#grail academy

[ballarimd]

I am very much alive so here are some Ben sketches I swore on my life would be done in a week (it's been 2 months...)

[dirtyheathencommie]

DEAR EDUCATIONALLY NEGLECTED HOMESCHOOLERS

I’ve gathered some resources and tips and tricks on self-educating after educational neglect. This is only what I did and what I know helped me. I’m about to graduate college with honors after having no education past the age of 9. I wouldn’t be here without the following. Everything is free, and at/well above the standard for education in the US.

The holy grail: Khan Academy. Nearly every course you could take is available here, in order and by grade level. Their open-source free courses rival some of the college classes I’ve taken. This is your most solid resource.

For inattentive types: Crash Course offers a variety of courses that are snappy, entertaining, and extremely rewarding. They work for my ADHD brain. They also have college prep advice, which is essential if you’re looking to go to higher education with no classroom experience.

To catch up on your reading: There are certain books that you may have read had you gone to school that you’ve missed out on. This list is the most well-rounded and can fill you in on both children’s books and classic novels that are essential or at least extremely helpful to be familiar with. You can find a majority of these easily at a local library (and some for free in PDF form online low key). There are a few higher level classics in here that I’d highly recommend. If it doesn’t work for you, I’d always recommend asking your local librarian.

*BE AWARE* The book list I recommend suggests you read Harry Potter books, and given their transphobic author you may or may not want to read them. If you choose to, I’d highly recommend buying the books secondhand or borrowing from a library to avoid financially supporting a living author with dangerous and damaging views.

TEST, TEST, TEST: Again, Khan Academy is your go-to for this. I don’t personally like standardized testing, but going through SAT and ACT courses was the best way I found to really reveal my gaps so that I could supplement.

Finally: As much as you can, enjoy the process. Education can be thrilling and teach you so much about yourself, and help shape your view of the world. It can get frustrating, but I’d like to encourage you that everyone can learn. No pace is the perfect pace, and your learning style is the right learning style for you. In teaching yourself, be patient, be kind, and indulge in the subjects you really enjoy without neglecting others. You are your teacher. Give yourself what others chose not to.

[stxrvel]

injustice (3)

series summary. the holy grail of the seven men who ruled the country's entertainment used to be your friends at school. now, ten years later and between successes and failures, what reason would they have to want to come back into your life? pairing. eventually ot7 x f!reader. content. first of all, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes! a lot of curse words, a lot of self-deprecation and low self esteem. no proofread. this is nawt silly writing, we're diving right into the aNgSt. jumpscare? iykyk a/n. hi guys! this was a rollercoaster for me to write, but i hope it doesn't come as harsh as i think it is. pls let me know what you think in the comments!! see you next week!!

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You had gone through a scenario like that in your head several times. A variety of moments, conversations and looks that always ended in the same unpleasant, inevitable and demoralizing way: you were forgotten by the people you loved most in the world. Only when you reached 18 would you realize how heartbreaking the dull thud of the silence of indifference was, how sharp and icy the loneliness was, how it penetrated and paralyzed your bones; but at that time, at 16, you could still convince yourself that all those things were only in your head and would always be there.

“Now that you're the last to go, you guys are much more likely to forget about me.”

“Of course not! In fact, as soon as I start earning money I'll save up to take you with us.”

Jungkook shook his head, his narrowed eyes judging you as if having insecurities was a sin. You believed his words at that moment, because being the last one still with you, 'cause you were going to graduate from school in the same year, it was the only thing you could do. Hold on to the idea that you really weren't going to be forgotten, because the mere conception of a future without your best friends was inconceivable.

“Jimin-hyung said he was going to try to call more often,” your friend went on, his eyes fixed on the bass on his lap and his important task of leaving it neat before returning it to its holy post in the school's music room. “I haven't talked to them in about three days.”

Jimin and Taehyung had left just a couple of months ago, but thanks to the opportunities opened to them with their incredible willingness, discipline and some string twitching on Namjoon's part, they had managed to get into a great academy to train and fulfill their dreams.

That also brought with it, as irreversible side effects, that your communication with them was drastically reduced. You had to constantly remind yourself and Jungkook that it was out of their control. With their future at stake, there was something for which they had to exert extreme effort and for which to sacrifice some other things.

“It's normal that they don't have as much time as they used to, Kookie.” You lowered your head, noticing the way his hands delicately handled the instrument on his legs. Since Jimin and Taehyung had left there was no time of day when you could tear yourself away from Jungkook, which is why you accompanied him to his extracurricular music lessons when you really should have been studying for the college entrance exam. “Life after school gets really hectic.”

“I've heard that college life is quieter.” Jungkook twisted his lips, wiping between the strings and his fingerprints left on the bass every time he moved it back and forth to clean it. It was an almost irresistible cycle.

“The only one at college right now is Seokjin and even about him we haven't heard much.” You leaned back against the piano, noticing Jungkook's movements pause for a moment as he surely reminisced about the few times he had been able to talk to Jin that month.

It had been two years since Seokjin had graduated and traveled all the way to the capital to study medicine. Needless to say, it was more than clear that communication with Jin would be almost nil from then on, but Jungkook always used to pout about it.

“It's just that Jin-hyung also chose a rather demanding career.” Jungkook twisted his lips, as if suppressing Jin in his head, waving the microfiber towel over the edges of the bass.

“And the others are trying too hard to carve their way through. It can be as complicated as going out to look for a job right after graduating.”

Jungkook nodded, admiring his cleaning job with a frown. He looked so focused that it caught you by surprise when he spoke again.

“You already know if you're going to college, noona? We're graduating this year.”

You blinked once, twice, three times. His nonchalant self went back to waving the towel over nonexistent smudges as you breathed in and decided not to go that route. “Will you?”

Jungkook raised his head, pausing his movements for a moment to try to analyze your gaze. With a sigh, he let out your poorly disguised way of shifting the focus of the conversation to get up and hang the instrument, glowing, on the wall of the music room.

“I don't know yet… Namjoon-hyung says he can help me.”

“Isn't it your dream, why do you doubt it?”

“I'm not sure, noona. What if I don't measure up? What if I fail?”

When your friend turned away, the mirror to his soul showed his vulnerability dancing on the edge of his eyelids. His distrust constricted your heart, a hand closing around your throat at the inner conflicts you knew Jungkook used to have and in the face of which you often couldn't do anything about because he didn't usually share such things.

“Then you try again.”

“Noona…” Jungkook wanted to grumble, it was obvious from the way his eyes moved to the ceiling, his head cocking as if he was about to give you a big life lesson on why you can't survive on motivational phrases.

But Jungkook was a softie about such things, even if he tried to hide it.

“Jungkook, you are literally a golden promise. No process is ever easy, especially in the industry you want to get into, but don't think for a second that you're going to outgrow it. You're one of the most capable people I've ever met.”

Your friend stopped his steps, when after hanging up the bass he was returning to your post in front of you, raising his head as if caught committing a prank. But the vulnerability in his eyes remained, and by the way they shone in the dim light of the room, still blinking to try to contain the emotion, you knew your words had tugged at just that thorn in his heart you were trying to pull out.

“Thank you, noona.”

“I'm just telling the truth.” You lifted a shoulder, shaking your head nonchalantly like it was no big deal, and Jungkook just let out an amused chuckle.

“You do know we'd never forget about you, right? How could we?”

-

“How could we?”

Yuna shook her head, frowning at her phone, oblivious to the way you cringed at her choice of words.

“She's bringing celebrities into the store and she want us to leave? Don't we work so well that we always take the top employee of the month spot even though it should only be held by one person? Don't we deserve that gift?”

You watched her, marveling at how after just a few seconds so many emotions could build up into an overwhelming knot in your chest. The old notes of an old piano played in the back of your head, bringing to the surface memories of when life was easier; when you thought you had it all and nothing would ever be better than that; when you thought you were enough.

“So what do you plan to do about it?” you blinked, focusing on the notation of bills in your notebook with an invisible hand squeezing your heart.

There was no use thinking about such things after so long.

Yuna pursed her lips, her expression serious and forceful. “I think we should have a sit-in.”

“We should? That sounds like more than one person.”

“Do you disagree with me?”

“I'm happy with going home early, especially on a Friday, you know?”

“y/n,” Yuna came up to your face over the cash register display case, her forearms resting on the glass and her eyes so bright with determination you were sure her head could light the whole store on fire the way she was scheming and scheming, running around like her life depended on it, “we could be close to meeting the seven gods of Olympus, and you think the best thing to do is go home?”

“Just in case you forgot, I have a business to run now.” You reminded her, moving to poke her with your middle finger all over her forehead and push her away from the cash register now that a new customer had come in.

“What business should a business matter when you could meet the reason for existence itself?”

Yuna dropped onto the display case, her body sliding like jelly until only her head was left on the glass. You and the new customer watched her, her arms limp at her sides and her gaze lost. A lone tear running down the bridge of her nose.

