#fully appreciate that nick's calling himself a geek

[bisexualshakespeare]

All of Nick Mohammed's season 3 notes from this tweet, now hopefully easier to read

. As before, so much of Nate's story is deliberately unseen, unscripted or dialogue free - even more so now Nate is out on a limb. That feeling of abandon and loneliness were/are great drivers for Nate. In so much of the first half of S3 he's alone.

. Despite what Nate did to Ted, I felt it was important to aim for redemption right from the start of season three, even if it was primarily in the pauses between lines or in the way Nate's posture betrays his confidence. The horror of what Nate's done, of what he's becoming, of how he betrayed Ted, of the specific things he said haunt him throughout season three and no amount of bravado, fancy cars or words of 'encouragement' from Rupert can ever fully hide that.

. Incidentally, Nate's mum is called Maria Shelley - and Mary Shelley gave birth to Frankenstein/Frankenstein's Monster! "What have I become/what have I created!" . We see Lego Nate on the Richmond bench in 301… a sure sign of where things are headed - but we've a long way to go yet! More on the nature of redemption below, but even though that word is used a lot, 'catharsis' is probably a better way to describe Nate's S3 arc. To an extent redemption is in the eye of the beholder and as far as Nate's story is concerned it's more a look into our capacity for forgiveness. For some, there's nothing Nate can do to redeem himself - what he did at the end of season two simply crossed too much of a line. But for others, he will have done enough. Neither interpretation is right or wrong, but the challenge of season three with Nate was to make people question - even if just for a split second - their judgement at the end of S2.

. Part of the difficulty in forgiving Nate is because we believed in him from the start. We're so predisposed into buying a redemption story if we start off not liking them/their behaviour, but this was never the case with Nate - we rooted for him right from the off. Rebecca, Jamie, Colin, Isaac and even Higgins all make very questionable choices at the start of S1 - one may even argue just as bad as Nate's actions in S2 - but our capacity and desire to forgive isn't nearly as seductive as our desire to judge.

. Thanks to brilliant designer Paul Cripps, the first time we see Nate in Rupert's office is almost a direct parallel to when Anakin visits Emperor Palpatine's throne room in Return of the Jedi - a sure sign that Nate will eventually be redeemed!

. So here's a lovely example of Jason being Jason but also how often art imitates life in Ted Lasso… All through season one Jason would toy with a deck of playing cards on set practising sleight of hand. (Jason is a brilliant magician and it's something he and I would geek out over from when we first met and all through filming season one). In season two, because of Covid, there was way less time for this kind of social interaction, not least because we had to stay apart between takes. But just before we shot the scene in the lift in 304 (the first time Ted and Nate see each other following Nate's departure in S2) - and I don't know if it was by design or sheer fluke - Jason started toying with a deck of cards again… and that rush of adoration and connection between us all came flooding back. Even though I'm sure it was purely on a subconscious level, it was honestly so useful to use as a reminder of Nate's deep-seated love and appreciation for Ted.

. In 305 Nate opens up to Jade and says "[my date had to…] be really mean and leave" which is exactly what Nate did to Ted at the end of S2. Even though there's a way to go, there's a tiny moment of realisation here. A flash of the true Nate - which Jade sees.

. In 306 when Ted hallucinates seeing Nate in the diner we did the switch on camera for real (I think it's called a Texas switch and there's some great examples of it being done brilliantly in films on YouTube!) Supporting Artist Harry enters frame just as I dash behind camera. Hats off to the brilliant David Rom and Matt Lipsey for fathoming the choreography of this!

. 307 is the first time we see Nate smile and genuinely mean it/feel it all season (when looking at himself in the mirror in The Taste of Athens). Finally he has a chance to achieve something in his life without trampling on others - and it's no surprise that he ultimately returns to arts and crafts, something that connects us to the S1 version of Nate (and that connects him, specifically, to family). Up until this point Nate deliberately modifies his behaviour depending on what he feels others want to see in him (for better or worse). Jade doesn't want or need any of that. 307 is also the first time Nate refers to himself as 'Nate' - the name Ted gave him. Another sign that he's slowly but surely becoming comfortable with who he is.

. In general, Jade is such a guiding light in Nate's journey. That personal growth, intimacy and the beginnings of a truly meaningful relationship are subsequently enough for him to start seeing things differently… Not dissimilar to how Ted empowers Nate throughout S1. While I remember, I'll share a time-lapse of the wig being put on shortly, but hugest thanks to Chloe Hooker, Sophie, Nicky and team for pinning me in every day! From 310 onwards (more on that ep below) we switched to a much softer wig, which was deliberately less styled. A sign that Nate is becoming more like his old self. Of course he could never go fully back to having black hair - unless he dyed it! - but I like to think of the grey as a constant reminder to what Nate did and has been through. To a degree his tale is a cautionary one: careful what you wish for.

