#granted i guess i usually just write more when i'm in the mood for it

[longroadstonowhere]

i keep noticing the time, determining i feel fairly tired, take my glasses off and try going to sleep, but utterly fail because as soon as i'm not actively engaged in watching/reading something i just start thinking about the fic i wanna write

[ofmermaidstories]

1. Not really....? It's hard to figure out my actual thoughts on it but I guess, Self-inserting for me feels like it's designed for one person in mind (whoever is being inserted) when x reader can be anyone? And from what I've seen, the content is a bit different.

2. Probably? Definitely. But will I be the person criticizing it? No... I'm not really the type to be vocal about my grievances outside of the occasional personal aside. I usually just don't trust what I have to say is constructive. But I do love hearing what other people have to say.

3. Everything

Jkjk, um.... I'd say my motivation and writing style? (That doesn't fall under everything, right?) I just don't write very effectively. Like- I have a story in my head, but actually putting it down in writing, I kinda just wing it? Like write as I go. Which is fun for developing character lore, or short stories. It leads to a lot of stop and go with longer works, and the problem with that is that it looks clunky! If I'm an a completely different state of my mind than I was when I started a piece the words I put down don't really flow well with what came before. So I have to read and reread what's already been written and play mediator by finding a way to transition from one feeling to the next.

I mostly write for friends or for fun, though, so it's forgivable.

the content being different for self-inserting vs x reader is such an important distinction!! like. also in how you engage with it, too? like—i’m always interested in self-shippy stuff from a, best friend at brunch kinda way, you know? like “YESSSS tell me more, omg, you guys are sooo cute together 🥹” whereas if someone is like, bits&pieceing about an idea for a x reader setup, i’m engaging with it as a reader, like, oh, i am interested in whatever this this piece or fic is trying to lure us in with.

i keep running into i guess… fan-only spaces, for varying Big Fics? and they’re always so interesting to scroll through, because it’s just either people gushing about Said Fic, or like, recommending similar ones, OR it’s someone starting a conversation (a tiktok is the example i’m thinking of) being like, “deku wouldn’t wear fishnets” and then like, everyone who’s had similar grievances just like, jumping in LOL. none of it—the universal loving and the dismissal—is like.. in any way truly critical? it’s just people who’ve found each other agreeing over varying things. true constructive criticism (at least in fanfics) is hard… because you do have to seperate yourself from, “is this just not for me” vs. “i see and understand where this story is trying to land, but i don’t think it makes it” and even then you kinda have to… justify it, you know? like, is it not landing because it’s missed the mark, or do you just wish it did something different? and what i like about fanfic is that we (ideally) afford each other the—generosity of forgiving things, LOL. and i guesssss my original question is more… does becoming a mega, fandom-defining fic mean the fic then loses the privilege of that generosity? i think it must create a distance between it and the fandom it’s from, in a way… it sort of takes on the same… almost for-granted quality we might have with a published book? are we removing ourselves from it, by holding it up? HMMM. questions questions ig LOL.

with no. 3—flow is hard!!! 🥺 do you have any like, rituals or anything to get yourself back into the mindset you had, before picking up the piece again? if i leave off in the middle of a scene or whatever that needs to stick to a specific mood i listen to my playlist for the fic, or whatever. 🥹 it kinda helps to limber everything back up again. but—i mean!!! as long as you have fun with it, in the end. 🥺 the process of writing takes up so much time… we need to enjoy it, in some small way. especially if the end result is for friends and fun. 🥹

[70snasagay]

*ahem*

5, 6, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 27, 31, 32, 34, 37, 41, 46

From the ask game!

5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

YES!!! several in fact, a blahaj, a kuzgesagt duck, and a kurzgesagt baby duck

6. Do you prefer drawing or writing?

ooooooh this is a hard one, ig writing but it really depends on my mood and my level of inspiration and countless other factors and i like doing them both!

13. Fears?

oh that's so vague idk spiders? and some other more existential fears but this is a nice friendly post so i'll leave those alone

14. What's your favourite color?

i really like teal and purple but i'm firmly of the belief that there are no ugly colours

15. What's your favourite season?

i really like spring and winter, and i'd love summer too bc of the lack of school if not for the intense heat and very very bright sun

16. Want any tattoos? What of?

ooo yes, i don't have any rn (ofc not i'm a minor) but i don't know what i could get a tattoo of

17. Want any piercings? Where?

maybe, i'm not really sure, and i definitely don't know where, but i guess one or two could be nice

27. What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

favourite book might just have to be hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, i love the whole series but the first is the best imo, and i've read zeus grants stupid wishes so so many times

31. What are you looking forward to in the distant future?

def moving to denmark (or in general getting the fuck out of hungary)

32. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?

i'm currently cosy in bed so i don't really want to go anywhere but it'd be nice to visit my grandparents (and do this exact same thing there)

34. What’s your favorite flower?

lavender!! and also roses are really nice

37. Do you prefer dogs or cats?

cats, mostly because i'm scared of dogs (for many different reasons)

41. What’s your favorite cartoon?

MACSKAFOGÓ!!!!!! it's a really fun hungarian-canadian cartoon and i'm pretty sure it only exists w/ hungarian voice acting but i recommend subs anyway, it's a really fun cartoon probably not really meant for kids and it's about [INFODUMP REMOVED] anyway definitely watch it if you can't find a version or want to hear more then my ask box/dms are always open

46. What do you need when you’re sad?

depends, usually a hug and music (specifically the album mezzanine by massive attack) (and other music similar to it) (idk my taste in music when i'm experiencing emotional turmoil is really different to when i'm not)

whew that was a lotta questions!! i had fun tho so moots please don't be afraid to ask me many many questions off these ask games i love you <333

[x]

[dgttwisted]

Floyd meet Jekyll&Hyde

for those who have known me for a long time you already know this about me but for those who don't.

this is Jekyll&Hyde the fgo version to be more precise

an i love this character they are very near an dear to my heart now you may be wondering what this has to do with twst an the answer is very simple.

Floyd this silly goof

reminds me in so many ways of Hyde everything from the attuited to the mood swings an his love of fighting.

back in the yander years of when i first started to rp Jekyll&Hyde an Andersen were the charcters i latched onto strongly for Andersen i thought he was a sad but but all around cool guy who historically might have either been bi or asexual(story for another day) who has we all know wrote the little mermaid.

an Jekyll&Hyde whose story on it's own is really neat but fgo has given of snips an peace's that they were friends with Sherlock an other such neat things which i will not talk about today or on this blog because that is not what we are here to discuss.

Hyde actions an personality lines up so well with Floyds that i fear is they ever met an became friends the universe would be done for(perhaps i'll write a crossover in the future)

i was in a bit of a slump a ways back i lost all motivation to write i would only chat with some mutuals an that was it for a long while. one said mutual recommended that i play twst when it came out in NA my interest was waning at best till chapter 3 came around an saw Jade an Floyd for the first time. my motivation heavily spiked because of these lil gangster eels especially Floyd.

thanks to that i had much more motivation not just to write but to even make a twst blog in the first place. this probably seems irrelevant but this is sort of what Jekyll&Hyde did for me when i first got into fgo.

i guess little shark toothed chaos babies are my favorite type of character you never know what they'll do next an that makes me happy to see always. granted Hyde's fights usually result in murder but if Floyd had a knife it would probably result in the same XD.

for me i think they have such a similar vibe an that's why i hold such strong feelings for them. which i will not apologize for an you cannot change my mind on this!!!

this a post more for me then anything else I'm very glad i got into twst it's made me much more motivated then before but even so i have no intention of getting rid of Jekyll&Hyde anytime soon they are to precious to me.

can't say i won't make them a apart of this blog somehow but knowing me I'll find a way.

[billgavemeextrachips]

Friend: I would love to hear the story behind Time It Has No Day. Any particular inspirations? Any particular head-canon projects you were pursuing? Did you make a mood board? Did you make a playlist? Basically you should imagine what question you wish people would ask you about your story, and pretend I have asked it here!

AAAAAAH! THANK YOU for giving me the opportunity to geek out about my playlist!

