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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

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Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (14/17)

Summary: “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” And Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Note: Feedback is very much appreciated!

Link: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Levi liked to believe he had the mental fortitude most—if not all of the challenges that stand in his way

Back when he was still jumping, competition after competition, that had been one of the more notable terms he had remembered hearing, constantly showered with praises.

Mental fortitude was important for every athlete. It was the reason behind perfect textbook motions during crunch time and breathtaking performances despite heckles from the crowd. It was the key to consistency or so he was told.

He only had his numbers and his stats to speak for him though. And he never contemplated for long enough on his own psyche, instead relying on the training and the performances to continue to speak for his strengths. So when the term ‘mental fortitude’ popped up in conversations with his coach, he didn’t think too much of it.

On the field, he was calm, he was collected and he was consistently focused on one goal: getting over the high bar in front of him.

Where did mental fortitude fall in that process? He would ask himself. Busy with the process of actually performing though, he never bothered to answer.

Five months after his last tournament, alone in his dormitory room with an ice pack propped on his injured knee, Levi was thinking back to that. And the long silent reflection had him stumbling upon one pathetic conclusion.

He never had the mental fortitude he was well praised to have possessed. The dreamcatcher he clutched tightly on his right hand, the phone he had placed on ‘do not disturb’ mode were testaments to that. Looking back at the tournaments, making sense of those emotions which were strongly linked to those experiences, he started to understand, the need to succeed at every tournament never felt too important to leave him pressured, shaken or entrenched in some do or die situation.

So it wasn’t mental fortitude that had pushed him forward. It had been something else carrying him through the bar, even in the most stressful situations. And soon enough, late night alone in his room picking at too many sensations and memories at once, he started to pick out that emotion, or so, the lack of it as he ran towards the bar and sailed through it.

He had this weird ability to easily disconnect from the audience. He could disconnect from his surroundings and from the factors that placed him in such circumstances where he had to perform.

And when he was disconnected from reality. He had no need for mental fortitude. Because if he could pretend the pain and pressures never existed and he could always pretend that running and jumping over the bar was just a slightly more difficult stroll in the park.

That ability had worked for him since so long before he could remember. It was a familiar companion and on the way home from the long hike he had scrambled for that go-to coping mechanism, willing it to do what it always did, pull him away from reality when reality started to seem too much more like an enemy than a companion.

For the first time though, it didn’t respond to pushes and prods. When he willed that habit to do its work, It didn’t. In fact, it had done worse than ‘not work.’ It pushed and prodded in return and as if taking advantage of its intimacy with Levi and the trust between them. It poked, maybe even stabbed where it knew it hurt.

Maybe that was the reason Levi was left frozen, shaken. Although he had tried to focus on the numbness that lay underneath it, he couldn’t. Because the root cause that consumed him wasn’t something he could have easily brushed away.

It was merciful enough to have allowed him a few hours of sleep that night though.

Or maybe it was his superstitious move borne of desperation that had him able to manage a few hours of sleep. He had been desperate enough to slip the dreamcatcher under his pillow, willing the dreams not to come. God knows those dreams could only confirm his suspicions on events his own emotions had only hinted at.

It was only back when he had fallen asleep though that it had seemed merciful. As soon as he awoke, it reminded Levi that it was cruel and vengeful. It was a weight much heavier than Levi had ever felt and it brought with it an ache that stung, crushed and grated all at the same time.

Muscle memory was what got him sitting up, placing his legs on the floor, his good one first, then his injured one, making sure the latter was well supported by the brace.

Routine was what had him checking his phone and the calendar that had him remembering he had a physical therapy session that day.

Soon after that, Hange barged into the room and reminded him that he had spent the long hours since they got home from their trip, isolated and unmoving in the room. And she pulled him up and mentioning what Levi had already figured out: it was a much busier weekend than he had expected it to be.

Right… Physical Therapy.

Her voice sounded distant, sometimes inaudible. She guided him through routine motions. She mentioned something about Erwin, then something about Armin and Mikasa. And in Levi’s little trance, it was as if she was speaking another language, and only those familiar names stood out in that one sided conversation.

When he willed himself to make sense of the syllables and to take control of his hands and his arms, it started to tick. When he pulled his thermal underwear over his body, then his sweater, he started to make it out as something a little clearer: a ticking time bomb inside him.

Sometimes, the ticking was strong and loud enough to aggravate something else inside him And Levi noticed it flared when Hange brushed next to him, when she would caress him, when she spoke, whether it be in whispers, in playful banter and sometimes with a tone too excitable that made Levi jump.

He soon realized though the effects were all the same. The bomb flared regardless of the volume of her voice or the firmness of her touch. Her presence was all that was needed for the time bomb to continue to tick and flare, tick and flare.

He couldn’t find a way to brush it away through, to disconnect like he had done many times before. He found himself instead getting amicable with that bomb inside him. Since that was the only thing he could do to get through the day.

Hange was a double edged sword, a necessary evil. She had done her part to keep him rooted in reality and to make the plight of getting through the day a little more bearable and very much possible. At the same time though, Levi was certain she was inadvertently aggravating the pain inside him.

It was just too much of a coincidence that looking straight into her eyes, letting her prattle on about plans as they got ready and made their way out of the dorm, left him nursing dull phantom aches. And when she had left him in the waiting room, mentioning something about meeting Erwin, Levi found himself relieved more than anything.

The reprieve though was short-lived.

“Hey Levi! It’s been a while. Looks like you’re off the crutches now?”

The ache came back, a different kind of ache yet at the same time an ache all too familiar that Levi was sure the crushing weight was similar, the same recurring visitor. As if that recurring visitor had stepped out of the room with Hange, yet stepped back in as soon as he saw her off.

“You okay?” The brunet asked.

Levi could only make eye contact for a split second longer before images of the dismembered body of the brunet flashed before him. Levi quickly looked back down at the blank slate on the white tiled floor. “I’m fine.” Levi managed to say. It could have come out as a cough or as a rasp. He didn’t have enough grip of his surroundings to tell.

“You okay? You’re looking a little pale. You sure you’re in the right ward?” There was good humor in that tone but even if the joke had been worth a laugh, Levi wouldn’t have let out a smile.

Someone propped their hands on his lap. Levi didn’t have to look up to tell who it was. He saw images of her decapitated head too vividly, he could have sworn it wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. “Levi, I just finished my last session for this year. So I guess we’ll be seeing you around January or February already?”

Did they make conversation after that? The rest had been a blur. But somewhere along the way, they had ended with pleasantries.

“Happy holidays!”

“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.” Greetings were routine and mechanical so those were easy enough to say.

He achieved the bare minimum at least to have the two leave him alone. And alone in the silence, he let out a breath that came out rough and raspier than he would have liked.

Why does it feel so heavy? They’re alive. He reminded himself then. But he only had to look back at his own writing to recall everything. Farlan and Isabel, his companions in the underground city died a long time ago, long before he had even met Hange.

But why was he mourning a death he had only ever written about? And why did it only hurt then? Months after he had last written about them?

The answer never came. Any semblance of one though had come a few minutes after he thought it.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” It was just like her to apologize for a few minutes’ wait. She had always been punctual after all.

Punctual, obedient and caring. Levi was rattling off epithets in his mind like he was giving a eulogy.

“Come on, let’s get you up to speed.” She grabbed his two hands and gently pulled him up. She led him through the therapy room, passing one person after the other. And it was easy enough to follow suit.

Her eyes were scanning everything as she spoke, too full of life that Levi shouldn’t have been able to so easily picture her leaning limply on a tree.

Lifeless. For some reason, Levi’s stomach was turning.

“Okay, I’ll unwrap this now…” The sound of velcro, the weight falling of his leg, those two sensations in particular penetrated into his trance. “Levi are you okay? You haven’t talked since we got here. But you never really talk anyway… Sorry for asking, I realized that just sounds weird.”

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.” Another scripted response. But it seemed to work.

“Okay… One foot in front of the other.”

Levi followed the motions in front of him. Not the voice. He willed himself to look down, so he could forget her presence, force himself to pretend it wasn’t her of all people supporting him through the ordeal of putting weight on his injured knee.

