#have I been forcing an idea onto myself so hard I have no choice but to accept it as truth

[potatogratins]

— where the stars shine brightest

꒰ summary ꒱ after a day with friends, yuki ishikawa comes home to you cooking dinner. He's not open to the idea of you taking in the excess of the food he has to eat and believes you're forced to do all that—or so he thinks.

꒰ genre ꒱ fluff ꒰ pairing ꒱ | ishikawa yuki/gender-neutral reader ꒰ w.c. ꒱ 1,354 ꒰ published ꒱ august 18, 2024

꒰ a/n ꒱ wrote a very quick yuki one shot :) in reality, i think i would be extremely weirded out by his meal choices LOL but I love that little (he's literally tall!!) idiot...

“Tadaima,” a voice speaks by the door.

In the volume of his voice, you know that the day was well-spent with friends. Its tone, a pitch higher than it usually is, comes as a sign of cheerfulness. In these mere three syllables, you know that even if the day was partially cherished, there is an implication of excitement; the day for him can only be fully cherished when he has loved and adored you in the flesh.

“My sweet,” you greet Yuki, as he walks behind you and kisses the top of your head.

“Oh, please don’t smell my head—it’s full of sweat and pollution,” you tell him, but he kisses your head again nonetheless. He stands beside you, as he observes you cooking.

“What’s that?” he asks with such naivety.

To which you reply, “Your usual meal, your majesty.”

“You don’t have to cook for me, you know. I’ve been doing it on my own for more than ten years,” he says as he tries to hide his frown. You may be slow in other things, but when it comes to Yuki, you’re quick enough to figure him out.

“Let’s not talk about this. The moon is shining half as bright, and even if the clouds are hiding the stars, I know they’re shining twice as bright. It’s a beautiful night, so let’s cherish it,” you tell him. He playfully nods and puts his hands up in defeat against your poetic, dramatic little ass, and you place each food onto a plate before Yuki brings it to the table.

When the both of you finally get to sit down, he takes in the food he has always taken in in the same way. But when he sees you, eating what he would call scraps—the excess of his meal, mixed with extra condiments and leftovers–he is left sighing at every instance you put a piece of your meal into your mouth.

He has to do something about it… and so he says, “I still don’t feel comfortable about this.”

“About what?”

“The food.”

You look down at your food, and then at him again. To you, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re eating. You begin to understand that tonight is a night that will be filled with sighs—well, not the kind both of you are hoping for.

“Yuki, again. At the very beginning, I said I wanted to be in charge of the meals. You had no objections. You said I could make any meal that I wanted—your words, not mine,” you tell him calmly and slowly, “I have spent a majority of my life making decisions for myself without the help of anyone else. If I loved you any less, I would have walked right out that door.”

He simply nods to your words. He’s taking the information in, just as much as the both of you are eating. When both of you finish eating, you begin to take the plates and utensils–as well as the pans, pots, cutting boards, and whatnot–to the sink to get them washed. Yuki stays still in his seat, watching your every move.

“I didn’t know you love me that much,” Yuki confesses.

You laugh, “Silly. You think too much. I’m wildly devoted to you that I’d clean your rice paddles—and all of these I do because it’s my choice, I hope you understand that.”

“I’m beginning to.”

He approaches you from behind, his fingers constantly moving, never in the same place it once was. He then wraps his arms around you and places his face on your head.

“I thought I told you—”

“I don’t care,” he interrupts.

“My head—”

“Blah blah blah—”

“It stinks—”

“Blah blah—”

“It smells—”

“Like love and hard work.”

For a moment, you place one of the white plates down and turn your head to him—bewildered, amazed, astonished. Your eyes widen and eyebrows raise.

“I didn’t know you love me that much,” you then confess. Oh, how the tables have turned. He looks at you and smiles. When you turn back to washing everything that was left on the sink, he plays with your hair, which looks and smells of love and hard work.

After washing the dishes, you and Yuki form a separate routine. As you shower, he begins brushing up his Italian and does his stretches. An everything shower, as you call it, gives him an opportunity to take as much time as he can to catch up with whatever he has not done for the day.

When you finish your shower and step out the bathroom door, you see Yuki by the living room, going through his phone just to pass the time. He looks up and sees you, pajamas crinkled and hair dried. He smiles and pats your tiny, tiny head and showers next.

You sit on the left side of the bed, turning on the lampshade. In silence, you grab your copy of Ogden Nash’s I Wouldn’t Have Missed It and the pen that sits in between the pages. You begin to go through the poem To My Valentine, annotating a word or a phrase or a line or a stanza. There are intervals in the scratching of the tip of the blue ballpen against the surface of the page. You revel in this kind of silence, where you sit and do what you love while the love of your life is just a few meters away from you. It’s comfortable. It’s a reminder that love persists in every space you both occupy. It’s a routine you will never get tired of.

By the time Yuki finishes his shower, he checks on you by peeking through the bedroom door. You are asleep with a book in one hand and a pen in the other—which he is grateful that you haven’t accidentally written on the bed sheets at some point—snoring the night away. It's surprising for him to find you already asleep, for on the most normal of days, if he finished showering, you would have surely greeted him outside the bathroom door, asking him to get to bed in an instant. He tiptoes to your side and takes away the book and the pen, lightly placing them on the bedside table and turns off the lampshade. He then goes to his side of the bed and lies down.

Not wanting you to sleep in a terrible posture, he nudges you a little. There’s a soft sigh that comes out of your mouth before you see his shadow, as you're half-awake.

“Whatisit?” you ask.

“You fell asleep reading again.”

You fix your posture, fully lying down.

“Youshouldn’thavewokenmeuppp,” you scold him.

“Why?”

“Ialways…needto…getaheadstartbeforeyoustartsnoring.”

He laughs. He combs your soft hair and says, “I’ll stay awake till you get to sleep.”

For the next few minutes, he places his hand on you and feels your chest rise and fall less and less and your breathing turn quiet. Then, there’s a little snore that comes out of you. He smiles. He has no right to complain about you snoring, it’s not as loud as his snores anyway.

He brushes your hair and kisses your temple. Then again. Then again. He lies on his side of the bed, allowing the darkness to seep through his eyes. In his head, he begins his plans to spend a day with you tomorrow. Or maybe two days. Or three. Though your love for each other is infinite, life is not; Yuki will hold you dear for as much as he can, for as long as he can. He'll do anything to express his gratitude besides what has already been expressed in the days since you have been together.

Then at long last, you are both asleep.

By then, the night had fallen halfway. The clouds have finally cleared, where the stars begin to show their shine. Just know that whatever nature throws, the stars are still bound to you and Yuki—at the height of adoration and tenderness between the both of you, there is love in a sky where the stars shine brightest. 

[childrenofcain-if]

Hello, Axel, I'm a big fan of all your works and have been following you since the first blog you had of What Lovely Bones. I'm super excited about this new book and it really looks like you've found your niche and moved along with it so far.

I've always felt that you were a great writer and you've only gotten better over the years, I sometimes feel like a proud sibling because I've been here since you were nineteen and you're now twenty one, if I'm not mistaken 😅

Ok I'm rambling now so let me get to what I wanted to ask: how does your writing process go and do you have a schedule to work with. I really don't want you to feel burnt out over things in the future like you did with your other projects

wow, we have an og here, it seems. glad to have you onboard for what’s been like 3 years now (i think)!

i wouldn’t say that i have a particular ‘niche’ when it comes to genres and whatnot, but it’s not very surprising to see the assumptions either. i’ve been decently motivated to write this story and have been very productive without burning myself out so no writer’s block on the horizon yet, but i won’t jinx myself.

i don’t think i have a specific writing schedule, to answer your questions. my creative juices flow freely sometimes or just remain stagnant the other times. i do write my ideas down when they come to me so i won’t forget about them later. but i’ve also learned that you just can’t force yourself to write when your brain is running low on motivation or ideas.

it’s a five-step process for me when i do decide to write:

review the notes which includes the ideas i previously jotted down sporadically.

adjust them to how it might fit onto the scenes that i’m writing.

connect the ideas and assign characters, choices, and ultimately the consequences of said choices.

talk to myself for the dialogues and note them down as well, laughing to myself like an escapee from a psych ward and patting myself on the back for particularly witty one-liners.

black out while typing and later gain consciousness with a terrible back pain, hands cramping up, and at least 5-10k word count per writing session.

a lot of these ideas will never see the light of the day—e.g.: MC getting hit by a hockey stick so hard that they get a concussion and can’t hear out of their right ear—but they do serve as a runway for other ideas to take off.

if i had any advice to give writers, it’s to just. write. it. down. maybe you think it’s irrelevant/weird when the ideas first come to you, but by that point you already have the foundations ready. all you have to do now is to adjust it and build up on it.

