#gun play was one that i almost didn't pick off the kink list

[gallawitchxx]

day twelve • @gallavichthings kinktober 2024

↳ 31 days of kinks & cards in 3 sentences

GUN PLAY x THE STAR

He’d read online that it could be healing, like some kind of deranged immersion therapy, and though he thought he might die admitting his curiosities, Mickey went so far as to tell Ian—“Wouldn’t be loaded, doesn’t even have to be a real fuckin’ gun, I just thought, maybe…” Surprisingly, Ian had gotten on board fairly quickly. Even more surprising was the sweet sense of relief that swept through Mickey as the cold metal of the barrel trailed up his thigh towards his taint.

[wheresfury]

Death of Me (Part 2)

~Pairings: Natasha Romanoff/fem!reader, minor Carol Danvers/fem!reader

~Warnings: Mommy kink, spanking, strapping, degradation, dirty talk, choking, roughness, butt plugs, dildos, Dom/sub, cruelty, humiliation, verbal humiliation, daddy kink, rough oral sex on strap, rough sex, ejaculating dildo, semi-public sex, strap-ons, face-slapping, spitting, some angst, forced voyeurism(maybe? idk how to tag it,) threats made with a gun.

~Word count: 6,913

~Summary: Your date with Carol is bound to go wrong with Natalia at the wheel, you just didn't think it would end the way it did.

~Authors note: Hello! Here’s part 2! I hope y’all enjoy! I kind of went a bit crazy with it and couldn't stop writing. I almost rewrote it but I kind of like how it ended up. It’s kind of crazy and maybe too much idk. Let me know what y'all think. Forgot to mention this last time but the title is inspired by the song Death of Me by Pvris (It’s amazing as per usual with them.)

~Previous parts to this series are on my Masterlist

———- ⧗———-

You wait nervously by the door to your home, pacing the length of its threshold. Every step you take you have to hold back moans from being so full. You don’t know how you’re going to pass as normal on this date. As you continue to pace you bring a hand up to your left ear where a small earpiece rests gently. This is how she is to communicate with you. You grow more nervous as to what she will make you do or say. Your hands come up to rub at each other, needing something to do.

“Get ready, kitten. Here she comes.” You jump a little, not yet used to how loud she is through the earpiece. You grasp the doorknob and rip open your door just as Carol raised a hand to knock.

“Carol! Hi, how are you?!” She raises a brow at your enthusiasm.

“You okay there, baby girl?” She passes the threshold into your home and wraps her arms around your waist. You forget for a minute why this shouldn’t be happening and lean in to her touch. She leans in to kiss you when her voice stops you.

“You know better, kitten. She gets no pleasure from you. Otherwise it will be taken out on you.” You gulp and turn your head away from her so her lips land on your cheek. She pouts at this and pulls away.

“Are you sure you’re okay? If you’re having second thoughts about us that’s okay too. We have all the time in the world, baby.” You whimper at her sweetness and close your eyes wishing you were in any other situation right now.

“I'm a good shot, kitten. Don’t test my patience. Answer her now.” You quickly open your eyes and place your hand on her forearm, giving her your best reassuring smile.

“No, Carol. I’m more than okay with this, with us. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get on the same page. It’s just um I kinda want to start over? If that makes since?” She nods in understanding and grabs your hand that was on her arm intertwining your fingers together.

“So that’s why you wouldn’t let me kiss you. It’s okay, baby girl. I respect that and I’m more than  willing to woo you again.” She says wiggling her eyebrows whilst smirking. You giggle and pull her outside, locking your door. As she opens her passenger door for you out of the corner of your eye you see Natalia on her motorcycle. You get in and she pulls your seatbelt out for you handing it to you. She leans down and kisses you on the cheek before shutting your door and making her way around to the drivers side. You release a heavy sigh.

“I hope kisses on the cheek are okay?” You smile at her thoughtfulness.

“Of course it’s okay, Carol.” She smiles back at you and starts the drive to the restaurant. You lose yourself staring at her the entire drive, halfway through she places her hand on your thigh. You’re playing with her fingers that are on your thigh lost in your thoughts.

“I want you to call her by the name you use for her in bed. All night. I’m sure you call her something isn’t that right, slut?” You cough, letting her know you heard her and sink further into your seat. Carol squeezes your thigh.

“You okay, baby girl? We are almost there.” You sigh and close your eyes at what you were about to say. Fuck. You knew she was doing this on purpose. She heard you say you wanted to start over with Carol.

“You heard her, baby girl.” You grimace as you hear Natalia call you by Carol’s nickname. You hated it coming from her, only Carol could call you that. You open your eyes and turn over towards Carol, her hand slipping in between your thighs now.

“I’m better than okay, Daddy. I’m with you aren’t I?” She looks over at you in shock as her hand squeezes your thigh harder. She quickly looks back to the road and takes her hand off your thigh.

“Daddy? Really? That’s what you call her? What a pathetic little whore you are, kitten.” You bite your lip at her words trying not to whimper out loud.

“You know for wanting to start over and taking things slow, calling me that is not helping.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I love calling you that, I just can’t help that it slips out.” You look at her innocently as you hear Natalia laughing in your ear.

“That’s my good little slut, such a fucking tease. Keep it up, kitten.” You hear Carol let out a grunt as she pulls into the parking lot of a fancy Italian restaurant. She turns towards you after turning the car off.

“If you keep that up, Y/N, I will take you to the bathroom and fuck your brains out.” Your breath hitches as you squirm and you’re reminded of the fact you’re stuffed with Natalia’s toys. Carol never really talks like that, it surprises you.

“Hm that’s an idea, kitten.” Okay now you’re panicking. Carol sees the panic on your face and immediately relaxes her own.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to freak you out like that. I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise! You can keep calling me Daddy, I don’t mind, love.” You release a shaky laugh.

“You’re the absolute best, Daddy.” She smiles at you then jumps out of the car running to your side, opening your door. She holds out her arm to you and your wrap your hand around her bicep as she leads you into the restaurant. She opens the door letting you walk in first detaching from you for only a second before you’re grasping for her again. She chuckles as she makes her way to the hostess letting them know of her reservation. The waiter leads you to a table near the back, in a corner, away from prying eyes. Carol pulls out your chair for you and pushes you in. You smile at her gentlewoman ways. The waiter handed her a drink list and walked away.

“So, Y/N what are you in the mood to drink tonight. Red or white?”

“No drinking. She may but not you, kitten.” You pout at her order. You were hoping you could drink till you pass out.

“Actually, Daddy, I’m not in the mood to drink tonight. You can if you like.”

“That wouldn’t be fair to you, babe. I’m fine with no drinking tonight.” You smile softly at her before picking up your menu. You both silently peruse the menu before deciding on sharing one of their specialty pizzas. After the waiter takes your menus you almost spat out the water you just drank. Not even five feet away sat Natalia, a glass of red wine in her hand, staring at you. You turn red and look away hearing Carol ask you something.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” She smiles and releases a cute little laugh at your aloofness.

“I asked you why you decided to give us a shot.” You look down at the table cloth picking at some loose string you saw. You glance up and see Natalia with a brow raised awaiting your answer. Your eyes meet Carol’s and your breath caught in your throat. Fuck she is so beautiful.

“Well as you know I had someone before us and I just thought it was time to move on, you know? Why stay hung up on someone who couldn’t give two shits about you? I mean you, god you are amazing. I never thought I would be so lucky to have found someone like you. You know I just hope I don’t end up breaking your heart and I apologize in advance if I ever do.” Carol leans closer to you and grabs your hand that was on top of the table intertwining your fingers.

“You’re the sweetest, Y/N. I mean really I’m the lucky one here. You could never break my heart, baby.” Your eyes start to tear up at her look of absolute trust and devotion. God do you feel awful.

“Excuse yourself to the bathroom, kitten.” You clear your throat and wipe at the tears before they could fall down your face.

“I need to use the ladies room real quick. I’ll be right back, okay?” She nods her head in acknowledgement and sits back in her chair, watching you walk quickly to the bathroom. The minute you walk into the bathroom she pulls you into a stall at the very end of the room.

“Knees.” You drop down to your knees in the crowded stall and look up at her with teary eyes. She brings a hand to your hair and slowly strokes her fingers through your hair.

“That was some cute shit you said out there, kitten. So cruel of you to say that to her, getting her hopes up like that. Too bad it will never happen.” She pulls your hair back making your head tilt up further. She begins unbuttoning her jeans getting to the zipper before stopping.

“Come on, slut, get to work.” You bring your hands up and finish unzipping her jeans and pulling them down to her knees followed by her underwear. Your eyes widen and you gasp as an eight inch dildo slaps you in the face. She releases your hair and you see her pull out a black ball connected to a pipe from her pocket and holding it in her hand.

“Open wide, kitten.” You open your mouth sticking out your tongue. She taps the fake cock on your tongue before shoving a few inches into your mouth. You groan at the feeling and take in a few more once you adjust to the strap. She grabs your hair in her free hand and thrusts the strap to the hilt. Your throat relaxes as she pulls out and slams back in.

“That’s it, bitch. Take Mommy’s cock, take it all. Fuck.” She starts to consistently fuck your face with deep sharp thrusts. You moan at the rough treatment, it’s been too long since your face has been thoroughly fucked. Tears start streaming down your face at the roughness as you are unable to hold them back anymore.

“That’s it, kitten. Cry like the little bitch you are. You’re going to ruin your makeup, kitten. Fuck, that’s it.” She thrusts till she’s all the way in and holds you there. She lifts up the hand that’s holding the ball and brings it up to your blurry eyes.

