#funnily enough she’s the one who will cause the least change (positive or negative)

[zerozeroren]

OC Ask for Sophie Part 2 -

💐🙈🙉🙊🌱🌋😭💥🌌🪦

The last emoji, the tombstone, is one I made up because I didn't see it on the list, so I hope that's okay. Tombstone means "What is your oc's (Sophie's) relationship with death like? Are they apathetic/afraid of dying? Do they have a more positive outlook? Have they always felt this way? If not, what caused them to adopt this outlook? Have they experienced a growth in their view of death? (Being afraid to being accepting or at least not as worried about it) If so, what was the turning point of that?

I hope that's not too "morbid" or "depressing" of a question. I'm a big fan of Ask A Mortician and her Death Advocacy, and knowing what I do about Sophie's mother, I'm just curious if that and/or her father, or anything else affected her view on death, and if she did the equivalent of discovering an "Ask A Mortician" type in the Attitudes universe, and if that helped her on the road to seeking "The Good Death" or at least helping her not be afraid of death, if she ever was.

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

Ohh this takes me back to the Ballgown AU days 🥺

Bouvardia for enthusiasm, cactus for endurance, pink camellia for longing, yellow carnations for disappointment and rejection, celandine for future joy, Christmas rose for "relieve my anxiety", heliotrope for devotion, dog rose for pleasure and pain, red hyacinth for playfulness, mezereon for desire to please, orange mock for deceit, Spanish jasmine for sensuality.

Sophie's nog too big on flowers, but she has a soft spot for white roses (especially the ones that haven't fully bloomed yet).

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

The side that is scared of change. Sophie tries to maintain an image of someone who is adaptable and ready to take anything head on, but in truth it takes a lot of her mental strength to adapt to a new situation and to build a ground to stand on (that's why changing cities twice in two years really wrecked her).

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

Banality ensues: mistreatment of those who are weaker than her. She can swallow offence directed at her specifically, but if someone who can't stand up for themselves gets bullied, she sees red. It's her primary big sister instinct.

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

"I don't need you anymore" / "i have never loved you"

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

First time debut on stage as Annie (age 9). Sophie was scared to death at first, but then she heard the applause and felt like she's in her place for the first time in her life.

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

Sophie's big issue is burying her negative emotions deep inside, then let them fester and grow until they become so much that she breaks down. So it's a slow boil, but the inevitable explosion is deadly.

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

Related to the previous question actually: Sophie does not cry easily, but when she does cry it's really intense. She has trouble stopping to cry on her own, even. (Sometimes she starts out crying, then looses control and it turns into a fit of maniacal laughter that completely robs her of her breath: that's when someone has to step in because at this point she's unable to stop).

Funnily enough, the easiest way to get her to break into tears is to be really soft and nice and kind to her when she's on edge. Kind treatment obliterates her.

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Loneliness

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

Oh god there's so much stuff that i have trouble cataloguing all the points of inspiration XD generally speaking, Sophie started out as an exploration of a rom-com trope of the best friend who makes their life mission to support the MC despite having twice as much problems to deal with.

More concrete inspirations include Bernadette Peters, Weird Al Yancovic, Anna Kendrick, Kristin Chenoweth and Sarah Bernhardt

🪦 TOMBSTONE - what's their relationship with death

I immediately need to digress and say that the fact that a gravestone emoji exists fills me with so many contradicting emotions XD

I'm not familiar with Ask a Mortician, unfortunately

Sophie's relationship with death is... well, she simply pretends death doesn't exist. She tunes it out of her life. Underlying cause of this outlook is that she is, in fact, afraid of dying. She has plans, aspirations, and she's a fighter, resilient and determined to see it through to her happily ever after even through hardships, so the thought of no longer existing is the one that unsettles her enough to actively avoid it.

[big-stupid-jellyfish]

man, why is there so much words to say about some stupid kids

part 1, part 2

3,5 words, bnha, still unrated and painfully unedited,  kirishima, bakugou, other kids, mortal kombat as plot device, some descriptions of abusive parents, etc

mmmmmaybe it’s time to put this on ao3 or something but fuck no, i am not ready to edit any of this or come up with a name, or figure out the chapters outta this mess, really

There was another videogame night at dormitory.

Tetsutetsu found some worthy competitors among their class, or at least that's what Bakugou got. He knew about this because this time Kirishima invited him. After brief consideration (and a good look at Kirishima's hopeful expression) Bakugou accepted the invitation.

There wasn't any reason for him to get involved into this kind of thing, but at some subconscious level Bakugou understood that a "why the fuck not" was as good reason as any. Social contacts before he moved into the school dormitory were almost exclusively out of necessity, rarely a pleasant business for him, the only satisfaction he got from which was victory - over something, anything. There was something slightly intriguing in how these highly competitive kids that were gathered in U.A. also willingly spent time together.

It was also rare for him to not be in the center of attention. Bakugou didn't like it, his instincts screaming to stand out, to have every pair of eyes on him, to prove he is worthy of the spotlight. He learned to appreciate the good observation point that the sidelines made, and he was making notes on the information he got on other people that couldn't have been obtained from his favorite method of learning, direct confrontation.

He clinged to these points to save himself from realizing that maybe, just a little, this whole thing was kind of fun.

He wasn't even particularly annoyed at occasional case of dumbassery or even presence of Todoroki. The latter seemed to be in similar position to Bakugou, quietly sitting in the chair by himself, observing the group and the game with his freaky cold eyes. For all his declarations of how he wasn't there to make friends, Todoroki was impressively bad at not socializing with his classmates in a friendly manner.

Bakugou kind of hoped he didn't start giving off the same impression of an impossible loser as Todoroki.

After a while, when the game mechanics were more or less absorbed by Bakugou's sharp mind, his thoughts turned to Kirishima, as if gravitating towards him. He seemed truly in his element in the group of his friends, loud and bragging about his skills and victories, but at the same time subtle and filling between the sharp edges of the people here.

