#guy who trips over his own too-long pajama pants and says ''oop'' about it

[mamawasatesttube]

do you ever think about kon and tim and them taking care of each other during depressive episodes

BOY DO I EVER!!!! it would be so fun to put them both in a depressive slump at the same time bc like. they'd Both try to hit the "but i need to take care of someone i love" override to push their own feelings down. at the same time.

so then they're both just standing there in the kitchen in their pajamas like. i was gonna make you some hot chocolate. oh… well i was gonna make you some ramen? spiderman pointing meme while they're both in depression pjs holding a hot chocolate powder packet and a cup noodle

[barnes-dameron]

Oops

*not my gif*

Poe Dameron x reader

Summary: When excitement gets the better of him, Poe accidentally walks in on you, who happened to be naked.

Word Count: 1.3k 

Poe ran through the corridors of the housing quarters of the base. Finn tripped and dropped his food at the cantina, causing Snap to slip and fall straight on his ass. The whole cantina erupted in laughter, and Poe couldn’t wait to tell you. He reached your door, entering the pass code, and eagerly waited for the door to slide open. 

When it finally opened, Poe slipped into your room quickly, but what he saw made him stop in his tracks. Everything that happened at the cantina earlier that day completely left Poe’s mind. He was a deer caught in headlights; his eyes widened, his mouth hung open, and blood rushed to his cheeks (and a little to his pants too). 

You stood there in front of Poe; a towel at your feet and nothing on your body. Your naked body was on display in the cool air of your room. Goosebumps spread throughout the surface of your skin as you felt yourself blush from utter embarrassment. 

Poe couldn’t take his gaze off of you. His eyes traveled all over your body, admiring the softness of your skin and curvature of your body. He didn’t realize that he was staring until you yelled at him to leave. And he didn’t even process what you commanded him to do until thirty seconds later. 

“Oh, um,” Poe tried to find the right words to say in this kind of situation. “Sorry.”

He rushed out of your room, and ran to his. He needed space to think, but he just couldn’t. Your naked body was branded into his brain. It didn’t make him mad, but he did feel guilty. Most guys probably would’ve felt lucky to see such a gorgeous woman naked before him, but Poe felt flat out guilty. 

He had feelings for you, no doubt. But now, he knew that he completely ruined something between you two. You probably hated him now, which he wouldn’t blame you for. You’re probably going to avoid him now, which he would be disappointed about. 

Poe pressed his head into the palm of his hands, squeezing his eyes shut. He needed to do something to make sure your friendship would be okay. 

It’s been days, and Poe’s guilt weighed heavier and heavier. He tried to talk to you, but you only gave him one worded answers and leave immediately afterwards. You even reverted your gaze from him when talking, which only broke Poe’s heart even more. 

He needed a way to make it up to you, but how do you make it up to someone when you accidentally seen them naked? 

It was then, that Poe was struck by a brilliant idea. He couldn’t make it up to you, but he could even out the playing fields. 

You didn’t want to see Poe after the incident. Every time you saw him, you remembered the utter embarrassment you felt on that day. After a long day from work, and a suggestion from the General herself, you wanted to relax and get away from the hustle of the Resistance. You took a nice hot shower, enjoying the way the water rolled off your skin and warmed your body. It was certainly relaxing and very serene. You returned to your room afterwards, your towel wrapped loosely around your wet body. What would make the day even better was pulling on your pajamas. It was then when you dropped the towel, figuring you could let your body air dry, that Poe barged into your room and stared at you. 

You felt utterly embarrassed to be seen naked by the guy you had feelings for. You couldn’t even see Poe the same way after that day, and he probably felt the same way. 

When he sent you the message to meet him in his room, you were a bit hesitant. But at some point you needed to face the music and bite the bullet. You stood before Poe’s door, your heart pounding against your rib cage. You entered in the code that he gave you to use, and waited for the door to open. 

When the metal door slid open, and you entered the room and saw something that took your breath away. Poe turned around, giving you a full naked frontal. You immediately averted your eyes, now finding his footlocker very interesting, more interesting than the handsome naked Resistance pilot in front of you. 

“Y/N,” Poe said. “Please look at me.”

“No,” you responded. “I-I’m fine.”

“Come on, Y/N,” Poe said, stepping closer to you. “It’s okay to look.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“This,” you said, gesturing to his naked figure as your other hand covered your eyes. “Why are you naked?” 

“Because,” Poe replied, placing his hands on his hips. “I need to level out the playing field.”

“What are you talking about?”

Poe sighed, standing in front of you, your eyes still covered with your hand. “I’m sorry for walking in on you the other day. I felt bad ever since, so this is my little way for making things up. So, go ahead and look at me as long as you like.”

“Poe,” you whimpered. “You really don’t have to do this.” 

“But I do,” Poe argued. “I want to talk to you like the way we did before. Ever since the incident, you couldn’t even meet my eye. I miss talking to you because I-”

You noticed the way Poe caught himself, cutting himself off short. You peeked through fingers to see his chocolate brown eyes. You took notice of the way his cheeks were a slight pink color and his usual smile faded away from his face. 

“Because what?” you asked, curiosity and hope rising in you. 

You heard Poe gulp, and saw his Adam’s apple bob a bit. 

“Because I have feelings for you,” he admitted. “And after the incident, I thought I ruined something that could’ve happened between us.”

It was Poe now that was averting his eyes away from you. You dropped your hand from your face, looking Poe square in the face. 

“But you didn’t ruin anything,” you said, causing Poe to meet your gaze. “I have feelings for you too, but I thought you would never want to see me again.”

“Why would think that?” Poe asked, stepping closer to you. 

“Because I thought things were awkward between us, and seeing me would only make things worse.”

“No,” Poe said, looking into your eyes with hope, a smile reappearing to his face. “You really have feelings for me?” 

“Yeah,” you replied, a smile of your own spreading across your face. “And you have feelings for me?” 

“Yeah,” he said before smashing his lips against your own. 

Your hands were on his back, feeling the muscles he built up there after all these years, as Poe pulled you closer to him. You couldn’t even kiss Poe properly; your smile broke the kiss every once and a while. Poe didn’t mind because he was doing the exact same thing. You both were relieved, the only thing that changed between you two was becoming more than friends. 

You would’ve continued to kiss him, but you felt something poking you. You pulled back from Poe, and quickly glanced down his torso before meeting his eyes. 

“You wanna take care of that?” you asked. 

Poe looked down, and looked back up at you. He quirked up an eyebrow, and gave you a cocky smirk. 

“I can,” Poe said, his voice a bit deeper and more seductive. “Wanna help me?” 

