#gotta develop a confidence around knowing yourself and knowing you mean no harm and genuinely want to understand.
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Fear: Manage your smoke alarm.
I'm gonna just brain vomit disjointed shit about what I've learned in my time about fear because I think there is a lot of that goin round these days for various reasons.
Fear is not a bad thing inherently. It is what you do in reaction to that fear that is important.
Do you let fear guide you? Or do you simply let it inform you.
It takes real strength to face your fears without treating them as automatically negative because they scared you.
Sensing fear in yourself can be misunderstood or misinterpreted.
Fear has different warning levels. Someone who is less accustomed to the warning levels may have a level 6 reaction to a level 1 alarm.
Fear can be instilled in people. Fear mongering is a tactic used by terrorists to make people submit.
When we face fear, as an animal, we have the choice to: flee, fight, find out, freeze, fake out, etc.
"Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back" If you let fear guide you, you lose opportunities to be curious and to learn. Sometimes you learn how to not be afraid anymore. I'd even say that's often the case.
Letting misinterpreted fear guide your actions can lead to unsavory results.
Fear of understanding is awfully detrimental to individuals and to communities.
Fear can look a lot of different ways externally. Sometimes it is trepidation, sometimes it is anger, sometimes it is a wall.
If there is anything in the whole world that binds us all together it is food and fear.
Fear is not weakness.
Fear is not bad.
We do not hate our smoke alarms when it saves the house! But we do hate it when the battery is running low and it's beeping, or if it goes off for "no reason". We must each manage our own smoke alarms. Make sure you are maintaining the battery every day to keep from beeping or burning out entirely. Make sure you are getting a management system in place for super sensitive alarms - they still work they just need a little assistance. Preventative action to keep your alarm from going off as if there is a fire when it was just the oven preheating. Know your smoke alarm. If it is sensitive, shaming it doesn't do anything dingus, it just gonna scream at ya nonetheless.
If it means you need some kind of medication, go for it. If it means you need to avoid certain scenarios or influences, you do you boo. If it means you have a shorter battery life for the day than others, you're fine to draw boundaries. Everyone's smoke alarm takes different kind of maintenance and preventative care. It takes time to know yourself and listening to and reflecting on other's criticisms is part of that. Therapy too.
Ya got one life, you're worthy of the time it takes to grow. It don't matter if you're 6, 60, or 600 years old. It's a new day. Be kind to yourself to practice being kind to others. Then you may realize we see one another in each other given the chance. Fear is valid, but kindness is strength.
#fear#fear mongering#brain vomit#had a smoke alarm in my last apartment that i was just accustomed to taking down any time i needed to use the oven.#i still put it back every time. it was still a good alarm and did it's duty just a lil extra sometimes. not its fault!#anyway sorry or your welcome for this#i just feel like im one of the biggest scaredy cats and yet i still will walk right up to my fears to learn more. barring clear dangers ofc#im literally scared around every person ever. but i manage it because i dont want to be guided by nonsensical fear that hurts others.#my legs may tremble but damnit imma stand the fuck up if i gotta.#gotta develop a confidence around knowing yourself and knowing you mean no harm and genuinely want to understand.#knowledge is power#it can combat fear better than anything else
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Scarlet & Hazel | Ch. 3
pairings: hoseok x reader x yoongi
genre: fluff, very light angst, smut (future)
word count:Â 6k
chapters: ch.1, ch.2, ch.3. ch.4
summary:Â
Just cause youâre living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment even after graduating college doesnât mean youâre not happy. So what if your best friend is working her dream job making close to six figures every year? So what if sheâs in a loving, committed relationship with her perfect boyfriend that youâre 99% sure is going to propose to her sometime next year? It doesnât matter that your idea of a perfect relationship is a $9.99 bottle of wine on Friday nights while you binge watch Netflix specials.
Ok so maybe youâre a teensy bit miserable. Maybe you have no idea what youâre doing with your life. Maybe all you need to do is accidentally cross paths with two hybrids who will drastically change that.
