaly like the Oregon coast. cause I like cold weather and the West Coast

15) favorite Snapchat filter? 

I dont use Snapchat, soooo. 

16) Favortie makeup brand(s) 

I dont wear a lot of make up, but I do like e.l.f. 

17) How many times do you shower in a week? 

On a good week, 5-6, on a bad week, 2-3. 

18) Favorite Tv show? 

Rick and Morty, or NCIS 

19) Shoe size? 

 sometimes I wear a 5, others a six or seven, it varies depending on the style of shoe… 

20) How tall are you? 

5′1″ 

21) Sandals or Sneakers? 

Sneakers

22) Do you go to the gym? 

Nope. 

23) Describe your dream date.

probably just like, picnic by a lake or at a park. 

24) How much money do you have in your wallet right now? 

I dont have a wallet, but I have a jar of pocket money with $83

25) what color socks are you wearing? 

Im not wearing socks but earlier I was wear black socks. 

26) How many pillows do you sleep with? 

I only have one for my head, but I have 12 pillows on my bed. 

27) Do you have a job? what do you do? 

does being annoying and sad count as a job? 

28) How many friends do you have? 

12, but only half are close friends. 

29) What is the worst thing youve ever done? 

In third grade I gave a kid a black eye…

30) whats your favorite candle scent? 

Spring Rain. 

31) 3 favorite boy names?

Max, Alex, Jake. 

32) 3 favorite girl names? 

Raine, Sage, Autum. 

33) Favortie actor? 

Lenardo DeCaprio 

34) Favorite Actress? 

Emma Watson 

35) Who is your celebrity crush

Dont have one. 

36) Favorite Movie? 

Rent 

37) Do you read a lot? what is your favorite book? 

I’ve actually been trying to read more, I love Sparrow Road, If I stay, and Shadow. 

38) Money or brains? 

Brains, teach a man to fish.

39) Do you have a nickname? 

Moxie Clean, Moxanne, Molly Molly Moxen Free, Marshmallow, mo, mox. 

40) How many times have you been to the hospital? 

Once, when I was five, when I cracked my forhead open I Have a Scar I am Harry Potter

41) top ten favorite songs? 

Thats What You Get~Paramore,Thnks Fr Th Mmrs~ Fall Out Boy, Misery Business~Paramore, Whatsername~Green Day, It Ends Tonight~All American Rejects, Be my Escape~Relent K, 21st Century Breakdown~Green Day, Always~Blink-182, Ignorance~Paramore, A Drop in the Ocean~ Ron Pope. 

42) Do you take any medications daily? 

Zyrtec, and Asprins. 

43) What is your skin type? 

No clue, kinda dry I guess? 

44) What is your biggest fear? 

Probably abandonment having no one care about/like me. or being a disapointment. 

45) How many kids do you want? 

probably just one. three max. 

46) What is your go to hairstyle? 

I just leave my hair down. 

47) what type of house do you live in? 

I live in an apartment, that is super tiny, and hasnt been updated since the ealy 90′s… 

48) Who is your role model? 

the woman my mother works for. and my Grandmother. 

49) what is the last complement you recived? 

one of my friends told me he liked my rant about depression. 

50) What is the last text you sent? 

‘bro, did you die?!?’ 

51) How old were you when you ofund out Santa wasnt real? 

I was 5, I still put out cookies, but now they’re for my Grandmother and Grandfather. 

52) What is your dream car? 

I dont know yet, maybe just a Pale Green VW bug, or something that costs less. 

53) Opinion on smoking? 

I dont like smokers Ive been bullied my entire life cause all my clothes smell like cigerette smoke, but I dont really get to voice my thoughts cause most of my family smokes. But I have no plans to when Im old enough. 

54) Do you go to college? 

No. And I wont be anytime in the next five years or so.

55) What is your dream job? 

Chemist/Nurse/Author, or something that does good and pays well. 

56) Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? 

Rural Areas. Its nice to see all the stars so clearly. 

57) Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

should I not? 

58) Do you have freckles? 

No, but my mother says that I did when I was younger. 

59) Do you smile for photos? 

Sometimes. 

60) How many pictures do you have on your phone? 

I dont have a phone so….

61) Have you ever peed in the wood? 

nope. 

62) Do you still watch cartoons? 

yeah. 

63) do you perfer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? 

