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you don’t understand how mc is literally me and i am here. she’s me to a molecular level. no joke, i never read an mc that was so deeply similar to me it hit me like a gut punch.

reading this while listening to the playlist was truly an experience (which was so good btw i LOVE your music taste). can we talk about how absolutely gorgeous your writing is for a second??? the way you craft your sentences are so satisfyingly beautiful it’s insane!! some of my favorite quotes:

“It flutters frantically in it, making a grand fight to reach that false moonlight, only to drop away when it realizes that it’s being burnt. You watch it rinse and repeat, relentless and sure, for who knows how long. It’s no special moth—no luna moth or the ones with the pretty pink wings—but the light falls down on it and colors it a pleasant stardust silver.”

“Taking those steps, the massive and terrifying ones from adolescence into adulthood, meant agreeing that this form of your life was over.”

“That passion and love wasn’t gone from you, it blazed strong in your veins. This blaze wasn’t the kind that kept you warm and excited to push forward into life, though. It had morphed into something that scalded you when you got too close or started imagining yourself pursuing its call. It’s a taunting silvery glow, no longer a guiding north star.”

“You clutch childhood to your chest like a wild animal guarding scarce food; you refuse. You refuse to acknowledge its end.”

“‘You don’t get it. You are the music. Every single song is about you. Every single fucking song is about you. I want you to come with me, please. I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you, and I thought you’d loved me too, and I don’t want to do this alone. I can’t do it alone.’”

i don’t know if you’ve ever read this book, but the vibes of this fic reminds me a lot of the starless sea by erin morgenstern!! literally my favorite book EVER. if you haven’t read it then i think you would like it a lot!! ^^

this is truly one of those types of stories that you come across and it just makes you absolutely fall in love with reading. the type that makes you want to pick up a pencil and feverishly write out the story that’s been in your head for years. if this story was a song, to me it would be dog days are over by florence + the machine. it just gives you that feeling that everything will work out and everything will be okay and this too shall pass. i love it so so much and i’m so happy that you decided to share it with the world so that people like me and so many others could come across it and read it for themselves! ♡♡♡

𝑯EART 𝑊ORM ⸺ hueningkai ℘˒´ˎ˗

⨾𓍢ִ໋ ˒˒ 𝚑𝔢art𝚠𝔬rm

[𝑛]. a relationship or friendship that you can't get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

⸺ listen to the playlist .ᐟ ‧˚

〝﹙ 📼 ﹚“I was just... wondering,” you say, blood roaring. "Well, Yeonjun wants me to come over to his place this weekend, and... I’ve never...” Sucking in a quick breath, you just spit it out to get it over with, “Would you be my first kiss, Kai?” ˛ ､､

wc ➛ 17.9k

𝔭airings childhood bsf!kai x reader (lowkey soulmates?) ⤷ ft. asshole!yeonjun x reader

𝒢 ‎; smut ˒ angst ˒ some fantasy

𝔴arnings angst, family issues, fingering, jealousy (i’m sorry i just love ts), yeonjun really is an asshole, orgasm denial, thigh fucking, unprotected sex (they're stupid!), strength kink a lil bit, breeding kink, possessiveness, creampie, choking... i think that's all, lmk if i missed any

✎୭ ashlynn's note omg. this was such a fun palate cleanser to write. this wasn't supposed to be as big as it is, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger, and i got super into the story. this kai is SOOOO!! yeah. i’m so nervous posting this because i’ve only ever posted TSFAWC, but…. here you areee (^^;; this is not proofread, so if you see a mistake... give me a sec. i'll get to it. hehe

Though you fan your hand furiously over your face, the little breezes washing over your clammy skin are not enough. The air is thick and heavy with summer’s heat. So thick that you almost feel it each time you swallow. It’s better than just letting yourself melt away, though. The cushion at your back doesn’t help much. It holds your warmth and returns it to you the longer you sit slumped back into it. You suffer it though—you’ve gone too sluggish to move.

You let a leg dangle over the arm of a chair, watching a hopeful moth dance in the light of the buzzing porch light overhead. It flutters frantically in it, making a grand fight to reach that false moonlight, only to drop away when it realizes that it’s being burnt. You watch it rinse and repeat, relentless and sure, for who knows how long. It’s no special moth—no luna moth or the ones with the pretty pink wings—but the light falls down on it and colors it a pleasant stardust silver.

You delight in letting your conscious brain turn off to watch it. It lets you forget the sweltering under your skin, and also that Kai had drug you out here. His dad gives him shit when he plays inside, but it’s way too hot to be out here. Isn’t it supposed to cool off after the sun goes down? It doesn’t feel like it. The deep acoustics are drowned out each time a car whirrs by. Playing outside should be the best option, but you and Kai live right on a busy road.

When the roar of some car going ten miles over the speed limit doesn’t obscure his playing, though, you admire the intricacy of it. His fingers work up and down the neck, jumping frets that you imagine would be impossible to anybody without those long fingers of his. You had always been a loud supporter of his playing, even way back when the most he could play were simple chords, but you became especially so when a few years back he put a guitar in your hands and tried teaching you. Even with his fingers guiding yours, it was quick to learn that the effortlessness with which Kai handles the instrument is hard earned.

He practices on the acoustic guitar, but that’s not his domain. With houses just a dash across the street from each other, Kai had grown up at your home more than he had at his own. So vividly, you remember the stars in his eyes when he’d listen to your dad’s music. Metallica, The Smashing Pumpkins, Linkin Park, any of it. He had fallen in love with it a long time ago. Your whole life you knew that it was only a matter of time before he was in his own band, chasing his dreams with a boundless mind and an indelible vision of himself on stage. How had that time come so soon, though? You don’t know if the notebooks full of inky lyrics that live wherever he deems inspiration might hit him make you proud or nervous. He’s making good on his dazzling aspirations, and you?

You speak finally into the air, cutting through heat waves and his music and the night. “Isn’t it weird that we’re not going back to school after this summer?”

He doesn’t have to even stop playing to answer you. Playing comes to him as a second nature. “Kinda,” he answers, brown eyes flitting up to you. “But it’s not like you won’t be back to it in September. College is the same shit.”

The leg you’d been dangling and bouncing pauses. That’s right; you’re supposed to be going to that college you’d chosen because it was only a three-hour drive away from here. You pluck at the seat’s threadbare fabric, and the moth, still there, becomes oh-so-interesting once again. When his playing stops, you drop your head back with a cushioned thud and a groan that you wrangle in your throat.

“Why are you acting like that?” he says, voice gone sharp like accusation. He doesn’t even know the truth, but he’s known you too long.

Can’t you just keep secrets for yourself, sometimes?

Kai, arms clad in a well-loved hoodie even in this dreadful weather, lays the guitar down. You maintain your silence. “Seriously, what?”

Some secrets have timers, though. This one could only last you until about September, or even August when he realizes that you’re not preparing to return to school. A controlled sigh from your chest isn’t enough to soothe the nerves that sparks. “Nothing.”

“Secrets, huh?” Kai says. When you do finally look to him, black spikes of hair frame his eyes and the accusation in them.

It’s a simple poke, but it gets under your skin as sharp as any thorn might. It’s not like you don’t keep secrets from him, and you’re sure he keeps some from you too. But those are the little kinds, the inconsequential ones—like I ate already when asked why you’re not eating or like Yeah, I’m fine when it’s been a bad day. You don’t hide this kind of stuff from each other. Usually, you’d run over to his place to tell him whatever’s bothering you. Why not, when he’s known even the worst details of your life for almost the entirety of it? You’ve been holding this one close to your chest since somewhere around the end of senior year, though. The longer you let it fester, the worse your nervousness snowballs. “C’mon, Kai. Let’s not do this. Can you keep playing?”

He doesn’t like that, of course. But you watch recognition dawn over his chocolate brown eyes, helpless to stop it. “You’re not going,” he says. It’s not a question nor a suspicion, it’s a bone-dry fact.

Well. There that goes. You want to tear every hair on your head right out. Why had you even thought you’d keep him in the dark about it? When he’s not out in some garage making music, you two are together. The conversation was going to stroll by at some point; this was only inevitable. His disappointment radiates off him in waves and blisters you. He hasn’t even said anything yet, but you know exactly what he thinks of it. It’s why you kept it from him in the first place.

Your silence is enough confirmation for him. “Why?” he says. “I thought you were excited to move out.”

Wincing, you nod slowly. You were. Even went through the whole application process, along with most other kids your age. Ultimately, you never went through with declaring a college. You don’t exactly know why, but somewhere weaseled down in the shadowy recesses of your soul, you know. Taking those steps, the massive and terrifying ones from adolescence into adulthood, meant agreeing that this form of your life was over. It meant that at some point, you’d be moving away from here to where living your days away in Kai’s room would not be a choice. Everybody has to do it eventually, you know that. Kai’s music gig could take off any day, too. He’s going to make it happen. And then what? All this stalling and wishing on just a bit more time would mean nothing, he’d be off and chasing that dream. As excited as you are for it to finally become reality for him, there’s a nasty bitterness that’s budded in your chest, infecting your person.

Can’t things just stay like this?

“I was,” you say. It comes out of your mouth heavy.

“Then why aren’t you going?” he says. Crickets, never seen but always heard, sing their song into the night’s darkness. “You didn’t get rejected. You’re too smart for that.”

An ache sits heavily somewhere near the center of your chest, maybe over your heart. All those good grades, nights spent bent over a desk and AP paperwork—you’re wasting it. You shake your head. “No... just...” It’s an effort to dress your thoughts in a way that might appease him. A quiet moment stretches with your thinking before you continue, “I don’t know what I want to do.”

He doesn’t like that, the yellow wash of the overhead light dancing over his taut lips and hard eyes. “Don’t know what you want to do?” he says, bringing his legs up onto the seat to crisscross them. He wears his favorite jeans. They’re heel-bitten and baggy enough over his legs that he can wear them around the house without any bother. “You’ve wanted to be an artist your whole life. You know exactly what you want to do.”

Your chest only seems to ache harder. When the both of you were only young and hopeful, you both had big dreams. Kai was going to be the face of a metal band, and you were going to be an artist. A painter, potter, sculptor, even doing animation for those big companies like Dreamworks and Disney. You wanted any of it, just as long as you were doing art. You’d even promised him that you’d do the cover art for his albums with interlocked pinkies and flushed, hopeful cheeks. That passion and love wasn’t gone from you, it blazed strong in your veins. This blaze wasn’t the kind that kept you warm and excited to push forward into life, though. It had morphed into something that scalded you when you got too close or started imagining yourself pursuing its call. It’s a taunting silvery glow, no longer a guiding north star. Taunting words of family members stamped down on that hope hard. When you were little, it was said lighthearted and in passing. The older you got, though, the more serious their faces became. They wouldn’t say it outright perhaps, but you hear what they think well enough. Art is a dead-end career.

Shifting in your seat, you tell him, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?” Kai says. “There are good colleges for that.”

“I just... don’t know.”

Shaking his head, he tells you, “But you love it.”

You do. In its every form, you love creating. But loving it doesn’t mean that it’s right for you, or that you should trust your future in its hands. “I think I can do it in my own time,” you say, finally pushing yourself upright from the cushion. “Don’t wanna kill the passion by doing it for a living, you know?”

He thinks on that for a moment. “If you love it, you should do it,” he says.

An awful frustration bubbles in your chest. Kai has always had a clear life path, the steps ahead of him set in stone and waiting for him to follow in them. It’s hard for him to see why you might not want to do the same. There’s nothing that makes you as happy as the fact that he has it all figured out, that he knows just where he’s going and that he’s so incredible at it that he doesn’t have to worry about meeting the requirements, but your path seems obscured and untrodden. Punctuating a deep, resonant sigh, you say, “It’s not that easy, Kai.”

“If you’re not doing that, then what are you going to do? Are you just going to settle for a nine-to-five?” he says full of accusation, the tapping on his knees gone still.

A dry laugh, you say, “Maybe I’ll marry a super rich guy and just do my art for a living. No nine-to-five.”

His face flashes. He’d always been a bit reserved, especially around others, but he bared his emotions freely around you. You hold them dearly to your chest and made sure to do your best to make good on that trust. He says, “You’re more than some guy’s housewife.”

Cheeks radiating in the heat, you snort. “I know, dork. I’m a rockstar’s best friend. It’s my personal favorite achievement.”

His face sours when you reach out and pinch hard at his cheek, but he doesn’t pull away or brush you off. The skin there is warmed and clammy. Really, the two of you should go meet the cool AC inside before you suffer heat stroke. But this moment feels so nice—your shoulders feel tons lighter without something to hide. If you had it your way, things would stay like this forever. Just the two of you, sat here like you have so many times before, just taking for granted the time you’ve got together.

His mouth opens to banter, probably something about how he’s not a rockstar yet or to get you back for calling him a dork. Wingbeat and sterling dashes about your face send the image into a blur, though. You’re a quick mess of limbs and a whipping head, as if it’ll chase the thing away from you.

“Seriously?” Kai says. You’d climbed halfway over him, elbows digging into him and knee doing a number on his thigh. “It’s a moth. You’re not scared of moths.”

Lingering for a few moments later to ensure the flying thing was nowhere on you or around you, you hold back a laugh before you climb off him and fix your hair with undignified tucks behind your ears. “He was in my face,” you say around a laugh, because you know it was a bit too much. Nobody likes wings in their ears and spindly legs in their face, though, and you’re in no control of what you do when anything with six legs tries and get too friendly. Even moths.

“You just wanted me to protect you,” he says. A sarcastic, shit-eating smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

“Oh,” you scoff, batting your eyelashes and clasping your hands together all saccharine-sweet. “Yes, Romeo, won’t you kill that bug for me? This girl’s heart just can’t take it!”

Kai’s nose crinkles, and the playful light twists into a glare. “Nasty.”

“That’s how you sounded,” you say. “I only reacted accordingly.” Laughing, you kick your legs out over his lap and sprawl back out. He takes the guitar back into his hands.

As much as you want to escape the mugginess, you’ll survive it for just a little while longer—if only with the force of an indulgent heart. The eternal moments are those you allow to linger.

⚝⭒

Some things, you forget when you’re older. Maybe it’s time’s hand, eroding memories down and stuffing more in the longer you live to experience them. But also maybe because they’re the sort of things you can’t say in the adult world without a laugh in the face and a look from down their noses.

This memory is one of those forgotten things. It’s moth-bitten and dusty, something you one day folded up in a moving box and decided to never revisit.

You’d been down at the creek. Kai and you had spent so many summer days there. It wasn’t too far from home, just past the filbert trees and into the shallow neck of the backwoods, but there you were out of sight and free to get up to nothing good. It was a wonder your mom ever let you do it. Kai’s dad didn’t care too much where he went or what he did, but your mom dug her claws in deep. You like to think that she imagined you two would have each other, if anything ever happened.

Usually, you’d be there holding your jeans up from the stream and Kai would be letting his jeans go dark with it. The bite of water was nice as it washed over warm skin. Fun was a simple thing to find, then. You dug your fingers into the mudbanks and tossed stones way too big to be throwing at each other, just because you two remembered how much the adults hated it when you did. Then, you’d drag tired limbs home avoiding sweetgum tree spikes that had fallen to the ground and dug splinters out from your feet.

This day, you had been in the blackberry bushes. It was maybe late July or early August, and they’d gotten heavy on their branches. You’d waited until the smell of them, summer-warmed, was sweet and cloying in the air to pick them. With buckets in your hands, you plucked only the fattest berries from their bunches. Your fingers were stained a delightful purple and perhaps a bit thorn raw, but you didn’t mind much then. You plucked for hours, and it was dusk before you could catch it. Dinner was no doubt waiting for you back home.

“There’s a bunch over here,” Kai had said. He reached a long boyish arm, still awkward and lanky with puberty, up high for ripe bush. You finished off picking before climbing around thick branches sticking out to take a peek. A bunch, there was.

When you went to drop a handful of them into your bucket, Kai hissed. He’d been snagged by a vicious looking branch, those ones as thick as a finger with thorns to match and you’d warn each other tongue-in-cheek to watch out for that one. He’d worn those ridiculous shorts that day, the ones that looked half pants half shorts with how long and baggy they were, and the claws of the bush had jumped at the opportunity. At first the scrapes were white, but then red blood crawled out and down his leg.

“Kai,” you said, some parts chiding and some parts just wondering how he’d managed that. You surveyed his leg for a bit, and then determined that he should wash his leg off in the stream. He walked there strong, but of course you noticed the hobble beneath his acting. When you squatted down into the dry grass and cupped water to wash off his leg, you laughed.

“What?” he had said, holding the shorts up. You covered your laugh with a hand, but it erupted past your palm. You remember the glare on his face very well.

You still laughed. “You’re stupid,” you had told him.

“I didn’t see it,” he said. “I tripped over it because it was sticking out.”

That time when you brought your hands to catch some water, there was a twinkle in its surface. You didn’t notice it for a second. The creek moved fast and you could see a lot of things in its reflection. When it lingered, that’s when your brows furrowed. It seemed to twirl, dancing around like alive over the stones.

The sound of Kai’s voice remains with you. “Hey,” he had said, strong to call your attention but also wavered with uncertainty.

When you looked up, there was silver dust dancing around you.

It was fluffy and whorling, fine silver stardust. It’d moved weightless in the air, as though it barely existed. In the center of it were a few moths. They seemed to be made of sterling powder just as the dust was, and they glowed against dusk’s backdrop. If your memory serves you right, there had been a sweet hymn of coos from them. They beckoned you. Summer’s heat felt lighter, and so did your chest. You wondered where they had wanted you to go.