Meet âScarletâ and âHazelâ, two of the most gorgeous hybrid men you have ever laid eyes on. With their help, you learn that life is an adventure, a roller-coaster with ups and downs, and you were too preoccupied with yourself to climb out of your own predicament. And hey, youâre not much of a romantic, but with these two, you just might change your mind.
a/n:Â Hello, Jun here! Whew this took a while to write but thank you for your patience!! (poor Y/N still doesnât know their real names but maybe sheâll find out soon?) Any feedback is appreciated <3Â
tag list: @wilhelminalucindaâ @ghostkat23â @ayoo-bangtanâ @sadgurllayha
2 months later.
August is relentless. Youâre sweaty all the time and you have no choice but the crank up the a/c every single day. This heat wave is incredibly brutal because all you want to do is stay at home eating ice cream in your underwear but instead youâre stuck working overtime to pay for what you assume will be a record-high electricity bill. Fuck you global warming.Â
Itâs currently Tuesday. Youâre on lunch break at work, chowing down on a falafel wrap and scrolling through your phone, when a text pops up from Karli.
Karli: Donât forget!
You: ???
Karli: This friday?
You scratch your head. Wtf?
You: Whatâs on friday?
Karli: Umm the date? Remember?
No you didnât. Your dumbass actually forgot about a whole date. You canât believe yourself. Karli finally set you up with that accountant guy from her job. Whatâs his name again? Brad? Brandon?
You: oh yeah! my bad haha
Karli: You forgot his name didnât you?
You: âŚmaybe
Karli: Lol itâs Bryce sweetie
Karli: Heâs really sweet! Just give it a shot
You: of course i will
You: iâll turn up my maximum charm
Karli: Dats my girlllll
Karli: Ugh gtg itâs my boss
Karli: Bye!
You: bye babe
You set your phone down, trying to envision this upcoming Friday. Karli mentioned she gave Bryce your phone number, and heâll text you sometime this week about your date, so at least you donât have to make any moves first. She did show you his picture though, being the wingman that she is by stalking all his social media just for you. Youâve gotta admit he is cute, the profile picture showed him sporting a casual smile, with blonde hair and blue eyes. The classic boy-next-door look.
âAnd heâs most likely not a serial killer!â You remember her declaring a few weeks ago, after scrolling through all his tweets. And when you say all his tweets you mean EVERY Single tweet from when he created his account in high school till now. Your best friend does not fuck around.Â
âThanks I appreciate that. Glad heâll âmost likelyâ not kill me.â You rolled your eyes and grinned at her.
While you munch away the rest of your lunch, you think about how you just arenât acting like yourself lately. In any other circumstance, you wouldâve found yourself more excited for the date. Hell, in any other circumstance you wouldâve at LEAst remembered his name, or thought about what to wear by now, or even stalked his social media along with Karli. Thereâs just a teensy problem though. See, in the past few months you happen to have met two boys who completely changed your standards in men. And you may have maybe developed the tiniest crush on both of them, at the same time. Like how?? You didnât think you were physically capable of doing that?
You sigh, staring at the rest of your falafel wrap, and force yourself to accept reality. As much as you adore them, you know that your little crush will be completely unreciprocated. This you found out through your group chat, now named âHazelâs Nutsâ (courtesy of Scarlet). Itâs not that you confessed to them or anything, they just happened to let slip to you one day that theyâre a mated pair. And hybrids mate for life, so they take that shit very seriously. Although this news stung a little, it didnât cause you to be envious in any way. At the end of the day, crush or not, youâre just glad you have two more people in your life you can confidently call your close friends.
For the past two months youâve actively kept up with them. Sometimes youâll send memes back and forth all night, sometimes youâll group call each other after work. Every once in a while, when theyâre not busy doing whatever it is theyâre doing, they facetime you. These are your favorite moments because you get to see them in all their attractive glory. Just because they donât like you that way doesnât mean a girl canât deny herself some eye candy.Â
You guys never run out of things to talk about. Each day you check the group chat and itâll be popping. Your topics range from the movie that just came out, restaurants they discovered, to even discussing new criminal cases (you got Hazel into watching true crime Youtube videos and now heâs entirely hooked). Sometimes you just sit back and watch the two boys bicker back and forth. Itâs hysterical how they decide to argue through text since youâre sure both of them are probably in the same room together, but you appreciate them keeping you in the loop.Â
At this point theyâve already virtually met Karli. Sheâs been in the background of one or two of your facetimes. Youâre glad she approves of them instantly and you wonder if it has a little something to do with their, especially Scarletâs, boyish charms. She does keep you grounded though, never failing to mention how itâs suspicious that you donât know their real names yet.