You gave Poe a teasing peck on the lips, before spinning on the balls of your feet. You began to make your way out of his room, leaving him in a bit of a helpless state.

“Buy me dinner first,” you retorted. 

“Saturday?”

“Yes.”

[lioninjwarloc]

Every Second With You is a Blessing Chapter 2: Photograph

The light of the morning sun snuck through the leaves of the tree that Ochako is laying under, waking up slightly she realized that she had fallen asleep on Deku’s chest. Her first reaction was to lightly jump off him, turn completely red and get ready to apologize to him for doing that. But Deku was still sleeping his face wearing a large smile, his breathing in slow steady rhythm. Ochako took this opportunity to rest her head back against him, listening as his heartbeat, feeling his chest rise and fall, hearing him breathe. This is what made Ochako happy, the messy green haired dork of her dreams. He was able to get her from a crying mess to completely happy just by being with her, and unbeknownst to her, she was practically able to do the same thing to Izuku. Not wanting this to end, due to the uncertainty of when (and if) it would ever happen again, Ochako moved back to the position she was in when she woke up closed her eyes and fell right back asleep.

A couple of hours later Ochako woke up again this time for real. Deku, however, was still asleep, this amused Ochako as she was certain that someone like Deku was an early riser. It was, however, time to return inside and begin the day so Ochako began to lightly shake Deku into he opened his eyes.

“Time to wake up silly,” chimed Ochako

“Oops I don't think I was supposed to fall asleep outside.” groaned Deku as he stood up stretching his arms and legs.

“That makes two of us then. Well anyways,” Ochako yawned as she stood up. “I think we should start heading back now. Wanna walk with me?” Seeing Deku nod in response she started to walk back into the dorms, Deku following right behind her. The walk wasn't that far so the two made it back within a couple of minutes they didn't talk during the return trip because there wasn't much to be said. Entering the building where they lived, the two tired teens we greeted with the sight of pure commotion in the common room. Arguments aplenty, several high fives were given, and more than one person giving another money. Even Bakugo was getting in on it, deep in what appeared to be an argument with Kirishima. The commotion stopped on a dime when everyone noticed the Ochako and Deku had stepped into the room. Before either one of them could open their mouths, the gathering began to quickly disperse, with Mina giving Ochako a big wave and a smile, Bakugo glaring at Deku while sliding Kirishima a $20, who in return gave Izuku a smile before walking away. Both Izuku and Ochako stood in the common room for a solid minute in pure confusion before Izuku spoke up.

“Hey I'm still a bit tired so I'm going to go back to my room and get some more sleep, text me if you want to do something or just talk. I'll see ya later.” And so Izuku began to walk back to his room. While Ochako sat on a couch and began to watch Tv. Not long after a mischievous Mina, and Tsuyu approached the couch. Since friends joining each other to watch Tv didn't raise any immediate red flags Ochako just acknowledged their presence but didn't pay them much mind. Until Mina decided to speak up.

“Sooooooooooooo. Uraraka. Mind telling us about this”Mina pulled out her phone and opened up her gallery to show Uraraka a picture. The objects of the image were very familiar to her as they were her and her messy haired best friend, it was the two of them sleeping together outside just the night before. Upon realizing that someone had seen them Uraraka instinctively put both hands on her face and began to float to the ceiling, but was suddenly anchored back to the couch as Mina and Tsuyu were expecting this and weren't about to let her get away with this a second time.

“H h h How did you get this,” stammered Ochako trying her best to not die from the heat producing from her face.

“Its quite simple,” Tsuyu started to speak up. “I went outside for a morning stretch saw you to in this...intimate position took the picture and sent to it Mina. Who sent it to the rest of the class, after I told her not to. Narrowing her eyes at Mina who just shrugged and began to interrogate Ochako herself.

“Ok girlfriend spill it, are you two dating. Why were you two doing outside so late? How’d you two end up falling asleep on top of one another? Mina rapid fired at the completely embarrassed Ochako.

“We aren't dating,” Ochako said losing her embarrassed face replaced by one of sadness. “And the only reason we were even out there was that both of us couldn't sleep so we went out to get fresh air, then we started talking about the stars and suddenly we were asleep on top of either other,” she continued obviously holding the reason they ended up under the stars together. Mina began to open her mouth to try and pry out the actual reason but stopped when Tsuyu shot her a glance and spoke up herself.

“Uraraka do you like Midoryia in a romantic way?” Tsuyu asked knowing the answer but trying to get Ochako to admit it in the open.

“I think its more than that, I'm certain I'm in love with him, and I just want to be with him.” Admitted Ochako now burying her head into her legs

“Tell him, he loves you too its the most obvious thing in the world. You can't let the fear of him potentially saying no, which is not going to happen, by the way, cause you so much pain. Uraraka you are going to make your own choices but I don't want you to feel this way.” Tsuyu grabbing Ochako’s hands with Mina nodding her head while sporting a supporting smile. No one said a word for a bit until Ochako let out a loud sigh stood up losing the sad face gaining an aura of confidence if only a slight one.

“Yeah you guys are right, I'm just gonna through myself out there and hope for the best I've got a great idea for a date. And knowing Deku we will still be friends if he doesn't feel the same way. Catch ya later.” Ochako started her stroll down to Deku’s room, not seeing the high five that Mina and Tsuyu shared with each other. The walk down the hall was nerve-racking for Ochako the mental battle was a fierce one: one side of her telling her that Deku is just being friendly to her and that asking him out will push him away and she will lose him forever. The other side agreed with Mina and Tsuyu: Deku was obviously in love with her too, they always hang out together and he just exposed his insecurities while confirming you and let you struggle into him!! By the time she was at his door the war was over, she was committed and determined to pursue a date with Deku, so she knocks on his door and doesn't get a response. After 5 minutes of sitting outside of his door it clicked….he was napping. Smacking herself on the forehead she went to her room to do the same thing, the stress of waiting for Deku was already bad enough and having to wait an undetermined time to even just ask him. Changing into sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt Ochako rested her head and went to sleep.

Three hours later she woke up rolled over in her bed and checked her phone and saw that there was an unread message on it. Opening she smiled as she saw that it was from Deku about 10 minutes ago

Hey just woke up from my nap. What's up

Hi I just woke up from a nap too

Oh, how did you sleep

Fine, not as good as last night tho

Yeah same

Well anyways I have something to ask you can I can come over

Of course

Ok, see you soon ^~^

Taking a deep breath Ochako got up and walked to Deku’s room, where she was actually let in this time. Deku’s hair was messy and he had a t-shirt and pajama pants, this made Ochako smile as this showed her that he texted her soon after he woke up. Deku’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

“So what did you want to ask me?” Deku asked. Ochako took a deep breath and steadied herself, this was it it was all or nothing. So opened her mouth praying that her gamble will have paid off.

