#gratuitous work selfie

[toxicanonymity]

Some Landlord ! Billy smut would be Perfect, if you have time. Thanks Tox 🥺

murderbait

BILLY LOOMIS x f!READER | 2k words | The Leak WARNINGS: 18+ AU where Billy lives and is acquitted of the murders. He's now your sleazy landlord. Gratuitous slutty descriptions. masturbation in public, detailed PIV fantasy, degradation, praise, banter and bickering, light enemies to lovers dynamic, manhandling, dom Billy vibes, sexual tension, pet names, "protective" Billy. NOTES: Sure, nonnie. I offer this sleaze with love. 🖤🖤

In the middle of the night, you wake up sweaty despite being completely naked and using no covers. Without putting on any clothes, you walk to your kitchen to get a cold cup of water, only to see a stack of filled ice trays next to the sink because you forgot to put them in the freezer. Ugh.

You get a glass of water and stand in front of the fridge with the door open. The air conditioner in your window feels weaker every day. It’s so stuffy in your trailer, you wonder if you’d be better off with the window open. Still naked, you go to the kitchen window and slide it open. No matter how hard you push upward, it won’t click and stay. 

“Piece of shit,” you mutter. But the fresh air does feel good. 

Standing in the window with your arms raised, tits blazing, skin glistening…. something moves in the corner of your eye. There’s a fake security camera mounted on the shed you’re looking at. At least you always assumed it was fake, since the owners are such deadbeats. You give it the middle finger just in case, then use a pitcher to hold the window up. 

You go back to bed for a while longer, then get up and rifle through your unfolded laundry, looking for a swimsuit. You find a bikini that appears to have shrunk, but it has adjustable strings so you put it on anyway. Next door, there’s an extended stay hotel that has a pool. It has a cracked and faded slide, no longer in use, and half the rungs are dangling from the pool ladders. It won’t be the first time you’ve snuck in there. No one seems to care, and no one’s going to be out at this hour anyway. 

The pool water is normally warm by sunset, but in the middle of the night, it’s cooled off enough. A weakly-inflated flamingo pool float sits atop the water, and a couple of pool noodles hug the wall. Half the pool lights are working. There’s no way this would pass an inspection, but sometimes it feels like barely anyone outside the area knows it exists.

You sit on the side of the pool, and as you lower yourself into the water, you look down to see your hard nipples barely contained by the shrunken, unlined triangle top, with some areola showing on one breast. The sight of your own slutty fit turns you on, and you don’t fix it. 

Kicking your legs out in front of you, you imagine Billy joining you. Billy and his dirty wifebeaters and trucker hats and jeans that fit too well. Billy and his slutty fucking selfies that you can’t stop looking at every night. Billy, and that look in his eyes like he could eat you up, if only he were hungry. 

He’d be hungry right now, you bet. You turn to your side and use both feet to grab a pool noodle, letting yourself off the wall as you mount it. Straddling the  pool noodle, you turn toward the wall and rest your forearms on the side and squeeze your thighs together. 

Closing your eyes and resting your head, you fantasize about him. He’s a low-life and a sleaze, and god he makes it hot. The way he moves, it shouldn’t be hot at all, but you’ve been watching him closer ever since he sent those selfies, and when scratches his lower belly, lifting up his tank top, exposing his happy trail, at this point it drives you fucking crazy. Like that’s where you need your forehead. You tilt your hips for more pressure from the foam between your legs. 

There’s not a single thing about him that says he’s a better guy than you thought, but maybe he is. Or more likely, you don’t care. Or, perhaps most likely, you kinda like him bad. 

He’s not the kind of man you’d want in your life, but in your bed? 

It’s so easy to picture his silhouette at the foot of your bed, scratching himself, then lewdly grabbing the massive bulge in his jeans. 

Your hips begin to move on their own, seeking friction with the foam noodle. 

You can see him kneeling onto your mattress, prowling toward you, arms flexing, chains hanging down from his neck, dangling in the air–god if you could feel those hit your skin. You can feel him grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head with one hand, while he unbuttons his jeans with the other. 

You reach down and slide the pool noodle against your front, grinding your hips. 

