#had a dream last night with falin in it so i wanted to draw her. can you tell she's my fave

[saintlesbian]

falin doodle from tonight's livestream 😊 my lil autistic shawty 💕

[ladyloveandjustice]

Hungry Kisses and No Regrets

Decided to channel my stress into finally writing the Kiki/Namari fic. This is post-series, and has slight references to unofficially translated post series material.

Namari stared into her tankard, watching the beer’s foam drop down the sides. The tavern was full of lively chatter, loud toasts, whooping and yelling…normally she would be right in the thick of it. But right now it was all distant, muffled, nothing but a meaningless buzzing.

  Then a smooth voice cut through that noise. “You’ve had that booze for a whole minute and the glass is still full. Something must be wrong”.

   Kiki was towering over her. Namari turned slowly, her eyes traveling up those long, shapely legs, from the perfect curve of her calves all the way up to her well toned thighs. Namari’s breath hitched and the back of her neck heated up. She focused instead on Kiki’s face, like she should have done from the beginning, but that only made her heart race more. Kiki had her hair down, a rarity, and it fell in beautiful black coils, slightly wavy at the ends. Kiki looked down at her with bright warm eyes and a mischievous smirk (she’d probably noticed Namari checking out her legs). As always, it melted all of Namari’s defenses.

“I’m just…lost in thought.”

Kiki sat across from her, resting her chin on steepled hands. “Want to talk about it?”

Weirdly, she did. When it was with Kiki, she could talk about anything.

“It’s…Falin.”

Kiki raised her eyebrows. “Did she get turned into a monster again?”

“No! It’s…well,I told you now that my father’s debt is almost paid off, I want to strike out and set up a blacksmithing business right?”

Kiki nodded.

Namari took a small sip of beer and sighed.

“Well, Falin’s recovery is taking…longer than expected. She’s having a little bit of trouble adjusting to her new body. She doesn’t have a lot of stamina and gets exhausted easily, Marcille says she’s been restless at night, growling and snarling and having weird dreams. Even Marcille has a hard time shaking her out of them. I know Falin was planning to travel, to get to know her new self and see new places, and it must be so frustrating…so I don’t think I can leave until she gets better.”

Kiki wrinkled her brow. “Why? It doesn’t sound life threatening. She has her brother and Marcille taking care of her, right? And Chilchuck and Senshi are sticking around a bit longer too. I’m sure she’ll get well soon."

“I know, but… it’s hard to see Falin like this. She’s usually so warm and full of life, you know? She could make anyone feel better just by being there. It’s easy to see why Marcille and Shuro fell for her…”

Kiki’s eyes narrowed. Was that…jealousy?

“Not that I ever had any feelings for her, I’m just saying she’s always been so strong and kind,” Namari amended hastily. “So it’s hard to see her so listless. …And I feel like I should…well, if she can’t travel right now, I shouldn’t get to go gallivanting off somewhere.”

“You’re acting like you’re responsible for her. Are you feeling guilty about leaving?”

Kiki sure cut to the quick. "I don’t regret my choice," Namari said forcefully. "I did what I had to do. But.. I wonder sometimes. If I had been there, would they have been able to get to the dragon before it digested her? Would it have saved her from going through all that hell? Seeing what happened to her, how she’s struggling now, it rattled me. I wonder if she resents me."

Namari lowered her eyes, drawing a circle in the condensation on the table with her index finger. She couldn't look st Kiki. The last thing she wanted to see was her pity.

            “From the brief time I met her—and from how you all describe her—it doesn’t seem like she’d resent you.” Kiki’s voice was the same as ever, a ripple in a calm lake. Namari looked at her and saw her expression wasn’t pitying or annoyed. She just looked like she was mulling it all over.

            “No…none of them seen to resent me, even Marcille. But still…Falin knows I abandoned her. She might understand and accept it, but I wonder if it hurts her, deep down…” She trailed off. She new she was being pathetic she was being pathetic,

            Kiki studied Namari's face, her eyes searching

“Remember when Kaka and I told you about how our clan abandoned us at an inn when we were children?”

Namari blinked at the sudden topic change, but said, “Yes, of course”

            “Kaka resents them for that. But I don’t. I’m honestly grateful.”   

