#girl help this was how i got like 4 hrs of sleep a night through much of high school & it did not do me favors then

[fluentisonus]

someday i'll really internalize that forcing myself to stay up as long as it takes to do something even when it becomes very apparent its not getting done is not at all conducive to my health & happiness but until then. here we are again

[rqgnarok]

moments in between - aaron hotchner

fandom: criminal minds

words: 2618

warnings: couple of smooches and mention of private times, spoilers for season 4 through 9 ish of criminal minds, that’s about it. female!reader

summary: being an fbi agent leaves little to no moments to enjoy someone else’s company. hotch and the reader make it work. BASED ON A CONVERSATION PRENTISS AND HOTCH HAVE IN 04X09.

author’s note below

“(Y/N)?” 

“Yeah, I’m decent,” she smiles to herself when she takes her eyes off the tiny mirror in the locker assigned to her, watches her boyfriend lean against the door frame. 

It only takes one look at him for (Y/N) to know he’s stuck in that I’m-your-coworker-but-I-really-want-to-be-your-boyfriend-right-now state Hotch gets into sometimes when they’re at work but alone or hours deep into the night and still working the case.

He just stands there for a moment, admires her in silence but in the way that makes her feel appreciated from a distance, a look in his eyes which (Y/N)’s used being under the scrutiny of, makes her feel recognized and safe when there’s no possibility of physical contact. 

She’s done with her make up for the undercover stunt they’re about to pull and her hair is fixed in that careless yet neat way he really, really likes, the way it was the night he kissed her for the first time after a night out with the team and he’d insisted on driving her home.

Hotch remembers that night so clearly, if he closes his eyes can picture himself back in his car, the steering wheel under his hands and the street lamps being the only source of light that catches (Y/N)’s profile when he sneaks a look or two. 

By that point he’d lost all self-restraint and after months of fighting with himself about his feelings his head finally quieted the hell up the moment she reached for the lapel of his jacket and pulled him to her, kissing him with the car’s console in the middle of their bodies and his hands on her hair, keeping her close as if she’d have any intentions of letting him go.

That was almost a year after his divorce with Haley, and though he’d been hesitant on following up with a relationship in a time Hotch felt too soon since he’d signed those divorce papers, he’d been tired of being the one who always followed the rules and did things right only to end up alone. Either in an apartment away from his family or in his office, closer to the next morning than the previous night and working on reports until the words blurred in the pages and he was too tired to drive home at all.

Hotch was tired and he wanted (Y/N) so, so badly, he figured one night of self-indulgence was more than deserved after the year he’d had. Except one night turned into a weekend and one time turned into spending time together whenever they had the time off at the same time and it wasn’t his turn to take Jack for the week. Hotch and sir and bossman turned into Aaron, babe and handsome, and in return Hotch became familiar with the feeling of (Y/N), (Y/N/N), honey and sweetheart against his tongue.

The transition between using those nicknames and thinking of Haley to his mind blanching until nothing but (Y/N) remained was easier than Hotch had expected it to be. The guilt of thinking he’d somehow replaced his ex-wife was short lived, the first weeks into his and (Y/N)’s relationship realizing that he saw them as two different women who occupied two very different portions in his life.

It wouldn’t be until after Haley died, much, much after that they would come forward and share the existence of their relationship with HR, and along with them, Strauss. It would easier by then, and the right choice to make, considering that around the first time they’d gotten together Erin seemed to be out for blood, which included Hotch’s job as unit chief and following his every move to catch him in something that could might as well signify the end of his career, if presented to his superiors correctly.

By the time they’ll decide to disclose, Erin and Rossi themselves will be somewhat involved, and after her troubles with alcoholism she would’ve become a more understanding woman of other people’s flaws along with her own. She’ll have them both under scrutiny for a couple of months until she deems them professional enough to keep working in the same unit, and that would be that.

“10 minutes and I’m ready to go,” she assures him, still working the case but smile soft when directed at him. He leaves his spot against the frame of the door to close it behind him and lock it, just in case and, if needed, under the excuse that she’d needed the privacy to change into the clothes she’ll be wearing at the club. With him in the room, well. Here’s to hoping to one saw him come in.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” He’s still frowning but it's more concern than the usual façade he hides behind when they’re working a case, and he’s slightly comforted by the fact that (Y/N)’s smile remains full on her face, sure and trusting.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” she reassures. Now that the door’s closed and locked she’s stripping out of her clothes, nothing sensual about her movements but Hotch can’t help but to stare anyways. He wishes they weren’t having this conversation with his girlfriend in her underwear. Aaron Hotchner is a responsible man, but he is a man, nevertheless. “Sadly, I’ve actually dated people worse than Viper.”

“Thank God that’s over,” he manages to joke. (Y/N) laughs and he quits eyeing her figure just so he can watch her do so, enchanted by the way her features accentuate her laughter lines. He’s in deep, and just for a moment he pictures her getting ready for one of their dates instead of an undercover op he didn’t want to send her to in the first place.

It’s not that he’s jealous because he isn’t, at least not of Viper, but Hotch’s seen what undercover jobs do to agents like her: smart and capable and pretty, even though this is nothing like what Elle was forced to work on before she disappeared without a trace. He also knows that (Y/N)’s lived through worse circumstances herself out of the job, and this is more of a gathering intel kind of operation instead of something more dangerous, but, still. 

Hotch’s not comfortable with sending his team into situations they do not feel prepared for, whether he’s romantically involved with them or not. He’s gotta ask. He can’t send another person he cares about into the lion’s den knowing they might not be tough enough to come back.

“Is something going on with Jordan?” (Y/N) brings him back down to earth easily, making conversation as she gets into her dress and Hotch walks the couple of steps he’s missing to reach her and give her his arm to hold onto as she works herself into it. “You, um, you asked me to keep an eye on her. And frankly, if you didn’t think we’d notice the tension going of off her in waves then you really underestimate us as profilers.”

“I… caught her in a lie,” Aaron grimaces at the recollection of their first visit to the Holden family, how Jordan had no problem to manipulate her way into the mind of the victim’s sister and her inability to realize how what she had done had been wrong, way off in how Hotch leads this team. “She cut a corner to get us in with the Holden family.”

“Did she misrepresent the Bureau?” (Y/N)’s expression sours momentarily, and she squeezes Hotch’s arm she was holding onto in thanks when she finishes fitting into her dress.

“She misinterpreted herself.”

“So, how long is she gonna be in the doghouse?” (Y/N) asks, turning around so her back is facing Hotch, who allows himself a moment to look at the skin of her shoulders and lower back before he’s slowly zipping the dress up. One hand on her semi naked shoulder holding her still and the other one working its way up her back, fingers steady and certain.

“Until she proves she’s competent,” he sighs, feeling awfully like the father of a teenage girl out of control, which, isn’t really freaking fair cause he’s got almost ten years before he has to deal with this coming from Jack. (Y/N) hums, trying to come off as indifferent, but Aaron has made himself familiar with every movement and sound of hers, he knows better than to think she’s letting the topic go. An eyebrow raises, hands on her waist when she turns around to meet his eye. “What?”

“That’s gonna be tricky if you’re scrutinizing her every move,” she challenges, and Hotch half scoffs half chuckles as he reaches her to keep himself busy, making sure the dress fits right, putting some of her hair back in place even though he knows it’s gonna come back to its spot as soon as he lets go.

“You seem to do alright, sweetheart,” he can’t help it, the nickname familiar on his mouth and, really, he’d opened that door in the first place when he came into the room asking for her and using her first name instead of her last, has been watching her and touching her ever since he came in, expecting a reaction from her just like the one she’s giving him now. (Y/N)’s arms are around his neck, their chests touching, faces close, he can smell her favorite perfume on her and almost taste the sweetness of her lipstick in his own mouth.

“Yeah, well, I’m sleeping with you, hotshot,” she disses him easily, clutching him a little tighter when his hands go from her waist to her hips, big enough to hold her completely and in place, her heart fluttering against her ribcage with affection for this hunk of a man. He smirks, almost knowing of the effect Hotch has on her and soon enough it’ll soften into a soft, fond grin that she’ll get cavities from just looking at it. “I hope you aren’t planning on using the same methods on her as you did on me, cause if you do then we might just have some disagreement on our hands.”

“Methods?” Hotch has to laugh, albeit quickly before he reels himself in. They’re in a private room but just barely, he’s smart enough to lock the door but also to not get too comfortable, forcing himself to remember there’s a reason she’s so well dressed up and its not just for him to undress her slowly later in the privacy of his room. “You make it sound like it’s my fault we ended up in bed together while really you were too busy pursuing me to notice any kind of ‘methods’ I might’ve tried to use on you.”

“Oh, I pursued you?” (Y/N) asks, mouth open in faux shock and embarrassment as she takes one arm off his neck to hit him in the chest, fighting him off a little when he places his own hand on top of hers but gives up quickly enough, fingers toying with his shirt and resting on top of his heart. “You are out of your mind, Aaron Hotchner.”

“You did kiss me first,” he recalls, which, yeah, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean Aaron gets to use it against her. He looks awfully smug when she gives him a deadpan look. It takes years off his face like not many things do, and (Y/N). (Y/N) loves him always, she loves him dark and broody, and sharp and focused but this, this is her favorite. A goof and a tease (Y/N) would give everything so he’s this happy, all the time. “Don’t think I forgot, I didn’t take a single drop of alcohol that night.”

“It’s not like I was drunk, either, you ass,” she reprimands, and if she weren’t almost ready to go, looking perfectly composed, Hotch would kiss the pout off of her face with little to no finesse. “Some of us need some liquid courage to do what others wouldn’t do at all, so. If anything, you’ve got me to thank that your methods actually ended up working like you meant them to.”

“Thank you,” he acknowledges, dropping a kiss to the apple of her cheek and another one to her forehead, making sure he doesn’t get in the way of any of her make up. She grins at him, opens her eyes after she’d closed them to soak up his affections and keep the memory of his touch for when she’s out there in the field, flirting with some guy she can barely stand. “I’d kiss you myself right now if you weren’t meant to be on your way, no liquid courage needed.”

“I’ll hold you up on that when we’re back home,” she bites her lip, risking having to reapply her lipstick all over again but worth it when Hotch’s eyes drop from her own and set on her mouth, suddenly darker with something else she really, really likes. “And, I think in order for Jordan to prove she’s good at this job, it’s not gonna happen under a magnifying glass. You’re gonna have to give her the opportunity.”

“You have something in mind?”

Her lips turn up in that satisfied way (Y/N) gets when she’s drop dead sure about something, whether it’s a lead on a case or that she has him wrapped around her finger. Hotch can’t wait for this case to be over, for them to be on the plane back home making eyes at each other and itching for the relief that comes to him when they’re finally alone.

He watches her walk away, out of the room with a sway on her hips, heels accentuating her legs and one last flirty look thrown his way as she turns her head back before she leaves the room for good, softening into a fond curve of the lips and, God. He loves her so, so much, he’s gotta wipe this whipped look off his face before Dave calls him out on it, tries to figure out who’s it for.

He won’t, and neither will the team, for a while. They’re years away from finding out, it won’t be until Hotch ends up in the hospital after the scars from one of his many encounters against Foyet come back to haunt him, leaving him passed out in the middle of a debrief and (Y/N)’s forced to make the trip to work on the case anyways. She frets and worries and breaks the news to the team on the way back while Aaron confesses to Garcia in his hospital room after he wakes up, disoriented from the pain meds and asking where his girlfriend is.

They’ll tease and whistle at them whenever they’re together for the rest of their lives, because they’re children in disguise as full functioning profilers and Hotch and (Y/N) will take it shamelessly. He’ll press a kiss to her head and wrap an arm around her neck while they’re out drinking after a case and (Y/N) will take the hand on her shoulder, nestle closer and flip them off just cause it makes Hotch laugh.

Right now, Aaron shakes his head, smiles to himself and towards the ground, a last couple of moments of bliss before he straightens his posture, leaves the room and meets Rossi in the corner of the precinct that was given to them for the duration of the case.

A couple more hours, he hopes, before they get to go home and he would make true of the promise he’d made.

-

special thanks to @writefasttalkevenfaster, @venusbarnes and @winterscaptain​ for providing so much hotch content that i felt the need to rewatch the show and write this in the matter of like,,, two hours. even if it’s a mess, oop, i always write a shit ton of description and feelings and shit and end up with big ass paragraphs that hurt my eyes. i SWEAR i’m working on that!!!!!

as always, i’d love to hear you guys’ opinions on this and i really hope you liked it, i’m working on a teen wolf work and a legends of tomorrow request next but i’m always open for suggestions or requests :)  

thank you so much for reading! stay home and stay safe,

- e.  

[percywinchester27]

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-4)

Word count: 4.6K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: None

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23​​​ I love you, Athina <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

Sam’s POV

The ringing got to the point where Sam reached out and almost flung the phone across the room. It was the first time in over a week that he’d actually managed to fall asleep, that too in the early hours of the morning. Who was even calling this early?

He opened one eye to read the name on the screen and promptly sat up in his bed.

“Dean?” He answered. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah!” Dean’s voice sounded absolutely normal on the other side, goofy even. “I just woke up super early to go for a walk. For the first time. I thought you’d be proud. It was your idea after all.”

“Dean,” Sam groaned. “It’s five in the morning.”

“Aren’t you always up at five anyway?”

He had a point, but today was not the day.

“If it’s nothing important, I’m going back to bed,” Sam declared. “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while.”

“Aren’t you by yourself for like two more weeks? What’s keeping you up now?”

Nightmares, horrors and well, the woman I had loved with all my heart who abandoned me seven years ago?

Sam almost said it. Almost. The words died on his lips, though.

“It’s nothing. I’m just really tired,” he said finally.

“Those guys at work still giving you a hard time?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Nobody is giving me a hard time! It was one case and over a year ago. I’m not five. You can’t kick people’s asses for me anymore.”

“Just give me the names.”

Sam laughed. For the first time in a week, the knot in his chest loosening. Maybe that’s what he needed. He should have called his brother sooner. 

Dean deserved to know about Y/N. Hell, Sam should have called him the moment he walked out of that classroom. He would have, too, had it not taken him a whole  day to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t dreaming to begin with. 

That’s where he saw her afterall… She was the part of his worst nightmare. He would be damned though, if she wasn't also the loveliest dream he’d ever dreamt, ever felt.

“Sam?” Dean asked. “Did you fall asleep on me?”

“No.”

“Okay, I lied,” Dean admitted. “I’m not exercising or anything. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I don’t know, man. I had this weird feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right with you.”

Sam held his breath, feeling a strange ache within him. Dean always knew. 

“Everything’s alright, Dean.” I am just slowly going insane here.

There was a heavy pause and Sam was almost convinced that Dean could see through his bullshit. When Dean spoke, his voice held a gravity. “If there’s anything, and I mean anything at all, you’ll call me, right?”

“Who else do I even have?” Sam said in a low defeated voice. “Of course I’ll call you.”

“Now you get back in that bed, and sleep your ass off!”

Amazing how his brother could be so insightful one minute and order him around like he was a three year old the next.

“Bye, Dean.”

“Bye, Sammy.”

*click*

Sam fell back into his bed, staring at the perfect beige ceiling. It hadn’t been more than two years since he’d moved in the faculty accoms and what with all that had happened since, he’d never had the time to move out, or even properly look for a better place.

He closed his eyes, knowing perfectly well how pointless it was. Sleep wasn’t going to come… what came instead was the image of her, looking at him with absolute horror from the top row of the lecture hall. And despite everything that had happened, Sam had wanted nothing more than to run across the steps and hold her in his arms. Hold her so tight and never let go.

However, before he could move, she had fled the room, like mirage. Leaving him to question if it had been real at all. Maybe the years had got to him and he was hallucinating. It was the first time in his career that he’d frozen on the dais. And only when someone called his name, had he come back to the now.

In fact, he’d been so sure that it had just been a play of his mind, that he’d left the class promptly and actually verified the student admission list from the administration office.

“Y/N Y/L/N”

After that all he could do was walk back to his house aimlessly.

This couldn’t be happening. What was he going to do? Run back to her? Find her and then what?

Things weren’t the same now. He didn’t know anything about her life anymore.

Then the anger came.

How dare she? How could she have absolutely destroyed him like that and then come waltzing back into his life just when he had managed to put it back together, painfully and piece by piece.

He could go back and take a look at her entire application; know what she had been up to. But would that even matter?

Sam had spent the whole day just sitting by himself in the dark, and even the next. Calls from work, and college be damned. He couldn’t go in there and pretend like he didn’t care, that he didn’t want to rage and riot and ask her why she had left him like that! 

But he was more than just a heartbroken man. And he wasn’t twenty five anymore. He had responsibilities now, people who looked up to him. So locking himself up wasn’t an option. He had to face the world, even when he didn’t want to. Especially then.

When he stepped into the room on Friday, he’d made up his mind to not look for her. The eye contact might not mean anything to her, but it just might be his undoing. And after all he had been through, he couldn’t fall apart now. These were his students and they didn’t need to see that.

As it turned out, he needn’t have worried at all. Y/N wasn’t there. Had she run off again? Was it really such a bad thing for her to be in the same room as him? 

It took him a while to get on track. Knowing that she wasn’t there, did help, made it easier to concentrate, easier to set out the syllabus.

Over the weekend, Sam made a game plan- pretend that she didn’t exist, whether or not she attended classes. If he convinced himself that she was still gone, he could go on with the lecture. After all, he could do it for two hours a day. It shouldn’t have to be that hard.

It was very hard.

She wore purple on Monday, and he’d be damned if he didn’t admit that his heart sped up when he saw her. That one glance was all Sam allowed himself. It took every ounce of his will power to concentrate on what he was speaking. 

It did not get any easier as the week passed. Sam did get better at controlling his face, if not his emotions and by Thursday, even managed a few jokes that hit the mark. All the while, he didn’t dare look at her, still not confident that he could handle it. It helped that he was busy with a twisted property matter at work that required multiple trips to the court. It kept him engaged and his mind occupied.

Sam was so ready for the weekend by the time Friday rolled in. One more class and he’d be free of the agony for two more days. 

He did not look at her still. He came very close once, when the girl right ahead of her answered a question, but his gaze only lasted long enough to make out that she was wearing beige today. 

In the minutes after the class ended, a small group of students gathered around him asking doubts about the topic. It was a somewhat hard concept to understand, and it provided him with further distraction.

Next to them, a commotion caught his eye, A boy was standing on the side of the dias. Right next to him stood Y/N.

“Thank you, but I already have plans for the weekend,” she said, her voice polite. 

Sam clenched his fists. The sound of her voice was enough to repeal each and every effort he’d put into remaining fortified through the week.

Her voice was just as soft and kind. Without consciously deciding to, he abandoned the conversation he was having completely to listen to her, yearning more for the sound of her voice like his life depended on it. Another girl had joined Y/N and the boy. Then, Y/N left, without saying anything.

