#glad(?) i now have a handy reference to give to people wondering about the Repeated Murder Attempts

[water-weaving]

they weren't lying. that school sure can Cruelty

[kateis-cakeis]

I'm glad the numbers have come in handy because whew you have brought a lottttt more ideas to the table here!

You are so right about hell!!! The only times it's mentioned as a place is with the Morgana line, and riding into the mouth of hell by Leon, then repeated by Arthur. The rest of the time it's a figure of speech.

Lucky for us and time, I recorded all of the mentions back when I did this. So here they all are:

S1: Four episodes Merlin: What the hell was that? Arthur: Hell, if I were you, I'd want to. Where the hell have you been?! Will: Am I the only one wondering who the hell this is? S2: Three episodes. Arthur: I promise I will make your life a living hell. What the hell did you give me? Morgana: And you, Uther, you will go to hell. S3: Seven episodes. Arthur: Where the hell have you been? What the hell's it doing over there? What the hell are you doing here?! What the hell are you doing here?! What the hell are those two doing?! Gwaine: Hell of a lot of good it did me. What the hell happened? Merlin: No, to hell with your orders. S4: Four episodes. Arthur: The hell is that? What the hell happened? What the hell do you think you're doing?! What the hell have you been doing? What the hell are you doing creeping around in the woods? What the hell are you playing at? Into the mouth of hell it is. Merlin: What the hell are you doing creeping around in the woods? Tristan: Who the hell are you? Gwaine: What the hell. Leon: I know that I would ride into the mouth of hell for you. S5: One episode. Arthur: What the hell was that?

Here's heaven as well:

S1: One episode Uther: God in heaven. Morgana: But thank heaven he did. S2: Two episodes. Freya: It was like heaven. Arthur: Oh, but heaven has blessed me. Thank heaven for that. S3: One episode. Gaius: Heaven forbid that the Cup should fall into the hands of Morgause. S5: One episode. Morgana: I have the power of the heavens in my hand and yet he continues to defy me!

So it seems like... hell is rarely a place and more a phrase like people tend to do in just casual speech anyway? While heaven is like, a place? Morgana says heavens like plural? But I believe that's how some people refer to heaven anyway... It's all very interesting!!! Especially since heaven is barely mentioned, while hell is mentioned constantly

As for the spirit world and beyond the veil... The time is currently 22:50 for me, I'll be right back with you. Let me record this down, because I do not have the numbers sjhfdghjf. I'm back it's now 23:27 :P

Okay so I specifically recorded down mentions of Spirit when it had something to do with spirits and the spirit world specifically (ignoring things like spirited).

Spirit is said a total of 53 times. Mostly in S4 Ep1, Ep2, and Ep10. And S5 Ep3. These are all episodes where spirits are the story.

It's a little long, and little unreadable so I wont share every mention for now, unless you want it! :)

Veil is said 15 times, in three episodes. S4 Ep1 and Ep2. S5 Ep3. It's all like referring to tearing the veil between the worlds, and closing veils, and reopening veils between the worlds.

The next life is only mentioned once by Arthur in S2 Ep12 with the classic "If I need a servant in the next life…"

So it's just all a bit... vague religion and who really knows if a New Religion entirely exists. Maybe god alone is left over from the Triple Goddess? Who knows!

And maybe you're right, maybe with Merlin and Vivian some kind of religion did survive across the borders? Though Merlin is more complicated since he only says gods once, and says god three times.

It's all just vague... sdjhfgjhsdgf But the numbers and the mentions are really interesting!

Christian iconography? in my Merlin??

[jhoudiey]

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve added anything to Loru, but I’ve FINALLY finished her birthday fic! Yay! My bird girl is 18 now! The only warning for this I guess is Implied Violence, 2900 words. Borrowed Theo and Kore from @girl-in-the-tower and Scarlet from @rikanoctrix since I want to try and add more OCs into Yoru canon going forward.

__________

“Neee Fugu-chan” Floyd grumbled, having kicked his way unceremoniously into Yoru’s room

“Floyd it’s too early for you to be this loud, what do you want?” She mumbled, not bothering to pull herself up from her mattress where she way laying face down

“I wanted to be the first person to wish you a h----aaappy birthday”  he said, stifling a yawn

“You’re too late for the birthday thing, sounds like you came for a nap”

“That too” he said casually, throwing his uniform jacket toward her desk chair. It missed and landed in a pile on the floor. He jumped over Yoru and bounced slightly when he hit the mattress. She shoved one of her pillows at him, opening her eyes the tiniest amount.

“Its only 9 though, who already said happy birthday?” he whined, clutching the pillow to his chest to look at her. She blinked slowly at him before responding. 

“Ortho at exactly midnight, Idia at like 6 this morning when we realized the time, and my dad when I got home. If you wanna nap do it quietly, I just got to bed” she turned away from him and buried her head in her pillow again. 

“Have any big birthday plans?” he asked, looking over the edge of his pillow. She rolled back to glare at him

“Dinner later with my dad and some staff. That’s it. No you can’t come. It’s not a party. Good night” she said bluntly, shoving her face back into her pillow.

“Night Fugu-chan!” Floyd murmured, curling up on the other side of the bed.

It was already dark when she woke up, she could smell dinner being cooked from downstairs and hoped that Crowley had at least asked some of the cafeteria ghosts to cook instead of trying to cook it himself. He’d tried to bake her birthday cake 2 years ago and almost set the house on fire, he hadn’t attempted cooking since. Yoru showered, threw some clothes on and made her way downstairs to the dining room. 

“SURPRISE!” She was almost blown backwards by the noise and took a step back. The room was full of staff and the few friends she’d managed to collect while haunting the grounds of NRC. Floyd grinned at her from behind Jade and Azul, Ortho was floating near the front of the table with a huge smile on his face with Idias tablet floating nearby, and the staff were all gathered around the room wherever they’d fit. She’d never had a birthday where so many people came for dinner, and was taken a aback

“Neeee Fugu-Chan!” Floyd called “You said I wasn’t invited but I bet you never knew there was going to be a party for you!” He smirked at her, Jade chuckling softly beside him. 

“Uhhhh...what...is going on?” she asked, looking around the room at everyone, still shocked to see so many people. Crowley swooped down on her from across the room, draping his arm across her shoulders. 

“Oh my sweet daughter, I thought for your 18th birthday we should have a spectacular party for you with all of your friends and family!” he gestured around the room with his other arm. “Everyone is here to celebrate with you, so make sure to not run away!” He steered her deeper into the room, sitting her down at the head of the table laden with food. She awkwardly glanced around the room, was she supposed to say anything? Were there customs for this sort of thing? She sat in silence, fidgeting a little in her chair, hoping that someone else would say something to break the tension that had settled over the room. 

“Yoru-san! What sort of gifts did you ask for!?” Ortho chirped enthusiastically, flying a little off his seat. For Idias birthday the three of them had hidden away and played a few board games, what she wouldn’t give to be repeating that experience right now.