            “Huh?”  As always, Namari couldn’t figure out if Kiki was joking or not.

            Kiki’s mouth quirked and she tilted her head. A bit of hair fell over her eye in a way that made Namari's heart flutter.

            “I remembered how they looked, their cheeks hollowed, their eyes sunken. They were starving, yet they always tried to give Kaka and me a good meal. So I was grateful that they left us. If they hadn’t, I would have had to watch them suffer, watch them die. I hated being a burden.” Kiki’s smiled disappeared, and Namari saw her hands shake ever so slightly against the table. She wanted so badly to reach out and hold that hand, to tell her it was all okay. But she knew Kiki wouldn’t appreciate being interrupted.

            Kiki breathed in deeply. “But by leaving us at the inn, they gave us a chance. A chance for something better. Because they did that, I had a chance to meet Grandma and Grandpa. And that’s what I’m the most grateful for.” Her expression softened, the warmth returning to her face.

            Namari smiled. She loved how Kiki looked at even the darkest moments with love and empathy. It made her want to let go of her cynicism.

`           ”So,” Kika said, tossing her hair. “If Falin’s really the person you say she is, I’m sure she feels the same way. She’s grateful that you didn’t drown in debt for her sake, she’s grateful she didn’t didn't have to see you suffer and lose everything for her. She doesn’t want to be your burden.”

Namari’s eyes burned. Falin had said something like that—“I’m so glad you were able to find such a great party to work for, Namari. You seem so happy! And you helped my brother and the rest a lot, from what I hear! Thank you!"But Namari had been sure she was just forcing her real feelings down. But hearing it from Kiki…for some reason, that made her believe it.

“And also…” Kiki leaned forward, her face so close to Namari’s that her hot breath tickled Namari’s nose. “I’m personally very grateful you left the party. Because that’s how I got to meet you. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Namari swallowed. She was sure her face was as red as a tomato. But she wasn’t going to let that stop her. It was time to say it.

“There’s actually another reason I’ve been procrastinating on leaving. It’s…because I don’t want to leave you behind.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Kiki said casually. “I’ve decided to leave the family business and strike out on my own. And I’d love to travel with you.”

“You…what?’

“I’ve been thinking of it for a while and talking about it with the family. I told them all yesterday. I want to try new things, see what I can do on my own. Kaka’s going to stay with them, he’s never been interested leaving out grandparents. It’s going to be…really hard being separated from him. We’ve been together our whole lives. But I think that’s why I need to do this.I want to find out who I am without him. Take my own path. Grandpa and Grandma were very supportive. I’ll miss all of them, but it’s not like I can’t visit…”

All of this tumbled out of Kiki’s mouth in a rush, so it took a second for Namari to process it. But when she finally did, her heart burst with joy. Her face lit up with what she was sure was the dopiest smile, but she did her best to keep her voice even.

“Do you know what you want to do?”

“I did a short apprenticeship of a trading company when I was younger, and I loved meeting different people from all over, so maybe that. But one thing I really want to do is…be by your side at least a little bit longer.” She looked down nervously, eyelashes fluttering.

Namari reached out and took Kiki’s hand at last. It was soft and smooth, so much smaller than hers, but still strong. “I want that too,” Namari murmured. “And I also want to kiss you until you’re as dizzy as I am.”

At that invitation, Kiki threw herself across the table. She barely avoided knocking Namari’s beer over as she swung her legs around to sit on her lap. Namari put her arms around her, she bent down, and they kissed hungrily, ceaselessly, with bottomless desire. Kiki tugged at Namari's wrist and Namari gladly accepted the invitation, running her hand greedily up Kiki's thigh, feeling the strong muscle underneath, gripping it harder as their kiss deepened.

Whoops and cheers explored around them. When they finally separated, they saw several tavern patrons were watching them. And the table was a little wobbly. Oops.

“Let’s get out of here before we break something. We can do that in my bedroom instead.” Namari murmured.

“Sounds good. And if we stop by my house first, I can bring some leg pouches to put on in front of you,” Kiki teased.

“You really are the perfect woman,” Namari breathed, trembling with anticipation.

So they walked off arm and arm into the night, Namari leaving behind her worries and fears. There was no point in looking back anymore. She and Kiki had just started a new journey together.