#hate seeing how much creativity and personality gets edited and removed despite it being the artist's job & how you have rememberable

[martyrbat]

[ID: an uncoloured drawing for a panel next to the publicized version. They're both from the comic Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #194. In them, Batman is shown from the waist up. He's looking at Jim Gordon, who's off panel, with a penitent expression after being accused of something he secretly did do. He has his palm pressed against his chest and is blocking the bat emblem as his other hand is clasped ontop of it. In the initial drawing, there's a halo floating above his head as well as several tiny hearts mixed in with the lights that surround him. In the publicized panel, the hearts and halo has been removed and two speech bubbles have been added. He's in front of a terra rose background and is starting to say, “Jim, I don't even know what you're...” But Jim cuts him off, saying, “Stop it. I'm tired of this.”

The third photo is a description of the drawing from the artist's (Seth Fisher) website. It reads: This is another page that the DC editors changed: no halos or hearts around Batman, no matter how (disingenuously) contrite he is. In the final edition, the halo and heart in the center bottom frame have been excised.]

[skiyoomii]

“Born to Run” - S. Hirugami

Summary: 

This is the story of a purple girl who lives under a tyrant red mother and a boy who is crumbling with the pressure of his blackened family to conform to their beliefs.

They were going to find their way out together.

They were born to run.

----

About 4k words | Contains Post-Timeskip Spoilers! | Not edited 

----

Sachirou Hirugami was a shy child.

Despite growing up in a full household, filled with other children, all older than him, he never felt comfortable talking to those from outside his family.

He knew that there were children his age that lived on the street, went to the same school as him, and even shared the same class as him. But, he just couldn’t bring himself to go over and make friends.

He thought his family was enough, that he was enough.

One day, his mother came home in tears and proceeded to dress all her children in the color black.

Sachirou never liked the color black, or rather the shade of black. They drilled that into his head during art class, but he didn’t care.

Black was the absence of color. Black is the mysterious color that is filled with the unknown.

Sachirou hated the unknown. He needed an answer to everything. Every answer he was given by his parents or older siblings was always followed with a why. It annoyed his family to no end, but he had no intention of stopping.

Everything had an answer.

But, his father said that black also represents strength, seriousness, power, and authority.

Black is a formal, elegant, and prestigious color.

He didn’t know why he was wearing it to a funeral.

-

They first met when they were five. It was actually at her father’s funeral.

They were neighbors, so he had to attend seeing that his mother knew them.

Sachirou’s eyes met the neighbors for the first time.

Her eyes were captivating. It was as if she held the world in her twinkling eyes.

From then on, Sachirou decided that he was not going to hide from the stranger next door anymore.

-

He remembered feeling how her name flowed from his mouth for the first time after she introduced herself to him.

She had a beautiful name and he liked how it felt coming from his mouth.

He watched and listened as she said his given name from her lips, he felt oddly satisfied as his name came out.

She offered to lead him away from the chattering adults and older children.

Sachirou didn’t hesitate to take her hand.

The girl next door reminded him of the color purple.

The color purple combines the calm stability of blue and the fierce energy of red.

Purple is the color of royalty, nobility, luxury, power, and ambition.

It represents creativity, wisdom, dignity, devotion, peace, pride, mystery, independence, and even magic— although magic isn’t real, no matter how much they pretended it was.

The girl next door reminded him so much of the color purple.

Purple is dark and rich, a baritone sax bellowing jazz.

She became his escape from his chaotic household with her soft hands and soothing voice that led him away from his troubles.

No matter how small those troubles were.

She moved with all the grace a five-year-old can have as she swung from the swings to the wood chips that covered the ground at the park nearby.

She led him through the bushes, catching the summertime cicadas that were scattered around.

She led him through the cold creek that was flowing beside the park.

He was the one who led her back to their houses so he could show her how to play volleyball, just like his father and older siblings had done for him.

--

At age ten, Sachirou and the girl next door sat side by side on the swing set that was in the same park they frequently visited.

He watched helplessly as she put some stolen plasters from the local convenience store on her fresh wounds.

He asked where she got them from and she simply shrugged and said from her mother, then proceeded to go on a mini tangent about how her mother is the worst, though she never stated why she got hurt.

Her wounds were red.

Red is the color of extremes.

It is the color of passionate love, violence, danger, anger, and adventure.

Red is the color of fire and blood.

The color that was currently decorating his best friend’s skin.

Sachirou didn’t like it.

Parents don’t give their children wounds that bad out of passionate love or adventure- so that really left violence and anger.

What was her mother angry about?

The girl next door is probably the most perfect person on earth to Sachirou.

Everything about her mother screamed danger to Sachirou, even to the point where he made himself scarce whenever he went to knock for his friend.

Sachirou didn’t like the color red. More than he didn’t like the shade of black.

Her mother reminded him of the color red.

So, he didn’t like her mother.

With a quick snap from his friend, Sachirou was removed from his thoughts and turned to face the girl beside him.

She wore a stupid grin on her face and held out her fist to him.

He automatically bumped his fist against hers.

Thank you.

He didn’t know why she thanked him. He didn’t do anything to help besides cover her body so she could successfully steal the plasters.

He didn’t even get a chance to help her fix herself up, only sat not he swing beside her and barely listened.

Sachirou did not ask this time. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.

All he knew is that he didn’t want to see the color red on her skin again.

But, it’s a hard world that constantly asks you to live with a lot of things that are unlivable.

-

Ever since her father’s funeral, it became a mini ritual for the duo to go to the park and play by the creek.

It becomes their escape from the clutches of their families.

From the color red and the shade of black that tied them down.

One last vestige of freedom, the one place they can break the rules and feel like individuals rather than conforming to the thoughts and ideals of their parents.

The creek reminded Sachiro of the color blue.

Blue is the color of the sky and sea.

It is depth and stability.

Blue symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and even heaven.

The creek was the place where they can be themselves and trust that it won’t spill their secret words to their families.

As they dipped their feet in the crystal blue waters of the creek, they lifted their heads to the sky to bask in the warmth of the sun.

The sun was a broad myriad of hot glowing gases at the heart of the solar system that the human race lived in.

It made him feel so small in a comforting way.

Like his problems were so… minuscule.

When he brought this up to his friend, whose skin was still littered with the color red, she gave him a hearty chuckle, and wholeheartedly agreed.

Just remember to never compare your problems with other peoples. Your problems are your own. Don’t negate the fact your pain is real.

He brought his head down to meet her gaze.

Sachirou found himself stuck in her mesmerizing eyes once more.

After a few moments, he reminds her to take her own advice.

They left the creek and took the trek back to their homes.

Back to the colors of black and red that controlled their lives.

-

At age 14, Sachirou offers to run away with the girl next door.

Instead of immediately accepting or declining, she asked why. Just like he did— still does.

The color black was suffocating him— slowly but surely.

He was struggling to make decisions by himself, he felt his anxiety taking over, his overactive mind went racing most times, and the one thing that he was supposed to love felt like chains weighing him down.

He felt like he went too deep, deep into the ocean. He is kicking and trying to keep himself afloat, and it’s hard to breathe, but he is just trying to keep his head over the surface.

He wasn’t the best with putting his thoughts into viable words, but he could tell that she understood him enough.

She responded by telling him to remember that he can just float.

It sounded like a simple solution, but he would feel like he is drifting, all alone.

Despite what he thought in his earlier years, Sachirou did not want to be alone anymore.

She reminded him that he would never be alone while she was around.

A lack of communication is a form of pain. Because to be alive, to be human, we need others. We don’t need just to be seen, to be perceived: we need to be listened to too.

She didn’t want him in pain. Yet, as he looked at the various shades of red that were scattered across her skin, he felt his heart clench painfully.

He wanted to call her a hypocrite. He wanted to just yell at her for being stupid and not relying on him as he relied on her.

He just wanted his only friend to be okay.

His plans of running away were put in the back of his mind for now.

-

Sachirou had to walk home alone on a certain day because his friend was needed by teachers.

It definitely gave him time to think with his overactive mind.

Sachirou’s family is a volleyball family through and through.

His parents, brothers, and sisters all went to famous schools.

Due to his family’s influence, he started the sport as well, thinking he’d become a player who could stand on the world stage.

It was a child’s dream, yet it was real life for a few in his family.

Sachirou was blessed with a good physique and dexterity, so he had fun playing. 

Volleyball was the flicker of white in the darkness of his family.

He never hesitated to go to the middle school with the strongest team.

He wanted to get better.

He wanted to spike it in.

He wanted to get aces.

He wanted to have good receives.

Everything is connected in volleyball.

His life became volleyball.

Sachiruo’s only escape was the girl next door.

She was the thing that let him keep his sanity.

The pressure of his family to not screw up, to not lose overgrew everything else.

There only became one explanation for not getting results, and that is not working hard enough.

Corners should not be cut.

And what used to be the white to his black life, slowly turned grey. It slowly but surely kept growing darker.

Everything is connected in volleyball.

Sachirou got frustrated at his mistakes.

He got annoyed with the connected mistakes.

He looked down at his calloused hand and pictured the red that was stained to his friend’s skin.

He pressed his hand against the stone wall that went along with the sidewalk and roughly dragged his knuckles across the stone, leaving a trail of red behind.

  He didn’t stop until someone- now his second friend- Kourai Hoshiumi, roughly tugged his backpack away from the wall, thus moving him as well.

Kourai was on the same team as him.

Kourai was a ball of orange.

Orange is a combination of yellow and red and is considered an energetic color.

Orange calls to mind feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and warmth.

Orange draws attention.

Kourai draws attention.

Kourai is the color orange just as the girl next door is the color purple, and just like the girl next door’s mother is the color red.

Having the human embodiment of the color orange cringe at his now reddened hand made the thoughts that were rested in his mind come forward.

Salty tears went down his face and he finally admitted that the thing that used to be white is now black.

It felt nice to talk with a new person that wasn’t the purple girl next door.

The orange person had such a straightforward way of thinking that Sachirou couldn’t help but follow along.

That maybe he just had his fill.

It’s not like that all the muscle he built up will just vanish just because he wanted to quit.

You can always quit.

Sachiruo’s new friend (color) left it at that after he was satisfied that the red on Sachirou’s hand wouldn’t grow any larger.

The girl next door’s previous words made sense to him now.

The black and the unknown didn’t seem as suffocating now.

-

Sachirou draped a blanket over their shoulders as they sat side by side on a dry log, letting their feet dangle in the crystal blue waters of the creek.

He spoke to her about what transpired when he met the color orange just the other day.

She scolded him for the red that now stained his knuckles.

But she praised him for learning that it was okay to just stop.

He smiled down at the girl beside him and watched as she took his reddened hand in hers as if she could erase it from his skin.

Sachirou asked her what she wanted to do in the future.

The girl only looked up at the sky as if it would give her the answer.

She answered him with a shrug before turning the question around on him.

Sachirou pursed his lips and looked in front of them, staring at the vibrant green trees that surrounded them.

Green.

Green is the color of life.

Green is the color of renewal, nature, and energy.

It is associated with meanings of growth, harmony, freshness, safety, and environment.

It is the color that helps alleviate anxiety, depression, and nervousness.

Maybe that’s why he felt his heart rest as he turned back to her with his answer.

Sachirou always liked animals.

Animals are said to help lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety, and decrease depression.

Interacting with animals increases levels of the hormone oxytocin.

Oxytocin is known as the ‘love hormone’ or ‘cuddle chemical’ because it is shown to be an important factor in human behaviors including recognition, trust, and anxiety.

Animals reminded Sachirou of the color green.

Green was one of Sachirou’s favorite colors.

Animals were one of Sachirou’s favorite things.

Animals were green, just as Kourai was orange, the girl next door was purple, and her mother is red.

A veterinarian.

That’s what he will do.

No more volleyball.

No more blackness from his family.

The sport of volleyball, which used to be black, slowly grew lighter, from black to grey.

Now all he has to do is figure out how to erase the red that was on his friend’s skin.

--

At age 16, Sachirou Hirugami finally stood up for what he wanted.

After he had been thoroughly convinced by the color orange and the color purple, Sachirou confronted his blackened family about the matter.

His parents were disappointed, yet Sachirou couldn’t find it in himself to care about it.

His lack of concern overpowered the disappointment of his parents.

After an awkward dinner that night, Sachirou whisked the girl next door away to the creek so he could spill everything that was bottled inside.

He immediately frowned once he saw the harsh red that was battered along her skin.

He used the freshwater from the creek to rinse off the very fresh red wounds.

Sachirou released the thoughts he has been thinking about for the last ten years of his life.

He finally burst out and called her a hypocrite.

He asked why she never relied on him the way he relied on her.

He grabbed purple by the wrist and tugged her into his body, wrapped her up in his arms.

Sachirou watched as tears came down from her eyes.

That moment reminded him of the color dark blue.

Dark blue represents integrity, knowledge, power, and seriousness.

Importance, confidence, and authority.

A color that reminded him of black, but its not quite there.

The seriousness of the world around them.

The power that their families held over them.

The newfound knowledge on how to break the chains that tethered them to the ground.

The importance of each other’s presence and how they fixed each other.

Two people trying to find the way home.

They wanted to run with each other and never stop.

A purple girl who lives under a tyrant red mother, and a boy who is crumbling with the pressure of his blackened family to conform to their beliefs.

They were going to find their way out together.

They were born to run.

-

Pink represents joy, sexuality, passion, sensitivity, and love.

Pink signifies romance and friendship.

Pink is what Sachirou felt once he recognized his feelings towards the girl next door.

Pink is what was shown on his face when he talked to Kourai about his feelings towards his best friend.

Pink went well with purple.

Orange stood by the side and watched as pink and purple fell into a nice magenta.

Love is a quiet emotion that in time becomes part of the oxygen you need to breathe, and so though you may not be sure that it’s there, any form of removal and the emotions begin to choke.

Love is what Sachirou felt towards the purple in his life.

He didn’t really know when it started, but infatuation turned into a deep yearning and that turned into a burning passion of pure unadulterated love.

Meeting her was fate, being her friend was a choice, and falling in love was bound to happen.

Purple was the one who painted his world with the colors he loved so much.

Purple was the one who keeps him shielded, defending him from the brutality.

Purple was the one he would die a thousand times over for.

He feels her pain raging in his soul, and it turns the red in his veins to a nice light pink.

The blue helped him and purple come together.

Sachirou chose purple.

And now as he explained his feelings towards purple, purple chose him.

-

Sachirou planned to go to University in Tokyo.

Tokyo was far from Nagano, where they lived.

245.5 kilometers or 152.5 miles to be precise.

Tokyo would be their new creek, their new blue.

As said before, blue represents freedom, justice, perseverance, vigilance, peace, prosperity, and patriotism.

Tokyo would be all those things to them once they leave high school.

Tokyo would also represent green.

Green is the color of life, renewal, nature, and energy.

Growth, harmony, freshness, safety.

Tokyo would become blue-green.

Tokyo is the renewal of their lives and the newfound freedom they would get once they left Nagano.

Purple wanted to be a writer.

She would go to school in Tokyo and work for a degree in English and Journalism.

Sachirou would work for a degree in Medicine.

They would work with each other to accomplish their dreams.

Sachirou thought purple would be a great writer. She had a way with words that just made them stick in his brain.

Her words reminded him of the color yellow.

Yellow is exciting without being loud or angry.

It is a warm, soft color, like a baby chick, or the warmth of sunlight in springtime streaming through a window, warming up a patch on the carpet.

If her words were a physical thing, he would ask if he could sit near them on a cold day.

Yellow is the color that stands for wisdom, intellect, logic, memory, concentration, will-power, and communication.

Her words matched her very well.

Purple goes well with yellow after all.

Sachirou would need her yellow words to get him through life.

He would take purple and her yellow words to the place where blue and green shine most.

He would take them both away from the red and black that suffocated them for so long.

He would run with purple until he dropped.

They would never look back.

-

At the age of 18, Sachiro and the girl next door sat side by side on the brown log that was by their creek.

The little promise in his pocket felt very heavy as he traced it through his pants.

He eyed the red that was still on purple’s skin.

It was getting smaller, but it was still there nonetheless.

Purple eyed him because he was so quiet.

He shakily grabbed her hand and opened it gently.

He placed the promise that was in his pocket into her hand and turned his head so he wouldn’t have to see her reaction.

Purple grinned up at him and grabbed his chin, tenderly forcing him to face her.

Her twinkling eyes were filled with tears, not the sad kind, but the happy kind.

She slid the ring on her finger and admired the tiny amazonite jewel that sat so neatly on top of it.

Amazonite was a blue-green stone that represents truth, honor, integrity, hope, and trust.

The stone is said to provide comfort after an emotional upset.

Sachirou hoped he could be amazonite to his purple.

Purple reassured him that he was more than just amazonite to her.

Purple said he was everything to her.

He silently agreed that purple was everything to him as well.