“Ummm… nothing. I usually just get whatever I need throughout the year myself… I don’t really know what I would ask for”... She trailed off looking around the room once more, were they going to expect her to open presents? Was there even presents to open? Generally the teachers gave her new notebooks or reference books, but they’d always just leave them for her on the table without ever having wrapped them. Yoru wasn’t sure what else to say, and was worried she’d be further interrogated about gifts; she started filling her plate, hoping that the food would at least act as a buffer for the pressure that was slowly spreading through the room. As she was piling her plate to tottering she noticed an unfamiliar face in the corner near professor Yule, she paused and stared at the girl wondering if they’d met before and she’d just forgotten. The girl smiled shyly at her and waved, Yoru was certain they’d never actually met before, there weren't any other girls at NRC, and there wasn’t any reason for a random girl from the village to be here…

“Yoru, this is my daughter Kore” Theo said to her with a slight nod “She’s come to stay at NRC with me, though she’ll be living in Ramshackle dorm with Yuu for the time being. I’m sure you’ll get along” He smiled at her, knowing that it was unlikely. Yoru was, afterall, prickly and not very open to new friends and Kore herself could be difficult. Yoru grimaced and gave the girl a quick nod before turning back to the table, hoping that there weren’t any more surprises planned for the evening. Theo let out a sigh of relief “honestly I thought that was going to go way worse” he chuckled a little looking at Kore. She had her face set and was looking towards Yoru’s back, fists tightened into balls, daring Yoru to say something about her lack of magic. 

The night carried on, conversation flowing more easily once everyone started eating. Azul was trying to worm the recipes out of Crowley so he could co-opt them for the lounge, while Crowley was giving every excuse he could to not have to admit that it was the ghosts that had cooked and not him. As dinner wound down, Yoru started getting anxious again as she wasn’t certain what was supposed to come next. Why did Crowley think it was a good idea to have her entertain a room full of people? Luckily everyone was entertaining themselves for the most part, so she’d been able to have a muttered conversation with Idias tablet, making escape plans for as soon as she was able to sneak away. 

“Yoru-san! Me and Ni-san made you this, he said that it would help you out a lot!” Ortho cheered suddenly from the table. “N-Not so loud, Ortho” The tablet groaned “Sorry Ni-san! Look Yoru! It’s a tablet like the one Ni-san has! He set it to easy mode cause he knows you suck!” Ortho beamed at her “Wow Idia, real nice.” She said sarcastically “You know what I meant! You suck with computers! I made this one idiot proof, just for you hehehehe, there’s no way you can mess this one up!” Ortho thrust the tablet at her, where it floated near her head “Oh this is weird” she said, looking sideways at it as it beeped quietly at her, even if it was set to be user friendly, she knew she’d have to get Idias help setting it up later.  

“Yoru! My girl! You’re 18 now! Congratulations!” Vargas boasted, throwing an arm around her shoulder. She suspected him and Theo may have had a few too many drinks, he was being more affectionate than normal, and Theo was actually smiling. She didn’t blame him, having to deal with Crowley out of a professional setting could be draining. “You can’t turn 18 without a proper gift though! I brought you something!” He beamed at her, pulling the largest container of protein powder she’d ever seen from out behind his back. She couldn’t help but laugh a little, of course he would think protein powder was a good gift- not that he was wrong. Protein powder would be really useful for her to get back into shape, she’d ended up losing a lot of weight over the winter and needed to gain it back... It had been a while since the two of them had done any training, she made a mental note to ask him to get back to sparring once her wings had fully grown back in and her mobility was back to 100%. 

“Vargas, isn’t that a little… hmmmm” Crewel had started, before sighing and shaking his head a little “Nevermind, Yoru, I think this book of antidotes to rare poisons will come in handy” He said, glaring at her. She knew that look too well, there would be hell to pay if she poisoned herself and needed his help recovering again. She’d hoped that maybe her New Years accident wouldn’t have made it to Crewel’s ears, but Crowley was always a loudmouth so she suspected everyone in the room knew that she’d almost died a mere 4 weeks before. “Thanks Crewel” she muttered, rifling through the pages. 

“A book of antidotes, Crewel? How disappointing” Theo scoffed, cutting Crewel off before he could respond to Yoru. They’d had a long standing rivalry and no way he’d let Crewel get another word in. “here Yoru, this may be of some help. I found it on one of my expeditions.” He handed her a small compass with the needle spinning wildly “It’ll point you to what you need most at any given time” He smiled at her, chuckling a little at the needle spinning dizzyingly fast. Yoru grinned, Theo always had the neatest stuff, she was glad to be given an artifact of her own, even if this one seemed to be broken. If it wasn’t, it should be pointing towards the Ignihyde dorm, since at that moment she wanted nothing more than to be hiding away in Idias room in silence. She slid the compass in her pocket and  glanced to the side toward Kore who was there holding out a cabbage. “I didn’t know what to get you since we’ve never met, but I think everyone has a use for cabbage so here!” she thrust it at yoru who grabbed it with both hands, a grin growing across her face. Cabbage. As a gift. “This is great, I love cabbage” She smiled, thinking it was probably all downhill from here, food was really hard to top as a gift, good job girl she had never met. As she turned to put the cabbage down, Azul cleared his throat gently from the table. 

“Ahhh Yoru-san! While we’re on gifts, we’re pleased to say we’ve brought one for you as well!” He smiled at her and Floyd handed her a box. All three of the Octavinelle boys were smiling at her as she opened it, it was quite unnerving to be watched so closely by them. Inside was what she realized was her Mostro Lounge uniform. Azuls smile widened “I’m glad Professor Crewel was able to lend a hand to assist in the tailoring of it, it should fit perfectly for you to start work with us in the Lounge tomorrow”. Yoru rolled her eyes at him. “Oh yay, can’t wait. What if it doesn’t fit?” she asked. Crewel scoffed at her. “I tailored it, of course it will fit, there is no question.” She sighed, knowing he was right. He’d been able to alter her high school uniform for her perfectly before she realized that Walpurga Nacht Academy had a strict “no alterations of any kind” policy. 

“Here Yoru-chan! You can use this to take orders in the Lounge!” Scarlet interrupted, beaming at her. She’d been the nurse at NRC longer than Yoru had been alive and was excited to be here celebrating her 18th birthday with everyone. She handed Yoru a shocking pink notebook with cartoon unicorns all over it, complete with a neon-holographic sticker sheet of cute and cuddly creatures. “You can use it to take notes too! I know how much you write down, so I knew a notebook would be handy!” Her smile was shining so brightly Yoru had a hard time looking at her, she felt guilty knowing she’d only ever use this particular notebook if every other object that could be written on disappeared from existence. She took the notebook and placed it on top of the box containing her Mostro Lounge uniform, ready to be carried upstairs back to her bedroom. She felt her chance to escape the party was approaching, the pile of gifts needing to be carted away a blessing in disguise 

“Hmmmm my favourite demon-chan has so many gifts!” Sam exclaimed, looking around at all of them, “Perhaps she doesn’t need another...” he teased, smiling widely at her. “Hmmm, but if she didn’t need any other gifts, then what would I do with this vial of Dragon blood?” Yorus eyes widened. She’d asked Sam if he could try and find her some more than six months ago but he’d never gotten back to her. “Sam! You found some! This is amazing!!!” She was ecstatic, holding the vial in her hands, an entire new world of potion making opportunities opening up to her. Crewel and Crowley gave each other a short glance, it wasn’t a good idea for her to have something so dangerous, especially if she was going to continue experimenting on herself. “Hmmm Sam, perhaps that isn’t a good gift for a young woman?” Crowley tried to protest, the glare Yoru shot him quieted him down immediately. “Thank you Sam, this will be really useful”.