 I cant afford to eat out. (just for the record, Micky D’s) 

64)Favorite dipping suace? 

ranch. 

65) What do you wear to bed? 

it depends, it I dont feel like changing I’ll sleep in what Im wearing, otherwise, just sweats and a tee shirt. 

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? 

Ive never even entered cause in third grade, my teacher told me not to bother trying cause my spelling was too bad, so I havent entered since. 

67) What are your Hobbies? 

Is eating a hobby? I like to read, draw, write, and sit around being sad. and kazoooo

68) Can you draw? 

Not well. 

69) do you play an insturment? 

Clarinet, Guitar, and piano. 

70) what is the last concert you saw? 

a band concert, that I was in. 

71) tea or coffee? 

Both. 

72) Starbucks or Dunkin? 

that depends on the day, what planets where seen last night, what color socks Im wearing, when the next full moon is, and weather or not I have money. 

73) Do you want to get married? 

Maybe. 

74) what is your crushes first and last initial? 

M.D. 

75) Are you going to change your last name when you get married? 

maybe. 

76) what color looks best on you? 

teal maybe? I honestly have no clue. 

77) do you miss anyone right now? 

My friends from school, and old nieghboirs. 

78) Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 

normally, I would sleep with my door closed, by my brother broke the hinge, so now it can only be open 

79) Do you believe in ghosts? 

yeah. 

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? 

 people who only care about others and never help themselves, people who act entitled when they arent, and people use terms they dont know the deffinition of. 

81) Last person you called? 

@geez-man, in like, June

82) favorite Ice Cream flavor? 

mint or coffee. 

83) Regular oreos, or golden oreos? 

regular. 

84) Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

both. yes. all of the above. 

85) What shirt are you wearing? 

its a leopard with the David Bowie lighting blot on its face. 

86) what is your phone background? 

*doesnt have phone* 

87) Are you outgoing or shy? 

A bit of both, it depends who Im with, 

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? 

sometimes, depends who it is. I have trust issuses with people who touch my hair, cause in fifth grade a girl told to whole school I had lice, even though I didnt. 

89) do you like your neighboirs? 

I dont know my nieghboirs that well, cause most poeple are only here a couple months and then they leave, so really Im indifferent. 

90) Do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? 

in the mornings. 

91) have you ever been high? 

nope. 

92) have you ever been drunk? 

nope. 

93) Last thing you ate? 

A chicken sandwhich with pesto, chedder and pita chips. 

94) Favorite lyrics right now? 

“why do we like to hurt so much?”~thats what you get, Paramore; 

“The walls start breathing My mind’s un-weaving Maybe it’s best you leave me alone”~It ends tonight, All American Rejects;

“Well there’s a million other girls who do it just like you Looking as innocent as possible to get to who They want and what they like, it’s easy if you do it right”~Misery Business, Paramore. 

“If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever” Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard.

“Where’s your gavel? Your jury? What’s my offense this time? You’re not a judge but if you’re gonna judge me Well sentence me to another life.”Ignorance, Paramore

“Don’t wanna hear your sad songs I don’t wanna feel your pain When you swear it’s all my fault Cause you know we’re not the same”~Ignorance, Paramore. 

95) Summer or Winter? 

Winter. 

96) Day or Night? 

night. 

97) Dark, milk or white chocolate? 

Milk chocolate. but if you offer me white or dark chocolate, I wont refuse. 

98) Favorite Month? 

August. 

99) What is your Zodiac sign? 

Scorpio

100) Who was the last person you cried in front of? 

I dont cry when Im with other people. 

(I probabaly mispelled 50% of this. Im sorry.) 

[tmblogs]