“There's this amusement park that's open nearby its even half off for students! So I was wondering if you would like to go with me. Like as a date.” Ochako closed her eyes waiting for Deku to respond to her. To which he did promptly.

“Heh, that is so like you, always taking charge. Yeah, of course, I’d love to go on a date with you. Honestly, I've been wanted to go on a date with you for a while, but I got into my own head. Just give me a minute to get changed,” replied Deku immediately relieving any tension Ochako had.

“Or we could just go in comfy clothes,” Ochako shrugged.

“Yeah that works too.” Leaving Deku’s room the two walked the short distance to a nearby bus stop got on the next one with the amusement park as a destination. To pass the time they talked about what they wanted to do once they arrived. A plan was quickly formed: they would try and ride as many rollercoasters as they could, get food and then go home. Simple, yes, but incredibly enjoyable. And so they arrived at their destination, the doors of the bus opened and out stepped Deku and Ochako ready to go on their first date. Walking to go pay for their tickets in Ochako got an idea but it required the other parties permission.

“Deku, you can say no to this if you want, but um….can we hold hands..” Deku didn't say anything but what he did do was take her hand into his and gave it a squeeze as they got into line, brandishing an infectious smile that made its way to Ochako’s face within seconds. It wasn't particularly busy meaning that the lines to get in went by pretty fast, Deku paid for the both of them even with Ochako’s adamant refusal. At one point Ochako was practically shoving her half of the cost into his face, she was promptly ignored as he leads the now pouting Ochako into the park.

The first ride that the couple was interested in was the roller coaster that the park is famous for, it had the most loops, went the fastest, and it even went backward! Naturally, this line was the longest, though it wasn't that bad as the wait time was only estimated for 30 minutes, so they got in line and did waiting, about 25 minutes in fact before Deku decided to poke fun at Ochako.

“You know if you get scared of the heights or the speed you can always hold onto me,” a very smug Deku informed Ochako.

“Pssh as if the master of the gravitation forces such as myself could feel the very thing I control,” pumping her fists Ochako countered. The thing was, she did have a slight fear of heights and the speed certainly didn't help it much. But like hell, if she was gonna let Deku successfully tease her like that. And so their time in line was up and it was time to get ready to ride, they took their seats buckled their seatbelts and waiting for the ride to begin. The wheels began to move, slowly but surely, the height slowly increasing and it got to be a little much for Ochako who grabbed Deku’s hand for support, receiving a squeeze of assurance in response. Reaching the apex the ride stopped for a moment then it exploded and suddenly came crashing down to earth. Deku raised his hands, including the one holding Ochako’s, and began to yell with excitement and joy. Ochako joined him losing any sense of fear or nervousness, in fact, neither of them would stop for the next 3 minutes as the ride went side to side, up and down, forward and backward. When the ride was finally over, the adrenaline coursing through the teen's bodies wasn't satisfied so they went on ride after ride takes hours off their day until the sun finally set. As they were getting ready to leave Ochako noticed something that could make this perfect day somehow that much better: a completely empty photo booth. Dragging a willing Deku by the hand into it she sat him on the bench in the booth and got ready to get their pictures taken. The first one was the most simple it was just sitting next to each other, grinning ear to ear. The next picture had Deku wrapping his arms around Ochako and she leaned her head onto his shoulder. After that one Ochako decided to get a little bold, right before the picture snapped she planted a kiss onto his cheeks. Getting ready for the last picture, the last thing Ochako expected to happen was: Deku cupping her chin and pulling her into a deeper, if not somewhat sloppy, first kiss. Ochako was already having the best day of her life, but somehow the dork that she loves went and made it that much better. With that, they were out of photos so they exited the booth and went to collect them. This machine was new so not only did it send out physical copies, it sent ones directly to their phones too! Not wasting any time Ochako set the picture of Deku and her in their first kiss as her phone screensaver as she never wanted to forget her first kiss, after finishing Deku extended his hand which was promptly taken by Ochako and they made their way to the bus back home. The last thing Ochako remembered was resting her head on Deku’s shoulder shortly after getting on the bus, as she fell asleep dreaming of the many more dates that she planned on going on with this absolute dork that had stolen her heart. She would wake up the next day in her bed, Deku carrying her after getting home, with a framed picture of them kissing next to her.  

[cumonbucky]

Camping

Request: Hi Tori, I don't really know how are you right now but I hope you're good and I hope everything is okay. I really love your writing and your account and I just hope, if you still want to do this of course, that you'll be back soon. Also I just thought of a cute idea. So maybe the whole team went on a camping trip somewhere and they all knew that Bucky and the reader have feelings for each other so they decided to put them in one tent? And just a lot of fluff? I hope everything's okay. Love ya!

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warning: f l u f f

A/N: There’s this guy that likes me but I don’t like him in that way and I told him that I only like him as a friend but he keeps sending me cute texts and shit and it makes me really uncomfortable bc I just wanna be his friend

You couldn’t believe it. Staring at Wanda and Natasha, you give them a hard look.

“Can I talk to you two alone?” you say.

Bucky licks his lips. “Yeah, I need to talk to you guys too.” he gestures over to the guys.

You guide Wanda and Nat away from the boys and once you were at a decent distance you spun around, glaring at your friends. “What the fuck were you guys thinking?”

“Calm down, Y/N.” Nat sighed dramatically.

“Yeah, it’s not that big of a deal.” Wanda shrugged.

You scoff. “Not that big of a deal? You’re joking right?”

“We were tired of you two constantly flirting with each other around the tower so we took matters into our own hands.” Nat explained and you roll your eyes.

“We did not flirt.”

Wanda lets out a laugh. “Yeah you guys did. So much to the point where I wanted to bang my head against the wall.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest.

“It’s only for like, three days Y/N, it’s not like you’re gonna move in with the guy.” Nat rolled her eyes and you glare at her.

“Are you guys insane!?” Bucky shouted once you were far enough.

“We didn’t do anything wrong.” Sam smirked and Bucky was so close to punching the smug son of a bitch.

“Oh yeah? How ‘bout putting me in a tent with Y/N!” he fumed.

“Oh, did we - did we do that?” Tony placed his hand over his chest and pouted. “We had no idea.”

Bucky glared at him.

“Bucky listen,” Steve started. “Natasha and Wanda are sharing a tent and me and Tony are.”

“Well what about Sam? He gets a whole tent to himself?” the super soldier huffed.