“Ahhh Sam, again with the dangerous gifts” Trein sighed handing Yoru a small book bound in a strange leather. “Here Yoru, you had asked me before about Harpies but I wasn’t able to tell you much. I’ve found a history of them, as brief as it is, hopefully this will answer some your questions” He gave her a small smile, she accepted the book with a small nod. She had been beginning to wonder more about her mother and the Strophrades Isle, but there was nothing in the library on the topic, which she had found strange. She’d meant to ask Crowley the best way to get there and information on her mother, but had forgotten . Even if she had, she assumed he’d talk her ear off, having been starved for conversation with his daughter for the last month. She had vowed to never speak with him again after he’d given Azul permission to drug her, and so far had been able to keep the promise to herself. 

She placed the book on top of the others and grabbed the pile of gifts to carry up to her room, the cabbage and protein powder balanced precariously on top. “I uhhh.. Don’t know how birthday parties are supposed to end so thanks everyone…” she muttered, walking out of the room to start climbing the stairs to her room. “Just a minute, Nugget!” Crowley called after her “You never got my gift!” he called up the stairs behind her, she ignored him. 

“How embarrassing, headmaster, your own Nugget ignoring you” Jade said quietly, staring at Crowleys back. “Jade, if I ever hear you call me Nugget I swear I will rip your tongue out” Yoru yelled down the stairs. “Fufufu, than I shall make sure you never hear me” he grinned. “Neee  Fugu-chan! What if I call you Nugget-Chan?” Floyd yelled after her, Azul, Jade, Ortho, and Idias tablet laughing quietly. “The same goes for you Floyd! I will eat your tongue for dinner!” She threatened. Everyone remaining in the room grinned, trying to think of ways to work the word Nugget into their everyday vocabulary. 

“Oh!” Crowley cried out suddenly “We forgot the cake!” He rushed into the kitchen, returning moments later with a two-tiered white cake with a large 18 drawn on the top in green icing. “Yoru! Come back and get some cake!” Crowley's face fell when there was no response, he knew she’d likely left out the window already, the promise of cake not enough to bring her back. “Well, it would be a waste to not eat it…” he mused to himself before looking at the room at large “Okay! Who wants cake!” He smiled at everyone raising their hands. 

***

“Hey, where’s the cake?” Idia asked when Yoru pushed her way into his room.

“Cake?” She questioned, holding the tablet he’d made for her out to him. “I need help setting this up” He sighed and grabbed the tablet from her hand, easily tapping through the screens to set it up for her.

“You come and ask me for favours and don’t even bring any cake, what kind of friend are you!?” he complained.

“We didn’t even have cake, what are you talking about?” She sat down on his bed, watching him tinkering with the tablet. 

“Crowley said there was cake, and you didn’t bring any with you!”

“Oh. I must have left before then. Ortho is still there, get him to bring some back and we can eat it here”

“Oooh! Good idea!” He whispered to Ortho from his tablet, a childish grin creeping across his face at the promise of cake.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Public Relations. Pt 4. Cinema blow job [Calum Hood blurb]

Series masterlist

Summary: you, Calum and a dark movier theatre. 18+, proofread by wonderful @burncrashbromance

***

The auditorium was dark and almost empty. Perfect for the two of you. Going to the movies was difficult enough with Calum, his fans following you almost everywhere. You liked watching new films on the big screen, the smell of popcorn around and childish excitement inside. You came to terms though with how rarely you got to experience it these days. But if you were lucky enough to persuade your boyfriend to go and see a movie, you usually chose little theatres, late-night screenings and caps and hoods low on your eyes. Just like today.

The hall around you was almost empty, 11 pm flashing on a big digital clock. Calum pulled on his green hood and hugged you from behind while you were standing in a short line to buy tickets. You looked back at him, surprised by this sudden gesture. Calum smiled and whispered, “You look good in my cap.” He kissed your cheek and straightened up, still holding your waist.

You did notice that he was in a lighter, more playful mood than usual today, but didn’t give it much thought. You bought tickets and coke and entered the hall when the trailers of the upcoming films were being shown already. You noticed how not many people were there while climbing the stairs, your hand squeezed by Calum’s much bigger one. Only one more couple in the middle of the auditorium and a group of three friends below them were keeping you company tonight. The two of you settled for the higher rows and took off your jackets, leaving them on the near seats. You sat down and gasped from sudden pain.

“You fully deserved that,” Calum reminded you, referring to you biting his shoulder when you suddenly decided to have sex at a fire escape staircase in New York. He promised to slap you for it and he fulfilled his promise when you came back to LA. You had no objection though, enjoying his domineering side. And the sex which followed that punishment you enjoyed even more. So you didn’t say anything now, just settled with Calum’s arm around your shoulders, cuddled into his side, his warmth enveloping you.

You suspected there was something on his mind when you picked up your cup and sipped through the straw. He watched you carefully, indifferent to what was happening on the screen. You looked back at him, arching an eyebrow in a silent question, but Calum only smiled, shook his head and turned his attention back to the film. But the next time you decided to drink, it all repeated. And then again.

“What’s your problem?” you whispered to him.

Calum chuckled, took your free hand and placed it right on his crotch. “I’m glad you asked, baby,” he whispered back. “Cause, you see, I really need your help with this problem.”

You couldn’t suppress your short laugh as you placed your cup back in the holder. Now you could clearly see what was he thinking about looking at the straw between your lips.

“Admit it, you planned this the moment I asked you about the movies,” you accused him jokingly, pulling on the waistband of his sweats and shoving your hand in his underwear.

“I’m an innocent one here. You were bold enough to be sucking right in front of me,” Calum hummed into your ear and closed his eyes, drowning in the feeling of your hand on his dick.

His dick was only half hard, but already so big, you bit your lip visualising it. You started squeezing and pumping him, your hand taking on a steady rhythm. Your thumb was massaging the head, soon you felt wetness there. His dick was getting harder. Calum let out a quiet groan, which took you by surprise. He was usually really good with controlling his impulses, and even though it wasn’t loud enough for anyone in the auditorium to hear him, you still were startled. But you carried on, as he kept his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. An action scene on the screen came in handy, gripping other viewers’ attention. You soon felt a dull pain in your wrist, thinking about changing the pace or your position, when Calum leaned closer to you again.