. As with the hair, Nate's suits track his downfall too. It's no coincidence that Nate chose a black suit to emulate Roy following his inappropriate pass at Keeley in 211, which is gross for all kinds of reasons, but shows Nate's toxic and confused mindset toward the end of S2. This suit stays with Nate for much of S3 but the way he wears it changes. I was forever asking Jason when we'd see the grey suit again but Jacky (costume) had a better idea! We do see it, but only the jacket. It's in the montage at the end of 312 when Nate's in the window seat (!) of the Taste of Athens enjoying a meal with his family and Jade. It's important Nate isn't beholden to Ted by this point hence just the jacket and not the full suit. I love that!

. Whilst on the subject of costume, the turtle necks and gilet were all chosen to give Nate a more uptight look while at West Ham. His posture becomes tense and unnatural. Again, it's a tiny thing, but it's another nudge towards him wearing the wrong outfit/pretending to be someone he's not. When you compare to how relaxed Nate is to when he's with Jade (in his own clothes) or to how he is in the gloriously comfy tracksuit that he wears in 312 on return to AFC Richmond! . Nate is fixated on Richmond from 308 onwards rather than himself. His behaviour is changing, he even thanks Roger after the match win rather than rudely dismissing him as per previous episodes. These aren't grand gestures and are less meaningful when viewed individually (Nate categorically shouldn't be praised for not cheating on Jade in 309 for example) but all these things taken together possibly amount to something close to redemption and are signs of Nate developing the emotional intelligence he's been lacking up until this point. This is a side note but Nate writing a text response to Rupert after he's seen Ted and Henry in the stands in 308 and then deleting it/changing it to something Rupert will want to hear is a great way of showing where Nate's heart truly lies despite what he's presenting.

. 309 is the first time Nate rejects Rupert (in Bones & Honey) and - importantly - their last direct interaction. The thought process in the aftermath of that moment is very specific… Nate's reaction goes from shock (did I just say no to Rupert), to have I lost my job (selfish), to where am I/I need to get out of here (realisation). His walk to Jade's (unseen) and their hug in the doorway is ultimately his release. But whilst Jade plays a huge part in Nate's arc (and impeccably played by Edyta Budnik) it's important Nate ultimately takes things into his own hands. But she remains a magnificent guiding light.

. I've already written about the significance of the violin piece used in 310 but just to gush a bit more about my amazing wife...! We first met during an orchestra rehearsal (she plays viola and piano) so to get to play this piece with her for the show was incredibly special. This scene is also special as it's the only scene that Rebecca and Nate 'share' (Rebecca's also my wife's name!) Both Rebecca (the character) and Nate are connected through Rupert - who once had a hold over both of them. And so to underscore her speech with Nate playing violin was such a great move on the writers' part (the intercut sequence was all scripted). A perfect example of 'show don't tell' by colliding their two storylines in this way. . We discussed so many different possible violin pieces. From memory the alt contenders were chiefly Ashokan Farewell, Danny Boy and an arrangement of Come Josephine, In My Flying Machine (which Jack whispers and sings to Rose when they're striking that pose on the front of the Titanic!)

. I asked Jason to be in my eye line when Nate's dad is speaking to him because when Nate aims his words at Ted in 212 those were undoubtedly intended for his dad (I would also try and interchange the words 'dad' and 'Ted' in the script so that I'd say one but think the other but don't tell sound!) The situation in 310 is mirrored. Nate doesn't cry here like he did in front of Ted though (and will again in 312) and it's important that that's not Nate and his dad 'fixed'. It does represent the start of a healing process, though. Similarly, Nate and his dad don't hug... that moment is saved for when he's with Ted and learns of his departure in 312.

