#guy who does not keep up with their own youtube channel voice. fucking sue me 🙄

[livvyofthelake]

the fuck do you mean 4k views. for the babysitter killer queen call me maybe?? who tf is watching that genuinely….

[tempestshakes01]

3/24/19

Here’s another entry in this embarrassing public online diary (I love it.):

Health: 4/10 

The weird cough is still lingering, but now it’s gotten a bit worse in the daytime. I’m still hacking up mucus until I vomit (or moan and cry to NOT vomit because I just ate and I’d rather NOT throw up a bacon burger, thanks) and it’s fuckin miserable. I’m worried that if this lasts, I’ll have to fly like this and my flight is an overnighter--prime cough/nausea/vomit hours. UGH. 

Other than the cough and my persistent jaw acne, I’m the perfect picture of health. I feel great. 

Well, no. My ass has a massive bruise because yesterday I slipped down Leah’s stairs (wood laminate is slippery as hell in socks!) running to the bathroom to...ugh...puke up a glob of mucus and bits of burger. 

But other than that! 

Work: 7/10

I still feel like I did something wrong and no one is telling me. I’m friendlier and peppier now that the winter blues (read: depression) are slipping away with the sunny skies and warmer weather (all that snow--16 inches on the ground at the start of the month--melting), but I think the damage is done. 

Except, other than not being super chatty, I’m not sure what the damage is. The only admin that’s normal is the principal. We’re getting along great! A few colleagues are still the same including Mr. Married Lumberjack whom I had a crush on.  

I’m probably paranoid though. I’m also bored out of my mind. Things are smooth for 85% of the time and that’s...great, but also...it’s too smooth and I feel judged doing more because Veronica is gone. 

Okay, so that most likely makes no sense, but it’s how I feel. 

Home: 9.5/10

Things are superb with my parents. I’m headed to D.C. with my mom next week (along with every 8th grader in America...I’m so stupid...) and we’re going to try to keep it as civil as possible when it comes to politics. My dad is texting, but not smothering me with attention. In fact, I should call him more.

My sister seems to be doing...the same. Lots of astrology posts on the gram, but no mention of Paris (her potentially mentally-ill ex) so that’s a relief. The kids are doing great as well. Nick and I are texting more often. He even asked my advice about our parents which was new. I want to ask him about Alyssa because I’m still utterly curious about that situation, but I know he’s still hurting over it and the fact that he had a “quarter-life” crisis when he was working 50+ hours, going to school full time, and interning at the church. He’s decided to graduate as quickly as possible, quit the preacher path, and stay in the coffee game. 

Apparently, he got a promotion and a raise, so he’s making really great money. Plus, he’s like...super passionate about coffee. More passionate than he ever seemed about Jesus or school. 

We’re currently fighting about NCAA brackets and our current favorite music, and it’s great. 

Friends: 6/10

Reconnecting with Jack and Nicol is super nice. I just don’t know how to proceed and how quickly and if I’m an annoyance. I also want Nicol without Jack as well, but I don’t want to offend either of them (not that I think it would! but the chance makes me hesitate...) and they’re such a partnership that I wonder if it IS a big request to separate them. 

We went to see Us today and I didn’t like it very much. We’re going to see Back to the Future on Tuesday at the old theater. They invited me to the former; I invited them to the latter. I trust this will all work out.

Gosh, and I don’t trust Leah at ALL which is wild because I probably hang out with her the most out of anyone, but yeah. There’s something about that girl that I don’t trust. 

Went on Facebook and saw a photo of my childhood best friends (we were a trio: Valerie, Kristina, and I). They were on a backpacking trip together in Alaska. They live entirely different lives, but they still maintained a great friendship over the years. God, and they went into chemical engineering so they’re both making BANK, but they’re the most down-to-earth women. 

I don’t know...I guess it makes me think...for the billionth time...how different my life would be if we’d never moved from El Paso. 

El Paso was idyllic. My childhood consisted of bike rides out into the desert, street games with a plethora of neighborhood boys, summer secrets and stars, theme parks and athletics, best friends who were boys that I knew I could fall in love with, best friends who were girls and I knew I could trust with my whole heart. I lived a good life there. 