“Mr. Winchester?”

Sam wrenched himself back into the conversation.  It was the girl who had answered his question. 

“Mr. Winchester, my name’s Rebecca Staten,” she said, leaning close. “What about the internship applications? At Acton Griswold.”

Sam wanted to roll his eyes. “I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. The hiring is all HR, and I have little to no say in it.”

“Oh, but it would be wonderful getting to work with you.”

Sam backed away quickly, grabbing his case and laptop. “I assure you working with me is highly overrated. See you next week!” He concluded and left the class in a hurry.

The moment he was out, the anger returned, at her and himself. She didn’t care about what happened to him, and yet here he was pining after her like a lovestruck teenager. She already had plans, while he spent his evenings in darkness trying to get her out of his head.

Now, Sam lay in his bed, still clutching to his phone even after Dean had long hung up.

It was 5:30 and for once he didn’t feel like stepping out of his bed. Who knew? Maybe the world had some more crap to fling in his face.

Sam closed his eyes remembering the day when he’d first realised what she meant to him.

*******************************

21st July 2006

“If you stayed quiet any longer, I’d have to start worrying,” Dean said, glancing at his brother from the driver’s seat.

“What?” Sam shrugged.

“You know what I’m talking about!”

“You don’t know shit!”

Dean shushed, glancing at a sleeping Jo in the backseat of their car. “She had a rough night,” Dean whispered. “Stop shouting. You’ll wake her up.”

So much concern. Sam rolled his eyes.

“Oh, you’re the one to act pricey,” Dean hissed. “Don’t think I don’t know what’s up with you.”

“What’s up with me?”

“It’s that girl, Y/N. Isn’t it?” Dean asked. “You’re worried about her.”

Sam said nothing. What was he going to tell Dean when he himself didn’t know why he was so worried for her.

She had gone mute with shock at first when Jo broke the news to her. Slowly as her face started to crumple, she looked at him once and excused herself to go upstairs. Jo had given him one sympathetic look as he stood there in the middle of their living room, then followed her cousin to the room. He had seen himself out after the maddening urge to run after Y/N, hold her and comfort her had been squished. Afterall, he barely knew her… it wasn’t his place to comfort her in any way… and yet, it had simply felt wrong to walk out of that house knowing she was distraught.

He had been restless since, unable to concentrate on preparation for his interview. Her sweet smile and then the shocked look on her face kept coming back to him, to the point where he regretted not following her to her room. Maybe, just maybe she would have let him help.

Ellen had driven Y/N to her hometown that evening, while Jo had stayed back to look after the diner. Dean, who Sam suspected was more than just sweet on her had been making home calls for leaking sinks and what not.

Now it was his turn to drive her to the funeral. Sam had ridden along without really explaining to either of them… why? He needed to figure that one out for himself first.

“I just- I don’t even know why I’m going there,” Sam said, finally. “I mean, you’re driving your girlfriend. What am I doing?”

Surprisingly, Dean didn’t contest the girlfriend part, neither did he make a sarcastic retort.

“You have plenty of time to find out,” Dean said, without taking his eyes off the road. 

“She’s just so different,” Sam thought out loud. 

“You’re not wrong about that,” Jo said from the back seat. She was up and looked absolutely exhausted. “It’s so hard to get through to her.”

“What do you mean?”

Jo stretched her arms and ran her hands down her dress, trying to smoothen it. “I have never been close to her,” she said. “After my aunt and her husband died in the crash, Y/N went to stay with her grandmother. She visited us once in three years or so but never stayed for more than a week. She has always been quiet. Even as a kid she was polite and soft spoken. Don’t get me wrong, I liked her well enough, but I kinda dreaded her visits cause each time she came, mom would have a mini complex over how well-behaved she was and I was a mess.”

Dean chuckled, finding that funny for some reason.

“I love having her over now, though. And I get why she’s been so grown up. Her gran was pretty awesome. She took care of Y/N sure, but Y/N had to take care of her, too. Had to be sincere and not trouble the old lady. Her gran called her ‘the little ray of sunshine.’

Seemed apt enough to Sam. He’d rather die than admit to his brother and Jo, but there was this light that Y/N seemed so full of, that he couldn’t get enough of.

Sam shook his head, dispelling the insane thought, embarrassed.

“This, Y/N,” Dean asked, “She has anyone else?”

In the rear-view mirror, Sam saw Jo shaking her head sadly. 

“It’s just us now. I bet mom’s tried to get her to move in with us… but Y/N doesn’t budge. We’ve tried to get her to move here plenty of times.”

“But that meant she’d have had to leave her grandmother,” Sam said. “She wouldn’t have then. What’s stopping her now?”

“Self-respect,” Jo said the word like it was dubious.

Sam understood this better than Jo. The feeling that you were causing discomfort to others, that you were a burden… your existence, an obligation.

Bobby had loved him and Dean like his own kids and Karen had been so sweet, but deep down he and his brother always knew the sacrifices they’d had to make to raise two boys. Cutting the edges to make the ends meet. It had been the reason that the moment Dean was old enough, he’d moved out, pulling Sam with him. And Sam couldn’t have been prouder of his brother. They both missed Bobby and Karen, and the love and warmth, but, at least Bobby didn’t have to break his back overworking now. He could kickback a little and enjoy some privacy with his wife.

Dean was staring straight ahead. From the set of his mouth and the intensity of his eyes, Sam could make out the shift in his brother. A newfound respect for Y/N because of the luxury she had given up for the sake of her grandmother.

When Dean spoke, he confirmed it for Sam. “So, Y/N is by herself now?”

Y/N… and not ‘that girl.’

“It’s just awful,” Jo said angrily. “Y/N loved her gran more than anyone in the world. I don’t know how she’s going to get over this.” Then her voice steeled. “We’re not going to listen to her this time. She can’t live in that crap town by herself. She’ll have to move in with us now.”

“Won’t be that hard to convince her,” Sam added, “She’ll get her acceptances in a month or so and by fall she’ll be off to wherever anyway. It’ll be a matter of a few months. You can press that.”

“Yeah,” Jo said slowly, giving Sam a scrutinising look, like it was slowly dawning to her just how much he knew.

Sam cleared his throat and looked out of the window.

Jo pointed the directions to the church when they reached the town and Dean found the perfect parking spot. Sam adjusted his coat as he stepped inside the Church. The funeral was being held in the side room, and almost everyone from the small-ish town seemed to be there. Jo disappeared into the crowd immediately trying to find Ellen, and after a look to make sure that Sam was alright, Dean followed her.

This left Sam all by himself in a funeral full of strangers.

A few elderly women gave him a once over, trying to place him, and Sam moved away quickly, guessing that the family would be up ahead.

“... poor girl… I don’t know what else he has to live for now…”

Sam halted at the words.

Two middle aged women were talking to each other. The second one scoffed lightly. “Literally. Old Gertrude didn’t really own a fortune to leave behind. Just the old house and a now useless bakery. That girl can’t bake to save her life, I’ve heard.”

“Oh, don’t talk like that!” The first woman said, “That child’s distraught!”

“She’s no child,” said the other woman, whom Sam was beginning to hate, “She’s eighteen. At her age I was married to my Robert and little Jonathan was already on his way. Besides, she’s a jinx, don’t you think? Got her parents killed when he was a child and now…”

Sam walked away as fast as he could before he said something in anger that he would regret later.

At the very front, on the podium was a close casket. People moved slowly making hushed conversations around it. At the foot of the casket, next to the rows of chairs stood Ellen, in a sharp, black skirt and jacket, talking to a man in low voice. On the first two chairs sat Jo, Dean beside her. She seemed to be wiping her tears while Dean held her hand. 

Sam’s eyes scanned the milling crowd. Y/N was nowhere to be seen amongst them. He looked at the aisle and then at the chairs, finally spotting her on the last chair of the second row, sitting by herself, staring blankly ahead. Then, he noticed the little things… how people were looking at her and then averting their gaze. The expression on her face wasn’t exactly sorrow… it was the look a person’s face might hold after they had lost everything they had. Everything. Just looking at her filled Sam’s heart with dread. Those who wanted to meet her were unable to because Ellen strategically blocked the path to get to her. She’d engage them in a small talk and then they’d go away.

Sam cut across the line of chairs in the 5th row and reached the edge of the hall. The chairs had been arranged in a way that there was little no space left to walk, but Sam managed, flattening himself against the wall and inching towards where Y/N was sitting. He walked right past her to the seat beside her, but she didn’t notice, she didn’t even blink, just stared fixedly at the mural of wreathed flowers over the casket. 

“Y/N?” he said quietly, and she startled out of it, unseeing at first, then realising that he was there. 

“Sam.”

Her voice was thick and so unsteady that it broke Sam’s heart.

All he wanted to do was reach out and hug her, comfort her in anyway that he could. For now, he placed his hand over hers, something he had done before, so it wouldn’t make her uncomfortable.

“Sam,” she whispered again, gripping his hand tightly with her other. Tight enough to hurt.

“I’m so sorry,” he said fervently, feeling helpless at her pain. “Tell me. Is there anything I can do?”

She looked lost, her Y/E/C eyes flitting from his face to the side and back again. She was about to say something, but at the very moment the pastor called for attention. They were moving the casket. The pastor gestured to everyone to begin moving towards the cemetery. Over his shoulder, Sam could see Ellen giving him a curious look and she wasn’t the only one. There were so many pairs of prying and questioning eyes. To the point where Sam began to doubt whether Y/N would want to be seen with him. However, she held on to his hand steadily as she rose. He stood up with her. 

Y/N did not let go of his hand even as they walked to the churchyard, and Sam stopped giving a single care about what anyone was thinking. Her hold on him was steady, but her fingers still shook and her other hand was clutching the fabric of her plain grey dress tightly.

The pastor asked her if she had any last words to say for her grandmother. Y/N resolutely shook her head and they lowered the casket into the earth. People walked up to her to offer condolences, hugs and words of kindness, and she nodded in acknowledgement, eyes cast downwards.

Sam wondered how it looked to others. Did she appear to be a graceful image of grief? Elegant in her sorrow? Or whatever crap the crazy writers were writing these days. To him the shiver of her lips, the rapid rise and fall of her chest was very clear... very there! She wasn’t some beautiful, solitary figure of sadness, she was a person, breathing and living, who was barely keeping it together.

Ellen was the last to hug her, tightly. Sam had to let go for her hand. 

“It’ll be alright, Darling,” Ellen said, stroking her Y/H/C hair. “It might not feel like it now, but things will be fine.”

No they wouldn’t. Things would never be fine, Sam knew. Not the fine that Y/N was used to… She’d just learn to live around the hollow of her missing Gran. One day at a time she’d get used to living like this… and that would become her new fine. 

Jo hugged the two of them behind and Y/N closed her eyes, damp now, returning the hug tightly.

Almost everyone but Sam, Dean, Jo, Ellen and Y/N had gone back to the church for the dinner.

“Do you want to go inside?” Ellen asked, when she finally disentangled herself.

Y/N shook her head. “I’d like to stay here for a while.”

Ellen looked unsure but she nodded. “I’ll be inside. You’ll come find me?”

Y/N nodded gratefully. 

“Okay then.”

Jo kissed her cousin on the cheek and left with her mother. 

Dean walked over to Y/N, his step somewhat hesitant. “I know what it’s like to lose your parents as a child,” he said quietly. So quietly that Sam could barely hear it. “And I know what it’s like to live your life for just that one person who is left behind with you-” he gaze flickered towards Sam- “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. God knows I’d not want to live for a minute if something happened to- happened to Sammy.” 

She looked up, a spark of fear in her eyes. Her whole frame jerked. Dean was taken aback just for a split second before an understanding look dawned on his face. Sam didn’t recognise even a bit of what had just passed between them.

He was even more surprised when all of a sudden Dean opened his arm and Y/N let him hug her briefly. 

He might have whispered something, or it might have been nothing at all, but when he let go, she held on to his sleeve.

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered, her eyes brimming now, tears starting to flow earnestly for the first time. 

“You look after yourself now,” Dean said gently. “I’ll see you inside.”

He clapped Sam on the shoulder and after casting one long look at her, Sam turned to leave with his brother.

“Sam!”

Her voice was stronger now, and no sooner had she uttered the words, he was moving to be next to her.

“Will you… will you stay with me?” She asked, eyes expectant, and beyond anguished.

“Of course,” he said breathlessly.

He looked back to ask his brother to leave, but Dean was already at the gate of the churchyard, walking further away.

The sun was setting against the horizon in front of them, and the chill in the air was beginning to settle. Y/N rapped her arms around herself. Sam remembered the first time he had seen her do that, outside the bar. He would have shrugged out of his coat had Y/N not unfolded her wrap and thrown it over her shoulders. She leaned towards him, and as if it was the most natural thing to do, Sam wrapped one arm around her shoulder, drawing her close against his side. He let  her borrow whatever warmth she needed on this cold, cruel evening. 

“Sam,” Y/N said after a while. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

He didn’t reply, simply ran his hand over the side of her arm, as they stood silently in front of the freshly covered grave.

*******************************

Sam opened his eyes, almost smelling the air from that evening, almost feeling the heat of her body. Then sighed.

He needed to stop doing this to himself. Some might say it would have been easier to forget it all. Sam didn’t believe in that. He’d revisited the memories that meant so much to him over and over, till he remembered the last detail, till he could go relive them at his beck and call.

Of course they brought a boat load of pain, even the good memories, but Sam considered it a good bargain, all things considered. He hadn’t wanted to live a day where he couldn’t remember the precise colour of her eyes, or the sweet shyness of her smile.

And now precisely this habit of his was screwing him over when the real Y/N was right in front of him, and he couldn’t reach out to touch her like he could in the memories.

Then again, the real Y/N didn’t care for him one way or another.

Sleep wasn’t going to come purely because it was a Saturday. Lying around in bed was pointless. He rolled over in the bed and his eyes fell on the photo on his night stand. 

Looking at the picture, the loneliness hit afresh. The person in the photo had become his sole reason to live as a functional human for the past two years. Sam missed those arms around his neck more than he could put into words. The missing was so bad, that it almost twisted his guts.

“Two more weeks,” he reminded himself. Two more weeks and he could see that face, that dimpled smile again. It was his reason to smile.

He placed a kiss on the frame and got out of the bed. Better to be productive than mope around all day. And who knew, if he managed to get busy, maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t think about Y/N.

*******************************

A/N 2: So now that we something about Sam. What are y’all thinking? ;)

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[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[yayeetsonny]

New Beginnings~Chapter 3

This is shorter than I’d like but hopefully that’s okay. I noticed my timeline was all screwed up so the book is actually set in 2020, my bad. Also the pandemic doesn’t exist in this universe. Enjoy!

4 1/2 Months later���

Ryley PRO//

It’s been over 4 months since my accident and I am finally out of all my casts and no longer have to use a wheelchair to get around or write with my other hand. I won’t sugar coat it the first 4 months were hell and there was a lot of tears and lot of moments where I wanted to give up but Christen, Alex and our teammates made it all worth it. They helped me through the lows of physical therapy and they were there to celebrate the highs too. They had to return home after the first 2 weeks but came to visit at least once a month if not more. I was initially worried that I wasn’t going to recover in time for the Olympics at the end of July but after putting in a lot of work and pushing myself past my limits sometimes I was able to get through physical therapy much sooner than expected and I was able to show Vlatko that I still deserved a spot on that roster.

After that scare I had in the first month when I woke up not being able to breath the girls took me to a doctor and I learned that I did in fact have asthma and that I had experienced a laryngospasm because of it. I was given an inhaler and everything was explained to me so now I know what to do if it happens again, but I haven’t had one since, nor have I had any asthma attacks. Alex and Chris hovered a lot after that but now they’re much better at trusting that I’ll be okay.

I ended up finishing my junior year online and when I was able I moved back to the group home in Colorado. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t remain under Christen and Alex’s care if I wanted to be able to travel with the team this summer to Japan. They would have had to adopt me in order for that to work but I still wasn’t ready and they understood. We still text and call all the time of course and they come to visit me when they can. I still haven’t told them the true extent of how poorly I’m treated here but I decided that was for the best. 

It was warm out today and I had decided to ride my skateboard around town, my free time before I had to leave for the olympics was coming to an end so I had to take full advantage of it. We would be getting on a plane in a week and then hopefully we would return home with the gold and we could say that we pulled off the impossible: World Cup champions one year and olympic gold medalist the next. 

I reluctantly decide to head back to the group home after another hour and when I get there it’s no surprise that the house is full of potential adoptive parents and families. After politely introducing myself to a few of the people I make my way upstairs knowing no one would be interested in getting to know me. I check my phone and see I have a few texts and missed calls from Alex.

“Hey sweet girl, hope you’re having a good day. Chris and I Love and miss you.”

Read one text

I decided to call her as I had been missing their voices. She picked up on the third ring

“Hello?” Came her raspy voice through the phone.

“Hi Alex.”

“Well hello my sweet girl, how are we doing today?”

“I’m doing good, I miss you guys though.”

“I know but we’ll see you really soon.”

“Next week, do you think we’re ready?”

“As ready as we’ll ever be baby.”

“Am I ready?”

“Don’t second guess yourself, of course you are. You are going to do amazing I just know it.”

“Thank you for always believing in me.”

“Always have, always will. I love you kid.”

“I love you too.”

“I gotta go but we’ll see you soon okay?”

“See you soon. Tell Chris I said Hello and that I love her too.”

“I will, bye R.J.”

“Bye Alex.”

While I was talking to Alex I was completely unaware of Ms.Williams listening outside the door and when I hung up Ms. Williams stormed into my room, completely disregarding my “Knock first.” Sign, yanked my phone out of my hand and prevented me from taking it back,

“This is now mine, thank you.”

“What did I even do?!” 

“You were talking to that Alex Morgan girl.”

“Okay first of all she’s a grown ass woman and second, why is that such a problem?”

“Whenever you talk to her or that Christen girl they give you false hope.”

“What? Again, they’re grown women, not teenagers. What do you mean “false hope”? That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“I’m talking about the fact that you think you’re going to the Olympics.”

“I am going, I already made the roster.”

“If you think I’m going to let you leave the country while I’m still responsible for you, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“You can’t just not let me go! That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair.”

“You can’t stop me from going, it’s my life.”

“While you live here I decide what you can and can’t do.”

“Well, then I just won’t live here then.”

“Pfft, where are you gonna go then?”

“Anywhere is better than here.”

“If you leave now you’re not allowed to come back.”

“I don’t care. Give me my phone.”

She threw my phone on the bed and left, leaving me to grab my duffle bag and get out of here. I packed only things I would need, grabbing my board I started to climb out the window, using the tree by my window I was able to get down safely and remain unseen by the families that were still in the house. I didn’t know where I was going to go and I realized this was probably a really dumb thing to do but I couldn’t give Karen the satisfaction of knowing I had backed out. 