That day, Sachirou promised himself to purple, and purple promised herself to him.

He had to thank the human personified version of the color orange for helping him pick out the promise for his purple.

-

March; the season of goodbyes.

In Japan, the school year ends in March and begins in April.

The loneliness of saying goodbye and hope for a new start begins in March.

Sachirou associated the month of March with Aquamarine.

Aquamarine has an affinity with sensitive people.

It invokes tolerance of others and overcomes judgmentalism, giving support to those overwhelmed by responsibility.

It was one of Sachirou’s favorite colors.

Sachirou got together with his purple and orange.

He didn’t waste time and immediately gave the second button of his uniform to purple.

It was a tradition for lovers to give the 2nd button of their school uniform to their loved one as a memento.

Purple was his loved one, so it only made sense.

Kourai laughed at the pink that dusted their cheeks, only for them to turn around and laugh at him once a girl strolled up to him and blatantly asked for his number.

Kourai was going to Tokyo as well.

Kourai was not going to college.

Kourai got offered a position on a Division 1 professional volleyball team in the V-Leagues.

The Schweiden Adlers.

That team has the colors white, orange, and dark blue.

Sachirou thought it suited his friend very well.

Kourai would fly to tremendous heights on that team while Sachiro and purple worked their brains into dust in college.

Kourai threatened to kill them both if they didn’t stay in contact despite going to the same city.

Kourai wasn’t simply a good friend. He was the orange that became a part of Sachirou’s soul, just as purple had.

Purple and orange complimented each other well. Just like purple and yellow.

Purple and orange were the colors that dominated his life now.

Orange is the wind that howls and purple is the gentle center of the storm.

Purple and orange gave consistent love, patience, and warmth to Sachirou.

Purple and orange kept him bound yet free, they let him fly yet kept him grounded, they made him drunk in laughter yet kept him sober.

Orange is the intense, glamorous sparks of fire and hot energy.

Orange is leaving the windows down on a car, and having the radio is on so loud that your ears are bleeding.

Orange doesn’t notice the speed limit, yet they still have a clean driving record.

Purple is the soothing, serene sounds of chatting, venting, and laughing.

Purple let him spend hours on end just being himself. No mask was needed to hide behind. Not a mask of happiness, not a mask of coping, just himself. He could be honest and get heartfelt advice.

After all, purple and orange compliment each other.

And March is the season of goodbyes.

Goodbye to the black and red and clouded their lives.

Goodbye to the red that stained purple’s skin.

Goodbye to the black who drove their son to the point of self-harm.

Goodbye volleyball.

Goodbye Nagano.

END

----

AN: Ahh! Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, please let me know <3

[passionate-reply]

This week on Great Albums: My first video about Depeche Mode--and it’s about their first album! I think it’s pretty good, but a lot of people HATE it. Are you intrigued? Take a listen, or read the transcript, and see where you fall!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be looking at the somewhat rough start of one of the most iconic bands in the history of electronic music: Depeche Mode, and their 1981 debut, Speak & Spell. While Depeche Mode are certainly a beloved band, many of their fans actively revile Speak & Spell. What’s wrong with it? Well, it has songs that sound like this.

Music: “Just Can’t Get Enough”

“Just Can’t Get Enough” isn’t exactly the kind of song Depeche Mode are associated with--though it did make an entry in the charts, and remains fairly well known today, largely thanks to its use in advertising. The band’s “classic run,” spanning roughly from the mid-80s to the mid-90s, saw them achieve substantial mainstream adulation, as a pop act peddling dark and gothic themes, and maintaining a substantial electronic element to their music, without ever becoming inaccessible to rock listeners. They were even “rock and roll” enough to consistently break America, which is no small feat for, essentially, a synth-pop band from England. That synth-pop heritage dominates the sonic palate of Speak & Spell, and it’s hard to imagine a die-hard rock fan vibing with upbeat, almost saccharine pop ditties like “What’s Your Name?”

Music: “What’s Your Name?”

Of course, “What’s Your Name?” has another big problem besides favouring bright, chirping synth riffs over the guitar-based chug of tracks like “Personal Jesus.” Its seemingly homoerotic lyrics might be said to constitute the first instance of Depeche Mode engaging in what we might call musical “queer-baiting.” Thumbing their noses at norms of sexuality and gender presentation have earned the band a substantial queer following throughout their career, but it’s not such a smart move if you’re trying to attract macho rock listeners, and get yourself into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

Part of the reason why Depeche Mode were ultimately able to do those things, later in their career, is that they had a pretty handy scapegoat: Vince Clarke. Clarke was a founding member of the band, and as the chief songwriter for all but two tracks on Speak & Spell, he was unequivocally the creative force driving the album. Conveniently enough, Clarke not only departed from Depeche Mode immediately after this first album, but went on to serve as an integral member of two unequivocally poppy duos, Yazoo and Erasure. But as easy as it is to simply blame Vince Clarke’s interest in cheerful pop for the apparent failures of Speak & Spell, this hypothesis doesn’t hold up. Some Clarke-penned numbers, like “Puppets,” are at least as gloomy as anything from the mind of Martin L. Gore, who took over songwriting duties on every subsequent Depeche Mode LP.

Music: “Puppets”

“Puppets” is pretty far from a feel-good song. Those fairly bright synths remain, but here, they feel more like a tense crescendo of violins, as something goes poorly in a horror film, and a serrated synth stab answers them from below. Dave Gahan’s semi-whispered delivery of the vocals, which narrate the perspective of a manipulative and controlling partner, add even more to its sinister ambiance. Given only a minor aesthetic facelift, “Puppets” could fit just fine onto most other Depeche Mode albums, even if Clarke did write it. I actually think the softer, poppier touches this track DOES have serve it well, and make it feel a bit insidious--like a lover who seems loveable and charming at first, before revealing their abusive tendencies over time. Another track that really benefits from creating tension between pop fluff and things macabre is the striking “I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead.”

Music: “I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead”

“I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead” features an almost gratingly toylike synth riff, that reminds me a bit of those custom cell phone ringtones from the 00s. Its lyrics are also almost painfully chipper, at least at first, as is Gahan’s infantile delivery of them...but there seems to be some irony there. While that provocative title doesn’t actually appear, the song seems to be obliquely telling a story of someone dealing with a breakup, albeit cloaked in this eerily sunny music. International editions of *Speak & Spell* would remove this track in favour of the non-album A-side “Dreaming of Me,” presumably targeting it for its inflammatory title and short runtime of just over two minutes. “I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead” is a powerful reminder that just because something has a shiny pop veneer doesn’t mean it’s disposable, or that it lacks in artistic complexity.

Still, if you’re in the market for something that feels more like “classic” Depeche Mode, Speak & Spell can deliver on that front as well. Look no further than Gore’s contributions to the album, such as “Tora! Tora! Tora!” With its frantic refrain, and troubling themes of nuclear holocaust, “Tora! Tora! Tora!” feels more like Depeche Mode’s classic run than just about anything else on Speak & Spell, prefiguring iconic tracks like “Leave In Silence” and “People Are People” quite well.

Music: “Tora! Tora! Tora!”

Speak & Spell’s cover is certainly strange and a bit opaque, showing some sort of bird in its nest from a very low angle. The background is almost entirely a lurid, artificial-looking pinkish red, with no other recognizable figures to ground this landscape in reality. Between the chaotic textures of the nest, and the surreal emptiness of the scene, it comes across as a sort of nightmare world, albeit one populated by only this fairly non-threatening creature...that we know of. If we look closely at that bird, we can start to see what looks like a transparent veil covering its neck and head. I like to interpret this image as a representation of the natural world, destroyed by human callousness: an animal suffocates under a sheet of plastic, while the sky behind it glows red with bombs “raining from the sky,” as in “Tora! Tora! Tora!”

Despite the title, you won’t hear any samples of the titular toy on Speak & Spell--though Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark would famously incorporate some on their album Dazzle Ships, a few years later. The title “Speak & Spell” would seem to suggest the album’s light, playful tone, and sense of pop novelty. A Speak & Spell is, of course, a fun and entertaining toy, which repeats the same handful of things over and over, as a pop song might be played *ad infinitum* on the radio. Perhaps the way the songs sneak a darker emotional undercurrent past their listeners is parallel to how the toy covertly educates children in basic spelling, while also being amusing to fool around with.

After Speak & Spell, it took several more years for Depeche Mode to really find their footing, and launch into that classic period of theirs where they released most of their best-loved material. Despite the absence of Vince Clarke, their sophomore LP, A Broken Frame, is stylistically rather similar to Speak & Spell, and pairs somber tracks like “The Sun and the Rainfall” and “My Secret Garden” with some very upbeat ones like “The Meaning of Love.” If the fact that Clarke could write “Puppets” didn’t sell you on my assertion that he isn’t the singular problem with Speak & Spell, the fact that Martin Gore wrote “The Meaning of Love” should serve as proof that the desire to make catchy pop tunes didn’t rest solely on any one person’s shoulders.

Music: “The Meaning of Love”

My favourite track from Speak & Spell is the opener, “New Life.” “New Life” was also released as a single and made substantial headway in the charts, though it doesn’t seem quite as well remembered as “Just Can’t Get Enough.” Like “I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead,” “New Life” is almost disgustingly catchy and hooky, but hides some surprisingly dark lyrics. But I’ll freely admit that I don’t particularly have some sophisticated, intellectually justified reason for liking this song the most, besides just thinking it’s a real toe-tapper. While I’ve gone to great lengths to dispel the idea that Speak & Spell is nothing but cheerful pop, I’d also like to point out that simply being cheerful pop isn’t exactly a musical sin. Whether you like it or not, it’s certainly far from easy to write a great pop song that stands the test of time, the way tracks like “New Life” and “Just Can’t Get Enough” have, and simply pointing out that they’re not as morose as later Depeche Mode songs isn’t a worthwhile criticism of them. While I enjoy a lot of more gothic music myself, I think a work of art that elicits the emotion of joy has as much of a shot at being a Great Album as one that wants to make us angry, sad, or afraid. On that note, I’ve reached the end of my video--as always, thanks for listening.

Music: “New Life”

[samslosthoe]

astrology of j2 and wives, Ackles edition.

This is an interesting one. I expected to be a little thrown off by it in one way or another, and you should get why if you read my whining about Jensen’s Pisces. This isn’t one of those relationships where you look from the outside and kind of understand it. I will say that I expected fewer positives than I did wind up seeing, though that’s to do with my own personal biases (about Pisces in relationships as well as D herself) and not the actual compatibility of the chart.

I want to point out that before I do these deep-dives, I don't really look at the charts beforehand. Anything I said before I actually look has been an assumption on my part, based on what I already knew. For instance, I didn't know a thing about Danneel's full chart before doing this and based most of my assumptions on her sun sign and what I know about Jensen's chart. Also, as I go on and do more of these, I get better. The first ones were experiments, and as I gather more information, I have more to say and consider. So I may revisit the original posts and add on later.

So, let's take a look at the Ackles' chart.

For the first go-around of these, I want to say that I'm looking at the charts at face-value. What I mean is that we're putting the tin hat aside and analyzing the chart as if it were the relationship we've been presented with. I may or may not go back later and put said hat on to analyze it that way.

This time, we're gonna start with the positive aspects.

Not unlike the Pads, these two have serious sexual chemistry. It comes up a lot in this chart but isn't all that the relationship is hinged on, unlike said Pads. Since their attraction shows itself in multiple ways, there's also a level of danger with this passion, meaning that when it blows up, it blows up in a big way. This is absolutely common among people with a connection like this--big fights and big sex. I don't find this at all surprising.

What did come as a surprise was that this chart indicates that they tend to lift each other up creatively and they work on joint projects together well. It shouldn't have surprised me, considering that there is evidence to support this, though it is argued amongst the more critical fans how much involvement these two have in the Family Business Beer co. At face value, if you take what they tell us and what they say to the media, the two of them clearly created something that works well and is profitable. The nuance is a discussion for another time, but on paper, this checks out.

Let's touch on some gray areas. I'm the kind of person that takes a basic chart like this one and adds in the situations of reality and tries to make sense of it. In the positive column, it mentions that if they have children, they'll have a happy childhood, and there's a reason why I personally see it as gray.

This isn't a criticism of the couple's parenting; you're not gonna get that here from a childless, anonymous person on the internet. What I WILL say is that every child is different. This chart is saying that as parents, these two will be fun and fantastical, and that playtime comes easy. I think adding in the reality of Jensen being gone for so long, so much of their childhood, and this chart not accounting for the children's charts themselves, this isn't enough information to declare a "happy childhood." To add a bit of my personal bias here, my father is like SUPER dad, right? Well, when I was a child, he worked sooo much and I barely ever saw him. I wound up with plenty of issues surrounding that, despite my memories of actual time with my dad being amazing. Do you see why this is in the gray category?

I'm also gonna add that physical-based attraction in this gray area because many of the other aspects mention how this isn't an intellectually stimulating match. This may also be personal bias, hence the gray, but I don't think you can have a truly longlasting relationship based on physicality. Even when you're as hot as Jensen.

We're onto the challenging aspects of this pairing. This particular interaction in the chart follows up what I said in the previous paragraph: while the connection may be instant, it'll be difficult to maintain. These two people are bound to grow apart unless it's something addressed between them. If they're not careful to check-in with each other, they're likely to wind up with nothing in common anymore.

This next bit really intrigued me and I'm not putting my hat on, but if you know, you know. So here we have Venus square Neptune, which tells you that Jensen (Venus in this case) is very likely to misunderstand D, and he may wind up feeling like he is really the only one in love in this pairing. It says that D may be unfaithful or feel like she has to lie to keep Jensen happy and that Jensen may be seeing things with that romanticized view he has of the world, aka not what's really happening. This is a HUGE danger zone for them, and unless they have effective communication (spoiler: doesn't look like they do), this could be really awful.

We've got another challenge here with this next bit: criticism. If you read my Jensen chart, you'll know a Pisces is going to be reeeeaally sensitive to criticism. Well, they're both Pisces. And what happens when you feel criticized when you're very sensitive? You either lash out or close off. These two are likely to do the latter, which is honestly going to drive a bigger wedge between them than if they blew up in each other's faces. There's another aspect that links to this one in terms of problems, where Jensen will feel like Danneel finds his ideas bland and rigid and he'll find that hard to tolerate from his partner.

I find this next aspect really interesting, given that, as far as we know, Jensen is going to be more home-based after Supernatural unless he has a sneaky project up his sleeve we're not aware of yet. This aspect was taken care of when half of their marriage was spent apart, but if Jensen stays within the home as much as your "average" husband would, they may run into some problems. They're both independent spirits and may find each other very stifling if they spend too much time together.

So in general, what do I think? I think this one really depends on their communication and how hard they're willing to work on themselves to better fit each other. This is where the private nature of Pisces is screwing with my perception: there's just not enough information. And you know what? That's what they want. I really think they'd both hate this kind of analysis, probably for different reasons. The thing is, it's going to be hard enough for them to know what the other is thinking and feeling, and they're married, so I have very little odds of cracking this open when they probably struggle themselves.

Removed from these two, I find Pisces to not do well with another Pisces. It's a slippery mess of emotions and things unsaid but "I shouldn't have to say it, you should already know." Pisces needs someone to pull them out of themselves, to get them out of their heads and into the world so they don't wind up living in an inner prison. Putting them together just perpetuates that, like putting two drug addicts that don't want to quit together. They can bring out the worst in each other.

Pisces as friends? Sure. There will be a creative exchange, they'll have fun dressing up and showing out together, won't feel vulnerable together, and maybe have fun. But that's, in my opinion, an unfulfilling prospect of a relationship and marriage that's supposed to last a long time.

But I'm not a Pisces nor a psychic, so what do I know?