When I left, things started to peel apart, but it sort of seemed--for the most part--most of the El Paso crew grew up in the same way they had been...in that easy, perfect sunset sort of way. Most everyone I grew up with went Homecoming and Prom and did senior sunrise and went to good schools where they did the greek life and then got jobs in the sciences or medicine or moved out to Hollywood. They’re utterly normal and successful now in a very...the way they tell you things will go in life. 

Anyway, that childhood best friend I thought I could fall in love with? Went through a long-haired rave phase circa 2012/13, but is currently dating a white girl who wears cowboy boots, no makeup, and studies sports medicine in the same grad program as him. It’s the way things were supposed to be and it’s just weird to see their lives (through the filter and lens of social media) go so simply. Also, his hairline is going and he looks bloated, so the white-half is coming for him in the aging process, ha. His Mexican mom still looks BOMB, so poor guy for inheriting his dad’s hair follicles. 

And anyway, that childhood best friend I could trust with my whole heart? Dating a republican future politician named John Smith and traveling South American for the next couple weeks working in various hospital and women’s health care. She’s a nurse and probably a damn good one. She got her boobs done a couple years ago and I sometimes wonder if we’d still get along. 

Media: 5/10

This is a bullshit category just to give a VM hot-takes, but I’ll play into my own bullshit. 

I’m not watching any TV except B99. I watch about 3 movies a week and I try to make 1 a classic or a “difficult” title. I watch mostly youtube, to be honest. I like Hot Ones, Bon Appetit, Jenna Marbles, theTryGuys, Tasty, Brave Wilderness, Millenium Dance Complex ‘n’ adjacent choreographers’ channels, and various media video essays. 

I’m reading a lot of books...but they’re all YA. Which isn’t bad! I’m just laughing that it took me reading Airborn by Kenneth Oppel (my favorite adventure YA book) out loud to the students to remind my dumb reading brain how fun books could be. Apparently, I’m a fantastic reader and I do wonderful voice and I make the story seem like a movie. We’re on the sequel and I’m about to start the His Dark Materials series.  

That Worlds podium? TRASH. Justice for S/B. 

Yeah, so I’m on a VM cleanse, right? Cause with the winter and all the crazy, it was just an unhealthy piece of media in my life. I miss the GC though, but that’s about it, lol. Oh, and with the new content (I tried to resist!) it’s clear that I did miss them doing their thing and I need to unload some of the thoughts whirling in my head. 

Ugh, I have thoughts about the whole timeline of events because I see people questioning or backtracking, and I’m like? We seriously went through an awful series of events that made all the previous weirdness make sense (but left lingering brand-new weirdness). Except that’ll just bring back old feelings that I’m trying to move on from. 

Geez, I can’t believe I’m about to talk about them in a gossip-y way again, but uh, I’m glad that they seem to be repairing their friendship and that Scott legit looked happy. The vibes are definitely friendship so far, or like, 2015-vibes. Which who knows where that will lead in the future? Will they do things messy like last Fall/Winter? Do they think they can try again or are they now afraid of fucking this up so badly they can’t come back from it? Are they going to accept each other as only friends and maintain those boundaries? You love me, real or not real? WHO KNOWS. I hate this ride.

Also, I’m aware of some of the gossip because I’m fool who caves from time to time for a few minutes and I remember (god, again, I hate that I’m still invested even with this time off) that J was selling her Coachella tickets, and now it’s been announced that VM are doing that show in Korea which takes place the same days as a Coachella weekend. So. Yeah. I’m putting my money on J being in Korea because why sell the tickets (just take a friend), but I’m also still wondering if this is all going to end up like Klawes-era. 

Literally, I wake up believing 100% that J’s gonna be the one Scott’s going to marry because it’s just that time. Then, I go to sleep 98% believing that no matter what, somehow, someway, Tessa and Scott are going to end up together. 

inTERSTIngLY, I have neglected to message Tinder matches the past couple weeks and I believe 50% of the time that I’m going to end up alone because I’m not even trying. (Cut me some slack though. I haven’t had an acne flare-up this bad in years and it’s wrecking my confidence.) 