He’d probably lean in real close, say something cocky like, “you ready for this?”  Ugh, his voice. With his dick in his hand. “Think ya can take it?”  Yes, yes, please. He drops his thick meat heavily against your mound. Yes, please. God, please, you’d be squirming under him, wrists pinned by his hand, lifting your hips desperately.  “Sure ya can handle this big cock?”

Fuck. It’s so clear, you can practically smell him. Your whole cunt throbs and you’re gushing in your bikini bottoms. “Mm,” you quietly hum as you get closer. 

He’d shove himself into you, you’d arch your back and moan. He’d chuckle darkly, then his free hand would come to your jaw, dwarfing your face as he uses just two fingers and a thumb to squeeze your mouth open. The smell of cigarettes intensifies as his face hovers over yours, then he spits in your mouth. And he stays there, bottomed out, and you’ve never felt so full but you need the friction, you need him to move so bad, you need him to fuck you, you beg him to fuck you, really fuck you. “Yeah? Need me to fuck you?” God, yes. 

“Mm,” your face screws up. You're so wet, and your clit twitches as you rub the front of your swimsuit with the foam cylinder you're straddling.

You can practically hear him say, “Poor baby.” He’s got half a smile, amused and in control. “Yeah I'll give it to ya,” he begins to slowly retreat, pauses with his cock half-withdrawn and lowers his pitch. “Who’s your daddy?”

The tension snaps and your lips part as you see stars. 

Squeezing your thighs tight around the pool noodle, you ride it out, cumming to the thought of his girth stretching you with his gold chains dangling over you, hips beginning to move, jeans sitting loosely around his hips. 

You weren’t planning on doing that, but, there you are, coming down off that high in the motel pool, in your shrunken bikini, skin buzzing, so tired and peaceful you could fall asleep. 

And then metal scrapes against concrete, stirring you from your blissed out state. 

A shadow moves.

His deep voice at a low volume, with that edge of condescension: "All done?”

Your stomach drops. You almost don’t want to look up, but you do. It’s his silhouette, manspreading in a worn-out chair, with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. The shadow of his stupid trucker hat hides his face. You let go of the pool noodle and try to subtly push it away, obviously too late. Frozen, heart racing, you’re standing with your chest above water. 

“What are you doing here?” you demand. 

“Don’t worry, I’m on my way out.” He stands up and stretches, revealing his happy trail. He twists in another stretch and god, his silhouette - his jeans bulging, clearly aroused. “An' so are you, c’mon.” 

“I’m still cooling off,” you protest. 

“I’ll bet.”  He drops his cigarette into his can of beer and carries it with him as he approaches the pool with his face still in the shadow of his hat. Light reflects off his gold chains. 

You make a fake effort to adjust your top and can’t take your eyes off his jeans. He adjusts himself and stands there giving you a moment. 

Then he loses patience and says, “Alright, sugartits. Let’s go.” 

He squats down and grabs you by the arm. 

“Hey,” you protest as he starts to manhandle you toward the shallow stairs. “Alright, alright. Damn”

When you’re out of the pool, he looks you up and down. You feel like covering yourself up, but you defiantly stand with your hands on your hips. 

“Tryin’ to turn tricks out here?” He slowly steps toward you and his eyes are glued to your chest. “Good place to do it….prolly make a few hooker friends too.” 

“How many of’em have you fucked?” you retort. 

He ignores the question and reaches for your chest. 

Without blocking his hand, you look down and part of your nipple is showing again. He “fixes” your suit, tugging it over and thumbing your nipple while he’s at it. It covers your areola but leaves underboob. 

“There ya go.” 

He puts a toothpick in his mouth and motions for you to lead the way. 

As you exit the pool area dripping wet, you mention, “If you’re gonna spy on me, you could bring me a towel next time.” 

“Yeah, okay,” He mumbles with the toothpick at the corner of his mouth. “Just lookin’ out for ya’s all.” 

“I don’t remember asking you to.”

He pulls the tab off his beer can and it replaces the cigarette that had been between his fingers. He throws the can into a bush.

As you reach the trailer park property line, he throws his toothpick into the shrubs and lowers his voice. “Listen sugar, there’s some shady fuckin’ characters over there.” 

You scoff. “Apparently so.” you shoot him a look and can’t help but check him out while you’re at it. A harsh floodlight highlights the freckles on his big, tan shoulders. 

He keeps on, “You tryin’ to get stabbed?” 

“What?”

