#haven't watched wandavision in a while so I don't remember why she was after Wanda

[purcydoodles]

Something something about Agatha losing her son

Something something about her watching Wanda create her family out of thin air

Something something about a part of her wishing she could do the same

[wandaszn]

Long Way Home

Hi everyone! This is my first delve into writing so I hope you can bear a bit of novice and mediocrity! This is just a small (read: it was small but I got carried away lol) shot based on this incredibly cute video of Lizzie. Just a few tweaks, such as the song being changed to Long Way Home by 5SOS and it being a Wanda x Reader instead. Also we're gonna pretend that Westview never happened and WandaVision doesn't exist *mwah*

Please leave any feedback at all I'd really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy!

Nobody has permission to repost this on any platforms. Please don't be a dick.

Summary: On the way home from a quick grocery trip, Y/N turns left instead of right.

Warnings: Just a fluffy little one-shot. Slight(!) angst. Mentions of intimate moments but nothing major.

Here's the song in case you haven't heard it!

———————————————

While it's tradition for shotgun to have control over the music, Wanda was obsessed with your playlist curating skills. You had made her countless playlists for day-to-day activities whether it be cooking, cleaning, working out or showering. Her absolute favorite, however, had to be the one for car rides as it had a mixture of both your favorite tunes. After countless trips together, you had learned the order by heart so you knew exactly what song was next. An idea sparked in your head as the light changed and you quickly switched your turn signal, deciding that an impromptu adventure couldn't hurt after a quick grocery trip.

"Y/NN, where are we going?" asked Wanda, curious as to why you missed your turn.

You say nothing, turning the volume up slightly and drumming against the steering wheel as the song's intro fills the car. You glance at her quickly, a small mischievous smile directed at her as you sing along. "We're taking the long way hoooome!"

She furrows her brows while donning a sweet smile and shakes her head affectionately, leaning her head against her palm, arm propped on the center console and watching your mini-concert, as the sun sets behind you.

Remember all the memories

The fireflies and make believes

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Memories of your first date fill Wanda's mind vividly, as if she were reliving it all over again. After running into eachother, literally, at the local farmer's market, it seemed like you could not stop meeting. You know when you see someone but pay no extra attention to their detail, but when you meet them, they're upgraded from background extra to recurring character? The mall, the gym, the park and now, your favorite coffee shop. It felt as if the universe kept pulling you towards the witch. Your yearning only grew stronger as time passed and you found courage to sit across from her at the table while you waited for your order.

She was startled at first and wondered why this kind stranger kept popping up into her life, though she wasn't complaining. You started an easy conversation, joking about fate bringing you both together constantly with no follow-up. While Wanda was hesitant, there's an easy-going air around you that helped the tension in her shoulders dissipate the more you talked to her. The clock behind Wanda told you it was getting dangerously close to you being late to work and you cleared your throat trying to muster up some courage. Taking a leap, you expressed your interest in seeing her again, which made her cheeks flush the cutest pink. Hesitantly, she agreed and gave you her number to set it up.

It took 3 weeks worth of texts, phone calls and canceled plans before your schedules had opened up for a date night. A cool Friday night found the both of you laying on a blanket sharing stories and getting to know each other better. The calm breeze and the ambience of the park allowed the conversation to take a more somber turn as Wanda opened up to you. She had never confided in anyone so quickly before you and felt incredibly vulnerable revealing her past.

She'd revealed her upbringing, her life until she became an avenger and the loss of her brother. Wanda had always been afraid of how people would react to her powers and how she'd previously used them. To her surprise, you didn't recoil like she expected, instead opting to grab her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. "You're not your past, Wands. People are allowed to grow and change. I would never judge you for how you coped." She was only able to give you a watery smile in return, subtly dabbing at her misty eyes.

Sensing her need to change the topic, you begin rambling about the latest episode of your favorite show. Wanda hadn't heard of the show or anything about it, confessing she'd always preferred her box set of old sitcoms to keep her entertained. When you put your hand to your chest and groaned, she sat up, face creased in concern.

She immediately grasped your face in her hands, "What's wrong? Are you okay?", her voiced laced with worry. "I can't believe you've never watched it! That's the best show ever made!" A small slap on your chest let you know she did not appreciate your little drama act at all. She rolled her eyes and looked up at the clear sky, zoning out a little as she reminisced.

"When I was little, my father created the Maximoff family TV night and I always picked The Dick van Dyke Show. It's my comfort show, you know? On the hard days I just curl up on the couch and watch few episodes and I feel alot better. It reminds me of my family." she shyly admitted. By this time you'd sat up and were gazing at her softly. Reaching to tuck her raven hair behind her ear, your hand traces down to cup her jaw.

"I understand how you feel completely. How about we make a deal?" you look at her with hopeful eyes. She quirks her brow, tilting her head slightly, leaning more into your warm palm. "How about we have a TV night for our next date? We watch some episodes of my show, some episodes of your show and get to see just what keeps us both so hooked, huh?" you smile and she mirrors it.

"Planning for a second date in the middle of the first? Someone's confident..." she smirks. You reach your free hand to the other side of her face as you lean in closer. "I just know what I want," you whisper as you caress her rose-tinted cheeks. "What else do you want?" her question almost sounds like a dare as her eyes flicker to your lips as you lick them.

"I wanna kiss you but I think I should hold out till that second date happens," you joke while slowly pulling away. She grabs the front of your shirt before you move too far, pulling you back in and kissing you softly. Your lips move lazily as you both melt into the embrace. When you part, you rest your forehead against hers.

"Keep kissing me like that and I'll start planning the fifth date," you joke quietly. She giggles and pulls you forward once more. The scattered fireflies provided a calming aura as the night winded down.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"I wanna get lost and drive forever with you!" you sing enthusiastically, glancing at your girlfriend while holding your invisible microphone. Her affectionate gaze filling your chest with warmth that spurs on your performance. The buildings slowly start to disappear as you drive further into the desert area of your town. Pink, purple and orange paint the sky and you slow down slightly, trying to prolong this moment with your love.

Now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere

Yeah you know we took our time to get there

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Wanda's eyes glaze over once more as the lyrics transport her back to a more difficult time in your relationship. A few months after making it official, a slight panic had overcome her. The morning after a night of intimacy, you had slept over at the Avenger's compound and woken earlier than Wanda. So naturally, you decided to make her breakfast. She had returned from a mission that had drained her both mentally and physically and you wanted to take care of her.

The feel of cold sheets roused her from her slumber and she sat up, looking around the room for any sign of you. There was a faintly delicious smell that had an almost magnetic pull because before her brain had even fully awoken, she was following her nose. When she walked into kitchen, her breath hitched. The view of you standing at the stove, spatula in hand, vigilantly watching the eggs in the pan. As you moved around the scrambled eggs making sure it cooked evenly, you lightly hummed a tune.