Music: 10/10

I take hour drives out of town and find obscure trails and I hike for an hour...and let me tell you my Spotify is killing it. 

Current favorite songs:

How Do You Know - CALIPH (you know what I’m thinking) 

Stone Street - MS. WHITE (fun)

anything from Oliver Tree (his music speaks to me as does his fucking stupid meme humor)

Wow. - POST MALONE (sue me)

anything from Duckrth (so much fun) 

Charms - ABEL KORZENIOWSKI (don’t imagine VM dancing to this)

The Cheek of Night - ABEL KORZENIOWSKI

Sucks - ANGELO MOTA (dark and atmospheric hip hop that makes me wish I could dance cause it’s calling to me to choreograph something to it)

bury a friend - BILLIE EILISH (lol I can’t dance, but I’m learning Kodish choreo for this as a workout) 

Beverly Blues - OPIA (a summer jam)

[outerspace-castaway]

just found out that there are people who hate taylor swift so much that they make videos on youtube explaining why they hate her.

so far I've only watched 3 and wow these girls know nothing about taylor but they hate her so much. I did rant in their video comment sections:

video 1:'why I hate taylor swift' channel: daniella

my rant:

 you literally say what you know about taylor is what the media portrays yet that set you off enough to make a video about her being a horrible, fake person. really? fucking really/ there are a lot of parody videos of taylor /fan made videos etc, and they have not been taken down. 1 famous youtubers video gets taken down and yall lose your shit. btw taylor's mgmt team is more than just her. taylor didnt have a guitar teacher. when she was about 11 a computer guy came over to fix her families computer before he left he taught her a few begginers chords then years laters trys to profit off of her name. taylor has a right to me pissed by that. taylor isnt the first or last celebrity to get thing copyrighted. kanye and beyonce for exaple have hunders of things copyrighted. also taylor isnt getting things copyrighted just bc, she's doing it so big companys cant used her image without her knowing. and ps she doesnt have any lyrics that say "party like its 1989" im guess youre getting that confused with prince's 1999, where he says 'lets party like its 1999' its called being HUMBLE do you not know the meaning of the word humble, i guess you dont, futhermore even tho taylor is surprised when she wins, she does not cry every time. and even if she did why does someone crying bother you? she literally wrote a message about why she took her music off spotify saying that "she doesnt need anymore money", she said she "has enough money to pay her dancers from her tour alone' she pointed out how smaller artist, like indepent artist dont get paid properly by spotify bc spotify takes most of the money for themselves, she also said music is art and art should be free.....adele too her music off spotify too, i'll be waiting for your video attacking adele... btw what your obsession with sticks being in asses? this video was pretty much just full of lies instead of going by the medias portrayal of a person how about try and look for the truth. who am i kinding you as well as everyone in the comments dont care about the truth do you? just sad and pathetic really.

 video 2: 'why I hate taylor swift' channel: july2ish

my rant:

 kim exposed taylor: taylor was not told "i made that bitch famous" she should clarified that was the lyric but she didnt lie --- omg you hate her bc she dated harry are you in 4th grade, he asked her out. "im about feminism" but you hate her for dating hs taylor doesnt like papa following her -- you hate her bc of her wealth --- dont people pay for spotify too???? -- she didnt sue fans they were sent ciest & disist letter until their copyright issues were straighted out --- the guy wasnt a guitar teacher he was a computer guy who came to the familys home and taught her a few chords before he left, and he wasnt sued -- she copyrighted a stylized version of the year 1989 that was made for her tour not the year or number 1989 here is who taylor swift sued: THAT GUY WHO SEXUAL ASSUALTED HER BY PUTTING HIS HAND UP HER SIRT AND ON HER ASS.

video 3: '6 reasons i hate taylor swift' channel: queen maryah watkins productions (comments were disabled so I left this on her channel)

1. her pr team didnt clarify which lyric she was offended by, she thought kanye was going to use "i made her famous" that is what taylor said in the video kim posted. kanye didnt tell her "i made that bitch famous" "perfessional victim" thats some bullshit. she writes aboutr her feeling, a majority of her songs are NOT about breakups but love songs. ps she isnt the only artist to write about break ups 2. taylor's dad invest in big machine records after she signed to the label. shes very talnted, she does work hard and she walked away from a record label who wanted to sign her because they would alway taylor to write her own music so she walk away then was discovered and signed by scott borschetta then her dad invested in big machine records