[honeyrose-tea]

this has been a strange start to the new year for sure. how are you doing? what did you think of the situation in the capitol? any thoughts or worries about the rest of the month? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on everything. -🌙

thank you so much for the ask💞 almost every day I check my inbox anticipating the next time I'll hear from you. just knowing that someone cares.... it really does a lot for my self-esteem. I don't have many friends right now and the few I do are very busy and have a lot of things they would rather do than talk to me. thank you for making time to listen to me and ask me how I'm doing. you wouldn't believe how many people don't. I haven't always been the most consistent presence for you and I'm sorry. I'm trying to do better and be less selfish because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that. thank you for always being kind to me, pen pal.

there is a lot I want to say regarding the capitol and the situation in the country in general. as a social science student (and hopefully one day a professor!) these situations are of great academic interest to me. as a bisexual woman and an informed US citizen who cares about my rights I am also very personally vested in American issues. but first I would like to tackle your question regarding how I'm doing:)

I'm doing pretty good. classes have started back up but most of mine are online. I'm thinking of switching to online exclusively because of how much emotional (and sometimes physical) labor in-person classes are, and also for the sake of my health and my parents'. it's funny how so many things we did with ease before the pandemic seem so burdensome now. even small interactions are anxiety-inducing now, and I find myself having a hard time socializing even casually. like a muscle that has atrophied without use, my social skills are awful now. on a happier note, my productivity and creativity are both at all-time highs since social interactions aren't using up all my energy anymore. I brought my record player to my dorm room and I've been listening to a bunch of music, I've also been writing and recording some music of my own. I have a couple of demos and if you or anyone else is interested, I'll post them on here. once I record and edit full band versions I'll put them up on my soundcloud. I've tried sharing some of my stuff with some friends but none of them really care and I don't want to annoy them. besides, it's more for myself anyway. I wang to prove to myself that I can make music and that I can say something worth saying. a lot of my struggle over the past 6 months has been that I feel as though nothing I do or say can change anything, that none of my actions matter. I struggle a lot with control and I've been working on it for years, but it's still really hard for me. anyway. I'm enjoying class and what I do outside of it. I've been in my element living alone again (in my dorm) and feeling free to wear/do/say what I want, when I want. I wash my dishes and sing to myself and manage my time and drink lots of artificially sweetened and heavily flavored coffee without anyone around to judge me. and I get to cry and masturbate when I want, both of which are helpful in regulating my moods. I don't know. it's not like I'm doing anything exciting, but I am doing each thing I do well and with a happy heart. I feel like this portion of my life is something of a hibernation- the winter seasons combined with the pandemic have me in a cozy little daydream, reading and self-reflecting and getting back in tune with myself and my passions. I have a feeling that the spring and summer will be very vibrant bustling months so I am trying to enjoy my rest and soak in as much knowledge about myself and the world around me as I can. it's hard for me to live in the present and not get antsy (connected to control issues, I think) but I'm getting better at it. on the subject of the future, I've also been using this time to look into grad school and prepare for the GRE (a standardized test required for most grad school applications, similar to the ACT/SAT). I'm learning a lot that I didn't know since neither of my parents went further than undergrad, and I'm getting excited. I'm really looking forward to doing research. I've already been collecting some thesis ideas for an undergraduate-level thesis that I have to complete next year for the honors college, and hopefully I can turn that into a masters and/or PHD thesis when the time comes. now, on to more important matters than my silly little life.

I have very complicated feelings about america. I do have some attachment to some of the original ideas that are at the foundation- "bring me your huddled masses...", "all men are created equal", the general spirit of democracy, etc.- all of these are valid and worth keeping (in some form) to me. I think a lot of good people and ideas exist around us and I believe that we must be as empathetic and kind as possible to one another in order to navigate the current climate and preserve the good that we do have. that said, america was also founded on some pretty terrible, bigoted principles and our history- as well as our present- is marred by injustices. our society has become highly individualistic because of capitalism, and it has resulted in considerable division on every level. the competition that fuels capitalism is like an invasive species of plant, it does not only exist within our economy but it slithers out into our social world and the way we relate to others. I think capitalism coupled with our post-enlightenment founding is the source of most all of our problems as a country. capitalism has taken root in america in a way more malicious and all-consuming than in any other culture, because it was there at the beginning of our country and all of our social norms have grown out of it. many other cultures have existed long before capitalism and though it has modified their culture, it has not altogether become it. because america was founded on capitalism, we have no cultural identity outside of it. america is, itself, capitalism. that is precisely why america is experiencing all of the best and worst parts of capitalism at their most extreme. it is why, as I mentioned previously, we are perhaps the most divisive and competitive society in the modern world, and probably in history. we are the richest and most powerful country but we have the largest wealth gap and incarceration rate, among many other extremes.

all of this is to say that the rise of Trump and fascism in this country has been a long time coming, and unmistakably inevitable. to defeat it we will have to break america down to its fundamentals, throw out everything that is unethical and unjust, and rebuild our entire society from there. this is radical and hard to imagine, it will also be very difficult to execute, but I strongly believe that much of our societal systems just cannot be reformed, they must be thrown out and replaced.

the capitol riots were inexcusable and sickening but decidedly inevitable. this has been steadily building for america's entire existence. I think it will get worse before it gets better, as there are already plans for bigger and more numerous protests across the country in the following weeks. that said, I feel hopeful as I see the anti-fascist movement grow in the wake of fascism, I am hopeful as I see many people being radicalized and awakened to the realities of this country's failings. I don't know how exactly we will even begin to rid ourselves of the biases, prejudices, and downright hatred that plagues our country. I don't know how we will relate on an individual level to those with such deeply-ingrained hate in their hearts. I don't know how we will change our systems of government and economy to reflect new cultural values that we begin to build together. I am not sure what the future will hold. I do believe, however, that we will triumph over this moment and that the future will be better. I think that the only way to radically change and unite so many vastly different people and remove the blinders from their eyes is through a terrible, historic awakening like the one we are having now. the situation itself is awful, but I am hopeful that out of this mess we become a nation more committed to justice and to some of the ideals which we have falsely claimed to be emulating for our entire history.

so yes, I am worried about the next few weeks, months, and even years. there is no end to the pursuit of a just society, and I think every informed citizen is always a bit apprehensive about certain aspects of their culture. there will always be problems to combat and injustices to rectify, but I think that we will soon be moving to a better place, that we will remember these moments and say, "never again". I am hopeful, despite seeing some of the worst of humanity in recent days, that these atrocities will bring positive change.

I know that was long and instead of discussing issues about the capitol, or even just current political issues, I expanded the scope considerably and dragged in a lot of things from history and grander sociopolitical theories. still, I think it is hard to talk about the insurrection attempt without talking about a lot more. thank you for reading my takes and caring about them. I spend a lot of time thinking about these things, and it feels nice to share them with someone other than my annoyed professors who want me to shut up so they can finish the lecture and stick to their semester schedule.

I hope you're well and that you're staying safe and healthy. are you in school now too? have you or your family had the virus? thank you for coming to talk to me, I always enjoy it. I'll talk to you again soon💞

[blapisblogs]

So somehow Corey Taylor has now ended up in the place where I’m assuming the other Nostalgia Critic episodes take place, which has all these parody posters of previous Nostalgia Critic reviews and Doug Walker’s YouTube plaques on the walls. Doug, you spent a majority of at least the first half of this “review” beating us over the head with how much you hate Roger Waters’s ego, but then you show us shots like this and expect people to not comment on yours? Of course there is a very slight chance that this might’ve been an attempt at self-deprecation, showing that Doug is aware that “Nostalgia Critic” has just as much of an ego as Waters and he’s just oblivious to it, but given how the rest of this “review” is and how Doug has reportedly acted behind the scenes on other projects, I highly doubt it.

Now you’d think that with Corey Taylor here and the “review” being nearly over that this would be the part where he finally says something, especially since we’re close to one of the few times we hear Bob Geldof sing in the film. You’d be wrong. Before Doug can finish whatever speech he had planned for this part, he answers a call from... some dude asking about the whereabouts of someone called Lucy Lacemaker. Oh boy... So something I’ve been mostly ignoring is that there’s a strange creature that’s popped up briefly a few times throughout the “review”. That creature is Lucy Lacemaker, the creation of someone called Fennah, making a guest appearance in this review because... uh... The Wall had weird animated characters in it? That’s what Lucy starts talking about: how the animated characters’ designs were creative but the characters themselves were terribly underused (“All paint, no ink” as she puts it). If you’ve actually seen the film, then you know that this criticism doesn’t make sense. The animated characters and creatures in The Wall aren’t exactly characters in and of themselves; they’re figments of Pink’s imagination that are either meant to symbolize things (i.e. the black eagle in “Goodbye Blue Sky” being the Nazis who did aerial bombings on England), purposefully one-dimensional caricatures of real people in Pink’s life who’ve damaged him (his overprotective mother, his cheating wife, the abusive schoolmaster), or sometimes even how he sees himself in that moment (the mostly inanimate doll and possibly Judge Worm). They aren’t the main focus of the film or album because the focus is Pink and his internal struggles. (I was gonna say “That’d be like saying that Tamatoa should’ve been the main character of Moana when the film is about Moana”, but... no, that would still make more sense because at least Tamatoa is an actual character in that film and not a figment of someone’s imagination, despite what some grimdark edgelord fan theories say.)

Anyway, it fades to... some sort of alternate universe or dimension or something? Whatever, Doug’s now in this world of weirdos who sing about what they think of the film? I guess? This is a “parody” of “The Trial”, the climax of the film where Pink mentally, well, puts himself on trial for “showing feelings” and culminates in him making himself “tear down the wall”, allowing himself to feel and move on from his trauma. On the one hand I get the most basic line of logic for this “parody” (“The Trial had weird animated creatures, so therefore this parody of it should have weird animated creatures”), but this looks and feels so out of place here. I mean, if these creatures were in a video about Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland movies I wouldn’t bat an eye at it, but for a video about The Wall it feels so wrong. It gets worse when you know that the animated characters in The Trial all have connections to Pink whereas these characters are from a completely different creator with no ties to Doug Walker at all (or even Corey Taylor, who, you know, is supposed to be standing in for Pink). It’s not like Doug doesn’t have characters of his own or that they couldn’t fill in the spaces of the people in The Trial if he wanted to (Chester A. Bum, Devil Boner, Hyper Fangirl, The Devil, Charts Guy, Bill, etc.), so the lack of using them for this and instead using characters from something completely unrelated to his show made by someone completely unrelated to his crew makes it feel impersonal, which is the exact opposite of what The Trial did. It needs to be personal in order for it to have the proper impact on Pink (or whoever’s standing in for him in this case), so removing that element from it takes away a lot of the punch.

I don’t want to be too harsh on this sequence because I know a lot of people have given Fennah guff over it (and supposedly they didn’t take the backlash regarding their part in it very well), but even with how out-of-place it is I have to admit the animation isn’t too bad, especially given that this was all done in about two and a half weeks. Oh yeah, according to Fennah, Doug Walker only gave them about two and a half weeks to do all this animation, which is half of what it normally takes for him to make something like this. What the fuck, Doug? You claim that you worked on this “review” for at least two months (not that it shows) and you only gave Fennah two and a half weeks to animate their parts? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised given how much you overworked your former associates on the set of To Boldly Flee, but I guess you really didn’t learn anything from that. I mean, the least you could’ve done was try to react a little more to all these weird creatures and places you found yourself in for no reason, yet your acting is somehow worse than the performances in other animation-live action hybrid movies you’ve criticized in the past.

But enough of all that, let’s look at the lyrics for this parody of one of my favorite parts from both the album and film. Because fuck me, we’re almost done.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

[Note: I don’t know anything about Fennah, their webshow Satellite City, or anything else they do; the only character name I know is Lucy’s, so the rest of these are gonna be very crappy physical descriptions. Apologies in advance for that.]

Someone vaguely like Lucy I guess but way bigger and with horns: Right then, Lucy Lacemaker, The court will take a vote On if the film that plays before us Can in any way show some feelings, Ruddy feelings of an almost canny nature From joys to blues

[Lady, if you and these other characters wanted to do a comprehensive analysis of The Wall, then you should’ve done it way sooner and not in the last seven to eight minutes of someone else’s video, let alone the video of someone who doesn’t even really analyze it themselves.]

Five-armed scarecrow motherfucker: I always said I like a well-made ditty

[Well you’re not going to be hearing any of that in this video, dude. Edit: So I thought this said “I always said I like to wear me titty”, which of course makes no sense, but according to another video, these are the actual words. It makes more sense, but that’s still what I hear whenever I stumble upon a video talking about this.]

I will not suffer shitty Fools that bring forth Naught but pity For their lack of wit and wild

[Jesus christ, is this yet another jab at Roger Waters?! I got enough of that from Doug Walker beating it into everyone’s skulls for the last half-hour, I don’t need to hear it from whoever the hell this is too.]

But here we rather find The result of heart and artist I say the music here is joyous!

[At this point I can’t even tell if this is supposed to be a genuine compliment or a backhanded one.]

But with that, we have to say

Black, spiky, horned demon goat thing: Lazy Left in the attic We’re not crazy Constantly dreaming I just wish they’d give us some more time to live

[How is the film not being about you “lazy”? Are you even talking about this film specifically, or just movies with underused cool-looking creatures in general? Also, this seems pretty ironic given that each of these characters (with the exception of Lucy) only get maybe a few seconds of screentime in this “review”.]

Horned kangaroo lizard titty monster with no pants: Lazy, Constantly (???) as being lazy

[This is the one most everyone points to when they talk about the lyrics being unintelligible, and I don’t blame them because I’ve seen this part multiple times and still can’t fully figure out what she’s saying. Also, I’m sorry Fennah, but somebody’s gotta say it: the lip-syncing here is awkward at best.]

Multi-horned Christmas goat motherfucker: Those little shits They’ve done it now We all deserve personalities They could’ve used us Far more often than they did, But no! They had to go their own way

[Again, this film’s not about the weird creatures for a reason: they’re not the focus because they aren’t real in the context of the film and the focus is Pink and his personal struggles. If you want animated characters with creative designs that have more screentime and development, then I have no clue what made you think you’d get it from this film out of all the other animated media out there. Not every animation-live action hybrid movie is trying to be Who Framed Roger Rabbit (especially not this one since it came out years before Roger Rabbit did).]

We’re bored of Alice! We want the Hatter

[Okay, credit where it’s due, I like this tiny bit here by itself. I definitely don’t think it works as a “criticism” of The Wall, but it’s decently creative in a way.]

Just five minutes more, your honor, Them and us alone

Blue Skyrim-looking dragon: Wait! This film’s not bound by characters It’s a visual affair It never aimed to tell a story

[Were you watching the same film that everyone else was, or are you somehow confusing it with the “review” you’re currently in? The film does have characters and does tell a story, and I think it does a pretty decent job at it (even better than the album I’d argue), unlike this “review” which tries to have a narrative but becomes less and less cohesive as it drags on.]

Rather sprawling canvas of Emotion visual splendor And your honor, we can take that home

[Take what home? I don’t even know what your argument is supposed to be here. This just sounds like word salad at this point.]

Tall Sean Connery-sounding werewolf in a striped robe: Maybe There’s more to the picture Just maybe Both sides of the wall

[...Nobody in this “review” actually knows what “The Wall” that the film and album are talking about is supposed to be, do they?]

Sean Connery-sounding werewolf and white lizard thing: There’s a difference between nonsense, after all That and Creation

Mutated cow monster thing on a moon surrounded by jellyfish: Genius and nonsense And creation

[Okay, again, credit where it’s due: the lip-sync for this thing is awkward, but this is the only person or thing in this “review” with a genuinely pleasant and clear singing voice. Shame that she only gets two or three short lines, one of which she has with the previous duo.]

Lucy Lacemaker: The evidence before the court is Incontrovertible There’s no need for the jury to retire In all my years of judging, I have never seen before

[With the exception of one word in that last part, Lucy’s whole bit here is completely lifted from the original. Some of these were already cutting it close to the original’s, but this is just straight up copying it. I don’t know who wrote this part of the “review” (I’ve gotten conflicting information on whether it was Doug or Fennah who wrote this particular parody), but whoever it was, you’ve got some nerve to have characters call the film “lazy” only to later turn around and do this.]

A film so deserving Of both love and wanting more The way it makes you tougher, Makes you think and feel but suffer, Fills me with the urge to decapitate

[Go on, Lucy! Off with his head! Edit: I guess here’s as good a point as any to point out that, at least according to TV Tropes, Lucy is a lesbian who likes to murder people, so apparently that’s supposed to be funny. ...Yeah, no, it’s not. Fuck you, TV Tropes.]

I believe this film is packed

[I’m being generous in assuming she said “packed” at least, because it sound like she’s saying “hacked” but that doesn’t really make sense. Then again this whole bit in this “review” doesn’t really make sense when it comes down to it.]

With much to be revered But the marvelous creatures Should be adored As opposed to being feared

[...You mean you want people to love the animated creatures based on literal abusers and Nazis?]

Tear down the wall!

[What wall?! In the context of this “review” there is no wall! Even if the context here is that there’s a “wall” between nightmarish fantasy and reality, then Lucy and/or Fennah already broke it offscreen before this whole number started. Or are you talking about the film/album The Wall? If that’s the case, then why are you demanding that Doug Walker tear it down when he was already doing that long before you showed up? What did Doug have to do with any of this? What the hell happened to Corey Taylor during all this?! Why did I waste so much time writing all this down?! Why did I do this to myself?! WHY?!]