âI donât think they mean any harm and they seem genuinely nice,â she had reassured, âBut you gotta admit not telling you their names is a little sketch.â
You just shrugged. âThey have their reasons.â
Internally you do believe she has a point. Even though you donât want to force information out of the boys, youâre a naturally curious person. Your mind has already compiled a list of all the unusual facts youâve discovered about them.Â
A couple of things have become clear to you over the span of the last few months. The most important fact is that although they share tons of content with you, you still have no idea what they do for a living. Youâre also 90% sure they donât have an owner since thereâs never anyone else around them. Another, more interesting fact is that you suspect theyâre actually pretty wealthy. Every time you facetime, theyâre in some sort of lavish looking hotel penthouse, with fancy furniture and artwork hanging in the background. They also dress designer, occasionally flashing their Balenciaga hats, or little Gucci necklaces, or other fancy logos your peasant-ass is unfamiliar with. You actually googled one of Hazelâs t-shirts from your most recent facetime, having no idea what the FG logo stood for. You remember your eyes bulging out of your head after discovering his plain white shirt with two black letters cost more than $200. TWO HUNDred dollars?!!! Do you know how much food and gas you could buy with $200? Why in the fuck would he spend that much on a shirt??
If only you knew how much their watches cost.
Friday rolls around faster than you can blink and before you know it, youâre rushing home from work to get ready. Bryce texted you for the first time on Wednesday to see if you wanted sushi (hell yeah you did) and you were fortunate enough to notify your boss so you could be let out early. Youâve been such a work horse the last few months that they had no choice but to let you leave in advance.Â
So far Bryce seems nice enough but you canât get a proper gauge of his character through text. Oh well, guess youâll find out tonight.
The sushi place youâre meeting at is on the fancier side, and includes a bar. Knowing yourself, if thereâs a bar, thereâs no car, which means you wonât be driving. The last thing you want is to leave your car parked somewhere sketchy overnight cause you accidentally got too tipsy to drive. You like to think you have some semblance of control but itâs always better to be safe than sorry.
You were let out at 4, which means you have only 2 hours to get ready. As soon as you get home you sprint to your closet at lightning speed. You rummage through your drawers, hoping to find something, ANYthing, thatâs appropriate for this occasion. For one quick second, your eyes dart to your forbidden drawer, aka the ho drawer. It contains the remains of your slutty party dresses and tops from college. Being the hoarder that you are, you never like throwing away things, even if you have no need for them anymore. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? You snap your eyes back to the rest of your closet. Youâre going for sushi, not to dance at some club. Besides, you have no intention of sleeping with anyone tonight.
After an hour of deciding on a suitable outfit you finally start on your makeup. Your work makeup has dried up, and now feels gross and cakey on your face, so you remove it all and start anew. At least you had the decency to shower this morning so your hair isnât too gross.
The place is around a 10 minute Uber ride away but you took your sweet ass time getting ready so now youâre in a frenzy. When your phone buzzes, signaling your driver is here, you swipe on some lipstick last minute, grab some chunky heels, and practically fly out the door.Â
You stare out the window of your ride, wondering why youâre lowkey wishing you could spend Friday night at home watching tv instead, or even just spending the evening facetiming two hot hybrids. This all feels a little too rushed. But no, you shake your head and attempt to hype yourself up. Câmon Y/N this is the first real date youâve been on in ages. At least TRy and be a little more motivated.Â
The car pulls up and you thank the driver, stepping out into the warm night air. August is still hot, even in the evenings, and youâre glad you didnât bring a cardigan. Bryce has already texted you, letting you know he was inside, sitting at your reserved spot. You take a deep breath. Ok, time to put on your game face. You strut in, trying your very best to push the faces of two very good-looking friends out of your mind.
You spot Bryce in a corner, head buried in his phone, his wavy blonde hair not easy to miss. You slide in the seat across from him, prompting him to quickly look up and flash you an easygoing smile.
âHello there!â
âHi!â You chuckle nervously. âI hope Iâm not too late.â
âNot all all!â He slides his phone back in his pocket, smile still on his face. âYouâre just in time.â
A waiter comes by and you both take your orders. You make sure to order a drink because you have a feeling youâll need the liquid courage to strike up more conversation. Maybe some sake will help ease you.