“I’m going to cum down your throat, kitten. I want you to swallow every last drop. Anything you don’t swallow you will end up wearing.” You’re confused as to what she could mean. It’s not a real cock so she can’t cum for real. She pulls out halfway and squeezes the ball. Your eyes widen as you feel a thick watery substance enter your mouth. You try to pull away but her hand in your hair stops you.

“Swallow my cum, slut.” You whimper as best you can with a mouth full of fake cum. You start to swallow as much as possible with her cock in your mouth. By the time you were done your belly felt so full. She pulls out of your mouth and a drop of the stuff lands on the dress you were wearing, right on your chest. Oh fuck. You go to scoop it up with your hand when she slaps it away.

“Tsk tsk, kitten. What did I say?” You pout as you wait patiently for your next order. She pulls up her pants and tucks in her strap before she even looks at you. She cups your face in her hand and traces your lips with her thumb.

“Fuck, kitten. Your face has been used hasn’t it? I can’t wait to see what you tell that bitch what happened here. Open up, tongue out.” You do as she says and stick your tongue out as far as you possibly could. She uses her thumb to hold your chin down as she spits right into your mouth, some landing on your eyelid. You shiver at the cool sensation before it grows warm from your skin.

“Swallow, slut.” You bring your tongue back in and swallow her essence, moaning at the taste of her favored red wine. She wipes some of the leftover spit off of your eyelid so you could open it fully. She then grabs your hair and pulls you up. She lets go of your hair as you go to wipe away your makeup stained cheeks. She smacks your hand away before bringing hers back up to slap you harshly across the face. You cry out at the stinging slap. She then grabs your cheeks together in one hand making you look into her steely green eyes.

“You’re going to go back out there looking like this, slut. Looking like you just got your face fucked within an inch of its life. With my cum on your dress, kitten. Now you’re going to go out there and make her cry or I will. I’m getting bored of this so make it fast, kitten.” She exits the bathroom leaving you a mess in the stall. You walk out to the sink and wash your hands. You look up at yourself in the mirror horrified by what you see. Tears mixed with your mascara cascades in streaks down your face, one side red from her slap. Your eye shadow smeared and clumpy with her dried spit. Your lips red and puffy, pink lipstick smudged around the edges. Oh you are so screwed. You shakily fix your dress looking down at the glob of fake cum on your chest. Perfect how the hell are you going to explain your way out of this? You pick your phone out of your pocket in the dress and see that Carol has texted you a few times asking if you were okay and if she should come check on you. You shoot her a text and give yourself one last look in the mirror. With a heavy sigh you walk out of the bathroom with your head held high. You see Nat smirking at you as you make your way to Carol, who is looking at you with a pained expression. She stands up and walks over to you as you reach the table.

“Y/N, is everything alright? What happened in there, you were gone for 15 minutes?” You look down at your feet avoiding eye contact. She lifts your chin up observing your mess of a face and you can see the minute she notices the substance on your dress.

“Is- is that what I think it is? Because if so I think I might just go.” Your eyes widen as she narrows her eyes at you, she’s never looked at you like that.

“No- Carol! It's not what you think at all! I don’t like that whatsoever, I promise. It’s um well I got a little sick in there and it got messy. Really messy.” You see Nat snicker out of the corner of your eye and you visibly twitch with anger. You just now notice you are in the middle of a crowded restaurant trying to convince your date nothing happened.

“Are you sure, Y/N because it looks like you just got fucked and it wasn’t me who did it.” Yikes. You clear your throat and lean in closer to her ear, out of range from everyone else.

“Carol, will you please just take me home?” You pull away from her with the best puppy dog eyes you could muster. She looks at you her eyes completely devoid of any emotions. She pulls out her wallet and drops enough cash to cover the bill and tip before grabbing your arm and dragging you outside. You didn’t even notice Nat was gone. You make it to her car before she releases you from her hold.

“What the fuck are you doing to me, Y/N?! Did you fuck someone else in there?! On our first official date?! Your face is a nightmare right now, your little lie about being sick I don’t believe it at all. You have never been good at lying!” Tears prick at your eyes as you take in her anger. You pull out your earpiece and handed it to her. She looks at it then up at you.

“What is this?”

“I’m, well- it’s a long story, Carol. But I will tell you everything, I promise! Just not here okay? You deserve to know the truth.” She sighs and nods  her head back to the car.

“Come on, let me get you home.” The car ride to your house was dead silent. You were nervous about telling her but you had to, you can’t lose her. Once at your house she parks her car next to yours in the driveway. You unbuckle and turn towards her laying your hand on her arm.

“Carol, I am so so sorry for everything tonight. You don’t deserve this, I’m no good for you, you deserve so much more than I could ever give you.” She looks at you with tears in her eyes.

“Y/N, you’re all I could ever want and more. I just need to know what’s going on. We can work this out, I’m sure.” You shake your head in disbelief at her words.

“Carol, I care about you too much to hurt you anymore. This has become too dangerous. She will never allow this-” You stop yourself from saying anymore and get out of the car as fast as you could. You hear Carol do the same, she then grabs your arm spinning you around to face her.

“You promised me, Y/N! You promised to tell me the truth, so tell me, please. Who is she and why does she tell you what to do?” You hesitate before slowly nodding your head.

“Okay, I’ll tell you everything. Just know that by letting you know everything your life could be in danger. Well it kind of already is? Nat hates you.” She looks at you confused.

“Who the fuck is Nat?” You nod towards your house indicating that you will tell her more inside. She nods back and follows you up the driveway. You step up to your front door with Carol right behind you. You stop as you noticed it’s cracked open.

“Carol, you should leave, right now.” She grabs your elbow at the pain in your voice. She was about to speak when your front door creaks all the way open.

“Oh no, Carol, you should stay.” Your eyes widen as you see Natalia with a gun pointed at Carol.

“What the fuck, Nat?!” She grabs your arm pulling you inside roughly making you fall to the ground. She looks pointedly at Carol motioning her inside with her gun. Carol slowly makes her way inside walking as far away from the crazy red head as possible. She goes to help you up when Natalia clicks her tongue.

“Don’t you dare go near the little slut. She doesn’t deserve any help right now. It seems she’s lost her head calling me by a stupid nickname. Tsk tsk, kitten. You know better.” You look between the two women from your position on the floor. Could today get any worse?

“Well what do you have to say for yourself, kitten?” You look up at Carol, nervously. You scream in protest as Natalia strides over to Carol, gun pointed at her. Carol seems to be doing alright given her situation. Her stern chocolate gaze staring straight into Natalia’s crazed green eyes.

“Mommy! Please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t use your proper name! I’ve been a bad girl. Please, Mommy. Please don’t hurt her.” She huffs at you and points Carol towards a chair in the living room.

“Go sit down and don’t say a word.” Carol looks to you and you nod at her. She looks away from you and sighs, walking over to sit in the designated chair.

“You’ve got the bitch wrapped around your little finger, kitten. I’m impressed.” You see Carol grip the armrests as her jaw tightens, glaring up at Natalia. Fuck that’s hot. You shake your head at the mere thought you could be thinking that right now. Natalia grabs some rope from a bag and walks over to Carol tying her wrists and ankles to the chair.

“You’ve got the best seat in the house, Carol.” She says her name with such disgust it sends shivers down your spine. The fact she said best seat flew right over your head.

“Knees.” You shake your head clearing your thoughts as best you can and struggle to get on your knees for her. Once you finally get in to position she slaps you across the face making Carol scream out in disbelief.

“You disobeyed me tonight, kitten. You know i hate disobedience. You’ve been a brat, and what do brats get, kitten?” You whimper as you struggle to speak with your cheek throbbing.

“They get punished, Mommy.”

“That’s right, kitten. You’ve already been punished once today and I’m not going to make it any easier for you now face down ass up, you little slut.”

“Stop calling her that!” You gasp as you hear the bullet entering the chamber as Natalia cocks her gun and pointed it at Carol. You look up at her to say something when she silenced you with a harsh glare.

“Unless you want a hole in your fucking head, I would shut the fuck up. If you knew anything about Y/N here you would know she loves to be degraded, humiliated and punished. They are some of her biggest turn ons. Isn’t that right, slut?” Your mind goes fuzzy as you hear your name fall from her lips for the first time. Your pussy clenched around her dildo at the way it sounded falling from her mouth. You look up at her with wide eyes trying to answer her. She puts her finger closer to the trigger making you stutter out an answer.

“Yes-Yes, Mommy. I absolutely love it. I love being your little bratty slut, Mommy.” She releases the trigger and puts the safety on, sliding it in the back of her jeans.

“That’s my good little whore. Now strip.” You look up at her and then to Carol, face red with embarrassment. You see Nat raise her hand as if to slap you so you quickly start unzipping your dress and pulling down the shoulder straps. Once your dress is at your waist you pick up your knees to slide the dress off the rest of the way, followed by your underwear. You toss it to the side and look back up at Nat. Having lost her patience she grabs your hair making you look up at her, she back hands you across the face with so much force it stuns you for a minute.

“Face down ass up, kitten.” You tremble as she undoes her belt slowly pulling it from the loops. She folds the belt in half snapping them together releases a loud cracking noise making you jump and quickly get into position.

“I want you to count, kitten. You’re getting ten lashes for being a brat and disobeying me tonight, is that clear?”

“Yes, Mommy.” She quickly brings down the belt on your ass with no mercy. You bite your lip to stop yourself from screaming.