I just started walking in a random direction and kept going until I couldn’t anymore. When I took in my surroundings I realized that I had already walked pretty far and that it was getting dark, if I wanted to find at least a semi-safe place to sleep I need to start looking. 

I was able to find a good enough bridge to sleep under for the night and settled there. Chris and Alex are so going to kill me.

The next week flew by, I was able to make the bridge a “home” of sorts and I was able to do some chores for the manager of the grocery store I walked to everyday and in exchange he paid me with food. This way I could save my money for Tokyo and for getting more clothes before I left. I knew that he had his suspicions about me being homeless but he never brought it up and by the time it was time for me to go to the airport we had become good friends and I even told him about the team and going to Tokyo. As for showering I was able to convince the owner of one of the gyms in town to let me take showers there without having a membership. I was just wrapping up my last day of chores when the manager of the store, Kevin came out of his office to see me off.

“Hey kid, you leavin’?”

“Yeah, I’ll miss you Kev.”

“I’ll miss you as well kid, good luck in Tokyo. Bring home the gold.”

“Yes sir. I’ll try to visit from time to time.”

“I’ll look forward to seeing you again.”

After we said our goodbyes I grabbed my stuff from the back and started to ride my skateboard to a department store where I could get a suitcase and some more clothes. Then I headed for the airport. It took forever and having to hold a suitcase made it pretty hard to stay balanced but I finally made it and after getting my luggage checked and going through security I just barely made it on time for my flight. I would be flying to Portland first and then from there we fly as a team to Japan. It would be a long couple of days and I’m sure I’m going to be exhausted by the end of all the flying but it’ll all be worth it once we get there.

When I arrived in Portland I was greeted by almost the whole team, a few people’s flights were still just landing or would be arriving shortly. The first people I saw were Chris and Alex, they ran to me and wrapped me up in their arms, smothering me with kisses. I hadn’t told them about anything that happened over the last week, they still thought I was at the group home. It got a little hard when they called me a couple times and there was a lot of commotion on the bridge but I just told them I was out riding around and that it was traffic in the street.

“Hey baby! We missed you so much.”

 Christen all but tackled me to the ground as Alex came around to hug me from behind. We landed on the floor and I found myself in a Chrislex sandwich. 

“I missed you guys too!” I gigged at their excitement

I made my rounds and was sure to say hi to everyone as they arrived and once everyone was together we were ready to head to our gate for our second flight. We had to wait around for an hour or so before we were able to board, I sat in between Al and Chris. Mal, Rose and Sam sat in front of us and Morgan, Kelley, and Emily behind us and Ali, Ash, Megan, Julie, Tobin, Crystal and Lindsey in the rows directly across. Everyone else filled the remaining rows. This 13 hour and 10 minute flight was going to be long and it would probably get really old fast but I knew my teammates would make it fun and entertaining for at least part of the time. 

14 and 1/2 hrs later…

We had finally landed in Tokyo and after almost 15 hours of traveling we got to the hotel and were able to go straight to our rooms. It didn’t surprise me that I had been placed in a room with Christen and Alex, after not seeing each other for a while I was glad to be with them. Everyone was exhausted, so much so that all anyone said to each other as we went to our rooms was “Night.” Or just a grumble as a way to say “See you in the morning.” 

I was allowed first dibs on a bed so I picked the one closest to the window. 

“Goodnight baby love, see you in the morning.” Christen said from her spot on their bed.

“Goodnight kiddo, sleep well.” Alex yawned

“Goodnight guys.”

They both fell asleep instantly and I was left to wonder how I was going to tell them about everything. I knew I had to tell them the truth soon, I just didn’t know how. On one hand I knew that they would be mad that I had taken off from the group home but I also knew they were going to be even more upset that I didn’t tell them. I knew that if I had they would have come to get me and then they could be arrested for kidnapping or something like that if Ms. Williams found out and decided to report me as missing just to spite me. And yes technically she could do that now and it would be 10x worse since I left the country but she’s not going to risk her reputation by doing that. At least I don’t think she would. 

I ran through what I was going to tell them in my head over a dozen times before I was finally able to go to sleep. I knew tomorrow was going to be tough but I just had to hope that I’d be ready to face the music. 

//

Hey guys, this isn't my best work and this is probably all over the place but I hope it was still good. Sorry for mistakes.

- N

Tag list: @slow-dance-in-the-dark​ @messyheath​ @yeetlysonnett​ @anniekin-98​ @kayleighromae​ @ihavebeenchangedforgoodmenzel​ @laikato​

[dumbchickwrites]

office affairs -- part 4

Pairings: CEO!Sam Wilson x Reader

Summary: Sam is the CEO of the Red Wing PR agency where Reader has been working for the past two years. Problem is, they both think one hates the other. However, when their friends set them up on a blind date, they’ll realise it was all a big misunderstanding.

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: language, Reader is still thirsty, fluff, Mimi wants to gossip.

A/N: This series is part of @marvelmaree​‘s birthday challenge. You can find the masterlist on my blog and hers! Enjoy!

Brunch with your friends and your sister is always a good time. You can’t complain. You have drinks, food and some of the people you love the most. And on this particular Sunday, you still feel the euphoria of your date with Sam.

All weekend you tried to let it go already, telling yourself that you were acting like a middle school girl. But at the same time, who cares, right? Once again, you reminded yourself to let yourself be for a moment, without your self-consciousness stopping you from simply feeling.

“Is she daydreaming again?”

“I bet she’s thinking about Sam.”

“Who’s Sam?”

“No one, baby. Eat your food.”

Someone snaps their fingers in front of your face. You blink a couple of times before frowning at the owner of said hand. Maria doesn’t flinch under your glare.

“Where did you go?” Noelle asked.

You take a sip of your mimosa before you answer.

“Back at L’Orage.”

“Annnnd…?” Natasha pushes.

“We—” you begin, but your gaze meets Michelle’s. 

She’s looking at you like she also wants all the tea. Your eyes lower to her empty plate, hers follow your gaze. You know what she’s thinking, and she knows what you’re thinking. 

“Mimi, you’re done eating right? Why don’t you go watch some TV inside?” you say before her little hand reaches the basket of pastries on the table.

“But—”

“Auntie Henny is right,” Noelle cuts her and you roll your eyes at the nickname. “We don’t want you to get sick, right?” she says, rubbing her belly.

“Okay, Mommy. Can I get more juice from the fridge, please?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you!”

Just like that, she’s back inside the house.

“I thought the use of that nickname was forbidden in this house,” you say.

“We’re in the backyard,” your sister gives you an innocent smile.

You throw your napkin at her but she easily catches it.

“Anyways. We kissed.”

“Huh,” Natasha crosses her arms over her chest and lays back on her chair. “But?”

“What?”

“There’s a but. There’s always a but with you,” Maria says.

“There’s no but. We kissed, that’s it. It was a very nice kiss. Then he took me home—Back here!” you add quickly when you see how big Maria and Natasha’s eyes got. “He said he’s down for a second date.”

“So how do you feel about him?” Maria asks.

“Do you want me to tell you you were right? Because that’s not gonna happen.”

Maria gives you a look. You sigh.

“It turns out he doesn’t hate me at all. He was actually kind of shocked when I talked to him about that. He thought I didn’t like him,” you take another sip of your drink. “I like him a lot. He’s nice, funny, he listens to me when I talk.”

“Annnnnd…?” this time it comes from Noelle.

“And I kinda want him to bend me over a desk some time.”

The four of you burst out laughing like madwomen.

“More seriously, I guess I should thank you guys. I had a really nice time.”

“Aw, you’re welcome, sweetie,” Natasha rubs your arm. “Personally, I think you guys are a match made in heaven. Literally.”

“Don’t jinx it, Nat!” Maria exclaims.

Natasha makes a zipping motion over her lips with a little smirk.

As Noelle refills your champagne flutes and you move on to another topic – here Noelle and Laetitia, the mother of the new kid in Mimi’s class --, you can’t help but feel grateful for this moment.

You were lucky to find people you can rely on other than your sister after so many years. After everything that happened. Sure your sister is your best friend and vice versa, but sometimes you can’t help but feel guilty about all the stuff you dump on her.

It’s not easy for you to interact with people and maintain healthy relationship. You try your best to find a nice balance between over communicating and totally isolating yourself. You’re still a work in progress though.

That’s why all this dating business was pushed aside for a few years.

Maria and Natasha end up spending the rest of the day at your house. You order takeout, drink some more – responsibly though, all while binge-watching Disney movies and playing board games with Michelle. It’s the nicest day you’ve had in a hot minute.

When the girls leave and it’s finally time for bed, you go to sleep with the ghost of today’s smiles still dancing on your lips.

*

In your opinion, Mondays are overrated. You never understood this whole thing anyway. Sure it’s the beginning of a new week, but it’s still a day like the others.

This particular Monday though, is a bit special. You’re excited to see whether or not Sam had the flowers delivered in your office. So excited that you’re walking around with a huge grin, your face beaming as you step into the elevator.

“Well good morning m’lady,” Scott from HR greets you when you step off the elevator. He’s at the front desk, talking to Rumlow.

“Morning Scott,” you say, still smiling.

“You got a secret admirer, huh?” Scott asks.

“Excuse me?”

“Your office is filled with flowers. And I mean filled. Janet walked by ten minutes ago and she hasn’t stopped sneezing since. Y’know, allergies.”

“Oh, um… I—” you stutter, not really knowing what to say.

“I’m just messing with you, kiddo. Just—If it’s a dude from around here, just make sure you stop by my office some time, ‘kay?”

Okay… You need to end this conversation now. You can feel your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Honestly, it’s not that you don’t like Scott, everybody likes Scott. It’s just that he can be a bit too much sometimes.

“Sure thing, Scottie. You have a good day, okay?”

You don’t wait for his answer before you keep walking towards your office, climbing the stairs leading to the first floor with ease.

A woman you don’t recognize is standing in front of your office, staring at the glass wall. The cleaning crew must have left the blinds open again despite your multiple notes.

“Hello,” you greet her before you reach your office. “Can I help you?”

You can’t see the inside yet but Scott was right, the scent is strong. Just how many flowers did Sam send?

Her gaze meets yours as she whips her head towards you, her long burgundy hair following the movement. She’s wearing a green suit, a bold but beautiful contrast with her skin tone.

“Hi!” she smiles. “I’m sorry, is this your office?”

“Yes. You’re new here, right?”

“Yes, yes. My name is Gamora, I’m the new Digital Manager,” she offers her hand for you to shake.

You introduce yourself as you shake her hand. “… I take care of—”

“Events, yes. It’s written on your door. Anyways, I was just looking at the flowers in your office. Must be nice. My boyfriend… He’s not really that kind of guy.”

“Um…”

Once again, you don’t know how to talk to people.

“Sorry if I’m being weird.”

“Oh, no, it’s… Don’t worry about it. So where are you from?” you ask.

You figure you should at least try to make small talk with her. She seems nice, she has a very kind face. There’s something about her eyes though… She’s clearly been through a lot.

“I’m from New Asgard, in Norway.”

“Wow, how did you end up here?”

“My boyfriend, Peter. He lives in the US and he asked me to move in with him. I couldn’t say no.”

The name makes you flinch, but you wipe the discomfort away as soon as it appears. Peter is a common name. In this city alone there are hundreds of them. You need to get used to it, it’s been years already.

“Well, on behalf of the entire Red Wing team, I’d like to say welcome,” you give her a genuine smile.

“Thank you so much. That means a lot.” With a sigh, she throws one last glance towards your office before she starts walking away. “I better find Scott, we’re not done with the tour yet. I’ll see you around, I guess?”

“Sure. Have a good day!”

Once she turns around the corner, you take the last few steps that lead you to your office.

“Oh my God,” you whisper.

Your office is filled with flowers all right. It’s not just fifty like Sam said. At least a dozen of bouquets of red roses, tulips and peonies are scattered around your office. On your coffee table, the empty spaces on your bookshelf, the floor… everywhere but on your desk. Thank God, the scent isn’t disturbing to you.

“Oh my God,” you whisper again.

You can’t believe your eyes. You set your bag on your desk and draw the blinds over the glass walls to keep the prying eyes out of your business. Walking around a bit, you take the time to inhale and admire every single bouquet.

“Wow, he really wasn’t joking.”

You turn around to find Natasha and Maria standing in your doorway, holding huge mugs.

That’s right the morning coffee. Morning coffee is always in your office on Monday and Wednesday.

“Aw sweetie, don’t cry!” Natasha grabs a tissues from the box on your coffee table and hands it to you.

You didn’t even realize you were crying. Damn, he really had you in the palm of his hand, huh?

“It’s just, no one has ever done something like this for me before, and I feel stupid now because I’m crying for fucking flowers.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid, okay?” Maria chips in. “From what you told us, you’re not used to this kind of treatment, so it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed right now. Here,” she hands you one of the mugs she’s holding. “Mantis told us you just got in so we figured you didn’t have time to make your cup of tea yet.”

“Thank you.”

You take a sip of the beverage, the hot liquid helping with the lump in your throat.

“Is… Is he here?” you ask.

Their offices are located on the floor above yours along with Sam’s, so you rarely see him during the day.

“Not yet,” Natasha replies. “He’s late. Something about getting Falcon a new cone.”

Oh yeah. He mentioned his dog’s surgery Friday night.

“Good morning, ladies. You talking about me?”

There he is.

Sam is standing in the doorway, a smirk on his lips, always handsome. A warm feeling spreads in your chest at the sight of him, and this morning’s grin is back in an instant.

“Samuel,” Maria greets him. “You’re late.”

“Ah shit. The boss wouldn’t like that, would he?”

“Whatever,” Maria rolls her eyes at him.

“Maria, come to the kitchen with me, I want to see if the pastries have been delivered already,” Natasha says, grabbing Maria’s arm.

“But shouldn’t we go with—” her sentence is cut short by Natasha’s pointed look. “Ohhh. Right.”

The girls shut the door behind them as they exit your office, you and Sam left alone.

“Morning,” he says, slowly approaching you. “Do you like the flowers?”

“I do, very much. What happened to the fifty flowers, though?”

Sam shrugs. “They were supposed to represent the number of times I wanted to kiss you. But as the weekend went by, I lost count, so…”

Goddammit.

“Come here,” you mumble.

You grab his hand and pull him closer to you, your free hand finding its place at the back of his neck. The kiss you give him is slow and sweet as you do your best to express your gratitude. You’ve been on one date, yet he has managed to make you feel more special than you’ve ever felt. He really is something. Sam kisses you back, and you can feel him smile as he does.

“Thank you,” you say when you break the kiss. “This is… wow.”

Sam keeps your body close to his, not wanting to let you go just yet.

“You’re welcome. So… about that second date. How do you feel about roller skating?”

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“I kind of like it. I haven’t skated since I was a kid, though.”

Sam nods. “Dinner and roller skating. Let’s say… Wednesday?”

“Wednesday sounds good,” you smile.

“Okay.”

Sam peppers small kisses on your lips and the corner of your mouth before letting you go. You instantly feel colder.

As he walks to the door, you seat at your desk and power up your computer, ready to start the work day.

“Wait, I need one more,” Sam says.

He rounds your desk and spins your chair so you’ll face him, before giving you another kiss. Once again, he peppers small kisses on your lips and cheeks and this time, you can’t help but giggle.

“It’s not even noon yet and I’m having the best day I’ve had in a while,” he whispers.

“Stop it. You’re gonna make me blush,” you joke.

“Now that would be my greatest achievement.”

Sam leaves shortly after that, leaving you to start working with the same dumb smile from earlier on your lips.

***

Tags: @marvelmaree​ @ljstraightnochaser @blackmissfrizzle​ @youdonotghostnickfury​ @minillamakeup-blog​

[ahtohallan-calling]

chapter 5 of don’t read the last page is here!

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

He’d put the phone down on the counter while he made breakfast, but now that his hands were free again he still didn’t pick it up; after their initial awkward phone call, they’d started FaceTiming instead, and as much as he loved seeing her face, he was really glad she couldn’t see his right now.

“And I was soo confused, so I started telling her, like, ‘Seriously, Honey, he’s got this amazing blond hair that you just like, want to touch all the time and these big brown eyes and little freckles and plus I’m pretty sure he’s kind of ripped and I—‘ Kristoff, I heard the microwave go off already. Are you hiding from me?”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

chapter 5

day 1

Sven was just stumbling into the kitchen when Kristoff came in. He frowned, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“You look really happy for someone who just dropped off their girlfriend at the airport for a six-week trip,” he said, pouring a glass of chocolate milk. 

“Not my girlfriend.”

“Not the important part of that sentence.”

Kristoff snagged the bottle and poured himself a cup. “This is mine, by the way, so you owe me.”

“Fine, I’ll buy toilet paper l-- no, I know you, Bjorgman, you’re trying to distract me.”

Sven narrowed his eyes further, fixing Kristoff with a hard stare. He tried to look as innocent as possible as he went to rummage through the fridge, but then he remembered the way Anna had clung to him, the feel of her little hands in his hair, the press of her lips against--

“Oh my god! You kissed her!”

Kristoff stood, not bothering to hide his smile anymore. “Well, technically, she kissed me.”

“I fucking called it, man, I knew you wouldn’t be able to hold off that much longer.”

“We really did try.”

“You didn’t even make it a week, my guy,” Sven said amiably, meandering into the living room. “You tried harder at Mario Kart the other night. Which, by the way, I know you lost on purpose so Anna could win.”

Kristoff considered arguing, but then his phone lit up with a text from Anna, so instead he grinned and walked away to the sound of Sven sighing dramatically. “I heard that buzz! I know it’s her! Jesus, I’d say get a room, but--”

Kristoff didn’t hear the rest as he shut his bedroom door.

kris!! theres wifi i can text you

Im in first class look 

..

That’s crazy

They gave you champagne this early in the morning?

..

supposed to be for mimosas

but it’s like 5 o clock somewhere

specifically romania so

..

That jet lag is going to be rough.

How long is your flight?

..

10 hrs to london then 3 to bucharest💀

but i think my seat turns into a bed so ill try to sleep

theres sooooo many movies tho!

omg theyre bringing more snacks….i feel like a movie star already

..

You kind of are.

..

havent made the movie yet!!

oh the director is here he wants to talk ttyl

..

:)

---

day 4

For some reason, her hands were shaking as they hovered over the green button. “Just do it, Anna,” she muttered to herself. “It’s just Kristoff. He told you to call.”