My inspo playlist on Spotify is here. I will walk you through it under the Read More. I'm SO psyched to do this, you have no idea! Thank you, friend! :)

1. "Eyes of A Child !" (The Moody Blues): This is where the phrase "Time It Has No Day" comes from. Very early on in the project, the fic was titled "Ponds by the Sea" instead. But then I picked a slightly more inland vacation spot for River and her parents, and decided to let my musical fangirling run free, hence the new title.

Tracks 2-3 helped me work up the Feels to write about River missing her parents. Honorary mention to "Chasing the Sun," another Sara Bareilles song from the same album as "Manhattan." With its mention of "a cemetery in the center of Queens" and the line "you said 'remember that life is not meant to be wasted," it always makes me think of Amy deciding to go back in time with her husband.

Tracks 4-6 are all played by Twelve on his guitar in the patio scene of chapter 6. "For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her," isn't mentioned by name. But it's what I hear when the Doctor "strikes up a repeating arpeggio," then suggests the name Emily for their baby.

7. "Kooks" (David Bowie): This was one of those songs I picked out super early and wrote towards. First of all, it's David Bowie, one of PCap's faves. And second, the pre-parental cuteness omg. I'm surprised this song's not referenced in more babyfics, tbh.

8. "Mean Old Man" (James Taylor): It has a kind of gentle humor that reminds me of Twelve and River's relationship in general. It's also loosely associated in my head with the scene where they're getting dressed for Ramon and Nardole's wedding.

9. "Overjoyed" (Stevie Wonder): Obviously I wanted Twelve to request a Stevie Wonder song for him and River to dance to. I considered "Isn't She Lovely?", but the words would be directed more at the baby than River. Also, I find that one a little too cheesy, even for me. I'm not thrilled with the lyrics of "Overjoyed," but I think that musically, it's one of Stevie's prettiest love songs. (Granted, I really only know his big hits.)

10. "Pink Moon" (Nick Drake): Pure self-indulgence, but can you blame me? Imagine Peter Capaldi singing and playing this song on a lazy summer evening, and tell me you don't melt.

11. "Lay, Lady, Lay" (Bob Dylan): I was a little bummed when I saw that Abbey Road was released 5 months too late for Anthony to bring home to his parents after spring break. Dylan worked out well, though, since 1) he was at the Isle of Wight (foreshadowing to chapter 16!) and 2) "Lay Lady Lay" has this kind of languid, laid-back romance to it that I think goes well with The Vibe(tm) of the whole fic.

12. "In the Still of the Night" (Ella Fitzgerald): Not my usual genre, but I can absolutely see River being an Ella Fitzgerald fan. I heard this song years ago and thought it was lovely. It was one of the first songs I added to the playlist, so I was "writing towards" it for a looong time.

13. "The Only Living Boy in New York" (Simon & Garfunkel): Runs through Amy's head when she imagines seeing her Raggedy Doctor again. Although I'm considering dropping the direct reference in Chapter 10, since it's highly improbable that readers will guess the correct song from the kinda-sorta-lyrics given. It'll always stay on my inspo list, though. :)

14. "Tuesday Afternoon" (The Moody Blues): Of course I had River and her parents meet up on a Tuesday Afternoon.

Tracks 15-16: Just some atmosphere for the cottage holiday chapters.

Tracks 17-18: These songs really were performed at the 1969 Isle of Wight festival. I had to go hunting through various performers' IOW 1969 setlists for something to give Jack his 'haunted moment.' I listened to some awesome new-to-me music in the process, before settling on "Ramblin' Boy."

19. "Gypsy" (The Moody Blues): This song was performed at the 1970 Isle of Wight festival. It wasn't released until November of '69. Having it appear in the band's August '69 set list is a leeetle stretch, but not impossible; it just would have been a "preview" from their upcoming album. (As Justin Hayward explains in the fic, lol.) I feel the stretch is justified by just how perfectly this song encapsulates Ten in Last of the Timelords Angst Mode(tm).

Tracks 20-25 are all directly referenced in the last few chapters of the fic.

22. "Fly Me to the Moon" (Frank Sinatra): When Peter received a BAFTA last year, Simon Blackwell talked about how Peter would sing "Fly Me to the Moon" for vocal warm-ups while filming In the Loop. (Can you imagine hearing that???) I just had to use that one, even if Twelve singing it to River during her labor would've been a much softer, gentler performance than vocal warm-ups.

23. "Time in a Bottle" (Jim Croce): Croce wrote this song when his wife told him she was pregnant. The reason River complains it's "too sad" is because it was released shortly after Croce was killed in a plane crash 3 years later.

Oof. Sorry to end on a bit of a downer there. I really appreciated this ask! The music I associate with this project is very special to me.

I think all fanfic should be self-indulgent, but I specifically let myself get as self-indulgent as I wanted with the music referenced in Time It Has No Day. I picked songs that resonated with me, or I thought would resonate with the characters, without paring down to what would be most recognizable or make the most sense.

Making Rory Williams a millennial Moody Blues fan? Why not? I know they exist because I am one, and I remember what it was like to be teased for it. (Although my peers have given me less flak as we've all grown up.) Making Twelve think the Moodies are boring? Well, I had to go for the Malcolm Tucker reference. Besides, it's good to poke a little fun at your own faves every once in awhile.

[ravenmold]

How do you go about picking which fic to read next?

I've decided I'm going to take this opportunity to rant about my favourite AO3 tags some. And also about how a great summary can absolutely sell a fic.

So I've got two modes, as I'm sure most of us fanfic readers have: reading and rereading. Rereading I do a LOT of, I've got so many comfort fics, and the mood for them strikes when I'm stressed or when I'm having a normal Thursday and suddenly the memory of that one specific moment surges up and I have to go find it again (this is a lie my brain tells me. I will read the whole thing again - granted it's under 150k words).

But for new stuff?? Hmm, here follows a few of my favourite things:

For fic authors I'm not familiar with:

General fic things: A nice name. Bonus points if I find out several chapters in that it connects thematically with the plot! No Archive warnings - I'm not the biggest fan of character death etc. If you know me, this doesn't come as a surprise, I like my fics like I like my pets. Fluffy and exciting and comforting. (I will not expand on this simile any more because I realize now it has some major flaws) A sweet spot for words would be >10k and <80k. Not necessary for it to be finished, but I do tend to check finished fics first.

Tags that would definitely reel me in: mutual pining, temporary amnesia, slow burn, fake/pretend relationship, royalty or historical au, time travel/time loops, identity porn, marriage of convenience, workplace au's for some reason, epistolary, kid fic (DONE RIGHT), cheesy romcom crossovers, future fics/time skips, used to date/exes (this is a big one), space operas/sci fi au's, magic and crossovers with other pairings I like. Yeah I guess I like putting my Guys into Situations, no surprise there. Also zombie or apocalypse fics can be fun, if they're not too heavy on the angst. Unless I write it myself.

Summaries: This is the main thing that catches my eye. Probably also not unique there 😂 I like when they're more than two sentences and actually set up the tone and the inciting incident of the fic pretty well. I love a "quirky" premise, if you're like "so character A got cursed to be forgettable and the entire plot happens because of this" I'd be like Hell Yeah I wanna see how that happens!! 😂 I do also like when summaries, combined with the tags, give me an idea of at least like 80% of the fic. I'm not the biggest fan of when an author considers it spoilers if they drop hints about more than the first two scenes. That's what makes fic different from just picking up a random book, imo, and I like to know what I'm in for. That's why I also expect the focus of the summary to be the focus of the fic's main plot. I only find this out later, of course, but we're talking ideal circumstances here.

For fic authors I know/enjoy:

Honestly, same as above but if you manage to hit any one or two elements I'd be interested. I follow a few authors, but not a ton, as I tend to forget to unsub when they move on to new fandoms and then I just live with the emails on random pairings I get 😅

Overall, how I choose new reading material is usually by seeing if my new hyperfixation has my preferred tropes and tags. And by being intrigued by an interesting summary and setup. Once I've worked through all of those, I'll go through the bookmarks of people who've read and enjoyed my favourite fics, and then I've pretty much never dried up on content so far.