For a split second, he was almost grateful for his injury, the odd sensation in his step was jarring enough for him to be able to forget her voice for a moment.

But only for a moment.

His knee was off the brace and for a few seconds it was stiff. Stiff enough that Levi thought it would hold as he put his left foot forward, forcing a little more weight on it than what could have been comfortable. And it threatened to wobble, it threatened to let go, unbuckle, retear all the already damaged ligaments underneath. It threatened to leave him on the ground worse off than before.

As Levi pondered those possibilities all at once, his thoughts flew back to the ticking inside him. It had been nagging to get his attention since a while ago after all. The knee was a call back to it with the way it threatened to explode and send pain rattling through him.

Just like the ticking time bomb.

Of all things, it was the routine exercises that had him understanding the nature of the aches and the weights that had been looming above him since their hike. The ache was a side effect of carrying such heavy weights. But where did the weight come from?

Uncertainty was a weight. Confusion, chaos and confrontations with the unknown were weights. Grief and mourning were weights. Levi couldn’t tell which it had been or whether it was all of them at once. They were glomping at him though and it was a miracle Levi could even get one foot in front of the other.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“We thought we’d show up now, you know... In case you end early.”

“You didn’t have to, I still have twenty more minutes left. You're way too early.”

“It’s your belated birthday celebration. Besides, we haven’t seen each other in months.”

“Yeah, Oluo here was the one who insisted we hurry.”

“Shut up!”

Petra Ral. Oluo Bozado. Gunther Schultz. Eld Jinn.

The conversation continued, peppered with too many protests from Petra.

Just go. Levi would have wanted to say. He was in no mood to even be outside. The echo of unintelligible conversations were only making the whole ordeal unbearable already.

“Oh, is that… Levi Ackerman?”

“Oluo, he can hear you.”

“So the rumors were true. You really did get injured during training.”

Was Oluo talking to him? Levi forced his eyes up at them, and at that moment, the scene in the forest flashed before him. But he kept his chin high and let out a slight nod.

Oluo was saying something else to him. Followed by Gunther then Eld.

Introductions? Levi was too busy reminding himself that they were alive to even comprehend such a conversation. They’re alive. Those two words had become a chant that overpowered any other attempt at conversation.

“Petra, go ahead. Think of this as an early birthday present.” The person who spoke up should have been a life saver. After all, he looked like he had been successful in getting Petra's attention.

Petra looked very much ready to listen to that voice as she let go of Levi's hands and looked to the chair behind him. “Really?”

“Levi shouldn’t be having too strenuous of a session. I’ll handle it for today.” But he wasn't an hero. In fact, his voice had only left Levi worse off than before.

“If you say so… But why, sir?”

“It was my fault, I took him hiking yesterday. Sorry for only telling you now...” That was Hange's voice.

Levi expected relief to wash over him or maybe a lightness to take over as Petra guided him to his seat and let go of him. Surprisingly though, it had left him heavier, yet oddly empty. Even when she had said her goodbyes and walked away with her group of friends, Levi found himself completely frozen, unable to even look up and muster a smile in greeting.

There were more pressing matters after all. Like that one moment he started to realize how the weight had managed to feel heavier, even when it was already crushing him both inside and out.

I’m making the choice. Give up on your dreams and die. Lead the soldiers straight to hell.

Isn’t that what he told him? Before he marched to his death?

“Don’t get me wrong hiking is great physical therapy. But this is something Levi should have only been after a few more months of recovery.” Erwin crouched down in front of him and started to push at his knee.

“I should have been more careful,” Hange said.

Erwin continued. “This isn’t just an ACL tear. We’re talking about a multiple ligament injury. Full recovery is far more difficult to attain.” He gently ran his hands through Levi’s knee for a few seconds and soon he started to guide the knee through some light exercises.

Was it supposed to hurt? His knee was stiff. It was resisting the bends for sure. But was it hurting? Levi was starting to realize, he couldn’t tell. At that moment, he was dealing with pains far greater than that

“Levi, can you tell me if anything hurts? It looks like there’s no residual swelling at least…”

“Nothing hurts.” That was easy enough to say.

Those cold blue eyes locked on Levi’s, as if studying him. That should have been enough to keep him focused on reality. But how many times had he seen those cold blue eyes somewhere else? And Levi’s mind started to wander elsewhere, to that last view of Erwin on his horse before he took down the beast titan, to that last attempt to keep him alive, and finally, to that choice to let him die.

I didn’t regret it. But should he have regretted it?

“You sure? If you keep this to yourself, you might just end up regretting it,” Erwin said.

I didn’t regret it. Levi thought to himself. Did he say it out loud? He couldn’t tell.

At that moment, even when Levi had let his eyes fall to the ground, he still felt Erwin’s eyes on him, cold and calculating. He was certain he didn’t regret his decision to let Erwin die that day.

Regret, grief and fear though were three different monsters in themselves. Although one of them, he had easily brushed away, the latter two lingered. Did Erwin hold any animosity towards him for making that decision? Should he have let him live so he could see the basement?

Did those feelings have anything to do with the ache in his heart then, the feeling of being completely frozen, with the world completely out of his control?

Levi couldn’t be too sure. So he verbalized the only emotion that he could grasp. “I won’t regret it.”

Erwin let out a sigh. His features softening. And somehow that quick turn of events had Levi a little taken aback. “I don’t care if you won’t regret it. My job here as your doctor is to give you the best prospects. Competitive jumping is out of the basket for sure. but who knows you might be able to go into long distance running or cycling in the future…”

Levi watched as a hand settled on his thigh, he followed it to see Erwin had stood up. Levi didn’t meet his eyes then but he could have sworn he could feel Erwin’s gaze on him.

“It pains me to see someone like this giving up on recovery,” Erwin continued. “Especially someone with your talent Levi. You shouldn’t have to limit the world for yourself over one incident.”

You shouldn’t have to limit the world for yourself over one incident.

You shouldn’t have to limit the world for yourself over one promise.

Over one promise. Would Erwin have told him that then? Levi looked up at Erwin again just to be certain those words hadn’t been some figment of a fevered dream. Levi met his eyes and somehow, he found assurance in the way Erwin's features had softened and the the way his lips curled up into a subtle smile..

“Hange, take care of him okay? I’ll see you two later.” Those had been the last words Levi remembered Erwin saying. He had said something about having to check on a few more pages. Hange had commented something about him overworking himself on a Sunday of all days then proceeding to call him a workaholic.

It was definitely a ‘see you later.’ Not a ‘goodbye.’ But somehow, it cut deeper, it cut into him so heavily that Levi could only sit frozen, grappling for some comprehension of his emotions then.

He was alive. Hell, all of them were still alive. Yet Levi was sure, he was still mourning. And he was mourning multiple deaths at once. Deaths that didn’t happen yet Levi could have sworn had happened. That was what manifested as this crushing weight on his shoulders and an ache in his heart.

A weight on his shoulders. Hange decided to play on that then. Levi found himself looking up to see her looking down at him. The weight? Of course there’d be weight, she had placed both her hands on his shoulders and squeezed them hard.

“Come on, let’s go out for lunch.” She gave him the warmest smile. Eventually she let go though, instead pulling him up from the chair.

“Lunch?”

“Didn’t I tell you this morning? I got Armin to meet us for lunch. And he’s taking Mikasa with him. You wanted to talk to Mikasa right?” Hange didn’t wait for a reply. Instead she pulled him gently out of his seat and guided him to a standing position.

Levi didn’t plan on responding anyway, too occupied by everything else at once. Even when she was the one pulling her weight, the heavy weight on his shoulders stayed and it blanketed him, all the way until his back and down to his knees.

A strange feeling altogether. He had clocked that familiar weight to grief and mourning minutes ago already and his mind had supplemented his comprehension with visions of their last moments, visions of lifeless bodies.

Yet, even when Levi continued to stare at Hange, even when he had tried to find something similar in her hazel eyes in that split second that they locked, his efforts came up empty.

