#fun fact for some crabs i feel is an equal exchange ^_^ also i just love armored animals theyre so stupid

[codecicle]

SWAG DO YOU LIKE CRABS??? DO YOU WANT CRAB PHOTOS?? I HAVE SOME. for context I very much like crabs.

YES ?!???!??? I FUCKING LOVE CRABS

take this deep sea giant isopod gif as payment for some crabs,,,, and the fun fact that just like pillpugs/woodlice/rolypoly's they can curl up into a little ball and use their shell for protection! also (and this ones REALLY neat) they're an example of deep sea gigantism!!!!! gigantism in sea animals isn't all that common considering it mainly occurs outside of shallow waters and usually it's part of an outlier species instead of a big one like this >:DDD the same condition can typically occur in almost all of the surrounding waters of antarctica, where scientists are theorizing that the lack of shallow water and the freezing extreme temperatures is what causes the genetic condition to happen in so many species!! actually that's where it's caused the most :] so it's really strange to see something like this outside of those waters and instead in the deep dark of the ocean under very similarly strange conditions :DDD

now pay up. hand over the fucking crabs slash threat

[tinyinvadr]

Hi, I am asking if you can do SpongeBob as a Tiny 4" Sponge in an AU where he's small and tinier than the rest of Bikini Bottom as well as him able to size-shift (Shapeshift) as a giant at times as well? I am such a SpongeBob and G/T Fan. I like ZIM too.

Sure thing! I don’t see SpongeBob G/t super often, so I’m always happy to contribute something different! (I’m pretty sure I’m the only person with a G/t blog that’s primarily focused on Invader Zim, ‘cause every one of my obsessions turns into G/t at some point and it all gets very specific, so, yeah)

Anyway, I decided to do the episode “F.U.N.” I changed up most of the dialogue, ‘cause I don’t really like rewriting stuff word-for-word. There are a few lines that are the same, and I left the F.U.N. Song intact, ‘cause it’s a classic, but I tried to make it my own take on the episode. I did want to write an original story, but I have a hard time coming up with ideas for SpongeBob because the show’s been on for so long and has done so much already.

F.U.N.

SpongeBob hadn’t planned on going to the Chum Bucket that day. Well, no one did. Ever. But he had a good reason to go.

It was a standard day at the Krusty Krab. Plankton stole a Krabby Patty, and SpongeBob got it back. But for the first time, the sponge noticed something different about him: insecurity.

No matter how hard he tried, he would never amount to anything ever. His restaurant would always be a failure. HE would always be a failure.

SpongeBob felt for him. He always did, though he wouldn’t admit it to Mr. Krabs. The two of them had quite a bit in common, actually. They were both small. Really small. And it’s hard to make a name for yourself when you’re small. Hard to get others to take you seriously.

But they were also quite different, in that SpongeBob was an optimist. No matter the challenges thrown his way, he would always overcome them, and he believed Plankton could too if he had that support. If he only had a friend, if only the entire town hadn’t deemed him irredeemable, he could have a chance.

And SpongeBob was determined to give it to him.

So there he stood, at the massive doors of the Chum Bucket, waiting for Plankton.

Opening the doors, the tiny owner of the Chum Bucket was met with the equally tiny sponge.

“Oh. It’s you.” He sighed. “Haven’t you tormented me enough?”

“No. I mean, I was wondering if you wanted to come out and play with me.” SpongeBob replied.

“What!? No!” Plankton immediately slammed the door, but SpongeBob stayed there. He wouldn’t give up that easily.

After a minute, Plankton opened the door again.

“Alright, SpongeBob. I’ll comply. What exactly are we doing?”

The sponge was overcome with excitement. Instead of giving him a proper answer, he just wrapped Plankton in a tight hug.

“You have three seconds to let go of me.” Plankton stated, unamused.

SpongeBob let go and backed off, but he couldn’t stop smiling. They were finally making progress! He could turn an enemy into a friend!

So the two of them walked all the way to Jellyfish Fields, where the sponge would introduce his newest friend to one of his favorite activities: riding jellyfish.