“One, Mommy.” You clench as she brings the belt down again, teeth digging further into your lip.

“Two, Mommy.” Your ass was already on fire from earlier and you didn’t think you could take the rest of your punishment. After each stroke she would pause, waiting to see if you would call out red. After the tenth stroke you release a huge sob in relief, you nearly melted when she rubbed her hand over ass, soothing a little of the burn and whispered praises on how well you took your punishment and that you were her good girl. You hear Carol’s heavy breathing once you calmed down from your punishment. Once Natalia realizes you’re okay she wastes no more time and tosses her belt to the side.

“Get up.” You quickly scramble to your feet with your hands behind your back. She grabs a fistful of your hair and drags you in front of Carol, turning your back to her.

“Bend over, slut. Let her see your filthy stuffed fuck holes.” You bend over, her hand still fisting your hair as you flush with even more humiliation. You hear Carol gasp at the mess that are your holes.

“Kitten, you made such a mess of yourself. You’re dripping everywhere. Such a desperate slut, your holes just begging to be fucked by a real woman. To treat them the way they should be treated with a rough hard fucking. Do you want that, kitten?” Both Carol and Nat see your cunt visibly clench around her toy.

“Yes, Mommy, please! Please fuck me!” Your eyes clenched shut as you hear Carol scoff at your pleading words.

“Ah is poor little Carol jealous? Jealous you could never fuck her the way I can? Give this slut what she craves? What she needs?” You feel Natalia’s hand on your ass dragging a finger slowly down your crack to the plug resting in your hole. She pushes lightly on the plug making you let out a moan at the feeling.

“How did it feel, kitten? Being stuffed with my toys?” She slowly twists the plug to the right making you choke on a moan.

“I felt so full, Mommy. I loved every minute of it, feeling stuffed.”

“That’s my good girl. Now relax, kitten.” You relax your muscles as you smile at her soft words. She does have a heart. Once she sees that you are relaxed she slowly pulls out the plug smiling as you clench around nothing. She tosses the plug near Carol’s feet and pushes you closer to Carol who vehemently shakes her head.

“You want to eat this slut’s ass, bitch? Huh want to find out what it feels like? Tastes like? Or is that too far for your prissy ass?” She smacks your stuffed cunt making you jump.

“Kitten, do you want something from Carol here?”

“Daddy, please! Please eat your baby girl’s ass!” Natalia huffs at your plea and smacks your ass harshly making you cry out as it was still sore from your spankings earlier.

“This is my ass, kitten. Don’t say stupid shit like that, you filthy cunt.” You moan out at her words and she raises a brow at Carol.

“Y/N, how could you like this? I was raised to never treat a woman like this. I don’t get it.” Nat rolls her eyes at the woman.

“Your parents taught you how not to fuck a woman, that’s disgusting.” Carol shakes her head at Nat.

“No, I was raised to respect women. Not degrade them.”

“Well this one, so submissive, loves to be degraded and fucked hard. Which is why it baffles me she decided to fuck you of all people! The most vanilla a bitch could get! Kitten, she won’t even eat your ass or look at it for that matter.”

“Well, she did let me call her Daddy. I mean she was skeptical at first but then she loved it.” Nat rolls her eyes at you and snorts.

“Pathetic. Let’s show her what she’s missing out on, hm? I was going to let her participate but now she will only be watching. You better not close your eyes for anything other than blinking or I’ll permanently shut them for you.” You guess she nodded her head as conformation because then Nat’s hands are on you pushing you to stand up. Her hands grab and knead at your breasts roughly, pulling at you nipples making them harden at her touch. She pulls her hands away and smacks your breasts. You bite your lip holding back your moans. Natalia notices and grabs your nipples twisting roughly and holding them there. Your knees bend as you grab onto her wrists releasing a pained moan.

“Don’t hold back on me, kitten. I want to hear you.”

“Yes, Mommy.” She releases your nipples and takes a step back looking you up and down. She points to her feet and you kneel before her, looking up at her through your lashes. She pats your head and traces her hand down your face over your cheek before slipping two fingers in your mouth. You moan as you suck gently on her fingers tracing them with your tongue. You see her look up at Carol, who is watching you intently, mouth slightly ajar.

“Enjoying the show, Carol? If so we’re just getting started,” Nat pulls out her fingers, wiping them on your face and nods towards the couch. “Hands and knees, kitten, facing Carol.” You get up and make your way to the couch getting into position and facing Carol, who is turned to the side. Nat walks up to her chair and spins her around to face you correctly, scooting the chair to the end of the couch, were you could easily reach out and touch her. You give her a soft smile as you see the conflicted desire in her eyes. Nat makes her way to you on the couch, kneeling behind you. You moan as she rubs her hands all over your lower body, squeezing and roughly pawing you everywhere. Her left hand leaves your hips and moves down to your cunt, tracing the end of the dildo that’s filling you up so well. You gasp out a moan at the feeling, staring straight into Carol’s eyes. She grabs a hold of the dildo and slowly pulls it out making you whimper at the now empty feeling. Nat tosses the dildo onto the ground and uses both her hands to hold you open.

“Fuck, kitten. You’re soaked and this beautiful pussy of yours is gaping right now. So beautiful, I bet you missing being full, hm?” She gently blows on your cunt watching it quiver and contract at the feeling. You see Carol bite her lip as you moan.

“How bad do you want to see this pretty cunt, Carol? If you weren’t such a bitch earlier you could’ve fucked this whore’s slutty pussy. Would you have liked that, kitten.” Oh god. You close your eyes and quickly reopen them when she slaps your pussy twice, making you release a strangled moan.

“Yes, Mommy. I can’t help but think of both of you fucking me and filling my slutty fuck holes. Just please, Mommy. Please, fuck me!” You hear her tsk at your answer.

“What a little slut, hm? You want to be fucked by two people at once? You should be upset at Carol, kitten. That could’ve happened. Don’t worry, baby doll. I can make it happen for you soon.” Your eyes widen at the thought of it being with anyone else besides Carol and you pout.

“I want Daddy to fuck me! Not some random girl!” Nat rolls her eyes at your stubbornness and slaps you on the ass, making you lean forward a bit.

“Yes well if Daddy doesn’t take that stick out of her ass she cannot join. Period.” You look up at Carol with hope in your eyes. You notice that her eyes have become watery and you feel bad for her, she didn’t deserve this. You hear Nat unzipping her pants and you moan as you feel her strap hitting you on the thigh. She slowly circles your clit with the head and drags it up and down through your slick folds. Fuck.

“I refilled it, kitten. Are you ready for Mommy’s cock, slut?”

“Fuck yes, Mommy. Please give me your cock! Please fuck your filthy little whore, Mommy!” You see Carol’s mouth drop open as yours does in a scream as Natalia slams her cock into your sopping cunt. She fucks you hard and fast with no intention of ever slowing down. She brings one hand up to your hair taking a fistful and pulling hard. You sob as your eyes leave Carol’s and are now aimed at the ceiling.

“That’s right, slut, taking Mommy’s cock so well. Fuck I’m going to fill you with my cum, baby doll. You dirty whore, that’s what you want, right? Fuck whose cunt is this?”

“Fuck. It’s yours, Mommy! It’s all yours, please give it to me, Mommy! Cum in your filthy slut’s pussy, please!” She grunts and slaps your ass with every thrust, she releases your hair and grabs on to your hip. Your eyes roll back as you feel a nose collide with yours. Your eyes widen and you release a moan as Carol shoves her tongue in your mouth. You eagerly kiss back not expecting it at all. You hear Nat release a cackle.

“Fuck, Carol, I’m impressed you held out so long. It’s hard to resist this little brat, isn’t it?” Carol moans in response not wanting to break the kiss. You feel Nat pull out and you break the kiss to look back at her and pout. She smacks your ass and stands up with her fake cock hanging out of the zipper compartment. You bite your lip as you watch her step towards Carol. She unties her hands but leaves her legs tied down.

“You can do whatever you want to her, wherever you can reach that is. Have fun.” She smirked at Carol then looks down at you before walking back to the couch. You lick your lips as she thrusts back into you as Carol grabs your face and kisses you roughly. She pulls away from you and slaps you across the face and grabs your hair in her other hand. Holding your face still she slaps you again, making you release a sob.

“Is this how you like to be treated,slut?” You nod unable to form a coherent thought as Nat fucks you roughly and Carol is seemingly coming around to rough treatment. Your head may explode right now. She smacks you harder this time.

“Fucking answer me, you whore!” Nat chuckles at your pain reveling in the loud moan you release as she puts her thumb in your asshole.

“Yes, Daddy! I love being treated like this! Please!”

“Tell me this, baby girl. Did she fuck you at the restaurant? Did she?” Your eyes look up at her pleadingly. Her eyes shine with tears as she now knows the answer.

“Daddy, I’m sorry! Please, Daddy!”

“Please what, baby girl?”

“Please use me. Do whatever you want to me, to your baby girl, please, Daddy.”

“No,” You look up at her with pained eyes. She places three fingers at the entrance of your mouth and you open to accommodate them. “you’re not my baby girl, not anymore.” You let tears fall as she looks at you with an unreadable expression. She leans in closer to you as she shoves her fingers further in your throat making you gag. She has tears falling as well, you think maybe because she doesn’t really want to do this. You feel Nat start to rub your clit and you clench your jaw making Carol pull out her fingers making a pained noise.

“I’m sorry, Daddy! I didn’t mean to bite you.” She shakes her head and pulls you into a kiss. You both moan as you come closer to the edge.