Thanks for the ask! This has been really fun to talk about. And I can look back on it in a few and see if my tastes have changed through the years 😊

[riverisnotsafe]

Pretty Girl. (Yet to be completed)

PAIRINGS: Chubby!F!Reader x JJK Characters

Gojo | Toji | More to come

WARNINGS: SMUT. NSFW/MINORS DNI! Pet names, a handful of kinks (overstim, daddy, breeding etc..) but for different characters. They might be OOC, I guess it’s how I depict them in my head.

A/N: A comment ON AO3 wanted Toji and I was in the mood for this dilf so I decided to grant their wishes. He might be OOC because I write them based on how I depict them in my head so sorry if you have a different depiction. This one is more plot heavy than pure smut unlike Gojo's btw. I kinda like it honestly. A soft dom Toji. I wasn't sure to use 'daddy' so I didn't because I have that planned for someone else and I'm not the biggest fan of the daddy kink but pet names for the reader are still my fav hehe. Not edited and lowkey lazy.

Toji Fushiguro

The sound of skin against skin. The stench of sex around the room. Bodies drenched in sweat. The sound of your moans were music to Toji’s ears. Nothing makes him feel better than to fuck his pretty kitten senseless. Your walls squeeze around his dick and he picks up his pace. “You about to cum sweetheart?” he whispers to you. You could only nod. “Hm? Don’t hear ya answer kitten. Are ya gonna cum?” He slowed down. He’s such an asshole.

You inch downward in hopes for him to go deeper but he pins you down. “Nope. Answer.” “Y-yes! I’m gonna cum. Please let me cum Toji. Thrust back inside!” you whined. “That’s my girl.” He rams back into you picking up the pace. “Cum for me beautiful” he coos. “A-ahn, T-toji~” you shudder as orgasmic waves overcome you. “Ah shit. You look hot as fuck.” he releases inside you. He stopped to take a breath without pulling out.

“More?” he reaches for neck. You stay silent. Toji squeezes around your neck. A good choke did arouse you but something to else was playing on your mind. “Kitten, I asked. You’re really testing my patience tonight.” he growls. “N-no, no more..” you squeaked “That’s my g- what? Did my kitten just say no more? You were needy for my cock just a moment ago. Are you fucking with me right now?” Well both of you were quite literally ‘fucking’. “I-I just don’t feel up to it, Toji.” you frowned, you avoided his gaze.

It took him a bit to get that your mind had wandered. “You thinking bout someone else? Is that why? I know we have a pretty open relationship but that’s such a turn of-“ “No, I um, you know I don’t fuck anyone else. Who would want someone like me Toji...” you were on the verge of tears. “Then? What do you mean kitten?” “Y-you called me beautiful... no one does. Who’d call some bitch who wears plus sizes beautiful hahah, probably just sex talk right” tears fall from your eyes.

Toji has never seen you cry. He rarely came to see you and when he usually does, it’s only sex. Your ‘open relationship’ isn’t THAT open. Toji actually doesn’t sleep with anyone else despite his long long history of unnamed women he's railed. After meeting you, he got really hung up, he thought you were some kind of miracle the so-called heavens had given him. He couldn’t fuck anyone else. All he thought about was you. When he slides into them, he'd close his eyes and imagine your cute face instead. Their moans? he'd imagine them coming from you. When he came, he was hoping it would be you. Sometimes he even cum outside because the girls had become such a turn off especially when all he had in his head was you. He isn't allowed to contact past clients but you were just a clients acquaintance so he was like fuck it, and asked for your number from an informer. So seeing you cry, did make him feel discomforted and uneasy since it was hard for the killing machine to empathize.

“Kitten. What the fuck are you on about?” If he learnt math it would probably be easier than deciphering whatever the hell you’re crying about. “Y-you called me beautiful...” “And? You fucking are???” This man was genuinely confused. “You want other compliments hm? Beautiful too low for you?” “No..Toji. I’m big. I have too much meat. I don’t think beautiful is a word you could describe me with. You probably only stayed with me because I’m easy hahah. Who’d actually want someone like me as a partner. All this sex...only you would fuck me. Other guys just side eye me because I could never reach a model's standards. All my clothes are big and baggy too...I’m ugly.”

Toji’s brain had a switch that flipped when he hears all your negative self-talk. He finally gets it. “Sweetheart. Ah shit. I’m not good with this crap. I’d murder anyone who doesn’t think my girl is sexy but I can’t do it because the one talking shit about my girl is my girl.” He switched positions so you’re on top of him. His broad chest as a pillow to your tears. He pets your head. “Honestly, do you think I’m fucking attractive? I got a scar on my face and I look like I don’t shower. I work 9-5 in blood baths and probably reek.” “You are! You’re really good looking! And your physique is amazing, no one could compare” you think very highly of your lover.

“Guess my body is the only appealing thing to ladies I’ve fucked in the past. Easy huh? They were easy. You? You easily made a brute like me talk about shit like this. It’s different. You're different.” His fingers comb through your hair then slide down your back, and earning a shudder from the sensation. And his hand lands on your ass. He squeezes it, a gasp comes out of you. “Your body huh. Big? What’s up with being big? This fucking meaty ass. Ah shit I’m getting hard just squeezing it. No one else has a good ass like this. No one has tits like these. Kitten, if you wanna wear some tight ass clothes, go for it. Baggy clothes? You could wear some of my shirts, I’d fuck you even harder in them.”

He sits up and props you into his lap. Your entrance rubbing against his hard dick. “Fuck people. All they do is torment those different from them...” his voice trails off, a distant memory rings in his mind. “If I say you’re fucking beautiful sweetheart, you’d better believe it, I��ll need to fuck some sense into you to make you believe that?” He sneakily slides himself back into you. “T-toji! Not so sudden..” your tears had dried and he seemed content seeing you.

“Other guys? Ah, fuck them. I’m the one making you scream and cum all the time, why care about them? I’ll just slash their heads off if that’s what it takes. Now...do you want more?” He nibbles on your ear, his dick twitching in you, excited for an answer. “Toji...” your hand guides his face close to yours and you kiss him. Toji being Toji makes it into a heated make out session. “Kitten, you’re beautiful.” He pushes you down. He slowly thrusts in and out. You could feel his veiny cock sliding. There’s something unusually arousing for such a rough man to be slow and steady.

Beautiful for him. That’s all that mattered. He was beautiful for you. He picked up his pace, making you a moaning mess. “T-toji cum in me! I want to be yours forever.” Ah that hit the mark. The monster of a man shot his load deep in you. He could go all night and he will be going all night for his kitten. “Thank you...Toji” you close your eyes to rest for a few minutes. Toji stared down on you, you were gorgeous. He should be thanking you for accepting a man like him.

[atomicnebula13]

Just passing by to say that I started reading your fics and I love them. One thing I especially liked is how you include song lyrics at the beginning, I think that sets the mood somewhat (I personally love to share a song with my stuff to give a little help in building an atmosphere). Also that you mentioned that you can't write horny stuff without putting some feelings into it lol, I share the sentiment, no matter how hard I try to do something outright erotic it will always end up being an emotional bombshell at some point. Other than that, I really like the terms you use, I found some of my favorite English words in your writing and I really got excited about all the others I learned hahah, thanks for that!

But what I really want to say is that as I am prone to enjoy more tender stuff, I found myself weeping over your sweeter works. They really got to me. I finished the ones I read with a heart a little broken and mended at the same time, and to be able to generate that in another person is wonderful. It reminded me of when things started to get ugly in the comic a few chapters back as other things got sour in my personal life and after I finished reading the episode I just had to sit and cry for a while. There is something sacredly healing about acknowledging our pain in the art we consume. It's curious how a small bunch of fictional youngsters can steal our hearts to such an extent. I guess it is because something of ours is reflected in their experiences or personal characteristics, or because as characters they are excellently builded, or simply because having followed their history for 8 years (8, I think?) means that at this point we love them as if they were real. (Damn, 8 years is a lot of time!) I don't know, I just wanted to thank you for reminding me of these feelings. I'm going to continue reading your works that I haven't read yet, and I'm sure I'm going to like them as much as the ones I've read.