[sixmorningsafter]

76 Theses

Oh hey there, Gabi. Long time no see. Hope your summer is going well as if I don’t already know because I follow you on Instagram, and I hope your med school prep isn’t destroying you I’m going to grad school in the fall, so girl I can only imagine. EDIT: GIRL HOW DID YOU POST A CHAPTER TWO DAYS BEFORE YOU MOVED AND STARTED OVER IN ANOTHER PLACE FOR FREAKIN’ MED SCHOOL

LMAOOOO FWIW I didn’t start over, I literally moved like 30 minutes away (and my family did a solid 75% of the work because what are big over-involved Puerto Rican families for). Summer was GLORIOUS. And 6 months ago, loooooool, I’M THE WORST. But you’re the best. This review is the best. Hope you’re crushing grad school (I know you are instinctively but I also know you are because I’ve talked to you about it and despite your humble nonsense I can tell you’re killin’ it). ANYWAY, diving on in to this literary masterpiece of a review:

Anyways, let me start by saying, literally every time you post a new chapter, I think “I’m ready, let’s go”. But literally, every time I read a new chapter, I am not ready, and you slay me every single freakin’ time. Dude, I have no clue how you do it, but every time, I die. Any more deaths, and I’d be a freakin’ Winchester.

A/N: looooool that’s incredible because every time I post a new chapter I think ‘this is it, this is where everyone realizes I don’t actually know how to write, it’s been fun’. But in all seriousness, girl, the fact that you make a point to send reviews after every chapter and go into detail like this is just–like honestly it’s reason enough to crank out 30K words of my bullshit. Not even kidding. If literally no one but you read this story I’d still write it because getting your hilarious whip-smart reviews are life. It’s so appreciated. It’s so appreciated.  

Off the bat, while you may believe this is a “filler” chapter, it is a damn good filler I wish I could write filler chapters as nicely and uniquely wtf. If you meant filler as in full of wonderful delightfulness, then yas girl this is the filler-est of filler chapters. Because if you meant this is some fluff piece that has nothing of substance, if you thought for once second that we aren’t thriving off the Bamon drama of the Steroline giggles, we’d all have to chase you out of town good thing you’re already moving.

This chapter is amazing, and on a personal spiritual level, I still can not get over your similes. I know that sounds silly and amateur, but while you’re hella awesome at metaphors, your similes, dude, are unique af, and every single time I write something that barely resembles something you’ve written, I’m staring at my screen like what the actual fuck is the nonsense? Sooooo, rest assured, this chapter is awesome (to be explained in great detail), and you’re awesome too (also to be explained in greater detail).

LMAOOOOO CASSIE I HAD TO LOOK UP WHAT A FUCKING SIMILE WAS HELP ME WHY AM I HERE. But DUDE, I actually have some words to say about this, the first ones being - GAH. Thanks so, so much love. I’m beaming. The second ones being - I ALWAYS think they’re weird when I write them. Seriously. Like that feeling you said you get when you try getting creative with a description is the exact same one I get -ROLL WITH IT. I had to learn that by just sucking it up and posting shit with unusual descriptions and then seeing what kind of feedback I got for it (which tbh makes it sound like I’ve been doing it for a while lololol but I actually just recently started challenging myself to get more creative with my descriptions for things). It actually came from constantly reading writing with cool imagery (Six of Crows was a great one!) and realizing that they never fell back on tired/common metaphors. They always used something unique (Kaz’s voice being like dry leaves scattering across pavement or w/e? Lmao you know how I felt about the constant descriptions of Kaz’s voice but I loved that one). I’m clearly nowhere near that level but I’ve definitely taken to stopping a few times while writing and going, ‘Wait. This is a chance to come up with something cool. Slow down. Do better.’ Cause tbh I have no instinct for it. I don’t think in creative metaphors or similes or whatever. But if I labor over it for a minute or two I can maybe come up with something, so yeah, THE POINT OF ALL THIS BEING - it probably sounds a lot better to a reader than it will to you. They feel and read unnaturally to me because they don’t come naturally to me, lol, but the people reading probs don’t know that so trust yourself! Do it! Knowing you and your talent they’re probably incredible.

Okay, so, in an attempt not to be mundane, let’s go through this fav line by fav line please forgive me if I just rewrite the whole chapter because ff.net doesn’t let you copy/paste

“She remembered feeling alarmed, a little helpless, like a plastic bag caught in the middle of a hurricane” (us FL girls can spot one another from miles away) (but also???? great simile). Poor Damon, but also poor Bonnie. This girl is just tryna help—it’s the core of her being, tbh—and this boy is too proud. Not like proud-proud, but that oh-shit-I’m-exposed proud. You know.  A/N: AMERICAN BEAUTY REFERENCE WHADDUP. Lol I was channeling that plastic bag shot at the end of the movie. Granted there’s no hurricane in that but you know, us Florida girls put hurricanes into everything. And yeah, that’s a great read on Damon. His pride/confidence is something he uses as a shield more than anything, which isn’t to say it’s fake exactly, but more so something he relies on to stay detached and not really have to deal with things. It’s easy for him to be like ‘world sucks, I don’t care’. Anytime anyone sees below that confidence/armor, though, it’s really destabilizing for him because it makes the reality of his fears/anxieties harder to ignore, ya know?

Kai calling out “Friends?” is the most relatable thing. He’s a murdery little bean.

“And sure, maybe she’s being a giant, hypocritical pot to his doesn’t-deal-with-childhood-trauma kettle…” Yes girl, these lines are really awesome. Also, I like how Bonnie recognizes the cycle right away. She’s like ‘been there done that broseph’.

“Do you have any pop tarts?” this girl asks. Lol when you stress eat. Btw, we never find out if she got them??? I need answers???? I feel like Kai could 3D print pop tarts if he needed to.

“Toodles”: I had a friend (loose usage of the term) in hs who used to say that, for real, and it’s funny ‘cause she was this gossipy diva (Bekah?) and reading this just sent me back. Also, toodles is such a passive-aggressive thing to say, especially for Care. I don’t think toodles has ever been said without the backing vocal of ‘I hate you please die’.

“… the prospect of going through the whole song and dance made her bones ache, it was so tiring.” FINALLY, CAROLINE, YOU’RE FREE OF THE CURSE I can tell not really, but, at least, we’re getting through some of that warding doe. RIGHT!? Lol I was excited to put that bit in because it was sort of my attempted nod to everyone reading that it was okay (actually encouraged!) to feel frustrated with Caroline’s constant mood swings because she herself hated them. They weren’t meant to be read as a some ‘fascinating complicated girl’ thing, you know? I feel like a lot of shows (esp. with male writers) like to write these female characters that are difficult and volatile for the sake of being ‘interesting’ and I kind of wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t going for that. Caroline’s coming from a place of fear. She knows what she’s doing isn’t fair. She knows it’s angering and more trouble than it’s worth. And even more than that, she hates it just as much as everyone else does, and by the time we hit chapter 16, she’s finally too drained to listen to that frantic instinct to self-preserve. She just throws caution to the wind and lets it go. It’s still scary for her but what can you do. But you’re right, she’s getting there!

***Side Note*** when is Tyler gonna be a thing, I need some sma Tyler in my life rn Me toooooooo he’s my husband. He should be popping in for 18 or 19!

Stefan’s recap of what happened, “you planned the homecoming dance at the same time as the football game”/”False” is great. I really love your back-and-forth dialogue, like always, ‘cause it’s natural and it’s funny as hell. Idk, when I write it (or sometimes when I read other people’s), it doesn’t have that same fast pace hilarity. Maybe that’s just me. It’s definitely just you cause I’ve read your dialogue and it’s hilarious, but one thing I’ve found that super speeds up dialogue is removing the dialogue tags. Seriously. Makes a world of difference. Like I don’t think it’s even possible to write an extended snappy exchange with dialogue tags tbh, cause your mind will just naturally slow it down to read the description. Half the time I go back to edit, I’m just removing unnecessary dialogue tags or descriptions that felt needed at the time. It helps if you can pick dialogue that sort of speaks for itself in terms of how it’s said, too (and realizing that once you’ve set the tone of a conversation, you really don’t need to keep re-emphasizing that tone - it really only needs to be addressed if there’s a shift imo). Also, I’ve kind of found that leaving out subjects can both make dialogue sound way more natural and also speed it up. Like even in the example you used below: “You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell” it wouldn’t read the same if it was: “You’re ridiculous.” “I’m effective.” “You’re terrifying.” “I’m productive.” “And you’re impressive as hell.” See how it slows it down? And throw in dialogue tags and it’s even slower. “You’re ridiculous,” he said. “I’m effective,” I countered. “You’re terrifying,” he replied. “I’m productive,” I quipped. “And you’re impressive as hell,” he concluded. To me that just completely changes the speed/flow. So yeah, there’s my unsolicited advice on snappy dialogue, lolololol.

Caroline’s interjection: “Systematic overview” lol

“You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell”—ooooo, Stefan! Your heart-eyes are showing! 

***Side Note*** so, uh, are we ever gonna find out what Stefan allegedly did? Muahaha yes. Kind of. Iz cute.

His deadpan face eased into a smile—one of those twinkling, warm ones that reminded her of honey spilling off a spoon—and predictably, annoyingly, her stomach did a flutter—gold. I feel like you can really get away with lines like this when it comes to Steroline because a) Caroline is a writer and b) Stefan is a Disney prince I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU USED THAT BTW I’M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF BUT DUUUUDE LISTEN I have so much fun writing in Caroline’s PoV because I can write things in a way that I can’t with other characters. I think you’ll see a lot of that in 17 when Caroline dives into her Matt history. And Stefan’s fun because he’s such a fucking sap so I can get as dumb as I want. He has a scene in 17 where I’m like ‘jesus christ dude get a grip’. Damon’s my annoying son because he’s closed off as hell so I always have to keep his thoughts muted and on-the-brink-of-something. Bonnie probably comes the most easily. Anyway, there’s my response to a question that was never even asked.

“It was the elephant in the room, big and obvious and floating over their heads like a light-up blimp. None of this frothy, chit-chat matters, it read in a glitzy, scrolling marquee, waving its animatronic trunk, y’all are fake.” … Does it ever get exhausting? Knowing that you’re literally the best at this metaphorical imagery thingies that need an actual name so I can use it and throw it in your face like, look at this gabi, think about what you’ve done? I almost cut that out because I thought it would feel random! See? That was one of those ‘pause’ moments where I almost left it as ‘the elephant in the room’ and then was like ‘you can do better than that’, and then after I extended it I was like ‘that sounds weird as hell but whatever roll with it’. So roll with yours, girl!

“An awkward beat passed as they regarded each other in the bright, exposing overhead light”/ “the lighting too clinical for such a personal conversation”. So, recently, coupling physical and metaphorical description has really been my jam, and I am so totally digging this. I have this weird thing where I feel like the lighting has to be soft for intimate conversations and if it’s not I’m like not in the right headspace for it, looool. So I’m glad you’re weird about that with me!

“[Katherine] was tough. Cynical. Her arms would lock tightly around him, jaw set, damning the world and the fucked up people in it.” Nice glimpse at the infamous Katherine Pierce. Can’t wait for a possible cameo from her in the future. NYE! Hopefully. I might be overselling NYE.

“Melted, really, like a clock in a fucking Dali painting.” Ok so like, do you Google this shit or is your brain just going a million miles a minute, coming up with stellar ways of impressing us (me)? Like jfc Gabi, calm down. LOOOL okay that one was instinctive because I compare legit every melty thing to a Dali clock. My sister’s cat has no bones and liquifies into whatever space she inhabits and we call her a melted clock.

“Floaty, useless goddamn feathers” this is cute i’m fine

“The Tylers” mention: Tyler believes in love? Is Tyler a Stefan, and that’s why Defan gels? Does Tyler have a girlfriend or boyfriend or a something?!?!? How cute! I feel like the best way to describe Tyler is like… surprisingly well-adjusted. Like he definitely had some shitty things go down in his life (abusive dad), but he had a loving mom and an unexpected support system in Damon and Katherine and because of that, he’s grown up to be this easy-going, confident guy. He’s definitely got a wild streak because of Damon and Katherine, but even when he went out with them they always kept an eye on him, always kept him out of the real dangerous stuff. He grew up loved. So when it comes to romantic love, he’s a casual optimist about it. He’s not some heart-on-his-sleeve romantic, but he believes it’s out there. His issue is kind of that he gets along with everyone (one of those types), so no one’s really knocked him off his feet yet love-wise. “The Carolines”: oh shit, called out. I love that he can read her like a goddamn book even though they aren’t anything under the surface at all. Like that just shows how good he is at this. Yessss, love that interpretation. I kind of wanted to emphasize how much he has everyone pegged so that it would heighten the contrast to how much he keeps having to redefine Bonnie.

“She’d cracked his varnish”—nice—“so thoughtlessly, like it wasn’t something he relied on”—oh shit—“and for what?/ “For shits and giggles? To see if she could?” Like usually I can handle these lines I’m lying but how sad and fucked up is it that Damon thinks Bonnie was only kind to him for something. I totally understand his mindset (like get where he’s coming from), but jfc honey, Bonnie is the Hufflepuffiest (which kudos btw for using the house for both ships, nice nice, I’m honored on behalf of us honey-badgers) and she literally didn’t try to help for anything. He def. struggles with the idea of people being kind for no reason. AND YAS GIRL HONEY BADGERS UNITE! KINDNESS EVERYWHERE! YOU get some kindness. YOU get some kindness! ERRBODY IN DA CLUB GETTIN KINDNESS.

“He scoffed again, shaking his head—worry. Concern./ “Unwanted things.” CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS THE SHIT, MAN. All us writers out here (or just me idk) are screaming and, probably totally weeping.

“Her eyes looked a little buggy in her magnifying goggles, hair in a mess of curls, and instantly, unwantedly, he felt a bit of the cool distance warm right off him.” Oh silly boy. Like you can actually resist how adorable Bon-bon is. Also, love nerd!Bonnie, can she come back some more? I’m going to incorporate it into 17! I think. Lmao I will now.

“It means I don’t need you to fucking fix me.” Yikes, dude. I always worry that those mood-shift lines aren’t going to pack enough of a punch so I love when you single them out.

“One little emotion glitch”… It’s really interesting you put it this way. Stefonnie are all heartstrings and mush, and Daroline are very ones-and-zeros, very programmed­-and­-defined. And this ties into Kai’s “logic” speech, because while these no-strings-attached sillies think they can avoid what makes us all human, they’ve got another thing coming. These fools are just as sappy-feely as their romantic counterparts. TRUEFAX.COM I wanna change the story description to just that ^^ 

“Relax.” IF THAT SHIT ISN’T THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER I HAVE NO IDEA HOW BONNIE DIDN’T DECK HIM RIGHT THERE. Not to call him out, but my boyfriend does this whenever I get worked up, and I’ve warned him, next time he tells me to relax, he’s getting hit. I literally read Damon’s “relax” in my bf’s voice, and I got so irritated. (Great job). I THINK YOU MEAN YOUR FIANCÉ WHHHAAAATTTTTT

“Your blood type was ‘tequila’.”

“Does that bother you” / “Not as much as it bothers you” OOOO GIRL EXPOSE HIM YAS another line I hoped packed a punch.

“Cat, is he lying?” lol when do they actually name her Never.

“Casually vibrant and loose” reminds me of sunshine for some reason. Sunshiny Caroline is my fav.

“Bonnie’s Caroline. Spirited. Brassy… A hell-raiser with a sparkling stare and a laugh like a bell.” Stefan, babe, stop.

“Badgering the witness!” LOL I’m using this in b&b, you’ve been warned, bye DO IT.

“Memory Lane was closed.”/ “Detour to Platonic Avenue”: good, good, keep it up. I love how they end up talking about it anyways? And it’s lowkey a daroline convo, but without a doubt, Damon would flirt it up, and it’d probably end in more sex, but these two goofballs I swear: “Told you I was the class skank”  and “it takes years of training” but also “No room left behind” “Nothing is good enough to make me forget about how much I hate heights” / “I am” OH SHIT IT’S GETTIN’ HOT IN HERE. But also????? Excellent example of what I was saying (re: daroline convo); Caroline lapsed into her natural, flirty confidence, not even realizing GIRL HOW AREN’T YOU REALIZING how something so saucy, that would naturally turn on Stefan, can’t be said so casually. HAHAHA honestly as I was writing that I was like ‘careful what you wish for steffy bear’ because like you said, that is natural Caroline. She’s confident, flirty, vibrant, etc, and if Stefan was already falling for the prickly, self-preserving version, how did he expect to survive this one, you know? I don’t approve of these characters’ dumb ass decisions I just write them.

“You’re Lawyer Dangerous-ing me, aren’t you?” and “Wow, I ruined you.” Love it. I feel like Kol pulled this shit on Caroline, and she lowkey trusts her brother, so she fell for things like this all the time. LOOOL Kol’s such a menace.

“You didn’t think you were Buttercup, did you?” / “That’s embarrassing”: I love sma Stefan so much. I liked tvd at one time, but that’s for another day lololol we’ve discussed this.

“Ugh, montage love” I’m sorry Gabi, are you in sma too? ya know every now and then I have to insert my frustration with how dumb everyone is.