So he continued to search, even when she had looked away, pulled him through the stark white hallways of the hospital. For a good long while, all he could see was a back profile. Hange after all, had been pulling him the whole way, guiding him through.

That view in itself served as some veritable reminder that she had left him a similar weight. Yet there was no vision of a body, no vision of that last moment with her.

All Levi had was a good bye. But it wasn’t a ‘good bye,’ it was a ‘see you later.’ She had only turned her back on him and flown up to the sky after all.

Just because she flew up, didn’t mean she wouldn’t fly back down right?

Hange’s voice faded to the background. In the silence that followed, the silence that loomed over the ten minute stroll all the way to the diner. The time bomb was still ticking.

And it was ticking much louder. It was cunning about it. It ticked to the rhythm of murmurs, the clack of footsteps and to the honking of cars and it created a cacophony of sounds in the silence that battered Levi in a way that he could have sworn was only for him.

And finally it ticked to the bell that rang at the entrance of the diner.

“You’re here!” Hange chimed. She raised one hand in greeting.

Levi didn’t bother to follow her gaze but he was sure she had been talking about Armin. Soon after, he felt the grip on his hand tighten.

Hange continued to pull him forward. “Mikasa has a really busy schedule. We were lucky to get her off on a Sunday.”

He had been planning to talk to Mikasa. But somehow, then, he wasn’t at all excited to see her. Every familiar face he had run into that day had forced through him more emotions than necessary.

So he braced himself as he sat on the booth. When Hange had brushed her hand next to him and put her arm playfully around him, he tensed up for a second as once again and the ticking inside him flared. He moved to avoid the gaze of both Mikasa and Armin who had already settled on the booth minutes before.

“Armin! It’s been a while. Thank you for taking the time out to see me. I just wanted to send over a few documents for my thesis…” Hange started.

The rustle of papers, the sound of rubber swatting on paper, an envelope closing and opening.

And Hange continued. “Could you make sure your friends go through it and sign it? No rush though, I’m sure they’re still busy with competitions. You can send it over next year after the winter holidays.”

“I’ll still try my best to get it done as early as I can... You’re pressed for time right?”

“I still have a lot of other sections to write so even if you send it early, I probably wouldn’t look through it until mid January or even February.”

“Will remember that.” Armin was silent for a moment before he spoke up again. “Also… Levi...”

Levi didn’t need to look at them to feel Armin’s gaze on him. Armin’s tone was hesitant and maybe a little too soft, yet somehow, that tone in particular made the unwanted attention all the more glaring. “Armin…” Levi said, as he let out a light nod in greeting. He braced himself for another ache, like the ones that had been bombarding him since he woke up that morning.

As it turned out though, nothing came.

“Oh, you still remember my name! I thought you would have forgotten since we didn’t talk for long,” Armin continued. “I’m not the most memorable person either…”

Levi slowly looked up to see Armin and Mikasa sitting side by side, like he had seen them so many times before in dreams. Oddly enough, Looking at them didn't give the same effect he had braced himself for.

And he found himself questioning. Was it really grief? Yet Hange’s presence there next to him was pounding, it was crushing. So how could he be so sure, it wasn't his inability to process at fault?

“Nice to meet you,” Levi said. He wondered if it had taken him longer than necessary to muster that greeting. He started to realize then, he had lost track of time.

“Hange told me you needed to talk to Mikasa so I asked her to come along.”

“Sorry if it was a little too last minute…” Hange said. “But I’m really grateful you showed up.

“No, it’s fine,” Mikasa answered. She let out a sliver of a smile and stuck out her hand for a shake. “I don’t do much on Sundays.”

“Either way, lunch is my treat,” Hange said as she pushed the menus closer to them with one hand and reciprocated the handshake with the other. “Order whatever you want.”

Ordering their next meal was quick and easy. Levi found himself skimming through the first page and picking whatever meal had the largest picture and the most glaring large price. He couldn’t bring himself to think beyond that.

The process of ordering the meals was methodical, natural and to Levi, it felt almost like an odd source of calm.

A calm which ended a little too soon. “You’re Levi Ackerman, the high jumper from Paradis University right?” Mikasa spoke up first. She had phrased it as a question but she sounded sure of her conjecture.

When Levi looked at her eyes, he was sure she knew the answer. He didn’t bother to even nod in return.

“Your coach put you up to this huh?”

“Put me up to what?” Levi found himself playing the same game as her.

“He’s been approaching me about applying since October,” Mikasa said.

“That’s what scouts do,” Levi answered matter-of-factly. “They look for the best players and convince them to join the team.”

“Tell them I’m not interested. I’m taking a gap year,” Mikasa said.

Levi could see from his peripherals the way Armin had fidgeted in his seat.

Hange looked like she was still finding the right words to say. She cleared her throat. “Why are you taking a gap year?”

There was someone she didn’t wanna leave behind. His coach had told him the answer already.

And he had the name on hand already. “It’s Eren isn’t it?” Levi asked.

“Eren?” Hange asked. “Your other friend?”

If Mikasa was surprised about how quickly Levi had figured out the root cause, she just didn’t show it. She looked unfazed as she answered. “I’ll wait for Eren to decide what college he’ll be going to.”

“Paradis University is a good school. You should at least consider it.” Hange said.

Armin nodded in agreement. “We’ve talked about this Mikasa.”

“I don’t wanna leave Eren. Besides, the prestige of the university isn't important to me.”

“It’s not just that,” Levi said. “If you want to continue high jumping after college…” It was hard enough already for Levi to speak up. The way Mikasa looked at him though had him a little more self conscious than usual and Levi found himself trailing off.

“What if I don’t wanna continue high jumping in college?” Mikasa asked. She gave him a onceover, all too observantly, almost judgemental. “I heard about your injury. I’m sure you already know what can happen if we overcommit to one thing.”

Overcommit? You lose everything in one go then you scramble to find some other purpose. Then Levi found himself asking something else. Was he the best person to convince Mikasa? He was a textbook example of a worst case scenario after all.

Despite such doubts though, Levi was convinced he was someone who could. He stared intently at Mikasa and studied the way she avoided his gaze soon after making such a bold statement. He started to suspect that that wasn’t her only reason for hesitating.

He only had to listen to that little voice in his head. The one that accompanied that ticking sensation and the dull aches to figure it out for himself. “You’re not gonna lose Eren if you go to a different college.”

“It’s not about losing him. It’s about wanting to be with him.”

“So you’re willing to give up a good opportunity like this… for Eren?”

Eren. He had said that name more than enough times in that span of a few minutes. He saw the way Mikasa avoided his gaze as she let her eyes fall.

Mikasa had given him that look before--- or more specifically, she had tried to avoid giving him that look before.

We can still talk to Eren. Levi started to hear those words as echoes, then too vividly. That was when Levi noticed, the past few minutes, he had been a little lighter, he had managed to round up enough conversation without having to pull some weight.

But what was it? He only had to let it loose for a bit to understand.

Something had ignited inside Levi, an ember that soon enough might even evolve into something difficult to control.

Give me a break… How many times did we save his life only for him to betray us like that?

But Mikasa wanted to stay with him. Levi soon realized, it wasn’t anything new. She had always been over fixated on Eren and with that, it was only natural that she would struggle to let go of him.

Levi barely knew Eren though. But at the same time, he could have sworn he knew him well.

We’re not in a place where we can be concerned about Eren any longer.

The frustration came first. The scenes that replayed in his head in a split second soon followed. When all three of them were watching him, Levi found himself unable to do anything but grip the edge of the table until his knuckles burned.

What was he supposed to tell her? Even before Levi could cherry pick the best statements in a vat full of emotions and memories which weren’t supposed to exist anyway, his mouth went ahead.

And he only realized he had probably said something a little too offensive, too out of touch from the current situation when he noticed the way Mikasa’s face shifted from one of pure surprise to one seemingly reminiscent of some raw animosity.

“Eren? What do you know about Eren?” Hange asked, looking surprised about the turn of events.

Eren was in the story for sure. Levi soon realized though, he had never connected that name to the founding titan in his writings.