“As much as I love your hand, baby, I was expecting you to use your mouth,” his smug words and confidence with which he uttered them made you shiver. You felt a heat wave going through your body, painting your cheeks bright red and making your panties wet. He knew you wouldn’t be able to resist, knew exactly how much you loved being dirty for him. And he was using it for his own pleasure, which only turned you on more.

You glanced down at the other people, making sure they were fully absorbed by the movie, and leaned over his lap. Calum put his arm on your back and started stroking it slowly. You pulled again on the waistband of his pants and immediately put his dick into your mouth. Calum breathed out, his hand moving up to your neck. You went on slowly, not risking anything to attract any unnecessary attention to your deeds. You were taking him nearly on full, working with your tongue over the thick veins as your head was going back up. You hand was holding him at the base, pumping him there. You gave his head a sucking kiss as you reached the top and went down again, shoving him into your throat. Calum pressed on your neck, trying to prolong this moment. But you had to breathe, at least from time to time, so you pulled back, finishing with a kiss again.

You repeated it several times when Calum whispered, “Faster!” You shook your head, still cautious about people in the auditorium. “Nobody’s watching,” Calum groaned quietly, getting what you were afraid of. “I need you to go faster.”

You knew he really did. Calum fully enjoyed slow and deep blow jobs from you, but couldn’t cum from them. At least, not fast. You typically used them as foreplay and knew you needed something different now. So you took a deep breath, wiggled on the seat for a more comfortable position and, after sucking on his dickhead for a couple minutes more and another push on your neck, started raising your speed. You kept bopping your head, your hand following your mouth.You could hear Calum’s hard breathing in the darkness, encouraging you to keep going. His legs started shaking under your forearms and you suddenly got an idea. You pulled his dick out of your mouth and sank deeper, catching his balls with your lips. You kept pumping his dick with your hand while sucking on his balls and felt Calum pressing you harder in between his legs. He leaned forward, the feeling so intense for him. Your hand went as fast as you only could, you got a feeling your wrist could be dislocated after you finished.

“Gonna cum,” Calum ushered, leaning back a little and giving you space to come back to his dick. You changed position, your mouth back on his dick and your hand taking care of his balls. The tart taste of his sperm filled your mouth even sooner than you expected. You pulled back a little, left only the head in your mouth and kept sucking him off. You knew this was making his toes curl and that was making you so giddily happy. As he was finished, you kissed the dickhead goodbye, put his cock back into his pants and straightened back in your seat. Calum still had his eyes shot and was gasping for air. You smiled to this sight.

“You good, baby?” you asked, now being your turn to be smug.

“Never better,” Calum confirmed quietly, finding your hand with his and squeezing it tightly.

It took him another minute to pull himself together and then he drew you back into his side. You finished the film, though neither of you could comprehend what and why happened at the end of it, as you missed the middle.

“You know, it seems to me you got a taste for doing it in public,” Calum tried to mock you as you got in the car.

“Not sure about doing it in public, but I definitely got a taste of your cum tonight,” you retorted with a snort.

“Watch your mouth,” Calum warned you, but couldn’t fight back his smile.

“I think after what just happened, my mouth can afford a lot,” you smiled back.

Calum just rolled his eyes at you and pulled the car out of the parking lot, but you knew for sure this night only started for the two of you.

***

Taglist: @myloverboyash, @calpops, @ukulelecal, @lfwallscouldtalk, @empathycth, @talkfastang, @wastedheartcth, @dreamer-loves-lyrics, @singt0mecalum, @rip-lukes-balsamic, @gosh-im-short, @megz1985, @rosecolouredash, @wildflowergrae, @cal-puddies, @kindahoping4forever, @talkfastromance4, @thesubtweeter, @cassie-sos, @bandsrawesome

[strawberryybird]

a handy basic compliment builder

IDK about y’all but i’ve been reading 20x the fic I was a month ago, mostly at 2am when i can’t sleep and i’m holding my phone on a 45° angle to keep the screen from turning. and because i’m reading ungodly amounts of fic after the sun sets, I forget to comment, and I like being able to comment coherent compliments. So! I made a comment builder. 

I struggle for 85 reasons in a trench coat to comment on fics - it’s something i find really hard! genuinely really hard! One of the pertinent reasons being I’m dyslexic, and I can read a fic, love it, and then read other comments and realise I’ve accidentally read a very different version of the fic than they all did. So I keep my comments short, vague in my love and specific in what i love, and overtly positive! This isn’t a rigid structure to be followed at all times! This is my own personal style, that I thought I would share! by all means, adapt it to your own style! :)

Welcome to my ‘Victoria Sponge Compliment’ method! It, like a victoria sponge cake, has 4 main parts: ‘Adjective of Positivity’, ‘Favourite Thing’, ‘Why I Liked That Thing’, and ‘Thank you’. 

(I write this to be fic-commenting specific, but replace the some of the language like ‘dialogue’ to ‘colour choice’ and you’ve got yourself a handy-dandy art compliment method too!)

1. The Cake: Adjective of Positivity: what adjective will I use to encapsulate the likely emotional roller-coaster the fic sent me on? With longfic, angst and assorted serious topics, I tend to stick to more formal adjectives, but with comedy, I end up leaning more towards informal words. but that’s a me problem. here’s a handy list:

great, amazing, brilliant, fantastic, ‘so so good’, awesome, ‘my heart can’t take it!’ excellent, ‘every second was enjoyable’, delightful, enchanting, ‘OH the Emotions! I loved it!’

The point of this isn’t to reduce the amount of love you feel, it’s really just to start off the comment in a really positive way. I’ve read some old exchanged between reader and author where the reader doesn’t actually say they Liked the fic until halfway down a comment chain! so i like to be upfront with my love! 

2. The Jam: A Favourite Thing: character/quote/scene/emotion provoked

You liked all of it? absolutely say so in as many iterations as you please! You liked a couple of things really strongly? Pick them out and say so! the author probably loved writing them!

Maybe it’s a poignant quote that made you stand up and walk around the house before opening back up the fic? the way Ferdinand’s speech was phrased just so perfectly? the way the mutual pining unraveled like string? the part where you laughed harder than you have all day? The hilarious 2 lines of dialogue you’ve been repeating to yourself for the last week?

i like to just pick the one thing at first, quantify it, and compliment it. that leads the way to add More Awesome Things i liked in the fic!!

3. The Cream: say WHY you liked it!!

now this is the part I struggle with most! because there’s so much to say! So I go as specific as I can:  Rather than comment on Everything in the fic, I say why I liked The Jam^ above. Pick the one thing, and go from there.

Maybe it fell completely in line with how you see Ferdinand’s character, and you loved seeing your interpretation corroborated in the author’s work? Maybe the mutual pining made it really entertaining? Maybe it shone new light on characters for you, and now you love them dearly? Maybe the humour was top notch and you laughed the most you have in a week, or maybe the angst was exactly what you needed to read that day?

