#happens monthly and I'm numb to it at this point

[hotcocoandmarshmallows]

The poll is 50/50 DID HE MAKE IT?????

To me?

To me, he is forever trapped. The wave is crashing in front of him, and he is trapped in a tunnel of water. If he slows down, he will be flung upside down and crashed into the sea floor. If he speeds up, he will be swamped in his boat and sink like a rock.

He will never reach land. He will never see her again. But he lives. And he can hope. All he has is hope. Maybe, maybe, one day he will be saved.

But for now, he is stuck. Forever just out of death's grip. Forever rowing with all his might to stay .2% ahead of the wave. The wave who's only goal is his death.

But y'know if he lives in your interpretation he lives. My take on this isn't correct or incorrect, interpret that .2% how you will.

[hillbilly---man]

A list of the specific chronic illness/disability-related things in Saiki K that resonate with me personally

(Your mileage may vary, my experiences are not universal, I recognize that some of this is kind of a reach etc etc)

The limiters

Saiki’s powers have grown too strong for him to control, and before the creation of his limiters they were out of control and causing a lot of damage. Some examples cited include accidentally destroying his house in his sleep and having telepathy that reached all over Japan (something I imagine was many many times more distressing [disabling] than his current situation) The limiters weaken his psychic powers and keep them somewhat in check. It’s not perfect, and he still does have problems, but the situation is much worse without them.

This reminds me of the medication I take to keep my immune system under control. Before I started it, my immune system (thanks to MS) was causing lots of issues for me: it took the vision in my left eye, made it difficult to walk and use my arm for a few months, caused horrible leg spasms, et cetera. My medicine helps keep things in check and hopefully prevents future damage... But nothing is perfect. Of course, it’s a monthly shot instead of silly pink balls on my head! So that's a plus 👍

The way he struggles to control his body after Nendo removed his limiter unexpectedly

After being hit with a shock to his system at the sports festival, Saiki struggles harder than usual to control his strength. We see him frustrated with this as he’s eating, his hand trembling as he holds his chopsticks. He tries to power through, but the issues don’t resolve.

I’m fortunate to usually be pretty functional most days (I do have my bad days though lol). However, when I go through significant stress - either mental or physical - it makes a lot of issues pop up that usually don’t bother me. Balance issues, vision stuff.. And hand tremors. Like, I was at a sushi restaurant after getting overheated at the pride festival last year struggling a lil with my chopsticks laughing at myself like “this is just like Saiki at the sports festival…”

Developing new powers unexpectedly

A major source of stress for Saiki is being unpleasantly surprised by a new psychic ability. In the series, we see this a few times. The most notable to me is the time leap ability. He wakes up having accidentally traveled 20 years in the past (soon after it is revealed that his limiter has a defective part). Afterward, we learn when he’s stuck in the time loops with Nendo and Kaido that this time leap ability has been coming back randomly since then “As unexpected and frequent as getting the hiccups”. He spends the entire chapter trying to get control over this ability so he can continue his day as planned. In another chapter, his limiter is malfunctioning and he develops a series of useless powers that he cannot control. Clearly, the limiters are preventing new powers from developing (see my first bullet point!!)

So, another thing about conditions such as mine is that you really can just wake up one day and have some weird symptom you’ve never heard of before! I remember not long after my first big attack I was at Walmart and I just noticed that my index finger was completely numb, and it stayed that way for weeks. One time, my upper lip twitched constantly for like a month straight. Of course, more than just the relatively silly symptoms can and do pop up like that, too. For example, I had these really scary, uncontrollable spasms on my left side (paroxysmal kinesigenic dyskinesia) that happened several times a day for about a week. For a LONG time afterward I would be terrified of them coming back. It's still in the back of my mind but I'm not losing sleep over it anymore at least. Reading those panels above re: the time leap stuff reminds me a lot of that time!

Neuroplasticity and the power remover device

When Kusuke is explaining how the power remover works, he talks about how the brain rewires itself around damaged areas to compensate. The device is designed to more completely destroy the areas of his brain responsible for the psychic abilities. Of course, the device ultimately did not work permanently. The damage it did to his brain was quickly compensated for, and the abilities returned.

When small areas of the brain are damaged (such as… due to a neurodegenerative autoimmune condition), over time the brain can often restructure to work around it. It doesn’t mean that those areas are healed, and the process is often incomplete, but that rewiring can (completely or partially) restore abilities and function that was lost in the damage. They don’t say that explicitly in the series, but that’s surely what is happening to Saiki in the final chapters! Except, you know, in a magical shonen manga way.