“Dumb as hell, sneakin’ over there, middle’a the night.” 

Somehow, this makes you feel stupid. Like if he’s calling someone dumb... Damn. 

You walk the rest of the way to your trailer in silence with him following slightly behind you. 

“Lemme guess, ya left it unlocked, too,” he mutters, then opens your door himself. “Fuckin’ murderbait over here,” he grumbles.

He stands with his back to the open door and waits, making your body brush his as you walk in. 

Full body goosebumps. 

He stands there looking at you, and you eye his pants. Slowly, he steps into your personal space, and you back up almost to the nearest wall, but not against it. There, you stop. Letting him close. With his hand on the wall, he effectively traps you, blocking you from going any further into your trailer.

The smell of Newports fills your nostrils. He wets his lips and looks from your eyes to your chest, then  your mouth. 

He brings his nose to your neck and barely grazes you as he takes a long sniff. His nose brushes your cheek, and his lips follow. Just above a whisper, he warns, “Don’t do it again.” 

When you don’t answer, he pulls back and his hand comes to your neck. He’s gentle, not applying any pressure, but the presence of his large, strong hand is enough to feel like a threat. One that makes you more turned on than scared. “Got it?” he asks, looking at your mouth. Can’t be sure if he’s talking about going over there alone or leaving your trailer unlocked, and it doesn’t really matter. His eyes are wild, and it’s like he’s inspecting you, marveling at your face. 

You whisper, “Yes sir,” and await his next move. 

He takes his hand from your neck and cups your cheek to whisper, “Good girl.” 

You could actually melt.

He gives your chest another look and drops his hand, incidentally brushing his wrist against your breast before he pulls up his jeans. He bites the aluminum tab and turns to leave without another word. As he walks away, your eyes are drawn to a glock sticking out of the back of his pants. 

He looks back at you and winks before shutting the door behind himself.  

-----

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Thank you for reading! I appreciate your interest and engagement with him so much.

Please take care of yourselves ♥️

[kissitbttr]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Ana I love ur work

So we know cheerleader!reader sends frat!Miguel photos of her, right? What about when she gets photos of him? Where’s the dick print pics? The gratuitous sweaty shirtless post workout selfies that every man takes?

Also because I must know….does frat!miguel like to get pegged? Because big buff football boy liking it up the ass is delicious

Thank you sayang! Kisses 😘

-🫦

sayaaang akuuu!!! omg i do need miguel’s thirst traps😔😔 we all do

-

her: where are you

her: i’m waiting

her: all naked and for nothing

she taps on her phone, anxiously waiting for a reply. not even ten seconds in, her phone dings,

miguel: i’m at the gym, baby. glen needs a spotter for the bench so i’m waiting for him to finish his set then i’m all yours yeah? xx

miguel: also… pics or it didn’t happen👀

she rolls her eyes at that but smiles anyways before typing a reply,

her: no, you’ve received too much

her: what about mine?!

her: i want to see my man all sweaty and shit

her: send me somethinggggg!!

miguel: *pic sent*

miguel: good enough, muñeca?

she sits up straight before tapping the attachment picture and fuck she almost loses it,

the picture is a bit blurry, she imagines him taking it with his hand a bit shaky. but fuck, it’s clear enough to make her drool,

miguel has no shirt on. giving her a delicious view of his chest and six pack glistening with sweat. his sweatpants hanging loosely around his hips, showcasing a bit of the v line and his happy trail,

her: babyyyy you look so yummy!!💦💦

miguel: ☺️☺️

her: but pull the pants up a bit

her: I don’t want anyone accidentally seeing your dick

her: not even glen. he’d turn gay for you

miguel: roger that, muñeca 😘

her: i’ll do five positions for you once you get here xx

miguel: on my way

-

as for pegginggg, hmmm miguel is not entirely interested tbh lmaooo. i do think his girl loves to bring that up every once in a while to fuck around with him a bit,

“just this once! we don’t have to do it again if you don’t like it!” she tries to suggest the idea, following him from behind,

he shakes his head, looking at her as if she’s weird for even thinking about it,

“no, muñeca. I don’t have to try it. that shits weird. no one’s touching my butthole except me. not even you, I don’t care how much i love you.”