“I don’t see the point of this. Why would I want to ride around on an electric blob if it’s not being used to destroy my enemies?” Plankton asked.

“Because it’s fun!” SpongeBob exclaimed, already seated on top of a jellyfish and holding on tight as it swam in loop-de-loops.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Plankton asked, rolling his eye.

The jellyfish dropped SpongeBob off on the grass beside Plankton, and he was left at a standstill. Fun? He’s never had to explain that before. It seemed pretty self explanatory. But with how lonely and hated he was, it was only reasonable that Plankton never experienced fun.

“Well... it’s kind of... sort of like... let me spell it for you.”

“F is for friends who do stuff together! U is for you and me! N is for anywhere, anytime at all! Down here in the deep blue sea!”

Though at first unsure how to react to the spontaneous musical number, Plankton quickly chimed in.

“F is for fire that burns down the whole town! U is for uranium! Bombs! N is for no survivors! WHEN YOU-“

“Plankton! Those things aren’t what fun is all about.” SpongeBob interrupted. “Let me help you.” He took Plankton’s stubby little hands and started to dance with him.

“F is for friends who do stuff together! U is for you and me! Try it!”

“N is for anywhere, anytime at all! Down here in the deep blue sea!”

Just from briefly dancing, Plankton looked exhausted, so SpongeBob let go of his hands. “I... I don’t understand this. Why do I feel all tingly inside? Should we stop?”

The sponge chuckled. “No, that’s how you’re supposed to feel!” He caught the slightest trace of a smile on his new friend’s face, and soon, it was a full-fledged grin.

“Well, I like it! Let’s do it again!”

“F is for frolic through all the flowers! U is for ukulele! N is for nose-picking, sharing gum, and sand licking, here with my best buddy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

After a day of fun, the two parted ways. The next day, SpongeBob went into work, where his boss, Mr. Krabs, was waiting for him.

“SpongeBob, I need to talk to ya.” The crab lifted the tiny sponge up with his claw and set him down on the nearest table.

“What’s the problem, Mr. K?” SpongeBob asked.

“Look, son. I saw you and Plankton at Jellyfish Fields yesterday. I understand that you want to help, but I know him. He’s sneaky, he’s manipulative, and he’s after me secret recipe.”

“Mr. Krabs, I really think he’s changed. We had so much fun yesterday, I don’t think he could’ve faked that.”

At that moment, Plankton entered the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs glared at him from across the room, then went back into the kitchen.

“SpongeBuddy, are we still going to the movies?” Plankton asked.

“Of course!” SpongeBob replied cheerfully, looking down at Plankton from his perch upon the table.

The small green creature made his way towards the pulley-powered elevator that was attached to each table. Certain accommodations had to be made in order for the miniature sponge fry cook to do his job, so elevators were a staple.

Mr. Krabs quickly returned from the kitchen, his claws suspiciously concealed behind his back. “Before you go, I thought I’d offer your good friend something, if he’s interested...”

He revealed that he was holding a plate with a freshly made Krabby Patty on it, and placed it on the table, right beside Plankton.

“No, thanks. We’re getting popcorn.” He replied, shaking his head.

The crab continued to glare at him, waiting for him to make his next move, but Plankton just stood there.

“Well, we’re leaving now! See ya later, Mr. Krabs!” SpongeBob announced as he escorted Plankton back to the elevator. As they left the restaurant, the sponge glanced back at his boss as he let out a disappointed sigh. Though he did feel the slightest bit guilty for befriending Mr. Krabs’ worst enemy, he knew it was the right thing to do.

The two of them arrived at the movie theater, and got the biggest box of popcorn at the concessions stand. Due to their size, they were able to share one seat. Though really, their seat was the edge of the popcorn box, which was seated upon the actual theater chair.

Everything was fine. Well, except for when Bubble Bass sat on them, but he got back up right away to go after the spilled popcorn.

Then, everything changed.

The movie suddenly stopped, and on the screen, the shadow of Mr. Krabs was being projected.

“Listen up! He’s deceiving ya! Reach into his pocket now and take what he’s got!”

SpongeBob and Plankton exchanged glances, neither of them sure what was happening.