The first couple minutes are kinda awkward, not gonna lie. Bryce tries to get you to talk about work and you do answer him, but honestly work is the last thing you want to discuss right now. You try to shift the conversation to his job, but that only ends up being worse as he quickly launches into the ins and outs of life as an accountant. Maybe your two hybrids friends have spoiled you because you barely remember the last time you had to fill empty space with small talk.
When the food comes you quietly sigh a breath of relief, hoping the sushi in front of you will help you both get settled and give you time to think of more interesting topics to talk about.
âSo,â you wrack your brain, âletâs get to know each other more! Like, whatâs your favorite ice cream flavor?â Thatâs got to be a safe enough question.
âHm, Iâm actually more of a yogurt kinda guy, ice creamâs not really my thing.â
You freeze, California roll halfway to your mouth. Ok, ok, cool, cool. So he doesnât like ice cream, thatâs fine. You sweat a little. Hurry Y/N think of something else to ask.
âYeah, I guess thatâs not everybodyâs thing.â You grimace. âThen what about, i donât know, cookies? Whatâs your favorite kinda cookie?â
âActually I prefer crackers, you know, like the saltine ones? Cookies can be too sweet sometimes.â Heâs devouring his dragon roll, not noticing the panic in your eyes. Heâs caught you off guard twice today.
This isnât going well and youâre genuinely surprised because you know Karli has done her research, certain that you two would get along. Guess life really likes to throw you some curveballs.Â
Who the fuck prefers crackers over cookies anyway?? Ok. Code red! Change the fucking subject before the silence becomes unbearable. Your dessert-related ice breakers had never failed you before but thereâs always a first for everything, you guess.
You take a generous swig of sake. âRight, crackers are... good.â Youâre mumbling at this point. âOk, um, what about hobbies? Got any?â Please throw me a fucking bone here! Your mind is reeling but externally you try to act calm and composed, dabbing at the corner or you mouth delicately with a napkin.
âOh yeah!â His face lights up. Oh thank god. âDo you like football? Me and my buddies at the office sorta formed this team, and we play against other departments. Itâs really fun! You should come by and watch sometime!â
âUh, sure!â Football. Huh. The last time you were anywhere near a football was when you met someone from your college team at a bar. Well he wasnât holding a football per se, but that counts right? You only remember how much of a douche he was, trying to hit on one of the girls from your group after getting entirely too wasted.
âAwesome! Iâll hit you up when the next game is set!â Itâs almost impressive how he doesnât notice all the tension emitting from your body. In fact, you have a feeling heâs actually enjoying himself and your company.
The rest of the dinner goes by in the same manner. With him happily answering all your questions and you slowly discovering just how little you both have in common.
He is a gentleman though, that you canât deny. When all the food has been cleared away he immediately swoops in to pay the bill, ignoring your insistence at paying for your half at least. He really isnât a bad person, just the opposite. Besides your difference in interests, he is a sweet guy overall, and you do find him to be physically attractive. Thereâs just no spark, no silver lining that keeps you wanting more. When you both get out of your seats he offers to drive you back to your place but you politely decline. You say itâs because you donât want to trouble him but in reality you need space for yourself to think.
As soon as you arrive home you take off your shoes and plop yourself down on the couch, running your hands through your hair. You check your phone, a few notifications from âHazelâs Nutsâ popping up.
Scarlet: Do you think sheâs done with her date yet??
Hazel: Hey Y/N how was it?
You had told them about this date beforehand and they were excited to root for you, which did bruise your ego a bit since it reaffirmed your unreturned attraction to them, but also prompted you to go through with it. This last notification was from 45 minutes ago but you couldnât reply since you were still at dinner.
You: hi I just got back!
You donât expect them to respond right away but to your surprise:
Scarlet: And???
You: it was meh
Hazel: That bad huh?
You: no nothing like that!
You: heâs really cute and all, itâs just we basically have nothing in common
Scarlet: Aww poor Y/N (sad emojis)
Hazel: Hey happens to the best of us
Hazel: Actually I wouldnât know cause Iâve only been with fox boy
You: thanks anyway, i appreciate it Hazel
Maybe itâs cause youâre a little tipsy, or maybe you just feel so open and vulnerable around them tonight, but the next text you send is especially honest.
