#god I LOVE VOLKS 🥺🥺

[zorya-reads]

Chapter 17.

The Lost Princess

Context: You know that classic 'kidnapped with a blindfold' moment at surprise birthday parties? Yeah, Leviathan saw that, and pinned it to their Pinterest board: "Surprise Bday Party Ideas for Jamie“, courtesy of Papa Leviathan, the CEO of the 501(c)(3) non-profit org.

I love how the first sentence is “Jamie Volk had been trained to become a perfect machine, picking up on every detail, alert to every danger.” No boy. NO, YOU F*CKING DON’T. (Meanwhile, I’m having a convo with @darthvadersinhaler about him being oblivious for, like, 300 pages or something.) 

In fact, like half of these are DMs I sent a mutual. LOL.

NOT HIM RUNNING OFF BECAUSE HE’S A LOLLIE HATER. 

Ok, tbh, the whole “he was trained to sense any danger and any detail” doesn’t hit well when Haru was the one to point out the presence of best-girl Ingrid on the same page.

Jamie, why TF do you have a thirst for revenge?

Just get your stress ball, god damnit.

HARU, YOU FUCKING TRAITOR. I FUCKING HATE YOU. What do you mean you OFFER JAMIE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO AFTER INGRID and then STRAIGHT UP LIE?? Also, what the hell is up with you giving Jamie the confidence that running off is a good idea??? BRO???

Also, Jamie, what TF did you think you are going off against Ingrid after your encounter in the Tompkins mansion went SO INCREDIBLY WELL /s?

Ingrid offending Jamie as a partizan >>>>

Ok, nvm.

A GOAT HAHA. LoOk At tHe rEferEncE I mAde beCAuse I’m SuCh A mAstErmInd.

Guys, Rabbit, Bird, and Goat masks (plus the spider swords that give me arachnophobia every time they’re mentioned) make for A TERRIBLE AND MESSY BRANDING. What you guys need is a total rebranding! Ad campaign! PR blast! Get your faces out there! (/ref SAOA)

Not the idiots revealing the identity of their master. Gosh, Leviathan is really so stupid.

Jamie is even more stupid.

“Yeah, it would be stupid to fight the random Leviathan guys since they’re outnumbering me. I’m out of breath, too, since I literally just battled one of them.” “Yeah, nvm, let’s do that. I don’t have anything planned for my evening yet.”

Slay the G.O.A.T. just wanted to give Jamie a bit of attention for his birthday and even brought a present.

The Goat just wanted a bit of quality time with his son. 🥹🥹

Be Ellie? No. Be Lottie? No, and ghost her for weeks. Be Haru? Hmmmm, allow being crossed over boundaries. But no. Be Leviathan, this evil, evil corp that annoys you 24/7 and tries to hurt you and your friends? YEAH, BRING OUT THE CAKE AND PRESENTS!! :D

I love how they’re all like, “Aww, I just want to sing Happy Birthday,” and Jamie’s like, “Alr, Alr, I’ll listen 🥺🥺 but pwease don’t hurt me.” And evil, evil 501c3 non-profit CEO is like, “Sure, but pwease pwease don’t hurt us as well.”

AND OH MY GOD, WE'RE IN THEIR HEADQUARTERS??? I thought they we’re still on random streets. Gosh, that writing is confusing. (Or my bad, who knows.)

Them having a birthday party? Aww.

NO, I DO NOT GIVE A SH*T THAT THEY’RE MANIPULATING. THIS IS WHOLESOME, OKAY? LET THAT FOUND FAMILY HAVE A MOMENT, YOU HATERS >:C (Yes, when Haru does it, it’s a red flag, but when Leviathan does it, it’s wholesome. But did Haru get his holy 501(c)(3) non-profit status approved by the IRS? No! See my very valid point here? D:)

“Are you happy to be a partizan?” See? They’re very concerned about Jamie’s future and want him to take the right career path!!!! D:

They have a big-boy talk on his birthday. Very reasonable. Very demure. A+ parenting.

Yes! Let Jamie join Leviathan!!!! Better career chances, promotions, better healthcare, and vacation days!!!!

NOOO, JAMIE, DON’T CALL THEM OUT FOR MANIPULATING. THEY ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR YOU!!!! D:<

Not the 501(c)(3) CEO considering all his employees and subordinates his children. Sir, HOW MANY CHILDREN DID YOU MAKE???? We know there’s at least... one.

NO WAY HE ACTUALLY REFERENCES HIS SON.

Plot twist: Jamie’s the son of Leviathan. muhahaha.