“but you have a cute one though!” she pouts. “give me fifteen seconds tops”

again, he shakes his head. “stay away from my butthole, y/n”

LMAOOOOO

[askbensolo]

04.10.30 - we are doing GREAT today fellas and for once i’m not being sarcastic

Dude. I don’t know what switch magically turned on in my brain today, but I am feeling a lot better. Thank you galaxy, the Force, the universe, the Rylothian goddess Tollah—whomever.

Maybe there was something to what Greer was tellin’ me. I don’t know if I fully agree with the way Greer looks at things…but I do try to at least consider the perspectives different people have to offer.

I told Mom I was gonna go to the gym this morning, since I didn’t yesterday, and that I’d meet her at the office later. And…she didn’t seem to have a problem with that. Which makes me wonder if maybe she didn’t have a problem with me not wanting to come with her to the office on Tuesday, and that she only got stressy over me because I got all defensive. And that maybe we could have avoided that whole stupid thing if I had just…I don’t know, communicated better.

Gym went great today. Hit my top lifts. Took some gratuitous selfies that I will not be showing you because of my stupid-looking facial hair. Took the airbus through the city. Caught some sunshine—it’s finally getting warm out. Grabbed lunch on my way to Mom’s office, and got her a cinnamon bun just to let her know I love her.

My holopod did that thing where it shows you a holo from the past, and it was one of me and Fannie from last summer—and instead of making me cry, it actually made me smile.

I walked into Mom’s office humming Max Rebo, and she was delighted by the cinnamon bun (if a little annoyed by the obligatory joke I made about her hairstyle at nineteen). But she was thrilled to see me in such a good mood. She gave me a big hug and said, “Oh, Mama loves her happy little boy!” And that was disgustingly embarrassing and all, and Greer definitely whipped her head around as if to say “her what now?”—but, hey—I was glad to see Mom happy, too.

“What’s got you so up on Cloud City?” Greer asked, as she chucked me some napkins (I’d spilled some sauce on the desk where I was sitting). “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I dunno,” I said, my mouth full of sandwich. “I just woke up and everything seemed great today. Geez—normal people are so lucky. I can’t believe they feel like this all the time.”

“They don’t,” said Greer emotionlessly. “If you think that normal people are just ecstatic all the time by default—well, maybe that’s one of the things contributing to your harder days.” And she turned on her heels and tapped away on her datapad.

I stopped mid-bite, and glared at her shoulder blades. Like…okay.

But…then she turned around again, seeming to realize she had been a bit harsh.

“…Excuse me. I’m glad you’re feeling well today, Ben,” she said—and offered me a measured smile. At least, for about half a second, before swiftly walking away.

For all her practicality, Greer’s smile was genuine—when she could remember to give it.

“Thanks,” I said.

I did some editing on my novel. But, then I found myself replaying in my mind that thing that Mom had said to me—Mama loves her happy little boy!—and something about it was still poking at the back of my brain. Sure, it was a little infantilizing—but I could take that—that’s just mom-stuff. It was something else that was bothering me.

And I finally figured it out, after I had finished editing Chapter 10. I realized that, my whole life, I’d felt like I was either being psychologically rewarded for being happy, or having a good day, or being easy to work with—and psychologically punished when I was not.

Mama loves her happy little boy! = Good. Mom is happy.

Ben, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is there anything I can do? = Bad. Mom is stressed.

I know she doesn’t mean to do that. She really is just…happy when I’m happy, and worried when I’m not. She’s not trying to put pressure on me, or trying to force me to bear the burden of what kind of day she’s going to have, but…

Even so, I still feel���

…Hm. Yeah, I gotta think about this some more.

[lizzardwitch]

rj/fran

ah yes the beauty and the beast ship that pr robbed us of because women in this franchise can't have nice things

who said i love you first?

RJ. Fran is way too shy to confess her feelings first and believes that she isn't attractive or worthy enough for love (even though that's FAR from the case). RJ is an awkward little bastard too but he probably just ends up saying it on a whim after trying to hype himself up for WEEKS to ask Fran out on a date.

who laughs when the other trips?

RJ tries his best not to. He so desperately tries not to. But Fran is just too much of an adorable silly mess and he can't help but giggle as he helps her up.

who pays the bills? 

Back when Fran worked for RJ, he did. Now she probably has her own job (librarian would be my best bet), so they split them/work them out based on their respective incomes.

which one makes a bigger deal around the holidays?