“God, you're so dramatic.”

“Does that mean yes?” Her head snapped up like a spring, a big smile scaring the soul out of the customer who ducked behind your friend to run for their order.

“No and stop acting like that, you're going to scare away customers.”

Yuna whined, her exaggerated tantrum leading you to wiggle your feet all the way to the cellar.

“I'm offering you the holy grail, and this is how you pay me?”

The sound of her feet shuffling behind you kept your head sane. Even though his insinuations were baseless, your heart was pounding so hard you felt your ribs throbbing through your muscles and skin.

Your boss had written to Yuna that you two could leave the store early today because she had a private meeting to attend. She asked them to leave everything to Patrick, including clearing the store of customers and not to worry about paying for the shift, because there would be no discount at the end of the month. Yuna was faithfully and blindly convinced that your boss really wanted you to stay, because she spent almost ten minutes with her eyes glued to the screen almost without blinking, watching the 'typing…' appear and disappear under your boss's contact name. 'I'm sure she's debating how much confidence she has in us…', she said as her red eyes missed no detail of that important chat and that primordial moment, ending in an offended 'none!' when her last message came through.

In the same way, Yuna convinced herself that the meeting that would take place in the same place where your feet were planted was going to be attended by the seven entertainment kings of the country. The unmentionables, for all practical purposes. Where had she come to that conclusion? There was no foundation. Had your boss given any hints? None. Yuna had her head in the clouds believing she could meet her idols if she insisted a little longer.

“Would you really prefer to stand your friend up to meet seven men you don't even know for sure will show up here?”

“Well…if you put it that way it sounds like I'm doing something wrong.”

“Mmm, you just figured that out?”

Yuna dropped her shoulders as you took off your apron. Her tactics weren't going to work and it was time to give up. She half-heartedly opened her locker and stood looking at you with puppy dog eyes. You felt as guilty as if you had stepped on her tail by accident.

“Look, if I'm being honest, I doubt gigantically that Sol will tell you that you can stay if you ask her.”

“Not even for everything we've been through together?”

“She's still our boss, Yuna.”

Your friend mimicked your actions with a slower speed, her emotion draining away little by little. When her head cocked to the side, halfway through taking off her apron, you only sighed.

“The worst that can happen is I get fired, right?”

You weren't surprised that she was nevertheless willing to cross that line.

“That doesn't sound like much to you?”

“I can always write her a 'ha, ha, just joking' afterwards and get out of harm's way.”

You didn't contain the irresistible urge to roll your eyes and Yuna took that as her own signal or green light. Next thing you knew she was pulling out her phone and typing animatedly on the screen.

“I really don't think you should do that.”

“I have to try! Can I call myself a good fan if I don't do even the impossible?”

“You don't even know if they'll come.”

“I have a hunch.”

With her hand over her heart, Yuna sent the message and you feared for her life. While Sol was not at all close to the idea and conceptualization of a crazy and ruthlessly demanding boss, she did draw the line at several specific situations that they had both learned to respect. One of those was, of course, private meetings at her place. You and Yuna had set up the place countless times for Sol to sit quietly and chat with her most famous acquaintances, because her office was too formal to deal with them there, but her own home was extremely informal for the same purpose. The cafeteria served as a middle ground, the perfect place to be comfortable when talking business.

“Patrick is coming.” Yuna spoke again and by the way her eyes didn't leave the screen you could tell Sol hadn't responded yet.

“I wish you the best of luck, Yuna.”

“Thank you! Coming from you it's a blessing, indeed.”

“And why's that?”

You finally stood up, closing your locker with your strap bag over your right shoulder. You were ready to leave while your friend was still biting her index fingernail waiting for an almost impossible and inconceivable message from her boss.

“What else can I expect from the writer who blew up overnight and is soon going to be one of the New York Times bestsellers and famous worldwide?”

“Ah,” you turned your head, unable to contain inwardly the way a warmth settled in your chest; you still had a hard time accepting how things had turned out, but as long as you couldn't control the influx of orders that had to take a back seat, “smooth.”

Yuna smiled and when her eyes met yours you swore she was about to tell you one more time how proud she was of you, but her phone vibrated in her hands and the last thing you saw her eyes widen exaggeratedly before her scream shook the foundations of the store and almost the entire city.

“SHE SAID YES!!!!”

-

Arriving home unleashed immeasurable chaos.

As soon as you opened the front door, a river of books fell like dominoes, with your father's groans and your mother's screams in the background, the sound of your work echoing in your head like lightning as stomping echoed through the house.

“Seojun, I told you to be careful walking…!”The angry expression on your mother's face disappeared the moment she recognized your face, her features softening as she knew it was her daughter. “Honey. What are you doing here so early?”

“Is that y/n?” your dad's exclamation rang out from the kitchen.

“Yes!” your mom yelled back.

The welcome was nice, but things only got more and more tedious from then on. On the one hand, you had your father telling you about accounts, numbers and multiplications of how much you had to take out of your pocket to pay for the prints, how much you would make if you sold all the books you had printed and how much you would get back, and on the other hand you had your mother telling you about the countless publishers who had written to your dm's seeking to sponsor the sale of your books, taking advantage of the boom that had been generated by the phenomenon that was Kim Taehyung.

Seojun, who had decided to move back home for the weekend to help with whatever was needed, was telling you that they had had to hire five different deliverymen -three of them trucks- to be able to deliver as many orders a day as possible, while vehemently hitting your father's forearm to remind him to include that in the accounts.

Your father was in charge of everything related to money, your mother of the direct communication with customers and Seojun of the orders; everything was done by them, with Yuna's help when she was not working, with the excuse that after so many years you just had to sit down and enjoy the fruit of your sowing without any worries.

But at that moment, when they had just let go and thrown all their worries at your feet, they stared at you expectantly.

"We need a loan."

Your mother jumped in her chair. "That's what I said!"

"That's not necessary." Your father shook his head, as he surely would have done when your mother suggested the idea judging by the expression that had planted itself on her face. "Take a loan from my wallet, but don't do business with those bankers. They'll gouge your eyes out with interest."

"Or take a publisher's offer. They'll take care of all this." Seojun pointed out, his long black hair brushing his eyebrows even though he shook it nonchalantly so he could get a good look at the three of them.

"Publishers can be freeloaders too." Your mother counter-argued, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, yeah? How many publishers have you signed on with to assert that?"

"Wow, careful with that tone, Mr. Lawyer." Your father pointed at your brother, while your mother only raised an eyebrow at him in response. Seojun sank into the chair, barely dragging an apology through his teeth.

"It's not a bad idea either, Dad."

His brown eyes returned to meet your gaze and you noticed the hesitation in them.

"Well, ultimately, it's your decision, honey."

Your mother squeezed your shoulder.

"I say we should listen to the lawyer."

"Hey!" Seojun frowned, straightening up on the chair. "Don't put such a big responsibility on me!"

Your father snorted. "But then weren't you comfortable a while ago giving orders and saying that I don't know what thing you had already seen it in class and that's why you knew what we had to do?"

"Dad…" Seojun elongated.

"Are you ready for such a position or not, Seojun? Tell me to start looking for another lawyer."

Your mother barely contained her laughter, only because of the offended sideways glance her own son sent her way. Laughter blossomed in your chest, too, like a big breath of fresh air in a field of flowers. You didn't know you needed that moment so badly until the tension disappeared from your shoulders as you laughed with your parents and your brother grumbled with his arms crossed.

-

A new batch of orders just went out - thank you so much for your purchases!

You looked at the story your mom had uploaded to Instagram in the solitude of your bedroom. The rest of the day was spent strategizing and planning marketing ideas that would likely lead you to ruin. In a defeated silence, you admitted that Yuna was really needed.

You had texted your friend a while ago, as the sunset was beginning to paint the sky with colors, but she still hadn't even checked her phone. Her last connection was a few minutes after you left at noon. You decided not to insist, even though you were a little curious about who had finally shown up at the store.

The best thing about that busy rest of the afternoon was that you'd been able to keep yourself busy enough to completely ignore the way you'd been whipped up by a few memories that morning in Yuna's company. A simple question had caused all that. And of course, with a heart as weak as a chick's and willpower almost non-existent, you let yourself be pulled right in that moment of loneliness into the well of memories.

“Jungkookie?”

Your voice pierced the silence and a shiver ran through your body as the darkness greeted you back. A few minutes passed after you plunged into the completely darkened room, walking tentatively and slowly inside, you heard a movement just outside the door you had just entered.

“Noona…”

You couldn't see him, but you didn't need to. The sobs that filled the room were enough to be able to guide you through that darkness, as indistinguishable as coal, and wrap your arms around his hunched figure on the floor beside the door.

The house was alone and as dark as that room the last night Jungkook would be there. Passing through the empty corridors of his house was a torment, but you could only imagine how your friend would feel in his place, unable to stop time as it slipped through his fingers.