Resistance to the idea of needing help

After Saiki uses the power remover device, he loses his abilities and is suddenly much weaker and less capable than he was before. He was used to being extremely independent, but this change has brought him to a place where he cannot do everything on his own anymore. In the library, he struggles to get a book off the top shelf and in the process is reminded of his new limitations. He says to himself “What am I doing…!? Just get used to it already!” After the bookcase is tipped over onto him and Nendo protects him, Saiki is upset about having to be protected when he never needed it before: “I’m so useless now…” Nendo helps him realize that getting help from others is normal.

Helping each other out is one of the most fundamentally important parts of being human, but it can be hard to accept that support sometimes. This is especially the case when you’re thinking about the prospect of needing more help than you used to. I'm fortunate to be relatively unaffected most of the time so far, but I'm still grateful for when the people I love are understanding and don't make a big deal out of it. I hate the idea of being burdensome so I'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope things don't get worse lol

Conclusion: Saiki is just like me for real and I'm DEFINITELY not projecting my own problems into him at all...

we're ignoring the 20k word fic I wrote where I blatantly projected my problems onto him for seven chapters

thanks @justmagicalgirl for encouraging me last week to post this 👍

[tom-whore-dleston]

Home is Wherever I'm With You

Pairing ▹ roommate!Joaquin Torres x f. reader

This fic contains ▹ fluff, some angst, implied smut, idiots in love, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, smoking weed, hospitals, mention of gunshots, a lot of pancakes

Word Count ▹ 2k

Summary ▹ Oh, home, let me come home | Home is wherever I'm with you

Notes ▹ Finally got around to completing my submission for @the-slumberparty’s Across the Universe (week 4) challenge. This fic is inspired by this moodboard from an old sleepover. Feel free to listen to the playlist for extra vibes! This is unbeta'ed so I take full responsibility for all the errors. Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed! 😊

You didn’t understand the phrase “home is where the heart is'' until you moved in with Joaquin Torres.

This living arrangement happened by chance, a chance that you were grateful to have stumbled upon. After deciding it was time for you to leave the nest, you found a place for rent that also had a few other roommates. One of them being Joaquin.

You met Joaquin and the other roommates before moving in with them. Luckily, you all hit it off right away and settled in fairly quickly. But you found yourself really close to Joaquin. He was the one roommate that had a similar schedule to yours. You both would wake up late in the morning before heading to work, and then come home in the darkest hours of the night. 

The first time you discovered how late Joaquin returned home from work was the night your friendship began. After coming home from a long day, you decided to treat yourself to a batch of pancakes. The rest of your roommates were heavy sleepers so you rarely disturbed them. Since you were occupied with the pancakes, you didn’t hear Joaquin come through the door. He waltzed into the kitchen upon smelling the pancakes and crept up behind you. 

“I bet those would taste amazing with bananas,” Joaquin commented nonchalantly. You whipped your head around, swatting the spatula in his direction and accidentally coating his nose with batter.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry!” You gasped, attempting to clean the mess from his face. “I thought you were an intruder. I didn’t mean to hurt you…or cover you in pancake batter.”

Joaquin snickered. “Don’t worry, you didn’t hurt me at all. But I admire your self defense skills. I think that will give me motivation to keep the bathroom clean.”

You joined in his laughter. “I think I made enough for you if you’d like some pancakes. You might have to slice your own bananas, though.” 

With that, you and your roommate shared the short stacks while getting to know one another better. This ritual of late night snacks after work persisted until the conversations grew louder to the point of accidentally waking one of your other roommates. Since that incident, you and Joaquin decided it would be best to meet one another at the 24 hour diner down the street. 

Over time, your roommates moved out one by one until you and Joaquin were left to hold down the fort. The two of you living together consisted of movie binges on the weekends, checking out the monthly farmer’s market, dancing while cleaning the perimeter of the house, and taking walks along your street during sunset. Slowly, but surely, you were falling deeply in love with Joaquin. 

You knew you had strong feelings for him when you both decided to buy a bookshelf for your ever growing book collection. While building the bookshelf, you jammed the hammer against your finger, causing you to shriek in pain and the rest of your body to go numb. All you remembered before blacking out was your roommate rushing to your side and carrying you out the house bridal style. A few hours later, you woke up in the hospital with a cast wrapped around your finger and a relieved Joaquin holding a bouquet of roses and baby's breaths. The smell of the flowers and his sweet, handsome face instantly brought you comfort.