(Sorry if I wrote too much, but I feel it was worth)

Excuse me while I blush furiously over this message. My number one motivator for writing is music. I almost always get inspired to write a fic based on the song I reference and one of the things that immediately drew me to your art (besides how stunning it is, seriously, you have your own hashtag that I use exclusively when I reblog your works) was that you included songs and lyrics as well. I think that's absolutely beautiful, I love that art just manages to breed more art. It's never ending, beautiful and organic form of creation and I can't help but be enchanted by it over and over. Haha, yes I've never quite mastered writing smut without putting feelings into the interaction. I find it especially hard when I'm writing for TianShan because there are just so many instances where something deeper is going on than what we see on the surface level. I'm so happy that you are finding your favorite English words in my works! I love particularly flowery language, especially if it's evocative. I feel genuinely emotional reading this. Tender works always have me feeling a little heart broken as well so for that to translate through the writing is such a compliment. I always hope that my writing will resonate and be well received by the reader but in the end I'm selfish, I'm usually writing for myself because it's a catharsis. As you say, it's sacred to acknowledge our pain through the art we consume. That's something I've always found particular powerful as a writer - reading takes time and people's time is precious so for someone to stop to read my writing feels like such an honor. They are investing their valuable time in me and it's really something I hold very dear. I don't ever want to take it for granted. I agree, I don't know how this fictional group has so many of us in an absolute stranglehold but they do. I'm so thankful for it though because it brings so many of us together in a really meaningful way. It is shocking how long the manhua has been going for (I remember reading when it was JUST Jian Yi and Xixi). Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. This message really warmed my heart and lifted my spirits, my friend. You really are my favorite artist so to hear that my writing is something you enjoyed makes me a little emotional. I'm not sure I'm worthy. And should you ever have any requests I would gladly write something for you, you have only to ask. (Also, don't apologize, you can never write too much). 💕

[helloalycia]

the real kara // kara danvers

summary: Kara gets affected by red kryptonite, but you don't know this, so to you, she just comes across really obnoxious and makes you uncomfortable

warning/s: i mean, i guess unwanted/uncomfortable advances?

author's note: this has been requested for a very long time now, so i hope it's okay! i’m still working on some wanda stuff, don’t worry x

masterlist | wattpad

Something was different with Kara Danvers today, and as I waited for my files to finish photocopying, I watched her from a distance, wondering what it could be.

Apart from the obvious, which was that she was wearing completely different clothing – a tight dress that was very different compared to her usual assortment of blouses and cardigans – she had a completely different aura about her.

One of the things I liked about her the most was her awkwardness, her humour and her clumsiness. She was adorable, the human embodiment of a puppy, but today she just... exuded confidence. Of course, that wasn't a bad thing, but it was just very unlike her.

As I returned my attention to the photocopier, I failed to hear the girl in question approaching me. Only when she appeared next to me did I notice her. The fact that she came out of nowhere made me jump, startled by both her presence and the fact that I had a giant crush on her so any attention from the blonde was near enough sending me into cardiac arrest.

"I did not mean to startle you," she said, leaning against the wall with a smirk. "Though, you're cute when you're scared."

Heat creeped up my neck as I looked back down to the photocopier. Did she just say that? Never before had she obviously flirted with me – I didn't even think she liked me like that – so I didn't know what to do other than stay quiet.

"You know, I've been feeling your eyes on me all day," she noted, and I suddenly felt embarrassed as her blue eyes watched me with amusement. "C'mon, Y/N. You're really not gonna give me any attention now that I want it?"

Swallowing hard, I looked up to see her watching me with a knowing smile.

"I wasn't staring," I defended terribly. "Just looking around. You happened to be in my eye-line is all."

She grinned. "Really? Well, I'd quite like to be in your eye-line a lot more if you'd let me."

Taken aback, I raised my eyebrows. "Er– I– er–"

"Look, I actually came here to ask you something," she said, straightening up and moving to stand behind me, looking over my shoulder at the photocopies in my hand. "As fun as it is watching you make a mess of yourself, which I completely get by the way, I wanted to ask if you'd go on a date with me tonight."

My mouth went dry as her breath tickled my neck. Never in my year and a half of working alongside Kara had I seen her act so cocky and confident and certain. I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"Don't stay silent on me now, Y/N," she said, her voice sweet and sultry in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "I only want to give you a good time."

I widened my eyes a little, glancing her way. She chuckled when she saw my expression, her hand resting on the small of my back as she stepped beside me.

"Not like that," she said dismissively, before her eyes looked me up and down. "Unless you want to go down that route... in which case I'm all ears."

Cheeks flushed and heart racing, I collected my photocopies and straightened up, feigning some form of assertiveness as I met her teasing smile and dark eyes.

"I don't know what's gotten into you today, Kara, but it's not appropriate," I told her, thankfully not trembling under her piercing stare. "I– just– don't speak to me."

Without another word from either of us, I pushed past her and stormed off, partially angry and partially upset that she had treated me so... so... sleazily. Kara was sweet, she was kind, she was thoughtful. Whoever that was back there wasn't the Kara I fell for. And she certainly wasn't one I wanted to get to know.

—

The next day, it was as if a switch had been flicked and regular Kara was back. I didn't understand how or what had happened to her, but as soon as I saw her stumble out of the elevator that morning, coffees in hand and hair dishevelled from rushing, I knew whoever was present yesterday was gone. But that still didn't change the fact that she'd treated me so wrongly.

I was sat at my desk, working on an article at my computer, when I saw a smudge of pink in my peripheral. Turning to look who it was, I frowned when I saw Kara approaching me, eyes apologetic and hands fumbling by her side. She was wearing a pink jumper over her blouse – back in her usual outfits, clearly.

As I turned to look the other way, not in the mood to talk to her, she stepped forward quickly.

"Y/N, please hear me out," she said, but I rolled my eyes in response, hoping she'd get the hint. She didn't. "I'm so sorry for the things I said to you yesterday."

I clenched my jaw, but my hands stopped typing as I looked down at the keyboard patiently.

"I was having a very... off day yesterday. And I know that's no excuse for how I treated you, but I'm so sorry." She paused, swallowing hard, before shaking her head. "I'm so sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I'd never want that."

Unable to stop myself, I looked up to her. She seemed genuine, lips pulled into a frown and eyes tinged with sadness.

"If you wanted to ask me out, why would you go about it like that?" I asked, disappointedly. "In what world would I respond to something like that?"

She looked up, helpless, as she shrugged her shoulders. "I... I don't know. I just– I thought I would try something different. But I never meant for it to happen like that. You have to believe me."

I wanted to, but then the discomfort from yesterday's conversation returned and I was forced to look away from her.

"I did want to ask you out on a date though," she said quietly, hesitantly, as if afraid to say it at all. "Properly. If you want to go with me, that is."

Looking down to my desk, unintentionally coldly, I said, "If old Kara had asked me, then maybe I would have said... I'm not really sure I like this new Kara."

She paused, and I finally lifted my gaze to see she was nodding slowly, already taking a step back and avoiding my eyes.

"Right, yeah, of course," she spoke gently. "I understand." Forcing a small smile my way, she said, "Sorry, again. I'll, er, I'll see you around."

I watched her leave, noticing the way she mumbled to herself and clenched her fists as she did. I wondered if I'd made the right decision.

—

It was two days later when I got the bouquet at my desk after lunch. I wasn't expecting anything of the sorts, so of course, I eagerly found the card and read it in my head whilst ignoring my coworkers' curious stares.

Hey, Y/N.

Just wanted to apologise once again. And no, this isn't me asking you out. It's just a way to say sorry for acting like an idiot. I hope we can still remain friends. Or at least, I hope you don't hate me.

Kara x

Lowering the card, I looked at the bouquet of fresh flowers, heart aching in my chest. Over the past two days, the blonde-haired assistant had kept her distance from me, opting to stay away and avoid my presence, no doubt for my own comfort. Whenever I'd catch her gaze in the hallway or accidentally, she'd smile sadly, apologetically, before looking away as quickly as she could.

She was still her usual self, the usual self before the other day that is. This made me think that maybe she really was just having an off day. And now that she'd gotten me these flowers... I really wanted to go on a date with Kara. The real Kara and not the overly-confident, obnoxious Kara.