Eren was the founding titan. The puzzle pieces were starting to build events a little more clearly. And soon enough Levi was seeing flashes of scenes as he stared up at Mikasa.

“What the hell do you know about Eren? Besides, why are you the one approaching me? Are you the captain of their team or something? Are you sucking up to your coach? Are you trying to get back on his good side after injuring yourself?” Mikasa asked. Her voice was cold and whether she had meant any ill will with the way she mouthed off like that, Levi never figured it out.

He tensed up with one word. Captain.

“Oh, you’re the captain?” Armin chimed in a little too enthusiastically, as if trying to dissipate the thickness of the air then. “Last time, I remembered it was Elijah… Maybe next time we should invite him…”

Captain Levi.

The next few memories enjoyed a smooth entrance in flashes, in sensations. But for the first time though, a meticulous-minded Levi didn’t enjoy such organization.

Captain Levi. Armin was still calling him captain even when he was already commander.

But Hange was the commander. Or so that was what Levi remembered. Since when was Armin commander? The memories answered the questions as soon as he asked him.

Levi was left speechless, void of any more questions.

“Levi? Are you okay?”

I’m going home.

Along the way, the memories had jostled that ticking bomb inside him. Soon, it turned out, it wasn't a bomb that waited for time to elapse. It was a bomb waiting for the right pressure at the right points.

The flares were threats that had seemed empty at first. But Levi soon realized, the bombshell continued to expand within him as if in slow motion. When it had enough, it threatened to release something worse.

And Levi was terrified to see what it was capable of.

“Levi, where are you going?”

Home. But where was home? The dorm? It used to be Hange. Maybe a few days ago, it would have been anywhere with her.

Levi lowered his expectations. Not home. Somewhere where he could be alone.

He called a taxi, and gripped the side door the whole way home. He had wasted a good meal worth of food with that taxi ride but Levi wasn’t feeling like eating anyway. He hobbled up the stairs and straight to his room, ignoring the twinge of protests from his knee.

The bomb had exploded a while back. It released more emotions than necessary. But as Levi soon realized--- and he should have known before---pent up emotions don’t have to come out as tears or as red hot anger.

It could come as catatonia. It could come out as a light switch that was hurriedly turned off inside him then a gradual transition to darkness and silence.

When he arrived in his empty dorm room, he felt it and he saw a blank slate, only accentuated by the darkness of the room. Levi couldn’t even bring himself to turn on the lights.

Write. Wasn’t that what he had been doing since before?

Those emotions that had released inside him that brought forth inside him---a blank slate, were begging to be written. But soon Levi realized, it wasn’t begging. They were threatening to force themselves out in predictable ways.

He had to find a way out.

Have you tried writing out how you feel? It’s a great way to process your thoughts and emotions. Something whispered inside him. Shela's words from months ago still echoed clearly in his head.

And the movements that followed were automatic. The laptop was in sleep mode. He only had to click once to reopen the desktop, click twice to open the browser and click one more time to bookmark the document where he had written everything.

Levi scrolled down to the last sentence.

Shoot or Listen. It’s up to you. He took a deep breath and continued to write.

***

Levi didn’t lock the door. And for what felt like an eternity, he was in his own world.

That eternity turned out to have lasted only a few hours though. By the time he noticed, the sun had set and Levi found himself staring at the clock at the bottom right of his screen.

He stared at it for a good long while. Even after the footsteps stopped. Even after the door slammed behind him.

“I just wanted to check on you. You’ve been snappy since we got back yesterday…” Even after Hange started talking.

And she continued to talk, even when Levi had committed to staring at his screen for the next minute already.

“I thought for a while that it could be because I did something wrong… I mean, yeah I brought that plan up out of nowhere. When I saw you were irritable yesterday I thought of inviting you to come with me and Armin… And I invited Mikasa along to help you out and since you didn’t protest, I thought it would be a good idea… But what Mikasa said hadn’t been nice either… She’s sorry about it...” Hange trailed off. She let out an uncomfortable sounding cough. “The point is, Levi if you’re not comfortable with what I’m doing, just tell me. If you’re feeling sad about something, or angry, you know you can run to me right? You’ve been dealing with my bullshit for so long, this is the least I can do.” She paused for a second. “Are you listening? I really think it's important that we resolve this now…”

Then the lights came on, the glare bright enough for Levi to tense up in his seat.

“Sorry...The room was so dark.” Hange added wryly. “But anyway, I’m worried. Actually though I’ve been worried about you since your knee injury…”

The footsteps came closer yet Levi couldn’t bring himself to move. He eyed the X button on his browser. Yet the vacillation took a second longer than he would have liked.

“Is this about your story?” Hange asked. Yet, she didn’t seem surprised, as if that was where she wanted the conversation to go the whole time.

Levi didn’t answer.

“You know, I read your document before I came here,” Hange prodded the topic without hesitation. “Correct me if I’m wrong because I’m probably just making some weird assumptions now but… is this about Commander Hange dying in your story? Since you know, those are the newest updates I saw on the document, since you left the diner...”

Commander Hange? Dying? “She didn’t die.”

“Really?” Hange sounded purplussed. “When she flew up and fought the titans... but maybe I read it wrong.”

“She flew up,” Levi agreed. He found himself mimicking her tone as he said it, as if the only way he could bring himself to speak was to take the words from her and make it his own. “But it doesn’t mean she isn’t coming down,” he added a second later.

“But she burned alive right? Up there…” Hange said. “Unless...I did read it wrong.”

In the silence that followed, Levi could only watch as an icon appeared on the upper right of his screen--- anonymous otter. Hange had opened the document up on her phone.

“See you later, Hange. Keep watching over us,” She read aloud.

It felt almost surreal hearing those words from her mouth. The words stung and they stung as badly or even worse than they did when he first wrote it out. Hange’s voice of all things, repeating those same words he had said so long ago, sounded almost mocking.

Levi stared at the black line that blinked next to that sentence and he was almost tempted to erase those words before she said it again.

“Keep watching over us… It’s only natural people would assume she died right?” Hange asked.

He looked back to see her sitting on his bed, staring at her phone. “There was no body,” Levi argued.

“So she’s coming back?”

No. She didn’t. But thinking and saying those words meant different things and Levi was in no mood to articulate such a proposition.

“So she didn’t come back?” Hange asked, she waved her hand in front of him, looking pointedly at him as if to say ‘your face says it all.’

And Levi found himself a little self conscious of that last face he made. “It’s not over. She could still come back.”

“Captain Levi’s last view of Commander Hange was her burning alive and before that, didn’t she ask Captain Levi to let her go?”

“Why are you pushing it? Do you want her to be dead?”

Hange gave him the most incredulous look. “But you’re the one who wrote it…. Hange died....” She looked away for a second, out at the window, but it didn’t look like she was appreciating the scenery. Before Levi could ponder such a reaction, she looked back at him, looking much calmer. “Are you okay Levi?”

Levi found it useless to answer. He could see in her eyes, Hange had already made a conclusion already.

“Why is Commander Hange’s death bothering you so much? Is this related to the knee injury? Is this related to losing jumping? Is this related to your hyperfixation with writing now? Come on, Levi. Talk to me. And now that I think about it, how long has it been since you talked to Shela?”

“I’ve been busy with school.”

“Okay, you’re busy with school. Then I’ll be Shela. Talk to me. I’ll listen. What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay. Nothing's wrong then." Hange nodded her head so gaudily it was obvious she didn't agree. "But Commander Hange’s dead.”

“It pisses me off how you can say that with such a casual voice.”

“Because I’m talking about the Commander Hange in your story. As far as I can tell, she died. And I have enough confidence in my reading comprehension skills Levi. Besides, why are you so touchy about her being dead?”

“Because. She. isn’t. Dead.”

“Why are you overfixated on a character you’re writing? And why are you insisting that she’s alive even after describing her burning alive in the air?”

“Why are you so obsessed with saying she’s dead?”

Hange raised her hands up in exasperation. “I’m not obsessed with saying she’s dead. If I’m obsessed with anything, it’s with pulling you out of this hole you dug yourself into. If you’re looking for Hange Zoe… She’s right here. I’m right here. I’m alive Levi.” Her voice sounded desperate. Her face though then had been genuine, like it always had been since he met here.