[annabelle--cane]

im listening to mag again and damn do the archival crew HATE jon. listen i get it supposedly your lives would be normal if he hadn't brought you here... but he didn't? (minus og archive crew, jon requesting them and all) if anything he was just kinda there when you made decisions, bro wasn't EVEN THERE when melanie got hired like??? like how r u gonna wish him pain rn, he's ltrly sopping wet and on the verge of dying💀

like another anon I got a month or so ago, this is one of my sleeper agent trigger phrases, so this might be another marina monologue moment.

as I'm also in the middle of a (for my standards) incredibly slow relisten, I've been thinking about this topic, too, but I've been coming at it from a slightly different angle than I normally do. in tim's case, we don't get an actual look at the circumstances under which he transferred to the archives, it is theoretically possible that jon laid it on a bit thick in asking him to come with him to the department and tim wouldn't have even thought of it otherwise, but with melanie we have several scenes of her hiring and onboarding where jon is not present and she continually rebuffs people who tell her she's making a mistake, so the text very clearly sets up that her blaming jon for being trapped there doesn't make sense. and, even with tim having been requested by jon, he still had to make the ultimate decision to switch departments himself, so, yknow, what gives?

most people, I think, and myself in the past, have come at this question from a very jon-centric pov because he's the main character and it's a jon-centric show, but I think putting it down to "they lash out at him because he happens to be there and stops defending himself after a while" misses something, as does "they lash out at him because elias sets everyone up to think they have an adversarial relationship to jon." more than that, I think it's about the rejection of agency.

tma is a show that's very much About agency and choices, so it's important to keep track of where characters suddenly balk and try to offload their choices onto other agents. martin, despite being very proactive and efficient when he sets his mind to it, has a consistent habit of thinking of himself as fundamentally unimportant and unable to affect real change. jon, someone who is usually culpability_acceptor_4000, really tries to convince himself that the web made him pull statements out of strangers. and melanie and tim, on realizing that they've gotten themselves stuck in the archives, have similar reactions of trying to retroactively make those decisions jon's.

they hate being stuck there and they can't bear the idea that it might be their fault, and they don't know how to reconcile the choices they did make with the greater forces outside of their control that shape their lives. tim swings right from seeing jon as fully responsible to seeing everything as the result of cosmically inevitable bad luck, and this hits him so hard that it leads directly to his suicide. post-bullet melanie gets a better handle on it; accepting that she chose to fall further into the slaughter opens her up to accepting that she made other choices, like joining the archives, as well as accepting future choices, like quitting the archives.

and yes, in the moments where tim and melanie are most vulnerable and just starting to realize how deeply screwed they are, jon (at least from their pov) does something to make it worse. when jon tells tim that jane presntiss wasn't his fault, tim says "well you sure made me feel worse afterwards! and then everyone had to pay attention to how you were feeling to get you to stop stalking us!" when melanie goes in for a second assassination attempt on elias, elias makes jon talk her down instead of doing it himself, presumably to try and get the slaughter mark done with. neither of these are the inciting incidents for tim and melanie's situations, but they stand out. and because jon is culpability_acceptor_4000, a man who feels like the weight of the whole world is on his shoulders and is even right some of the time, the accusations stick. tim and melanie don't want anything to be their fault, jon thinks everything is his fault, and it's a bit of a vicious self-fulfilling cycle.

[reneeluv154]

My Baby pt2

Hope you enjoy!!

⚠️Tw this imagine contains: Mentions of rape and child loss (abortion).⚠️

It had been three days since I woke up in the patient room and I still sat here in bed. Jack did as he promised and moved my bed to the window which made me happy and cured some of my boredom but I was sick of this, sick of the pills and the breakfast in bed, especially sick of not knowing what was wrong with me.

Jack would always avoid the question when I asked.

“Sorry Y/n, I have a surgery I need to get to.”

“Hetty needs me.”

“You need some rest.”

“I don’t have a whole lot of time.”

These were just some of the many excuses he used.

I heard a very faint knock and the door opened, Jack peeking inside. “Brought you a snack.” He held up a bowl of fruit. “I’m not hungry for anything other than answers Jack and I expect to know the full story before you leave this room.” He was shocked nonetheless but sighed and sat at the end of the bed.

“Y/n, It’s a hard thing to explain I-“

“Well, then you best use your brain.” He stood and paced the room running his fingers through his hair. “Y/n, I really can't, it's best you don’t know.” I was frustrated, “Jack Dawkins, I deserve to know what you have done to me!” I had never raised my voice at him but I couldn’t take it anymore. He nodded, coming to sit on the bed and holding my hand in his. “Y/n, You were pregnant…and the baby was going to kill you, we had to cut open your stomach.” I was horrified, “Where is my baby?” Jack let go of my hand avoiding eye contact. Tears welled in my eyes, I grabbed his face resting my forehead on his own, our noses just barely touching. I took a breath.

“What have you done with my baby?” I whispered, my eyes sealed shut, praying it was all a bad dream. “Y/n, I’m sorry.”

“No!” I screamed and I sobbed falling into his arms, my adrenaline numbing any physical pain.

He held me close for what felt like hours gently playing with my hair and rubbing my back. My sobs were now soft whimpers and my breathing was more controlled. “Y/n?” He questioned, I didn't respond, “Were you aware you were pregnant?” I shook my head. I never knew I was pregnant. I had just assumed I was rapidly gaining weight for whatever reason.

“Do you know who the father was?” I had an idea of who it may have been. I never wanted to have any sexual relation with this man but it wasn’t exactly my choice. “I was raped,” I whispered, I myself couldn’t believe what I was saying. “I’m sorry Y/n, I knew after you woke up from the surgery you wouldn’t remember what happened for a few days, I never wanted to take your baby from you but I had to, I was forced to.” His voice was hushed and calm. I turned to face him, my head still on his lap, he was still playing with my hair. “Who forced you to?”

“Darius.”

My rapist, Darius, was my rapist, I remembered. “Y/n, I know it might seem selfish, he was going to have me hung but more importantly you would have died.” The tears in his eyes told how much guilt he had. “Why would I die?”

He choked, “He was going to poison you and the baby, Neither of you would have made it. I chose the way in which I could save the most lives.”

A tear fell from his cheek and onto my gown. I wasn’t mad at him, I couldn’t be, he hadn’t asked to be put in such a situation. “I’m so sorry, love. You would have been such a beautiful mother.” He ran a thumb over the top of my cheek wiping a few more tears. I couldn’t stand seeing him like this. I never saw Jack cry and now he was sobbing.

Before I could even think I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. The kiss was deep with meaning and passion but I pulled away. “Jack, you should have never been put in this situation, I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at Darius, not just for what he has done to me but for what he’s done to you, and my baby.” I would have hated knowing what I went through for my baby but would have loved to see them grow even if not by my motherly love.

“I love you.” Jack breathed, I nodded “I love you too.”

Me and Jack had been close from the day he arrived here. Now we lay on the bed, Jack holding me close, My head on his chest, while we looked at the stars, trying to ease ourselves. “Jack.”

“Hm.”

“Boy or girl?”

“A Girl sweetheart.”

I pointed out to the brightest star in the sky. “That’s my baby girl.”

[adozentothedawn]

Six-song soundtrack

Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following:

An event that defines your character's past

How your character sees themselves

How others view them

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

A major fight scene

End credits song

Tagged by @solas-backpack-mug (and others but I never got around to it and now I forgot, sorry :( ), thanks!

Favaen (with Emblyn making a guest appearance)

So this was hard, on the one hand because I didn't really have anything on hand and on the other because when I went looking I suddenly had a bunch for the same point.

The Shore - Basia Bulat

Dakara Hitori Ja Nai - Christina Vee (Little Glee Monster)

Rise and Fall - Black Water County

We'll Meet Again - Laura Brehm and TheFatRat

Burn It Down - Vixy and Tony

Like The Dawn - The Oh Hellos

Throwing a tag towards @adraveins and @stylishanachronism for some good music recs. 👀

An event that defines their past

(This was so hard to limit, holy shit)

The Shore - Basia Bulat

There is no one who will take me by that shore Close to the smoke, far from the fires of your harbour But if I am awake this time I'll know All over your eyes, a storm is rolling over, rolling over

Emblyn, dearly regretting her decisions.

Oh you can take away the divine my dear And comb your hair And I won't mind at all Even when the thought's behind I came just to remind you I love you so

And while she does regret a lot, this one thing she clings onto.

How they see themselves

Dakara Hitori Ja Nai - Christina Vee

(an english cover translation)

Once I hated everything Sadness seemed my destiny Couldn't see the beauty all around me (If only) my future spans in front of me A crossroad branching endlessly The road is paved, the course is set I'll grab my dreams, the time is now

Favaen used to have severe emotional management problems and had no idea what to do with herself, a problem she eventually worked out with the help of her mentor and mother figure.

But those empty words are not a plan Lucky stars don't care So don't rely on counting them I'm thinking way too hard about my past I gotta push myself, I'm facing my worst fear, oh Don't care if I'm crying (I'm crying) I'm flying (I'm flying), I made my mind up Trust me, I will keep trying I'm stronger than I know (I'm stronger now) Don't care if I'm lonely (I'm lonely) It's only (It's only) the end of the old me It's time to let her go Say goodbye! (Say goodbye, say goodbye!) Love never lies

She is inherently optimistic because she made the decision and effort to be. Despite her past (both personal and Emblyn's) still on weigh on her, she does her best to move and make the future a better one.

How others view them

Rise and Fall - Black Water County

Listen here, tell me dear What have you now got to fear? Took you long to realise Take it one day at a time verse You've been wasting the minutes In the hours of your days Look around and you'll find That it's just another way

But there's something on my mind That I need to leave behind So tear the page, hit erase 'Til the day you hear me call Make a promise that you'll be The best to rise and fall

Favaen makes herself a turning point for the people around her. An opportunity to do better, to move on, to be someone you's rather be. Be that for Edér who ties himself to her in turn with such a force he literally sails across the ocean on the vague hope it might save her, or for some random bandit who gets to make the choice to leave, live another day, and never see her again.

Their closest relationship

We'll Meet Again - Laura Brehm and TheFatRat

This one had a lot of options, both in relationship and song (Edér being a good contender for example) but I realised I already had this one saved and it's too good not to take so Eothas it is. This is probably pretty self explanatory.

Suddenly you're nowhere to be found I turn around and everything has changed Looking for a way to work it out I'm trying to find some peace to navigate Everything we wanted turned to gold (Turned to gold) The path we chose, the future on our side Never thought I'd do this on my own (On my own) But now I wield the sword you left behind Dark for the sunrise Clouds for a blue sky Space for the travelling star Strong from the inside You're still my life-line I feel you wherever you are The oak tree where I met you And the writing on the statue I still remember every word you said I'm not a soldier, but I'm fighting Can you hear me through the silence? I won't give up 'cause there will be a day We'll meet again

Fight Scene

Burn It Down - Vixy and Tony

This was kinda hard for different reasons. I eventually landed on this one because it fits her as a character and is energetic and inspirational. Some expamples:

The legend of the firebird Is one of transformation If you dare to take the journey And you give the wolf his due Let the flame inspire For you are your own creation Throw your fear upon the pyre And let it rise as something new

So you think you don't burn bright enough? I tell you it's not true Burn it down, burn it down, burn it down Throw your fear upon the fire and burn it down Throw your voice out to the wind Feel the heat upon your skin As you hunger, so begin Burn it down

End Credits

Like The Dawn - The Oh Hellos

(The Oh Hellos are such a treasure trove for this)

I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you first He'd put me deep, deep under so that he could work And like the dawn you broke the dark and my whole earth shook I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you At last, at last Bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh, at last

Imagry of how Eothas kept Emblyn's soul with him repaired it over time and how she was eventually reborn as Favaen with pieces of him holding her together, making them essential soul twins.