“I got this sleeping disorder called ‘I don't want to share a tent with Bucky Barnes’. It’s hard to sleep sometimes.” Sam shrugged and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Well why doesn’t Tony share a tent with Sam and I can bunk with you, Steve? Hell, I’ll even take Tony!”

Sam put on a fake frown. “Mmm, nope. I have this other disorder called ‘I’m a lone wolf and I don’t share a tent with anyone’. It’s pretty tragic.”

Bucky groaned.

“Sorry Buck, looks like you’re just gonna have to share a tent with Y/N.” Steve says, a smirk playing on his lips.

Tony perked up. “Oh my god, you like her! I almost forgot that! Remember guys, Bucky likes Y/N.”

Bucky knew damn well what these idiots were up to.

“Oh yeah!” Sam exclaimed.

“How could I forget such a thing.” Steve shook his head.

“What a coincidence that you two will be sleeping next to each other for three days.” Tony smiled.

Bucky glared. “You guys are assholes, you know that?”

Tony shrugged with a smile on his lips. “It’s in my genes.”

Sam, Tony and Steve look over Bucky’s shoulder, seeing that you and the girls were walking back. Sam pats the brunette on the back. “Have fun dude.” and with that, they left.

“Hey, the three of us are gonna go out and get some wood for the fire tonight.” Steve spoke towards you and the girls.

“I’ll come!” Bucky volunteered.

“No need, we’ve got this under control.” Steve smiled at his friend.

Natasha and Wanda looked at you then at Bucky before rushing over to the guys. “We’ll come with you.”

“For uh.. Moral support.” Wanda added.

“Sounds good to me.” Steve smiled. “Buck, you and Y/N stay here and watch over our camp. We’ll be back soon.”

There was no point in arguing with Steve so the two of you watched them walk off up until you couldn’t see them anymore. They had planned this all along.

There was no doubt that you and Bucky had feelings for each other and the whole team could see that. You both made it quite obvious. But over time they got tired of the flirting back and forth and since neither of you were going to tell the other how you feel, they decided that they’d take matters into their own hands and help you guys. Hence why you two are sharing a tent.

“So..” Bucky dragged the word out as he turned to you. “How’ve you been?”

He mentally slapped himself for asking such a stupid question.

“Good, good.” you nod. “You?”

“Good.” he says. There was a brief moment of silence before he turned to you. “They set this up, didn’t they?”

“No doubt.”

It had become dark quick and all of you were gathered around the campfire, laughing, talking, telling stories - it was great. But, soon that all came to an end when everyone decided to go to sleep.

“We’re going to the lake tomorrow so everyone needs to get their beauty sleep.” Tony announced then gave both you and Bucky a look. “And no fooling around. We can hear everything.”

You and Bucky blush while the others laugh. Bucky picks up a stick and throws it at Tony, muttering something under his breath about him being a dick. After watching the fire go out, everyone went to their tents and upon entering yours, you spot an air mattress blown up in the middle of it.

“Did you do this?” you ask, turning to face Bucky.

“Yeah, thought I’d put it in here so that our backs won’t hurt tomorrow from sleeping on the hard ground.” he shrugged, zipping up the tent.

“Oh thank god.” you breathe. “You’re a life saver.”

Bucky laughed and plopped down on the air mattress.

“Do the others have one too?” you inquired.

“No - Well Sam does. We only brought two and we all had to rock, paper, scissor it to see who would get them. Sam and I won.”  he explained. You nod and dig through your bag, searching for some comfortable yet warm pajamas. Even though it was midway through summer, it was pretty cold during the night. After finding some sweats and scolding yourself for not bringing a long sleeve, you turn to Bucky.

“Could you..” you trail off and he nods, covering his eyes. Once you were done changing you tell him it’s okay to look before laying down next to him, quickly covering yourself to get warm.

You watch Bucky stand up and remove his shirt all while looking at him like he’s gone crazy. “What are you doing?”

He looks up at you. “Getting undressed to go to sleep?” he answers as a question.

“Aren’t you freezing?” you curl up in a ball, bringing the blankets closer to you.

Bucky laughs. “I never get cold, doll. I was injected with the serum, remember? They didn’t call me The Winter Soldier for nothin’.”

He chuckled at his own lame joke and you playfully roll your eyes. His hands then go down to the button of his jeans and he looks at you. “Are you okay with me sleeping in my boxers? Cause if not I can find some sweats to wear.”

You wave your hand. “Nah, it’s cool.”

Bucky smiles before pulling his pants down and tossing them towards his bag. He crawls into the blankets and gets comfortable before sighing.

“You know,” he starts off. “I hope this isn’t weird or anything - Us sharing a tent.”

You turn your head to him. “It’s not.”

“Good, cause for a second I thought-”

“I’m trying to sleep here.” Sam’s voice interrupted him and you almost forgot that everyone could hear you guys talking.

“Don’t try just do, lone wolf.” Bucky replied, Causing Tony and Steve to laugh.

After the laughter died down, it went silent and not long after soft snores could be heard from the others. You turn on your side, facing away from Bucky and trying to sleep but it was so damn cold. You hadn’t realized you were shivering until Bucky tapped you on the shoulder, causing you to turn around.

“Hey..” he whispered. “Did I wake you?”

“No.” you respond, your head almost all the way under the blankets. “I was still awake.”

“You were shivering - Are you cold?” he asked, his face illuminated by the light of the full moon outside.

“Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up.” you apologize.

“You didn’t.” he says. “Do you want to.. Um.. Do you want to - I have a lot of body heat so if you want to-”

You scoot closer to Bucky, laying your head on his chest and entwining your legs with his. He wasn’t kidding, he’s so warm. Bucky let out a sigh of relief and wrapped his arm around you, loving how close the two of you were before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning Bucky woke up to giggles. Opening his eyes, the first thing he sees was you laying on top of him, his arm lazily wrapped around your body. You must have shifted on top of him while sleeping. Smiling at how gorgeous you looked while sleeping, he almost forgot about the giggles until he heard it again. His eyes shot up at the entrance of the tent, noticing it was now open and everyone was standing there, gawking at the two of you.

A flash of a camera took Bucky by surprise and Tony smiled. “These are getting printed out and going on the fridge.”

“What the hell?” Bucky groaned, glaring at everyone.

“This is so cute.” Wanda comments, Nat nodding her head in agreement.

“Shut up, you guys are gonna wake up-”

Bucky didn’t have time to finish because you had started to wake up.

“Good morning Sleeping Beauty.”  Sam chuckled. “Sleep well?”