Maybe the descriptions of the settings were so visceral? Maybe you loved the detail, it made it feel so real? Maybe you discovered a new format, or structure, and you loved how unique it was? Maybe you liked the references to classical works? Maybe you loved the humourous narrative voice? 

Was the yearning tangible? Did your heart skip a metaphorical beat? Did you shed a tear? Was it cathartic? Did it bring you joy? Did it brighten your day? Did you accidentally spend your evening reading the whole thing, and now suddenly it’s 3am and you didn’t mean to cry about fictional people, but here you are?? (a mood), those emotions it made you feel – that’s worth saying!

My approach to this part tends to end up being about ‘This made me Feel Emotions and i Loved that.’ and that’s fine! 

4. Cake Again: say thank you!! :)

‘Thank you for sharing your work’, ‘i’m so glad i got to read this today’, ‘this was so much fun to read, thank you!’, ‘thank you so so much op!!’, ‘brilliant way to spend my afternoon!’ ‘your work brightened my day!’ ‘this made me so happy to read! thank you!’

you can indeed add a note about future work! I tend to favour things like: ‘thank you for all the work so far, looking forward to seeing what happens next!’, “i’m so invested in this fic lmao, see you in the next chapter!’ or something else if the author doesn’t explicitly say ‘don’t ask me for updates’. I want to be extra-polite about it, and emphasis how much I liked the work that exists already!

But this doesn’t include con-crit, or have any space to give negative or constructive feedback! why? Now that’s a whole separate post. In brief, I don’t like to give con-crit when it isn’t explicitly asked for. there’s many posts out there debating this exact thing, and this isn’t a post about that. this is for building simple, basic compliments. You’ll also notice that it’s all positive feedback. That’s because I don’t comment on fic I don’t like.. that’s not exactly the energy I want to have in the world. use this victoria sponge metaphor for good, ya know?

You’ll notice this is incredibly basic, and something more akin to the essay paragraph structure my teachers spent 3 years battling to get me to write with. That’s both correct and intentional. This is the best balance I’ve been able to strike between coming off heartfelt and genuine, and short enough that I can write and send it in less than 120 seconds before my fear and lack of energy get the better of me. There’s nothing wrong with ‘I loved this, thank you!’, but sometimes I want to brave the fear of commenting and, overall, say thank you. That’s what it all comes down to because, as a writer, someone telling me how many emotions my work gave them is an indescribably wonderful feeling. and I want to share that joy! and also I really wanted to use a cake metaphor.

Finally, if you’re unfamiliar, the Long Live Feedback project on tumblr is an Excellent resource, and I encourage everyone to poke around and have a look at the wonderful work they do! also the blog ao3commentoftheday is an excellent blog who discusses comments, commenting convention, and all round fic writing!

Happy Commenting, enjoy the cake, and thanks for reading!

[totallytubulargirl]

Aversion (Donatello X Reader)

Rating: R for rusty crusty and dusty (lmao also for the sex)

Universe: 2016

Who: Donatello x Reader (oneshot)

Age of the TMNT: 19

Authors note: Hi! I have lots of stuff done but have been feeling really insecure about my writing so I haven’t posted any of it, sorry ! This was steamy to write also thanks to everyone in the discord chat for taking a look at the rough draft :P You can DM me for an invite link! Also I’m messing with the text to see if it adds to the reading experience, let me know (:

Summary: You seek refuge from the heat above ground but find the same heat between you and Donatello underground. He’s afraid to hurt you but wants to make love to you so badly, how will you relieve the tension?

It was a hot summer day, the ground was sticky and the earth seemed to be radiating heat from the skies and beneath the dirt. The city was the meat in between, compressed into a heat sandwich. [Y/N] hated to be out and about in the concrete jungle that was New York City with this kind of weather but she was seeking refuge, where she knew it might be cooler. She walked into an almost empty alley, skirt still against her thighs as sweat beaded down her neck onto her chest. She panted heavily as she removed the heavy metal plate that lay on top of the manholes. An old man stood at the back door of his small apartment watching the girl climb into the sewers, but it was too hot for him to care and too bizarre a sight for him to even know if it was real, or just an illusion that came and went with the heat. She climbed down the damp steel ladder, and almost immediately felt better. There was a light next to her, but the rest of the sewer was cold and dark. A good sign; usually lights meant sewer maintenance people with questions. She ignored the awful smell and stood a moment to catch her breath. Her lungs filled with the cool air and she felt better. She stood on a platform, looking around, just above the running stream of gross things. God I hate the dark, she thought.

“Boo!” Yelled Michelangelo, pouncing on her from the shadows. She screamed, punching his chest in self-defense, before she knew what she was doing.

“Ow!” She yelped. His plastron felt like rock and her small knuckles were no match.

“Are you ok!?” He covered his mouth with both hands, a little out of shock but mostly so he wouldn’t laugh out loud at her misery. She rubbed her knuckles and whimpered, although her ego was more bruised then her hand.

“Mikey!” She scolded, “what are you doing here?” He giggled a little before composing himself.

“I was riding my skateboard down here when I saw someone coming down,” he explained. “Sorry.” She smacked his arm lightly and he lost his composure, breaking into laughter once again,

“Oh whatever, you are not sorry,” another whimper escaped her thin lips. Michelangelo was still stifling laughter.

“Let me walk you to our place to make up for it,” he grinned. She intertwined her arm with his,

“Well it would only be fair,” she looked at him content in making him suffer by taking the long walk back. He slid his skateboard onto his shell, clicking on a light attached to his side, so they could see where they were going.

“So is it getting hot up there?” He casually asked.

“Unbearable,” she gasped, grateful to be underground where the air didn’t seem as thick.

“I’ve heard things are getting pretty hot down here too,” Mikey teased and she rolled her eyes. She knew he was referring to her and Donatello. She was glad for the darkness lest Mikey see her cheeks giving away her embarrassment.

“I mean hot enough,” she bit her lip nervously. It wasn’t that there wasn’t anything going on. “I know we’ve been dating forever,” she sighed, unable to explain it to Mikey. “But it’s really not like that.”

“Why not?” Mikey asked, kicking rocks at his feet as they walked, not really paying attention. She took a deep breath in preparation of the emotionally exhausting mess she was about to dump on Michelangelo.

“It’s not like we haven’t done stuff,” she looked down at her flip flops scraping against the damp cement in the dim light of the sewer. “We do lots of stuff,” she sighed hesitantly. “Just not it.”

“Oh, I know,” Mikey giggled, focusing on his rocks. “Donatello talks about it all the time,” he glanced at her for a second before losing focus again. “Trust me, he really wants to do it,” he said bluntly. Michelangelo was never one to keep secrets. She blushed but needed to know more. [Y/N] could hear her own heart pulsating loudly in her ears, she wondered if Mikey could hear it.

“I’m the one who keeps-“ she cut herself off before looking around, hoping no one else even had the chance of hearing her. “I’m basically begging him to sleep with me at this point,” she whispered. Mikey burst out laughing. “You’re rude!” She let go of his arm and smacked it.