“Fuck, kitten. I’m close. You ready to have your pussy filled?” You pull away from the kiss and look into Carol’s eyes and for the first time you see what could’ve been. It could’ve been you and Carol with a stable healthy relationship if only you hadn’t had that chance encounter with Nat in London. You give her a small smile as she returns one, albeit shaky.

“Yes, Mommy, please fill my pussy!” You wince at Carol’s face, still clearly turned on but with so much hurt. Carol brings you in for one more kiss, you knowing it would be your last. You feel Nat release her fake cum inside you and you moan as you cum alongside, her fingers circling your puffy clit helping you along. Carol pulls away first your lips connected by a string of spit. Both of your faces red with tears. Nat pulls out of you and you shiver as the cum leaks out of you. She sits back to admire her work with a satisfied smirk, not at all caring about either yours or Carol’s inner struggle. She smacks your ass for the umpteenth time and gets up. She throws you your dress as she undoes Carol’s legs from the chair.

“You’re free to go. I’m not going to kill you since Y/N did in fact make you cry.” Carol looks at you with clear hurt in her eyes as you look down unable to take it. She gets up from the chair as you slide your dress back on. Carol clears her throat and points to your room.

“I’m just going to grab a few things, then I’ll leave.” Natalia looks bored as you slowly nod your head at Carol. Once Carol is out of the room Nat looks down at you.

“She really spoiled this evening, kitten. At least she won’t be a problem anymore.” She shrugs as you glare at her. You shake your head and stand up on wobbly legs, she reaches out to steady you and your breath hitches as your eyes meet. Why did she have to be so damn beautiful? You were so lost in her eyes you haven't even heard the police sirens. You look over her shoulder as they pound on your door. She looks behind you and you turn as well seeing Carol holding up her wanted picture. Fuck. Nat smirks and pulls you closer pressing her lips against yours. You nearly exploded, her lips were so fucking soft and plump. You moan as she bites your bottom lip demanding entrance with her tongue. Your hands are on her waist when she moves to pull out her gun. She pulls away aiming it at Carol who was making her way to the door. She stops moving towards the door as you kiss Natalia’s neck a few times. She pulls away completely making you whine. She smirks at you and gives you one last kiss.

“Until next time, kitten.” She gives you a sly wink and makes her way to your bedroom and out of that window. You jump as your front door is kicked in.

“Police! Where is she?!” Carol points to your room and you glare at her.

“She went that way, officers.” They nod and run to your room.

“You know that was a bitch move, Carol.” She huffs and crosses her arms making her way to your front door.

“Yeah well at least I’m not being taken advantage of by a freaky serial killer.”

“Hey! She’s not a serial killer, she’s an assassin!” She looks appalled.

“Same fucking difference!” You growl and point to your front door.

“Get out, Carol.” She looks at you one last time with a look you couldn’t decipher and walks away, leaving you alone. You nearly jump when the police walked back into the living room.

“Fucking hell!”

“Sorry ma’am. It seems she got out through your bedroom window. We will pursue her and let you know if we catch her. Thank you for the tip. Have a nice day.” You glare at them as they leave shutting your front door that was now damaged. Once alone you sit down on the couch and put your face in your hands and release a loud sob. God what is this woman doing to you? That kiss was everything yet she can’t stay because she’s on the run. What kind of life is that? You don’t know when you’ll see her next and yet you’ll wait for her. Definitely not going to sleep with anyone  else since that turns out shitty anyways. You take your hands away from your face and rest them on your knees, you look at your coffee table and notice a small black box with a card on top. Has that been there this whole time? You pick up the box and open the card. ‘For next time. - N’ You scrunch your eyebrows together as you put the card to the side. You open the top of the box and gasped. Inside sat a white collar with a few pink diamond studs. In the middle sat a pink bow with a heart shaped tag underneath, kitten was written on the tag with a tiny diamond on the bottom. You release a little sob at the beautiful gift. You replace the top of the box and place it back on the table. You pick up the card again tracing the words and imagining her sitting down to write it. It was then you realized that you wanted this and you know what, fuck it. She could very well be the death of you but you didn’t mind.

———- ⧗———-

What I had in mind for the collar!!

Natasha Series Tag list: @theunknowinglys, @whitecanary444, @kdragonwrestling, @kello-unknown, @baeszler, @andrea25434, @iwillpokeyouwithmyknife, @fun-sized-widow-bites