“Shouldn’t you be at work right now?” You asked upon noticing the time on your bedside.

“I told Sam what happened and he ordered that I stay here with you.” You gave him a sad look, feeling bad that your clumsiness caused him to miss out at work. Joaquin smiled, patting your hand. “Don’t worry, Sam is understanding.” The softness of his hand against yours sent butterflies to your stomach. Your heart began to swell as if it would explode inside your chest from all the feelings you were experiencing in that moment. His touch, his smile, his affection for you. It was all clear to you then. You were in love with Joaquin Torres. 

After returning home from the hospital, Joaquin spent the entire week by your side, making sure you were taken care of. Sure, you were a grown up and could care for yourself, but you appreciated how your roommate reminded you that you don’t have to be alone in the healing process. He would sing softly while tending to your finger and let you smoke some of his weed to ease the pain. Once you started feeling better, you and Joaquin finished building the bookcase together and he offered to read one of his favorite stories to you.

One day while Joaquin read to you, Sam called him, notifying him of an emergency assignment and was expected to leave right away. The night before he left, you and Joaquin crashed on the couch after getting high and watching an alien documentary on Netflix. You fell asleep before he did, and, naturally, your body curled up next to his as you dozed off. He listened to your snores for a few minutes before planting a tender peck on top of your head. Before he knew it, Joaquin drifted off to sleep.

You woke up alone in the living room, searching for Joaquin. Instead, you were met with a note on the coffee table.

Sorry I couldn’t give a proper goodbye. You looked so peaceful sleeping, I would have been a horrible friend to wake you up. I’ll see you in a month!

-J

While your roommate was away on mission, you spent your days sulking and missing him. You tried to go on with your routine as if he was still there, but things felt empty and meaningless. The pancakes from the diner didn’t taste as fluffy when you ate alone. The music you listened to while cleaning the house didn’t lift your mood the way it did with Joaquin. His favorite stories didn’t sweep you away to another world the way it did when he read them. The flowers around your house died faster, even though you tended to them the same way you always had. You didn’t even bother taking walks or going to the farmer’s market by yourself. It was the longest month you had ever experienced in your life. 

Meanwhile, Joaquin could not wait to fly back home to you. The days were long and draining, and it seemed as if he and Sam were constantly running into dead ends. What kept him motivated during this difficult mission was a photo booth strip he kept of you and him at the summer fair. Even though looking at the pictures made him miss you dearly, he was hopeful of the day he would reunite with him.

“Is that the roommate?” Sam inquired from behind Joaquin’s shoulder. The Falcon’s cheeks warmed up and he began smiling like a smitten school boy. Joaquin didn’t need to say anything for Sam to know what was on his mind.

“So, are you ever going to tell her you love her?” Captain America added with a quirked eyebrow. 

“I’ve been wanting to. I just get nervous.” Joaquin peered down at his combat boots. “She’s my best friend, Sam. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Ouch, and after all we’ve been through, I thought I was your best friend.” Sam’s joke led to Joaquin letting out a small chuckle. “No, but seriously, you will feel much more free once you just tell her.” The younger lad nodded, imagining all the best case scenarios of confessing his love for you. His daydreams of you were cut off by the gunshots that echoed in the distance.

The end of the month finally rolled around, yet there was no sign of Joaquin. Anxiety took over your body as you wondered why he hasn’t come home yet. Part of you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but your sadness made your mind wander to anything and everything that could have gone wrong. You dragged yourself to work as you have been doing for the entirety of Joaquin’s absence. While you worked, you stared at the matching photo booth strip pinned to the wall of your office. A hot tear streamed down your cheek, longing to see Joaquin’s face and hear his voice again.

After work, you came home, ready to settle into your comfy bed. You sighed loudly as you hopped out of your car, slamming the driver’s door shut and locking it behind you. All of a sudden, your eyes landed on a motorcycle that you haven’t seen in over a month. Then, you saw light coming from inside the house. Could it be?

You ripped off your work pumps, bolting into the house barefoot in hopes that your mind wasn’t playing tricks on you. As you entered through the front door, the delicious scent of bananas and vanilla filled your nostrils. Your heart bursted at the seams upon the sight you found in the kitchen. Joaquin was humming along to your favorite song while drizzling a stack of banana pancakes with syrup. As if sensing your presence, he beamed a sparkling smile while turning to face you. 