Bakugou wondered how much of his classmates' friendliness towards each other was actually Kirishima's doing, and how much they weren't even aware of that. Was Kirishima himself aware of that effect he had on them? Watching how Kirishima calmly talked Tetsutetsu down from fuming at Kaminari who tried to recharge the controller with his quirk without watching his output, absorbing the negative emotions and turning them into smiles and jokes, Bakugou concluded that he knew very well what he was doing.

This felt almost relaxing, to know that personality crashes were being actively smoothed down by someone like Kirishima. Bakugou didn't care about chaos he frequently caused by simply being himself around people - but he found he didn't mind the absence of it.

He tried to distract himself from thinking about his classmate, suddenly uncomfortable for no reason, and turned his attention back to the matches. Currently, Uraraka, under Ashido's guiding, apparently, was kicking Sero's ass. It was somewhat painful to watch.

"Block low, holy shit," Bakugou muttered to himself. Uraraka seemed to deploy the ancient and very effective technique of button mashing, obviously new to the game herself and incapable of performing juggling combos that were hard to break from. Sero just needed to find the block button already.

"He'll get hit with overheads immediately," Todoroki suddenly answered him.

Bakugou didn't mind distractions from thinking about Kirishima, but he minded Todoroki.

"What the fuck do you know? You don't even play," Bakugou glared at him. Those complicated moves of mixed up hits were pure luck on Uraraka's side, and that seemed like a reasonable margin of failure.

"Yeah, you don't play either, Bakugou," Sero grinned to himself. Bakugou noticed he followed the advice, to Uraraka's dismay.

He also noticed Kirishima paying attention to them now, ready to intervene.

Uraraka broke through Sero's defenses with an overhead hit and claimed the victory. For some reason she decided to glare at Bakugou with a frown, as if he was somewhat hindering with her game instead of pointing out the obvious things.

"I think this dispute should be resolved in a friendly match of Mortal Kombat," Kirishima declared, waving at Sero and Uraraka to get up. Next thing Bakugou knew was that he was sitting in Uraraka's place, controller shoved in his hands, and next to him was Todoroki, in the same position with the same puzzled look.

"Watch out your quirks, you jerks," Tetsutetsu said, ever worried for the state of his console and controllers, but much less livid about either Bakugou or Todoroki than ever.

"I never played this kind of game," Todoroki said, slight change of his even tone indicating shyness. He was examining the controller buttons as if this was a snake.

"Mash the buttons, sometimes you'll get it right," Kaminari said, taking place by him, while Kirishima sat on the sofa handle next to Bakugou.

"Before that, basics," Kirishima said. "This part is movement, this part is hits, this is block, like that you grab," he quickly went through the sets of buttons on the controller in Bakugou's hands. "The rest is up to the characters you pick."

Bakugou couldn't care less about actually playing or what character to pick and everything else, but he was pitted against Todoroki of all people - the only worse case scenario would be to be set up against Deku. The concept of backing off ceased to exist.

"I don't give a fuck. This one," he grumbled and pointed at the very first fighter. Some ninja again.

For some reason, this choice was met with giggles.

"Scorpion! Oh my god it fits," Kirishima openly laughed. "He is angry and sets people on fire," he explained under Bakugou's hard look. Unspoken "Just like you" followed.

"Can I pick something fitting as well?" Todoroki played along to the nonsense.

More giggling.

"Yeah, you're looking at your fit," Kirishima was unambiguously enjoying this. "Sub-Zero, freezes people and makes tea."

More giggles. Todoroki looked pleased.

"A fated fight between the rival clans," Kaminari exclaimed dramatically as they went through the boring intro scene and looked through movesets with Kirishima raving about some combos and Tetsutetsu butting in with his own advises. To Bakugou's relief Todoroki seemed to be as confused as him about what was so funny about their fight.

First thrity seconds or so went quite horribly, both boys unfamiliar with controls and not having a slightest clue how the buttons they pressed corresponded to the movements on the screen. It was enough for Bakugou to have a displeased scowl on his face, ready to throw the controller away, but oddly nobody minded them being clunky with the game, cheering on the occasional move being successfully pulled off.

Bakugou wouldn't say he understood the hype over watching a shitty fighting match.

"Button mashing is pretty fucking boring," he said after two rounds. He won the first one, Todoroki won the second one, and it pained Bakugou to look at how gracelessly and ineffectively both did it. He could consider this fun only on two conditions being fulfilled simultaneously: him winning and him being good at winning.

Todoroki seemed to have some complicated emotion about this, as well, but Bakugou was out of patience of guessing what, given that generally Todoroki's expressions were a game of "spot the difference in two completely identical pictures".

"It just takes some practice," Kirishima replied, nonchalant. "Do you mind?" He directed the question at Todoroki, to which he nodded, without needing further explanations, and Kirishima slid off the handle to take place behind the sofa. "With some practice you can pull off something like that," suddenly, Bakugou heard that in his ear as he felt Kirishima's hands on both of his sides, placing them on the controller over Bakugou's.

Kirishima started pressing buttons over Bakugou's fingers and, judging from the hitting noises from the display, that connected, but Bakugou found himself staring at Kirishima instead of the fight. He was close, bangs of the ruffled hair touching Bakugou's face, grin so bright that it was a little blinding in such close proximity. Kirishima looked proud, showing off, and it probably would be for the best to turn and look at what he was showing Bakugou, but he found himself unable to do so.

"Ah! Dropped it," Kirishima exclaimed, face lively with emotions, and pouted for a second. "Thirty five percent, though, not bad!" Another smile full of sharp teeth and some warm emotion Bakugou couldn't name. "Then you can do this," Kirishima said, eyes glued to the screen, still unaware of how little attention the game was getting. Bakugou blinked, unsure how to process what he was feeling.

He wanted to tell Kirishima to knock it off, that he didn't need this patronizing attitude, but he was stuck in this Kirishima-gazing. So many of his thoughts were dedicated to this idiot lately, Bakugou was belatedly realizing, he recognized the tiny shifts of his expressions now, the concentrated frown oh these funnily looking eyebrows, jaw jutted forward as he was pulling off something amazing on the screen - Bakugou wouldn't know, he was too preoccupied with watching Kirishima's feautures relaxing into a victorious smile.

"See? That wasn't that hard," Krisihima pumped his fist in the air and now grinned /at him/, and yeah, how did intruding his personal space become such a problem for Bakugou?

"I see," Bakugou said flatly, feeling his ears burning, betraying his facade, acutely aware of Kirishima's hand gripping his shoulder while the other one was on the controller over his own.

It took him hearing snickering around him to snap out of this weird state, and suddenly he remembered about existence of other people. Todoroki was the first one to resume existing in Bakugou's world, and the bastard pointedly looked at the screen, face perfectly void of any emotions which was an indication good enough that he noticed. Then, Uraraka came into his line of sight, and she was doing that thing with her eyebrows that resembled caterpillars mating.

/Then/ there was Ashido giggling and Tetsutetsu asking what happened, and that was enough.

"This shit is not worth investing time into," he said and got up, hearing a light-hearted "Fair enough" from Kirishima. His heart was pounding with emotions as Bakugou tried to pound them back, risking to explode them all.

Without other words, he left the common area, in sore need of solitude and space to think.

* * *

Kirishima was in this hiding spot again, back pressed hard against the fence. He felt like he couldn't breathe, not with Yaoyorozu's hand on his chest like that, not with Midoriya petrified by his side.

Why couldn't he breathe? He was allowed to do that. He wasn't allowed to be there, to reach out to his classmate in trouble, he was not allowed to fight. He was allowed to breathe.

Kirishima forced a gulp of air into his lungs with a sob, and it didn't help.

There were noises - the fight broke out, and the terrifying presence of this unnamed somebody was diluted with chaos of the battle. Kirishima heard voices - of heroes, concerned, careful, of villains, crazed and unintelligible. The oppressive atmosphere exploded - that was the sound of Bakugou fighting, desperate and furious.

Bakugou was not allowed to fight either, Kirishima thought, but what other choice did he have? What other choice did /they/ have?

Suddenly, Kirishima was lying in a bed, in a room that might have been his. What happened? Was it over? Did they get everyone out? He couldn't breathe again, fist clutching his t-shirt against his chest. He tried to fight this paralyzing helplessness, aware enough to realize that was a dream (another bad one), but did they got everyone out? Was Bakugou okay? If he went and checked Bakugou's room, would he find him there?

Kirishima woke up fully in the exact moment as he banged on Bakugou's door, loud and desperate.

He took a step back, movements still stalled from the sleepiness, almost tripping on the blanket he took with him again, and thought if the situation was still salvageable if he just went to his room, hoping he didn't wake his classmate up.

The door opened, putting an end to Kirishima's cowardly thoughts of retreat as he was faced with Bakugou's displeased expression and the urgent need to find words that would resolve this situation. He didn't find any, not in this short time, so he just stood there, wrapped in his blanket, feeling dumb.

Bakugou scowled and, after a pause, stepped from the doorframe and made an inviting gesture. Surprised, Kirishima followed him inside the room.

In confusion, Kirishima watched Bakugou promptly falling on his bed, not paying the late intruder attention. After some consideration of what to do, still at loss of words, he sat on the floor next to the bed.

"Nightmare again?"

Kirishima startled at the question.

"Bad dream," he corrected Bakugou stubbornly. "Sorry to wake you up," he finally said, rubbing his eyes, and- hell no, they weren't wet, were they?

"I wasn't sleeping."

"Oh."

Kirishima wondered why. The atmosphere in the room was weird, and he wasn't sure if he could attribute that solely to the late hour. He tried to not get too comfy with his blanket, feeling it would've been pretty stupid to fall asleep on the floor. Bakugou was quiet on his bed, silence uncomfortable and thick between them.

This day, Bakugou's parents visited him. Kirishima caught a glimpse of them and overheard everything else too well for his liking. It was somewhat expected for Bakugou have relatives as explosive as him. What Kirishima didn't expect and wasn't prepared for was the sheer animosity he felt from Bakugou's mother towards her own son when she demanded from him to introduce Kirishima to her. Nonchalant smiles on both parents' faces weren't really making up for the harsh words they used.

He played it safe, bowing as deep as he could, speaking as respectfully as he could - and all that got him was a praise from Bakugou's parents at expense of his son.

"So nice to see a boy who knows how to make a good impression," Bakugou's father smiled warmly. "I hope our Katsuki doesn't give you too much trouble to deal with, given his lack of manners."

Bakugou glared at his father with a deep scowl.

"Not at all!" Kirishima waved his hands before him, gesture defensive and calming, even though the adults before him were smiling at him. "It's always good to work in team with Bakugou! He's smart and strong." He smiled sincerily. He hoped it worked.

"Cut the crap, kid, you don't have to flatter him just because he's a loud-mouthed and spoiled brat," Bakugou's mother said, and the words sent chills down Kirishima's spine. What in the world was /wrong/ with these people?

He looked briefly at Bakugou in that moment, asking silently for any kind of hint of what to do. Bakugou's expression was eloquent: it told him to run. Kirishima excused himself, making up a pile of homework he needed to do and retreating to his room.

He hadn't done any homework that day, walls between his and Bakugou's room not too thick to drown all the yelling. It was impossible to make out the words most of the time, though, and in a sense, it was a blessing.

So much for being "good with people".

"What did you see in your bad dream?"

Kirishima snapped out of his thoughts, his mind returning to the room of his classmate he was dozing off in. Bakugou's question caught him off guard.

"I told you already," he said, ruffling his hair. "Just me and the others, hiding and feeling helpless as the others were fighting."

All these thoughts and memories weren't really helpful in dissipating the morose mood. Now, Kirishima thought, he also had a good chance to be laughed at for being such a wuss.

"Why the hell does it bother you so much?"

If Kirishima knew himself, then it wouldn't pose such an issue for him.

He heard Bakugou's frustrated sigh.

"You still went for it, didn't you? All those fucking rules of not involving yourself be damned." Funnily, Bakugou took the lack of response for invitation to explain his question better.

"Yeah, only after Midoriya came up with a working plan," Kirishima shrugged, too caught up in his anxious post-nightmare state to hear the subtle praise in Bakugou's voice. "Before that, I just realized that I dragged my friends into a situation with no idea how to get you out. Everyone was fighting, except us. You were fighting, too," he added, needing Bakugou to know how much difference that made.

