#get into a fight about ship wars and i'll break your legs. you can talk about it if you must but BE NICE

[licorishh]

Welp. Binged the second half of the new ATLA show and finished it and I am still so incredibly impressed. Spoilers under the cut y'all know the drill

I freaking loved this adaptation. Slapped. Killed it. Nailed it. I'm gonna rewatch it over and over. Legitimately the only things I could really complain about are all related to Azula.

I really feel like Azula having screentime in season 1 served zero purpose here. I feel it would've been much more impactful to have her go entirely unmentioned until the finale when Zhao reveals to Zuko that Azula was behind everything (i.e. iy would've been cooler if Zhao were also revealing it to us, the audience, for the first time).

I also think it's a little odd how they're kind of totally changing the dynamic between Ozai and Azula (or at least the parts of the dynamic that we're supposed to believe is a representation of their relationship for the majority of the show). In the original show, Azula has no idea Ozai is simply manipulating her for the fun of it. She genuinely thinks he loves her, is proud of her, and is extremely impressed with her. It's not until almost the last episode that Ozai ever directly expresses his disdain for something she's done/said, unless I'm wrong. Ozai's expectations of her in the original show appear to be things she's easily capable of meeting, and she feels extremely confident in her abilities and is under the impression Ozai is equally confident in her. I find it strange that repeatedly in this adaptation Ozai is instead treating her pretty similarly to the way he treats Zuko. He doesn't appear to show her any kind of particular favor, doesn't expect anything but the most outrageously impossible from her, and regularly ridicules/undermines her and sows seeds of doubt in her mind that she's competent.

Azula doesn't show the slightest hint of cracking until the end of season 3 after Mai's and Ty Lee's betrayal. Sure, there are hints earlier on that she's a perfectionist and refuses to settle for anything less than the most flawless outcome, but she comes off as being incredibly confident and secure in her position. She doesn't doubt anything about her situation or her relationship with her father or brother. In other words, in the original show, the audience and Azula herself are never meant to realize until the very end that Ozai was pitting his children against each other. We (and her) are intended to believe that Ozai genuinely prefers Azula and is more pleased with her than he is with Zuko. In this version, there really doesn't seem to be much of that at all. It's just odd.

Smaller complaint, but I don't think that actress is necessarily just the most stellar choice for Azula, either. The casting for the show has been excellent so far, but this particular actress seems to be bringing out aspects of Azula's character that really weren't meant to be at the forefront until much later. Maybe it's the actress, maybe it's the writing, maybe it's both, but it doesn't feel like Azula. She doesn't feel like a substantial threat. Heck, Zhao is wayyy more compelling in this version than Azula is, and that's really not very good. She feels like just another competitor for Zuko.

Kind of branching off of that, and this one is a pretty small one, but Mai and Ty Lee are super boring. Granted, I don't really care about them at all in the original anyway (Mai has really no narrative reason to exist other than to be part of what causes Azula's spiral; I do like Ty Lee a little bit, but I could really take her or leave her), but they're just... so bland. There's no reason for them to be in those scenes other than to be cardboard boxes Azula can glare at. At least in the original, they serve as an excellent example of what's tethering Azula to reality and how she feels an incessant need to exert control over every aspect of her life. I reaaaaally wish they'd waited until later to bring them into the adaptation (it's also just reinforcing to me the fact that I simply cannot see Zuko with Mai at all in either version, but that's an issue for a different day).

Other than those things I wasn't too thrilled about, I really did love the show. The acting from the main cast was excellent, the stakes felt SO MUCH HIGHER and it was SUCH a nice tonal change, the bending looked incredible, the amount of effort put into accurately replicating the sets and the costumes was just astounding, and the pacing was excellent. I love how they were able to cut down on so much of the extraneous filler from the original season 1 by finding ways to compile them together in a way that still flowed excellently and allowed for a greater focus to be put on the main story. The main story in this adaptation never stops going, and for me, that makes it SO much easier and more fun to watch. It doesn't go off on forty-minute tangents that have zilch to do with the main point of the show.