Yet, Levi found it mocking. “Are you commander Hange?”

Hange’s face fell. “Why name your character Hange Zoe then?” She challenged.

“Because that’s her name.”

“That’s my name too. Are you saying it’s a coincidence that our names are both Hange?”

“If you were Hange, you would know what happened to her.”

“She died,” Hange said too easily. Her voice was getting more and more grating by the second. But she didn’t stop. “My name is Hange Zoe, squad leader titan and researcher. On our expedition to take back Wall Shiganshina, Commander Erwin Smith died and left me with the commander title. Then the world opened up, then we prepared for a war with Marley…”

With the words flowed carried by that familiar voice, Levi could have sworn it was very much Hange.

And she continued. “Then in the forest… I told you...'I’d rather we just live here together, right Levi?'”

As she continued to talk, as she continued to quote herself, Levi could almost believe it had been her. But he couldn’t help but notice the disconnect in her tone.

“And when the colossal titans caught up… There was only one way out right? So I volunteered myself…”

You understand right? It’s finally here. It’s my turn. I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now.

So just let me go, will you?

The disconnect was apparent. When Commander Hange had said those words, her voice had cracked and faltered, particularly to the sound of the rumbling behind them then that was only getting louder and louder. Yet the Hange in front of him then, was saying it with a voice that was almost rehearsed.

Levi almost regretted sharing that file with her. Or maybe he did regret it. “Commander Hange would have remembered.”

“Remember what?”

Levi looked back at the screen and he let the catatonia once again blanket that bout of irritability. “Could you do me a favor. Just leave me alone first.” It had been a habit to say her name when he could since her name had served as some sort of a sanctuary since he first heard it. Oddly enough though, at that moment, even just saying her name out loud in his head had him recoiling. “I think I need to resolve this on my own.”

Hange let out a hitched breath. “Could you do me a favor too? It doesn’t have to be me… but can you at least talk to someone, Levi?” she asked.

Levi. The way she had said, had sounded so familiar. As if she knew him. But she knew nothing about Captain Levi and for some reason, that had Levi almost irritated, as if at that moment, Hange was prying into barriers he had set up for himself. Barriers that only Commander Hange should have been able to penetrate.

“Maybe I will talk to someone,” Levi said coldly. “I don’t need to hear it from you. Also, turn off the lights on your way out.” He fixed his eyes again on the screen, at the black letters on the white screen which weren’t making sense then. Maybe because he was too focused on the long sigh that had cracked along the way.

Hange’s sigh and that crack in her voice, like he had heard it countless times alone with her in the commander’s office. Then room went dark again as she switched off the lights and slammed the door shut.

Even when she had left the room, Levi heard her stilted sigh of exhaustion like he had heard it in the forest then, then in Odiha before she flew up in the air.

That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that Levi.

Even long after the door slammed behind him, Levi found himself fixated on that last line. Those last words spoken to him.

Maybe he started to believe that Commander Hange was gone too. Hange had proven it herself, although she was the closest thing to Commander Hange, she wasn’t Commander Hange either.

He closed the document to see the file was still displayed on his drive. He right clicked on it and down to the ‘remove’ button. He hovered his mouse over ‘remove’ then over the trash icon.

He started to wonder why the document existed and why he had shared it to Hange of all people. And with that, it became a little easier to click.

He clicked on ‘trash.’

Items in trash are deleted forever after thirty days. Thirty days was too long. He right clicked the document. His mouse hovered over those last two buttons for a few seconds more.

Restore

Delete forever.

‘Forever’ is a very long time. And that word in particular had Levi hesitating, keeping his mouse over it for a good few seconds more.

Then he started to wonder. What was the point of writing it? Who was he satisfying, writing everything out? And if Hange had existed, hell if Erwin, Petra, Isabel, Farlan and everyone else had existed, only to die, what was the point of writing everything out?

Of all things, it was Hange’s rant of a while ago that had him hesitating for maybe even a minute longer. Hange was invested for sure. If he hadn’t heard that disconnect in her voice, that part of her voice that lacked 'the Commander Hange' element, maybe he would have believed she was the commander.

But it was apparent in her voice, she wasn’t the commander. She was Hange Zoe, college senior, pre med student Hange Zoe who had gotten a little too attached to the story.

Her investment, her attempt to recount the story to Levi, had been that final nail on the coffin that had him clicking ‘delete forever’ twice in a row, a little too quickly.

He had been too invested too. For a few minutes longer, Levi stared at that empty space in his dashboard, and he couldn’t so easily get rid of the emptiness in his chest then.

What now? That question had been a little too difficult to answer. And Levi limped back to the bed and started to scroll through his phone. Seeing the message in all capital letters in banner notifications, Levi opened his messages.

LEVI? WHERE’S THE FILE?

And before Levi could respond, he heard footsteps get louder. Levi lunged for the door and locked it, gritting his teeth as it sent a wave of pain up his knee.

One knock. Then two. Then she spoke up. “Levi! Did you delete it? Levi?” Another knock.

He would have liked to ignore it, let her knock until her knuckles ached. But she had been difficult to ignore, especially as the knocks evolved to slams on the door.

“Come on! Why the hell did you do that?”

“It’s my file. I can do what I want,” Levi shouted, hopefully loud enough for her to hear.

Just outside the door, she had said other things for sure but Levi had started to scroll through his timelines, immersing himself instead on jumps, cat videos and the latest scandal on twitter.

Along the way, the words died down from screams of nonsense, and Levi started to listen again as it mellowed down to a crack in her voice, and a sound that had sounded like a mix of a sigh, a grown and a scream.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Then there were footsteps. Then silence.

For the next hour, it had been him and his timeline. An hour after that, he found himself looking through videos of Mikasa, then Elijah, then Mike then Nanaba.

They were all busy with Nationals and they would be for the next few months. Elijah had an invitation to train with the national team. With a quick google search, Levi confirmed as well that Mike and Nanaba had their invites too.

He felt the beginnings of what could have been a rumination of what-ifs that Levi was sure wouldn't have been a pleasant experience. Before his mind could wander though, he quickly put his phone in his bed side drawer and scooched a few more inches away from it. The distance was enough at least for Levi to scooch back closer to it, bend down and reopen the drawer.

But even without the material, Levi was reflecting. Eventually, he had let the uncertainty, that fear of the unknown blanket him in the dark. The weight loomed again and the aches took over.

And they whispered too many questions at one. Questions that Levi soon realized could be summarized to two words. What now?

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

36 notes · View notes

mell-bell · 6 years ago

Text

nothing takes the past away (like the future) - Part 6

Lucy Preston x Garcia Flynn

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

AO3

Words: 5114

Series Summary: There are no guidelines for being handed your future child. Especially one who’s being hunted through time by an evil organization. Lucy and Flynn, who haven’t even admitted their feelings for each other, are in for one hell of a surprise. Battling Rittenhouse in the past had been their only mission for so long, but now they have to face their future, and even worse, their feelings. Being faced with your future child kind of puts things into perspective.

Chapter: 6/20

Author’s notes: Alright please don’t kill me. So I know I haven’t updated in like 10 years but I got a job like a proper adult job at a District Attorney’s Office as an Investigator so like I have no time and when I have time I’m so tired I fall asleep at 10 pm which sucks. But anyways I need to get back into writing because I have this whole thing planned out. Since the finale murdered me and I refuse to talk about it I decided to change this chapter to be the Titanic instead of what I had originally planned. Anyways Garcia Flynn is alive and no one can convince me otherwise. Hope you enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A kiss shared between two people who weren’t quite in love yet should have caused some awkwardness. Especially when those two people were sharing a room. With their future daughter sleeping in the adjoining room.

But awkwardness couldn’t occur when Lucy Preston’s master plan was to avoid Garcia Flynn like the plague, right?

Lucy’s eyes closed as Garcia’s lips pressed softly against hers. Her hand reached up to wrap around his neck but fell as it was met with just air. And when she opened her eyes, the man before her had vanished.

