#god dang he really deserved so much better & i hate that his shitty wife ruined my relationship with him. i'll never forgive her
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Well I told myself I needed to spend time outside without my phone more and then I ended up sitting out on my back deck for 45 minutes crying about my dad. But it was good and I think I needed that.
#i just never really got the chance to process his death & my feelings about it b/c my boyfriend's mom was dying as well#and the whole way my dad's burial was put off for 9 months & all this shit that happened w/ his wife and cutting her out of my life#among other things going on that have been really stressful & shitty for the last year or so that are finally over with as well#but i was just sitting there admiring the view b/c i can see for miles since i'm on a hill & the way the trees were blowing in the wind#and then it just hit me like a brick that my dad would have fucking loved my house and he never got to see it#i tried to show him pictures towards the end but idk if he really understood :(#but he loved the UP & he would've gotten such a kick out of my house w/ the view and how very retro 1960s it is#so yeah i just had a whole lot of feelings about him & missing him especially the way he was when i was a kid before he married the demon#and just feeling sad for how he ended up being a single parent for all 7 of his kids b/c his 1st wife left and then my mom died#and then his 3rd wife was so abusive to us & remembering how broken down and a shell of himself that he was from her#god dang he really deserved so much better & i hate that his shitty wife ruined my relationship with him. i'll never forgive her#anyway HOW THE FUCK do some people not have an inner monologue lol i just sat there for 45 minutes having some very big thoughts#p
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