Also Dallas Liu is literally the best possible pick for Zuko. He is capturing Zuko's miserable wet cat energy in a way no one but Dante Basco could do and that is saying something. He's also putting an excellent emphasis on how desperately obsessive Zuko is about catching Aang in season 1. He's completely blinded by his desire to find him, causing him to make completely illogical and irrational decisions driven purely by a desperate desire to measure up, and Dallas Liu is really doing an incredibly good job reinforcing that without having to actually say it.

Gordon Cormier is also absolutely killing it as Aang for me. I'm really not the biggest fan of Aang (I just don't usually like child characters; he's better in some parts of season 3 but he's just not really my favorite), but he's actually making Aang incredibly fun to watch. He's adorable and fun and silly without being painfully immature and difficult to be invested in. Yeah, I know, Aang's twelve and twelve year olds are immature, but that doesn't mean they're automatically fun to watch. He's really doing a great job there.

I also love this version of Zhao. I feel like he got way more screentime in this version than in the original, which was pretty cool. He turned out to be a much cooler and more dangerous villain than it felt like he was in the original.

I also liked this version of Yue WAYYYY more even though she was only in one episode because man!! She has a personality holy cow!! She's actually fun!! And entertaining!! Not just Phantom Menace Natalie Portman-levels of "Well she's a very nice person :)"

Also also, I loved the vibe of uhh episode 5, I think it was-?. Both of the Koh jumpscares legitimately startled me which I was not expecting 😭 normally I can eat simple jumpscares for lunch but they made him so frickin creepy which is honestly good because hE IS FRICKIN CREEPY

And I cried. Like three times. First time when frickin Leaves From the Vine played at Lu Ten's funeral (that one had me weeping as usual), I think a second time when Katara is remembering being a little girl and is hiding and she sees her mom being killed (that was honestly so much more impactful that we actually got to SEE such things instead of just hearing about it), and then I think again in Zuko's Agni Kai because my gosh he's been through it :((( the flashback parts before then though were so nice 😭 I lived long enough to see happy smiling Zuko in 4k which means I can die peacefully now

All of this is coming from someone who first watched the show as a young kid, was never really a huge Aang fan, and really doesn't care for the original season 1 and tends to skip it every time I watch the show. I have pretty unusual opinions about the original, so my opinions here may vary massively from the general consensus, and that's fine. I really loved this adaptation and I will be so heartbroken if they don't make a season 2 MAAAANNNN I NEED MORE 😭😭😭

Also the writers are goated for replacing Aang with Sokka in the Cave of Two Lovers and having Katara reinforce their family bond instead of pushing a self-insert crush a little boy has on a teenage girl who treats him like her son. And also that scarf scene which I think I will perhaps never not be thinking about. I will be forever indebted to them for that but again that's a topic for uhh not right now 👍

[applepiesandalibis]

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED...... This will be a long post methinks...

— "cause god hates our country / she told me she wants me to sing out «he's female» / three cheers for the gal in the sky" and "when the blues are washing their mouth in the south / you know they're hiding bodies north" from "you will never take me alive"

— the entirety of "we know where you sleep" tbh

— french words in "wait until i get my hands on you" (idk if that counts but still)

— "sing strong knees / clean kidneys / sing for sharp eyes / let's organize before they rise" from "the most important part of your body" (especially the way John pronounces them)

— "at the other end of the leash" in its entirety

— "our lumbering bodies that we have to feed / put to bed, take to the bathroom" ("the extinction")

— "they cluck the atrocity, their beaks are posturing / at an old vampire, a forest fire" and "we keep our umbrellas down here, we toss the salt behind our ears / cause the good looks weren't worth our seven years" ("the forest fire")

— the whole part about atoms in "the comet"

— for some reason "hara-kiri kids come kill yourself" from "the tornado"

— "are you smelling flowers and looking around for the gardens? / or are you smelling flowers and looking around for the coffins?" ("the human condition")

— "i know, i'll never lose an arm, i'll never stay up staring at the phone / i'll never rot up with disease, don't you bury me and leave / don't you leave me in the ground alone" and the rest of this verse ("said the spider to the fly")

— "lovebird, you haven't touched your bread / revenge served cold, breakfast, deathbed (or "in bed" idk) / i'll never touch a hair on your pretty head" ("one day he went out for milk...")