“I came home an hour ago to an empty home. Figured you were still at work and you’d probably be hungry when you come back.” He paused, glancing at the plate on the counter. “I made sure to add bananas this time.”

Your lips trembled as you fought the urge to cry. You wanted to run and jump into his arms, feel his warmth bring you back to life, kiss the lips you have been aching to taste for an entire year. All you could do was drop your bag and heels by your side as you succumbed to the tears that fell from your face. Joaquin took that as his signal to step closer to you. He caressed your face, wiping the tears from your eyes. 

“I missed you,” you croaked, finally embracing him tightly. Your hearts beat in sync with one another, as if that was the way the universe wanted it.

“I missed you too.” He stroked the back of your head before making space to gaze into your glossy eyes. “It’s hard to be away from the girl I am madly in love with.” You couldn’t help but let out a tearful giggle at the words that left Joaquin’s mouth. It felt as if all of your wildest dreams were coming true. Yet it was only the beginning.

“Being The Falcon requires me to travel the world so often, and to see places I’ve always wanted to visit. But none of that matters to me because despite where I go, I find myself wanting to be wherever you are instead.”

“I love you, Joaquin.” You started to close the space between you and him. The tips of your noses brushed together, the heat from your breaths mingling like your feelings for one another.

“I love you, too, cariño.” With that, he finally pressed his lips against yours. You kissed one another with a passion that no one could snuff out. His lips were sweeter than the pancakes that were long neglected on the counter. Joaquin lifted you up and you immediately wrapped your legs around his waist as he led you to the couch where you both professed your love throughout the rest of the night.

When you both woke up the next morning, bare bodies intertwined under the thin blanket, you felt a sense of belonging. It was unfamiliar to the two of you, but it was a feeling you accepted with open arms. You and Joaquin were both hopeful of the future that you were ready to build together like the bookcase filled with stories you hoped would become your reality. After locking eyes for what seemed like eternity, Joaquin kissed you with fervor, and you picked up where you left off from last night.

He was home, and so were you.

Navigation | Fanfic Masterlist | Joaquin Torres Masterlist

[lokisprettygirl]

How about Loki taking care of Reader in her period? And she's a really mood swinging mess and she just sometimes is really angry and the really sad and needs cuddles, and he buys her favorite sweets and showers her with love? Please?? 🥺💞

Combined these two, everytime I am on my periods, all I think about is loki taking care of me 😭

Periods? Nah more like your very own personal monthly visit to hell, and that could be said about everyone with a uterus. The time before your date arrives you were always extra moody, as you snapped even at minor inconveniences, anytime loki would see you yelling at your toaster as you'd burn the toasts accidentally or watch you scream at birds who'd wake you up before your alarm, he knew you were about to get your periods.

So he would be extra gentle around you, not that he was any different the rest of the time but he would try and be as thoughtful as he could. He would notice the change in your scent, you smelled extra sweet before your date and he loved it, but of course you didn't love the outcome of it.

"Babybug, I don't want to snap at you so please take your adorable face somewhere else okay?" You said as nicely as you could when he entered your room with a box of several things you liked to munch on, everytime you'd get on your periods you'd warn him beforehand, you knew that at some point, when an unexpected sharp pang would hit, you would either snap or cry or both and you hated snapping on him. That was a huge no no. He was your precious baby and normally you'd never be annoyed with him but hormones truly sucked.

"Oh no I'm not leaving my sweet princess alone" he mumbled as he crawled on the bed, right on top of you and then he kissed your forehead "Did you take your pain medication?" He asked softly and you nodded in yes "Okay princess, I am here okay, whatever you need I'll be here like always, not leaving my sweet girl when she's hurting like this" you teared up as you heard his soft voice, you'd always ask him to leave but he never could.

"I don't wanna hurt you lo" you mumbled as you choked up and he sighed before he leaned down to peck your lips "You could never hurt me my love, never ever, even if you do, I'll take it like the good boy I am" he sat next to you and propped himself up like a hospital bed and then he asked you to crawl up between his legs. He made you lie down on him, with your back on his chest "Oh gooood god I want to die right now" you exhaled as you felt the sudden churning in your lower belly. You kept your head down between his neck and shoulder as you sniffed. 

