#haha projection go hard. Sorry I try not to. That's a lie but idk.

[forever-nerdsrope]

yearning to be in a relationship again fuckkkk can't do this

[bunny-hoodlum]

In AWY is Hinata ever gonna date someone? I mean, she feels hella pathetic waiting around like that. Idk I just think she should explore a bit outside of Naruto. Tho I guess her personality in there won’t allow her. I can’t lie, it’s kinda painful to read. I liked when she talked to Itachi and Sasuke. She felt more of her own character than someone who’s waiting around helplessly for Naruto and doing whatever he does or says. Like a puppet or a dog without a master. It seems like she’s always the one reaching out to him even when he’s in the wrong. I wish Naruto for once will do the reaching out. You can see even in the text messages, she’s the one texting him the most and sometimes he doesn’t respond at all while she always does no matter what. Tbh I don’t know what I want from her. She’s kinda confusing and too hard on herself. When it comes to Naruto, I feel like she lacks a backbone. Sometimes it feels like he walks all over her without considering her feelings and she just allows it. She frustrates me but I can’t help but keep reading and rooting for her. I guess I want her to make Naruto jealous instead of her always being the one feeling it and forgiving him real quick and reaching out and doing the heavy lifting. Anyways, I’m happy you’ve updated AWY and glad you’re doing better!

(I apologize if this ask was rude and harsh. It wasn’t my intention. You’re one of my favorite NH fanfic writer.)

It's all good!! If this means the fic still has your investment, then you're totally fine. Sorry for putting you through the unrequited stress, haha! 🙈

Keep in the mind, the texts were from their second year of middle school, and yes they did fall off even further between then and this chapter.

At risk of telling you what you already know, they were friendly in school but uninvolved in each other's lives and it was getting that way increasingly. They finally actually talked, like, Naruto didn't just go and get distracted and forget to reply to her like before, so the old pattern in their texts was just another form of proof of how things looked before to contrast to the development happening in real time.

Hinata's pining and putting Naruto first will always be there, but as his sister. And vice-versa, that's what they're going to keep working at. I like to think that Naruto got miffed when she had to leave because he was projecting prior experiences onto her, otherwise he's all in with being the best brother and friend ever. He was ridiculously happy spending time with her the night before, that hasn't changed.

So... As for Hinata developing a life outside of Naruto, that already happened with her club and her committee responsibilities. She even believed she might be getting over him, however that in of itself was incredibly painful and she grew to believe that the distance was exacerbating her feelings, not dulling them. That's why they are where they are now. So there's no intention of revisiting that because it would be backtracking, but whatever happens to them after high school is a different matter.

As for Hinata ever dating outside of Naruto, that is planned to varying degrees of 'seriousness'. I hope to get to the Rinne Matsuri in Ch 9, as that will be the first example of this. 😘

And more jealous Naruto? I say 'more' because he's been quite weird towards Itachi and Iruka already when it comes to her and it has been my intention to play with that further next chapter. 🤔 I do have overly protective, ignorantly jealous Naruto planned as they spend more time together. I also have Naruto disappointing her by going back to his old habits of forgetting her, I just won't spoil exactly how that happens ofc.

All in all, life is gonna happen to them, and yes they should try to outgrow their worst tendencies and habits and such, figure out their boundaries, etc. I agree that it's been rough for Hinata to love him all this time and that she should only do as much as is healthy for her. I do want that to be part of the narrative, absolutely, if it hasn't already lol.

Even Naruto needs it too.

On Naruto's end, he belatedly realized that he felt scammed by Neji for entrusting her wellbeing to him. He's felt less like family over time and more like an unwilling bodyguard coerced into the role with the promise of being loved and accepted for his efforts. I think on some level, all of his forgetting about Hinata was just a reaction to having been convinced into caring about their sibling bonds when all along his own needs were going unmet, if that makes sense. That's why they had that falling out, because Hinata's words about Neji being her only family made his own repressed resentment valid.

Anyhoo, omigosh, I hope my rambling wasn't patronizing somehow. 😭

Thank you so much for reading my stuffs! I'm so honored to be among your faves! 😭💖💖💖

[lilsnowpea93]

I have a few extra things to add to that longpost I made the other day about the typical working experience in America. 1. So, I suppose something I’d super advocate for is something like UBI, or at least funding of the arts of for creative people. The latter is a biased framing ofc. And we do have some safety nets here like food stamps and Medicaid. But I think those could be expanded slightly, especially healthcare. So, note that when I mention funding of arts/creativity, like we do have bigger problems. But arts are also important, and the first stuff to get cut. Anyway. I feel there’s this attitude from more centrist and conservative people I talk to that, if a system like UBI were put in place, it would lead to nobody wanting to work, especially if it was a good program (which won’t happen, like gov giving u a liveable paycheck monthly, they should do that for ppl who can’t work but broadscale it will never happen). Handout this and freeloader that. Cool cool cool. And so, in order for society to function, there are so many jobs that need to be performed, surely. Now, for many of those jobs that are considered more “skilled” and have large large responsibilities and huge consequences for mistakes- people typically go to school for that stuff, or spend years of their lives dedicated to it, it’s their thing they do. They also hopefully get paid well, which is the incentive sure. Also for the “unskilled” dirty shitty jobs that need to happen, employers should pay them well too, incentive. For transparency, I work in this field, but it’s small time. Now, idk if this is specific to me, but a lot of people I personally know, work retail and random stuff like that, (in contrast to those “societal bolster” jobs like being a building planner or whatever). And granted sometimes those overlap, like supermarket jobs. So, I think it’s fair to say that ppl working those retail or service jobs aren’t typically training their whole lives for those positions, they usually don’t love their job (sometimes you’ll hear well off ppl romanticize these types of jobs, get real usually ppl don’t want to do that for their whole life), they may have multiple of these jobs.. I get the sense this is the typical working experience in America? An aside- I’d like to note that the narrative we were all broadly told is that you “work your way up” but, haha no dear that does not happen for many people. “Started in the mailroom” type shit, stop it. Again, temporarily embarrassed millionaire brainwashing (or frankly, 100,000aire) is bullshit, I’m so tired of that. I get frustrated nearly daily how burned into my skull that is. It is a lie. Stop spreading it. It worked for a handful of people, do people understand the size of the workforce? It’s not designed for everyone to win, even a little bit. It’s clearly designed to exploit and make as much profit as possible “ethically” possible. ANYWAY, sorry. So these jobs, hate to say it but a lot of these places super don’t need to exist. They’re projects by big/med sized biz owners or corporations to make money for themselves. These are everywhere, look at all the dumb stores and restaurant chains everywhere. These are your options for pay if u don’t have a marketable specific skill (me included).. Look at all the advertising we’re bombarded with daily. U really think all that stuff is necessary for society to function? No lol. It’s people trying to get rich or rich people profiting. Now I think small one off businesses are cool and typically offer something to the local community, I have nothing against those, unless the boss is horrible and exploiting workers.. but u know what I’m saying? We’re surrounded by pointless shit designed for wealthy people to get wealthier, for us to give our hard earned money to that we got from our annoying unfulfilling job (mines ok, talking about average experience) to buy an overpriced chip bag 75% filled with air because our survival brain decided we need a salty interesting flavored snack and can’t resist. Is this not hell of our own making? My drama queen debut yes yes.

2. This is an obvious point, but I’ve always felt this (even though I’ve historically only worked for non profits I like.) When I clock in to work, I’m taking on the load and responsibility of someone else’s project. It’s like I’m living a separate life. And yes, baggage from my personal life will seep into my professional one, and definitely vice versa (worrying about work shit at home). So, personally, my own “project” is constantly majorly f’d. I have so many things I want to do at home, for myself, for my small projects where I make stuff for other people. Stuff like, I’ve hated my underwear drawer for 10+ years. I need to find out what cut and material of underwear I prefer, because it’s not the generic one. It takes time and research to do that. I do not have that time, and that’s a silly one of the 100 large important “me” projects that I need to eventually do. Stuff that impacts my daily life, like hating my underwear situation every day for 10 years. Every day I get up, and ignore all of that for my survival paycheck. I put me to the wayside, and put someone else’s thing to the front for hours and hours. Thankfully it’s a non profit I like. If it was a bs retail stuff with angry customers, well that would be very bad. But, even not having to work a huge amount of hours, I get home, and I try to work on the projects where I’ve promised things to other people. Sometimes I have to take a nap, and that’s even a privilege. But yeah, I’m tired, sometimes I don’t get good sleep, it happens. Before I know it it’s time to make dinner, time to go to bed, time to do it again. You hear this from countless people who work 9-5. Is this really life? Never actually working on yourself, always having to spend that energy elsewhere? Shirking your own happiness for money, because of survival? No one should have to do that, yet we all do. There are clear penalties to not participating. Poor and homeless people are actively punished. How many Americans are one medical emergency away from getting into this trouble? Point of all this being, we are used to putting ourselves last. Discouraged from even having the time to think about what we need as people. I believe this keeps us less effective and less mentally/physically healthy. This is a byproduct of profit being put over lives, and I would say it happens most to the lower class. Wealthy people can get away with exploiting poor people, because they need the money. Wealthy people romanticize these workers and jobs. The workers want and need the pay, they do not want to work grueling hours. They typically have little power in this relationship though. High capital earners usually do not do the right thing. Landlords do not usually do the right thing. These people are in these positions for easy money, not to be nice (gotta be some exceptions of nice rich people sure sure sure). I’m aware how cynical this comes off but I can’t help it after learning about this topic from multiple angles. I don’t have a good end to this but I’ll likely have more to write about this in the future. I understand this way of life to be broken, and so many people around me don’t, it’s frustrating, and I need to be able to prove why instead of just being like oh this sucks and having them think I’m lazy. People can think that, idc, I know I’m not, eh. But there are reaasssons there are reasons I’m dissatisfied, and believe it could be so much better. And I know other countries are worse cool awesome, it can be better. I don’t have all those answers, but the more I write the more they form, sorta. But I’m a toilet cleaner why would I have anything intelligent to say on this lol, I’m supposed to take what I can get, and I do. I think my opinion also matters though. At least I’ve had time to form this opinion, I could have easily not.