Plot twist: The G.O.A.T played Sims 4 100 Baby Challenge, and the love interests were all elite and royal families, and now he’s on a mission to reconnect with all his children. :D

In all honesty, I really appreciate the line where Jamie acknowledges that the Goat-Man and him are having coequal trauma.

Okay, the gang figured out the best timing for making calls every time somebody gets kidnapped.

Aww, Jamie immediately knows the one calling him is Lottie.

Headcanon: He knows because the vibrations and ringtone music set for Lottie are special.

Ok, IF the bird is actually a person we know that would be SUCH a cool way for the characters to figure out there’s a traitor based on the wound. The potential for drama here is huge. To be fair, though, the payoff would hit way harder if there was an actual fight involved instead of just a few lines of acknowledgment. So I'm just tossing random theories out. (And because I really want Haru to suffer /j ... OOPS.) BUT THIS WOULD WORK PERFECT AS FORESHADOWING ON-SCREEN.

THE GOAT NOT ACKNOWLEDGING IT HAHAHA.

Jamie and Ingrid being Inej1 and Inej2.

NOT THEM BEING SCARED FOR JAMIE

HAHA

It’s a wonder they didn’t put the Hamelin formula in the cake. Which is super interesting. If Jamie had acknowledged it, we could have assumed they can’t properly produce and execute it yet, or that the G.O.A.T. is too nice as some sort of foreshadowing.

Will Ingrid get fired after this???? Please.

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Premise: I’m rereading the Rosewood Chronicles Series for the first time after years, so take my chaotic commentary with a grain of salt (or a whole salt shaker). Open to spoilers.

[maschinen-mensch]

@jothwitch tagged me, thank you so much! it has been a while since I did one of these and this one has great questions so here we go:

what book are you currently reading? I’m soon finished with Bono memoirs “Surrender” and I’m in the middle of the The Expanse books, currently in “Nemesis Games”.

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? I’m answering for 2022 and the answer is obviously Top Gun: Maverick 😘

what do you usually wear? black/white converse, black pants, some dark top /band t-shirts/geek t-shirts/turtlenecks

how tall are you? 159cm which is *googles*… 5′2.6″

what’s your Star Sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? I’m a typical Cancer and I’m checking now and I see that Liv Tyler, Princess Diana, Léa Seydoux share my birthday 💅 

do you go by your name or nickname? just my mum and one friend call me Nuri, which is just a shorter version of my name

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? oh no. when I was really young I wanted to become an animal breeder (?!), then zoologist and in my teens I went into the typical STEM direction. Then after one uni semester of Physics I completely changed direction to Cultural Anthropology and now I’m in the online marketing business.

are you in a relationship? if not who is your crush if you have one? nope. (for details about my situationships you can follow my private twitter account) I don’t have a crush irl, but my current celeb crushes are well documented on my Twitter and here on Tumblr.

what’s something you’re good at vs something you’re bad at? good: taking fandom things not too serious, being aware that it’s all just good fun, keeping my distance and being aware of the parasocial dynamics when it comes to my faves bad: taking things from my job too much to the heart and being always on edge about it

dogs or cats? definitely more of a cat person

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year? (again taking 2022 for this) the fancams I made for Volk and Kosinski 🥺 I’m super slow with making such edits but I’m really proud of them.

what’s something you would like to create content for? the content I really want to make I already do on my own channels for my own group of (online) friends. I guess I would like to do more and do it better.

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with? Kosinski, my boy :’) establishing himself as one of the big guys in the world of Hollywood movie directors while looking handsome as ever

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? (2022) mhh Ghost in the Shell: SAC_2045, it already started 2020 but it finished in 2022. And it’s just… not good. :( I’m a huge fan of the classic GITS: SAC seasons so this one hurt.

what’s a hidden talent of yours? I don’t really know an answer for this.. maybe dancing without a care in the world when the right music is playing since most times only strangers (I often go to clubs alone) see me doing that?

are you religious? no but I love to use “jesus” “god damn it” as swear words all the time. and in English, not in my actual native tongue. because Swiss German cursing just doesn’t sound right.

whats something you wish to have at this moment? well. a date with someone pointy, lean and tall with the right kind of sharp cheekbones and nice hair would be cool. 👉👈 otherwise, idk, a Starbucks hot chocolate.

tagging: ok let’s see… @gwinny3k @semperrgumby @saikkunen @krennicss, @bluestockingbaby, @thisisnottheblogyourelookingfor @shipmastered @neonwizardheehee (oh neonwizardheehee I think I remember you have tagged me for something similar in the past but I didn’t do it then, I’m so sorry ;_;). Of course there’s no obligation, just wanted to show I’ve thought of you <3