Thanks to the time difference and long flights, it had taken most of two days to even get here, and on her first full day in Romania she’d been so overwhelmed with the film set and meeting her co-star Adam and talking to the directors and producers and costumers and cameramen that she’d completely crashed the moment she’d gotten back to her hotel room. She’d woken up in the middle of the night and sent Kristoff a quick text apologizing for not calling; he’d responded almost immediately, reassuring her that it was fine and to just call him the next day. At a reasonable hour, he’d made sure to add, not at 2 A.M. Go back to sleep.

She had, and then she’d nearly missed her alarm and hadn’t had time to call him in the morning, and then she’d been filming her first scene and been so overwhelmed by all of that that now it was nearly six o’clock, and it was the first time she’d gotten to look at her phone all day.

He’d texted her once at around 9 A.M. her time. Good luck today! You’ll kill it. Her heart had done a funny little flip at the message, simple as it was; every time she thought of Kristoff, it didn’t feel quite real, like it was just a daydream she would wake up from, but here it was, concrete proof that even literally halfway around the world-- more than halfway, actually-- he was still thinking of her, still caring about her.

The remembrance of that was what finally gave her the courage to hit call. She felt too nervous to FaceTime him, especially considering she was already in sweatpants and halfway through eating a bowl of pasta on her bed. He picked up on the third ring, sounding breathless for some reason.

“Hey! Anna! How are you?”

“I’m, um, I’m good! How are you? You sound kind of...out of breath?”

“Oh, yeah, you caught me at the gym, so I--”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, let me hang up and--”

“No, don’t! I’m almost done, just--”

There was a quick beep in the background, and a whirring noise she hadn’t noticed until now stopped. “Okay, sorry, we’re good.”

She couldn’t help but imagine what he looked like right now, with his hair hanging in his eyes and sweat dripping down his very well-muscled--

“Anna? You there?”

He’d just asked her something, but she’d been too busy daydreaming to catch it. Maybe it really was for the best she hadn’t gone for FaceTime; she probably would have been struck speechless at the sight of him. “Sorry, I was just-- sorry. Um. What did you say?”

He laughed softly. “I asked how your first day of filming went.”

“Oh! It was good, really good, actually. We filmed that scene I auditioned with, actually. They changed the bit about the cowboy boots.”

“Thank god. I don’t know anything about movies, but I know that was awful.”

“Oh, yeah, Adam-- that’s who’s playing Jesse-- he said they’d have to double his paycheck if they wanted him to say shit like that, and then we kind of improv-ed something else and it went really well.”

“That’s awesome!”

Anna felt herself blushing, just barely, at the sound of the genuine pride in his voice. “It was, um, it was nothing, really.”

“So how’s all of it going? Are the...um...honestly, I don’t know who all is involved in making movies. But are the other people nice?”

“Yeah! I really like the girl who does my hair and makeup, her name’s Honey. Isn’t that cute?”

Kristoff laughed; she could hear him starting the car in the background. Anna bit her lip. “Oh-- did you get to shower?”

“I will at home, don’t worry. Anyway--”

“You need to focus on driving? Yeah, I totally get it, seriously. Bye!”

She hit the red button and quickly dropped her phone. Her heart had been pounding the whole time; god, she was really out of practice with this whole thing. Embarrassment swept over her, and she buried her face in her knees; how the hell was this going to work when she was too self-conscious to talk to him for more than five minutes? God, she’d be lucky if he ever bothered to call her again after this.

To her surprise, the phone buzzed only a moment later. She debated picking it up for a long moment, then decided to go ahead and rip the bandaid off and snatched it up.

Just FYI, I was feeling really nervous, too. Want me to call you back after I get home and shower?

For some reason, tears started to fill her eyes as she typed a response. 

yes please :)

She showered, too, taking her time as she let the hot water work its magic on the tension in her shoulders, drawing in slow, deep breaths to steady herself. It wasn’t that every guy she’d ever dated had been bad, per se, just that it had been quite a long time since she’d been with someone who made her feel this nervous and excited and terrified and joyful all at once-- actually, now that she thought about it, she didn’t know if she’d ever liked someone else this much right off the bat. Since coming to L.A. almost two years ago, she’d had a string of bad luck with men, and it was strange readjusting to the notion that one would want to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him, that he actually wanted to hear about her day, that he saw right through all her embarrassing little defense mechanisms and somehow knew just what to say to make her feel better. Of course they knew each other, but this was something different, something more, as if she didn’t even have to say something for him to understand.

Her phone buzzed again ten minutes after she got out of the shower; with a smile, she picked it up.

“Hey, Kris.”

“Hey, Anna.”

“Ready to try again?”

“With you? Always.”

---

day 9

“So I was telling her, like, ‘I wish I had a recent picture of him to show you because he’s like, super super hot.’ And she kind of made this face and was like ‘that won’t make a difference.’”

He’d put the phone down on the counter while he made breakfast, but now that his hands were free again he still didn’t pick it up; after their initial awkward phone call, they’d started FaceTiming instead, and as much as he loved seeing her face, he was really glad she couldn’t see his right now. 

“And I was soo confused, so I started telling her, like, ‘Seriously, Honey, he’s got this amazing blond hair that you just like, want to touch all the time and these big brown eyes and little freckles and plus I’m pretty sure he’s kind of ripped and I—‘ Kristoff, I heard the microwave go off already. Are you hiding from me?”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder. 

Anna giggled. “Then show me your face.”

He did so reluctantly; to his surprise, she didn’t laugh. “Kris, you know you are, like, super handsome, right? Seriously.”

“I’m, um, I’m just gonna—“

“I mean it. Like I get why you’re feeling shy about it and stuff but just know that, okay?”

He only nodded, feeling a little better, although his face was still heated. Anna, knowing when to leave well enough alone, smiled at him and continued her story. “Anyway, I told her all that and she just started laughing, and finally when I was done she was like ‘Anna, I’m gay’. And so then I showed her a picture of my sister, and I’m just saying, when we’re back in LA, we’re definitely doing a double date.”

—-

day 15

She didn’t know why she felt so nervous about telling him about it. She’d already texted him that morning telling him what scenes they were filming, and it wasn’t like it had meant anything; it was just part of the movie, and Adam was married anyway��� but then again, it wasn’t that part that had really been bothering her. She still wasn’t sure until she was explaining it all to Kristoff, forcing herself to maintain eye contact as she held up her phone inside the blanket nest she’d constructed on her bed. 

“And like, he and I are good friends now, so that at least made it easier. And we were all in character and stuff, so, you know, it felt right, and then they started the fake snow going and we just did it, you know?”

“Uh-huh,” Kristoff said, his voice neutral. 

“That like— this doesn’t bother you, right?” she asked quickly. “Because seriously, it didn’t mean—“

“Anna, I know. This is literally your job, I’m not jealous or anything. But please tell me if I ever make you feel like I’m mad or something, because I’m seriously not.”

She let out the breath she’d been holding. “I— I know. I just...wanted to make sure. Because it still, like...still felt weird to me, you know? And I can’t figure out why.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Have you done this before? Like, stage kissing and stuff?”

“Oh, yeah, lots of times. But this time felt kind of different. I just don’t know why.”

He considered it for a moment, looking so thoughtful she couldn’t help but smile, feeling a little flutter in her chest at the thought that he really and truly cared about helping her figure this out. “Enough about me, though, tell me about that crazy to-go order you texted me about. Did you end up getting to see the person who’d ordered it?”

They talked for so long Anna lost track of time, until she yawned so widely Kristoff stopped talking mid-sentence. 

“Anna, what time is it there?”

“Um...close to eleven?”

“What time did you get up this morning?”

“...four.”

He laughed softly. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow morning, okay?”

She wanted to argue, but honestly she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open for the last half hour. “Night, Kris.”

“Night, Anna. Sweet dreams.”

He said that every night, but the way he’d smiled tonight— she was thinking about it until long after she’d hung up her phone and closed her eyes. Then, suddenly, she sat upright and snatched it up again, typing furiously. 

figured it out...before, there’s never been someone i ACTUALLY wanted to kiss instead 

..

:)

I wish it had been me, too. 

—

day 21

hey kris!!! sorry i know it’s the middle of the night there so i hope this doesn’t wake you up but i set an alarm on my phone for the exact time and as of like 10 seconds ago we’re halfway there!!!!!!! 😊😊😊

To her surprise, a response came just a few minutes later. 

:) Knew we could do this.

—

day 23

“I got my class schedule today.”

“Yeah? Show me!”

He held it up awkwardly to the camera, and she squinted at it. “Oh, wow, that’s a lot of blocks. Are you still going to work at Starbucks?”

“Yeah, I’ve been there the whole time I’ve been in school. Just work less hours on weekdays, usually pick up some early morning weekend shifts.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

He shrugged. “It works out. I, uh, I’ve got some scholarships that cover most of my tuition, so then it’s, y’know. Rent money and stuff.”

Anna frowned, feeling suddenly acutely aware of how much money she was making for a lot less work. “Will you have, like...any free time?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said quickly, suddenly sounding nervous. “I promise I’ll still have time to hang out with you and stuff, just--”

“No, no that’s like-- shit, that’s not what I meant, Kris, I mean I kind of did but like-- I’m not trying to like, pressure you or--”

“No, I get it, I--”

“No, I mean like school is way important and you like--”

“Seriously, when I say we can--”

Anna took a deep breath. “Okay. You talk first.”

“I, um. I don’t want you to think, like, I won’t make time for you or something, though. Um-- that was all.”

She smiled, wishing she could be there in person; it was so much easier to reassure him when she could just squeeze his hand. “Seriously, that’s not what I meant. I was just worried about you, ‘cause that’s, like, a lot of stress. So if there’s anything I can do to like, help or whatever, just...just let me know. Like...with anything.”

“Seriously, I think it’ll help a ton to just have a pretty girl keeping me company while I study.”

She felt her cheeks turn pink. “What if I end up wanting to distract you?”

Now she wasn’t the only one blushing.

---

day 30

“Miss you.”

“Miss you, too.”

Tonight, there wasn’t really anything else to say.

—- 

day 34

He’d stopped leaving his phone on silent overnight; it was silly, really, but he always had a tiny fear that maybe something would happen over in Romania while he was asleep, and maybe Anna would need to reach him, and there probably wouldn’t be anything he could actually do...but still.

Despite that, though, it still took a lot to wake him, so when his phone went off one night close to three in the morning, he nearly missed the call. “Hello?” he mumbled sleepily, putting it to his ear.

He heard a familiar little giggle. “It’s FaceTime, Kris. I’m sorry to wake you up, I just-- I really wanted you to see this.”

“Oh-- hang on.” He fumbled for his glasses on the nightstand, sliding them on and blinking blearily at the screen. “Um...where are you? I just see, like...the ceiling?”

“Oh-- that’s cause I gave my phone to Honey, just a second, and she’ll show you.”

The phone was lifted up suddenly by a pretty woman with bronze skin and dark hair thrown up into a bun. “Nice to meet you, Anna’s boyfriend.”

He wondered if she could see him blush even in the dark room. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Okay, okay, I’m ready!” he heard Anna chirp from somewhere. “Turn the camera!”

Honey did with a laugh, and Kristoff sat upright, his eyes wide. Anna was in a deep blue ballgown that fit perfectly to her torso before flaring out into a long, shimmery skirt. Her hair was down, set in curls that shone especially bright against the dark color of the gown, and she was smiling so brightly he thought his heart was going to burst.

“You look beautiful, baby,” he said, half-convinced he was still dreaming.

She was quiet for a moment, and then he realized she was blushing bright red. He heard Honey giggle, and then the phone was being handed back over to Anna. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“What, beautiful? I definitely--”

“No, I--” Her blush deepened. “Kris, are you wearing a shirt?”

He glanced down. “Oh-- uh, no, I’m not. Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be able to see without the lights--”

A mischievous glint was twinkling in her eye. “Trust me, Bjorgman, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

Now he was blushing, too. “Um-- so you’ve got to be filming something special today, right?”

“Yeah, the big ballroom scene. I just...I really love this dress, and the way Honey did my hair and stuff, and I, um...I wanted you to see.”

He smiled softly. “I’m glad. You really do look so, so beautiful.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then he heard Honey call, “Hey, Anna, say bye to the boyfriend, they want you on set in five.”

Anna turned back to the camera, looking suddenly nervous. “Kris, are you my boyfriend?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“Yeah.”

He grinned, no longer sleepy. “Okay.”

Anna laughed. “Okay?”

“Hey, it’s still the middle of the night, and I’m still kind of speechless after seeing you in that dress. Cut me some slack.”

“Go back to bed. Sorry I woke you up.”

He yawned. “I’m not.”

---

day 40

“Look! All packed!” She grinned, turning her phone quickly around the room to show off her only slightly overstuffed suitcases. “And ready to come home!”

“Do you think you’ll miss it?”

“No, I mean...it’s beautiful and all here, but it’s still not home.”

Kristoff grinned at that. “You still want me to pick you up from the airport?”

“Um, is that even a question?”

He laughed. “Just making sure! I mean, six weeks is a long time, don’t know if you got tired of me.”

“Kristoff, the second I get back to LA, I’m like, jumping on you again and kissing the fuck out of you.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “And then?”

She could tease him, too. “And then you’d better hurry the hell up and take me back to your apartment so I can show you how much I missed you.”

“....Jesus Christ. Why does waiting two more days suddenly feel so much longer than the other forty?”

[iliketowrite1996]

My Life Now

@chaneajoyyy quarantine Part 10/10 of Steve Rogers x Reader!Fic 

art by Rachel Szo on fearuted society6.com

 1:https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/614617294578089984/his-best-girl

Part 2: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/614969499334197248/meet-the-music-teacher

Part 3: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/616114724817584128/lunch-buddies

Part 4:https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/616328582794493952/why-not

Part 5: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/616965238563192832/blind-dates-part-1-sneak-peek

Part 6: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/617069920649412608/blind-dates-part-2

Part 7:  https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/617392023489609728/as-a-friend

Part 8: https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/617671766270263296/where-does-that-leave-us

Part 9:https://iliketowrite1996.tumblr.com/post/617671741879336960/next-step

 TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES- looking back on memories, mentions of former crushes and deceased loved ones. 

4 years later

 Steve Rogers is sleepy.

    Steve Rogers is sleepy, and he hasn’t even had time for his morning cup of coffee for the day.

    Steve Rogers is sleepy, he hasn’t even had time for his morning cup of coffee for the day, and his kids are working his last nerve before 10 o’clock in the morning.

    In case you were wondering, that’s how the first Saturday of summer vacation is going. 

    ‘’James, eat your peaches. Otherwise I’ll have to tell mommy, and there will be no dessert for you this evening.

    James Samuel Anthony Rogers pouts up at his dad, but he obediently pinches his chopped pieces of peach, placing a bit into his mouth before humming appreciatively at the fruit’s sweet flavor.

    ‘’That’s my boy,’’ Steve kisses his head as he goes pass, sitting in the chair next to the three-year-old’s booster chair at their new kitchen table, ‘’You’ve got to set a good example for your big brother, bud.’’

    In Steve’s arms is your eight month old daughter- Natasha Rae Anne is beaming up at him as he holds her, ready to feed ehr next.

    Natasha is named after her godmother, who nearly burst into tears when she was asked to carry on this honor.

    ‘’What’s that mean,’’ James asks, taking his sippy cup to drink some of his milk.   

    ‘’It means that you have to do the right thing and show her some of the ropes so that she doesn't’ get into trouble and is safe,’’ Steve explains, ‘’Like how Jasmine and Olivia do for the two of you.’’

    ‘’Oh, okay,’’ James shrugs, continuing to swing his legs and eat his snack as Steve finishes setting up baby Natasha’s breakfast.

    ‘’Okay, sweet pea,’’ Steve begins, pressing a kiss to Natasha’s ebony black curls before beginning to spoon feed her, ‘’Time for some mashed sweet potatoes.’’

    Natasha, for her part, hates vegetables. She’ll spit them back up, leaving you, Steve or one of her older siblings to dutifully spoon them back into her mouth so that she can get her nutrients.

    ‘’The baby doesn’t like it, dad.’’

    ‘’I don’t blame her, son. Maybe she’ll eat some of her cereal puffs,’’ Steve shrugs before shouting, ‘’Jasmine!’’

    He hears a huff that he elects to ignore before the now seventeen year old comes around the corner, bobby pins in her mouth and hands working in her hair, ‘’Hmm?’’

    ‘’Take the bobby pins out of your mouth and come here,’’ he instructs, and Jasmine lets go of her hair to pocket the bobby pins and listen to her dad.

    Jasmine has grown into a beautiful young woman. She’s smart, funny, and continues to bring joy to both yours and Steve’s lives. This summer, she’s got some amazing plans. Her aunt is taking her to the lake with her nephew, Pepper managed to get her a tour of the college that she’s considering going to in order to study music, Natasha is taking her for a girls’ day at the spa next weekend, Sam and Bucky are helping her with ehr college applications, and Toni- much to Steve’s horror- bought her a car last year for her sixteenth birthday.Right now, she is currently attempting a new hairstyle by adding hair to her own ponytail, and Steve is interrupting the process.

    ‘’What is it, dad?’’

    ‘’Can you get your little sister her puffs? I’d ask james to do it, but…’’

    The duo look to where James is currently eating the peaches that he’s spread all over his plastic place mat, pretending like they are airplanes and flying them into his mouth.

    He’s a sticky, epach covered mess, but he’s not bothering anybody, so Steve leaves it alone.

    ‘’Enough said,’’ Jasmine nods, strolling over to the counter to scoop dome of the puffs into a small, rectangular bowl for Natasha, ‘’here you go, dad.’’

    ‘’Thank you, Jazzy. What are you doing your hair so early for,’’ Steve questions, allowing Natasha to feed herself the cereal puffs while he monitors closely.

    ‘’Just going out with DeShawn,’’ Jasmine shrugs casually, ‘’We’re going on a picnic.’’

    Despite her reservedness, Steve can see right through her. She’s just like Petra and himself in that way. She and DeShawn have been dating for a few months now- four, he thinks. He is pretty much in love with her, and he’s guessing that Jasmine has just come around to the realization that she feels the same way he does.

    ‘’Aww, no more Peter Parker?’’

    Jasmine groans then,remembering her crush on her former tutor, ‘’Dad! He’s like so much older than me, and he’s forgotten about it, let it go!’’

    Steve laughs at this, watching her try to cover her own smirk, ‘’Okay, okay. Go ahead and finished getting ready for your date.’’

    ‘’I think I’ll watch James up first,’’ she notes his sticky hands and face, ‘’Come on, James. Let’s go wash up and you can watch some TV.’’

    Jasmine picks her brother up, placing him on her hip and exiting the kitchen just in time for Olivia to join them.

    ‘’What did he even eat,’’ Olivia questions to which Jasmine snorts.

    ‘’Dad gave him peaches,’’ Jasmine explains carrying her little brother around the corner as she does so.

    ‘’Dad, you know he’s not  good with peaches, right,’’ Olivia quivers an eyebrow at the parent in front of her, who shrugs noncommittally.