I left to find her as soon as I could. She was sat at her desk outside of Miss Grant's office, writing on her tablet and heavily focused in whatever task she was doing.

As I approached her, I took note of the way she chewed on her lip and furrowed her brows with concentration, smiling to myself because that was the Kara I had fallen for. The Kara I missed.

"Hey," I said when stopping by her desk.

She looked up, eyebrows raising with surprise. "Y/N. Hi! Hi. What can I–? Do you–? Hi."

"I got your flowers," I cut straight to the point, surprised at how certain I sounded compared to my usual introverted, shy self. "And the card."

She stood up, hands fumbling with nervousness once again. Clearing her throat, she said, "I'm sorry if it was too far. I just wanted to make things right."

"I'll go on a date with you," I blurted, making her look up with wide eyes immediately. Breathing out slowly, I continued, "I'd like to go on a date with you. This you, though. Not the other you."

She nodded slowly, looking as if she was still letting my words sink in. Suddenly, a small smile tugged at her lips.

"I'd like that," she said softly. "Maybe we can pretend the other day never happened and start again?"

I returned her smile, nodding. "I'd like that."

[joon-ipersgirl]

"dance with me" - jhs twoshot

genre: strangers to lovers!au, fluff, tiny bit of angst

pairing: hobi x reader (f)

summary: this is the first part of hobi’s birthday twoshot where he meets a girl on a night out on the town but loses her (a better summary will come later)

word count: 1.8k

warnings: some cursing, mentions of alcohol, not a happy ending rn

a/n: whew it's been a minute. as per, school and work are kicking my ass but i wanted to write something for hobi's birthday. i actually finished this first half on time but was stuck on the second half before i decided i should make this into a twoshot. i'm going to finish it though, hopefully soon. i’ll edit everything later. either way, enjoy :)

full masterlist // part two

“Guys, I really shouldn’t,” Hoseok laments.

“Why not?” Jimin whines from his sprawled out position on Hoseok’s aging leather sofa. “It’s been weeks since you’ve come out with us.”

Hoseok shrugs. “I’ve just been… busy,” he finishes lamely.

“Doing what?” Jungkook challenges from the kitchen, his voice barely carrying over the low hum of the open refrigerator.

“Okay, I guess I haven’t been doing too much. I just haven’t been in the mood? Life is just a lot right now,” Hoseok says as he picks at the fraying carpet on the floor. He really should get a new one.

“So, let us help you feel better!” Jimin rolls off the sofa, narrowly missing Hoseok’s head with his legs and keeping his leather pants intact. “A night out dancing with your best friends. Maybe a few drinks. You don’t even have to bring anyone home if you don’t want to.”

Hoseok is still iffy on Jimin’s proposal. Usually, he’d be the one encouraging his friends to enjoy a night out on the town but starting his new job at the architectural firm downtown a few weeks ago had really taken its toll. He knew that he’d have a lot to learn when he started but he didn’t think it’d be this much, the new programming and drawing systems much more sophisticated than what he’d remembered during his undergraduate matriculation. Hoseok spent much of his free time practicing his skills, exhausting himself late into the night. All he wanted to do was rest but it was proving to be challenging after his friends showed up on his doorstep tonight, demanding he join them.

“I don’t know, Jimin.”

“You don’t have to know anything. Look, if you aren’t having a good time by midnight, I’ll call you a cab home myself,” Jimin offers. “And Jungkook will buy you your first three drinks,” he tacks on after seeing Hoseok’s unwavering expression.

“Hey!” Jungkook exclaims from the entryway.

“It’s the least you could do, Jungkook. You’re literally eating him out of house and home right now,” Jimin says, pointing to the roll of kimbap Jungkook has in his hands.

“You can’t drink on an empty stomach,” the younger one counters.

“You ate an hour ago.”

“Fair enough,” Jungkook concedes. “Get dressed, Hobi. Drinks are on me,” he finishes around a mouthful of food. Jimin beams, turning to Hoseok.

Sighing, Hoseok reluctantly drags himself to his feet. “Fine. But you’re buying me drinks and dinner. Nope. I don’t want to hear it,” he says, holding up a finger. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Yes!” Jimin cheers as Hoseok heads to his room.

Twenty five minutes later, the three young men arrive at Antarri’s. Known for its strong drinks and booming bass, Antarri’s had become their regular stomping ground. It was safe to say a few other patrons recognized them in the dark; the trio’s dance reputation preceded them. On any given weekend the establishment would be flooded with young people ready to let loose their frustrations. The proximity of the city’s two major universities being just over a stone’s throw away may also help.

“Okay! Shots first!” Jimin yells over the incessant chatter. Hoseok shakes his head but follows his friend deeper into the club.

“What should we get?”

“Nothing too crazy -” Hoseok starts.

“Tequila!” Jungkook interrupts, waving his arm frantically for the bartender’s attention. Both Jimin and Hoseok blanch at the suggestion. “What? I’m buying. I should get to choose.”

Jimin shrugs. “He is buying.”

Hoseok rubs his forehead, already feeling the splitting migraine he’d have tomorrow morning. Alcohol never seemed to agree with him and he’d learned many times what pushing his limit did to him. Still, he doesn’t protest when Jungkook orders, “Your finest shots of tequila, my good sir.”

Maybe the night would pass by faster this way.

“Okay guys. What’s the game plan?” Jungkook asks around a mouthful of lime.

“Just have fun. If you’re leaving, send a text will you? I don’t want another repeat of last time,” Jimin huffs and sets his shot glass down on the counter.

“I wasn’t even gone for that long!”

“You came back the following evening missing your shirt and a shoe, Jungkook,” Jimin frowns.

“Okay but -“

“Guys,” Hoseok interjects. “Not the time.”

“Right. This is about you, Hobi. We’re going to have a great time. And you -“ Jimin points his finger at Jungkook.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll text the chat that I’m alive. Let’s go!” Jungkook says, pushing off the stool and heading into the crowd.

Hoseok shakes his head at his younger friend. He worried about his safety sometimes.

“You sure you’re up for this?” Jimin checks in.

“Yeah, yeah. Go have fun. I’ll see you in there,” Hoseok responds. Nodding, Jimin pats him on the arm before setting off.

“Remember, I’ll call you a cab if you aren’t having fun,” he calls over his shoulder and then disappears.

Moving over to a less crowded part of the bar, Hoseok leans against the wall. Already his shirt is starting to stick to his skin. The music blares at an obscene level he feels in his bones and he welcomes the feeling.

Though an architect by trade, Hoseok knew his way around a dance floor. He wasn’t captain of the university’s dance team for no reason. Music was a language Hoseok translated with his body, each syllable corresponding to a particular movement as he listened to each rhythm and rhyme. Closing his eyes, he lets it speak it to him.

It doesn’t take long for him to get lost in the feeling. Limbs moving freely, Hoseok glides across the floor easily. He’s not concerned with the curious onlookers as he grooves to one of Billboard’s latest bangers. A small crowd has started to form around him but Hoseok ignores them as he spins through a move. Then, he sees you.

His body sputters through the movement until he slows to a gentle rock, eyes trying to focus on you through the pockets between people’s heads. You aren’t looking at him. Too engrossed in your own movement as you vibe with the music. Hoseok almost feels as though he’s watching himself dance. Intrigued, he moves closer.

He’s pretty sure he’s never seen you here before. Granted he doesn’t remember every face he sees but Hoseok is positive he would remember you because of the way you move. Blinking, he feels like he’s in a trance as he watches you turn, your hips swaying in time with the beat. Hoseok realizes he’s not the only one watching you. A few other guys have gathered but you ignore their presence, favoring to dance alone. Hoseok chews his lip. Did he even have a chance?

The music changes and Hoseok watches you change your movement to match the tempo seamlessly. He smiles. He would do exactly the same. Smooth RnB filters out over the sound system and Hoseok calms his beating heart, finding his own rhythm again as he slips back into his translation. When he turns, he makes eye contact with you, a small smile on your lips as you regard him. He’s pretty sure it’s the alcohol that makes him bold enough to take a step towards you.

