#genuinely sometimes I'm like I should've just finished my fucking thesis on time and maybe something could've changed but

[wardensantoineandevka]

genuinely SO demoralizing to actually check the ages of fairly middle achieving people in fields I want to work in, like not even the major household name types, like, people who are fairly successful, and learning so many of them are +/-3 years of my own age and they got in three or four years ago is just...

I know we all say that one's age isn't ACTUALLY a road block for anything and you can be successful or break into anything at any age, but y'know, still, it's a fact that is incredibly demoralizing and everything seems impossible all the time

yes, yes, i know checking these facts and dwelling on it is NOT helpful, but also y'know, I already know too much of the state of the industries so

[carmenized-onions]

okay so i’m on chapter five of “Chicago’s kindest” and i couldn’t even wait until i finished the chapter to send this because MY GUY????? Syd and Tony hs besties??? Chip asking Carm if he wants to take her on a date?? CARM WANTING HER TO WORK FOR HIM AND MAKE HIM LAVENDER LATTES??????????? I’m so- ListeN feminist!carm does inexplainable things to me - like screaming into a pillow because i love him so much - things. i have a lot of thoughts so this is part one of ?? however-many asks (1/ )

HEHEHEHE Syd and Tony are vv much me writing me and my dearest girl friend's dynamic if we were them. It's vv fun to write it that way.

Chip really fuckin' created a canon event in that moment, if she didn't ask him that I doubt he would've ended up doing it. But it was like. A double dog dare. Practically.

HIM BEING REFERRED TO AS FEMINIST FOR THIS MOVE MADE ME LAUGH. Because yes-- Like 100% what you said here:

Like definitely it's for her BENEFIT to not work at Eden's but it's also, to me writing it, it was also like 'i want you to work not there so simply no one will look at you the way everyone looks at you'. An antsy jealousy he does not have the right to express, truly. But ALSO feminism. Two things can be true. Well, three-- He also wants all her time. For menuuusssss.....

Being 'annoying' (you're not, btw) over my series, truly makes my soul do flips. We've gotta go to the next ask before I scream about it. OH if there was a part 3, by the way, and you did NOT miscount, tumblr did fucking eat it. i'm so sorry. if this is the case I'M gonna eat tumblr.

I'm so genuinely happy to see the very soft lines people cling to. I try to write in like, a very natural human flowing way and not FORCE lines-- And while I do love that, I do sometimes worry that simple lines like these fall through the cracks, in a way, because they're very like, human things that people say. Or at least that me and my people say. AND SO TO SEE Y'ALL READING AND NOTING THESE LINES REALLY ENCOURAGES ME SO THANK YOU!!!

He really wanted to say 'I like when you talk to much', I could never tell how to make that explicitly clear, so i just didn't. He wanted to say it SO bad. There were like, several moments in this chapter of him going 'now is the part where i ask her out' and just him continuously bowing out until the end. Honestly play a fuckin' where's waldo with yourself if you ever re-read and find em. HA.

I DID ASK FOR THESIS AND I'M SO GLAD TO BE GETTING IT YOU HAVE NO IDEEAAAAAAA!!!!!

And YEEEAGGHGHGHG That's the fuckin STUFF right there. The CARE!!!! bro!!!!!!

Chicago's Kindest new header.

I love writin' romance with these two because it is always so explicitly not like violent or hungered but like-- Such a profound care before it's anything else. And that's just really fun and soft to write. Except for when he did get his kiss. then it was hungry. then it was starving, actually. TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE!!!!!

NICE YOU!!!! NICE YOU!!! I'M CALLING A DOCTOR!!!!!!

Tony's got an iron-clad will, I would've folded, honestly. I would've fuckin' folded.

AND ALSO SON OF A BITCH, I should've been more explicit, maybe I'll ninja edit it in the future, but the second thing Carm 'gave' her WAS in fact the fucking hickey. He was just bein' a cheeky motherfucker. I was just trying to avoid writing he fuckin SUCKS your NECK DUDE and it's CRAZY!!!! Because I'm not prepared with that writing skill set yet. I don't know how to write intimacy yet. without being haha funny about it. So. We'll get there,,,, maybe.

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR THIS FUCKIN' ESSAY IT MEANS MORE THAN WORDS LOVE YOU TOOOO!!!!!