Almost afraid that if you spoke they might have fluttered away, you whispered soft and low to Kai. “What is that?” He was stood frozen there, pant leg still scrunched up in his fist. Stardust glowed soft in his brown eyes while he took it all in, you remember. It wasn’t a scared frozen. You weren’t scared, either—rather, it was as if that lightness had found its way into the core of your being and brushed over it with mending hands.

He whispered back, “I don’t know.” How could he have known? It was absurd.

Those whisps had beckoned you, flowing toward the deeper woods. The soft moths, their murmuring brushing up against your ears, seemed to wait for you to follow. You remember a pull, soft tendrils wrapping themselves around your heart and the yearning it planted there.

But there was also this reluctance, a bone-deep answering that had told you: No. You’re not ready.

“Kai, I wanna go,” you told him.

You didn’t even need to tell him twice. Berry buckets forgotten; the journey home was a stranger one. When your dad asked why you returned from berry picking emptier handed than you had left the house, Kai and you only shared a look. You pair kept that evening at the creek hidden so well that it became more forgotten than shared secret.

⚝⭒

Once, you had been the type of girl that loved being around family. Some of your favorite days of your life were spent in this living room, T.V. roaring over bouncing conversation. Some of those nights ended in rosy cheeks and laughs, and some ended with words thrown angry like fireworks. You never knew which you’d be getting, but you endured the fear of not knowing because it was a simple love—the basic kind built with biology into you the moment your infant skin touched your mother’s. You endured it because eventually, sleep washed away the bad taste left in your mouth and you forgave them quick, sometimes quicker than you ought to, and things would go on as if it hadn’t even happened. You endured it because you could handle its burden, if only to feel the warmth you feel when it’s a good day.

Kai was always there—his dad was hardly home, so he found family in yours. When you were younger, you’d been embarrassed he was there for caustic, spitted words and intimate fights. Now, you’re just grateful for his shoulder.

So, yes. Once, you had loved being around your family. But things feel tenser now, nights spent all together less frequent and when they do happen, they’re tainted by a strange air. You think that this strangeness is new, but an awful worry also makes you think that it’d always been there, that you only feel it now because you’ve grown into your adult mind. A hollow ache stakes its claim in your chest, declaring that it won’t leave until you find that youthful ignorance and joy once more. You think that it might stay there forever.

Bare feet bounding down the stairs, you make a rare appearance downstairs. The cupboard is only half open to make way for a snack raid before your mom’s voice cuts through the air. You know quickly just by the look on her face that you should’ve stayed upstairs.

“Hey,” she says, gathering laundry into a basket. “You’ve been applying to jobs?”

With an anxious belly, you tell her, “Yeah. A few. They’re not really, like, ideal, but I sent applications.” You don’t remember when it got hard to look into your mother’s eyes, but you can’t bring yourself to do so now.

“Not ideal?” she says. “It’s not like you can be picky. Mcdonalds or wherever, I don’t care, you’re going to need to get a job if you’re staying here.”

“I know. I applied,” you reiterate around a mumble. You close the cabinets, not so interested in a snack anymore. “I just... I don’t know, ma. I don’t want to do that for a living, going between those sorts of jobs.”

Face hard and abrasive against the truth you bare, she does that awful taunting smile that makes you feel small. Stupid. “You’re not going to college, so that’s what it’s gonna be. You can’t sit up there and draw for a living. You’ve gotta get into the real world, get some real experience.”

There’s a burst of hurt in your chest, dazzling and gnawing. She’s getting closer to saying how she really feels about your dreams out loud every day. Your face burns and so do your eyes, knot thick in your throat. “Yeah, okay. Got it,” you say, nodding. You’re at the front door before you even know it, slipping on shoes and fighting the greatest internal battle to will back tears. She’d use those against you, no doubt about it. “I’m going to Kai’s,” you throw over your shoulder.

Whatever she barks back at you, you’re glad you don’t hear. Bells on some old Christmas decoration hung on the door that had yet to be taken down, even into summer, jingle and wash it away for you.

Kai’s brows shoot up when he opens the door to your face crumpling. You’d done so well at damming it up, but the wall cracks and the water crashes through once you see him. If it were anybody else, you’d feel icky and attention seeking, but you’d held Kai to your chest through gut-wrenching sobs as much as he’s done it for you. Without question, he takes you into his arms, warm hand running up and down your back. The warm soothing is so familiar. You melt right into it.

He keeps you there for a long moment. Then, his chest rumbles as he tells you, “Come on.” The walk through the AC to his bedroom is nice. Having a house like Kai’s to come to where it can just be you is nice, too. You step around the mess of clothes and scattered belongings on his floor like you have a muscle-memory roadmap of his room. Boxsprings creak and hard mattress welcome you back home. His room is dark as always, a night-dweller you call him. The array of peeling band posters plastered over walls you two had painted blue some years ago, when it’d been his favorite color, don’t help to lighten it up. He keeps a low lamplight on.

“She never listens to me,” you say, crying gone to occasional sniffles from your chest. You rest your cheek on your bent knee.

“I know,” he says. “But at least she cares about you. Pays attention to you.” His voice is soft and deep and right next to you. Always right next to you, there for you even when you might not appreciate it as you should.

His dad cares too little what he does, and yours care too much. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know it. Still, you hold a fantasy where you’re able to do teenager stuff. Where you’d allow yourself to do bad things, because you weren’t so intent on painting yourself with their will. You two hold eyes for a long moment, your twinkling ones caught in that steady brown. “I just want to get away. Be my own person.” Your words are muffled in the softness of your skin.

“You had the chance to do it,” Kai says, hand playing with your fingers. “But you didn’t.”

Holding your legs closer, you lick your lips. What do you say to that? Would it ever be the time to tell him that you did it because you think that your soul is pathetically intertwined with his, and that it might snuff your lifeforce out to even try pursuing life without him? Without this? How do you tell him that you’re so frozen and unwilling to pursue any sort of future because it means accepting that this chapter is over? You clutch childhood to your chest like a wild animal guarding scarce food; you refuse. You refuse to acknowledge its end.

“Kai,” is all you say, trembled and thick. It’s not just your mother’s words that dig at you and tear to shreds the last bits of what dreaming you had left in you, but so many other reality checks too. This isn’t the first time you’ve heard those sorts of words, urging you forward. You can only dig your heel into the ground for so long before you’re swept away in time’s ruthless, endless moving.

He understands. Lifting your face with warm fingers against your cheeks, he says, “Hey. How about we go get ice cream, or something?”

Ice cream does sound nice. “Dairy Queen?”

Smirk tugged over his mouth, he says, “Yes, Dairy Queen. A blizzard. C’mon, let’s go.” Sliding off the bed, he offers you an urging hand up.

But you falter. “I don’t know if we can. She’s mad at me. I don’t think she’ll let me go.”

“Let you go?” he says, eyes narrowed. “She doesn’t have to let you go. You’re an adult now, you go if you want to.” He offers his hand to you again.

It’s so him, freely going wherever he ordain it. The bullheadedness is very him, as well. Always the devil on your shoulder, he was the root of any rebellious thing you’ve ever done. He could never understand your apprehension, or why getting in trouble was such an awful thing to you. “I have to ask to get money.”

Brows pinching, he says, “You think I’m not gonna pay for you? You don’t need them to give you money, I’ll pay. I’ll take care of it.” He drags you up from the bed this time. “Live a little. Do you want to go?”

It was never the punishments or the getting in trouble that you were scared of, though. Disappointment was a scarier word than grounded. Sneaking out and those sorts of things, it’s not like you had angel wings at your back and never considered them. It’s that you are deeply, utterly terrified of changing how they look at you. You begin to tell him, “I do, but—”

He cuts you off, adamant. “Then do it. Let’s go. If you want to go, then go,” he says. “At some point, your life needs to become your own. It’s not sneaking out when you’re graduated and eighteen years old, it’s going wherever the hell you want. You’ve... You’re gonna end up stuck here, in this town, forever. You don’t deserve that.”

That sounds like both the best and the worst thing you’ve ever heard. You take his hand.

⚝⭒

Your frozen fingers nurse your ice cream. The cup itself is cold, but the Dairy Queen on your side of town is always thirty degrees below what it should be. It’d always been that way. Even way back when you two couldn’t drive, you’d get dropped off here to escape the melting weather and get a frozen treat with a handful of dollars. Each time, you’d start off sagging with the relief of summer’s weight off your shoulders and left the place shivering and sugar-mouthed.

It’s really only you two in here. You crinkle your nose when he takes a spoonful. “Out of all the flavors...”

Unbothered and no doubt expecting you to say it, he offers you a flat, “You get your flavor, I get mine.” He makes a point of taking an extra-long bite. His lips linger around the red plastic of the spoon and his brows rest high in silent challenge.

The corners of your lips twitch up. “Hmm. Well. I just have a hard time believing that Oreo... or, like, brownie fudge, is right there, and you actually want M&M. I don’t get how M&M your favorite.” A familiar banter falls over your tongues. Your heart buzzes and your cheeks radiate. This is the first you’ve done this all summer, and it’ll be weaning off into fall soon. Any other summer, you would’ve been here on all the hottest days. You hate that Kai’s been so busy with his music; you hate that you can hear the resounding ticks of the clock counting down your time. You also hate that the stubborn depths of you still believe that if you freeze yourself here in stasis that the world will relent and stop along with you.

You look over the sharp lines of Kai’s jawline as it feathers with his chewing, and the broadness of his shoulders where his jacket stretches around it, and the starkness of his collarbones against his chest and the bobbing of his adam’s apple when he swallows. No, time doesn’t stop. Some of him remains the same, though. In it, you see the boy that had love creeping up on you so long ago, with all its aching and all its hope. That freckle on the column of his neck, the bump in his nose leading down to the button tip that beckons your lips to steal a quick kiss.

And, those lips. They’re as soft as ever around the discontented grimace he pulls. “M&M isn’t my favorite.”

With a pursed mouth and patronizing brows arched over your eyes, you say, “Oh, huh. That’s funny, because if my memory serves me right, it’s the only flavor you’ve ordered for the past... six years.”

Kai husks a laugh at that. “That’s because they haven’t had my favorite for years,” he tells you, scooping up the final bit and then pushing it off to the side. “It was a blizzard of the month that they discontinued. The blackberry cheesecake one. I made peace with it, though. It lives on in my heart.” He grins, arms crossed over his chest and his back settled into the booth seat to let you finish your cup.

“Blackberry cheesecake,” you say, voice made taunting. Your nod is slow and taunting, too. “Well, forget M&Ms.Why would blackberry cheesecake be your favorite? Ever?”

His face falters, a moment where something flows over his eyes as if reliving a memory in a few short seconds. Then, he shrugs. “It just is.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever,” you laugh. “Maybe my palate is unrefined.” Imagining the tarte fruit in purple swirls of ice cream, you’re taken back to a humid July day and the scent of churned mud.

The strange memory unfolds itself quick. As if it were waiting for you to find wherever it’d hidden itself away. With a sharp gasp, you say, “Oh my god, Kai. Do you remember that one day? That weird stuff we saw down at the creek?”

He nods. “Yeah. I was just thinking of that the other day, actually...”

Less interested in finishing your cup now, you let the spoon rest. “What?” you say, the word peaking in the middle. That day hadn’t crossed your mind once since it’d happened. “How weird is that?”

Scoffing a laugh, he says, “Weird, yeah. Just as strange as two kids high on fermented berries.”

That draws a breathy laugh from you. “Is that what you think it was?” you ask him with knitted brows. The berries had been fresh, and you two had popped plenty into your mouth. But no doubt, you’d have spat them right back out if they were that ripe. “I mean, we saw the same thing.”

“It happens to animals all the time. Squirrells, and stuff.” He lends you a gallic shrug. “We just freaked ourselves out. Like that one time you said you saw the shape of something in the dark and we freaked out. And it was clothes.”

Well, hallucinating, in tandem, a glowing mist because you two by chance ate fermented berries is a very long shot. However nonchalant he acts about it, he seems to have thought long and hard about it. Enough to reason it away with some far cry explanation. Would you have even been able to get drunk off a handful of fermented berries? And, god, you’re really sure that you’d have noticed. That taste isn’t really one you just don’t notice.

Whatever. Maybe you were just drunk idiots. That’s a lot easier to swallow, anyway.

“Okay, but you saw that. Did it not look sinister?” you say. With your spoon back in your hand, you punctuate the sentence pointing it at him. “You freaked out with me, too.”

An unsatisfied scowl on his lips, he steals a spoonful of your dessert. You don’t even swat him away—your phone buzzes in your pocket.

Catching sight of who’s calling, you share a long look with Kai. It’s funny, how fast those three white letters scramble you up. When you hesitate to answer, Kai tells you, “Answer.”

You hope she can’t tell you’re not at Kai’s by the refrigerators’ dull buzzing. It’s an effort to tussle that invasive worry back. You’re at Dairy Queen. Getting ice cream with the boy she’s known since childhood. She should clutch her hands and thank the sky that you’re here, not out in some nasty frat house like you could be. You thumb the green button.

Her voice comes through the speaker crackled and asking you to run over to do a quick dish load. For a heartbeat you consider telling her that you will and then start rushing home. Instead, you fork out the truth through resistant lips.

The hangup tone sits heavy on the air between you and Kai. Having listened to the whole thing on speaker, he says, “What was so hard about that? The world didn’t end, did it?”

The plush of your lip takes a hard gnawing. No, it hadn’t. “I know she’s not going to get mad at me for just going here,” you say as you rest your elbows onto the table. “It’s that they’re supporting me right now. I still live under their roof. The more I go around and insist I can do whatever I want, they’ll start reminding me of it.”

His face drawn, he lets his mouth twitch to one side. “Yeah,” he muses. “I never thought yours would be the type to kick you out.”

Kai’s dad had started threating him with getting kicked out years ago, when he first started telling him that he wanted to do music. How many times had he let reluctant tears flow into your shoulder over it? Because music wasn’t a real job? Back then, you’d whispered in his ears that he’d become everything he’d dreamed of and more as your fingers carded through shaggy locks of hair.

“I don’t know,” you say, humming it out noncommittally. “Is your dad still... y’know?”

Nodding slowly, his eyes tell. “Yeah. Always.”

“Because you’re taking the band seriously, now?” you ask.

“Probably. I don’t give a shit what he thinks about it. If I’m just his goddamn problem, I’ll give him what he wants soon enough.” His eyes blaze with promise of it.

It takes a bit out of you to not wince. Kai living anywhere but in the house across from yours is wrong. “I don’t think he necessarily wants that, Kai...” You take his hand in your icy ones, the urge to reach out to him thinly veiled under the guise of searching out warmth. He’d always run warmer than you—your personal heater. “It’s probably because he can see that you’re doing it for real. Not just saying it anymore.”

“Yeah, well,” he spits, “I can’t fucking wait to see what he’ll say to me when I make it. That piece of shit, though, he wouldn’t even care. It’s not like he ever gave a shit about me enough for it to matter.”

But, it matters to you, you want to tell him. You understand his need to throw it all in his face. Though. “Is that one label going to sign you? The one you were talking about?”

His tongue darts out to wet dry lips. “They haven’t yet. I don’t know. But I don’t need that money to get out of here, I’ve been working on it.”

“They will,” you say. “But, where would you go? Not too far?” You try and keep it light and playful, even as your heart aches.

“Come with me,” he says. It’s painfully blunt, as if it were that simple. “Let’s go get and apartment; you and me.”

“Kai...” you say. “You don’t have to drag me along because you feel bad.”

The idea doesn’t sound half bad, though.

“What?” His face tightens, as if somewhere under the surface your words had scraped somewhere tender. “You don’t have to stay here forever. Please. I want... I want you to come with me. You wouldn’t have to even tell them; just bring all your stuff and go together. We could do it together. Like we said we would.”

“We were like, five. Everybody tries to pretend running away at five,” you deadpan. It’s a washy attempt at lightening things back up.

Living with him, moving out together, should feel like everything you’ve ever wanted. And, maybe it is. But, he’s not asking you to live with him the way you want him to. Not in the way that your aching heart wishes he would.

Kai doesn’t share the laugh you give him. “Yeah, okay,” he says, leaning into the table.

Perhaps you should consider the potent disappointment he’s terribly masking with a face of indifference, though.

⚝⭒

Slowly, the knots in your belly have worked themselves out. When Kai had dropped you off, they’d been so awful that you felt borderline sick. You sat the whole ride there in his old beat-up truck picking at your nails and rambling to him. He listened to you the whole time. And then when it was time to walk in, it had least felt a little easier to do so with his eyes on you, watching to make sure you made it in safely.

You’d gotten a job. It’s not too bad, folding clothes out on display. It would be nice if they kept the lights a bit brighter, but you’ll get used it eventually, you hope.

Most of your coworkers are around your age, but the one showing you the ropes... your heart had fluttered.

“You’ll get it,” Yeonjun says. The smile you find on his lips once he straightens up from placing product on a display is smooth and smug. Sleek strands of black hair fall over his eyes. You fluster under his gaze.

With arms crossed over your chest you say, “Yeah, probably.” You reach into the cardboard box for stock to practice on.

“Where’d you work before this?” he asks, leaning back into a wall to watch you. Suddenly, you make sloppier work of your folding. “Your first retail job?”

Some obnoxious pop song falls down from the speakers over the store. Nobody’s in here yet, thankfully; you’ve got some time to try and get a handle on everything. “No, this is my first job. I was so nervous walking in.”

Interest catches in his eyes. It encourages that smooth smile on his lips further. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll show you the reins.”

Your mind stalls. The suggestive, sly flicker to it—are you looking too much into it? Maybe that’s just how guys like Yeonjun act. It’s hard to pretend that you don’t see how he’s looking at you, though. It has your belly twisted up in fluttery knots. It’s not like you hadn’t had your share of his type. But, for some reason you’d rather not address, he’s got your heart thumping in your chest.