“I’m talking to you, SpongeBob!”

Reluctantly, he did as he was told, only to find that somehow, Plankton did steal the Krabby Patty after all.

“What? Plankton, I... I thought you changed! I thought... we were friends...”

The sponge began to cry, which only meant one thing. Normally he was very small, but whenever he cried, SpongeBob absorbed his own tears, causing him to grow to massive proportions.

It was a well known fact that SpongeBob had the tendency to expand, what with how absorbent he was, and no one was particularly threatened by him, due to his kind and friendly nature, but it was still a major inconvenience, especially when this happened indoors.

“Plankton... why would you lie to me?” SpongeBob asked in a soft whimper.

Suddenly, Plankton began to cry as well.

“I’m sorry! I used you to get the Krabby Patty! But now that I have you as a friend...”

SpongeBob wiped his tears. Plankton was really about to give up the Krabby Patty, the sandwich he’d been trying to steal for his restaurant all this time, for the sake of their friendship.

“It changes NOTHING!”

Letting out an evil laugh, the tiny green villain ran off with the Krabby Patty, ripping right through the movie screen.

After calming down, the sponge reverted back to his default form, and Mr. Krabs met him at his seat.

“Mr. Krabs... I’m sorry. It’s my fault he got the Krabby Patty.”

To SpongeBob’s surprise, his boss smiled, and lifted him off the seat. “It’s alright, lad. You had the right intentions. Anyway, Plankton didn’t get away. Don’t you know what’s behind these screens?”

Mr. Krabs walked over to the screen and pulled it aside at the rip, revealing that Plankton and the Krabby Patty slammed right into the wall behind it.

“Solid concrete!”

Plankton stepped away from the wall, stumbling around in a daze. “You’ll pay for this, Krabs.” He mumbled.

“You know, SpongeBob? Maybe you should keep trying to be his friend. It keeps him confused.”

Maybe one day he would change, but SpongeBob learned that day that you can’t expect progress that quickly, no matter how catchy the song is.

[johnny-and-dora]

sunny one so true, i love you

as a long, hot summer draws to a close, jake is determined to make sure mac has the best first beach trip a toddler has ever experienced. (written for @undead-thot-hours as part of the b99 summer 2020 fic exchange, i hope you like it!) @b99fandomevents

read on ao3 -

Ideally, living in Brooklyn in the middle of the summer would be perfect. There’d be some kind of ice coffee river Willy Wonka stylez that Jake could wade into, functioning air conditioning on demand and plenty of opportunities for him to up his sunglasses game and practise some cool new moves to impress the squad.

In reality, it costs like $12 for one tiny cup of iced coffee, and the air conditioning at the precinct is constantly on the fritz. He can’t even practise any cool sunglasses moves because one of Mac’s current favourite pastimes is taking either of his parent’s eyewear and lovingly slobbering all over it. It’s kind of a bummer - but also, like everything his son does, extremely cute, so Jake doesn’t really mind. The great picture he got of Mac wearing his sunglasses makes it worth it.

It’s been a long, long summer filled with paperwork and overtime instead of getting to hang out with his beautiful family all the time, which is the real bummer. So, when Amy suggested they take advantage of their shared Sunday off to take Mac to Brighton Beach for the first time, he’d responded with trademark enthusiasm.

Which was then later followed by abject panic, because Jake kinda sorta forgot that he’s not the beaches biggest fan.

It’s not like he’s some kind of beach hater, because that’s like hating summer or holidays or fun and Jake loves all of those things. It’s just that his lasting childhood memories of the beach are less than rosy. They mostly include him getting super sunburnt, dropping his ice-cream in the sand, or getting buried alive by Gina. None of them make him feel particularly good, and he doesn’t particularly want to pass that not-good feeling down to his son by ruining Mac’s first beach experience.

So many things could go wrong. What if a seagull steals his food, or his ball gets lost at sea? What if his favourite toy gets all sandy and ruined? What if a seagull steals him, and Jake’s powerless to do anything but watch?

To cut a long week of worrying about increasingly improbable scenarios short, this beach trip has to go well. In fact, Jake’s general brain weirdness and a strong desire to be a good dad means this needs to be the best beach trip a toddler has ever experienced in the history of beach trips. It’s the least he can do for Mac.

So, he invites Charles and Nikolaj along and buys Mac a cute little bucket and spade and the four of them build a really epic sandcastle while Amy gets a rare chance to peacefully catch up on some reading. They paddle in the sea a little, Mac clinging to Jake the whole time because the water’s so cold, and Jake snaps a photo of the three of them with ice cream that is definitely lockscreen worthy. Charles even takes the kids for a bit so Jake and Amy can have some precious alone time soaking in the sun.

It may not be perfect – Mac gets very upset when he can’t see any dolphins (which Jake would be disappointed by too, to be honest) and somehow he gets sand absolutely everywhere which he’s definitely going to traipse back into the apartment. But he seems happy, and Amy is happy, and that means that Jake is happy too.

“Did you have fun today, Mac?” Amy asks, wrapping him up tight in his beach towel and trying to brush some of the sand out of his hair. Their little boy nods enthusiastically, his curls bouncing everywhere as he climbs up on to Jake’s lap.

“This is the best day ever!” He says, slightly muffled as he sticks his thumb in his mouth, and Jake’s heart swells. Mission accomplished. He looks to Amy, who’s hair is even shiner than usual as she’s bathed in sunlight, her pretty sundress flapping around her legs. She gets more and more beautiful every single day.

“Hey, Ames, you look like a mermaid.” He says, grinning fondly at his wife. He gently pokes Mac to get his attention. “Doesn’t mommy look like a beautiful mermaid, Mac? Like she could be queen of the seahorses or something cool like that.”

“I know about seahorses!” Mac pipes up, which wasn’t exactly what he was going for but endearing, nonetheless. Camilla and Victor gifted him a book about animals for Christmas last year and he’s been parroting random trivia from it for months, as if they needed more proof that he’s half-Santiago. “They live in the sea and they’re not even horses, they’re fish.” He says matter-of-factly, wriggling in Jake’s lap.

“That’s right, baby.” Amy says warmly, gently stroking his curls and grinning at Jake when their eyes meet. Their kid is going to be the most insufferable know-it-all in his class, and they’re already so proud of him.

“Hey bud, did you see any seahorses in the sea?” Jake asks (He knows it’s unlikely, but it would be super awesome). Mac shakes his head. His face falls for a second and Jake worries that he’s going to have to go on some impossible heroic seahorse quest before his eyes light up again.

“Uncle Charles and Niko caught a crab though! It was all pinchy and angry!”

“Cool, like Sebastian?” Mac nods fervently and Jake grins, humming a few notes of ‘Under The Sea’. He makes a mental note to put The Little Mermaid on as soon as they get home – it’s on theme, has a great soundtrack and won’t make any of them cry too hard, which is a win in Jake’s book.

Mac is squirming in his lap again, so Jake lets him down. It warms his heart watching his son totter about on the sand wrapped in an R2-D2 beach towel, singing ‘Under The Sea’ to himself (except really, he’s just babbling the chorus over and over again). God, he loves this kid. His dad Spidey-senses kick in when Mac bends down to pick up a pebble, though, knowing it’s probably going directly into his mouth, so he racks his brain for cool seahorse facts to try and distract him.

“Hey Mac, did you know that it’s actually the daddy seahorses that carry the babies around in their tummies?”

“No way!” Mac says, the pebble instantly forgotten, and Jake knows he will never get tired of watching his son learn new things about the world every single day.

“Uh-huh.” Jake nods, and for effect, grabs a nearby beachball and stuffs it under his T-shirt while Mac laughs. “What do you think, little man? Would I make a good seahorse?”

Mac shakes his head, grinning toothily. “That’s silly, daddy.”

Jake smiles proudly – he may be pretty proud of his many accomplishments as a highly decorated detective, but nothing makes him feel prouder than when he makes the most important, treasured people in his life laugh. “Yeah? Well, I am pretty silly. That’s like, the thing I’m totally best at and have won a lot of silly awards for.”

“And blanket forts! And storytime! You’re the best daddy!” Mac says, running up to present the pebble to him, and Jake gets a little misty. He can see Charles also getting misty out of the corner of his eye, but that’s actually pretty toned down by his standards. He accepts the pebble and bends down to pick Mac up and spin him around, the two of them laughing, and knows he has nothing to be worried about. Not even the world’s biggest seagull could swoop in and ruin this day.

Jake may be a just a little sunburnt, and his grand dreams of an iced coffee river may be unfortunately impossible to fulfil. But he’s here, with his gorgeous, amazing wife and their equally amazing son, and has to admit the beach isn’t so bad. As long as he has his family beside him, any summer in Brooklyn seems pretty much perfect.

[travels-with-chris]

Copenhagen Our start to Copenhagen was to be a manic one, with parents on the way for a week long visit, we had plenty of things to tick off on our to do list. So after a leisurely day before in Kege, where we strolled around the campsite and the seafront close by, well there was not a lot of things to do, apart from saving a crab from a seagull and playing not one but two games of mini golf, of course Chris still firmly holding on to the trophy. We then wondered why the next day we left so much to do. With motorhome moved, shopping done and nerves slightly frayed, thanks to Navigon taking us through the very busy capital streets on a Saturday afternoon, Chris arrived just in time to greet his parents at the airport and escort them back to our airbnb apartment for the week. I hope they know what they are letting themselves in for, although as avid blog followers they will certainly know we set a mean pace. Our first afternoon was spent catching up over a glass or two of wine & vodka for some, in the garden with the sun shining it was hard to believe only 48 hours previously we were in the middle of a major storm. After slightly more drinks and a fair few laughs we headed off to bed ready for the first explore of Copenhagen the next day. The following morning we walked to a local station and caught the train to the central station. From here we started to walk down Istedgade also known as prostitution street which was noted down as a must see thing, according to our airbnb host, it was somewhat disappointing and nothing compared to Hamburg, there was a lot of sex shops but nothing out on display thankfully, apart from a lady who looked more of a drunk than a lady of day or night. Although she did take a bit of a shine to John and followed us down the whole road. Feeling like we were going nowhere we decided to do an emergency u-turn and retrace our steps back past the main train station to where all the tourist things seemed to be. The first attraction you come across a little up from the station is Tavoli Gardens, one of the worlds oldest and most visited theme parks in the world, which boast to having one of the oldest wooden rollercoaster in the world dating back to 1914. Unsure if we wanted to pay the pricey entrance fee for the theme park and we did not want a James Bond experience, especially after the night before, shaken and not stirred. We decided the best thing to do would be walk to City Hall Square which of course is where you will find City Hall, again being one of the tallest buildings in Copenhagen you really can not miss it, even with all the crowds, building work going on and a football match too, oh and a booze bike complete with very drunk riders! It's was very impressive with Italian themed architecture and an equally impressive Jen Olsen world clock. From here we went for a tea and a danish well when in Denmark, and yes as previously stated they do not originate from here, but they do make them look very enticing in the window. We decided we would go back to Tavoli Gardens and pay the entrance fee, of course after a short detour by Chris and Richard. Passing completely off route the Court House and then the Church of The Holy Ghost, which as we have found out about Denmark that churches have free toilets, it was good for a pit stop too. Our last stop (or our supposedly only stop, on route back to Tavoli) on the tour was the Round Tower, the 17th century building used as a library and even Hans Christian Andersen was believed to have studied here. It now is a very popular tourist attraction that gives you impressive views of the city especially as dusk but with Tavoli Gardens in the back of our minds we headed back through the enchanting entrance. First, to be hit with the sounds of many a scream, oh no what had we entered and no they were not screaming at the awful dancing displays that were going on, with male dancers not only looking like they didn't have a clue in what they are doing or more just like a random person plucked from the audience and told to follow! No, it was the screams of people on the themed rides and although they looked fun, we decided to give it a miss and explore the actual gardens itself, which I must say are equally impressive as the rides, with lakes, wild birds, palace, orangery and even a marching band made up of young boys, there was a bit of