“No,” he stopped, bending over to laugh. “I just-“ he wiped a tear from his eye. “You beg Donnie for sex?” He questioned her. She felt so embarrassed, hating to repeat it,

“Yeah so?”

“The thought of you begging anyone is ridiculous,” he couldn’t help it. “But especially Donnie?” He wiped a tear from his eye. “He’s such a dork!” He exclaimed, “I would betray my brother and have sex with you right now,” he chuckled, “and I still think it would be worth it.” She laughed, knowing that he was just trying to cheer her up.

“He’s just afraid of hurting me,” she said as politely as she could. Donatello was afraid that he would be too eager too soon, that she would never be able to handle a being of his size, and he would never be able to control himself. Mikey laughed some more,

“You should see Raphael!” She laughed, knowing that Mikey was just trying to get her to smile, or was he? She shook the thought from her head as they finally approached the entrance of the lair. “Listen,” he said, with steady eyes. “I know Donnie can be weird but you should remember,” Mikey crouched down and finally picked up the rocks he had been kicking down the sewer the whole way home. He suddenly took on Master Splinter's accent, “In matters of style, swim with the current,” he let a couple of stones go with the stream that ran at her feet. “But in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” He placed the heaviest rock in the water and she watched the stream run over it, but it sat, unwavering.

“Damn, Michelangelo!” She exclaimed, impressed with the wisdom he was able to convey. He laughed, suddenly himself again.

”Wait, what just happened?” He pointed to the inside of their home before she could say anything else, “pizza?”

“Actually,” she walked in, seeing Raphael and Leonardo sitting at the table right away. “Hi guys, I’m just going to go see Donatello.” She waved to the three boys and walked towards his lab, where she assumed he would be. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up and her toes instinctively curl in her shoes and she stopped in her tracks. What would she even say to him? She wanted him, she wanted him so bad she could practically jump out of the clothes she was standing in. She took a deep breath in order to slow her heartbeat down. She didn’t know what she would do or say when she saw him, all she was sure of was what she wanted from him. She forced open the rusted door that seperated Donatello from the world, the one that always kept him in his lab for so long. [Y/N] could hear soft muffles coming from somewhere in the darkened room. She stepped in as Donatello fumbled off of his chair, things crashing onto the floor around him, “Donnie!” She reached for him but he stood up, his shell turned to her. The door shut behind her and a table lamp lit the room poorly.

“Uh- I didn’t-” she could see him buttoning up his pants up and looked to his screen only to see a picture she had sent him of her in the bath earlier in the week.

“Donatello!” She exclaimed when she realized what he was doing. “This is crazy!” She approached him. He turned towards her, unable to make eye contact. “I’m here for you,” she blushed. “I can be what you want me to be.” She could feel tears burning behind her eyes but she refused to cry in front of him, especially because of this. She crossed her arms. Michelangelo was right, she shouldn’t have to beg anyone for anything.

“You’re everything i’ve ever wanted,” he said softly, still staring at the ground. “That’s the problem.” She took a step towards him.

“But Donnie,” she cooed. He knew what that voice mean as it had led to so many things before. He stepped back and fell onto his chair. She reluctantly sat on top of him, reaching into his already unbuttoned pants, gripping him at the base of his cock, and running her palms along his shaft. Her hands were damp but it came in handy. “I want you so bad.” He could feel the heat in her breath against his mouth. Donnie was afraid but he wanted her too,

“I want you too but-“ Donatello could almost fall for the hypnotizing way her hair swirled up and around his shoulder. He shook his head but even that wouldn’t clear away his thoughts, “I can’t,” he gasped as the tip of his cock poked through her hands again and again. “We can’t,” he balled his fists and his toes curled. “It’s a physical-” his head spun. “It’s a physical-“ She went for his neck dragging her tongue up his jawline as her hands went faster and faster,

“Please Donnie.” She whimpered and his heart swelled with need. She just wanted to try; he leaned back allowing her to spread her legs wide over his lap. Her pink skirt gave way against her thighs but her panties were stuck around her knees.

“Here let me just-” Donnie fidgeted with her panties before deciding it was ruining the mood and just ripped them off, “there.”

“Fuck.” She tried to hold back but she couldn’t help it.

“Sorry,” he feigned but could see the thrill in her eyes as she giggled slightly. Donatello softly took a hold of her chin, looking her in the eyes. “You’re sexy.” He smirked, driving her crazy all over again. She kissed him, slowly dropping herself onto his cock. She could feel his width at her opening and she could already tell he was way bigger than anyone she’d ever had before. With a slight buck of his hips, he broke her threshold.

“Oh fuck!” She couldn’t help it. She dug her nails into his firm biceps, grateful for the scaly armor that kept him from bleeding. His girth pulsed inside of her, pushing her to her limits, but it felt oh so good. She could feel his liquid against her walls, paving the way, melting like warm butter between them. She got halfway down his dick before she lifted herself up and down a few times for relief. She could feel Donnie tighten his grip around her,

“Am I hurting you?” He groaned, genuinely concerned but unable to put many coherent thoughts together. She bit her lip,

“No it feels-,” she let out a moan. “It feels really good.” She said, her face flush with desire. Donatello’s heart swelled with courage and he dared to push a little deeper into her, she slowed her hips down again and rolled into him, taking in all of him. She could feel a slight twang of pain but every other nerve in her body sang of ecstasy, “Don I think I’m gonna-” she raised her hips up and down again making him curse softly. “I’m going to orgasm Donnie.” She whined, trying to keep the rhythm of her hips slow but failing. He wrapped his large hands around her plump ass, grabbing a handful and helping her lift up and down faster and faster, “oh fuck.” She moaned, getting louder. Donatello could feel a warmth balling at the center of his body, “Shit!” She yelled as sweat melded the two into one, bodies entwined with each other and arms wrapped around one another. The heat she had been so desperate to escape manifested itself in her body. Donnie felt an explosion coming from within, as [Y/N] screamed her orgasm into the night. “OAH FUCK DONNNIIIIEE!”

He groaned as his eyes rolled into the back of his head, cum springing from him like a fountain into her warm pussy. He slipped out of her and she slumped against him, panting. She sat with, wrapped in his arms until their breathing matched in rhythm. [Y/N] closed her eyes, laying her head against his plastron as he played with her hair. She felt warm and safe in his arms,

“I love you Donnie.” She said quietly.

“I love you too, darling.”

[vatrixsta]

Pierced (2/?)

Siiiiigh all of your lovely comments on part 1 have forced me into this course I wanted to take anyway and I just hope you’re proud of yourself. Shout out to @csmarchmadness for the always handy gun to the head - all the ladies there are awesome and I enjoy stalking their conversations when I finally get online again at my obscene times of day and night. :D I’m going to try to update this with some regularity, so I hope you enjoy! And we’re off. 

Also on AO3

Emma had to cancel this date that was absolutely not a date.

There was just no possible way it was a good idea, date or no date. Not only were his eyes too blue and his smile too bright and his hands too… perfect when they touched hers, but she wouldn’t even be able to ruin it quickly by sleeping with him too fast because of the fucking piercing she gave him.