March 11, 2017

I was uncontrollably happy today. I didn't sleep the night before, and handed in a crappy paper. This was due to the fact instead of doing the paper I listened to Anna's playlist for me, mine for her, and then the districts on repeat. I then wasted a couple hours on tumblr thinking about Anna. So yeah didn't get any of that shit done. The discussion in boogaard was better than usual as it was less factual, and more oppinion oriented. So despite me dying from exhaustion it was enjoyable. Ms. Wes was out so I just worked on the peer leader essays I was supposed to write the night before in c8. I really hope I get to be a peer leader, because freshman orientation was such a positive experience for me, and I just want to create that for people. Sohn was fine I worked on my essay more. Study hall came around and I sat with sean, and jennie which was a wierd group, but it was fine they played cards I did math homework. Anna stopped by, which was great, but my tiredness coupled with me not being prepared to see her made me just totally blank. I was trying to get my face to emote, but i was really fucking tired so i was a little wierd, but it was fun to see her. In lunch I went down the cafeteria, which is a rare occurence, and watched the flash mob, and it was so fucking akward, and cringy, but people clapped, and I died inside. Math I again just listened to anna's playlist. The same in gym but I also wrote my essay a bit, and worked out a bit. Clare is still fucking sick and it was snowing so i couldnt walk on the track so it was pretty boring. In english, ugh idfk man like I need to get in missing work and actually start doing shit because I am going to fail. I just need to get it together, but there is just a lot happening between the show, anna, and japanese like it's a little overwhelming dividing my time accordingly, but thankfully two of those things will be over in a week. Then in study hall my mom rushed to the school to sign the peer leader papers, because I was so fucking tired in the morning I totally forgot. After school I ran into anna, and we walked home, but I noticed jason wasnt there, and I was confused because she always walks with jason. So i started thinking she purposely left jason because of what I had said yesterday. Apparently she just forgot, but im still not sure because maybe she did remember like as we were leaving the school, and just decided not to say anything, because she didnt know how I would feel, but idk, I wish i knew what she was thinking at all moments of the day, but sadly that is not a thing I can do. The walk home was pleasant it took everything out of me to hide how fucking tired I was I mean I was dying but i tried to act energetic and like my brain was half working, but it was hard. Then it was wierd because I really wanted to keep walking with her so I just kept going, and missed all my turns, and then I askes myself how far are you going to walk with her? All the way to her house to the next stop, and then I was like she probably is thinking like hey wasnt that your turn and that I was wierd for just following her home, so then I decided to turn off, but i instsntly regreted that decision, and wished I had just kept going for a little longer, but like how much I had to leave at some point. Got home ate some food, a burrito, talked about plans for my birthday, I said I didnt want anything, because if they spend lots of money on me then they wont be as willing to let me spend lots of money, and i still need money but Ill probably get enough by this weekend, and then talk about it with my parents. Lol idk how they are gonna feel about the whole situation, but whatever. Slept for an hour and thirty, and was late to stage crew by thirty minutes. But goddamn was the show good. Just being there surrounded by people you love, and who love you, and just everything coming together to make something so beautiful it just made me so fucking happy, and I did that thing witb my hands where I shake then uncontrollably if im feeling mass amounts of joy and excitement, i mean that's how you nnow im really fucking happy. Anna went and picked up isabel, who is still mysterious and intimidating in my mind. Like holey fuck are people hype about her idk what to exoect if I ever actually meet her. OH MY GOD AND CASSIDY CAME, and it was so beautiful to see her again, and it felt like last year all over again, and I miss her sooooo much, and ugh it was great to see her if only briefly. If only gillian had come it would have been the og group me, gillian, cassidy, maura, and jimmy man, and sometimes alexis. Apparently gillian is being a real bitch though lately so. Ah man so many good times driving around for hours with them kind of sad that is all over. I remember one time we were out till like three am, and I was gillian and cassidy were piled atop me josh and jimmy, and alexis was in the front with maura, and awe man I miss that so much, but that's all over now and I accept that. Today it was maura and grace in the front me josh and leah in the back, and me and leah have become a lot more friendly I wonder if she still has grudge about what happened over the summer, and then ethan and amy in the back. Amy is wierd because I know she is a fake ass bitch, but also she is so fucking nice to me so like what am I supposed to do be mean to her? Like i cant be mean to someone if they dont first do some shit to me right, but idk the whole time we were together there was a thing in the back of mind saying like she hurt anna, and you shouldnt be nice to her, but like i didnt know what to do so i justed treated her like I always have. It was wierd to because I actually havent had a time were we hung out and it wasnt akward in like months so it was wierd going bsck to that. Of course josh brought vodka mixed with gatorsde, and we passed it around at ponzios, so first time I have drunk like sociably, didnt get drunk though only had a little bit. Then we gave liz the $1000 we raised for her and her family, she is a waitress at ponzios, I almost cried, amy and maura were crying, but i kept myself from doing so. Then on the ride back josh also decided to bring his vape pen so I tried that out for the first time to, and it was cool, tasted like strawberries so we all passed that around. At this point the car was filled with smoke, snd there were like seven or 8 people piled in, and of course we stop right behind a fucking police car for a good solid 2 mjnutes, so everyone fucking ducked in the trunk and like sat up straigjt and shit but nothing happened as always i was the first to be let out, which kind of bugged me but it was whatever, and yeah now im here and it is 12:48 am. So yeah

[findclearwaters-blog]

Not sure- yet.