It hurts him to see you like this but he can't do much except Comfort you. He kissed your temple softly and then he rubbed your swollen bloated belly with his hand, he used his icy cold hand to numb the pain a little and you sighed as you felt the cooling sensation. Your very own ice pack. "I can't let that happen now can I? Never letting my princess leave me like that" he whispered and you smiled a little.

"That's good lo, my sweet baby" you mumbled as he pecked your lips again "My baby princess, I love you so much, I'm always astonished by your ability to go through this every month" he whispered. He is so cute, filled with thoughtfulness, and love and warm sunshine and he always makes your heart full.

"I love you" you mumbled and he picked up a dark chocolate bar from the box he brought "Open for me please" he asked you to open your mouth and he fed you a piece "That's my good girl" you kept it in your mouth until it melted slowly on its own. 

When you both started dating and Loki saw you in such immense pain on your periods for the first time, he researched everything about it and hence he would always stock up on dark chocolate bars before your date. It helps with the cramps and that's all you needed on your first day.  After feeding you a few pieces, he placed the bar aside and he scratched your scalp soothingly, you turned on your front as you needed to cuddle into him and change your position. 

"Pretty baby, you need back rubs?" He asked you and you just nod in response "Is it getting better?" He asked you again and you nod again "Thank you for tolerating my tantrums lo and I don't mean just now, you're the absolute best and cutest little poodle to ever grace this universe" he giggled as he heard you mumbling "and you said you'd hurt me" he chuckled and you held him tightly "Never have to thank me princess, and you don't throw tantrums, I'm always here for you, I would never leave you alone when you feel so bad and when you're hurting" he whispered softly and you smiled, then you cried as the cramps got back all of a sudden. 

His heart broke at the sound of your whimpers but he made sure to smother you in kisses and hugs and soft little comforting touches. And when the pain subsided, he put you down gently and ran to the kitchen, literally ran, to make chamomile tea for you. You looked at his curly messy hair as he walked in with a tray carefully, hoping to not drop it, his eyes focused on the tray as he walked slowly, he did a happy little dance as he placed it down on the bed successfully, precious little monkey that you love so much. You don't know what you'd do without him in your life and you didn't want to find out.

After he made you sip on the tea, he wrapped your legs around him and he smothered you in much needed affection and then his eyes twinkled as he looked at you  "You know what's a full proof way of avoiding cramps every month?" He asked you and you chuckled "What cutie?"

"A baby"

[kagakuoniryu]

HELLOOOO

Here i am, AGAIN.

(I'm the person that asked abot the sa thing✨) I REALLY LIKED THAT. I hope that it didn't take you too much time-

BUT NOW HEAR ME OUT-

So, the reader is starting to feel depressed and useless and their reaction to this is that they get dumb, like they stop talking and there's no way to let them vent or anything, and they're in a relationship with a character x (you can choose !!) and it's something that happens a lot. (like monthly depression or something like that) and so the character is used to it and knows how to behave

It would be so cool!! AND HELP I HAVE SOO MUVH HC IN MY MIND 7FCOVR88O

Synopsis :

Reader is depressed and started to feel nupb about everything

Character :

Venti

Xiao

Kokomi

Childe

Diluc

Kaeya

Ei

Scaramouche

Warning :

Mentions of depression and feeling nothing, otherwise comfort, let me know if I have to had something

A/N :

Hi! I'm glad you liked the request I made for you! Don't worry usually they don't take much time when I don't proofread them (and it happen a lot since I can't stay focused for more than 10 min) since you said I could choose I gave some love to my own genshin crush/mains and character I would like to write for I hope that's okay with you, I kinda assumed that you meant numb and not dumb in the way you described it, if that's not the case let me know and I'll remake the request correctly or change this one!

And since there is a lot more character the heacanon will be shorter sorry but I couldn't really choose between them, I even decided to not put some like xingqiu or it would be too much

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Venti :

Venti himself feel depressed, that's why he drink so much alcohol, to not think about it, but contrary to you he mask it with his playfulness, and things started to get better for him since he started dating you

The first time you got your monthly depression he freaked out, since you stopped talking to him he assumed you got tired of him and wanted to push him away

But to his surprise you still spent time with him, you just, didn't talked whilde doing so

He waited for you ti come to him, he may be a bit of a pushover but he know boundaries, and when after a week or two he saw you getting better and talking again he thought it was just a phase, something must have happened and it got better

But then next month it hapoened again, and you got better, and down again

At this point he realized it was just a monthly depression, when it would it you he would just let you know that if you wanted to vent to it he was totally there for you no matter what, but understood if you didn't wanted to, he got extra clingy during this time too, making sure you know you're cared for