. I'm sure that many of you clocked it already, but the lavender fabric softer that Nate secretly adds to the towels at the end of 310 and which Will smells is a callback to 202 when Nate ridicules Will for using it in the first place. Worth noting too that Nate apologises and makes amends in the order that he broke those relationships (starting with Will, then Colin, Beard, Keeley and ending - ultimately - with Ted). . Nate looking up when Jade seemingly disappears in front of Isaac, Colin and Will in 311 is a callback to when Beard seemingly disappeared in Nate's office in 207! . I teased the first two words of this before 311 came out but I'll share Nate's full letter to Ted shortly too (shout out to the amazing props dept, Lizzie and Dylan for having so much fun writing this as it was indeed 60 pages and very Nate!) . Fun fact: I had to stay under the table for 45 mins while they shot all the previously unseen security cam footage of Nate hiding under the table at the end of 212 though revealed to Beard in 311 - including everyone doing a big conga line past Ted's desk! . The decreasing screen time with Ted towards the end undoubtedly points towards his ultimate departure. The last scene I shot on the show was the scene between Ted and Nate in 312 and was - whether by design or a sheer fluke of scheduling - filmed on our very last day. We effectively shot the rehearsal because I was too upset! The picture I accidentally posted on Instagram before realising it was a huge spoiler on the last day was of Nate in AFC Richmond gear but with a clear view of the slate confirming Nate's return in S3 - not my finest hour but attached here for completeness! . Once again, thank you for all your insights, theories, for your love (and hate!) to our phenomenal team of writers and directors and incredible crew. It's been an absolute blast. Now let's go Greyhounds! Yes there will/will not be a season four - delete as appropriate ;-)

[ilkkawhat]

3.17 Crash and Burn

[aion-rsa]

How The Haunting of Bly Manor Adapts The Turn of the Screw and Other Henry James Works

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The following contains spoilers for every episode of The Haunting of Bly Manor.

Henry James (probably known as Hank Jim to his friends) is one of the most prominent and prolific writers of his era. Originally appreciated for his novels like The Portrait of a Lady and The Ambassadors, James is now best-known for his 1898 work The Turn of the Screw, an eerie, ambiguous ghost story novella that would become one of the most enduring Gothic horror texts ever.

The Turn of the Screw has been adapted dozens of times into films, operas, ballets, and more. And James’s classic story forms the basis for Netflix’s Haunting of Hill House follow up The Haunting of Bly Manor. Just as Hill House uses Shirley Jackson’s horror story as a jumping off point, so too does Bly Manor liberally borrow from The Turn of the Screw. But that’s not where the Henry James party ends for this series. The Haunting of Bly Manor puts several other Henry James stories to good use as well.

The Turn of the Screw, and short stories “The Jolly Corner”, and “The Romance of Certain Old Clothes” all play crucial roles in building the spooky tale that showrunner Mike Flanagan is out to tell this time around. And here is a helpful breakdown of what each James story brings to the proceedings.

The Turn of the Screw

Given that this is the Hill House/Bly Manor franchise, perhaps it’s helpful to use housing terminology to discuss The Turn of the Screw’s contributions to the series. The Turn of the Screw makes up the foundation of The Haunting of Bly Manor. Hell, it might just make up the walls and roof as well for as the show takes just about every base level detail from James’s seminal work.

The Turn of the Screw opens up as a frame story. A group of Victorian-era aristocrats has gathered together to share ghost stories with one another Mary Shelley-style. One guest has a story that is sure to blow everyone else away and begins to tell it to the enraptured audience. Bly Manor borrows this frame story technique but replaces the unnamed aristocrat with Carla Gugino’s character (who is later revealed to be Jamie) sharing a story at a wedding.

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The Haunting of Bly Manor Review (Spoiler-Free)

By Nick Harley

Once both the novella and the show’s narrators launch into their stories, we can see that there are plenty of similarities. The Turn of the Screw deals with an unnamed Governess (a fancy British word for a live-in schoolteacher at a mansion) who gets a job teaching two children at an English countryside manor following the deaths of their parents. Though the Governess (a.k.a. Victoria Pedretti’s Dani) doesn’t get a name in the novella, all the other names are the same. The children are Miles (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) and Flora (Amelie Bea Smith) and their caretaker is Mrs. Grose (T’Nia Miller). And then when the spooky stuff hits the fan it’s revealed that the kids’ previous governess was named Miss Jessel (Rebecca Jessel in the show, played by Tahirah Sharif) and she had a close relationship with another one of the estate’s employees, Peter Quint (Oliver Jackson-Cohen). In terms of characters, the only major additions for the show are Amelia Eve as the gardener Jamie and Rahul Kohli as chef Owen. 

As the story progresses, it’s clear that The Haunting of Bly Manor intends to stick closer to The Turn of the Screw than The Haunting of Hill House did with its namesake. There is something clearly off with Miles and Flora and it likely has to do with the dead Peter Quint and Miss Jessel. The Governess repeatedly sees the shade of Peter Quint on the grounds of the manor just like Dani does in the show. Miles acts out at his boarding school and is sent home early. Flora one night even gets out of bed and wanders out to the lake on the property where the Governess is convinced she is communing with the ghost of Miss Jessel.

Beginning around episode 6, The Haunting of Bly Manor begins to deviate from The Turn of the Screw’s plot and eventually concludes with a wildly different ending. That’s partly because The Turn of the Screw doesn’t have much of an ending (what is it with Gothic writers and their penchant for having people randomly drop dead) but also because the show is drawing from two other Henry James sources.