You look at where you were laying and close your eyes. “Oh god I’m sorry Bucky, you were just so warm and I was so cold and-”

“It’s fine, doll.” he smiled, hand rubbing your back. While continuing his actions he shot everyone a glare. “Get out.”

They obliged and leave, closing up the tent and announcing that they’ll start on breakfast. You plop back down on Bucky, pulling the covers up and closing your eyes.

“Come on, doll. We have to get up.” Bucky laughed.

“Five more minutes.” you murmur.

Bucky smiled at you and hums. He was okay with five more minutes of you on him.

A/N: Didn’t know how to end this lol oops. Anyways I just had some bomb ass tacos. I love tacos. o k a y y y y y tell me what ya think! :)

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@your-puddin @heismyhunter @buchananbarnestrash @live-in-the-now10 @jcb2k16 @plumqueenbucky @thefandomplace @chocolatereignz @blueberry-pens @professionally-crazed @idk-something-amazing-i-guess @almondbuttercup @janetgenea @buckysmetallicstump @flowercrownsandmetallicarms @rvb-and-marvel-shit @ouatalways @winterboobaer @thyotakukimkim @hattnco @millaraysuyai @themercurialmadhatter @miss-jessi29 @snakesgoethe @helloitsgrc @welcometothecasmofsar @aboxinthestars @feelthemusicfuckwhatheyresaying @fandommaniacx @hatterripper31 @coffeeismylife28 @bunchofandoms @bobabucky @under-dah-sea @amrita31199 @sebstanthemanxo @mrs-brxghtside @erinvanlyssel @amistillmyself @buckyandsebsinbin @ballerinafairyprincess @spnhybrid @marvel-fanfiction @queen--valeskaxx

Will edit in the morninggggg

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/deployment-with-two-kids-the-fitnessista/

Deployment with two kids - The Fitnessista

This is my second to last deployment-related post! All we have left to share is a fun video. 😉 I had quite a few requests on how to juggle life with small kiddos while your partner is away on a deployment. Doing the solo parenting thing is no joke, but really once you find your groove, you get into a routine and it’s ok! I feel like it’s worth mentioning (again) that I was very fortunate to be around family during this deployment. I know it’s not always the case, but these are all things that would have helped if we stayed in Valdosta.

Here are some of the things that helped me deal with a deployment with two kids:

Ditch the countdown calendar. While he was gone, I didn’t want it to feel like we were just counting down until he was home. I didn’t want the girls to feel like we were waiting for something constantly and not be able to enjoy the moments. So we talked about when dad would be home (after Liv’s birthday), but never had an official countdown. I never focused on how long he’d be gone, but instead I tried to pump them up for things to look forward to along the way. We also enjoyed talking with him whenever possible + putting together his care packages.

Plan something fun each month. This is probably my #1 tip. Each month, we had something really fun to look forward to, whether it was a trip to Disney or San Diego, a holiday-related celebration (we celebrated every single major holiday and birthday while he was gone), or a show (like Music Man or Disney on Ice).

Take care of yourself, too. This one was definitely challenging, but something I tried to do while he was gone. For me, the major one is getting in my workouts because they help with my anxiety and make me feel good. Sometimes that meant paying a babysitter so I could lift some weights before working, but it was worth it. I booked a massage while he was gone (which was heaven) and a glorious spa day at Miraval. It’s really easy to get into the “mom is the only thing I do and am” mentality because it’s really ALL YOU, but taking a little time to watch a show I loved, planning nights with girlfriends, and being a little easier on myself was worth it.

Do things you wouldn’t normally do. I mentioned in a recent post that we had breakfast for dinner a lot! We also dined at restaurants more often, and for the last 2 months of deployment, I let the girls sleep in our bed every night. I wish I would have done that sooner because we all sleep better! (The rule is usually that they have to fall asleep in their room, but can come in during the night if they don’t wake us up. For the last couple months of deployment, I let them fall asleep in our bed and it was so much more peaceful. Now we’re working on UN-doing the fact that I let them sleep in our bed for so long, but in the moment, it was all about survival mode.)

Put together packages to send to your loved one. We had a lot of fun putting packages together to send to the Pilot. We’d send funny cards, the girls would draw pictures, and we’d include his favorite snacks and candy. Some of the things he requested: protein powder, jerky, gum, good coffee, trail mix, bars, and his favorite sweet treats (Swedish fish, Reese’s, sour watermelon candies, Milano cookies, etc.). We also sent him comfy jersey pajama pants, a heated blanket, a neck massager, and fun things to share with the guys at work, like a drone that they ended up flying around (they just covered the camera with tape), a sloth shooter, and Nerf guns.

Reap the benefits of technology! We are so fortunate to live in a world where WiFi connects us across countries. Since he had access to WiFi (which isn’t always the case. I feel very thankful that they had access to this!), we could video or voice chat through Facebook, and we’d send video messages through Marco Polo. I’m also SO, so thankful to the USO for their program that allows deployed service members to read to their children. He had some opportunities to go to their office, pick out a couple of books for the girls, and they’d record him reading the books. They’d send us the USB cards and the books for free, along with a little note from him. You guys. These digital storytimes were pure treasures. The first time we opened one and he popped up on my computer screen holding the same book that we held in our hands, it was everything in my power to not cry my face off. It was really special. He sent 4 or 5 different rounds of books over the 7-month span, and each time we watched one of these videos, the girls were glued to the screen. He’d also ask them questions while he was reading and they’d answer back, which was the cutest ever.

Surround yourself with support and love to get you through the loneliness. I feel like whether you choose to go home or stay near your duty station (like I have previously), it’s so important to have a support system in place. Make sure you have childcare lined up, don’t feel like you have to do everything on your own, and plan activities with other people who are either compassionate and fun, or know exactly what you’re going through. This is what makes or breaks the deployment experience, and each time he’s been gone, I’ve been beyond thankful to have an incredible support system around me.

Some of the things that were challenging:

– Getting in all of my work stuff finished. Even with childcare a couple of times a week, many times I felt like I was struggling to complete the bare minimum in this space. I had to stay in bed with the girls until they fell asleep (we’re working on changing this), and P is a major night owl, so it was tricky. If I had loose ends to finish up for work, sometimes my work evening wouldn’t start until 10 or 10:30pm. That was for real. Thankfully, the Pilot is home and we can tag-team the bedtime duty. I felt like I dropped the ball a lot over the past 7 months and many times, I was just doing everything I could to create content and stay afloat. I just want to say thank you so much for reading and for sticking around. I don’t feel like I was the best blogger over the past 7 months… almost all of my energy was spent trying to be a great parent to our girls without my partner/best friend/love of my life around.