You: ughhh idk guys iâm just so lonely!!! why canât things just work out for me for once! Like the first real date I go on in years and this happens :(
They donât respond for a long time. So long in fact you start to get worried that you exposed too much about yourself.
15 minutes pass by but to you it feels like hours. Youâve already removed all your makeup and changed into your pajama shirt. You relocate to your bed, checking your phone again, thinking of a way to play off your last text as a joke when:
Hazel: If youâre so lonely maybe you could adopt?
You grin to yourself, glad that theyâre not being judgmental. Their concern for you resets your mood.
You: ha ha you know my apartment doesnât allow pets
You: but honestly if i could i would, cause i��d definitely get a little kitty
Hazel: Iâm flattered
You: thanks but i meant a real cat
Hazel: Either way iâm flattered
Scarlet: HEY what about foxes??
You: pretty sure owning a pet fox is illegal here Scar
Scarlet: (angry emojis)
Hazel: You heard what the lady said
You: anyways iâm going to bed
You: thanks for making me feel better guys <3
Hazel: Anytime
Scarlet: But hypothetically if foxes werenât illegal youâd get a pet fox right??
You: of course i would sweetie
Scarlet: (happy emojis)
Scarlet: Yay!!! Goodnight Y/N!
Hazel: Night Y/N
You: night boys
You wake up next morning on your own time, checking your phone to see that you slept in till 11am. Wow, you havenât slept that well in a while. Maybe itâs the stress from the previous weeks of non stop working, or the pressure to maintain your composure last night, but either way you knocked out like a rock. You sit up, lean back, and stretch your arms as far as they can go.
Today youâre meeting Karli at her place up north. She couldnât ask you about last night since she was occupied, her seven year anniversary with her boyfriend Sunny coinciding with your date. But she assured you a couple days ago over facetime that today was going to be a girlâs day, no boyfriend included.
âHey!â Sunny had popped out of nowhere in the video when he heard the news, a look of mock shock on his face. âI live here too! So what, you're just gonna kick me out of the house and leave me on the streets to starve?â
âMy god stop being dramatic!â Karli had shoved him playfully off the screen. âI need girl time with Y/N and itâs not girl time if youâre in the house.â
âI can be one of the girls! Right Y/N?â He sounded betrayed.
âI know you can but Iâm not the one who makes the rules.â You pointed out.
He sighed. âYou got me there.â
Since youâre just spending time at Karliâs and getting takeout, you felt zero need to dress up. You washed your face, threw on an oversized t-shirt some old hookup left at your place (hey it was cute) and some tights, and tied your hair out of your face. This entire process took less than 30 minutes and next thing you know youâre ready to head out.
You sent Karli a quick text, letting her know youâre on the way. You grab a bottle of prosecco, your purse, and keys, saying a quick goodbye to your roommate Ayah on your way out. She gives you a small wave, reminding you that she, yet again, has to leave today for a whole week. You backtrack to give her a quick goodbye hug, telling her to drive safe, before you take off.
Karliâs place isnât as far as the beach coffeehouse you frequent, but itâs still located in the wealthier side of town. The drive lasts a good 20 minutes but it feels a lot faster since you spend the whole time singing along to your favorite songs.
You pull up to Karliâs apartment complex, driving yourself to the guest parking space. Her apartment building is pretty tall, with a distant, but gorgeous view of the beach.Â
Karli squeals when she opens the door, immediately giving you a big hug. When you break apart you hold up the bottle of prosecco in your hand, waving it in front of her face.
âI know you have the ingredients here so letâs make some spritz!â
âYay!â
Aperol spritz is your favorite at-home drink to make with Karli. She had gone on a short trip to Italy in the summer between her two years at grad school and tried the drink there, completely falling in love. She googled the recipe, made it for you one day, you had said âOh FUck thatâs good!â, and the rest is history.
She grabs the bottle and quickly relocates it to her kitchen. Her energy levels are sky high today and you wonder whatâs got her so elated. Sheâs skipping everywhere she goes, thereâs a permanent smile etched on her face, and sheâs humming non stop as she pulls you away from the front entrance.
Sunny emerges from the hallway, two hands in the air in surrender.
âIâm heading out, I swear!â
Sunny is a big teddy bear of a man, with tattoos splayed across his arms and a well-kept beard. Thereâs a term you learned online called âlumbersexualâ and thatâs exactly the word to describe Sunny. He almost reminds you of Jason Momoa, the actor who played Aquaman. Those who just meet him think he looks intimidating at first but once you get past his height and size, you see just how much of a softie he is. Heâs also extremely intelligent, working somewhere in the computer industry developing software.
Karli bounds over to him and gives him a big snuggly hug and tiptoes all the way up to give a quick kiss to his lips.
âHave fun babe! Love you!â
âLove you too! Also bye Y/N!â
âBye Sunny have fun!â You smile as he treads out the door.
You both head to the kitchen and start making your drinks.
âArenât you extra chipper today!â You mention as you pour a splash of club soda into your glass.
âAm I?â She doesnât look at you, wearing a mysterious grin, stirring her mixture with a straw.
After you both finish making your drinks, you head to her living room and settle onto her plush sofa.
Karli yawns, almost too dramatically, covering her left hand over her mouth. You quirk your eyebrow at her, wondering why sheâs acting so weird until you spot it. Thereâs something large, something shiny, on her left ring finger.
âOh my godâŚ.â Your entire mouth hangs open. âOh my GOD!!! Is THATâŚ?â
âYep!â
âDid HE -?â
âYep!!â
âAND YOU - ?
âYEP I DID!!â
âYOUâRE ENGAGED?!?!?!â
âI KNOW!!!!â
What happens after is a shriek rivaling that of a pterodactyl taking flight after spotting prey, except the sound is just the two of you screaming and jumping up and down in Karliâs living room.
You bring her into a tight hug, so emotional that youâre about to tear up. And youâre not one to cry that easily.
âIâm so happy for you!â You pull apart and wipe a stray tear from your cheek.
âThank you! Iâm so happy too!â Her smile is also a little watery. âLike I knew he was gonna do it soon since weâve been together so long but Iâm still shocked you know?â
âI know!âÂ
âAnd Iâm sorry. Today was supposed to be me asking about your date last night.â She dabs at her eyes. âBryce really likes you too. He even texted me thanking me for introducing you!!â
âOh shit...â You take this chance to drink your Aperol spritz. âIâm gonna be completely honest with you. Itâs true heâs cute but there was no spark.â You give her an apologetic grin, knowing she really wanted this to work out for you. âLike donât get me wrong heâs super nice and stuff but I just couldnât find anything we have in common. I canât believe heâs still into me?!âÂ
âAw Iâm sorry babe.â She pouts. âI really did think you would be a good match.â
âItâs ok. Anyways,â you wave her off, bringing up the more important subject at hand. âIâd much rather talk about your engagement! Like, hello?? Youâre getting married, girl!!
Another squeal. You really hope her neighbors donât complain.
âI know!! I literally donât know what to think!â She smiles wistfully, like sheâs on cloud nine, then brings her attention back to you. âAlso youâre the maid of honor and you canât back out of that.â
âI would never!â You gasp dramatically, one hand clutching your chest.
âBut donât worry!â She sets her drink down. âThe weddingâs not happening till next year at least. We donât have to start planning till way later.â
The rest of the day you spend chatting to Karli, prompting her to spill every single detail about the proposal. Even though you have no need to help her plan a wedding just yet, you canât hold back from offering some ideas that spring to mind.
âI got it!!â You shout.
âYou got what?â
âHear me out,â you may or may not be a little tipsy at this point. âGoth wedding!â You say with jazz hands. Then you reach down to take another sip of your drink.
âHmmâŚâ She pretends to think about the idea, then giggles. âAnd thatâs enough prosecco for you.â Plucking the glass out of your hand, she transfers it to her kitchen sink.
A couple more hours roll by. You both decide to watch a cheesy Netflix horror movie to sober up, paired with the Mexican takeout you ordered. By the time the credits roll, the sun has long since set, along with your alcohol buzz. You check the time on your phone, deciding itâs best to head home since poor Sunny has been respectfully out and about all day, giving you your girl time.
You give Karli one last big hug, murmuring into her hair how happy you are for her situation. She walks you to the apartment elevator, where you proceed to blow her a swift kiss right before the doors close in your face.