— "the sinking ship, the grand applause" in its entirety, especially the "fat baby's birth" part and "this sick song moves on, if you're lucky lifelong you can sing a part as it falls apart"

— "i'll come back from the war / but everything I'll touch seems to break" and so on ("now, we're slowly circling the draining fishbowl")

— "WIFE‼️BED‼️SIDE‼️DO YOU WANT TO MEET YOUR GOD⁉️" ("let's be bad, Henry...")

— "i'll use the words used up on commercials / like such sharp boys like to write songs, music, and quick lines / this feeling, i can't confine that to a rhyme" ("dying with decent music")

— "you strike a face like atom bombs, if you will / now did i mention, did i, your nucleus nuclei-eye? / i got you right where i want you" ("a face that could launch...")

— "allocate it, allocate me R.A.M., simple, he said / i got red, i got red, it's always something, she said / there’s disk drives, there’s fax lines, there’s computation routines / i know i got it all, i know i got everything / and now your lyrics are lies" ("paperwork")

— "when (and if) the big one hits..." (the whole song)

— "i have my wants and needs / and want you to's / depends / when the album skips the end / we play it again" ("a little place called trust")

— "cause last night i took my sharpest blade..." and that whole verse ("i did a terrible thing")

— "i'll take your legs, i'll take your arms / i'll take your breath in the night / then give away myself in bloody strips / and barbie doll eyes" ("so, how goes the good fight")

— "the experiment failed as the researcher quell for his boots / yeah, the network delays, i'd make it rain forty days, that's what i'd do" from "this is the return of don't talk backs". also the way he screams "don't you ever talk back to me"

Bonus! Some nighty nite lyrics

— "with the business of being, the business of breathing / the business of eating, the business of being a bad man / i am a bad man" and "you're with a warm body, carbon contents, atoms, and proteins / i'm on a rudderless illusion of meaning / i am a vessel here in vain with no in tow / and if you wanna see a dead body, take off your clothes" ("animal rites")

— "best check your hands for missing fingers once i've shaked them" ("the white powerless")

— "and then there's me, the temporary custodian / of these particles and free floating radicals / that convene for 80 years or so, that's if i'm lucky though / never been very lucky though" ("your temporsry custodian")

— "no raindrop would believe he's the cause of all the flooding" from "just lay still" + the chorus ofc

— "WE PICTURE SEVEN SWINGING BRANCHES!!! WITH SEVEN SWINGING BODIES!!! SEVEN SINGING TRUMPETS!!! AND SEVEN SEALS TO COME!!! WE!!! SHALL!!! OOOOVEEEEERCOMEEE!!!!" ("canaries in the coal mine")

— "we have such sights to show you / above you, below you, mass grave / come be the lord of the harvest / around you, the hugest mass grave" ("put your teeth in")

— the chorus of "until it goes". how could anyone not like it

— the entirety of "a tale told by an idiot"

— "someday this could all be yours / but you chose to stay on all fours" ("you are facing the wrong way". I assume that the second line is a we know where you sleep reference?? and even if it's not, the fact that he referenced someday twice on this song is inexcusable💔 /hj)

OKAY I'M DONE sorry if this is too long. I love this band so fricking much and I love John's writing it's literally amazing I can talk about his lyrics and how they connect with each other for hours????? Alright, thanks to anyone who have read it to the end👍🏻

the paper chase is so good that whenever i’ve tried to list out my favorite lyrics it always turns into a massive essay. but tpc crowd. i know ur out there. what are some of your favorite tpc lyrics.

