#grandpa has the same issue but on the opposite side with him supporting her but acting like it's just an unimportant game

[da-janela-lateral]

For some reason I think Mezato lives with her mother and her maternal grandfather I don't have any basis I just think that.

[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia Reviewcaps: The Dinner/Battle of the Bands “It’s You”

Hello all you happy people! And i’m almost to the finish line.  6 months (subtracting the ones where there were no new episodes) worth of weekly coverage and with next week i’ll have completed my second full season of reivews of a show as they came out, and my first full season of amphibia. If you’d like to see season 1 it’s up high on my stretch goals at 45 with reviews of Disney movies based on shows (The Proud Family, Recess and Kim Possible), Gravity Falls and more along the way if your curious. Check it out HERE. I’m also doing exclusive reviews eveyr month now with the coasional one thrown in randomly so check that out. New period starts in a week so please join before then.

So naturally with the big finale and all the tensions in amphibia close to reaching a boil next week, this week’s a bit more low key. Still not unimportant, with some massively good character work and in fact The Dinner is easily one of my faviorites of the season, but still nothing to move the plot too far forward. Just some nice character stuff to help inch us towards the climax next week. The calm before my heart is stillbeatingly ripped out of my chest. Which I will grant the show, having my heart ripped out Mola Ram style by some combination of Brenda Song and Keith David is how I wanted to go, i’m just not ready yet. So while I steel myself for the utter heartbreak of next week, I have my throughts on this weeks episodes under the cut!

The Dinner: 

I did tip my hand a bit by saying this was one of my faviorties of the season.. and I stand by that. This one was excellent. It was rife with tension while still somehow being a fun breather episode before hell arrives. 

As the title suggest the Plantars are having Grime and Sasha over for a fancy dinner, followed by games and such. Only Annearcy are happy about this though, Marcy still not getting quite how bad Sasha has gotten during her stay here and Anne hoping she has changed.  The Plantars, Sprig in paticular, still resent them for the whole toad tower fiasco, which is fair. You don’t forget someone trying to murder you over night, let alone your whole town. Hop Pop is using Frobo as the Grill by the way which is just visually fucktacular I gotta admit. He does get some more use these episodes, being used as a Grill here and as the fog machine and Polly’ sminon next episode. Good work boy. That’s my robot frog soldier builder whatever you are. 

Sasha and Grime are likewise not enthused. Sasha isn’t because her friends expect her to “Ugh” change and grow and stuff and isn’t happy about it and is confident she can return to rulling over them once her plan is done. Dude.. that’s not how a healthy throuple works. Or a healthy anything. Grime is more worried about her blowing it with her anger and control issues, but feels. this is VITAL to convincing the plantars to trust them long enough for their plan to go off. He even demands she remove her sword and all her knives... and she has a lot of them. Evne in her boot “How do you even walk?” Good question grime. 

My answer?

So what follows is about 8 minutes of the most hilariously awkward dinner since that time Micheal Scott decided to have a dinner party even though his relationship was horribly crumbling, as everyone but Anne and Marcy shoves their foot in their mouth at some point or makes some sort of screw up. Oh and Polly I guess she’s more content to just watch the show. Seriously i’m not usually a fan of cringe comedy.. but the series makes it work here as our heroes attempt to interact with thier old eneimeis and vice versa. 

For starters we have our guests arrvial, where Grime and Sasha both look objectively terrifying before things cool down. Then we have dinner itself where both Hop Pop and Grime prove to be the racist kind of grandpa as Grime asks what frogs they subjigated to get these turnips and Hop Pop makes an awkward lightbulb joke about Toads that Grime finds hilarious but everyone else was rightfully afraid would get the old man gutted by the other more violent old man. I imagine this happened a lot on the Lost Light once Megatron took over co captiancy. You just don’t fight a guy for a good hundered years without being nervous he’s going to blast you to fucking pieces. 

Sprig dosen’t help before all this by taking a seat next to anne and marcy specifically to piss her off, and out of all of them is the most openly hostile to her. Given Anne’s his best friend and Sasha did a LOT of emotional damage to her.. yeah fair enough. 

Things only esclate when it comes to frog pictionary. Suprisingly Hop Pop gets Grime’s Drawins and Sasha gets his, with both her and sprig trading escalating barbs and her barely containing her rage when Anne calls her on it since unlike her, Sprig has a reason to still be upset with her. This reaches a breaking point when Sasha attempts things, trying to desperatly win her friends back with the old times now they have their ownt imes apart.. only for Sprig to accidnetlay mock Sasha’s near sucicide,s aying she “slipped”.. granted I do think he geninely just can’t forgive her.. but it’s very clear she did not.. she let herself go to save them, and he’s just as in denial about it as Sasha and just as much a dick about it. 

Sasha flips out at him, and gets penalized for talking which only pisses her off MORE and understandably so. Anne leaps to the plantar’s defense but honestly.. both sides are understandabliy angry here. The Plantars are right to still not trust her after everything especially since she hasn’t outright apologized to them and her and Grime’s general response to the incident is “One Time!”... which works for say, taking the last slice of pizza without asking or slamming their face in a car door, but not so much “Trying to murder all of you for personal and stupid reasons.”. But at the same time Sprig DID cross the line really bad when she saved his fucking life. It dosen’t automaitcally erase the bad things she did but it dosen’t give him lisence to mock her. WHile I get he’s 10 and dosen’t get it was part suicide, he still is blantaly ignoring her trying to do something selfless because he can’t admit there’s any good in Sasha. Sasha is not a GREAT person.. but there IS good in her. She just has to WANT to seek that out instead of her inherent seflishness and need for control and Anne and Marcy are absolutely right for trying to help her instead of just slamming the door in her face. 

But soon eveyroen gets distracted by the cake which floods the room with molten lava. Hop Pop assumes it was some sort of trick.. but hilariously turns out no, Grime really was trying to be nice. That’s just how this works and it’s delcious once it hardens.. assuming you survivie the hornets, with fighting them being the best part of it. And yes hornets shoot out of the cake. Are you suprised at this point? They also paralize grime leaving our heroes without the one person among them who knows what their doing. 

SO our heroines are forced to fight some hornets, with Sasha trying to take lead.. only for Anne to do so and succeed at it, figuring out that while weapons can’t pierce them their own stingers might and having Marcy use her crossbow to launch the stinger in grime at them, and then has Sasha distract the rest to take them out. 

So our heroines reconcile with Sasha admitting she might not want to change and Anne admitting that’s okay.. she just has to accept things have changed with THEM and that her friends HAVE. And genuinely or not Sasha agrees to that, while Grime is bummed he missed the party and the lava hardens into chocolate, with eveyrone enjoying some cake and dead insects. As you do

Final Thoughts on The Dinner: As I said, this is one of the best episodes of the season> The tension is paltable, and it dosen’t fully resolve it, rightly as we still have one final season to go for that. More than that.. it’s hilarious. All the jokes land, and there were far too many to get into here. 

Battle of the Bands:

Now this is a classic breather episode, our last chance to rest and get all slice of lifey before things go up in flames next week. 

With the town all nervous because of Sasha and Grime’s presence, Mayor Toadstool decides to spin the wheel of fun to decide on an activity. I can’t remember if this is a new thing or not but I loves it. It lands on Battle of the Bands so the girls decide to get their old band Sasha and the Sharks back together. As for the rest of the cast, Hop Pop and Sprig join a Jug band and Grime has his own musical domination to plot out, so that just leaves us with the thropule, Poly and Frobo for an episode. 

The group have fun... until Anne unveils her heartfelt song based on her time here. Well okay only Sasha isn’t having fun and quickly tries to take over, as you’d expect and Anne pushes back as you’d expect. Sasha takes her ball and goes home as.. you get it by now> The plot here is not very complex or unique.