[alpacaparkaseok]

Inside “The Pact”

Hello! For those of you that followed along with The Pact, I received a few questions and requests to get an inside look. I’ll link the post here that explains a bit more about what this is gonna be about. 

We’re gonna break this down into sections: first will be answering your questions about The Pact & the characters. Then I’ll show you guys a little about my notes & decision making process (which is very obscure because I just tend to keep a hypothetical tab open in my brain most of the time lol) as well as some pictures of my ideas!! 

Thanks for requesting such a fun thing to do now that this series is over. It’s been fun to look back!

Q. What song did the boys dedicate to y/n?

A. “Her” || This is a sad song, but I felt like it fit so well with how the boys had to hide a part of themselves (their feelings) away for the sake of the pact!

--

Q. Did the boys get mad/how did the boys react to Jungkook’s kiss?

A. Jungkook was a little shocked, and felt extremely guilty on the drive back home. He wasn’t sure if he could stand to tell his hyungs, but he also knew he couldn’t lie to them. Naturally, the second he walked in the house and everyone saw his face, they knew. It was just quiet, everybody was a little hesitant to say anything/bring it up because they were all upset. Only Jimin has heard all of the details of JK’s kiss, whereas the others are simply aware that he kissed her and that’s that.

Namjoon was the most upset, although he didn’t say anything. He just sat there on the couch and did the jaw-clenching thing he always does. Yoongi just tried to change the subject and ask about other aspects of the date. Taehyung was actually pretty pissed, especially because he’d been so good about refraining from kissing you even when you’d asked for it. Hobi had a chat with him later that night and calmed him down. Jin wasn’t angry so much as he was worried that he missed his shot & couldn’t stop replaying his date in his head.

--

Q. Who fell for y/n last?

A. Namjoon. He’d had a little crush, and that’s why he was willing to go along with the pact. But it hit a point less than a year ago when he fell hard and fast. (you called him in the middle of the night when he was on tour and he realized that your sleepy voice is possibly the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard) The boys noticed and as a result teased him endlessly about it, because he doesn’t quite know how to navigate his feelings. 

--

Q. Who did the boys bet on? (We already know that Jimin bet on Yoongi and won lol)

A. Namjoon bet on JK, Tae bet on Hobi, Hobi bet on JK, Jin bet on JK, and Yoongi bet on Jin, and JK bet on Namjoon (because we all know JK would pick Namjoon lol)

--

Q. Didn’t y/n ever date other guys? How did the boys react?

A. hahaha ok I actually would have such a fun time writing this Yes, she dated around a bit. For the first year of the pact, she had an on again, off again bf. It wasn’t very serious, and she always made that clear to the boys. They still hated the dude. After they broke up, she only went on a few dates here and there. Didn’t really seriously date. (except for that one time she went on vacation and had a fling, but everyone has decided to forget that) They just smiled and supported her, although Tae was always very clear that he didn’t like any of the guys she dated. 

--

Q. In Namjoon’s date, who was the 1950′s author mentioned?

A. Agatha Christie, the queen. 

--

Q. How did y/n meet Jimin? (he was the one that introduced her to the rest of the group)

A. She was a PR intern for Lee Hyun. Jimin and Lee Hyun are close, and they crossed paths fairly often until Jimin decided to invite her to hang out. 

--

Q. What is y/n studying in school?

A. Public Relations (which will honestly come in handy with her new relationship lol)

--

Q. Where was Jin in the last chapter when y/n came to the studio?

A. Agh how could you ask me this and bring back all that pain?! Jin was at his brother’s restaurant for some much needed R&R. He ended up staying the night with him, not wanting to go home just yet and have to face his decision.

--

Q. Who would you personally choose to end up with and why?

A. KIM SEOKJIN. Date #5 was basically for me lol. Like, unapologetically wrote that for myself. Not just because he’s my bias, but because I personally felt like I could picture myself chilling on that couch watching Dateline with him. And it was beautiful. 🤧 Also, while Jin can be loud and goofy, he’s an introvert. I’m an extravert with introverted tendencies, so I just feel like his date would have been the most comfortable for me.

--

CREATING THE PACT - AN INSIDE LOOK AT MY NOTES

First thing’s first, I have an on-going page in my notes on my phone which is FILLED with ideas & half-formed thoughts. Before I began writing The Pact (or even Spooked, for that matter), this happened:

So you can see that I had no idea what I was doing lol, but I thought that it would be cool. Mainly I wanted an excuse to write OT7 and display all the members in a sweet light. Also, we see that not all of these actually made it into the series. (Tae w/ the family)

BUT THEN, “SPOOKED” HAPPENED, AND A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY POPPED UP 

ngl, I cracked up when I looked back at my notes and saw this. 

“Sweet Gloria what am I doing to myself” 😂😂 this was when I was pushing “Lost & Found” out and planning for Taehyung’s series (which is why so much is blocked out on my notes, because it’s riddled with spoilers lol) so I literally had no idea why I was jumping into another project as I was already super busy. That’s why I scheduled it for just Saturday’s! (and also why I sometimes posted super late at night lol)

As you can see, Seokjinnie’s date was literally always on my mind. From the very beginning. Which is odd, considering the fact that he didn’t end up being endgame. wow it’s like he’s my bias or something

Occasionally I’d take breaks from hw and work on getting to know how the boys were with y/n. Quotes and poetry serve as a great source of inspiration, and I assigned a quote to each member. (notice the little stars by Jin, Yoongi’s and JK’s names lol, they were my top three as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now)

There were a couple of things that I didn’t think of adding until I was reading through your theories and got an idea of what you needed to push the series in the right decision. i.e. bringing Gina back to explain that she closed the door in Spooked. 

I have a whiteboard in my room that I use to map out what I need to do that week for whatever series I’m working on (as well as jot down ideas for new series, which I why this photo doesn’t show the whole board haha) 

So here’s a peek at my thought process for writing about how the pact was formed. Sorry if you can’t read it haha

NOW, the last few questions you guys had:

Q. Did you ever change your mind while writing the pact?

A. Yes! I actually originally intended for Hobi to have written the note. It fit very well with how angry he was at first and how worried he was during the date. But by the time I'd gotten to Jin’s date I kinda knew that he wouldn’t be that petty but Jin would haha

I also planned on Yoongi kissing y/n on their date. It was supposed to be on a rooftop somewhere, which we know didn’t happen. In fact, I didn’t really intend for their date to be so disastrous until I was coming closer to having to write it. I think I was a mess, so the date was a mess lol

I had no idea what I was doing for Tae’s date until I wrote it, all I knew was that there had to be a museum. The rest I just made up as I wrote and hoped that it made sense. (also, for some reason I hated the museum portion of the date. Idk why, but it just felt so stark to me. still don’t like it lol)

Q. When did you know how it was going to end? 

A. That’s a....difficult question lol. Honestly, I thought of just doing an audio recording and uploading it because it I didn’t really know how to put it into words, but then I realized that most people probably wouldn’t wanna listen to that lol. So here we are. 

I had the ending scene in mind before The Pact even became a thing. I knew I had a series that I wanted to end with baking cookies. (weird, I know.) It didn’t exactly go how I planned, but I remember having the thought while writing Spooked (when I thought I was just writing a one shot) that it would be nice for y/n to be with Yoongi. I just instantly felt like they had a connection, when he was the first one she went toward. From then on out, I always kinda kept Yoongi in the background. 

I had a crisis about halfway through (right before Jin’s date) when there were a bunch of people rooting for Tae, because he hadn’t even been on my radar. But then Jin’s date went much better than I thought it was going to/received better, so I think that got me back on track. 

But from the beginning, Yoongi was #1. (I wrote this in the back of my Career’s notebook lol) when I was trying to figure out for myself who wrote the pact. 

So yeah! There you have it! Just an FYI, I had to physically restrain myself from throwing caution to the wind and making Jin endgame. Especially when so many of you were on board. :( However, the survey helped because Yoongi was the majority of votes (closely followed by Jin & JK) and that showed me that we were still on the right track! 

Ngl, my brain stopped working around Wednesday of last week, so writing the finale took FOREVER because nothing would compute. But I’m so happy you guys enjoyed it and reached out to me about it! This really is like a part-time job most days, and I really felt like this series paid off. 

Hopefully I covered everything! To end, here's the most satisfying part of every project for me:

Thanks guys!

[meruz]

Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? 

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha. 

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your ��artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at isellhotdogs@gmail.com.

<33333333333333333333333333

[makknays]

can we try again?

a/n: this is one of my daydreams lol

word count: 1.1k

genre: idk man kinda sad ? kinda not ? its not rlly slice of life tho maybe it is

Life had been going smoothly lately; it was just what you needed after the last year you had been through. You were tired and exhausted; losing person after person, but they were never worth it anyway.

You were out with your friends the day he dm'ed you for the first time in over a year. You had noted prior to that, about a month ago, that he had followed you again and liked a couple of your photos. "That's weird? Maybe, it's mercury retrograde..." you thought to yourself at the time. Now you were faced with his notification; all it read was "hey ___."

[11.48pm] hey ___

seen.

You didn't know if you should respond or if you should ignore him. He had followed you before but you left it alone because you thought you had someone else at the time. That person only ended up hurting you anyway. You'd noticed him watching your stories from time to time when you searched for someone else's name but you quickly forgot him again. You had moved on. Right?

[4.27pm] you: hey

[4.34pm] him: hi. i just wanted to apologise for being a dick to you. you didnt deserve any of it. ive changed a lot since we last knew each other.

[4.58pm] you: oh. i wasnt expecting that

[4.58pm] its okay i dont really remember what you even did...last year was a lot

[5.00pm] him: oh i thought you hated me

[5.03pm] you: i never hated you. just forgot you existed.

[5.03pm] him: oh. thats better i guess? haha

[5.05pm] him: how have you been?

Just like that you fell back into conversation with him. It always felt easy with him and you hated that you felt what you felt before. You realised that you missed him too, but so much had happened to you that you didn't have time to miss him when he was gone. Now he was here. As a friend.

time skip 3 months

Namjoon was in your bed. You weren't sure how, actually that was a lie. Prior to not talking to each other for a year, the two of you had slept together twice. He told you he liked someone and broke it off, but you were in such a fragile state that you didn't understand how to cope and projected onto him. He never held it against you. Months went on and he came back and asked to sleep with you again. You said no because you were seeing someone at the time, yet he was adamant. You didn't talk for another 6 months.