This all felt overwhelmingly domestic to Wanda. Before you, she had never had someone this close in her life that wasn't family. It felt wrong having such a peaceful presence in a building that could be attacked at any moment. The sun peeked through the kitchen window, shining perfectly onto the side of your face while you were oblivious to her stare. As pleasant as the scene before her was, she felt nothing but dread. She didn't deserve such serenity and happiness. Regardless of her redemption arc, after all the horror she had caused she was overcome with guilt at being shown this affection and kindness. The way you had welcomed her into your life so openly, even after knowing her past and the dangers of her job, made her feel so loved and she didn't deserve it.

"What are you doing?" she asked harshly, voice coming out slight hoarse from lack of use. Or considering events from last night, overuse. You jump slightly, not expecting any noise to cut into the calm silence. Turning your head, you smile. "Hey, goodmorning sleeping beauty. I'm making a good old fashion eggs and bacon." You strike a silly pose with the utensil, trying to get a laugh out of her. "Alot of this stuff is brand spanking new. I know Stark is loaded but sheesh do you guys never cook?" you lightly jested.

At her hardened expression, you slowly lowered the spatula. "You okay? I hope I'm not overstepping I just thought we could use some fuel after last night." You wiggle your eyebrows playfully, hoping this attempt could atleast garner a smile. Your expression falls as she remains unmoved and you quickly turn off the stove and walk closer to her. You reach for her hand but she quickly moves it and folds her arms instead.

The hurt on your face is subtle but she notices it and feels a little bad but her insecurities are louder so she takes a step back. "I think you should leave." She forces out. You blink in surprise. "What? I'm sorry for touching your stuff, I thought you'd be okay with it. I made extra for the team too," you tried, rubbing your neck nervously you plead to her with your eyes. "I said leave! I don't want you here anymore!" she voice boomed around the silent kitchen. The only other sound being the eggs softly sizzling in the pan.

At her tone you flinched back, eyes widening in shock. She felt the fear rolling off you in waves, your head swimming with your own insecurities. She had been waiting on the day you came to your senses and saw her for who she really was deep down. A monster. A ticking time bomb. A biological weapon. Normally you would go to her and try to calm her down, but the way she had closed in on herself and the tiny bit of red flecks you could see in her irises, you knew this would not be on of those times. Sighing softly, you take one last look at her before you head to her room to collect your things. Trying not to upset her any further, you moved quickly, peeking into the kitchen once more just to ensure you'd turned off the stove and you headed to the elevator.

Meanwhile Wanda was crying and trying to convince herself that she had done what was best for the both of you. Her romantic track record was anything but solid. Having lost every single person that was important to her, she hadn't quite overcome the voice in her head saying she wasn't worthy of love or anything resembling it.

After two weeks of no contact, the redhead ignoring your attempts to talk to her and not running into eachother like you used to, you took matters into your own hands. It hadn't taken you long to realize what Wanda might have been thinking, recalling the many times you gladly reassured her that she is more than deserving of happiness. It broke your heart to know the woman you had been falling in love with was suffering this turmoil alone.

You called Natasha, the Russian assassin had become one of your closest friends after Wanda introduced you to the rest of the team. She revealed that whilst they hadn't been called on any missions, the witch was holed up in her room, only coming out to eat and attend meetings. This had only solidified your suspicions and you knew you had to fight for her. Even if Wanda herself was the biggest obstacle. You showed up at the compound, determined to win back your beloved, access easily granted thanks to your quick closeness to the team. Three shy but precise knocks echoed through Wanda's quarters.

"FRIDAY, who is it?" she asked tiredly. "It is Y/N, Ms. Maximoff." the omnipresent voice replied. It was as if Wanda had had the wind knocked out of her. She immediately went to stand in front of the door but it remained closed. You knocked again, softer this time, as if you knew she was right there. "Wands, baby? Can you open up please? I need you." you asked desperately. Your thoughts floated under the crack of the door, yelling your desire to be with her and your guilt for leaving in the first place. Her hand came to rest on the handle, gripping it tightly. "Come on angel, I miss you. Please let me in." came your pleading whisper. That was all it took for the door to slowly open, tear-filled emerald eyes staring into you.

"Y/N?" came her small voice. Without another word you pushed through the door and embraced her. Her smaller frame wracked with sobs and collapsed against you as strong arms tightly wrapped around her. "I-I'm so sorry..." she repeated between her cries. You did nothing but hold her till her crying subsided. After she calmed down you closed the door and lead her to her couch. Sitting closely, hands clasped together, you maintain strong eye contact as you choose your next words carefully. It's easy to see Wanda is nervous, if the way she played with your fingers was anything to go by.

"You don't get to do that." You say sternly. Before she starts apologizing again, you continue, "You don't get to make me fall in love with you and then decide to avoid me for weeks." Her eyes widened at your admission, which made you roll your eyes. "Now you have the audacity to be shocked? Woman you crashed into my life - literally - and I have yet to successfully imagine living without you. I love you so much and I'm so sorry that my feelings for you weren't louder than those thoughts in your head." Tears fell from your eyes as you tried to convey just how sincere your words were.

"Hell, read my mind if that'll truly convince you but please, baby, never push me away like that again. It physically hurt me to be away from you for so long." Your grip on her hands tightened slightly as you practically begged her. The pure pain and love she saw shining in your eyes made her crumble and she, in turn, grabbed your face and kissed you with all the love she had been harboring since you were apart. Pulling away, with neither of you ready to open your eyes she whispered, "I will never hurt you as long as I live. I love you so much, Y/N."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

As a stop sign came into view, Wanda barely had time to notice you turning to her as you stole a chaste kiss while the bridge of the song began.

"Kissing at the stop signs, darling!" you laughed at her stunned face as you pulled off, continuing your impromptu adventure. Before she could properly register what had just happened, the car came to another stop as you parked at a lookout point of the city. By this time, the sun had already set and being a ways away from all the light pollution, the stars were bright and beautiful. The chorus repeated once more as the song ended, the two of you just sat enjoying eachother's company.

"What made you bring us up here?" She wondered quietly, playing with the fingers of your hand in her lap. Your head lolled to the side, away from your previous view of the stars, to look at something much brighter and prettier than any star in the galaxy. "Just thought we could use a little break from our regular routine. Felt like it was getting a bit robotic, don't you?" Came your reply with a shrug.

"Only three years in and you're getting bored with me, huh?" She teased but you could see the thinly veiled insecurity in her words. You raise her hand and kiss her knuckles in reassurance. "As if, you're stuck with me forever in this universe and the next so strap in." As her eyes lit up, you cut her off before she could open her mouth. "NOT what I meant!" Instantly bursting her bubble, you smiled and she pouted and huffed," You're no fun."

"Like you'd know what to do anyway, pillow princess." You jested, holding your breath to see her reaction. Just as you hoped, red eyes snapped towards you, "Excuse me? Pillow princess? Oh you're gonna wish you never said that. Turn this car around and take me home." It was a rare occasion, Wanda being on top, but when it happened she utilized her work persona as the Scarlet Witch after realizing the effect it had on you and your body. Her authoritative voice filled the car as you hadn't yet moved from staring at her. "Now, Y/N."