Forever Tag list: @cheethos

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: we forgot another one off the 💀💀💀 list Jimmy: you gonna stick or twist? Janis: 👊 me if you give a shit Janis: need all the ways at my disposal Jimmy: here you are then, hot glue gun Janis: 🤔 Janis: sounds like a bit of 💀👑 & 💀#2 if you take it to your 🗢 and slowly starve Janis: still leaning towards 🔪 personally Jimmy: Alright, I'll invite them over Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, my dear Janis: Jealous of you or them? Jimmy: ain't goals either way Janis: Neither is you taking up crafting, tbh so Janis: why have you got a hot glue gun? Jimmy: these cotton wool balls won't stick themselves to a 👕 Jimmy: gotta get 'em on before 💀👑 and 💀#2 think I've put snacks on Janis: 🤢 Janis: new 😎 look? Janis: 👎 Jimmy: piss off, this 🥉💡's nowt to do with me Janis: Who's is it? Janis: they ain't wasting snacks Jimmy: dunno, some other dickhead online whose kid don't wanna be a 🐑 an' all Janis: Ohh Janis: one of the more creative nativity outfits too, unlucky Janis: no tinfoil 👑s or dubious tea towels Jimmy: still looks shit enough to make our kid 😭 Janis: and you ain't got enough days to ship a probably shittier version from China Janis: alright, hold on Jimmy: I get that you live in the middle of nowt but nicking a 🐑 for #inspo ain't gonna help Janis: yeah, way to ruin my fun Janis: but my ma has had enough kids to have some ideas so you owe me for how 🥱 but informative this will be Jimmy: be a right laugh for you, be another pet I didn't ask for and have to piss about with Janis: or sunday lunch Janis: pessimist Jimmy: he's 😭 already, dickhead Janis: and I thought you northerners were meant to be hard Janis: grim and that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: Anyway, you want me to surprise you with the 🥇💡 or do you just want the lowdown on where to go Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: if I can unstick myself or need your 💪🏆 Janis: 😏 Janis: how about I get on the bus to town now Janis: and if you manage to deal with your sticky fingers before I get there, then you can go? Jimmy: how's your ankle? Janis: not even on the scale now Jimmy: might be after you've put your foot down 🚍💣 Janis: Keanu could untangle you in 90 minutes, I reckon Janis: easy Jimmy: he ain't been pissing about 🐕🏃 Jimmy: how many you done? Janis: loads Janis: 💸 'cos the gifts don't buy 'em selves and the 🐕 owners are too busy sticking cotton balls to t-shirts, clearly 🎄✨ Jimmy: nice one, Janet Jimmy: now I'LL have to keep my jealousy in check while you put your 🦶 up on some other 🚍 riding knobhead Janis: only fair Janis: especially as you've reminded me how rammed that fucking bus is gonna be now Jimmy: I'll give one of my 👮 mates a bell to get you a 🚔 escort, hang on Janis: 😍 the perks Janis: there had to be some Jimmy: 🤡 perks off you Jimmy: won't be no struggle getting yourself on that 🚍 however full it is Janis: I'm pretty flexible Janis: contortionist might be a bold claim but 💪🏆 Jimmy: but it ain't a proper flex til I say it Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: that's a fake flex Janis: don't need you for nothing Jimmy: after what happened on the assault course it'd sound like a real pisstake Janis: 1. that's agility if it's anything 2. also your fault Jimmy: never said it weren't, just how it'd sound Janis: No need to tell me what it 🔊 like Janis: the DMs are on the up again, yeah? Janis: same Jimmy: tis the season Janis: cutting it a bit fine to get a decent gift out of it Janis: but I suppose the couply selfies you can take are a close 🥈 for them Jimmy: can't keep the receipt on chlamydia but you can blag you went somewhere nice for the hols Janis: girls are actually demented Janis: at least no lad is gonna try and put me in matching knitwear and make me meet his nan Jimmy: 🥇💡 idea though I'll get you a #goals gift that ain't a trip to the cemetery Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'll get you something as well, even though I'm not required to try as hard Jimmy: stick a 🎀 on yourself and have done Jimmy: what the rest of the lasses do Janis: yeah literally Janis: as long as I heavily imply I'm gonna suck your dick, all is well, all is #goals Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but if you don't do good that # is gonna be a read Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: even if you get out the glue after me Janis: you can come to the shops too Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say even if you give me the glue gun #regifted Janis: I mean Janis: not quite handcuffs Jimmy: fuck's sake babe, let me leave my work at work Janis: fine Janis: the 🚔 escort will as you won't Jimmy: you and your stolen 🐑 Jimmy: dead romantic, that Janis: I'm not from the middle of nowhere, tah Janis: 🐑shagging isn't a hobby Jimmy: back to the drawing board for our fake break up Janis: all the shite songs they pump out have plenty of inspo in 'em Jimmy: nowt I don't know about 🎄🎵 been forced to hear 'em since November Janis: 💔 gutted Jimmy: no chance of 🎻 Janis: how have you not fully lost it yet Janis: only a few days to go Jimmy: how'd you know I've not? Janis: I'd have heard of a mass shooting Janis: not that out of it Janis: also my sister wouldn't be about no more which would be a bigger giveaway Jimmy: 👻 letdowns Jimmy: worst I can do is rattle a few cups Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I'm used to it Janis: the friendmas organisation is in full swing Janis: 🤡🔫 Jimmy: where's my invite? Janis: OMG, no boys allowed! 🚫 Janis: though bets on Mia breaking her own rule there just to torture Grace Jimmy: I'll 👗👠💄 and be a prettier lass than any of them Janis: 😍 what kind of fake gf would disagree Janis: aside from the fact that ain't a stretch on a good day Jimmy: tah Jimmy: when is it? Janis: [some day as close to xmas as you are allowed 'cos pretending we're such good mates like okay] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: like, no offence or anything, babes Janis: but I don't see you passing REALLY 😬 Janis: and even they might notice they've picked up another desperado Jimmy: 1. piss off would I not 2. call it my 🎁 seeing the look on 💀👑 when I bring her 🎄 cake Janis: it would be decent craic Janis: they never do it at ours though Jimmy: typical, that, can't get sodding rid the rest of the year Jimmy: have to get us an 💌 then, won't I Jimmy: hang on Janis: I get it Janis: you miss Asia Janis: don't think 💀👑 has 'em do team-building exercises 💔💔💔 Jimmy: yeah, cupid's arrow's got nowt on falling on your arse when the ground's near froze Jimmy: reminded me of home 😍😍😍 Janis: she's well considerate like that Janis: not so braindead after-all Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: don't wanna give 💀👑 the 🎁 of seeing I've had to flirt with her to crash their bollocks festivities Janis: can't play into her hands that hard Janis: keep your 😍😍😍 focused in the right direction Jimmy: 🚍 Janis: yes, this is your driver speaking Jimmy: be a 🚑 if your mum ain't cracked on to a way I can chuck this glue gun Janis: I've sorted it Janis: well my sister's shit taste in fashion helped Jimmy: usually get 💰 for 3rd degree burns, me Jimmy: how's that for a flex? Janis: You made a rod for your own back being the artsy one or what? Jimmy: weren't gonna let a 6 year old have a go, were I? Janis: and it's not Ian's thing Jimmy: dunno where he is Jimmy: might be work, might be the pub Jimmy: be a better shout to give it over to my sister, anger issues an' all, any road Janis: you can put it down and get yourself a drink now Janis: all I need you to have is a black marker, which I know you do Jimmy: #whenshereallygetsyou Jimmy: 🥃 cheers Janis: you know those sherpa jackets they all have Janis: makes them look like a giant 🧸 but not in the adorbs way they're hoping Janis: Penneys has loads of them, get a paper plate, glue it on the hood and colour it in black, cut another in half for the ears and ta-da Janis: and I'll just take the jacket so no need to pay me back Janis: only in favours, obviously Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: IOU enough 🚬 to send that cheap shite up in flames, I get it Janis: yeah, probably don't string some fairylights round his neck as well Janis: would've taken hers but it's almost pink and I reckoned that'd just make him 😭 more Jimmy: you'd have to nick them an' all for him to be in any danger Jimmy: and what kind of fake boyfriend would let you up on the neighbour's roof with that ankle Janis: you want some lights? Janis: it's the easiest shop to borrow from Janis: they must have some that aren't shaped like the 🍆 emoji or a fucking unicorn Jimmy: 💔 I ain't coming with, you've really sold it to me Janis: oh, duh Janis: you call it primark Janis: it's hell on earth, you'd love it Janis: when they ain't guzzling your over-priced coffee, they're getting fast fashion made by little slave kids 💖 so cute Jimmy: hang on, why the fuck do you call it something different? Jimmy: now I have to come, not gonna knit an ugly jumper myself and nan's 💀💀💀 Janis: adds to our delightful charm? I don't know Janis: imagine the atrocities Janis: I'm gonna find the best, by which I mean WORST, one Jimmy: I'll meet you there Jimmy: be enough dickheads to follow if I get lost Janis: follow the knock-off UGGs they've trashed in the rain and snow Jimmy: hot Jimmy: don't get enough wet 🐕 smell off of you as is or owt Janis: err fuck off Janis: I haven't even got a dog, you have Jimmy: I have nowt to do with it, you can't move for 🐕🐾💩 Janis: 1. I don't fucking smell, dickhead 2. you're well opposed to me showering so you'd have yourself to blame if I did Jimmy: I'll nick you a 🦽 and you can do what you like Jimmy: many cold 🚿 as you need, mate Janis: you just want me to freeze now Janis: and your ⛓ kink hasn't got any less blatant Jimmy: weren't the way you wanna 💀💀💀 Janis: It ain't Janis: so your genius plan better include a way to warm me up Jimmy: might do Janis: the ugly jumper don't count Janis: cheap shit, as mentioned Jimmy: don't remember chucking it in the ring as my 💡 Janis: I don't wanna dress up as a sheep neither 😏 Jimmy: 💔 you'd be a well fit and mysterious one Janis: the racial undertones of ba ba black sheep have already been pointed out Janis: very on the nose Jimmy: I ain't got as far as black facing our kid, what more do you want? Janis: yeah, minorities are WELL demanding like that Jimmy: that'll be why Ian's steering well clear Janis: 💔💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: thank god this is fake dating Janis: don't need a get out situation, tah Jimmy: knew you were protesting too much about the ⛓ Jimmy: you love it, Jules Jimmy: don't even need the stockholm syndrome to kick in Janis: not so much I wanna try it with your dad Janis: that's more 💀👑 gig Jimmy: UGH FINE we won't pass you round Janis: 😂 you're vile Jimmy: 💕 Janis: not as bad as some of the 'people' on this bus though Janis: won't be too hard to pretend to be glad to see you, in case any of the herd as in Penneys Janis: glad to breathe clean air more like but 🤫 Jimmy: 🚭 I get it Jimmy: very subtle Janis: easier to get you to cut down if I just take half Janis: but alright Jimmy: stop having a go at my stamina, dickhead Janis: make me Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 🏃 after your 🚍 ain't the way to go about it Janis: Impressive but also stalkerish, yeah Jimmy: turning every dickhead there into a fan ain't clearing either of our DMs Janis: I doubt all these 👵👴 have Instas Janis: but the single mums with the screaming kids, definitely Janis: don't wanna ponder the creepy guy at the back Jimmy: but have you double