8/14

I just played guitar for the first time in a while. I still can, sort of. I dont even know where to begin in regards to how different, surprising and difficult my life has been since moving here/that last post.

That comfort zone thing I spoke of? Very real. I have spent the bulk of my time feeling as though my clothes and skin have been removed. As if Im just walking around with no coating, no barrier between me and life’s sensations. In the beginning, I didnt really realize what was happening. I went to see a therapist at my school in November, then there were fires and mudslides and I didnt make it back into therapy around April? Things got dark.

Fall wasnt too bad- classes were manageable, everything was still new and exciting. I tend to feel warmer when its cold out, as well. The holidays were intense. I experienced an extremely bizarre “ocular aura” migraine right around thanksgiving and had to get an MRI. I sat down to write a paper and was thrown into complete and utter confusion. My vision went funny and everything was looking mildly psychedelic. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. The boy im with threw a tantrum the day it happened. The visual symtoms lingered for weeks. This boy also threw a tantrum on christmas eve. Nothing new about that. I then emerged from my favorite time of year directly into horrible meteorological tragedy.

When classes started in Spring, I sort of fell apart. I was consumed with anxiety and stress- convinced I wouldnt make it through some of my classes.

You know, Im trying to write this and my boyfriend just came home from the gym wanted to talk about yet another of our fights that ocured this morning. One in which he lost his shit because I called him messy. I have been working on being okay with being wrong as well as saying sorry and I did that earlier today and he is just pushing and pushing and fucking pushing. I am not sorry for earlier today. When he was talking to me just now I got the distinct instinct to pierce the inside of my mouth with my teeth. Deciding against this, I clenched my teeth with the interior of my mouth between them. At his last request to admit even more fault, I promptly stated, “I dont want to talk about this anymore.” In that moment, I hated him.

Anyways, back to Spring quarter. This boy and I went to Portland- fought the whole time. That was a bit of a turning point, truthfully. After that trip I spent practically every weekend in Los Angeles, visiting with old friends and one new one in particular. This consumed me. I reached a new level of uncontrollable and relentless obsession. There were moments I really thought I was on the brink of coming undone. This went on until late June, when I decided to make a decision that might free myself from my self constructed prison of secrecy, lies and deceit. When I was home in Santa Barbara I would spend entire days in bed, on my phone, fucking with myself and watching netflix. After I made this decision, everything sort of shifted.

Here we are in August. Im trying my best to salvage whats left of my likely failed relationship, I have one year left of school, I switched my emphasis to GIS which could prove to be more difficult than Im prepared for, I work for the same company Ive worked for since October of last year, my mom is having a heart procedure done on monday, I havent spoken to Lindsey in just over a year, I have started vaping CBD oil, Ive become more confident in my decision to walk away from AA, my realtionship with my dad has been strained but recently better after discussing it with my therapist, my brother has blood cancer and married his german girlfriend, my other brother is moving back to australia soon and I have no idea what Im going to do after I graduate.

[forestgf]

i was tagged by @insert-teenage-angst-here and @willtostitos to do 85 statements!! thank u very much ❤️

i tag anyone who wants to do this! (only bc its a LOT and i dont wanna tag anyone & make them feel like they have to do it! do it of ur own free will)

1) DRINK? im stealing lily’s answer but water

2) PHONE CALL? depends on the person

3) TEXT MESSAGE? only w/ ppl im comfortable with otherwise i get really uncomfortable and nervous 

4) LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? i want you to know that i’m awake/i hope that you’re asleep by csh

5) LAST TIME YOU CRIED? yesterday

6) DATED SOMEONE TWICE? nope

7) EVER KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT? nah

8) BEEN CHEATED ON? i think so but i can’t be sure

9) LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL? yes

10) BEEN DEPRESSED? hooooo boy have i ever

11) GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP? nope

FAVORITE COLORS? 