He might even go as far as to not spend some evening annoying diluc at the tavern to be with you, and for venti, that say that you have a very special place in his heart

After a few times he becomes really good at it

If I had to rate genshin men on this one, I'd gave venti a 8,5/10 he might not figure it out immediately but get really good at comforting quickly

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao :

Xiao is busy most of the time due to the nature of his job, and when he isn't fighting he struggles with his karmic debt

This isn't exactly like a depression, but it's not far from it, and it's not pleasant either

During some of worst day he refuse to acknowledge anyone, even you his significant other and is unable to say anything

So the first time your depression hit you he thought his karmic debt might have tainted you too and he freaked out

He asked you if you were okay first, he didn't wanted to seek out zhongli to check on you if it wasn't something serious

And you wanted to tell him everything you felt, but the guilt of being a burden to him was too much, you ended with a small "I'm ok" and turned back being mute

He was genuinely concerned but decided to wait and see how things evolved

And a few week later you were back to normal, you talked with him as if nothing happened

He was relived but a part of him knew it wasn't over

And he was right because the next month you became your silent self again

He looked at you with sadness, he wasn't great with words, and you didn't talked anymore so he decided to rely on physical affection such as holding your hand or putting his head on your shoulder to let you know he was there

And each morning on your bedside you would find a quinxin (if I write it correctly) on your bedside

Overall a good companion who know how you feel, I give him a 9/10

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kokomi :

Kokomi's life is full of high expectations for her from others

And as everyone she is going to get stressed over it, the fear of not being enough, even more when she occupy a position as important as the divine priestess of watatsumi island

When her energy is at it's lowest she just seclude herself in her little hideout to read a book and sleep a little, just to relaxes

And when she notices you started to feel depressed she was ready for it

Not that she wanted this case to happen, but still, she has a plan for any situation, she had to be ready

So the second she saw you feeling bad she first asked you if you wanted to taok about it, and when you shook your head no she nodded and asked you to follow her

You did as you were told and soon found yourself in a little cave with a desk, a few chairs and a lot of books

Kokomi told you it was her safe space when she felt down, and if you ever feel down again you can come whenever you wanted, not many people knew about this place anyway you would be in peace

So each month, when the depression hit you, you would come there, to read a good book with your girlfriend and sleeping at her side, it was comforting in a sense

I'll give her a 9,5/10 because everyone need a caring fish-girl in their life

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Childe :

First I want to say this : he is the best big brother ever

And what the best big brother would be good at?

Comforting his siblings of course!

Whether it be tonia or teucer he'll do his best to cheer them up when they feel upset

So when he see you upset he try some of his own methods

But unlike his siblings a few jokes and tricks weren't enough to give you back your smile

That's when he make use of his backup plan

He took a week out of his harbingers duties to be with you, all your days during this period are about shopping, dates, quality time

When he see you getting better and got back on his job mbut made sure to check on you through the day

He thought it was over but the next month the pattern repeated, but this time he wasn't able to escapte his duties so instead he propose you to pass the day at his office, and the days would pass with you sitting on his laps ou hanging around with him

If teucer were to be in Liyue while you're in your depression episode childe would send him to spend the day with you

With his little brother as a ball of sunshine you wouldn't feel alone even if he can't be physically with you

Overall 7/10, he can't always make time with his responsibilities but he is trying his best and that's what matter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diluc :

With all his paperwork, his shift at angel's share and his daeknight hero duties, I highly doubt he will notice before a few episode over months

I mean yes there were times you didn't talked much, but he wasn't a fan of idle chit-chat anyways, and yes you might have looked more sad recently, but everyone have up and down

It had to be adelyne who avert diluc about your state for him to acknowledge it

But once he does

You aren't going to hear the end of it

Date, gifts, playing chess, you name it he is already preparing it

He can and will treat you as royalty, but he is still busy

But when he saw that what you need is not just being treated nicely but ALSO to have your boyfriend around

For once in a long while et don't go for his darknight hero duties, for your date he started to cancel his shifts at angel's share and now hero dutie's cancelled too

He pick up the hint of a mensual period of depression quickly and each time it hit you he put down everything down to be there

I'll give him a 7/10, as ironic as it his he's a knight in shining armor and he got the spirit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaeya :

I like kaeya, I really do

But at first he will take it lightly

Too lightly

The first time you couldn't physically talk to him because of your numbness he just smiled slightly and said "oh~cat got your tongue?"