After snapping out of your daze you made a hasty (and probably illegal) u-turn. It had been a great idea at first but seeing how far you had driven and how long it'd take for you to be home wrapped up in be with your girlfriend, you cursed your original adventure. Fuck it. Speed limit be damned. They wouldn't give an Avenger a ticket.

Right?

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

So there you have it guys! Truth be told I started this back in June and lost and found the inspiration to finish it so many times. Please forgive any mistakes, I've been trying to get this outta my drafts for weeks lmao. I wrote this in the way I know I'd wanna read it so I really hope you enjoy it. Any feedback is welcome whether it be good, bad or even just a like I'd really appreciate it! I have a few other ideas and I hope it won't take me 3 months to finish the next thing lmao. Much love!

sn: how fucking cute is lizzie in that vid

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Sorry for your lost - Part I “I will grieve”.

Serie Masterlist here || Part II|| Read on AO3 

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, hurtful behaviors, domestic wanda.

Chapter warnings: Heavy angst, death.

Author’s notes:  Hello readers! I'm finally back to posting something, but I disappeared for a good reason, I was writing three new series. And here is the first of them. I really enjoyed this work and it's something I've been trying to write since I watched WandaVision, and only now I've managed to put it into words. I am not finished yet, but there is only one chapter left, so your reading will not be affected. Pay attention to the warnings, and good reading!

Tag list (let me know if you wanna be tagged) 

@mionemymind​ / @abimess​ / @stephanieromanoff​ / @yourtaletotell​ / @tomy5girls​ / @justagaypanicking​ / @thegayw1tch​

//-//

Chapter One - I’ll grieve.

You wished you could go back to sleep as soon as you opened your eyes. The sound of your alarm buzzed loudly throughout the room, and after putting it on snooze mode at least four times, you finally got annoyed enough to grab it and throw it across the room. But the sound continued.

Letting out a grumble of dissatisfaction, you pushed the comforter off you, and sat up in your bed. Your room was a mess, but you just skipped through the clothes on the floor to reach the phone, turning off the alarm through the new crack you made in the screen.

"Honey, are you up?" you heard your mother's distant voice calling you through the door, probably from the living room or the kitchen. "Don't forget your therapy today."

You sighed impatiently, running your hands through your hair. The damn group therapy. 

Grumbling lightly, you forced yourself to take a shower, not wanting "poor hygiene" to end up on your progress report card. 

A while later, when you were finished, you went into the kitchen. Your mother was using her laptop on the counter, and just waved at you.

"Are you going to take me?" You asked her with your hands in your pockets. Your mother took her eyes off the screen to evaluate the sweatshirt you were wearing, and you rolled your eyes at her disapproving expression. 

"You know, you could try driv-"

"Mom" You cut her off in earnest, your heart racing momentarily. You don't drive. An she knows. Your mother sighs, putting her hands up in a sign of surrender.

"It was just a suggestion dear." She retorts as she stands up, reaching for her car key on the key rack exiting the kitchen. "But I'm busy with the store, you'll need to take the subway next time."

"Thanks for the support." You grumble as you step out in front and your mother lets out a wry chuckle.

You frown and let out a dissatisfied exclamation as you step outside feeling the sun's rays on your face.

"You're not a vampire, cut the drama." Mocks your mother by pushing you lightly to get you out of the way. 

You grumble  as you walk to the car. And when you are sitting on the seat, your mother is starting the vehicle and she asks:

"Are you sure you're not going to eat anything?"

Looking out the window, you just mumble that you're not hungry, and she shakes her head in disapproval before you back the car up. You don't speak any more on the way.

//-//

Your mother dropped you off in the parking lot of a gymnasium where the therapy group would be meeting. You sighed as you got out, and thanked her for the ride and the money she gave you to eat, even though you probably weren't going to use.

Resisting the urge to run away, you forced your feet to walk toward the place.

There were a few people at the door, but you didn't smile at any of them, entering the place with your head down and your hands in your pockets. 

And then a woman greeted you, and put a little sticker with your name on your shirt when you gave her your papers. 

Then she signaled the way you should go, and you ended up on the gymnasium court, where there was a wheel of chairs, and a table with food and drink, and several people scattered around, who you thought were part of your therapy group. 

Sighing impatiently you made your way to the bleachers of the venue, hoping to be alone until the session started and you could leave.

Fortunately it wasn't long before the leader signaled for everyone to sit in the circle, and you sighed as you stood up. You ended up with one of the chairs on the far left opposite the therapist, which could be bad since he would see you clearly.

"Thank you very much for coming." Said the therapist smiling gently as his gaze roved over everyone in the circle. You kept your gaze on your shoes. He made a noise with his throat. "Who would like to start today?"

The silence lasted for a few seconds, but then someone was speaking. You forced yourself to come back to reality and pay attention.

"[...] and this is my fourth week around here." Said a woman in a leather jacket. You noticed the army lanyard around her neck. She was talking about an accident when you got distracted again. Lightly poking your eye with your finger, you tried to focus again, letting out a low sigh. And then the therapist was talking again.

"We have new faces today." He said and you felt your heart speed up. You absolutely did not want to talk in front of strangers. "Why don't you share with us, miss?"

You raised your gaze to meet that of the therapist, smiling gently at you. The rest of the group looked at you as well. Taking a deep breath, you began to wiggle your fingers on your leg.

"I don't... I've never been in a group." You say clumsily. "What should I say?"

"Whatever you wish to say." He answers with a smile. You swallow the urge to tell him you didn't want to talk at all. Realizing your lack of response, he is quick to add. "Why don't you tell us why you are here?."

You let out a dry laugh. 

"I really didn't have much choice." You retort wryly. The therapist looks slightly surprised, but makes no mention of interrupting you. You let out a sigh before clarifying. "My psychiatrist, she...she didn't approve of my social ratings. She wanted me to talk to other people. People who... went through the same things I did." You count staring at the floor. When you look up again, the group still waits for you to continue, and you sigh, running your hands through your hair. "I haven't... I... I haven't talked to other people outside of my family in six months. Not since..."

You move your head, sniffling slightly as you straighten your posture. The therapist clears his throat.

"You just need to share whatever you are ready to tell us." He says gently, you nod slightly feeling extremely vulnerable. "But remember that this is a safe space. There is nothing to fear here."

And then he is talking about methods of easing the guilt, and dealing with the pain and you were distracted again. You would like to go back to bed. It must have taken a while, but the session is finally over.

The group dispersed around the room, and you went toward the therapist's desk to have him sign your schedule. He smiled as you approached.

"Miss Y/N/L, I was happy to hear that you would be joining us today." He said greeting you with a handshake. You nodded, taking the paper from your pocket. He chuckled, but accepted it. "You know, I'd like you to try to have a partner in the group, it's recommended for cases like yours."

"What do you mean cases like me?" You ask snidely, but he doesn't care.

"Doctor Harkness gave me your chart." He explained as he signed the paper you gave him while you frowned. "Extreme Social Anxiety in the first few months of treatment. Tendency to complete isolation, introverted..."