Things fell back into place. The two of you were friends, friends who spoke about fucking each other and made plans to do so. That's why you woke up with him next to you. He had been staying over for the last few nights; him staying over made you rethink your feelings for the person beside you. You weren't sure if it was just nostalgia coming back or if you really did like him again. You didn't want to get hurt.

The night before you had suggested that the two of you wake up early to go on a walk and watch the sunrise by the Han River, so here you were waking up at 5am. "I wanna go back to sleep." "This was your idea. C'mon, let's go." "I don't wanna, I wanna sleep." "___, it's my last day here, c'mon, let's do it." he chuckled as he gently pulled your sleepy body so that you were sitting upright. You were hunched over, rubbing your eyes and pouting at being woken up so early on a day off. "___, stop pouting. This was your idea." he laughed, you always loved the sound of his laugh; it was something that always made you smile. You smiled at him before pulling yourself together and freshening up.

"Do you have a destination in mind?" he asked you as the two of you left the warmth of your apartment. "Nope, just along the river." you told him, leading the way. "Okay. I've missed the river. There's a lot of memories there." "Your fault for moving back to your parents." you teased. "Yeah, but I don't have any reason to be in Seoul anymore. We finished university and my job's all online." "Maybe you just need to find a reason." you shrugged. You hoped he knew what you meant by that.

"Hey, we should sit on this bench. The sun's rising now. It's a nice view too." he smiled as he guided you towards the bench he had targeted. The seat gave you the prefect view of the sun rising above the horizon and the two of you watched as the night faded and hues of pink and red started to blend into blue.

"I missed you, you know?" "Huh?" "When we didn't talk. I thought about you a lot. I know you forgot about me, but you're hard to forget, ___." "You just wanted to fuck me again." "Well, that was a factor." he chuckled. "But, seriously, I did miss you." "Why are you telling me this?" you laughed, not making eye contact with him; you don't know why but you were too scared.

"What if I told you I liked you and wanted to take you on a date?" he asked, looking at you as you stared across the river at the sun. You took a deep breath and sighed, finally turning to him, giving him a weak smile. "Namjoon, I would think you're lying to me." "Why?" "It's not that you ever lied to me. You told me as soon as you liked someone and I was the one that reacted like a monster, but there's a lot of things going on in my head that make it hard for me to trust what you're saying. A lot happened to me in the year we didn't speak to each other. I got really hurt and it's not something I'm ready to do again. I don't want to let what happened to me affect what could be here. I want to say yes, I do, but I'd wanna think about it more too. I feel like that's the right thing to do, since I've always been impulsive when it comes to emotions. I'd like to just be rational." as you told him what you felt your eyes drifted from his face to the river to your fiddling hands; you were so anxious and you didn't want to build a wall between the two of you but you were scared you might.

"Ah, I see. I'm sorry that happened while we were strangers." Namjoon said after reaching for your hand. "So, if I asked you on a date right now, what would you say?" he asked, looking into your eyes for any signs of rejection. "I wanna say yes, but-" "Then say yes, for now. It's okay if you change your mind later, but how about we try? We've known each other for a long time. We can trust each other, right? I won't hurt you again." "Okay." "Okay?" "Okay."

[fanfics4all]

Anemia: Part 2

Request: Yes / No  hiii i loved your draco x reader (anemia) it was beautiful❤️❤️ can you write a part two where maybe they are in halloween (to fit your currently requests haha) and they had a pretty serious argument halloween related but draco still has her medication but even though he is mad he just can’t stop taking care of her idk if you understand hahaha thankss!!🥰 Anon

Request are open but ONLY if they’re Halloween <3 Have a nice day/night

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader 

Word count: 794

Warnings: Nothing I think 

Y/N: Your Name 

Y/H/C: Your Hair Color

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK! 

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you! 

Masterlist 

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Halloween had come to Hogwarts. It was one of my favourite holidays even though they didn’t really celebrate it here. But I really wanted to do something. So I was going to ask Draco if he wanted to spend the day at Hogsmeade with me. We had off for the rest of the afternoon so I thought it would be perfect. I walked into Draco’s room and found him studying. He’s been doing that a lot recently and we haven’t been able to spend time together, but that didn’t stop him from keeping tabs on my anemia. 

“Dracy, I was wondering if you’d like to come and do some Halloween activities with me in Hogsmeade?” I asked. 

“Actually I need to study.” He answered and I frowned. 

“But we have the rest of the day off and no tests until next week.” I said and he sighed. 

“I understand that, love, but I really need to study.” He said, finally facing me. 

“Please Draco, it’ll be fun.” I said with a pout, hoping he would give in. 

“Y/N I said I can’t.” He said annoyed and turned back to his books.

“Seriously? We’ve hardly been able to spend time together because you’re always doing something! It’s either I have a project with Pansy to work on, or I need to study, or I have too much homework! When are we finally going to have a proper date again?” I asked, finally letting out all the feeling I’ve been keeping inside.

“Well I’m sorry Y/N, but we are in school and I’d like to get all O’s in my classes.” He answered and I sighed. 

“Fine, then I suppose I’ll see you at dinner.” I said and walked out. I would go to Hogsmeade myself. 

Draco’s POV

I heard Y/N leave and sighed. I understand why she’s upset, but I really needed to study. My grades were always O’s, but my parents still wanted more from me. I wasn’t really sure what more I could do. So, studying was the best option. 

After an hour more of studying I decided I should take a break. I felt bad that Y/N was spending her favourite holiday at the castle, so I decided to go and try to cheer her up. I walked out into the common room and saw she wasn’t there. I shrugged and went to her room, but she also wasn’t there. I walked back into the common room and found our friends there. 

“Have any of you seen Y/N?” I asked. 

“Yeah, she left about an hour ago.” Blaise answered and my eyes widened slightly. 

“I’ve got to go.” I said and rushed outside. I knew where she was going and I had to make sure she was alright. She didn’t take her iron supplements today. I got to Hogsmeade and started looking around. I found her by seeing her Y/H/C in the window of Honeydukes. I rushed inside and saw her finishing paying for sweets. 

“Y/N!” I said and she looked at me with a shocked expression. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you had to study?” She asked. 

“I do, but you forgot to take your iron supplements today and I was worried when I heard you left.” I answered. 

“Oh, I guess I did. I’ve been having this awful headache and felt a bit weak, but I thought I just didn’t eat enough.” She said. I pulled the bottle out of my pocket and handed a few to her. 

“Here, take these and let’s please go back to the castle.” I said and she smiled. 

“Alright fine, but only because I’m not feeling great.” She said and took the medicine. 

“Here, I got you a pumpkin paste, I know how much you like them.” She said, handing me the box. 

“Thank you love, we can enjoy it together when we get back.” I said and grabbed her ice cold hand. We went back to the castle quickly and got her to my room to lay down. 

“I was so worried about you.” I said and she giggled. 

“Thank you for coming to get me Draco, I honestly don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t show up.” She said. 

“I shouldn’t have been so distracted with studying.” I said, joining her on the bed. 

“You shouldn’t have, but I understand you want to do well, but you’re already getting O’s so I don’t understand.” She said. 

“It’s my parents.” I sighed. 

“I understand, but you should have spent Halloween with me.” She said. 

“I know, next year I promise.” I said and kissed the side of her head. 

“I’m holding you to that.” She said and opened the box with sweets. 

Tag list: @les-bio-lie​ @tashy-bear​ @ashwarren32​ @hollie-blogs​ @schisbro87​ @lover-of-books-and-teas​ @nerdygaloresposts​ @teenwolfbitches2​ @genius2050​ @drw0301bieber​ @lady-of-lies​ @ravenmoore14​ @ravenempress101​ @cillianchamp​ @rowanthomasknapp​ @rachelxwayne​ @in-slytherin-we-trust​ @accio-rogers​ @sambucky8​ @bruisedfists-and-splitlips @answer-the-sirens​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @vanessa-kom-skaikru​ @dracoswhvre​

[justsomevoltronstuff]

FINALLY SOMEONE WITH OPEN REQUESTS THANK YOU 🥰🤗 This will suddenly take a dArK tUrN- can you do a Paladins (and Allura) x dying reader? Haha idk but I'm in it for the angst and crying 👌👏 You seem like a wonderful person so keep on being wonderful (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

my cousin gave me the BIGGEST judgemental side eye when she asked what I was writing about and I told her character deaths, I’m tryna not to fite, y’all I ain’t gonna lie imma throw hands frfr

also, so sorry this took so long, I’m pretty sure I rewrote it like five times tryna get it to my damn satisfaction (which is such a nasty habit, don’t reread you’re own shit if you want an honest opinion on it y’all)

also also, I’m on mobile rn so I can’t cut it so just so all y’all know:

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO DEATH/GRIEVING. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL ABOUT DEATH AND GRIEF AND IT IS MAJOR SAD BOI HOURS AND I WORRY ABOUT YALL AND DONT WANT YOU READING THIS IF YOU KNOW YOU WONT HANDLE IT WELL😤😤😤

this is a long one bois so if you wanna skip around they’ll all be colored as per usual and the order is: Shiro, Lance, Hunk, Keith, Pidge, Allura

please enjoy lovers🥺💜🌸

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The battle wasn’t an easy one by any means, it was touch and go for the whole team. You knew it wasn’t gonna end well, but that had never stopped you from putting forth your all. You swung your weapon, keeping your enemies at bay as much as you possibly could. Your team was all over the place, the enemy having succeeded in separating everyone in hopes of tipping the odds in their favor. It worked.

You couldn’t keep up alone. Fighting had always been instinct to you, you had never felt so overwhelmed as you had in that moment. They were closing in and you had nowhere left to go and no tricks left up your sleeve. You were stuck, and there weren't any quick enough plans to keep you out of harm's way this time.

You held your ground for as long as you could, refusing to give in easily. You fought until your limbs were too exhausted to move and your breathing was too shallow to continue. It was in a moment of hesitation from sluggish movements that they finally overtook you, and you felt pain spread through you, worse than any you had ever felt before.