It'll take time but he'll get it

And once he do

Jean will have to forcefully take him back to his office so he can finish his job, he don't care about it anyway, you're more important to him

And if you don't feel well, he is going to help by any means possible

He throw out of the window his night at angel's share until you get better, instead opting for a dinner at good hunter, he don't care you don't feel like speaking, he can speak for hours about the gossip he heard through mondstadt and during his nights searching for information

After a week or so, when you started to feel better, he didn't let go of you immediately and he was right because the following month you felt bad again, he then started to understand it will go by phase and he'll have to deal with it for the time being

He will accompany you during every one's of your episode and never letting go, he love you and won't let you believe otherwise

Even if it mean getting both jean and lisa angry because he isn't as much there for his work than he should

But for him that's okay if it's for the love of his life

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ei :

You only meet her from time to time in her plane of euthymia because she rarely ever visit human world

And the rest of the time you're with the shogun puppet, who might obey to ei, but isn't as nice, or cuddly or who can't even understand human basic emotions

So ei noticed only when you were visiting her, during your episode until now you dealt with it alone, but it hit you when visiting ei

And the first thing the notoced about you is how lost and a shell of yourself you looked

Immediately directing yourself to her you let your head rest on her lap while she gently stroked your head and asked if you were okay

The only few responses she got was different types of grunts and a few nod

She knew right there something was wrong with you because usually, even when something bad happened you used to tell her everything

After going back to your world and your life you were surprised the next morning to find ei at your door

Not the shogun

But ei

She convinced you that since she's here for the day you might share a few dango and sweets together

And since she wasn't a good cook and you were unable to, but because of your sadness, the meals for the day were mostly candy and desserts

Ei promised to be back and until you got better the shogun was ordered to check on you and provide you the things you enjoy doing and eating

Over the month it became a ritual, when you started to feel bad you spent a day cuddling with ei in her plain of euthymia, and the second she came to pass the day with you to make you feel better

Ei even made yae miko promise to tell her if she saw you in distress

I'd say a 7,5/10 ; when she want she can truly be adorable

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scaramouche :

He is going to be so rude about it

It's canon that he is searching for a heart, so he don't have one, and usually heart are associated with empathy

But he can be nice, with children or elder people

And with you, but right now not really

When he asked you to talk, and you just couldn't tell him what was wrong he started to ask again, louder and louder

And of course the guilt of not being anle to answer to your partner was accumulating and your eyes became glossy even if you didn't wanted to cry

When he saw that

He became silent for a moment

The next thing he did was to sit down at your side and grab your hand

He mumbled about being sorry for raising his voice, it was so low that if the room wasn't silent you wouldn't have heard it

But you did

Resting your head on his shoulder he tensed up before relaxing and patting your head awkwardly

You closed your eyes to be fully in the moment and while doing so scaramouche smiled before placing a kiss on your forehead

During your episode he made sure to not raise his voice in your presence and to make the paperwork part of his job with you either on his lap or in his company

He was definitely relived when you started to feel better, and all the more desperate when an other episode of depression started

But that's okay for him, he has all the time in the world to make you feel better, and he don't mind doing so

I give him a 5/10 because he is a gremlin, but an adorable one

~hope you'll like it!~

🌸Request are open🌸

[glowstickia]

hey same hat on those period pains! I'm so glad I went on birth control bc that was. not a reasonable experience to have monthly lol

Oof. Anon that sucks that you’ve gone thru similar period pains....aint fun. Thank fuck for birth control tho alas the one I uh had? Didn’t mix well with my adhd meds and I just haha yeaaaaa had one experience that the doctors kept telling me that “no no it wouldn’t do that”. Happened earlier this year...

more about that story under the read more

but goddamn Birth control saved my ass when I was in high school. Like, dude. I used to have periods every other week. Real bad, heavy ones too. Mom was worried I was gonna be anemic. I had trouble remembering to like...take my pills and like...slowly just got off them sorta on accident. Noticed my issue came back in college, but the stress probably uh didnt help. Main difference that time around was that it was once a month at least instead of like every other week.

so basically had a scary af experience earlier this year where my body felt numb and tingly while I was trying to go to sleep. I had been on my adhd meds for almost a year at that point and it was day 3 of trying out this birth control.