Though you don’t move closer, your eyes don’t leave Hoseok’s. A silent exchange happens between you as you continue dancing and Hoseok matches your movements while maintaining his distance. Hoseok nearly holds his breath as you tentatively step closer. If he were to reach out, he’d surely be able to touch you. He doesn’t though. The two of you continue to dance in front of one another, though not with each other as the song changes.

When you turn - back towards him and continue dancing - Hoseok isn’t too sure of what to do. He doesn’t want to impose and ruin your night but he sure as hell would love to dance with you. He takes another tentative step forward, the space between you what chaperones at prom would call encroaching on dangerous territory. Still, he doesn’t touch you though he’s sure you can feel his breath dance across your skin.

It’s you who makes the final move.

He feels your fingertips brush against the outside of his thigh until your fingers wrap around his and place them on your hip. Jeans slung low on your waist, Hoseok’s thumb rests against your bare skin. He lets his other hand settle on the outside of your thigh, his touch light so not to scare you.

Chest against your back, Hoseok matches his hips with yours, the swell of your ass pressed tightly to his crotch. When you curl your arm around the back of his neck, fingers splayed in the hairs at his nape, Hoseok squeezes you in reflex. The heat of Antarri’s only grows worse as you continue to dance and another small crowd gathers to watch you.

Hoseok has never felt so at ease dancing with another human being. He feels like you’ve been partners since you were three and took classical ballroom together for eighteen years. You read his movements and he reads yours as you trade the role of leader and follower back and forth. In all honesty, Hoseok doesn’t want the night to end, especially when you hit a particularly dangerous move - bending at the waist with your hands on your knees, the push back firm as his hand ghosts your back. He has to stifle a groan at the sight, more than a few ungentlemanly thoughts surfacing in response.

Spinning you around, Hoseok gazes down at you as he slots one of his legs between yours. A gentle smile crosses your face and you rest your hands loosely around his neck. Hoseok gently brushes your damp hair from your forehead. You don’t look away as his hand comes to rest under your jaw. He watches your tongue swipe against your bottom lip as he wraps his arm around -

“Y/N!”

The moment is broken at the scream of what Hoseok assumes is your name.

“Y/N, come on! We have to go! Code Blue!” Hoseok loosens his hold on you as you step away. Before either of you can utter a word, your friend is pulling you through the crowd and away from him. Over the din of the music, he faintly hears you call a “Sorry!” as you disappear.

Stunned, Hoseok stands in the middle of the crowd as your figure slowly becomes lost in the sea of swaying bodies. He feels like he’s just stepped out of a sauna, the trance you placed him in lifting as people start to fill in the space around him now that the show is over. Hoseok rubs his face in frustration. How could he have let you leave like that? How was he supposed to find you?

“Hobi! Hey Hobi!” Hoseok turns at the sound of his name to see Jimin elbowing his way through the crowd. “Hey, are you okay?”

Sighing, Hoseok nods.

“Okay,” Jimin says wearily. “Do you want to leave?”

“No, it’s okay. Jungkook still owes me two more shots. I gotta collect.”

Jimin grins. “That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s go.”

Tossing one last longing look to what was supposed to be a promising night, Hoseok follows his friend to the bar to forget what could have happened.

full masterlist // part two

joon-ipersgirl, 2021

[lostinthewiind]

Hey! I just discovered your blog and I love your writing! I was wondering if I could request something that starts out with jealousy and ends up super fluffy? I know it's a big cliche but that's exactly what I'm in the mood for atm. Thanks in advance :) Love x

There’s a reason why cliches are cliches - it’s because everyone loves them, including me!

I decided to minorly wound 2 birds with one stone for this one, so this fic is also for @higgles123 who requested some Chuck Grant. So, strap in everyone, and get ready for some jealous/fluffy Grant.

“I’m Not Jealous.”

You batted your eyelashes seductively as Bill Guarnere slid a beer glass along the bar toward you. Normally, you weren’t one to flirt with the men, but it was one of your last days in civilization before the company was being sent out again and you just wanted to have some fun.

And Bill Guarnere was always up for some fun.

The man from Philly loved it when you hung off of his arm and listened to him tell story after story. The two of you were good friends, but when the nights got late and the liquor started to flow, you become something just a little bit more. 

“So, anyway, I tell the guy that there’s no way he’s gonna get away with that shit.” Bill hooked his arm around your waist and pulled you closer. “So, I punched him out. Then, for good measure, I slashed his tires.”

Taking a sip of your frothy beer, you nodded along with the tale. Bill always had the best stories, but right then, you were more focused on his touch than his voice. You knew you could never go any further with the platoon leader, but in a way, that was made it fun. You could mess around all you wanted and never have to worry about following through.

The game between you was enjoyed by both parties. However, there was someone who didn’t take as much pleasure in the fake displays of affection, and that person was Chuck Grant.

The quieter Toccoa man was standing in the corner of the bar, his untouched, warm beer in his hand as he watched on with intense jealousy. Chuck didn’t like to admit that he was jealous when it came to you, but he was, and it was obvious. 

When Bill’s hand touched your body it made it blood boil. He knew the Philly man didn’t actually like you; he couldn’t, not with how he acted. If he really liked you, he would shut up every once in a while and let you talk, he would hold your hand instead of grabbing your ass, he would kiss you instead of licking his lips hungrily while he eyed you up like a juicy steak dinner.

Chuck would never do those things. He would let you talk, he would hold your hand, he would kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before. 

Your hearty laugh echoed through the bar and Chuck smiled. Your laugh was like music to his ears. The Easy Company man hadn’t the slightest idea how he had become so tangled in your web, but he was stuck nevertheless and there was nothing he could do about it.

You had no idea how Chuck really felt though. How could you? You barely spoke to him as it was, and when you did, he never let his feelings show. 

As Bill dove head first into another story from his time before the war, your eyes drifted over his broad shoulder and settled on a shadowed figure in the corner that seemed to be looking at you.

When your eyes met Chuck’s, he looked away frantically, the sudden motion making it obvious that he had indeed been staring. You felt a smile spread across your lips. It was nice to know that some of the men still looked at you like that; like you were still a woman.

When Chuck finally turned back to you, you nodded your head at him, motioning for him to come over. Chuck froze for a moment, but before he could silently check with you, you had gone back to listening to Bill.

For a few seconds, Chuck was sure he wouldn’t go over. He couldn’t. But then something inside of him snapped. It was like the floodgates of courage had opened, and just like that, he was walking in your direction with his beer in his hand.

When the man settled next to you, you turned and smiled at him once more. “Hello.” you greeted him, still half invested in Bill’s retelling of the time he had to chase a bunch of kids off of his family’s property. “How are you?”

“I-I’m fine.” Chuck answered, the words almost getting caught in his throat. “How are you?”

“I’m just peachy.” you looked down and noticed that his glass was still full but all the foam had dissipated. “Let’s get you a fresh drink, yeah?”

Chuck’s eyes drifted down to his old beer. “Yeah.” he agreed. 

Slapping your palm down on the bar, you waved the bartender over. As you ordered another drink for Chuck, Bill started to notice that you were losing interest in him. He didn’t like that. 

Bill’s fingertips pressed into your side, a nonverbal reminder to you that he was still there and still very much looking forward to the eventual heated make-out session that usually took place behind the bar after your evenings together.

Instead of turning back to him though, you swatted his hand away and handed the new, cold drink to Chuck. 

Chuck noticed the annoyance building in Bill and felt a small sense of pride in himself. For some reason, you wanted to spend time with him instead of Bill, which was something he never thought would happen.

“Thank you.” Chuck’s confidence built as Bill’s fell. 

“You are very welcome.” you turned your back to Bill. As fun as the loud-mouthed Platoon Sergeant was, you had ridden that ride before. Chuck Grant was new and shiny and you wanted to see how thrilling his rollercoaster was. “So, tell me about yourself. I feel like I know nothing about you.”

Chuck smiled. He very much liked that you were interested in him. Before long, he was deep in a story that you were intently listening to. Chuck’s stories were different than Bill’s; less young and dumb and more wholesome — more reminiscent of a life without war; a reminder that there was once a life without war and that there could be again.