RJ. Fran likely doesn't have anyone close to her in her circle to spend the holidays with. Even before the Rangers arrived, RJ invited Fran to spend Christmas with him since they were both lonely and she didn't want to deal with her parents (he does have the Masters but I can't imagine them as the most festive people, especially Finn who he was no-contact with). He also spoils her to death and makes even more of an effort to include her once the Rangers show up because spandex be damned she is a queen and their backbone and biggest support

who’s more clumsy?

Fran my sweet disaster baby girl with little to no hand-eye coordination (unless she has a gun but that's just a headcanon)

who checks their daily horoscope?

RJ for sure. Fran occasionally checks hers for shits & giggles

who sings louder in the car?

RJ. He one day asks Fran to join in despite how sheepish she was about the entire thing. He ends up having to stop the car to wipe his tears because he loves her voice.

who leaves the cap off the toothpaste?

RJ you fucker when I find you-

who is more up to date in pop culture?

Depends. Fran is definitely on top of anything literature and maybe movie-related, but that's mostly based on what authors and actors she's really into. RJ tries but he hasn't updated his pop culture tastes since the early 2000s.

who insists on going to see the newest movies?

With all the literature to film adaptations happening recently........Fran is definitely dragging RJ's ass to the theatres at 1am. She also carries a notepad ready to scribble down notes comparing the film to the novel.

who cries when the abused animal commercials come on?

RJ, not just because of the animal spirit motif but he's likely also sensitive to any sort of gratuitous violence, gore, and blood that isn't related to Ranger work since he's an animal rights guy and shit. Fran pats his head as he cries into her shoulder (this also occurs when they watch horror movies together).

who’s the lighter sleeper?

Fran probably. Putting aside the fact that RJ seems like a heavy sleeper, I hc that Fran's in grad school or at least taking a gap year during Jungle Fury, so she's used to not sleeping. She'd probably keep herself up with a good book or rants to RJ about shitty books she reads.

who believes in ghosts?

RJ ofc it's right up his alley

who does the grocery shopping?

Both of them. RJ has to buy things for the store on a regular basis, and Fran helps with stocking their personal kitchen and coordinates shopping lists for fun.

who updates their facebook status more often?

Fran but she treats it more like a blog, because she likes to give her thoughts about the books she reads and media she consumes like a reviewer. However, she does post the occasional anniversary or date selfie talking about how much she loves RJ in the caption (who is always the top comment talking about how much he loves her back)

[33-screaming-frogs-also]

For you page simulator:

Cat. Reblogged. Cat. Reblogged. Long text post about something only this person cares about. Blocked. Reposted art. Blocked. Reposted art. Blocked. Disgusting ad for a puzzle game. Reported. Someone's boring blazed selfie. Blocked. The most beautiful painting you've ever seen and it's lesbians. Followed. Porn bot. Reported. Porn bot. Reported. Scam post asking if you want to work for fedex. Reported. Cat. Reblogged. Puppy video. Reblogged. Picture of a seal. Horrible ad for a puzzle game. Gratuitous pictures of that pygmy hippo baby. Reblogged. Some fandom shit you dont care about. Blocked. Someone's american cartoon fetish art. Blocked. Beautiful drawing of your faves. Like, reblog, follow. Super horny art of your fave. Like, follow, reblog 10 times. Abhorrent ad for puzzle game. Reported. Blazed porn bot. Reported. Shitty reposted meme. Blocked. Fandom drama for people who dont touch grass. Blocked. Adorable kitty video. Reblogged. Cool indie game. Downloaded. Mutual reblogging pathetic meow meow old man. Reblog in solidarity.

[invisible-goats]

4, 13, 22 for the ask :)

4: What do you wear when you have to dress nicely?

I've yet to find a suit that fits and looks good (or smart trousers that fit well tbh) so some sort of nice dress. Here's a gratuitous selfie from when I went to a wedding reception recently :-p

13: Do you prefer to write in pen or pencil?

100% pen, preferably a fountain pen (though I never figured out why my nice olive wood one stopped working, tried soaking the nib and everything)

22: Iced or hot drinks?