"Yeah I know my problems, buddy." You interrupt him with irritation. "You don't have to list them for me."

The therapist gives a lopsided chuckle, and holds out the signed paper to you. But he adds with a serious look:

"I'm here to help you, Y/N." He says. "Don't forget that."

You don't respond and take the paper, turning toward the exit. 

//-//

Your week passes slowly and tortuously. Which is surprising because you barely get out of bed. And then it is group therapy day again, and you are making a new crack at your cell phone screen.

Your mother greets you with a pat on the back as you enter the kitchen, and she is walking past you toward her own room.

You know you have to take the subway today, and you are trying not to think about it too much. As you are walking out the door, your eyes pass quickly over your car key, and you think you have a flash of memory, but you shake your head quickly, pushing the thought away. And then you walk forward.

And you are late for the session, because you can't take the bus to the station, since your feet simply didn't obey you. But that's okay, you don't really care.

You weren't the only one who was late. When you went to enter the door, a red-haired woman bumped into you, also running to get in. She smiled slightly as she apologized, and you just made room for her to enter first.

"Sorry Stephen." She said to the therapist as soon as you two entered the gymnasium, "I had an emergency with the kids."

The man just shook his head with a smile, and waved for you both to sit down.

"And why were you late today, miss Y/L/N?" He asked you. You shrugged your shoulders.

"I didn't wanna come." You retorted and the group giggled, and the sudden sound startled you slightly, but you just sat with your arms crossed. 

"Do you want to try again?" He retorted with light humor in his voice. And you bit the inside of your cheeks. And then you looked down at the floor.

"I couldn't get on the bus." You confessed next. Stephen looked at you tenderly, though, and you didn't like the feeling of your chest heaving slightly.

"And why do you think that happened?"

You shrugged, uncomfortable. 

"I don't know. I... There were too many people." You said embarrassed. And then you started twiddling your fingers, feeling all eyes on you. "I just... I knew I'd have to say hello to the driver, and the conductor. And then I would pass strangers in the hallway, and one of them would sit next to me. And I just... I couldn't."

Stephen nodded slightly in agreement.

"It's okay, Y/N. " He stated. "No one is judging you here."

You let out a dry laugh, and Stephen blinks in surprise, which spurs you to explode.

"Everyone is judging me, Doc." You say through gritted teeth, swinging your leg. "It's as if I can hear the gears in people's brains forming opinions about me." You state with a sigh. "Like my mother for example. She...she...acts like I'm past the time of mourning." You explain with tears in your eyes. "Like there's a limit, and I'm extending her goodwill. Because it's been six months, and she doesn't want me to be sad anymore. But guess what? I don't know how to move on!" You state angrily. "I can't! If I don't miss her, what's left for me? If I don't... God, I can't do this."

And you stand up, wiping your tears away, and walk out of the gymnasium, heading for the restrooms. You feel your heart racing, and it's hard to breathe. 

As you rest your hands on the sink, your brain starts to wander back to the day of the accident again. You choke, because it feels like you're sinking again. You see the water rising through the metal of the car. Your hands on the steering wheel, and then on the seat belt. You shake your head, pushing the images away, and rush to turn on the faucet in front of you and pour the water on your face.

You take a deep breath, trying to stop the tears. And then there is someone entering.

"Are you okay?" Stephen asks and you nod lightly, ignoring the trembling in your hands as you stare at him through the reflection of the mirror. "I gave a break to the group, wouldn't you like to walk with me?"

"I'm not good company right now." You grumble but he smiles, nodding slightly as if to repeat the invitation. You take a deep breath before turning around.

You walk silently and slowly to the outside of the gymnasium, and then he is speaking again.

"You were very brave today."  He comments, and you let out a dry laugh. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I panicked today." You say. " It doesn't sound very brave to me."

Stephen smiles guiding you through the gymnasium entrance toward the parking lot.

"You talked about a trauma to a group of people." He says. "That takes a lot of courage, even if you don't believe it."

"I don't believe in anything." You grumble, but Stephen doesn't mind your hostility. He stays with his friendly posture.

"I would like you to accept my request from before." He said after a moment. "About a group partner."

You let out a sigh.

"I don't even know what that means." You retort with slight impatience as you reach the edge of the parking lot. You notice the garden a few feet ahead of you.

"It's like a therapy buddy." He explains with a smile. "We encourage socializing here. That's why Agatha recommended this group to you."

"Oh, of course you do. Agatha is a bitch." You wryly wipe your hands across your face. Stephen laughs lightly. "How does that work anyway? Do I have to hold someone's hand? Exchange friendship bracelets?"

"No, it's much better." He says with a chuckle. "You talk to that person. You exchange experiences with them. You learn to trust somebody else again."

"My god, it looks like a fucking Disney movie." You retort with irritation and Stephen lets out a laugh. And then you let out a sigh, shrugging your shoulders. "Okay, I'll do it. I have nothing to lose, and it seems that neither you nor Agatha will leave me alone if I don't agree."

"We want you to feel better. Don't take this as a punishment." He says, guiding you back to the gym. You nod slightly, thinking that it really does feel like punishment anyway.

//-//

You see Agatha the same week. Your appointments have been switched to monthly meetings instead of weeks as they were at the beginning of treatment, and while you appreciate the familiarity of seeing her, you can't help but feel irritated with her.

"Someone's grumpy." She comments as soon as you sit down on the couch in the room, to which you roll your eyes.

"You are always so very tender, Agatha." You mock as you cross your legs, hoping the time will pass soon.

Agatha laughs lightly, finishing tidying up a few things on her desk. And then she gets up and sits down in the armchair a few feet in front of the sofa where you are, carrying a small notebook in her hands.

"So, why don't you tell me how your your first two sessions in group therapy went?"

You let out a dry laugh.

"Like Stephen didn't tell you everything." You sneer and Agatha just smiles, waiting for you to speak. You let out an impatient sigh, before stating wryly. "It was amazing, doc. It only took two sessions for me to have a panic attack, so thank you for that."

"Why do you think that happened?"

You squeezed your eyes.

"I have no idea." You retorted. "I'm not the doctor here." Agatha laughs lightly, and then opens her notebook and starts writing something. You sigh impatiently. “Really, you're going to start that again?”

"If you don't talk, I write." She states simply, and you roll your eyes, shifting on the couch uncomfortably.

"Agatha, I just... I couldn't get on a bus, okay?" you tell her, and she closes her notebook to look at you attentively. You take a deep breath. "There were a lot of people. I don't mind walking anyway. It helps me think."

"You don't mind walking eight blocks?" She asks with a slight irony. "That's pretty athletic of you."

"It's weird that you know my address off the top of your head." You play lightly, and she just laughs, straightening her posture. 

"Why don't you just tell me what you want to tell me?"

"Why don't you ask me what you want to ask?"

Agatha blinks slightly in surprise, and then she shakes her head slightly, opening her notebook again. You sigh.

"Okay, sorry." You say, and she looks at you for a moment before closing the object again. I... I thought I was drowning again.”