The obnoxious rattling sound of a train rocked Lucy out of her dream, and with a groan, she buried her face into the soft pillow.

She couldn’t even avoid Garcia in her own subconscious.

After the kiss they had shared, Lucy had been avoiding the talk that clearly needed to happen. And the only way to avoid that talk was to avoid the man in question. She spent nearly the whole day making sure she and Garcia were never alone. And barely said two words to him, worried that if she started talking, she would ramble on about all the crazy thoughts going through her head.

The rest of the team didn’t seem to notice anything weird going on between the two, and if they did they most likely assumed that it was because they were raising their daughter from the future.

But there was one person who did realize something was wrong. And that was Grace. She had asked Garcia whether or not her momma was mad at him again.

“Again?”

“Yeah, like last time when you didn’t bring her favorite cookies home.”

Lucy knew she couldn’t keep avoiding him much longer. She wasn’t one to run away from conflict. But she also wasn’t one to be open about her feelings.

Running her fingers through her hair to smooth down her bedhead, she slowly sat up. She hadn’t slept much last night and she was exhausted.

The last thing Lucy remembered was drifting off on the couch, watching Grace sleep in the adjoining room. Garcia must have moved her sometime in the night. But it still didn’t feel like she had gotten enough sleep. She just kept having nightmares on repeat. Emma kidnapping Grace. Or that Garcia got hurt.

The room was surprisingly quiet, which was a rare moment of peace, as the life in the new bunker had been anything but.

Getting used to a new bunker wasn’t as easy as one would expect. Lucy wasn’t sure when she got comfortable living in that underground cold steel cage, but she would give anything to be back in their old bunker.

It would definitely prevent the awkwardness of getting lost and ending up in the wrong room.

On just the first day alone, Rufus had walked in on Connor in the bathroom twice, the older man screaming bloody murder each time.

Jiya had fallen asleep in Garcia and Lucy’s room thinking it was her own.

Wyatt had been MIA and Lucy wouldn’t have even believed he was there if he hadn’t been in the car on the ride over.

And Denise had mixed up the bunker codes and had accidentally locked herself inside with the team for the time being.

The only one who loved this new place was Grace. The little girl was a bundle of energy and on the first day gave each time team member a job to decorate their new home.

The first few hours were spent making snowflakes. Denise was surprisingly good at it. Rufus had cut himself multiple times. And Connor had given up after his twentieth attempt.

Later, Grace had recruited Connor in creating a playlist for the “time team”, which is apparently what they were called in the future. After a while, Garcia had officially banned country music after the same song played on repeat for four hours straight. Rufus hadn’t listened and instead started performing karaoke with Jiya.

Around dinner, Grace bribed her poor father into teaching the rest of the bunker how to cook and bake. She claimed Jiya made the best chocolate chip cookies, but the woman herself stated she had never touched an oven before in her life.

And before bed, Grace found Wyatt and convinced him to play cards with her. The man was sullen but smiled as the girl tried to “cheat” which Lucy reprimanded her for. However, when the little girl claimed she was counting cards like her dad, Lucy let it go with a smile.

Lucy wasn’t sure what her daughter had in mind today, but she was excited to find out.

With a sigh, Lucy glanced at the clock, which was blinking noon. She had always had an issue with sleeping in. As a professor, she hated early classes almost as much as her students. And that hatred for early mornings certainly didn’t go away just because she was chasing a mad woman and terrorist organization through time.

Dragging herself out of bed, Lucy dressed and quickly made her way to the kitchen, her stomach growling as she smelled the lingering scent of French toast.

Because Rittenhouse hadn’t jumped since they moved bunkers, the team seemed to have taken to relaxing, which was why Lucy wasn’t too surprised to find an empty kitchen.

She would have assumed no one else was awake if the kitchen hadn’t been a complete mess of flour and smelled delicious.

Stepping around the table, to see if there was any food left in the fridge, Lucy slipped on something, catching herself on the counter. Reaching down she picked up a shirt. Her brows furrowing she looked around at the piled of clothes and kitchenware that was dumped into a pile on the ground.

All the things that had been packed away in boxes and left to be unpacked into their new bunker.

A small giggle echoed through the room, and Lucy peeked into the living room, finding that the boxes were being used as a makeshift fort in front of the TV.

Tip-toeing up to the back, Lucy knocked on the roughly cut door.

Grace’s head popped out and she excitedly waved her mother in. Lucy smiled and scooted into the box fort, finding Garcia sitting on the ground, his hair filled with barrettes. Grace jumped back onto the couch and began what Lucy assumed was braiding her father’s hair.

Lucy leaned down pressing a kiss against Grace’s head and the little girl immediately threw her arms around her mother’s neck. Lucy just held her for a moment before she opened her eyes, catching sight of Garcia’s and blushing in response.

“Momma, let go I need to finish daddy’s hair or he’s gonna look like a mess.”

“Nope, no can do sweet girl. I need more hugs.” Lucy fell back onto the couch holding Grace close to her and tickling the little girl. She laughed loudly, the sound echoing beautifully off the metal walls.

“Daddy, save me!”

Garcia chuckled, “No can do, draga! I’m sorry but here comes another tickle monster!”

“No no no!” The little girl pulled away, and Lucy let her go, her tiny feet taking her out of the fort and across the room as Garcia chased after her.

Lucy watched with a smile as the two continued to play as she got food ready for herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How did you know when you loved Rufus?”

Lucy and Jiya sat at the kitchen table, the later working on the Rubik’s cube Rufus had gotten her, which she had found in his things and promptly stolen but definitely planned to put back before he realized.

Jiya glanced up and shrugged, about to look back down at her cube when she realized Lucy wasn’t even looking at her but was staring across the room at Garcia who was throwing a laughing Grace up into the air.

“Ohhh!” Jiya said putting the cube on the table as she scooted her chair closer to Lucy’s.

“So you and Flynn?”

Lucy threw her a startled look, “I mean I’m not sure? I’ve never really loved anyone. I didn’t have time for boyfriends in school and there were a few relationships later on but my career has always been more important. I just...I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling.”

Jiya smiled at the panicked look on Lucy’s face, “You’re not supposed to feel anything. You just know.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.” Lucy groaned, placing her head in her hands.

“Lucy,” Jiya said reaching out and placing her hand on her arm, “just because you have a child together doesn’t mean that you have to be feeling things so soon. Clearly, your prodigy over there is not coming for another few years. I mean even Rufus and I are gonna have a kid and I’m freaking out too. But I guess it’s different because Rufus and I are together... and you and Garcia are- ”

“We kissed two nights ago.” Lucy blurted out.

“YOU WHAT?!” Jiya squealed, her voice echoing through the metal bunker.

Silence sliced through the living room and Lucy peeked out from her hands watching as Garcia sent over a curious glance smirking as he caught sight of Lucy’s reddened face and Jiya’s excitement.

Lucy shushed Jiya as she swatted her arm and the woman whispered, “Sorry sorry. Lucy that’s amazing! You know I was always rooting for you guys.”

“I thought you hated Garcia.”

“I mean I did. But the man knows his Doctor Who. It’s refreshing.”

Lucy’s brows shot up as she stifled a laugh, “I...alright. Well you need to help me because I still don’t know what I’m feeling and now everything is awkward and I haven’t talked to him since the kiss.”

Jiya eyes widened, “You can’t ignore him!” and then she smirked, “I know just want you need.” The woman leaped to her feet, “Grace, my perfect little niece, I need your conniving scheming smarty-pants brain!”

The little girl squealed and the pitter-patter of her shoes should on the floor, her shoes lighting up as she ran over to them from the living room, Garcia following close behind, “Coming Aunt Jiya! Bye Daddy! Bye, momma! We’ll try not to make something go ‘boom’ this time.”

“’Boom?’.....WAIT, JIYA!”

But Jiya’s face just lit up as she imagined all the chaos those two had probably caused in the future, before she dragged Grace out of the room, “We’ll be fine!”

Biting her lip, Lucy listened to the sound of laughter echoing down the hall as they got further and further away.