She was feeding Henry an incredibly nutritious dinner of Spaghettios and carrot sticks (he was going through a phase where he hated basically everything and at least she was still getting carrot sticks past his rapidly shrinking palette) when she realized that she didn’t actually have Killian’s number and would have to figure something out tomorrow, maybe ask Ruby to run interference. Except Ruby wouldn’t, the whore, because she wanted Emma to make nice with the Sex God.

She was making sure Henry took a bath (six year old boys would pay almost any price to continue smelling like street urchins, she’d found) when it occurred to her that despite his flirtations, it was possible he didn’t intend for it to be a date. Maybe he really did just want her to design a tattoo for him and he was pleased with her professionalism and artwork. God that would be embarrassing, if she told him she couldn’t go out with him and he basically responded with, who asked you?

She was halfway through reading Henry his favorite book of fairy tales when she realized all the princes (and a few of the pirates) suddenly had blue eyes and British accents in her head and you know what, that’s enough for tonight, Henry, light’s out and I’ll see you in the morning, love bug.

She was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when she remembered he’d had to fill out the consent form for the procedure and would have had to put his number on there. If she got to work early enough, she could go into the client files she wasn’t supposed to snoop in unless an actual emergency occurred and tell him she was dying or moving to Yemen or anything that would stop this train before it ran straight over her heart.

She was waking up with a groan and Henry’s knee connecting with her pelvis when she realized that the idea of canceling this date that was definitely, absolutely not a date actually bummed her out. It was lunch and he was nice. She could design a tattoo for him -- he’d tipped her extremely well for the piercing -- and maybe finally be able to afford that new video game console upgrade Henry had been not so subtly hinting at for Christmas, which meant there were only fifty-two more shopping days until Black Friday.

She was walking Henry to the school bus, teasing him about the crush he had on a little blonde girl his age that he swore was not a crush at all, that they were going to be best friends forever and she just wanted to kiss his his precious little cheek so she did, glad that he only scrunched his face a little in distaste, when she seriously considered that she might be losing her mind. It wasn’t normal to think about someone you’d just met this much, to obsess over a virtual stranger (if you could consider someone whose cock you’d pierced with a 12 gauge barbell a stranger) to this degree. She definitely, absolutely had to cancel.

“His paperwork? Oh, yeah, I threw it out. I was drinking coffee while I filed last night and, well. Oopsie.”

Fucking Ruby.

Sending her friend and boss a glare that clearly communicated I do not believe you, you lying whore and glaring harder when Ruby’s unrepentant grin widened, Emma left the back office area and stomped over to her station for the only therapeutic option left to her: sketching.

The small notebook she used was the ninth of its kind since she’d started working at Red, White and Tattoo. She kept them all, tucked behind her little book of cocks, as Killian had referred to it (OHMYGOD STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!!!) and filled with some sketches that had turned into elaborate pieces that decorated backs and wrists and ankles and every other body part conceivable to little half finished works she’d never fully cracked. There were also incredibly personal drawings she’d asked Ruby to ink on her own skin -- Emma had done the buttercup herself, but it was a process she’d rather not repeat.

Killian had said he’d be by to collect her at 12:30. It was currently 10:00 and Emma was praying someone would take advantage of the early bird special so she’d have something else to focus on.

After straightening up her station (twice) and sketching an elaborate oceanscape (she refused to actually color it; she knew the waves would match his eyes as well as her supplies could manage she did not need this fuckery) Emma was ready to crawl out of her skin, pissed at herself and Killian for getting her into this state. This was why she had her rules! This was why the last date she’d gone on had been a hit it and quit it one night stand with the dorky guy who’d sold them the front desk display case. That had been... three years ago? Oh, Christ. No wonder she was insane now.

Killian was thoughtfully fifteen minutes early, as he if he could sense his date was crawling out of her skin. He entered the shop with that wide, easy smile on his face and Emma forced a smile of her own that she hoped didn’t look too forced, because she didn’t want him to take her jittery mood personally even though it was 100% his fault.

Ushering them quickly out the door (she didn’t want to risk another embarrassing moment with Ruby playing the world’s most obvious matchmaker) Emma asked where they were eating.

“There’s a place I like to go, down by the water,” he said, adorably rubbing at the back of his right ear. “It’s probably the last of the nice weather for the year so I thought we could walk?”

“Sure,” Emma said, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she wouldn’t be tempted to do something stupid like reach for his.

They fell into a slightly awkward silence that actually should have been a lot more awkward, given they didn’t know each other too well.

“Robin - my partner? - he was shocked speechless I actually went through with it,” Killian said after a few quiet minutes.

“Are you following the after care instructions?” Emma said, probably a lot more sternly than was necessary.

“Yes, Mistress,” Killian teased.

Emma rolled her eyes. “You’d be surprised how many people blow it off,” she muttered. “An infected piercing is never fun. An infected genital piercing?”

“Emma, you have my word that I shall heed your every instruction,” he said, both teasing and serious at the same time. How did he do that?

They arrived at a seafood place Emma had been dying to try but always found other uses for her paycheck - luxuries like new winter boots for Henry and electricity.

“Um, this place is a little fancy,” she said, looking down at her work outfit of dark wash denim jeans, white tank top and red leather jacket.

Killian indicated his own attire - black jeans that were a little less tight than the ones he’d worn yesterday (a good sign he was obeying her instructions), a dark blue t-shirt and a black leather jacket of his own that looked more suited to riding a motorcycle than catching criminals, but what did she know?

“Casual dress at lunch,” he assured her. “To die for lobster rolls.”

Emma mentally calculated how much a lobster roll would set back her food budget as Killian placed his hand on her lower back and urged her into the restaurant.

She was going to have to make a rule about him not being allowed to touch her because her brain short circuited and she suddenly couldn’t recall what a budget was or how one accommodated for it.

They were seated at a table by the water and the view really was spectacular, the horizon a calming sight Emma was desperately in need of. Killian had good table manners (because of course he did), filling her water glass from the bottle their server left on the table before he attended to his own, confirming with her that the lobster roll sounded good (it really, really, really did) before ordering for them both. He added a pitcher of fresh blueberry lemonade for them to split, promising her it was not to be missed. Emma’s eyes bugged at the prices but she decided to give herself this afternoon with an unfairly attractive man who genuinely seemed to like her and wanted her to eat lobster rolls with him. There was plenty of time for reality to come crashing down when she couldn’t smell the sea and watch the flickers of sunlight play in Killian’s eyes the exact same way it did on the waves.

She tried this once, the dating someone new thing. Neal had pretty much decimated the part of her brain (and her heart) capable of trusting, but she thought, maybe there was a guy out there who’d remind her they weren’t all like Neal. (Never mind that she still remembered what it had been like at the start, her and him against the world, the mischievous flicker in Henry’s eyes reminding her that she could never really hate him the way she wanted to, because the best parts of him were like a gift every time she looked at her little boy.)

