#fyi i said this last time i talked about it but jo wasn't 4 when this happened i dont know where they got that lmao she was 10

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

i know spn talks a good deal about the winchester childhoods but,,,,, spare dean childhood headcanons??? or any faves??? 🥺

I knew all my emotional asks to you would catch up with me one day....... this is going to emotionally wreck me..... HERE WE GO

Disclaimer: since this ask is about Dean specifically, I'm only going to talk about Dean's childhood. This is not to say that Sam didn't also have an abusive childhood, he absolutely did.

- - - - - - - - TW: Abuse - - - - - - - - -

TO MY KNOWLEDGE there's no explicit canon age that Dean started hunting. We know he was like? 8-9? (I don't think it's ever said what year that was.) When he was supposed to be practicing with rifles but Bobby took him to the park and played catch with him instead. So sometime after that he started. I headcanon that he started at 10.

I've mentioned before that I headcanon that Dean was with John on that last hunt with William Harvelle.

Dean dropped out of high school at some point. I'm convinced John had at least some influence on the decision or it was his idea entirely. I read in a fic once that Dean always got bad grades, not for lack of trying, he tried really hard. But he was always helping his dad or taking care of Sam and he was asleep deprived and just plain never had the time to really give it the old college try. And John told him it was a waste of time. I really liked that tbh, I believe it.

EDIT: ACTUALLY WAIT A MINUTE. YEAH. THIS IS TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE BECAUSE IN 9x07 (Bad Boys) WHEN HE WAS AT THAT BOY'S HOME HE WAS DOING WELL IN SCHOOL!!

But!! BUT!!! Dean says later that he has a GED. And that just!!

At some point he decided he wanted to get his GED. And I just. The thought that at some point, 20-something (probably) Dean Winchester sat down and studied for a diploma that he doesn't even need. With him getting bad grades and people belittling his intelligence, I think he wanted to do it just to prove to himself that he could have if hunting and everything else hadn't gotten in the way.

Supernatural writers giving us nuggets of information from their childhood:

Me right now:

I headcanon that John, at least on two or three occasions, was physically abusive to Dean.

Some of you might read this and be like "YEAH!!" Right away, I don't even have to elaborate.

But I'm gonna.

Remember when Dean talked about when Sam left for Stanford

His FACE in the last two gifs.

That face? That was not the face of "Oh man, I got chewed out so bad." No. That is the face of trauma.

You add that with what Sam said (I think he was a kid??) that John is an angry drunk, and I think it's pretty clear that he got physical on at least a few occasions. Now do I think that he physically abused Sam? No. Dean would never let him. Also, from what we know, John tends to lash out at Dean when Sam upsets him so, if you ask me, Dean took the bullets for him.

There's also that scene in 9x07 (Bad Boys) where Sonny asks if his father gave him those bruises, @lunellumcas wrote a great post about this.

Looking at that scene I'm like

It's interesting that Dean would just outright say it was a werewolf. He could've said no, it wasn't his dad. He's a practiced liar, he could've come up with a believable lie. But instead he told Sonny, who doesn't yet know that monsters are real, that it was from a werewolf? Even if it was the truth, it sounds like a lie to Sonny. So why did he tell him that? To be a smartass? Maybe. Maybe the ridiculous lie was easier than the truth. Maybe he wanted it to seem like a lie, so he wouldn't have to say the truth out loud.

But that post I linked also raises another question. Why did he hesitate? Dean is quick on his feet, always has the next word locked and loaded, but he hesitated and averted eye contact at first. Why?

This was really long but to get back to my original point: I think John Winchester was abusive emotionally to both Sam and Dean and physically to Dean. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

It's mentioned that Dean had his first beer "before he hit double digits". I headcanon that at around age 12, after a really bad day when Sam had fallen asleep and John had knocked out after drowning his sorrows with whiskey, Dean stole a sip or two on impulse. He felt better. And the next morning, John hadn't even noticed. So the next time he takes a little more, maybe an ounce. By the time he's 13, he's just waiting for the circumstances to align again. When he's 14 and staying at Bobby's with Sam while John is out on a hunt somewhere, Dean gets caught taking a beer from the fridge. Bobby is less mad than he is concerned that at 14 Dean is semi-dependent on alcohol. He sits him down and has a long talk about it. Dean doesn't do it again for a long time, even though there are days where he really could've used it. But when he's 16, after that last hunt with William Harvelle,

(From 2x14, Born Under A Bad Sign, when Sam is possessed)

After they burned his remains, they return to the impala in silence. They're both a little shaken up, to say the least. As they're stowing their guns back in the trunk, dried blood still on their hands, John notices Dean's hands are shaking. He stops his son before he gets to the passenger side and grabs two beers from the cooler in the trunk, handing one to him. They both lean against the back bumper, still without uttering a word, until their bottles are empty. They never speak of it again.

He doesn't go back to sobriety after that.