Several times he had already told you that he didn't want to leave. You didn't think he meant it.

“They're waiting for you downstairs.”

“I know. I don't want to go, noona.” Jungkook moved his arms to wrap around your waist in a desperate grip, his erratic breathing against your neck breaking your heart. “I want to stay. It doesn't matter if I never become an idol. That's not important.”

“Jungkook…”

“I don't want to leave you…”

His halting voice was barely understandable, trying to be muffled by the jacket you were wearing that night when you went to see him off and didn't find him in the car with his parents. The heater seemed not to be a worthy opponent for that cold night.

“Jungkook, you're not going to leave me. We'll keep in touch. Why do you worry so much?”

“I don't want to be like them,” his pained voice pierced your chest; the movement of his body from the way the sobs were attacking him was almost uncontainable. “I don't want this distance.”

“Change is always hard, Jungkookie, but I promise you we'll be in touch always. I'll do my best to make it so.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I'll even come visit you as soon as I can.”

“No. I said I was going to pay for your trip.”

“See? You're not going to leave me.”

“Still I'm scared, noona. What if I'm not enough for them? What if I can't raise enough for you to come live with us?”

“You are enough, Jungkook. From the tips of your fingers to the tips of your hair, there's nothing about you that won't allow you to achieve your dreams, understand? You are destined to be a star. I know it's hard to leave behind everything you know in life, but believe me it will all be worth it. You will come out on top and you will succeed.”

“Noona…” Jungkook cried again, burying his face in your neck once more, clinging to you like the anchor that carried him to the surface of the ocean; the ocean shaped by his own tears. “I… don't… want… to… go…”

The hiccups that attacked him from his intense crying made it difficult for him to speak and you hadn't felt such pain even when the other boys left. There were tears shared, promises whispered and hugs that lasted longer than they should have, but no one had clung to your body as if they feared you were going to disappear at any moment and wanted to seize every second before the impending end.

“It's okay, Jungkookie,” you ran your hands up and down his back trying to calm his crying, trying to control your own as treacherous tears rolled down your cheeks with the darkness as your witness. “We'll meet again. You can wait for me. Then we can melt into another embrace and say how much we miss each other.”

Your phone vibrated on the bed, the notification startling you with its aggressiveness. Another vibration followed that one and then another. Turning on the screen, you found that half an hour had passed since you'd last seen the clock, and in passing you came across Yuna's name on the caller ID. You sighed, remembering the effusiveness with which she said goodbye in the afternoon and mentally preparing yourself for what was to come.

"Hey," you greeted, mildly surprised that her exclamations hadn't reached your ear first to interrupt your greeting.

"y/n, how were sales today?" her calm voice filled your hearing and a slight wrinkle implanted itself between your brows.

"Mmm, it was all good. We have several domiciliary and the prints are coming out with the deadlines arranged. With Seojun we considered that maybe taking on a publisher wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not sure yet."

You narrowed your eyes at the ceiling, shallowly biting your nails, waiting for the moment when Yuna would burst out, but it didn't come.

"Oh, yeah. We'll have to consider that. I'll go early tomorrow morning to seize the day." Yuna answered quietly, with the faint sound of things stirring in the background of the call. Surely she had just arrived at her apartment.

"Yuna?"

"Mhm?"

"How was the afternoon?"

"Oh, it was normal, really," she replied, her voice flat, as if the thought had barely crossed her mind since the moment she'd left the coffee shop. "I didn't see anyone memorable."

"Ah, so your knights in shining armor didn't attend?"

"Sadly, no." Yuna sighed, her unchanging attitude finding a little more sense in your head. She sounded more tired than anything.

You talked a bit more with Yuna before she excused herself to go about her evening routine and finally get some rest, specifically stressing to you how boring the whole afternoon had been and how every second she only thought about going home. You also told her a bit more about the ideas you and your father had half-heartedly spun as marketing strategies, but very earnestly your friend asked you not to do anything until she was there.

When her name disappeared from your caller ID, an Instagram notification popped up at the top of your home screen. The vibration felt like the pounding of a sledgehammer against wood, your sentence handed down with no chance of appeal, the blood in your veins freezing and an endless emptiness in the pit of your stomach.

jeonjungkook97 just followed you!

It was followed by the notification of a message from Yuna.

Unnie | 19:01 holy shit. jungkook just followed you on ig, right?

No fucking way. Another fucking account to block.

-

It wasn't like you couldn't deal with them. You had been doing it for about ten years. But now they just seemed to want to throw themselves in front of your face one by one and you weren't strong enough to handle that. Maybe your resolve needed to be more forceful; maybe you should be sure you hated them instead of feeling like your body was shaking and you could melt like jelly in the sun every time you felt they were one step closer to you. For a while, that was all you wanted; to find them; to be found. But now…?

The weekend was spent in a hodgepodge of managing your book sales and the seesaw of emotions you had in the face of the estranged but impactful actions of your old friends. You tried not to think about it too much; you really tried, but it was very difficult. It was easier to let the memories wash over you instead of diligently packing up the books on which you had squandered your blood and tears.

Your books, yes, that was the most important thing.

From the posts and hashtags, even though it had only been a couple of days, you could see that some people -those who had actually read the books- were already posting their opinions and reviews and you knew you had had plenty of time to prepare for that moment, but you really weren't ready to face it. You didn't know what it was; whether it was the pollen, the aligned planets, PMS, mercury retrograde… but all of those things were weighing you down too much recently and you weren't ready to hear the opinions.

And you couldn't help but keep asking yourself why? Having spent so much time, between so many experiences and so many personal changes, why now they decided that they would come back into your life? How dare they after ruining your life by completely abandoning you? Many times you wondered what was missing in you; what was never enough for them… sometimes you believed that this was how it was meant to be; just the seven of them, before you came along. It was always them seven first, then you.

Between lows and highs, between sadness and joy, you still had to keep working.

"Get rid of that face if you're not going to tell me what's wrong with you." Yuna crossed the cafeteria in front of you, picking up some glasses and plates on the table as lunchtime approached.

"I don't have any face."

"You've been in a somber mood since Saturday. You look dead."

You clicked your tongue, taking advantage of the fact that the store was nearly empty to do the math. "Don't be over the top."

"I'm just being honest and genuinely concerned about my friend, can you blame me?" Yuna reached the sink and simply left the dishes there to approach the cash register. Your eyes refused to meet hers, unsheathing a strange annoyance in the pit of your stomach.

"I'm fine," you moved the money automatically, doing the math in the back of your head as second nature, "don't worry so much."

"Ok, if you don't want to tell me about it at least try to distract yourself a little, why don't you take an extra half hour for lunch?"

"You know I can't do that."

"Sol would never know."

"I'm not going to do that."

Yuna pouted, dropping her chin onto the back of her hand. You knew she was about to fly you out of that chair the moment all the bills were safeguarded.

A whiplash of pain shot through your chest at the alternative of having to leave the cafeteria, alone, hovering with your thoughts once again, as you tried to shove the food down your throat. But Yuna happily dragged you out of the cafeteria, leaving you in the middle of the street with your little bag and lunch money, wishing you a happy break as she wandered off once more to deal with the sparse crowd of customers alone.

Maybe you should have told her you'd rather not eat than be alone, but…

That was the story of your life.

So you walked to that restaurant a couple of blocks away, where they sold the cheapest food in the area, and waited patiently while answering Yuna's messages to clear your mind.

Going through your social networks, you once again came across the cover of your books in the pre-viewing of a video and felt the bile in your throat. Let's see, you were happy. Or well, you were trying to convince yourself because you still had that bitter feeling in the pit of your stomach that wouldn't let you enjoy this blast like you should and it had a first and last name of its own. But, generally speaking, it was great that your books were selling, forgetting all the other circumstances that led to that happening.

So, standing in front of those videos, you were tormented by not being able to watch them. A self-published author should be prepared for that kind of thing. No, any author should be. Sharing your art with the world implicitly entailed confronting the world's expression in front of it. It was inevitable, of course, and it was also the energy that could start an engine or the fingers that put out the match. At that precise moment, you still didn't want to know what your destiny was.

You hated that. You hated feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. Why was life so heavy if you had just begun to live it?

Ah, too much pondering for one lunch.

And to think this all started with an Instagram story.

Having an existential crisis because you couldn't stand dealing with the stress and pressure of the extreme demand you were having and because of mixed feelings for a bunch of idiots resurfacing after so many years was one of the last things you thought you'd have to go through that year. Fuck, or ever in your entire life.

Taehyung might have done you a favor as well as a disservice.

But that's how you spent a while longer, as you walked back to the coffee shop, the noise of the city not being enough to quell the bustle of thoughts crashing against each other in your head.

Being in the eye of the hurricane, however, didn't mean you were safe. You barely had a breath of fresh air before the eyewall hit you hard once again.

"Noona…?"

You froze a few steps away from the cafeteria. You feared not only the way you immediately recognized the voice, but the way your body froze, fear, panic and uncertainty clouding your sense.