The Jolly Corner

Episode 6 of The Haunting of Bly Manor is called “The Jolly Corner” for a reason. This is the hour in which we catch up fully with Henry Wingrave (Henry Thomas), the current owner and executor of Bly Manor, who is wracked with guilt over an affair he had with his brother’s wife before their deaths. 

That guilt eventually takes on a metaphysical component as Henry is quite literally haunted by the worst version of himself. The evil version of Henry continually taunts the “normal” one each night, reminding him of all his mistakes and misdeeds. Whether this is a hallucination or some kind of evil shade is left deliberately vague. But the arrival of the second Henry is preceded by the last words Henry’s brother ever spoke to him: “I pity you because you have to live with him. You have to live with yourself.”

Ouch. 

“The Jolly Corner” borrows its name from a Henry James short story, which features a similar doppelganger phenomenon but in a vastly different context. The story follows Spencer Brydon, a man who returns to his childhood New York home on the “jolly corner” after decades spent abroad. 

Spencer gets to work renovating his childhood home and comes to find that he has a real knack for it. He’s so good at it in fact that he begins to wonder what his life would have been like if he had stayed in the U.S. and dedicated his career to the construction business. This thought quickly turns into delusion as he imagines that he is being haunted by the version of himself who truly did stay behind in the U.S. and put his talents to good use. Spencer finally confronts the ghost of himself and in the true Henry James-style promptly dies…or does he?

The Romance of Certain Old Clothes

While “The Jolly Corner” makes up an exceedingly small portion of The Haunting of Bly Manor, the final Henry James contribution, “The Romance of Certain Old Clothes” is of enormous significance to the show’s plot. Going back to our housing metaphor, if The Turn of the Screw is the foundation of Bly Manor, then “The Romance of Certain Old Clothes” is nothing less than the people inside the home. The plot of this short story is crucial to understanding the context of what’s really happening at Bly Manor.

First, an abbreviated summary of the short story. “The Romance of Certain Old Clothes” is set in 18th century Massachusetts. It follows two daughters in the aristocratic Wingrave family: Viola and Perdita. Both Viola and Perdita fall in love with rich suitor Mr. Arthur Lloyd and Arthur eventually chooses to marry Perdita. Despite promises not to get jealous…Viola gets pretty jealous. The sisters’ relationship becomes strained and only worsens when Perdita falls ill.

As Perdita slowly dies, she makes Arthur promise to hide away her beloved gown in a chest so that her daughter can have it once she comes of age. Arthur does so and Perdita dies. The Lloyd and Wingrave estate then begins to crumble due to Arthur’s mismanagement. Viola urges Arthur to open the chest either for herself or to sell off its contents. When Arthur refuses, Viola takes matters into her own hands and heads up to open the chest herself. Arthur later heads up to find Viola on her knees and dead, with wounds visible from ghostly hands.

If all of this sounds familiar, that’s because it is almost the exact plot of The Haunting of Bly Manor episode 8. The only major change at the outset is the switching of the roles of Viola and Perdita. In the show it is Perdita who is killed by a ghostly Viola. Then Mike Flanagan and the series take the story a step further and imagines what would happen after Perdita’s death.

Viola “lives” on as a ghost inside the chest. It’s not until Arthur disposes of the chest in the lake on the grounds that Viola is eventually freed. But even then hers is a sad afterlife. She resides under the water by day before coming out at night and prowling the grounds in search of…well, she’s never quite sure what. Over time, whatever was left of Viola’s appearance and personality begins to fade. She becomes the faceless Lady in the Lake and her stubbornness creates a “gravity” at Bly Manor so all who die there stay on as ghosts. 

It’s the Lady in the Lake who kills Peter Quint, seemingly only for the crime of him being out and about at night in her house. And just like that The Haunting of Bly Manor ties one of Henry James’s more obscure ghost stories into his most famous one in The Turn of the Screw. 

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Many properties have tried their hand at The Turn of the Screw, but none of them until now have thought to tie in the ghost from “Certain Old Clothes” as the gravity of it all. Not a bad day’s work for The Haunting franchise. 

The Haunting of Bly Manor is streaming now on Netflix.

The post How The Haunting of Bly Manor Adapts The Turn of the Screw and Other Henry James Works appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[madfatty]

the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid - an mmfd fic #24

A million years ago I asked if anyone had a particular behind-the-scenes type of thing that they wanted to read and @i-dream-of-emus posed the following scenario:

What happens to Archie between Barney kissing him during Spin the Bottle, and the next morning, when Archie tells Rae that he is definitely gay? Does he spend any time with Barney or have any significant conversations with anyone else?