    ‘’Slipped my mind.’’

    In the past year or so, Olivia has taken to calling Steve her dad. He’s been there or her so much thus far, and she considers no one else when asked about her dad. He loves her, she loves him and that’s all it is to them.

    ‘’Where’s your mother,’’ Steve questions, wiping some crumbs from Natasha’s face as she joyfully munches on her cereal.

    ‘’She’s taking a shower,’’ Olivia responds, reaching into the cabinet for some cereal of her own, ‘’She said she’ll be out soon.’’

    Olivia has grown into a kind young woman, too, and is now eleven years old. She managed to skip another grade, and is now in the seventh grade at a magnet school for arts and science. She’s rocking her grades, but it’s a boarding school in Brooklyn. This is her first weekend home in a  month, now that the school year is over, since she stayed to work on final projects and term papers.

    ‘’You don’t want any pancakes or anything? A nice home cooked meal?’’

    She raises an eyebrow at him yet again, looking so much like him when she does that.

    ‘’You burnt eggs last Sunday before church.’’

    ‘’How do you  even know that? You weren’t even here?’’

    ‘’Word travels. Jasmine talks. I’m good with cereal,’’ Olivia responds, pouring hr cereal and milk into a bowl before sitting down at her usual spot at the table, ‘’Are you taking mom anywhere?’’

    Today, the two of you are celebrating the first Saturday of summer. You’ve been tired and working, too, trying to get the kids to where they need to be.  Steve takes James to preschool, you take Nat to her babysitter’s place, and the two of you make your way to your work places. After work, Steve picks up Nat, and you pick up Joshua. Jasmine usually gets money in the morning to pick up dinner on nights where you don’t have to wait for her to get done with practice, or she makes dinner if it’s not a church night.

    ‘’We’re going to go to the movies without you kids,’’ Steve Adams waiting to see his daughter’s reaction.

    ‘’Joke’s on you, I’d rather watch them at home,’’ she shrugs, causing Steve to laugh as she eats her cereal.

    ‘’You’re not funny,’’ he says despite his own reaction, picning Natasha up, ‘’Okay, I think she just pooped herself. I’m gonna change her.’’

    ‘’I’ll clean the table when I get through eating,’’ Olivia commits, and Steve thanks her before heading into your bedroom to change his baby girl.

    The two of you converted your small home office into a small room for Joshuam, and Natasha sleeps in your room. When Jasmine heads to college, you’ll more than likely move Olivia to her room, Joshua to Olivia’s, and Natasha will have her own room.

    ‘’Stinky,’’ Steve makes a show of covering his nose to shield it from the scent of Natashas diaper, causing the baby to laugh at the silliness of her dad.

    ‘’You’re so overly dramatic,’’ you peak, causing Steve to look up at you.

    You’ve just emerged from your shared bathroom, cloaked in your robe and donning a towel on your head. 

    ‘’Well hello to you, too, honey.’’

    ‘’Baby, why didn’t you wake me up,’’ you sit on the bed handing him a diaper form Natasha’s changing table, ‘’What’s that all about?’’

    ‘’You looked so peaceful,’’ he shrugged, ‘’I let you sleep.’’

    ‘’You’re just as tired as I am,’’ you protest, to which he snorts.

    ‘’I don’t stay up till twelve watching television. I’m an early bird. You're A night owl.’’

    ‘’Yeah, because your baby doesn’t sleep, Steve.’’

    ‘’How is she only my baby when she doesn’t sleep,’’ Steve finishes changing her diaper as you pull her into your arms, pressing kisses to her tiny face while Stev discards the dirty diaper and wipes.

    ‘’You’re annoying,’’ you roll your eyes playfully, causing your husband to chuckle freely at your wit.

    ‘’Same to you, boo.’’

    He kisses your forehead then your lips before you recline in bed, Natahsa pressed to your chest as you gently hum.

    Steve is beaming ear-to-ear, having worried for so many years that he would never have this after he lost Petra. But here you are, and he’s so happy. You’ve got two beautiful kids together, and you treat your biological kids just the same. 

    And you, with no makeup on, just having gotten up from the morning, humming as your baby girl begins to close her eyes to go to sleep…  he has never been more in love  with any image. 

    ‘’Want me to make you some coffee, babe?’’

    ‘’Please,’’ you nod, ‘Her eyes are fluttering back open. There’s no way she’s going to sleep.’’

    Steve exits to do  as you request, and returns to see the baby girl sitting next to you, propped up on some pillows as you lean back against your bed, scrolling through the channels to find something that will keep your baby’s limited interest.

    ‘’She gets this from you,’’ you jest, ‘’Being picky.’’

    ‘’I’m not picky. My standards are high. Wouldn’t have married you if they weren’t,’’ Steve confesses, pressing a kiss to your lips and placing the coffee in your hands.

    ‘’Nice save, Rogers,’’ you compliment, ‘’Thank you, babe.’’

    ‘’No problem,’’ Steve grins yet again, pulling your daughter into his laps as he leans back against the pillows with you, ‘’So. What are we watching?’’

    Your day goes pretty lazily.  You feed your middle kids, make sure that James and at take their naps. Make sure Olivia takes some time to rest instead of just moving around trying to help, and wait for Jasmine to get back from her date.

    That night, at  about six, you try to watch a movie with your babies.

    The operative  word there being ‘’try’’.

    Natasha is whining, and is currently being switched back and forth between you and Steve each time that you do, Olivia is in the middle of the bed,  with James lying on his stomach right next to her. Jasmine is currently sitting in the arm chair, multi-tasking between braiding her hair and eating.

    It’s chaotic but it’s family centered,which is nice.

    ‘’I don’t get this movie.’’

    ‘’He’s the bad guy,’’ James  boos, and you do your best to stifle a laugh.

    You fail.

    ‘’Yeah, Jay. He’s the bad guy,’’ Jasmine agrees, watching the cartoon villian run away from the hero, ‘’Who's your favorite hero?’’

    James points to the sole female hero, who is running across the screen now.

    ‘’Good choice,’’ Steve approves, shifting so that Natasha is lying against his chest, ‘’Jazzy, come put your sister in her crib, please.’’

    The oldest child rises from her chair, pulling the baby into her arms before gently placing her in her crib, ‘’She sleeps through everything.’’

    ‘’Finally,’’ you mumble, stretching out a bit before James moves so that he cuddled up between you and Steve, ‘’Hi there.’’

    ‘’Hi, mommy.Hi, daddy,’’ he snuggles beneath the colors establishing the fact that he’ll be there until Steve transports him to his bedroom later.

    ‘’Hey, son,’’ Steve tucks the blanket around him, before settling in to finish the movie with your oldest three children.

    This is what he’s always dreamed of. He always thought he’d have it with Petra, but he’s glad to have you as his life partner, someone who's right by his side.

    And he’s not sure what tomorrow will bring, but for today, he’s food.

    Because as far as he is concerned, God has blessed him with unexpected gifts, and it’s only going to get better from here.

The End

DISCLAIMER- I own no rights to any of the Marvel characters or their fictional world, planets, galaxies, etc.

 @ashanti-notthesinger @destinio1 @afraiddreamingandloving @airis-paris14 @syreanne @chaneajoyyy @90sinspiredgirl @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx @adrioola21 @supremethunda @thisiskayesworld @mcusocialimagines @priya212  @kumkaniudaku  @airis-paris14 @alexundefined @fonville-designs  @dramaqueenamby  @mellowjellow6 @oceanscorazon @nerd-lovely @fonville-designs @akimi-youngblood @yoyolovesbucky @fd-writes @areubeingserved-too​ @areubeingserved​ @thisbrokencapulet @squeackygee @melidris1  @honeydew-melanin​

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 4 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Thank you so much to anyone who’s liked or commented. You guys are awesome! We are attempting to post a chapter a week, so hopefully we can keep that up for awhile! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Violet’s living situation was about to improve, and she got to spend some quality time with Pearl.

This Chapter: Fame begins to doubt the new collection, and Violet finally gets into her new apartment--with some surprising new neighbors.

***

Fame groaned as she finally managed to open the front door to the Galactica floor after fumbling with her keycard for what felt like forever.

The floor was dark, but as Fame walked past the reception desk, the automatic light turned on.

There was no one there, all of the employees at home since it was barely past 7 am. Fame didn’t usually show up until after 9, having her mornings with Patrick and walking her dog herself an important part of starting her day right, but sometimes Fame preferred the quiet.

There was a certain peace in an empty office, and she desperately needed the peace.

She walked down the corridor, passing by the ever-expanding clothing racks that seemed to grow like cockroaches on the hallways, someone always working on something in one of the offices.

Fame was normally not one for contemplation, her heart always telling her where to go, but what she had seen of their own collection yesterday had left a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach.

She had been so happy when they had conceptualized it, had been so excited to see it go into production, but now that she had it, now that Trixie could present piece after piece of physical clothing, Fame had a nagging feeling that it was not good enough, not good enough at all.

She turned the corner and stopped when she saw that the light was on in her office and the front office where Violet resided.

As she walked closer, she saw Violet sitting at her desk, steam coming from a takeaway cup and Fame recognized the vanilla scent of her morning order. She had actually wondered how Violet always had a hot cup ready, and it seemed like the clever girl simply ordered multiples every single day.

Violet nibbled on an apple, her feet tucked underneath her as she tapped away on her keyboard, the printer spitting out a chunk of paper every once in a while.  

Before Fame knew it, she had spent several minutes just standing there, observing Violet go about her workday before anyone else had even come in.

Just then, Violet looked up, almost dropping her apple when she saw Fame standing in the door. She jumped up from her chair, and Fame had to hide a smile when she saw that Violet was wearing sneakers with her Prada dress.

“Miss!” Violet maneuvered around her desk. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you would be here this early.” Fame handed Violet her jacket, the other woman quickly hanging it up.

“Is there any news about my new assistant?” Fame took the coffee from the table. It wasn’t scalding hot like she preferred it, but she wasn’t inclined to wait while her assistant got her another one.

“Yes.” Violet nodded, grabbing a stack of papers from the printer, and Fame realized she had probably been printing resumes. “We should be ready to bring in some candidates by next Tuesday.”

“Good-” Fame held her hand out, taking the stack. “I expect you to pre-interview each and every one of them before I see them.” She wanted a competent assistant, and had no intention of suffering through the first round of the blubbering fools HR always seemed to think would be appropriate for her. “Remember, only perfection is acceptable.”

***

Violet’s eyes were resting on Raja and Fame in the rearview mirror. They were in a town car, Violet instantly climbing into the front with the driver. Violet never spoke unless she was spoken to, her presence in the car only required in case she would be needed.

It was fascinating to watch Raja and Fame interact. They had worked together for so long that it seemed like they knew each other inside and out. It was as if they shared a creative mind, and had an intimate understanding of exactly what the other one was talking about.

Normally, Violet would be listening in, imagining what her own professional life could maybe be one day, but today, however, Violet was thoroughly distracted.

She was so happy, so relieved, to be moving, that she could almost dance in her seat. Yesterday, when she had been sent the pictures of the vacant apartment, she’d nearly cried with joy. It was beautiful - a small but perfect one-bedroom with a sweet little kitchen, central air, sparkling new bathroom fixtures, and even a French balcony. It was so far beyond anything she’d imagined she might have for years and years.

The fact that she was going to be packing all night in order to be ready for the movers tomorrow at noon didn’t bother her in the slightest.

Burning bridges was something Violet was used to, and she couldn’t wait to set this one on fire

“Violet-” Fame’s voice broke through Violet’s daydream of the strongly-worded email she’d send to her landlord. “Violet, have you gone deaf?”

“No Miss. Sorry.”

“I need a pen.”

Violet reached into her bag, Fame acknowledging her only to take it, and then it was back to being invisible as Fame turned her attention to Raja.

This time, however, Violet couldn’t help but listen.

“I realize that you don’t agree-” Fame put the pen to the sketches she and Raja were looking at, “but don’t you think that the lines are too jarring?” Fame did a small correction, the emeralds on her fingers shining in the light. “And this color story, the more I look at it, the more I-”

Violet knew she wasn’t supposed to listen, but she reached into her bag, grabbing her phone, sending a quick left hand text to Trixie.

Fame worried abt collection dislikes colors v v weird vibe

It felt like going behind her boss’s back, but Violet knew Fame well enough to pick up on the note in her voice, in the furrow between her brows.

“Fame, darling,” Raja put a hand on Fame’s knee, her gold bangles clicking together, her tan skin standing out against the creamy white of Fame’s skirt. “You do this to yourself every time,” Raja soothed, her voice surprisingly soft. “It’s all beautiful. We’ll go back to the office, we’ll have a cup of tea, and you’ll see-”

“Don’t patronize me,” Fame snapped, pulling her knee away from Raja’s grasp.

“Don’t act crazy.” Raja rolled her eyes. “I hate to see you stress over something that will be magnificent.”

It seemed like Raja had completely forgotten that Violet was in the car, her ability to make herself invisible once again biting her in the ass since she was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to see this display of affection.

“Bianca would agree that something isn’t right,” Fame huffed slightly, crossing her arms, and Violet stifled a tiny laugh.

Bianca Del Rio was editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, one of Fame and Raja’s dearest friends, and possibly the scariest person Violet had ever met. Anyone who thought Fame was too tough would probably just wither and die within 30 seconds of being around Bianca. What amused Violet was that her boss treated the infamous hard-ass like she was the sweetest, most adorable person in the universe.

“Well, Bianca doesn’t work here,” Raja countered, adding, “Thank god.” She leaned her head on her hand, a teasing glint in her eyes.

Fame pursed her lips, turning to look out the window, and Raja seemed to change tactics.

She slung an arm around Fame’s shoulder, her voice sugary sweet. “Why don’t you join us for dinner tonight?” Raja tugged on one of Fame’s golden earrings, the emeralds on it matching her ring. “Raven promised she wouldn’t cook.”

“Thanks,” Fame chuckled, “but no thanks. I promised Patrick I would pay him attention for the first time all week.”

“Fair enough,” Raja sat back up. “Have a nice night with your husband. Have a few drinks and forget that I exist over the weekend.” Raja smirked. “I have plans of my own anyway.”

***

Bianca rolled over as her phone buzzed on the nightstand, reaching over Derrick’s sleeping form to answer it. The fact that she was still awake, obsessing over the new printing contracts, didn’t change the fact that it was far too late (or too early) for any rational person to be calling.

There were only two people it might be, and she prayed that it wasn’t Adore, because she was not in the mood for whatever shenanigans her baby sister might have gotten herself into this time. Glancing at the screen, she let out a sigh of half relief, half irritation when she saw that it was Fame. And worse, she was FaceTiming.

“Hey Blondie. What’s wrong?” Bianca answered, voice hoarse.

“Why would something be wrong?” asked Fame, blue-gray eyes widening innocently.

“Well, it’s 3 am. So if nothing’s wrong, I’m gonna hang up and we can resume when the sun comes up…”

“Wait!” Fame said, then furrowed her brow, asking, “Who’s that?”

Bianca glanced at the tousled blonde head beside her.  

“That’s Derrick.”

“Uh huh, and why haven’t I met her?”

“We’re not at that point yet,” Bianca told her, tilting the phone down and lifting the covers. “But if you really want, you can meet her ass.”

Bianca moved the phone closer, flash lighting up Derrick’s ass in a pair of boy-cut red panties.

“Bianca!” Derrick shrieked, slapping her hand away. “What the fuck?!”

“Nevermind, her ass isn’t in the mood.”

“Really, Bianca,” Fame clucked. “That poor girl.”

“Ugh!” Derrick moved over, unamused, putting a pillow over her head to block out the noise.

“So, blondie...you gonna tell me what this is about? Cause if not, I should really get to sleep. Rest my weary tongue.” Bianca grinned lasciviously at her, dimples deep in her cheeks.

After a moment, when she saw that Fame was neither laughing nor giving her a disapproving pout, she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“Seriously, Fame. Are you okay?” she asked, voice a bit softer.

“Yeah...I’m…” Fame sighed slightly, leaning her head on the arm of the sofa. “I just feel a bit...unsettled.”

“Unsettled about what?” Bianca asked. “Would this by any chance have to do with Fashion Week coming up?”

“Of course,” Fame said with a slight chuckle. “I should be feeling great. I mean, we’re ahead of schedule, for once, and everyone seems to love the direction, but I just...it feels a bit off.”

“What does Raja think?”

“Raja loves it the most, she thinks I’m crazy.”

“Well. You are. But you also have spot-on creative instincts, so maybe this is a time to trust yourself?” Bianca said.

“Mmmh.”

“Okay how’s this...tomorrow morning, once I get rid of Derrick here, I’ll pick up a couple bottles of Veuve and some fresh-squeezed orange juice, head over to your place, and we can spend the whole morning drinking mimosas and ripping the collection to shreds. What do you say?”

“Do I really have to wait until the morning?”

“Fraid so, blondie. Liquor stores are closed right now,” Bianca laughed.

“Well then, I say, great plan.”

“Perfect. So now can I fuckin’ sleep?” Bianca asked, an affectionate smile on her face.

Fame smiled back, nodding.

“Thank you, B.”

“Anytime.”  

***

As Violet closed the door behind her, she couldn’t help but leave out a giant sigh of relief.

The movers had finished in record time, everything going smoother than she had dared to imagine, though she knew a big part of the seamless move was due to her barely owning any furniture.

Violet had never bothered to buy a bedframe for her last apartment, not that there would have been any space for it in the room she had rented anyway, so all she owned was a twin mattress, a sewing table that sometimes served as a desk and a single chair.

What did take up Violet’s space was all of her sewing equipment. The overlocker and sewing machine, who had been her trusted college companions, were sitting on top of her table while her embroidery frame and her mannequins were lying in a pile besides the big garbage bags she used to store her leftover fabric.

The apartment had a miniature walk-in closet, and Violet couldn’t wait to hang up her clothes, two racks holding all of her pieces.  

Violet fished her work phone out of her bag. She unlocked it, the empty screen causing her to bite her lip. Violet would never prefer to be interrupted during the weekend, but there wasn’t a single text, voice memo or email from Fame. It was strange however, when taken into consideration how anxious she’d seemed the day before, and while Violet had no hard facts to lean against, she was still bracing for a storm.

Violet was pulled out of her thoughts by three hard, quick knocks on her door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she opened it curiously to find a grinning Katya and mischievous looking  Max, holding a basket full of tea, candles and a pastry Violet couldn’t place, the small cakes glistening with honey.

“Welcome to the building!” Katya exclaimed, flashing those blindingly white teeth.

“We’re so happy to have you join us,” Max added kindly, holding out the large basket.

“Umh…” Violet took the basket, too unsure to decide what leg she should stand on. “Hello?”

“Can we come in?” Katya smiled, holding up a flask. “I brought tea!”