[silverwings22]

Caught in the Crosshairs: Chapter 11 How to Save a Life: The Fray

Series warnings: Smut, mind control, canon typical violence, childhood trauma, language, chronic illness

Chapter Warnings: character injury, baby's first war crime

Translations: ni kar'tayl gar darasuum: I know/love you for eternity

cyare: beloved

Previous chapter:

Next chapter:

The 212th showed up to take the freed slaves home or to a refugee camp if they didn't have one to return to.  Obi-wan was pleased with the smoldering wreckage of the factory when he arrived, and since Crosshair had finally set Miria back on her feet he walked over to talk to her. He hadn't missed the clone sniper following her like a second shadow,  but she seemed unconcerned so he didn't ask. 

"I must admit, your unit is unorthodox Miria.  But you do get results." He chuckled. 

"My boys are the best.  No offense,  Cody." She smiled as the commander passed by. 

"None taken, General Halcyon." He chuckled. 

Miria leaned back,  crossing her arms.  "Luckily we got all the prisoners out without casualties,  but how many were killed before we arrived?  It's disgusting."

"It's a cruel reality of war." Obi-wan sighed.  "But I am proud of you for saving so many lives. The Council is as well… there may be a seat in the council room for you sooner rather than later."

Behind her,  Crosshair stiffened. Miria smiled a little.  "Me, a master… goodness,  I never thought of that.  I wonder what Master Koon thinks."

"It was his suggestion." Obi-wan chuckled.  "I think you'd make an excellent addition."

Miria chuckled.  "We'll be returning to Coruscant for some much-needed rest. We can discuss this there. But I think I'm ready for a lie-down…"

"How are you doing,  Miria?  Really?" Obi-wan put a hand on her arm.  Crosshair thought about breaking his fingers, but held still. 

"I'm alright.  I'm doing good work,  I've made amazing friends,  I've found new perspective… I think I'm happy,  Obi-wan.  My body hurts, but I've never felt more alive." She looked at him,  and there was a charming brightness in her lavender eyes. "I'll see you back on Coruscant,  yes?"

"I'll buy lunch.  Dex's?" He laughed. 

"I'm dying for a milkshake.  Come on, Crosshair. It's time."

The sniper nodded impassively and they headed back to the speeders, but Obi-wan noted the hand settled carefully on his old friend's shoulder and the quick glance she shot up at the clone. There was something in the Force between them that shimmered like sunlight on a clear lake. 

Miria slung a leg over the back of the speeder and wrapped her arms around Crosshairs middle.  "Missed you." She said quietly.  

He was quiet a minute.  "I missed you too.  Let's get back. " he hit the throttle and they took off, her with her cheek pressed against the back of his armor and him comforted by her arms around his waist. 

"We'll catch up." Hunter chuckled quietly as Tech gave him a look. "Give them a minute."

When they reached the ship,  Crosshair scooped Miria off the speeder.  She smiled. "You didn't give the others too hard of a time while I was gone, did you?"

"I'm not answering that." He grumbled.  "Let's just say you wouldn't have liked it."

"Cross…"

"No.  Hunter made me leave you down there. While someone was hurting you." He snarled.  "I almost hit him."

"That's not a fight you want to get in,  love." 

"Don't care." He carried her into the Marauder.  "At least I'd have been doing something. Instead of just sitting there watching that fucking whip."

She tucked her head under his chin.  "It was the right thing to do,  Cross. For the good of others."

"What about your own good, Miria?  I'm tired of watching you destroy yourself for other people.  I'm tired of finding you broken and bloody.  I'm tired of not being able to protect you!" He hadn't realized his voice was raised until it echoed around the ship.  She was stiffened in his arms,  and he dropped his head.  "Sorry… I'm not yelling at you.  I swear."

"I know." She murmured softly.  "You're frustrated."

"I should be keeping you safe. But I'm not.  The thing with that Sith, this… how many close calls before I lose you?  And now the council…? You might be safer, but-"

"I'm not leaving the team,  Cross. If the council asks that of me,  I'll decline.  And it would be a temporary position anyway.  I'm leaving the Order after the war." Her voice was firm.  "To be with you."