I went to the ER, and they were just scratching their heads going “Yea dunno what it is. Go tell your doctor, she’d probably know better.” -_- good news tho not a blood clot. BUT that’s the only news I got and they sent me home at like 4am. Ugh

Got some tests done to find the cause, but I just...straight up didn’t touch my birth control pills after that and just told my doc that “Yeaaaa nooooo. not working out for me” Like I wish I could do birth control but after that experience I aint gonna uh try that again for a whiiiile.... >_> My periods, I will say, have gotten uh much better over the years. But I so don’t wanna screw with the adhd meds that actually work for me when trying to figure out what birth control would be okay with it askdhfds.

[dailychino]

"They can't comprehend. Or even come close to understanding him. I guess if I was borin' they would love me more. Guess if I was simple in the mind. Everything would be fine. Maybe if I was jerk to girls. Instead of being nice and speakin' kind words. Then maybe it would be OK to say then, I wasn't a good guy to begin with."

Something I've always struggled with, this thought that I was weird or strange in other people's perception. Later down the line, I find out I'm actually literally bi polar. People would always call me extra af. Or too emotional. Or too this or too that.

They arent wrong. I am all of those things. But that's apart of who I am. People don't see me as a whole. They pick and choose what they see.

I am not that easy. I have had way too much happen in my life to be that simple.

No one really GETS me like how I get me. Only I have gone through what I have gone through. No one understands the things that I've have to struggle through and things I've had to live with.

Bi Polar kid who grew up without parents, who grew up on the streets. Had a violent, neglectful, alcohol addicted family. Lived my whole youth, being scrappy and resourceful. Finding places to sleep, how to get free food.

Next thing, an army soldier who was left behind and forgotten by in the desert all alone as a brand new private in the army for 3 WHOLE DAYS without food or water. Going through a failed engagement. Treated like scum at work. Started heavily drinking, and becoming an alcohol fiend. This set presidence for the next 3 years.

Enforced over the deployment, alcoholism became a lifestyle not a choice. Feeling any type of way? Drink! Wanna celebrate? Drink! Got nothing to do after the gym? Drink!

Fast forward a couple months after the deployment. Was in failing relationship and I just got back from my mother's funeral (same day that I pulled her from life support)

And I get a call from my friends sister.. Michael just passed away. Seeing me fall apart drove the final wedge in my relationship with my at the time bae.

After dealing and mourning the loss of my mom, my best friend, and my lover. I found myself really lost. 2 weeks later, my company commander commits suicide on the rail road tracks, and I'm the usher for his memorial service. That night, I called everyone that I thought was important to me and thanked them for everything they had ever done for me. And I tried to kill myself.

I woke up. Unfortunately. In the hospital, as a catheter was being put into me. I was in the ER. And I was having seizures and really bad convulsions. After I was stabilized, I was sent to the Psych Ward or as I like to call it, the Loony Bin.

For a while after being discharged from the Psych Ward, I felt lost. I was really really lost. I was in the Intensive Outpatient Program, I was in Grief Group, I was in the Army Substance Abuse Program, I was in Alcoholics Anonymous. I was lost. I was taking all the right steps but it felt like I was on auto pilot and I wasn't really there. I was still lost.

Still kept drinking. I was in and out. I was being self destructive. I was being toxic. I was a mess. I was at a loss. I lost my mom. My bestfriend. My girl. Oh and my 2 PAID OFF CARS were totalled because of the hail storm. I was defeated. I tried to get everything I could to get it off my mind. I would go on dates. I would drink. I would have sex just so I could for a second just not think about the tragedies that befell me.. it became a pattern. I would feel really bad or I would feel really numb, like I couldnt feel a damn thing. And I would do some really twisted things just to feel something, anything.

Started experimenting with psychedelics. Started with a shroom trip. Then started doing acid monthly.. which quickly became weekly. Did this for a couple months.. until I started feeling again.

But back to the point. I don't think people dont understand me because I'm bipolar I think they don't understand me, cause they have never been through the things I've been thru, or never learned the things I had to learn. I mean yeah I'm sure being bi polar also plays a part, but I refuse to let bi polar define me as an individual. I am who I am, because of my past, my history, and I'm slowly but surely am making progress towards the person I want to be become.

I'm Chino. And this is who I am. Love me or hate me, because "I never gave a fuck about what niggas thought about me. I mean I did but like fuck it you know'm sayin"

I be that man on the moon, and imma do what I do, so do you.

Lyrics used:

-Kid Cudi, Man on the Moon.

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc