#fwiw... it's not that he thinks nithral doesn't forgive him or that he questions nithral's decision to do so

[here-comes-the-bard]

i've seen yaevinn in therapy once and i need to see it again. go on king tell him about how despite the fact that your longing for connection has been fulfilled tenfold you still feel painfully alone for reasons you don't understand other than feeling like something is Inherently Wrong with you. tell him about how you thought you knew what love was until you met nithral and now it's this beautiful terrifying thing that you don't know what to do with because you're a little scared of how it can come out because of that one time you blew up at him as you were about to face death. tell him about the immense shame and fear you feel around openly expressing anger, which is why you try to apologize when you swear—because it comes off as angry. tell him about how it all intertwines with itself and feels confusing and frightening and yet you know you can't give it up. tell him about the colors thing, about how all of your emotions and expression thereof bring color to your life and you wouldn't give them up for anything but some of them are so bright and loud that it's overwhelming and you wish you could turn it off.

i think i also just need to see valentin be valentin about it tbh bc yaevinn is not kind to himself about these things and sees them as things to be ashamed of.