You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seen Your skin was gilded with the gold of the richest kings And like the dawn you woke the world inside of me You were the brightest shade of sun when I saw you

Being a form of soul twins it made Favaen absolutely miserable to be apart from him (something he didn't consider at all as a possibility cause he is in fact, not very smart) and eventually officially joining the clergy was an incredible relief for her.

[mxlfoydraco]

Hello! I came upon one of your rec list on the drarry tag earlier and I was wondering if you still do them? If so, do you know any drarry fic that is draco + career centered? Like draco being excellent at his job and it being more in the foreground. Something like Heal Thyself by astolat or Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton. Competent draco is the norm but I was wondering if you know of more fics that explores his/their careers more :) Love your blog 💕

Hello friend! I'm very tentatively doing recs always with the caveat that I'm not super up to date. I think majority of the fics in the Draco-centric list fit this description so I'll add onto that without repeating myself.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by @firethesound (2014, E, 150k)

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

What Dreams May Come by @firethesound (36k)

If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.

Any Instrument by @dictacontrion (131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

The Vanishing Department by @dictacontrion (47k)

The things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, even if that involves a lot more form-filling, bickering, covert glancing, miscommunication, and flying furniture than we might expect.

The Ordeal of Being Known by @lou-isfake (146k)

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge… especially from Potter.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (91k)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (48k)

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Open for Repairs by @drarrytrash (34k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things. feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Foundations!verse by Saras_Girl (364k)

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (114k) Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Taking Chances by @gracerene (135k)

After the war, Draco disappeared and started over in America, vowing never to return to Great Britain and the fraught past he left behind. Unfortunately, when his mates convince him to sign up for an exchange programme for the last year of their Auror Training, Draco learns that he doesn't have much of a choice in the matter.

Conquering the Dark by @noeeon (23k)

Harry's a Healer specialising in the care of children, Draco Malfoy's an expert in neuromagic at St Mungo's. A difficult case forces them to work together and, in the process, unearths some of the trauma of the past, as well as the chance for healing in the present.

The Printed Press by Soupy_George (119k)

Draco has worked hard to gain a reputation as an unbiased reporter for the Prophet. He never imagined this would lead to Harry Potter offering him a job, or how much accepting said job would change his life.

Home Truths by @skeptiquewrites (67k)

In the off-season Harry decided to fix up Grimmauld Place and found that Draco Malfoy was the only person who could help him. A demanding career and unrelenting press scrutiny were enough to deal with before Harry added a house with a mind of its own, family history, and a tense, flirty, complicated relationship with his childhood nemesis to the mix.

All the Earnest Young Men by @tepre (29k)

All over London portraits are disappearing from their canvases. Auror Harry! Expert-in-Magical-Art-Theory Draco! There's running, dancing, falling through ice, what’s this paper giraffe doing here? A great time was had by all.

Under Giant Mountains by @wolfpants (33k)

Harry doesn't know where he's going. Everyone else has their life paths figured out; he doesn't even know where his map is. Who'd have thought Draco Malfoy bathing in a Norwegian forest would be the guidepost Harry needed? In which Harry's trip to Norway to visit dragon-wrangler Ron introduces him to hikes from hell, mysterious natural magic, foraging, magical bathing, a new and bizarre friendship, and the frustrating, heady allure of his former nemesis turned sexy globetrotting field researcher.

Paper Rings by @lettersbyelise (50k)

When Harry’s in need of a divorce lawyer, he has no choice but to turn to the best in the trade. Draco Malfoy’s reputation for discretion is flawless, and his track record for winning cases is close to perfect. But he’s also ruthless, passionate, and as infuriating as ever, and the brief relationship he and Harry had in Eighth Year still feels painfully fresh despite two decades spent apart. What Harry and Draco used to be is all in the past. And surely they can work together in these new, emotionally charged circumstances without falling in love all over again… can’t they?

The Kisses Don’t Count, If No One Else Knows by oldenuf2nb (41k)

Minister for Magic Harry Potter does not love his job. The one bright point in his life is his secret relationship with Quidditch Super Star Draco Malfoy. When they're 'outed' by a peeping tom with a camera, Harry has to decide what's really important.

The Truth About Love by @amywaterwings (52k)

In which Draco is a high-powered magical divorce lawyer and Harry is the Unspeakable assigned to seduce him. It goes as well as one might expect.

Picking Up Pieces series by TessaCrowley (22k + 21k) The Unbearable Burden of Caring: Fifteen years after the War, Draco is a social recluse and award winning author. Harry is an auror who works too hard, ensuring his old war wounds never heal. They meet at a masque ball, unaware of each other’s identities. In another situation, it would have been love at first sight. But for them, it would never be so simple. Sins and Scars and Shattered Things:  Fifteen years have passed since the War, but the wizarding world isn’t quite ready to forgive Draco Malfoy for his past sins, or for being in love with Harry Potter. For a former Death Eater who escaped conviction, it is a trial by fire.

Coffee, Cakes and Doorknob Snakes by Omi_Ohmy (40k)

Harry's house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it's Draco Malfoy

I Do Not Love You by Writ_and_romance (228k)

In 2013, a carefully-designed Obliviation leaves Harry reconfiguring his life and identity without any memories of true love; an act that's essentially erased Draco Malfoy from his mind despite a wedding band and shared home. In 2000, Draco had expected Pansy's relationship with Luna to bring the Gryffindors a bit closer to his orbit of quiet, carefully pacifistic existence, but he never expected to navigate such a transparent embrace into a unit of family, friendship, and love. A mystery, two love stories, and a reminder that learning to love never has an end date.

[clarafae]

Writing Fanfic Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @crazy-ache

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing

I usually have an idea knocking around in my head for a while before I even touch a keyboard. For weeks my brain will just pick at this idea, turning it over and over until the only way to get it out of my head is to just sit down and write it.

Sometimes I'll start writing and the idea that seemed so spectacular in my head is actually quite mediocre on page and I'll shelve it. Sometimes I'll come back to them. Other times I'll dissect it for other fics.

If I'm on to a good thing then the words come really easy and I'll ride that wave for as long as I can.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Both. Most writers are a mix, I think. I like to plot my plot, and pants my relationships, if that makes sense.

My plot gets outlined at the beginning and it very much is a case of writing: This [thing] happens, and then that triggers [this event], and then this character responds [like this], etc. until I reach a point that I think would make a satisfying ending.

I like to build the relationships in the story blindly. The characters tell me how fast they want to progress, and how they talk to each other in one chapter will build the foundations for the next. I find that if I plan for the characters to kiss in a particular chapter, that it feels weirdly forced.

Sometimes the plot will progress too fast for my characters and I have to throw in a few filler chapters to bring their relationship to where I need it.

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Nothing. I have a rambunctious three-year-old and I need peace and quiet once she goes to bed.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

I draft with wine and edit with coffee.

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

Currently, Hand of Fate, but probably because it's my shiny new toy.

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

I've actually been pleasantly surprised by how well my fanfics have been received. Springtide was the first time I've written fanfiction since my teen years writing Harry Potter fics on fanfiction.net

Do you have any advice for new writers?

I think storytelling is hard, but it can be made easy. Sometimes it's as simple as asking myself 'What's the most interesting thing that could happen next?' and then just writing that. Then, at the end of that scene, I ask myself that again, and I just follow that until I have an outline for a story.

Don't compare your first draft to someone else's final draft. And on that note, even the most well-written authors will have a first draft that looks like yours, they just go on to polish their writing far beyond what most people would.

Don't worry about writing blocks, just write [something interesting happens here] and move on. I often write [Lucien says something sassy] and then by the time I come to edit it I have to hope I have an idea of what he would say!

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Something I've been trying to do with Hand of Fate is slowing down my writing and letting my scenes breathe before moving onto the next scene. I've always been in a bit of a rush to move from one exciting event to the next and sometimes my fics move far too fast. Sooo much happened in Springtide it that it easily could have been twice the length. With HoF I've really tried to wring as much from each scene as I think I could without it dragging before moving on.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Ianthe! I really leaned into her being as bitchy as possible and I had a wicked time with it. She initially was only supposed to create a bit of tension between Elain and Lucien, but I guess I accidentally created a full-on villain.

I would tag people but I don't really know anyone. So if you decide you want to write one, go ahead!

[munasnook]

Upcoming Projects:

There’s so many stories I’ve been wanting to write and projects I want to work on but I have a huge creative block that’s been stopping me for almost 5 years now. I need to stop thinking about only the end result and stop being such a perfectionist, but it’s so hard. I’m making a list to motivate me, and give any tips, advice, or suggestions for creative block if you feel inclined! Thanks so much!

These aren’t ranked in any particular order, but I’m only adding projects that I’m less intimated by onto this list so I can actually start working on them, have a finished product, and not be miserable if it doesn’t turn out the exact way I imagined it.

Fun, Dark Magic D&D Campaign:

Building a stronger D&D 5E campaign for my players. This is my first time playing as well as being a DM, and this is all of their first times playing too. The campaign started in a city full of dark magic, and the characters are currently being pursued by dark wizards for a special item and following one of the characters. I’m working on my improvisation and I’m pretty awkward when it comes to RP/voicing characters, and I want to keep this in mind as I build but also improve on it. (Just don’t want to stall the players or take us out of the game because I can’t think fast/clearly enough!)

What I want to accomplish:

- Making a name for the campaign, first of all. It’s just been going by the group chat name…

- Having a driving goal for the party, as well as a stronger sense of the world they’re in and why.

