#god's will together since 2500 bce apparently) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

winepresswrath · 1 year ago

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An important thing about Aziraphale is that he cares so much about being good, but also, he is only ok at it. Not terrible! Just mediocre. Very brave and trying his absolute best with mixed results. To paraphrase the book, neither fundamentally good nor fundamentally bad but fundamentally Aziraphale. He is however trying very hard to save the entire planet and that is really very lovely of him and should count for a lot, especially because his hot not-boyfriend finally made a move after six thousand horny, horny years and he could easily have chosen to get really spectacularly laid instead of reviewing organizational flowcharts and being trapped in meetings with people who hate each other only slightly less than they hate him.

#what he is actively quite bad at #in my opinion at least #is being a friend/boyfriend/codependent romantic bestie #To be fair to him he has never tried to be good at this before #he has spent the vast majority of his relationship with Crowley denying and downplaying that relationship #sometimes because he's afraid of external consequences (reasonable! so reasonable)#sometimes because he's afraid that it's actually Wrong to love him much less side with him (make up your mind dude you've been thwarting #god's will together since 2500 bce apparently)#but how do you get into the habit of being good to someone under those conditions?#metaphorical internalized homophobia that cannot help but be externalized onto the object of your affections rings sadly true #like it is just very hard to be decent to someone when you're genuinely afraid that there might be something fundamentally broken and evil #in them especially if you're also afraid the same thing might be broken and evil in you .#when you are afraid that extending empathy and understanding to someone else is just self indulgence and selfish gratification of your own #desires it is very easy to sabotage your better impulses #and it's not that Aziraphale doesn't basically know this is bullshit but imo that is why the idea of Crowley as an Angel again is such #a relief to him and he genuinely manages to convince himself it can fix everything #but that is not the same thing as Aziraphale going back to heaven!#good omens

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