But as with all the Sasha episodes this season including the last one, we get a deeper sense of her character. Here she outright admits she dosen’t know what to do when she’s not in control. She needs to be in charge of the situation. It also explains why unlike Marcy and Anne she didn’t change for the better: Her need for control shuts out any possiblity of self reflection and thus self improvment. Self Improvment, and I know this from experince, requires you to admit your flaws and face them. It’s something I can admit to struggling with as I fall back into old patterns often. Admitting flaws would be admitting a loss of Control and Sasha.. can’t. She honestly can’t. 

Of all people i’ts TOADIE who convinces her sometimes i’ts better to let someone else take the lead and that it’s better to support the ones you love than subjugate them. Granted Toadie himself is too far in the opposite direction, but he makes a valid point.. something I never thought i’d say. Sometimes you just have to let someone do what they want.. and watching her two girlfriends perform up on stage.

I also will say I love a good talent show, battle of the bands what have you episode. One of my faviorite movies, True Stories, climaxes in one. 

And yes that was John Goodman and yes he does indeed sing...

Seriously watch this movie. It’s fucking amazing. And yes that was the Talking Heads David Byrne, he wrote this movie and there’s two talking heads songs in it. Watch it. 

Point is we get a great one, paticuarlly chuck. 

He grows SINGIN tulips just a fun one.. but i’ts that finale with the girls that really makes it with Sasha realizing that them being HAPPY is better than her being in control..and they didn’t grow PAST HER or leave her behind just because they grew.. they simply should be free to be themselves. And that maybe trying to conquer a country just to do that ain’t right. IT’s really sweet

So she runs in to do the guitar solo, and its aweosme and they only don’t win because it turns out Grime is fucking MAJESTIC on a harp. But Sasha finally grows a bit admitting that having fun is what mattered... 

And it’s abotu to burst as Mayor Toadstool, in a show of how far he’s come, points out Anne is leaving soon and Anne gives a heartfelt goodbye to everyone.. that said.... someone clearly has other plans.. and for once i’ts NOT Sasha. 

There’s nothing but foreshadowing in that face. That’s a face that says “Uh.. about that”. And again SASHA is showing emotinal vunerablity and hapiness.. but it’s Marcy, whose pretty open emotiionally whose visably worried and clearly knows Andrias has other plans.. other plans he talked her into. Gratned he probably didn’t tell her said plans involve The Watcher with a Thousand Eyes, but she still KNOWS she’s plottingthings.. and know’s she’s about to betray the people closest to her. 

Before we move on though those outfits ar esharp. Just damn. Especially Sasha’s punk look. The songs this episode are also both excellent and I had no idea Brenda Song and Anna Akana could sking like that. God damn. 

So with Anne leaving for home she gets one last group photo. It’s majestic and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts: This one is pretty good. Not a lot to talk about outside of Sasha but a really fun episode that both moves her foward and moves us toward the finale. ANd it’s nice to see the three just happy together... before the hell that’s about to arrive. 

Next Week: War Were Declared, our heroes prepare to fight bravely against the hoard of toads... and both Sasha and Marcy come to the crossroads of destiny Tommorow ON This Blog:

So it’s up to Jean Grey and Emma Frost to go in and sort it out.. and then fight off the full might of an alien empire. No pressure. 

Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure

[harvestdew]

Hi! could you talk more about Kiki's friendship with Haley, and Cleo's friendship with Linus? They seem to have a cool dynamic :D

OMG of course i actually have a whole post here but i love haley so i will ALWAYS elaborate on anything about her ^_^ i’m sorry if this isn’t long i’m on my last week of school + finals

haley + kiki dynamic

i’ve already said this before but haley is one of my favorites because i enjoy her development. i think that mean girl with issues turned best friend is one of my favorite tropes and works with haley really well, and kiki works really well in terms of breaking the tough girl exterior because she’s WAY nicer than cleo (probably why haley takes longer to get around to liking cleo even though they’re dating)

haley didn’t get around to liking kiki that fast - i mentioned this in another post but kiki stayed in pelican town around middle school - freshman year, but she couldn’t have been that close to haley because i think haley gives me 19-20 year old vibes and kiki is 23. if she was a 13 year old in middle school, haley would be 9-10 and they wouldn’t be in the same grade. given i’ve finally nailed down their ages after writing that post i wouldn’t have kiki crush on haley to overcompensate for ME wanting to marry her, i have cleo who is haley’s age

SO why does haley come around to liking kiki? when kiki first moves back to pelican town, haley is kinda nosey and tries to figure out why someone would move away from the city without showing much interest. she’s also distrustful being haley, so it doesn’t really seem like it’s going anywhere. kiki also doesn’t get haley’s deal until emily (who she befriends faster) tells her it’s not haley’s fault she’s insecure, so she starts to feel bad for haley. but i feel like haley isn’t really won over by a lot of gifts even though kiki probably gifted her daffodils or expensive clothing she doesn’t want anymore. the only actual tipping point is when (in my funny little universe) kiki found haley crying over ALEX (no shade to him, but he does avoid haley and tells you not to tell her where he is) and talked to her about how she feels like everyone thinks she’s shallow. the whole convo ends with haley figuring “oh she’s not that bad,” warming up to her, and them becoming best friends

i also like to think kiki is just as overprotective of haley as she is over her but just not overtly. she has a pretty bad impression of alex for a number of reasons, but 1 of the biggest contenders is the haley thing. she gets defensive or mad when sebastian, abigail, sam, EVEN SHANE points out incorrect stuff about haley because it’s annoying when people make assumptions about haley

kiki does try really hard to bridge the gap between sebastian and haley, but their differences seem so disparate that it feels like she’s trying to make a bird and a cat friends. it doesn’t stop her from trying to and they both hate it like it’s the worst experience in their lives until they learn to tolerate each other

haley seems like a good cook, so she bakes with kiki frequently to spend quality time together. sometimes kiki also hangs out with haley by the river so she can forage/fish (before cleo comes to take over fishing) while haley takes pictures. when she unlocks the movies, she also takes haley a lot. i’m 100% sure that kiki hangs out with haley the most out of ALL of the villagers including sebastian because haley is less of a homebody

haley gave up on figuring out what kiki’s beef was w/ joja and zuzu city until she accidentally finds out. haley convinced her to go shopping in a district in zuzu city without knowing kiki is technically a missing person, and kiki only went because haley really wants to. like she figured, okay i dress differently and my hair is dyed, it’s fine. also, it’s some random shopping district where rich people wouldn’t go. they hit a department store anyway until kiki, being paranoid, freaked out because she thought she saw her mom and hid in a bathroom. but haley, feeling bad for her, bought kiki a hat and sunglasses to cover her so they could go back home, then figured out what happened afterwards

tl;dr: haley for best friend of the year. she is what she is and eric barone should let me rewrite her

linus + cleo dynamic

this one seems weird (?) probably as weird as kiki and shane being friends. cleo being 19 and linus being an old man seems like they’re on opposite sides of the spectrum and she’d probably hate him. in actuality linus is 1 of the first people she befriends. she gifts him the fastest, and rather than willy teaching her, linus helps her get better at fishing

cleo frequents fishing at the mountain lake more because it’s less boring. linus stands by the river at certain times of the day and she fishes according to that schedule so they can chat or she can drop food off at his tent

also if it wasn’t obvious, cleo’s 100 times harder to befriend than kiki. she’s rude asf and has an issue with being blunt, plus she thinks everyone around her only gives a fuck abt themselves. but if you’ve played the game you can tell linus is a nice old man, minds his business, etc., right off the bat. it’s his down-to-earth attitude and non-judgmental advice that makes him the least annoying and she takes his wise advice SUPER seriously. so instead of hating linus, he’s a positive grandpa/dad figure in her life

and whenever haley + cleo get married (FAR future they’re both 19 and 20), she is probably not going to invite her dumb as balls dad to walk her down the aisle, it’s 100% going to be linus. he’s probably the only old person in the valley besides evelyn that she thinks wouldn’t be awful about her being a lesbian