The silence that followed was loaded with emotions too heavy to process this deep into the night.

"Why did you come for me?"

Kirishima blinked.

"I couldn't sit there and do nothing while my friend was kidnapped," he muttered, thinking about how instead of that, he got to the place where things were happening and would be doing nothing /there/ if not for Midoriya's plan. "That was worse than... now, I guess." He meant his current dreams of helplessness.

A pause.

"What, no second thoughts about me maybe switching sides?"

At that, hearing the veiled sneer in the question, Kirishima turned to see his classmate. Bakugou was lying on his back, hands under his head, pretendingly relaxed. When he heard Kirsihima moving, he side-eyed him, expression unreadable.

Somehow, this sight helped to read the atmosphere better. This weird feeling of peacefulness in the room was fake. Bakugou seemed calm, emotions muted, no outbursts, no insults.

Except Kirishima saw Bakugou actually maintaining calmness in the midst of his outbursts, like an eye of the storm, successfully harnessing his emotions, reckless just enough to be more efficient. He was skilled in controlling his rage, making it serve him just like he used his explosions to gain him superior mobility. What Kirishima was seeing was Bakugou being subdued, extinguished. Upset even, maybe.

He wondered why Bakugou even let him see him like that.

"Dude, these guys were idiots for thinking that you are villain material. Don't imply that anyone who actually knows you is /this/ stupid," Kirishima tried to keep his tone even to match his words, harsh and true. Now that he realized how unwell Bakugou looked, he wanted to fix that. He guessed that as with everything involving Bakugou, the methods would be unconventional.

Kirishima heard a surprised chuckle, and counted that as a win.

"And really, even if anyone /would/ have these second thoughts, seeing you fight these guys would be enough to smash these thoughts into pieces," Kirishima added for a good measure. He knew that Bakugou was paying attention to his words now, and it seemed fitting to express his admiration for Bakugou's strength in this moment. He felt warmness in his chest as he was saying that.

"Seems like some people are that fucking stupid," Bakugou said, voice finally colored with some emotions.

Kirishima took that piece of information close to heart, examining it.

"Like your parents?" He took the bite, hoping very hard that he made the wrong assumption.

Except that it made sense - Bakugou's parents' attitude, him being uncharacteristically quiet, as if drained, these weird questions, and the most telling of all, silence that followed this reply. Righteous fury flared in him.

"They had teachers' word that I didn't go to them willingly," Bakugou finally said, voice steady with contained anger that Kirishima was familiar with. "Still fucking rubbed it in my eyes like that was necessary."

"No offense, but your parents do sound stupid."

"No shit."

"And they thought I would lie to flatter you!" Kirishima couldn't help mentioning it. He turned to see Bakugou again, to articulate how much that bothered him properly. Bakugou had a strange expression on his face, looking as if he was biting down some mean remark, strangely vulnerable.

"I don't wanna talk about them anymore," he sighed and rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Okay," Kirishima still sounded indignant, but he dropped the topic, looking straight ahead of him once again.

This time the silence was more comfortable. Kirishima liked the change of the mood, glad - even relieved - to actually do something to mend Bakugou's miserable state, and without tripping the landmines of his classmate's ego, it seemed. It felt important to let Bakugou know that he was willing to help him out whenever he needed, that he could rely on Kirishima.

Before Kirishima could come up with words he desperately wanted to say, unsure of this urgent need to do so, he heard Bakugou's breath calming down. He turned to Bakugou for the third time and saw him fast asleep.

"Yeah, good idea," Kirishima muttered to himself quietly and got up to leave, convincing himself that they could talk like that again later, feeling hopeful, looking forward to it.

[my-mystic-messenger]

Can I request RFA + V + Saeran's reaction to a really sensitive MC? Like they cry over even small things like dropping a fork or missing the train and take everything people say about them to heart, even if it was sarcasm.

So ehm…I guess I had to change up the prompt a little? I’m not sure. It sounded a lot like cry-baby to me and had that been the reason there would have been a lot of break up’s going on in this headcanon, so I actually gave MC a reason to cry. Hope it’s ok. Enjoy!

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

Zen

♬ at first everything was fine

♬ you and him were happy, years into your relationship

♬ you were his loving life partner as well as his manager

♬ he found it quite funny how your personality changes dependingwhether you’re at work or not

♬ nothing too drastic, of course, you are still kind and polite toeveryone

♬ but if someone tries to mess with his career?

♬ you’re more than willing to cut a bitch, it’s in your job description

♬ you’re just the right woman to be by Zen’s side; strong, confidentand devoted

♬ however a couple of months after your third anniversary togethersomething changes

♬ suddenly you cry a lot more and about the silliest things as well

♬ you actually cried about a flower having wilted and being out of soap

♬ at first Zen thought that maybe you were on your period

♬ women were emotional when on their period, right?

♬ but you assured him that wasn’t the case

♬ Zen asked you whether he was doing something wrong, whether you wereunhappy

♬ which only caused you to cry as well, because of course the answerwas no

♬ Zen was perfect and you were happy

♬ at that point Zen had reached his wits end

♬ he didn’t know why you were crying all the time – especially sinceyou’d been so strong through the toughest of times – but he wantedto help

♬ so he did the only thing he knew: he took you to the hospital to bechecked out

♬ doctors were clever people, so one of those would surely know theanswer

♬ and oh boy did he get an answer

♬ you were four months pregnant

♬ which funnily enough explained you not having your period

♬ Zen was caught between two very intense emotions

♬ for one, he would have loved to pass out at the news

♬ he hadn’t expected it at all

♬ for the love of God, was he even ready to be a father?!

♬ you hadto baby proof the apartment!

♬ was the apartment even good enough? So dark and small…

♬ on the other hand he was extremely happy and instantly wanted to knowthe gender

♬ he loved you more than anything in the world and the proof of thatwas currently living inside you

♬ what was a little crying compared to the gift of life

Yoosung

★ he’d always been extremely impressed by you

★ you had been the mature one throughout your relationship

★ thereby supporting him in his quest to achieve the same

★ thanks to you he’d become a proper, fully functioning adult,surprising everyone in his life

★ even when things became a little tough with him constantly having tostudy, you remained by his side and encouraged him to go on andfulfill his dream

★ once the vet clinic was finally opened his busy schedule continued

★ even so, you not only support him mentally, but even helped with someof the paper work at the clinic

★ you juggled a lot of things at once, your own job, helping Jaehee inthe café and Yoosung

★ not to mention taking care of the cat and your relationships to bothfriends and husband

★ you’d managed all of these things for years with such easy, he hadn’teven considered that they might be taking a toll on you

★ until you suddenly changed

★ you’d cried before, of course, but mostly at sad movies and cutekitten and puppy pictures

★ now it was an almost daily thing

★ and the smallest things could set you off

★ Seven often came to visit you, as the three of you were good friends

★ you knew of his humour and had brushed off his teasing for years

★ now his words made you cry more often than not and even Seven didn’tunderstand what was going on with you exactly

★ Yoosung wasn’t a doctor for humans, but he had an understanding forhealth nevertheless

★ he figured you were ill and upon analyzing the past couple of monthshe quickly understood the source

★ sleep deprivation

★ you, Seven and him had spent a lot of nights gaming to relief stress

★ stress that you had exceptionally a lot of

★ and even when you’d gone to bed, slept had never come easy to you

★ Yoosung was angry that he hadn’t noticed sooner, but luckily itwasn’t too late

★ he cut out the late night gaming sessions and asked Seven to holdback on you for a while

★ he practically banned you from the clinic and all paperwork, insteadhiring another assistant

★ he also made sure to have a proper doctor diagnosed you with Insomniato get you the medication you needed

★ about a month into the new routine and the meds things started tocool down

★ the circles around your eyes gradually became smaller

★ the crying stopped

★ and you finally started smiling again

★ not only that, but he himself felt better as well

★ now that neither of you wasted so much time on gaming, both of youhad much more energy

★ after that realization, he never touched LOLOL ever again

Jaehee

♨ Jaehee liked you for many reasons

♨ for one, you came in when her strengths had their limits

♨ what she couldn’t do you could and the other way around

♨ you were great at working together

♨ at the same time you were also painfully similar

♨ you’re both orderly and perfectionists  

♨ both of you work hard to achieve what you want

♨ sometimes even too hard, as it seemed

♨ you’d always been the more laid back of the two of you

♨ that kind of mentality had saved Jaehee from her stressful existenceunder Jumin

♨ sometimes, however, similarities made a relationship trickier

♨ or at least communication

♨ one of those shared traits being that you generally didn’t show mostof your feelings

♨ the negative ones were swallowed down and the positive ones wereshown more through private smiles and blushes rather than bigexclamations or even words

♨ the problem with that was only that you’d always been the one good atactually catching those nuances

♨ Jaehee, meanwhile, had struggled a little with it

♨ looking back at it, she could have seen this situation coming, hadshe only tried a little harder

♨ but over all this time, she’d actually thought you were fine

♨ until supposedly all of a sudden you were no more

♨ all the feelings you’d swallowed down seemed to bubble out of you allat once

♨ you cried more often than not

♨ not only that, but it was caused by such petty and small things

♨ once you dropped a coffee cup and cried about it for half an hour

♨ Jaehee felt utterly helpless in that moment, since emotions reallyweren’t her expertise

♨ especially when there seemingly was no rational explanation for it

♨ however, she wanted to understand you and so she looked into possiblereasons for it

♨ there was many possible reasons for your constant crying and whatseemed most fitting was stress

♨ she hadn’t even noticed how stressed you must have been

♨ which was in hindsight was horribly ignorant of her

♨ however, now that she knows, she was sure to help you just like you’dhelped her

♨ Jaehee reduces your hours at the café

♨ starts using more of her free time to do something fun with you;everything from shopping to rock climbing

♨ while those things wear you out as well, they do it in a good way andsoon enough Jaehee is happy to note that your crying has become much

♨ and who knows, maybe one day the two of you will manage to learn toexpress your feelings on time…maybe even with words instead ofactions

Jumin

♛ you’ve been his blessing

♛ from the second you’d stepped into his life you’d changed it and himfor the better

♛ you made him happy, made him smile and took his stress away with asingle kiss

♛ you didn’t complain about him working too much

♛ loved him for him and not for his money

♛ but above all, you just understood him

♛ there was nothing he couldn’t tell you and it was the most freeingfeeling in the world

♛ to think that he might not be doing you the same service infuriatedhim

♛ once the crying started, he felt exactly like that

♛ he couldn’t tell what had caused it, whether it was his fault

♛ had he not been attentive enough?

♛ had he not assured you of his undying love enough?

♛ whenever heasked, you couldn’t answer either

♛ you didn’t know why having a single typo in a document that waseasily fixed and reprinted made you cry your eyes out

♛ or why accidentally dropping a pack of sugar while making hiscoffee in the morning and spreading its content on the floor almostmade you break down completely

♛ especially seeing as the maid would come in any moment to clean it upfor you

♛ eventually Jumin couldn’t stand it anymore

♛ not because the crying was getting on his nerves, but because hecouldn’t stand seeing you hurt

♛ so he did what he knew was right; he send you to a psychiatrist

♛ at first you refused, told him you were fine, that it was a waste oftime and money

♛ usually he would listen to your words, but that time he didn’t

♛ your health was not up for discussion, under no circumstances

♛ as it turned out he’d been right to send you to the man, as it turnedout you had severe depression

♛ somehow the new irritated Jumin as he found himself questioning hisabilities as a husband

♛ why had he not noticed before, as it seemed to be so severe?

♛ whywere you depressed at all? had he not provided for you well enough?

♛ the psychiatrist assured him that depression was no one fault, thatis just happened, sometimes

♛ he told him that therapy and and being gentle and loving would do thetrick over time

♛ Jumin promised himself he would take care of both

♛ from that moment on he was more patient with you, even when you mademistakes

♛ not that he’d ever not been, but he made himself be even moreconsiderate

♛ he got you to therapy three times a week, even when you tried toassure him you were fine

♛ and didn’t say I told you so once you got out and told him thathe’d been right to bring you

♛ eventually things actually became better

♛ you still had days where tears seemingly came out of nowhere, but notonly did Jumin know how to help you, above all you’d learned how tohelp yourself

♛ after all being truly happy didn’t mean to never cry, it just meantto be able to appreciate the time you didn’t wholeheartedly

Saeyoung/Seven

☼ Seven was more than grateful to have you in his life

☼ you never gave up on him, even when the rest of the world seemed to

☼ you understood him, saw through him like no one else could

☼ your cheerfulness distracted him from his dark thoughts and even whenthings got really dark, you were there to show him the light

☼ after meeting you he really couldn’t imagine ever being with someoneelse

☼ which is why he never even considered breaking up with you oncethings started to change

☼ you began to smile less and cry more

☼ his jokes weren’t funny anymore, they either annoyed you or made youcry

☼ most of the time he couldn’t even pinpoint what the exact reason was

☼ sometimes you even cried at things you’d used to laugh about

☼ even sarcastic comments, little jokes, could set you off

☼ he didn’t talk to anyone about it, didn’t want to bother anyone withhis problems

☼ his problems mainly being your problems

☼ he suffered under them, he really did

☼ he wanted to help, but he didn’t know how

☼ he didn’t want to send you to a psychiatrist – much like he refusedto do so with his brother – as he didn’t see you as broken or crazy

☼ maybe you just had a low period in your life, that’s all

☼ many people had that, he had that

☼ but weeks turned into months and you just weren’t getting better

☼ you cried a lot and it was wearing him down

☼ he’d relied on your smile and positivity himself, his own negativethoughts seemingly overwhelming him now that you were no longer thereto fend them away

☼ at some point he started wish for a break up, but just couldn’t bringhimself to do it

☼ it was his fault, as your boyfriend, that you weren’t happy

☼ he’d caused you pain, so he had no right to complain about yoursadness draining him

☼ on top of that he felt dirty whenever he even thought about breakingup with you

☼ he’d feel like a traitor, like he was giving up on you

☼ you just weren’t getting better though, no matter what he tried andhe hated both himself as well as you for it, since it reminded him ona daily basis what a failure he really was

☼ he failed his brother, he failed V and now he was failing you

Saeran

☀ when Saeran had been saved from Rika’s clutches he’d been utterlytraumatized

☀ he would have taken years of therapy of therapy and probablymedication to get over it, but was offered none

☀ the only source of help was your affection for him

☀ you were there when he felt otherwise lonely and you never judged

☀ at first he was suspicious of you, since he’d tried to kill before sowhy should you help him

☀ but when you stayed by his side despite it, he eventually beganrelaxing around you

☀ you were good of him and when he laughed for the first time aftergetting out, it was thanks to you

☀ somewhere along the line he fell in love with you

☀ or so he though, until everything seemingly went to shit

☀ once you’d gotten together and started to live together he got tospend a lot of time with you

☀ that wasn’t necessarily good

☀ you constantly cried and most of the times it was utterlyincomprehensible what had set you off

☀ he found himself feeling angry at you

☀ what reason did you have to cry?!

☀ what justified your constant whining and irritating tears?!

☀ when he found no good answer, he began resenting you

☀ he was the one who suffered from a variation of trauma’s and mentalillnesses and yet you dared to cry to him about having lost yourhairpin

☀ he never once cried as he considered his problems his own and nobodyelse’s

☀ you, on the other hand, just seemed to love to push your misery ontoother people and he couldn’t stand it anymore

☀ you’d been a positive influence in his life and he’d loved you forthat, but he drew a line here

☀ Saeran had promised himself to never repeat his mistakes, never getas attached as he had with Rika

☀ so he did what he had to do; you were draining him more than helpinghim so he ended things

☀ when he told you so, you’d cried

☀ to no one surprise

☀ he found himself indifferent to your tears, ineffective at this pointafter he’d seen you shed them for the thousandth of times

☀ being around you was tiring and he didn’t have the energy to waste iton a cry baby

Jihyun/V:

📷 when you first started to change V didn’t know how to react

📷 he himself suffered from it, as it reminded him so painfully of Rikaand not in a good way at all

📷 she too had been happy all the time as well until her facade haddropped to reveal the broken truth

📷 the thought of you going through the same thing – once more withouthim noticing – killed him

📷 however, he swore himself that this time he would do anything in hispower to prevent the past from repeating itself

📷 when he tried to figure out what exactly the issue was, he stuttered

📷 you didn’t seem to have paranoia, anxiety nor delusions

📷 even depression didn’t quite seem to fit your behaviour, at least notthe way he knew from Rika

📷 knowing that you’d refuse to see a psychiatrist about this – itwould probably only cause you to cry about him even assuming you wereill – V went himself

📷 he described what was going on and the psychiatrist explained thatyou might be suffering from being a Highly Sensitive Person to shortHSP

📷 of course V knew very little about what exactly that entailed,so he let the man explain as well as give him some ideas how to helpyou without dragging you to therapy

📷 a lot of the things he suggested had to do with stress reduction anda healthy, regular routine

📷 well, V would try!

📷 the first thing he did was to make sure thatyou both slept and ate enough, both at the same time every single day

📷 he also cut out all and every junk food as well as caffaine and othersuch things, making sure you had more vegetables, fruit and fish athome

📷 he also made sure to keep your stress level at low by taking oversome of the tasks

📷 that way you had less to do and therefor could have enough time inbetween task

📷 so even if you missed one train, you weren’t in a hurry and couldeasily wait for the next

📷 the next thing that was suggested was to avoid sensory overload bypossibly turning the lights lower or wearing noise-reducingheadphones

📷 sadly he couldn’t really help you with these, as you might noticewhat he was up to

📷 instead he followed another suggestion, by creating a safe, quiet andpeaceful space for you to retreat

📷 his old developing room was no longer needed anyway, now that hecouldn’t photograph

📷 he was a little sad to let go of it once and for all, but he’d doanything to keep you healthy

📷 instead, he turned it into a tiny library, filled with nothing butbooks and a comfortable arm chair

📷 no light other than the dim lamp and no sound; it was perfect!