Don't make me pit two bad bitches against each other, depends what I'm in the mood for

[chasingwreckage]

💻 Why He Started It

Desperation Meets Opportunity Zane started his OnlyFans account when money got tight — maybe he lost a job, or bills started stacking up. What began as a “just until I’m stable again” situation slowly morphed into something more consistent, more lucrative… and more complicated.

Anonymous Power He never shows his face. That anonymity gives him a strange kind of power. The mask of secrecy makes him bold, even reckless. He doesn’t have to be Zane — the friend, the neighbor, the guy at the market — he gets to be whoever he wants behind the lens.

A Quiet Kind of Exhibitionism He wouldn’t admit it to most people, but there's something intoxicating about being watched — praised, craved, wanted. Especially when it comes without expectations of love or strings. It feeds a part of him that’s always been hungry but afraid to ask.

📸 Content Style

Softcore to Edgier Sets It started simple: shirtless selfies, tight boxers, slow-motion videos with heavy breathing and suggestive touches. But as his confidence grew (and his subscriber count did too), so did the boldness. Toys, voice recordings, edging, cumshots — all tastefully lit, never gratuitous, always just enough to keep them begging.

Mood Matters His content reflects his mood. Some nights it’s sweet and sensual — candlelight, slow touches, whispered praise. Other nights? It’s rough, dominant, or degrading. The variety keeps people hooked, but it also mirrors Zane’s own emotional waves.

No Face, All Feeling He’s mastered the art of seduction without a face. The curve of his lips in shadow, the arch of his back, his hands gripping the sheets, the occasional raspy moan — it all builds a character his audience fantasizes about endlessly, but never truly knows.

🧠 Behind the Scenes

A Secret Double Life Most people in his day-to-day have no idea. He plays it cool, goes to work, smiles through small talk. But when the lights are low and the door is locked, he becomes something else — something raw, unfiltered, wanted.

Emotional Conflict There are nights he stares at the red "record" light, hesitating. Wondering if he's being seen or used. If the version of himself he’s selling is just a performance, or if it’s closer to his real self than anything he shows the world.

A Private Fantasy of Being Caught He tells himself he keeps it secret out of necessity. But deep down? There’s a part of him — small, dangerous — that wants someone to find out. Someone close. Someone who watches his videos without knowing it’s him… or maybe someone who already does.

[doctormage]

pls pay no mind to my MESSY ass hotel room but day 2 of trip, day 1 of office: survived !!!!

[miniaturedeerfestival]

Obligatory mirror selfie of new hair. I'm always astonished i don't end up shaving myself bald by accident :P

[whcwashe]

[urkraft]

I stole this shirt from my mother and it’s finally cold enough to wear it

[modmad]

new hair!

[finniestoncrane]

Hi finnie! I hope you're having a good timezone ^^

I was wondering if you'd do a headcanons post for the riddlers reacting to a fem!reader they have a crush on accidentally sending them spicy photos (nudes or lingerie, chefs choice lol)? I was gonna ask for rogues reacting but that's just cause I also wanted to ask for scarecrow, mad hatter and daddy ozzie but I feel like that might be asking a lot ><

Feel free to ignore this or just do parts of it if you're feeling up to it!!♡

- E.F.

Accidental Nudes

Riddler Headcanons (with some Daddy Oz and others) ok but effy i just got off work for almost two weeks so i am in a perfect mood to do all the riddlers and the other little scruffs too! request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: suggestive stuff

gotham

*very cute pic of you standing up from behind*

he's not sure you meant that for him but he's double checking anyway

that you meant to send it! not the picture

although he has been staring at it without blinking since you sent it

cheeks red completely

sweat on his forehead

mouth suddenly very dry despite the fact that he's sure he's drooling out the corner of his open mouth

if you ask about it, he'll pretend he hasn't seen it

to save you both the embarrassment

arkham

*"how about this?"*

*lingerie set pic*

*"fuck. shit. please ignore and delete all messages ed"*

*"meant to send to a friend"*

*"ed seriously pls"*

buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz omg

he's told you about the multiple texting thing before just send it in one easy to ignore paragraph

and why are you texting him when he specifically said that he was busy working on- OH

ok less annoyed at you now

because this was worth the interruption

and fighting the temptation to tell you that it looks good

he kindly deletes the messages

but he has a photographic memory

and he'll be grinning like an idiot next time he sees you in the flesh

capullo

*tit pic*

*"oh shit, here we go"*

OH OH OH OK

so you said, and you were very clear

that unwarranted dick pics were not appropriate!!

so how come you get to send nudes???

i mean not that he's complaining

but uh... tit for tat you know

now if you're open to requests

how about taking one with a lower view... are you wearing anything on the bottom half?

or are you completely nude?