also, cleo is not out to her family, prior friends, or really anyone before stardew valley. she doesn’t trust her parents, actually dates a former male bandmate to stop speculation, and thinks it’ll be negatively publicized if she does. cleo might exude sapphic energy, but she doesn’t say anything about her sexuality when she runs away either. it’s not that she feels particularly unsafe with kiki or even sam (her best friend) knowing it either, but she just feels like she’s better off never saying anything. linus, oddly enough, is the person who talks cleo through dealing with this

and b/c linus gives me super “got his shit together” and calm energy, which levels out cleo’s impulsivity and anger streaks. it’s probably not a good idea to bring this up to abigail and sam because they’d hype her up more and she’s just go ballistic. so if alex pisses her off, linus gets her to cool down. she could be annoyed because pierre side-eyed her and linus would say 5 words to make her stop fuming

i also really like the headcanon that linus used to be like? a huge business CEO whatever and gave it up to live in the nature. cleo would hear that and be like are you fr? that’s so cool. i too hate capitalism

what’s even weirder is linus definitelyyyy goes to cleo’s band performances as moral support. no one knows why this old man is hanging out at a venue with young adults, but cleo says it is what it is and it’s no one’s business

anyway that’s it for now! this was a fun exercise/break for me, thank you sm for asking!!! i always have fun doing these

[purplesurveys]

858

Who named you? Both of my parents did. My dad came up with my first name, my mom with the second. On edge about anything at the moment? On edge is irritable right? I hate how hot it is rn, and it’s literally almost 11 PM. Pretty sure I’ll be giving myself a second shower for today, ugh. The thing that last shocked you? My mom unknowingly watched a jumpscare video earlier and since she likes keeping her phone’s volume at a high level, I got to hear the demonic scream that came with the jumpscare -______- My entire family jumped but I was the only one who started to tear up hahahaha Ever have dreams that come true later on? Like, sleeping dreams? I guess, but they’ve all been deja vu stuff. Like a random thing will take place in the present and I’ll just suddenly remember that I saw it happening in a dream before, if that counts. Is it sometimes hard for you to accept what people are saying as the truth? I guess, especially when I’ve become used to a different side for much longer. For instance I really loved my grandpa and always saw him as this gentle giant who liked telling me trivia, so it took me a while to accept that he had his issues with alcohol and that he’d turn into a different person whenever he consumed it.

Who is worse: The liar or the hypocrite? Hypocrites are annoying but when it comes down to it we all have our hypocritical tendencies, honestly. I’ll go with liars. Is your mom your number one fan? No, she’s very passive about my successes and will always make it a point to look like she’s not interested enough about what I dabble in. The one time she looked genuinely supportive and excited for me was when I passed UP, and that was because that was her dream for me. Do you sing in front of people? Neverrrrrr. I only do that when I’m drunk enough at a club and my voice is guaranteed to be drowned out.

Is there a scent that makes you feel nostalgic? Sure, there’s the smell of nature in my old school, my grandparents’ cabinet which has given off this musty smell for as long as I can remember, and the scent of my dad’s luggage whenever he arrives back to the country. Last time someone had a bad opinion of you? The last time I was around to hear it was last week when my mom hurled insults at me and my siblings, but I’m sure others have spoken badly about me behind my back. Was it for the wrong reason? Yes. Would you rather ask or be asked? Ask/be asked what? Who are you the most uncomfortable around? My mooooom. I get very wince-y when I’m alone with her...I feel like a barrage of insults or criticisms is gonna be thrown at me any second.  Are your parents overprotective? They were I was never allowed to join in the Friendster craze because my parents took the 16-year-old requirement seriously, I didn’t have my first sleepover until I was 16, I wasn’t allowed to go to anyone’s house but Katreen as a kid, among other limitations I had to live with. But idk, for some reason something must have flipped in their heads and I was suddenly allowed to do a bunch of stuff when I turned 16. Is there a part of you that you've tried to bury? Yuh, my entire childhood. A recent creation that you're proud of? Hdjshjsjdh I made onion rings a couple of weeks ago and they turned out yummy and I was really proud of it. It was also the first time I made any kind of food from scratch so I was ecstatic when I took my first bite and discovered that it wasn’t bad at all. Who's your favorite comedian? Not really into comedians...I’ll go with Grace Helbig, even though I primarily know her for her YouTube stuff. What makes you squeamish? Injections. What do you like in your omlettes? Everything that’s available. When I’m having a breakfast buffet at hotels I just tell the chef to just put in every ingredient they have at the omelette station. Who has your heart? My two dogs and my girlfriend. Do you have any online friends that you wanna keep, but not meet? Continued from last night because I was tired enough to pass out in the middle of this survey, apparently. Not really. I always find myself wanting to meet online friends. The worst I’ve felt is not wanting to meet an online friend again after I’ve met them, because irl them turned out to be a big dickhead. What’s something you want that has not changed as time has passed? To somehow get into the pro wrestling industry in any kind of capacity. Are you gullible? Sometimes. Though an exception to this fact is that I can somehow always sniff out whenever a parent or a friend has a surprise for me, so I’m rarely 100% taken aback by them. Does it take a lot for the opposite sex to impress you? I’m easy to impress in general. Are there seriously subliminal messages within Disney movies? I don’t care. I watch Disney movies to feel like a kid, man. I ain’t got time to look for symbols that flash on the screen for 0.0000001 seconds. Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I don’t know enough about biotechnology to hold an opinion that I’m confident with, honestly. Your last injury was what? I have a bit of a gash from when I hit my right hip on the corner of our dining table. I’m pretty sure I also recorded this as my last injury not too long ago, and I swear this is a new gash LMFAOOOOO fuck I’m so clumsy. Are all of your friends going to be lifelong? I don’t wanna set anything in stone. I said my high school friends were gonna be forever, and I couldn’t be any more wrong about it. How long can you stand hanging upside down? :P I can’t even get into that position in the first place, lol. Should pot be legalized? I don’t know. I guess. I haven’t heard any instance where it seriously harmed a person. Weed is generally a taboo subject where I live – and the only thing I know about it is that it’s dealt by the richer, more boujee college kids lmfao – and a consequence of that is that I hardly know anything about it. Is" Family Guy" too random? Random wouldn’t be the first word I’d use for it? but yeah it can be, sometimes. I do remember finding some scenes a little bizarre. Do you have any friends that you love but they annoy you a lot? Yeah this was definitely me with Katreen in high school. In college, the only person I can think of is Mils; sometimes Reiven. Who would you live with if you got kicked out tomorrow? My grandma. I’d move back to our old home, basically. The most repulsive tactic the opposite sex uses? Obviously I wanna avoid generalizing but I’ve encountered so many screenshots of dudes throwing a fit when someone turns them down, or gets surprised that politeness ≠ flirting. It’s so annoying but at the same time I can’t get enough of those screenshots too lol. Are you impatient with really shy people? No, I’m one myself. I have a lot more patience with quiet people than with extroverts. What's gonna happen in year 2012? The year didn’t end, I got into One Direction, I got braces, I met my best friend, and life started to slowly look up from there. Do people consider you "easy to read"? You’ll have to ask people. What's your least favorite curse word? Cunt. Eugh, I winced just typing that out haha. What's a pet your parents never let you have when you were a kid? :( I was never that desperate for a pet. We had enough stray cats that hung out around our house because my grandma would always give them leftovers. Have any websites that have become a habit? Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube. Who do you wish you could change, if anyone? My mom, but it’s too late for that now. Has your house ever been broken into? Never. That’s a fear of mine, too. Do you always give your honest opinion when people ask for it? I guess. I’ve stopped being blunt, but I’ll always add a bit of truth into what I say.

[mikhailacey]

Brenda Ilyinichna Owens  — biological mother.