“Was it real if the sun started to fade after a few years? Was it real if the gravity weakened and he had to struggle to stay in her atmosphere? Was it real if another planet got pulled in, too, one he could never see because it was always on the exact opposite side of her, moving in tandem with him, eclipsed by her glow?” Shit, girl. Like, go home already. Gah, thanks love. Another case of ‘pause. Think. You can do better.’ I’m telling you, you just have to roll with it!

“I don’t regret a second of that” oh Stefan, you lovesick fool

“I’m like a human Bermuda Triangle” love

“Just give him the Disney Prince look” and the process of him going through it, and him being like, “This is just my face” I’m dead.

“Danger Zone” lmfaoooooo, followed by “Whatever, Piss Pants”. Sounds like a classic Caroline x Kol moment Honestly, it was so nice to write them just having an easy convo, lololol. And TOTALLY a Care x Kol type exchange. Oh, Kol. I can’t wait to write him over the Christmas chapter(s). 

“Bonnie knew the ball was in her court to be the bigger person” to “…they all made her feel caught between telling him that everything was going to be okay and asking him if he wanted a gold fucking star.”/ “Unfortunately, the latter seemed to be winning out.” Okay, so I have to admit this: this “petty, four-year-old” Bamon is a little shamefully like me and my boyfriend. We’re like the diluted version of bamon in this fic. I’m the nerd/caring one, my bf is the cynical/well-read one, and we’re both petty af, and our form of affection is kinda like bamon’s back-and-forth. I mean, we’re not as fucked up at all, but idk, I see parts of our relationship in bamon, which is why they are otp does that mean I think ryan and I otp? maybe but I don’t like being gross. Anyways… FIANCÉ RYAN. CASS IS GETTING MARRIED Y’ALL. I OTP YOU GUYS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US SO IT’S FINE.

“Must be depressing” / “Don’t worry about it” / “Just means it doesn’t matter” / “Because isn’t that the human way?” Ooooo this shit boils my blood this is the kind of crap ryan pulls sometimes omg but moreover, this baiting thing is so aggravating. Say what you want to say and be done with it! WEDDING BELLS AND RIIIINNNIIINNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LMAO literally any mention of you and Ryan’s going to bring that response out of me bye

“I mean, didn’t you tell me last night that your biggest fear is that something’s wrong with you and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else figures it out?” and Bonnie’s internal monologue “her head was caught in a hum as she tried to shake off the burn of hearing her biggest insecurity thrown in her face, casual, smug”. I got to admit, Gab, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I was literally hanging on every sentence like oh. My. GOD. DAMON WENT THERE.

Side Note: this whole scene had me all sorts of fucked up, and like damn girl, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I felt for Bonnie. Not in a personal way, but like having someone just throw your deepest fear in your face? Someone who you were just warming up to? Like shit.

GIRL thanks so much, that scene definitely took some tweaking. I always stress about those moments because it takes me so long to get a sense for exactly what kind of mood I built (cause I’m almost like… already in the mood when I start writing it so I don’t actually know if I built it or not? Like if someone who wasn’t me would feel it through the writing alone? Does that make sense? I always try to explain this and fail). But anyway, gah, so glad this pulled you in. Like it’s one thing to try and be funny and fail at it (my life) but for some reason it’s way more nerve-wracking to me to try and be dramatic/intense and fail at it. 

 Kai’s crème-bru-yay is like opening Pinterest and seeing the first promoted post lol.

Damon’s “would it kill you to stay for one dessert” and her “it might kill you”, which I translated to “I might kill you, you fucker” Exactly what it meant.

The Bon/Kid talk. Nice. I love how it parallels to the Care/Stef talk earlier (dunno if you did this on purpose?) Nope, but I’m going to pretend I’m put-together enough of an author to do things like that and say of course.

“I don’t even know what your vulnerabilities are, Damon!” Have you read Lee’s “Parachute” bamon fic. Damon asks, “Do I ever say anything I don’t mean?” and Bonnie says something like Uh yeah, you say whatever will bother people the most. That. That is so true, and I didn’t realize it until I read it in her fic. Noooo, I haven’t, but now I really need to!

He was a friggin’ serial killer and they’d played right into his game Jesus fucking Christ they were all going to di—I love how off the rails Bonnie’s thoughts are. Like she’s stilly lowkey pissy at Damon, but at the same time, she’s like we’re gonna die. LOL that’s why Bonnie’s the easiest for me to write, because I too am often balancing serious emotions with cracky off-the-rails thoughts. 

“I’m sorry but what the everloving fuck, dude?” So, first, amazing line lmfao; second, amazing scene, my friend. Damon, somehow, talking Kai down? Like who would have thought? “Not a good look, man.” I’m dead.

Jk that line is getting it’s own number. Just reading it makes me think that Damon must’ve said something like this to Tyler. Must have. Like, maybe Tyler’s talking about how he got into a fight at school, or maybe about how he screwed things up with a girl—idk idc, big brother!Damon is a good look. Toootally! I was 100% channeling big bro!Damon there, and I definitely hoped people would connect it back to Tyler. Tyler’s just someone that Damon wants better for, you know? Like him and Katherine take him along on their wild rides but like I said earlier, Damon definitely doesn’t want him to live the same kind of life or make the same kind of mistakes/sacrifices he’s made. So I can totally see him steering him off that path if he senses him heading down it. And just in general, so happy you liked that scene. It was one of the scenes I was most pumped for ‘cause I live for feels, and I thought it showed really cute sides of both Damon and Kai.

Kai’s fun fact about Dante, and Damon’s plain, “Bummer” lol.

Kai’s “Did you mean what you said earlier…thinking I was cool…?” I seriously don’t know how you made a serial killer adorable but how dare you :D

“Boyish, almost, like he was some angsty teen she’d walked in on listening to Britney Spears”, oops you did it again I’m hilarious my friend, you played with my heart for fantastic similes. Like, this one just epitomizes what you wanted it to, this sheepish, caught-in-the-moment-of-a-good-deed kinda thing. Like, Gabi, stop Yeeeesssss that was exactly what I wanted to get across but I wasn’t sure I got it across so YAY. Goes to show you. You never think that of your own stuff. Idk why this review response is turning into a giant PSA on cutting yourself some slack with your own writing but CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK WITH YOUR OWN WRITING PEOPLE.

‘you are so much more than you think you are, you piece of shit’—see, that’s my kind of “terms of endearment”. LOL mine too.

Caroline vs. Cat, illustrated by “Are you trying to die?” is very much like me vs. a cat except I’m super allergic, so I’m doing the dying LOOOOOL love ya, Cas.

“Stefan!” She blustered out of her room with a scowl, padding down the hallway in Bonnie’s too-small Gryffindor slippers. First off, Caroline calling Stefan. Secondly, Caroline calling Stefan to be a meditator between her and the cat. Thirdly, why does Bonnie had Gryffindor slippers if she is clearly (eh) Hufflepuff (she could easily be Ravenclaw tbh). LMAO so I made them Hufflepuff at first and then I remembered Bonnie had a Gryffindor shirt and I thought it’d be funny for her to just randomly have paraphernalia from every house because she can’t decide who she is and goes through phases where she’s super convinced she’s one house and then it changes a few months later.

“Tide of amusement”/ “Wash of endearment”: teach me your wayssss I read that as ‘teach me your waaaavvveeesss’ we’re both hilarious

“Saint Stefan”: I really like (and appreciate) that Caroline is the one calling him this. That it’s not some jealous brother, but some girl who blatantly misunderstood him and is coming to the conclusion that maybe this savior complex isn’t as bad/ingrained as she thought. Honestly even just reading ‘jealous brother’ gave me such TVD PTSD. Gross. I’m with ya, girl. 

Stefan’s advice, “Dazzle him with that Rebekah charm” literally is the most Dad thing I’ve ever seen lmao

“Demon.” / “Demons everywhere.” Lolololololol

“Do your thing. Give me the sisterhood spiel or whatever Hallmark collection it was you were planning on plagiarizing.” Well shit. I’d probably pay to hear Damon and Rebekah’s verbal sparring. LMAO Damon vs. Rebekah would be amazing. I feel like they’d be fast friends, which makes me laugh because Kol would totally idolize Damon and yet him and Rebekah would loathe each other.

“But more importantly… Tiffany will be social media stalking you every inch of the way, seething with jealousy, so take a lot of pictures.” I love how she gives the realest advice, and then brings it to Rebekah’s level lol. I feel like big sister!Caroline is something we were deprived of and didn’t know it. Hahaha you know Rebekah would totally ignore that shit if it didn’t circle back to making her nemesis miserable. But sister!Caroline is definitely something I want to do more of, so I’m so happy you liked that side. Christmas time will give her and Kol some quality time (and Mama Liz!)

“I’m going to need some tea,” she says lmao.

 Oh this is the thing I was talking about when I referred to Lee’s fic: “he’d know before he’d even opened his mouth that he was going to hate what came out” and “why the hell had he even gone there? He could’ve just told her he needed space”. Very similar. You guys had the same revelation. That’s rad - I definitely have to go read her fic. Lee’s writing is always brilliant.

“Unfortunately, the hole he’d just managed to dig himself into had an echo, and the only sound in it was the disbelieving crack in Bonnie’s voice when she’d confronted him about bring up her parents.” Right in the heart.

“But maybe she thought he was a megadouche” he cares what she thinks! “Maybe she was waiting for him to prove that he wasn’t.”

“You missed a spot” / “A harsh spray of water cut him off from the pull-out faucet she’d shot straight at him”—if this petty shit isn’t me & ryan CAS AND RYAN ARE GETTING MARRIEDDDDDDDDDD

“And mean.” I love that tack on, it’s so childish, but epitomizes how she can’t even stay mad at him. “Very, very mean.” Their childish bits are my favorite parts to write. It’s in full-swing in 17.

 “I just had a really shitty week last week.” Oooo glimpse into the past. Like Bonnie’s with the Enzo/Klaus mention. More of that ahead!

“And don’t stop calling me kid.” / “It’s cute and I like it.” Can they just kiss and be together already omg You would think but everyone in this story is stupid.

“And he was struck by the most bizarre impulse to kiss her” see, even Damon knows!!!!

The “pep rally” / “I was actually a cheerleader for a bit in college” convo. Classic Bamon

 “Try not to do anything secretly heroic while I’m gone.”

“Maybe he was allergic to pep” / “maybe he was high on it” Damon and Bonnie sitting in a tree… D-E-N-Y-I-N-G

THE ALMOST STEROLINE NAME DROP I WAS ACTUALLY GRINNING LIKE A MORON WHEN I READ THIS MUAHAHA it was so stupid and I cackled writing it.

“I think I need to talk about Matt”/ “And I think you should probably tell me about Elena”. What? Caroline Forbes is talking about exes? Is doing something healthy that’ll further her relationship with Stefan? THERE IS SO MUCH PRIDE IN MY HEART – Also, I think this was a great way to end the chapter ‘cause it’s super cliffhanger and also super like a tvd episode, you know? Great, excellent, fantastic job! RIGHT? LOOK AT HER GO! She’s ready to confront some things! And because I took six months to reply to this and have the benefit of actually having the scene written now, I can tell you that she’s really going there. Saying things she’s never said out loud. It’s a hard scene for her. But she’s determined. So it makes me so happy that you’re proud of her (I’m proud of her!), and hopefully the next chapter will make it a little clearer why she is the way she is (and why it took her this long to get there). Also, YAY for show-like endings! You know that’s what I’m going for ;) TBH that’s a large reason why the chapters have gotten so long - I want like a whole episode in a chapter with a beginning, middle, and end, and I want them to set up a story for the next one, and for four central characters that usually ends up taking me about 8-10 scenes, loool. So I’m glad you like it that way, too ;)

Okay, so this is longer than I hoped, but I’m sure you won’t mind. Take your mind off med school, off the whole moving thing. Anyways, thanks a bazillion for being this awesome author that interacts with her audience, who puts at least 1000% percent into this fic when, really, you don’t gotta, and ya know… thanks for fulfilling the need everyone has seen tvd died (there were only 6 seasons right?)

Definitely only six seasons. And girl, psh, thank you for making all of the things you listed above worth it. Seriously. You guys make writing this story a legitimate joy - I literally have you in mind when I write. I anticipate who’s going to like what. Whose going to have a problem with what. And it makes me a better writer. Seriously. Anyway, you’re as lovely and witty and talented and kind and weird and wonderful as ever and I expect detailed updates on you and Ryan’s royal wedding every week and NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR WRITING A LONG REVIEW WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU’RE MY SUN AND I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT I’LL SAY IT AGAIN IT TAKES ME FOREVER TO RESPOND BECAUSE I LEGIT CAN’T THINK OF A REPLY THAT’S WORTHY SOOOOO THANKS FOR MAKING MY LIFE K BYEEEEE

[polis-fandom]

The Last Jedi thoughts

It’s been a week and I’m still on the fence with this movie. Everytime I think I’m getting over the disappointment and starting to enjoy what was good there, I come across some review that’s like “THIS IS THE GREATEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVERRRR!!! ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING!” and it flares up again. I feel like I’m in the Gombrowicz’s tale, “how is it breathtaking, when it’s not breathtaking?! how is it beautiful, when it’s not beautiful? how is Rian Johnson a great director, when he’s the worst one since George Lucas?”. I need to get away from any discourse about this movie, or I’ll end up hating it. And it doesn’t deserve my hatred, because it’s not really a bad movie.

Bitter Me: *whispers* Luke Skywalker.

Me:

So I’ll just put my feelings here and move on. Under the cut, ‘cause lots of spoilers and overhelming bitterness, tho nothing new, others said all that already, so ignore as you wish.

“Star Wars: A New Hope” was the first movie I watched in cinema. No, I mean the remastered version from 1997, I’m not that old. But, yeah, Star Wars were the movies of my childhood, and are still among my favourite stories ever. After surviving the rocky Prequel Trilogy during my teenage years, I was excited to be brought back to the universe, and while The Force Awakens was redundant as far as the storyline goes, it won me over with the visuals. I made a conscious decision not to get attached to any of the new characters, because I felt there wasn’t enough to know about them. Besides, in the past Luke Skywalker didn’t became my favourite character until the second movie, so I figured I had the time to fall in love with them until I saw more.

Nice Me: Look at this one, he’s played by your favourite actor.

Bitter Me: That one is garbage.

Bitter Me: I’ll just wait to see the whole story. Maybe others will do something extra.

Nice Me: Like what? Blow up the Starkiller Base? Risk their life to save friends? Talk to Darth Vader’s helmet?

Bitter Me: Lose a limb.

(Btw, did you notice the advancement of the medical treatment in Last Jedi? The guy gets slashed through the back and wakes up mere days later just fine, other barely gets a scar…

Bitter Me: at least they are consistent with that.)

So, going in to see the Last Jedi, I had open mind, no expectations for the story, because Star Wars - aka the series that always makes it to the top of the lists of biggest plot twists ever - and I knew nothing besides what was shown in the trailer. And yet, I made one mistake. I saw someone’s tweet about how it’s the best Star Wars movie since the Empire…

Bitter Me: …and then I spent first hour trying to understand, where did this guy saw that greatness, because it just wasn’t there.

I’ve got the biggest gripes with the editing, cinematography, and directing in general. You see, this series, however bad the movies were, they at least were visually stunning. They had certain style and flow - despite all the action, there were always slower scenes, a bit more nostalgic, giving you time to soak up the visuals and feel the emotion. Johnson fails at that repeatedly. The edit at the beging is very rushed, the scenes chopped, and set-up of some could’ve been better. Even Ahch-too, which was amazingly shot in previous film, here becomes a more of clustered and claustrophobic set.

Nice Me: But there are some magnificient shots. The admiral Holdo launching into hyperspace - absolutely beautiful. The pretorian guards fight - one of the best lightsabers fights. The Crait scenes with crystals and everything.  

Bitter Me: which just angers me more, because if he’s capable of pulling of shots like that, why the whole movie isn’t equally beautiful???

Nice Me: But the Leia in vacuum scene starts beautiful too. I’m ecstatic that we finally have an undisputed proof that Leia is not only force sensitive, but she actually mastered the use of it. It would have been really interesting to see more of her in the next movie, might she have become a teacher Rey needs...

Nice Me:…but then the latter half of that scene is shot in such a way, it comes of as silly and utterly dumb. The guy is just bad at showing visions.

Nice Me: Breath. Just breath.

Bitter Me: …that one was horribly edited.

Nice Me: But the scene at dark place at AhchToo was impressive…

Bitter Me: …as a trick shot with no substance that leads to nowhere. He could have used some of that creative visuals for the Force Skype scenes, they were edited in such bland manner…

Nice Me: …you’re complaining about that because it reminded you of Alina and Darkling having identical force bond in Grisha, down to the shirtless scene…

Bitter Me:… as bad as that was, Bardugo at least gave a good explanation of how it was possible.

Nice Me: Snoke did it.

Bitter Me: I recognize the narrative need to create such connection between them, I just think it could have been done in a more artistic way visually.

