#go fuck yourselves. none of yall would survive in my position

[blonkk]

spent yet another day ALONE doing stuff BY MYSELF and having no one to fucking talk to because this is my life.

my friends try to be supportive and like to minimize conflict or whatever i just smile and nod but fr I DONT WANT TO HAVE A NEW ADVENTURE!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS!!!! IVE DONE IT A THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!! they mean well but they just don’t get it. they have partners and families and friends who they travel with/ are waiting for them back home when they can merrily go and resume their lives. i don’t have any of that shit. the REASON i travel and move so much isn’t because im just a carefree hippie floating in the wind it’s because i literally have no choice. for some FUCKING reason i can’t seem to land. i came to this stupid ass place because i needed a job i was literally going broke and nothin else worked out. i got stuck in the previous shithole for the same reason. i left home and am not going back because my family is shit i have no friends there anymore and there’s literally no reason for me to be there; i can’t do anything i like there, west is best there’s a reason people say that. i loved living there when i had friends and family but it’s not the same anymore.and i know my friends are trying to support me and think im being negative but seriously man. if you were in my shoes you’d get it . this is my FIFTH move since covid; each move i knew NOBODY!!!! had to be BY MYSELF 97% of the FUCKING TIME!!!!!! i’ve learned all there is that can be learned about being independent and whatever else. i know who i am. i know my values. i know i can do hard things. i know my hobbies. and every time things start to feel ok BOOM !!! YOUR STUPID SHIT LIFE IS BACK HAHAHAHA!!! TIME FOR YOU TO GO BE ALLLL ALONNNEEEE ALLLL OVR AGAIN BECAUSE FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! like i’m so tired of it. today i: went and saw a shitty place i don’t want to live in because i don’t want to live here. then i went hiking, took pictures, went to a mexican place, had a beer and a burrito. a really good sunday. a healthy way to spend a day off. except i had to do it with only myself for company like ive been doing for the past 5 fucking years and it doesn’t get easier it gets fucking harder because it’s just going through the motions i know how this shit goes. and if one more person tells me “that’s just life!” or “take the leap, you never know!! it could be amazinggg” or “im so jealous you’re always doing cool stuff and exploring new places” im gonna rip the skin off their stupid fucking face. like maybe being alone is a pretty common adult experience for people without a bf/gf but i can’t stand it and the longer i’m forced to do it the harder it gets and the more i realize it’s not fucking worth it. so. hope everyone else’s weekend wasn’t this dogshit