- Writing sessions more loosely with more options for players, and also finding ways to create concrete events without forcing players into too much exposition/lack of choice

- Tailoring the campaign to the rest of the party’s skills

- Creating more areas and events for the party to explore without being overbearing/overwhelming

- Finding a balance of everything above to make a loose outline of a campaign so I don’t get so lost as a first time DM

Cthulu Session:

I just started reading some Lovecraft for the first time (overdue!) and it was pretty inspiring to me, as I’ve been trying to come up with some ideas for a fun Halloween type campaign for my players.

What I want to accomplish:

- A session that’s memorable and feels very Halloween like.

- A chance to improve on my descriptions of the environment to my players, as well as the effect they have on the environment.

- Give the players a chance to jump more into character and feel like they can RP more comfortably.

- Fun, creepy vibes session that still ties into the story.

Fantasy Novel:

There’s been this idea (only a mood, so far) of a fantasy story I’d like to write. I still don’t know anything about the characters, but I’m starting to notice things about the environment. I’m hoping that by building the environment first (which I’ve never done before) will give me a new challenge, perspective, and process to writing a story. I’m hoping eventually characters will come along the way, and if it doesn’t work out, I’m happy to turn it into a video game or somehow tie it into my D&D campaign.

What I want to accomplish:

- Have a full script of something I’m proud of.

- Learn how to create a strong environment, work on showing/not telling, and successfully immerse the reader in a new land though writing.

- Start and finish a writing project all the way through, even if I don’t feel my soul in it like I do with my bigger projects. (Something to get me going!)

Romance Webcomic

It’s been a small dream of mine lately to make a cute WLW webcomic to get myself used to scripting, drawing, and sharing my content. It’s very different from anything else I’d be writing, but it would really challenge me to rely on dialogue (which I’m horrible at writing) and learn how to do pacing before I start on my longer, more complicated comics.

What I want to accomplish:

- Create something (start to finish) that warms me up on how to write dialogue.

- Learn how to pace comics and chapters.

- Post my work online.

- Draw/translate written script into image, and get faster at drawing comics instead of obsessing over smaller details.

- Learn how to write, draw, and publish with a schedule.

- Build up something to get me going, something I can be proud of, even if it isn’t my ultimate ambition.

- Find the fun in writing and drawing again!

Well, hopefully I have more pressure to start working on this stuff now. I’ll be posting some of it just so I remember I’m staying true to my word, it’s so easy for me to look over and choose to do something else, but if I make tumblr a space to write and learn/encourage other writers, I’ll feel much more excited to write than when I’m sitting at home alone with BG3 and Elden Ring calling my name…

Hoping to make this page a journal and documentation of some kind as I reignite my creating journey. It’s been almost 5 years of avoiding creating work, and it’s starting to really ache. Better to start now than later!

[curiousitycollective]

I've been questioning on and off since i think, 2020? 2021? if im plural or not. At first i decided that no im not, because i dont have did/osdd/etc and I wasnt open to the idea of any other form of plurality bc it was always looked down upon. I stopped thinking about it for a while but more recently I've been having trains of thoughts that dont really feel like they belong to me: im not sure how to explain it, its not a voice, feels more like a thought that was placed into my mind but doesn't belong to *me*; but then i was thinking maybe im just personifying my intrusive thoughts etc + i have a history of experiencing paranoia/delusions too so, yk

We dont really switch either. I space out a lot (i do dissociate, im just quite confident i dont have any form of disordered plurality) and it occasionally it *feels* like im not in control but I know I still am. The most "out of control" i've felt was doing something and feeling that it was *influenced* by someone else, but not actually done by them. A lot of the things I thought were alters (back in 2021) were also more fragments of myself, I would say (minus one guy who's more distinct, but idk if im just making all of that up.)

I'm not asking you to tell me "yes, you are definitely plural" or "no definitely not" of course, I'm just wondering if there's any input or anything you could direct me with or anything ? ^^;

first sorry if you have been waiting on a reply, tumblr apparently isn't showing us notifications for asks anymore. Also our answer will be above the read more, and we'll stick some resources, blogs, ect under that we think might be helpful.

So a few things, starting with some general stuff for when you're questioning things plural and otherwise.

On the "am I making this up or not?" we encourage anyone whose questioning to distinguish between "making something up/faking it" and misinterpreting things when looking at their experiences.

If you aren't purposely forcing things or consciously creating them then you aren't making something up, you can misinterpret one thing as another but if you aren't trying to do something then you aren't making it up, making something up/faking it is a conscious choice.

We also encourage anyone questioning anything to worry less about "am I right about this lable?" and focus more on "does this label help me/make my life easier/explain things to me?" It takes the pressure off about being wrong and focusses on what the thing means to you specifically.

If you decide to identify as plural and find that no, this doesn't actually fit there's nothing wrong with going "nope not actually me" and continuing on with your journey.

We've gone through many different sets of identities and pronouns before we found what fits, because often the only way to know is to see if it works. The importance thing is to make sure that whatever you choose fits you, instead of you forcing yourself to fit it.

We definitely recommend journaling or doing some sort of tracking to see how you feel about different things over time. Honestly a small notebook you keep in your pocket and jot down any stray thoughts or influences would probably be a great start.

Its actually something we did when trying to sort out the influence of ocd from schizospec from plural. It can help you see patterns over time that would otherwise be really hard to spot and also having an external record helps avoid a lot of the pitfalls of human memory

Onto the more plural related stuff. So one thing to note is that its not at all uncommon to not directly hear anything or feel others beyond stray thoughts and feeling influences especially with plurals who aren't fully aware of being plural yet.

Internal communication often takes time and practice in order to become reliable. Its not something that you'll regularly see in plural communities online because by their nature most have some degree of awareness and internal communication, otherwise they wouldn't have sought out the community but it is completely normal.

Feeling like others in brain are versions of you, or fragments also is not uncommon. Its another experience that doesn't get spoken of on here but its one many have, smile/Wren/Ghost are some of our oldest members and started as alternate versions of each other before becoming more individual. Some find that as members become more aware and communicate improves members become more differentiated some stay the same, either way its not an unknown or weird experience.

One thing we highly recommend for you is looking into the median community and their experiences. Median falls under the plural umbrella but covers those who feel their system is less differentiated/closer to singlet.

Okay this is already huge and I think we hit on most points but please feel free to ask follow ups about anything we've said

- Everyone

Blogs

@median-culture-is

@multiplicity-positivity

@inclusiveplurality

@pluralpolls <— good for getting an idea of different experiences in the community

We'll also add our #accounts and narratives tag to this post, not everything is plural but its our tag for collecting different experiences so there's probably some stuff there that's useful

[jimin-of-mine]

Hello. I just came across your blog and went through some of your replies. You're so patient and insightful regarding spirituality so if you don't mind I would like to ask a few questions!

Say for example, I have a twin flame and that person happens to be jimin. This is just an example, not saying it's him. How would things go from here hypothetically? Since most twin flame connections are romantic and at the end of everything who would be with him? Me or you?

You've said that you've always known things intuitively, how did you build your intuition to fully trust the unseen? Despite your anxiety since I know how it feels like to be plagued with so much negativity inside my head.

You and the other anon talked about being connected with the members in the astral realm through dreams, if I'm not wrong? May I know how I can achieve the same if possible?

Lastly, do you believe in tarot and astrology? Are you aware of the vast readings done on the members, where people are asking every single detail about their future partners and what not? What do you think of it? Do you believe they have the chance of coming true or it's just for entertainment?

Twin flames are much more than the romanticized version that everyone seems to talk about online.

Romance is only an added bonus and not the forefront of the connection at all.

Unconditional love is the purpose of this connection and it's a very turbulent one at that. It's like a rollercoaster that never stops and you're playing tug-of-war on it.

---------

That's not something for me to decide, since the decision would lie with Jimin and I have no idea what I will be to him when I first come face to face with him. Speaking in general terms, if he was to choose someone else, than I would not get in the way of what he shared with that individual. His happiness is my own, and just being in his life has been the biggest blessing of my own.

He's the only reason I have been trying to survive since I was a young child and first 'heard' him- but it just took me some time to find out his identity and who he was.

I will never push myself onto him and force him to be with me if he is not ready, because that is not how true love works.

I have waited far too long on this man and I will never do anything to hurt him, because I cherish his soul far too much for any of that and I wish I could protect him from everything that he has been through- but that's impossible to do from a realistic standpoint.

There's only three of us in our twin flame union, but this could also happen if a karmic or a soul mate were to show up as well ~

Whatever choice Jimin is to make once I enter into his life from a physical standpoint- I will respect his decisions without question or doubt, because I trust him and more than anything what I want is to be a part of his life in some way, shape or form.

I am entitled to that as one of his other halves, but if he were to choose to ask me to leave- I doubt I would be able to survive, but I would also respect this choice of his as well and I would try my best to find some kind of purpose out of whatever situation I would find myself in.

After all this time now, he's the only reason I am breathing

-----

I used to say I was born with severe anxiety lol- because I had it for so long and I couldn't remember a time when I ever truly felt 'safe'.

Considering what happened to me when I was a small child, I saw every single person as a threat and I was terrified of being 'touched', because any kind of physical contact afterwards made me feel gross and really disgusting. It was like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wash off this filthiness that was just a part of me for several years afterwards.

I hated myself more than one person should and it got to the point where I was exceptionally plagued by dark thoughts and I was very suixidal.

I started to think that the 'pretty picture' I had in my head all of these years of a white knight coming to 'save me', was something I had imagined and it wouldn't be too far off- because you can often imagine things that will help you cope after trauma. But it's in that moment that I was somehow guided to watch a couple of BTS' music videos and Jimin showed up when just when I thought I had lost hope for the last time.

From the time I was a small child, I knew that I would find someone just like me and we would love each other forever and ever (Unconditionally, since kids aren't thinking of romance at this age). I didn't know how I knew this or why such a thing would even come to mind- but that's when I 'heard' Jimin and he was only a small child at the same time- and honestly it's the only memory I have from being small (other than my trauma of course that came a little before this).