You heard shouts of panic, you listened as the battle got thicker and the enemy retreated, you smiled at the sound of victory. Your team shouted in excitement, another battle well fought, another win for Voltron.

Attempting to sit up, you felt pain rush your body once again, causing you to groan. Your team's cheers quickly died down as they took in your situation. Before you knew it, your head was being cradled by the person you wanted to see the most at this moment. Their eyes were filled with concern and tears were brimming. You attempted a soft smile, in hopes of comforting them. Your breathing was shaky as the brushed your hair away from your eyes.

“You’re going to be okay.” They promised.

Your last thoughts were of your family, earth, the realization you’ll never feel rain on your face again, of your team, who you hated abandoning, and finally, of the one person you hated leaving the most. You knew you weren’t making it out of this one, you despised you were going to pass in their arms. You wished you could turn back time and fight a little harder, you wished things could be different, that you could live the life the two of you dreamed together.

“Don’t blame yourself.�� You whispered in response.

They shook their head in defiance. “Don’t talk like that. We’re gonna get you to the castle and into a med pod and you’re going to be good as new in no time.”

You shakily lifted a hand and brushed a tear from their cheek. “I love you.”

Their face was filled with pain and you knew the only thing keeping them from losing it was this being your final moments. “I love you.” They responded, their voice cracking. They leaned down and gently pressed their lips to yours.

You felt everything around you becoming further and further away.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered out to your team as you took a final shaky breath, your senses being overwhelmed as you felt yourself fading.

Shiro

The tears kept flowing as he watched the light fade from your usually bright, curious eyes. He pulled you into him as he sobbed into your shoulder, wishing you’d wrap your arms around him and tell him everything was okay, that there was no reason to cry. But you didn’t, and you never would again. Your team surrounded the two of you, tears running down their cheeks as well as they watched their leader completely break in front of them, their friend tucked in his arms unmoving.

He tried to move on. He knew you wouldn’t want him blaming himself or wallowing in misery on your behalf. He mourned you, he still does, but he needs to keep leading the team, he doesn't have time to let the memories of you being by his side drag him into complete uselessness.

It was hard, it took a long time, but eventually he could remember you, his lover, his everything, without crumpling immediately.

When the team got back to earth, it was raining. He stood outside, face tilted to the sky, just letting the water drench him. The rain reminded him of you, you always told him it was what you missed most about earth.

It was as he stood outside, head facing the endless clouds, lighting striking in the far off distance, enduring the first rainstorm he’d felt since before the Kerberos Mission, that he smiled for the first time since the morning before your final battle.

Lance

Once you had taken your final breath and your gentle hand slipped off his, all composure he had left was out the window. He screamed and sobbed in the middle of that battlefield. His team knew he had a tendency to keep his emotions at bay, so watching him break over your body, knowing there was nothing they could do to help him, was heartbreaking. They all shared his grief, but none on a level even close to him.

You had been his rock, you helped him keep sane and reminded him he wasn’t a horrible person. He sobbed harder as he remembered how excited you were to meet his family once all of you went back to earth.

After a while he just, stopped. He had run out of tears, he had his moment of grief, he had to stand tall and move on now. Or at least that’s what everyone saw. Every single day of his life, he blamed himself. If only he hadn’t let himself get separated from you, if only he’d gotten to you a little sooner, if only, if only, if only. In the end, he knew there was no changing the outcome, but that didn’t stop him from imagining worlds in which you were still by his side.

He never thought he’d dread finally going home, but as the team landed, and a woman that looked eerily familiar came rushing from the building towards them, he felt himself snap. HE crashed to his knees as the woman came up to the group, looking around at each of them.

“Where are they?” she demanded. “Where is my child?” She had tears in her eyes as she noticed Lance on his knees, holding back tears and hugging himself.

“I’m so sorry ma’am,” Shiro started but she just shoved him away.

“You let them die?! My child died in outer space, surrounded by a bunch of strangers, and you didn’t even try to save them?!” She had tears rushing down her cheeks. “Who do you even think you are? Do you think you deserve to ball up because of them? You don’t even know them! No, nevermind, yes, you do deserve to be down there, not out of pity, but out of remorse. This is all your fault, all of you! My child never should’ve come to this stupid place.”

He flinched as he took in the woman's words.

“That is enough ma’am. Your child died honorably, saving people, and they were our family. We aren’t just some strangers, we’re the people your child died for. So, in all due respect, I suggest you back away from your child's mourning lover and stop slandering the life they died protecting.”

Everyone shut up in shock as Keith put your mother in her place, causing her to take a deep shaky breath, tears slipping from her eyes at last as she took in his words.

Hunk

Your hand slipped out of his as your eyes fluttered shut for the final time. He didn’t rage, he didn’t scream or burst, he just silently held you a little longer, his tears running down his cheeks until they ran dry. He didn’t have the energy to leave you yet, he never thought you’d be the one to go first.

The team didn’t know what to do, Hunk had always been the emotional one of the team, never being shy with showing his feelings. He wore his heart on his sleeve without regret, but now, he just looked emotionless.

He tried to distract himself. He threw himself into engineering projects and every mission the team ran he put everything he had into completing. He stopped cooking all together, every time he even so much as looked at the kitchen door, his heart would break slightly more. Memories of the two of you spending hours in that room, cooking with space goo and assorted ingredients you found. It hurt too much to attempt doing something you were both passionate about without you.

He was silent as they finally made it back to earth, his family welcomed him home, having adr him his favorite dessert and everything, but he just didn’t have the heart to enjoy it. The two of you had spent countless hours sharing stories and memories and things you wanted to eat when you finally made it back, and that banana cake had been the one thing you couldn’t wait to try.

He cried himself to sleep that night, wishing he could change the past. It was difficult for him to find something to fight for, a future without you having been something he hadn’t considered since the two of you met at the Garrison all that time ago. He came to the conclusion that his heart would never recover, but that wouldn’t stop him from fighting for the future you so easily described to him, a future where aliens and humans could live in peace, where the Galra weren’t an enemy, where the two of you could live out blissful lives together, having done your time in a war that wasn’t supposed to be yours.

Keith

His breath got shallow as yours ceased, his heart racing as your own stopped all together.

“This can’t be happening. Y/n please! Please open your eyes. Please,” his broken sobs echoed as the Paladins watched him plead with your lifeless body.

They didn’t know what to do. The normally stoic red paladin was shattering before their own eyes, more emotions flooding him than they expected to be possible. It was heartbreaking to say the least.

They had all lost one of their own that day, but none felt it more than the broken boy.

You were his family. You stuck by him on earth when no one else would, you left the Garrison with him just so he wouldn’t be alone, where there was him, there was you, and now you were gone, and he didn’t know how to cope without you.

He changed. He was already pretty closed off from the rest of the team, he never really smiled a lot, he wasn’t an extremely emotional person, but after his outburst that day, he completely shut off everything. Jokes that Lance would tell that would once make him smirk fell on deaf ears, even Hunks cooking and Shiros dadly advice didn’t pull him out of it.

The team learned to just work around his new behavior, wishing he’d go back to being a hothead or something. Anything.

He pushed his hardest on every mission, fighting as though he had absolutely nothing left to lose, because, in his mind, he didn’t. He felt alone in a universe out to get him, he knew he had friends, a team, even family now, but he didn’t have you, and nothing would be the same because of that. He would never be the same reckless, hotheaded, careless red paladin he once was, because he did all of that stuff knowing you’d either back him up or smack him upside the head.

Everyone told him time would ease the pain, but as he brought flowers to the memorial grave they created for you, on the anniversary of that day, he knew that no amount of time given to him would ease the pain he still felt. Because he was too painfully aware that all of that time given to him was time taken from you.

Pidge

Pidge was never exactly one to attach to people, not really, and definitely not so emotionally. Attachment to robots? Sure. But human beings were a whole lot more difficult. Which is why when the two of you admitted to being in a relationship, no one saw it coming or knew what to expect, it was completely uncharted territory.

And now, as Pidge was hovering over your body, swearing to find a way to help you, they once again didn’t know what to do.

Pidge sobbed and made halfhearted promises, telling you that you were going to be okay, but knowing you weren’t, and you never would again. It took the entire team to pry Pidge off your dead body, Pidge immediately begging them to let go, just needing to be near you.

After the shock of it all wore off, Pidge holed up in the garage/workspace, working on this project and that, trying desperately to keep distracted, but nothing worked. Every single thing held a memory, every memory brought you back to life, and every memory would ease and you would just vanish all over again.

Countless nights were spent wrapped up in your clothes, with your blanket, in your/on your side of the bed, weeping into the familiar smell of you. Pidge didn’t express emotions very well, but it was obvious this time. The distracted mindset, the distant gazes, the quiet sobs no one else was supposed to hear, all of it made it glaringly obvious that Pidge was not okay.

Pidge took to wearing your clothing more often than not, determined to keep any and every part of you alive so the memories of you would never fade.

Pidge was never one to attach to people, but Pidge also never imagined a life where you weren’t in it.

Allura

She watched you drop from the other side of the battlefield, a heartbreaking shriek escaping her throat as she watched you fall. In her mind you were supposed to be invincible, you were her wonderful significant other that gave her a reason to keep going, you were always telling her that everything was gonna turn out the way it’s supposed to, that the two of you were gonna make it through anything that could possibly be thrown your way.

She ruthlessly fought her way to you, no longer caring for leaving as little harm as possible. They hurt you, they didn’t deserve her sympathy. Once she finally got to you, the battle had ended and the other Paladins had joined her in surrounding you.

“Help me get them to the pods.” Allura pleaded, clutching your lifeless body. “They have to be okay. They can be healed, we just need to get them to the pods.” She was frantic, emotional, scared, and panicking.

Keith gently grabbed her shoulder. “They’re gone, Allura. They’re already gone.” The Red Paladin pulled her into his arms and let her release everything that day.

Everything following was a blur. The team moved forward with plans and missions, Allura never missing a beat. There were points when the team was concerned with how well she seemed to be doing, she lost her lover and was seemingly perfectly okay. But late at night, if they listened close enough, they could here the stifled, choked sobs of the princess as she got out all the pent up emotions in preparation for the next exhausting day of not letting her personal life interfere with the mission.