checked it ain't Lucas in a disguise? Jimmy: he'll be missing you SO bad by now Janis: 😱😱 Janis: my hopes? ⬆️ Jimmy: 🎁's have begun, Jasmine Janis: Good Janis: I do expect one every day tbh 💅 Jimmy: alright Janis: that's a joke though Jimmy: don't have to be Jimmy: 🏆🥇 me Janis: only if you're gonna steal 'em all Janis: don't need to waste real money for the fake #goals Jimmy: DUH Janis: then proceed Janis: I can slowly just put them in Grace's room, I'm sure Jimmy: we could use the glue gun to stick 'em to her ceiling Janis: now you're talking 😍 Jimmy: do 💀👑 an' all if that's where their friendmas is but probably need a ladder to reach her ceilings Jimmy: no standing on the bed when you're 💰💰💰 Janis: You love to carry me, I'll get on your shoulders Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I think it's at hers Janis: maybe 💀#2 but none of the others want their houses and lives judged that hard so they opt out Jimmy: we'll be able to get some more blackmail material either way Janis: Did you seriously get an invite? Jimmy: are you actually doubting me or what? Janis: I know Asia's thick as shit but Janis: what did you say? Jimmy: [sends her the messages cos it seriously wouldn't be hard since the flatwhites think everyone wants to be their BFFs even though the opposite is true, so all he'd have to do is be like soz about the school trip we're just SO IN LOVE WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES] Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: fairplay but 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 new scale needed Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: where are you? Janis: Do you actually know your way about yet or? Janis: I'm still a bit away, though, if that's what you mean Jimmy: I did mean on your new 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 scale Janis: 🤕 then Janis: clearly Janis: you? Jimmy: 🤮 Jimmy: weren't talking to 💀👑 Jimmy: directly anyway Janis: She'd not have said yes Janis: unless she's got some pig blood just waiting, like Jimmy: she's so #invested in our 💘 she'd say yeah near enough whatever I said Jimmy: probably reckons she can 💔 us before the pudding's served Jimmy: her 🥇💡'll be to have Asia in a sexy santa outfit ready to crack onto me or some bollocks Janis: nah, seriously Janis: wanna talk pimps Janis: one of Asia's only uses Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: I'll take my 🎻 Janis: as long as it don't look like you're 💔 you can't go there, fine by me Jimmy: I get that none of them can read body language but facial expressions are a bit easier Janis: and you are so expressive Janis: 😒😎 Jimmy: for you, baby, the 😎'll be off Jimmy: nowt to do with the 🌧 and 🌨 Janis: 😳😖🤤🥴 Janis: so many expressions 🏆 Jimmy: Oi, I wanted to give you the 🏆 Jimmy: pissed on today's 🎁 Janis: 😮 there's me, still acting surprised Janis: you can't say you're gonna give me something then not Jimmy: SUCH range, you Jimmy: where would I steal a 🏆 from? nah, you'll get something Janis: I take my wins in many forms Janis: you can just tell me Janis: that'll work Jimmy: you can just wait Janis: 🥺 Janis: original scale Jimmy: it'll be worth it Jimmy: famous last words Janis: can poison the dish we have to bring Janis: if you're ready to go 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I don't wanna go with them Jimmy: just you Janis: I can promise it'll be worth it then too Jimmy: alright Janis: am gonna make that meal fucking inedible for them Janis: even if it's coming straight back up in most cases Janis: and fucking with them however else we can  💭 Jimmy: 🤞 Bill's 👻 knows some others, Dickens would be a good shout to keep things on brand 🎄 Jimmy: but whether he do or don't I've had loads of piss poor dinners Jimmy: Ian knows how to pick well #goals girlfriends Janis: think he'd be the 'what's the point in you if you can't cook n clean?' type Janis: being mysterious runs in the family, clearly Jimmy: beggars can't be choosers, mate Jimmy: slim pickings round that office when you've already been done for harassment Janis: 😬 Janis: need to talk to Mia's dad, work out the legality of being a perv with no repercussions Jimmy: how he tells it he's had loads 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: woe's him Janis: woe's the stupid bitches still going there after, more like Janis: have a word, ladies Jimmy: sort your heads out Sharons Jimmy: need a new mum who's got her shit together, tah very much Janis: one who's handy with a hot glue gun Jimmy: or a sewing machine, why the fuck not dream big? Janis: steady on Janis: #mommygoals isn't a hashtag I wanna endorse Jimmy: 😏 Janis: take mine, if you like Jimmy: bit weird Janis: I only 🐕🏃 Janis: cooking, cleaning, hot glueing, not services I provide, soz Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: more #goals to be fuming about your mother in law Janis: easily done Jimmy: with my mum an' all, soz you'll have to take my word for it Janis: you're unlikely to see mine Janis: unless you have a banging selection of herbal teas Jimmy: gutted she don't wanna see her 🐑💡 brought to life on stage Janis: reckon turning up when you ain't got a kid in it gets you on a register, no? Janis: my dad coulda, sure some of his spawn are performing too but alas Janis: she didn't have that many 🥈 Jimmy: Ian's seat's going spare is all, obvs it were front and centre, dad of the year that he is Janis: what's he got on? Janis: latest disciplinary Janis: is your brother gutted? Jimmy: he'd be gutted if I weren't there Jimmy: what a #humblebrag Janis: good thing you can be arsed then Janis: and you have a sister too, right? Jimmy: dragging her along, kicking and marding 💪🏆 Janis: know the feeling Janis: bribe her with maccies after and tell him it's a treat for being a ⭐ Janis: everyone's buzzing Jimmy: what've you got on? Janis: me and my absolutely packed schedule? Janis: only 🐕🏃 ain't far off, aside from what I wanna, which can be done any time I want, of course Jimmy: nowt 🥇 about mine but we could edit it to look like we're #livingourbestlives Jimmy: I live right by the school, you could wait for me there, take some 📷 or whatever Janis: It's actually not an awful shout Janis: they're all obsessed with the cute kid thing Janis: and actually, Asia might be there with hers so Janis: very goals Jimmy: do try and put it out my head there's more than one set of those 🦷🦷 about Jimmy: fuck it, come then Jimmy: least I know you'll be sitting down Janis: 😂 fuck marrying a doctor, she's gotta find a dentist, for the whole family's sake Janis: I'm not coming in a 🦽 though Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: just admit you want me to carry you, girl Janis: behave Janis: might not be OUR teachers, but they'll have no issue telling you off, I'm sure Jimmy: donkey'd be a bit much but as fake pregnancy announcements go, top tier Janis: so gutted I can't fake labour and give birth to the new lord and saviour Janis: really steal the show Jimmy: could if it's Lucas' and you're making a Christmas cuck of me Janis: um, it's God's Janis: keep up Jimmy: sure it is Janis: 😱 Janis: didn't catch Joseph acting up like this Jimmy: didn't give him any lines, did they? Janis: I think he gets to ask if there's any room at the inn Jimmy: Oi mate, give us a 🛏 Jimmy: brought my own ⛓ like Janis: don't even get a break mid-labour Janis: hardcore Janis: weren't you Joseph in your nativity then? Jimmy: that your guess? Janis: yeah, I reckon Jimmy: what were you? Janis: just a generic angel Janis: was going to be one of the wise men but grace threw a fit if we weren't exactly the same Janis: tah for the downgrade Jimmy: if they could 👀 you now Jimmy: oscar worthy fake girlfriend performance day in, day out Janis: obviously they didn't see my potential like you, babe Janis: she might have legitimately tried to murder me if I got to be Mary 😂 no she weren't a twin, like Jimmy: I actually were one of the wise men, soz, sweetheart Jimmy: could've been #fated Janis: bet you was frankincense 'cos you could say big words Janis: I'm so 😭 honestly Jimmy: as roleplays go, not my top choice, but owt for you, babe Janis: if anything is a test of how well you can fake it Jimmy: you testing me? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: if we have the time to make THREE costumes instead of one Janis: I highly doubt it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: tin foil 👑 weren't it? Janis: yeah, and some kind of bedsheet robe, bit of tinsel Janis: sorted Jimmy: bet they have a 👸🏽 I can nick for you if your description of that shop were owt to go by Janis: definitely Janis: even if the hen party ones have L plates and dicks over 'em, the Disney ones should be a bit more nativity appropriate Jimmy: steal the show piss easy Janis: LOVE making little kids cry, obvs Jimmy: same Jimmy: just ain't as good when they're deaf, you can't get the volume out of 'em Jimmy: gutted we didn't end up with one who always shouts, obvs Janis: I'm gonna assume you got that deaf free pass and not go there myself Jimmy: safer to take owt I say with  🧂🤏 Jimmy: all fake anyway this Janis: ain't forgotten, you're alright Jimmy: didn't hit your head, I remember Janis: wouldn't tell you if I had Janis: the drama'd be too much Jimmy: I'd have worked that much out Jimmy: northern and only a bit thick Janis: 😵😵 Jimmy: no excuses, pisshead Janis: I know, I know Janis: you pride yourself on being 🏆💪 at the whole fake caring bf thing Jimmy: you saying I'm not? Janis: didn't say that, nah Jimmy: what then? Janis: what do you mean what? Janis: nothing Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're lucky you live in town Jimmy: about the only thing mine's got going for it Janis: yeah Janis: this bus ride has nothing though so take the 🍀 Jimmy: how long? Janis: gimme 15 Jimmy: [gives her whatever he's drawn her for the first advent doodle because I was hoping to find something but I've been cockblocked] Jimmy: [maybe it's her as a lil bub wise man though now cos live your dreams] Janis: [love that, when you dunno what to say for a hot sec so you post it first being fake but lowkey having to tell the real story somewhat 'cos like, why and what else so it can't be that fake] Janis: you are good at art, give you that Jimmy: @ Ms Howe Jimmy: 💰 on her having a real account but dunno what it is Jimmy: @artteacheroveralls73 Jimmy: @reasonswhyloadsofartistsareproblematic Jimmy: @ihatenortherners86 Janis: you aren't her fave? Janis: 💔 Janis: cliche affair could've cut out any need for fake dating Jimmy: not a lass with a bowl cut and 🖌 behind her 👂 Janis: you've got the same type Janis: bummer Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: we can say it is Janis: maybe one of 'em will chop off all their hair Jimmy: you'd have to an' all Jimmy: unless you're that 🥇 I've binned off my type Janis: Precisely Janis: no competition Jimmy: what's yours then? just 👴 who teach you or what? Janis: must be Janis: not a lesbian and that's the other guess Jimmy: 👍 Janis: tah Janis: well affirming Jimmy: didn't need telling that you weren't gay Jimmy: not that good of an actress Janis: rude Janis: basically got an oscar Jimmy: off who? Jimmy: don't count if you give it to yourself, Judith Janis: you Jimmy: you've had nowt off me but that top quality 🎨 Janis: only because you can't find a 🏆 to give me Jimmy: 'cause it's up to me what I give you Jimmy: and as rewards go, I can do better Janis: I like the drawing Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: you can have it, instead of just a 📷 if you want Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: what do you actually want Janis: in return Jimmy: what's #goals? Jimmy: other than