I believed it, because I felt it very deeply in my little body and it was the only thing I grasped onto when things always got really dark and disturbing in my mind- because let's face it- I was always plagued by 'demons' of some kind and things just grew more extreme over time.

This is due to how I was way too small to fully grasp onto my trauma and my mind wasn't really developed yet- not to mention that I didn't get the emotional support I should have had from specialists for very long. So I was forced to go through these things on my own and when you're little- things are already so confusing- honestly I have no idea how I ever survived back then.

I suppose it was just my will power and mental strength, after I had something to live for- which was to find this 'person' that would be my other half in every way possible.

It was one of those things that you don't know how you know it, but you're sure it's real and it's true.

I find it rather ironic lol, because I couldn't stand BTS when they first debuted and it had nothing to do with the member's themselves. It was the community and the people that just rubbed me the wrong way.

Everyone was always so obsessed with them and only them and it annoyed me, because there were so many other groups that should have been noticed as well. You can like BTS and even stan them, but don't ignore other groups and pretend like they don't exist.

So, it wasn't until 2016 that I finally gave in and looked up their music, because hey- I wanted to see what the big deal was and I had heard some of their music just in the background. People would play little skits and what not on IG and I would see some stuff on Facebook, so I thought it was time I caved in and stopped being so stubborn- because I've always loved music and I felt like maybe I was being kind of unfair to them.

So, I watched the first two videos that came up on my YouTube search 'Save me' and 'I need U' ~

Jimin stood out to me instantly, before I even knew his name and his voice made me anxious- not like- in the way I was used to- but it just- how do I describe this...

It was like discomfort, but not like that at the same time- my apologies, I can't express the feeling the way I need to here- but after I was done watching the videos I just felt different somehow.

I couldn't stop listening to the songs, because I just felt different somehow when I listened to them. Over a few weeks time, I don't know what it was- but I suddenly looked at him differently and I recognized him as being the little boy that 'spoke' to me when I was small.

I have no idea HOW I did it, but it happened and then I started to search up things online and I already heavily believed in soul mates- so I thought that's what he was, until I came across the term twin flames and that explained more of what I was going through.

It's funny now that I look back and think about how perfectly everything lined up- because after that above, I started to get visits from him in the astral realm and it was so nice to actually be able to put a face to the vague image I had in my mind of him for all of those years that I didn't know who he was- just someone I was searching for and someone I was dreaming of.

It's taken me years to get to this point of where I am very confident of my connection with Jimin and it hasn't been easy to get to here, because I have questioned myself every single step of the way and there's been so much despair and pain- because this kind of connection forces you to purge literally everything from your life- so that you can be prepared for when the time comes that you will meet your other half/halves.

You need to strip away every single thing you thought you knew from the time you were a child and let go of all of your conditioning beliefs, because it's sort of like a caterpillar and how they create a cocoon for themselves to undergo a really huge transformation. It takes a lot for that little one to get to where it does, but eventually it breaks free from the chrysalis and emerges as a gorgeous butterfly or a moth.

It will take a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where I am on my own personal journey, but if you work hard, there's no reason at all that you wouldn't be able to get as confident about your intuition as I am with mine.

All you need to do is just try and remain open to what your heart is telling you and the rest will fall into place, but you need to quiet your mind before you are able to do this.

Your ego will constantly try and get into a battle with you, because it wants cold hard facts and it will try and force you to look at the logical points, because it doesn't want to feel unsafe. Comfortable means safe and that's where it likes to be, but you can't have growth in this way and you won't move forward if you choose to always play it safe.

This connection is intense and affects you physically, mentally, and emotionally as well- as you become 'one' with them over time.

Twin flames are more than just romance and all of that superficial stuff- because this connection comes along to bring out the best version of yourself.

Being a twin flame means you share the same DNA and energetic blueprint as someone else and they are you in every sense.

They're not here to 'save you' though- they're here to help you save yourself with their love as a guiding star that will help you find the inner strength you were unable to find on your own.

-----

The astral realm is something that everyone has access to, but when it comes to twin flames, it's something that just comes naturally.

Whoever this is regarding, if you're getting curious about twin flames, you're more than likely trying to be reached by your own.

We're all on different journey's and perhaps you weren't supposed to meet with them so soon, like I did with my own.

I have my own personal space in the astral realm where I meet with Jimin's 'soul' and it's a place we've been meeting for decades now.

The astral realm in general is a very vast place though and I have met with other's as well, outside of our own- so it's when I realized that anyone can find the astral realm and you can have various experiences there.

People often tried to tell me it was a sacred place only for twin flames and it sounded ridiculous from the get go- but who am I to judge someone else's experiences?

They were only saying that, because it's all they have experienced, but I soon realized that it is a very large world and very different yet similar to the one on Earth.

I suggest trying to keep an open mind about the astral realm and perhaps doing some affirmations before bedtime.

"I am open to where my dreams wish to take me"

"My heart is open and willing to experience whatever I am meant to find in my dream world"

"Even though it may be hard to believe, there are answers in my dreams and I am open to what they need to tell me"

"I am new to this, but I am open to learning more about my own personal experiences when I dream"

"I will remember my dreams and they will hold purpose and meaning for me when I am awake"

You can feel free to use these ones, or just come up with your own :)

You may already be meeting with someone in your sleep and I think maybe you are?

I don't know, but there's definitely someone- and it only makes sense anyhow, because you wouldn't be drawn to this kind of stuff otherwise. So I'm not telling you anything you don't already know lol, but that's so strange- because you're the second person my intuition has picked up something with.

Your intuition is something like a satellite you could use for an example. Like a radar- it can pick up on things and the more in tune you are, you can pick up things easily and through many different ways.

Feel free to come back and tell me whether the affirmations worked or not and you can say them before bedtime even honestly, just to try and get the wheels turning in your mind and who knows? You may remember something from a dream beforehand, because it's all about intention and opening yourself up to the 'unknown'. Something that most humans are scared of and that's why I receive so much hate- because these people see me as a threat, since I speak about things they don't understand.

Things they choose not to try and understand of course, since ignorance is only a choice we make willingly.

---------

I believe in both of these things, yes- since I wouldn't be able to call myself truly spiritual otherwise- but they have their place as does everything else.

The people who get obsessed with trying to figure out these things with the guys need to honestly do something more productive with their lives.

They are never going to figure out who any of them are meant to get with and all of this other ridiculous nonsense- and it's quite unhealthy for them to be doing these things.

Some readers do it for fun I have noticed, other's take it way too seriously and then you have the one's that do it only for the views and popularity.

Be careful with that, because most of those people aren't even real readers at all and they're just trying to scam you into believing they are.

I used to be a tarot/oracle reader and I was heavily involved in that community and most of these people that read for the guys have made me laugh on several occasions.

There's been a couple who felt genuine to me, but most of them unfortunately haven't.

Once you get more in tune with your intuition, it will guide you to where you need to be, if this is something you are interested in. Try to look outside of the small box of this and get involved with readings in general, because the energy flows more easily and things will come much more naturally.

The BTS community is full of negativity and those kinds of posts would be no different. It can heavily influence the reading and make it hard to pick up on the messages you need to be properly focusing on.

I have also noticed how a lot of the readers tend to hold back on the things that they feel they need to say and any good reader won't do this, because you only play a small part in the much bigger picture. It's your job to properly convey each message, regardless of how it may make you feel uncomfortable.

If you can't take your job seriously as a reader, I personally don't think you should even try- because you're being exceptionally rude and disrespectful towards not only the viewers, but also the people you are trying to channel.

As for Astrology, it's something that people focus on a little too much and it wasn't something I really looked into until much later on my journey.

It can come in handy at times, but it also has its place as well and you can get distracted very easily by it and start focusing on the things that you are only meant to have as guidelines of a sort.

Looking at both my chart and Jimin's gave me a new perspective and outlook on the things I needed to work on with him in the astral realm- but since I was only coming into it much later, I already knew it had its place and it's not something I depend on.

Your intuition is the only thing you truly need to depend on and everything else is just secondary.

That's the most important thing I have learned after all of this time ~

Feel free to send another 'ask' if you feel like you need to, or you can also message me if you feel comfortable enough to do so and would rather not discuss things any further from a public standpoint.

[jsab-crisis]

It’s been mentioned in several posts that Square had a girlfriend at one point, but he doesn’t seem to have one during the time of the comic. What happened to her?

"I have a hard time convincing myself if she was actually my girlfriend or not. I mean, she said she liked me and I liked her back, thought that was the automatic stamp for a relationship but I was young and naive back then and I'm pretty sure she was too."

"We talked about life and what we wanna do when we grow up... she said she had no idea what she wants to do in life and I said the same thing, pretty sure we bonded on how much we're expected to do so much while we're still trying to figure things out."

"She didn't have any ill intentions like the guys who'd force me to do petty crimes or they'll gut me. No, she was just like me- in a way. Clueless of what to do and honestly... it was comforting, knowing I wasn't the only one who had zero thought in life."

"I think I tried to love her or act like a good boyfriend, we only hang out whenever we see each other at school cause she had strict parents. So our dates are usually at lunch or after classes."

"She... liked me too, I think, she tried to be there for me but it felt like we were just clinging onto each other for our problems. I don't think I've gotten to know her to a personal level involving her passions or dreams, just listening to her problems while she bonds with mine."

"I think we stopped seeing each other once graduation was near and... she got me flowers. I should have been the one to do that but she got me flowers first. It made me realize I rarely gave her any gifts like chocolates or teddy bears, either cause I'm always robbed or maybe it never occurred to me what boyfriends usually do in relationships."

"She said something along the lines of 'I would have liked running away with you'. She hated where she was going and I knew she hated what was happening, she was... she had no choice but to let everything happen."

"...I think that's why I find myself tearing up for her. She was like me in a sense, I could relate to her pain in a way that I felt like I was still by myself with my own thoughts- just a different pretty face. Maybe I didn't love her and maybe she didn't love me... maybe we were just two lonely people trying to find comfort in the worst people."