You were in the alley behind the coffee shop. You didn't usually go in that way, but you had taken a slightly longer way back, only because you were too busy thinking about whether or not your body was up to a longer walk.

You were so close to the door that you could almost hear Yuna's voice on the other side, barely muffled by the beeping that echoed in your ears as panic took over your body.

You didn't want to turn around. Your body was having every possible negative reaction, as if it was fighting an infection, the lunch you had just shoved down your throat seeking to make its way back into your mouth and the feeling of dizziness momentarily clouded you.

Was this how you planned to react if you ever saw them again? Was this how you acted out the scenarios you imagined in your head at night when your memories went back to the last time you saw them?

The only difference between those imaginings and what was happening at that moment was that before you could prepare yourself; you knew what was coming; you had control. Now? Your legs were about to give out, the weight of your body too much to bear.

And you wanted to mock the pathetic behavior you were engaging in. You should turn around, slap him and scream at him that you never wanted to see him again. But your heart was beating and feeling and… how could you deny it anything after so many years of being neglected?

But maybe you were imagining it. The little sleep you had this weekend and all the memories you dragged from the trunk since you saw that Instagram notification must have made you crazy enough that you heard voices, his voice, anywhere… you were still near a busy street, it could be anyone-

"y/n."

And, yet…

You didn't turn around knowing what it would entail to give his voice a face, even though you could madly and frankly recall every line of its length, and you spoke harshly through your teeth even though your labored breathing made your chest heave.

"What are you doing here?"

"Noona… you're really here."

You cringed as you heard his footsteps and clutched with inhuman speed at the lock on the door in front of you.

"I asked you a fucking question: what the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

The silence didn't give you an answer, but you could glimpse it. With your patience on edge and years of emotional repression it was impossible for you to deduce how you would react in such a case, but it didn't seem too far-fetched, even if Jungkook's surprised inspiration said he didn't expect you to be so harsh and rude.

As if you cared.

—Yes you did care, in fact, that's why your heart was beating wildly against your ribs, the choking sensation increasing, the nerves on edge and the tears all over the corners of your eyes, but you had to stand your ground. After so, so long… why, why, why, why?—

"I… I…" Jungkook seemed to be having trouble finding his voice, even though in his profession the words came melodiously and easily out of his mouth. If you turned to look at him, you might have noticed that his face went from happiness to anguish with the speed a bullet goes through a field, "I wanted to see you…"

He sounded so small. The five-foot-ten-plus man, who you're sure was almost a head and a half taller than you, might as well have been a badly wounded puppy behind you. You knew from the way he spoke that he was holding back tears, but you didn't let that sway you. He didn't deserve it.

"Who gave you the right to come here?"

You didn't let him answer, not knowing if he was even going to, tightening the lock on the door you were about to walk through at any moment, bile in your throat making you fear the fall as if you were at the top of a skyscraper.

"How the fuck did you even find me?"

"Well, I-"

"I don't fucking want to know!"

You cut him off, the dryness and venom in your voice making you tremble. You were so sad, so distraught and so angry at the same time.

"And I don't want to see you. So leave."

"Noona…"

"Fucking leave, Jeon, for fuck's sake!"

You moved, almost as if by inertia, opening the door and slamming it behind you, the noise so deafening that it echoed in your ears for several seconds until you heard Yuna's footsteps approaching you and felt her arms wrap around your body.

You didn't know what she was saying, you just leaned against the door and let yourself fall, your body shaking in cry after uncontrollable cry, truly wondering how everything had gone so far; wondering how, after so many years, you still allowed them to have that power over you; a power they didn't deserve and shouldn't have.

You felt shattered in that moment, every piece of you scattered in the hold, every moment of your life replaying on its glassy, sharp edges. Even with half of you staying afloat, Yuna held you until the tears stopped flowing and with renewed resolve you promised yourself that this was never going to happen again.

Jungkook had taken you by surprise, but from now on none of them would ever catch you off guard.

-

a/n: i dont really know what to think about this chap. sometimes i like it sometimes i dont. i guess thats just how it works. pls letme know what you think! thank u for all the support! <3

tag: @rinkud @futuristicenemychaos @pastelpeachess @parapiop7 @kokoandkookie @midiplier @thunderg @lizzymizzy-blogg @ladymorrie @butnotmontana @lovelgirl22 @jjeonjjk7 @aurorathi @ot7stansthings @kunacat @borahaetelevision @mylovingstars @ghostlyworld @talyaaas-blog @slowlyshycomputer @jjk174 @maynina @saintomie @damn-u-min-yoongi @juju-227592 @yoongznme @queenbloody @leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesworld @zippaur @v4ksk4tz @kookierry @idk179634 @canarystwin @elliott-calls @devilzliaison

[spdrvyn]

anxiety & arachnids — MIGUEL O'HARA

(( this is going to be a lengthier one than my usual one-shots / snippets / fics / whatever you wanna call them since it has more plot !!! what is the plot? read the fic and find out motherfucker !!!!!! this is also mostly spoiler-free as per usual i think ))

The intensity of your job, the late-nights to the point where you've had to stay back at the precinct, and your overbearing coworkers really wanted you to find a way to travel back in time to prevent yourself from enrolling into police academy.

Were you the best detective out there? God, no. Definitely not. Though even if you weren't, you'd like to think that you excelled most of your acquaintances and fellow investigators in your job. Although among the long web of cases that you have solved over the years, there was a particular file that haunted your desk.

To most, large files were someone's nightmare. So overwhelming and rife with information but that was what you and other detectives just loved about them, you barely even had to lift a finger at times to catch perps or criminals because the file did most of the work for you.

However, the one that you'd been trying to crack for months was only one page thick, the only recent addition being a small sticky note that adds a witness's testimony of events.

You didn't have much of a problem with Spider-Man, you understood that he was just trying to do his job and save lives whatnot even if his methods were rather precarious—

But to find out that there are multiple Spider-People out there? The idea gave you migraines by just thinking about it.

Even for how many that might be lurking in the shadows, waiting for trouble to strike so that they could swoop in and save the day, this file only gave you less than a fraction of what you needed.

At least, you had one picture but it was low in quality. Captured by a civilian's cellphone, one of the older models judging from the camera, they were trying to get away from the commotion as well resulting the subject in the photograph to appear blurred.

Under closer inspection though, you could make out some details but you definitely knew that this wasn't your Spider-Man. Whoever it was, they were wearing a navy suit highlighted with red. A muscular build, blades sticking out of their suit. There was also a big circle behind them; a dizzying array of colors, which was safe to assume that it was a portal.

Spider-People, odd creatures, possible other-worldy travel.

Was this really what you had signed up for?

You curse under your breath, bringing your half-empty cup of coffee to the edge of your lips before it's quickly taken from your grasp. You're prepared to lecture whoever even dared to lay a hand on your drink before you realize that your captain is the one with the mug in their hands, whatever unholy grail of swear words you were about to unleash was now silenced.

Your captain let out a defeated utterance of your name, "Working until you die again?" They stare disappointedly into your mug. "Is the coffee supposed to speed up the process?"

With a harsh bite to your tongue, you fight back the urge to roll your eyes. It's not like they were as pesky as the people you've come to known over the years of working in this place, far from it but their demands for "self-care" and "work-life balance" made your head spin a lot more times than you'd like to admit.

"Go home. I don't mean to discourage you but why work on this case still? It's so cold that it's practically freezing."

"If nobody is going to work on it then I will."

"Of course, it's good to take responsibility but the only thing that's been added to this file over the last two months is a sticky note. A sticky note. I appreciate your persistence more than anything but above it all, I appreciate self-respect more."

Clueless. You felt so damn clueless, with this situation, with the nonsense advice that your captain was giving you. All you could do is look back at down at the folder, staring at it with such an intensity, secretly hoping that an entirely new page would appear.

The dismay that emanated from their sigh practically pierced you straight through your heart.

"It's clear to me now. I hope it's clear to you soon that working yourself to the bone over something like this isn't what we do. Get yourself together and get some rest."

The click-clack of their dress shoes drove you to near madness as you heard them leave the precinct. Maybe rest was what you needed, not like you had much of a choice anyway as the morning shift was about to come in soon.

You pack your bag, slinging it over your shoulder. It would probably be better to take the stairs at least to get rid of the energy you got from drinking an ungodly amount of caffeine tonight.

Speaking of caffeine, that was possibly the only edible item that you've consumed during your whole shift. Starving yourself was a habit that you were guilty of, getting so wrapped up in your work that even eating slipped your mind.

However let it not be said that you were picky, you opted to just pass by a fast food restaurant on the way back to your apartment.

It was the dead of night once you actually got your hands on some food, originally you were going to take it back to your apartment but the growling in your stomach told you that dinner was more of an urgent matter in the more.

You open the small box, taking the burger you ordered in your hands and about to take one juicy, delicious bite until—

"Incoming!"