Garcia sidled up alongside Lucy and she closed her eyes knowing what he was going to say.

“Should I leave so you don’t have to come up with an excuse to avoid me?”

Lucy turned to face him, but the words were caught in her throat.

“Lucy,” Garcia smiled sadly, “if the kiss was too soon, we can act like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to force you into anything. ”

But Lucy shook her head, “No, it’s not that. I just...I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I don’t want to start off our relationship not being able to communicate, that would be a horrible way to raise a family. I’m just....what?”

“Nothing.” He said, his tongue darting out to lick his lips, a smile tugging at his mouth at how she had used the word family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Lucy!”

Lucy shot up, her heart beating fast. She raised her hand to run it through her hair but froze when she saw it shaking in the stream of light that shone through the bunker’s living room window. Another hand reached out toward her shaking hand and unwittingly she flinched away, watching as the hand retreated.

That was when Lucy looked up, finding Garcia crouched down next to where she must have fallen asleep on the couch, her body trying to catch up on the lack of sleep from the prior night.

Garcia’s eyes were dark with worry, the unspoken question “are you okay” on his lips.

Lucy swallowed hard and tried to give him a smile, but all she managed was a grimace.

“Is it ever going to end?”

“What?” Garcia murmured, his hand reaching out and brushing some hair back behind her ear.

“Do we even have a plan to defeat Rittenhouse? Or is it just a never-ending chase throughout history? I don’t know how much more I can take Garcia. I can’t-“

Garcia grabbed onto her hand and opened his mouth to speak when a loud alarm shot through the room.

“The Mothership has jumped! You gotta go.”

Lucy pulled her hand out of Garcia’s and the couple moved over to the rest of the team.

“I’m going.” Lucy stepped forward.

Garcia pulled her to the side, “Lucy...you didn’t get any sleep last night. And you just...what about Grace?”

“It’s my fault, Emma has my journal, Garcia. It’s my fault. I need to do this. I need to fix this. For our future. When did they jump?”

Connor froze, “April 1912.”

No.

Lucy and Garcia shared a look. Knowing they both had to go. Lucy had read that entry in her journal and she knew that was the moment that rocked her and Garcia’s relationship forward. She swallowed hard and looked over at Grace, who was sullen as she held tight to Jiya’s hand.

As Rufus got the Lifeboat ready, Garcia and Lucy crouched in front of Grace. And they knew that she understood what was coming. She pulled them into a tight hug and they hugged their daughter as tight as they could. It took all their strength to pull themselves away from her.

As they sat in the Lifeboat, Lucy and Garcia gripped each other’s hand tight as they watched the door close, their last sight, their daughter. And they couldn’t stop their minds from wondering how many times had they both had to leave her behind in the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking on the deck of the Titanic was overwhelming. As Lucy’s heels clicked against the floor, she gazed around in wonder, the ocean’s breeze sending a shiver down her spine. It was a wonder how this magnificently big ship could end up at the bottom of the ocean, because looking at it, it looked like it could withstand a hurricane.

Garcia was at her back, his hand resting warm around her waist, holding her close as they passed people left and right. Rufus a few steps behind, complaining about leaving the Lifeboat so far away.

“Do you think there is a sleeper agent here? You said you mentioned that you wrote about it in your journal. What did it say?”

Lucy blushed as she remembered the details she had read about Garcia and herself and cleared her throat, “No, no mentions of a sleeper. But they could be here to kill more people. Could be Margaret Brown, better known as The Unsinkable Molly. She saved dozens of people when she made the crew of one of the lifeboats turn around and save survivors. She also goes on to work in our criminal justice system. It was because of her that we have a juvenile court. Before that, there was nothing like it and children offenders were getting thrown into prison for years and even getting the death penalty. She was the one that helped create different punishments. She’s amazing.”

“Excuse me, miss.”

Lucy turned around, her eyes going wide as she saw the woman standing in front of her.

“I heard you speaking on juvenile offenders. I am actually working to create a different system for children so that they will not be tried as adults are. Would you care to talk over tea?”

Lucy’s mouth was wide open and it wasn’t until Garcia nudged her clearing his throat loudly, did she stick out her hand.

“Hi! Yes, hello. I am Lucy Preston. I would love to discuss juvenile offenders.”

“Marvelous. I am Margaret Brown. However, please call me Molly.”

“I- yes I will do that.”

Molly laughed, “We shall meet in the dining hall, tonight?”

Nodding her head in awe, Lucy listened silently as Molly bid them a farewell.

Speechless, Lucy watched as Molly walked away, Garcia and Rufus stifling laughs as they watched her point at Molly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rufus decided to pass on dinner, instead focusing on trying to find any sleeper agents, while Garcia and Lucy prepared for their dinner with Margaret Brown.

At dinner that night, the orchestra played softly, as they were offered plates of food. Molly had invited Garcia and Lucy to join her and her friend at their own table.

Lucy was practically vibrating with excitement as she asked Molly about her family and her involvement in establishing the United States first juvenile court system.

Molly explained how she had peacefully separated from her husband and he had given her an allowance to do what she loved, which was helping destitute children.

It was rare to find a divorced woman in this time, let alone one who was still accepted into high society. Lucy hung onto every one of her words, in awe at how much the woman in front of her had accomplished and would accomplish.

“I just think it’s wonderful how much you’re helping these children. It’s just not fair that children are being punished for crimes as adults, there’s such a developmental difference between the two.” Lucy said.

Molly sighed, “Which is exactly what I have been trying to tell various other judges. There is only one who agrees with me, a Judge Ben Lindsey. He has worked wonders in helping me.” Molly spoke, “But enough about me and my job, do you two have children? I am assuming you are married, yes?”

Garcia smiled, “We are. And we do, a daughter. Grace. She’s almost five.”

“A wonderful age. And I bet she takes after your wife’s brilliant brains.”

“That she does.”

Garcia threw a smile at Lucy and for a moment Lucy felt as if time had frozen. Garcia’s hand was warm, wrapped around hers and she could feel the steady beat of his heart. After a moment, she smiled, finally able to see how this would one day be their future. As a family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later on that night, when the three travelers were in their cabin, the ship suddenly rocked to the side, glasses and other items flying off the dresser; the dresser itself teetering dangerously.

Rufus grabbed both Lucy and Garcia as they stumbled over their feet, trying to regain balance. The ship rocked hard once again, and Lucy fell right into Garcia’s arms, the man taking the brunt of the hit when they slammed into the wall.

“No, this isn’t supposed to happen yet. It’s only the 13th. What’s going on?” Lucy gripped tight to both men as the ship jolted to a stop as if it had rammed into something.

Propelling himself off the wall, Garcia yanked the door opened, peeking down the hall, watching as the other passengers rushed out of their rooms.

“Come on.” Garcia grabbed onto Lucy’s hand and she, in turn, grabbed Rufus’s as they made their way through the sea of people trying to make it to the ballroom, where everyone was whispering that the captain was going to be making an announcement.

People were screaming over each other and shoving each other left and right as crazy theories were coming out about what was happening.

Lucy pushed her way through the people when she spotted the captain, “Captain Smith!”

The man turned around and Lucy nodded her head in respect, “Sir, I’m sorry for the intrusion, but is everything okay? It felt like we hit an iceberg.”

“All is fine. No icebergs in sight. I will be making an announcement soon.” The man tried to smile, but a grimace crossed his face as he took in the passengers that were swarming the ballroom.

Garcia and Rufus finally caught up to her.

“What did he say?”

Lucy told them that he hadn’t given her much information, but something seemed off.

She glanced around when she caught sight of Molly and her friend standing toward the side. She nudged Garcia, and he nodded. Lucy quickly walked over to her, “Molly.”

“Oh, Lucy.” The woman reached out, giving Lucy’s hand a squeeze, “Are you and your husband, all good?”

“Yes, thank you. I am worried though. I think Garcia and I are going to be ready if something happens, I think you should be too.”

Molly smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, “Don’t worry about old me. I shall be fine. We will see you tomorrow?”