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I might be the only one that got emotional™️ during this one, but I hope you all enjoyed🌸

~Admin Rori💜

[shadowofthelamp]

SU Movie Liveblog

I had this open in one tab and the movie in another and wrote down my thoughts, let’s go! so sorry to people on mobile.

DIAMOND SONG, DIAMOND SONG

Yeah, makes sense that two years still isn’t really enough to sway them from thinking he’s still pink in some way- especially considering even the crystal gems had that problem after thirteen years.

ICE COLD, STEVEN

his big grin when connie kisses his cheek.... SO good

FAMILIAR DID NOT PREPARE ME FOR OLDER STEVEN’S SINGING VOICE

steven getting a song about being proud of himself and knowing he’s grown into a good person is also SO GOOD

and pearl! pearl’s part! also so great!

oooh, they’re all getting a piece!

garnet referring to her first fusion with terms like parents talk about a baby is PRECIOUS

AAAAA FIRST GLIMPSE AT BBY AMETHYST.... and she comes out with weird limbs like one of those drawing pose dolls, what a nice touch!

DON’T THINK I DON’T SEE THE BETAS THERE.... but no jasper, hmm....

RECREATING THE THEME SONG, I SEE YOU...

maybe it’s because I know what’s coming but making a song called ‘happily ever after’ is just asking for disaster, honey...

Steven Regrets Tempting Fate

steven looks younger when spinel asks who he is and that HAS to be by design.

hmm... is the gem drill connected to her form somehow, with how she formed her hand and it came out?

oooh boy, I’m gonna guess.... spurned member of pink’s court?

SPINEL GETS A SONG RIGHT AWAY, AND HER ANIMATION IS SO FUN

I LOVE IT

and ‘other friends’? yeah, definitely part of pink’s former court.

HER WEAPON IS A FUCKING SCYTHE HOLY SHIT

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuuuuuuck

‘holy s-he really got everybody!’ the boy is 16 greg, he can hear A Swear

oh shit, THIS THING TAKES YOU BACK TO ‘RESTART’ MODE, THAT’S WHY STEVEN’S POWERS DON’T WORK- THEY DIDN’T UNTIL HE WAS AROUND 13

well, THIS is uncomfortable, but it is always nice to hear pearl sing

the expressions seem... idk, extra cartoony here? pearl’s face is so round and everyone’s eyes look extra big. idk if it fits, but it’s probably meant to be a bit unsettling.

huh. someone smarter than me at analysis will have to talk about amethyst’s mimicking.

damn, they really did try to pacify pink with gifts of gems, didn’t they? I can already see so clearly what happened.

‘it took me MONTHS to stop trying to kill steven!’ peridot is so good

and then bismuth and lapis just build on it, NICE

that pose, with him having a hand on his face and looking back at the injector.... I swear either him or greg have had that EXACT pose in some other episode.

okay, pink was hyper and childish, but even she would have gotten bored and annoyed with spinel. I bet spinel was commissioned specifically by blue, but the pink that blue thought she knew, not the one that actually existed.

wow, about fourteen minutes. pretty short turnaround time for a ‘well shit that went bad fast’ reprise.

spinel’s little squeaky shoes during the reprise is... wow

BISMUTH GETS PART OF A SONG....

‘hijinks will ensue’

ANIME-ASS GARNET REFUSION....

if I was new!garnet I’d be scared and confused too... cmon, steven. she clearly looks really disjointed rn.

the first time I actually said ‘oh my GOD’ out loud in this movie was pearl rolling out the stairs and the red carpet

I OWN A CAR WASH

oh geez. boy do I think I know exactly why pink ditched her.

okay, we are.... about halfway through the movie. I do admit I didn’t think this would take this long.

also sandals as tap shoes?

the comic timing of amethyst opening her eyes and look over made me wheeze with laughter.

‘I’m back, you dip.’

also having amethyst be the first to come back was probably a good call.

holy shit is that ACTUAL BLOOD

‘you’re going to die ANYWAY’ gee thanks peridot

oh hey, rebecca as an extra, I think!

I love seeing how sadie’s letting her hair grow out the dye- it makes such a cool effect. and yeah that was how service jobs felt.

steven is just ‘what did I do to deserve this...’

geez, even years after he’s accepted things, steven’s still got a bit of a tight spot regarding rose. not surprised, though.

GARNET, THEY’RE MISSING GARNET, OOOOH

YES YES YES YES YESSSSSS I’VE WANTED THIS FOR /YEARS/, NOT UNDER THIS CIRCUMSTANCE BUT I’LL TAKE IT

I love how easy it is, same as it was for smoky the first time. steven fuses easiest with his family.

okay who the hell is that voice, I checked on imdb and it’s probably either chance the rapper or gallant since those are the unlisted named ones

WHY IS HE BUFF, THIS IS A RIPOFF, BOTH STEVEN AND GREG ARE SOFT BOYS...

yeah.... I don’t like his design. this is the first fusion I really didn’t like that of. ugh.

d’awww, garnet’s wearing steven’s jacket

they threw in the pilot design again!

OPAL SINGING, and admittedly, I do like the steven and greg fusion’s voice

ooooh boy heading for that ocean of poison ain’t gonna do him any favors

pink.... she recreated that garden, made it her sanctuary on earth. she didn’t have only bad memories of it- she must not have realized how much she mattered to spinel like she didn’t realize she mattered to the other diamonds.

the distorted almost circus-like music....

A SONG FROM PINK HOLY COW. wait... that voice sounds really different. is that the same voice actress?

yiiiiiiiiiiiikes. geez I see the reasoning here, holy COW.

‘actually, I can totally believe it’ yeah, as much as I like pink, boy did she fuck up a few times

okay, we got 24 minutes left, this can’t work, right? although spinel only cracked somewhat recently, it sounds like. so really, she’s not that far gone- and considering what we know, probably didn’t fully understand the consequences of her actions.

greg. greg. gross.

I... dunno really how to feel about the su movie being.... basically what everyone who misinterprets su says it is. spinel was made to be redeemed in twenty minutes. her backstory makes it almost shockingly easy. she’s technically the only villain to actually fall like that- like it’s been pointed out, peridot took months, bismuth was already sympathetic, and the diamonds took multiple episodes and still aren’t fully there yet.

I did kinda call that it wasn’t going to be that easy, but whoof. I don’t blame steven though, kid’s under a lot of pressure and is possibly literally dying.

OH, HERE’S THE THEME SONG FOR THE MOVIE

wait.... we haven’t seen alexandrite yet, wasn’t she in the trailer....? and they’re all hugging...

the little crack in his voice between ‘please’ and ‘hurry’...

I love how spinny and magic fusions and gem reformations are in the movie....

wow, BOY did the song sound different when it was released out of context

HE’S GOT CONTROL OF PINK!STEVEN’S SHIELDS AND CRYSTAL PROJECTION SHIELDS....

he sounds so.... adult. I know it’s just that zach is 21 years old now and his voice has changed, but steven really has grown up.

‘well, I changed white diamond’s mind with a single absolutely raw insult so you can’t blame a guy for trying’

yeah I’D KINDA WORRY ABOUT THE POISON.... LIKE RIGHT NOW....

WHY ARE THEY PLAYING THE HAPPY TUNE THE POISON IS STILL A VERY PRESSING ISSUE

if this is how they fix it I’m gonna be a little annoyed, not gonna lie

I just realized spinel reacted to steg so much because it jumpstarted part of her memories- her friend left to become a ‘fusion’.

white being passive-aggressive, I see. 15000 year old habits die hard.

steven: thanks for insulting my home five minutes after getting here, grandma. bitch.

haha, diamond ex machina

[jjkfire]

IM SO HAPPY YOU GOT TO GO!!!!!

omg sorry for the late reply but i saved this message so i could tell you how the concert was!!! but i’m putting it under a break and i know that feature is wonky on mobile but to everyone else, skip ahead of this post if you don’t want to hear about the concert!

i mean im still like on another plane of existence after getting to watch them but you know hahaha. i really can’t believe how everything fell in place for me! i mean from my class being cancelled so i could leave and get to the venue with time to buy my last minute ticket... and for that last minute ticket to even exist??? plus the fact that i got it? and that it was a P2 seat right in front of the extended stage? i mean idk i just wow thank you universe ily

but oh my god everyone says they somehow look better in person and i was like how is that possible??? but it really is possible and i can’t believe how good they look aksjgdkjasjagds

and they sound sooooooo good oh my god. okay i wont lie... like last time i was a lil skeptical about whether they actually sound that good live but the answer is yes they do and im sorry i ever doubted them! the vocal line shined in their performance of truth untold like each and every one of them killed it. jungkook’s adlibs were so beautiful i wanted to cry. also rap line killed it during outro: tear like i lost my voice just screaming the chorus part. it was soooo hype

watching all of them get to perform their solo song was so good like akjhfkjakj the choreo, or just the vibe from the songs... they all look like they were having fun!!! plus the fact that they performed so many of their older songs like my hyyh loyalist ass was screamin when they did i need u, run and dope. but no baepsae )’: that’s today’s set list )’: ahahahha but jk it was so good im ajskdhksj

okay first of all namjoon’s smile is... i just, i love it. when he smiles, it’s so contagious! and trivia: love is just so namjoon. he looks like he’s having so much fun when he performs it. oh and he was a count too early during the bst choreo and he was so embarrassed it was sooo cute ): also his ending ment was so sweet like i just wanna love him forever. he looks so handsome in person i just can’t stop thinking about it.

then mr jay... like hobi was born to be on stage, no question. monsieur hobi just knows how to work it. the way he grooves to the music is just smth else and then you know he goes hard during mic drop & tear but then in like answer: love myself he’s so sweet and soft and i just wanna smooch him. also he actually glows in person wow. he did his whole ending ment in english while rarely looking at the teleprompter and i will never not be impressed.

jimin has grey hair now and i love it so much omg. also this man and his duality is just... how is it allowed? watching him perform serendipity was an experience on its own. god, his lines and his form when he dances... i wants it. also his voice is so good live wow. it’s so so so good. i can’t believe he sometimes thinks his voice isn’t good enough or wtv. it’s. so. good. also he always does extra body rolls... not fair. and he’s so damn cute when he wants to be asdlashdsk

taehyung... just guau. he has brown hair again and idk taehyung just looks ethereal. seeing singularity live was just life altering or smth you know??? you could feel the emotion behind the song like his voice is so powerful and yet soothing and the choreo is to die for. also he’s such a goof when they perform anpanman and stuff and he kept trying to look at everyone and was the last one off the stage! mr kim taehyung radiates love and im here for that.