Brenda has never made an effort to be in Lacey’s life, so at least Lacey can say she didn't feel any great loss when her mother took off seventeen years ago. In her eyes, tiw as actually the best thing that could happened, because it meant Ilya was her full-time guardian and she didn’t have to worry about Brenda getting her hopes up. She’s popped in and out of Lacey’s life periodically over the years, but never long enough to develop any kind of relationship. Lacey doesn’t even call her mom, she’s just “Brenda”. While she is hesitant to admit it, underneath her optimism, there are a great deal of abandonment issues when it comes to how Brenda has treated her. It’d be one thing if she had just disappeared from Lacey’s life, but the fact that she married and had three more children that she wanted has left Lacey wondering what about her wasn’t good enough to make Brenda stay. 

Ilya Vladimirovich Mikhailov  — maternal grandfather.

The single most important person in Lacey’s life. When it became clear early on that Brenda wasn’t ready to be a mother, Ilya stepped into the role of parent even though his own children were already grown. All of Lacey’s best memories involve him, and all of her graduation and first day of school photos are with her grandfather. He protected Lacey as best her could at every chance. Ilya immigrated to the US from Russia with his wife (who passed away before Lacey was born) back in the early 70s. He never was able to make it a full-time career after moving, but he was originally a baker and introduced Lacey to the craft at a very young age. Lacey knows that she wouldn’t love baking half as much if it wasn’t connected to so many happy memories. Ilya taught her everything she knows, from language to her religious beliefs to unceasing kindness, and Lacey is sure that no better man has ever existed. He passed away peacefully in his sleep a year and a half ago, and although it broke her heart, Lacey’s decision to move to New York is all because of her grandfather. He told her to always aspire for greatness and to not let anything hold her back, and she is still focused on making him proud. Her ultimate dream is to open a bakery filled with the recipes he passed down to her, because he is too wonderful a person for his memory not to live on.

Deborah Ilyinichna Mikhailov  — maternal aunt.

Dory moved in to help Ilya raise Lacey when she was eleven, and she’s the closest thing to a mother figure that Lacey has ever had. Dory didn’t want Lacey to have to grow up feeling like she was missing out on anything, so she made it a point to be there for every single milestone and heartbreak over the years. Lacey loves her aunt more than she can put in to words, and although she’d never call her mom out loud, Dory is the only person who has ever gotten a Mother’s Day present from Lacey. Next to Ilya, she is the most important person in her life.They still talk to each other on the phone multiple times a day, and Dory has made multiple plans to come visit her niece. Since Lacey moved to New York a year ago, Dory’s long-term best friend Gertie has moved in to the family home to help with upkeep and to keep Dory company. Lacey gladly offered up her bedroom for Gertie, but her and Dory both decided to share instead. Dory hasn’t purposefully neglected to tell Lacey that Gertie is actually her partner of over ten years. She just assumed Lacey would realize she’s a lesbian after all this time. Oh well, she’ll figure it out eventually. 

Gertrude Diane Parker  — honorary aunt.

Or Aunt Gertie, as Lacey likes to call her. Dory’s gal pal. Big ol’ lesbian who invited Lacey to all of her softball games and gold matches. Only allows Cher CDs in her car. Lacey thinks that she’s the bee’s knees, and really does appreciate how Gertie took time out of her life to be by Dory’s side. She can only hope for a best friend as supportive as Gertie some day (an idiot, truly).

Victor Lorenzo Owens  — step-father.

She can count the number of times she’s met Victor on one hand, same as she can the number of times she’s seen her mother since she left. He’s a nice enough guy and has always tried to be polite with Lacey on the few times they’ve been in the same state, but Lacey has no relationship with him. She does have to give him credit for giving Brenda a reason to settle down, though Lacey is always internally sad that she couldn’t manage to do the same for her.

Virginia Nadezhda Owens  — half-sister (fifteen years old).

The first time Lacey realized she was a big sister was when Brenda brought her new husband and replacement daughter to Ohio for her christening. At the time, Lacey was eight and hadn’t seen her mother in two years. Not fully understanding anything, she had been angry at her baby sister for reasons she still can’t really explain. It wasn’t until about five years later, after talking with her aunt about it, that Lacey came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t anyone but Brenda’s fault that she left. Nadya (her grandfather’s nickname for Virginia, and one that Lacey has taken us as well) came into Brenda’s life at an entirely different point than Lacey, under entirely different circumstances. The sisters have met a handful of other times since then, most recently at Ilya’s funeral, and Lacey has decided that even though they live on opposite ends of the country, the Owens’ are still her siblings and that means something to her. Her and Nadya have talked over social media and recently exchanged phone numbers, and Lacey is hoping that they can maybe some day consider each other sisters.

Victor Ilya Owens  — half-brother (thirteen years old).

Lacey still though of Brenda and Victor’s family as “the enemy” when she firstheard about Vic so, much like with Nadya, she spent quite a while not wanting anything to do with them. Still much like with Nadya though, Lacey was realized that Vic is her family too, and that is incredibly important in her eyes. Because of his current state-mandated teenage angst, Vic hasn’t shown interest in wanting a relationship with Lacey, but she did ask Nadya to give him her phone number should he ever want to reach out. Lacey thinks that there’s hope, since for last Christmas, she got a voicemail from a previously unknown number wishing her a happy holiday in uneasy Russian, said by a voice that was clearly breaking from puberty.

Valeria Tatiana Owens  — half-sister (nine years old).

Lacey has only met Valeria once, at her grandfather’s funeral. They didn’t interact much, mostly because Lacey was too wrapped up in her own grief to consider that this was her first time meeting her little sister. She does remember Valeria saying she was sorry for Lacey’s loss, though she also remembers that Valeria specially said “your grandpa” rather than “our grandpa”. Just like with Nadya and Victor, Lacey doesn’t fault Valeria for their mother’s actions. She’s too young for them to have some sort of private contact, but Lacey did send Valeria a card and gifts for her last birthday, and is hoping they can connect sooner rather than later.

[bloody-cute-yandere]

The Problem With Politeness Part 1

It’s good to be polite. That is what we are taught. Don’t talk back, respect your elders, don’t make waves. Your uncle is saying something insensitive at the family Christmas party? Well, he’s just drunk, let it go. Your brother and you are in the middle of an argument and he calls you a fat whore? Your parents may make him apologize, but they may also say that you have been putting on a few pounds lately, perhaps you should work on that, and right now you’re giving Mommy a headache so just go to your room for now. Your friend that’s visiting from college says something misogynistic about his female TA? You don’t want to ruin your friends’ times by causing a fight (and you only see him once in a while anyway), so just change the subject and move on. These excuses are so deeply entrenched in all of us that it can be incredibly difficult to stand up for your own beliefs and values when in mixed company. Whether you’re overhearing some strangers at a restaurant, or conversing with your closest family and friends, we are taught not to get involved and to not make waves. If someone does decide to halt the flow of conversation by calling out someone for an insensitive comment, it is usually the responder, not the insensitive one, that is penalized for “drawing attention to it” and “making a scene”.

The real problem I see with this sort of “ignore it” mentality are two-fold. First, it makes it more difficult for people to practice standing up for themselves. If someone can’t even speak honestly about their beliefs among family and friends that are supposed to love them unconditionally, how will they ever have the courage to speak up against strangers? Advocacy is a skill, it has to be honed over time, and if you are not free to practice with the people that you should feel safest with, you won’t be able to grow this skill. This could put you in legitimate danger down the road; you won’t be able to say “no” to the creep grabbing at you at the bar, you won’t know what to do when you see something horrific happen in front of you that you could have stepped in and prevented if you were more self-assured. You won’t be able to stick up for your friend when they’re being picked on. This can result in anxiety and guilt for the person that realizes they wanted to do something to help but were unable to do so. It also can result in that person putting on social blinders to remove any possibility of experiencing that guilt in the future.