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, it’s done. Whether I hit the brief on not is beyond my understanding at this point as I’ve lost all perspective and I’m just posting it out of sheer bloody-mindedness. As Barney will tell you, it’s now or bloody never.

It’s from Barney’s POV because it seemed to me he was the one who could best tell the story. Whether it’s the story you’re expecting, remains to be seen. In return for the telling, I’ve given him a surname and an Irish cousin.  

In spite of all my ungracious whining, my thanks go to @i-dream-of-emus for the truly interesting (and challenging) prompt and for the encouraging words, although I’m probably more the writing equivalent of a tortoise than a word warrior I very much appreciate the sentiment. Also, big squishy thanks to @bitchy-broken for the twice-over and the good advice.  

I apologise in advance to any Irish readers for my blatant inference that the Irish can, at times, perhaps be a little difficult to understand.

So, after an age and without further ado, I offer you, for the time being at least, the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid (no copyright infringement in the title for a change. I came up with that one one my own). Make use of it as you see fit.

Let us now draw a line under it and speak of it no more. I thank you xo

the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid

Midway through his approach, Barney started second-guessing his plan. Fuelled by three lagers and half a spliff, it had seemed as good an idea as any at the time, but the look of mild panic in Archie’s eyes as he swooped down on him gave Barney pause for thought. Archie’s immediate reluctance had Barney regretting his actions but with gritted teeth he leaned in to the kiss. There was no going back now, he’d committed, so he forged on, gripping Archie’s face firmly but gently and planted one on him.  There was no danger of tongues, which Barney was grateful for, and though rigid to begin with, Archie didn’t struggle and there might have been a slight puckering of lips towards the end there, which Barney decided to take as a positive sign.

In hindsight, he had to admit it may not have been the subtlest of moves, but short of walking up to Archie and asking him straight out if he was into guys, he couldn’t think of another way of sounding him out, so when the bottle landed on Arch, Barney saw his opportunity and went for it. Thinking about it now, Barney conceded he may have been overly convinced of his own snogging abilities to expect that with one kiss, Archie would be moved to suddenly declare himself gay in front of God and everyone, but that’s what three lagers and half a spliff can do for your confidence.

Bloody cousin Kit, it was all his fault. If he hadn’t been dragging his face around since he’d arrived in Stamford, Barney wouldn’t have felt the need to get involved.  After the beating he’d taken back home, it would have been sensible for him to steer well clear of any sort of… shenanigans for a while, at least until he was fully healed anyway, but no, after a kick-around with the lads last Sunday afternoon, Kit’s mood had brightened considerably, thanks to one Archie Spencer. Barney had spent the rest of the week facing a barrage of increasingly personal and unanswerable questions which included favourite colours and ice cream flavours, and the most often repeated, “Do you think he could be gay?”

+++

Barney gets to stand closer than most to the gang and while he’s not specifically looking for things, there’s stuff he can’t help but see. Like Chop; if Chop doesn’t get his head out of his arse soon and stop faffing about, he’s going to blow it with Izzy for good. It’s only the fact that he knows Izzy is completely besotted with the idiot that stops Barney from making a move on the redhead himself. She’s an absolute cracker and wasted on the likes of Chop Peters as far as he’s concerned, but the heart wants what it wants, he supposes, and there’s no accounting for taste.

Then there’s the two new girls who have recently made for interesting times. Their little group has become quite the sordid hot bed of hormones and longing. It’s like an episode of Eastenders most days.

After flirting with a number of lads, and some unsubstantiated rumours about a certain PE teacher, Chloe has finally set her sights on Finn. Not that it will get her anywhere, poor lass, because Finn’s got it bad for Rae, who’s either oblivious or just not interested.  It could be because she’s still carrying some more-than-friendly feelings for Archie. Who would know? You’d be forgiven for thinking they were a couple, what with all the whispering and giggling and wandering off to private corners to talk amongst themselves, but no, ‘just mates’, apparently.  

And not that he needs any sympathy from the likes of him, but Barney can’t help but spare a thought for Finn. With a pulling history unrivalled locally, he now finds himself on the sidelines, just like a regular bloke, looking on anxiously, biting his fingernails and biding his time, trying to figure out if he should make his move now or wait until his best friend decides once and for all  if he wants to call romantic first dibs on the girl he fancies. See? Eastenders.

Archie is a tough one though. Girls fancy him something rotten. There are always at least one or two sniffing around him at any given time.  Barney reckons it’s the specky-muso-sensitive-geek vibe Arch has going for him. But while Barney has seen him get off with various girls over the years, it very rarely lasts longer than a weekend at most and though many have tried, none have ever managed to attain girlfriend status.  