Reality sets in the moment youâre alone. Your head swims with thoughts as you drive back. Most of them are happy about your best friendâs engagement but you canât discount the little ugly bubble of jealousy that wells down deep in your gut, reminding you of your own current situation. Itâs not until you reach home that you realize you didnât even play music in the car.
Ayah has long since gone on her business trip by the time you arrive at your apartment. The whole place looks dark and unwelcome, only highlighting the emptiness you feel inside. You trudge to your room and slump onto your bed. You try to scroll through social media as a way to distract yourself but youâre met, instead, by all the pictures and posts of happy people, showing off their achievements or bragging about their seemingly perfect lives.
You immediately lock your phone and throw it onto the blanket, the stress and anxiety from the last few months building to a boiling point in your mind. Your biggest concern is you still havenât figured out your lease situation, and you only have two more months to move out or find someone new. Ayah has tried her best to help you but sheâs bombarded by business trips so no luck so far. You let out a small groan and bury your head in the pillow, deciding to sleep it off and worry about your problems tomorrow, even though itâs not even that late.
Right as youâre about to drift off into dreamland, your phone rings. You fumble around the covers until itâs in your hands and check that you have a facetime call from your two favorite boys.
Immediately your body jerks awake and you sit up, swiping the answer button.
âHey guys!â
âHi Y/N!!â Scarletâs heart-shaped smile is taking up most of the screen but you can see a sliver of white and grey hair behind him.
Hazel elbows him out of the way. âSorry were you sleeping?â He tilts his head, ears twitching. âWait, itâs only 10 pm where youâre at. You never sleep this early.â
âNo I wasnât... I mean, yeah I was trying to sleep butâŚâ
You sigh. Itâs their faces. Just seeing them through a screen, their wide, innocent eyes blinking up at you, makes you want to spill everything.
You nibble on your bottom lip for a moment. âI was just kinda having an existential crisis so I decided to sleep it off. No biggie.â
Scarletâs eyebrows furrow in concern. After only two months, he can already tell when something is off with your tone of voice.
âY/N whatâs wrong?â He looks up for a bit, pausing to think. âWas it the date last night?â
âThe date?â Oh yeah the date. Yet another thing that didnât go well. You totally forgot about that can of worms. âNot really⌠or actually kinda?â
You try to reorganize your jumbled mess of a brain and put your thoughts into words.
âSo you know how I said I was going to Karliâs today?â
âMhm,â they nod at you to continue.
âWell turns out she got engaged last night.â
âThatâs awesome! Iâm so happy for her!â Scarlet bounces a little, then quickly returns to a more serious tone. âBut that doesnât really answer my question.â
âYeah Iâm happy for her too.â And you genuinely are.
You pause for another moment, teetering on the edge of playing your emotions off like itâs no big deal or exposing all of your concerns yet again. Your need for an outlet to vent to wins in the end. For the first time you find yourself unable to confide in Karli because you want her to be happy and focus on the engagement rather than to be preoccupied with you. Before you know it, the words flow from your mouth like running water.
âItâs just that her announcement really brought me back to earth, and I started thinking a little too much about my own life.â You purse your lips. âI donât know⌠I feel pretty selfish right now because sheâs doing so well and I just canât help comparing my life to hers. Iâm so proud of her but itâs like everything in her life is coming together and I just want that for me also.â You throw your hands up in frustration, almost knocking the phone off from where it leans on your pillow. âI mean weâre the same age for god's sake! Why canât I get my shit together??â
âWell you should be proud of yourself though,â Hazel cuts in. âCause we are.â He gestures to Scarlet and himself.
âYeah!â Scarlet chimes. âI mean youâve got a full time job and a place to stay. I know you donât feel like itâs the most ideal situation right now but please donât discredit yourself.â
âThanks guys.â You calm down a bit, but then you remember the whole issue with your apartment. Scratching the back of your neck, a habit youâve picked up whenever youâre nervous, you say in a much smaller voice, âalthough my âplace to stayâ might not last much longer.â
âWhat do you mean?â Both boysâ eyebrows are raised in confusion.
You realize you never mentioned your living situation to them, the topic always pushed to the back of your mind whenever they initiated conversation.