Lucy smiled and nodded, bidding the woman a farewell. She knew she would do everything she could to save Molly and stop Emma from wreaking more havoc.

She went to take another step to find Garcia and Rufus when she felt something hard press into her back. Freezing, she felt a hand wrap tight around her arm and push her off toward a side room.

The unknown person shoved her forward and Lucy knocked over some pots, as she tried to right herself. Turning around, she raised her hands up as a man aimed a gun at her head.

“Emma sends her regards. And she hopes that your little angel is doing well.”

Lucy swallowed hard as the man moved his finger down to the trigger. However, before she could think of what to do, movement in the window behind the agent caught her eyes as she saw Rufus peeking through the glass.

“Well, you can tell Emma to leave us the hell alone. I hope the journal is treating her well.”

The man looked confused and Lucy nodded her head minutely before dropping to the ground as Rufus came barging through the door. The gunman turned around in surprise, a shot going off into the ceiling as Rufus forced his arm up.

Crawling quickly across the ground, Lucy grabbed a pan and whipped around whacking it into the gunman’s hand, the gun flying across the room.

“Garcia?”

Rufus grunted as he rammed into the agent once again, “He’s busy with minion number two.”

Lucy nodded and watched as the agent pushed away from Rufus and made to run across the room to grab his gun.

Lucy dove after him, grabbing onto his leg, causing him to slam to the ground. She crawled over him and reached out her fingers just brushing against the butt of the gun. The agent gripped her ankle and began to drag her back, but her fingers closed around the gun and she picked it up as the agent stood up, his eyes widening as Lucy pulled the trigger without hesitation.

Her eyes went wide as he dropped to the ground and she scrambled to her feet, dropping the gun into the trashcan as she rushed out of the room. Rufus followed closely, his hands shaking, as he glanced around hoping nobody had heard their struggle.

Turning the corner, Lucy ran headfirst into a body and raised her hands prepared for another fight, when she saw it was Garcia she relaxed, sighing as she wrapped herself around him.

“Lucy?”

“I’m fine.”

“She’s not fine, she just fought off a man twice her size and shot him. So I’m gonna go and throw up somewhere alright?” He said before taking off out to the deck.

Lucy was silent as she let Garcia guide her to their cabin.

“Lucy.”

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are.” He gritted.

“I said I’m fine Flynn.” She snapped, “I’ve killed people before. I-“

“Lucy.”

Lucy pulled at her hair, “When did killing people become okay with me? I’m no better than Rittenhouse. Murdering people. I don’t even know who that man was, if he had a family.”

“Lucy,” Garcia grabbed onto her chin, turning her to look at him, “he would have killed you. He wasn’t a good man. You did it to survive. You didn’t kill him because you wanted to.”

“But that’s where you’re wrong!” She was hysterical, “I did want to kill him. I wanted him dead because of everything he stands for. I killed him like I tried to kill Emma back in Chinatown. How can I ever come back after this?”

“You don’t, really. And I would know. But one day you will realize you did what you had to do. You told me all those months ago that I could be a father after everything I have done. And you can be a mother after what you’ve done. You can be good because you’ve always been good. You’ve never been anything else.”

“So, if you believe that you can be a father again, then what is stopping you from getting your family back?”

“What?”

“If given the chance to save them, you’ll choose them and I couldn’t blame you for that.”

“Lucy, where is this coming from?”

Lucy sighed, sitting on the bed, her whole body decompressing, “You wanted to talk about the kiss. This is why I didn’t want to.”

“Lucy.” Garcia crouched down in front of her, “I may still love my wife and daughter, but-“ He paused, “I love you. When you first handed me the journal all those years ago and told me that if I followed it, I would be able to save my family, I think deep down I knew that it was a fool’s errand. But I did it anyway because I loved them. And I still do. But along the way I changed. I will always love Iris but I’m not the same man that was her father. And I’m not the same person that Lorena loved. And if somehow I get them back, if somehow we save Iris and Lorena, I won’t leave you. I will be a father to Iris and I will always love Lorena, but that’s in the past. But it’s you, I love you. I’m a father to Grace. And I hope to one day be a husband to you. You’re my family. You and Grace. And this team. And I promise you, I won’t leave you.”

“You can’t-“

“But I can Lucy. Because I’m yours. If you want me.”

That night wasn’t exactly a pleasant one. The tension between Lucy and Garcia was palpable and when Rufus had made it back, they were sitting on opposite sides of the cabin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the dawn broke, it was April 14th, and Lucy knew they had to leave. Garcia was sure that they had taken out both of the Rittenhouse agents and that the Titanic would happen exactly how history should. Their job was done. But if they waited for the Titanic to go down, there was a chance they wouldn’t survive.

With some bribing and thievery, they managed to steal of the lifeboats and row over to the closest ship, which Lucy said was the SS Carpathia, one of the ships that received the distress call from the Titanic and in turn saved over 700 people.

After hours of rowing, the team climbed aboard and Garcia paid their way onto the passenger list. The hours of waiting seemed to draw on and on and the team sat in silence until the distress call sounded on board.

That night, Lucy, Garcia, and Rufus spent the night helping the crew pull people out of the water and treating them for injuries.

Lucy watched as Garcia spoke to a frantic French woman and was dragged over to a little girl that couldn’t have been much older than Grace. Garcia crouched down, pulling off his coat and wrapping it around the little girl, whispering comforting words to her in French.

In the end, the crew and passengers were able to save the 700 people. And thus the journey began home. The Captain dropped everybody off in New York, but the team stuck around as the ship circled back to Liverpool, where they would hitch a ride to where they had stashed the Lifeboat.

Another week on a ship.

After that, the team decided they were never never going on another ship ever again.

In that week, Garcia and Lucy pushed past that one night on the Titanic and began to learn more about each other. Lucy opened up to him in a way she hadn’t opened up to anyone. And Garcia shared with her things that he still had nightmares about. They spent that week talking and growing closer.

Yet the most surprising relationship to come out of this trip was the new friendship between Rufus and Garcia. Both men had grown to trust and enjoy each other’s presence much to their chagrin.

When they finally got off the ship a week later, Rufus fell to the ground kissing the pavement and praising God for letting them live.

Instead of leaving right away to go find the Lifeboat, the team decided to relax the rest of the night in a hotel.

They needed just a little time away from modes of transportation.

And of course, because fate always played a hand, there were only two rooms available.

Lucy and Garcia shared one.

That night as Lucy sat in bed, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She knew that it was time to stop fighting it.

And this time Lucy kissed Garcia. Not because she had read it in the journal but because she wanted to.

Lucy knew in the way he was looking at her that he was telling the truth about how he felt. The way he held her, the way he looked at her and talked to her, he made her feel safe and she knew that her heart would be safe with him always.

And in that moment she let go of the hesitation that had been holding her back and let herself be loved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sneak Peek:

When the lifeboat landed, the sound of footsteps echoed through the bunker and Lucy didn’t waste a second jumping out of the Lifeboat and bending down to grab the little girl that ran right into her arms.

She held tight to her daughter, Garcia’s arms wrapped tight around her holding both of his girls close.

“Momma!”

“Yes, sweet girl?”

“I have a surprise!”

“WE!” Came Jiya’s voice from the other room.

“For me?” Lucy asked, her eyebrows raising as she shared a look with Garcia.

“For you and daddy!”

The little girl wiggled out of her mother’s grasp until she was placed on the ground. She held out her tiny hands to her parents, bouncing excitedly on her toes as she dragged her mother and father away from the Lifeboat and into the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s notes: If there are any mistakes I'm sorry I wanted to get this out tonight and it's late and I have work tomorrow so I'm trusting my brain to have edited correctly. I promise I'll try to update sooner! You guys are the best and I love you all!

#garcy #garcy ff #garcy fanfiction #garcy fanfic #timeless #Garcia flynn #Lucy preston #my fanfic #Garcia x lucy #flynn x lucy #timeless ff #timeless fanfic #timeless fanfiction

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what-is-sibling-test · 6 years ago

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from 'RittenhouseTL' for all things Timeless http://bit.ly/2LOcvwe via Istudy world