Whatever. They’re teenagers, nothing is supposed to last more than a week or two anyway, so it isn’t proof of anything. Other than the fact Archie always seems to have one eye on the door, like he’s counting down the days to a life beyond the rest of them, there is nothing that Barney can put his finger on that would indicate there is anything different about him.

Not that it’s any skin off Barney’s nose if Archie is gay. The way he sees it, it just means better odds for the rest of them. Theoretically. Plus, he’s a good guy is Arch, and Barney knows Kit would be in safe hands, even if it turns out that Archie isn’t. Gay.

+++

Kit’s doing his head in. Every time Barney turns around, he’s right there under his feet, big soulful eyes pleading and his palms pressed together. It’s so not fair. It’s a party for fuck’s sake. He’s supposed to be getting rat-arsed and trying to get off with girls, not playing matchmaker for his over-excited cousin. It’s becoming clear however, he’s not going to have a minute’s peace until he talks to Archie so, with a belly full of booze and a warped sense of familial loyalty, and without the first idea of what he’s going to say, or where a conversation like the one he thinks is going to take place will end up, he begins a circuit of the house, nicking two orphaned cans of premium lager from the sideboard on his way through and goes in search of his bespectacled mate.

+++

He’s not hard to find, sitting on his own in a quiet corner of the dining room, monitoring the slow demolition of Rae’s house with mild disinterest. Before he can think about it, Barney rolls his neck and shakes his arms out like a boxer and braces himself for whatever comes next.  

“Oi, Spencer,” He barks, causing Archie to blink up at him owlishly from behind his glasses. He hands him one of the cans and lowers himself to the floor, cross-legged, “you don’t fancy me now do you?”

“Nah. Sorry.” Despite his casual tone, Archie’s body language shifts immediately from the relaxed slouch he was wearing seconds ago to something tense and wary. He pops the lager open and slides back towards the French doors to put some distance between them when their knees bump.

“Yeah well, I only used one lip. Didn’t want to spoil you for everyone else.”

“Very thoughtful of you, Barney.”  Archie’s smile is tight and goes nowhere near his eyes.

“It’s probably for the best.” Barney sighs dramatically. “I’m a free spirit Arch; I can’t be tied down and I won’t be tamed.”

“I appreciate you letting me know.”  

“So, not in love then, but not traumatised either, eh?” asks Barney, hopefully.

“Only by your breath.”

“Hey!” Barney cups the hand that’s not holding his drink up to his mouth and breathes out, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “And noted.”

A longish, awkward silence follows, where Barney alternates between staring at his hands and nodding amiably at anyone who wanders past and Archie distractedly taps out, what sounds very much to Barney like Pulp’s ‘Do You Remember the First Time?’ on the side of his can with his fingernail. Halfway through the second verse, Archie huffs and stands, looking around the room for somewhere else to be.

“Well,” he drawls, “It’s been nice chatting with you Barney, as always.”

If Barney’s really going to do this, it’s now or bloody never.

“Wait!” Barney grabs at Archie’s wrist and pulls him back down to the floor. “It’s just… some fellas would have freaked out about it, yeah? Would have thought it was gross. Being kissed by a lad. But you didn’t. You took it like a pro.” He blurts out.  

Well shit, that had sounded less… judgy in his head. He’d been aiming for casual; sort of man-of-the-world, sophisticated but it definitely didn’t have any of that. On reflection, a practice run might have been the way to go, or at least waiting until he had a fully formed thought about what he was going to say before he started. His tone could probably use some work too because Archie looks like he’s been slapped. Barney wishes he could take it all back and start again.

“You kissed me, remember?” There’s something tense and fearful in Archie’s eyes. And hurt. Which is the worst part.  He doesn’t look away though.

Maybe Barney has the answer to Kit’s question but at what cost? The hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach proves once and for all what he’d already suspected, that it’s none of his business and it really doesn’t matter either way. What does matter is Archie, and not hurting his feelings.  Kit will be gone in a couple of weeks, but Barney will still be here and so will Archie. He needs to fix this.

“I know, I know. Look, I didn’t mean… I just meant that you were cool about it and that’s really… cool.” Jesus, he mutters under his breath, could I be any more pathetic? There’s a moment when he think there’s a real possibility he could go blind, his eyes have rolled so far back in his head. “I mean, It’s no big deal, is it? Two lads kissing. Plenty of people… lads do it so, it’s not like it’s weird or anything. At all. Not normal but… well, not ‘not’ normal, ‘normal’s’ not the right word, not… usual. Different is what I meant.  But it’s okay, is what I’m saying….”  Thankfully God or someone of a similar pay grade intervenes before it gets any worse and he’s able to hit the pause button on his verbal incontinence. That’s right, Barney-boy. Put the shovel down. The hole’s big enough.  