"We were just two young kids in the worst of things and trying to cope by bouncing our problems off of each other because we don't know how to comfort one another. And when she left, it felt like nothing changed. I was still me, the worst kind of me, and even after all of that; It's still me."

"Maybe if I did love her- just try to love her more, maybe she would have been happy. She would have felt what it was like to be loved and maybe she wouldn't have gone away like that. Maybe she would have smiled or laughed or anything."

"But I couldn't... I didn't know how to do that at the time."

"I think it's too late already. I'm not sure how she's doing but I hope she found happiness somewhere."

[moshintheteagaiwan]

T. Kettle Part 10: Display Staging & The Wedding

I was none too happy with someone new coming to my store to do display staging. For months now this has been my responsibility and my layouts had been given excellent reviews from upper management. I had turned this store into one of the top rated stores in the company. Besides the gigantic malls, we had the highest sales of all store locations. What could I do though? I had no choice and so I waited for dreadful hour when the new staging rep would arrive. From the moment she walked and I introduced myself I wasn’t impressed. She was a bit stand offish and immediately gave that impression of “what I say goes”.

She began tearing down shelf displays and dropping merchandise everywhere she could. It was covering the counters, the floor, the back counters, and everywhere in between. And all this while customers were coming in trying to browse, but were met with an unruly mess. You see she was not there just to adjust our displays but to create all new displays for which all store would be modelled off of. Issue was that not only had she never been to any of the other stores, she was also not aware that not all stores has differing product, display bays and shelving set ups. I tried to explain to her how certain things might work here but not for other stores but she had no interest in hearing it.

She spent over five hours tearing apart displays, reconstructing them, and then tearing them down again. And she also had me assisting here to do this while I also tried to deal with customers. It was clear she had no real idea of what she was getting into or what was available. I remember she has me drag out this massive old DavidsTea floor display stand to set up all the new Christmas tins on. I dragged the stand out onto the floor and she asked me leave it to her. We had around seven new tins to display and of the seven tins, three where red in colour.

She set up the tins on this round display so that one shelf had tins broken up by different colours but then decided that all red tins should be displayed side by side on one shelf. It goes without saying that this cause the three different tins to blend in which each other and hard to tell apart. She asked me what I thought of her display and I explained the issue with the colour layout. Unsurprisingly she didn’t understand what I meant. I had move things around on my own in order for her to understand the issue and even then it wasn’t sinking in. But finally after several hours of this back and forth nonsense she was done and my shift was over!

Admittedly and rearranged some things the next day.

Christmas shopping was starting of slowly this year due to Covid which was understandable. It was so nice to have the hours available to not only have a proper team, but to also have someone to work with and lunch break relief. Prior to the Christmas season, with only three teams member including myself, and only enough hours to staff equal to the number of hours the mall was open, I often worked full day alone. Because of how I was forced to schedule, at least four days a week I would work alone from open till close, and would have to close the store in order to take any kind of break.

I hated these times, especially through the week as it got quite lonely at times. It worked out so that I didn’t work weekend because I worked most of the week alone, and my other team members had more availability in weekends due to school. The company wanted managers to work all weekend, but due to the circumstances surrounding scheduling I said no. And because our store non the less was a high sales store, upper management usually left me alone about it. Now I could work a full shift with a partner to keep me company and keep the store running for lunch breaks.

I was glad I had such a knowledgeable and strong team behind me because I needed to leave the store for a week during busy season to get married. My original team members were amazing at picking up the ball and keeping operations running smooth while I was away. However, if you could believe it I got a call on the day of my wedding from an operations rep wanting to discuss an issue at the store. Apparently the day after I had left for my wedding, upper management had asked the manager on duty to make up eight $100 gift cards, and that someone would be coming to get them. The manager on duty did this as instructed. When the person arrived at the store, the manager had them pay for the gift cards and handed them over. However, this person was not told nor instructed not to charge this mystery person for these cards and upper management wasn’t happy.

I explained the this rep that not only was I unaware of this incident, but that I was about to get married, and has informed the company of this months ago, and asked why I was being contacted. I could tell the rep was red in the face and she quickly apologized and hung up. Thankfully I never heard from the again during the rest of the time I was away. I later learned they contacted the manager on duty and had them do a full $800 refund and that our store numbers would be affected by it even though this was a company error.

Beyond this and the occasional scheduling issue with the seasonal staff, the Christmas season went great. We sold out of promotional gift offers, our Christmas teas were big sellers, and our sales were in the top two almost weekly. It was wonderful being back in that Christmas shopping environment. Sadly though it would be my last...

[thnxforknowingme]

Get to Know Your Fic Writer Asks

1.)Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

17.) What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

25.) What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

55.) Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

1. One-shots can definitely be easier and therefore less frustrating to write, but my favorite stories are always multi-chaps. I'm most compelled by and interested in writing stories that have space to have ups and downs, to show change and growth over time.

17. Stop writing I guess askfbgbh. Sometimes if I'm stuck on something, I'll put it aside and work on another idea for a while. Sometimes it helps to look at things from a more technical/structural perspective - mapping out how the narrative needs to be shaped to be satisfying and make sense. Lately I've learned to brute force my way through some writing blocks, throwing in placeholders or notes just to get through a scene and then coming back to fix it later.

25. I knew what I was getting into when I wrote it, but it would be cool if New Skin got more attention. I think it's a really good and unique story, and I worked annoyingly hard to make it canon compliant despite how silly S6 canon is, and I'm really happy with how it came out.

55. The character I like writing most is probably Kurt, although that might be because I project onto him a lot (sometimes I need to step back from a writing choice and ask myself, "is this in-character for Kurt to do/say, or is this just what I would do/say in this situation?"). That's definitely a personal preference that's always been true.

Thank you so much for the ask! 💙💙

[possessionisamyth]

Will you be buying a hypothetical Bayonetta 4 or have you given up on the series entirely?

I am so happy you asked me this because I was gearing up to write a Bayonetta post this morning to try and say what people haven't said already, so like.

Bayonetta 4 is only feasible as an upcoming sequel with Viola as the protagonist if they add a bunch of new and unique mechanics to how she fights.

The main thing about Bayonetta that made her a fun hack and slash game was her unique fighting style. She shoots guns from her hands, guns from her feet, swings swords from her hands, swords from her feet, torture attacks, umbran climax, demon summonings that were wrapped in hair so she could get more naked and was also a cool way to narratively function a demon leash. Viola has one demon summon of cheshire, a furry fairy form, and a sword. This is a downgrade.

Viola's fighting style feels like something I can easily find in any fighting game on any character, whereas Bayonetta's isn't. So, unless they add a bunch of cool shit for Viola to do, I don't think many fans will be running to Bayonetta 4 like they did Bayonetta 3 even with all the voice actor controversy.

It's also very obvious that Viola, though her design rocks hehe, was a forced hand move from Nintendo. Nintendo has built their image around being family friendly no matter how many non family friendly games they port to the Switch. However, acting as Bayonetta's publisher when Bayonetta herself is not family friendly, well, I feel like someone said they have to change things up. Whether or not this was more influenced by Devil May Cry 5's baton pass onto Nero I cannot say because I'm not into that series, and I've only enjoyed the 5th game. But going from sexy sexy Bayonetta (thank you women) who built popularity and mixed conversation with her image to hard rock punk style Viola with added scarf and nerdy glasses? Screams Nintendo forcing their hand.

I would've sooner placed Bayonetta in the hands of Capcom to try and avoid this, and I have a love/hate relationship with Capcom.

Now for my thoughts on Bayonetta 3 below the cut.

First, the game mechanics.

Everyone is saying the game mechanics were improved significantly, and I'm not arguing with this across the board. However, there were decisions I just didn't like after spending two games learning how to catch them. I don't like how the main boss health bars look. I liked the color bar going down to reveal a different color. It constantly refilling had me confused until I noticed the tiny as fuck diamonds at the bottom.

I didn't like the climax summons being a part of the boss fight. If I wanted to play a Godzilla game with slow hunkering movements, I'd pick up Godzilla. I would not pick up Bayonetta which is supposed to be very snappy fast in movement. I hate that they took away the hair leashes for the demons. This was just a personal design choice I didn't like. The introduction of new fighting styles via the other Bayonettas felt ham-fisted. I liked going to Rodin, buying a new weapon, and fucking around with it myself in the little practice area. I do not like having to watch someone else use it first. Why are you giving me tutorials for each weapon? Let me suffer the consequences of my stupidity. Put me in the mines, father. I'm strong.

Jeanne's segments should've been like the rest of the game where instead I get to do Metal Gear Solid levels of sneaking around. Period. The 2D platforming callback wasn't all that good.

Now for the story itself.

Look. The Bayonetta series has built their stories on spectacle. The bigger the better as they say, but Bayonetta 3 really proves that size doesn't matter, it's how you use it.

What made Bayonetta 1 and 2 so fun with their bad writing, and yes as someone who studies writing It Was Bad, was the spectacle of it. The fact that you as a player were also piecing together the real story at the same time as Bayonetta was good. Little Cereza in Bayonetta 1? No idea what the fuck was going on with that during the game until the end considering I was constantly fighting for my fucking life. Loki in Bayonetta 2? Oh hey, maybe he is evil and just lost all his memories-nope. Switcheroo. It's twins! Yes, they were color coded, but they do not show the forehead symbols on the prophet really. Bayonetta 3? You immediately know Viola is Bayonetta's daughter, and they dance around it the entire time like they didn't put a big stamp on her in the first cut scene.

Bayonetta 3 writing tries to distract you with new game mechanics as the spectacle like shaking baby keys in front of you instead of enamoring you with the wack job story leading into the biggest boss fights you can handle. In Bayonetta 1 and 2, I got to have a conversation with the main bosses. I got to interrupt their yammering with a gunshot. I got to be just as confused alongside Bayonetta when they repeated themselves. I got the banter. I got the smug responses and playful annoyance, and I got to hear angels evil laughter as they were dragged into hell. It felt poetic in a stupid way which made it camp.