– The long days. When the Pilot was home, I could count on him to take over for a bit at the end of a day filled with meals, clean up, drop-offs, pick-ups, and after-school activities. During a deployment (or ever a long TDY, like when he was gone for 5 weeks last spring), the evening routine feels you feel like you’ve been handed a 5k at the end of your marathon. The dinner, bath time, and bedtime rituals make it an extra long day.

– Feeling lonely. I’m so fortunate have a great community of friends and family here in Tucson, but at the same time, after the girls were asleep at night, I felt lonely. The house felt dark and too quiet. I used this as an opportunity to watch TV that the Pilot would never be into, but I had no one to yell, “OMG did that really happen?!” with at the end of a basketball game or This Is Us. 🙂

– When things would break. Our toilet broke and I was like OH NO, but thankfully my mom had stopped by and literally fixed it in 30 seconds, so there ya go. We also had a couple of issues with our circuit popping out because I put too many Christmas lights into a single extension cord. Oops.

– Answering some of the “bigger questions” on my own. Liv asked me a couple of doozies while the Pilot was away, and in my mind I was like AHHHHHHHH. Then I just was as straightforward and honest as possible (and tried to not make it awkward or weird, just a normal thing) and she was happy with my answer. It literally ended up being NBD but I definitely panicked for a second.

If you’re going through a deployment, hang in there. You can do hard things and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel… even though sometimes it seems really freaking far away. I’m sending you so much love, strength, and a giant glass of wine.

xo

Gina

Source link

[jonasmaurer]

Deployment with two kids

This is my second to last deployment-related post! All we have left to share is a fun video.

I had quite a few requests on how to juggle life with small kiddos while your partner is away on a deployment. Doing the solo parenting thing is no joke, but really once you find your groove, you get into a routine and it’s ok! I feel like it’s worth mentioning (again) that I was very fortunate to be around family during this deployment. I know it’s not always the case, but these are all things that would have helped if we stayed in Valdosta.

Here are some of the things that helped me deal with a deployment with two kids:

Ditch the countdown calendar. While he was gone, I didn’t want it to feel like we were just counting down until he was home. I didn’t want the girls to feel like we were waiting for something constantly and not be able to enjoy the moments. So we talked about when dad would be home (after Liv’s birthday), but never had an official countdown. I never focused on how long he’d be gone, but instead I tried to pump them up for things to look forward to along the way. We also enjoyed talking with him whenever possible + putting together his care packages.

Plan something fun each month. This is probably my #1 tip. Each month, we had something really fun to look forward to, whether it was a trip to Disney or San Diego, a holiday-related celebration (we celebrated every single major holiday and birthday while he was gone), or a show (like Music Man or Disney on Ice).

Take care of yourself, too. This one was definitely challenging, but something I tried to do while he was gone. For me, the major one is getting in my workouts because they help with my anxiety and make me feel good. Sometimes that meant paying a babysitter so I could lift some weights before working, but it was worth it. I booked a massage while he was gone (which was heaven) and a glorious spa day at Miraval. It’s really easy to get into the “mom is the only thing I do and am” mentality because it’s really ALL YOU, but taking a little time to watch a show I loved, planning nights with girlfriends, and being a little easier on myself was worth it.

Do things you wouldn’t normally do. I mentioned in a recent post that we had breakfast for dinner a lot! We also dined at restaurants more often, and for the last 2 months of deployment, I let the girls sleep in our bed every night. I wish I would have done that sooner because we all sleep better! (The rule is usually that they have to fall asleep in their room, but can come in during the night if they don’t wake us up. For the last couple months of deployment, I let them fall asleep in our bed and it was so much more peaceful. Now we’re working on UN-doing the fact that I let them sleep in our bed for so long, but in the moment, it was all about survival mode.)

Put together packages to send to your loved one. We had a lot of fun putting packages together to send to the Pilot. We’d send funny cards, the girls would draw pictures, and we’d include his favorite snacks and candy. Some of the things he requested: protein powder, jerky, gum, good coffee, trail mix, bars, and his favorite sweet treats (Swedish fish, Reese’s, sour watermelon candies, Milano cookies, etc.). We also sent him comfy jersey pajama pants, a heated blanket, a neck massager, and fun things to share with the guys at work, like a drone that they ended up flying around (they just covered the camera with tape), a sloth shooter, and Nerf guns.

Reap the benefits of technology! We are so fortunate to live in a world where WiFi connects us across countries. Since he had access to WiFi (which isn’t always the case. I feel very thankful that they had access to this!), we could video or voice chat through Facebook, and we’d send video messages through Marco Polo. I’m also SO, so thankful to the USO for their program that allows deployed service members to read to their children. He had some opportunities to go to their office, pick out a couple of books for the girls, and they’d record him reading the books. They’d send us the USB cards and the books for free, along with a little note from him. You guys. These digital storytimes were pure treasures. The first time we opened one and he popped up on my computer screen holding the same book that we held in our hands, it was everything in my power to not cry my face off. It was really special. He sent 4 or 5 different rounds of books over the 7-month span, and each time we watched one of these videos, the girls were glued to the screen. He’d also ask them questions while he was reading and they’d answer back, which was the cutest ever.

Surround yourself with support and love to get you through the loneliness. I feel like whether you choose to go home or stay near your duty station (like I have previously), it’s so important to have a support system in place. Make sure you have childcare lined up, don’t feel like you have to do everything on your own, and plan activities with other people who are either compassionate and fun, or know exactly what you’re going through. This is what makes or breaks the deployment experience, and each time he’s been gone, I’ve been beyond thankful to have an incredible support system around me.

Some of the things that were challenging:

– Getting in all of my work stuff finished. Even with childcare a couple of times a week, many times I felt like I was struggling to complete the bare minimum in this space. I had to stay in bed with the girls until they fell asleep (we’re working on changing this), and P is a major night owl, so it was tricky. If I had loose ends to finish up for work, sometimes my work evening wouldn’t start until 10 or 10:30pm. That was for real. Thankfully, the Pilot is home and we can tag-team the bedtime duty. I felt like I dropped the ball a lot over the past 7 months and many times, I was just doing everything I could to create content and stay afloat. I just want to say thank you so much for reading and for sticking around. I don’t feel like I was the best blogger over the past 7 months… almost all of my energy was spent trying to be a great parent to our girls without my partner/best friend/love of my life around.

– The long days. When the Pilot was home, I could count on him to take over for a bit at the end of a day filled with meals, clean up, drop-offs, pick-ups, and after-school activities. During a deployment (or ever a long TDY, like when he was gone for 5 weeks last spring), the evening routine feels you feel like you’ve been handed a 5k at the end of your marathon. The dinner, bath time, and bedtime rituals make it an extra long day.