“I need to stop talking for a bit.” Barney lets his head fall between his knees while he tries to pull some much needed air into his lungs. From his current position he is spared the rich tapestry of facial tics and expressions that accompany the rapid flow of emotions currently coursing through his friend as he tries to process what’s just been said.

“I think that would be best.”

Eventually, after another silence, not quite as long but far more awkward than the previous one Archie says, “That was very enlightened of you, mate.”

“Thanks.” Whispers Barney, still quietly trying to assess the damage. He forces himself to unfold, leaning forward and lower so he can look Archie in the eye. “Are we good though, you and me? I’m good,” he says earnestly, his hand splayed across his chest, “and I just want to know that you’re good too. That it’s all… good.” His other hand lands on Archie’s forearm and before he can stop himself he gives it what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze. Judging by the look on Archie’s face, this maybe a step too far.  

“Jesus, don’t start that again, Barney, for fuck’s sake.”  Archie groans, shaking him off.  

“Right. Sorry.” Please God, let him not have fucked this up. Lesson learnt. Kit can get his own bloody boyfriends in future.  

“It’s alright. There’s no harm done.” Archie sighs, draining his drink and stacking it neatly with the other empties he’s got stashed behind the French door curtains. Archie’s got quite the collection going.

“Good. Sorry. I mean, excellent.”  Barney thinks now would be a good time to take a break from all the weirdness; go for a walk, find a drink, maybe bang his head against a brick wall outside for a bit. Archie seems to have the same idea.

He stands and stretches out, reconnoitres the room. Without warning, he drops back to the floor next to Barney like someone just switched off gravity. None too subtly, he leans over and mutters from the side of his mouth into Barney’s ear.

“Don’t look now, but there’s a strange guy watching us from the kitchen.”  

“What? Where?”  He doesn’t have to turn around to know who Archie’s talking about, but he makes a show of looking anyway.  Kit startles, deer-in-the-headlights fashion, at being caught staring and swiftly ducks behind the doorway out of view. Not two seconds later he’s back, well, half of him anyway, peeking out around the corner. It’d be hilarious if they weren’t actually related.  

“Didn’t I say ‘don’t look now’?” Archie hisses, punching Barney on the shoulder, rather hard.

“Ow. Easy.  D’you mean that long streak of piss over my shoulder? The one trying to look like he’s not at all interested in what’s being said over here?”

Archie’s voice is slightly higher than normal when he answers.

“The er, tall guy, black hair, kind of…” Archie doesn’t finish the thought.  His cheeks colour and he dips his head to hide it. “I think he was at the park the other day.”

“That’s my cousin, Kit.  He’s staying at ours over the holidays.”  

“What happened to his face?”

Barney hesitates. He doesn’t want to lie to Archie but it isn’t his story to tell. “Couple of guys where he’s from thought they had a say in who he could and couldn’t hang out with.”

“That’s horrible.”

He thinks about Kit’s face when he first arrived in Stamford, the ugly patchwork of yellow and purple and how he wouldn’t leave the house for the first three days. Horrible doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“Yeah, it was, but he’s on the mend now.” He watches Archie watching Kit with a look of genuine concern. The longer it goes on, the softer Archie’s gaze becomes, until it’s something else entirely. Eventually he seems to remember himself and looks away nervously. Barney’s blushing almost as hotly as Archie when he decides. He may have only just finished promising God that he’s not going to interfere, but if it turns out Archie’s interested on his own, surely introducing them wouldn’t be considered interfering. It’s just good manners.  

“Hey, you couldn’t do me a favour could you Arch? Could I maybe leave him with you for a bit?”

“You want me to babysit? Why? Is there something wrong with him?”

“Of course there‘s something fucking wrong with him! Look at him, he’s daft as a brush, darting in and out like some whack-a-mole at a fun fair,” is what Barney wants to say, but it would defeat the purpose so he adopts an affronted tone and blusters,

“Of course there’s nothing wrong with him! Why would you ask that for fuck’s sake?”

“Well, you’re acting like his mum or something, trying to get us to play together. Why can’t he make friends on his own?”

“He’s shy, is all. Please Arch, he’s slowing me down, with the ladies, you know?”

“Slowing you down, or showing you up?” Archie’s always fancied himself a bit of a comedian and Barney’s always seen it as his duty to remind him otherwise, but he’ll tolerate the smirk and the raised eyebrows this one time for the sake of his cause. No one can say that Barney Maguire isn’t a team player.

“Oi!  Rude. And a little bit hurtful. Oh come on, be a pal.” Barney whines. “I can hardly leave him with the likes of Charlie or Mick or any of those tossers now, can I? He’d end up on Crimewatch for driving the getaway car and me ma’d crease me.”

“So what you’re saying is you can leave him with me because I’m boring.”

Barney hasn’t had nearly enough to drink for all this. Matchmaking sucks. There’s too much thinking you have to do and it’s all about other people. He doesn’t even put this much effort in to trying to get his own dates.

“Look, I just think you’d get on, alright?” he tells Archie. “He likes football and sci-fi movies and all that mopey, indie crap you call music. He’s into boring books about the olden days and that weird Goth comic-thing you’re always reading.” He stops himself before he mentions the piano playing and the competitive swimming, afraid he may have over-egged the pudding already. Barney had no idea that he knew so much about either of them.  It’s a little disconcerting.

“I dunno, Barn…” Archie bares the posture of the overwhelmed. He’s all wrapped around himself, knees drawn up tight to his chest, face pressed into his thighs. If he starts rocking, Barney’s not sure that he knows what to do.  

This was too big a job for the likes of him, he can see that now. This emotional stuff is draining, and it’s starting to give him a headache. What made him think he had the first clue about getting two people together when he can’t even manage to find someone for himself? Archie’s clearly not into it, which would strongly indicate that Archie’s not even gay, so all this self-humiliation has all been for nothing. It’s the first and last time he involves himself in someone else’s love life, that’s for sure.

He doesn’t know what else to do. It just seems a shame, is all. God, he needs drink.

“You know what? You’re right. Forget about it.” He sighs, holding his lager to his lips and up-ending it hopefully. Empty. Of course it is. “You’re a good guy, Arch and you always treat people decent but I shouldn’t have asked. Kit’s not your problem.”  

There’s a muffled groan and almost a whole minute of what sounds like an intense solo debate. Barney can’t make any of it out as it’s delivered directly into Archie’s lap.  With a deep sigh of resignation, Archie turns to face him, cheek still resting on his leg. “Go on then.” He huffs.

“Huh?”

“I’ll babysit.”

“You will?” Barney squeaks, his face nearly splitting in two with delight before he sobers. He drops his voice back to its normal octave as he raises his hands in conciliation. “You don’t have to.”

Archie actually growls. “So help me Barney, I will punch you right in your stupid face…”

“Okay, okay.’ Still waving his hands about. “Did I say he was Irish? I only mention it because you may not understand most of what he’s saying. I’m related to him and I still have no idea what he’s on about most of the time.”

Barney concedes this may be a discussion best left to another time if Archie’s glare is anything to go by.

“I’m going to send him over now, alright Arch?”

Archie swallows nervously. “Alright.”

Barney grins, and slaps Archie good-naturedly, if not a little too enthusiastically, on the arm. “Good man.”  Barney stands and waves Kit over from where he’s been lurking. Before he walks away, Barney turns and stage whispers, “Remember, don’t make fun of his accent.”

He watches the tall scruffy Irish boy make his way over, self-consciously running a hand through his hair, straightening his shirt. He wonders what Archie’s face is doing but doesn’t dare turn around to find out. He thinks it must be encouraging at least because Kit’s smile keeps growing exponentially wider.

“Calm the fuck down, and whatever happens, don’t feel you need to share, yeah? We need never speak of it again.”  Barney growls as he passes him on his way into the kitchen. His cousin barely acknowledges him with a slight shift of his fingers and ups his pace. He’s moving so fast Barney’s afraid that Kit is going to trip over his remarkably big feet and land in an ungainly pile of over-sharp knees and elbows on the object of his affection.  Miraculously, when he comes to a full and sudden stop, Kit manages to stay upright and Archie appears unscathed.  

Kit’s still beaming as Archie extends his hand and says, “Hi, I’m Archie.”

Archie’s looking pretty pleased too. Barney wouldn’t say there were sparks exactly, but something seems to be happening. He lingers for a moment like an anxious parent, just to make sure everything’s okay and then wanders off in the direction of another drink. If he’s lucky, he’ll cross paths with some young lovely who hasn’t yet alleviated her post-spin-the-bottle disappointment with someone else. He’ll be properly pissed off if the only one in the family getting any tonight is Kit.

Playing Cupid to his gay cousin and his possibly gay mate from college would no doubt score points with soft hearted, romantically inclined girls, but it might take a little more to convince the fellas, so it’s not a story he’ll be relying on any time soon. Barney Maguire is nothing if not discreet.

The things you do for family he thinks, as he smooths a sweaty hand over his hair and goes in search of Anna Harris.