#god why couldn't i have done like literally anything else
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arts so stupid whyd i have to choose it to be The Thing I Do
#put effort into shit and spend hours on it and then it gets nothing and it sucks#or dont and either you get deserved nothing or you feel bad that the bad shit got popular#usually the first kne#god why couldn't i have done like literally anything else#is it my style i know its not the best but i didnt think it was that bad#or am i just not good at it. am i making myself look stupid#tumblrs fucking awful but everyones on here twitters barely better i get more but its just the same like 7 mutuals#shoutout those guys btw. love all of my mutuals but the same few ppl on twitter that like like all my art are inspiring idk how#they deal with me#tiktoks fine i get like 30-50 likes per art dump bit then again when my average likes over there are over a hundred if not 200#its not as nice#god im such a self centered freak arent i why do i even care about fucking social media shit#i tell myself that but then like last night this plus like one person ignoring me managed to make me suicidal for a few hours#so thats nice#trying so hard to not be jealous and a bitch but at the same time what makes me so much worse than everyone else that the stuff i put so#much effort into gets so little attention while people can put barely anything into something and get so much#god i really need to get offline#but theres literally nothing irl for me to do instead#and online is where all the stuff pertaining to my hyperfixation is#someone just fucking kill me at this point#jello shut up challenge#am i having an episode or some shit im actually so serious for the past like month or two ive been like this every night#man i really wish my therapist hadnt quit right about now
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