K I M  S E O K J I N is a king. he has the voice of an angel and man oh man is he handsome. so so handsome. he looks like he belongs in a movie when he’s performing epiphany. he nailed the high notes and his performance just took my breath away. oh and i love it when he goes ham during so what and starts dancing all crazy hahaha. also also him in truth untold... his vocals... his ability to project his voice is a big WOW.

yoongi... oh mr yoongo. wow seesaw in person was wow!!! he looked so in his element, so comfortable on stage and the choreo for the song??? the choreo! plus you know the benches! and his singing voice! i know people talk smack about his seesaw outfit but i actually really like it haha and he just looked so good in person. also in his ending ment he said: chicago... it’s the windy city right? but why is it so hot in here? skajhdskhdka 

jungkook my sweet baby boy (’: he looked so happy on stage and he just looked like he was genuinely having a good time. his voice sounds higher irl? i was pleasantly surprised haha. also i totally get what that lady on king of masked singer felt like when she heard jk sang bc i got goosies when he did those ad libs in truth untold. anyway he’s so handsome and his smile makes me want to astral project myself to a whole other universe. i love him sm )’:

anyway i love them even more now if that’s possible but also i think the concert was crazy good. like even if you weren’t a fan, it’d be a concert you can enjoy. it’s so high energy and then it gets all quiet for truth untold & epiphany and then all soft and fun loving hours for answer: love myself, so what and anpanman. it’s a crazily good paced concert... i don’t think i’ve ever seen anything like it. 

[silentmight]

BTS LIVE Trilogy Episode III the WINGS TOUR in Bangkok 2017

Sometimes, all it takes is a little faith and the wings you never knew you had will fly.

About a week and a half ago I YOLO’ed to Bangkok for BTS’ Wings Tour, and it’s a decision I absolutely have no regrets on. Just gonna keep this here as a diary post and concert impression of sorts!

The BTS Wings Tour in Bangkok holds special meaning for me in many ways, but I'll get to that later.

I haven't been to a concert this massive, no not even the local rock bands and gigs I attended while in Singapore can rival this full house of screaming fangirls. Queuing was intense and really stuffy, as Bangkok's weather can really fry you but thankfully I met up with Fonnoi (the girl I bought my ticket from; I randomly saw her post on FB) and then joined her for the concert!

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS PAYING FOR THE STANDING TICKET. We positioned ourselves to the back and could learn against the guard rails, which makes for good viewing cause everyone crammed to the front and I'm glad my height's at an advantage here lol :3 Also I guess I must be old because I was on energy saving mode until the lights went off; the younger fans were all screaming when their bias appeared on screen when they played the MVs to pass time.

As an introduction, they played Spring Day’s MV and when the first verse kicked in I started tearing… IN FACT I WAS SILENTLY CRYING THROUGHOUT MANY SONGS, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME idk man this is the first time I've cried multiple times during a concert because you can feel the atmosphere and I just have too many FEELINGS.

The boys came on stage and kicked off with Not Today- great way to get the crowd pumping and it's also my fav (hell all of it is). The playlist is pretty much faithful to the one listed on the wiki, you can go check it out there… Hearing Bapsae and DOPE live is such a treat. Anyway I'm, so very glad to be able to watch the BTS boys perform their solo songs from the Wings album, coupled with visuals and stage props that are reflective of their personality and song.

Jungkook’s ‘Begin’ displayed his smooth dancing, which felt like a silent sort of strength. Right after was Jimin's ‘Lie’, which holy shit I've been waiting to watch in person ever since this kid became my no.2… I cannot explain in words how 色っぽい sexy it is, goddamnit! Stop attacking my heart! I cannot fathom how Jimin can look like a marshmallow one minute and then like a wolf!! *tears hair out* My favourite part of the dance was when he was blindfolded onwards /COUGH and when he was lifted into the air by the backup dancers too.

And then… my angel Min Yoongi, aka SUGA’s solo. I usually am unable to listen to 'First Love’ because he outputs a ton of intense emotions when he raps, so when I'm stressed I skip it. Hearing it live is no shortage of his raw feelings, and just listening to him rap it live is truly amazing.

The singer line then performed Lost and Save Me, in which during Lost they started to walk all over stage and I'm glad I… am just less than 10 feet away from them… just seeing Jimin sing live, I can die happy. OH and after this was 'I NEED U', aka the one song that I love to butcher with @hweiro and @wataksampingan in the car. Their pronunciation of “I need you gurrrr” hasn't changed IRL either lol.

Rapmon’s solo really did it for me. The introduction was of him looking at a whale, and this is just my assumption: Was he looking at the loneliest whale in the world? Which he wrote Whalien 52 in the previous album? Is it an allusion to himself, because we all know his song 'Reflection’ is melancholic by nature? As the song progressed, it felt like some deep acid trip going through the ocean and the universe and finally Rapmon ends it by walking into an elevated phone booth… however hearing him repeat, “I wish I could love myself” with the concert visuals truly struck a deep chord within. I don't have a deep soul like him but I can resonate with the feeling of looking at life pass you by, you want to love yourself but it's hard as fuck.

V's “Stigma” was next, sorry my attention here died a bit so I don't remember much lol. The last two solos had me in a silent tearing mess though- J-Hope and Jin. J-Hope is SUCH a good performer, his stage charisma is great and we're treated to his childhood photos as he sang ’MAMA’. He had a long pause before finishing off the song, but in that last verse, he sang it with the intensity of his gratitude and love for his mother I just.. my eyelids were like a leaky tap okay. You can totally see the look of admiration and adoration when he looked up after the song ended. J-HOPE!!! ;____;

Jin… oh Jin. It took me so long to appreciate 'Awake’, but after watching him perform live, I see this song in a new light. He and the violinists/cellists were on individual raised platforms, while the backdrop is pretty simple. It felt like a dreamy sky, and on the front of the platforms were projected feathers. Tbh, from what I know of Jin is that he was mainly the visual, who can't really sing or dance so people were like, why is he even there? And perhaps Jin himself feels it too, being the oldest in the group. The line “Maybe I can, can never fly… I Can't fly like the flower petals over there” just struck me of that train of thought.

But to me, Jin, at that very moment you're flying- flying so high and you could touch the sky.

Feelings of inadequacy and yet wanting to keep on keeping on resonates too much within. This song really punched me in the gut and I was trying to not sniffle (and guess what my eyeliner didn't run lmao)

'Cypher 4’ was the rapper line just doing their thing and going wild, then next was FIRE. OMG I've waited so long to also see this dance in person and also sing along T_Tbbb The next couple of songs had them singing yet running all over stage and I took the opportunity to sneak some photos lol but I'm sad that Suga didn't really come to our side of the stage 🙁 Speaking of Suga, this fella is really funny... as for most of his rap lines he just held his mic up and let the audience fill it in woi wwwwww

I managed to sneak some photos of Jimin as he came over to our side of the pen during ‘LOST’- when the singer line started walking around.

Anyway, I have also been looking forward to the main dances of the night: J-Hope’s insane solo for ‘Boy Meets Evil’ and finally, ‘Blood Sweat and Tears’ in the FLESH. I love BST a lot so getting to see it live is just too much for my heart to take.. even with Wings Outro right after. Tbh I wanted to jump up and down like at a rave party with this song (and Dope/Fire) but.. no one else was doing so.. guess no one jumps at a kpop concert lmfao

I got to see everyone up close though, in particular Jimin, J-Hope, V, Jungkook and Rapmon. Damn, Rapmon gave a flying kiss to the small area of 4-5 i was squashed in and the girl in the front went BERSERK. lol Jimin also high 5’ed a very lucky person!

After a short intermission, they returned with ”There Will Be Better Days” and I was already expecting to bawl at this song because of how easy you can sing along to the lyrics (and their meaning), and fucking bawl I did! Before performing this song Rapmon was like, don't be sad, we'll walk together always in our hearts and towards better days always and damn, I'm moved. I could mainly understand whatever RM was saying cause he's the only one speaking in English haha…

Last song of the night was 'Spring Day,’ which was a fitting end to the entire concert. And with that, the Wings Tour has come to an end.

If I didn't take leap of faith in messaging a total random stranger, who is now a concert goer and new found friend, I would never experience this. People precaution one against randomly asking and buying something from online strangers but if I never spotted Fonnoi’s post on the IME thread, I would never have this experience. I've been shown so much hospitality and warmth throughout, and I'm glad we could establish that trust. I'm really thankful to her for selling the ticket at an ok price!

I guess this concert and trip alone fulfills one of my small dreams; to YOLO to another country solely for a concert and to also solo travel before I'm 30. Honestly I thought I'd never be able to do it but just slog away and slave at work- growing old and letting all my youthful dreams die as I leave behind the vestiges of youth. It might have not been to Japan for sakanaction (still a dream), but I'm infinitely grateful that I was able to watch another one of my favourite groups perform live… not to mention seeing Suga, my ultimate BTS crush and also Jimin in person.

Here’s some sneak shots I took:

Rapmon!!! He’s so charismatic.