He laughs at your fifth attempt to fold up the shirt. When he takes it from you to help, he smells of musk and vetiver. “You going to college near here?” he continues.

“Nah, just doing this, I guess,” you answer, watching him fold it up to try and soak it up.

“Really? Why not?” he hums, crossing his arms about his chest. “You seem like a smart girl.”

Buffering, your blood buzzes in your veins and your cheeks burn. “Dunno. Not really sure what to do. Are you in college?”

“Nah. I’m trying to figure things out, too.”

The both of you pop your heads up when the bell rings to announce the arrival of a customer.

“Yeah,” you say, eyeing him. He’s a few years older than you, no doubt, and yet his life hasn’t fallen apart because he’s not done anything grand yet.

Time’s hand around your neck loosens. Just a little bit.

⚝⭒

You sit crisscrossed on top of Kai’s bedsheets. He’d thrown the windows open because the AC died, but it’s no help. The hot air wafting about the room sits heavy on your skin. You’d dressed in as little material as possible to let it breathe, bare thighs clad in a pair of loose shorts and a thin tank top, but it’s still miserable.

Perhaps you two should be going over to yours, but you haven’t had time alone with him for a few weeks now. You hate this busier life, where you struggle to make room for this.

Your new job isn’t so awful, though. Especially with Yeonjun there. A bout of nerves flows up through your stomach. That reminds you.

Sitting up a bit straighter, you consider not doing it. In fact, you really shouldn’t. But your mouth moves before you can put a stopper on it.

“Hey, Kai,” you say. The thickness in your throat makes you believe that your heart’s jumped up into it, caught. God, what are you doing? The unsure waver in your words has you regretting.

His eyes flicker up to yours. He hums out a, “Huh?”

No, this is wrong. You mess with the thin cotton strap of your tank top where it’d slipped down. “Never mind,” you tell him, trying to shrug it off.

That piques his interest. “No, what?” His brow pinches.

You lick your lips and shake your head. “Nothing, never mind. Really.”

His eyes search you from where he sits up against the wall. “Tell me,” he demands.

Really, you shouldn’t have said it in the first place. It was a ridiculous idea. But now you know he’s not going to let it go. And, ridiculously, you say it. “I was just... wondering,” you say, blood roaring. "Well, Yeonjun wants me to come over to his place this weekend, and... I’ve never...” Sucking in a quick breath, you just spit it out to get it over with, “Would you be my first kiss, Kai?”

Insects buzz outside as he looks at you, frozen in spot. You reject the urge to dart away or throw up. You’re honestly just as shaken as him. But really, who else could you trust with something like that? You don’t want Yeonjun to be disappointed if he kisses you, or to seem inexperienced to him.

And, perhaps, the hopelessly in love part of you hopes to at least feel his lips on yours at least once. If you’re going to be alone forever in your longing, you just wish that you can have this.

“What?” Kai says. He looks rattled.

Of course, he’s shocked. You shift. “Forget I said that,” you tell him, unable to meet his gaze.

String-roughened fingers wrap around your upper arm. “I didn’t say anything,” he says, voice strained and face less shock-fallen and more darkened. “But... I mean, you want me to teach you to kiss for some other guy.” He spits out the last bit as if bitter in his mouth.

“You don’t have to do it,” you say. “I just... thought that I might ask you to do it. I don’t know, I’m sorry I said it. I’ll just wing it or something.” His room’s grown ten degrees hotter, if that was possible. Especially where you feel his eyes on your face.

Almost imperceptibly, his hand tightens around you. He swallows hard. “You want to learn how to kiss?” he says. “Fine. I’ll teach you.”

In a heart-stopping moment, your eyes snap to his. Brown and familiar, they hold you with an intensity that turns your limbs into jelly. The air is stifling. “What... do I do?” you ask when the silence becomes too heavy.

A muscle feathers in his jaw, reflected in the low light of his room. It’s quick and so easy to miss, but it tells you everything you need to know about how this is making him feel. How much disbelief he’s in. “Come here,” he says, stilted around the absolute absurdity of it. He pats on his lap.

You make a hesitant crawl across the bed toward him. It seems as though your elbows might buckle beneath your weight, but you make it despite the odds. A fog settles over your brain when you rest your hands on his shoulders and bring your legs to straddle his lap.

But you shove it back; you want to live and breathe every last second of this. No matter how unbelievable or blistering it is.

Breaths fan out over your face. It’s seizing your mind like undiluted liquor. “Where do I put my hands?” you ask him. It’s breathless, the air stolen right from your lungs though your mouths haven’t even touched.

“There is fine,” he says. His words sound breathless, too. The weight of his touch on you as he runs his own up to support your back is unsure. “And then...” he says. It falls out on your mouth slowly, and then he’s taking your lips onto his.

The walls melt away, sound does too. All that is real is the taste of his lips and how they move against you. Your lips start tentative, but you try his mouth movements yourself. It feels like a timid dance—it feels like deep, deep down, finally everything is right. That mist, thick and blinding, falls back over you.

Something changes. Something in it, where you two meet, changes. He becomes hungry. Softly locked lips turn biting and nipping, shaky breaths exhaled slow through your nose. His hands on your back become surer, and one even ventures off to grab your chin. The other holds you to his chest, melded together despite the intense smoke and flame rolling off your bodies. You wonder if he can feel your heart beating a mess there.

Reluctance paints you both when you pull back. You’re panting deep drinks of air. It’s hard to think; your mind’s run off and sits just out of reach. Licking your messy lips, stained with illicitness, you can only manage to brush your fingers against it to form words. “How... was that?” you say, searching his eyes. You find his pupils blown so wide that they consume the warm brown. You’re ready to jump out of your skin with that look pointed at you.

Kai doesn’t answer, though. He slams your mouths back together as if starved by just the brief moment you’d parted for air. Nips on your bottom lip and emboldened hands—he moves like roaring water through a dam. A dam that he’d worked hard to fortify, and yet, at a crack it’s all falling down. Fingertips digging through the fabric of your shorts down to your soft hips, his chest rumbles. You feel it reflected in your core, electricity charging there and shooting up your spine and down your thighs.

You kiss him for all the times you wish you would’ve, but didn’t. The slight rolls of your hips down onto him come easy. You love how it has him making a sound into your mouth and taking the fat beneath his fingers harder into his hands. He helps you.

He drops his head into your neck. Your head swims for air and he has you shuddering with just the brushing of his nose against the column of your neck. The walls of his room spin around you. “Kai,” you whine, every bit of friction his jeans provide, even clothed as you are, just enough to rile you but not to give you what you need.

“God,” he growls, thumbs hooking under your waistband. “You always fucking run around dressed in nothing,” he says, letting his fingers linger like a suggestion of undressing you. “Did you do it on purpose? Expect to make me crazy, knowing I couldn’t touch you?”

And, in those words, it seems that he steals every last bit of breath from you. How often had you gone braless or worn something like this around him? Laid here, in his bed, like that?

Grown tired of your fruitless grinding, he brings a hand down to support your lower back and says, “Turn around.”

Though you explode with the prospect of what he might be intending to do or what’s next, if you’re really going to do this, you do so in a flash of eager limbs. His chest is solid against your back, you melt against the feeling of it. He’d become such a man lately, filled out, and you watched it happen. It was hard for your eyes not to catch on muscle-corded forearms while he picked at strings or to not appreciate the timbred rumble of his voice when you’d feel it come from his chest. How could it not do things to you? Now, he’s dragging your shorts down your legs and you’re in disbelief.

“Fuck,” he breaths out. His fingers find your panties soaked through. “So, you’re the type to get dripping wet.”

An embarrassed blush decorates your cheeks. Kai drags his index finger in circles around your clit through the fabric as if enamored with how much of a mess you’d made of it. Your hips twitch every time he rolls right over it. It’s strange how he’s got your body acting on its own volition with his touches. Even stranger that it’s your best friend doing it. “Sorry,” you tell him, wavering.

He continues those terribly slow circles. “Sorry?” he says, chin on your shoulder. He’s got you wrapped up in him, with nowhere to go but to melt back into him and let his fingers work. Free hand on one of your inner thighs digging divots into the plushness there to hold it still, he tells you, “It’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s hot as fuck. You’re so excited for me to touch you, huh?”

The words wreak havoc on you, feeding the flame that has your belly twisted up tight and the ignition point between your thighs pounding. To hear them coming from him, reserved Kai, has you digging your fingers into his forearm to prove that it’s real. You’d never have imagined him being so... filthy. You imagine him behind falsely nonchalant eyes, devouring you with a perverted mind all the times you’d spent innocently sitting together in this room.

Your cheeks squish beneath his fingers as he takes your face and turns it to him. He wants to make sure you’re look at him as he asks you, “Do you want me to finger you?”

Like a record, your brain skips. Between the blunt, lewd question and his hand on you, it’s in overload. How could ask something like that so simply? Stunned as you are, of course you want him to. You want him to do anything to you. You nod.

Every last nerve and neuron in your system, just below the skin, cry out when his fingers slow down to nothing. “Hmm?” he says, ignoring the chasing of your hips and the opening of your thighs to invite him into paying your poor pussy the attention he’d ripped from it. He wants to hear you say it.

About ten minutes ago, you lost your mind. It does not return to you now. “I want you to,” you say, chest beating in tandem with your cunt.

“You want me to, right? Not some dumbass you met a week ago, huh?” he says. “Because you know that this is what it’s meant to be. Me, doing these things to you. Not some twenty-five-year-old piece of shit. He doesn’t deserve you, baby. Understand?”

His fingers slider under your panties. Dumb brained and cognition gone muddled, you nod. All you can really think about is the moment his fingers slide over you. Fire licks up your lower belly and your insides as he brushes calloused finger tips finally right against your clit.

Puffed breaths of a scoff raise goosebumps over your skin. “Teach you to kiss so that you can go over there and get his hands on you,” he says, middle two fingertips prodding at your entrance. “As if you were ever anybody’s but mine. You’d come crawling back to me, baby, because it was always meant to be us. He could never satisfy you.”

His words might alarm you or have you asking questions if he hadn’t pushed his fingers into you and begun curling them with strong, pointed presses, pulling soft mewls and hums from you until he finds a spot that twists up your insides. Even through the palm you press over your mouth, your moans come out more like wavering grunts and croaks. Your thighs quiver and twitch, threatening to snap closed against your own will with each. Only your feet stay planted to the mattress. Like a cone of soft serve under the sun’s blistering attention, you melt down him. Just his frame keeps you upright.

“Right there, huh?” he says. The smirk on his mouth filters his words into something taunting. “That’s where you like it.” It’s like he’s learning your body step by step, fulfilling all the questions he’d been forced to only guess at before this.

“Uh-huh.” It comes out whiny and cracks in the middle, but you can’t find even an ounce of you to care right now. If this moment had been a long spiral, a fall from grace, down into a dark pit of forgotten inhibitions, you’ve just hit the bottom. Cheeks blazing cherry blossom pink and with your fingers curling into his pant leg, you don’t doubt that you are a picturesque mess. The kind of mess that’s beautiful because it’s dirty. Your teeth are not gentle on your plush bottom lip. It stings, tugged back and bitten and still a bit swollen with kisses. Perhaps you taste the tang of metal on it, but you pay it no mind.

Kai redoubles his efforts. Now that he knows exactly how to play you, he’s fucking you on his fingers without mercy. The sounds coming from your cunt were wet, but now they’re different— nasty squelching. The only noises coupling with your pathetic keening. Forget anchoring yourself on his thigh, forget muffling your sounds. Instead, your hands fly to encircle his flexing forearm. Under your nails, angry red crescents dig into the muscle there. What had been a languid, building pleasure suddenly becomes everything. Your breaths run away from you, and you chase them frantically. Deep down in your core, the muscles spasm and rage against his fingers. “H—oh god,” you groan. Even the muscles in your thighs and tummy tighten up.

“So whiny...” Kai mumbles, voice taut with the effort of eroding you down into pure, blinding-white pleasure.

And then, in a swoop of mercy, your belly tightens. You hover here, on the precipice of something so consuming and voracious that your muscles and bones reject it, and yet your heart sings. Your eyes and cheeks and lungs and belly burn, the flame charring the edges of you in a beckon. You answer its call. Kai doesn’t mind the snapping of your legs shut around his arm, nor does your bucking or shaking deter him. He just holds you through it, arm like a metal bar around your waist. He’s everywhere, in this moment—the smell of him, leather and utterly familiar, his mouth dusting hot kisses over your skin, his fingers guiding you through orgasm. Where you’d gone silent in the initial crash of it, you devolve into mewls and grunts as you come down.

He holds you even as you slump against him boneless. Afterglow simmers in your veins and has your brain all lethargic and lazy. Neither of you speak for a while, your pulse thumping a rhythm. His breaths rise and fall against you; it grounds you in this moment where you feel all spacey and gone. You become aware again of how disgustingly sweltering it is in his room, your skin sheened.

That brainless bliss only lasts you for so long, though. When rational mind returns to you, no matter how you wish it wouldn’t, you’re hit in the chest with regret so hard it knocks the wind out of you.

How will anything ever be the same after what you’d just done? Stricken still by the thought, you barely register him pulling his fingers out of you. After all your worrying about making sure no wedge comes between you two, look what you’ve gone and done. No; nothing ever will be the same again.

⚝⭒

A couple of weeks ago, you ruined the one friendship you were supposed to have forever. It presses down heavy one you while you sit sprawled out on Yeonjun’s couch, his arm around your shoulder. His phone casts a glow over his features with all the lights out.

It doesn’t smell like home. He, pressed against your side, doesn’t smell like home.

Some stupid movie that he’d picked out, yet somehow you’ve ended up the only one still watching it, weaves a hum into the quiet of his apartment. Tangy hurt wells up in your throat. Even the moments when you and Kai would sit in mutual silence on your phones never felt like this. This is different.

You haven’t seen Kai since that night. He’s been busy getting ready to move out, and you’ve been here most days. How fast all of it had changed. You wish you’d feel whiplashed, left empty, by the drifting that you’d been so terrified of. But you don’t. It’s just been you, locked on land, watching him being taken away by the ocean’s tide with no way to change its course. You tried and screamed to call him back, but now your voice has gone hoarse.

And instead of watching him go, you choose to look elsewhere. It’s all you can do to protect yourself from the hurt.

“Hey,” Yeonjun says, finally addressing you rather than whoever’s he’s got in his phone. “Did you bring anything to change into?”

“I brought stuff to sleep in,” you say, eyeing him. You know that’s not why he’s asking. If it came down to it, you could just steal something from him and pull it on. He means going out clothes. Your jaw tightens. “But nothing nice. Why?”

He stretches his arms behind his head in a flaunt of long arms and tanned muscle. Hours spent at the gym lent him those; you appreciate the look of it with a watering mouth. Kai had earned his build by hours spent outside with your dad, because his own could care less, helping him fix up cars and vehicles of all ridiculous sorts. You remember when Kai had first gotten his truck—junk on wheels, honestly—he’d spent so much of summer out there getting it running. And, well... the sun-kissed bronze of his skin and frame that came with it, you had no qualms with.

But those memories only sit heavy in your chest as you’re sat here beside Yeonjun. You banish them elsewhere; you need to let him drift off. If you can’t have each other, and your feelings won’t permit just being friends, then you have to. You want him to do amazing things, and you fear that it’s your presence in his life that will interrupt that. As much as your feelings are real, they are selfish. You, your unsure direction and all your dead weight, should let him go. Because you love him.

“The guys want to come over,” he tells you, pushing off from the couch. “You should probably into change into something less showy.”

Less showy. Your mouth drops into a scoff of disbelief, looking down. A pair of shorts and a shirt, showy? You have to laugh, or else you’ll succumb to the strange embarrassment crawling at the back of your skull. What’s he trying to say? Is that what he thinks of you? “What’s that supposed to mean?” you say, face tilted up to him in a twist of distaste. “I’m wearing something comfy.”

He shrugs, hands shoved into the pockets of his black sweats. “Don’t want to give them the wrong idea about you, that’s all, baby. They’re guys; I just want to protect you.”

“No,” you say, the word falling out in a barked laugh. “Why would you even be bringing over dudes that you think will look at me like that? Why are you even friends with people that you think are gonna make moves on your girlfriend?” He holds a hand out to you, but your hands stay right where they are: crossed solidly over your chest.

Throwing that hand up in audacious exasperation, he gives you a look that makes you feel small and petulant—like you’re throwing an overblown fit. And, maybe you are. You should probably just do it; him seeing you as some overbearing or high maintenance girl has that embarrassment flaring like wildfire that’s found dry brush. “C’mon, baby,” he says, a lazy smile on his mouth that gets under your skin. “Let’s just have an easy night. Don’t make it a big deal.”

Let’s just have an easy night. As if you’re the one ruining the night. Something snarky tries to seize your tongue, but you hold it down. “I thought it would be just us. We wanted to watch the movie together, Yeonjun. Can’t you wait to hang out with your friends? Let’s enjoy our time together; you’ve got your shift tomorrow.”

“My fucking god,” he groans, running a hand through his hair furiously. “You’re needy, you know that? The neediest I’ve ever had to put up with. I don’t put up with needy, baby. Can’t you just chill out a little? My last didn’t mind when I’d have friends over.”

Your eyes burn. Your cheeks burn. He’d been with plenty of other girls before you; that, you’re well aware of. It’s been a corrosive source of self-doubt for you. You don’t want that title: the neediest he’s ever had. Don’t want him to think of you as some prude that won’t let him have fun. Just... hearing him bring up the other girls he’d been with before you stings and leaves welts no different from a slap in the face. Feelings of inadequacy shackle you and have you saying, “Fine. I’m gonna borrow some of your clothes.”

Heavy resentment blooms on your skin where he bends down and presses kisses to your cheek, and then mouth, and then down your neck. “Thank you, baby.”

And, where those ugly, wilted flowers of it bloom, you hear echoes of something. Something that tells you that Kai wouldn’t treat you like this. But you’ve made your bed, decided to do it yourself, and now you’ve got to lay on it.

⚝⭒

The frat parties are the worst kind of social outing that Yeonjun insists upon. The smaller kinds, more intimate gathering with just his closer friends, you tolerate much easier. You’re not fond of the circles he chooses. Breathing in thick, smoked-out air surrounded by alcohol-coated breaths is not your type of fun night. Somehow, you end up doing that more than date nights. But that’s better than being here. The base rumbles up through your feet and makes your stomach sick, and it reeks of grinding bodies and body odor, and condensation coats your fingers from the red solo cup as full as when you’d first gotten it.

But, still, you come along. Not every time, but when you don’t, you lay in his bed sickening yourself with images of what he might be doing here. How pathetic is it to attend parties with your boyfriend because you fear that otherwise, he might stick his tongue down the throats of other girls?

You’re looking for him right now, awkward and left alone. He’d promised to stick around; you had begged him to. That was pathetic, too. You know that you put up with too much. If he loved you, or honestly even liked you, you two would be in the thick of the throngs dancing or off somewhere talking with others. Together. The frantic skimming and weeding of your eyes through the blur of faces is not right. That’s not how he should make you feel. It’s not how Kai would make you feel.

Well, Kai would never have you here in the first place.

Venturing out from your little corner, you sift between the bodies of people have a hell of a lot better time than you. Drunken, some you bounce off of like bumper carts. You press your palm over the round face of your cup to spare the floor from spillage threatening to pour over the lip. It’s not like a splash from yours would matter much, though. The linoleum has already been made a fetor mess of dirt off shoes and the sticky sugar of liquor. Your shoes peel from it as you walk. God, what would your parents think of you being here?

You peek around corners and eye big groups. He’s not in the kitchen when you look there, either. Your stomach feels sick in a knowing way—a gut feeling that doesn’t justify anger or tears just yet, but you know. Right in the center of your chest, you know.

It’s in some room that you find him. Sat on the floor along with a few faces you don’t know, he pulls from his bottle. And on his shoulder, he lets a girl with shining curls and pink cheeks rest her head. At your busting in on the intimate gathering, Yeonjun’s eyes slide to you. Recognition flashes over them and wars with bleary drunkenness.

“Hey, baby,” he says. Their gazes all fall on you, but you can hardly see them through blurry eyes.

The girl lifts her head from his shoulder. She’d caught the memo.

“I think I’m gonna go.” You make it sound resigned, try to not let them see your shame, but your voice betrays you and crackles. Maybe it’s better to pretend it doesn’t feel like you’ve just been kicked in the stomach and left to reel against the force, but you can’t. You’re nowhere near shocked, nowhere near blindsided, but still you hurt.

He follows you down the hall. “What’s your problem?” he says, the few, plain words mending and waving into a slurring.

You’ve got one goal: get to the front door, away from the shitty music and him. His words, sharpened, fall off your skin despite his efforts. What good would fighting do you, anyway? It was always going to end up this way. This is just who he is, and he doesn’t give two shits enough about you to want to change that.

“Baby, seriously? That made you this mad? I didn’t even fucking do anything. Stop being insecure,” he says. At the gritting of your teeth, he sees an opportunity and pounces on it. “You don’t need to be jealous. I don’t do jealous shit. We can dance, or something. Shit, I don’t know what you want! Just stop throwing a fit.”

Didn’t do anything? You have to laugh. Maybe you didn’t walk in on him fucking someone else, but that’s not what this is about. Not even a little bit. You’ve checked out, and the fact that he thinks he can make you believe that it’s your fault this time only drives the killing stake in harder.

Maybe you’re bitter. It claws at your insides—turns your face hot and screams in your face that you’ve been used. But beside it sits a sadness. Not the slow kind, but the quick sadness of hurt. Why hadn’t you been good enough for him to love you? To like you? You’d left behind Kai and rested your new life on Yeonjun’s shoulders. You’d wanted so badly for his approval, or for him to want you. You did your best to try and make this work out because you needed it to. You needed so desperately proof that you could fall in love with somebody else. But your best was not what Yeonjun was interested in.

Pins and needles prick your skin as you step outside, like jumping into an ice bath. It shocks you out of dizziness. Words surge up and out in a flash flood like hard reality. You spin on him. “Jealous?” you say, choking out a scathing laugh. “The last thing I’d ever let myself suffer over you is jealousy. Get over yourself. I’m going, stay here if you want. I don’t care.”

“How are you gonna do that, huh?” he says. The flickering yellow of the porchlight paints his features. The shadow of something fluttering around it cuts dark spots in the light, and then a small little moth comes down and jumps around in his face. He waves it off. “Gonna have bitch boy come pick you up? You can’t leech off him forever; he’s gonna get sick of picking up another man’s girlfriend.” It seems like you walking in on that had sobered him up, but his breath still curls out onto your face with the reek of alcohol. “It’s not a big deal. You’re making this a bigger deal than it has to be. Do you not trust me?”

“You are such a piece of shit,” you grit out. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Ever. I don’t know how I let this go on for so long.” You don’t like him having Kai in his mouth, don’t like him trying to act like you’re conflating things, and especially don’t like that face he’s making. As if you’re acting crazy and overblown. “No, I don’t trust you. You didn’t fuck her, but come on, Yeonjun. Seriously? You think I’m stupid, and I’m sick of it. You thought this would be easy because I didn’t have the experience you have, but I’m sorry. I don’t like being walked over.”

“If you’re gonna be so goddamn jealous, then maybe we aren’t gonna work,” he says.

That moth, floating light in the air, is right back in his face. Yeonjun takes two hands and smashes it between a clap of his hands. He shakes its flattened, broken body off his hand. Looking down at it laying there on top of dirt-caked concrete, you get this... feeling. A tickling around your person.

“See if I care,” you snap, throat aching against the onslaught of emotion and held back tears.

⚝⭒

Rivulets of raindrops dilute the tears on your cheeks. Your hair plasters to your face and your clothes to your body.

For a week, you’d went about it all as if it hadn’t happened. And then you came here.

It’d not been this rainy when you first got down to the creek—just a gentle trickle, really. You hadn’t been crying then, either. But, watching the water work at babbling over stone, you let yourself feel it. Here, where you’d had so many good memories. You’ve gone and tainted it, now. But for whatever reason, you’d just wanted to be here. Arms curled around yourself and fingers digging into drenched sleeves, you don’t wipe away the tears or cover the sounds of your crying. You let the stream hear it; it’ll sweep it right up and down the way. Somewhere far off, where you don’t have to feel it anymore.

You realize that, usually, you’d be over at Kai’s right now. The fact that his room was not the first place you thought you could go to anymore is a punch to the gut. You drop your face into your hands and cry harder. Really, you’ve got to stop doing that to yourself. Thinking of sad things—putting your hurt under the microscope to see it closer. It’d be easier to just fold it up and tell yourself that it’ll pass, and that relationships end all the time.

It’s not him that you cry over. Well, maybe some of it is. Rather, it’s that you have absolutely no idea where you’re going. Where you are. Finally, you’d built yourself a raft to get off the shore and go out to sea, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, and it’s breaking apart right beneath you. And, stranded and alone in the water, you’ve got no way to get back to shore to build yourself another raft. You’re stranded, and the scariest bit is that you’re doing it all alone. You weren’t supposed to do this alone. You two made promises back then.

You suppose that a promise is one of those things you were supposed to leave faith in back on shore.

The raindrops are heavy over you. The fall of it roars against the ground, a torrent downpour. It’s not coupled with whipping wind or flashes of lightning—just straight, still falling. It’s a somber feeling no different from the gnawing in your chest.

Like chimes, there’s a distant, gentle sound. Maybe water falling over creek rock, but it’s more like suggestion. A sweet sound that you shouldn’t even be able to hear over the rest of it, it’s as if it’s right in your ear. A whisper.

You fix your blurry eyes with a wet sleeve. Rain falls right back into its place, but you see it: a silvery, whimsy haze. And the moths. They jump and call you, this time. Their glow bounces off the rainy mist against the grey of night’s arrival. Then, all you can hear is the whispering. Where you stand frozen, your feet beg to move. To follow them.

So you do.

Their entourage of moondust trails them where they go, wrapping you up and weaving between raindrop and space. You don’t worry where they’ll take you, or even try to wrap your head around this happening again. You just follow, mind glossed over and entranced with how beautiful it is. When you’d seen them before, it’d made you uneasy. Mostly because it looked so unearthly and unbelievable. But this time you just follow.

A far-off voice, one oh-so-familiar, peaks through the haze. It’s not enough to stop you, but then you hear it again, louder and closer.

You blink a few times. Once to break away the fog, and then twice to focus your eyes on Kai stood in front of you. His hair lays in wet spikes over his eyes and beads of rain trace the planes of his face. He’s as soaked as you.

“Kai?” you say. Looking around you, you’ve ended up somewhere in the field between your houses and the creek. But you’ve got no recollection of walking here. Whatever that mist is, sentient or not, had swept you here.

His voice is strained, but you appreciate hearing it. “Break up with him,” he tells you.

In his eyes, as you search them, there’s stardust glowing like reflection. Your face twists up. “What?” you say, breath a puff of smoke ahead of you. Summer had come and gotten away from you so fast, and now it’s gone all cold again.

“Break up with him,” he echos, face solemn. He looks ruffled.

“Why?” you ask, “And why are you out here?”

“Because I’m moving out today, and I think I deserve to at least see you before I go.” His eyes look over you. “And... your dad said you went down to the creek.”

He’s moving out today, and you had no idea. And really, it’s your fault. You’d driven that wedge between the two of you. “I did break up with him.”

Downpour fills his quiet for a few moments, his face swirling with emotion like the clouds above you. He nods. “Good.”

There are a few more long minutes between you; just you two searching each other's faces, antsy to say so much that it bunches up in your chests and stalls. It’s what a summer of longing does to you. Even with Yeonjun, even trying to slowly chip away the stitching that had connected the two of you at the hip, you were helpless to stop the gnawing of the love you bear for him. Even just seeing him now, you feel those threads mending back up. God, why does it have to be so hard?

He just looks at you. For a few beats, he just looks at you. There are so many questions in his eyes. They flit across and turn over, but all he settles on is, “Why?”

There’s so much you want to tell him. Words pile up to the top, some threatening to spill over. But you know that if you tell him some of it, just to make up for all the time you’d missed out on together, it’ll all come crashing out. And you don’t think you want him to know just how much you accepted, the way you let yourself get treated. So, you shake your head and say, “It doesn’t matter.”

Kai looks like he wants to push that issue, but whatever look he finds on your face deters him. “Come with me,” he pleads. “I want you to come with me.”

Your throat tightens. Curling your arms around yourself harder, the rain only coming down on you harder, you say, “Kai, I want to. I want to. I just... I don’t want to freeload off you, because you’re doing great things, and I’m just...” Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, but they’re already as soaked as the rest of you. “I’m just going nowhere. And I don’t want to be a burden, or ever be the reason that you can’t do what you dream of. If staying here means that you become everything that you’re destined to do, then I’m happy with that, Kai. I am.”

He shakes his head, stumbling toward you. “No, no you don’t get it,” he says, frantically taking your shoulders into big hands. Under his touch, every taut muscle goes slack. You melt. “You don’t get it. You are the music. Every single song is about you. Every single fucking song is about you. I want you to come with me, please. I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you, and I thought you’d loved me too, and I don’t want to do this alone. I can’t do it alone.”

He loves you. Kai loves you. The enormity of it rumbles the ground where you stand on legs you fear might just give in. You flex your fingers to combat the tears pricking your eyes. It doesn’t work; they brim and well up, spilling down over your cheeks. “What?” you say, voice softly breaking. “Kai, I didn’t...”

“And just when I thought I finally had you, you left me,” he says, throwing a hand up beside him in a big gesture. “You left me! I woke up thinking you’d be there, and that maybe you loved me too, and you had left me. And then you threw me away for some piece of shit, and you stopped coming around.” His chest heaves for breaths.

Your face contorts. That night, the one where you two had slipped up, you’d fallen asleep curled up against his chest on undiluted contentment. When you woke up, you had panicked. You thought he’d wake up and pretend it hadn’t happened, or he’d be uncomfortable, or even be disgusted and regretting. You couldn’t handle that, so you slipped out before he woke up. It’d been an attempt to protect your tender heart, but looking at the twitching of his lip now, you begin to think it’s the most selfish thing you’ve ever done. He thinks you used him and left him. Your stomach twists. Voice thick, you say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you, Kai. I thought you didn’t... I thought you didn’t see me that way. I was scared. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Brows knitted together, he says, “Thought I didn’t love you?” His hand cups your cheek, warm against the soft frozen skin he finds there. “I’ve... I’ve dreamed of you almost every night of my life. In my sleep, I see you, and you’re happy and glowing, and that damn... mist is all around you. I couldn’t get away from you even in my sleep.”

Darting between his eyes, soft and reflecting your face back to you, it’s hard to breathe. Kai’s dreamt of you; he’s as sickly in love with you as you are him. Thunder claps, and the ground shakes, and the heavens open up above you, the trumpets belt, and you two are in love. Somewhere deep in your center, you feel it—your soul nodding yes.

The mist. You know exactly what he’s talking about. “I saw it. That stuff, those moths. The stuff we saw back then.”

“I did too,” he says, wet spikes of hair bouncing with a nod. “Not that long ago. It was the first time I saw it out of a dream since that day.”

Back then, you two had only budding, innocent love for each other. Things hadn’t become mangled and lost to confused hearts or expectations. When they’d appeared to you, you hadn’t needed it. This time, you’d followed it. And it had led you here—somehow had led you right to the very spot you needed to so that every last piece might fall into place. For this moment to happen. You know why it did.

“I’ll go with you, Kai. I’ll go wherever you go; I love you. I’ve loved you since forever,” you say, each and every word massive and lovely on your tongue. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier.”

So unlike the last times your mouth had met, he brings his mouth to yours with a dazzling clarity. No longer is it confused kisses; he locks his lips against yours with the urgency of so many years being unable to. Kai’s hands cradle your wet cheeks, hold you so tenderly into his kiss. His touch grounds you, makes the moment real. You melt into him—your fingers curled into his shirt as if holding him there so that he won’t disappear like something of an incorporeal dream. He sighs through his nose, kissing you harder. Even if it all were fake and this was nothing more than a feverish figment of your imagination, you think you could die happy just knowing this once.

But it is utterly real, and utterly yours. You kiss him harder, too.

When your lungs start to burn and plead for breath, you two pull away from each other. Your eyes flutter open to capture his. Warm and brown and the same ones you’ve stared into so many times before, but not like this, you sink into them. He runs his thumb over your cheek as he sinks into yours. His tongue darts out to lick lips painted with you. In the inches between you, space no longer feels heavy or charged with grievances. Every last unsaid thing had been answered.

“I have my stuff up in the truck,” he says, breaths soft. Brown eyes dart around your face. “I’ll help you add your stuff to it.”

You shudder out a breath. Add your stuff to it. A nervous energy settles down over you, but it doesn’t seem so bad if you’re doing it with him. Together.

“Okay,” you whisper, a balmy secret just like the ones you used to share in small, giggly voices so many years ago. “Okay.”

⚝⭒

Shivers seize you like jittering bones, all wrapped up in a blanket. The velour cushion seats beneath you have soaked up water and become damp, but Kai’s got the heater blasting. You wind around back roads, headlights illuminating the way ahead of you. Stray droplets whip in them, but nothing much. Isn’t it funny how the rain had just stopped like that? That’s just how the weather is, out here. You wonder how the weather might act wherever you’re headed.

Your teeth chatter as if your jaw had its own will. The two of you had the windows down thinking that the wind might dry you off, but all it’s done is lap at your bitten cheeks. You reach down for the handle to crank it up. You’ve got a long drive ahead of you—either you’ll eventually dry off, or you can pull off at a rest area to change in a bathroom. The wet clothes are really not helping.

With an arm up on the steering wheel, Kai turns his attention on you. You know that smile. “Cold?” he asks, eyes darting between your face and the road. With the hand he’s not got working the steering wheel, he runs fingers over your thigh. Soft, gentle massages, yes. The number it does on your core is absurd. Each mindless digging into your thighs and brush of his thumb, sparks sputter there. You’ve sat here, right in his passenger seat, so many times before. Day trips up to the lake, the one he’d joined your family camping at for so many summers, all the times he’d driven you to school in this truck, and even just a quick run down to a convenience store for a late-night snack. You’d deemed it your seat. But never once had you sat in it like this. Your heart does a flip. All those times you’d wish he’d reach over and do just this—a small gesture that would’ve been so big then. And it’s your reality, now.

“Freezing,” you say. A brush of his fingers nearer the apex of your thighs sends you pressing them together and shifting in your seat. “But not everybody runs as hot as you, though, so.”

His eyes catch the movement in just the split second he looked over to you. “Huh,” he says. He turns to look at you, his gaze flickering with something anew. Something that you’d only ever seen once before. “Is that it?”

It’s hard to swallow. His fingers brush higher, and higher, feather-dustings of calloused fingertips that sends tingles shooting up your spine at the slightest suggestion of where he’s headed. “Yes,” you say, feigning indignance to cover the shiver that threatens to overtake you. When his fingertips dance at the waistband of your bottoms, it does so anyway. “Kai,” you say, blood hot in your veins. “You’re...driving.”

His eyebrows pinch into a taunting furrow. “I am,” he says, nodding. “Don’t worry about it, baby. I’ve got us.”

And he does; fingers slipping under the band of both your bottoms and your panties, he doesn’t even tear his eyes off the road. He’d driven these roads so much, you think he might be able to do it asleep. Even drawing a mewl from you with a brush over your clit, he doesn’t look away more than a quick glimpse at your pinkened cheeks.

Two fingers dragging up your folds, right over the source of the mess. “You get excited so easily, huh?” he hums. “You like it when I play with you.”

When he presses those fingers at your entrance, you can’t help but be taken back to that night. It echoes and reverberates through you. Long fingers, strong and punctual brushes against the sweet spot—he was criminally good with his fingers. Playing guitar did more for him than just music. He seemed to know exactly how to utilize those roughened fingers and trained flicks. Your muscles flicker as he abandons your hole for more brushes at your bud.

Those teasing, sly touches turn to something more serious. His fingers roll over your clit, slow but enough to have you sighing and rolling your hips against the seat belt. But last time had gone just like this, him touching you and receiving nothing. He should feel good, too. “Shouldn’t you pull over?” you sigh, muscles taut. Your breaths come out shuddering and half-controlled, interrupted by the tightness that each delicious swirl provokes. The door takes the brunt of your grip, white-knuckling the interior.

He laughs, a husky sound that is tinder to fire. He knows what you mean. “Maybe,” he says. “But I think I’m enjoying this plenty. I think I want to see you cum on my fingers again.”

Fingers pinching and flicking faster, you grow breathy and whiny, hips rolling against the seatbelt and back into the seat. Your muscles, all the way down your thighs and deep in your belly, jump and twitch each time his fingers run over your clit in just the right spot—that tender spot that’s so good that it teeters on overwhelming. The kind that makes you hiss and then want more. “Shit, Kai,” you whine. “Right—there, keep going."

He doesn’t answer with any teasing words. No, he just doubles down right at that angle and pressure, leaned back into his seat and driving as if he wasn’t fingers-deep in your panties right now. His sculpted profile at total ease—it does something for you. A delicious tightness curls its fingers over your center, promising a sugary ecstasy that you can’t help but chase. Bucking into his hands as best you can, you go quiet. Right there—right there, you feel it. The cusp. Your fingers brush over it, clenching around nothing and squeezing your thighs tight around him. Every last drop of blood in your body reaches for it, singing and dancing through your veins and making you dizzy.

And then he stops. Your mouth drops open, whiplashed and helpless to its slipping away from you. You whittle your gaze into something sharp and turn to him. “What—why?” you complain. The tide slips further and further and further back, but you still taste sea salt on your tongue. Frustration sets in its place as you feel it go. Seriously, you’d been right there. “You’re so mean.”

He slows and then with the clicking of the turn signal, he’s off the road and pulling the truck into park on a little secluded side road. Where the headlights pierce the pitch black, nothing but gravel and field surrounds you. He doesn’t kill the engine, instead pulling his hand free from you.

Your heart, still stuttering with your lost orgasm, kicks back to life as he smears your slick over your mouth, dragging it over your lips and then taking his thumb to run it right over the plush of your mouth. “Am I?” he says, fingers taking your chin to meet your eyes with his. Endless hunger, pupils so blown that his eyes look black, pins you. “I don’t think you’ve seen mean yet, baby.”

Darting your tongue out to clean your lips, you look at him through your eyelashes. “Show it to me, then.”

Something dark passes over his face. It has your skeleton jumping out of your body. Then, he says, “Is that what you want? You want mean?”

Brain gone to mush that can only really think about him touching you, a slow nod is all you can manage.

The engine’s hum prevails for some long, thick seconds. And then, he tilts his head in a gesture. “Get in the back.”

Holy shit. You want to sit there frozen in an overwhelming sort of excitement, but his seatbelt clicks undone and you’re set into motion. In a flurry of giggles and clumsy limbs, you climb up over the center console and into the backseat. He slips out of the front seat, not bothering to even kill the engine.

The door beside you opens in a swirl of cold wind. In nothing more than a blink, a strong hand has both your wrists pinned to the cushions and your back flush against it. Nose-to-nose, his breath hot over your face. “I’ve got plenty of ideas as to how I can warm you up.”

You appreciate each other’s faces for a beat more, you looking up at him big-eyed and waiting. Kai breaks the moment to attack your neck in a procession of bites and kisses. Your mouth falls into a silent sound.

“You know,” he says, free hand working your pants off. His eyes are trained on you, though. “I thought about doing this to you all summer. Touching you again.” He moves on to your top, pushing the fabric up until your chest is freed, clad in soft cotton. He eats the sight up. You want to reach down and cup the back of his head or feel his hair between your fingers as he presses his mouth against the soft beginning of your cleavage, but he’s got your wrists firmly planted. So much so, that you wonder exactly how he’s got you so secure with just one hand. Kai is strong, but maybe you hadn’t seen just how strong. Your skin aches under the purple bites he decorates you in. The sight of him—face in your chest and marking you up so lazily—has your teeth abusing your bottom lip. Whatever sounds you might make otherwise would be embarrassing. Kai lifts his eyes to you. “And I think you thought of me, too. Didn’t you?”

“Oh, god, yes,” you say, writhing beneath him. He’s going so slow. You want him all over you. “So much.”

He likes that. He takes your pebbled nipple into his mouth through the fabric. Soft grazes of teeth and sucks, you’re burning all over. When he pulls back, he’s left you dark wet patches when the bra had only just dried against your body heat. “Good,” he rasps, taking his big hands demanding and hungry over your torso. They swallow your frame up, soothing skin but lighting it aflame all the same. “Good girl.”

You never thought just words could unravel you, but those did the job. Not a gasp, nor a sucking in of breath—no, you go silent and brainless, fumbling for rational thought.

The dropping of your jaw has Kai delighted. “You’re so pretty,” he says. In a swift and powerful hoist, he’s tugging you down the cushions toward him with greedy fingers. He’s got your thighs pressed up to your chest. You’re bent right in half.

Out of breath, you huff out, “You too.”

A quick laugh falls from his mouth, lips pulled into a smug tilt. He nips at your calf up by his face. “So sweet, it almost makes me feel bad for what I’m about to do to you.” Reaching down for your panties, he pulls back on the suffocating press for only enough time to drag them up your legs. Those get discarded somewhere on the floor. Who cares about that right now, though? All you can register is the metallic clinking of his belt being undone. It’s got your nervous system twisting up.

And, those words. Electricity shoots bolts of pure, sizzling revery into your core. What I’m about to do to you. You imagine a great deal of things that he might mean, but still, you think that none could hold a candle against the promise his voice held in saying it.

Kai presses his body to your thighs and hooks your calves over his shoulders, and it all becomes real. The press of his heavy cock to your folds, the digging of his fingers into your outer thighs, his pretty eyes sparkling with something feral. As real as it gets—more real than anything you’ve ever felt in the entirety of your life. Your hands find perch flattened to his broad chest.

The position leaving you two no option but to look right into each other, he holds your gaze and begins slow drags of his hot length up and down your slit. Tantalizing, awful, awful drags. When his tip nudges your eager clit, you jolt. And then he does it again. And again.

“Kai,” you mewl. A press against your hole has you hopeful, and he lingers there for a moment, but doesn’t give it to you. Can’t he just fuck you? You’ve never been more pitifully in need of something in your life.

“Shh.” His ruts get more daring, smearing your slick up onto your belly. “Take it.”

You wiggle your toes in the air and make passes at arching yourself into him in search of better friction. He’s got you pressed so suffocatingly into the seat that it does absolutely nothing for you. In fact, he holds your harder and changes tack so that your thighs press together. At the very apex of them, his weeping cock slips through the seam.

Pressing his cheek into your calf, he watches you. Every gasp and shaky inhale, he watches. It spurs his rutting on, sticky sounds and pants eating up the air. Your nails claw at his hands as, finally, a knot tightens in your core.

“Yes, please,” you breathe. He fucks your thighs harder. Faster. Every nudge at your clit and hole becomes euphoric. “Kai, baby—I’m gonna—”

Just as furiously easy as last time, he rips it all away from you. The rushing away of the buzzing and promise of shaking thighs—he takes it from you again. It brings prickling tears to your eyes. “Kai?” you hiss. “Again?”

His eyes aren’t playful. He pulls your calves back over his shoulders, handling your hips into a better position to press his cock right at your entrance as if you weigh nothing. Face utterly straight, he says, “I don’t think you deserve it, do you? Not after what you did with Yeonjun.”

A swallow goes down your throat hard. He presses himself just a bit harder into you. Not in yet, but right there.

When he does begin sliding in, the stretch of it... You cling to him and squirm between him and the warm cushions behind you. Each inch is a heady feeling, all the way up to the hilt of him. He shudders a controlled breath. “You’re so fucking tight, though,” he grits out. “Did he not fuck you right?”

Slaps of skin bounce off the car interior and between your bodies. He starts off at a brutal pace; you know it’s meant to make your brain go foggy. Squeezing your eyes closed, you manage, “I... didn’t fuck him.” It comes out strangled, voice bouncing as he fucks you into the car seat.

Thumb tugging your bottom lip down and then dipping into your mouth, he watches the show of your ecstasy down to every last detail. “Yeah?” he says, voice shaking and almost desperate. “Always thinking of me, huh? Such a good little princess. You know exactly where your heart belongs.”

You want to answer him, even just with a whine or moan. You try to. But with his thumb pressing down on your tongue, enough to pin it to the floor of your mouth, it’s not gonna happen. He tastes salty in your mouth.

His truck consists of his grunts and whines, and your taut groans for some moments that seem to stretch forever. The planes of his groin grind against your clit when he delivers occasional pointed rolls, but mostly it’s just an animalistic, feverish dancing of your two sweaty bodies, holds growing more frantic the closer you get.

Thumb wet with saliva; he frees your mouth. The hand trails slowly down your face and your chin, brushing feather touches, until he finds your neck.

Your eyes fly open, wide. He pressed his fingers into your neck—no real pressure yet, he looks at you through damp strands of dangling hair and says, “Want my fingers around your neck?” His thumb brushes over the buzzing pulse point there.

“Yes,” you grit out, body bouncing and back raw with friction against the coarse cushion’s surface. Your breath stutters, your mind stutters. Even your blinks stutter, eyelids too lazy to keep up. “Please.”

The pressure of his fingers there—it frightens you and has you tightening around him at the same time. But you would trust nobody more with your life than Kai.

He presses his cheek to your calf to indulge in the sight of you like this: underneath him, folded in two, nowhere to go but to take his pistoning hips, cheeks blazing, and his fingers pressed into your windpipe. If the way he becomes sloppier and more desperate in his tempo has anything to say for it, it does something for him.

“Gonna be my pretty little girlfriend, huh?” he says. His voice is tight—so is your belly. You’re both so close. Hopefully, this time he’ll let you cum. “Take you to every show; show you off to everybody. Fuck.”

Brain like static and swimming with a pinched flow of oxygen, you slur your words. “You’re—hah—gonna have other girls all over you.”

The taunting, split-second raise of his brows flips your belly. You tighten him again. If he keeps hitting that spot, tip ramming into the soft spot deep inside you that he’d taken such delicate care of finding last time, you’re going to burst into sparkling flame and firework. He growls, “Well, I’ll just have to knock you up so that they know I’m yours, huh?”

Holy shit. You like the sound of that. Your nails dig into his wrist around your neck, but you cry out a pitchy, “Yes!”

“Oh, you like that?” Kai releases your throat to take both your hips. You gulp for air, finding nothing but the thick air of sex and humid breaths, at the opportunity. He’s ramming into you like he’s found a purpose. “Isn’t this the perfect position to do it? Get you pregnant?”

With every last bit of brain power you’ve got, teetering on the edge excruciatingly close to salvation, you groan a long, hoarse sound. “Fuck, yes! Please, Kai, inside—” A hot trail of tears roll down your temples.

It’s all he’s got to hear to still inside you. His growl rumbles deep in his chest, holding you in place and filling you with his hot cum deep in your cunt. That feeling, coupled with his short grinds against your clit as he fucks his seed deeper, takes your soul by sinful claws and crumbles it down into nothing. You burst into a shaking, whimpering peak, sucking your lips into your mouth to bare through the sheer twisting of your insides and the flame that consumes up your thighs and cunt.

He falls on you heavy, face in your neck. Warm kisses against your clammy skin meld with your slow floating down, the two of you a beautiful, nasty picture of fucked out. He stays right inside you—the absolute stillness of him, you think he has no plans of pulling out any time soon. His long fingers card through your sweaty locks of hair.

Finally, he presses himself off you. You get a glimpse of the window behind him—fogged up and filthy with your affairs. Anybody to see the truck from the outside would know exactly what went on inside, but right now, you don’t care. Not one bit. Your panted breaths drag in nothing but musk and thick, hot air. The drumbeat in your chest tells you that, despite how you feel ripped straight from your body, you are very much still alive. More alive than ever.

“Warm?” he says, pushing sticky hair off his forehead. He’s a mess, too. His hair is ruffled with your touch, his clothes rumpled the same, beads of sweat rolling down the planes of his cheeks and neck, and his eyes a lazy smolder. As much as he looks like sex personified, a soft smile twitches at his lips.

You snort. You can’t help but feel giddy, here with him. You’re with him. Nothing has ever felt more right. Unplugged when he pulls out of you, your mess trickles down onto the seat below you. “Yeah,” you say. “Very.”

Warm is not enough to begin to describe how you feel. In your ears, you hear whisperings. Soft and gentle. Perhaps it was divine intervention, or the fates lending you their word, or maybe just rational thought. It says:

Home. You are home.

✎୭ ashlynn's note how do we feel about this pair? i really didn't mean for this to get so long, but i ended up RLLY liking their chemistry. i had to do their story justice. also, i finished this with kai as a guitarist and then his drummer performance came out... hmm.

﹙🏷️ ﹚@lvrs-street2mmorrow , @soohashits , @f4iryfever , @arcturus444 , @linqed , @serenityism00 , @immelissaaa , @luv4cheol , @lickingan0rchid , @20-cms , @hhoneylix , @beestvng , @hyucktapes , @bewitchless , @prince-jjae , @blankliving , @yaoizee , @stormy1408 , @missychief1404 , if your tag isn't working, check the mentions part of your settings!

#[ ౨ৎ ] 𖥦 kipo’s favorites .ᐟ #[ ✩ ] 𖥦 kipo’s fic recs .ᐟ #[ 𖦹 ] 𖥦 hueningkai .ᐟ #ribs playing as i finish this… the playlist for this is goated #THIS WAS SOOOO FUCKING GOOD HELLO???? immediately added to my all time favorites #kai in this is sooOoooOOOO RAHHHHHHH🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅#and FUCK yeonjun‼️‼️#the parallels with the months and kai being all like “it’s just a moth” and yeonjun straight up killing it #i genuinely could talk about this fic for forever #I LOVE WHEN THEYRE JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s gonna hit for me everytime and this HITTTT #i dream of your writing style i need to be inside your brain like you’re so insanely talented i NEED some of that water you’re drinking #i love how he got her to go with him and tried his hardest to show her that life is more than the town they grew up in.. that hit CLOSE #genuinely starting crying actually #and the scott street started playing as they confessed to each other and i SOBBED and THEN more than this started playing #i love the moth aspect so much like they’re truly soulmates tied together… nothing is gonna keep them apart not even themselves #THE ENDING WITH THEM IN THE BACKSEATTTTTTT #i (s)creamed like me next me next i need kai so bad especially during that scene he is so fucking hot #genuinely one of the best fics i’ve ever read like i’m trying not to have the tags and reblog be all long but i have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS #i WILL be rereading this over and over and over and over!! like genuinely this fic means everything to me i really needed it #the gentle and soft moments of them at the creek picking berries and the moths floating around them #they were ALWAYS meant to be and the moth yeonjun smashed just proves it like #“every song is about you” I LITERALLY SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGSSSS LIKE!!!!!!! one of my favorite tropes ever it hits like crack fr #i fucking love this so much and i’m stealing all of the song out of the playlist too #i gotta reread it again so i can catch all the little details now that i have the full story #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai smut #hueningkai angst #txt x reader #txt smut #txt angst

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spaceistheplaceart · 9 months ago

Text

Listen, Side Order is fun and great.

But...

what if... it was a little different? 👀

SIDE ORDER REWRITE THOUGHTS DOWN BELOW:

(please reblog!)

OKAY SO the main issue I have with side order is a lack of incentive for Agent 8 and the player to complete the spire with all the palettes. YES. LORE. and I like that a lot BUT fighting Smollusk everytime? Snore. Let's spice it up. We free the owner of the palette by fighting the grayscaled version of them. Each final boss is different, so we as the player have an incentive to see new boss and Agent 8 has to save their souls!!!