In Bayonetta 3, I have to talk to only Singularity, and he's boring as shit. Bayonetta is also getting way too serious during these interactions as the game progresses, which is also boring as shit. They try to circumvent that by having Viola be so comedic to further show the baton is being passed, but I didn't like Viola. I liked Loki. I liked Cereza even though she literally couldn't do anything and escort missions are usually a bane in any video game. I understand why Viola is the way she is because of who her father is, but I just didn't like her as a character. This could be a result of her given little room to be fleshed out due to all the other Bayonettas in the story, but even her fighting segments weren't fun to me.

Now before I address the elephant in this tiny writing room when it comes to the ending of Bayonetta 3, I'm going to address Bayonetta 1 and 2.

When I started Bayonetta 1 and I saw Luka, I thought I knew exactly where the game would go. I saw the director was a man. I saw that Luka was the standard pervert comedic relief character you get in anime with the sexy woman as the lead. I saw what year the game dropped. I am used to disappointment. I was 100% sure in the first game they'd slap Luka and Bayonetta together, because shitty japanese writers love that dynamic for some ungodly reason. And I won't even say this bad writing trait strictly falls on the men. Looking at you Rumiko Takahashi for Inuyasha! Yeah, I never forgave Miroku/Sango, and I never will! So, I was absolutely blown away by Jeanne's role in Bayonetta 1.

Jeanne and Bayonetta have the dynamic in Bayonetta 1 that many fanfiction writers dream of getting published. Friends to enemies to friends to possible lovers? Check. Amnesia dynamic? Check. Brainwashing dynamic? Check. Time travel? Check. Sexually charged banter in every interaction? Check. Like for homo-eroticism, these two are hitting every button on the board, and I don't give this kind of credit freely. So, I absolutely understand why so many gay people resonated with that and latched onto Bayonetta.

They double this up in Bayonetta 2. I didn't like that they put Jeanne in the fridge, but having Bayonetta need her so badly that she is going to brave traveling through hell to get her back? Not metaphorically either! She's literally going into hell to get Jeanne's soul back? This is unprecedented levels of gay I could only hope to achieve getting published myself, and the only way to have made this better was to give the player segments where they get to play as Jeanne fighting demons in hell. They even cut Luka's pervert appearances back severely in exchange to focus on Loki and Balder. An improvement in my opinion.

So finally we get Bayonetta 3 where they show multiple universes of Bayonetta and Jeanne together, and fighting and dying for each other, over and over again. They then shaft Luka in with the Arch-Eve and Arch-Adam titles. They don't show how different Bayonetta's interact with different Lukas to build up to that pay-off. They could've done this with Chinese Bayonetta and French Bayonetta. They don't show Lukaon and his version of Bayonetta together to slightly suggest that payoff. They don't show Luka and Bayonetta (Arch-Eve Origin) even having any chemistry in the beginning of the game.

They could've easily had Luka driving around Bayonetta in that opening cut scene instead of Enzo. It would've been a good switch after Bayonetta 2 where Luka is seen driving around Rodin at the end! It would've shown they've gotten close. It also would've been the perfect lead off, with Viola falling into the arms of her alternate universe father, and Luka having no idea who she is before he runs off to investigate. This would've left Cereza to wonder where he ran off to. If they really wanted to pass the baton onto Viola from Bayonetta, then Viola and Bayonetta should've switched jobs after the Luka werewolf discovery. It would've been a callback role reversal from Bayonetta 1 to show this time its different with having Cereza chase after Luka.

The baton would've been passed with having Viola clean up this mess while working with different versions of her mom including fighting grandma Rosa. The finale lead up with them getting stuck in the alpha verse then could've had us switch back to focusing on Bayonetta for the final extremely long boss fight as a solid but unwanted goodbye in a narrative fashion. I still would've hated Luka/Bayonetta end game, but with those changes there'd be a lot less room to fight it like people have been. It also would've made Viola's fights more interesting by giving her alternate Bayonetta abilities and letting those demon summons be hers going forward while having Cereza stick with her original demon crew to show she's being replaced.

I already understand that Luka's changes are the result of each destroyed universe's Luka merging with the original. That's why his head is so messed up, and based on Bayonetta logic we've seen, that's why he turns into a huge furry. So as for their relationship, I knew from Bayonetta 1 they'd pull some shit like this when I saw the director was a man even when they changed directors, especially since the creator was still running the show. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and boy did it drop. Right through my house actually.

It was a sink hole of an affair. It's insulting how they put so much into making the gameplay interesting that they expect the player to just swallow this pill of a story like it was always meant to be. And in a fucked up way it was always meant to be, because bad japanese writers love love love writing this dynamic. Start from 2000s anime and go backwards, and you will keep catching the garbage pervert character maturing just enough to get the hot lady into a romantic relationship. It's not new or unusual. It's just disappointing every time it happens.

Sidenote: There's nothing wrong with the idea of Bayonetta being bisexual. Bisexual Bayonetta is great, but if we're going to pair her with a man, Rodin is right there. Their dynamic is spunky and fun. He's a demon. She's destined for hell after she dies. He legit told her if she died, he'd be on her soul like white on rice. They have the bartender and patron "tell me your woes" dynamic. He lovingly makes beautiful weapons for her to use. He comes in to save her sometimes like Luka does. They find each other entertaining. She's dressed like a sexy nun at his funeral, which is both a mockery of the church and a testament to his resurrection! COME ON PEOPLE.

In summation, I don't know how they would or could recover from this story going into Bayonetta 4. Hideki says it will be following Bayonetta 3, which means Viola will be the protagonist unless some higher ups force his hand to not do that. The other way they'd bring Cereza back is if Bayonetta 4 bombs so severely that they have to retcon anyway and focus on another Cereza in another universe for Bayonetta 5. And that's if they don't settle for putting the franchise in forever limbo in the chance Bayonetta 4 bombs.

I can absolutely see them teasing a different Cereza appearance in order to drag those sales in, but I'm not sure how far trust extends after the ending of Bayonetta 3. The gays are mad and probably won't buy. The gross dude-bros want to see sexy, and Viola is too masculine for them. Long-term fans, who can also fall in any category but actually liked Viola, are going to wait for plot synopsis and for other people to play first before dipping their toes in. I also could be horribly wrong due to streamer culture of needing to buy the latest game with the most attention around it in order to garner views.

I will say I'm not a long term fan. This franchise is new to me. I've digested all I can of Bayonetta for the first time in the past two weeks. However, like any series that's been running for a while, I am curious. I'm also going to wait for reception after other people play it to see if it's something I'd be interested in. And that's if we get it at all.

[bonvoyagenoona]

Hey Cheryl you're like an older sister to me so I wanna ask you a question: what to do when you feel lost in life and you feel like you don't know yourself? Like I know the answer is inside me and I wanna get to know myself but I don't know where to start? I'm 23 btw. Thank you for existing ❤

Aw, hey friend! Thank YOU for existing! 💜 And thanks for sharing this message! 

I have been thinking about my response to this for weeks, and I really want to do right by you. And I want to express that though I operate out of many different frameworks for several areas of my life (e.g., psychological theory frameworks, UX frameworks, writing frameworks, etc.), I feel that all we can really do with existential questions like these is share our own subjective, personal takes.

So here is mine. And it might sound a little funny, but I truly believe it. 

Be lost.

It touches my heart that you consider me to be a sisterly figure to you. But just because I’m 34 doesn’t mean I know more about life. This is something my own friends and mentors have shared with me: age does not equate to answers, just time. I’ve just had more instances of the things that we all feel, so they feel more comfortable. Being lost no longer feels like a stranger just barged in and messed everything up. Being lost now feels like greeting an old friend that has come to stay for a little while.

I love being lost. I love being lost in thought, in the crowd, in the moment. Looking back, the moments I have felt lost have been the most experimental and rewarding moments of my life. I tried new things, revisited old things, grasped at straws, held onto ledges. Being lost leads to revelations that then only lead to more questions. And this will keep happening for the rest of your life.

Sounds terrifying, I know.

But let me maybe put some context around these moments to try to describe the joy I feel in being lost.

During my grad school days, I would find myself sitting in my office, staring at my computer screen, trying desperately to understand some overly-complicated, completely inaccessible journal article so that I could apply its findings to my research. And then I would completely disappear into a fog of confusion. The more I tried to understand, the less I actually understood, and I would start spiraling into self-doubt. Why was I even there? Why was I trying so hard? What’s going to happen to me if I don’t figure this out? Obviously, no one was going to be able to answer these questions for me. So, I had no choice but to feel lost. I’d put the article away, pack up for the day, and head home. I’d try to do something else for a while. A hobby, or an errand, or a simple walk outside. Something similarly aimless. Oftentimes, that’s when the article’s findings would click. In other instances, I might strike up a conversation with a lab mate. Maybe I’d mention the article, maybe not. But those conversations helped me make sense of something, and it’s almost as if the act of making sense of something helped me unlock the path to making sense of whatever ideas I was trying to bring together for my work.

When I think about my passions, like writing, or my career, I often feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. Sure, I have my tried and true processes that help me create and lead. But there’s always a bit of imposter syndrome that creeps in. What am I really doing? Am I doing “enough”? Am I really doing this for Me? How long until everyone finds out I’m a fraud? I used to shove these thoughts down, hide them somewhere and hope they disappear. But being thrust into a manager position forced me to talk about these feelings with my team, because -- guess what -- literally everyone feels the same way. I’d sit in 1:1s with my amazing, stellar, impressive team and hear doubt after doubt. At first, I’d try to reassure them by sharing facts supporting how awesome they were. And that’s helpful to a degree. But once I started opening up about my own concerns, and how so much is out of our control when it comes to our work, they seemed to feel at ease. It’s as if all of us admitting we weren’t sure what we were doing individually helped us understand how we are strong as a team. And if we’re strong as a team, then we couldn’t possibly be as terrible individuals as we thought. The same has happened in our BTS fanfic community. Anytime I have felt unsure about my passion, I have gone back to the extremely lovely comments and messages that so many people have thankfully shared with me. They all reinforce that same message. That others have felt what I have felt. That others dream of the same things I dream of. And how wonderful it is that we can all connect through them. 