WHAT!? SO HE CAN'T EVEN ASK!?

unburied

*flirty just out the shower pic*

*"sorry, not meant for you, but enjoy!"*

well that's infuriating

because first of all maybe he was enjoying it

but he definitely will be trying not to now out of spite

then again... you do look wonderful

and it is a complete tease to send him a picture meant for someone else

although that might just be a clever trick

either way, saved to camera roll for later

but he won't be telling you that

telltale

*top half bare, bottom half in panties pic*

*"edward! please delete the last message, i am so sorry"*

disappointment immeasurable

you're the kind of person who sends pictures like that over messages?

he was right to think he shouldn't have given you his number

but also

if this was indeed an accident

that means you didn't intend to send it to him

which means this gratuitous display of your body was meant for someone else

and as soon as he finds out who you might find them uncontactable

dano

*exceptionally good butt pic with panties*

he doesn't get it...

OH! that's... you! oh my...

of course he'll delete it!

but... who did you mean to send it to?

you're just taking it for yourself? oh ok

that's nice! he's glad!

glad that you were... appreciating yourself, not glad that...

that you weren't sending it to someone else, because that would make him jealous and he's not jealous at all

because he doesn't... you don't like him like that so it's fine

it's whatever

he's going to go lie face down on the floor for a while now

with his phone on silent

twojar

*topless selfie*

*"ooooooh... sorry"*

don't be sorry, nothing he hasn't seen before

do you know how many women send him shirtless pics

he's inundated with them, frankly

it's a nuisance yes, but at least you didn't mean to send it

you... didn't mean to send it, right?

right! just an accident! of course!

why would you ever mean to send him those pictures

you're not interested in him in the slightest

and that... that doesn't drive him mad at all

that doesn't make you one of the few women to turn him down

which doesn't make him want you all the more

especially now that he's had a glimpse of what he's missing out on

young justice

*teasing selfie with your hands over your boobs*

*"oh gosh, ed! so sorry!!*"

he hasn't even seen the second message

because when he opened the first one, he threw his phone across the room

is it possible to get that hard that quick?

because he is and he did

he barely even got a look at you, and there was barely even anything to see

but it was enough to send him over the edge

genuinely close to tears over how hot you are

and how pathetically desperate he is for you

don't expect to get a reply

and he'll also be hiding from you for at least three weeks

AND THE BONUS BOYS <3

penguin

*showing off your new lingerie*

*"uh... sorry, mr cobblepot... finger slipped"*

hey you know what, that's ok, these things happen

but uh... your finger ever takes a fancy for slipping again

he wouldn't be complaining

also, it looks good on you kid, you should be sending that to everybody you know

looks good enough to sell the stuff

which speaking of, how much was it

maybe as a thank you for lifting his spirits up he can send you the cost, a treat

maybe you spend that money on something new

make sure to show him that as well

scarecrow

*nude selfie*

*"good god in heaven jon please don't look at that picture"*

you could have just found him and deleted it yourself in the time it took for him to see the message

his phone is always on silent and he never knows where it is

perhaps the cracks on the screen shielded most of you

either way, when you see him next, flustered and embarrassed, he can't help but revel in your nerves

he won't tell you he saw it

he won't even acknowledge it

but now he can finally pinpoint the reason he doesn't mind being around you

mad hatter

*sweetly posed picture of you topless and smiling

gosh golly, he almost dropped his phone into his cup

verbal and visual example of a keyboard smash

cheeks are bright pink, eyes are WIDE

should he send one back? express his apperciation?

surely you can't have meant this for him

perhaps it would be best, most polite, to delete the images

but now that he knows what's hiding under your shirt

and how sweet your smile can look even in the most...

intimate circumstances

it's going to be harder to hide his crush

[ispeakforthebooks]

Just me... trying to feel good in my skin. 💜

[boba-t-butch]

im sick and i need a haircut so bad

[dasenergi-diary]

Hello Friends! I'm avoiding doing actual work that I'm getting paid for, so I thought I'd document some of my history on Tumblr:

My first Tumblr post was on August 24, 2009. I was a LiveJournal guy, but my gf at the time (Kristi Hart) used Tumblr. I joined because of her.