12) green 13) pink 14) orange

in the last year have you…

15) MADE NEW FRIENDS? yes

16) FALLEN IN LOVE? maybe???

17) LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED? yeah

18) FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU? mhm

19) MET SOMEONE THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE? yes

20) FOUND OUT WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE? yeS

21) KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST? i dont have facebook but i havent kissed anyone period so... no :’(

22) HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE? none since i dont fuckin have facebook

23) DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yes i have a cat and i dog and i love them with my whole entire heart

24) DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME? hell yea i do i really dont like my full birth name

25) WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY PARTY? just went to the mall i think

26) WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP? like 7am but i was in a hotel w/ my fam normally i wake up at 12 pm

27) WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT? sleepin

28) SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR? my college tour so i can stop worrying abt it

29) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM? just like less than an hour ago

30) WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? nothing

31) HAVE YOU EVER TALK TO A PERSON NAMED TOM? yes?? my dad’s coworker is named tom

32) SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES? when ppl patronize me or talk down to me

33) MOST VISITED WEBSITE? tumblr or youtube

34) HAIR COLOR? currently brown

35) LONG OR SHORT HAIR? i like keeping it shorter but right now its not THAT short just sort of short,, im thinkin abt going back to really short hair though

36) DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE? i wish

37) WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? i have good ass legs and also (i think?) im a good person and i love being nice

38) PIERCING? just my ears

39) BLOOD TYPE? i dont even know

40) NICKNAMES? cass is technically a nickname?? also cassie and casper

41) RELATIONSHIP STATUS? uuuuuhhh

42) ZODIAC? sagittarius

43) PRONOUNS? they/them

44) FAVORITE TV SHOWS? mr robot, brooklyn nine nine, steven universe though i really gotta catch up on all of them lol (dont let me get involved in the su discourse for telling ppl this please @ god)

45) TATTOOS? theoretically yea but like... needles??? no thanks

46) RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED? right

47) SURGERIES? i had one on my hand to remove a growth and it wasnt anything serious but im terrified of hospitals so it was serious to me

48) KIDS? no thanks

49) SPORTS? no

50) VACATION? i like being at home better

51) PAIR OF TRAINERS? most of the time converse but my nike shoes from gym in freshman year if im feelin saucy and/or my feet hurt

52) EATING? i do it to live?? thats abt it

53) DRINKING? i drink so much water one day im gonna explode and all that will come out is water

54) I’M ABOUT TO? skype w/ ahna (i think)

55) WAITING FOR? my life to end

56) WANT? to go see ahna

57) GET MARRIED? initially i thought no but getting married would b cute and im a romantic so... grudgingly yes

58) CAREER? uuuuuhh something to do with science? thats all i got

59) HUGS OR KISSES? hugs i dont know fuck all abt kisses

60) EYES OR LIPS? eyes

61) TALLER OR SHORTER? both work for me

62) OLDER OR YOUNGER? most of the time older but not always.. just no major age gaps

63) NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH? i dont care when it comes to other ppl but for my own body personally i want both

64) HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP? relationship

65) TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT? i dont know if this is abt me or who i want my partner to be?? im hesitant but i would want a troublemaker partner to make me stop being so boring

66) KISSED A STRANGER? nope

67) DRANK HARD LIQUOR? once when my dad let me have a sip of his drink w/out tellin me it was vodka. that doesnt really count tho it was only one sip

68) LOST GLASSES/CONTACTS? yep

69) TURNED SOMEONE DOWN? mhm

70) SEX ON THE FIRST DATE? nooo

71) BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? maybe? i don’t really know

72) HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN? every day of my life (but actually.. A Lot)

73) BEEN ARRESTED? nope

74) CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED? yes

75) FALLEN FOR A FRIEND? yeaaaaah do you believe in…

76) YOURSELF? sort of

77) MIRACLES? not really

78) LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? in certain cases

79) SANTA CLAUSE? nope

80) KISS ON THE FIRST DATE? yes

81) ANGELS? no

other

82) CURRENT BEST FRIENDS’ NAMES? if u havent guessed already... ahna and lily (and keara!!! havent mentioned her on here yet tho)

83) EYE COLOR? hazel

84) FAVORITE MOVIES? the royal tenenbaums, my neighbor totoro (im aware im a basic bitch), kubo and the two strings

85) FAVORITE BOOK? dont really have one