Bill tried and failed a few more times to regain your attention, but after a while, he realized it was a lost cause and walked off. You didn’t notice him leave. You were too busy giggling along with Chuck as he finished off his drink and ended a joke. 

The night carried on, you and Chuck drinking and enjoying each other’s company. You gradually realized that you very much found delight in spending time with Chuck, but it became evident that he was a much sweeter man that you had taken him for. You had hoped that maybe his quiet demeanor hid a darker, more mysterious side, but you didn’t think it did. He hadn’t touched you once, not even a little brush of the hand.

What you didn’t know what that it was taking every ounce of restraint Chuck had to keep his hands to himself. He wanted nothing more than to touch you, but he didn’t want to come across like Bill; he didn’t want to be just a game to you.

A few minutes later, as Bill headed for the exit of the bar, he stopped next to you and brought his lips to your ear. “I’ll be out back taking a smoke for a few minutes if you care to join me.”

With that, he walked off. Chuck glared into Bill’s back as he sauntered away and out of the building. 

The offer was tempting but you weren’t sure if you should stay a while longer and give Chuck a little more time to warm up to you or not. Chuck watched as you slowly began to distance yourself. He was losing you and he knew it. You had given him a chance and he was blowing it. 

The thought of you sneaking off with Bill Guarnere made his fists clench and his teeth grit. Bill didn’t know how to treat you right. He did.

Making a split second decision that would either make it all or break it all, Chuck grabbed your face hard and kissed you. You were shocked, completely taken aback. You had never seen this coming from the good, kind man in front of you.

You didn’t worry for long though, because you melted into his touch in a matter of seconds. Your hands rested on his shoulders, your fingers clawing at his uniform. 

Chuck needed you to know how badly he wanted you, so he showed you. His tongue forced its way into your mouth and defeated yours for dominance. His mouth moved fast and rough against yours, drawing you in and making your head swim. 

When he finally pulled back, leaving your lips swollen and wanting more, he looked down at you and rubbed his thumb over your cheek. “You don’t need him,” he told you. “He doesn’t realize how special you are. I do.”

“Oh, Chuck.” your hands moved up his shoulders and onto his neck. “Why didn’t you just tell me sooner?”

“I should have.” he kissed you again, this time quick and loving. “I should have. But here I am now, telling you.”

You chuckled lowly. “Guess it just took a little jealousy to get it out of you, huh?”

“I’m not jealous.” he lied.

“Mhmm.” you captured his mouth in yours and nibbled on his bottom lip. “It’s okay if you are. I like it. It’s kinda hot.”

“Well, in that case, I’m insanely jealous.”

[strshn]

I haven't posted in so so so long. but I promise you it's a good thing. I honestly almost forgot I had this blog lmao. things have gotten so much better! are they as good as I want them to be? of course not. but it's the best they've been literally ever. I still struggle a ton but idk. things are just so different...

my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up. how insane is that??? I've waited and yearned and begged my whole life for love, and I am trying my best to never take it for granted, not even for a second. I am so lucky to have him by my side.

I've come out to people irl... IN. REAL. LIFE. I go by my preferred name and pronouns to my bf, my friends, I even told my mom this past weekend and it's been nothing but support. tbf I have only told people that I know will be supportive, but still. it feels amazing, and freeing in a way I could have never guessed.

I'm off my meds. all of them. have been for I think almost 2 years now. ditched therapy too. and I'm not saying it's a good thing, I do wish I had some support in the way of a therapist, and maybe some meds would make things even better but idk I've been coping on my own. somehow lol. it's hard and I get exhausted very easily and I so very much wish I could do more on a daily basis but I do what I can, and I forgive myself for not being able to do more. I praise myself for what I can accomplish, even if it's minimal. I cook, I clean, I take care of our cats. I get so tired so easily but... I'm doing more now than I ever did on meds, and frankly it's so fucking strange.

is life hard? absolutely. but I've grown and changed and things are different but also better. my bpd is almost like an afterthought? yes I still experience symptoms. but idk. it's not the same as it was. maybe because I'm happy and secure in my relationship, it's a long term commitment. I have in the back of my mind that it could still end up going terribly wrong, but I don't dwell on it like younger me probably would have. I have bad days, sure. depression isn't gonna go away. and neither will anxiety or ADHD. probably have autism too but I haven't really gotten into that rabbit hole yet.

but idk. I'm just glad to be doing okay. and not having the extreme moods like I used to. do I still hate myself and want to unalive myself from time to time? of course! but. it's more like "I'm tired and the world sucks and I'm sick of working myself to death and still not having enough money to survive can this please end already" which I think is reasonable and a lot of ppl feel that way. the world does suck. but I keep going for my cats and my boyfriend. idk it all sucks but I know there is nothing else to do.

I sleep a lot. I'm tired a lot. I have some physical ailments I need to get fixed. mentally idk. it's just a strange time for me. I'm able to just ignore my shit most of the time, or when I can't, I cry it out and take a nap and try to tell myself that I can keep going, and I will be okay. even if maybe it isn't true, I mean who knows.

I stream on twitch sometimes. I'm working on finding good friends. I'm working on officially coming out. I'm working on getting better at makeup and hair. I'm working on trying to figure out how to write again. Overall, I'm working on being exactly who I want to be. and it feels awesome.

I know this page is usually depressing. I've had a rough life and need somewhere to vent. at least this one time I can vent about how good I am beginning to feel. how good my life has turned out to be even if I still struggle a lot of days, especially financially I struggle a ton. but I'm still here and more queer than ever lol. and I'm doing all right.

I always used to see "it gets better" posts and I half wanted to believe them and half told myself it would never ever happen for me. maybe everyone else but never me... well it's happened for me. it is still happening, tbh. every day things are looking up, even the days where I feel down. it's, at the very least, not the same as it used to be. and I'll take anything over the heart-wrenching emotions I used to feel daily. the mood swings, the obsessions, the infatuations, the utter hopelessness of everyday life for me was so overwhelming. I'm glad it has toned down for me, and thing have changed. and that things are even slightly better.

I have no outlook or expectations for the future. but I think that's for the best. I have things I want to do here and now, and I'll worry about the rest later. I'm just happy I'm finally becoming who I want to be, and I'm happy I have any amount of happiness and love in my life. that's all I ever wanted, love. and I think I have it! so don't be so glum, younger me, or anyone out there reading this that can relate to how I used to think and act and feel. it will be okay. and as cliche as it is, it will get better. or at the very least, things will change with time. things will not stay the same, things will evolve and change and mutate and metamorphosize. things will change, the future will be different. and idk that just gives me hope, that I won't be stuck in one place or one feeling or one rut forever.

the future is open and a mystery, flow into it and go along with it. it will be worth it to see the world, and your self, in a different light.

[nemirutami]

Excuse me for being a weirdo who backreads people's blogs, but I had a small additional question regarding your answer to this ask here: /171315404167/ Do you also hate Alcor? If so, I'm incredibly curious to know why, since never harbored any ill will towards humanity and genuinely cared for the protagonist. (I realize I'm a little biased as I ship them together, but that's beside the point) I do agree most of the characters' motives and views were pretty selfish though.

I LOVE DESU ASKS.... AS EVIDENT BY THE VERY LONG REPLY... (SORRY!)

I’m glad ppl are reading them bc sometimes I feel like I’m yelling directly at a wall and my opinions are just bouncing right off, but I have an answer for that. 

I think the game did Alcor disservice in how he was represented. He would have benefited more from being impartial (but he isn’t impartial- and I’ll go more into detail about how he meddles to tip the scales) but I will admit anime!alcor was worse and just a sloppy attempt at making a NGE reference- but I won’t go into that because I could write an essay about how shitty the DESU2 anime is (I think everyone can- no one that played the game liked it and I can’t blame them).

The characters I actually can’t stand are: Yamato and Ronaldo. Because they’re actually the ones that actively go out and wipe out even ALLIES for their own benefit, not gonna lie- I might hate Ronaldo just a tiny bit more because of Makoto’s fate events, even if Yamato is just as bad if not worse. On top of that, they’re both awful hypocrites and unlike Yamato where I can kinda see the appeal, Ronaldo is completely unlikable. Even so, I can enjoy ships with Yamato in them. Tho I ship absolutely no one with Ronaldo because why would you evoke that kind of suffering in anyone. 