– Feeling lonely. I’m so fortunate have a great community of friends and family here in Tucson, but at the same time, after the girls were asleep at night, I felt lonely. The house felt dark and too quiet. I used this as an opportunity to watch TV that the Pilot would never be into, but I had no one to yell, “OMG did that really happen?!” with at the end of a basketball game or This Is Us.

– When things would break. Our toilet broke and I was like OH NO, but thankfully my mom had stopped by and literally fixed it in 30 seconds, so there ya go. We also had a couple of issues with our circuit popping out because I put too many Christmas lights into a single extension cord. Oops.

– Answering some of the “bigger questions” on my own. Liv asked me a couple of doozies while the Pilot was away, and in my mind I was like AHHHHHHHH. Then I just was as straightforward and honest as possible (and tried to not make it awkward or weird, just a normal thing) and she was happy with my answer. It literally ended up being NBD but I definitely panicked for a second.

If you’re going through a deployment, hang in there. You can do hard things and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel… even though sometimes it seems really freaking far away. I’m sending you so much love, strength, and a giant glass of wine.

xo

Gina

The post Deployment with two kids appeared first on The Fitnessista.

Deployment with two kids published first on https://olimpsportnutritionde.tumblr.com/

[parentingguide8-blog]

2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!!

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/trending/2018s-funniest-parenting-tweets-of-the-year/

2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!!

All year long we’ve been rounding up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! As 2018 comes to an end, we hope you will enjoy our choices for the funniest parenting tweets of the year!! Thanks for reading and have an amazing 2019!!!

For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!

Sometimes my kids complain about something I tell them to do and I say “hey man, I don’t make the rules!” and then I walk away laughing under my breath because I DO make the rules.

— Brandon Andrina (@proathomedad) March 11, 2018

Sometimes as a parent there are those moments of pure joy & excitement, like when you arrive at a kids’ birthday party & the host says parents don’t have to stay.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 10, 2018

Me pretending that’s not my kid in public pic.twitter.com/iVgBEASlWk

— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) March 8, 2018

How to put on shoes like a 5-year-old:

1) Put on one shoe.

2) Ponder the mysteries of the universe.

3) What shoes?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 9, 2018

Kids today will never know the struggle of having to go around the house and change every little clock. #DaylightSavings

— Matthew Kabel (@MattKabel) March 11, 2018

Me: Let’s watch the old Mario Bros show on Netflix from when I was a kid!

Daughter: Why is it blurry?

Me: All of the shows used to be blurry.

Daughter: Why is it square?

Me: TV’s used to be square.

Daughter: Why isn’t it funny or good?

Me: YOU MADE ME WATCH CAILLOU!!

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) March 23, 2018

Me after seeing a group of 30 something year old guys gathered to play Pokemon GO: “What a bunch of nerds”

Also me after picking up my son from school today: “CAN YOU TEACH ME TO PLAY FORTNITE RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?

— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) March 19, 2018

My daughter thinks it’s hilarious when I accidentally get her math questions wrong but the joke’s on her because it’s not an accident and she’s on her own for homework for 10 more years.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 19, 2018

My style of parenting can best be described as ‘Max and Ruby’s parents.’

— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) March 24, 2018

My kid just fed me what she said was a raisin. It wasn’t a raisin.

Never, I repeat never, eat anything your kid feeds you without double checking.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 10, 2018

The first time I realized my kids are spoiled was when they started complaining about not being able to skip commercials at a hotel.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 6, 2018

My mom: wow it’s so nice of Jeff to watch your kids for the next few days while you’re gone

Me: yes, he is very excited to continue to be a father

— sleepy mom (@lauratnelson) August 10, 2018

Store clerk: May I help you?

Me: I hope so. Sweetie go get your math homework, this nice woman is going to help us.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 13, 2018

My toddler just looked me straight in the eyes and whispered “I’m NOT crazy.” Which sounds exactly like something a crazy person would do.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 19, 2018

Mom: [carries in womb for 10 months, breastfeeds another 12 months, quits job to stay at home and raise our daughter]

Me: [does the going downstairs behind the couch gag]

Daughter: Daddy’s my best friend!

— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) May 15, 2018

My 8yo can’t play video games today, but instead of doing something productive, he’s having his brother loudly narrate his game from the next room.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 12, 2018

Other women: Nothing is sexier than a dad holding a baby.

Me: Nothing is sexier than my husband using his thundering dad-voice to frighten our children into behaving when I’ve abandoned all hope.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 10, 2018

Me “Go play outside.”

Kids “Ugh it’s too hot!!”

Me “Go!”

Kids “Will you play with us?!”

Me “Outside? No way! It’s way too hot.”

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 8, 2018

2yo: “mommy I did it!”

Me: “that’s awesome, buddy I knew you could do it!”

(I have no idea what he did)

— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) May 10, 2018

My kids made me Mother’s Day cards covered in glitter, which is like the opposite of saying I love you.

— Ashnog (@adult_mom) May 14, 2017

My 5yo son just slept-walked into the kitchen, pulled down his pants and peed all over the kitchen table. Glad to hear you are pregnant with your first though.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 4, 2018

My nephews thought my not giving them Easter baskets was an April Fool’s joke, but really it’s because they’re older now.

Aging, the ultimate prank.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) April 1, 2018

(both kids screaming from the living room) MONSTERS DON’T SPAWN IN THIS AREA! WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED A TORCH! IF I DIE BECAUSE OF YOU I’M GONNA – JUST DIG AND HIDE! WHERE IS YOUR BASE?

It’s too early for this

— Bottlerocket (@bottlerocket) April 20, 2018

The kids have been away for a few days and I just found a pair of inside-out pants with underwear still stuck to them in my 5yo’s room and clutched it to my chest like an ex’s hoodie.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 7, 2018

My son asked what sides we were having with dinner like we haven’t had mac & cheese and microwaved green beans with every meal since he was born.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) July 17, 2018

https://twitter.com/ValeeGrrl/status/1018920271011557377 https://twitter.com/eff_yeah_steph/status/1017722655968059392

Me: (limits screen time)

[5 minutes later]

6: (gets a concussion) Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018

https://twitter.com/sarcasticmommy4/status/1015071841809981440

My daugjter just ruined Toy Story for ever. She said if one of the toys died Andy wouldnt know and he’d carry on playing with its corpse

— Baron Stigmund (@stiggib3) July 1, 2018

8: “Where’s Dad? I need some help” Me: “I can help you!” 8: “It’s about the TV” Me: 8: Me: “Dad’s upstairs.”