So in pic one, Deep Cut (at least Shiver and Frye) still haven't been freed, so they're spaced out. They still give the news, but their dialogue is different and more tired/boring. It'll be like this until the player frees their palettes. (or until they complete the first run? that'd be more forgiving for casual players)

Speaking of, apparently a lot of people got pulled in, right? Let's show them in the order plaza!!! Wouldn't it be creepy to just have grayscaled people wandering around- and the text boxes that usually contain players messages and art is just... blank? (or all replaced with the same message like "Order Will Prevail")

Some other notes:

On your first run, Marina is the final boss. You gotta rescue her!!! First phase it's Marina Agitando, then the second and third phases are Overlorder

Pearl stays a Drone until you complete her palette

As you complete palettes, less and less grayscaled people will be in the square. It makes it more empty, but that's only because you're saving people. But in contrast the lobby becomes more full of instruments and light (like in the actual game)

lmk what you think :)

#side order #side order spoilers #splatoon 3 #splatoon #marie cuttlefish #splatoon marie #agent 8 #deep cut #shiver #frye #big man #big man splatoon #pearl houzuki #op art

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mioons · 5 months ago

Text

kiss, kiss, kiss, 단 하루도 빼먹지 말고

pairing. enhypen ot7 x fem. reader (hcs)

genre. fluff, est. relationship wc. 694 warnings. kissing, skinship, petnames

— where they love to kiss you. extra. none, please reblog if you’ve enjoyed,, mwah! 💋

Lee Heeseung — lips

the way your lips press together when ever he tries to kiss you; he finds it adorable. when his lips met yours for the first time, he wish he had kissed you sooner. your lips looked so plump and cute, he had to make sure no one else could kiss them except for him for the rest of his life.

the first time he kissed your lips was after your third date and let’s just say he never stopped kissing you after that day. because your lips played a melody in his heart he could never unhear, and without it, he’d feel incomplete.

“why’re your lips so soft baby?”

Sim Jaeyun — forehead

jake was far from short, he was tall. much taller than your friends and much taller than you. often when you two were out, he would rest his chin on your head. at first he was hesitant to kiss you at all. but the way you turned your head backward to look at him sometimes made it hard. so eventually, he started kissing your forehead. it was sweet and somehow intimate at the same time. so now everytime he sees you, the first thing he does is kiss your forehead. it’s become a habit.

“c’mere pretty, can’t forget your daily forehead kisses”

Park Jongseong — hands / fingers

when he first held you hand, he realised how small they were compared to his. how his fingers engulfed yours whenever you intertwined fingers. one time, he held your hand when he was driving you to a cafe for a date and that’s when he suddenly brought your hands up to his lips, kissing each one of your knuckles gently. your hand was so soft to kiss, he found himself kissing your hands or fingers everytime you two met. oh how he wishes to kiss your ring finger and see the wedding ring he gave you. but that’ll have to wait.

Park Sunghoon — ear

when you two first started dating, sunghoon realised how easily you get flustered around him and how your ears especially would turn into a crimson colour. whenever he got too close, or whenever he whispered something into your ear, they would turn red. he found it cute. he wondered what shade of red it would turn into if he kissed it.

“they’re like little strawberries on the sides of your head darling,” he’d chuckle as he pressed another gentle kiss on your earlobe, watching you shiver and turn red all over again.

Kim sunoo — beauty mark / mole

sunoo loves you. he loves everything about you, even your beauty marks. he thinks they accentuate your beauty. he never wants you to feel insecure about your beauty marks and what a better way to make you feel assured is by kissing each and every one of them.

“sunoo it’s ticklish, cmon,” you’d whine as he pepper kisses all over your beauty marks.

“no thanks, gotta show you just how much i love your beauty marks,” he’d whisper back, giggling, “god you’re so beautiful.”

Yang Jungwon — neck

he’d often get shy and flustered whenever you were around him though you two were already dating. it caused him to often shy away in your embrace, hiding his face in your neck. it felt warm and secure there for some odd reason

more often than not, he’d press kisses along your neck and collarbone. he’d leave little marks here and there to make sure people know you’ve already got a lover at home waiting for you.

Nishimura Riki — nose

whenever you’re frustrated or anxious your nose tends to scrunch up, making you look like the cutest girl in the world. or whenever he got too close to you and they’d twitch a little due to your shyness.

the way it would turn a little red when you sneezed made him want to kiss your nose and so he did.

everytime you hugged him or cuddled with him, he made it a habit to kiss your nose at least once, maybe boop it at the same time because he thinks you’re the most adorable girl in the world.

luvlyhee 2024 :: taglist open ,, send an ask to be added

tl: @en-gelic @dioll @luvvsim @ohmydollie @jakesangel @chaewonshoney

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elllisaaa · 5 months ago

Text

ateez as chase atlantic songs

-> pairing : ateez x fem!reader

-> words count : 4.9k words

-> genre : smut, angst, toxic relationships, friends with benefits, exes, enemies

-> warnings : use of 'slut', 'bunny', 'whore', 'good girl', 'brat' & 'bitch', dom&sub dynamics, dirty talk, teasing, creampie, swearing, unprotected sex, jealousy, possessivness, begging, semi-public, sex, rough sex, body worship, praise, oral (m. & f. receiving), deep throating, cum eating, degradation, dry humping, marking, fingering, choking, bondage, edging, handjob, face slapping, hair pulling

-> 18+ content bellow, minors DNI

-> sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> masterlist | ateez masterlist | 1k event masterlist

KIM HONGJOONG - SWIM

"the water’s getting colder, let me in your ocean, swim."

→ Dating Hongjoong had never been easy. He was always busy, never there when you needed him to, always canceling plans and dates and not putting any effort into your relationship. That was why you broke up with him, that was why you left without any regrets. But one thing you must admit was that the sex with him had always been incredible, the best you’ve ever had. And everytime he called you back because he needed you to unwind some tension, you always came back to him.

“- Just like that, baby, ride me.”

His hands holding your hips and guiding your movements made shivers come alive on your skin, leaving you a trembling and moaning mess on top of him. You couldn’t even count how many times you ended up exactly like that, riding him in his desk chair when he was too stressed by work to go out and find a girl to fuck. Why bother when you were here to give him your pussy whenever he wanted to ?

“- Joong… I’m so close.

- Me too, gonna fill you up, yeah ? Gonna make you mine again.”

You could only moan and throw your head back, pleasure overtaking every one of your senses. There was no feeling left between the two of you, but the sex was too good to give it up.

“- Fuck, you’re dripping with my cum, look at that.”

Hongjoong scooped up the sticky substance sliding down your thighs, bridging up his fingers to your lips. And you obediently opened up your mouth, licking him clean.

“- Such a good girl.”

And for him, you always were, because he knew exactly how to please you.

"probably should’ve fucked on the first night, now i gotta wait for the green light."

→ Since your friend group was still the same as Hongjoong’s, you often ran into him at parties. And even if you knew you would always end the night with him railing you, you loved to play hard to get, to flirt with every other man there to make him mad. It was petty, and it was out of line, but you couldn’t help it, couldn’t help playing with him a little bit.

“- You think you can do that in front of me ? Acting like a bitch just to get my dick.

- Not my fault you can’t get enough of me.”

He got you pinned against a wall in the hallway, one of his legs slotted between your thighs and pressing against your dampened panties just right. He had that smirk on his face - dangerously attractive.

“- Come on, you know better than to tease me.”

But you didn’t want to surrender this easily, and Hongjoong knew it, gripping your jaw and guiding your lips to his. While he was devouring your mouth, his hands took a hold of your waist, making you grind against his leg. And soon enough, you were moaning in his mouth as if you were in heat.

“- Just say yes, Y/N.”

You had just enough consciousness left to nod and not let him fuck you where everyone could interrupt you. But truth be told, you might have let him do it if he asked you. You couldn't help but be drawn right back to him every time you saw him. It was like muscle memory, your body remembering how good it felt every time his hand was innocently laying on your waist. And you were completely over him, but not his body. And judging by the looks of the hickeys he loved to leave on your skin, he was not over yours either.

PARK SEONGHWA - RIGHT HERE

"it’s happening again, well, i don’t give a fuck about your friends, i’m right here."

→ It all started when San introduced you to Seonghwa and his pretty long hair, and his pretty face, and his pretty body. You couldn’t detach your gaze from him, and it seemed like he couldn’t look away from you either. That’s how you ended up in his bed for the first time - but definitely not the last.

“- Seonghwa… People could see us.

- It’s okay, pretty, nobody cares. Just let me kiss you some more.”

And like a magnet, your lips met his again. You could feel his hands roaming all around your body, pushing your dress higher up your thighs so you could fully straddle him. You could feel his hard on pressing against your core every time you shifted a little bit against him, low moans escaping him and crashing against your lips. You couldn’t help the urge to grind against him faster, little whines coming out of your mouth and mingling with his own sounds.

“- Don’t stop, pretty, you’re doing so good for me.”

His praises that he made sure to whisper with his head buried into your neck made you shiver in his hold, but Seonghwa was already too focused on marking up your skin to care about the fact that you looked so fucked up already, that they were still people around the two of you.

“- I wanna fuck you in front of everyone, show them how much of a slut you are for me, show them how perfect you are and that they’ll never make you feel as good as I do.”

The worst part was that it was true, and that you would let him do that if he touched you the right way to make you fold. Except that Seonghwa wanted to keep the view of your bare cunt all for himself, making you scream his name behind closed doors for everyone at the party to hear.

"i’m always ready to go, i’m calling you pick up your phone."

→ “- I can’t Hwa, I’m out with friends right now and you know it.

- But please, lovely, I really want to see you, I need you.”

You bit your lips as you looked around the bar, seeing all your friends laughing and having fun, but all you could think about was Seonghwa and the last time he made you feel good. So you sent a single message to your best friend, and you left.

“- Just thinking about you going out dressed like this… It’s driving me crazy, you’re driving me crazy, baby.”

But right now, he was the one driving you insane with the way his fingers moved inside of you, with the way his tongue was playing with your clit. It was always like that, and both of you loved it. You made each other go mad. He was jealous when he shouldn’t be, and you were possessive when you had no right to be.

“- Please, Hwa…

- Gonna make you cum on my tongue first, yeah ? And then I’ll fuck you like you want to.”

You nodded and let yourself go to the feeling, your hands dipping in his hair and tugging on his black strands as if you wanted to push him even closer to you. And when he finally let you feel his cock, it was his hands that were lost in your hair, as if he needed something to ground himself in reality.

“- You’re making me lose my mind, always here everytime I call you… You always come back to me, right ?

- Yes ! Yes, you’re the only one I need.”

You shouldn’t say that, and Seonghwa shouldn’t love hearing those words so much, he shouldn’t fuck you harder everytime you begged him for more only because your voice was as sweet as honey, only because your scent was intoxicating and invading all his sense. Because everytime you called, he was right here too, and everytime you needed him, he was ready to run to you anytime - even if he shouldn’t, because you weren’t his, and he wasn’t yours.

JEONG YUNHO - SLOW DOWN

"she said “fuck me like i’m famous”, i said “okay”."

→ It wasn’t Yunho’s type to do this. Usually, he would go back to their hotel and let the other members go out and fool around with as many girls as they wanted. But you were different. It sounded so fucking cliché in his head, but it was the truth. There was something in the way you looked at him, something in the way you were behaving that attracted him to you like a magnet.

“- I didn’t think you'd be the one taking me home tonight.

- Just because I don’t end up with a different girl every night it doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to recognize a pretty girl when I see one.”

And he did show you how beautiful he thought you were when he got you pinned against the wall of the elevator, hands groping your ass shamelessly while he was devouring your mouth. Maybe that was why he never fucked his fans after all - maybe it was because he was a sex god and that they’ll never get over him.

“- Yunho…

- Got you wet already, baby ? How are you gonna handle me when I’ll fuck you for real ?”

And he pressed his body against yours, making you feel his big cock through your clothes. The surprise on your face was evident, and Yunho grinned as he unfastened his belt slowly.

“- You still want it pretty girl ?”

And you did. You showed him how much you wanted it when you got down on your knees to take him in your mouth as he looked down on you, finding it so cute to see you try to control your gag reflex. However, Yunho made sure to reward you by fucking you on every surface available of your apartment. He definitely was a sex god.

"you’re buried in the pillow, yeah, you’re so loud, but i’m about to show you baby, slow down."

→ When he asked you to leave him your number in case he came back to your city, you didn’t think that Yunho would actually text you. However, you sometimes received little messages when he saw something beautiful (“just like you”, he added every time). So in the end, you weren’t surprised when he mentioned that he was in town for a few days, and that he wanted to see you.

“- Don’t rush, baby, I want to take my time with you.”

It felt awfully good to hear his voice whispering dirty words in ears again, but it felt too good to stop. You didn’t want to become one of his crazy groupies, but you had to admit that you missed him, that you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“- Still the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen. Gonna let me eat it ?”

And how could you have said no to that ? You let Yunho do everything he wanted, let him worship your body as if you were a Greek goddess. By the time he finally got you on all fours, his big cock sitting deep inside of you, you were already a moaning mess, only able to remember his name, your brain too foggy to think about anything else.

“- You’re so loud, baby, want everyone to hear that you’re a slut for me ?”

You shook your head, not ready to let the world know that you were in fact a whore for him.

“- Then fucking take it and shut your pretty mouth.”

One of his hands was pushing your head into the pillow, muffling your cries of pleasure every time his tip was kissing your cervix. And he didn’t want you to see the effect you had on him, he didn’t want to admit that you had been on his mind since the last time. You didn’t need to know that you were his favorite fan.

KANG YEOSANG - INTO IT

"she don’t really like it but she needs me, yeah, she saying she don’t really miss me."

→ “- You’re so fucking childish, Y/N. I don’t even want to argue with you anymore.

- Just say you’re a coward and that you’re afraid of me.”

Yeosang only showed you his middle finger as he turned to leave the room. You let out an exasperated sigh as you took a sip of your coffee. Everytime you were having a good time, he had to ruin it all by his mere presence, and what was supposed to be a calm afternoon at the café with your friends turned into another rambling session about the guy you just couldn’t stand.

“- Remind me what you were saying again ? That’s right, that I’m a coward ? But do you see yourself now, can’t even look me in the eyes because I’m fucking you too good.”

You wanted to deny, to say he was wrong. But deep inside, you knew he was right. You knew you were losing all your senses as soon as he got you alone, as soon as he got his hands on you.

“- Yeo, it’s not… Shit ! You know I have to…

- Need to pretend in front of your friends that you’re not a slut for me ? Too ashamed that the poor guy has the richest girl of the college on her knees, right ?”

And he was too close to the truth for you to try and contradict him this time. If they all knew what you let him do to you behind closed doors when you were constantly talking behind his back everyday, they would ruin your reputation and your chances to take over your father’s company one day.

“- You’re so fucking greedy for my cock.”

You were, you didn’t like it, but you were, to the point that you didn’t care about your future as long as you had him in your bed.

"say she wanna fuck me latter, girl, i’m into it."

→ “- You’re coming tonight, right ?

- Maybe. I’ll text you later.”

It pained him a little to be so cold with you sometimes, but he had to play hard to get if he didn’t want to lose himself in you completely. Yeosang was aware that your relationship - if you could even call it like that - wasn’t made to last. He was from the middle class and you were rich, and even if he didn’t like these stereotypes, there was no way that you would stop being embarrassed of him one day, there was no way that he could be a part of your world one day.

“- You missed me, uh ? That’s why you always end up calling.

- Yes, always need you Yeo.”

But in the end, he was always back to you, back to the expensive sorority you were staying at, back to these parties he never fitted in. But you were here.

“- That’s right, you love it when I call you a slut. What would everybody think of you if they knew that you beg for my cock every night ?”

You didn’t want him to reveal the truth about you, but at the same time, you wanted it so bad. Maybe you could live with him, maybe it could be your happy end. And maybe they would think he had corrupted you, but you were into it, and you were into him. But you were not ready to leave your golden cage just yet.

CHOI SAN - OHMAMI

"telling your friends you hate me but i know you can’t get enough."

→ You couldn’t stand the way he was ogling you like he owned you, and you couldn’t stand the way he glared at every guy approaching as if he had any right over you and your body when he didn’t. He never had any power over you, and you would never let him gain some. Or at least, that’s what you tried to convince everyone of, including yourself.

“- What are you doing here San ?

- Don’t play dumb with me, sweetheart. We both know what we're here for.

- Go away ! I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

But the way your breath hitched in your throat as he got closer to you was betraying you, and you knew he was aware of the state he was putting you in. You wanted to make him drop his annoying smirk, and you wanted to make him regret everything he ever did to you. Maybe that was why you kissed him first. Maybe that was why you forced your tongue in his mouth even when he was trying to get you off of him.

“- What do you think you’re doing Y/N ?

- Exactly what you wanted, Sannie.”

The surname sounded horribly good coming from you, and San didn’t want to see the smug look on your face anymore. So even if he was disgusted by your existence, he kissed you again, and again, and again, until you couldn’t think anymore, alcohol and lust both clouding your mind.

“- And what now ? You’re gonna fuck me ?

- Maybe I should.

- Yeah, maybe you should.”

"i bent the corner then she bent it for me sidways, might have to fuck her on the highway, yeah."

→ Every party San was there was a torture. You remembered every detail of his lips against yours when all you wanted was to forget about it. When your eyes crossed his, it was as if you could still feel your hands tugging on his hair, and his fingers slipping past the hem of your skimpy dress. Everytime your mind drifted back to these memories, you felt on the verge of throwing up. But your only way to relieve your stress was through him, sadly.

“- Didn’t think you would be back to me so soon, sweetheart.

- Don’t play dumb, San. You know I’m just here because you got some good weed.

- Come with me, I left it in my car.”

You were suspicious, but you really needed a good smoking session and he was the only one that could offer you that right now. So you followed him, and you didn’t think further when he asked you if you wanted him to roll you a joint right now. You must have to be a little more considerate next time if you didn't want to end up riding San in his car.

“- Always knew you were slut, I should’ve given you my dick sooner.”

You wanted to throw back a clever answer at him, but only a moan escaped your mouth. The car was moving along with every one of his thrusts into your pussy, and the windows were so fogged up, there was no way people didn’t know what was going on.

“- Can’t get enough of me, uh ?

- Don’t get so full of yourself, I doubt you can make me cum.”

His condescending laugh as he wrapped a hand around your throat made you shiver. And maybe you should get out and never see him again, but it was all so disgustingly good.