📷 The effects actually started showing, and your crying got less andless with every step until it was gone

📷 sometimes you’d cry, of course, but occasions were rare and he wasthere to help you through it

📷 sure, he’d taken some stress from you by taking it on himself, but atleast he knew now that he’d never lose you like Rika and that made itworth while

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

[amandasarmada]

Meta: Leta Lestrange (Part 1 of 2)

Tumblr Exclusive for my story “A Chance I’ll Take”

Note, for people seeing this in the tag, this is an extension of a fic I just finished, so not canon.  Also if you have your own theories and just adore who you think Leta is going to be, you may want to avoid reading!  I thought/hoped this was reflection was worth putting in the tag, but it could easily be considered “hate” (although I did try to make it more complex than that).  I know it absolutely breaks my heart when I go to my ship tags and see negativity, so I wanted to give fair warning.  It was not my intention to come in your tag and hate on your girl, I just figured some people interested in her character might enjoy some meta on her. Please don’t read if you’re sensitive about negative commentary!

So - this post contains what is essentially speculation for the personality of Leta Lestrange, explored through my fic “A Chance I’ll Take,” which attempts to take on the rumored events of the second movie.  It’s a combination of explicit canon, inference, and extrapolation (with a healthy sprinkle of wishful thinking). And it’s long af, so buckle up.

So, Leta.  I’ve gotten some very interesting and thoughtful comments from readers on my characterization of her, all of which I found incredibly flattering (you guys are too sweet <3 ) but some of which also concerned me, as maybe I wasn’t as clear as I hoped in sprinkling hints about what kind of person she is. (And maybe minds will be changed, now that the story is officially finished, and everything has been laid bare.)

For example, someone said something along the lines of ‘being grateful that I didn’t just do the catty thing - and that in a different world, she could see Tina and Leta being tentative friends (or at least having a mutual respect for each other).’  While I did try hard not to just write Leta as a one-dimensional Uber Sadistic Evil Bitch, I don’t think she’s someone Tina (or most people) would want to be friends with.  I certainly wouldn’t.  I think she’s a remarkably dangerous person, in part because on the surface she seems fairly likable.

In other words, the original commenter can definitely be forgiven for her misinterpretation of Leta, because that’s exactly the point.  She’s the snake hidden in the grass (funnily enough, I’ve toyed with a headcanon that she’s secretly a snake animagus, but that’s a topic for another time).

Let’s back up a bit.

Leta has many positive traits.  She’s fun, spontaneous, charming, almost unnervingly beautiful, and clever as they come.  And clearly, she’s not entirely unpleasant, as Newt had many happy moments with her.  (She also, importantly - and as has now been revealed - has a very sad backstory.  This not only makes her much more sympathetic, and causes people to be more willing to overlook her negative traits, but also makes them actively want to protect her. It’s an important distinction, as Newt and Tina are both “protectors” by nature and reluctant to turn away those they view as being vulnerable.)  

Now in acknowledging Leta’s positive traits, I also wanted to draw attention to a very common real-life parallel - which is that toxic, even abusive people can be incredibly likable (and lovable!), when they’re not actively performing toxic behaviour.  In Leta’s case, it’s not just a show, either - she isn’t a full-fledged sociopath, she does genuinely care about Newt, and she isn’t simply pretending to be nice to get him to forgive her or ‘fall into her trap’, at least not consciously.  But her behaviour is nevertheless extremely unhealthy, and even if she has underlying reasons exacerbating that behaviour (whether it be mental illness, or coping mechanisms due to childhood abuse), it still remains unhealthy, even criminal, and she should be held responsible for it.

This is extremely relevant because in my mind (and most importantly, in my story) Leta bears several characteristics of a pathological narcissist.

Here’s how David Yates explains her:

“She’s quite complicated and damaged and confused...she’s a kind of tragic figure.”

I think (or at least hope) the version of Leta I created is all of those things, but that doesn’t mean she’s a good or noble person. She isn’t.

In my mind, Leta is someone who likes control. Part of this is a consequence of her life experiences, and very understandable - she grew up in an oppressive, rigid household, in which she was put under immense social pressures and literally had no control of her own body (which was subject to ritual abuse).  But I think Leta is naturally controlling as well, and she exerts her desire for control in unhealthy, unacceptable ways, to the detriment of others around her.  (I’ll discuss this more in part 2, when I discuss Leta as a foil for Tina.)

She also doesn’t see how her behaviour puts others off, and it’s one of the reasons why she - like Newt - was a loner at school.  Leta actually doesn’t have much difficulty making friends - it’s keeping them that’s the problem. Socializing is a complicated undertaking for her.  She adores attention and admiration, but she gets easily bored with people (and shows it), and generally expects much more from others than she’s willing to give back, which other people quickly tire of.  She’s also extremely emotionally volatile, and her tears and tantrums caused most of her classmates to steer clear of her early on.  These episodes became less public as she grew older, but the underlying reasons for them persisted, and she was never as popular as one might expect for a girl of her charm and talents.

Little hints of her and Newt’s interactions at school shed light on these traits - for one thing, she’s manipulative, bossy, and selfish, though she manifests these characteristics in a lighthearted way that helps mask and soften the extent of her controlling tendencies. Although I didn’t get to explore it quite as much directly in the text, my headcanon going into this story was that often, when Leta wants something from someone, she frames it in a way that elicits sympathy rather than demanding it outright, such as asking through tears. And those tears aren’t insincere run-of-the-mill “crocodile tears” either, exactly - it’s more complicated than that. Much like a child, she sees her needs and even desires (however petty or inconvenient) as paramount, and the thought of not getting everything she wants (or at least as much as possible) is genuinely distressing to her. Obviously, these aren’t unusual traits, and we all exhibit them at times (especially in our youth, or in times of fatigue or stress or hunger), but in Leta they’re exaggerated to an extreme, persist into adulthood, and are nearly constant - rather than being the infrequent, occasional occurrences typical of most mature, well-adjusted adults.  In a nutshell, Leta’s recklessness and unruliness often gets her into trouble, and she doesn’t mind bringing people along with her.  And despite thinking of herself as a fairly independent person (she’s certainly ingenious and resourceful enough), Leta is extremely manipulative of other people, and constantly drains the energy of those around her.