"Are your nightmares back?" She asks seriously, and you deny it with your head.

"I feel too anxious to sleep." You tell. "And then I black out from exhaustion in the night or in the morning. I don't dream anymore."

"Have you been taking your medication?"

You sigh.

"Of course I have."  You say. "I don't... I'm having trouble keeping my mind still. Like the first few months, you know. Everything seems so noisy now."

Agatha nods slightly, becoming thoughtful for a few moments. 

"I know it may sound strange to hear that, but that means you're getting better." She declares and you frown in surprise, then let out a dry laugh.

"How is my peak anxiety a good thing?"

She opens the book again, but before you can ask what you said wrong, she is reading.

"The first day you were here, you said you felt like you were empty." She narrated and you swallowed dryly. "During your first two months, you continued to describe that you felt like an empty shell. And that you no longer had any dreams, thoughts, or opinions. Without your wife, you said you were no longer here."

You felt your eyes fill with water at the mention of her. But you swallowed your emotions. Agatha turned a page, and read for a few seconds, and then looked at you.

"With your history of anxiety, your mind was remarkably quiet after the passing of your wife." She says. "But now that you're on medication, and therapeutic treatment, plus you're socializing even superficially with the world again, you're starting to feel things again. That's progress."

You look away from her, nodding slightly, trying to believe her words, and trying not to be so terrified at the thought of learning to live again. Without Nat.

You choke slightly, holding back a sob, and then Agatha hands you a box of tissues, but you refuse with a nod, wiping away the tears that have slightly escaped.

"What do you want to talk about now?" She asks after a moment. You take a deep breath, still trying to calm yourself.

"Last week I took a cold bath." You count. "It was snowing."

Agatha blinks in surprise at the information and then lets out a giggle.

"You want me to write it in the book don't you?"

You laugh, wiping away the last of the insistent tears. You just hope Agatha could help you.

//-//

You hate coffee. But you barely slept last night, and now you need to stay awake during the group meeting, so instead of walking to the chair in the corner like you used to, you detour your way to the food and beverage table as soon as you arrive at the gym.

There are a few members around, but you don't look at them, just sidestepping as you extend your arm to the coffee bottle. You pour some, and as you touch the cup, you notice. It's cold.

"Hey sorry about that." Said a girl you thought was named Val or something, as soon as she saw you touching the cup. "We mixed up the shifts yesterday and nobody made new coffee."

You rolled your eyes, picking up the cup and throwing it in the trash. Then you forced a wry smile on the girl and walked outside. 

It was cold, but you are boiling with rage. It was just a damn cup of coffee, you thought as you closed your eyes and tried to reduce your anger. Just coffee. 

You stumbled with fright when Stephen called out to you.

"We'll get started in a minute." He said looking at you curiously. You just nodded, following him after a few seconds.

You bit the inside of your cheek when you noticed the same coffee girl as before, now sitting where you usually sat. The universe was testing you today. 

You just sighed, twiddling your fingers inside your pocket, and walked over to one of the free chairs.

After Stephen gave the briefing, he asked if everyone was all right, and the group lied in unison. You were almost asleep when he called your name.

"I would like to choose your partner today." He says and you feel your heart racing as you straighten your posture. "But I want to know if you have any preferences."

You blink in confusion, and roll your eyes.

"I don't know anyone here, but I'm sure they will all hate me equally, doc." You tried to joke, but Stephen only looked at you with concern.

"No one does or will hate you." He says and you swallow dryly, looking away as you mumble that it was just a joke. Stephen pauses momentarily before continuing. "You know that everyone here has their own experiences of loss and they are unique in their own way, even if they have similarities." He begins and you just wish he would speak soon who your partner is at once. "Usually we don't put new members together, but with the release of one of our members, the number ended up getting odd." He explains. "Anyway, I'm sure you and Mrs. Maximoff will get along very well together."

You frowned slightly at the whole explanation. Then you looked around the group, and realized that this Maximoff woman was the late redhead from the previous session who looked at you curiously. You looked away from her to Stephen.

"Thank you, doc." You said with a slight irony and Stephen just nodded smiling.

"Partners are grieving companions ladies." He says. "We will assess your progress at each session, and then switch partners once the necessary improvement has been achieved."

You grumbled in understanding, and looked away to your lap. When Stephen began to ask about the stories, your mind wandered to the departure time.

And when the session was over you wished you could go to sleep. But Stephen made a slight movement of his head in Maximoff's direction, and you understood that you should talk to her.

Ignoring the urge to show Stephen the middle finger, you just sighed as you got up from your chair and lazily walked over to the woman at the exit. She was talking to a man, and you were even more anxious to address not one, but two strangers.

"Hi." You greeted awkwardly, and both of them turned to you with mild curiosity. 

"Hey, you're Y/N, right?" Said the man with a smile as he held out his hand to you. "I'm Bucky. James Barnes actually, but everyone calls me Bucky." He said and you shook his hand, smiling awkwardly. Then he quickly pointed at the woman.  "And this is Wanda Maximoff, your grief partner."

"Hi." Wanda said shyly as she offered her hand to greet you. You accepted as clumsily as she did.

"Sorry, I don't know how this works." You say. "Should we exchange numbers or something? Or is that just a therapy thing?"

Bucky gives a little chuckle.

"Oh believe me, they'll know if you're not making it work." He counters. "My first partner was Sam Wilson and we wanted to jump on each other's necks whenever we saw each other. And then Stephen asked us to move in together." He says and you blink in surprise. "We're married now, but that's not the point. I guess I'm getting off topic..."

"Bucky." Wanda interrupts with a smile, and he smiles half-heartedly as well. You frown, annoyed by Bucky's story. You didn't want to marry anyone. "I guess we'll make it work, I hope you don't mind having the company of two tiny restless creatures on our walks."

You look at her with confusion and then you understand, smiling shyly.

"No, it's okay." You say. "I like children."

"Really?" She asks in surprise.

You nod slightly. "Unlike adults, they tell the truth."

Wanda seemed to be thoughtful, but then Bucky lets out an exclamation.

"As group guide, I have to pass the to-do list to you ladies." He says pulling a small notebook from the back pocket of his pants. He pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to Wanda. "Partners need to develop these habits of socializing and coping with grief together. And yes, there is a test."

You sigh impatiently, tucking a loose string behind your ear. 

"That sounds fun." You mock lightly making them smile. 

"Anyway, good luck to you two." He says tenderly. "And Wanda, call me if you need help with Tommy. I know a good therapist."

You frown slightly, not understanding what he is referring to, but you prefer to stay out of matters that are none of your business. And then Bucky kisses Wanda on the cheek in farewell and waves to you smiling before leaving. You switch foot weights when you are alone with Wanda. Talking to other people is not exactly your strong suit these past few months.

"So..." You start clumsily when she turns to you. 

"So." She repeats equally embarrassed. You then clear your throat and rush to pull your cell phone out of your pocket and hand it to her.

"Give me your number." You say. "That way we can arrange...whatever this is." 