The second problem I see is that it removes any possibility of accountability and growth for the people that are behaving in these unacceptable ways. Tacit approval and tacit disapproval sound exactly the same to the recipient. So when someone spills their hate amongst the people whose opinions they value most and they aren’t met with any resistance, they are likely to become emboldened and more assured in their beliefs. The racists, misogynists, homophobes from that one group of close people will go on to spew their hatred to the rest of the world in wider and wider circles, believing that they have the support of the people that matter the most to them. And, let’s be honest here, in a way they do. You have shown that you will not reject them even if you do disagree with them, so what do they have to worry about?

I do very strongly believe that this vicious cycle is a large part of why we are where we are in the USA right now. All of the Trump supporters had been festering and hiding in the dark corners of the internet and near the snack table at the 4th of July barbeque, their bigoted ideologies festering unchecked in their brains, their convictions being fueled every time they could make an uncouth remark about a celebrity or the family down the street while Aunt Marge tsked to herself but tried to change the subject instead of confronting it. Then Trump was able to ascend to the White House all the while spewing the same vitriol that these individuals had been nursing their entire lives without resistance, and they felt emboldened. Finally, they could come out of the shadows and vomit their septic waste of an ideology into the streets in broad daylight with AR-15s and the Alt Right at their side, and all the people that want to fight back have to do so while struggling through a lifetime of conditioned silence.

So, what do we do now? I wish I had a better answer for everyone. Unfortunately, my entire “mental help” process that allowed me to break free from my own difficulties and find my voice amounted basically to “Ge the fuck over it and do it anyway”, but I know that doesn’t work for people. Saying “Just practice, start small” sounds similarly ineffective and insensitive. Even so, I would suggest just not spending time with those people. Start with the more passive aggressive route if you need to. Your friend Kimmy wants to come over for a play date after talking about how Kamala Harris is a ‘monster’ and is ‘so incredibly rude’? Sorry, you have other plans. Having a Bar Mitzvah for Benny next month? Don’t invite the people you think would ruin the event by spewing vitriol. At an event where Karen is once again bitching about her coworker that always is “showing off” with her blouses cut a “little too low”? Make a point of walking away and refuse to engage. Don’t try to slide into a different topic of conversation, don’t ignore it, MAKE A POINT OF WALKING AWAY. Make a point of not inviting them to the family bowling league. If people ask (and trust me, they will ask eventually) why you are behaving in this manner, there is your opening to voice your own opinion on their beliefs. With some more practice, perhaps start calling them out directly. That will be easier once you have let the rest of the group know that your beliefs are different than Grandpa Rory or Cecil from down the hall. If the naysayers tell you that you’re making a scene or causing trouble for no reason, try to remember that you are allowed to choose who is in your life, and you are allowed to be vocal about your own moral code just like everyone else. You are allowed to stand up for what you believe in which does involve at times standing in opposition of those you care about. It is ok to be intolerant of intolerance. It is also worth keeping in mind that being called out our being cut out by the people whose opinions they value is a way to offer negative stimuli for the racists of the world. This stimuli could encourage that person to learn and be better- people are not motivated to change unless there is an incentive to do so. I wouldn’t necessarily EXPECT a change- it is equally likely that you will still be labeled a villain in their story and they will continue on as they have been, but also they won’t have an incentive to change if there are no consequences either.

For what it’s worth, I know it hurts. It will hurt. Conflict is uncomfortable, and losing family and friends always hurts. Even so, we cannot keep on pretending that ignoring bigotry and hatred in the minds of those close to us for the sake of politeness will magically fix the world. Every person has a family and friends. Even people like Kyle Rittenhouse were probably seen as the slightly insensitive relative at the Christmas party to the more liberal-minded of his friends. Where would we be now if the idea of speaking about politics and social issues wasn’t considered “impolite conversation” like it has been for the past several decades? Where could we be if people stopped hiding behind the curtains of “you’re making a scene” and “just move along” and instead stood up against those hateful ideas early among their friends and family, before those weed-like thoughts could fully take root?

[buckybabybaby]

Sweet Enough.

A/n: This was a request, which is super scary because I don’t want to let anyone down, so I really hope it turned out okay!

Proof read by way of a text-speech device.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader (gender neutral)

Word count: 1816

Warnings: None! Just fluff.

Summary: “May I ask for a Bucky imagine where your great grandma used to run a little bakery back in the 40s and buck came there everyday. Now in the future you own the little shop and buck still comes by and meanwhile you got really close friends. One day he comes there, looking sad and bothered so you bring him his favourite muffin and sit down with him trying to find out why. Then he shyly admits how much he likes you and asks you for a date.” 

Thank you @tieddown-withbattleshipchains!

Bucky isn’t that shy but apart from that I basically followed the prompt exactly.

Masterlist.

The tiny bakery you have inherited is barely more than a counter and back room where the magic happen, but you love it dearly. Somewhere along the way a tiny bar had been fixed to the wall opposite the cash register, allowing a few lucky costumers to enjoy their cakes and pastries in the comfort of the shop, but most of your trade is from busy professionals rushing between meetings so the lack of seating isn’t really an issue. 

Recently, though, you have thought that maybe a couple more stools would help, as one of the few you have squeezed in now has a pretty permanent resident. Bucky Barnes had quite literally burst into your life about a year ago, and it doesn’t look like he is leaving it any time soon.

Not that you want him too. After the initial shock of a well built, six foot tall guy dripping from the rain, shouting ‘Muffins Delight!’ in your face had worn off, the two of you had become very close friends and you don’t know what you’d do without him now. Bucky had only been back in America about two weeks when you met; he had been trying to rediscover the area he grew up in, and the cosy light from your shop-front had caught his attention through the drizzle. 

Apparently, back in the forties, both he and Steve had been regulars and he had remembered the name and how he used to come by. You had dug around in the old photo albums under the counter and found a very faded photograph of the two of them with your Grandma, then just a small child, which must have been taken by your Great Grandma, who owned it back then. 

You had seen that picture before but you hadn’t know who the men were, but when you looked closer you could definitely see the resemblance. Steve obviously looks significantly different, smaller, at the least, but there was something in Bucky’s eyes, even in a black and white shot, that wasn’t there when you first knew him, and you had been determined to get it back. 

In the last year he’d begun to open up more and it was wonderful to see. 

Today however, it was like all that work to make him feel comfortable in his skin had been completely reversed, judging by the slumped figure in the corner of your bakery, who hasn’t said a word since he came in. He’s been there an hour now and you are worried. Friday evening is always busy for you, so you haven’t actually had a second to go speak to him, just had to watch as he played with his jackets zip and reread the same pamphlet dozens of times, looking miserable. 

At ten to six, deciding enough is enough, you usher your assistant out the door slightly early and lock it behind them, then turn back to Bucky. 

He doesn’t react until you switch off the light in the window.

“It was named by your Great Grandma, right?”

You straighten up to find he’s sitting sideways on his chair to face you. “What was?”

“The shop, 'Muffin’s Delight’?”

“Yeah, that was what my Great Grandpa used to call her, and anything she baked was delightful, so when she got her own business she had to call it that.”

“You must miss her.”

“Obviously, but look what she left behind, she’s not really gone.”

Nodding, he turns back to face the wall, and that appears to be the end of the conversation so you go get your secret weapon. Placing it on one of the prettier plates, you walk back round the counter to sit by Bucky who glances up in surprise.

“All right mister, I’ve got one of your favourite muffins, but,” you slide it away from his grasp, “you only get it if you tell me what’s wrong.”

He half smiles at you for the first time today, before asking, “Do you think I’m weird?”

“I think you’re being weird right now.”

That isn’t the right answer, apparently, as his face falls. It’s a heartbreaking sight, but you don’t know what to say, so it’s a good job he goes on to explain. 

“You know, I don’t have what you do, when it comes to a past, I don’t have memories of my family. At least not clear ones.”