“Oh, sure, but I don’t-” Violet wanted to say that she didn’t have a seat for them, but Katya was already making her way inside, Max following right behind her.

“Trixie would have come too, but he’s a bit in the weeds at the moment.” Katya put her thermos down on Violet’s kitchen counter, apparently not fazed at all by the lack of furniture as she pulled paper cups out of her bag, “tearing his hair out coming up with new ideas in case you’re right about Fame’s freak-out.”

“Shit-” Violet froze. She had only meant for the text to be helpful, to sooth her own anxiety over the look she had seen on Fame’s face. “I hope I didn’t-”

“No no, don’t worry.” Katya smiled, taking the basket back and putting that on the table too. “He’d much rather freak out now than when Fashion Week is closer.” Katya put one of the cakes on a little napkin she had pulled up from somewhere. “Medovik? Max?”

“Yes please.” Max smiled, taking the napkin Katya offered.

“Violet?”

“Thank you.” Violet took it, knowing for sure that she wasn’t going to eat all of it, her stomach too tight with worry about Trixie. She bit into it, the taste of honey exploding in her mouth. They all ate together, Katya chatting away while Max walked over to the rack beside her sewing table.

“What’s that?” Max pointed with a finger at a half-open garment bag.

“That?” Violet felt a warm glow spread in her body. “It’s my graduation project.” Violet put down her napkin, a giant smile on her face as she walked over. “Do you want to see it?” Violet touched the bag, the grey plastic crinkling between her fingers.

“Yes please!” Katya smiled brightly, Max nodding excitedly.

Violet pulled the dress out, a whoosh of excitement rushing through her. The dress was a floor length see-through gown, dripping in violet jewels, the glittering pieces covering the breasts and pouring out in an elegant waterfall down the skirt.

“Oh god, it’s gorgeous!” Katya clapped, and Violet nodded.

“I went for a bit of a neo-Victorian take.” Violet touched the shoulders and hips that were jutting out, both supported by beige boning. “I realised it might seem derivative to use violet, but it’s one of my favorite colors-”

“With good reason.” Max had stood up, the man now at Violet’s side as he reached out, gently touching the skirt.

“I can’t believe you made this.” Katya had joined them as well, the two of them standing side by side.

“I wanted to use real amethysts,” Violet supported the fabric, catching the setting sun in the stones, “but I didn’t have the budget. It was a pain in the ass to stitch all that plastic on.”

“Wait, you did this yourself?” Katya looked shocked. “It’s not prejeweled?”

Violet wanted to snort, or at least huff, the idea that she’d ever use prejeweled fabric actually kind of insulting.

“That must have taken weeks.”

“Believe me, it did.

“Wow.” Katya smiled. “That’s really dedicated. Fame sure is lucky to have you!”

***

“Shit-” Violet muttered under her breath as she tried to grab her keys. She could feel plastic dig into her elbow, her grocery bag heavy with all the things she had purchased.

She had only meant to get some rolled oats and a few emergency boxes of instant mashed potatoes, but when she had actually entered the store, Violet had made the realization that for the first time in her adult life, she had a kitchen that was entirely her own.

“I got it!” Violet heard the beep of the door opening as someone behind her swiped their key fob. She glanced over her shoulder to say thank you, only to bump into the last person she had ever expected to see on an early Sunday morning.

Pearl Liaison was standing right behind her, a surprised expression on her face that probably mirrored Violet’s own.

Pearl was wearing what was clearly last night’s outfit, her blonde hair collected in a braid down her back, the snow white globes of her small breasts boosted by a black corset.

Violet was frozen in place, shocked, as Pearl moved closer to her, an arm snaking over her shoulder.

“Hey Vivi.”

Was this real life? Was Pearl about to kiss her? Violet swore she could feel Pearl’s breasts against her own, their bodies touching.

But instead of a kiss, the blonde grabbed the door handle and pushed, tossing Violet an airy smile and gesturing for her to enter.

“Ladies first,” she said.

Still stunned, Violet let out an embarrassed scoff, saying, “You’re a lady, too.”

“Debatable,” Pearl replied with a grin, following her into the lobby. “So…I wondered if you’d be joining us here. When did you move in?”

“Yesterday.” Violet bit her lip.

“Ah. Awesome.” Pearl smirked. Violet swore she could feel Pearl’s eyes on her body, the woman smelling of tequila and cigarettes, the scent of sex lingering just underneath.

She lowered her eyes as Pearl brushed by her to climb the stairs, needing a moment to catch her breath. She tried to keep it together as last night’s skirt clung to Pearl’s ass. Before she disappeared around the corner, Pearl turned back to give Violet another cheeky grin.

“See you around, pumpkin.”

[cbseung]

cobblestones : modern prince! hyunjin - [part 4]

[masterlist]

[pt 1] [pt 2] [pt 3] [pt 4] [pt 5] [pt 6] [pt 7] [pt 8] [pt 9] [pt 10] [final]

hi pals i’m so sorry this is super duper so late! i hope the amount of you x hyunjin having a date hangout in paris makes up for it 

a/n: we mention got7 (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* (also my fave is jinyoung let’s discuss) 

w/c: ~1500

pairings: hwang hyunjin x reader

description: spend your day inside the palace or go on a day trip to paris? if only it wasn’t for your super rude but sometimes nice handsome enemy ,,

alright fam

first order of business

you’ve had a night to mull over your conversation with yeji

so what’s up with these feelings for felix????

haha FEEEELix

like sure felix is a cool dude and all

but logically,,,

your stay in london is only for so long

and then it’s back to reality

so can you really afford these feelings right now?

logically, no

but honestly

can you really help it?

☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆

“morning y/n! you’re up early today”

“morning felix! what’s your plans for the day?

“ah i have some things i have to finish up with my mother and yeji so unfortunately i won’t be able to go outside for long,, what about you?”

“ah you and yeji? then i’m not sure,,, any suggestions?

“how about a day trip to paris?”

“you’re kidding right. with what money? and with wHO?

“felix! y/n! how are you this lovely morning??” hyunjin says sweetly

“...you’ll go with hyunjin!”

“WHAT” you say while hyunjin simultaneously asks “oooh go where?”

“no way!!! this is supposed to be a relaxing trip!! i CAN’T go with hyunjin”

“ouch! my feelings!”

“come on y/n! you can spend time with hyunjin and realize that he’s not that awful!

“what do you mean i’m not that awful i’m not awful AT ALL” hyunjin says, hand over heart, like he was very very hurt by your words

“i can barely spend five minutes with him, let alone the WHOLE DAY” you exasperate 

“come on y/n, just spend the day with him,, please? for me?” felix says

“ugh fine,,, don’t make me regret this” you sigh, pointing at hyunjin

gasp “i would never!”

☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆

you guys board the train from london to paris

so here’s what you were expecting

more like hoping

hyunjin shuts up and you put your earphones on and crank the volume up while you emotionally prepare for the day

you unconciously start humming and next thing you know..

“got7?”

........ that’s something you weren’t expecting

“...yes..”

“I LOVE GOT7!”

that’s

uh

“no way.. me too..”

“my favorite is jinyoung!” he excitedly shouts

alert alert alert

this hyunjin is scary

scary because he’s actually likeable

“my favorite is jinyoung!!”

“i met him one time, pretty cool dude”

“of course you did ,,”

“what can i say?? being the prince has it’s perks!”

you roll your eyes as you say “of course it does”

that ends your conversation, and surprisingly! it ends in a comfortable silence

wait omg

is this??

your first civil conversation with hyunjin?

and it was actually nice?

huh

☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆

the 2 hr trip from london to paris wasn’t THAT horrible

you and hyunjin shared the snacks that you guys brought on the train

“oh my ,, snacks? you can’t last two hours without eating something?’

“HEY don’t make fun of me and my snacks”

and like there was SNACKS you weren’t about to NOT eat them

“hey you got a little dirt on your face” hyunjin says

“wHERE”

“right ..... there” he says as he points to your whole face

(╬ﾟ◥益◤ﾟ)

but you also learned more about him

“let’s play 20 questions!” you ask

“..... .. .... ookay”

“no seriously! it’ll be fun!”

whatever you say princess”

“... cats or dogs”

“dogs!”

“okay your turn to ask me a question”

“what? no i don’t care enough”

“WOW OUCH and of course you do i’m some pretty foreigner if i remember you saying that to felix the first time we formally met”

“pretty? more like petty” you hear him mutter

“HEY”

soon enough, you guys arrive in paris

and you’re basically jumping in your seat 

“woah dude calm down”

“don’t dude me i’m EXCITED”

“ook well ms. excited what do you want to do first”

“wow! hyunjin being considerate and asking what I wanna do FIRST?”

“oh shush i was nice during that train ride”

“well you were nicer than normal but anyways i wanna go to the louvre!”

“woah seriously? taste”

and with that said, you and hyunjin make you way toward the louvre

☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆

“WOAH THIS IS MASSIVE”

“duh haven’t you seen pictures of the louvre”

“well yeah but i always thought it was just the glass triangle in the front”

“... you dummy”

you and hyunjin spend about two hours at the louvre,, but that still wasn’t enough

“but hyunjin!!! there’s still so much to see!”

“you do know it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE to see the all the louvre in one day”

“but i wanna see that psyche sculpture!”

“alright you greek mythology nerd let’s go see it and we have places to go and people to meet!”

next, you guys stop for coffee and lunch because ya’ll needed to recharge for the day ahead of you

“wow coffee on cobblestone streets! believe it or not a lifelong dream of mine” you say

“.. that’s a fairly easy dream to achieve”

“no! it’s not! （╬ಠ益ಠ)”

the day is... weirdly going by super fast?

but you’re having fun? 

what is this sorcery

there has to be something in the paris air

☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆

also..

what’s a staple in france?

that’s right

berets and baguettes

and you, being a typical tourist

drag hyunjin from store to store demanding that you guys buy berets

yknow, to commemorate the day!

you guys try to find the funniest berets you can find

and let me tell you

they make some funny ones in paris

so the afternoon was filled with silly pictures and laughs that you shared with 

none other than

the “devil” himself

hwang hyunjin

sadly (???? were you actually enjoying your day?) , your day has come to an end 

you and hyunjin decide to end your day by strolling through the jardin des tuileries

“... so you like felix huh..”

..... oh

yeah 

right 

you forgot your feelings (you’re confused huh) for felix was a thing

“i .. don’t know.. to be honest no one was really interested in me back home so i’m not sure how ““““feelings”“““ are supposed to work”

“hmmm interesting,, well they missed out on getting to know you for what my opinions worth”

“wow that’s the first nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!”

“yeah yeah whatever”

it was actually really nice having hyunjin as company

“come on,” he states, “we have one more stop”

“what??? but i’m TIRED”

“it’ll be worth it!!”

so hyunjin drags you to the eiffel tower

and you guys walk to the top

and it’s night

and so pretty

almost as pretty as him

“i thought the eiffel tower closed already?”

“being a prince has it’s perks”

“you got me there”

as you look out on the streets of paris

you can’t help but ask

“so... i shared my hopes and dreams... what’s yours?”

“..... to be normal”

“wow the prince wants to be normal? what a cliche! didn’t you just say being a prince has it’s perks?”

“it’s true! the cons DEFINITELY outweigh the perks! all the responsibility that they put on me?? crazy stuff”

“okay mister i hate responsibility what would you want to instead?”

 you’ve never seen hyunjin more in thought that he looked right now

“to be honest? a dancer”

“really now?”

“i guess”

“would have never taken you as a dancer”

“i guess i’ll just have to show you sometime”

you’re both tired

visibly

you can see it on each other’s faces

so you make your way back to the train station

in a nice, calming silence

☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆o

“oh my gosh they’re so cute”

you hear squealing from the seat behind you

why tf are they so loud

as you slowly open your eyes

you realize you’re on a shoulder?

BUT WHO’S SHOULDER

but then you realize

you literally only came here with one person

prince hwang hyunjin

you’re PRETTY sure he’s sleeping so 

being the considerate human you are

you don’t move your head

BUT then all the events of the past hour replayed in your head

to be fair

you were a very tired bean at this point

you’re surprised you even made it to the train without passing out

“agh my airpods died” hyunjin sighs

“rich people problems am i right”

“hey let me share with you”

“what no get your own”

“silly they died remember”

“... ughh fine since you were so nice to me this trip” you say as you pull an earbud out

“thanks princess”

“shh stop calling me that”

“ooo why not that’s what you are”

“it makes me feel funny inside” you say as you slowly fall asleep

at this point you MENTALLY facepalm

you really JUST said that 

“you’re so cute”

“shhhut up let me sleep”

then you hear the girl behind you say

“she’s laying on his shoulder and he’s laying on her head AND they’re sharing earphones! that’s so CUTE”

and that’s the last thing you hear before you let sleep take over you once again

a/n: and this is the end of part 4! hopefully 5 won’t take too long! thanK YOU THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT 

[fit-as-fxck]

so what’s up with march

End of March things that no one asked for but I want to vent about:

- I finally caught up on sleep and reset my sleep pattern after staying up all night last night. I’ve been working so freaking much I just don’t even know how I’m actually alive right now. I’m officially a night owl instead of pulling those 4 am mornings I’ve been doing for well over a year now. Resetting your patterns is hard to do but i was asked last minute to do it for work (staying up for 24 hrs straight resets it but the sleep hangover is real). My life is weird. The last few weeks made me feel like the world was spinning and I was bobbing around in outer space... I’m rolling with everything, literally minute to minute and taking nothing for granted. Part of me wishes I had a quarantine staycation too but that’s!!! not!!! life!!! so!!! many!!! mixed!!! emotions!!! i!!! feel!!! so!!! exposed!!! Work is completely absorbing my life right now (if you can’t tell). (!!!!!!) (blessed and stressed) (caught my boss crying in her car this week) (wtf) (!!!!!!!!)

- I made a breakfast smoothie (at 3pm???) using orange juice as a base, protein powder, frozen bananas, strawbs and frozen avocado chunks and it’s so good and I’m dancing in my kitchen preparing to pull another all nighter to further cement my new sleep pattern so I can get to work all night tomorrow. A girl needs some rest. Weird to think just yesterday morning I was waking up at 4 am. And now I’m working through the night and sleeping through the mornings that I normally would have been so eager to start. I am definitely bobbing around in outer space these days. No gravity. My body feels the stress but I'm breathing deeply and keeping my head clear. I’m adapting to my new normal.

- I was supposed to be out of town most of March on a big trip but obviously those plans collapsed with the whole not-being-able-to-travel-thing. I’m trying not to dwell on my disappointments right now ☹️ So many. So many. I was THIS close to my marathon, too. On the plus side I’ve been brainstorming how I’m going to “kick back” tonight and keep myself awake. I got my hands on an Xbox and headset and downloaded this video game called Fable - where your character and the game itself changes based on the choices you make (and I like to ponder the consequences of my actions unlike the ppl who aren't social distancing 🙃 should be fun). I’m going to grab a monster, some Mountain Dew and a bag of Doritos and turn myself into a stereotypical gamer (lol jk) which feels so out of character for me but there are no rules now since everything blew up and we hit the pause button on the world. (Don’t hate on me for this decision because reading and movies put me to sleep, there’s only so much at home art I can do, only so much cleaning, writing etc so come at me bro) (might drop into a pubg game and pwn some noobs l8er)

- The cool thing is I have access to a home gym in a spare room that was assembled (thank god) before the virus locked us away and i’ll find myself using it once my energy comes back. Honestly, I just haven’t felt up to it right now (who am I?? who is this exhausted girl who hasn't been able to run lately??). I’ve used it a few times and have been out for a few light jogs but I’m trying to allow myself some grace and patience during this stressful period. I know how scary things get when we humans get our routines and normalcy taken off the table. They govern us and give us a sense of calm and security. I feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me just when I was at a good place and flipped me on my head. I want to get out and run again 😥 I miss runner me. She was awesome. So much is just up in the air right now. Idk. It’s hard to make goals concrete. Everyone seems to be struggling with it. I’m being very cognizant of my mental and physical stressors right now. I’m paying attention o the things that know will help me and those that won’t. When times get tough, you get tougher. Good morning. Time to game.

[samsterham]

The Fuckening, Entry # 1

Despite the novel covid-19 being around for a pretty hot minute now, I have only been self-quarantined about 6 days. There have been several confirmed cases in my county, and today the county had it’s first death.

If it’s not apparent by the title, I’ve decided to officially from here on out refer to this entire debacle as The Fuckening. I will swear. A lot. 

I figure it might be somehow lucrative to record my experiences throughout the pandemic, at least as it is pertinent to my country & area. Aside from broader, more public events, it might be interesting to someday look back on my day to day & how we dealt & felt & what we did. I should have been keeping a diary of my life anyway & had intended to despite never making it a priority. Now is as good a time as any.

Anyhow, I anticipate this being a rather disjointed project, variable in moods, topics, formats, etc. & rife with grammatical errors. I haven’t decided how revealing of my identity & location I would like to be, I suppose that’s something I’ll decide as I go. All I’ll reveal for the moment is I live in the U.S. in Pennsylvania.

Recapping what I can right now:

I’m in about day 6 of self-quarantine. All schools have cancelled regular classes and have gone exclusively online, as has happened pretty much everywhere else. My community college also followed suit along with probably every college & university at this point. I’ve had a little over a week off for faculty & staff to prepare for the shift. Class resumes this upcoming wednesday online for the rest of the semester. Curious to how they’re going to structure & grade our biology lab credits. 

Bars & restaurants have been state-mandated to shut down except for take-out. Now the liquor stores have shut down as well. Somehow the beer distributor down the street is still open however...

Me & K (boyfriend) haven’t gone nuts with preparations, but we did have 1 significant shopping trip before the state officially began recommending social distancing. We got enough non-perishables for several weeks. We’ve made a couple mini trips for things like milk & fresh veggies. 

I also have a few immunocompromised friends who I’ve gone shopping for. I expect to continue doing so as needed. One such friend has a bitch of a rare disease which is frankly on the verge of killing her if she sneezes or coughs too hard. There is so, so much more to it than that, than I dare go into here for privacy reasons but I have spent the last month as one of her actual medical advocates. She is partly the reason I would like to focus my education and eventual clinical research on rare diseases such as hers. Anyhow, despite it being flat out unsafe, she was discharged from the hospital yesterday as my city prepares to get slammed with covid-19 cases.

Both my cats got a stomach bug just 2 days into self-quarantine. It began with Crowley puking, then what looked like bloody emesis & trip to the emergency vet. Sent home with stomach meds & instructions for supportive care before jumping into more than basic testing. He was fine within 36 hours, just in time for Aziraphale to become a little vom-bomb. This lasted for 3 days, with many debates as to when we should finally get her poor little fuzz butt medical attention. She thankfully healed on her own, just as I was about to break down & take her to the vet.