Your delicious meal interrupted as someone was slammed through the windows of the establishment; gasps echoed the walls of the place as people didn't even hesitate to bring their phones out. All the employees run into the backroom.

Instinct just kicks in as you reach for the badge attached to your belt, as you attempt to reassure the innocent customers who were probably having just as much of a tiring night as you are.

You're about to approach the person that was slumped against the counter of the cashier until you register the robotic tentacles sticking out of a machine stuck to their back. Immediately, you pull your gun out.

This was all so confusing, you were so sure that your colleagues had arrested Doctor Octopus so many moons ago. Yet, why was he laying before you? He looked so different. Did he break out of prison and get a magic makeover or something?

Your heart rate skyrocketed through the roof as you catch a faint glow of red from the corner of your eye.

Without hesitation, you turn around and point to the figure behind you; who looked like they were about to continue whatever shenanigans they were engaging with Doc Octopus before stopping dead in their tracks at the sight of your weapon.

"Freeze! Don't move an inch,"

As the figure freezes, you are finally able to get a good glimpse at them. The suit matches the one you saw in your case file, it's never really processed in your head how tall they might actually be. This Spider-Man could easily tower over you, perhaps pointing a gun at him wasn't really the best choice.

That idea was really hammered into your skull as the Spider-Man 'raises an eyebrow' (at least, signalled by his mask) and looks up slowly, you've nearly forgotten that there's a real criminal right behind you.

Your gun is snatched immediately out of your hands as you turn your head once more, it's effortlessly crushed under the grasp of one of the Doctor's tentacles. They scowl at you through tinted goggles.

Shit.

Akin to the way that they were thrown into the eatery, your back harshly hit the area where they deep fry their food. The small basket tips over and spills hot oil onto the floor, the impact spits some of the substance onto your face and hands causing you to wince in pain.

Thankfully before you're about to lose your face, as one of the tentacles reach for you, your hand reaches for the same basket and smacks it hard. Some of the oil melts the coating of the robotic appendage.

You take a peek from below the counter and the people that you saw a while ago had disappeared, they all ran away. You wanted to die, there went your witnesses...

The Doctor yelps at the damage done to it's attachments, about to send yet another attack to your disheveled body, it's cut off (quite literally) by the slice of a blade.

The Spider-Man that you familiarized yourself with a while ago had sliced it off completely only angering the enemy further.

You want to help, even if you won't be able to catch whoever this guy is, there was a bigger threat right now.

Unfortunately as you try to stand, your legs give up on you from how brutally you were thrown and you fall back onto your behind once more. Though you weren't completely rendered useless, you attempt to crawl to the back. Telling one of the staff to call the authorities but once you got a glimpse, there was nobody there either. Were you the only one with any form of responsibility here?!

You reach for your own cellphone, only to find it unable to function from— once again— the impact of how you were thrown. Perfect. This was perfect.

It got even more perfect as the Doctor practically came in sliding into the back walls of the building, you panic and quickly move backwards until you realize that they're wrapped in some form of webbing.

The Spider-Man breezes past you, holding down the seemingly now unconscious criminal. Your ragged breath hitches as his gaze meets yours, you were defenseless. Besides some kitchen items that were littered across the floor from the scuffle but none of them could prove useful to you.

Your head was actually spinning now, you brought a fist to your forehead in a sad attempt to quaell the throbbing but no use. Your eyes begun getting droopier and droopier.

Your heart spiked more as a portal opened to the left of you, came in swinging in another Spiderman.

He seemed to be wearing a worn-down jacket and a regular spider suit but replace the pants with sweatpants. He had an empty baby carrier strapped to his chest.

"You're late."

"Fashionably so! Now, where is he?"

"Right here."

The one in navy kicks the body over to the more musty looking Spider-Man, he takes a step back. "Are you kidding me?! You dealt with him already? I put Mayday down for a nap like ten minutes later than I'm supposed to and you just—"

The less well-dressed Spider-Man catches sight of you, eyes as wide as saucers as he points. "Who's that?"

"Detective."

Not even two seconds later, he's kneeled down before you. Holding, only God knows how many fingers up, their whole conversation is going one ear out the other with you.

"Seems like they have a concussion and a couple of burns. Did anyone call an ambulance or somethin'?"

"No, they got chased out like squirrels by the anomaly."

"You know that we should probably deal with them, right?"

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

You can't even care enough to listen in to their interaction anymore, your head falls forward. The aching in your ribs, the stinging on your hands, it's too much to bare as you slip into the hold of unconsciousness.

[19emma75]

my fav frerard fics

Ok so here’s my grank fic rec list!! I’ve put links to each fic on ao3 for easy access + most if not all have nsfw/explicit elements so be warned!! I’ve written afew tags next to each one so u get an idea but no spoilers ok here we gooo

⭐️ = fav of all time/must read

- The Best Part of My Day by pixie_revolver - office co-workers au

- ⭐️pinkish by antspaul - kid fic, fake relationship to lovers

- Black Market Blood by autoschediastic - short vamp!gee/human!frank

- ⭐️The Mess We've Made by ViciousVenin - pencey era frank, strangers to lovers, angst with happy ending

- Life as a Process by ViciousVenin - fav vamp!gee fic, college roommates au

- Happy Together by MorningGloryxxx - focus on mental health/lgbt themes/addiction, eventual happy ending

- A Splitting Of The Mind by Shoved2agree - yall already know, cw for heavy mental health focus

- Unwanted Thoughts by ViciousVenin - touring, pining, friends to lovers

- Skin of the Canvas by sinsense - art school/nude model au

- ⭐️Unholyverse trilogy by Bexless - holy grail of fics, priest!gee, demons, stigmata (you've probably already read this ik)

- ⭐️The Anatomy of a Fall by novembersmith - supernatural, high school au

- ''that was easy'' by metaleaterz - 'the staples fic', they just work at staples and its cute ok

- another superstition by metaleaterz - friends to lovers houseflipping au

- ⭐️Crossed Out by Haze - time travel and blood magic!! so incredible it should be made into a tv show umbrella academy style

- ⭐️In a Column of Lights by xobarriers - entomologist!gee/director!frank, SO wholesome and sweet and lovely

- Did You Miss Me? Cause I Missed You by LiberXI - wholesome/funny/smutty friends to lovers college au

- ⭐️Nothing Above Nothing Below by LiberXI - pencey era strangers to lovers with a supernatural twist, LOVE the writing style sm

- You Will Leave a Mark by brooklinegirl - short but intense pencey era strangers to lovers

- rough ‘round the edges by starryfrens - sick fic with gee as frank’s caregiver, heavy and heartwarming

- Living on a prayer by beforethesungoesdown, Kitoko_kun - priest x priest with expected amounts of catholic guilt and pining

- Before The Second Show by CharredLips - sweet + fluffy bullets era mutual pining

- ⭐️Wishing You Were a Ghost by pixie_revolver - “right person wrong time”, angst with happy ending, heartbreaking but amazing

- ⭐️Kinktober 2023 by insusurro - all parts set in the same universe, surprisingly heartwarming for the subject matter, great characterisation

- ⭐️Moth to Flame (or Whatever) by onceuponamoon - insanely perfect florist au

- Companion by onceuponamoon - workplace au (carer/office worker)

- Buy Handmade + Bread and Butter by jjtaylor - adorable artist/baker au

- ⭐️Paris!Verse trilogy by vesna - artist gerard/record label owner frank, INSANELY good characterisation, so beautiful and emotional

- Time Travel ‘verse by ladyfoxxx - funpoison/frankghoul/rrr time travel shenanigans, amazing and kind of heartbreaking

- Christmas Miracle by insusurro - wholesome and festive teacher au

- Choosing My Confessions series by pixie_revolver - kinky/wholesome priest au

- a constant record of disillusion by drapnel - non au realistic pre-bullets to post-summer sonic ‘04, heavy so read tags

- All Through The Night by LiberXI - bullets era meet cute

- ⭐️The Horror That I’m In by pixie_revolver - paramour estate, paranormal activity, frank goes through the horrors, angst with happy ending

updating periodically so keep an eye out <3

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I’ve seen people on Twitter talk about how Hazbin Hotel was snubbed since it wasn’t nominated for an Emmy and talking about how people who don’t like the show are happy about it and like.

Idk I can only speak for myself, but tbh I’m kinda sad that the show, from the beginning, just…wasn’t good. Not Emmy good, at the very least. (more below)

There’s this weird expectation that, if you are at all critical or dissatisfied with what the Hazbin show ended up being, that you’re a horrible person who is obsessed with seeing everyone who worked on the project fail, and have just hated the show and its creator since the beginning of time and like…

I did not want the show to be bad!! I was really hoping that I’d be wrong, that I’d be pleasantly surprised, that the show would be entertaining and well written and paced. But, for me, it just wasn’t.