all this nativity bollocks Janis: true, very selfless of me Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: weren't wrong about the 👼🏽 casting even if you were fuming Janis: I can fake 👼🏽 yeah Janis: but it's not really that selfless with all the #content we'll be getting Jimmy: still, I'll leave off taking your halo for a bit Janis: 'til you get me my 👸🏽 Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: can't fit a bobble hat over a head that big and with all that hair an' all Janis: still not getting a bowl cut Janis: let it go, babe Jimmy: good Jimmy: hard enough to fake the 😍 as you are Janis: yeah right Janis: hear the 🎻 from here Jimmy: play them like you mean them, babe Janis: if you wanted this to be easy for you Janis: should've picked an art hoe you could get properly 😍 over Jimmy: you're alright, a lass like that wouldn't be impressed by owt like a quick 🖋🎨 Janis: so now I'm TOO easy, yeah? Jimmy: not a tweet I'll be sending but Janis: fuck you either way Janis: just because I'm doing my job 🥇 you're gonna have a go Janis: thank me, more like Jimmy: fucking me regardless is something an easy lass would do 😏 Janis: yeah but I only fuck you 'cos you're the perfect little boyfriend so don't matter Janis: no one knows how much of a colossal dickhead you are, remember Jimmy: be about right Janis: you haven't bumped your head and forgotten the plan neither Jimmy: not yet, like Jimmy: but hell on earth were what you said Janis: if you get in way of a big mammy and her Christmas deals, you might be in luck of a fair smack, yeah Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: good 'cos I won't be saving you Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: entertain yourself Jimmy: easy Janis: contrary to your opinion, not obsessed with your 🍆 or what you do with it Jimmy: got an inbox full of lasses who are, I'll live Janis: yeah, you're loving it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [a picture of him waiting for her wherever the bus comes in doing his own 🙄 because he's a nerd and also he's never gonna just wait for her outside the shop when THAT ankle] Janis: Wow, if you're gonna leave, politer ways to 💔 Jimmy: ruder ways an' all Janis: idk Janis: quite rude, that Jimmy: is it? Janis: suppose I don't have to fake my 😍 at your mug right now Jimmy: there you go then Janis: Not going to say thank you still Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: you don't need to wait though Jimmy: can't chuck myself under the 🚍 til it gets in Janis: not how you wanted it Janis: or how I said I'd do it Jimmy: never said it'd 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: you want a 🦽 or what? Janis: you want matching Janis: alright Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Janis: I quite like walking but you know Janis: as you like it Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: bit more nursing and you'll be well away Janis: you gonna let me go then? Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: not gonna have a choice Janis: thought you might finish the job Janis: 🦶🪓 Jimmy: did cross my mind Janis: No shit, Kathy Janis: the kink is blatant Jimmy: you could do worse, Lucas ain't gonna let you piss about in bed all day when it's his turn Janis: 🤤🤤 Janis: I like the challenge Jimmy: #blessed Janis: counting down the days Janis: #tilwemeetagain Jimmy: 🤞 you'll have him all to yourself in detention Jimmy: no tah needed Janis: you heard anything yet? Jimmy: he ain't using that for why he's not bothered to crack on with crafting a 🐑 costume Janis: 👎 Janis: he's gonna look cute Janis: not your dad Jimmy: I get it, no need for a poor man's Lucas when you can have the real thing 🥇 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: [better show up gal] Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately pick her up please sir] Janis: [when you're awkward like it's been ages just because there's been like a night or a day whatever reprieve love it, just like let us get to primark to get this sheep costume moment hun] Jimmy: [are we doing both on mobility scooters or him pushing her in a wheelchair/trolley because v different vibes but both iconic] Janis: [hmm, I assume their Dublin store would be big so I reckon we could go mobility scooter, you would find that more fun once you get into it too] Jimmy: [love that just don't do a me and knock a whole display of bras over yourself] Janis: [I did say we threw our bra on Mia's head so let's not reclaim that for yourself hen, though I do find them difficult to drive as someone who hasn't needed to so it will be carnage, like Primark at xmas isn't already hehe] Jimmy: [10000% am gonna say he takes off her shoes and won't give them back so instead puts on some OTT christmas slippers that are shaped like a xmas pudding or some nonsense because she's been on that ankle too much honey and we are cross] Janis: [we do not love ourselves or our lives enough to take a break so it's tea also that is amusant so yes because shan't be buying and that's the kind of mankiness you can expect from this shop or any high street one lowkey] Jimmy: [literally just gonna chuck them back on the floor or leave them in this scooter basket soz not soz, she's not walking around they won't get too trashed hens] Janis: [peeps do go feral so so can you lads, not to mention taking the piss out of all the weird things they put on clothes 'cos it do be wild] Jimmy: [they are gonna have a lovely time taking the piss out of everything and everyone tbh] Janis: [there should be peeps from school in there but like randoms so not enough to warrant a full show but as an excuse you barely need for couplish behaviour when spotted] Jimmy: [great idea cos you know there would be loads of peeps out shopping rn odds on some of them you vaguely recognise, I vote for some art hoes for the lols] Janis: [ha some art hoes out with their fam or something I live] Jimmy: [aesthetically doing the most haha] Janis: [just immaturely like there's your real girlfriend] Jimmy: [will get you with this scooter like they're bumper cars like oi] Janis: [when you don't know her name obvs so you're just shouting out really pisstakey ones like oi clem oi wren etc] Jimmy: [can't not lol] Janis: [sorry to this girl but we're not, just don't trash these scooters that we're using to bump into him/everyone/everything] Jimmy: [also not sorry for whatever he's chucking at her as the mood takes him] Janis: [just don't chuck that stripper jumper or we'll actually be raging] Jimmy: [can't wait for your jumper try on sesh when we reach that section lads] Janis: [oh lawd] Jimmy: [they should try on like onesies and all sorts so we have to have a full big disabled changing room moment] Janis: [the filmsy excuse like must you? yes obvs] Jimmy: [we live for a flimsy excuse in this era] Jimmy: [actually gutted the flatwhites aren't here because they have beds set up with xmas covers etc in the big primarks imagine the show they could've put on] Janis: [we must be prepping our low-cal xmas meal lmao] Jimmy: [Asia won't be making her sister's donkey outfit] Janis: [lmaooooooooooooooo what else can you do in a primark hmm] Jimmy: [I don't think we can get decs cos they all suck we're gonna have to steal them from elsewhere] Janis: [that fine, any other shop will have some that aren't horrific, primark might have the kind of make your own vibe that Bobby would like] Jimmy: [aww that'd be cute] Janis: [you crafty boi, you'd also know how to do it without a kit girl so if you wanna come through you can, as for primark, we probably get the vibe, unless there's anything specific we wanna say/do?} Jimmy: [I think we've covered it so you can go back to his gaff and construct this 🐑 lewk] Janis: [at least we've made your life 10x easier with this coat, also gonna be the first time you've been to his so probably just hanging about outside like am I leaving now or] Jimmy: [will carry you over the threshold like that was what was stopping you coming in even though he blatantly doesn't need help & make you tea so we can have that milk two sugars revelation] Janis: [just like sup bitch to Twix] Jimmy: [the beginning of the real love story] Janis: [not like we're pure awkward and like hi dog this I can do right at least] Jimmy: [I hope they've found a christmas jumper for you too Twix cos there's no festive cheer in this gaff] Janis: [casually assess how many decs we gotta get, also dread to think the jumpers you've ended up with] Jimmy: [give her that doodle you did and dramatically sign it like a nerd] Janis: [🙄but 😏 'get famous and I'll flog it'] Jimmy: ['you've posted it, bound to get insta famous' cue a fake dramatic scroll through his phone] Janis: ['if you have to put a word before it, it don't count' and mimes shooting him in the chest 'cos insta fame is all we have hunny] Jimmy: [does an OTT death scene] Janis: [twix will be trampling all over you like oh hey what you doing down here] Jimmy: [😒 but we secretly love her really] Janis: [just like it's your own fault boy but putting out a hand to help him up] Jimmy: [takes it and pretends like he's gonna pull her down which is accidentally saucy, remember that mud moment lads, but doesn't obvs] Janis: [😳 and lowkey pretending you're gonna drop him so he's reminded of Asia and the assault course instead] Jimmy: [puts her foot up and generally fusses like a nurse because we know it's fucked] Janis: ['you're meant to be drawing a sheep's face right now' 'cos you cannot like focus boy] Jimmy: [gets and chucks a bag of frozen peas at her so he can put a tea towel on her head like an even bigger nerd but then does get his craft on] Janis: ['downgrade' like where's me crown but staying put 'cos it'll be more fuss if you don't] Jimmy: [obvs does make her a crown that's actually decent because that bitch] Janis: [so amused 'cos impressive 'wasted on me and not quinn'] Jimmy: [takes a pic like it's not wasted now but really it's to hide our heart eyes/stop him saying something that he can't pretend is fake when there is nobody here] Janis: ['rather this than a sheep, I guess' like not a #goals lewk soz bobby it will be on you] Jimmy: [chucks all those cotton wall balls he couldn't attach at her like they are little snowballs because playfights forever] Janis: [just juggling with them like I too can be impressive lmao] Jimmy: [craft break while he tries to have a go/tries to get her to teach him how to do it because we're impressed but also competitive] Janis: [love that for y'all, I can't do it but I assume you'll at least be able to do 2 or 3 jimothy] Jimmy: [one should fall in his tea though because 💔] Janis: [devastation] Jimmy: [cue OTT pout soz for how distracting that always is] Janis: [getting up like calm down, I'll make another one, 'cos looking for an excuse to move tbh] Jimmy: [gotta push her back down into that seat before she can because sauciness forever] Janis: [just like OI but a LOOK too] Jimmy: [giving that LOOK back as standard] Janis: ['I can do it'] Jimmy: [putting out a hand to help her up for that parallel] Janis: [reluctantly taking it with a 😒 'cos omg we're fine even though we aren't but you know] Jimmy: [does the drawing a smile with his finger tip thing because if we actually touch her rn there will be no stopping us and this sheep isn't gonna finish itself] Janis: [run and make that tea gal distraction distraction] Jimmy: [likewise get crafting again jimothy] Janis: [let twix out the kitchen door 'cos she's being cray no doubt] Jimmy: [of course she is] Janis: how old is your brother Jimmy: 6 Janis: cute Jimmy: I'll pass that on Janis: the only kids I know are toddlers and babies Janis: have to be a bit less annoying at that age, right