Everyone else is either bordering on annoying, bland, or just a mean spirited asshole. I feel more sympathy for Keita than I do for Hinako because at least Keita calls everyone a piece of shit, whereas Hinako seems to single out Daichi to shit on... on Daichi’s own route. Fumi also talks down to everyone, but in this case, Daichi’s just caught in the crossfire. Similar with Airi, she hates EVERYONE apparently, and will even punch Jungo. Hinako tho seems to specifically target Daichi on his route like... what the fuck is your problem? You called him an idiot twice in 1 battle Hinako holy shit, go chill??? I will never let this go because BOY was just BREATHING and she went “UGHHH YOU’RE SO STUPID” LIKE LET HIM BREATHE HOLY SHIT IS HE NOT EVEN ALLOWED THAT ANYMORE? 

Anyways, onto Alcor.

There’s a lot of plot holes and inconsistencies surrounding how the summoning app actually works (Alcor invented it after all, and gave it to us to use) and all these inconsistencies just make Alcor look bad from a writing standpoint (more of that below). He could have been a good character had he not been written poorly (Much like Yamato and... like 99% of the cast really. Even Daichi suffers from shit writing and I’ll never forgive them for this.) and had the plot not fucked him in the end and basically had him destined to die even on Daichi’s route (which sucks but is understandable since he is a septentrione) perhaps I’d have actually liked him. 

I tend to love characters that obsess with the protagonist, and they’re usually my absolute FAVORITE characters. I’m really surprised I didn’t jump on Alcor’s ship with the protag because it HAD the setting I absolutely adored for relationships to form? Especially the alien/human dynamic since I came into DESU2 right after exiting NGE so I was IN THE MOOD. Alcor in and of himself was just. Not satisfying to interact with (bored me to tears too) because of his cryptic messages that (more than anything) just waste time and bring the player nowhere unless they rank up to like 4 right before Yamato basically THROWS EXPOSITION AT YOU AND EXPLAINS THE ENTIRE PLOT ON THE 2ND LAST DAY (it’s even worse and comes even more out of nowhere if you haven’t interacted with Alcor at all in his fate events. More disservice. They should have made Alcor’s fate events more intimate and given Alcor more plot relevant lines within the plot itself instead of his events. Much like... Daichi really. They fucked up with Daichi by making his fate events more relevant to his character growth than the actual plot. I guess they did the same for Alcor but truth be told, I remember so little about Alcor because more than anything Alcor just bored me. Never quite pissed me off. Just bored me.) 

Ok, but onto the cake. The things that made me iffy on Alcor’s character in general.

Alcor supposedly gave humans fire and culture and blah blah. Already this is telling me to practice immense amounts of disbelief since it’s well documented how these things came about, but I suppose if no one actually knows the history then they can accept this at face value? I wasn’t tho. He acted responsible for it and it put me in disbelief and just made me think he sounded like an idiot. It also made him seem very arrogant, because it implied people NEEDED to be given culture, and that we just didn’t develop culture and diversity on our own. It implies we were all lifeless husks until he came along and granted it to us. Which is insulting.

The fact he’s a septentrione isn’t foreshadowed well and is very obvious from the second we see him floating and talking to other demons/septentriones since he clearly knows what they’re saying. Not really a character-specific issue. Just more problems of bad writing. “Who is he...” Daichi have you seen a HUMAN float in space like that god fucking damn it i love you but why u so duMB WHY YOU ALL SO DUMB IT’S CLEARLY EITHER A DEMON OR A SEPTENTRIONE, THE REAL QUESTION IS- WHY IS HE HELPING US?

Btw that’s another point. Why is he helping us? Oh, right, because he messed up.

He doesn’t want Yamato’s world, but he gave Yamato the power to reform society. Then, when Yamato tries to do what Alcor granted him the means to do, he’s like. Hm. Well. Shit? This guy’s a fucking psycho. Time to place my bets on the protagonist instead (which he does favor a lot- which doesn’t make him impartial really since he clearly favors explaining things more to Hibiki/Protag than anyone else in the game, and it puts everyone else at a disadvantage when a GOD LIKE ENTITY is behind the protag boosting him to make the “right” choice for humanity). I know Alcor was fascinated by humans and wanted them to live (which is fine), yet he didn’t bother to warn the MILLIONS that died (and remained dead in one of the endings- thanks Alcor) due to his negligence. Knowing about it and at least not issuing a warning is cruel. Sure, he gave people the demon summoning app, but the app was considered a “prank site” (nice advertisement, Alcor) as Daichi said at the start of the game (which i hate more than Yamato himself. Daichi. This. This idiot. This idiot signed his best friend up to a DEATH SITE just cus LOLS- the writing is bullshit, and I really disliked early Daichi, too. I disliked some of later canon-Daichi too because he was just rendered to a joke outside his Fate Events). The writing is really unfair on everyone, and it doesn’t help that the app doesn’t work the way it’s advertised to work anyways, seeing as Alcor can twist it to do what HE needs it to do at any time.

For example, the app is said to send death videos regarding people you’ve made a bond with, but clearly that’s all bullshit considering Alcor manually sends Hibiki a warning (and only Hibiki alone) of Otome’s death video so that NO ONE BUT HIBIKI CAN SAVE HER. This implies he can manipulate the death videos personally and exclude others from receiving videos. This. This is not kind. Not at all. I know he was testing Hibiki, but at THIS RISK? Losing Otome can FUCK YOUR PERFECT RUN and outside game mechanics, ELIMINATE ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE. If he wanted to, he could kill characters he actually doesn’t like this way by basically not sending the videos out to people, which, if you don’t go to save Otome right away- will be the end of her. He’s putting all his bets on you alone and testing you by cutting off everyone else from the app- potentially hindering backup to save Otome. Sure, you save her but you can just as easily kill her. I can’t say this wasn’t a sleazy test because he was basically playing with Otome’s LIFE and showed no signs of remorse. Some love for humans you have Alcor. Shit dude. This isn’t kind at all.

But I guess these are my main qualms about him- at least the ones I remember- but take everything I say with a grain of salt bc I tried to avoid confrontation with him completely in my 2nd and 3rd run so I have vague memories lingering. I don’t hate him? I can actually like him if he’s written well by other people, but given how he is in the game, I can’t say I ever enjoyed interacting with him. He didn’t annoy me other than the 2 times I’ve stated above, where he basically talks down to us about how we got to our culture and how he kinda lets Otome PERISH if we don’t respond quickly enough. I know it was a test to the protagonist’s will, but aren’t the septentriones a test enough of my conviction, Alcor, honestly. Unlike Airi, Hinako, Keita, and everyone else, Alcor doesn’t annoy me at all. Io annoys me more, if not only because the game wanted Daichi to be plot relevant only for Io to get all the spotlight. Io is genuinely maybe the better written character- it’s just such a shame they flipflop on her as a lead when in any other game, she could easily have been a lead. Her love triangle kills any enjoyment I get from her at all tho and just makes me bitter. More bad writing- who would have guessed.

Tho from a shipping standpoint? You can ship Alcor with Hibiki for good reasons, obviously. There’s a clear connection and fascination there that doesn’t surprise me people flock to (because I would have been there too had they just written him better). I don’t really mind the ship itself. When I say “i don’t mind it” I just mean I don’t feel anything for it and I’d probably not draw it for myself. There are really no ships I hate or really... dislike? There’s just stuff I don’t ship, but I can definitely ship Hibiki/Alcor if it was for a plotpoint of some kind in a fic or art or whatever. It depends on the idea really. 

I guess it’s too late to say something like this so far into the post, but I like to believe that ANY ship works if the construction/buildup to it is good enough. I believe you can make any character do/say anything under the right circumstances with the right motives without it being OOC or feel out of place. I’d like to think talent is wicked like that- a double edged sword of risky ideas that can either make or break your interpretation/perception depending on how you build it up. Though, that takes effort. Something DESU2 sadly lacks in a lot of ares, but it’s still a game worth playing for the experience and I wouldn’t not recommend it for the good parts that are (while few) really, really good.