Bitter Me: Rian is praised for the daring and innovative writing of this movie. And yet the main plot can be summed as: they are evacuating the rebel resistance base, escape - but not far, cause they can’t enter hyperspace, so they sneak into evil ship and try to turn off tracking beam, and then seek hidding on a nearby planet. Yep, I’ve never seen a star wars movie with a plot like that.

Bitter Me: So what’s so daring here? destroying all the symbols of the star wars franchise? Making Luke grumpy and acting against his very core?

Bitter Me: Look, I’m not so much against making Luke a space hobo hermit, who no longer wants to train Jedi, it‘s possible to have such turn after you tried and failed. But I have everything against Luke trying to murder Ben, because he’s too powerful and tempted to the dark side. Luke did everything he could to save his father, who was far deeper on the Dark side. Luke was himself tempted by it, and resisted it. Luke would have done everything to save Ben, but he would not draw a lightsaber on him…

Nice Me: But he says it was a flitting feeling, just a moment of weakness, he regrets deeply…

Bitter Me: What exactly young Ben Solo had done to lead Luke to even consider such an act? We are only told the dark side was rising in him, and that’s sounds vague as hell.

Look, The Star Wars at it’s core were a story about hope - that there’s good even in a bad person, about redemption, and unwavering familial love. Luke was the embodiment of that, and that scene goes directly against it.

If he so insist on having such a drastic turn for Luke, he should’ve made us understand, how did it happen. We should’ve seen more of young Ben Solo, and their dynamic prior to the break. It would serve both their characters and story overall better than this cheap shot for the shock value, so we, like Rey, would cry: You have created Kylo Ren???

But, honestly, if Rian is oh-so-clever and daring writer, he could’ve come up with a better, more complex backstory for Luke and Ben’s breakdown.

Bitter Me: and besides Luke’s arc here? The big lesson he learns? „the real great master let’s his students grow beyond him.” That’s such a simple one, so obvious, it’s dumb and annoying, not worthy to be Luke’s final arc. He was wiser than that. Luke was never about being great and powerful, he rejected offers to became such through dark side, he left his jedi training because his friends were more important to him. Why would he be afraid of his student becoming more powerful than him?

Nice Me: But Luke is great. Like when he says „what do you expect me to do? show up and wave my lightsaber, and they will all run off scared?”, he might be mocking the heroic ways and everyone’s expectations, but if you look back, he achieved his biggest win in the Original Trilogy by tossing asside the lightsaber and refusing to fight.

Bitter Me: …and then he goes and does excatly, what he mocked: shows up, wave the lightsaber and scare off the pesky First Order.

Nice Me: And it was EPIC! And the shoulder brush! hilarious!

Bitter Me: yeah, yeah. Btw, was that their first meeting since Luke tried to murder Ben? so he just like that, shows up, mocks Kylo’s powerlessness, fights him and then promises to forceghost hunt him for eternity?

Nice Me: What do you want him to do?

Bitter Me: …I don’t know, APOLOGIZE for trying to murder him?

Nice Me: fine, but this is still about redemption and love and hope. Rose says: That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love. It’s a great quote.

Bitter Me: Then who is saving Kylo? whose there left to love him? Rey, walking off on him, closing door on him? Leia, giving up on him, saying we need to kill him? What mother would say something like that? Leia would say something like that? The princess who was always compassionate, and hugging everyone around? Who spent all the previous film insisting on bringing Ben back?

Nice Me: She says it in a tone that suggests she’s not believing it herself. like she’s trying to convince herself, because others expect that of her, because he’s a threat to them all. And Luke counters it immedietly.

Bitter Me: …It’s still there.

Nice Me: …and there’s still third movie. The story is in progress.

Nice Me: At least Snoke is dead. That was GREAT. He always felt like this unnecessary ouside evil force, that people can conveniently blame for all the bad things done, just kill him and everythings gonna be bright and shiny again. By removing him so early, they made way and time to explore more complex evil inside us, err, characters, or harder to spot like the riches benefiting from the ongoing war. That’s a nice storytelling turn.

Nice Me: And Rey as a random nobody is a joy for my heart, because I’m a bit done with Chosen One trope, where hero’s been destinated for heroics on the qualms of being born a prince or noble or someone powerful. I’ve had hard times connecting with such characters, because I myself never felt born special.

(Bitter Me: Then how did you end up liking Luke, the very icon of Chosen One trope?

Nice Me: Loss of the limb.)

Bitter Me: okay, but that was only told to us, just like Rey’s vision of Kylo’s future. Told, not shown. I mean, given how bad Rian is at visions, it would be cringey, but still it’s a movie, use the visuals to convey the information. Not everything needs to be telegraphed, did we really need that guy liking the rocks on Crait to know it’s salt? Who cares it’s salt? That was distracting.

Nice Me: …that was to bring the attention to the footprint…

Bitter Me: …the big zoom on it did that just fine. The joke was unnecesary.

Bitter Me: Actually half the jokes were unnecessary. The humour was crude, often misplaced and under cutting the drama of the scenes. They say it was needed to balance out the dark themes this movie deals with, but in my opinion the previous movies dealt with the same dark drama, and yet used humour in a less forced nor cynical way. Some say it felt more like a Marvel movie, and true, that’s how it felt.

Nice Me:…but you loved Thor Ragnarok - for it’s humour exactly.

Bitter Me: one, Thor used humour with better placement and sense of purpose, didn’t try to undercut the emotional impact of the scenes with it. Two, it was a Marvel movie - you expect such humour, because that’s their style. Going to the Star Wars you expect Star Wars - great visuals, action scenes, emotions, feelings, not disgusting alien cow. It’s anti-climatic.

Besides, why are we so ashemed of pure emotions and drama, that we need to undercut it with gags and jokes? why there must be a wink, „yeah, we did this serious scene, but we’re not sure we got it good enough, people might mock us for it, better mock ourselves first.” For gods sake, dare to be honest. If it’s serious, heroic, epic, let it be such!

Nice Me: The latter half of the movie was great, tho. Rey using force in non-combat way to move rocks and save friends, nice way to turn joke around into something beautiful. All of them coming together on Millenium Falcon board. Luke’s death with the suns setting, making nice parallel to the sunset at Tatooine long ago at the begining of his journey. That last scene about the power of storytelling, I cried a little, it was so moving…

Bitter Me: … the storytelling about what? Self-righteous jedi deciding who is worthy of forgivness or chance for redemption, and who to finish off while they’re still a kid and asleep? About mothers giving up on their sons? About destroying everything that once was sacred, stripping it of the value? It’s all clever writting, but without understanding the soul of the Star Wars, without keeping it’s core sacred, it came of shallow.

Nice Me: shhh, calm down. It’s just a movie.

Bitter Me: How did we come to the Star Wars being just a movie? just a story? quite ironic, in the context of that ending scene.

Magic is gone.

Nice Me: Come on, Let’s watch it again, maybe you’ll like it better. There’s a cute orange murderball...

Bitter Me: …and my fave actor gets trashed around. Fine, let’s watch it again.

[rob-burton-stuff]

We are the Laowais

By Dr Rob Burton

What then is freedom?

The power to live as one wishes. Marcus Tulles Cicero

 Marcus hits the nail on the head concerning my experience of living in China. It's one of those strange contradictions we love about the Middle Kingdom that for all the bad stuff we read about Communism the reality for us expats is somewhat different.

We have the freedom to be who we want to be. Didn't like yourself back home? Hell, you can make up your own biography and tell the story of your life to every other barfly you meet. You can be the man or woman you really want to be.  We are anonymous; no one knows who you are or where you came from.  And to be frank no one cares – most friendships are here today - gone tomorrow, sort of affairs. Most of us in China have an edited past we trot out in conversations. Things we don't want our newfound pals to find out about us. Those things that set us on the road to China - and keep us here. Failed marriages, failed businesses, failed careers, failed personalities. We can then impress our newfound best buddies with the tales of our travelling - fiction or non-fiction - who cares? If it's a good story its worth repeating. Let me tell you about the wonderful times I have had wandering around lonely as a cloud through S.E. Asia with only bar girls as company. Or the great money I was making in Korea. Or that time in Cambodia when... recounted a hundred times to the similar faces, in similar bars all doing similar things to maintain our sanities.

  There are many other freedoms. The UK has one of the largest totals of CCTV cameras in the world. The British Security Industry Association (BSIA) estimates there are between 4-5.9 million cameras. In the UK I am constantly being surveilled. This is for my own safety I am informed. In China I can go about my legal business without being filmed and analysed. This is a joy. There’s a weightlessness that goes along with this freedom – it can make one feel a little giddy. The positive side of CCTV in China is all the road junctions are monitored and in the event of an accident there will be film. But still I remain giddy - the iron cage of rationality has not imprisoned me yet.

  At work, I am not being constantly micro managed. I get on with my teaching with little interference. We all know our classroom practice gets fed back to the managers and parents through the spies in the classroom. I have never found out who my classroom snake in the grass is but whoever it is they seem happy enough with what I do. So I enjoy my work and get to be creative and feel I am helping my students get to the foreign universities they dream about.

The consequence of the freedoms I enjoy in China is a lack of stress in my day-to-day life. I can do what I want, go where I want to without having to constantly look over my shoulder or worry that my 'performance' targets are not being met. For me that is a massive plus in my life.  That ‘freedom’ does not give me the right to break Chinese law though.  Let me quote my namesake Robert Burton (1621) here – ‘When they are at Rome, they do there as they see done.’ Many foreigners ignore this maxim parading about as if the laws of the country do not relate to them. For instance, our local police come to the campus (where I live) once a month to check up on us. They are friendly and chatty, they do not want to enter my apartment, they are just checking everything is okay. A British colleague told me I should refuse their visits as it was a 'bloody cheek' and this would never happen 'back home'. I think he has been away from the UK for too long and is out of touch with what is happening in the world. 

Other expats work illegally, drive motor vehicles illegally, take and sell drugs, despite the very severe penalties should they get caught doing so. It's like they live in a bubble of 1st world privilege that saturates a colonial mentality evidenced by the way the use racist language to speak about their friends and colleagues - 'chinks, slopes, chinky, japs, gooks and other racialised ethnic slurs.  

  China is not without its idiosyncrasies. Many of the things expats hate are things that are culturally different to the ways we think things should get done. As��a sociologist I am more patient, understanding we can get too ethnocentric about the way life is lived here. One thing that irritates even me, Dr Laid Back, is that last minute management thing when they call, 'Oh Dr Rob there’s a meeting tomorrow do you have a PPT for it?'  'What? You just this moment told me, how can I possibly have a PPT ready?' - 'Oh Sorry.'  Or your phone rings at 7:48am  'Dr Rob, you have a class, where are you?' 'I'm in bed, my first class is this afternoon.'  'No Dr Rob we changed your timetable, you have a class now. Class A Room 3.' 'But no one told me.' - ' Oh Sorry.'

  Yet the Chinese teachers suffer the same problems, for less money, I am told it’s a management thing whereby they expect employees to jump to their slightest whim to show commitment to the employer. I still don't get it though and it’s annoying.

  This forments within many expats a resentment that allows them to witter on about 'Oh we didn't do it like this in my last school' or just ignore last minute requests from the people who pay them. It's as if we are so much better and worth more than our Chinese teacher colleagues who have little say in how their employer treats them. It annoys me that some expat 'teachers' (I am using the word 'teacher' advisedly here because some people I have met in schools are plainly not teachers) think they can swan up to class, fill their 45 minutes with something or other they might have put together at the last minute, and swan off down to the local bar for another evening of telling each other the same stories they have told each other a hundred times.

That attitude breeds an arrogance (not far removed from the racism mentioned above) where we can blame the Chinese for all the things that go wrong with our easy life. How often do we hear - 'Oh the bloody Chinese, they haven't got a bloody clue, bloody idiots.' I will admit I have fallen into the same trap myself – it’s so easy to push the blame somewhere else, mindlessly disregarding that this is their country and their systems. We are the visitors; we are the aliens, the immigrants, and the refugees if you will. It is WE who are different - not them. We are the Laowais.

This is my sixth year here and I am not yet tired of the Middle Kingdom. I will be here for many years, my adventure is not ending - I will continue to live as I wish.

 Happy New Year.

Dr Rob Burton

[lokifiction]

Caught in the Crossfire

The day the Battle of New York occurred was a fateful one, especially for Camryn, who was caught in the crossfire of a Chitauri weapon and Loki’s Tesseract-powered scepter, the blast sending her into a comatose state.

When Thor returns to Midgard to assist with rescue efforts, he finds her, unconscious and close to death, though emitting a strong magical trace. Puzzled by it, the prince brings her to Asgard for medical care- and observation.

Over time, the mystery of what salvation or destruction she will cause because of her magical abnormality becomes harder and harder to solve. As she begins to lose control of herself, she must seek help from the only person that can teach her how to harness her newfound power and the one who happens to hate her the most.

Loki.

Category: Fanfic

Rating: Teen

Notes: Hi, guys! I know I always apologize for late updates, but I felt particularly bad about this one. I planned to try to write a lot in my last month of summer, but I’m in the process of uploading the fics from this page onto ao3 (more info about that later), so that already caused some delays. Then rehearsals and my conditioning program for the year started, pushing my writing back even further. And then, when I finally finished the chapter, a bunch of busywork stuff came up, and I never had time to get it edited. Every night I couldn’t get this up I felt absolutely awful, and I’m so sorry! I hope this proves worth the wait for you guys!

Warnings: Some language and very mild mentions of sexual content in this one. Enjoy!

Masterlist

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Chapter Fifteen

           Despite our heartfelt declarations and our supposed new relationship, hardly anything changed in Loki’s and my routine, and the only thing altered in our behavior towards each other was the addition of painful awkwardness. Loki had no more outbursts of hatred towards me and I stopped fearing they would happen, but we still weren’t in sync. We would share luncheon, served by Gerd and Inge (Toril had been mysteriously absent ever since the kiss), have a training session, then eat dinner together before retiring to our respective chambers. The only thing that would mark us out as being in a relationship were the hesitant touches and pecks we would share upon greeting and goodbyes. In fact, we had never been together anywhere outside of my chambers, and I hadn’t even seen his.

            Admittedly, the removal of prevalent fear in our dynamic helped me make excellent progress in my training, and I soon reached the point where I hardly ever had difficulties controlling my power. Loki, glowing with pride, had said that as far as my physical prowess, the containment training was nearly finished, and soon we would be able to move on to actually applying my abilities. The enormous hug he gave me the day I had no reaction to the most intense triggers he could summon was the most natural moment between us since the kiss, while every other gesture of affection, while genuine, seemed forced. I began to reflect on how little time we had actually known each other and began to wonder if we rushed into things too soon.

           I expressed as much to the girls as I was eating breakfast a week and a half after Loki and I kissed and had our reckoning, responding to Gerd’s question of why I seemed so jittery.

           “Well, he didn’t give you much of a choice,” Brenna commented, biting into a fig. I didn’t require check-ups after my lessons anymore, and wouldn’t again until we got to the stamina portion of my training, so she often came to take breakfast with me to keep in touch. “He took you and kissed you. Hard, from the way I hear it. You couldn’t just go back to normal after that. He threw any notion of a properly developing relationship out the window.”

           “I know, but we had such chemistry before,” I argued. “While it’s not completely gone, it’s considerably diminished. We’re not passionate now, yet we were when we still hated each other. Now we’re like two preteens in their first relationship.”

           “It s a completely new dynamic, and the two of you are just figuring it out.” Gerd topped off my tea, placing a comforting pat on my back before pouring herself a cup and settling into the chair next to Brenna. “Give it time.”

           “I just fear…” I broke off, staring at my hands. “I’ve just been thinking of how little we really know each other. I can count our interactions before the kiss on my fingers. I worry that our attraction for each other was just us reacting to extreme stressors and new situations, and that it’s not really there. I wish we would have had time to riddle that out before becoming entirely romantically involved.”

           “I agree with Gerd,” Inge put in, reclining in her seat. “Give it time. The two of you made a mistake by rushing into it, so just don’t let it happen again. Don’t force anything, and let it happen naturally. If it’s meant to be, it will all work itself out.”

           I nodded as I reached for my fork to finally devour the plate of delicious food that had made me queasy not a minute before, the churning in my stomach quelled a bit by their advice and reassurance. Around a bite of warm, spiced fig, I looked around at the women seated before me, my heart swelling with thanks that I was able to come across such a wonderful support group. Though, as I studied Gerd and Inge, I realized just how long it had been since I saw their third member.

           “Where has Toril been the past week?” I asked, attempting to sound casual. “I haven’t seen her since the night Loki and I kissed.”

           “She fell ill the next day, and has been in bed ever since,” Inge replied, blowing on her cup of hot cider.

           I cocked an eyebrow. “Suspicious timing.”

           “I thought so, too, until she didn’t get any better. She’s been locked in her room this entire time, and refuses to let anyone see her. Today she departed for a leave of absence to her mother’s house in the countryside until she recovers.”