“Where’s this come from Bucky?”

He shrugs, picking at the leaflet in front of him. “I dunno. Something Sam said I think.”

“Sam?” You knew when they first met they didn’t exactly get along, but it really seemed like they were close friends now, long past the stage where they’d exchange snide comments. “What exactly did Sam say?”

“Nothing bad, just…” He steals a piece of muffin and you let him, “Do you ever feel like the chances you don’t take are the ones that would have been the best?”

“I guess?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure what I mean either, sorry for being a grump.”

Pushing the plate back towards him, you smile. “That’s okay, you have a right to be upset, and I definitely don’t think you’re weird. Anyway, enjoy, I made this especially for you.”

His seems to perk up at that. “Especially for me?”

“I know how much you like them.”

“I could get used to this. Beautiful cakes made for me by the beautiful Y/N.”

You feel a blush rising up your neck. “Shut up! It’s a slightly new recipe though, do you think the muffin could do with more sugar?”

“Oh doll, I think you’re plenty sweet enough for me.” 

Is he flirting? There was always a hint of it in the words he spoke, but it has never been this blatant and you’re unsure how to react.

“I bet that’s what you told them all back in the day.”

“Not really, none of them were the one for me.”

“Bet you told them they were.”

“No.” He looks hurt, so you apologise, kicking yourself for upsetting him. “I may have been a bit of a ladies man back then, but I don’t think I ever strung anyone along.”

“Steve did say you weren’t that bad.”

“’Weren’t that bad’, wow, thanks.” 

He’s smiling again though, and just like that the horrible tension is gone. But it’s replaced by something new. When he twists to face you fully the look in his eye isn’t one you’ve seen before.

“I think maybe I was too young then, in the forties, but now I’m older it feels different, which I guess is called growing up. Finding someone you want to spend your life with is scary, because, what if they don’t want that too? I don’t want to put myself out there if I’m going to be rejected, but I think it’s worth the risk. Since I got back my life has been a bit of a blur and I didn’t know what I wanted, but then I met you and it all became clear.”

“What became clear?” Your voice sounds funny, nervous, because you are; scared you’re interpreting him wrong.

“What I want, who I want. I didn’t think I was capable of feelings like this any more, so you were a shock, but a lovely shock. Especially when you come with such great benefits.” 

The rest of the muffin is shoved into his mouth as he smirks at you.

“I knew you were only here for the free cakes!” You gasp, hitting his arm playfully.

Bucky grins. “I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with you, stop laughing!”

The clock on the wall suddenly sounds ten times louder as you stare at him. Your giggles die instantly, watching his smile slip a bit as the seconds pass.

“You’re trying to do what?”

“Tell you I love you.” 

So you hadn’t heard him wrong. Now he looks worried, or maybe that’s regret on his face, whichever it is it quickly morphs into sadness, and then he’s pulling his jacket back around himself and moving to get up.

“See Sam, told you you were wrong. I’m sorry I’ll just-”

Surging forward, you cut his muttering off with a soft kiss. It only lasts a few moments but you feel him relax under your touch, his mood flipping once more. Pulling away you cup his face gently.

“Sam wasn’t wrong. I don’t know what he said but he wasn’t wrong.”

“He said I should go for it.”

“It being..?”

“You. He said I should just go for it with you. Tell you how much I care, how painfully in love with you I am because, oh doll, I really am.”

Laughing breathlessly, you allow Bucky to pull you into his lap, trusting him to support you both on the rickety stool. 

“Well it’s a good thing I love you too, isn’t it?”

Twenty minutes later you relock the front door and Bucky helps you pull down the shutter, before linking his fingers with yours and smiling down at you.

“So I’m guessing coffee and a cake is a little too everyday for you, huh?”

“For our date?”

“Yeah. What would you like to do instead?”

It’s raining again, just like on the day you met, making the street shine in the early evening light. It’s a beautiful backdrop for Bucky, his hair curling just a little round his face, that image distracting you from his question until he raises his eyebrows. You mentally shake yourself.

“Erm, I really don’t mind.” Lightning strikes across the sky, followed almost immediately by thunder that shakes the ground and makes you squeak and lean into Bucky’s side. “I think we need to get somewhere indoors, though. Pizza at my place?”

Home is only a few blocks away but you still manage to get properly soaked on the short journey, both of you creating a puddle in the hallway as you fumble with your keys. 

Bucky gently takes them from you and hooks a finger under your chin so you’re looking directly at him.

“Before we go in, I just want to check, this is really happening?” 

You laugh and nod, pulling him into another kiss. His arms twist around you and you don’t break apart for a couple of minutes, out of breath when you do, hardly aware of your sodden socks as your forehead rests against his. 

A rush of affection runs through you at the look in his eyes, the one you’ve only seen in old photos, the one you were hoping to find.

You really do love him. 

“Not to be overly soppy, but this feels very right, doesn’t it?” As you speak he nips at your bottom lip, grinning into your mouth. “We should have done this a long time ago, shouldn’t we?”

He leans in properly again and you know, without him having to say anything, that he completely agrees.

[amorremanet]

Something about Oz, my OC: abusive father, "we gotta keep the appearances up" mother. After his dad's death he can't bring himself to spend too much time with his mom, he hasn't forgiven her for letting the abuse keep going.

send me a fact about your ocs, i reply with a fact about mine!

Oh man, he’s the opposite of my Pete, in that regard. In the aftermath of his abusive father dying, Pete’s gotten closer to his Mama (and he was already pretty close to her), and turned most of his blame toward Jimmy, his big brother.

Some of it’s in the realm of, “it might not be fair, but it’s understandable,” like being mad at Jimmy because he was the one who got more praise when their Dad, James, pit the kids against each other for myriad reasons (like, it’s not Jimmy’s fault that their Dad did that to them and he didn’t “get it easier,” but it’s still understandable that Pete feels resentment over it, and it’s easier to direct that at Jimmy than at their Dad, not least since Jimmy’s still alive and can actually react to it. Also, it’s really not Jimmy’s fault that he takes more after James than Leilani, physically, but it’s kinda understandable that Pete doesn’t always handle it well when he looks at his brother and sees a reflection of their Dad).

Some of it’s in the realm of, “Pete is mad at Jimmy for something else, and dragging it into the mess of feelings about their experiences with their late father, because it gives him justification for being mad at Jimmy” (like how he’s perpetually peeved at Jimmy for his tacit homophobia, which he just keeps spewing, no matter how many times he gets called out on it, or like how he can’t, “voice concern” for Pete without it sounding a lot like, “Are you sure you’re gay? Because I think that this might all go away if you just weren’t gay anymore” — and it’s fair for Pete to be mad at Jimmy over it, but it’s not really related to their issues that were more directly caused by their Dad).

And some of it’s in the realm of, “Okay, Pete is reaching by a lot and he’s projecting his internalized victim-blaming and internalized abuser logic onto Jimmy because he’s an emotional wreck at the moment and he has no idea what else to do with it. On some level, he realizes this, but he’s also most likely a few minutes off from having an emotional meltdown” (like, if he ever slips into anything that sounds like, “It was Jimmy’s fault that Dad did [x thing] to me and Cora”? He’s a mess, he’s probably alone with Sebastian +/- Seb’s dogs, and there’s a really good chance that Pete is going to be crying into his best friend’s chest in the next five minutes)

Granted, there’s a pretty big difference in the situations, because of the differences between Pete’s Mama and what Oz’s Mom sounds like. Pete’s Mama, Leilani, was less about keeping up appearances (and when she did care about that, it was less of a, “but what would the neighbors think” thing and more about trying to put up a strong front to her kids and her side of the family), and she was pretty limited in her ability to actually get out of the situation (if not for the kids, she might have had the resources to leave, but she also wouldn’t have forgiven herself if she’d pulled a “Doll’s House” and walked out like Ibsen’s Nora, leaving her kids with James).