I have tried to be very forthcoming about the things I liked and what I wished the show would have focused on more. I wanted to like the show!!! I would have LOVED the show if its writing and animation were on par with other adult animated shows.

However when it came out, it had a LOT of problems, and it seems really clear to me that the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences picked up on them, just as I did.

It’s so odd to me that a lot of Hazbin “super-fans” think that if you’re critical of the show you must hate it, because the majority of people I’ve spoken to who are very critical of the series ARE fans of the series who felt disappointed by it when it actually came out.

Switching gears a bit—It’s genuinely kind of disheartening to see so many people prop the show up as if it was the best most perfect best show ever when, in reality, Hazbin is a perfectly serviceable and fun show, but is not as deep or as well-crafted as it claims to be, and as a lot of other adult animation that’s out right now.

Recently, I’ve seen this belief develop in some fandoms that what you love needs to be somehow validated or “proven” to be good by winning an award or receiving accolades.

And while I definitely understand the desire to see something you love be recognized for the artistry that’s put into it, the truth is that sometimes there are really really good pieces of art and media that don’t get the recognition they deserve, and there are really really bad pieces of art and media that are treated like holy grails.

Like I’m saying all of this as someone who’s favorite movie is fucking Tron: Legacy. I LOVE Tron Legacy. It’s so fun and I love the characters and environment. But it’s also bad!!! It’s a very convoluted plot, and characters don’t get a lot of development and it has the “born sexy yesterday” trope which I hate and it’s one of my favorite movies of all time!!! I love it!!

But it doesn’t have to be a perfect masterpiece for it to be a masterpiece to me personally. I can recognize that while I love it, it’s not particularly amazing by any means. It’s kind of a shit show. The story and writing and cinematography don’t deserve any big awards. But I love it and that’s all that matters!

I do not think that Hazbin Hotel deserves any awards for being an excellent television show, and I can also really see why the people who decide Emmy nominations did not nominate it.

But who cares what I think!! My favorite movie is Tron Legacy! And I completely unironically love the 1993 Super Mario Bros. Movie!!!

The point I’m trying to make is that, while yes, it can be disappointing when something you love isn’t recognized, but that shouldn’t take away the value the show has to you if you love it.

Hazbin Hotel can be a bad show, and it can still be your favorite show that you love more than anything. Tron Legacy can be a bad movie and I can still love it and think it’s peak cinema. It’s okay. It’s okay to like and love media that isn’t perfect. It’s okay to criticize the media you love.

[nursemimosa]

I have something ultra cool and special to share today!

These are the Nov. 2023 and Feb. 2024 issues of Nintendo Dream that, upon me seeing them, resulted in me dropping everything I had to buy them instantly 😅

Both of these focus on the SV DLC, with the second issue pictured above containing some exclusive goodies (a full Jan 2024-Jan 2025 calendar!! and a double sided poster). I'll do a little in depth dive about these below the jump and include some pictures. (also forgive me for the quality of the pictures, I'm just a lil fella with an almost four year old phone...)

The November 2023 issue provides some info about the Teal Mask and things that were to come from the Indigo Disk. Having completed both now, it is really nice to relish in these pictures, trying to imagine what it would have been like to still be waiting in anticipation for the second part!

The February 2024 issue goes a little more in depth about what there is to do in the Indigo Disk, with a (curious, to me) focus on both of the Elite Fours from S/V. I really like this issue a lot more since there are more pages dedicated to the game than the previous one (and not my Paldea Elite Four bias, I swear).

My most favorite things were the included goodies found in the February issue. There was a (giant!) double sided poster and a full year calendar!

The poster on one side contains the promotional art for the Indigo Disk. The second side displays the Paldea Elite Four (my favorite side. As someone who's most favorite characters happen to be the Academy Staff and the Paldea Elite Four, I feel like I happened to stumble upon a holy grail (｡T ω T｡) if only they'd give the academy staff more merch and actual official art though..)

The calendar is small but is packed with cute little tidbits and info about the game. They managed to assign every single day a Pokemon in the S/V dex (my birthday was assigned grafaiai... in case you were wondering).

Even though I wish the magazines kinda focused more on SV (especially the Nov. issue), I'm super elated to have these in my collection :> they're really precious and so bold. The goodies are especially something I will always hold onto.

I'll end the post with a lil' Kieran! have a good one!

[lxmitlxss]

Oh! White whale Dragging me down under A crusade with no grail Hanging my own rope I, have no way to know Unless you've seen a ghost I, wander waves alone, oh Unless you've seen her SEEN HER - white whale ( shadow academy )

============================================================

indie semi-selective multifandom multiverse multimuse oc/crossover friendly . 25+ mun (they/he) . pinned [ template . jesssource ]

[drops-of-moonlights]

I almost NEVER draw Haruka and Michiru and that has made their ReStart designs nebulous for a long time, but I finally got off my ass and did some work for them lol. Of course listening to all their songs from the bandai Myus helped they made BANGERS for these two. Random info on them in the AU below.

Tendo Haruka, age 21, Sailor Uranus, Senshi of Speed (powers over the wind and the earth) - her first time transforming her fuku featured a skirt, but by the second she had willed herself some pants even if the rest of the fuku didn't change. Was awakened by Neptune during the times of Black Moon and faced some Droids here and there but was focused on investigating Mugen Academy and the Death Busters alongside their search for the Talismans. Feels regretful over the lives she'd had to end during her investigation (the people turned into Daimons) and this guilt prevents her for pursuing a relationship with Michiru (as she has put her in a pedestal) until after her Talisman is extracted. Believes the other Senshi to be freshly awakened and makes her both look down on them and want to protect them, not realizing that by the time the Death Busters take center stage the Inners are already in their Super forms and therefore stronger than them. Clashes often with Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mars as their perspectives are different. Before the identity reveal, she striked a quick friendship with Minako. She maintained this friendship post-reveal.

Kaioh Michiru, age 22, Sailor Neptune, Senshi of Depths (powers over water and darkness) - Was plagued by visions during the final attacks of the Dark Kingdom and awakened her powers during the Doom Tree invasion. Said visions point her to Mugen Academy, and so she ignores everything else that happened outside some brushes with Droids. Bitter over being a Senshi, she awakened Haruka to at least have a companion in her misery but oops now she has feelings for her and double oops she knows she cursed Haruka to a life of war. This prevents her from pursuing a relationship with her until her Talisman is extracted. Believes the other Senshi to be freshly awakened and looks down on them for this, which makes her clash with Sailor Mercury and especially Sailor Venus until a fight with the latter changes her mind soundly. Before the identity reveal, she formed a connection with Rei. She maintained this friendship post-reveal.

The Space Sword and Deep Aqua Mirror are mostly unchanged from their role in the original anime - hidden within their Pure Heart Crystals, their presence is required to summon the Moon Grail. The sword is virtually the same but the mirror now doubles as a dagger, because Michiru said "ah yes, surely this common accessory will be of utmost help, were I find myself entangled in physical combat." and her powers were like "aight sure have this".

As for their changes in design primarily I just wanted to give the butch woman some goddamned pants, and Michiru has thights and no sleeves to link her to Mars and Mercury respectively (as a Seer and as having powers over water), while also giving her an older flair.

[materialsscienceandengineering]

New class of spongy materials can self-assemble into precisely controllable structures

A team of researchers led by the University of Massachusetts Amherst has drawn inspiration from a wide variety of natural geometric motifs—including those of 12-sided dice and potato chips—in order to extend a set of well-known design principles to an entirely new class of spongy materials that can self-assemble into precisely controllable structures. Their theory and computational model, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, allows for maximum design economy, or the largest possible structure using the fewest number of programmable, self-assembling pieces. One of the holy grails of materials science is to emulate nature's ability to form robust, complex self-assembling materials that can then create structures capable of a wide range of functions. Think of the crystalline nanostructures that form on a butterfly's wings and whose precise form and size determine exactly which wavelengths of light to reflect, giving different species their distinctive markings.

Read more.

[themattress]

Sailor Moon: Infinity - Original vs. Toei Adaptation

- Mugen Academy, there from the beginning of the original arc, takes until episode 120 to appear, with only 7 more episodes left in the series to go! A truly baffling adaptational choice.

- Chibiusa also meets and befriends Hotaru right from the start of the original arc, whereas it doesn't happen until episode 112 in the anime (also, Chibiusa isn't even there from the start).

- Hotaru's twisted homelife of being a sickly girl cared for by her shady scientist father and his equally shady assistant pops up in chapter 28. Not until episode 113 in the anime version!

- Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune working on their own and being antagonistic toward the Inner Senshi due to not wanting them to share in the burden they must carry is faithfully adapted during the first half of the anime arc. The second half, however, rather than having them develop past the antagonism, only doubles down on it and changes their reason for it as well to just them being really arrogant and hating the Inner Senshi's naive idealism.

- Ami and Viluy's interactions in Mugen Academy from chapter 30 is adapted in episode 122.

- Chibiusa making a Holy Grail for her art project in chapter 31 is adapted in episode 107.