           Brenna furrowed her brow. “If she’s so ill, why did she never come to the healers? Usually Eir has to give her permission for a member of staff to take a sick leave. We never even knew Toril was afflicted with anything.”

           Inge shrugged. “I’m just getting this all from Edill.”

           Brenna scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Edill is Toril’s lackey. I wouldn’t trust a word she says.”

           “I don’t entirely, but I did see Toril leaving the palace today.” Inge looked pointedly at me. “If she’s not sick, she’s up to something. I would be on your guard, Camryn. Part of the reason why Loki never kept his lovers for long was because Toril always got involved if they were around any longer than two weeks. She can be vicious.”

           I gulped, my food becoming unappetizing yet again. I had refrained from asking Loki about Toril thus far, but Inge’s information made me realize that I had to at the earliest opportunity. I needed to find out what was really going on, and why Toril felt the need to sabotage our first outing and hurt all of Loki’s past lovers, for my own safety. Surely he’d understand my fear and tell me for that reason.

           Though, an awful voice in my head crooned, if he doesn’t, it could ruin everything.

 ***

           “Good afternoon, Camryn.”

           “Good afternoon to you, Loki.” I stepped out of the doorframe to make room for him. “Come on in.”

           Loki entered the room with a smile and a tender brush on my upper arm. “How are you today?”

           “I’m good. And yourself?” I grit my teeth at how congenial we were being. We were like strangers on the street. No heat burned between us any longer, whether that heat be hatred or love.

           “I’m well. I’m eager to start your training today. It’s going to be an entirely new unit, so I’m anxious to see how it goes.”

           “Well, come and sit down for lunch so we can get started all the sooner.” I went to direct him to his chair, but at the same time he made to pull mine out for me, so we ended up gently colliding en route. With pressed giggles, we went to our own respective chairs and sat with our gazes trained on our plates.

           “I have somewhat exciting news,” Loki eventually announced, draping his napkin across his lap. “I thought that after our lesson, we might finally have our palace tour. I’ve made sure that there will be no interruptions this time.”

           My stomach knotted with nerves, but I knew I couldn’t pass up such a perfect opportunity.

           “So you heard about Toril’s illness, then? And that she left the palace?”

           “I heard about her leaving, though I doubt it’s from illness.” He snorted, raising his wine glass to his lips. “It’s probably best that she’s away for a while. There will likely be hell to pay when she returns, and this way we’ll have more time to prepare ourselves.”

           My breath hitched in my throat and I drew my trembling hands into tight fists. “Loki, I- can you...I was wondering…” I broke off with a frustrated sigh before blurting, “What’s your relationship with Toril?”

           “That…” He set his goblet down with an arduous movement that made me want to scream. “Is a long story. I suppose I should start from the beginning.

           “I was about four hundred and sixty-five years old when she came to the palace. By that point, I already had a reputation of being a womanizer, but I had yet to do the deed. Until she came along, that is.”

           Oh no, I inwardly moaned. Toril took his virginity, didn’t she?

           “Because of her low status, she was assigned to be a scullery maid upon her arrival. Usually, they work out of sight in the nobility, but in my youth I was always thinking of creative ways to evade my family and tutors, so I often crossed paths with them, anyway. I noticed her out of the corner of my eye a few times, and after a week or so I realized she was watching me.

           “One evening before bed, I was informed that the maid that usually tended to my fires in the middle of the night had sprained her ankle, and a substitute would be provided until she healed. I suspect that Toril injured my usual nighttime maid herself, and convinced the head of housekeeping to allow her to fill in.

           “I often stayed up until the early hours of the morning or didn’t sleep at all, and the idea of an unfamiliar person in my room whilst I was sleeping made me uneasy, so that night I sat in my armchair, tearing up a mystery novel my mother had gifted me that morning. I was there when Toril walked through the front door, and all she did was say ‘Good evening, Your Highness,” before abandoning her tools, coming over to straddle me, and kissing me deeply.

           “Now, Toril was a couple hundred years older than me, and her mother was a whore. They don’t like having children living in brothels, so I suspect she was put to work for her room the moment she was able. Though, Toril is the twisted type of person that actually enjoys that sort of work, and was very talented at what she did. All that experience drew me in, and the pleasure made me her prisoner. I remember her whispering to me, right after she strippped me bare, ‘Before I do this, promise me that you’ll put in a good word to your mother about me.’ I was so aroused at that point that I would’ve agreed to anything, so of course I said yes.

           “We were together that night and many others. I helped her rise through the ranks to become Mother’s handmaid, and she taught me everything I know. However, I was not one to be tied down at the time, and we never established any sort of relationship outside of sex, so after a few weeks I began pursuing other girls again. She didn’t like it, but tolerated the one-night-stands. However, if it went on for any longer than that, she became testy.

           “She learned that when I was truly interested in a girl, I would pursue them for longer. I wouldn’t jump right in and take them to bed, but I would romance them for a week or so, and often keep them around for about a moon. She picked up on this behavior, and she started doing things about it.

           “First, the girls would mysteriously fall ill or become injured before I could take them to bed a second time. Then it would happen before I could do it in the first place. I picked up on the act when girls started handing in their immediate resignations only a couple of days after I started pursuing them. I realized that, while I had no feelings for Toril other than lust, she had formed her own twisted kind of love for me. It was out of control.

          “Due to Toril’s eventual high status as my Mother’s handmaiden, we kept our ‘relationship’ a secret, so when she convinced me to stop pursuing other girls and Mother noticed that the stream of chambermaids and healers-in-training stumbling from my rooms in the morning had ended, it was decided that I was to have a betrothed- a Vana named Sigyn. Toril grew cold and refused to see me during the courting stage, but when Sigyn and her family came to stay in the palace as guests, they were only there three days before one night I was roused by Sigyn’s hysterical screams. I rushed to her chambers to see what was the matter, and through sobs she begged me not to come near her. Her party left before dawn the next morning, and they haven’t set foot on Asgard since. That night, however, Toril came to my chambers, and made me hers again.

           “Ever since, I’ve never courted anyone else, yet Toril has always just been the one I fucked. It’s quite sad, really, because when I think about it, I realize that I’ve lived a life devoid of loving someone outside of my own family. I came to her when I was upset, angry, frustrated, confused, happy, or just simply wanting it. There have never been any feelings from my side of it,  she was simply…”

           “She was your own hand, in a way,” I giggled, hoping the joke would distract me from my fear that he was lying about not really having feelings for her. The history the two had, even if it was just sex, was something I couldn’t ever hope to compete with.

           Loki chuckled. “That’s a particularly vulgar way to put it, but our relationship was vulgar, so I suppose it’s fitting.”

           I bit my lip hard, screwing my eyes shut and bunching the fabric of the gown in my fists. “And…have you been with her since we...since you started training me?”

           Loki reached across the table, running his fingers down my arm and around my elbow until I surrendered my hand to him, and he held it tightly.

           “I haven’t been with her in at least three years, though she’s made her advances. I’ve tenaciously refused every one, which I must admit, makes her come back with more vigor. But I made my decision long ago. Whatever strange relationship we had is over,” he assured. “You have nothing to worry about as far as infidelity through her. When she comes back to the palace, though, there will be backlash, but we’ll be ready for it, and I’ll make certain that no harm comes to you.” He squeezed my palm reassuringly, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a smile. I could only reply with a shaking breath, the edges of my lips twitching upward as I averted my eyes to the table. Loki’s brow furrowed in thought, and as he rubbed his thumb along the top of my hand, I realized that I was too distressed to realize that we were finally having a tender moment with no awkwardness.

           “I’ll tell you what,” he proposed. “Since you’ve been out of your cell, you haven’t had a day off from your training. You’ve made such good progress, so let’s not do the session today. What do you say we go straight out and have our tour, hm?”

           I raised my head and mustered a small, genuine smile, giving a single nod.

           So Loki and I set off, arm-in-arm and sharing light conversation, mostly composed of him telling stories, both personal and historical, about nearly every nook and cranny of the palace. It made me realize just how long he had lived, that he had so much to say and so many tidbits about a mind-bogglingly enormous building. He took me into ballrooms and galleries and dining rooms and throne rooms (apparently the one I had been in was used only for court), and by the time we reached the top floor of hundreds, the shadows were growing long and my stomach rumbled audibly. Loki chuckled at the sound.

           “Perhaps we should stop for the day, and go get you something to eat.”

           I looked up at him with an incredulous expression, inwardly noting that the tour had helped relieve even more of the discomfort between us.

           “‘For the day’?” I echoed. “What do you mean by that?”

           “Well, the tour is far from over,” Loki said theatrically. “I’ve merely shown you how to find your way around! There’s still so many rooms to take you into, and the secret passageways, and you haven’t even seen the grounds, except for the enclosed courtyards! And not to mention that once we’ve exhausted the palace, I have to show you the city, and then all the rest of Asgard.”

           I laughed, patting his bicep. “Well, I suppose we have our date night activity set for the next, what, ten years?”

           I waited for his joking reply, but he merely went stiff, eyes trained on something ahead of us. I followed his gaze to the end of the lengthy hall and noticed a relatively young man with chestnut waves, sporting luxurious goldspun robes, walking our direction. He didn’t notice us, however, for he was deep in conversation with an older man dressed in the dark colors of a personal servant.

           “Damn,” Loki muttered. “I forgot that I told everyone you were a visiting diplomat from Alfheim.”

           “What does that mean?” I whispered, sensing that this was a situation where I should keep my voice down.

           Loki broke our contact and stood in front of me, shielding me from view, scanning my face before reaching out and freeing the hair that I had absentmindedly tucked behind my ears at some point, rearranging and patting it down so that it thoroughly covered them.

           “You may look elvish in the face, but your ears are a dead giveaway. I meant to give them a glamour, but I never quite got around to it,” he explained. “Keep them hidden.”

           “Oh. Alright.” Stiff in my frazzled state, I merely watched as Loki manipulated me like a puppet into our previous position, completing it just as the robed man sent his servant away and focused his attention on us.

           “Good evening, Your Majesty. My lady,” he greeted, coming to a halt before us with a pompous, if not slightly smug, expression. His build was short and stocky, but he was still conventionally handsome, with sun-browned skin contrasting his light blue eyes.

           “Councilman Olaf.” Loki tipped his chin curtly. “Lady Camryn, may I present Olaf Umunson, a member of the High Council. Councilman Olaf, I introduce-”

           “The elven diplomat everyone’s speaking of,” Olaf interrupted, an unsettling gleam in his yes. “Camryn, you said your name was? How odd. That’s not an elvish name, rather, it sounds quite... Midgardian.”

           My heart leapt to my throat, and though Loki betrayed nothing in his expression or stance, a hard squeeze on my hand relayed his fear. Councilman Olaf knew something, but I sensed that Loki was silently urging me to find out the extent of his knowledge before revealing anything.

           “My parents simply wanted something different,” I improvised. “They were quite creative, and simply made it up.”

           “Hm.” Olaf pressed his lips together, thinly suppressing a smirk. “Alfheim certainly is a beautiful realm. What region are you from?”

           Before I could panic, a familiar voice echoed in my head, one I recognized as the Tesseract feeding me information.

           The elves that have dark hair and eyes like you usually come from the forests in the south, it whispered.

           “The south,” I piped up, feeling Loki ever-so-slightly relax next to me. “Near the forests.”

           “The most beautiful part of Alfheim, in my opinion.” Olaf rocked back and forth on his heels. “Forgive me, but I’m quite out of the loop of the current events of Alfheim. Who’s the king right now?”

           As the Tesseract fed me the answer, it became clear just how extensively Olaf was testing me. I raised my chin defiantly, puffing my chest up proudly.

           “Actually, there’s a queen on the throne right now.” It was my turn to smirk. “Queen Euraviel.”

           “Your Midgardian is educated quite well, my king,” Olaf chuckled darkly, and my smile vanished. “Did you school her up on Alfheim, or was that the Tesseract talking?”

           “Pardon?” I choked out.

           Olaf reached out and pushed my hair away from my ears. “Those aren’t the ears of a light elf. This little girl is a mortal, come here because she has power from the Tesseract.”

           “How do you know that?” Loki spat, drawing me closer to his side to prevent Olaf from touching me again.

           “There are a large handful of guards that have dealt with her when she’s been in the midst of dangerous states.” Olaf shrugged. “Men are as gossipy as women, you know.”

           “I know it wasn’t one of the guards.” Loki’s voice was dangerously low. “I and Queen Frigga before me put a spell on everyone that dealt with Camryn and did not have our unconditional trust. If they tried to speak of her, their voices would not work. If they tried to write things about her, their hands would be stilled. Gods, even if they tried to act things out, their bodies would become petrified. I will ask once more: who told you?”

           “A concerned citizen that wishes to remain anonymous.” Olaf remained nonplussed. “One that told the High Council that this mortal is very, very dangerous.”

           “I’m training her to control her power,” Loki said through gritted teeth. “She doesn’t have outbursts anymore, and now I’m teaching her how to apply her abilities.”

           “Then she will know how to use this incredibly dangerous force, and it could mean terrible things if she turned against Asgard.” Olaf began to walk away from us. “I’m not trying to anger you, Your Majesty. I’m just passing along the message that the Council wishes to meet with her tomorrow. Just the usual, simple inspection like we do for all unplanned guests; nothing to worry about.”

           Once Olaf was out of earshot, Loki broke away from me and swore in a different tongue, and though I didn’t know the direct translation, I could tell it was blistering.

           “Loki…” I began in a voice barely above a whisper, not wanting to provoke him further. “You know it was Toril that told him, right?”

           “Of course I know it was Toril.” Though Loki’s tone was sharp and biting, it was clear that his anger wasn’t directed towards me, and that he was only raging at the situation. “It doesn’t surprise me that it was Olaf she used, either. He’s the only one on the Council that’s not a shriveled old man. She likely gave him information and then fucked him to convince him to tell his peers and call the meeting. That’s exactly why I tried so hard to hide you: to keep the lecherous Council from interfering.”

           “What’s so awful about the Council?” I dared to question.

           Loki, who had been furiously pacing through our conversation, suddenly stilled, voice calming. “They’re the only beings on Asgard that have more power than I do.”

           “How can that be?”

           “Well, perhaps not on all counts. In most aspects, they’re a royal council like one you would see on Midgard. They’re the king’s chief advisers, and each of them are masters of certain aspects of Asgard. For example, Olaf is Master of Agriculture. There’s one Councilman for each of the nine districts of Asgard, and they serve lifelong terms. They’re selected by a popular vote from their district, because the motto of the High Council is to keep the interests of the people as their priority, and prevent them from having a tyrannical leader. If the vote between the nine of them is unanimous, they can overrule or nullify any laws or commands, and they can even remove a king from the throne.”

           “What if the Council just doesn’t like a king, or they’re the ones that are corrupt and tyrannical?” I questioned.

           “That’s why they’ve never been popular with the royalty. If a king tries to overrule the Council or remove one of its members, he’s instantly branded as a tyrant and the Council removes him.” Loki smiled bitterly. “That’s why I didn’t want them, more than everybody else in the palace, knowing who you really are. If they deem you a threat to Asgard and its people, they can override everything Frigga and I have done and take action to remove you.”

           “Something in your voice tells me that I don’t want to find out what removing me would consist of,” I whimpered. Loki, clearly not wanting me to be upset any longer, softened his expression and took his face in my hands. I was suddenly entirely distracted from my fear, for it was the most natural and passionate thing to happen between us since our first kiss, and my heart began to pound in my chest.

           “I’m sorry. I’m overreacting. You needn’t worry about them.” He dragged his thumbs along my cheekbones. “I’ll convince them that you’re harmless, and they’ll leave us alone. They don’t call me Silvertongue for nothing.”

           I closed my eyes and laughed once, savoring the feeling of his cool fingers drawing soothing lines on my skin and the tenderness with which he cradled my head. “I didn’t know they called you that.”

           “It won’t be long before you find out why.” He leaned in and kissed me briefly, playfully running his tongue along my lips before pulling away. It was a simple, quick thing, but it was enough to cause me to throw my hands up in surprise and leave me flushed and breathless. I suppose our problem with not having heat is officially a thing of the past, I thought, my head swimming.

           “Now, you were hungry, weren’t you?” Loki wrapped his arm around my waist, drawing me down from my daze. “Let’s go get you something to eat, hm?”

           And so we returned to my chambers and shared a meal with easy conversation suiting new lovers, filled with laughter and gentle touches, all the while our feet playfully rubbing against each other under the table.

           “Let’s change things up a bit,” Loki suggested as I walked him to the door at the end of the evening. “Would you like to come to my chambers for breakfast tomorrow?”

           I grinned. “I would love to.”

           “Wonderful. Good night, Camryn.” He leaned in and gave me a parting kiss, tender yet long. When he walked away, I felt as if I could float right after him, my toes tingling and my heart beating irregularly.