“- Oh, but I’m not the one who will end up full, Y/N. You think I’m letting you go before giving you a little souvenir ? You’re gonna take it all, and think about it for days after I’ve forgotten about the way you taste.”

It was a lie, he was equally as obsessed with you. But the desire he was feeling for you was unmistakable, even if it made him sick to admit it.

SONG MINGI - FRIENDS

"just tell me what you’re doing with that other guy ‘cause i ain’t got patience to slow down the pace."

→ Mingi always stuck to looking at you from afar, to only being your best friend. Even if you made out with him a few times, even if he had eaten you out on numerous occasions when your dates couldn’t even make you cum. Even with that, he was still your best friend, and he shouldn’t feel jealous of the guy you were drunkenly grinding against.

“- Mingi ! Why don’t you come and dance with me ?”

And he could never deny you anything. So he said yes, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, keeping you as close to him as possible. Your eyes were glazed by all the alcohol you drank, but that still didn’t stop you from noticing the way Mingi was shamelessly staring at your lips.

“- You want to kiss me ?

- You know I’ll always say yes.”

So you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and you let him slip his tongue into your mouth, and let his hands push you closer to his body. Everytime your lips touched his, Mingi couldn’t help thinking about how good you were tasting, about how well you were fitting in his arms.

“- You’re taking me home tonight ?

- Thought you wanted to go back to this guy’s place.

- No, I always want you in the end.”

The sincerity pouring from your words made his heart beat faster, and that same night when you were laying in his bed and he was balls deep inside of you, it finally felt perfect - from the way you were moaning his name to the clench of your cunt around him.

"what the hell were we ? tell me we weren’t just friends, this doesn’t make much sense."

→ “- You can’t come and ruin every one of my dates, Mingi !

- Yeah ? But who do you come to when they don’t know your body like I do ? And who do you come crying to when they leave you alone and I have to pick you up ? I’m always here when you need me, can’t you see that ?”

Flames were burning in your best friend’s eyes like never before, and you could only blame yourself and your inability to face the truth, to admit your own feelings.

“- We're just friends ! You have no right over me.

- Do you really think friends make out the way we do, Y/N ? Do you think friends know that you like to be called a slut ? Do you think friends know how to fuck you the way I do ?”

You didn’t realize how close he had gotten, too entranced by the way he was looking at you as if he wanted to eat you. And you knew he was right, you knew that you shouldn’t be friends with him after all that happened, but the “what if”’s always scared you enough to chicken out.

“- Then what do you want ?

- You.”

It was as simple as that, and Mingi made sure to prove it to you when he repeated these three words through the night, these three words he was dying to tell you for years. And he made sure that you knew no one could ever make you cum as hard as he did, and he made sure that you knew no one could ever compare to him, because who could understand you better than your friend ?

JUNG WOOYOUNG - MEDDLE ABOUT

"now if i could figure it out, i’d take you back to my house so we could meddle about"

→ Your eyes were shining under the club's lights, and Wooyoung couldn't help but hold your gaze for longer than he should everytime they crossed, because there was just something about you that he couldn’t get enough of. He never saw you before that night, but he knew that he wanted to have you as soon as he laid his eyes on you.

“- Can I offer you another drink ?”

You looked up at him with a slight grin on your face, because you weren’t blind - you noticed how he was staring at you all night, and you would be lying if you said that you hadn’t checked him out too.

“- What for ?

- Because you’re a pretty girl. Do I need another reason ?

- Depends. But since you’re quite handsome yourself, I’ll say yes.”

That was how it all started, and you quickly forgot about your friends you came to the bar with and spent the whole night talking with him instead. You didn’t think you would click with him past physical attraction, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up either. And as time and drinks passed, Wooyoung got more and more touchy, his hands landing on your thighs, on your waist, rubbing circles against the exposed skin of your sides due to your skimpy dress.

“- Wanna end the night at mine ?

- I don’t come back to the guys’ places on the first night, Woo.

- Doesn’t mean I can’t fuck you somewhere else.”

And you obviously couldn’t argue with such a logic - and maybe that you wanted him too much to say no. That was how you ended up riding him in the backseat of his car, head thrown back in bliss and his hands guiding your hips in a rhythm that had you losing your mind so easily.

"you got me down on my knees, it’s getting harder to breathe out."

→ “- Please, baby, don’t make me wait.

- But I think you deserved it, don’t you ?”

You had been teasing him for far too long for him to even remember when you started stroking his cock and taking him into your mouth. His hands were closed in fists, trying to ground himself in reality even if he was slowly losing his mind with the way you had tied him up, forbidding him from touching you.

“- Come one, don’t be a brat.”

Your hand coming down to slap his face had him moaning embarrassingly loud, the way he was pounding into you and making you cry last weekend long forgotten.

“- You’re the one doing everything to get on my nerves, baby. Acting like a slut and flirting with anyone just to get my attention, right ?”

Wooyoung wanted to deny it, but it was the truth. Whenever you didn’t give him all your time, he was willing to do everything it took to earn it back, even if it meant that you were going to edge him for hours and hours.

“- You’re such a dumb whore, it’s pathetic.

- Let me cum, please, please, I need it.”

It only took another “slut” whispered right against the skin of his neck for the boy to let go and cover your hand in his sticky release. Even if he knew he wasn’t your only one, Wooyoung couldn’t help coming back to you every time, because he couldn’t stop thinking about you - one word from you, and he was on his knees. And it was indeed pathetic, but he couldn’t care less when you felt so divine.

CHOI JONGHO - CHURCH

"stay on the ground ‘till your knees hurt, no more praying baby, i’ma be your preacher."

→ When you first met Jongho, you thought of him as a sweet guy, always so caring and gentle despite being sometimes shy and a little quiet around you. And even when you started going out together, he was always so cute and gentle - holding the door for you, walking you home and gifting you flowers.

“- You better quit the attitude and behave if you want to cum at all tonight, bunny.”

But now that he got you down on your knees, hands tied down behind your back, and forcing his cock down your throat because you had teased him earlier that day, your views of him completely changed. And honestly, you liked it like that, as if the moans you were letting out around him weren’t enough of a hint.

“- That’s more like it, doesn’t it feel good to listen to me, sweetheart ?”

You nodded as best as you could, with saliva dripping down your chin and tears running down your cheeks. It made sense with the pool of arousal in your underwear, though. You knew that obeying to your boyfriend meant a delicious reward in the end.

“- Such a good girl when you want to, gonna make me cum. You’re gonna swallow it all, uh ?”

You didn’t even need to answer that because you always did, never wasting a drop and maintaining that eye contact as Jongho released down your throat, groaning lowly at the sinful sight you offered him. He would never admit it, but you being a little brat had its perks as it gave him an excuse to punish you and play with you in any ways he wished.

"baptize in your thighs ‘till it hurts, ‘cause i’m about to take you back to church."

→ “- You’re so needy bunny, what’s gotten into you.

- It’s the suit, you look too good.”

The little smirk on Jongho’s face as he pushed you down on the bed was as annoying as it was turning you on. Whenever you where in the audience at an award show and he wore these fucking suits, it got you all worked up and you could barely hold back from jumping his bones until you were home.

“- I’ll never understand why when you literally see me naked all the time.

- Just accept that you are handsome as hell and fuck me.”

You yelped as he flipped you over easily and put you on your knees, bent down into the pillows - so easily that it did nothing to help with your growing need to feel him into you.

“- Watch your mouth, bunny. You don’t want to make me mad now.”

You shook your head and Jongho slapped your ass as a reward. And when you felt him eagerly sliding your dress past your hips and only pushing your panties to the side before he filled you up, you knew that he had craved this all night too.

“- Always so tight and wet for me.

- Just for you.”

And he certainly reminded you of that as he ruined you that night, making you cry and scream his name, making your knees buckle and your scalp hurt from his fingers pulling at your hair, making you lose your sanity and cum like no one had before. Because Jongho was the sweetest boyfriend ever, but he was also the meanest when it came to the bedroom, and that duality would probably be the death of you.

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my works.

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@sharonxdevi @hann1bee @lil-kpopstan @lichyuu @foxinnie8 @lovelyuyu @snouvllvg

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evasive-anon · 1 year ago

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Anytime someone bring up that Bruce is a loser I think of the BatBucket scene. He’s just so awkward.

bruce wayne is so unserious to me. like this man puts the word “bat” in front of every word. he makes himself little batarangs and batboots and has a bat signal that he shows up for. he sits in his batcave and makes himself cute little bat accessories for his little bat suit. his utility belt is basically a fanny pack. he stands in dark corners and says shit like “i am vengeance” “i am the night” unironically. he has a clan of bat children. he’s just such a fucking loser i love him.

#batman #bruce wayne #dc comics #pretty sure Dick was the one who started putting the word bat in front of everything #but honestly Bruce was really down for it #I always think to that panel with Catwoman where he tells her he has a bat bucket #and then he explains it’s just a bucket with a bat sticker on it #fuck I gotta find that panel and add it to this reblog #lose my mind everytime I remember it #reblog additions

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alien-magnolia · 5 months ago

Text

Surprising Billy!!

18+ MDNI short blurb

Tw: indecent exposure/public sex, dom-coded Billy Loomis, sub-coded fem reader with big chest <3, unprotected PV

Billy sat against the wall outside the brick building of the campus. He sharpened his knife, his brown eyes concentrating on how exactly sharp he would make his tool, cursing everytime the knife feel out of his grip. (not often)

You fix yourself in the bathroom a few blocks away, getting ready to see him. You were going to show him his two favorite things in this whole world <3 as he called it.

“Hi Billy!,” you bubbly manner catches him off guard as he flinches to catch you in his arms. “Baby. What’re you doing here?,” he smiles at you, gives you a few kisses on the cheek.

“Wanted to make your day better,” you giggle at him, placing one of your thighs over his. “Oh, yeah? How’s my sweet girl going to do that, huh?,” he taunts, his hand rubbing circles lightly on your thigh.

You lift up your shirt, revealing to him those two favorite things he loves so much! <3 They were big, round and soft, just how he liked them. You smile and quickly give Billy another hug, this time — his face sinks into your plushness.

You pull back. His eyes are wide, his face red with a smile. “Aw. Wanted to show me your girls, huh baby? You know how much I love ‘em,” he chuckles, and brings you closer to his mouth. You squeal as he lifts up your shirt and pops one of your sensitive nipples into his mouth.

He suckles on your nips and bites your soft skin, eliciting a moan from you. “Gotta be quiet, honey girl. Know your tits are so sweet but people can still pass by anytime,” he darkly adds. It turned you on so much!!

“Fuck. So sweet,” Billy’s face is drunkenly buried beneath you, you smile wide in arousal and contempt. You stroke his head, but try to pull back, it was just too much!!

Billy didn’t let you, though. “Hey, now. Let me finish my meal, honey girl.” He did. He had another meal after that, pushing you up against the bathroom wall, filling your womb with his cum, gripping at your thighs until they bled. “My honey girl,” he coos, after he’s done with you. “Let’s me use her how I want,” he darkly chuckles, and brings you in for a loving and sincere kiss.

Your body was Billy’s, all marked up <3

A/n: please please help a writer girlie out and reblog! Means a lot to me if you do, tysm😊

#liz writes 🖤#liz’s masterlist #billy loomis x y/n #billy loomis smut #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis hot #billy loomis fanfiction #billy loomis x you #dom!billy loomis

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supernaturalgirl20 · 2 years ago

Note

Hey, could you do a fic about Joel knocking up the reader, while living in Jackson? He's such a baby daddy and Everytime I read fics that says he pulled out during sex, I always think "hm, someday he's gonna get someone pregnant" since it's a very ineffective birth control hahaha

Thanks for the request 🥰 I’ve made this one more angsty from the last pregnancy request but it has a happy ending 😉💕

And Then it Happened

Pairings: Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, PinV sex, Joel is an asshole, mentions of cheating, unplanned pregnancy, little bit of angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of abortion, cursing, fluff, anxiety.

A/N: did a quick edit on this so sorry about any mistakes 🥰

Comments and reblogs really appreciated 🥰

The weight of Joel’s arm around your waist felt heavier than normal and the way his hand was splayed across your stomach had anxiety coiling tight within your chest.

You should have told him last night, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. He had seemed so happy and relaxed for the first time since settling into Jackson that you didn’t want to take from it.

A groan slips past his lips as he moves his hand from your waist to lay back against the mattress.

“Mornin’.” His voice is husky with sleep as he pinches the bridge of his nose, his body stretching out his tired muscles.

“Mornin’,'' you whisper back, a slight quiver in your voice as you turn to face him. He looks at you from beneath his hand with a furrowed brow, his eyes tracing the contours of your face as if he’s searching for something.

“Everythin’ alright?” His hand falls away from his face as he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

You hum in response, but you can tell from the expression on his face that he isn’t buying it. “I’ma try that again and this time I want the truth,” he turns on his side to face you, his thumb tracing along the seam of your bottom lip as you pull it between your teeth.

“You bite your lip when you're lyin’ darlin.” His eyes are full of warmth as they gaze at you, and you gulp nervously as the butterflies begin to flutter in your stomach.

Your breathing becomes ragged and your heart beats harder against your chest as you work up the courage to tell him.

“I’m pregnant,” you mumble quietly waiting with bated breath for him to say something. “Darlin, ya gotta speak up. I didn’t catch what you said.”

You can feel his thumb rubbing gently against your cheek and you have to close your eyes to stop the tears from falling. “I'm pregnant!”

The motion of his thumb stops. His hand pulls away from you as he sits up abruptly in bed, the movement drawing your attention to him.

“What?!” He stutters. His hand runs anxiously through his hair as he stares down at the duvet. You sit up and slowly reach out to him, but he pulls away, his eyes darting quickly to your face.

“I'm pregnant,” you whisper, almost on the verge of tears. His eyes drift to your lips before meeting your gaze again. “No!” He says it so harshly you flinch. “How the hell did this happen? I ain’t ever cum inside you.”

“I mean, pulling out isn’t a fool proof method, Joel. It just…” He’s shaking his head and when he looks at you again the warmth in his chocolate-brown eyes is gone.

“I ain’t ever got anyone else pregnant pulling out. You must be seeing someone else. It ain’t mine.” His words cut you deeper than any knife ever could. You pull the sheets over your naked body as you begin to sob.

He’s up and out of the bed in a flash as he quickly grabs his clothes off the floor. You want so desperately to reach out and touch him. For him to drop everything and wrap you up in his arms but you know that isn’t going to happen.

“I - I haven’t slept with anyone else. It’s only been you. I thought we were…” He scoffs as he turns towards you. “You thought we were...what? Together. It was just sex. I told you from the start I couldn’t give you more than that. That I couldn’t give you anything other than someone to share a bed with and you were ok with that.”

“I was. Until I wasn’t and now, I’m pregnant and whether you like it or not, this baby is yours.” You stand, pulling the sheet around your naked body as you move around the bed towards him. “I love you, Joel. I have for a long time I just didn’t want to scare you away. So, I kept it to myself. I know you have issues from your past and that you lost Sarah…”

“Don’t!” He shouts. “Don’t you dare bring her up.” His finger is pointed at you angrily and his breathing is ragged as he tries to keep himself calm.

“I’m sorry. I just meant that, I get it. You’re scared and that’s ok because so am I. But we can figure it out together.” You try to move closer to him, but he pulls back.

“I can’t.” He stutters, his eyes now fixed on your stomach. “I can’t do this again. I won’t. I’m sorry.” He grabs his shirt and throws it over his t-shirt before leaving your room, the door slamming loudly behind him as you stand there staring after him.

When you hear the front door slam shut you break down crying. The sound of your sobs fills the now-quiet house. You knew he wouldn’t be happy, but you didn’t think he’d abandon you.

Sitting back against the side of the bed you move your hand to rest over your stomach. “Guess it’s just me and you.”

***

The weeks that followed were tough. Joel avoided you as much as possible and when he couldn’t, he barely spared you a glance.

You had asked Tommy to stop putting you on patrol with him, it was too much being in such proximity to him when he wouldn’t even acknowledge you. People had started to talk so it was easier if you went your separate ways.

“Ya sure?” Tommy asked, his eyebrows raised in question. “You and Joel make a great team.” You nodded. “It’s for the best.”

“Somethin’ happen between you two. Joel’s been grumpier than usual.” He stood leaning against the door with a soft smile on his face.

“Just didn’t work out, that's all.” Tommy didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push you on it. “He ain’t gonna be happy bout this, ya know?”

“I don’t care. He’s gonna have to get over it. Also, I was hoping to speak to Maria. Is she about?” He nodded before tilting his head to the side. “She’s out back. Want me to get her for ya?”

“Is it ok if I head on back?” He nods, stepping aside to let you pass by before he grabs his denim jacket. “Will you tell Maria I’m gonna head out and find Joel. Gotta go and break the good news to him.”

“Sure. And Tommy, make sure he’s alright for me.” He winks at you before closing the door behind him. You make your way out back to find Maria planting some seeds, baby Luna cooing up at her from her stroller.

“Hey,” you say softly, hoping not to startle them as you walk out into the garden. “Oh hey, I wasn't expecting you.” She dusted her hands on her jeans as she stood to greet you with a hug.

“Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you about something. Tommy said he’s gone to find Joel.” Maria smiles at you before bending down to pick Luna up. “Sure, let's head back inside and I’ll make us a cup of tea.”

“So, what’s up,” she asks, placing Luna in her highchair and making her way to the stove to start boiling the water. You shift nervously from one foot to the other and when you don’t answer, Maria turns around to look at you.

“Everything ok?” Her eyes are wide with concern and when you start to cry, she rushes over and pulls you into a tight hug. “It’s Joel, isn’t it? I knew it. I told Tommy somethin had happened between you two.”