Jimmy: he's the only kid I know Jimmy: don't do my head in as much as the screaming 👶's at work Janis: yeah Janis: my oldest sister has a couple, they're nightmares Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's past it Janis: 🤞 his girlfriends are Janis: blokes never are Jimmy: depends whose arse he decides to slap at the photocopier this week Jimmy: 🤞 for a barren Sharon Janis: Christmas wish, or whatever Jimmy: @ Santa Jimmy: have a word Janis: plenty of sad christmas movies with that premise Janis: your brother really needs to be the ⭐ though Janis: you're well past it Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: every teenager on telly is played by a 35 year old, me and my crows feet are well in Janis: and I'm saying you pining for a step mum is for a whole different type of film Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that, Jenna Janis: 😇 Janis: [come back with that tea and the most dubious sure jan face] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head like tut tut] Jimmy: [sips tea in a sassy manner] Janis: ['animal' and pointedly checking out his progress] Jimmy: [imaginary watch check time lol] Janis: ['never ends, eh?' squishes his face like poor boy] Jimmy: [a shrug 'not til you kill me'] Janis: ['better put in your appearance first for the kid'] Jimmy: [nods because no fucker else is gonna do it 'whatever they're using for the baby jesus might come in handy an' all, fake kid for you to remember me by' because we think we're leaving lol] Janis: [such an unamused face 'no thank you' like you don't know how rife teen pregnancy is in this fam lol] Jimmy: [a look like yeah it won't look as fit and mysterious as me but still] Janis: ['it's always some pale ginger kid anyway'] Jimmy: [picks up Twix and wraps her up in the sofa blanket like a little bub and hands her to Janis like there you go cos looks a bit like them being white but with whirls and she was a bit gingery when she was a pup] Janis: [when you can't just yeet this dog so you have to take her and give her some love but you're like 😑] Jimmy: [squishes her face like she just did to him] Janis: [swats him away 'prick' and is on our phone like we're very busy but we just don't wanna make this bad mood more of a thing] Jimmy: [Twix just kissing her face like ILY] Janis: [can't be mad at this pup at least, in reality we just seeing where nearby does decent decs that you can go and get] Jimmy: [meanwhile we're getting the bae painkillers cos we think that's why she's cross] Janis: [shakes head, 'saw Helena earlier'] Jimmy: [shrugs like suit yourself 'tah for keeping it off the 'gram' like she's cheating on you with Helena imagine] Janis: [? then like ugh 'turns out she sells 'em so well in' she does not and we did not, the utter lies girl] Jimmy: [we're ignoring that bollocks and drinking our tea/finally finishing this sheep] Janis: [ta-da gesture 'where is he, anyway?' like neither of us can model this sheep moment adequately] Jimmy: [looks around OTT dramatically like 😱 where IS he? cos can't just answer a question] Janis: [lifts up a cushion or something like hello?] Jimmy: [cue a silly fake hide and seek] Janis: [Twix will give you away so easily lmao] Jimmy: [eventually flopping down OTT dramatically basically on top of her like you're so knackered because always taking the piss out of his stamina] Janis: [acting like he's so heavy like you're gonna kill me] Jimmy: ['not the way you wanna go'] Janis: ['is that even a question?'] Jimmy: ['didn't draw owt' because he did draw ? on her with a fingertip during the school trip and it was very flirty] Janis: ['there you go then' like no need to answer] Jimmy: 'reckon we're on our own' like there you go then for that question you asked about Bobby's whereabouts but you're still basically all up in her grill so it's accidentally flirty as well as a no shit answer] Janis: [takes a picture to be like now we ain't] Jimmy: [do a little photoshoot so you can have an excuse to make out because it's been FOREVER as far as you're concerned] Janis: [when we haven't even processed any of this lowkey] Jimmy: [it's a headfuck kids] Janis: ['did you go to school this morning, after?' 'cos saying you clearly didn't] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' cos clearly didn't either, nods in the direction of the sheep costume fail like] Janis: [shrugs 'maybe you give up easy' like he came home did ten minutes and was like nah] Jimmy: [a look like very subtle challenge there babe] Janis: ['piss off' and pushing him a bit away 'cos we haven't moved evidently] Jimmy: [gets up and starts cleaning up all the crafting mess like fine I can take a hint] Janis: [ah the frustration, getting up like well then 'what time's the nativity thing?'] Jimmy: [telling her whatever time it is] Janis: ['meet you there then' and peacing] Jimmy: [so many things he wanted to say but we're not saying any of them] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby when he tries on that sheep lewk] Janis: 👍 Janis: looks pretty good I reckon Janis: he happier now? Jimmy: he's moved to 😢 Jimmy: should've kept your 👑 'cause the only 🏆'll be the FUMING mum's 💔 they never 💡🥇 of pissing about with their old clothes Janis: it's an improvement, suppose Janis: nah, could've earnt it if I committed to taking my sisters and glueing a paper plate to it Janis: 💔 oh well Jimmy: far as thankless tasks go, it's got nowt on 👴👵☕ Janis: you can wear it then Janis: have to size it up Jimmy: you gonna give me a hand or what? Janis: you did such a good job first time 'round Jimmy: without the tweet singing my praises, how would I know? Janis: if you want me to post, just say so Jimmy: if I have to tell you how to do the job, might as well do it myself Janis: fuck's sake Janis: we're literally going to clog their feeds later with all this nativity shit Janis: don't act like I ain't doing anything Jimmy: didn't have you down for a part timer but alright Janis: what you have me down as is irrelevant 'cos you don't know me Jimmy: weren't about to start a Q & A Janis: Good Janis: I know how to do the job, so do you Janis: leave it at that Jimmy: I were only pissing about, what's your problem? Janis: nothing Janis: there's just no need to do anything else Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: okay Janis: don't forget the santas hat you said he needed for jingle bells at the end Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: not worth a screenshot Janis: but I got the message, like Jimmy: what message is that? Janis: more 👏 content 👏 Jimmy: steady on, I ain't 💀👑 Janis: the point was bigger and better, weren't it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you said nowt Janis: when did I? Jimmy: no need to do owt else, weren't it? so there's no need to make me sound like a tory slave driver Janis: just forget it, alright Jimmy: forget what? Janis: that I said anything Jimmy: or what? Janis: why would you not? Janis: there's nothing to gain from this Jimmy: might be if you stop being a dickhead and tell me what's wrong Janis: I'll just stop Janis: if you do as well Jimmy: what have I done? Janis: do you think you've done anything? Jimmy: that's not an answer Jimmy: the answer's nowt Janis: there you go then Jimmy: stopping doing nowt means doing something, so go on, what do you want? Janis: I don't want anything Janis: alright Janis: I shouldn't have slept with you Jimmy: freezing weren't how you wanted to 💀💀💀 either Janis: what Jimmy: I weren't gonna let you sleep out there on your own Janis: are you serious Jimmy: are you? Janis: you've already called me desperate for it Janis: now you think I'd just do it for the warmth and you get to be some kind of gentleman for bothering Jimmy: 1. I've said nowt of the sort 2. sort your head out if that's where you reckon mine is Janis: You said I was easy Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that were you, for a start Janis: no it wasn't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it was you Janis: anyway, it was a mistake Jimmy: you legged it, you're calling it a mistake, nowt to do with me, that Janis: because I'm not easy and you've got the wrong idea if you reckon that Janis: so let's stick to what is actually working and leave it Jimmy: you're being a massive dickhead Janis: and what Jimmy: and nowt's gonna work if you don't leave it out Janis: that's literally what I've said Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: how are you gonna have a go at me? Janis: you could've just shut the fuck up and it'd be fine Jimmy: how would it? Jimmy: you're sitting there 😒😤😭💔🎻 over some bollocks you reckon I said and you weren't gonna say owt Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: that's what you've been doing all day, mate Janis: fuck off have I, I've been helping you out Jimmy: suffering in silence 'cause I'm such a bastard, more like Jimmy: have a 🏆 Janis: you're the one being dramatic, I didn't say that Janis: I just didn't appreciate what you did, that's it Jimmy: you spent ages with me after I apparently called you a massive slag, what else do you call that? Janis: I was already on my way Janis: what am I gonna do, actually turn the bus around, no Jimmy: not be a doormat Jimmy: there's your mistake if you're looking for one, Jodie Janis: fuck you Jimmy: this is me being a prick since you need a hand working out the difference Janis: stop talking to me Jimmy: stop putting words in my mouth Janis: I didn't Jimmy: I don't think you're easy Janis: right Jimmy: Why would I? Jimmy: don't flatter yourself, alright, my benchmark for that is set at fucking half the north Jimmy: and even then, you'd have to really be dating me to get me to give a shit about it Janis: I didn't ask you to give a shit, nor do I want you to Janis: and it's hardly flattering but doormat is worse so yeah Janis: go away now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I hope your brother doesn't totally hate it Jimmy: don't bother wasting your christmas wish Janis: well, he'll be fine, there are worse things than stage fright Jimmy: don't waste the reassurance on me either Janis: Jesus, whatever then Jimmy: there's nowt worse than having no parents about when every other dickhead does Janis: Yeah Janis: he won't be the only one Janis: and at least someone is there at all Jimmy: tah for that Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: most helpful you've been, pointing that out Janis: well what Janis: what else would you want me to say Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for you to say owt about it Janis: so you brought it up to what Janis: get a 👍 or 👎 Jimmy: you brought it up Jimmy: reckoning you know what's our kid's problem how you reckon you know what I think Janis: no, I was going Janis: I was literally just saying hope he doesn't have a terrible time Janis: don't have a go at me 'cos your dad ain't going Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'm having a go at you 'cause you're doing my head in Janis: then I'll be going Janis: we don't need to talk to each other Janis: right now or barely at all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when we need to do more fake shit, then we'll do it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you know where I live Janis: Yep Janis: later Jimmy: [not gonna reply cos have a nativity to get ready for] Janis: [ah soz for the mess that has been made everyone, gutted we will not see the sheep costume in action] Jimmy: [how dare you arseholes ruin my festive fluff] Janis: [my boo is fuming, at least we can force you together easily enough after, and you did help with the costume] Jimmy: [we've ticked that and jumpers off the list, well done us]