Not to make light of the fact that they were sick, but Zira’s throw-up noise is THE FUNNIEST sound I’ve ever heard in my life. It begins with that usual choppy but also deep guttural *hork hork hork* followed by a very abrupt & very loud  scream “rrRAAHH!” as things made their way up & out. I couldn’t help but kinda lose my shit as I pet her & cleaned up the mess. I’m probably going to hell for this.

Me & K have enjoyed spending more time together during quarantine. We have only had 3 friends over since, all being of our regular weekly crew of Sarah, Greg, & Amanda, & all of who are otherwise self-quarantined. Sarah & Amanda came over last Saturday, Sarah made “Quarantinis,” a goddamn delicious cocktail of vodka, lemon, honey, & crystalized ginger. Us girls & K got quaran-trashed, ate dinner together, played Cards Against Humanity, & watched Waking Ned Devine.

We have been making the FUCK outta some food. This is easily the healthiest we’ve eaten in a long time. Thank God we both can cook.

The weather has been fairly forgiving & the two of us have made efforts to get outside as much as possible while it’s nice. K works from home with some good flexibility & I was fired about a month before corona shit hit the fan. We’re enjoying the local parklette & the humongous cemetery in walking distance from us. 

Yesterday was mostly blustery & rainy, save for a 2 hour break in the weather where it was sunny and around 70 degrees. We trekked through said cemetery. As we were on our way out, we rounded the bend of one of the long paths, along the side of a large grassy hill. From that initial perspective of the hill, there was a large pile of indiscernible objects about halfway up the hill. As we came around, we noticed the pile was next to a grave very freshly covered in dirt. Upon closer inspection it became apparent that the “pile” was actually a man wrapped in blankets, with one arm stretched over the dirt of the grave. On the road at the bottom of the hill was what I assumed to be his car. I don’t know who he was, I don’t know who he lost, but they’re burned into my memory forever. It was one of those sights that breaks your entire heart. I cried a little & held K’s hand a little tighter as we made our way toward the gate. K kissed the top of my head & gave me a loving squeeze.

 I didn’t get fired over anything serious; my chronic migraines plus a personal failure to obtain intermittent FMLA in a timely manner resulted in termination. My bosses didn’t want to let me go, but you can only fight HR of a corporate health system so much. Oh well. I wasn’t happy there anymore anyway. After 3 years I was bored, having trained up as much as possible without my degree. Some toxic personalities made their way onto our floor staff in the last year which made some shifts absolute hell despite my efforts to avoid them & remain utterly professional. Aside from running out of money, I’ve been incredibly relaxed since being let go. I’ve even lost 4 pounds in the last month. My hair is currently a weird ginger-pink, the result of a failed self bleach job, but it’s not entirely embarrassing so I’m going to let it recover before I try it again & go teal.

I never got around to watching Breaking Bad when it was popular, but last night I finally saw the first episode. K has seen it before, it’s one of his favorite tv shows & he’s ecstatic to watch it together. One episode legit got me hooked already. I know the premise of the show & I can’t wait to see how it pans out.

The political fuckery around this has been.... ugh. I wanted to say “staggeringly defunct” but what else is there to be expected from this current administration? I have designed most of my tumblr to be apolitical but that will change with these specific entries. I’m politically outspoken on Facebook & Twitter & I wanted one or two platforms that could just be fun and neutral. My current politics are very leftist, a head-spinning 180 degree turn from my upbringing & early voting habits. The last four years have sent me purposefully, intentionally & determinedly headlong into the progressive movement, feminism, and hunger for democratic socialism. The only conservative thing left about me is my stubborn remaining infatuation with firearms & gratitude for the 2A. Counterintuitively I’m very pro-sensible gun control, but having the discussion with either side of the issue mostly leaves me wanting to knock heads together. 

I digress, the administration’s response to the pandemic has been unsurprisingly subpar, yet somehow not as awful as I expected. Trump went from “not a big deal” & “liberal media hoax” to “oh shit, I actually better get my shit together for this” real quick. I don’t know if it’s because it’s an election year or if there’s actually a shred of competency that’s been hiding under the comb-over but I’ll take what we can get from him, including that $1000 check. Getting unemployment has been a bitch. None of this however, changes the fact that Republicans have known about the crisis since December & instead of preparing the public, decided insider trading was a better idea. This doesn’t change the fact that the DOJ is trying to invoke indefinite detention as a “crisis response” and the only thing standing in the way are House Democrats. And it doesn’t change the fact that our hospital system is overloaded & underfunded, and the Republican controlled government would still rather bail out large corporations as we plunge into an inevitable recession. 

I’ve spent too much energy fighting ignorant shit sticks on the internet over all this, including people I know in real life. I gotta keep remembering that all I can do is my best, that you can’t change the world but you can make a dent. On that note, I finally introduced K to Danny DeVito’s cinematic masterpiece Death To Smoochy.

Today I finished reading Darker Than Amber by John D. MacDonald. Quick, fun read, definitely a product of it's time.

That’s all I have in me for today. My neck hurts. Sleep sweet and WASH YOUR FILTHY PAWS. 

[lovelyshawnn]

Nervous: CEO!Reader x Intern!Shawn (Part 4)

“This was a mistake.”

Shawn’s brows furrowed as panick set in, and he frantically tried to get my attention. He reached for my wrists, but I quickly pulled it away as I pulled my skirt on.

“Honey, c’mon, look at me,” Shawn said in a hushed tone, not wanting to scare me off.

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose and shook my head, ”Shawn, can’t you see? This won’t work out. Its unprofessional and lord knows every relationship I’ve been in goes to shit. This could jeopardize your future and your career!”

“I don’t care about that right now, Y/N! There are a million other internships in the world, but theres never gonna be a girl like you again,” Shawn said as his eyes looked into mine, not showing any signs of dishonesty.

I sighed. Shawn was only about a year or two younger than me, but he was so much more pure. He was so wide-eyed and optimistic. This was a characteristic I dropped many years ago, which was necessary for fending off competitors and making my way to the top to have the best company possible.

“You’re so... naive, Shawn. You barely know me, and I’m sure you’ll find another woman who won’t set fire to your life. Your should career matters more than this.”

“You’re right. I barely know you. But I know that you always tighten your ponytail whenever you’re working on a particularly hard case, I know that you always twist your rings on your finger whenever you’re nervous, I know that you roll your eyes at everyone a lot more when you haven’t had your caffeine yet, and I know that you’re just as crazy about me as I am for you. So please, just let me know you some more.”

I chewed at my lip, thinking about the possibility of us being together. Fuck this intern and his stupid ability to make me rethink everything I thought I already knew. Fuck his powerful ass, carefully worded speech. His charisma and enthusiasm had me thinking that maybe for once, I could make a relationship work for once.

I laughed slightly in defeat, shaking my head and burying my face into my hands. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Shawn’s face lit up instantly. He walked closer to me until he was standing right in front of me, peeling my hands away from my shy face.

“Yeah. Fine.” I stated simply. I tried to keep a straight face, but my armor was cracked as soon as I saw his big goofy smile plastered on his bright face. “You got one shot at this, Mendes. Just one.”

“Thats all I need, honey,” he replied nonchalantly as he pulled me into his body, wrapping his arms around my waist. He peppered kisses all on my neck, pecking at the red bruises he had left on me just a few moments ago. His innocent kisses gradually became more harsh and more needy as his hands clung on to your body tighter. His lips trailed lower down my chest.

“Okay, okay. Enough of that, Shawn. Its almost 12pm. Go home.” I giggled while unwillingly pushing him away.

“Go home with me,” He said softly, still continuing his assault on my neck. My smile dropped as I looked at him for any signs that he might be joking. Of course he’d be joking, it was way too early for us to do this. But the way he looked back at me, with so much love and hope in his eyes, showed how he wasn’t kidding at all. And even though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt myself giving in to those charming eyes. It just felt right to leave with him that night. And so I did.

When I first walked into his apartment, I was pretty pleased. It was a decent size and well decorated considering the fact that he had just moved here a few months ago. I trailed behind him quietly as he gave a brief house tour, taking in every detail. His apartment revealed so much about him.

At the last stop, he led me into his bedroom. Shawn began stripping out of his work attire and into some comfy pajama pants, leaving his chest bare for the night. I turned around to give him some privacy, which is when I noticed the brown acoustic guitar sat in the corner of the room. “You play?” I questioned, pointing to it.

Shawn looked up to where you were pointing, “Yeah, a little bit.” He tossed me one of his old tshirts to change into.

I catched the tshirt before beginning to strip in front of him once again, “Well, sing a little something then why don’t you?”

He chuckled before picking up the guitar and making his way back to his bed, sitting with his back against the headboard and his legs laid flat, one ankle crossed over the other. I slipped into his tshirt and climbed under his comforter. I planted my chin in the palm of my hand as I watched his fingers strum the guitar strings while soft tunes fell from his lips. The sounds felt so serene coming from him. Pft. Of course this crazy hot intern was also a beautiful musician. Fuckin unbelievable. Could this guy get any better?

“Alright alright alright Prince Charming, I think I’m gonna have to ask you to stop before I try and jump your bones again,” I said jokingly as I placed a hand on top of his.

“I actually wouldn’t mind that, darlin” he replied, placing his guitar cautiously in the corner of the room before crawling under the covers with me. I giggled at his cheeky comment and the light feathery kisses that he was trailing up and down my neck.

I grabbed his face and planted my lips on his delicately. The kiss was passionate, filled with more love than lust. He broke the kiss for a brief second to remove my shirt before leaning back into the sweet but urgent kiss. His hands travelled around my body, wandering over the valley of my breasts before planting them on my waist and flipping me around so that my stomach was against his cold mattress. Shawn pushed my hair over my shoulder to expose my bare back before stopping dead in his tracks, eyes staring down on my back intensely.

He trailed his fingers softly over the small world map tattoo on my right shoulder blade. “You have a tattoo? Who wouldve known..” he whispered.

I scoffed at his obvious jab at me being a proper workaholic,“Well I have to keep it covered up, its not very professional.”

“...I like it. Don’t cover it u around me. Please.” He said, fingers still delicately tracing the map.

I smiled in response. He laid back down beside me, rolling my body on to his so that I was laying on top of him. “Whats it mean?”

“I wanna color in every country that I visit,” I said as I let out a small yawn.

“I could help you with the Canada spot, y’know,” Shawn joked, “Have you try some real maple syrup and Tim Hortons, eh? You can even meet my pet moose back home.”

I laughed at his attempt of fitting in as many Canadian stereotypes in one sentence as he could. But the crazy this was... his offer didn’t sound so bad. The feeling I got whenever I was around him was unexplainable and different from any other guy. He just made me feel content and secure. And thats why I didn’t run from his joke about travelling together, like I normally would for any other guy.

“That sounds lovely,” I said before laying my cheek against his chest and drifting off to sleep for the night

~

The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed as the sun streamed through Shawn’s thin curtains. I stuck my hand out to reach over to Shawn’s side, but to no avail. Confused, I threw my feet over the edge and pulled on his old tshirt before walking out of his bedroom. As soon as I opened the door, I was hit with a strong smell of bacon and eggs. Shawns sculpted back was turned towards me as he flipped pancakes in front of the stove, doing a little butt jiggle as he danced to the beat of the soft music playing.

I groaned loudly. He was making it so hard not to fall in love with him.

“Hey! You’re awake! I made some breakfast,” Shawn said, flipping the pancake onto a plate and shutting off the stove.

“Thank you, Shawn,” I said before reaching over to him and giving him a small peck. He sat by the kitchen bar beside me and we dug in to our food, talking about anything and everything.

“D’you not like bacon or something, love? I could make sausages instead if you’d like,” Shawn asked curiously, noticing how I haven’t touched the plate of bacon since I sat down.

“I’m a vegetarian, actually,” I said. Shawn clutched his heart dramatically and clenched his eyes. “So you’re telling me: you’re extremely hot, extraordinarily successful, and you care about animals?”

I laughed loudly at his exaggeration, to which I earned a soft kiss on the top of my nose from Shawn. “Stop, you’re too much,” I said before realizing that today was a Thursday, “Oh fuck, what time is it?”

By the look on Shawn’s face, he must’ve lost track of time too. “Oh, uh, its 8:30,” he said, glancing to the clock on his wall.

“8:30?! We gotta get to work!” I said, quickly cleaning up my dishes and putting them in the sink.

He followed me into his bedroom as I threw on my clothes from yesterday and tied my hair up in a sleek bun. He grabbed his go to work outfit as I ran into the restroom and brushed my teeth with his extra toothbrush. After I was finished, I grabbed my purse and we walked out the door to my car. The ride to work was filled with music flowing through the speakers as we hummed and sang certain parts.

Parking my car, I looked over to Shawn,”You can go in first.”

Shawn scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion, “What? Why?”

“I just... I don’t want everyone to know about this. Yet.”

Shawn was a little bit hurt at that statement, but he nodded and silently left the car anyways. He thought it was unbelievable that he was deep in my guts and making me moan his name into his ear just last night, and now I want to act like none of it happened.

I watched him leave before grabbing my spare work clothes in the trunk and changing discreetly in my car. I waited about 5 minutes before trailing into the building and up the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors opened, Arlene was quick to meet me at the entrance with todays schedule. “I did some more research about that company you wanted to invest to and I emailed you some notes, you have a meeting with Mark from HR at 10 and Tiffany from finances at 11.“

I took in this info as I walked with Arlene into my office, making it a point to not even glance in Shawn’s direction to not raise any suspicion. He noticed this action, sighing at how cold I was acting.

“You seem a bit distracted, is everything okay?” Arlene’s voice broke through my thoughts. I debated on whether or not to tell her about my night with Shawn. She was one of my best friends, afterall. But for some reason, I didn’t want to tell her just yet in fear of her judgemental reaction.

“Huh? No, I’m fine. I just need my coffee,” I said, turning on my computer to start looking through my emails.

“Alright, whatever you say boss. I’ll have Shawn bring it in a bit. He’s a great intern, by the way. I think we got lucky with this one, he actually knows how to follow directions in a timely manner,” Arlene ranted. She absolutely despised the not-so-bright intern we had last summer, who didn’t even last the whole summer in this fast paced work environment before getting terminated.

“Yeah I’m really lucky to have him,” I said without thinking before I said it, “I mean, we. We’re really lucky to have him. This whole office is lucky to have him.”

Arlene stared at me trying to save myself from that slip up, “...Okay?”

She walked out of my office with no further questions, but I just knew she has her suspicions on. She was way too smart to not know. I sighed, planting my elbows on to my desk and stuffing my face into the palms of my hands. Dating is so complicated. If you could even call it dating, we haven’t even officialized anything yet.

As if on cue, there was a knock on my door. “Come in,” I called out.

Shawn walked in with my usual cup of caffeine, closing the door behind him. “Hey,” he said cautiously, not knowing where he stood with me exactly.

“Hi,” I tried to put on a brave smile for him, leaning over to clutch the coffee and bring it to my lips.

“Are we okay?” He asked in a straightforward manner.

I almost choked on my drink, “What? Yeah, of course. Why?”

“I don’t know, are we gonna act as if we don’t know each other at work everyday?”

“No. I mean, yeah but no, I-“ I started before shaking my head, trying to find the right words to say,”I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just, I’ve never done this before. Even with other guys that didn’t work with me, I never let the office know of my personal relationships. But then theres you, sitting just a few feet away from me with that stupid curly hair that looks so good between my thighs and that stupid cute smile that I can’t resist and, I just, I don’t know, okay?”

I watched his face change from extremely confused to understanding to amusement. “You think I’m cute?” he teases, walking towards me.

I rolled my eyes but laugh nonetheless, “Is that really all you got from that speech?”

He nodded, leaning in to kiss me. His hands were quick to land on my waist, pulling me closer to his body. In return, I wrapped my hands around his neck and began to kiss down his neck, harshly sucking on his sweet spot and leaving a light bruise. He whimpered whenever my tongue would graze across the spot where his shoulder met his neck. “Please touch me, fuck,” he breathed out with his head thrown back and eyes shut. I smirked at his response but decided not to give him what he wanted just yet.

I unbottoned his slacks, pushing them down along with his boxers to free his member of its tight constraint. I lightly stroked it, feeling it get harder under my touch. “Mm, thank you, thank you,” Shawn whined into our kiss. I smiled against his soft lips, he didn’t think I was actually going to give it to him that easily, did he? Poor guy.

My hands wrapped around his, dragging it down his body to meet with his hard cock. I unlocked our lips from the kiss and leaned back, crossing my arms. “I want you to touch yourself,” I smirked at the bewildered look on his face. His face was flushed and his eyes were wide. He was stunned. He’d never done this in front of anyone, ever. He stood there hoping I was going to say that I was just joking or fucking with him.

“I said, touch yourself. And don’t come until I say you can. Are you going to be a good boy or am I going to have to punish you?” I repeated with an assertive tone.

Shawn shook his head no before taking his member in his head and stroking the tip out of fear of what his “punishment” would be, as if this wasn’t already punishment. To touch himself while I was stood right in front of him, not willing to even lay a finger on him, seemed like the worst punishment he could think of right now. But nonetheless, he did it and he admitted that he liked it.

He pumped his cock in his fist harder watching me unbotton my silk dress shirt, revealing a pink lacy bra. “Oh shit,” he breathed out looking at my sexy body.

I got down on my knees in front of him, batting my eyelashes up at him. I cupped my breasts, “D’you want to come on my tits, baby?”

His mouth was agape, small moans and whimpers falling out at the sight of me on my knees in front of again. “Yes, fuck yes,” He moaned as he felt his climax rushing towards him like an avalanche.

“Well thats too bad, isn’t it? Stop touching yourself. Now.” I said, getting back up on my feet.

Shawn’s brows furrowed immediately. He was so close, so fucking close. I tugged his arm away from his member as he gasped at the close rush he had. He took his lip in between his teeth, biting down to ease his nerves after being edged like that.

I sat Shawn down on my desk before I climbed on top, grinding on his crotch with my lace clad pussy. I was still fully clothed, skirt rising up as I grinded on his fully naked body. He balled his fists hard until they turned white to try and resist the urge to pull my panties to the side and slip his cock in my wet pussy. He was absolute putty beneath my touch, letting out a string of whines. When I started to circle my hips in figure eights, that almost send Shawn all the way over the edge. “Fuck! Please, please let me come holy shit,” Shawn moaned. His climax felt like it was coming on even stronger than before. He leg muscles were clenched as he prepared to see white, before I lifted my hips up and restrained from giving him any friction again, edging him close to his orgasm once again.

“No, ba-“ Shawn started, but he was interrupted by a knock on my door.