something for everyone. The only thing left to do now was to catch the train back home passing the wall of mirrors on the way, which gave us a fair few laughs. The next day we decided to stay local and we wanted to catch up on some much needed washing, as we had discovered the communal washing machines, only to be stopped mid wash by 'Bridget the midget' (we don't actually know her real name but it seemed to suit) saying in no uncertain terms, no Airbnb guests are to use the facilities which was then reiterated by a message from our host a couple of hours later, thanks Bridget for telling on us, no one likes a tell tell. After all the excitement of the washing machine saga, we decided to stock up on a few more essentials and no not booze we still had plenty in reserve. Near the apartment in Gentoffe you will find a pleasant lake, which we decided to explore in the afternoon. The sun was shining and the walk was very pleasant, until we got to the other side, where you would have thought after it, we had spent the last twenty minutes auditioning for a part in 'singing in the rain,' as our shoes and soaks where soaked through, as there was puddle after puddle and even one unlucky lady took a slide and ended up butt first in the mud. Home to dry off over a glass or two and contemplate whether or not to chuck our dirty soaks at Bridget in protest. After a fairly relaxed day before, we were all ready to explore even more of the sights of Copenhagen trying to use as many public transport routes as we can and walk as little as possible. So this time we decided to catch the bus in from the end of the road, that took you to one of the main transport hubs in the capital. You had to have eyes in the back of you my head, as bikes wizz past, many busses and cars and not so friendly pedestrians. We had certainly arrived in the thick of it, quickly retreating for a quieter street heading down toward the harbour area, where our first activity for the day was to begin. On route you of course pass by many interesting beautiful buildings and lots of souvenir shops. Arriving at the harbour looking into the waters you can see a rather surreal sight a collection of merman statues submerged underwater. We boarded the boat of course after paying our eighty danish krone each, for the hour and a bit tour through the canals of Copenhagen. I will say if you are short on time and you want to see a lot this is a great way to explore. As it was a pleasant warm sunny day it made the experience even better. We started inside where you could not see everything the guide was quite saying, but still had a good view. Passing the parliament, under many low bridges with numerous warnings to sit down and mind your head. We found ourselves in the pretty and colourful Nyhavn (new harbour) area, lots of people disembarked the boat here, where you can explore the various palaces, and even Hans Christian Anderson House. Unsure if our ticket allowed us to do this we decided to stay on and move to the outside area at the back of the boat to get a full view of the rest of the tour. From here we then went full steam ahead to what many people would say is the main attraction of the city, the statue of the mermaid, resting peacefully on the bank of the harbour, well as peaceful as she can be with many tourist climbing all over her for that ultimate photo opportunity. On our return journey we passed an ultra modern power station, papiroen island an area dedicated to street food market and contemporary art, which use to be a storing facility for the newspaper manufactures in Copenhagen. The last area you pass is Christiania, described as little Amsterdam, which might be due to the fact you could smell cannabis in the air. Here you will also find the Church of Our Saviour, Baroque style with a helix spire and external winding stair case, it made an impressive picture but not for the faint hearted hence we decided to give it a miss. Arriving back at the start point we made our way to where you can get a free shuttle bus to the Carlsberg factory. Stopping on route at a farmers market where we got to sample many tasty cheeses-and sweets, with lunch now sorted we paid the 100 danish Krone to get onto the bus (which you have to pay in advance to enter the factory). The bus journey was like a ride at Tavoli, fast, slow, fast and many bumps, it even made Chris feel slightly queasy and that was even before sampling the beers. Rushing to get off the bus we were greeted by a lady who took part of our ticket in exchange for a keepsake rubber bracelet with two pins on which you can exchange at the end for free drinks or a pin badge. The factory tour itself was very informative and interesting but the bit we where most looking forward to was the sampling, which was well worth the entrance fee. There was plenty of choice and you could even try a Sommersby cider, red rhubarb which I will say was one of the nicest I have ever tried. Feeling contented with the day and with it starting to get late, we made the return journey back by free bus (still as nail biting as the first) to the train station, where we recovered back in the apartment over another drink or two, medicinal of course.