Wanda smiles weakly as she accepts the device, and you ignore the curious look when she notices the cracks in the screen. A moment later she hands the cell phone back to you.

"I gotta go." She says. "I need to pick up my kids from school."

You nod slightly and force a smile to say goodbye, and Wanda copies your movement before leaving.

You stare at your cell phone next, noticing the slight anxiety in your stomach as you read the contact "Wanda Maximoff" on the screen.

//-//

By the weekend, you are miserable. Just like the first few months.

You spilled some tea under your bed, and when you went to clean it up, you ended up taking the objects that were lying there. And then you found a crumpled piece of paper.

It was your farewell speech. The words you wrote down to speak on the day of the funeral. The paper you pulled out of your pocket when you got home from the ceremony and probably fell under the bed when you collapsed on the floor from crying so hard.

Suddenly your chest tightened and you couldn't breathe. But you didn't want your mother to worry, so you concentrated on remembering the exercises your therapist had taught you.

And when the room started to get too small, you left.

But because it was cold and rainy, you had just taken a hot shower and had decided to brew tea before you finished putting on a sweater, you had bent down to pick up your socks, and the liquid fell on the floor. 

You went outside without your shoes, and your mother let out a worried exclamation when she saw you standing outside, staring at nothing.

"Honey?" She asked walking out the door after seeing you through the kitchen window. "Honey, what is it?"

You didn't answer. Your face was wet. Your mother's hands wrapped around your shoulders, and she gently pushed you inside, worried that you would end up getting hypothermia.

"I'm fine." You gasped as she led you inside, but she just shook her head. "I'm fine."

"No, honey." She retorted making you frown. "You're not."

"Mom."

"Sit down." 

And then there were blankets around you, and socks on your feet. And your mother was in the kitchen, on the phone, but everything seemed stuffy. You began to be absent again. Thousands of memories flashing through your eyes.

An image of yourself on that living room floor, laughing while your girlfriend had her arms wrapped around you. Your mother was pouring a glass of wine for each of you, and you were happy to tell her about your engagement.

Then an image of you running across the room, trying to dodge the tickles your father tickled you while you laughed.

Then a puppy in your hands on the floor. You looked at it fondly, laughing at how cute it looked. 

Looking down, you saw a hand on your thigh. It was your wife's, the ring on her finger. She smiled at you. You were happy because that was the day you told your mother about the house purchase.

You gasped slightly when you felt someone's hand on your shoulder suddenly.

"I need you to tell me three things you can see." It was Agatha. God, you should have been out of reaction long enough for her to get here. Wiping away your tears, you took a deep breath, trying to reason straight.

"I... I..." You started, but your brain didn't seem to obey you. You took another deep breath. You could see the carpet, so you told her so.

"Two more." Agatha asked tenderly, her hand caressing your back from top to bottom. 

"The... table." You replied crying. "I can see the table."

"That's right, honey." She said. "Just one more now. Tell me what else?"

"My feet." You add breathlessly. "I can see my feet."

"Now breathe with me, okay?" She asks. "Like I taught you."

The exercises help you to calm down again. You apologize for scaring your mother, and for making Agatha drive to your house, but neither of them is upset with you. You feel exhausted, but the doctor wants to talk to you after she accepts the cup of coffee your mother offers her.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" She asks as you sit on the covered porch, fluffy pillows around you.

You lower your gaze to the floor, sniffling lightly.

"I found my grief speech." You count. "Under my bed. The next minute I was outside."

Agatha sighs.

"You ready to talk about the accident."

You raise your eyes quickly, frowning, because it wasn't a question.

"W-what?"

She takes a deep breath, crossing her legs.

"It's suffocating you." She clarifies. "You need to talk or these attacks will happen again."

"I-I don't..."

"It won't be today." She interrupts with a tender smile. "Tonight you need to sleep. But we won't prolong this any longer. You need to talk about it, even if it’s only to scream."

Clenching your jaw, you hold back your tears as Agatha takes one last look at you before getting up. She murmurs that she will see you on Monday, but you don't look at her.

//-//

You don't sleep well on Sunday. And it's definitely because you can't stop thinking about your appointment.

And it goes well for the first twenty minutes. Agatha doesn't pressure you, and agrees to hear about your week, without mentioning the incident on Thursday.

There is a pause after you have told her about the dog barking noise in the early morning and then you know it is time to speak up.

"I was driving." You say softly suddenly, ignoring the feeling that your throat wants to close up. Agatha has her hands folded in her lap as she listens to you. "She...she was sleeping in the passenger seat." You swallow dryly, trying to count and not get caught up in the memory again, your heart racing. Talking is almost like going back there. "I looked at her for a moment and I got distracted... and then... we just..."

You only realize that you are crying because tears fall on your hand. You blink, sniffling. Taking a deep breath, you continue.

"We fell into the water, and Nat...she just...I couldn't get her belt off." You gasp breathlessly. "The water just...kept coming up around us. And she looked at me, and... she just shook her head like she knew what was going to happen." You tell between sobs. Agatha's eyes water, but she doesn't interrupt. "I just...she pushed me. She pushed my hands away and she told me she would follow me. And god... my dumb brain believed her!" You confess angrily. "She told me she was right behind me! And I swam out and when I came up she wasn't with me."

You shut up, not being able to tell anymore through the sobs. You can't even see the office clearly because of the tears.

It takes a moment for you to speak again, your head down.

"When I swam back, the car was completely covered with water everywhere" You recount. "I...I was going to dive again.... I wanted to get her out of there. But the people who saw the accident jumped in after us. And they pulled me out of the water. And I kept thinking that if I hadn't been distracted, she...she would be...."

"No." Agatha interrupts by offering you a tissue. "Natasha had a stomach injury, don't you remember?" She counters and you gasp, the words echoing in your brain. "That's why you couldn't remove the belt."

And then you were remembering clearly now.

Soft music echoed in the car as you hummed the tune and drove to your friends' house. Your wife mumbled softly beside you, making you smile as you watched the sleeping figure. The red hair in front of her face.

"Hey sleepyhead." You called softly, looking away from the track for a moment. "We're almost there."

Nat muttered in agreement. You bit your lip, thinking she looked beautiful. And then you heard a noise, and a white light in the window. You barely had time to frown when the impact threw your car off the road.

Your body tensed immediately as you sat up, looking around with desperation. The car was sinking fast and you turned to Nat.

A wound on her forehead was bleeding, and she was clearly disoriented as you touched her hands. You hurried to unbuckle her belt, but it was jammed tightly in her waist, and you gasped in shock at the wound.

"N-no." You grumbled, trying to move the metal, but Nat gasped in pain, pushing your hands away. You could barely breathe in desperation. Your feet were freezing, because the water was already at your ankles. "Babe, move please. We have to get out."

Nat advanced toward you, taking off your belt. You tried to touch her, but she pushed your hands away again, intending to guide you out.

" Sweetheart, go! Open the door! " she commanded and you shook your head, the water on your knees. Nat forced a smile, the tears in her eyes made your stomach turn. "Don't worry love. I'm right behind you."