He kissed her quietly,  standing in the middle of the hold.  "So fucking recklessly kind.  What am I going to do with you?" He muttered faintly.  

"If all goes well?  What's today,  Wednesday?  The war will be declared over on Thursday,  I'll announce my resignation from the Jedi on Friday,  and we'll get married on Saturday." She teased. 

He sucked in a breath.  "Don't joke about that."

She met his eyes.  "I'm not joking,  darling.  I'll marry you if you'll have me." Her fingers curled in his hair,  bravery finding its way to her voice.  "Marry you,  have a family together,  build a home.  Give you everything you want but won't ask for because you're so bloody stubborn."

He rested his forehead on hers.  "I'm probably the least prepared person in the galaxy to be a husband or father."

"Good thing I'm a children's teacher." She chuckled. 

"What if I fuck it up?" He frowned.  "I'm not exactly-"

"Cross, do you remember what you said to me a year ago? That I was letting a few people convince me I wasn't worth knowing?  You're letting the same thing happen to you right now.  You want this,  yes?"

He closed his eyes.  "Do you even have to ask?"

"Tell me,  Crosshair. Do you want to marry me?"

His voice was cracked when he answered,  arms tightening around her.  "Yes." Maker,  he wanted it.  Wanted something concrete,  something that screamed at the galaxy that this woman loved him and they couldn't drag her out of his arms with all the firepower in the GAR.

She smiled.  "Then what are you so afraid of?"

He wanted to rebuff the accusation he was afraid,  but she knew him too well. He sighed. "What if I fuck it up?" He murmured quietly.  "What if we do have kids… what if they hate me?"

"Oh Cross…" she pressed a soft kiss to his lips.  "What if they love you?"

He sat down in the hold,  cradling her to him. "Fuck.  You see right through me…"

Miria smiled.  "I see your light.  And I love it."

Crosshair couldn't help but smile back.  "Let me fix your back up.  We gotta return those speeders when everyone gets back…"

"Alright.  I want to get out of this outfit anyway." 

He begrudgingly let her out of his lap and followed her to the bunkroom,  where she tossed the shredded and filthy clothes off. "How do you look so good in civilian clothes?  I swear, I've yet to find-"

He wrapped his arms around her from behind,  pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. "I thought you were cute.  Lay down,  let me see how bad it is." 

She smiled and lay down on her stomach.  Crosshair knelt beside the bed and examined the dried bloody cuts in her skin before cleaning and bandaging her up.  She chuckled.  "No backless dress for a while, I suppose?"

"You wear a backless dress and I will go feral." He smirked. 

"Oh, is that a promise?  Because we missed our first anniversary and I intend to celebrate properly when we reach Coruscant." She chuckled,  sitting up and reaching for her normal clothes. "Gloves off,  darling."

"Develop a hand kink in the last day?"

"I know you punched the ship and Hunter said you cracked rock when you saw me get hurt.  Let me see." She cocked an eyebrow casually.  "Hit anything else?"

He paused. "Kinda was hoping you hadn't seen that…"

"Hand, Cross." She held hers out expectantly.  He grumbled but took off his right glove.  

His knuckles were black and blue,  torn open and caked with dried blood. They looked swollen when he flexed his fingers,  and she carefully traced the bones with a fingertip to be sure he hadn't broken anything.  "Darling,  your trigger hand." She murmured. 

"Sorry… I just… I was furious and had no where to go with it." He muttered awkwardly as she dabbed bacta on the hand gently. "You were in trouble and I couldn't fix it."

"Don't I know that feeling.  I could have died when you got shot on Salucemi." She sighed, bandaging him up.  "We'll work on it."

"Yeah… promise." His fingertips brushed up her arm and settled under her chin,  turning her pretty face to him.  "I love you. Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum."

"I love you too, my darling."

Returning the speeders should have been easy enough.  They'd left Wrecker to pack up camp,  since he'd had some extra energy to burn and Hunter wanted a few quieter moments before they met him at the space port in Mos Eisley. They were almost to the city when Miria held a hand up. "Hold a moment.  There's… something around here. Something concerning."

