#fucking... new headmate lydia? maybe? what's the boundary between 'random image in your head' and 'new person in your head' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

girlwarlocks · 2 days ago

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hmmm. stuff in tags. idk why we're putting it in tags, it just feels right. feel free to reblog or reply or send asks to comment or offer insight or whatever (have to check if we have asks turned on for this blog, if you see this right away and don't see an ask button on our blog check again in a minute or few)

#plural stuff #plural yapping #q is writing #... there *could* be a new headmate which would be... a discombobulating development.#new headmate #maybe? idk the more we think about her and how we experienced her last night the more it seems less maybe #so last night somehow as we were falling asleep our mind got stuck on a particular thing that happened a few years ago #where the disposable head of like a gilette razor thing got lost in a bag and we snagged our finger on it while reaching in the bag #it really hurt and it'szx fdsahkjkhjafjk bad. anyway #because of the specific way it was bad and bad memories abt it it kept jumping to the front of our mind when we were trying to fall asleep #and it was really unpleasant! and as we were lying there in the dark trying to ditch this unpleasant image so we could sleep it was like #a maid named lydia bustled in #sweeped up the razor head in a dustpan and told us to stop messing with it before she bustled off #which was startling. the image popped in a few more times but lydia kept coming in (with leather gloves instead of dustpan)#and scooping it up telling us to ignore it and go to sleep #fucking... new headmate lydia? maybe? what's the boundary between 'random image in your head' and 'new person in your head'#having to make space for lydia and make it so she's not just stuck with dealing with unpleasant stuff for us 😅#lydia would be... a bit different of dynamic than k and i... bc like... k and i are pretty much just like...#different ways for us to be? like we're different but in a way that's the same person except in a different way? idk it's confusing #and part of that is that like... as k and quince we never really *talk* to each other? that's just not the sort of existence we have #so having lydia burst out of nowhere and like. directly address us. like that. was completely new experience #like. its only been a few months since we were able to put much of a name or a label or a coherent description #to something that's been a reality for us for probably close to ten or fifteen years.#and for those ten or fifteen years our experience has been *pretty* consistent with our until-last-night current experience of:#we're two people who are the same person except for how we're different and we do things together except sometimes one of us #is the one doing the thing that both of us are doing #it's super weird to explain but the point is that that framework of understanding goes back basically without issue or fundamental change #for--again--ten or fifteen years #which would make lydia a fun new development for an 'us' that's been stable as us for quite a while #hence the discombobulation. even if she's good! having trouble reaching her now but she seemed nice! kind if a bit brusque

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