           “That certainly didn’t seem awkward,” Inge commented as she cleaned away the dishes. “What changed?”

           “We were angry and scared together. We have a common cause that’s drawing us closer,” I answered in a thin, dreamy voice, but as I slid down the door and hugged my knees to my chest, my mind couldn’t be further from Toril and the Council. All I could think of was Loki, and all I could do was count the seconds until I could have my lips on his again.

Next Chapter

[t-oresama]

"Ouran High School Host Club" volumes 1-18 by Bisco Hatori

Synopsis: In this screwball romantic comedy, Haruhi, a poor girl at a rich kids' school, is forced to repay an $80,000 debt by working for the school's swankiest, all-male club-- as a boy! There she discovers just how wealthy all six members are and how different the rich are from everybody else...

Published: 2002-2010 (Hakusensha/ LaLa Magazine [JPN], Viz Media [USA] Genre: Manga, Romantic-Comedy, Slice-of-Life, Parody Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Reader Review: It has been nearly a year (or so) since I've done a review. Half of the reason for this is because I've been too busy to be reading much of anything. The other half of the reason is because I've been reading (pretty much) nothing but this series. I don't remember how I was first introduced to the manga series, but it was years ago and probably came to know about it from knowing the anime. Because, let's be honest, every anime originated from some sort of manga. My best friend and I were looking for something to watch one night way back in 2011 (as I said, years ago), and stumbled upon the "Ouran High School Host Club" show. We binge-watched it over the course of a week and loved its humor and the way it constantly broke the 4th wall and parodied many a played-out trope of manga/anime/otaku culture. It must have been from there that I found out it was a manga and started to chip away at it. 7 years later... I only had volumes 1-10 in my possession and I must have only read half of them. Meanwhile, work, life, other books etc, took precedence and Ouran the manga sat on my bookshelf. For the incoming new year, I decided to (try not to) buy any new books and read the ones I had first, starting with the entire Ouran manga series. And finally, I’ve finished.

Let me just say now that I'm going to get very nerdy with this review and talk about things apropos of nothing. And let me also say that, although I love the Ouran TV series, 26 episodes are not enough to do the whole manga story justice. Much like FullMetal Alchemist, Inuyasha, and so on, the manga was an ongoing publication when the idea to turn it into a TV series came about. But the need to have it made into a TV series outweighed the patience to wait for the manga to end, thus the show got a new, original ending, completely separate from how the manga ended. In fact, the manga wouldn’t get its ending until FOUR YEARS after the anime ended. Because of this, a lot of creative liberties were taken for the second half of the show. It's something I both understand and hate about anime adaptations. Like, there wouldn't have been a "FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood" if the anime creators just let the manga creator finish her series, and then we'd only have one FullMetal Alchemist anime series to save all the confusion. Long story short, the Ouran manga series has so much packed into it, that a lot of the things alluded at in the anime series (Tamaki's relationship with his family, Hikaru's feelings for Haruhi, and so on) make so much more sense now. It really makes me want to re-watch the anime to look out for those subtle nuances portrayed in the manga. ***I will add that there is a live-action TV series and movie for the Ouran series that does take place while the manga was further along than when the anime series was made, but both series were made while the manga was ongoing. Anyway, the manga series itself is a visual feast. It switches up art styles so many times, mostly to show the zany/funny parts, with a consistent, beautiful art style for the more serious parts. You could read the whole manga series in Japanese and still get the gist of the story based on the illustrated panels alone. The dialogue is also equally sharp, with the same ability to go back and forth between a funny moment and a serious moment without the tonal changes being too jarring for the reader. It's a testament to Hatori's storytelling ability that such transitions happen pretty frequently, yet instead of feeling inconsistent or sloppy, the comedic moments hit you that much harder because of how well-timed they're delivered. Better yet, Hatori creates this world of flip-floppy wacky-serious moments and makes you believe that, in this world, such back and forths are totally normal. The dialogue between characters itself feels organic despite some of the topics being absolute nonsense (after all, this series is mostly about boys who are stupid rich and mistake middle-class living for living in poverty), but it adds to the characterization of the Host Club boys (and girl). The characters, much like the situation, are caricatures of tropes long unironically portrayed in mangas that have come before it. Tamaki is the darling charmer who knows just the right mushy thing to say to make the ladies swoon, Mori is the ridiculously strong and stoic type, Hunny is the cavity-inducing cute boy who likes sweets and bunnies and everything pure in the world, etc. And the character of Haruhi, while of course having her own personality, works for the reader as one that the reader can insert themselves into, as she sees the absurdity of the rest of the boys, and the workings of the rich in general, that no one else in the school sees, and reacts accordingly. It makes the reader's transition into this fanciful world easier thanks to Haruhi acting as the bridge between the two. If not for her, the goal of understanding this world, rather than taking it seriously, because it really isn't a series to take all that seriously, would be much harder to do. The cohesion of the main story itself is consistent. This is a series based in romance, after all, and at one point, there is a love square with Haruhi as the object of three boys' affections. While the main story is going on, we get side stories and inside looks into the lives of the Host Club members, which allow for us to get a better understanding of who each of the characters are and why they are the way they are. There's world-building in conjunction with story-building, and that makes for a more well-rounded story. By the last volume, the main story really picks up, but it's also the volume that let me down the most just because of how rushed things felt (despite the last volume actually being the thickest). The main romantic plot is comes to fruition, but the slow build that has been happening since volume 1 becomes a jump from present-day to three months in the future to eight months in the future in volume 17. Don't get me wrong, I loved the little future bits, but it didn't flow with me as well as the rest of the series. Oh, and the ending. I won't spoil much of it, but you really really really have to bear in mind that this is a series of nonsense and that anything can happen because most of the characters are rich enough to make that happen. Despite all of that, the ending, which I can best describe as a "tie it all up in a nice neat bow" happy ending, asks a lot of the reader to accept. It doesn't really provide the characters with the obstacles that I'd hoped for (in the same way that Hunny and Mori graduating high school didn't provide the situation of the Host Club going on without two members in the way I'd expected). If I could just have one more volume to develop the story and relationships just a bit more between the present day and the eight months in the future we’re left off at, I would in a heartbeat. It wasn't that I was dissatisfied, quite the opposite, but more just that I feel there's unexplored opportunity that would've really done justice to the pace and world-building of the rest of the series. With the completion of this manga series, Ouran High School Host Club goes up there as one of my favorites series. Its re-readability is way up there, and its comedic tone is unmatched even today.As Jane Austen’s “Northanger Abbey” is a parody of Gothic tropes, “Ouran High School Host Club” is a parody of romantic tropes in manga, and if you like humor in your romantic shojo mangas, this is quintessential for you. The series also succeeds in helping me overcome a huge hurdle as the Haruhi/Hikaru shipper I came in as reading this: it made me not only understand, but like Haruhi and Tamaki as a couple. That alone makes it worth the read, and re-read.

[EDIT: Tumblr is apparently a money-hungry schmuck ever since they partnered with Yahoo, and because I used “Ouran High School Host Club” as a tag, they put a Yahoo advertisement on my post like ?????? That’s just icky. Since I’m obviously not going to remove the tag, I just want to say please  DON’T CLICK THE LINK BELOW THAT TUMBLR/YAHOO IS FORCING ON MY OWN PERSONAL POST. I DON’T APPROVE OF IT BEING THERE. Man, Tumblr’s really hit a new low... Anyway, thanks for reading <3 ]

[dorothydelgadillo]

3 Reasons I Used to Hate Wix.com for Business: What & Why That's Changed

I have a confession to make. Sometimes things evolve in extraordinary ways and you have to eat your words.

Back in 2013, I was two years into my inbound design career.

At that point, I was just starting to come into my own with not only designing for the inbound world, but building websites that were turn-key for business owners.

That feeling of being able to design a great looking, conversion-driving site and then empowering my client with the ability to use and maintain the site was second to none.

It was where these projects were starting that was so concerning.

Time and time again, I met with business owners who had attempted to build a site themselves and then received absolutely no return on effort.

The one commonality? “I built it on Wix.com.”

So, I went on a bit of a blogging rampage. I wrote an article that was straight from the heart and touched on every major pain point my clients were feeling, the same ones I was correcting.

It went totally nuts. Chances are if you are here now, you’ve read that original article --But, I’m here to set the record straight.

It’s 2019. Things in the marketing world have changed a little in the last six years.

Wix.com has changed, for the better.

1. SEO

My single biggest gripe back in the day were the results (or lack thereof) that Wix.com users were seeing on the platform. A lot of this was due to SEO.

Back in 2013, Wix.com was extremely limiting in terms of what it could offer users in terms of education and implementation of an SEO strategy.

The biggest disadvantage was the inability to control simple things like URL structures, but things have changed dramatically. Due in large part to user feedback, which deserves kudos in its own right!

New Tools & Plugins

Wix.com now offers Wix SEO Wiz, which is comparable in nature to a plugin like Yoast for WordPress.

Not only does this new tool provide a step-by-step guide for users to improve their ranking on Google, but more importantly teaches the average website builder a go-go the importance of these actions. Now, that’s pretty damn inboundy.

Wix SEO Wiz helps users create a personalized plan for their unique site by suggesting keywords and helping optimize a site based on location.

If a user is extremely green to SEO, they even provide a checklist tool to alert the user if crucial steps have been missed.

This is a huge win!

Better yet, they are offering third-party apps in the Wix App Market.

These can make your site’s SEO backend as simple or as complicated as you like based on your level of expertise.

The level of complexity may be dependent on how deep your pockets run, but the possibility remains there.

Now, the catch here is that some are pay to play. You can do a lot with a site for the right price, but that is true on any platform.

URL Structures

This used to be my single biggest gripe.

Prior to 2016, Wix.com website URLs included a hashbang (#) which was being served through javascript and at the time was not readable by search engines.

Even more troubling, at the time, all “pages” were canonical and simply tabs of the homepage, which did not allow them to rank on their own.

Yikes.

Fortunately, in 2016, Wix.com heard its users loud and clear.

They removed the hashbang from their URLs, providing users with clean (user and search friendly URLs that improve the usability and accessibility of a website by being immediately meaningful and representative of the content on a page) URLs and complete control over them.

Inner page URLs are completely clean and parameter-free. HUGE.

In the same spirit of providing the user with the ultimate control, pages were released from self-canonicalization. Although, if you know how to use canonical URLs responsibly, the option is there.

Prior to these recent tool improvements, Wix used rel=canonical tags on pages other than the homepage.

These tags told search engines that every page on your site was simply a duplicate of the home page. Obviously, that has some serious SEO implications when it comes to duplicate content.

Having released pages from self-canonicalization, users can responsibly use canonicalization, when necessary, to prevent Google from assuming content is a duplicate when in fact, it is not.

2. Site Ownership

2013 me used to get really upset about this. Actually, 2019 is equally as passionate about this.

As a designer, I, of course, want my designs to uphold their integrity by never, ever having an untrained hand touch them.

While sadly, this isn’t realistic, I still stand firm that every single website owner should be just that, the sole owner of their website. In fact, they should even go so far as to be empowered to use and maintain it. Gasp!

This was one of my biggest challenges with the Wix free website promise in 2013.

Unless you were willing to pay to play, your website wasn’t owned by you meaning your content and assets weren’t yours for the taking. Once committing, you were stuck where you were unless you were willing to start over from scratch.  

This is pretty scary. Your content on the web wasn’t yours, that web property was owned by someone else. It’s equivalent to having the ability to decorate a house, but at the end of the day it really isn’t yours.

This still isn't an uncommon practice, so despite the website builder you are using, I would be sure you are reading up on the facts of domain and site ownership before putting all of your eggs in one basket (host).

Today, Wix has taken a hard look at their site ownership policies and has updated them to be user and customer-centric. They even have a snazzy interface that breaks it down for you.

The platform has now taken a clear stance on site ownership, one that makes me feel much more comfortable than it did six years ago.

They note the differences in who is considered the owner between free and premium sites, and they are completely transparent with the user on how site ownership is determined.

Spoiler alert: in both cases (free and premium), it isn’t Wix!

No matter which builder or platform you choose to design and/or host your website, always, always have control over your site and your content.

3. Mobile Sites

It’s not news to anyone that the mobile revolution is here and it isn’t changing anytime soon. If your site isn’t responsive or optimized for mobile, you’re more than just a little behind.

Back in 2013, responsive websites were just starting to become non-negotiable, but, there was another option, that just wasn’t cutting it -- the mobile site.

Mobile sites were sites that were completely separated from their desktop counterparts. They were optimized to display only the most relevant content to a user on mobile.  This is what Wix relied on at the time and, in most cases, these sites were a total flop.

They were too difficult to maintain next to a desktop site and they weren’t providing the user with a seamless experience from desktop to mobile.

Wix has since ditched the mobile site in favor of the industry standard responsive website.

What’s really unique is the experience they are providing their customers having built an entirely separate mobile site editor.

Now, this shouldn’t be misinterpreted or confused with a separate mobile site. The editor simply provides users with an interface that allows you to refine site aesthetics based on device size.

So, this is the real hard part.

Even as a seasoned web designer, it’s hard to envision how every single element on a site will break down once it starts responding to devices.

While it’s impossible to view a website on every device in existence, this editor provides users with the ability to edit elements that seem a little “off” beyond the traditional mobile breakpoints.

Even Photoshop doesn’t let you do that!

Once you create a site, this mobile editor is automatically generated and fully built into the platform. It isn’t an additional add-on and it isn’t anything you have to activate.

The really nice thing here is that when you make a change in the desktop editor, the content change is reflected on the mobile site.

As well as vice-versa. So, the user doesn't have to maintain two sites, but still understands the visual complexities of each.

Wix is allowing users to create the most consistent experience possible for the end-user. This results in a site that not only looks great across devices, but also establishes some serious credibility.

No matter how large or small your business, or your web team, you can create a top notch experience for an end-user that is totally device agnostic. That’s powerful.

What’s New With Wix?

So, here is where I am really going to blow 2013 me out of the water.

I used to cringe every time a Wix commercial interrupted my regularly scheduled televised event. It was a slap in the face to me, a professional web designer, always touting that anyone could build a website and it’s 100% free!

Well yes, that is true.

Anyone can build a website for no cost at all on Wix, but that doesn't mean it’s going to turn out effective, nor does that mean that person should be creating said websites.

But I’ve matured. And so has Wix.

Wix has seen us, professionals. They heard us and they developed a product that would appeal to all of our needs as creatives.

Wix Code is a product aimed at professional web designers and developers.

Their platform has some serious strengths for the everyman, so, why not take advantage of a kick-ass platform, while giving the professional community the ability to work with traditional methods of design and code? It’s a win-win, right?

Wix knows it’s up against other builders, but it’s also up against the open-source platforms the professional crowd knows and loves (i.e: WordPress).

Wix Code is their response.

Straight from the Wix Code landing page:

“Wix Code makes it easy to build web applications and robust websites. It’s serverless, hassle-free coding. Set up database collections, create content rich websites, add custom forms and change site behavior with our APIs. All built with the stunning visual components of the Wix Editor. Plus, anything you create is SEO compatible.”

It’s growing more sophisticated every day as more professionals are providing feedback that is moving the platform forward.

Wix Code gives the professional community total control, while providing users with the same comfortable interface they are used to.

It’s a major win for a platform that traditionally positions itself toward the everyman. Maybe we’ll all live in harmony yet!

So yeah, actually anyone can do it!

So, Would I Use Wix to Build a Client Website?

So, to a degree, I need to eat a little crow.

To reasonably defend myself, things were different six years ago.

Website builders were really just starting to become accessible, and hey...we’ve all had to learn a thing or two after a couple of harsh feedback sessions. Wix was no different.

However, they listened, intently, to articles like mine and were able to innovate their product for the better.

Today, I’d be willing to try Wix with my team -- but, I do still have some questions.

Before I would recommend this platform to a client, I would want to get some current user feedback on how much a Wix website costs to be completely custom-designed and developed (with Wix Code) with the appropriate add-ons to fully optimize the site for the user (the client using the backend of the site).

I’d then weigh this cost against platforms I know to be tried and true, for instance, HubSpot and WordPress.

To take it even further, I’m curious to understand how Wix integrates with lead generation tools and platforms like HubSpot. Are they worth the cost and the technical integrations to use in tandem? Or will one always outweigh the other?

Is there truly an advantage to the dual system? Or, does Wix have a response to the all-in-one marketing platform in the works? Or, is this simply possible with addons from the Wix App Market?

And, regardless of the advancements made to the platform, you also have to keep in mind that a tool is not a replacement for a strategy.

Despite the platform you choose to build on, a site isn’t going to be successful without a well thought out strategy and roadmap for execution.

Whether it is Wix, WordPress, HubSpot, or otherwise, you need to start with a well-thought-out website strategy if your website is going to be a success.

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/wix.com-for-business