They all pulled over.  Tech frowned and wiped grit from his goggles.  "How concerning is concerning,  General?"

She swung her legs over and dismounted.  "Something… an echo in the Force. It's not actively dangerous,  but something terrible has happened here." 

"Miria…" Crosshair frowned as she headed past him,  across a high sand dune. "Fucking hell…"

Hunter sighed. "Jedi are weird." He dismounted,  and the three of them went after her. The sergeant paused,  sniffing the air. "... It smells like death."

"Because it is." Miria called as they crested the dune.  She was looking down at a half buried Tuskan village, utterly decimated.  "Force… this was a massacre."

Hunter skidded down to take a look. "Infighting between clans?" Tech frowned.  

Miria touched a shredded tent.  "No… look at this burn." 

"A lightsaber." Hunter nodded.  "One of those Sith?"

Miria knelt by a half buried skeleton,  eyes wide. "This was a child…" she whispered. "Why would a Sith attack a village with women and children…?"

"That Ventress seemed like a bitch." Crosshair frowned.  It did seem odd,  though.  This was a low value target,  why would a Sith waste their time? 

Miria lay her hand on the broken mask of the dead child.  "Show me,  little one…"

Sorrow boiled into unbridled fury like an unattended kettle.  Screaming,  a flash of light.  Blue light,  not red. The dead woman hung limp in strong arms not strong enough to save her.  Failure,  he'd failed,  she was dead and he'd known she was in danger and he still hadn't come.  Mother.  Mother,  dying breath was her love he didn't deserve.  They'd killed her.  They had to pay,  even the score of a cruel galaxy that had stolen the only good thing he'd had.  Terror from the Tuskan as they scattered,  not fast enough to escape his rage. It consumed all like a lava tide.  

She snatched her hand away.  "Anakin…"

Hunter frowned.  "Why would General Skywalker…"

"His mother." She stood,  closing her eyes.  Tears pricked them,  for her friend's suffering and the senseless slaughter before her.  Oh Anakin, how could you?

She lifted her hands and the sands shifted,  burying the dead completely until the sands lay smooth and the broken village was left entombed.  "May the Force guide these souls back to it's embrace." She murmured.  "Let's go… there's nothing left here but ghosts."

Crosshair caught up to her first as she headed back to the speeders. "You okay?"

"No." She muttered.  "My friend, someone I've known since he was a little boy… he murdered children,  Cross. I… I know it was grief,  I know he suffered greatly at his mother's death but… Force,  Crosshair. I could almost understand the captors. But their families?  How can that be the same boy I helped raise?"

"I'm sorry,  cyare." He put a hand on her shoulder.  "Really,  I am."

"I know… I just…. I have to talk to him when we get back to Coruscant. He's hurting,  and his pain could allow this to happen again. He needs help. I can't avenge the dead,  it's not our way.  But I could protect the living.  And save him from being lost to the-" She paused,  coughing sharply into her elbow.  

"You overdid it,  didn't you?" He frowned,  the hand on her tightening a little.  

"We're going back to the Temple soon.  I'll be fine." She shook her head.  "It's okay."

He nodded, anxious, watching her get back on the speeder. They headed back towards Mos Eisley,  everyone stuck in their thoughts.  Miria felt her heart breaking for her old friend.  

Anakin...

Miria put her crew up in a nice hotel on Coruscant, before going off to the Temple to get checked out.  They needed to decompress as much as she did. 

"You seem troubled,  young Halcyon." Master Che murmured as she settled into a seat and the healer began to tend her aching chest. "What bothers a light so bright?"

"Just a lot on my mind.  It will all be released into the Force." Miria murmured.  

"I would think you'd be happy. I've heard the Temple gossip.  Someone is being considered for the high council." The twi'lek chuckled fondly.

Miria smiled faintly.  "It's a great honor to even be considered."

Master Che patted her shoulder. "Enjoy your leave, dear.  You've earned it."