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) June 26, 2018

“Nope.”

~My two-year old, trying to justify he didn’t draw on the table with a red crayon while HOLDING A RED CRAYON.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 9, 2018

Life hack: If you tell the pizza delivery person “Thanks so much, you’re making our Pajama Day awesome!” when you and your toddler answer the door in pj’s, you transform from the mom who couldn’t get her shit together into the fun mom who hosts theme days.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 5, 2018

I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 8, 2018

My son just said he’s going to call me “Squishy” to match my stomach and now I need to have another kid just so I can have a favorite

— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) June 3, 2018

Every single conversation I have with my kids pic.twitter.com/osbJEa8E7B

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 1, 2018

After my family finishes dinner. Me: “Anyone want ice cream?” My kids reaction. #LifeofDad pic.twitter.com/N0rZzLJkH7

— DadatWork (@ArtEddy3) August 23, 2018

Damn, looks like I brought the wrong 47 children’s books on our road trip.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 22, 2018

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCaveman) August 26, 2018

BEFORE HAVING KIDS: “I am NEVER making separate meals for my children”

4 YEARS LATER: “Let me repeat your order: tri-color pasta (al dente) with butter & cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt two ways, Cheez-Its.”

— Bret Turner (@bretjturner) August 15, 2018

*starts my own YouTube channel so my kids will listen to me.

— The Baron (@baronvonbike) August 17, 2018

8yo: Dad, can I eat on the couch? Me: Sure, as long as you’re carefu- 8yo: I spilled my drink Me: Of course

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 31, 2018

Kid: Mom, the light’s on in my closet.

Me: That’s weird. The monster must be looking for something.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 19, 2018

In case you wondered what having a boy is like. My son just came down from having a shower and smelled no different than before he went in. I asked if he used soap and he responded “not this time” as if that’s even a thing.

— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) September 24, 2018

You’ll know parents by the way they are compelled to point out any and all cows to anyone who happens to be in the car with them.

— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) September 17, 2018

Kid: *3 and a half seconds after calling me the worst mom ever* Can you make me a snack?

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 14, 2018

Nothing like seeing a new dad at Disney World find out a Mickey shaped balloon with a glow stick in it is $35. Welcome to the club buddy.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 16, 2018

Sometimes I purposefully dress my toddler in mismatched pajamas just to make my wife’s head explode.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 8, 2018

7AM text from mom. Just a quick seven paragraphs.

— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 31, 2018

“How I wonder what you are?”

You literally JUST said it was a little star. Nursery rhymes are dumb.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 29, 2018

Save a ton of time by never unloading groceries again. Just throw the bags of food directly into a teenager’s open mouth.

— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 22, 2018

I finally posted pics of my kids at a pumpkin patch, so I get to stay on Facebook for another year

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) October 24, 2018

A kids version of the “Saw” movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) October 16, 2018

Ahh, I love the sound of my kids’ screen time in the morning.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 21, 2018

God: You’re in charge of naming all the animals.

Dr. Seuss: That’s a Zizzer Zazzer Zuz. That’s a Phiffer Pheffer Phef. That’s-

God: Nope nope nope. Let’s bring you back later. Adam, you’re up.

— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) October 10, 2018

My kids know to wait until I’m sick to ask me to upgrade all their iPad games.

Why yes, I will pay $9.99 to unlock all the Strawberry Shortcake baking tools if it means a possible 10 minutes of silence.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) October 8, 2018

9: Where’s dad? I need his help.

Me: Anything your dad can do, I can do. What do you need?

9: When I flushed the toilet, it keeps rising.

Me: Go find your dad.

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) September 29, 2018

One time I put the burnt side of a grilled cheese face down on my child’s plate and almost got away with it.

— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) September 24, 2018

https://twitter.com/thisiskacee/status/1065007774713577473

In hind sight “Up your butt and around the corner” was not the best phrase to add to 4’s vocabulary.

But my God, you should have seen Nana’s face when 4 told her where she could find her glasses.

Worth. It.

— Mom Jeans Please (@momjeansplease) November 20, 2018

CONFUSED SHOPPER DAD: should i buy the odorless candle or the apple-cinnamon candle?

OTHER SHOPPER DAD: apple-cinnamon. it makes more scents!

*tremendous high five attempt, but they whiff*

— TuSoon Shakur (@TuSoonShakur) November 12, 2018

Daughter: can you make me a sandwich?

Me: poof you’re a sandwich lol.

Daughter:

Me:

Daughter: MOM HE’S DOING THAT THING AGAIN.

— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 7, 2018

8yo: Mom, will you put ketchup on my hotdog?

Me: You’re old enough to do it yourself.

8yo: pic.twitter.com/WfXA9pepJX

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 5, 2018

Me: *reads first four words of children’s book* 2-year-old: “Why?”

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 1, 2018

We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow.

So today we’re busy threatening to not go to the amusement park tomorrow.

— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) November 3, 2018

There is no one more drunk with power than a 3 year old who can finally reach the water dispenser on the refrigerator. 6 cups in 5 minutes and counting…

— Mom Jeans Please (@momjeansplease) November 1, 2018

My husband was looking at his fantasy football scoreboard and my 9yo came up and started reading the team names and said “What’s Finger Bangers?” and I think we all aged a little in that moment.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 6, 2018

mom: call your grandmother, she sent you a birthday card with $10

me: ok

[later]

me: hey grandma

grandma: hello dear

me: i need more money, this isn’t 1842

— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) December 4, 2018

Welcome to parenthood, you need to flush the toilet before you use it too.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) November 29, 2018

SANTA: what would you like for Christmas? *child hands Santa a note*

“Please look after Melissa. I need a couple of hours to shop and maybe get a coffee. Also, she’s lactose intolerant.”

SANTA, to elf: put her with the others

— Bison (@McGrumpenstein) December 8, 2018

Special shout out to the kid at my son’s elementary school concert who threw his arms into a cross and yelled “Wakanda Forever!” at the end of his performance.

— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) December 14, 2018

Last Friday, my daughter’s teacher mentioned to me how nice it is to see how well my kids get along & love each while at school. Now if you’ll excuse me, my daughter just punched my son in the groin for using the pencil crayon she wasn’t even using…

— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) December 17, 2018

There’s always the ‘Funniest parenting tweets of the week’ but never the ‘Funniest guy living alone in basement apartment tweets of the week’, heck this.

— Matt (@Stap_Jr) September 11, 2018

The post 2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!! appeared first on Life of Dad.

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2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!!