As you opened the door, the water moved all the way into the car, and you held your breath Nat repeated the words "I'm right behind you" one more time. And then you swam out.

When you reached the surface, you were alone.

Sobbing, you couldn't say anything else to Agatha, and she proceeded to stroke your back, trying to soothe you with words of affirmation.

"I need you to remember some things honey." She says tenderly. "You couldn't have helped Natasha. She got stuck. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened." Agatha whispers to you, and you sob. "Remember the investigation, okay? The police said that the driver of the truck was drunk and hit your car after he fell asleep. It wasn't your fault." Agatha says trying to remind you. You gasp, countless memories flooding your head at once. "Say that for me, will you?" She asks and you gasp. "Tell me it wasn't your fault."

You sob, burying your face in your hands. It takes a moment, but you repeat the words.

"It wasn't my fault." You whisper breathlessly. "It...it wasn't my fault."

When you leave therapy that day, you feel different.

You think that it is the healing process that is beginning to work. You still have a long way to go, but you have the feeling that a weight has been lifted off your back, because you have started to believe your own words. You could not have saved Natasha.

There is still a deep sadness in you, but you still buy your favorite drink on the way home, and try to stay in the living room for a few hours before going to your room when you are inside.

[bumblesimagines]

Protect Him

Request; Yes or No

Wanda is apparently 28 in WandaVision so Imma keep her age 28-32 while (Y/N) is 19-24.

Also disclaimer: She might be ooc but that's probs cause I only remember edgy Wanda lmao. I also haven't seen a Marvel movie in like a year.

~

Wanda felt a soft breeze blow by, strands of her red hair swaying along. She watched with a gentle gaze as people walked or jogged. The park always had people around but it wasn't overly crowded. She could hear the sound of cars behind her, occasionally honking. Wanda felt empty. Vision was gone. Right when they had began their life together in Europe. Wanda felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. She inhaled sharply, quickly wiping away any tears when someone sat beside her.

"Coffee?" Wanda blinked, turning her head as she sniffled softly. Her gaze locked onto the coffee cup, reaching out and gently taking it. She looked at the young man, sitting beside her, lips parting.

"Why?"

"You seem down." He shrugged lightly, looking forward, watching the lake water sparkle from the sunlight hitting it. Wanda noticed the name written on the cup. '(Y/N)'.

"Wanda, right?" (Y/N) looked at her, head tilting. Wanda nodded slowly, eyeing the young man next to her. Her guard was up.

"I've never met a superhero before." (Y/N) said, looking back at the lake.

"I wouldn't call myself a hero." Wanda mumbled, leaning back against the bench. Her finger gently tapped against the cup, wondering if it was drugged or poisoned. She could always use her powers but she didn't want to be seen by other civilians.

"Why not? Saving people makes you a hero by default. Even if some of the Avengers are terrorists, mass murderers, and automatically can't be trusted cause they work for the government." (Y/N) shrugged lightly, chuckling softly. Wanda let a small smile slip, looking forward.

"Sorry for your losses." (Y/N) added, licking his lips and softly sighing. Wanda hummed gently, shoulders relaxing. She finally raised the cup to her lips, taking a sip. The coffee had gotten a bit cold but Wanda didn't mind.

"What brings you here?" (Y/N) asked gently, taking a sip from his coffee as well. Wanda inhaled deeply, eyes shutting briefly.

"I come here to think, I suppose." Wanda answered, unsure with her response. (Y/N) seemed to notice but didn't comment.

"The park is a good place for that. If you don't mind honking and barking." He chuckled softly, shifting slightly to face her. Wanda's gaze dropped to the ground. (Y/N) watched her saddened expression.

"Wanna talk about it?" (Y/N) asked, tilting his head. "We don't have to but.. You can talk and I'll listen."

"I.." Wanda began, glancing at him. She shifted to face him as well, placing her cup down infront of her. The bench was sturdy enough that the coffee wouldn't tip over.

"I miss Vision a lot.. He understood me. He cared for me. He and Natasha were friends of mine and.. They didn't even get a statue or a big memorial like Tony did. They were just as important as him. I'm angry and hurt and.. I lost the love of my life. I watched him die twice and I couldn't save him.." Wanda let out a soft whimper, letting her tears fall freely as her heart ached.

"I should've been more aware.. Maybe.. Maybe if I had done something or- or been quicker, he would still be here. I should've protected him." Wanda sniffled, sobs escaping her as she covered her face with her hands and cried. (Y/N) reached out, gently touching her shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. (Y/N) placed the coffee cup between them elsewhere, scooting closer and giving her a proper hug. She was clearly still grieving and in need of comfort.

"You don't have to be alone in this, Wanda. You don't have to hold everything in until you can't anymore." (Y/N) whispered softly, gently rubbing her back. She sympathized with her. Being a hero had its pros but it had its cons as well. Being a hero meant knowing your family was always in constant danger of being targeted. He could only imagine what it must've been like to watch someone he cared about die twice.

"There's something I do when I'm overwhelmed.. Probably isn't good to do it here but if you want, I can take you somewhere you can." (Y/N) said, pulling back and gently wiping the tears away from her soft skin. Wanda sniffled, brows slightly furrowing. She swallowed, giving a small nod. If anything were to happen, she had the upperhand with her powers. They stood up, throwing away their cold coffees and walking away. The dogs that passed by put Wanda at ease as they went over to a car. Wanda hesitantly got in, buckling in. (Y/N) did the same, driving out of the parking space.

"Are you from Edinburgh?" Wanda asked softly, turning her head to look at him. She hadn't noticed a scottish accent from him but didn't want to assume. (Y/N) licked his lips, chuckling softly as he shook his head.

"You're asking if I was born here, the answer's no. I'm from New York City. I decided to become a.. Nomad after you and your hero friends destroyed the city for like the twelfth time but I decided to calm down and chill for a year or two." (Y/N) explained, giving her a small smile. Wanda hummed, understanding why'd he want to leave. She left for a good reason. To get away from the chaos and guilt. The only person she kept in contact with was Clint. They were each other's rocks. They both knew how it felt to watch someone they loved die. Wanda noticed they were heading away from the city.

"I promise I'm not kidnapping you. We can get donuts after this." (Y/N) said, noticing some uneasiness. (Y/N) pulled into a trail, parking and motioning out. He got out of the car, followed by Wanda. (Y/N) walked forward until there was a clearing and a field. Wanda smiled softly, looking over the field. Everything felt calming. The sound of the birds and wind russling leaves relaxed her.

"I like to go to the middle of the field and just scream. I found this place when I first came here. It's pretty nice to let everything out without hurting anyone." (Y/N) told her, giving her a small nudge. Wanda slowly walked towards the middle, feeling the grass gently prickle her fingers. She stood in the middle and inhaled, eyes closing. She let out a scream, her powers unknowingly making an energy wave. Luckily, it wasn't a big one but it didn't cause some birds to flee in a panic. The grass around her flattened, her hands glowing a bright red. (Y/N) was glad he hadn't gone with her to the middle. Once she couldn't scream anymore, Wanda gently panted, eyes opening as she scanned her surrondings. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Wanda felt lighter. She heard laughing, turning her head as (Y/N) walked towards her.

