#haven't been able to sleep through the night at all + having subconscious anxiety attacks that wake me up
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#realized i've been dissociating on and off since tuesday and i'm not really sure what to do about it#it's not just tuesday either it's the aftermath#not being able to trust anyone + having my sex-repulsion triggered constantly + feeling uncomfortable in my body 24/7#realizing this is how the world is and probably has been for a while it's just at the surface now#haven't been able to sleep through the night at all + having subconscious anxiety attacks that wake me up#the past several days feel like fragments of dreams that i only partially experienced#i can't find it in me to react to anything#every emotion just makes me cry#not even joking that the most realistic things sticking in my memory lately are my daydreams about Ignis#because Ignis is the only thing that didn't (and can't ever) change#like a rock in the middle of the ocean that i'm holding onto so i don't drown
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