My first posts for the first couple of years were actually syndicated from LiveJournal. I didn't reblog anything or post any content original to Tumblr. Then in 2011 I started syndicating pictures to Tumblr using a site I'm surprised still exists today called Moby! I just looked, all of the pictures are still there! Here's one of my kids from 2011 at the Salton Sea.

A year later, in June of 2012 I decided my Tumblr needed a focus. I had a pretty large collection of behind-the-scene images from movies, so that became all I posted.

Some random examples: Behind the scenes of Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window, The Dark Crystal, Phantasm II, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Neverending Story

That continued on for several months, I probably posted 100+ of them.

In July of 2012 I created my @frankenbuddha account, since @dasenergi was solely "Behind The Scenes" movie posts, I needed someplace to post all my nerdy, lgbt, Buddhist, spiritual stuff.

By the end of 2012, I had given up on the "Behind The Scenes" posts on DasEnergi. They weren't getting any likes.

I abandoned FrankenBuddha and resumed posting all my nerdy, lgbt, Buddhist, and spiritual stuff on DasEnergi.

Two years later, my youngest child joined Tumblr in 2014. They were 13 years old. They came to Tumblr for all the cat posts! So I then used Frankenbuddha to collect all the cat and animal posts I could find, and share it with them. FrankenBuddha is STILL cute animal and humor posts now.

On DasEnergi, I started making a lot of my own memes and then added a bunch of tags to them, trying to attract followers. Here is one that was 100% true "I am desperate to just really connect with one other person." I was so depressed and felt so alone at the time. Here's another, "I have a crush on everybody who is nice to me."

I also posted a lot of selfies, trying to make that human connection with others. Here I am trying to look tough.

I also posted more about my life and my feelings back then. There's this one: "I’m considering shaving the beard. Maybe I’ll find someone who’ll love me if I’m clean-cut." I felt so broken. So unlovable.

Here's a creepy one from a year later, November 2013 - "Why yes, I did just go through the GPOY tag and liked a bunch of strangers pictures. I couldn’t help myself. They’re cute!"

As my tags strategy wasn't working, I was Liking people's posts trying to make connections and build my followers.

For those who may be too young to remember, GPOY is an acronym for Gratuitous Picture of Yourself. I don't think it's used anymore, is it?

Looking back on my archive, I had also realized in 2012-2013 that the only way to get followers on Tumblr was to reblog others work. So I started doing that a lot more.

I've always collected quotes. In high school I would spend my lunch break in the school library reading quotes from Bartlett's Book of Familiar Quotations. In 2013, I see I started posting a lot more text posts of quotes from my archive. I remember Tumblr even had an automated template I'd use for quotes.

Wow, yeah, as I'm scrolling through the archive they're mostly text posts, of quotes.

In 2014 I see I started posting A LOT more, and it seems to be 50/50 memes and text quotes. I also see fewer posts about my life and fewer pictures of myself. My mental health was much better. I wasn't seeking validation from Tumblr. This was the year I had my Awakening experience and fully embraced the magical and the spiritual. This was also the year I started dating Geronimo, my first boyfriend.

Right now I'm scanning through April 2014 and it looks nearly identical to what I'm posting now. Yep! The blog as you all know it now has been around for nearly ten years.

8,882 Posts 1,062 Followers 1,060 Following

I currently have 302 posts in my queue. I only queue five posts a day between 7pm and 10pm (Pacific time).

@male1971 has been around since September 2016 for all my nerdy posts, most from my childhood. (I identify as a male and I was born in 1971.)

@bi-buddha has been around since February 2019 for my LGBT posts.

@moovees and @melodiousmonk are both new, created last year for my music and movies posts.

And that's about it for my main side blogs. If you actually read this whole thing, THANK YOU for your interest in my Tumblr history.

I had some cringeworthy moments there, mostly healing from my 15 year relationship with my ex-wife and my five year relationship with Kristi Hart. But I'd like to think I made it out of those dark times a better, wiser, person. (Or I'm in deep denial about how depressed and messed up I still am.)

Okay, back to work...