“Mrs. Y/L/N, you have a visitor.”

taglist: @vxidnik @justjustyncase @onemorekissisallittakes @kindadefinitely-fucked @hollandechart @imfreefallinall @ashwarren32 @nevermindmisha @winterparker @kinglyhemmings @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @alinashawn @peruvian-bae

[ascottywrites]

A Song of Briemund Tarthbaine

  Now I know it was obvious that Brienne thought Tormund was a disgusting oaf. BUT I thought he was super fuckin’ sweet (I haven’t read any of the books so this is based solely on the personality Kristofer Hivju imbued him with. Heart eyes man, heart eyes.)....until they turned him into a complete pervert (and not like the jovial one he was before, but like holy crap go find HR) in the few interactions they actually had in the final season. But back before we were served that hot mess of storytelling, I thought the pairing was hella cute. He was a good guy and she deserved more than she got in the end. So here’s an ode to the admiration of a possible love.

The Wilding and the Maiden Fair by ladydirewolf1 (one-shot| 2,662)

It's a long journey to reclaim Winterfell. Lucky for Brienne, a certain Wilding happens to take a liking for her sword...and her bed.

Warming The Furs by Nevermore_red (one-shot| 4,270)

Once a Century by hardlyfatal (one-shot| 3,848)

A woman like this, a man has the luck to meet but once in a lifetime. A woman like this comes round but once in a generation, and he means to have her. Complete.

I Mean To Steal Me That Woman by Beeker (Complete: 12/12| 9,667)

Tormund plans to steal himself a woman. Word spreads throughout Castle Black like wildfire. Brienne, of course, is the last to know.

Told through the eyes of several characters.

Need Him None by 13letters (wip: 19/?| 16,135) 

Fucking balls o' blood, never in his forsaken life has he ever seen a woman quite like that.

Or, how Tormund sees Brienne and falls half in love, half to his knees in worship. She's not just a soldier or a lady fair, she's someone he could follow to the ends of the world or around Castle Black with her more or less aware of it.

The Wedding Night by TeamTormund (one-shot| 1,715) 

Kristofer Hivju said, Tormund would spend his honeymoon with Brienne in a cave...

The Red Bear and the Blue Lady by Philliwolf5 (wip: 13/?| 45,296) 

From the moment she rides through the gates of Castle Black, Brienne feels his gaze. She sees the big bear of a man, and wonders at the desire she feels to distraction. The red Wildling makes his interests known, without doubt, and when she finally takes him up on his offer, she finds he is wild in more ways than one. Inspired by the events in episode 4 of season 6.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Game of Thrones, nor do I receive compensation for this work. Characters, places, and lore belong to George R. R. Martin.

Lit Fuse by TameAVagrantLion (Complete: 2/2| 2,800) 

The tension between Tormund and Brienne reaches a tipping point.

Set after S07E01. (Now a two-parter)

A Lady Wife by drollicpixie (one-shot| 1,005) 

When Tormund Giantsbane needs to find a lady wife there is no one he would rather look to than Brienne of Tarth. Much to the amusement of others.

Winter Warmth by Aerilon452 (one-shot| 3,200) 

Tormund and Brienne keep each other warm.

Easy by spattergroit (Complete: 20/20| 58,060) 

Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love. Girl becomes a single mom. Brienne's journey into motherhood is a lot of things but it's never going to be easy.

Where The Wild Things Are by Hokum (wip: 3/?| 85,984) 

Whilst helping the Wildlings move their camp Brienne learns a thing or two about Free Folk culture and meets two, small flamed haired little girls when she is left with no other option other than to sleep in Tormunds tent for the night.

Flaming Hair and the Maiden Fair by hollyblacklannister (wip: 15/?| 12,477) 

Slick As A Baby Seal by Faradaze (wip: 52/?| 131,098) 

Tormund is in love/lust. Brienne is repulsed, then intrigued. The story begins shortly after Brienne arrives at Castle Black. This is my interpretation and expansion of the greatest ship that never was. Spoilers for GoT season 6, canon divergent as of season 7.

Every Other Freckle by spattergroit (wip: 17/?| 65,632) 

In an attempt to get out of her break-up funk, Brienne decides to spend her summer living on the wild(ling) side.

                                                  ***

+Now here are a few I’ve stumbled on in searching for my faves: 

A Rose Amongst Thorns by  BiowareManiac (wip: 12/?| 16,748)

So this is my attempt at the Torienne/Tarthbane ship from Game of Thrones, I love this ship and I hope you guys like my interpretation of it! :D I'm taking my own spin on the story, so while it will follow the general happenings of the TV show I will have tweaked a few things! Hope you enjoy, any feedback is appreciated.

When Plans Go Awry by Aerilon452 (Complete: 5/5| 25,228) 

It's modern day Westeros and Brienne is racing down the King's Road when she stops at a tavern and finds a curious man behind the bar.

The Other Choice by Aerilon452 (one-shot| 9,351) 

Brienne makes a choice.

[itsallabigmess]

Solace - drabble #02

A/N: Not every day is a good day... (Please make sure to check my Solace scenario and the previous drabble if you haven’t yet. Otherwise, I don’t think this one will make much sense.)

A.

One phone call. That was all it took to end your happiness. You were about to meet your boyfriend at the boxing studio when the agency you worked for called, informing you were going to work for another month in the same office. The one you hated so much.

You tried to fight it every way you could. It didn’t make any sense for you to stay there since everyone was always unsatisfied with your work. But they gave you no option. It was working for them or not working at all.

Jinyoung looked tired, his smile weak when he finally saw you, dropping his face on your neck as you wrapped your arms around his middle. You were not the only one who had bad news from work. And with no mood for working out, you headed to the burger place you both enjoyed, eating junk food became your favorite remedy for frustrating days.

“Everybody is at least twenty years older than me,” you told Jinyoung after he sat with your orders, the same burger you two always ate every time you visited the place. “They treat me as if I don’t know what I’m doing. Always talking behind my back. And the manager… He’s disgusting. You should see how he talks with all the women.”

“Have you talked to the HR?”

“Yes, they told me that any complaint that I might have must be directed to the agency since I’m just a temp. And the agency said that they don’t have anyone to replace me, which is obviously bullshit. I can decide not to work, but then, they don’t have any place to put me right now.”

“Then quit,” Jinyoung said.

“I can’t just quit. The last girl who refused to work in the place she was allocated stayed almost 4 months without a job. I can’t afford to be all that time without work.”

“Then quit the agency. You’ve been working with them for almost a year now. Maybe you should try finding something more stable.”

When you first moved to town, you tried to find a job in the same area you used to work before leaving your past life behind. Maybe working with something you were used to would help you on the transition to a new life. You even got an interview with a big company. But as it went on and you were asked about past experiences, the memories you were so willing to forget started to take over you.

You left the interview shaking, tears rolling down your face. Not long after you found out about the agency you were now working with, and never considered trying to find something else since then.

You haven’t told this to Jinyoung. You weren’t sure if you should.

“I don’t know…” you said vaguely, playing with your food.

“I just really don’t see the point of staying there,” Jinyoung said, fixing his posture, looking a bit annoyed. “You may not hate all the places they send you, but you sure hate this one. You complained about it for a whole month and now you’re going to stay there for another five weeks? Do you think you can handle it?”

“I didn’t know I was annoying you this much,” you said, reaching for your soda.

Jinyoung let out a heavy sigh, “Honey, that’s not what I’m saying. It just bothers me to see you all stressed up for something that is not worth it. You are so bright, you could easily find something better If you tried.” Jinyoung leaned a bit over the table, his fingers putting some strings of your hair behind your ear before caressing your face. “Just think about it, okay?”

You turned side to side on your bed, unable to sleep. Jinyoung asked you to go to his place again, and you refused as gently as you could. And as he walked you home, even if he didn’t say a word, you felt how much he wanted you to ask him to stay. But you didn’t. And now you were regretting it.

You grabbed your phone, decided to call him just like he had you promise you would do every time you had insomnia. Except you never fought with him before. If that could even be called a fight. It was just you, taking things to unnecessary extremes. And being selfish. Jinyoung was also having a bad day and instead of listening to him, you pushed him away.

Sleeping wasn’t something you could just do. And waiting until the morning felt hellish. So, you decided to be selfish again, grabbed a sweater and called for a cab.

You entered his building with no problem, knowing the door codes by heart now. But you didn’t want to just enter his apartment. You considered for a minute if you should knock, go back to your place, stay on the cold corridor until it was time for him to get up for work.

But then, your phone started to buzz, Jinyoung’s name appearing of the scream.

“Tell me I didn’t wake you,” his said, voice sounding croaky on the other side of the line.

“You didn’t. I’m outside.”

“Outside?” you could hear Jinyoung getting up from his bed, he sounding more alert now. “Are you at the park?”

“No,” you let out a breath “I’m outside your door.”

There was a noise inside his apartment, and then the door opened. Jinyoung’s image being illuminated by the corridor’s lights, the rest of the apartment in complete darkness behind him.

“I couldn’t sleep,” you admitted the obvious.

“Me neither,” he said, a weak smile on the corner of his lips.

“I’m quitting my job tomorrow. I mean, I’m leaving the agency.”

“Honey, I didn’t want to push you…”

“You didn’t.” you cut him off “You are right. I shouldn’t stay in a place that doesn’t give a shit about me or how I am treated. I need to at least try to get something better.”

“You will. I’m certain.”

You smiled weakly, stepping closer and grabbing one of Jinyoung’s hand. “I don’t like fighting with you.”

“It wasn’t a fight, we are just having a weird day,” he said, tilting his head to the side. The softness in his eyes showing how much he loved you without needing to say any words. “You should have called me, I would have gone to your place.”

You shook your head quickly. “I wanted to come here.”

The corner of his lips twitched up a little, Jinyoung pulling you to a hug, kissing your forehead before your bodies were glued together.

“So, you are back at walking on the streets wearing your pajamas,” Jinyoung’s voice sounded playful, you chuckling in response. Everything was just fine.

He parted the hug, lifting your face by the chin and giving you a chaste kiss. “Let’s go to bed.”

Jinyoung made you breakfast, as he always liked to do when you stayed over. You barely slept, spending the night talking about him, his day, asking everything you should have before, while your fingers ran through his silky hair. And still, you didn’t feel tired.

“What if I don’t get another job soon?” you asked, resting your head on his arm as he sat by your side. Even if you were certain that leaving the agency was the best to do, you worried about doing so without having any other job prospects. “I think I can be okay for about three months with what I have saved.”

“You will get a job soon,” Jinyoung gave a little squeeze to your tight. “And if you don’t, I can help you.”

You smiled, looking up at him. “You are always taking care of me. I’m getting spoiled.”

“Imagine how much more I could spoil you if we lived together.”

“What?” you lifted your body almost in a jump.

“Don’t freak out,” Jinyoung turned his body to you, holding both of your hands gently over your lap “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. We already spend most of our time here or on your place… And now you’re quitting your job I don’t see why we shouldn’t do it.”

“Jinyoung…”

“You won’t have to worry about running out of money and focus on finding a new job,” he moved even closer, and you could feel how nervous he was, his thumbs moving quickly on your palms “I know it’s maybe too soon. And you don’t need to answer right now, but…” Jinyoung let his eyes fall to your hands together before his gaze could meet yours again, wrinkles forming on the corner of his face as he opened a smile “I’m so much happier when you are by my side. So please, come live with me.”

[leiasfanaccount648]

Missing You (Zendaya x Fem!Reader)

For @spiderrrling’s writing challenge!

Special thanks to @fratboievans evans for the fantastic moodboard!!!

Also tagging some mutals that were wanting to read this:

@hr-hxlland @aw-hawkeye @moonkissedtom @gigglyparker

This is part 1 of 2. Hope you all enjoy!!

Prompt: Missing You by All Time Low

Genre: Slight angst, mostly fluff; friends to lovers; slow burn

Warnings: Language/Swearing

Summary: Close to failing some of her college classes, (Y/N) is at a loss with her life and isn’t sure how to get back on her feet again while constantly running around everywhere for everything in her life. Her best friend, Zendaya, tries to support her in every way she can, but isn’t sure what (Y/N) really needs from her as a friend. However, Zendaya is still doing whatever she can to help her best friend. That’s what they’re for, right?

(Y/N) threw her textbook at the wall before dropping to the ground, crying uncontrollably. She just checked her grade on a test she took the day before, only to find out that she barely even passed it by a couple points. She was barely passing the class all together and needed some A’s on her assignments and tests if she wanted to pursue the career she wanted with this degree.

To say she was working hard was an understatement. Every night before a test, she would study for hours on end until she was about to fall asleep on her textbook(s). It wasn’t all her classes she was having trouble in, thankfully, but this one class in particular she needed a good grade on. As long as she got a B, she didn’t care what she had to do in order to pass the class.

Her best friend however was constantly worrying about her health, physically and mentally as she was always doing something school related and never had time to take a break or relax. Zendaya could tell that (Y/N) was struggling and stressing about the few classes she was having trouble in and wanted to do something to help her, whether it was helping her study for a test or take her out to lunch and even have a spa day. She just couldn’t bear to see (Y/N) like this. As (Y/N) continued to cry over her classes and future plans, her phone began to ring.

Incoming call from Zendaya

She sighed, taking a deep breath to compose herself before answering the call with the best voice that read ‘no I wasn’t just crying, I’m totally okay.’

“Hey, Z. What’s up?”

Zendaya could immediately hear the strain in her friend’s voice, feeling her heart ache at the sound of her friend in pain. “Not much, I was gonna get some Chinese for dinner and wanted to know if you wanted to join me.”

“I don’t know, I got another test to study for that’s on Friday.”

‘Today is Saturday, (Y/N).’ Z thought to herself before replying, hoping to sound more convincing. “When was the last time you ate something other than instant noodles, salads, and ice cream?”

“...Uh, I think.. Maybe..”

“Be ready to go in 10, I’m not taking no for answer and you know it.”

Zendaya ended the call before relaxing in the driver’s seat of her car. She was already in the visitors parking lot of the building (Y/N)’s dorm room was at, already having planned this a couple hours ago. She needed to do something for her best friend, even if it was taking baby steps.

While at the restaurant, (Y/N) was picking at her food with her chopsticks and listening to Zendaya tell her about the week she’s had. Z, of course, made her story short and to the point so that she could finally talk to (Y/N) about her current state. When she finally finished speaking, she took a bite of her food and gestured to her friend with her chopsticks. “What about you? How are your classes and such going?”

This was the one thing (Y/N) was hoping wouldn’t come into the conversation. Knowing Z, however, it was bound to happen in one way or another. She shrugged, looking down at the side of rice on her plate and trying to seem casual about it and stressed out of her mind. “They’ve been alright. I mean, no one said said college would be a piece of cake, right?” She laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood. She mentally begged for Z to change the subject and talk about something else. Literally, anything. Too bad Z could see through her.

“That is true, but you know that I’m here to help you if you ever need it.” She reached across the table to hold (Y/N)’s hand and squeeze it reassuringly. Z waited for (Y/N) to finally look her in the eye before speaking again. “I know that school isn’t easy. But you’ve come this far, and I know you can get through any rough patch thrown at you.” She noticed the uneasy look in her friend’s face, as if she was contemplating on saying something. Z tried to push her in that direction.

‘I’m your friend, (Y/N). Please talk to me..’

Z continued. “Maybe the classes or the major itself aren’t the right fit for you. I changed my mind on what I wanted to do in life so many times before I got to where I am today, and you know it. So don’t feel bad if you start out a little messy in your work and classes. You’ll clean yourself up again. I know you will.” She waited for (Y/N) to say something, anything. She wanted to hear the truth from her first hand. After all, they say admitting the problem is the first step to recovery.

It was silent between the two of them before Zendaya realized that (Y/N) was looking down at their still interlocked hands. She pulled away, afraid she made her friend uncomfortable with the action. They didn’t say anything for a solid 5 minutes before Z changed the subject entirely. The two eventually finished dinner before heading to Z’s car to take (Y/N) back to her dorm, going their separate ways after that. Zendaya wanted to help. She wanted her best friend back to the happy go lucky self she had known for years on end. But how can she help if (Y/N) isn’t being fully honest with her?

The following week, Zendaya texted or called (Y/N) almost all day (every day) to see how she was doing with her classes and such. Even if she didn’t reply that much, she kept messaging her.

Hey, how’s your study session going?

Don’t over work yourself. Take a break or two if you really need it

And please don’t forget to eat dinner like last night lol

Z tried to sound uplifting to make (Y/N) happy and not stress too much over her work. But with hourly responses, it was hard to stay on the positive side of things. However, one text in particular caught Z’s attention.

I’m taking a 20 minute break to eat dinner lol are you happy xD

‘That’s more like it.’ Zendaya thought to herself as she read the text. ‘Now if I can just keep her in a positive mind set for the rest of the week.’ She didn’t hesitate to reply.

Let me guess, instant ramen?

She waited a minute for a reply.

Actually it’s regular ramen, thank you very much

Zendaya couldn’t help the smile on her face. She felt like she was getting her best friend back. Maybe she could even help (Y/N) with her studying so that she could get her grades higher and make her feel better. She wanted to bring up the matter of her friend’s health, but wasn’t sure how to without making it seem negative. ‘Might as well give it a shot, right?’

So how is the studying going?

It’s going pretty well

I think I got most of the info memorized

That’s good to hear

Do you need any help studying by any chance? I’m free tomorrow :)

A couple minutes went by before Z got a reply. It made her a little anxious, afraid she had made things worse. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case.

I wouldn’t mind a little study help. Tomorrow sounds great :D

Awesome! How does 4 work?

Perfect. It’ll be right after the class that I’m studying the test for

Zendaya didn’t realize she was grinning until she got up from her bed to go brush her hair before going to sleep. She was really proud of herself for helping her friend out. She decided to send another text.

If you ever wanna hang out again sometime soon then just say the word and I’ll be right over

And that means no school/work talk from either of us!

Just a girl’s night/day for us to relax and sort ourselves out from all the shit that goes down in our lives :D

After clicking send, Z read over the texts, hoping they didn’t sound too cheesy or weird. Luckily, (Y/N) is kinda the same way.

Sounds lit fam

Maybe getting (Y/N) out of this rough patch would be easier than Zendaya thought.

The study session between the girls the following day went really well. (Y/N) did well with the material that Zendaya was helping her with, Z was able to make (Y/N) smile and relax after she thought she had studied enough, they even ordered pizza to have for dinner at (Y/N)’s dorm. Currently, they were talking about whatever came to mind whether it was funny, sad, embarrassing, you name it. It’s what best friends do after all. And the best of best friends can tell when all your laughs are fake and smiles aren’t real.

Zendaya tried to get something out of (Y/N), but it just wasn’t working. She was missing her friend even though she was trying to be the happy girl Z had known for years. She wanted her not to worry, but that had already been happening for weeks on end.

Zendaya was at a loss. She didn’t know what to do. Yet there was so much more left to do.