[stinkrascal]

Ok so I was thinking about your sims again 👉🏾👈🏾 and um ok so ik you said tarek's love language is romantic acts of service, but what about the others? Also like what would be their ideal first date? And how would they react to other people flirting with their partner? Like ik vlad would commit a murder, but what about brie 👀 ?

i actually listed all their love languages here!! but ideal dates?? jealousy??? OMG!! im gonna ramble so hard!! so i’ll put all this under a cut :’)))

vlad - a) vlad’s ideal date would be like... an idyllic picnic in a field, listening to soft music, chillin in the sun n eatin fruit n drinkin wine :-) all that sappy shit!! b) u know vlad. he will unalive u if u disrespect his wife. the truest simp. but anyways yes he is a very jealous person, sometimes it’s a little excessive and brie has to yell at him, to which he eventually realizes that he’s being unreasonable and he’ll step back. he really doesn’t try to be that way, sometimes he honestly just can’t help it. since he was alone for centuries, he’s extremely over protective of his family and can find pretty much any reason to dislike any man who so much as glances in breanna’s direction. his jealousy never stems from fear that breanna will cheat on him, but more so from his belief that pretty much every man on the planet is trying to bed his wife LMAO lowkey breanna loves the attention :’))

breanna - a) honestly, she’s very easy to please. just get takeout n get in bed n smoke a bowl n watch movies with her n she will be happy! ;w; b) brie is surprisingly not that jealous, like if someone finds vlad attractive shes like... well of course? look at him? Lmaoooo. unless someone poses a significant threat to their relationship, she doesnt see a reason to get worked up. like she knows how hard vlad simps u know, this man canonically KILLED her ex-boyfriend to be with her so like? she doesnt feel any reason to get upset if someone finds vlad attractive, bc she knows at the end of the day her husband is crazy obsessed w her and her alone so like <3

lucien - a) winery art galleries!! u know like where you go to art exhibits that have wine tastings!!!! sometimes they have those cute delicious tiny little cheeses that r just so good n fancy!!! going to that, then maybe takin a stroll around the park in the evening, then ending the night w a home-cooked meal. b) hes a touch possessive, but its all in good faith :’) if someone flirts with his WIFE he only feels it necessary that he puts them in their place and lets them know that she is, in fact, MARRIED!! like vlad, a true simp

gen - a) skatepark at night, long past closing time. its oddly serene, despite the faint threat of being caught. gen personally finds the parks lingering smell of cigarettes and weed very comforting. b) they r passive-aggressively jealous. they say theyre not a jealous type, but if the girl theyre talkin to is talkin to someone else, theyre like... ok. 😒😒😒

carlile - a) chiefin big rips then going to eat at a buffet....... he will eat so many frog legs like so fucking many!! then goin to see a movie in one of those big movie theaters and seein like a marvel movie or whatever. just somethin trite and theatrical with many, many explosions. b) not aggressively jealous, but his insecurities can sometimes get the best of him in arguments and sometimes he projects his fears that tarek will leave him for someone else, which isnt good u know but like :(( what can u do

nikolai - a) waking up with the sun and traveling to the largest museum he can find, followed by brunch at some hole-in-the-wall café tucked away in the city. the long drive home is spent listening to low-quality psychedelic indie rock, and when he and abigail arrive home, they nap for at least three hours. b) nikolai’s not really a jealous type, and abigail’s pretty clingy, so he doesn’t really have a reason to be jealous. although, when he's severely provoked, he’s prone to that tone of voice where it sounds as though you can’t choose between screaming, or crying.

klaus - a) perusing the local record shop, buying as many used vinyl he can possibly fit in his book sack, and listening to the new purchases in the dim-lit light of his bedroom while talking and napping in between. if he’s really into you, he’ll sing your favorite song—he might even play it on the guitar, too, if he can remember the chords. b) again, not much of a jealous type. most of his relationships have been nothing more than flings anyways, so he doesn’t often have the attachment to someone that would make him jealous, seeing as his relationships are often not exclusive.

anastasia - a) a long, early-morning walk through the aquarium, taking an extra long break to observe the sea turtles swimming about their tanks. she’ll gladly share all of her expansive sea turtle facts with you, if you promise to buy her a stuffed animal from the gift shop. afterwards, strolling downtown to shop in all the antique stores, then ending the date with lunch at her favorite restaurant. pls just let her talk your ear off and she’ll be satisfied. b) annie’s actually REALLY possessive, especially over her friends. she’s the type of person who will get offended if anyone else tries to say vaughn and caspian are their best friends, because, no? those are HER best friends? she’s never had a boyfriend before, but she can imagine she’d be just as possessive, if not more possessive, over someone she loved romantically. she takes from vlad :’)

ilya - a) he is literally like 1 yr old. he doesnt go on dates silly. when hes old enough to go on dates his dream date will be committing arson together <3 so romantic b) im sure he’ll be jealous af when hes older unless i forget u know we’ll see whenever he ages up yeah!!!!!!

bonnie - a) moving all the furniture in the living room, turning the radio up extra loud, and dancing to old-timey music!! then cooking a nice, healthy meal at home and watching reality tv while doing face masks. maybe ending the night w a nice bath fit for two <3 b) especially with her pregnancy, she’s been VERY jealous lately!! small things can trigger her jealousy, and sometimes she finds it difficult to be her usual, rational self when those feelings arise. luckily, it’s very easy to talk her out of this state, so she gets over these fits of jealous relatively quickly ;-;

 tarek - a) driving out into the forest, setting up tents in the middle of nowhere, and snuggling tight beside the crackling fire while watching the night settle. then waking early the next morning to go for a small hike towards the natural lakes scattered about. if carlile is too tired to walk, tarek simply carries him. :’)) b) level-headed as he is, jealousy doesn’t come to him often. it would take a lot to provoke him, and his relationship with carlile is so secure that he doesn’t really feel there’s a need to be jealous

abigail - a) midday trips to the mall with nikolai’s credit card in hand as he shamelessly lets her pick out anything she wants from any store she can possibly enter. she’s always sure to pick out a few outfits she’s certain he’ll love :’)). then going to get smoothies, yes nikolai’s paying for the smoothies too <3 b) abigail is extremely jealous, though she’s desperately trying to ease this habit. especially with nikolai moved to britechester, living with a female roommate, her jealousy often gets the best of her, and believe me when i say it isn’t pretty. she’s prone to dramatic outbursts, and she’ll even feel the urge to enact revenge (aka, cheat on you) if she feels you’ve truly cheated on her. she has to see and speak to nikolai often to have peace of mind, but even then, she often has her moments of insecurity. :((

caspian - a) watching some indie art film at a drive-in movie theater, binging on over-buttered popcorn and gas station hot dogs. if the weather allows for it, then he’ll lay a blanket out on the bed of his truck and lie back with his date, gazing at the stars, rambling about nothing. b) he’s a jealous type, but he doesn’t like admitting it. the truth is, though, it kills him to see someone he cares about with someone else. its just that he doesnt know how to express those feelings, so he often just shoves them away as if they dont exist at all. ;n;

vaughn - a) listen to him perform at one of his concerts, then let him fuck you in one of the bathroom stalls. a true romantic, i know. b) most of vaughn’s relationships are no-strings-attached anyways, so its rare for him to get jealous over a relationship thats already open to begin with. even when he did have partners in the past, he was never the type to be overly protective of his significant other

cooper - a) ok idc about cooper HAHA so like idk nobody is taking this man on a date anyways who cares. idk smoke a bowl with him in his car then go eat at a fancy restaurant that sounds like a very cooper bauer date to have yeah ok we’ll go with that b) he gets jealous but like in a baby way u know. if he thinks you’re into someone that isn’t him he’ll just bawl his eyes out and be like WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! IS IT BECAUSE IM ONLY 5′6″!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes cooper it is because youre only 5′6″ im sorry short king

wolfgang - a) going around his neighborhood late at night and poking holes in all the tires parked in the streets. yes, that’s super illegal. no, he doesn’t care. yes, this is considered a date for wolfgang. keep up. afterwards, maybe he’ll sneak you up to his bedroom so you guys can watch rick and morty... cuddle. b) i feel like im gonna spoil something if i answer this fully. so. lets just say. Yes he is very jealous :)

[melodramatic-since-birth-blog]