- The scene with Uranus, Neptune and Pluto in chapter 32 is bizarrely moved to the start of episode 113 and with just Mamoru present with them. The respectful way they address him makes zero sense given the anime's context and change in the Outer Senshi's personalities.

- Hotaru's backstory is altered. Instead of being badly burned in a laboratory fire that kills her mother and having cybernetic implants given along with Mistress 9's egg when her father makes a pact with Pharaoh 90, she is almost killed in a laboratory explosion and her father has Mistress 9's egg inhabit her and Germatoid's egg inhabit him as a means to save her life.

- Sailor Moon obtaining the Holy Grail and transforming into Super Sailor Moon from the end of chapter 32 / start of chapter 33 is adapted in episode 111, with a different context and transpiring via the Outer Senshi's hearts rather than Usagi, Mamoru and Chibiusa's hearts.

- Originally, the Outer Senshi seek to kill Hotaru because she's the reincarnation of Sailor Saturn whom they have very specific history with and valid reason to fear. They pity Hotaru, but she's dying of illness anyway. In the anime, they seek to kill her both because she's the reincarnation of Sailor Saturn whom they've only heard bad things about and end up being completely wrong about, and because she's the Dark Messiah, vessel of Mistress 9...basically not caring that this makes her a victim. So basically the anime overcomplicated matters by giving them two reasons, both of them unjustified, instead of only one that was.

- Mistress 9 awakening through the seizure of Chibiusa's soul in Chapter 33 is adapted in episode 123. Subsequently, Mamoru keeping Chibiusa alive through his energy while the Sailor Senshi head to Mugen Academy for a climactic showdown is the same in both versions, although the anime kind of forgot to explain how Mamoru can even do that.

- The only things the climax of the arc has in common is Hotaru's spirit appearing before Mamoru and Chibiusa to say goodbye, and Sailor Saturn going to the Tau Nebula to kill herself along with Pharaoh 90 only to reincarnate as a baby on Earth. However, these are still drastically different in context. Originally, Hotaru's spirit appears because she died, splitting from her body in order to save the souls of Chibiusa and the Inner Senshi, while in the anime it's just Hotaru awoken as Sailor Saturn astral-projecting herself before making her sacrifice. Sailor Saturn is originally a different personality from Hotaru and was going to destroy Earth along with Pharaoh 90 until Sailor Moon dealt a crippling blow to Pharaoh 90 that made him retreat back to the Tau Nebula, with Sailor Saturn following to fulfill her duty and Sailor Moon using her Messiah power to teleport her infant reincarnation to Earth afterward. In the anime, Sailor Saturn is Hotaru and pushes Pharaoh 90 back through the Tau Nebula as a heroic sacrifice, with Sailor Moon using her Messiah power to go in after her, destroying Pharaoh 90 alongside her offscreen, and returning to Earth holding her infant reincarnation in her arms.

BONUS:

- A major climactic event from the Black Moon Clan arc that the anime neglected to adapt there was Sailor Pluto freezing time and dying as a result, which caused Chibiusa to transform into Sailor Chibi Moon. So here, Chibiusa makes her reappearance in the series as Sailor Chibi Moon in episode 103, having gained the form off-screen, while Sailor Pluto has a different time freeze-induced death involving an exploding helicopter in episode 124.

[nyaagolor]

Vex's big fat SV fic recommendation list

Being stressed while waiting for reviews and thesis feedback had me tearing through the SV AO3 tags like a rabid animal. Bright side to this is that I've been through basically the entire tag for a few characters so you don't have to. Below the cut is all the fics that really stuck with me

Invasive Species by hiratake Hassel/Brassius oneshot. You know that popular post that says the holy grail of AO3 is a 10k oneshot that changes your life when you binge it at 3am? yeah that's this one they meant this fic. It's a look at their younger years and the falling in love stuff these two go through and it's fantastic. There's cute cameos, excellent prose and really fun themes throughout

Team Building (and other remedies for loneliness) by viodef Arven Gen multichap. By the time I finished this fic I was convinced it's canon. It fills in the unseen parts of the game absolutely expertly, telling the story of how Arven caught and raised his team, and balances emotional angst and cute moments within his team flawlessly. It actually got me to care immensely about Arven's Toedschol. btw, this fic is part of a series-- and every fic in it is just as excellent as this one. They're some of the best Arven fics I've ever seen and I cannot recommend them highly enough

I Love You (just in case you didn't know) by WizardGlick Hassel/Brassius oneshot collection. "Where are all the incredible writers for SV?" making old man yaoi content. The Hassel/Brassius scene on AO3 is killing it. This fic has been on my mind since I first read it, it's so GOOD. It's tender it's emotional it's cute it has it all. Even if you don't care for this ship you will by the end of it. Read it

normal people by golden_blue Larry gen oneshot. I'm actually astounded at the charm people are putting into fics about Larry, a character designed to be as basic as possible. This is a fic that really just brings the pokemon world to life, giving so much depth to characters and making everything feel so grounded and lived in. If you like Larry, or even if you don't, read this fic, it'll leave you loving Medali and everyone in it

Kitchen Confidential by aclockworklemon Zerotrio Gen Twoshot (for now). People who characterize the player's mom are the most powerful among us and this is as good as it gets. There's a lot of subtlety in how the characters emotions are explored through the perspective of the character's own mom, and honestly I just love a fic that feels so grounded and sweet. Everyone is characterized so well, and the conflicts feel so real and personal. Good times all around

lost in translation by fivveweeks E4 gen oneshot. This fic is fucking hilarious I am actually begging you to read this one. One of the few times a fic actually got me to belly-laugh. Every work in this author's series about the E4 is equally as funny and equally as good so just do yourself a favor and read them all

holding onto the past (just like her) by centispores Arven oneshot, focused on grief. This one absolutely destroyed me. It has a real mastery of prose, a slowly building sense of dread and confusion that really hammers in the emotional core, and a really good understanding of flow. Setting the fic to a flu delerium backdrop lets the author's talents really shine and also gut punch you right at the end! It hurts, highly recommend

Tenderhearted Trust by infaredlove Jacq focused oneshot. SV introduced the best cast of side characters (the teachers) in the history of this franchise and some valiant authors took it upon themselves to just make banger after banger all about them. This is honestly a recommendation for this author's entire catalogue of work because I adore how they characterize the academy staff, Jacq especially. The prose is great, the feelings are tender, and who doesn't love seeing some nice stories about the adults in the room?

kids and their newfangled lingo by rentaldragon Rika/Geeta oneshot. This one is less than 1k words and as cute as it is funny. It needs no introduction, it's got silly lesbians in it!!

Up the Creek by neutralize Arven oneshot, focused on his failed attempts to heal Mabosstiff. Another ouchie of a fic. This one stings real bad, and the depth of emotion in this one is an absolute killer. The ever increasing desperation here and the ways that Arven's own trauma prevent him from reaching out or getting help for his own mental state are absolutely brutal and an incredible way of illustrating the pre-canon events. This one is rough but it's a very worthwhile read

YOUR _____ APPEARS ABNORMAL. by johnchurch Larry oneshot, Geeta POV. This fic is absolutely genius and even if you don't like either character you have got to give it a shot. It's such a fun and clever way to integrate in-game glitches to an in-universe headcanon. Genuinely delightful. Also watching Geeta slowly lose her mind is more fun than I initially expected

Cool, Cool, Cool by Chumpy Arven/Giacomo oneshot. Really and truly who is doing it like rarepair shippers. They are the backbone of fanfic society and I mean this. This fic is pretty lowstakes in comparison to the others on this list, but man is it cute. I love the characterization, the realism of teenage dialogue and all its awkwardness, and just the way the relationship progresses during the story. Sooo cute, give it a read!

Perennial by Seasonal Penny twoshot. Fics that are canon to me. I'm not even sure how to properly articulate how much this just feels like a legitimate explanation of canon events that happened offscreen. This fic is perfect and also canon. Real to me.

The Fellowship of Glimmora by dragons_tree Geeta multichap, unfinished. This is THE Geeta fic to me. The prose is incredible, the characterization is incredible, the worldbuilding is incredible. If you read one SV fic today make it this one, it will leave you with so many new thoughts on Geeta and her relationships with the gym leaders. Genuinely so so so good I think I would kill to get this fic to update again

Ortega's Drag Race by MimeOfATime Team Star oneshot. This fic is canon in my brain. This is so real to me. The characterization is perfect, the worldbuilding is perfect, begging you to read this fic Right Now. Pls. For me.