None of these things are particularly pleasant, but in Leta’s case her faults delve into the genuinely disturbing.

As we saw in Chapter 7, Leta performed the Imperius Curse on her brother, Lacerto, in order to get the information they needed to save Newt.  Hopefully, when you first read this, it made you sit up and widen your eyes a bit, because it’s a big moment, and it says a lot about her character.  

While there are circumstances in which performing the Imperius Curse doesn’t necessarily and irredeemably make you “evil” (Harry himself did it when they broke into Gringotts), there is a reason why the Imperius Curse is considered Unforgivable.  And compare the two situations - Harry did it in an emergency and as a last resort; Leta planned to do it ahead of time.  She set out to do it deliberately, and she did it at length, taking full advantage of the act, and without considering alternative options (like searching through his things, for example, or tricking him).  She forced her brother to sit and draw an extensive map of Nurmengard, interrogated him about security measures and Grindelwald’s movements, then wiped his memory of the incident.  It would have taken hours, and caused a considerable amount of emotional distress for her victim.  No, her brother wasn’t a “good guy”, and yes, Newt’s life was in danger, but hopefully this action makes you at least uneasy.  And we see that absolutely, Queenie doesn’t approve when she sees it in her mind, and she knows Tina would be equally horrified if she knew of the methods they’d unknowingly been associated with, which is why she didn’t tell her.  Here’s the exact quote:

Tina gaped at her, her eyes widening as she started flipping through the heavily-detailed notes. “How did you-?”

“You don’t want to know.”

It was Queenie who answered. She looked slightly sick, and was suddenly eyeing Leta with distaste, and something else that might have been – fear. 

(Chapter 7)

This is only very, very subtly hinted at, but the fact that Queenie is so appalled by what she sees also suggests something else - that Leta didn’t have remorse, and that maybe she even reveled in having someone else so much at her mercy, rather than seeing it as a necessary evil she felt deeply conflicted about. Something about Leta’s mind disturbed Queenie, that’s for sure, and that’s also the feeling I got while watching the movie, when she’s reading Newt...Queenie does not like or trust this woman. At any rate, hopefully we all agree that Leta’s actions were morally ambiguous at best. 

What maybe (?) many people also didn’t catch, is that in the flashback, when Leta performed the experiments on the jarvey which later attacked Abraxas Malfoy, not only did she give the creature potentially dangerous substances in order to increase its powers, Newt mentioned explicitly that it would have been afraid during the attack.  I wanted to subtly suggest in the story that indeed, Leta had Imperiused it as well.  In short, she sees living things as potential tools to control, and will use force if need be.  (And then there’s the question of why she’d performed those experiments on the jarvey at all.  She was trying to figure out how to create more potent tools to have at her command - again looking to control and exploit. This also raises the point that a great deal of effort and deliberation went into Leta’s scheme against Malfoy; this wasn’t a prank, it was a premeditated attack.  She had to think up the idea in the first place, then brew and perfect the potions, and practice the Imperius Curse to master placing it on the jarvey when the moment came.  She had a lot of time to change her mind about going through with it, but she didn’t.)

Equally important, Leta refused to accept responsibility for her actions, and put the blame on everyone else - ‘Malfoy deserved it’ (even though he could have been killed, due to the “enhancements” Leta had done on the jarvey), ‘his father was overreacting’, she ‘couldn’t have known’ they’d kill the animal that gravely attacked a student.  Sure, many people will try to convince themselves of such things after they’ve made a terrible mistake because they can’t bear to face themselves and the reality of what they’ve done, but Leta also made it clear she’d be willing to do it again.  Though she showed momentary discomfort at the jarvey’s death, this could just as easily be read as a reaction to the situation spiraling out of her control, and her losing one of the tools she’d so carefully cultivated.  Her uneasiness is also gone as quickly as it appears; for her, the suffering and death of innocent creatures to do her bidding is an acceptable cost of achieving her goals.

Most importantly, despite the fact that an innocent creature is dead and a student is in mortal peril at her hand, Leta’s primary concern throughout the scene is always the preservation of her own well-being.  First she tries to downplay the severity of the attack to save face (knowing Newt is unhappy about Malfoy’s condition and wanting to preserve his image of her in his mind), and when he makes it impossible for her to worm out of it, she turns cold and reiterates that he deserved it.

Fifteen years later, Leta is largely friendless; she’s effectively pushed away the one person who could have saved her, if she’d allowed herself to be saved. Although she is regretful of this, it’s not enough for her to actually change her behaviour in order to truly seek contrition.  She expects Newt to forgive her, she feels entitled to it; when he doesn’t, she wallows in self-pity rather than reflecting on why that might be.

Also, though she does take a risk to help in Newt’s rescue, she could have done much more (every wand counted, and she could have concealed her identity if she was worried about being hunted down later), and again, she’s never made any real effort to find redemption for her past crimes.  Note the words Newt uses when Tina asks if she’s ever shown remorse - “She’s apologized five or six times over the years for what all her actions cost me.” Never has she expressed guilt over causing the creature’s death, or gravely injuring another human being.  Newt actually addresses this distinction himself, and that this bothers him far more than his expulsion. 

That said, Leta’s choice regarding the expulsion, too, is heavily significant. Although the original decision to let Newt take the fall is tragic and understandable, given her fear of her father’s wrath, fifteen years have now passed.  Leta is a grown woman, living on her own and free of her father’s tyranny.  She could come forward and clear Newt’s name and face the consequences of what she did (and these consequences would be significantly lighter now), but she chooses not to.  To someone like Tina, who believes in honesty, courage, and integrity, this makes Leta the antithesis of everything she values - which I’ll discuss more in Part 2.

Thoughts you’d like to share?  Thanks for wading through my little essay!