Then, there’s the issue of how messy the situation was, because James’s primary methods of abuse weren’t physical (and when they did cross into the physical realm, it usually wasn’t like breaking big brother Jimmy’s arm or slapping Leilani and middle sister Cora around, but in ways that put fear into his wife and children, and that he could use to manipulate them). One of his most frequently used tactics was gaslighting about his emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually abusive behaviors, and there were plenty of things he did that Pete didn’t get weren’t part of How Every Family Is until he’d seen enough of Seb’s parents to decide that they weren’t just acting kind and supportive when their kids had friends over; they were actually like that.

Three other big factors came together to make it all worse, in Pete’s mind:

1. the moments with James that weren’t completely horrible, most of which he didn’t really turn into, “the abuser is now going to do a nice thing by way of fauxpologizing, gaslighting, victim blaming, and so on” because he didn’t mean for most of them to happen. He usually didn’t have fauxpology moments, because he very rarely recognized that he was in the wrong and needed to apologize or at least put on a façade of apologizing, so when he had okay moments, Pete trusts that they were mostly genuine, and they muddy the emotional water for Pete by a lot, because he’s pretty sure his life would be easier if he could just unilaterally hate his Dad.

Some of these moments were little things, like being proud of a project that Cora put together for science class, or being down on Pete’s fondness for the theatre and criticizing his desire to be an actor, but showing up to his opening night as Cinderella’s Prince Charming Into the Woods and being the first person to make it into a standing ovation (probably without realizing that Pete could see him).

Some of them, Pete doesn’t even really remember consciously, most of the time, until something trips a wire in his head and reminds him of one time when James, who didn’t know at the time that his youngest is gay, told his kids not to listen to their Grandparents when they went on about how LGBTQ people are all terrible, evil sinners and going to Hell, because their uncle, his little brother, is gay. Their cousins’ Dad is gay, too, and so are their Mother and her wife, so unless they think that Uncles Nicholas and Jacob, and Aunts Rachael and Melissa, are all going to Hell, then they should just know that their Grandmother and Grandfather are full of shit about gay people.

Some of them were bigger things, like getting into it with some of his kids’ teachers because he felt they were being treated unfairly (like when one of Jimmy’s essays for a history class in high school got marked down because he used sources other than the textbook and Sister Mary Margaret’s course pack, or when Pete got in trouble because his English teacher didn’t believe that a fourteen-year-old could’ve read Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart over summer break, much less understood it enough to write an essay about it), or getting into it with his parents for picking at Leilani being Filipina and the kids for being biracial.

Some of them were sort of in the middle things that didn’t mean a lot at the time, but have since developed more and/or deeper significance, like one time when James was sober (which was pretty odd for him, at that point), and was a dick about conveying the sentiment, “You’re my son and I love you, I accept that you’re gay but really hate your current boyfriend because he doesn’t treat you right, and FYI, maybe you’ve got your Mama and your sister convinced that you’re doing fine, but if you have to get fucked up on tequila and stimulants just to get through bringing him to dinner with the family and having a not-that-subtle quickie in the men’s room — one that you didn’t seem particularly enthused about even with your current level of intoxication — then that’s a problem, Peter-Paolo,” but was still genuinely trying to help

But whatever form they took, the long-term end result was always massive emotional conflict, because these moments made him feel pretty sure that James did love his family, that it wasn’t all an exercise in him satiating his own ego and sense of entitlement by trying to control Leilani and their kids, and that it wasn’t all terrible — which is all a mess to deal with, because it keeps Pete from unilaterally hating James, and it’s so hard to fully parse out which parts affected him in which ways, making it harder to address all of them.

Then there’s how these moments helped further normalize all of James’s other behaviors, and just…… “Emotionally messy” is an understatement;

2. the fact that James was, himself, a victim/survivor — maybe not a textbook example of a victim/survivor who went on to be an abuser in his own right, but he was pretty close to it. James never even got to understand that what his parents had put him through was abusive, before he died, because they rarely crossed into physical abuse (they were wealthy white Catholics on the Upper East Side in NYC, who eventually moved to Baltimore instead; any physical abuse of their kids would’ve required explanations to the neighbors) and he always thought the way that Virginia and Francis were with their kids was “just good parenting.”Not that any of this is an excuse for how James treated his children (I mean, his younger brother Nicholas went through the same shit and he didn’t abuse his kids) but it’s a point where Pete empathizes with his Dad, despite everything that James ever did to him, Leilani, Cora, and even Jimmy. Like, on some levels, James believed that he was justified in his abuse because it was, “done out of love,” and he was, “helping prepare his kids for the world” whenever he abused them, and, “doing the right thing for his kids, even if it’s kinda hard for them to hear right now”…… and a lot of that came out of how he was treated by his parents while growing up, and as an adult, and how he dealt with that—and Pete doesn’t want to feel for his Dad, or understand that he was, on some level, trying to do what he felt was the right thing and that his way of handling everything was, in large part, learned from his parents and how they treated him;

and 3. the Grandma Virginia factor, because Grandpa Francis wasn’t involved in Pete’s life that deeply (he more often went after Jimmy and Hank, Nicholas’s oldest son, though Pete doesn’t really know about any of that) — but oh man, Grandma Virginia mostly went after Pete and Emerson, Nicholas’s middle child.She was bad enough in her own right, for several reasons, and worse because having been one of her “favorite” grandkids makes Pete empathize with James that much more when he’d really rather not, and she just compounds everything in ways that Pete hasn’t even halfway parsed out since she died a few years back, because they’re tangled and messy, and for all he has literally danced on her grave before (it quickly devolved into having an emotional meltdown on her grave, but still), he did love her.Sometimes, he’s pretty sure he hates her for making him love her more than he hates her for all of the shit she put him and Emerson through (and if pressed to explain it, he’d guess that he hates what she did to them, and he’d hate her for that if Virginia hadn’t made both of them love her, but making them love her was even worse than that because of how it clouded their ability to see that what she was doing to them was wrong and limited their ability to fight back).Sometimes, he feels like he hates her most for what she did to James, and that usually leaves Pete feeling really confused, since he can’t tell if it’s coming more out of, “If she hadn’t abused my Dad, maybe he wouldn’t have abused us” or wishing that James hadn’t been abused because of what a mess it made of him and wishing that James hadn’t been such a mess because, despite anything that Pete ever says to the contrary, he loved his Dad and still does, and he wishes that he didn’t because he feels like hating James would make all of this easier, but…Sometimes, he feels like he hates her more for the things that didn’t seem like a lot at the time, but became bigger deals down the line — like how she tried to pit Pete against Leilani’s side of the family and pull him away from her as much as Virginia could get away with, given that Pete has always been a Mama’s Boyor like how she tried to say that Emerson didn’t need treatment or professional help for his abuse of prescription stimulants when it had nearly killed him more than once, which she said was because she, “believed that he could take care of it himself,” but really, it was because she knew that his parents and siblings wanted to push him into an LGBTQ-exclusive inpatient rehab and get him away from the pro-reparative therapy psychiatrist he was seeing, and she hadn’t succeeded in making Nicholas, “turn away from sin and homosexual deviancy,” but she shad hope that she could get Emerson and Pete to do so

And…… I lost track of that by a lot, but. Yeah, uh.