Her hands rubbed your back soothingly as you calmed down to a quiet sob. “I’m - I'm pregnant. It’s Joel’s.”

“Well, that’s obvious.” She teases as she pulls back slightly. You let out a little laugh before you sob again.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I just ....”

“No,” you shake your head, wiping the tears from your face. “Joel doesn’t think it’s his. Well at least I think so…I don’t know. He said that he’s never…. ya know…cum inside me so it couldn’t be his but I told him that the pullout method isn’t guaranteed. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

Maria shushes you. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Jesus, I knew I didn’t like him for a reason. Asshole. You ain’t been with anyone else since he got here. Hell, anyone with a set of eyes can see you’re besotted by him.”

She pulls away and makes you both some hot tea before ushering you into the sitting room. “Here,” she hands you a cup and takes a seat beside you, Luna sitting happily in her chair eating some porridge.

“I don’t know what to do,” you whisper as you take a sip of the hot liquid. You don’t know if you can do it without him. “Well first things first, are you keeping it? If you don’t want to, we have options here. You can take some herbs that will terminate the pregnancy.”

Shaking your head, you place the cup on the coffee table. “No, I want to keep it. I’ve - I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Never thought I’d get the chance.”

“Ok, then we can help you. You won’t be alone in this. Tommy and I will be there and Ellie. Does she know yet?”

“No. I haven’t said anything, and I don’t know if I should. It’s not my place and besides me and Joel, we weren’t together like that.”

“Oh, bullshit. Who said that Joel? He’s more delusional than I thought. You two were joined at the hip, you were practically married. And look with Ellie it’s up to you but she is gonna find out eventually, I mean you’re gonna start showing and then what?”

“I know. I’ll think about it. What happens now?” You reach out and take your cup in hand again, sipping slowly on the warm tea. Maria smiles as she glances at her daughter. “Well, we have a scanning machine so the doctor can determine how far along you are and if the baby is doing ok. He’ll give you the vitamins you need to be taking and keep a regular eye on you.”

“Wow, that’s amazing. Didn’t think those were still available.” You smile over at Luna as she makes grabby hands at Maria.

“Yeah, we found one at the nearest hospital and Tommy brought it back hoping it would still work, and it did. He was a little over-cautious when I was pregnant.” She laughs as Luna bounces happily in her lap.

“We should get you over to him now, that way we know for sure what’s going on.” Maria stands and quickly bundles Luna into her stroller ready to take you to the doctor. You make it to the end of the street when you bump into Tommy and Joel.

They’re laughing at something Tommy said but as soon as they spot you Joel's face goes serious. All four of you stop and Joel just stares at you. It’s awkward. Tommy and Maria share a look, but you don’t notice, too caught up in the way Joel is staring at you.

“Where are my two girls off to?” Tommy asks as he pulls Maria in close for a kiss. The sound of his voice breaks Joel from his trance and his gaze drifts to Luna who's cooing up at him.

“Just bringing Y/N to see Jason.” You can feel Joel’s eyes on you again, but you refuse to meet his gaze, focusing instead on Tommy.

“You’re not sick are ya?” He asks, worried, as his eyes drift to you. You shake your head and glance at Joel before meeting his gaze again.

“Alright, we’ll leave you, ladies, to it. See ya home for dinner,” he says to Maria before kissing her softly. “Yeah. I’ve left everything simmering on the stove so just wait until I get back.”

Joel’s gaze follows you until both you and Maria are out of sight. “Alright, what the hell is goin’ on with two? And don’t say nothin, 'cause that ain’t nothin.”

Joel huffs out a breath as he stares at his brother, the crease between his brows deepening. “She’s pregnant,” He snapped.

“And you ain’t happy bout it, I take it?” Tommy asked, quickly masking the shock on his face. They continue to walk, making their way through town towards the empty bar. Joel exhales loudly as he takes a seat at the bar. “I don’t know how I feel,” he sighs as Tommy hands him a glass of whiskey.

He tips his glass in the air towards his brother before downing the golden liquid. “I never thought I’d ever be a dad again, not after…not after Sarah.”

Tommy refills his glass, taking a sip of his drink. “I know. But you’re a dad to Ellie, what's one more.” He leans across the bar, eyes focused on Joel as he picks at a beer mat. “And you love Y/N, even if you can’t admit it out loud. Joel, I’ve watched you struggle my whole life, I’ve watched you blame yourself for Sarah but guess what? It ain’t your fault. None of it is. This is your second chance at a normal life, if it were me, I’d grab it with both hands. Hell, I already did. We’re safe here. So, what’s holding you back?”

“I don’t deserve it.” He gulps back his second glass and bangs it down on the bar before standing and leaving Tommy alone.

“Stubborn ass,” Tommy shouts after him.

***

You’ve begun to show. A small bump that was barely visible from a distance but a clear sign to the people of Jackson that their community was growing.

Ellie had found out about the baby and has been practically living at your side since. Joel had told her after his night with Tommy and even though you’re not sure what exactly he told her, you’re happy it didn’t cause a rift between them.

“I hope it’s a boy,” she beams as she helps you prepare dinner. You smile at her as you cut up the potatoes. “I have a feeling it’s a girl. Call it mother’s intuition.”

“As long as I can teach them how to hunt, I’m happy with either.” You snigger and she smiles up at you, happy to see you laugh for once.

“Joel thinks it’s a girl too,” she says as she peels the carrots, her smile fading when she realises what she’s said. Her eyes drift to you and when she sees you standing still, hands shaking slightly she pales.

“M’sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to bring him up…I just….” You shake your head, placing the knife gently down on the countertop as you untie your apron. “I’m just - I’m gonna just head to the store. I completely forgot the flour for dessert.”

Rushing out the door you let your legs carry you as you try to catch your breath. He thought you were having a girl. Had he been talking about the baby to Ellie? Does he want to be a father now?

Your mind was racing with these thoughts, and you were distracted when you turned the corner. A gasped breath leaves your lungs when you see Joel laughing at something the pretty blonde woman said. Who the fuck was she?

You feel your heart shattering into little pieces and your lungs tighten as you take in the happy expression on his face. You have to get out of here, you think to yourself, but before you can move, he turns and catches your gaze.

Something flashes behind his eyes, and he starts to move towards you but you don’t want to talk to him. Can’t bear for him to tell you he’s moved on, so you run home.

The door closes behind you and you rest your head against it, willing your lungs to take the breaths you desperately need. A soft knock startles you, but you already know who it is.

“What do you want Joel?” You ask as you turn to face the wooden door. You can hear him sigh deeply from the other side. “S’not what you thought, darlin. I promise.”

“And what is it you think I thought?” You can feel a deep anger bubbling away beneath the surface of your skin.

“Please - please just let me in and we can talk.” You scoff. “Now you wanna talk. You had over a month and instead of talking to me, you completely ignored me.”

“I know, darlin’ but please, just let me say my piece and if you want nothin to do with me still, I’ll leave you alone.” That ache in your chest starts again and you find yourself torn between wanting to hear him out and telling him to fuck off.

“Fine. You have ten minutes.” You turn the handle and open the door to find him standing with his hands in his jeans pocket, head facing the ground but as soon as he hears the door open, his gaze meets yours.

“Hey.” His eyes take you in, lingering on the swell of your stomach, something he hadn’t noticed until now. His breath catches at the sight, and he wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you. He knows he can’t.

“So. You’ve moved on then?” You start as you move further into the house, Joel hot on your heels.

“What?! I ain’t moved on, no that’s - shit that’s not what that was I promise.” He sighs, running his hand down along his face. “She’s helping me with something.”

“Sure.” You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “Does she know you’re about to have a baby you want nothing to do with? That you abandoned the woman who loves you.”

“You shouldn’t love me. I’m not a good man. I ain’t good enough for you darlin. There are a lot of other men here that are far better for you than me.” His hands are at his side now and you can tell from the way he flexes them that he wants to reach out to you.

“I don’t want other men. I just want you,” you whisper. “Do you love me?”

“It’s not that simple. I - I’m scared darlin’.” His voice breaks and you can see he’s holding back tears.

“I hate to break it to you Joel, but love is fucking scary. It strips you raw to the bone and leaves you vulnerable but that’s also the beauty of it. I never thought in a million years I’d find it in this fucked up world and yet I did. I love you, Joel. I love Ellie and this baby and even Tommy and Maria and loving all of these people put me at risk of getting hurt but I love them anyway.”

You take a deep breath, eyes drifting towards the window before you meet his gaze again. “I know you’re scared. Scared to have connections, scared to love but guess what, so am I. Everyone is. But I’m willing to take the chance, are you?”

He nods as he releases a breath. His shoulders relax and the hard planes of his face soften as he shifts closer. It’s like a switch has flicked for him and he realises what an idiot he’s been.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry for everything. I never meant those things I said that morning, I was just scared is all. I know that ain’t no excuse but it’s the truth.” His eyes drift to the small bump visible beneath his plaid shirt.

He wondered where that shirt had gone. He smiles softly at the idea that you’ve been wearing it this whole time. He wants to reach out and touch you. To run his hand over your bump but he doesn’t.

“Let me prove I can give you more, that I can be the kind of man who deserves you and our baby. Please darlin’,” he begs, his eyes pleading as he moves closer. You feel a swell of emotion rising in your throat, threatening to spill out and even though there’s a small part of you that still hates him for what he said that morning, an even bigger part loves him more than life itself.

Words escape you but with a simple nod of your head, he slips an arm around your waist pulling you close. The other cradles your cheek, his thumb rubs circles into your skin as he stares at you lovingly.

“I’m gonna make it up to you baby, I promise. We’re in this together, always.” A watery smile spreads across your face and his eyes drift briefly to your lips before he begins to lean in. When his lips touch yours it’s as if a spark has been lit and you can’t help the soft moan that slips out.

The kiss becomes more heated by the second and he pulls you closer, so close that you can feel the warmth from his skin seeping into you, that you can feel the evidence of his arousal against your thigh. The sound of a door closing upstairs startles you both. “It’s just me. Is it safe to come down now? I’m just gonna head to Dina’s and then you two can get back to sucking the face off each other,” Ellie calls from the hallway before she makes her way into the kitchen.

Pulling away with a laugh, Joel rests his head against yours. “So, you weren’t flirting with that woman?” You ask for the second time. He chuckles, unable to think that your jealousy is anything but cute.

“I promise you, darlin’. I was just trying to get some stuff for the baby. Was gonna gather as much as I could for a nursery at the new house and then I was gonna come to beg for forgiveness.”

You breathe a sigh of relief. Thank fuck, you think to yourself as you wind your arms around his neck. He slips his own tighter around your waist and you close your eyes and breathe him in. He smells of whiskey and citrus. He smells like home.

“What new house?” You question as you pull away slightly.

“Oh, you told her. Finally, can I come with you when you show her,” Ellie’s voice sounds from behind you and you both turn to face her.

“No kid, you got school, remember,” Joel says, his voice a little stern as he tilts his head towards the front door.

“Ugh, fine. Whatever. I’ll see you later.” She huffs out as she turns to leave. Joel turns his attention back to you and he smiles down at you as you look at him with confusion on your face.

“Come on, got somethin’ I need to show ya.” He links his hand with yours and guides you out of the house and down the street. “Where are we going?” You ask as you look around, the houses slowly fading away as he pulls you towards a small house at the edge of Jackson.

“This,” he says as he pulls you to stand in front of him. His arms slip around your waist to cradle your bump. “Is home.”

“Home?” Your voice squeaks as you take in the once-dilapidated house, now fully refurbished. He hums as he rests his head on your shoulder. “Yeah, home. Been working on this since you told me you were pregnant. Roped Tommy into helpin’ me too. It’s not much, but it’s ours. Somewhere for us to call home and be a family.”

A strangled sob escapes from your lips and he turns you in his arms, holding you close as he tilts your chin upwards. “The minute I left you that mornin’ I regretted it. Went straight to

Tommy and told him I wanted to work on this for us”, his hand moves to rest on your bump, “for our family.”

“It’s got plenty of room. Four bedrooms, a nice size kitchen and a living room. Ellie already has her stuff moved in and I think I’ve got most of the things we’ll need for the baby. Now all that’s left to do is ask if you’re willing to move in with us. With me.”

“Yes. Yeah, I’m ready.” He smiles brightly at you before capturing your lips in a searing kiss.

“Wanna see it, darlin’?” You nod your head and twine your fingers with his as he leads you inside. You gasp in awe as you take everything in. It’s beautiful. Homely. Somewhere you can picture yourself for the rest of your life.

“I love it, Joel.” He smiles, “come on, I wanna show you the nursery.” He leads you up the stairs and down the hall to the last room on the left. He holds the handle in his hand and turns to you with a smile. “Ready?”

You nod. Heart racing as he slowly opens the door, and you gasp when you see the way he has decorated it. A pale yellow adorns the walls with pictures of animals in small frames. There’s a small crib in the middle of the room and a little dresser to one side. On the other, there’s a rocking chair and a small bookshelf beside it with a few books already littering the shelves.

“Joel - Joel it’s amazing. I can’t believe you did all this. Where’d you find everything?” He stands beside you with his arm around your waist. “Found most of it on patrols. Borrowed the chair from Lauren,” he leans in close, his breath hot on your ear, “the woman you were jealous of. And I made the crib myself.”

“You made it? Oh, Joel…” you begin to cry, and he pulls you close kissing the top of your head. “Shh, baby. It’s alright. I want our little one to have the best is all.”

“Thank you. I mean it…this is amazing.” He leans in and kisses you softly. “Gotta provide for what’s mine. Now, how about I show you our room,” he teases as he quirks a brow.

You shake your head as you giggle. “Go on then.” Your new shared room is right next door and when you walk inside you take a quick look around. It looks cosy. A huge bed, two lockers and a bookshelf with some of your favourites.

Your heart swells but you don't get to dwell on it as he quickly closed the door behind him and pushed you gently onto the bed. He stood there staring, his eyes taking in the curve of your body and the swell of your stomach with hunger you’d never seen in him before, and you shuddered.

“Been thinkin’ bout this for far too long, darlin’.” He breaths raggedly, his eyes watching carefully as you begin to remove your clothing. He gulps and a strangled groan slips past his slightly rough lips as he takes in the sight of you bare, the peak of your nipples pebbling with the cool air.

He quickly shucks off his boots as he climbs up the bed towards you, his body completely covering you. His mouth finds your nipple, pulling it between his teeth and you moan loudly, fingers running through his hair.

A sudden need washed over you. A need to feel him against you. To feel his bare skin against your own as you both seek out that pleasure you’ve wanted since that last morning.

With a shaky breath, you slowly move his shirt up his body and he’s quick to help you. Pulling the shirt over his shoulders, he tosses it onto the floor and his jeans quickly follow leaving him bare. His hazel eyes stare down at you and there’s a vulnerability behind them.

You reach up wrapping your hand around his neck and you pull him into you, your lips meeting in a searing kiss. His hands grip your hips tight as he nestles himself between your thighs, careful not to crush you or the baby.

You angled your hips, urging him to sink inside you and take what he wanted. Taking himself in his hand, he notches the head of his cock at your entrance and with a roll of his hips, he sinks into your heat.

“Fuck, darlin’. So, god damn tight,” he says with a strangled groan. He begins to move, slowly at first pulling himself almost out before pushing back in.

The sound of your soft whimpers and the sight of you writhing in pleasure beneath him has him losing his fucking mind. He grabs your leg, throwing it over his hip as he begins to pound into you, the bed groaning with each thrust of his hips.

“Fuck, darlin’…I’m-I’m so close…need ya to…need ya to come first,” he groans into the skin of your neck, his teeth nipping you softly.

“Joel…. oh god I’m gonna….” You gasp as your orgasm pulses through you. He lets out a strangled groan at the feel of your cunt clenching tight around him.

His hips begin to falter and the only sounds he lets out are soft grunts as he nears his release. He rolls his hips again and again until he cums, groaning loudly as he spills inside you.

He slowly pulls out and reaches over the side of the bed to grab his tattered t-shirt, using it to clean you up. He collapses onto the bed beside you pulling you into his chest.

His fingers trace a pattern into your skin. “Ellie said you think it’s a girl.” You watch as a smile edges its way onto his face, his palm resting gently over the swell of your stomach.

“I don’t think darlin’, I know. She’s gonna be pretty like her mama. Cheeky like her big sister and she’s gonna have me wrapped around her little finger.” A hint of sadness washes over his face and you reach out to touch his cheek.

“Hey, you ok?” He smiles then, his eyes glossing over with unshed tears. “Yeah, darlin’. I’m happy it’s just…”

“You’re thinkin about Sarah.” His eyes widened. How do you always know what he’s thinkin?

“Yeah. She always wanted to be a big sister. She’d be so excited about this little one.”

“Maybe we could have Sarah be her middle name. A way to remember her big sister.” Joel smiles pulling you into him as he crashes his lips to yours. “You are amazing’ darlin, you know that? Got my whole world right here,” he says, cradling your stomach once more.

“Don’t forget about me,” Ellie shouts from her room. You both turn to look at the door. “How the hell did she come in without us knowin’?” Joel shifts to lean on his elbow. You shrug your shoulders as a small giggle escapes you.

“Think it’s funny do ya?” He begins to tickle you and you start to laugh loudly. “Are you two done? Because I’m starving.”

Joel laughs then, resting his head in the crook of your neck. “Suppose we better get up and make some dinner. Then I’m gonna rope Tommy into helpin’ me move your stuff over.”

“Sounds like a plan, Miller.” You watch as he dresses and makes for the door. He turns to face you, “better get used to that name darlin’ cause you’re gonna be a Miller soon too.” With a wink, he opens the door and makes his way downstairs leaving you alone, shocked at what he just said.

Mrs Miller. You like the sound of that.

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