Push by agendergrim Professor-focused oneshot. This one is short and also just cracked my brain wide open. SUCH an interesting take on what happened to the other professor and well-written to boot. Do yourself a favor and read this one when you have a few minutes

Historical Perspective by n7punk Sada/Raifort exes oneshot. No one understands Raifort like this author I stg. The characterization of everyone here is absolutely fantastic and is filled with concepts and ideas that feel so authentic to the story of the game. I too love disaster lesbians so this fic was an absolute delight

regret, reflected in crystal by Emolga Turo and Arven focused oneshot. This one is INSANELY rough, big tw for child abuse and an absolutely gut-wrenching internal monologue about it. This fic is really heavy but insanely good, I had to sit down for a while to process it all when I was done. I highly recommend this to anyone who's looking for a fic to blow them away, the author is insanely talented and a master of their craft, but also OOF.

oh, just one more question… by pistachiosoda Penny focused oneshot. Such a sweet Team Star character study, it's really neat to see the unique ways that each character speaks and reflects about the boss and how it serves not only to characterize Penny, but them in turn. This genuinely feels like it could be dialogue ripped from some DLC of the game. If you like Team Star def give this one a look

irony by mousewritings Penny and Arven oneshot. This author REALLY understands teenage dialogue. It feels so real it's almost painful, so if you want something that's really gonna captivate you, give this a read. There's something about the way the characters fumble that feels really natural, and this author is extremely talented when it comes to dialogue and attitude. I adore this fic

Endearment by Sarajaye Penny focused oneshot. Centers around Penny's feelings about her dad-- it's like 400 words and super sweet, just do yourself a favor and read it right now. Click on the link and go for it it'll take like two minutes. You'll thank me later.

Glimmer by WolvZephyr Geeta focused oneshot. Good Geeta focused fics are few and far between, so it was fantastic to see one that really delved into her philosophy and attitudes and personality. This is one of those fics that really puts so much depth into a character that it feels like a natural extension of everything in game. Whether or not u think ur a Geeta fan, read this, because it'll absolutely give you a fresh perspective on her

Patch Up by ColourfulVoid Nemona and Miriam focused oneshot. This might actually be one of, if not my absolutely, favorite fic I've read about Nemona. It so perfectly captures the masking she does and the ways that the adults in her life WANT to help but can't because of all the fronts she puts up. This is filed under lists of fics that changed my brain chemistry. Read it

hues by aukai Nemona and Jacq focused oneshot. Similar to the above, this focuses on Nemona's unhealthy habits and masking and I just absolutely adore it. It's a brief glimpse into her pre-story school life and really adds depth to everything happening offscreen. Nemona my beloved

If you don't wanna use a tumblr post for the links, I have all these bookmarked on my AO3 Vex_ation, which is linked here

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

Canon Polycule Showdown

Quaterfinals!

(vote for your favorite! check the description if you don’t know them)

[ID: 1. Picture of Bren (aka Caleb), Eadwulf and Astrid, from the Mighty Nein Origins: Caleb Widowgast graphic novel. 2. Picture of Arthur, Lancelot and Guinevere from High Noon over Camelot. /end ID]

Meet the contestants!

Caleb/Eadwulf/Astrid

Status: Canon (past)

Description: The three of them were childhood friends who all received a scholarship to the Solstrice Academy, and together caught the eye of an influential mentor. Under the guise of nationalism, he groomed the three of them into the role of magical assassins/spies/interrogators. The three of them also entered a relationship as they became isolated from the rest of their peers. After Caleb/Bren had a mental breakdown thanks to some backstory stuff, he was isolated from Astrid and Ealdwulf, who consoled themselves with one another. Caleb ultimately went on to oppose Astrid and Ealdwulf, however, there was still a sense of fondness/missed opportunities/regret for the loss of the relationship between the three of them when they eventually met again.

Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot

Status: Canon

Description: Wild west sci-fi Arthuriana. These three are in an established relationship by the time that Arthur becomes “Sheriff” of Camelot. He’s nominally the leader, but they rule as a triumvirate, ambitions kept in check by one another. When they need to go on a journey to stop the space station they live on from falling into the star they’re in a decaying orbit around, they go together. When it turns out that only one of them can have complete control over the station’s systems (via the GRAIL) they almost have a standoff about who can access that power, but ultimately their fondness for each other is more important to them than their ambitions.

[losersroom]

I + M?

I. How many fandoms have you written in? Do you have a favorite?

Oh god but I am Old and it is impossible to even get an accurate count on this due to like. Literally twenty-plus years of fandom history across a dozen different accounts, most of which are lost to the aether now. I'm going to say "at least 21" as a conservative estimate if you count absolutely everything, even canons I only ever wrote like one fic for and then moved on. If you want the number of fandoms I've had a like significant or notable presence in over the years I think that would be Homestuck (fun fact: I used to be pretty good friends with Tamsyn Muir), Motorcity, Umbrella Academy, and now this little corner of Wild HRPF. Maybe it's recency bias, but I think RPF is my favorite fandom I've been in... in at least a decade. At the time I probably would have said Homestuck was my favorite, but I've soured badly on that whole affair over the years. Special shout-out to Voltron: Legendary Defender for being the worst fandom I've ever been even tangentially familiar with. Trash pit.

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with?  Did it turn into a story?

Unpublished A:TLA fic consigned to my gdocs forever where pre-canon Zuko is a POW of the Southern Water Tribe and also he is a catboy for some reason. Despite this kind of bonkers premise I maintain that the actual fic is good, if not exactly fit for the consumption of the general public. Weirdest hockey AU specifically is probably the (COMPLETELY unpublishable) one I was kicking around awhile ago where the race for the Stanley Cup is recast as a medieval knights and swords version of a Grail Quest and Brock is Jonas' squire. I did write almost 20k words of this. It is, uniformly, completely awful self-indulgent dreck. But it DID loosen me up enough that I was able to write the RPF I have published.

[shinyacademy]

A Very Shiny Photo Dump

Hello trainers! Has it been a busy year for you? It certainly has for me. There’s been so much shiny research going on that I barely have time to document it all! I thought you might appreciate an update though, so here’s a quick rundown of my most recent shiny wins! Above you’ll see shiny Ampharos, caught in an outbreak!

A shiny Vulpix caught in an outbreak on the side of a cliff!

A shiny Furret hastily caught in an outbreak in Kitakami!

A shiny Stantler caught entirely by accident while looking for the shiny Furret!

A shiny Annihilape, caught by influencing the amount of ghost type spawns in an area within Kitakami with a sandwich!

One of many shiny Litwicks caught during the outbreak event!

One of very many shiny Milcery caught during the outbreak event!

A shiny Minior - a grail shiny for me since my days in Alola - caught in Blueberry Academy in Unova!

A shiny Cetoddle, caught on the side of a mountain in Paldea during an outbreak!

A shiny Toucannon, caught in the coastal area in Blueberry Academy!

There are even more shiny stories to be told, and I do have some tips coming up on how to catch rare Pokemon within Blueberry Academy’s bio dome. Until then, stay shiny ✨!

[skekdris]

My new dice and dice box! (And character lore below)

Dice box is an Elderwood Academy Mini spellbook with purpleheart wood, and Urwizards astrology style resin dice.

If you have seen my skeksona, it's clear why I went with purple/silver/gold for the aesthetic, it's so him. Lore post below!

Though he'd personally not be the most fond of dice games. SkekDris is very much a planner and dislikes taking chances. If he'd have to roll the dice so to speak, he'd long have since weighed out the probability and manipulate the circumstance and game knowledge to give him the best odds possible as far as TTRPG's go.

Most of his enjoyment from such games and having to deal with probability at all is honing his sense of X-factor and adapting to bad circumstances on the fly. SkekDris is smart enough to be a schemer, but wise and humble enough to know that even the best laid plans can unravel due to unseen information.

He'd likely be the type of person that would be banned at casinos for being too good at math and card counting. Emphasis on would. Against guests and people, he'd play honorably, if heavilly power-gamed. Against institutions? Forget sleight of hand and mathmatics. He's using magic to cheat them blind and peniless with supernatural luck.

In addtion, in the setting I have imagined for him; magic that can be cast clandestinely is exceedingly difficult. The majority of magic in his setting needs at least a material, verbal, or somatic component, and not infrequently any combination of the three. Thus, magic is fairly obvious when it's being cast, especially in calm situations. Savvy foes deal with mages by stripping them of their posessions, restraining them, and/or muting them.

Crafting personal spells to only require merely one of these limitations is the sign of a well learned mage.

Casting spells without a channeling medium or focus (such as a wand or amulet) safely is the sign of a very well learned mage.

Spells that can be cast from simply 'force of will' alone is the holy grail/zenith of magic in Skekdris' world. Even in this case where it's only done on a scale as minor cheating dice, cards, and other assorted probability baubles; a mage capable of such a feat is one who'd consider robbing the place conventionally or even taking armed security head-on lesser challenges of magic. Any mage with a modicum of skill can go invisible and sneak into the safe with a lockpick spell or cast a searing lance through the chest of every guard and leave with an empty vault and a trail of bodies.

But to use magic without any of it's visual tells? That is a mage who is of such prowess that he can do what he damn well pleases to that casino and they should be grateful that losing them money is the worst thing he's doing there.