So, as seen here, the Ardens are kind of a huge mess in a lot of ways, with regard to abuse and familial dysfunction, but Pete’s trying to do his best with the aftermath of it. He’s kinda wound up treating Emerson as a mix of, “replacement older brother, because he’s younger than Jimmy but still older than Pete, and Pete and Jimmy have both contributed to the often shambolic state of their relationship, and it’s easier to talk to Emerson than Jimmy” and, “good friend, who’s okay with good-naturedly picking on each other (though Emerson isn’t sure if Pete is doing that when he says he’s pretty sure Emerson made up his current boyfriend, or if Pete really doesn’t believe that Asa exists)”

And, like. Even if things weren’t a complete mess with Jimmy, Pete would, at this point, feel like his Princess (Sebastian) is basically his brother…… but things being a mess with Jimmy made Pete decide that Seb is pretty much his brother sooner than he might’ve done otherwise, because Seb gets on Pete’s level better, he apologizes when he fucks up by Pete rather than turning it into some tu quoque, “Well, Pete, you’ve fucked up by me before, so I’m not obligated to apologize to you” bullshit, he and Pete have followed each other into multiple bad idea misadventures because they couldn’t talk each other out of it and went, “Okay, well, you’re not going alone” while Jimmy has always been more hands-off……

And I’m not sure how to wrap this up, so…… This is an abrupt ending, I’m sorry that this got so out of hand, I just have a lot of feelings about characters who’ve survived shitty abusive situations, and I’m done now

[goarticletec-blog]

Lindsey Vonn Is the Queen of the Hill at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang

New Post has been published on https://www.articletec.com/lindsey-vonn-is-the-queen-of-the-hill-at-the-2018-winter-olympics-in-pyeongchang/

Lindsey Vonn Is the Queen of the Hill at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang

Lindsey Vonn has won eighty-one World Cups in alpine ski racing—that’s the all-time record for women. In 2010, she became the first American woman to earn an Olympic gold medal in downhill skiing. She’s one of just two women ever to win four overall World Cup championships and one of six to win races in all five alpine disciplines. As a psychologist who studies motivation and meaning, I wanted to know what fuels her.

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Adam Grant: What did it feel like when you won at the Olympics?

Lindsey Vonn: It was really emotional, which I rarely am. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten maybe a little bit more emotional, but at the [2010] Olympics, that was the first time I really cried in the finish. Even if you do take the time to savor it, it goes by so fast. You may be successful one day, but you can be replaced the next. It’s a difficult reality to face.

AG: You’ve achieved everything that an athlete could ever dream of. Why do you still do it?

LV: Because I love it. I love going fast. I love competing. I love the adrenaline and taking risks. I think that’s missing a lot in sports. A lot of time, on the professional level, people just do it to get money—and I’m exactly the opposite. All I want to do is ski fast.

AG: Once upon a time, I was a springboard diver. I never got anywhere near the level of excellence you’ve achieved, but I lost some of my intrinsic motivation as I pursued goals of making the state finals and qualifying for the Junior Olympic nationals. How have you maintained your love of the sport with so many competitive pressures?

LV: Competition is what I find joy in as well. I like pushing myself. I like setting those goals. I like knowing that I’ve executed the plan I have set forth. All those things feel good. I don’t mind the mistakes. Failures are new challenges—they make me more excited to go back out there because I did something wrong and I know I can fix it.

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AG: Who are you racing for?

LV: Myself. My grandpa passed away recently, so I think for the [2018] Olympics, I’ll be racing mostly for him, but I’ve always been very driven. I had a lot of good coaches, but it was always me who wanted to be here. I was always the one trying to race more and make the Olympics. I was always the one who was skiing for myself.

AG: You’ve said that other people had questioned whether you could excel without a man by your side. It never would have even dawned on me that that would come up. Why do you think it did, and how did you respond?

LV: It was written in one of the second- or third-largest newspapers in the country, and I’m not sure why that particular journalist chose to write something like that, but it deeply offended me. I still actually use it as motivation, because it doesn’t matter who your coach is or who helped you along the way—it’s still you at the starting gate. I know a lot of times with other athletes, they like to say, “Oh, the Williams sisters had their father as their coach,” but in the end, they’re still the ones competing. Not the parents.

Vonn celebrates winning the gold medal during the flower ceremony for the Alpine Skiing Ladies Downhill on day 6 of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics.

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AG: Now there are rumors about you racing against men in the World Cup this year. Is that going to happen?

LV: I really hope so. I wish that I would have been able to get this accomplished five years ago, when I was in my prime. I’m really trying to convince some of these men in the International Ski Federation that it’s a good idea. But in the end it’s their decision, so there’s only so much I can do.

I think outside of my ambition it’s something similar to what Billie Jean King did when she agreed to an exhibition match against Bobby Riggs. As women, we need to respect each other and support each other, and I think that men need to see us more as equals even though physically we may not be as strong as them. I think it’s a positive example to set for the next generation of girls—trying to break the glass ceiling and understanding that anything is possible.

“Failures are new challenges—they make me excited to go back out there because I did something wrong and I know I can fix it.”

AG: Who are your role models?

LV: Early in my career, it was Picabo Street. She inspired me to want to be an Olympian. Now one of my biggest inspirations is Roger Federer. He’s classy. There’s an elegance in the way he plays. He’s always a true champion. Always humble. Always respectful. Nice to everyone. Most professional athletes these days are not humble. Roger started a foundation and he’s very philanthropic. I try to emulate him as much as I can and be a good role model.

AG: What are your recommendations for building grit?

LV: It’s important to have a long-term goal, but then you also need a monthly goal, a weekly goal, a daily goal. You need to be able to make small steps in order to get to the big ones. It’s something that I’ve always done. I set ten-year goals when I was nine, so I’m a little bit weird, but I never feel like any goal is unattainable. I look at it from a logical point of view as to how I can get there. I read Angela Duckworth’s book about grit. I really want to work with her and find a way to teach kids from my foundation how to be gritty. My grandfather was extremely gritty; my father was very gritty; and I just kind of learned as a kid that there are no excuses. You put your head down and you work. You don’t complain. Get the job done and keep working until the job is done right. I think that’s a reason why I’ve been so good at coming back from injury. The last five years have sucked, but I stay on top. I think the grittiness is what really kept me there because I wasn’t satisfied with being number one. I wanted to keep working harder.

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AG: Last year, Sheryl Sandberg and I published a book on resilience. We wanted to figure out how you find a way forward when Option A is off the table and you’re stuck with Option B. That’s been the story of your career, with different kinds of setbacks and injuries, and I’m curious about how you find strength in the face of adversity.

Vonn takes 1st place during the Audi FIS Alpine Ski World Cup Women’s Downhill on February 4, 2018.

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LV: If A is off the table, then B is my only option, so I choose B. I’m not the person who is like, “Oh, I’m injured. I’m going to give up.” I make a new plan. Nothing in life is easy. Whenever you have a setback, get yourself back up as quick as you can and get on the right track. Having my dogs really helps, as do good friends and ski racing. They give me that goal to look forward to. Instead of staying in bed all day, I have to get up. I don’t really have a choice. I have to feed the dogs. I have to work out, and as soon as I work out, I feel better. As long as I can get up, I can get going and feel better, but the first step is always the hardest.

AG: Do you have a recovery routine?

LV: I just get the prognosis from the doctors and then I make a plan right away. How many weeks or months until I can start training hard? How many months until I can start skiing? I then set a goal for when I want to be back, and then I work backward from there.

I’m very diligent about my rehab, and a lot of times those estimates are based on people who are doing therapy five times a week or once a day, and I’m doing therapy seven days a week, twice a day at least. Normally, with the right rehab, with the right physical therapist and commitment, you can come back sooner. Obviously every injury is different and I can’t say the same for everyone, but from my experience, I’ve always been able to come back earlier than the doctors expected. They all think I’m a little bit crazy, but it’s got me back on the slopes to continue to be fast and win more World Cups.

AG: What’s the worst advice you’ve been given?

LV: Try to be like someone else. Try to change your form to be like someone else. Everyone is unique. Everyone has different capabilities, and it’s about making your style the best it can be and not trying to conform. Everyone was trying to change the way I was skiing, and my coach in Minnesota said, “You’re fast the way you are. Don’t ever change.” He was right, and I didn’t. It’s one of the things that’s made me fast throughout my career, just the way I naturally ski.

This interview appears in the March ’18 issue of Esquire.

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