Once she got settled into work at the tattoo shop, she’d gone on a few dates, Ruby and Mulan eagerly offering to babysit toddler Henry. There had been five - maybe six? - guys total and every single one of them had been visibly deflated by the news that the hot 20-year-old blonde had a kid at home. Though the one she disliked the most had been the guy who’d feigned interest in Henry so he could sleep with her.

Emma realized that she really wasn’t looking forward to watching that disappointment cross Killian’s face. No one expected the hot (now 24) year old blonde who worked at the tattoo shop to have a kid. She suspected Killian was a little older than her (she’d have put him around 30 given his job and the slight laugh lines around his eyes) but she knew a single mom wasn’t exactly a highly sought dating prospect. She just felt shitty not telling him about Henry, when he was the best thing that had ever happened to her, just so she could, what? Enjoy a hot guy eating a lobster roll?

Yeah, okay, so maybe a little bit that. Besides, it wasn’t going to go anywhere. He didn’t need to know about her life because this was a friendly meal and she was supposed to be asking him about his tattoo not picturing him naked (and she could. From the waist down, at least, all dark hair and lean muscle and definitely a shower, not a grower--STOP IT EMMA) and nervously peeling a bread roll.

“Luv?”

Emma blinked. “Sorry, what?”

Killian smiled, but it was a little forced. “I, uh, suppose you were woolgathering.”

Great and now she’d been so lost in her social anxiety that she’d completely missed him speaking to her. If this were a date, she’d have pretty much blown it.

“I don’t get much time out by the water,” she said a little lamely. “I don’t get much time out, period,” she added ruefully.

“Workaholic?” he asked.

“Sort of,” she hedged. She took a lot of shifts at work to earn enough money to keep her and Henry far from the poorhouse. Ruby’s grandmother lived in the same building and watched Henry after school most days. She also let him stay over when the shop stayed open late on the weekends. There was a little sleeping bag zone in back dubbed Henry’s corner that he’d filled with books and toys and the oldest of his handheld video games. “What about you?”

There, that was nice and sociable.

“I enjoy my work,” Killian said. “But I have other… priorities that keep me from the workaholic label. Which, I suppose, brings us nicely to the subject of this lunch.”

Right. Not a date. He wanted a tattoo and she’d broken Rule #2 for him.

She gave him a professional smile. “Tell me a little bit about what you’re looking for.”

His lips pursed in thought for a moment, then he shrugged. “I suppose that’s part of the problem. I know what I want it to convey and I know the meaning behind it, but I’m not sure I know what symbol will best represent it to permanently ink on my body.”

Her smile turned a little more personal, because she could relate. Her buttercup was easy - the other tattoos she’d had were a little less… on the nose and direct. It had taken her months to settle on them. “Why don’t we try this. Tell me why you want it and some of the ideas you’ve had and I’ll do my job to get you some sketches to narrow it down.”

He puffed his cheeks out like an adorable chipmunk with no idea how attractive it was. Damn it, she was so screwed.

“Brilliant.” He reached into a satchel and pulled out an old, battered copy of Peter Pan, then set it before her almost reverently.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Big fan?”

His smile widened. “My brother and I read the tale a great deal during our childhood - he’s older, so some of my earliest memories are the little crush he always had on Wendy Darling.”

Emma laughed. “And you?”

Killian shrugged. “I’ve always preferred the company of real women.”

“Yeah, that’s just about what I’d figure you’d say,” she muttered. Damn chipmunk knew exactly how attractive he was.

“Though I confess, the last few years, there’s really only been the one woman in my life,” he added.

That confession definitely gave Emma pause. If he had a girlfriend -- a steady one at that -- it meant this was definitely just a business thing and she was suddenly mortified at the idea that she’d tried to call off a date that wasn’t even a date. That was what mortification felt like, right? That vice like grip around her heart that felt like disappointment and the death of some possibility, some flutter of perhaps when you met someone new?

“And is that lucky lady the other inspiration for the tattoo?” Emma asked, swallowing down the disappointment - because that was exactly what it was. She should have been used to it by now.

His smile didn’t widen - it glowed. Emma kind of wanted to vomit, which was perfect timing, because the lobster rolls were delivered by their efficient but discreet waiter. The blueberry lemonade was spectacular, too, damn the charming chipmunk who was obviously not available.

He’d said he was though, hadn’t he? When they’d been talking about his after care for the piercing? She could have sworn he’d said he didn’t have to worry about any sexual partners! She wasn’t so delusional that she’d made that up.

She was about to open her mouth and say something stupid and accusatory like how dare you get a single mom’s hopes up even though I’m not really interested because I’m an emotional cripple, but seriously how dare you sir - when his phone went off.

“Damn it,” he muttered as he stared down at a text. “I’m so sorry, it’s an emergency at work - please, enjoy the food and feel free to wrap mine up and take it with you.” He was waving the waiter down and scrolling through his phone. “Are you busy tomorrow night? A mate of mine is playing at a pub and I promised I’d go, but we can discuss this a bit more then. I’ll be much less likely to be called in at night, as well.” He shot her a charming grin and she was so dazzled that she forgot all her questions and simply rattled off her phone number. He responded by sending her two emojis, one that was lifting its eyebrow and the other giving her a cheesy grin.

Seriously, who the hell did he think he was?

Then he was gone and a few seconds later she got another text with an address and the time of 7:30, tomorrow night.

She was going to have to ask Granny to watch Henry, because apparently she was a total idiot for this guy. He’d left the copy of Peter Pan so at the very least she’d need to return it to him, since it meant so much.

When the waiter returned to ask if she’d like anything else, Emma had another moment of panic - she was going to have to pay for both of their lobster rolls. But when she said she’d only like to go containers and a check, the waiter said Killian had taken care of the bill on his way out.

Sneaky, multitasking little profiler - Emma took a grudging bite of her lobster roll, then couldn’t quite muffle an involuntary moan. It was amazing and she wasn’t above gloating a little that she would get to have his for dinner. He may have a girlfriend that was getting a loving and thoughtful tattoo out of him (even though she could have sworn he said he didn’t have one) but Emma could re-prioritize. She could enjoy spending some time with a very attractive man who was apparently willing to buy her delicious food in exchange for said time while she got to design a beautiful piece of art for him.

That was the definition of win-win.

So why did she feel vaguely shitty about the whole thing?

She texted him back anyway, with a thumbs up emoji. Then she started flipping through Peter Pan while she carefully kept her lobster roll hand separate from her page turning one.

Another text dinged on her phone. Killian - yes, she’d added him to her contacts, so what, shut up.

Great! Really sorry I had to run out on you - I should warn you, this does tend to happen a fair bit. So please don’t take it personally - you are as lovely and charming as a bloke could hope for and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.

Seriously, who texted like that? Who had a right to be so thoughtful and flirty but not over the line flirty and perfect and apparently have a girlfriend even though he definitely said he did not have one?!

Emma took an angry bite of her lobster roll.

And responded with another thumbs up text.