"That was incredible to watch. Feel any better?" (Y/N) asked, giving her a smile. Wanda nodded, watching him. She felt like she could finally breathe. Her gaze softened as she looked (Y/N) over. Wanda didn't want to lose him either. She was beginning to get attached.

"I'm willingly to share my secret screaming spot." (Y/N) said, giggling softly after. Wanda smiled, cheeks gently flushing as she chuckled and nodded.

"Thank you." She breathed out. Maybe, she could finally have someone who she could protect and keep safe, no matter the cost.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

I thought I'd make some comments about the first episode of "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier," kind of in the same way I made a post about my thoughts on the "WandaVision" season finale. I don't plan on doing a post with my thoughts, opinions, and theories for EVERY episode of TFatWS because a) I don't have that kind of time or patience, b) Things are probably going to change left and right as the series progresses, just like in "WandaVision" so I don't see a need to document all of this, c) I ramble enough as it is lol

Of course, there are spoilers under the cut, so if you haven't seen the first episode, then I suggest you...don't look under the cut! If you have seen the episode and just want to see what another MCU/Marvel fan thinks, or if you don't care about spoilers, then have at it.

I will say that the first episode of "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" (I'm going to refer to it as TFatWS from now on because that title is long af) was good and brought forth lots of mystery and intrigue, but it didn't grab my attention quite as much as the first episode of "WandaVision." But this may be due to the fact that WV was just so bizarre right from the start, and there were tons of questions right out the door. So, the mystery (and confusion) was more intense than for TFatWS.

I still plan on finishing TFatWS, but I hope it picks up a little more in the next episodes.

Another thing I will mention that's really not much of a spoiler: Poor Bucky! Just like Wanda, he needs a damn break already 😭

And lastly, I haven't read any Marvel comics because I just don't have the time, energy, patience, sanity right now to devote to them. That, and I have always preferred manga (Berserk is still my favorite manga/graphic novel of all time. Hell, it's my favorite fictional story of all time! And the 90s anime is one of my favorite series ever). My Marvel knowledge is heavily based on what the MCU has provided, but I do know things that happen in the comics because I do read up on various comparisons between the comics and the MCU entries and people's theories based on the comics. So, I'm not completely clueless.

Ok, spoiler time!

I don't really have a list of things I liked and disliked for this first episode of TFatWS because it's just way too early for that kind of stuff, and who knows where the series is going to go from here. I'll just make a list of thoughts and opinions:

James "Bucky" Barnes/The Winter Soldier

POOR BUCKY! I mean, goddamn, this man can't get a break. We see just how much his time as a Hydra agent affected him, causing him to have nightmares about those he killed while brainwashed. He's closed himself off from others because he's depressed, burdened with immense guilt, and probably feels like he's not worth helping at this point.

I also like how we got to see just how negatively he was affected by being at war for so long. He'd be put into hibernation by Hydra, and awoke every time to go kill some people. Rinse and repeat. That was his life, which isn't much of a life if you ask me. The same happened when he was freed from their control and while it's understandable why he had to fight in "Infinity War" and "Endgame," it was clearly a lot for him to handle. He didn't get a lot of peace, and even now that things have settled, he still has no peace.

At first, I was wondering why Bucky was going out of his way to befriend his elderly neighbor, Mr. Nakashima since he wasn't associating with anyone else, not even Sam. Then we find out that Bucky was the one who murdered the old man's son why under Hydra control. He can't bring himself to tell Mr. Nakashima because it's too painful and he's too ashamed. He's trying to prepare for it, I suppose, by befriending the man, but at the same time, I don't think it's going to be less unpleasant to deliver the news.

I literally felt heartbroken for Bucky when I realized that he had killed Mr. Nakashima's son. Like, omfg, Bucky, this poor guy...he has to live with these painful memories of things he was forced to do and it's depressing to witness.

I know it seems weird that no one recognizes who Bucky is, but I have a theory on that: Those that do are people who actually know him or those who have seen his face at the Smithsonian. Those who don't recognize him may never have been to the museum or simply didn't remember his face. I mean, Captain America was the main focus of the exhibit, and he was in the public eye all the time, so Bucky could easily be forgotten. Also, after the Blip, people clearly have had a lot to deal with after being missing for several years while the rest of the world put itself back together. Bucky is the least of their concerns.

Sam Wilson/Falcon

Sam, our good boy Sam. I was expecting him to keep Captain America's shield, even if he didn't use it right away. I mean, I know in "Endgame" he said it feels like it belongs to someone else, but I thought he'd change his mind and keep it. But he ends up donating it to the Captain America exhibit, which was unfortunate. I mean, I understand why, and I thought, "Well, he can just go grab it later" but then...well, that's going to be discussed later.

I was glad Sam kept trying to reach out to Bucky despite how things seemed very tense between them before. I can understand why he didn't just visit in person because that would have overwhelmed Bucky. I am suffering from severe depression and I know how difficult it can be to have a surprise guest attempt to make chit chat. Not fun.

We find out how Sam's sister has been trying to make ends meet during the Blip. Things aren't going well financially for her, and she is considering selling their father's boat to bring in some much-needed funds. Sam tries to help by convincing her to go to a bank and take out a loan. He hopes that his status could help influence the bank's decision as well.

But that isn't in the cards. The bank can't approve the loan because now there are regulations post-Blip regarding such matters. Not even Sam's status as Falcon -- an AVENGER -- amounts to much. Then the accountant awkwardly behaved like a fanboy during the whole meeting, even going so far as to ask for a selfie from Sam during the most inconvenient moment. This scene shows, to me, that being an Avenger doesn't change everything, yet, they're still famous and loved (for the most part). It's a strange feeling: "We love you guys for all you've done, but yeah, we can't really help you out."

I'm glad Marvel is choosing to show the negative effects of the Blip. It's great everyone returned but...everyone literally popped back into existence. We saw some of this chaos in "WandaVision," and we're seeing more in TFatWS. It's a realistic approach because, like, yeah, people being gone for several years, presumed forever missing then suddenly reappearing out of thin air is pretty extreme. Not to mention, those who returned didn't always find their loved ones and friends waiting for them (i.e. Monica's mother died during the Blip)

Flag Smasher

Not much to say here other than we have a new villain to watch out for who clearly has superhuman abilities. The cause that his group stands for threatens to make things even worse post-Blip than they already are, and geez, give people a break already! But you always have fanatics that will terrorize others for a cause.

Captain America 2.0

Who is this random white boy and why is he the new Captain America? I know who he is from the comics but that doesn't make it any better. It just makes it worse! This guy's going to be a disaster, clearly.

Sam realized at that moment he fucked up by giving the shield away, but this can only mean he'll find a way to retrieve and -- hopefully -- take up the Captain America mantle. Captain Falcon? Captain America Falcon? Captain Falcon America? I suppose you can have fun with that.