"Thank you." Miria pulled her cloak back up.  "I told Anakin we'd have dinner together, I should head out and find him." What she'd seen on Tattooine still haunted her, but she couldn't find it to even be angry any longer.  She was just heartbroken for Anakin.  

"I believe the young Hero Without Fear is in his room.  I spotted Ahsoka Tano with Bariss Offee out by the gardens." 

"Lovely.  Thank you,  Master." She smiled and headed out,  stretching her shoulders. The ache in her joints felt better immediately following a session in the Halls.  It never really went away,  but she didn't feel it grating on her nerves. She needed the relief, before she broke down in frustration one day.  

Force knew Plo Koon had dealt with that many times.  And poor Crosshair didn't need that stress right now.  

She drifted over to Anakin's door and knocked. 

The door opened after a minute, revealing her tousle- haired friend in his sweatpants and a loose shirt.  "Miri!" He grinned.  "I didn't think you'd be out of the Halls yet.  Come on in, I picked up some of that tea you like." He stepped aside so she could come in.  "Okay,  technically I asked Obi-wan to pick it up,  but he knows way more about tea than I do."

She chuckled.  "I appreciate the thought.  How are you?"

"Way better after that nap I just took.  Ship beds are so uncomfortable."

Miria chuckled.  "When I first took my assignment,  I slept in a hammock in the cargo hold.  I understand."

"I'll turn on the kettle." He grinned.  "How'd Tattooine go?"

"Ah… I wanted to talk to you about that." She quieted. "Anakin… how are you really?"

The man froze at her tone, looking at her with a concerned expression.  Her eyes found his blue ones,  and he was relieved that he only saw concern.  "I'm fine.  Why?"

She took a steadying breath.  "I know what happened to your mother."

The speed at which he shut down almost came with an audible snap.  "What do you mean?" His voice went low,  almost threatening.  

Miria straightened her back.  "I found a destroyed village,  Anakin.  Please… just talk to me." Her voice stayed soft and kind,  like he was a feral massiff as likely to bite as to run.  "Let me help you."

He stared at her for a long time before his shoulders relaxed marginally, determining she wasn't a threat.  "I'm sorry,  Miri… I made a mistake."

"Come sit with me.  Tell me what happened,  dear. I want to help you. I know you're hurting." She reached for his hand.  

Desperation met her halfway,  his metal fingers curling into her soft ones,  and she pulled him to his own couch and sat him down.  It reminded her of long ago,  when he'd come to her rooms with tearful frustration and beg her to help him make sense of this new world he barely understood.  

He hung his head quietly.  "I couldn't save her, Miri… I tried. I was having dreams about her dying, but Obi-wan told me not to dwell on them,  and then… I knew something was wrong and I didn't go immediately.  When I got there,  it was too late.  She died in my arms."

Miria kept a grip on his hands,  worried he'd slip away like sand in fingertips if she loosened her grip. "When,  dear?"

"Right before Geonosis… I was with Pad- Senator Amidala.  She believed me and we went to Tattooine together."

"That's been over a year,  Anakin… you've been carrying this all this time alone?"

He looked up.  "Who can I tell?  The council already barely trusts me,  no matter what I do!"

She took a deep breath.  "Oh Anakin… you've already suffered so much in your short life.  You don't have to be alone.  I'm here,  and Obi-wan-"

"You can't tell Obi-wan, Miri! He'd be furious!"

"He'd be worried,  as I am." Her voice was firm.  "You know Obi-wan loves you.  You're a brother to him,  as you are to me."

"And you're disappointed in me,  aren't you?" He started to pull his hands away, frustration creeping back into his eyes.  

"I'm worried about you.  There's a difference." She held tightly. "But I know you,  Anakin. You're not a terrible person.  You're a good man, I've watched you grow from a frightened boy into a brave knight of the Order. I'm proud of you." She squeezed his hands. "I need you to believe that.  I didn't come here to scream at you.  I came here to help my friend. You're in pain."