3. she doesnt have to dance, really why the hell does that matter? no her voice isnt like whitney or beyonce, its softer, she cant do big notes like they do that doesnt mean she can sing. shes a great guitar player why doent you actually watch her play and she plays multiple intruments well as fpr her lyrics she writers masterpieces, listen to something other than shake it off or wanegbt.

 and are you really saying you hate her because of her look and her fashion choices do you not hear how petty that is 4. calling out nicki is the ONLY time shes ever did anything like that. and are you seriously mad bc she gets excited for friends accomplishments? ed sheeran is her best friend. she didnt say she was looking forward to controversy, she said she was looking forward to telling people she knew about the song, not about wanting controversy from it. 5. "has not integrity for music.." she wants people to understand that music is art and should be treated as such, as for writing TIWYCF under a fake name, she and calvin agreed to do that together 'catfished, disillusioned, perplexed', are you fucking with me? swifties were excited when we found out taylor wrote it. you think she lies on her album credits bc of one fucking song? my god could you get anymore stupid? 6. im tired of this "greedy" bullshit. its a lie she didnt say she wants more money for youtube y\this is some bull you pulled out of you ass. she literally said in her apple music letter that she did not need anymore money. go fucking read the damn thing its on her tumblr page. i cannot tell you how pathetic and stupid you sound in this video, this video is filled with lies get a fucking life

video 4: 'rant why i hate taylor swift explicit' channel: lacye leuko

her pr team didnt clarify which lyric she was offended by, she thought kanye was going to use "i made her famous" that is what taylor said in the video kim posted. kanye didnt tell her "i made that bitch famous" therefore she did not have full compltee knowledge. kanye deserves shade but her point was to uplift young girls, something she been doing for years, she used kanye lie to her benefit

kanye is an ass who does & says bad things to many people dont act like he doesnt deserve to be shaded.

her rep leak the info, he should have informed first but why does that bother you?

taylor never confirmed bad blood is about katy, katy did that herself. taylor doesnt have a prolem with tina and amy she was just pissed about the joke.

she's not a snake the video proves kanye didnt say 'i made that bitch famous' the lyric she was told ' i made her famous'

nothing was wrong with selena defending her friend.

i cant believe how you and other taylor haters really dont want to see the truth about taylor.

a few etsy fans were sent Cease and desist orders because of copyright issues, there are still thousands a taylor swift fan artwork on etsy. if those copyright issues were fixed those fans art were probly put back on etsy.

the only female she is fueding with is katy and by that i mean, katy keeps findong ways to talk about her but she keeps her mouth shut about katy.

taylor swift: does charity work. ispires many young girls, is a great role model. you know nothing about how she influences her fans for the better. how she gives speeches and messages of positivity to her fans. you know nothing about the reall taylor swift, just tabloids and bullshit

// 'So, About Taylor Swift Getting Put On Blast... Watch white Feminism Work'

channel Sensei Aishitemasu // its a 33 minute video. this person wasted 33 mintues of their time to talk aout why they hate taylor (im definitely NOT going to watch that)

i still said something anyway: im not watching this video bc im sure its bullshit just like the others, but why did you waste 33 minutes of your time to bitch about a pop singer and her "white feminism" you hate taylor swift GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND GROW THE FUCK UP. and black people idk how this little white girl hurt you so damn much, I can say that be im black too and get bullied on twitter by other black ppl who are offended I like this white singer. she doesn't do the things you like, shhes not an activist, she writes breakup song songs, she cant sing like whitney, who tf cares? IGNORE HER!. change the channel, turn off the radio when shes on, don't pick up magazines with her face on them, stay off her twitter and instagram. just fucking leave her alone, its not that hard to do.

i just cant wrap my head around these people having so much hate for taylor. shes a good fuking person. no shes not perfect, yes she makes mistakes but for the ove of god there are worst people than her in the entertainment industry but shes treated like the devil

how does taylor have these people so easily pressed and bothered?