âYeah.â A dry chuckle leaves your lips. âMy lease ends soon and Ayah wants to move to a place of her own. And I have two months to figure out where to live or find another roommate.â You let out a frustrated huff. âSheâs been so helpful but still no luck I guess.â You shrug in defeat.
You feel like a balloon thatâs lost all its air, brain exhausted from running through all the problems in your life.
âActually thatâs pretty convenient for- â Scarlet starts, but is elbowed again in the ribs by Hazel. âOw!â
âNot yet!â The cat hisses quietly to him.
âHuh?â Now youâre confused. What in the world are they talking about?
Hazel turns back to you. âIâm really sorry about everything Y/N. If thereâs anything we can do to help please let us know.âÂ
âThanks buddy.â You offer him a small smile, choosing to ignore what just happened since they clearly donât want to reveal anything just yet.Â
Hazel then shifts to a more nervous stance, ears slightly flattening and both hands grabbing his floofy grey tail for comfort. Itâs the cutest goddamn thing youâve ever seen in your life.
âSo Y/N, um, thereâs a reason we called you tonight.â
Youâre glad for a change in subject, a much needed distraction away from your downward spiraling thoughts.
âOh right! Yeah. Whatâs up guys?â
Scarlet steps in front of him again, blocking most of the screen.
âWe have a surprise for you!â Heâs so close to the camera that you can only see half of his unblemished face but from the way his eyes crinkle, you can tell heâs giddy with anticipation.
âA surprise- ?â
âYeah!!â
Hazel nudges himself into view again. âQuit hogging the whole screen fox! I swear to god next time weâre using the tv. I canât see anything! Anyways,â he turns to you and smooths his shirt, expression back to stoic, âare you free next weekend?â
âI should be. Why?â Youâre still a little lost on what the surprise is.
âCause weâre coming back to town!â Scarlet blurts out.
âYou are?!â Suddenly all your negativity melts away, replaced by excitement. Hard to believe just five simple words can shift your mood a complete 180°.
âBut wait, thereâs more!â You snort at how much Scarlet sounded like an infomercial just now.
âWeâd like to invite you to dinner next Saturday night. If thatâs ok with you?â Hazel isnât as physically expressive as Scarlet but the hopeful shine in his eyes gives himself away.
You melt at his expression, heart rate speeding up. âOf course thatâs ok! Iâd love to!â
âGreat!â He flashes one of his rare gummy smiles. âSaturday night. 7 pm. Weâll text you the details.â
âYep!â Scarlet pipes in. âThereâs something important we gotta ask- !â He lets out a small gasp, tail bristling, and clamps a hand over his mouth as if he just said something he shouldnât have.
âWhatâs important?â Youâve gotta admit, your curiosity is at its peak right now, and it doesnât help that theyâre acting a little weird today.
Hazel rubs his temples in exasperation, groaning at Scarlet. âWhat part of ânot yetâ did you not understand?â He then addresses you. âSorry Y/N I promise weâll tell you when we see you in person.âÂ
âOk.â Cool. Thatâs fine. Youâre a little nervous about what they have to say and itâll be torture to wait but youâre a big girl and you can handle not knowing for a week. âI canât wait to see you guys!!â you added.
âMe too!â Scarletâs personality is so bubbly and contagious that you canât help but smile back at him.
âSame.â Hazel lets out a small yawn. âWell weâre in a different time zone than you and itâs really late here so I gotta hit the hay.â
âMk, go get your beauty sleep.â You give them a little wave. âAnd thanks for everything. I mean it.â
âNo problem Y/N.â Scarlet also gives off a yawn, stretching his tired limbs. âGoodnight.â
âNight.â
After ending the facetime call, you lie on your back, staring at the ceiling. Your mind is active once again, but this time itâs not clouded with self-deprecating thoughts. Instead, you spend the remainder of the evening theorizing about the âimportantâ things the boys have to tell you. Maybe youâll finally find out their real names. Or maybe theyâll reveal something else about themselves, like why theyâre constantly travelling, or what they actually do for a living. Either way you canât wait for next Saturday to come around.
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#bts fic#bts hybrid au#hoseok fanfic#yoongi fanfic#bts smut#bts fluff#bts fanfction#hybrid hoseok#hybrid yoongi#bts hybrid fic
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