And then, there’s dating. I still don’t even really know what I want out of the experience. Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Do I want a real partner, or just validation? Am I doing this because I’m searching for something, or just because I’m lonely? And if I don’t know what I want out of the experience, how do I even really know when I’m connecting with someone? Whenever I feel that way, I bring it back to what’s right in front of me: the next message, from a real person, who seems to be interested in something. Maybe they strike up the conversation, or maybe I did. Maybe the conversation was awful, or brilliant. Maybe it led to something else, maybe not. And just by going for it, whether it’s sending an emoji, or going on a 7-hour coffee date, I learn something. I learn something about a fellow human, or I learn something about myself. 

When I think about all of this as a researcher, I notice that it’s kind of a scope creep problem. These existential questions are so BIG, and it can feel uncomfortable when we can’t answer questions, so we worry that we’re doing something wrong or failing in some way. In all 3 of these instances, I have noticed that I re-focused my energy onto some small, relatively controllable thing. It’s easier to think about one article, one meeting, or one conversation at a time, trusting that it will all make sense again at some point.

Being lost doesn’t mean you lack intentionality.

Being comfortable with being lost simply helps you bide time until the answers you seek inevitably show themselves.

You said it yourself: the answers are within you. You already have them! So there is no schedule, no rush, for you to explain and apply them. Keep doing your thing, and let them cook. Let them grow deeper, and richer. Let them fully form. And be open to what form they eventually take. 

UPDATE: There’s even a cognitive neuroscientific underpinning here! There are many networks within our brains that structure and control cognition. One that often gets missed is the default mode network, a series of structures that are involved in internal, reflective processing. It is deactivated when we are working toward goal-oriented tasks, and activated during states of flow. It is involved, for example, in mind-wandering, or that crucial empty space that is needed for creativity. DMN activity also increases as we age; more time spent in that default mode is an indicator of someone who is in older age. And this can also explain why as we age, we become more comfortable with this undefined space, this mind-wandering that eventually leads us to some new destination that we might never have planned to visit.

I would be remiss if I didn’t also point out how important it is to connect with people. Reach out to your loved ones, friends, family, etc. And if you aren’t able to do that, I heavily advocate for therapy. It’s just helpful to have someone to bounce your ideas off of while you are lost so that you can get some perspective. And this is why I’m generally thrilled when people share their thoughts with me, and why I’m particularly happy that you felt comfortable sharing this BIG question with me!

The bigger picture will become clearer, and fuzzier, and clearer, and fuzzier, like looking across a campfire, or when the optometrist asks you “1″ or “2″. That’s just life. So be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Focus on the things that are right in front of you. 

Celebrate it all. And celebrate yourself. 

You’re an amazing person, someone who, when faced with this BIG question, chose to connect rather than hide. 

Take that fearlessness and find the joy in being lost. 

We’re all right there with you. 💜

[mlplovelight]

Ch. 14 - Run Away With Me

Rise and grind, APPLEJACK! Time to attack the day!

You groan and put a pillow over your head. You don’t really feel like rising or grinding today, if you’re being honest, but then again you don’t exactly got much choice, do you? Another day, another… day.

You slide out of your comfortable bed like a puddle of sludge and hit the hard wooden floor. With a groan, you force yourself up onto your hooves and let out a weary sigh.

Okay, NOW it’s time to attack the day.

“HEY APPLEJACK!” Pinkie Pie calls out and causes you to jump; you totally forgot she spent the night here in the shop.

You head out to the entry room thingy, the ‘foy-er’ or whatever, and Pinkie greets you with a big smile and a wave as she comes in the door.

“I got breakfast!” she says, brandishing two bags from Ribbon Heart’s bakery. “I asked the lady behind the counter what you’d want, so hopefully it’s good!”

“You went out by yerself?” you ask, grabbing the bag that Pinkie tosses to you. “I’m supposed to keep an eye on you.”

“I’m not a child, Applejack,” Pinkie scoffs. “I get that I have to keep my wings hidden, but I’m an adult and I can look out for myself. Don’t worry your pretty little head over it, lmao.”

“Yeah, alright,” you sigh and sit behind the counter. The food is good, but you barely taste it, and once you’re done with it you cradle your face in your hooves as your mountain of responsibilities start pilin’ up on you.

“You okay?” Pinkie asks, putting her hooves up on the other side of the counter. “You don’t look too good.”

“Got a lot on my mind, that’s all,” you force a smile. “No worries.”

“Okay, I won’t pry or anything, buuuut,” Pinkie hums, “sometimes it’s easier to deal with stuff if you’re not dealing alone, y’know?”

“Nah, it’s just,” your groan and rub your temples as you think about all the things, “I gotta get you back to Daisy Dreams, I gotta help out Cherry Spices with her expedition, and I like Cherry a lot but she kinda worries me sometimes cuz she doesn’t have the care for Old Equestria and its history and its fragility and its denizens, and she hired me on BECAUSE I have that care, but that makes me think I’m gonna be havin’ to babysit for her and her crew, not to mention I’ve got an expedition to prep with Twilight, and I’ve never been that far away from home before and…

“It’s just a lot.”

“Sounds like it,” Pinkie says, and she puts her hoof over yours. “And hey, I know I said I wanted the Ponyville tour, but you don’t gotta do that for me if you’re overwhelmed, okay?”

“I WANT to do that though,” you grumble, puffing up yer cheeks. “I love givin’ ponies the tour.”

“Then let’s do it!” Pinkie chirps, a big smile on her face. “But don’t worry about Daisy Dreams. Like I told you, I’m an adult and I can take care of myself. I’ll get back to Daisy on my own, I’ll say really nice things about you and about our time together, and you can just focus on Cherry Spices or whatever.”

“I…” you fold your forelegs on the counter and rest your head down on ‘em. “Yeah, I guess that’s a good idea. I appreciate it.”

“OR! Consider this!” Pinkie leans over the counter, forcing you to lean back as she pushes her nose right up against yours. “Run away with me!”

“Eh?” you scoff at what an obviously absurd thing that is to say, but Pinkie just stares you down and it slowly dawns on you that she’s being serious. And while that SHOULD make it even more absurd, instead you find yourself asking; “Run away where?”

“I dunno yet,” Pinkie Pie shrugs, but her doubt doesn’t diminish her enthusiasm at all. “That’s part of the fun! I’m headed into the ruins in your backyard, right? I’m gonna meet up with my pal Rainbow Dash, and we’re—”

“Yeah, that’s what yer doin’ with Daisy Dreams, right?” you mutter, feeling the weight of responsibility pressing up against the back of yer skull again.

“Hm, sorta,” Pinkie mutters. “Like that’s what we hired her to do yeah, me and Rainbow hired her to get me from one place to where I was gonna meet with Rainbow. But Daisy has her own agenda she thinks I don’t know about, but I’m smarter than she gives me credit for lmao.”

“Wait, what?” you ask, lurching your head up in alarm and feeling your heart sink into your stomach. “What agenda are you talkin’ about?”

“Eh, I dunno the exact details,” Pinkie shrugs. “And to be honest, I don’t really care. But Daisy is SUPPOSED to get me to Rainbow Dash, but I know that she’s planning on giving me up to Cupcake on our way to the meeting place. I dunno what Cupcake offered her, and again I don’t really care, but I’m not going back to Cupcake.”

“Wow, I really played right into your hooves, huh?” you sigh dismally, resting your cheeks on your hooves.

You wanna be upset about Daisy, either defend her from what Pinkie is accusing her of, or else feel disappointed in Daisy for betraying a pony’s trust like that, but Daisy is a businesswoman and this is just kinda what they do.

You just like to pretend like yer all on the same side, but people like Daisy, and Cherry for that matter, who are all about makin’ their own way and getting ahead, they’re on their OWN side. And you can try and attach yerself to ‘em like a remora, but that don’t make you a shark.

“Ehhhh, kinda?” Pinkie hums, tapping her chin ponderously. “Me and Daisy were always gonna have to part ways before we reached Old Equestria, and I hadn’t figured out my escape plan until you came along and offered me the opportunity of a life time.”

Pinkie turns back to you and smiles brightly.

“Which is why I wanna return the favor, baby,” she says with a cunning grin. “You helped me escape, let me help you escape. From all these responsibilities, all this stuff that’s making you so clearly unhappy. Run away with me!”

You take a deep breath and close your eyes as you prepare to turn Pinkie Pie down. It’s awfully nice what she’s offerin’, at least in theory, but the real world don’t work like that. You can’t just run away from the stuff that you’re meant to do, you can’t just burn all the bridges behind you and move onto the next thing like it’s no big deal.

You open your eyes and open your mouth to speak, but before you can say anything you notice the Friendship Bracelet on your foreleg. You forgot to take it off last night before you slept, but the thing didn’t scrape or scuff ya during the night at all. In fact, it felt kinda natural to have it on.

Twilight… you promised her that you would help her and her friend find the body they’re lookin’ for, and you were gonna find the Apple ponies and their history, figure out yer place in this world finally.

But that was so silly. You can’t just up and leave Ponyville. This is your whole world, it’s all you know. You were never really gonna leave it, even if you tried, you’d just get pushed back into your comfortable little box where nothing ever changes, and the box is always gettin’ smaller.

You look up at Pinkie, who’s fidgeting and jittering with excitement. Her heavy cloak hides the shape of her wings, but you know they’re underneath there; a clear visual sign that the world is bigger than the box you know.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, before letting it out slow in a long sigh. You open your eyes, open your mouth to speak, looking down at the Friendship Bracelet and then at Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie,” you give her a nervous smile, “let’s do it.”

“YYYYYYESSSSS!” Pinkie Pie cheers, pumping her hooves. “I was hoping you’d say that, Applejack! Let’s freaking go! POGGERS!”

You can’t help but chuckle at Pinkie’s antics, even though deep in your stomach you feel like you’re gonna throw up. You look down at the Friendship Bracelet and give it a curious glance.

A faint pink light glows from underneath its shell.