1.14.18 7:49pm

Is it paranoia if it's true? I don't know if my beliefs are conspiracies if they're based in reality. I'm not well liked I imagine. Not by many. And that's okay, sorta. I think it's a reflection of the golden rule, treating others how you want to be treated. I think I should stop trying to be an extrovert. It doesn't work well for me. I try to know all these people I rock climb with and they're all really nice and I like them. But I forget their names. And constantly asking somebody what their name is is probably pretty rude because it seems that they don't matter enough for me to remember. And if someone constantly acted like they knew me but couldn't remember more than my face and snippets of conversation, I probably wouldn't like them. I suppose. I guess that's it, isn't it. And I don't have much to talk about except banter. Rock climbing isn't a personality and neither is trumpet. My job isn't me and neither is my home. I've been "focusing on me" but I haven't really developed. I try to be nice, but it's not necessarily intuitive. It takes work, yanno? And it's easier to let things fade than maintain. So I should stop bitching about failed friendships and failed overtures to people. I'm no good at reaching out and connecting. Not really. And I'm sorry, Lincoln. It wasn't right to just throw out your sister's mental health in conversation. It meant a lot to me though. Especially at the time. Justin Darwin Dapesh Keenan Mike Nate Charlie Mark Dan Derek Gabe Gabe Paul Brian Simon Quentin Isaac "E-sock" Zach Garret Noah Casey Lincoln Arhem Srijan Shaun/Shawn(?) Dave Aaron - taught me the importance of rotating at the hips when I was just starting out Andre Brian And I forget the older guy's name, he has white gray hair and timeless glasses. Climbs with his son usually and is always very helpful with beta. "This doesn't read like a kid with anxiety." Not always. Sometimes I can ignore it. Depends on what I've been doing to my body. But even when I overhear a little girl say "everybody hates him" part of me knows it's about me because I'm not a good person. Not good enough. Always introducing but never remembering. Wanting to be remembered I guess, but never learning about others. Pretending. Always pretending to know when I'm just lost and alone. And I should be alone. I don't bond well. I was reading The Little Prince and it talked about the importance of taming one to another. But I don't I suppose. I'm bad at friendship. I want to get better. But the only book I read on it showed me how to talk to people and I've forgotten even that. Win friends and influence people. Doesn't teach you to develop a relationship. And I like to feel wanted. Who doesn't? But I'm just a bundle of repetitive phrases. "I'm so jealous" "why are you such an animal?" "Dying a little *haha*" I'm sorry. Maybe I should just talk less. Is it too late to retract every hello and every introduction? Is it too late to close out the world because I suck at interacting with it? I should keep my music in. Smile more. Say less. I'm a bundle of angst at 21. It's stupid. And I forgot the names of the other two guys I saw today even. Didn't greet them by name because, yes. Yes I fucking forgot. And they know it. And I know it. And I know there's plenty more that I see and can't remember more than their face. I'm sorry. You're right. I've met more people than I remember. I wish I knew all your names but I know it's annoying to constantly remind me of your name just to have me forget it again. And Nick and Tyler. I could have sworn Darwin gave me a different name. I don't know. I have no confidence in my memory. Or at least not a lot. I look at a girl's Instagram and she messages me a few days later? Either God works in mysterious ways or someone is watching me tap this out before I even post it. But who would even care what I'm up to? Who would go to such lengths to fuck with me? Give me a sense of divine karma? Is this justice for all of the assholery I've done? I try to ignore it. I try not to look for patterns in the random sequences of life but I see them. I can't ignore it all. Jacob daggs with the free beer before I go-to drive? Uh huh. Accidental. And I got the hint of inviting everyone over and I'm glad I did because it seemed like people had a good time. I wish it were intuitive for me to just offer it. Maybe I really am Bipolar 2 w/ psychotic features. Maybe the doctor just gave me an excuse. The medication worked when I was taking it. I don't want to be medicated. I don't want there to be anything truly wrong with me. At the same time, something tells me I'm really not quite normal. Maybe it's the intensity from happy to numb. Maybe it's the melodramatic affect in general that I just can't shake completely. Just like I can't stop talking out loud when I'm alone. Something tells me someone is listening on the other end. I don't know who. I don't know why. But everything I monologue seems to come up again from someone else. Nobody can read my thoughts but you don't have to if you're listening to my private ramblings, right? You. Capital y for the unidentified listener(s). Maybe the hippies are right. What you project into the universe, you attract. But that's scientific bullshit isn't it? Who knows. Some days in content with mediocrity. Some days I aspire for greatness. Some days I Google the cost of a helium tank and a breathing mask, or just how many times you loop a hangman knot. I wish I didn't realize death. I know it's selfish. But would I be missed or would I be treated with angry indifference? I have everything handed to me. I'm a spoiled shit with a blessed life and I couldn't sack it up and keep living. Every life worse than mine and I couldn't just accept my lot, my blessed fortunate lot in life? Autumn told me every problem I have is of my own making and as per usual, she's right. So I'm sorry for my self-sabotaging behaviors. I could go on apologizing all night. It wouldn't change much. These are words. No one cares about words. I'm full of them. They don't mean anything. They don't prove anything. And most importantly, they don't change anything. I should stay single. Ashley is right. I'm not ready for a relationship. I can't practice love on someone and fuck up another heart even for a while. Nobody deserves that. Just horny and lonely. I'll tell myself that till it's true. I'll tell myself I'm not dissapointed when I don't fall in love with a tinder match. That I'm not dissapointed when I overshare and come across as desperate for love as I am. I want to know someone and be known by them in turn. But I don't know how to have a mature relationship apparently. So. Forget it. I'll pour myself into me. My music. My writing. My health. Me me me. Mine mine mine. I can't reach out right and I'm tired of reaching out wrong. You don't have to bottle emotions. There are other ways to share them than conversation. I don't have to talk it out. When I learn music theory, I'll put it all there. Just like I'm putting it here in the words on this page. When I freestyle and sometimes it isn't just words that rhyme, it's what I think and how I feel. When I workout and condense it into rage, frustration, and a healthy dose of adrenaline to just empty myself of the energy to feel anything other than endorphins. I'm not tired of living yet. I can't be. I won't be. This disease, if I really have it, is cyclical. I'll feel on top of the world eventually. And I'm sure I'll be under it on a different day. Maybe a week. I'll try harder to leave high school in the past. It'll be easier when I get to university, either wayne or gv, or wherever I get accepted. Hopefully. Not that I'm ungrateful for my friends. You guys are my foundation. I just. I don't feel like I've grown. Or will if this pattern persists. I don't want to cut more people out. But it feels inevitable. I can't maintain friendships. I'm sorry. It's why I'm better off alone. Maybe I'll write something worth remembering. One day, when I get there. If I ever do. I hope I look back and laugh. But life is an uphill battle, isn't it? And we all know I quit frequently. I should talk to someone but. This will do. Part of me says it's the same thing. Part of me says I'm surrounded by people who love me. Another part says that's a lie. I guess I just have to love me. But it's hard when you have to love a piece of shit until they turn into something better. Apparently I can't love anyone until I love myself. But even when I do I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Either too much or too little. How many of you are trying to help me? How many are trying to lead me astray? I don't trust many of you. I don't. Drunk Jerry says he loves me. But why? Because you've known me a long time? I guess that counts. I don't know who has my best interests at heart when they're "looking out for me". Cristen. Cristen does. She hasn't guided me wrong yet. I wish I weren't this emotional. But emotions are good I guess. Proves I'm not truly as heartless as I sometimes seem, right? Anyways. Idk. I should stop here. I've said more than enough for quite a long time and most of it boils down to the same things I've always said. Probably why she got tired of me. Because I can't seem to grow up and just handle it. In sorry. I'll stop. That's all I guess. I look forward to seeing how the web ties back. Spiders and web weavers. Show me the silk strands so I know someone is listening. I promise not to lose my mind completely this time.

[r0syghost]

70 Questions

Note: Currently procrastinating and adding “read more” because I know it’s pretty long. This was pretty fun and some of the questions actually forced me to reflect a bit. You should try it!

01. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes! I’m very lucky

02. Who did you last say “I love you” to? My mom

03. Do you regret anything I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time so I would say no (although I do have the occasional cringe moment when I remember something extremely embarrassing)

04. Are you insecure? Of course but I’m constantly working through it

05. What is your relationship status? Newly single and I’m really diggin it rn

06. How do you want to die? In my sleep please

07. What did you last eat? Ice cream

08. Played any sports? Definitely not lol I’m one of the most uncoordinated people you will ever meet

09. Do you bite your nails? Nope

10. When was your last physical fight? Never been in one because I hate serious confrontation lol

11. Do you like someone? I like a lot of people! But romantically, yes and no? I’m not really sure yet. It’s too soon to say

12. Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? No but I’ve been close! Thanks, college!

13. Do you hate anyone at the moment? Not anymore. I learned a long time ago hate will only make you feel worse. Now, do I highly dislike someone? Yeah maybe haha

14. Do you miss someone? I miss who he used to be but not who he is now. And also my best friends who both live in two different states!

15: Have any pets? Sadly no

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? Stressed, mentally exhausted, but still pretty happy surprisingly

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? Not that I can remember? lol

18: Are you scared of spiders? YES

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes and no. Yes because I could’ve gone to art school if I wasn’t so afraid. I would’ve also experienced more. But no because I’ve got some really great peeps in my life right now that I wouldn’t have met if I did go.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? My bedroom

21: What are your plans for this weekend? Well I’m filling this out at 11:42 pm on a Sunday so

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? I always say no but I know when I meet the right person I’d feel differently about. They’re adorable little monsters but idk man. I would definitely consider adopting (including the older kids because they need love too, y’all)

23: Do you have piercings? How many? If we’re counting ears, only 5

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Art always and forever

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? Like I said, I miss the person he used to be haha can we drop it now? geeeez

26: What are you craving right now? Sleep and a nice cup of coffee

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I think so

28: Have you ever been cheated on? I fuckin hope not

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes. My bf at the time was about to deploy for the first time and I said I was gonna miss him. Is that too detailed? Actually idc

30: What’s irritating you right now? My perpetual procrastination and lack of motivation and drive 31: Does somebody love you? Friends and family. Again, I’m very lucky

32: What is your favourite color? Red

33: Do you have trust issues? With the wrong people, I do. But I guess that means they’re the wrong people for a reason

34: Who/what was your last dream about? My friend and current partner for a project at school took me out for lunch so we could discuss our final project. He blurted out that he loved me when I was inhaling my food and not paying attention to him at all (but I totally heard him) and I was so uncomfortable I woke up

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? My two friends/coworkers

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? I did until this year

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgiveness is just words, forgetting can’t be pretended 

(keeping this answer from the last person to take this quiz because it’s perfect)

38: Is this year the best year of your life? Yes. I didn’t think it would be but I started my internship at just the right time in my life and met some amazing people

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 15 or 16 (thanks for bringing these memories back ugh lol)

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Yeah no

51: Favourite food? Filipino food!

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I’m not really sure anymore if I’m being honest

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Now that’s just a bit personal lmao

54: Is cheating ever okay? Definitely not. If you’re in a situation where you’re feeling really attracted to another person when your s/o isn’t around, it’s called controlling yourself and staying faithful lol if it happens more than once then you’re probably with the wrong person.

Fuck cheating. I don’t care what you say, it’s stupid as fuck.

55: Are you mean? If you push me hard enough, sure

56: How many people have you fist fought? Zero

57: Do you believe in true love? I don’t know. In my experience, one person has always wanted it more than the other. But I do believe it’s possible to be in love more than once.

58: Favourite weather? 70′s (that’s fahrenheit, sorry), breezy, not a cloud in the sky

59: Do you like the snow? Never been in it!

60: Do you wanna get married? Only if I know my person is 2000% all in

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Yeah I like that sort of thing

62: What makes you happy? Good coffee, good naps, good weather, good people, and finally myself because I’m a fuckin ray of sunshine (or at least I like to think I am)

63: Would you change your name? Nope. It’s super basic and common and I wish my parents stuck with what they were originally going to name me (Jasmine) but I wouldn’t be me if I had a different name lol

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Lord yes. I don’t want anything to do with him and his toxic ass anymore. I’m the happiest I’ve been since I met him

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Not gonna lie, I can be pretty shallow. If I’m not feeling it romantically, then I would have to be honest and turn him down. If can’t accept me as just his best friend then that’s his loss

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Yeah I’ve got a couple

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? My uncle lol

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My friend Jessie

69: Do you believe in soulmates? I believe in all different types of soulmates. Three of my best friends are my soulmates. Jessie is my foodie soulmate lol

70: Is there anyone you would die for? Family and best friends