He hung his head again,  leaning into her shoulder when she tugged him into a hug. "I was so angry, Miri. I couldn't stop… until they were all dead. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

She pressed a kiss to the top of his head like she had when he was a child, holding him like a youngling even though he was several inches taller than her.  "I know, sweetheart.  I know.  I'm here.  You're not alone,  Anakin."

"I always thought you were like a little mom,  you know.  You remind me of her… she was always kind hearted." He mumbled.  "Do you think she's disappointed in me?"

"I think she knows how much her son loved her,  Anakin." She hugged him a little tighter.  "How great an honor it is,  to be loved so much."

He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "You won't tell Obi-wan?"

"No.  But I think you should,  when you're ready.  Until then,  your secret's safe with me…"  

"Will you keep one more secret? In case I… you said I'm not alone,  right? Can I tell you something, so if anything happens I can come to you?" He looked up,  and she saw that nervous padawan she'd always loved back again in his eyes.  It blew her mind that this was the same General Skywalker that lit up the holo news with his daring victories.  

"Of course."

"I'm married." He sat up slowly,  just in case her hug turned into a headlock. 

Miria blinked,  buffering like an old data pad. "Married… to who?!"

He looked sheepish.  "Padme Amidala…"

"The Senator?!"

"You're the one who said I could talk to you!"

"You can!  It's just…" she pinched the bridge of her nose.  "I didn't see that coming.  Hold on,  give me a moment.  I knew you had a crush on her as a youngling…"

"It just kind of worked out in my favor… we got married after Geonosis."

"You know the council wouldn't approve." She sighed.

"I'm not asking them to. I love her."

She looked up and her smile surprised him.  "That's fair enough,  I suppose. Goodness,  and I thought I was breaking rules left and right."

"You?" He cocked an eyebrow.  "You're the Order's Golden Girl."

"Gold also tarnishes, dear. I'm not nearly as good at following the Code as some might think."

Anakin grinned.  "I smell a good story."

She laughed.  "Will you keep my secret,  then?"

He nodded eagerly.  "Yeah. I swear." This was too good to pass up.  The Order's darling with a dirty little secret?  Oh Maker, yes.  

"I… well,  I'm in a romantic relationship with one of my teammates." She tread carefully,  watching his face. "And we've agreed to be married after the war."

"You're engaged to a clone.  Holy kriffing shit." He gasped.  

"Language." She clucked her tongue.  "You're as bad as he is." 

"Engaged,  Miri!"

"It's not quite so formal as that.  It's just something we've talked about…"

"Which one?!" He was delighted now.  

Her lips quirked softly.  "Crosshair.  The sniper." 

"This is hysterical,  Miri. You're up for consideration on the Council."

"I intend to leave the Order after the war." She chuckled faintly. "If I'm fortunate, I'll be permitted to continue seeking treatment with the healers here, even after I'm no longer a Jedi.  Then he and I can have a relatively normal life…"

"What if they don't allow that?" He sobered suddenly.  "You'll die…"

"Then I'll steal as much time as I'm allowed,  and try to leave behind a child to love him when I'm gone." She looked so… at peace about it. "I don't fear death,  Anakin. I've been dying all my life.  When I met him,  I finally started living. A few years of something wonderful is better than a hundred of nothing special."

Anakin smiled and hugged her again.  "You're brave,  Miri. I always liked that about you."

She chuckled.  "Come on.  Let's get dinner. I'm starving,  and Obi-wan owes me a milkshake.  Dex's?"

"Sounds good.  I'll call him." 

"Wonderful.  It's been too long since we've all hung out." She chuckled.  "And an order of onion rings is calling my name."

He grinned.  "Let me get dressed in something other than nap clothes.  Hold on a sec."

She waited on the couch,  chuckling.  "You know,  Cross was terribly jealous of our friendship. Wait until I tell him you're married!"

"It should put him at ease.  You're not my type anyway."

"Nor are you mine." She laughed. Everything was alright. Anakin was going to be okay,  she'd made sure he was supported. The dark side couldn't have him.